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Oh Yes. They Do.

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Title: Oh Yes. They Do.
Author: Unsentimental Fool
Fandom: Birmingham Hippodrome Robin Hood Pantomine
[with John Barrowman as Robin Hood]
Pairing: Will/Robin, Will/Sam
Rating: It's a panto. R with double entendres.
Word Count: 1000 ish
Notes/Warnings: Panto Slash is a new and entirely unjustifiable genre. My excuses; they were doing most of it already on stage, and JB is breathtakingly cute.
Writer's notes: No reviews, no rewrites, no edits. This is the sort of thing that you can't allow yourself to think about too closely (or in fact at all).


"This must be Sherwood Forest!"

Will bit back the first reply that came to mind. Sam intended no harm; let him have his punchline. Besides, Will could do with a distraction.

"Why must it be Sherwood Forest, Sam?"

"Because there's wood all around!" Sam threw his head back and laughed as if it were the funniest joke he'd heard for some time. Will squirmed. Tights and tunic really didn't cover much.

"Shut up, Sam."

Sam glanced down at Will's red silk doublet. "It's a good job that you're ambidextrous because I've just had a bath."


"Just saying."

Silence. Will counted automatically. Five, six, seven,

"So what are we doing here, anyway?" There were few more pointless activities than trying to keep Sam quiet for ten seconds, but with luck you usually got a change of topic..

"We're waiting for Robin and the team." Will ignored Sam's wide grin. "Our friends, remember?"

"I remember that you were friendly enough with Robin earlier. Want me to leave you two alone together again?"

Will glanced away. It had been horseplay, nothing more. Though how could you tell, with Robin? After all, the man's eyes shone like that for anyone. If his hands tended to linger over your shoulder, across your rump, well, that was Robin Hood, wasn't it? Will had stopped reading anything into such things long ago when he'd realised the alternative was to go slowly crazy. So when the man had swept him, appallingly literally, off his feet ("Let me show you what you do with a girl, Will!") bent over him, eyes laughing ("And then you plant a great wet kiss..") he'd feigned indignation, but not struggled. He'd half closed his eyes, for God's sake, waiting, and then that buffoon Tuck had interrupted and they were both on their feet again and the moment was gone, like a dozen before it.

"Well, Will?" Sam's voice was needling. Will's temper snapped.

"You weren't even there! You were off with Marian, weren't you? Snuggling up to that pert bosom. I don't know why you bothered coming back!" His jealousy was real enough; Sam might be annoying but they were partners. He'd thought that Sam was nothing without him; it had hurt to see him with a pretty woman, Will forgotten.

Sam backed off an arm's length.

"I was helping you!" His voice was high and indignant. "Telling her what you wanted..."

Will took a breath, fighting unreasonable fury. "You don't speak for me, Sam. Never forget that. Just because we are" He paused, searching for a neutral word, "together, doesn't mean that you can presume some sort of intimacy."

Sam drew back a little further, then rallied. "Oh yes? Shall we take a straw poll on that one? I'll ask Little John. 'John', I'll say, 'Do you think Will and I are intimate just because he puts his hand..'"

"OK" Will said hurriedly. "I'm sorry, OK? We're good. Just leave Marian alone. I think she's in love with Robin."

Sam laughed. "There's not much point in asking you to leave Robin alone. Even though he is in love with Marian."

Yes. He was. But there might be some elbow room, somewhere.

Footsteps, running. Will took a breath. Robin's grin was for both of them. "Will! Sam! Did you miss me?"

Sam beat Will to a reply. "It's difficult out here without you, Robin. There are wild animals, and witches and giant robots. But."

Robin's mouth was curled in amusement, waiting.

"But", Sam announced, "It's always much harder when you're here!" Will winced. Robin's eyes were dancing.

"Sam! You're a marvel!" he declared, and his hip rubbed against Will's as he brushed his lips over Sam's forehead. "I'd make you my right hand man but I know Will would get jealous."

Robin turned to Will, their faces barely inches apart and Will smiled, reluctantly, fighting the impulse to lean forward.

"And now, we must run. Marian has been captured yet again by the Sheriff. What that man needs is a long." Robin paused, grinned at Will. "Hard. " The words rolled off his tongue. "Smooth." His hips shifted and Will bit back a groan. "Quarterstaff to the back of his head." And he was away. That was Robin, Will thought, amused despite his frustration. Always aware of the effect he was having, and never really giving a damn.

Robin was the only man Will had ever met who could strut while running. At least the view was good from back here, Will muttered as he ran to catch up, his stride still uncomfortably hampered. Sam was beside him.

"Never mind." Sam sounded almost sympathetic, although his expression hadn't changed. "We've got each other. And" his voice perked up. "I can always have another bath later."

Will pulled up, letting the glory in front of him disappear. He stared at Sam.

"You do know that this is just wrong, don't you?"

Sam looked back at him. "More wrong than Robin?'


Sam yawned, leisurely, deliberately, and Will found his resolve faltering. His partner might have a sharp tongue but the mouth he kept it in was a different matter. Will glanced round.

"Tonight, then." he muttered. Then louder. "Now we're nearly at the castle. I need both hands."

Will pulled his hand out from under Sam with the usual twinge of guilt, tucked the limp body under his belt. When they reached the fighting he'd leave the puppet somewhere safe, but not for long. They didn't ever stay apart long. He and Sam, they were partners.


[With apologies to Paul Zerdin, who has, as far as I know, an entirely professional relationship with all his stage partners.]