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Your masters had often warned that your enthusiasm would one day lead you into treacherous situations. They weren't wrong, but the danger you faced now was likely beyond anything they had imagined.
Rain lashed against the walls of the abandoned house where you and Clone Captain Howzer had taken refuge. The mission had gone disastrously off course.
As a Jedi, you were accustomed to working with clone troopers, but this was your first solo command without a senior knight. It was also the first time you had been sent out with just one other person, instead of a small squad.
The war had created desperate situations, and this mission was no exception. While the situation on Ryloth was not as treacherous as other fronts, it still provided its fair share of battle opportunities. You and Howzer were tasked with extracting assets from a separatist holdout, one of many popping up across the planet’s surface. Nervous but eager to prove yourself, you had been selected to lead the mission, with the seasoned captain deferring to your leadership with grace. Everything had been going smoothly until a few hours ago when a moment of reckless action led you straight into a droid ambush.
Deflecting blaster fire with your saber, you watched as Howzer tried to break through their defenses. All seemed manageable until a clever droid launched a grenade towards your position. Howzer heroically threw himself in front of you, blocking the grenade with his armored body. To your horror, he rolled away, and you braced for the explosion, only to see the grenade release a puff of green-tinged smoke instead.
Chalking the dud grenade up to luck, you nonetheless were forced to flee before more reinforcements arrived. With the storm preventing extraction, you decided to spend the night here and attempt the mission again at first light.
Howzer sat across from you, slowly removing his armor. You noticed how he winced, and his murmur of "I’m okay. Just sore," did little to ease your concern.
Though you had been stationed on Ryloth for several cycles, you had worked with Howzer only a handful of times before this mission. You knew he had been assigned as your second in command on purpose - he was known for his ability to get jobs done without any major fanfare. You felt guilty for mucking up what should have been another routine mission, knowing you could expect chastisement from your elders back at the temple.
A hiss made you look up. You had an uncanny gift for sensing others' emotions more acutely than most Jedi. Clones of higher rank, like Howzer, were harder to read, but you had been feeling waves of discomfort and tension from him since settling down. Had he sustained an injury you hadn’t seen?
“I know some healing arts,” you offered amicably. “Perhaps I can offer some relief—”
“No,” Howzer interrupted, his bluntness making you blink.
Your heart sank, fearing he was irritated with you. Throughout your life, you had been told you could be too much, too present, too helpful. ‘Stop hovering,’ they said. ‘Stop trying to fix problems before they even happen.’ But how could you? You felt everything so deeply - people’s anxiety, their fears and their excitement. Helping was second nature to you, and unfortunately so was the tunnel vision that came along with it.
This mission had been a test of your ability to show restraint and patience, to gauge your aptitude to lead squads on your own without needing someone else to check you. Instead, it had been a textbook example of how spectacularly you could get things to go sideways. All is as the Force wills it, you had been told time and time again. All you could think is why the Force insisted on making things so hard for you in particular.
Hours later, after a small meal, the rain continued to roar heavily. You had been lying in the darkness for what felt like an eternity, unable to fall asleep. The oppressive emotions emanating from the man across the room were overwhelming. Discomfort and tension had morphed into intense heat and strain, mingled with a pain that was impossible for you to ignore.
Squeezing your eyes shut, you tried to meditate on the sound of the rain to distract your senses. The whirlwind of feeling emanating from Howzer was overpowering, however, and you let out a defeated groan. Resting was not an option.
You rose from the bed and approached the clone. Howzer hadn’t lain down; he was hunched over on the edge of his cot, his arms dangling loosely over his thighs.
“You’ve gotten worse,” you said, clearing your throat. He glanced up, concern etched on his face. “I can sense it.”
“My apologies, commander —” he began, but you raised a hand to stop him.
“There’s nothing to apologize for. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. It’s my fault you’re in this situation. I made a mistake, and you paid the price.”
“It’s my job, ma’am. My duty.”
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. Clones and their damned built-in sense of self-sacrifice. All too willing to give life and limb, hardly thinking about themselves when it came to the safety of others.
“Please, let me try to help you, Howzer,” you asked again. “If not for yourself, then for the mission?”
He swallowed roughly. “With all due respect, ma’am, I don’t think this is something you can help with.”
“Don’t be so sure,” you replied with a half-smile. Howzer sighed, closed his eyes, and nodded reluctantly.
Closing your eyes, you knelt in front of Howzer and gently placed your hand on his shoulder. You reached out with the Force, pressing softly against the barrier of his consciousness. What was usually a strong wall of resistance had worn down over time, and with a gentle nudge, you slipped through.
Instantly, you were bombarded with raw emotions. You felt the anxious flutter of his pulse as if it were your own. You struggled to navigate the turbulent sea of sensations coursing through Howzer—expectation, dread, passion—all barely restrained by a fraying thread.
For a fleeting moment, Howzer’s essence became yours, and you gasped as you uncovered the source of his turmoil. Desire surged through his veins, colored dark green like the smoke from the grenade. It pulsed - no, throbbed, igniting his synapses like wildfire. Stillness was agony, the brush of your hand on his shoulder like a salve.
You opened your eyes, pulling away. Howzer was tense, coiled tightly like a snake ready to strike. A bead of sweat trickled from his brow, his pupils dilated and dark in the dim light.
“The grenade,” you said softly. “It did this?”
“Yes,” Howzer replied shortly. A knot of concern coiled in your stomach.
“I’m so sorry,” you apologized again. “I-I’ve never encountered a toxin like this. I don’t know how to help you.”
Howzer breathed out roughly through his nose. “Didn’t think so. It’s an enhanced libidinous agent. They’re meant to be thrown into air vents, gas out whole rooms. And I took a whole one straight to the face.”
“You’ve seen these before?” You queried, and he nodded. A million questions were begging to be asked, but you resisted and kept to the most pertinent ones.
“Do you know how to make it stop?”
“Usually you can just wait it out,” Howzer mumbled. “But, uh - it’s…very hard to ignore.”
You thought for a moment, piecing things together. Your experiences with sex were limited to the lewd holonovels your fellows had snuck in and distributed amongst each other like contraband, and the occasional burst of feeling from people thinking loudly about their own escapades. A poor substitute, you knew, but it would have to do.
“If we have sex, will that help?” You offered.
Howzer choked at your blunt suggestion, eyes widening in shock.
You folded your hands neatly in your lap, patiently waiting for his response. All the while, you could still feel the emotions rolling off his body. He was making a very pointed effort not to stare at your chest, or thighs, or stars forbid your lips. You were suddenly self-conscious in a way you had never felt before.
“We couldn’t - do you even understand what you’re saying?” Howzer asked, incredulity coloring his words.
You nodded. “Yes.” It wasn’t a lie, per se. You just hoped that with his mind as impacted as it was, the fact that you were a virgin and had never so much as kissed anyone before would go unnoticed.
“You’re a Jedi,” he said weakly, running out of ways to give you an out.
“The code forbids attachment, not sex,” you said with nervous amusement.
Howzer swallows roughly, staring up at the ceiling. His hands clench and unclench, and after a moment he looks back down at where you’re sat and nods shortly before leaning back in invitation.
You climb into his lap carefully, feeling the heat of his skin through his blacks. He’s tense, and as you settle down you try to project as much calmness and ease as you can.
“Is this ok?” You ask quietly, and hear him take a sharp inhale. You take his arms tightening around you as a ‘yes’. Leaning forward, you let out a soft hum as he unexpectedly presses his flushed face against your neck. You hear him inhale deeply, the hesitancy in his grip loosening as he drinks in the scent of your arousal. “Sweet” he says quietly, mouthing roughly against the arch of your throat.
The way Howzer touches you feels strange to your inexperienced mind. His hands slide under your top, rough palms massaging your breasts. He kisses just under your ear, making your head droop to the side to give him more access.
You can feel him, hot and hard in his lap. Nervous anticipation floods you to your core, and you shift experimentally. A choked moan from the man currently nipping at your exposed shoulder confirms that it was the right move.
Feeling braver, and trying to pretend you know what you’re doing, you move one hand down from his shoulder, you slip it under his drawers. He chokes again as you stroke him to his full length, tip leaking what feels like endless thin liquid.
With what feels like practiced ease, Howzer slips your leggings down your waist to pool around one ankle. Readjusting you in his lap, he lines himself up with your cunt. Not once does he take his eyes off your face, gaze intense and burning.
The pressure of penetration surprises you. “Oh!” You say softly as Howzer spreads your thighs further apart.
“There we go,” he mutters lowly, more to himself than to you. “Just like that- fuck -“ His head falls back, eyes closed as your soft heat engulfs him fully. His cock pulses strong enough for you to feel it, his abdomen twitching, and you realized that he had just cum from that first instance of penetration.
“Oh, fuck,” he groans again, and with his hands on your hips begins moving you back and forth, up and down. His cock was still hard as iron inside of you, and you grasped his biceps to steady yourself against his desperate pace.
Curious, you reach out with the force again, slipping easily into the wild bramble of his thoughts. It’s impossible to parse out any one singular feeling, his lust-addled brain focused on chasing its relief through your body. It’s starting to feel good for you too, and with one particularly harsh thrust, you mewl. There’s something bright building in you, centered where Howzer is rocking into you.
The sounds you make snap Howzer’s gaze back to your face. He moves one hand to grasp your chin, holding your head still so that he can slot his mouth over yours. With his touch, you are gifted with flashes of thought, and emotion - the way you move effortlessly through battle, the way the light catches the myriad of colors in your irises -
You had never noticed, but he had been noticing you for a while now. Always seeking you out, wondering if you’ve come back from your missions unscathed. The mention of your name makes his chest tighten. He’s spent many a night in his bunk thinking about the plush softness of your lips, your hands, your cunt-
Howzer is infatuated with you, you realize as you begin to cum. His earlier tense refusal wasn’t due to irritation but dread - dread at the thought of finally being able to have you but never truly have you. He despairs at the thought of this being the only time he’ll ever be able to feel you against him, be inside of you.
It’s pure, unadulterated yearning, and it makes you shudder. Your clothes have come completely off at this point, and Howzer moves to lay you down on the cot, not once leaving the tight heat of your cunt.
“Perfect,” he moans into your shoulder, one of your thighs hoisted under a strong forearm. “I knew you’d be, my perfect girl -“
More flashes, memories of him watching you train. Hiding a smile as tales of your latest mishaps are passed around the barracks. He loves your eagerness and your determination. He knows you are capable of great things - if only he was allowed to get you on your own, there’s so much he could show you…
You gulp air, pressed down against the mattress as Howzer ruts into you. You’ve unintentionally made a bridge between your two consciousnesses, the lines between you quickly blurring away until you can’t tell where his mind ends and yours begins. He pours his obsession into you with every rock of his hips.
Pushing on his shoulders, you make him lift up off you. He looks down at you, eyes hooded. You can see yourself in his gaze - bare, slick with sweat and other fluids, lips swollen. Howzer mutters your name before lowering his mouth to kiss the side of your jaw. His pace slows, arms wrapping around you in an embrace. Rolling to the side, he hugs you close to his body, one of your legs thrown over his hip as he continues to chase his release.
“You’re gonna kill me, kid,” he murmurs, pressing open-mouthed kisses along your chin. Your eyes flutter shut, allowing yourself to be drowned in the sea of his affection.
Would the two of you regret this in the morning? Perhaps, but as you reached up to tangle your hands in his hair, you pushed those thoughts aside to let yourself be present in the moment. All is as the Force wills it.