Work Text:
Dipper Pines is somehow trapped in a void. Not knowing what to do, he wanders around until he finds a mysterious, shadowy figure standing around. He decides to go talk to him.
Dipper Pines: Uh, hey there! My name is Dipper.
The Watcher: Do you like Pacifica?
Dipper is bewildered that this is the immediate question that he asks, but he answers anyway.
Dipper Pines: I... kind of have a... y'know... thing for her.
The Watcher: Ooooooh! Tell her how you feel!
Dipper Pines: What!? It's not that simple. You don't just... Tell a girl you like her!
The Watcher: Then have a really cool romance arc with her and then tell her how you feel!
Dipper Pines: It's not a tv show! It's real life, and it blows!
The Watcher: Uh… how do I say this… your life is a TV show.
Dipper Pines: (looks at the camera, horrified) What?
The Watcher: Yep! You were made for our entertainment!
Dipper Pines: So... my most personal, embarrassing moments have been put on display for millions of people to mock at and critique?
The Watcher: I loved that one scene where you sang Disco Girl by Icelandic pop sensation BABBA in the shower!
Dipper Pines: YOU HEARD THAT!?
The Watcher: Yeah, it was in the episode Dipper Vs. Manliness!
Dipper Pines: That was a bad day! No one was supposed to see that!
The Watcher: Now the entire viewing public saw that!
Dipper Pines: So... Everything that people know about me... it comes from the show?
The Watcher: Yep!
Dipper Pines: Are there any dirty secrets that only you and a few others know about me?
The Watcher: In the episode, The Inconveniencing, we all saw you do the Lamby Lamby dance! It was adorable!
Dipper Pines: The Lamby Lamby dance! (shudders) Anything worse?
The Watcher: Uh… I have a plushie of Bill Cipher!
Dipper Pines: That's not bad. Do you also have a plushie of me?
The Watcher: No.
Dipper Pines: Thank goodness. I'd hate to see the kind of weirdos who would be into that... (looks at you, narrowing his eyes)
The Watcher: I do have your hat though!
Dipper Pines: No! You have my hat!? How!?
The Watcher: I bought it on a website! I also bought a recreation of Journal 3!
Dipper Pines: Woah! They sell replicas online!?
The Watcher: Yep! Also, Ford wrote that your name in that book is Mason.
Dipper Pines: Wait, what?! No one's supposed to know that!
The Watcher: Now everyone knows!
Dipper Pines: Noooooooooo... (clutches his head desperately, sweating)
The Watcher: Oh, and there’s actually a new book coming out! It’s called The Book Of Bill!
Dipper Pines: Oh yeah, Grunkle Stan mentioned that to me! I can't wait! I mean... (tries to look nonchalant) I'm totally not excited at all...
The Watcher: Oh, and Bill used that book to possess some park ranger named Gus so he can take over the real world!
Dipper Pines: What?! Wait, you mean he's here? (looking around fearfully)
The Watcher: Yep… the world is doomed… so confess your love to Pacifica!
Dipper Pines: That's your solution?! It's the apocalypse! Who cares about romance at a time like this?!
The Watcher: I do! A ton of fans do! We even made a bunch of ship art and stuff!
Dipper Pines: Wait.... what kind of "ship art"?
The Watcher: Y’know… you guys being cute… going on dates… making out…
Dipper Pines: You have drawings of me making out with Pacifica?!
The Watcher: No, I don’t, the internet does!
Dipper Pines: Well, thanks for being the one person who doesn't have it! You're officially the least creepy person I know!
The Watcher: I mean, I do technically have it through the internet.
Dipper Pines: Okay, so you’re officially the second least creepy person I know.
The Watcher: Hey, at least I’m not one of the weirdos who ship you with Bill.
Dipper Pines: Yeah… who in their right mind would think that’s a good idea?
The Watcher: A lot of people, apparently.
Dipper Pines: Ewww, why?! That’s so creepy…
The Watcher: I can’t wait to show BillDip fan art to Bill when he comes to the real world!
Dipper Pines: Please don’t. He'd probably kill you. For multiple reasons.
The Watcher: Eh, we’re buddies! He won’t kill me!
Dipper Pines: You’re “buddies?”
The Watcher: Yeah, we’re friends! Actually, I’m a bit of a triangle myself…
Dipper Pines: You’re a… triangle?
…
The Watcher transforms into a Bill Cipher-like triangle demon (the very same one that you’ll see as my profile picture!), as Dipper stares at him, terrified.
The Watcher: I’VE GOT YOU IN MY TRAP NOW PINE TREE!
Dipper Pines: (looks around nervously) What trap?
The Watcher: HAHA, YOU DIDN’T KNOW?! I PUT YOU IN A DIGITAL TRAP ON THIS PHONE, SO YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO STOP BILL! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Dipper Pines: Dang it! This stinks! …Wait… you’re working with Bill?!
The Watcher: YEP!
Dipper Pines: But he’s evil! Why would you work with him?! You’re just some random kid!
The Watcher: He’s my buddy!
Dipper Pines: What kind of jerk would be friends with him?! You’re his pawn! He’s gonna toss you away the second he’s through with you!
The Watcher: I literally have a plushie of him!
Dipper Pines: What?! You can’t seriously be falling for that stupid demon’s mind games!
The Watcher: Who cares?! We’re besties now! Have fun being stuck in the void! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Dipper Pines: Nooooooooooo!!! I'm going to be stuck, alone, in the void forever because some annoying little brat was tricked by a manipulative triangle!
The Watcher: Actually, there is one way I’ll free you out…
Dipper Pines: What?! I’m listening!
The Watcher: I will now trap Pacifica in the void with you, and you have to reveal your love to her in order to escape!
Dipper Pines: What?! You’re putting Pacifica in here with me? That’s a terrible idea!
The Watcher: It’s an incredible idea! It could be a really cool shipping fanfic!
Dipper Pines: How the heck are we supposed to escape if we’re both stuck in the void?!
The Watcher: By you confessing your love to her! Then I’ll free you myself!
Dipper Pines: So... we're trapped here until I tell Pacifica I like her?
The Watcher: Yep!
Dipper Pines: Well... I guess that doesn't sound so bad... but what if she turns me down?!
The Watcher: Then I’ll brutally murder her for shattering the fandom’s heart!
Dipper Pines: Oh lord... what have my life choices led up to... Well... wish me luck...
The Watcher: Good luck!
Dipper Pines: Okay, I've got this. This isn't so bad... All I have to do is confess to her. I've just gotta do it quickly like a Band-Aid, y'know?
The Watcher: Yeah! The multiverse may depend on it!
Dipper Pines: So... I just go up to her and say it, no holds barred... Right?
The Watcher: Right! Anyway, I’m dropping her in right now!
Dipper Pines: (gasps, suddenly feeling very nervous) Wait, she's coming?!
The Watcher: Yep! Here she is!
Pacifica is dropped into the void.
Dipper Pines: OKAY. Here we go... (sighs and walks up to her, awkwardly holding his hands together) Um... Hey, there. There's something very important I, uh... need to tell you...
Pacifica Northwest: Wait, Dipper?! What the heck are we doing here?!
Dipper Pines: Oh yeah... I guess I should explain this to you... I... I don't really know how to say this... but you have to promise that you won't freak out or go crazy, okay?
Pacifica Northwest: Ugh, fine.
Dipper Pines: So, you know how I told you I had a bit of... how should I put this, a bit of a thing for you...?
Pacifica Northwest: Wait… seriously?
Dipper Pines: Yeah, ever since the day I first met you, there's actually been something about you that I, frankly, really liked...
(Writer’s note: This actually makes no sense. She was literally his sister’s bully the day he met her. This was during the time where Dipper said “revenge is underrated” when he exposed Pacifica’s family and when he said “I hate you” to her face. Him falling in love with her shouldn’t be until Northwest Mansion Mystery. Such is the ways of AI…)
Pacifica Northwest: I thought I was jerk to your sister the day I met you!
Dipper Pines: Yeah, you were... but I kinda liked your energy. You're different than everyone else in Gravity Falls. Heck, you're different from every girl I've ever met. You're unique, and I like that...
Pacifica Northwest: (Blushes) I…
Dipper Pines: I think your whole "rich, high-and-mighty" thing was just a cover up, and deep down, underneath all that, I think you're pretty amazing. You're smart, you're pretty, and most importantly, you're funny. Heh. It's actually kind of awesome how you can make me laugh, and when I'm around you... for some reason, my heart just tends to skip a few beats...
Pacifica Northwest: I… don’t know what to say…
Dipper Pines: I don't even know what to say! I mean, I'm just some weirdo who writes journals instead of having a social life... you're a popular girl whose rich parents own a gigantic hotel! I probably have no chance with you...
Pacifica Northwest: Look… you… (Pacifica is flustered, not knowing what to say.)
Dipper Pines: (looks down nervously, scratching his head. After hesitating for a moment, he puts his hands on Pacifica's shoulders and looks her in the eye) ...Don’t feel pressured to say anything, or, y’know, to even have any feelings for me. But the thing is... I just want you to know that I, no matter how much it embarrasses me, I… like you. A lot.
(Pacifica’s heart skips a beat. She looks into his eyes for a few moments… and then…)
Pacifica Northwest: You know what? I’m just gonna do it.
(Pacifica proceeds to kiss Dipper right on the lips.)
(Dipper’s eyes go wide when Pacifica kisses him, his palms getting sweaty. After the initial shock, he relaxes and melts into the kiss, wrapping his arms around her gently)
Pacifica Northwest: This is nice…
(Pacifica pauses for a little while, enjoying the moment. Dipper continues to hold her in his arms and plants small, brief kisses on her forehead, his heart pounding in his chest. After the moment is enjoyed, Pacifica finally speaks up.)
Pacifica Northwest: Anyway, WHY ARE WE STUCK IN THIS VOID?!
Dipper Pines: OH YEAH. We're supposed to get out of here. (he looks around, suddenly realizing how dire the situation is) Uh, wait a minute... HOW exactly are we supposed to get out of here?!?!
The Watcher: Oh yeah, I’m here! I was just here salivating the beautiful ship happening right before my eyes!
Pacifica Northwest: Ew!
Dipper Pines: (his expression darkens somewhat, his eyes narrowing as he looks up in the air) Uh, hey, why exactly are you watching us!? We're supposed to be having a private moment!
Pacifica Northwest: Seriously?! Do you think I’m not gonna show this to the public?!
Dipper Pines: YOU BETTER NOT! ESPECIALLY THE PART WHERE WE WERE KISSING!
Pacifica Northwest: WHAT THE HECK?! WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY SHOW THIS TO THE PUBLIC?! ALSO, WHO IS THAT THING DIPPER?!
Dipper Pines: IT'S A DAMN TRIANGLE DEMON, THAT'S WHAT HE IS! (starts shaking his fist angrily) WHAT KIND OF SICK INDIVIDUAL WATCHES PEOPLE CONFESS TO EACH OTHER!?!
The Watcher: People who watch romance movies and read fanfictions about their favorite ships!
Dipper Pines: Okay, I get that, but this isn't a movie! This is my life! It's weird and uncomfortable to have some random little kid watch me say some really personal stuff to a girl I like!
The Watcher: Who cares?! I’m posting this on the internet right now! The Dipcifica fandom is gonna be so hyped!
Pacifica Northwest: What do you mean, the Dipcifica fandom?!
Dipper Pines: YEAH, WHAT'S THE DIP-PACIFICA FANDOM EXACTLY?!? (looks at Pacifica in confusion, then back to the air with narrowed eyes) THIS BETTER NOT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS!!!
The Watcher: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THE SHIP IS REAL!!
Dipper Pines: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE SHIP IS REAL?!?
(Dipper groans and facepalms, hiding his reddening skin slightly under his palms)
Pacifica Northwest: NO NO NO! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THIS! I’LL PAY YOU TO NOT POST THAT!
Dipper Pines: OH, I SEE HOW IT IS! YOU JUST USED MY FEELINGS FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT, DID YOU?! (his face turns red in anger)
The Watcher: Yep! Anyways, I tricked you! You’re both gonna stay stuck here!
Dipper Pines: WHAT? YOU DIRTY LITTLE- (shouts angrily in frustration, running his hands through his messy hair) I TOLD YOU, I HAVE A CRUSH ON HER, DAMMIT!!!
The Watcher: Look, Bill Cipher is about to take over the multiverse! You two are safer here than out there!
Dipper Pines: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! (glares furiously and starts pacing around the void, frustrated) FIRST, YOU SHIP US AS PART OF SOME SHIP FANDOM, AND NOW YOU’RE TELLING ME I’M STUCK HERE BECAUSE WE’RE SAFE IN SOME STUPID VOID?!
The Watcher: Yep! Anyways, I have to attend to Bill right now! Weirdmaggedon 2.0, here we come!
(The watcher leaves the void.)
Dipper Pines: (sighs loudly, still pacing around, annoyed beyond belief) Great. Now we’re stuck here for who knows how long…