Chapter Text
“You did what?!” She nearly shouted, holding a hand over her mouth realizing how loud she was getting. Shock forced a step back from her much to his dismay. He reached out for her for a moment, before hesitation and the way she looked at him halted him. He hated the way she instantly pulled back from his reach, his heart threatening to break.
“Aang,” he flinched at the sound of his name, hearing the crackle of despair mixed with the firmness she gives when she’s about to scold someone. “Tell me what you just said wasn’t true.” His hand gripped his arm as he kept his gaze away from her eyes. Shame kept his eyes to the floor unable to see the building tears from Katara.
“Tell me you really didn’t give up the Avatar State because of me!” She practically begged. He flinched from the agony in her voice, wishing in that moment, that he could stop himself; take it all back, just so he’d never have to hear something like that again.
“I-I just…” he stammered out, trying to find his words. “We kissed at the invasion, a-and after I gave up everything for you…I thought…” He stopped and licked his lips once trying to say what he truly wanted. “I thought—” Astonishment and sorrow quickly turned to rage, her eyes glowering.
“You thought what?!” She nearly burst out, both of them becoming mindful of the patrons wandering around in intermission. A mixture of praise and criticism buzzed around them, uninterested in the two of them on the balcony.
“Did you honestly believe that I was going to think you giving up the Avatar State for me was going to be a sweet gesture?” The softness in her volume did nothing to hide the sharpness of her words. Aang kept his head down, just bracing with the stabbing of her words.
“How could you be so reckless?” She questioned. He flinched. “You could’ve died, Aang!” Katara paused for a moment before her eyes widened as the looming pressure of the comet’s long anticipated return. “You still could die!”
“And you never thought to even try to get the Avatar State back?!” The young monk’s fists clenched, willing himself to give him strength.
“I’d have to give you up to do that!”
“What?!”
“And I don’t want to do that!” He confessed. “I—I love you!” He blurted out earning her dumbfounded silence. A few passerby’s overheard, as they walked, curious eyes lingering on the balcony as they continued moving towards their destination.
“Katara, I love you too much to give you up for anything! I’ll find another way to get the Avatar State back, but I refuse to lose you.” She watched him, eyes wide. “I can’t lose you.” Anger deflated from her for a moment, revulsion transforming to confusion. The distant sound of someone announcing the play was going to resume soon brought haste to the feet of all those who were inside the building as well as the Avatar as he looked towards her, his eyes wide and pleading. Katara couldn’t help but to look away from the sight, feeling an a near gut reaction welling inside her to take care of him.
“Aang, I—” She narrowly evaded his desperate push towards her lips. Her fingers were firm on his lips, a mixture of frustration and surprise on her face as she shoved him back.
“Aang!” She growled. He froze, shock and shame overwhelming him as he saw her face. Gone was any trace of confusion, any form of her kind face that he loved. Her nose and brow were scrunched into pure fury.
“Honestly, I never seem to know what you’re thinking.” She crossed her arms, almost looking down at him like a disappointed parent. How the Avatar hated that look. He hated how he seemed to be nothing more than someone to be guided and cared for like a child. Like he was her child.
“But if you truly thought I was going to somehow fall in love with you over something like this, something so…foolish—” words were lost on her as she pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment before she began again, “a-and…selfish…” Hurt consumed his face at the word, his sorrow forcing him to look at the hardness in her eyes.
“Then you don’t really know me at all.” Without another word, Katara walked back into the theatre quickly getting consumed by the constant chatter of the audience, the sounds of laughter and idle conversation abundant. She didn’t look back where she had left Aang, her chest tightening and blood boiling.
~~
Katara embraced the soothing call of the gentle tide of the ocean. Despite being in Fire Nation, Katara was grateful that Zuko had offered them a new base of operations in this place. Katara never took for granted the beauty that enveloped this place. She enjoyed the gentle bite of the cold waters that combated well with the heat of the area. She loved the cooler nights where she could relax in the sand and think, close to her element, allowing the tides and waves to move her inside of her commanding it.
There she prized isolation as she thought back to the play. Her eyes furrowed at the thought, not knowing what she hated more; the disgusting caricatures of them all, or what she had discovered from someone she had called her dearest friend. Pain sat heavy on her chest as she fought back tears.
Come on, she urged herself. Don’t cry. Not again. Words that Aang had said rang in her head again, his hasty confession, the confusion and hurt in his eyes and the pain in her voice.
Why would he do something so stupid? She looked up at the moon, hoping somehow, someway the spirits, that Yue would come down and grant her some wisdom, some comfort.
What are we going to do now? Much to her chagrin, Katara knew she wasn’t going to get an answer. The sound of sand moving came from behind her as she stiffened, her thoughts keeping her looking toward the ocean.
Not Aang, please. She begged, hoping that prayer would at least be answered.
“Hey.” She breathed out hearing Zuko’s voice as he sat beside her. She gave him a soft but fake smile.
“You seemed really upset especially after the play.” He mentioned. “Everything okay?” She pushed herself to lie, to smile though the burden, tell him everything was fine, instead, she found her voice frozen as she looked at him, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to find the words.
“No.” She finally said. She hugged her knees to her and shook her head. “Aang can’t reach the Avatar State and…” She felt a sob leap from her as she cursed herself for starting to cry.
“It’s all my fault.”
“Your fault?” He asked. “How?”
“He gave it up for me.” She answered, both of them surprised at the bitterness in her voice. “Something about not wanting to give me up, not wanting to give up on love.” She scoffed at the notion. “That’s why he claims he can’t fix it. He refuses to because somehow, it’ll get rid of me…?” She thought about her words for a moment, before shaking her head again at the thought.
“At least that’s what he told me during intermission.” Zuko looked over at the night sky, seeing the illumination of the moon dance on the ocean surface, the reflection of the stars gleamed on the water, dancing on the gentle waves.
“Your fault, huh?” He said after a few moments of silence. “Did you ever ask Aang to give up the Avatar State for you?” Her head shot to his, astonished.
“Spirits, no!” She exclaimed. “I’d never ask for that! If it came down to saving this world, ending the war for good, I’d lay down my life no question and take down whoever I need to with me.” He said nothing letting her sit with her words.
“Well, if that’s how you feel, then why are you feeling guilty for another person’s actions?” He gently questioned. Her eyes widened.
“So what if he did it for you? You never asked for that. Just as you said.” He reasoned. “He chose do that because of his feelings and his alone. None of that should be on your head.” She looked down at her hands, trying to find the words to refute him.
“I understand that you feel responsible for his actions because he did it for you..." He paused for a moment, “but you're not being fair to yourself. You clearly didn't know.” Katara bit her lip, a small whimper coming from her. Zuko wrapped an arm around her pulling her close.
"Can I still be upset about it?” She quietly asked. "Can I at least have that?” He sighed, rubbing her arm.
"Not that you need permission but, of course you feel how you want about this: Angry, sad, shocked...all of it. As long as it's not guilt. You have no reason to feel that way.” Katara buried her face into his chest, a shaky breath coming from her as he kept her close, feeling warm tears spreading on the fabric. Zuko said nothing else, his hands warmed now, as he slowly rubbed around her back, allowing her emotions to overflow.
Her hands clutched his back, surrendering to the anguish, the anger, the sheer disappointment in him and the grief.
For the first time, Katara's hope had wavered, striking more pain in her chest than the burning sobs in her lungs.