Chapter Text
I
Some people say that the end of one story is the beginning of another. So how do we know it's come to an end if nothing really has an end? This is a question that is undoubtedly difficult to answer and can cause discord. But the beginning of this new story begins at the end of something beautiful — and eccentric, outside the standards shaped by society intrinsic to the capitalist and prejudiced patriarchy — that changed the lives of two people in a unique way.
And to follow this, we will have to navigate the turbulent waters of the first days of April 2007, where a young 24-year-old boy, privileged by his father's money, had just adjusted his sunglasses while walking along the deck. His objective had already been set since he left the luxurious cabin after taking a tranquilizer to cope with the rocking of the ship. Certainly, Roman Roy wasted no time in approaching the woman concentrating on her cell phone.
"Hi, G!" He greeted her, realizing that she probably would have noticed her approach even before he saw her, as she didn't move a muscle to greet him. “Enjoying the sun?”
"What sun, Roman?" she questioned. "We're just minutes away from sunset."
"There are still a some sunbeams in the sky," he countered.
"A few, almost none."
"The sunbeams are still there," he insisted.
Gerri shrugged, putting down her phone to look at it for the first time since they boarded.
"For you it's Gerri or Kellman."
"Understood, Ms. Kellman." Roman staged an elaborate salute that became theatrical. "But for me the best will still be 'G-Spot'. By the way, can I sit with you?"
After hearing a slight snort accompanied by a roll of the eyes and a slight movement of his hand in agreement, he sat down next to her. Without asking, Roman drank some of Gerri's drink. When he realized that the flavor pleased his palate taught to be picky, he took a less than discreet sip.
"By the way, how did the boy who accompanied his father up and down develop a fear of airplanes?"
"I'm not afraid."
"What?!"
Oh, now he had gotten a reaction out of her.
"I'm not afraid of planes, I'm afraid of any metal over water. And I think I developed that fear after watching Titanic last month with Shiv."
"So what are we doing here?"
"Duh, overcoming my fear," Roman replied, as if it was obvious. "Dad's getting a new yacht next week and I can't look like a pussy scared of the fucking yacht."
"I missed my flight because you're afraid? Roman, I'm not your babysitter, I'm the company counselor. We should be in London by now."
"Huh!" Now it was his turn to shrug. "Complain to your husband and Frank's chicken. They're the ones who put you in this trap with me."
A few minutes later, Gerri got up from the table they were at, telling Roman not to do anything stupid.
"Where are you going?" He wanted to know, even though he already knew the answer.
"My cabin."
"Oh!" A mischievous smile appeared on his face, preparing Gerri for the witty comment. "What are you going to do? Masturbate thinking about me? How wanton, Ms. Kellman."
"Exactly, Roman" Gerri stressed his name, sarcasm about to run rampant. "Because you're on my mind all the time, occupying every moment of my thoughts and I have a lot of free time and no work to do."
"It's ok, but don't get too tired, we still have the welcome dinner."
"I'll try to keep that in mind."
Soon after, the 49-year-old woman turned her back on him. Roman continued to smile as he watched her walk away, until she was no longer in his field of vision. Then he once again took the drink that had once been hers and continued drinking it, strangely enjoying the martini. As if the contents of the crystal goblet had acquired a sweet quality just by dancing on the general counselor's tongue.
In this way a new page began, the cautious writing slowly leading to the climax. And even though in those first few hours Roman didn't have the company and the fear of being inside that damn metal structure made him feel nauseous, a few shots of martini made him seem friendly enough to greet an exorbitant number of people until he returned to the cabin and get ready, becoming a presentable man.
Then, he headed towards the entrance of the restaurant and entered for a moment, his eyes wandering around the room. In this process, some people from earlier raised their hands in a wave, receiving the same cordiality. Then he went back outside and stood there with his cell phone in his hand, pretending he was doing something. His eyes moved several times to witness the change of minutes and he wished he wouldn't be made a fool of.
"Why are you outside?"
He looked up from his cell phone, immediately placing it in the inner pocket of his elegant suit.
"It seemed a bit boring in there," he lied shamelessly as he offered her his arm. "Maybe now the night will be more interesting."
"So you learned manners?" Gerri referred to the offered arm, giving him a look of mock surprise, amusement contained in every word of her sentence.
"Intense English lessons, baby. Best regards from my mother. Should we?"
Roman and his courtship scored another point, he was sure of it. Any doubts regarding this were put to rest, as she accepted him, moving closer, her hand holding the crook of his elbow without exerting any pressure or attempt to direct him. Having some kind of control, no matter how simple, made him feel confident and somehow free. A little freer, as if he could stop tiptoeing, allow the high walls built around the simple man to lower the defense.
Roman pulled out the chair for her to sit down, dismissing the employee who had approached with a gesture.
"Seriously G, if you allow me to say so…"
"Roman" She said his name in a warning tone, just loud enough for him to hear.
"And even without your permission I'll say it. You're hot as fuck and if you want, we can skip dinner and go to the cabin. Mine or yours? Oh, you choose!" Roman raised his eyebrows suggestively, tilting his head slightly down and looking up through his eyelashes.
"Limits, Roman" she said upon sitting down.
He liked the way his name sounded in her mouth, slightly wobbly, almost imperceptible. Then, unable to contain his smile, he moved away from her to sit in front of her. As he did so, a group of passengers to his right waved to him, and he returned the gesture.
"Friends?" Gerri asked, waving back, then picked up the menu.
"I took your advice, G." Roman lowered his arm to pick up the menu, repeating her movements.
"What advice?"
"The one from when we were in the car."
"Oh ok."
"I was friendly to people."
"How charming, I hope you only made friends and not trouble" Gerri smiled.
"I guess we'll have to wait until the end of the night and then you tell me."
Dinner went without any problems. They transitioned to safe topics while every now and then Roman talked about someone he knew, saying something he found strange about that person. The job was also approached in relation to the people Roman should prepare to impress and not look like a complete idiot who had just come out of university with a bought degree - according to some rumors, but nothing really confirmed.
"Thank you for accompanying me, even without need," thanked Gerri, holding the cabin door.
"And leave you without my protection against any super rich old man with bad intentions? No fucking way." Roman threw up his hands before she had the chance to reprimand him. "I know, you're married and you wouldn't cheat on your husband" he leaned towards her, placing his hand next to his mouth as if what he had to say was something secret and couldn't be heard by the wrong person. "Although I believe he deserves a nice pair of horns. By the way, did I cause a mess for you to deal with?"
"You know I haven't, but it's only day one. We still have five more days until Thursday, so you're bound to find something. What are you looking for, a gold star?"
"Can I come in?"
"Not today, Roman" Even though her face looked angelic, she smiled cynically. "Goodnight."
"It's okay, I can carry this defeat on my chest," he said calmly, looking into her eyes before traveling to her lips, slightly pink from her retouched lipstick. "And you know what, Gerri?"
"What Roman?"
"Tomorrow is a new day. You know what they say about new days?"
“Maybe I know, but you can tell me what they say.”
"In the new day there is always the possibility of change. Maybe you won't resist my irresistible charm when tomorrow night I ask you the same question."
"Who knows, right?" hummed Gerri, then indicated that she would close the door. "Sleep well."
"Dream of me, Ms. Kellman," he said as she was closing the door.
In this way the page continued to be written. The coexistence went from strange to friendly in a few hours. The differences made everything more interesting. With each new day, a new interaction, a new discovery. Just like Roman, Gerri saw something different happening right beneath her feet, something was changing. Being on a ship with limited space, without any real interest in meeting other people, the time she spent with Roman went from being a quick coincidence to having a cause and effect, a meaning. They changed the day from day to day without even being aware of it. A long-buried version of them managed to see the light of day, despite it being a little, just a faint ray of sunlight. But that was enough to make Roman think that maybe there was someone he could trust. Who he could trust to the point of showing a small part of his nature, without even realizing that he was totally exposed.
And that, my dear reader, is where things really reach the breaking point, the one where nothing can go back to what it was. In which the apple exposed to desperate eyes for something they didn't even know they needed was savored by a small bite. A test. And then once more. Only this time, the bite will be a little bigger. And so on until the sin is consummated, with no way to return to the previous state.
When Roman asked on the fourth night they were on the ship if he could come in and for some reason she just stepped back, allowing him in, there was a defining moment.
Even though he felt pathetic for having been pathetic in his own eyes when what he had in mind was not fulfilled by the fissures of his soul, he picked up his clothes and left in shame, cursing himself until he entered his own cabin, burying his face in the pillow. However, it did not cross his mind that the following night she would let him in if he wanted. And like a dreamy boy, he entered.
That night he left as soon as the bodies were sated after the long drawing of the lines. The next time, he stayed a little longer. But it was only on the last night on that ship that he was allowed to sleep next to her.
It would be difficult for Roman to say that his fear of the ship had been overcome. It was too early to say that, but without a doubt the new memories began to build a new wall to leave behind what really gave him this fear. Something he wasn't prepared to confess to Gerri and probably never would.
When they arrived in London, they still hadn't talked about what happened on the ship, but that was for later, because as soon as they stepped into the port, they were taken to the company's headquarters. Within those walls, they played the role they were known for. Far from each other, nothing in common except the man they worked for, the man who should probably be an honorable source of inspiration, but who was far from that.
But when they arrived at the hotel where they would stay for that week before returning to their beloved America, the place where the people who were part of their respective families were, this information was deliberately forgotten by the illusion of naive freedom. The atmosphere from the ship still hung over them.
"Hey, G" He called her, standing in the bathroom door with his cell phone in his hand.
She stopped moving her eyeliner, but still didn't look at him, just continued to look at the mirror, waiting for him to say something.
"Look at me" Roman requested. Gerri did as he requested. "A smile."
"What's the magic word?"
"Please?"
"Exactly" Gerri said in a relaxed manner, smiling at him. "Are you filming me again?"
"What? Hell no!" He quickly put his cell phone in his pocket, without realizing he was still filming.
And as everything is temporary in this unhappy life, the magic has come to an end. The end they imposed on themselves.
During the last night they spent in London, their daydreams made Gerri spend a certain part of the time she should have been sleeping with her eyes open, moving from side to side in bed until tiredness claimed her.
When the new day arrived and she met Roman in the parking lot, the facts were already on the table without needing a moment alone. It wasn't because they didn't express it in words that they weren't hurt by each other. What they did after that slight exchange of glances before getting into the car was the smallest of many signs. They were on each other's side, but no words were exchanged other than those referring to the company. And during the long time they were inside the jet, each one was in a different room, reflecting what was going on in their hearts and minds. Rationality and emotionality.
"Oops, sorry, you first" said Roman when she tripped over Gerri while going down the stairs.
"Thank you" she thanked him, looking at him quickly before looking away.
Just ahead were two similar cars. The difference between one and the other was that in one of them there was a smiling husband waiting for his wife, while the other was absolutely empty, with no one from the family to accompany him.
"Be safe, G" Roman spoke slightly hesitantly, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Don't do anything stupid."
"I'll try to keep that in my thoughts." He shook his head, then started walking to the car that was waiting for him.
"Roman" he turned when he heard her voice pronouncing his name with a splash of affection. The hope that shouldn't be in his heart, but that still existed. "Be okay."
For a moment Roman was speechless, but when he recovered, sarcasm was his defense.
"Who do you think I am?" he said without needing an answer. "I'm Roman Roy, of course I'll be fine."
And so, they each went their slightly separate ways. Returning to New York placed what they experienced at the top of a bookshelf, on the highest shelf with the sole aim of never visiting. The death of one story for the beginning of another.
II
When a new story begins it's hard to notice, even if it's happening right in front of you. Even if it's your story.
"What did you say?" Gerri asked her husband, now less disoriented than before.
"The doctor said you're pregnant, isn't that wonderful?" Baird squeezed her hand lightly, trying to comfort her. "I know you might be a little dazed, but honey, it's good news."
"Are you sure about that?"
"That it's wonderful news? Of course it is, just look at our daughters…"
Baird would have continued babbling if Gerri hadn't interrupted him.
"No, not that" she said. "The other thing you said."
"The pregnancy?" Gerri nodded, then he continued, "The doctor came while you were unconscious, darling. There's no doubt you're pregnant."
"That's not possible." Gerri looked around.
"Darling," Baird laughed. "Yes, it's possible. It's so possible that we're expecting our third child. But don't worry, the doctor is on his way to see you. He'll explain everything. Everything's going to be okay, darling."
Baird continued holding her hand, stroking it with light movements as if that would really reassure her. But nothing could reassure her. Gerri was agitated and although the confusion had disappeared in the few minutes she had been awake, anguish had taken its place. Thoughts rolled through her mind, a true uncontrolled merry-go-round, the music melodious enough to make her take deep breaths countless times and start counting prime numbers. She avoided looking at her husband, as if he could find out what she did two months ago, but it seemed like an impossible goal to achieve. Baird was always looking out for her, reassuring her that everything would be okay. The kind look needed to be returned by Gerri and even though she didn't want to, she tried her best to look excited.
The doctor entered the private room, Baird immediately greeted him without taking his hands off his wife. Gerri didn't pay attention to the men's brief dialogue. The doctor's words were cautious and positive, informing her of countless things, but she only paid attention to one thing:
"You are approximately 10 weeks pregnant…"
From then on, she froze the curve of her lips, while the man continued to talk about the paths they could follow if she wanted to keep it or not.
"We'll keep it, won't we dear? Of course, if there are no risks to your health."
"Yes," she said automatically, somehow managing to make her voice sound confident and excited. "We'll keep it."
However, she wasn't sure about that. By no means was she sure of that. Even though there was a possibility that the child was Baird's, her mind screamed his name. Intuition told her that she should believe that scream and the more she thought about it... according to her memories of April, maybe she really should.
The first night was nothing more than a failed attempt in which Roman left crestfallen and embarrassed. The next few nights while they were on the ship they used contraceptives — for reasons other than that, a pregnancy. But the first night after spending a day in meetings with department heads at London headquarters... they didn't wear any. One of Roman's suitcases had been temporarily lost somehow and was the one he kept the condoms in. That night they didn't care, they had been doing it for a while. What would be just one night, right?
It wasn't just one night.
There were other random times when they didn't use any condoms for reasons that Gerri didn't want to think about at the moment because they were stupid and that probably brought her to this devastating outcome. And what she feared most was the truth: there was no way Baird could be the father. She knew that, but he... she thought he didn't know. That he chose to believe the baby was his. Pride used to speak louder, much louder when it came to Baird….
"Gerri, darling" her husband called her softly.
"Ah, sorry," Gerri replied, turning to him. "What's it?"
"Doctor Abbott is asking if you would be available to do the tests today."
"No. I would like to go home. Today was an intense day and I'm tired. I don't want any exams today" replied Gerri.
"Of course, darling."
Still in the car, Baird tried to reassure her once again, his positivity almost making her ask the driver to park at the curb so one of them could get out. Probably her. But she didn't do that, she just nodded. He continued to chatter. She would have asked him to keep quiet and claimed it was a headache, but the guilt of making him raise another man's child made her keep quiet.
"Baird, dear. Can we keep this just between us?" She asked as soon as they entered the house and there was no sign of their daughters. The expected response, or rather, the explicit demand, had to be a response that agreed with what she wanted. "It's still too early for us to tell anyone. Even the girls. You know, anything could happen and change everything."
"Uh-hum, yes. Of course. You're right, darling. It's really early, but we're almost at the end of the quarter."
"Yes," she feigned excitement, taking off her blazer. "It won't be long now."
In later days, Gerri tiptoed (figuratively) when she was at Waystar. Whenever she saw her husband in the company of Frank or Logan — a frequent occurrence — she feared he would reveal the news. To her happiness, Baird kept the deal. She knew that his behavior wasn't for her, it was for the child. Ever since he informed her beforehand upon waking up in that hospital room, she knew he wanted this child more than anything. Baird didn't want the child out of love. It was his trophy. The paper bore the seal that everything on it still worked, a challenge disguised as happiness for Logan, the father of the biological father.
Out of such esteem, Baird was committed to accompanying her to her appointment, juggling his schedule whenever he knew Gerri was going. However, Gerri canceled them all for two weeks, always with an excuse ready. The last one used was Catherine, who was going to meet with a stylist to do the last fitting of the dress for the prom, which had been postponed for technical reasons until the end of the second week of August. When he scheduled the appointment again, Baird couldn't go, as he had disrupted the schedule to the point of having pending issues.
It was better this way. She had been a nervous wreck since the beginning of the day, even more so because she had bumped into Roman when she was leaving the company. Since then he was occupying 85% of her thoughts. With each minute that she continued to lie on the gurney while the doctor gently manipulated the transducer over her abdomen, the percentage increased, making her more aware of how exposed she was.
The memory of eating the forbidden fruit, the apple, invaded her mind. One part of her scolded herself while the other held her breath at how delightful everything they had experienced was, from the small moments like laughing at Roman playing with his food, to the biggest wordless declarations. The need for kisses, the needs of bodies seeking release from weeks and weeks of frustration with something that was pushed to the background just so that the attraction they felt wouldn't be overshadowed.
Was there more to it than just the attraction? Maybe. Gerri would never commit to a statement that would make her go back to the promise she made when she was a young woman in love. And she refused to think about that question, after all, what else could there be other than eccentricity and morality placed on the edge of the precipice? It was best to keep any answer to that question out of sight, covered up by yards and yards of vague lies that would prevent the light from touching the truth.
The moment the monitor at her side revealed two small, delicate forms, each lodged in its own space within the uterus, Gerri wished she were close enough to Roman to punch him in the stomach and threaten him with a beautiful process.
"Look, Ms. Kellman," the doctor said, gesturing to the monitor. "They are identical twins, around 12 weeks old and are healthy."
The silhouettes of the children were clear, although still at an early stage, suggesting a promise of life and growth. The small bodies seem to twitch slightly, as if they are dancing in a gentle, graceful rhythm. Its limbs, although small, are already beginning to form, dotting the screen with the promise of future movements and explorations. The umbilical cord snakes delicately between each baby and the placenta, a vital connection that supports and nourishes them as they continue to develop inside the mother's womb. It is an image of beauty and miracle, a glimpse of the beginning of life and the wonder of creation
Gerri was stunned, her mouth slightly open as she stared at the monitor. This seemed so surreal it was unbelievable. Her eldest daughter was eighteen, her youngest was sixteen, and now, about two decades since she was last in a room like this, she was pregnant again at an advanced age. To top it off, from a man who wasn't her husband.
The lamentations would have begun if the doctor had not offered the opportunity to listen to the children's heartbeats. Gerri held back, not allowing herself to get emotional in front of the stranger. But guess what, dear person who is following this new story with a tragic ending. She totally failed to keep her distance. Staying away from the fence that warned "danger, don't come any closer". In using indifference in favor of the morality she broke and now needed to maintain like the honorable golden armor.
At that moment, she did not think about who owned half of the genetic material that made up the other twenty-three chromosomes. They were the sound of her children. Just her children. Of course she would get emotional, she always did. Even when she got pregnant in her thirties at Baird's request shortly after they married. And again two years later because he would like to take advantage of the vitality he still had to accompany the children. Even though it wasn't on Gerri Kellman's schedule to get pregnant when her career started to take off, she did it to give Baird what he wanted and she loved the girls from the first moment, from the first appointment, reassured by Baird's promise that his career would not be affected.
Now it would be no different, even though the whole situation seemed so. The only constant she knew was that the rushing sound she was hearing was from her children and as soon as she heard it, that undeniable fact hit her consciousness like a shoe dropping on her head. Indifference was transformed into unconditional love, much more precious than any amount of gold.
As soon as she got home from the doctor's office with a list of tests and medications that she should take to ensure the children's health, it hit her with full force.
Damn, twins!
Since Catherine's birth, Baird had said that he would like to have a set of twins. Gerri accepted without adding much credibility. Lizzie came from a try. If Baird knew, she would be over the moon to finally achieve one of his life goals. An objective that had the active participation of a third person, but it was still an objective that he could cross off his to-do list.
Gerri shook her head and headed toward the bedroom. Like every day, she placed her blazer on a chair in the walk-in closet, as well as her purse and discarded her heels at the foot of the chair. Next, she took off her jewelry and makeup before heading to the bathroom and spending a long time soaking in the tub.
She smiled, her skin gaining wrinkles from her time in the water. Her hands played with the water, making light waves. This wasn't the first time she had done this. It even felt like a ritual. When big changes happened in her life, there she was, taking time to reflect.
Some people liked to walk through Central Park, use paint to color a picture, watch a movie, make a reservation at a restaurant that brought them some kind of comfort. Gerri Kellman liked to spend a long time in the bathtub, where she knew she was safe.
Safe from what?
From the corporate world.
The cell phone was in the bedroom, inside the bag, on the chair. She couldn't rush out of the tub to attend to him if she touched it or she would fall. And now, being pregnant, she wouldn't move a muscle even if she realized the incessant touching wouldn't stop. When the girls got home from school they wouldn't look for her right away, unless Baird had told them that Gerri wasn't in the company, which meant that Lizzie would look for her around the house and when she saw the bathroom door closed, she would say a "Hi mom, we're home" and then he would go to her bedroom.
And it happened exactly as Gerri thought.
"Mom!" Lizzie called out to her, about to become a scream.
"Yes my dear?"
"Oh, ok. Nothing, Dad just asked to check if you were home" Lizzie explained. “You okay?”
"Yes, I'm okay. Is Catherine with you?"
"No, she stayed at school to rehearse the dance. You know, that old waltz crap."
"Lizzie" Gerri warned her.
"Okay, okay. Sorry. Watch out for the swear words, I got it." Lizzie took a deep breath and Gerri could imagine her on the other side of the door holding the straps of her backpack. "Well, I'm going to go to my room. If you need anything, just tell me. Okay, mom?"
After some time, Gerri got out of the bathtub and slowly got ready. The well-structured suits she wore at work were replaced by a combination that was undoubtedly comfortable, but presentable in case she received an unexpected visitor. When she finished and liked the result, she went to the kitchen.
Gerri had not been a lover of cooking since she was a child and with her professional life struggling fiercely with motherhood, the kitchen was the room in the spacious apartment that she barely stayed in for more than a few seconds. But that night, she decided to heat up dinner, occupying her mind with something other than babies.
Lizzie came to see her after a while, minutes before Catherine arrived home and helped her set the table.
"Dear, take this, then wash your hands. I'll take care of the rest."
"Okay, Mom," Catherine agreed, taking Gerri's chosen dishes.
"You too, young lady" Gerri walked over to Lizzie, who had just sat down in the dining room.
"Uh-hum, because God forbid we eat with dirty hands, right?"
Soon the girls left towards the social bathroom, pushing each other as Gerri warned them about the joke. Gerri went back to the fridge, taking out a pitcher of what she thought was pineapple and mint juice. As she turned around and closed the door, she heard the front door open and close. She continued with what she was doing, taking the pitcher of juice to the living room table.
"Hello darling" Baird greeted her and kissed her forehead. "How was the appointment?"
"Well. The baby is healthy and there don't seem to be any complications. I'll come back in three weeks, maybe I can find out the gender."
"That's really good," Baird stated, giving her space so she could finally place the container on the table. "But don't we have any news?"
Oh yeah. She knew what he was referring to. Gerri smiled sweetly at him.
"I'm sorry, just a baby"
"Well, it's great news anyway," Baird smiled, looking extremely happy. "I think we should tell the girls, what do you think?"
"Okay," he agreed, knowing it would be difficult to dissuade him from the idea. "And I believe it's time to tell some people."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"That's great!"
The news spread quickly throughout the company as Baird told the right people who would do exactly what he wanted. The congratulations were simple, Gerri felt uncomfortable with the abrupt attention that was now directed at her. How would she not feel? Everywhere she went, she felt the eyes of employees on her. When she was sitting in her office there was always someone glancing at her, as if they were waiting for proof that she was human. An unsuspecting person had the audacity to offer help with simple jobs that she normally did, to talk to her as if she wanted and needed friends. That day, Gerri almost sent the poor employee to the human resources department.
"Oh, of course," Logan said, walking behind the table. "Gerri, I'd like to talk to you."
Gerri greeted the other colleagues who left Logan's office. Frank gave him a look that said ‘hang in there’ She just nodded, barely noticeable before turning to Logan, waiting for him to share what he thought.
"I haven't personally congratulated you on the news yet. So, please accept my sincere congratulations," Logan said, not daring to get closer, which Gerri was grateful for. "And I want you to know that if the work gets tough, please hire someone to take the pressure off."
"I appreciate your concern, Logan, but I can handle the job. I've done this before. Twice."
"Of course," Logan smiled, his voice taking on a more serious tone. "But remember, Gerri, continuity is key. We can't afford to waver, even for a moment. And I don't want to have to deal with an angry husband."
Although Logan was laughing when he finished, the message was clear and subtle between the lines, disguised as caution. Lightness remains floating only on the surface. Gerri can see beneath it, beneath the smile on his lips, the brief, deep laugh, the deepened lines of his eyes. The gears of control and power continue to turn in his Machiavellian mind.
Gerri had no doubt that this man right in front of her was a Shakespeare fan, if that meant a practical explanation for the way he tragically dismissed people. And although it had never been brought up, she suspected he had read Machiavelli. He was unloved wherever he went. Flattery was others' way of protecting themselves from his wrath and his was maintaining his power through fear. Taking all these considerations into account, Gerri needed to be careful so that he didn't discover what she was hiding from him. What she had been hiding from everyone since April, was now visible.
"That won't be a problem."
While the news spread quickly like a virus throughout the company in New York, the same could not be said at other headquarters. It wasn't important for others to know, it didn't affect their lives…except Roman's life.
How could anyone know?
Both had kept the secret in a high tower and thrown away the key without ever really talking about what they had experienced together.
For Roman it was a unique experience, where he could even feel truly in love, even if he mistook what he had been feeling the last few months for a clingy illness.
For Gerri it was probably the biggest mistake of her life, that's what Roman thought and that simple thought was responsible for making him accept the tedious task of going to Los Angeles and spending the last few weeks being the spoiled kid he was taught to be , testing the entertainment director's patience. So when he walked into his father's house and followed the sound of laughter into the living room, Roman automatically put on his best happy expression, even though noticing Baird's silhouette made him want to turn on his heel and go back the way he came.
"Hi, dad," Roman made his presence known. "Baird."
"Hi son!" Logan quickly walked over to the small drinks cabinet in the corner of the room and poured a drink into a glass. Soon after, he offered it. "Take it, son, and congratulate Baird."
Not wanting to upset his father, Roman did exactly that and then took two generous sips in a futile attempt to forget Gerri's husband's firm grip.
"What are we celebrating?"
"Don't you know?" Logan questioned, without even waiting for an answer. "Baird and Gerri are expecting their third child."
His eyes widened abruptly, as big and round as full moons in a night sky. His eyebrows rose high, forming perfect arches of pure disbelief, while his mouth opened slightly, without making a sound, as if the words had been stolen by the wind before they could even be spoken. His face, once relaxed, was now a living canvas of shock and surprise, painted with the vivid traces of astonishment.
Finally, Roman was able to say:
"Really?"
"Yes," Baird replied. "We're happy!"
"Let me get this straight," Roman said, looking at Baird who just nodded. "You want me to believe that your dick still works, is capable of giving your wife of forty-nine years an orgasm and getting her pregnant after what? Eighteen or sixteen years? Congratulations, you are the new superman!”
As he continued in that room, watching the interaction of the older men, Roman realized that Baird had not shared the news recently, but rather that this information was already old, but had not reached his inner circle. He wanted to kill his siblings for not having the decency to warn him. Not even Connor, the biggest gossip of the Roy children!
Roman played the role as best he could for the next two hours before heading home, his mind spinning from branch to branch without being able to hold on tight. He tried to get the voice in the back of his mind to shut up, without any success. As he lay down to sleep, the voice became louder:
"Think about it, Roman, isn't this at least suspicious? Since their youngest daughter was born, they haven't conceived once again. But suddenly, after you sneak under Gerri's sheets, she magically appears pregnant by her husband?!"
And if he was honest, that voice in his head made perfect sense. So much sense that he could barely sleep that first night. Much less on the second night. And when Monday finally arrived, he kept his eyes completely on her when he coincidentally met her in the company. In both meetings he said anything nonsense to get her attention, no matter how brilliant or idiotic it was.
With fate in his favor — or not, that is questionable —, they were asked to go find a possible member to clean up Waystar's image on Tuesday, at dusk. Even though this wasn't Gerri's role, she was personally tasked by Logan, who looked between his children and simply said:
"Roman, you will go with Gerri."
And so, he spent the 60 minutes in an elegant Indian restaurant to please Priya Bhatt, showering her with compliments, telling her why it would be an asset for Waystar to have her as part of the family. But then, Gerri quickly touched his knee under the table, and he got the message, and he immediately shut up. Roman tried hard not to look at Gerri for the next thirty minutes that seemed to have an effect on Pryia, but her eyes returned to her at every turn.
He tried to materialize Karolina's furious face upon learning that Priya could join the leadership of the public relations team, causing a temporary delay of one or two years as the sole head of the department. But when he looked at Gerri again, seeing her gesturing with complete confidence, speaking in an elaborate way that seemed to be hers since she was born, it became a difficult task. His eyes wandered from her face and glossy hair to her torso, noticing that her breasts seemed larger. And that caught his attention, and he looked at them and tried to measure them mentally.
"…what do you say, Mr. Roy?"
"Yes" he replied immediately without even realizing who was asking.
"Did you listen to me?"
"Of course I do."
"Oh, is it?" Priya looked at him amused, as if she didn't believe him. "What I said?"
"Why are we going to repeat words that are in the past when we have…" Roman picked up the glass on the table, inhaling the smell, his excited expression becoming present at the same time that his taste buds cried in advance for the bitter taste that was requested by Pryia. "Masala Chai to appreciate? Come on, drink some with me!"
They left the restaurant with the promise that Pryia would communicate her response by the end of the week. So, because they went together to demonstrate a certain tone of harmony, Gerri offered him a ride. Roman didn't protest, he sat right next to her and watched her pull out her cell phone to return a call from Frank. He pulled out his own cell phone and opened it in a stupid game. However, the game wasn't attractive enough to stop him from looking at her.
"Foster, please park here."
Hearing Gerri's voice abruptly after the uncomfortable silence, Roman tried not to look at her immediately. But when he realized that they were on one side of Central Park, very close to the condominium where Gerri lived with her family, Roman had to turn to her.
Foster did as he was asked, and soon the car was at a stop.
"Come down" she said to Roman.
"What?" Her words sounded rude. "Why fucking?!"
"Come down, Roman."
"Did I do something wrong? Are you really going to abandon me in Central Park?! I live on the other side of town!"
"You're not going down alone" was the only thing she said before getting out of the car without waiting for the driver to open the door.
Roman remained standing inside the car, trying to assimilate what had just happened. But then, when he saw the look she sent him through the tinted window, he quickly scrambled out of the car, catching up to her in a matter of seconds.
He followed her in silence through Central Park, realizing that she wanted to put distance between them and the car, and didn't want to bring up the subject until she was satisfied, which only increased little Roy's curiosity,who suddenly knew what she would say. At least a ray of hope, which he had no idea if he was welcome or not.
It wasn't surprising to learn that Gerri knew exactly where to take them at almost eight o'clock at night. The place where they were was less lit than the other areas they passed through, in the same way that few people were there, and those who were there did not find the couple that had just approached strange, no matter how peculiar they seemed.
"I've really tried to ignore all of your behavior since you got back from Los Angeles, but I can't! So stop tiptoeing around and just say, Roman."
Under Gerri's stern gaze, Roman took a deep breath. He looked at the bright shoes contrasting with the grass, and admired them for a moment before raising his head. The hands in his coat pockets clenched, impertinence lit up his handsome, youthful face.
"I missed the pregnancy congratulations round, so get it now, G," he said sarcastically, keeping his gaze steady as her mask almost slipped off. Almost. "Congratulations on your pregnancy. Now tell me, is it mine? Because if it is, this little version of us will never have to lift a finger to work in life and will receive a beautiful and generous inheritance. Just like me, the father, if that's true."
The tones of soft brown and blue meet, the remaining touch of what was broken suddenly becoming evident in the absence of the park's light. Roman was prepared for an uphill battle of insults that would be thrown to the wind, because that's what he'd experienced his entire life. He wasn't prepared for Gerri's sincerity to win so effortlessly.
"I won't lie to you. Yes, it's yours."
Roman wanted to eliminate the space between them. Getting to her, seeing her eyes to know if he would believe her words or not.
But he didn't.
He remained where he was, looking at her. His grip on his hands gaining more strength, to the point of becoming painful.
"Fuck, is this true? Is it? Are you sure? I'm going to have someone to leave my inheritance to?! This changes all my plans, university and diapers aren't cheap."
"Yes," Gerri replied, without looking away, ignoring any comments about Roman's vast assets.
"How are you sure it's not Baird's?"
"I'm not going to go into detail about my sex life with my husband. It's not his."
"Fair enough," he agreed. "But he doesn't mind being a cuckold? Because he's declaring to everyone that the baby is his."
"He doesn't know about you."
"How sneaky, G" Roman tilted his head, assessing the situation, having no idea how he really felt. "You made him believe it was his. Was it that easy?"
"I'm not going to answer that."
"Of course, I'm sorry. It was rude of me" Roman shrugged when she raised an eyebrow. "What is it? It may not seem like it, but I have good manners." He spotted a bench not far away. "I don't know about you, but I want to sit down."
Gerri sat next to him but didn't say anything. Roman felt the sweat on his hands and wiped them on the fabric of his tailored trousers. He felt an uneasiness in his chest. Something mixed with fear and need, unlike anything he had felt before. Something that made him take a deep breath and close his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, they were still somewhere private in Central Park, near Gerri's family home.
Family.
It sounded in his mind, reverberated and almost disappeared.
This baby was his family.
Truly, a family for him. Not Logan Roy's family where everyone has a role to play. Where no display of affection is made without intentions, if not for photos that will be seen by millions of people around the world, who will fall into the strange fantasy that they are the perfect family from the dollhouse, with pretty faces, diplomas intact and immaculate, no dirt beneath the nails.
But that wasn't true.
They were all looking to fill what they lacked inside. None of the children were happy, they weren't even together. Shiv might be enjoying her last few years as a college student, but she was shallow with people, telling them what they wanted like a perfect ballerina dancing to the music box. Kendall was trying to be what their father needed, while Connor had decided to move away from the mess that was Waystar about a year ago, reducing the number of children left to fight for the throne.
What Gerri had, in his eyes, seemed like the paradise he couldn't dare touch, but wanted. And perhaps it was his greed speaking louder than his lack of sense that made him declare, looking at his son's mother:
"I want this baby."
"Roman…"
"I know what you're going to say, but save your breath for the birth, you'll need it." Self-confidence covered the trail of uncertainty in his voice, his gestures and the way he looked at her. "Don't say I'm a child, I've heard that all day from many people. I don't need you to say what seems obvious to everyone. And don't take this as a threat that I will take the baby away from you. I'm not my father. As everyone likes to remind me, I'm unlikely to be able to honor him, so I hope this can be used to my advantage in this time. But the fact is that I want this child."
"Don't be capricious," Gerri warned him, her voice coming out sterner than she would have liked. "You're terribly young and can barely take care of yourself."
"I can learn to be better."
"So you want to learn from this child. What happens if you don't like playing house after causing all the mess? Are you going to do what your father did and place the child in the care of a squad of employees?"
Roman bit his tongue to keep from saying what he was about to say and kept his hands on his thighs, otherwise he would wave his arms and that would draw the others' attention.
Gerri's words were harsh and hit a wound in her soul that had never been closed. The excruciating pain was similar to that of years ago.
"I wouldn't make my child feel what I felt all these years."
At his statement, Gerri fell silent. He wished he could read her mind to know what she was thinking, know what she was planning, what the next steps would be or if they would continue in that park, with the risk of declaring what they didn't want.
Soon the answer reached her ears, in the voice that he would relate to angels and demons in equal proportion:
"Let's not talk about this now."
III
"Today Roman warned me that my promotion might be postponed until two years from now" Karolina commented, walking to the kitchen.
Gerri followed her friend into the kitchen and sat on a high stool, resting her elbows on the cold marble counter. Karolina poured herself a glass of wine, then offered it to Gerri, along with a second option, grape juice. Gerri opted for grape juice, given her condition as a 16-week pregnant woman.
"Uh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lina. I should have told you."
"No, Ger. There's no need to apologize, it's understandable." Lina leaned on the other side of the counter, facing Gerri. "But clarify one detail for me, because Roman couldn't explain it."
"Okay. Go ahead and ask."
"Pryia won't stay permanently, will she?"
"No need to worry" assured Gerri. "She is a temporary solution and has no plans to stay at Waystar any longer than necessary."
"Oh, that's good!" Karolina sighed, placing the glass on the table, while her other hand rested on her heart, visibly relieved. "At least I won't have the same expression as Hugo when she's introduced."
The two women observed Karolina's kitchen while drinking their respective drinks. Coming to Karolina's apartment two days after the last appointment there was a reason. This reason Gerri would reveal, but first she needed another glass of grape juice to give her courage, metaphorically speaking. Therefore, when she finished the first glass, Gerri indicated that she would get off the stool when Lina just took the glass bottle from the refrigerator and placed it right in front of her.
But she didn't need to find the courage, because Lina asked her a question while she was leaning on the counter as if she had no intentions of getting information out of her.
"No matter how much you maintain that posture, I'm realizing that there is something disturbing your extremely sexy mind and I would love to listen to you if you want a friendly shoulder. Or better yet, a friendly ear. What do you say?"
"Usually you are circumlocutory, surrounding the main topic with conversation to extract information."
"Oh, that's true." Karolina hummed. "But now it's just you and me. I don't need to buffer. What do you say?"
"You are right."
"Great!" Karolina gave him a smile as she tilted her head to the side. "An hour is sixty dollars, but for you I'll do it for fifty."
"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," she joked, taking another sip of the grape juice.
"So, do you want to do your session here, in this wonderful kitchen that cost me a few thousand dollars, or in the living room?"
"Can be here."
"Okay," said Lina, then went around the counter and pulled a high stool that was next to Gerri to where she was previously. Instead of sitting on the bench, the woman used it as a support to sit on the counter. "Now we can begin."
“In a few years you won’t be able to do that anymore.”
"As my mother always told me, what matters is now. I'll let Karolina of the future worry about her injured hip. For now I'm doing very well up here" Karolina crossed her legs and brought the cup that was a few centimeters away. far in front of you. "Where do we start?"
Gerri looked away from the glass of strangely delicious grape juice to look at her friend.
"I'm Pregnant."
"That I know. Wonderful news, congratulations!"
"Thank you" Gerri smiled out of habit as she received the congratulations that had come more frequently since Baird communicated it to the other family friends.
"Why do I feel a ‘but’ about to make your mouth pretty?"
"Because it exists."
"Oh!" Karolina's mouth opened abruptly, only to close when she realized what she was doing. "Keep going."
Gerri took a deep breath without taking her eyes off Karolina. She wouldn't deviate now. She spent many years in a room confronting men in sharp suits only to now back down.
“Baird isn’t the father.”
Karolina's eyes that had previously looked slightly sleepy suddenly widened, her lips instinctively parted, before becoming a shy, confused smile. Her eyebrows rose to the top of her forehead.
"I'm not judging you" Lina assured. "I'm surprised, although I believe Baird deserves it."
"It wasn't revenge."
"Of course not," Lina said quickly, the surprise being replaced by understanding and agility. "Did anyone here talk about revenge? No, no."
"I know the father and he wants… to be a father, against all odds."
Gerri dropped the glass on the table and touched the watch chain, finding it more attractive than holding the stem.
"What did you think about doing about that honey?"
"I… er, uh… it's not just a baby. It's identical twins."
"Oh" sighed Karolina. "He knows?"
"No. Not yet, but I'll tell him eventually."
"Baird?"
"He doesn't know either and I don't plan on him knowing. It's not productive."
"Okay" Karolina nodded softly, the information aligning itself in her smart mind. "Is there any way he could know?"
"In the past he hasn't attended my appointments with the girls and now that he has that possibility I'm making sure he's busy."
"Right. And the… progenitor? I'm sorry, I don't know which term you think is better."
"You tell me what the most appropriate term is" Gerri stopped fiddling with the watch strap, clasping her hands tightly. "It's Roman."
Karolina's eyes immediately widened, her eyebrows jumping upwards as her mouth opened slightly, an inaudible whisper escaping through her parted lips. This was definitely a new level of surprise that made the younger woman choke on the very air she was breathing. Gerri was helpful, helping her grab the glass.
"Did you say Roman?" Karolina asked her as soon as her breathing returned to normal, right after she finished the contents of the glass and put it away. Gerri just nodded. "Is there any other hidden information you've been waiting for the right moment to share? You know, we can significantly narrow the margins for future suffocation because I'll be refilling my glass."
"No more."
"Thanks. How can I help you? Because it seems like a huge puzzle in search of a solution."
"I need a solution that serves his interests and mine, without my reputation being thrown into the mud."
Lina held her hand. The gentle, simple touch, as familiar as the coded glances within the room when Logan made a dubious demand.
"Then you've looked for the right person, honey. And the term for Roman… I guess we'll figure it out eventually, but I'm betting on Daddy Roman."
The pen in his hand, the inkwell next to the page, the words continued to be written by destiny. With each final point getting closer to the end of this new story that would soon be old, the past that these two people would try to bury. One of them out of shame and need, the other out of fear of breaking an innocent heart that always questioned why it was placed in the world. But before we move on to the last pages, your mind needs to be open to understand and see how it happened.
Over the next thirteen days, Gerri worked clandestinely with Karolina to come up with a solution, constantly remembering a philosophy professor who wrote on the board at the beginning of the first semester:
"Everything is a riddle and the solution to a riddle... is another riddle."
A phrase attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, a famous 19th-century American poet, essayist, and philosopher known for his writings on individuality and transcendentalism. Gerri took this phrase everywhere, stored in her mind, which guided her throughout the following years, especially at Waystar. Currently, she sat and as she worked, her mind flew over the solution she was trying to find. A solution that would leave both of them satisfied. It was difficult, because human nature is ambitious, always wanting what we can't have.
Eventually Gerri found a minimally satisfactory answer for both sides and drafted it with Karolina's help. When everything was in order, she requested a meeting with Roman.
Roman.
What did he do all this time?
Not really feeling comfortable talking to any of the siblings and unsure that he could really trust someone who didn't share his blood and had a secret he kept, Roman kept all his thoughts locked away in his mind. This reflected in how he behaved. People began to look at him strangely, some even asked him if he was okay. He sarcastically replied yes, when it was obvious he wasn't.
"Roman." someone called him.
"What?" he replied, making himself more comfortable, placing his elbow on the arm of the chair, his hand pressing the pen button to annoy Frank.
"Priya asked if you agree with the proposed plan."
Gerri's voice rang in his ears, similar to a beautiful song with the ability to leave him in pieces as it sailed through the mesmerizing sea of blue tones in her eyes.
"Yes sure." he said, without even looking at the set of documents in front of him. "I don't want to offend you, Pryia, but I want to know where Karolina is. I don't see her at the adult table, but we have a child here, Hugo.
"She needed to take a few days off to sort out some personal issues, Roman," Gerri explained, interrupting Hugo's failed attempt.
It goes without saying, but Roman thought that was strange. Not because it was Gerri responding, but because something told him in the way she avoided making eye contact with him that something was going on behind the scenes.
And he was right.
Terribly right.
He would give anything to be wrong. However, he knew that not all of his collected fortune would be able to change what was written in the next few paragraphs.
On the evening of August 16, 2007, a succinct and well-worded invitation arrived on Roman's cell phone from Karolina, proposing an opportunity to replace Connor on the cruise campaign if he was not punctual or ignored her. Just an hour later, he was at the door of Karolina's luxurious SoHo apartment, eager to find out what she wanted. Of course, with a box of her favorite chocolates — Belgian chocolate truffles — hoping that would somehow alleviate any trouble he might have caused without realizing it.
As soon as she saw him, Karolina didn't greet him immediately, she took the box from her hands, and only then greeted him.
"Please come in."
“If I go in there, will you murder me?” Roman pointed inside the apartment.
“You’ll know if you come in.”
"Wow, are you trying to seduce me?" Roman looked at him from beneath his lashes, a look that was both sweet and provocative. They both knew that it was simulated, an act. There were no real feelings in his eyes. “Too bad, you’re not my type.”
"Because now you have a very specific type, don't you Roman?"
"Of course" He tilted his head slightly, a child's smile gracing his face. "I'm a very demanding man."
"Just sit your ass on my couch" ordered Karolina, tilting her head to the side, indicating that he should come in.
"We need preliminary first."
When he heard the sound of the scarpan hitting the floor, he quickly entered, as he had learned a valuable lesson: when a woman showed impatience, the man who had the slightest sanity would do as she told him. His only sister, Shiv, was a great teacher about women's lack of patience with slow men… he could put Gerri on the list.
Roman walked down the small hallway, and when he passed through the archway that led into the wide open space decorated with contemporary art that seemed to actually have some meaning, his feet froze.
"Forget the preliminary, this is the decline of the Romanov family."
Right in front of him, Gerri sat on the immaculate sofa in Karolina's living room. Roman studied her, his eyes lingering on each feature, on her harmonious features marked by time, modified by the not-so-advanced pregnancy, close to the beginning of the second trimester.
"I'm glad that the expensive monthly fee your father paid wasn't in vain," said Gerri, remaining where she was, without moving a muscle. "Goodnight, Roman."
"One or two things were difficult not to learn, although I was determined not to."
He heard the footsteps of Karolina's heels approaching. When he was next to her, Karolina gave him an innocent smile:
"Oh, that's right, Roman. I forgot to tell you, Gerri is here. I hope it's not too much trouble."
"I see" he replied, without taking his eyes off the woman who was the content of the conversation. "I don't think my comfort matters in this situation."
"It's good that you know." Karolina touched his shoulder, giving him light pats. "Would you like to drink something?"
"I doubt there is anything strong enough in this house."
"You make a mistake by doubting Karolina. She likes strong drinks," said Gerri, looking amused as she looked at her friend.
"Okay" Karolina exclaimed, capturing both of their attention. "I'm going to run some errands at the office and make you two comfortable talking. I'll be back in twenty minutes." She glanced at Gerri. "If you decide to kill him, please let me know." Afterwards, she addressed Roman with a mischievous smile. "And Roman, if she tries anything, scream."
Without further ado, Karolina disappeared into a corridor, the irritating and familiar noise of her heels fading as the distance increased.
"She knows?" Roman wanted to know, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Yes"
"So this is an imposition."
"Maybe" she replied. "But I would say this is the beginning of negotiations so that we both have what we want."
"Shall we divide the child in half?"
"Not."
"So?" he looked at her expectantly, hoping she would finally lay her cards on the table, even as his stomach churned at the endless possibilities that could destroy him.
"Please sit down."
"I prefer to stand."
"Okay."
When he least imagined it, Gerri was standing, suggesting that he follow her. He agreed and followed her out onto the spacious balcony. For a while they were silent, looking at the nightlife of the neighborhood full of elegant and trendy boutiques and restaurants.
He looked at her. He really looked. For a brief moment he forgot who they were and fell into the fantasy that this was their life. An apartment in SoHo, enjoying each other's company, the comfortable silence, and a prosperous dream intertwined with the promise of a child.
That dream shattered the moment Gerri looked at him.
"I want you to know that I've made a plan with Karolina. But before I call her to explain the logistics of everything, you and I need to talk. And I want you to know that I'm trying to ensure your interests and mine."
"Will we reveal to others that the child is mine? Or will my child remain your husband's child?"
"Daughters."
"What did you say?"
"Daughters" she repeated. "They're twins. Two absolutely identical girls."
"When did you…?" His voice suddenly disappeared. Destructive knowledge grabbed him. It was as if he was receiving punches and had no strength to fight back. "You knew from the beginning and were waiting for the right moment to use this card."
"I can't deny the truth."
"Um-hmm…" Roman placed a hand over his mouth, stopping himself from saying what he didn't want to say, but in his gaze the clear revelation of pain. "I assume Baird doesn't know this or he would have already announced in the paper that his dick managed to make two girls."
"No, he doesn't know. You're the first to know. Not even Karolina knew the gender."
It was difficult to face her.
It was very difficult.
She was sweet and at the same time bitter, a struggle between showing a little kindness and indifference pulling her into protection.
He should have moved away, but he kept running towards both versions, like a magnet.
"So… what do you propose?" he asked with a bit of difficulty, suddenly finding it difficult to pronounce the words he knew.
Gerri swallowed.
"There are two girls. One belongs to me and the other to you. No one will know the truth or it could destroy my marriage and your chance with your father."
"Do you propose to separate them?" The laugh was anything but affectionate. It was full of irony. "So it'll be like The Parent Trap, only without the cute ending part? Do you think this will work? I thought you were smarter. Even a blind person would see this is a shitty plan!"
"What do you suggest?" countered Gerri, her eyes sharp on him. "Tell everyone that you're the father? Please, Roman, I have two daughters, one eighteen and one sixteen."
"Argh, please! They're old enough to know that their mother has an active sex life."
"Yes, Roman, but with their father, not with you, the boss's son."
He almost said what he shouldn't have.
He almost let his emotions overwhelm him.
It was almost the failure he felt inside.
The boss's son.
Nothing more than that. Just the son, the boy who did everything wrong. The child who talked about feelings and was isolated by his parents. The little boy who ran to Connor's room to be comforted. The brilliance of a creative mind wasted in the corporate world that suffocated him. All this reduced to being the boss's son. Nothing more and nothing less.
Roman placed his hands on his hips, then walked away from Gerri, taking slow steps so as not to let his desperation show. Then, upon reaching the edge of the balcony, he placed his hands on the railing, holding on tightly, searching for the air that escaped him.
"Is that the only option?" he asked in a whisper.
The answer took some time to come, but when it did, he was already expecting it.
"Yes."
"And what do you want?"
"You will protect her and that's what matters."
"Do you believe it is healthy to separate the girls?"
"I don't know, but I hope so."
Roman turned to see her. She wasn't happy with the decisions or the proposal, you could see it in the sad glow of the lovely blue, in the forced curve of her mouth, a failed attempt to keep the smile.
"There's really no way…"
"Way?" she wanted to know.
His father's voice rang in his ears, telling him how he was a brat looking for useless love. That voice, the memories of being sent away and the sound of the door being closed accompanied by a bang made Roman regress to what he knew would give him security.
To make you stay, that's what a part of him screamed. But what came out of his mouth was:
"No, nope." Then he moved away from the guardrail, but remained distant. "If you say you're the best, that's fine. I'll take one of our daughters while you take the other." He tried to smile, to make it seem like everything was fine, that the situation of the resolution didn't affect him, it didn't hurt him as if someone was putting him to suffocate underwater and no matter what he did, he was still about to die. And maybe he managed to smile in such a way that the fake turned into the truth. "I think we can talk to Karolina now. Finish this as soon as possible so you can go back to your happy family and I can go back to my perfect family."
He continued in that position, looking at her and followed her as she walked to the edge of the balcony, stopping right next to her. This time, he didn't fall into the illusion that his heart was begging for. The drawings of another life turned to ashes before they even managed to establish themselves in his eyes. His body didn't gravitate toward her, even though he felt the pull drawing him toward her. When his hand moved a few inches to touch her, he moved it back toward him. His jaw closed, the shape of his mouth turned into a thin line. Her perfume hit him. That was the only thing he allowed. Feel her through the wind.
They were so close and yet so far from each other. The path of no return. The long road that would only take them to opposite sides, even if their cars were side by side. The unknown love placed inside a box, kept at the bottom of a drawer.
How foolish adults are, some children would say. And these children would be right, because they would be living in their own little world, one that has not been afflicted with the convictions of the adult world.
Karolina appeared in the living room not long after, asking them to come in. Roman sat on the edge of the couch, while Gerri sat in front of him. Karolina placed some folders on the coffee table, then sat down next to Roman at some distance.
"Well, in that folder there is a contract that will be signed by both of them if they agree with what will be said" Karolina explained, looking mainly at Roman, somehow seeing more than he normally allowed spilling out. "I believe Gerri has explained the gist of it to you."
"Version 3.0 of The Parent Trap, only Greek or Shakespearean version, your choice."
"Well," Karolina continued, casting a glance at Gerri, making sure that Roman's comment wouldn't have gotten to her, but it did, even though Gerri continued to sit with her assertive posture. Karolina looked back at Roman. "Do you agree?"
"I don't think I have much choice in this, but if that's what she wants, let it be done.. Tell me where to sign and I'll do it with my eyes closed. We'll just have to hope that the girls never meet."
"Girls?" Karolina asked, pleasant surprise touching her features. "Was it what you expected?"
The firm features on Roman's face softened. Suddenly, Gerri's attention was on him.
"Would it be cliché if I said I just wanted kids to be healthy?"
"No."
"Good, because that would be my answer if someone else asked me that question."
"So what's your answer to me?"
"They'll have me wrapped around their little finger, bending me any way they want."
"Uh, you definitely always wanted to be a girl's father" Karolina laughed. "It's written all over your face. Congrats!"
"Thanks."
"Congratulations to you too, Ger" said Lina, looking at her friend before returning to her professional tone. "So, Roman, I will be brief with you. You will need to step away from the company, distance yourself from your family, and avoid any interaction with Gerri from now on so that the future story that will be told can make sense."
"What story would that be?"
"That you will return in January, after spending some time away from your family, with a child."
"Okay."
Karolina would have liked to offer anything to comfort him, however, they didn't have time.
"Over the next few months, you will need to really move away from Gerri, no matter how much you want to be there for her. This also means that on social media this needs to happen. The amount of messages you send to her should be reduced. Any information you want regarding the children will be through me. Gerri wants you to be updated on the girls." Karolina paused briefly, taking out a folder and opening it. "The possibility of the children being born prematurely is high, so you will be called to the hospital where the birth will take place. Everything is being prepared for you to be the only one there, without Baird. But you will not enter the delivery room, you will stay in one of the rooms waiting for the girls to be born. Of course, you don't need to be there for the entire process. Luckily for you, you are given the gift of going to the hospital only when the girls are born. That's your choice, completely yours."
Roman glanced at Gerri and then his eyes returned to the PR professional, a subtle nod allowing her to continue.
"When each has their respective daughter, Roman, you will be sent to Boston with the child. You will remain there until January with no contact with your family. It's important that no one has contact with you or your father will sniff out what's going on."
"So I'll return with a girl just like Gerri's girl and no one will think it's strange?"
"She won't be here when you return. Contact between the two families will also be reduced."
"Perhaps you would like to explain to your daughters' father where you are taking the other one, please?" demanded Roman, her head snapping towards her.
"Germany. I received a job offer recently and accepted it last week."
"So you're cheating on Dad with a company from Germany" Roman laughed. "It's possible he might even have a heart attack when he finds out about this."
"Continuing…" Karolina intervened, catching Roman's attention. "Gerri will be in Germany and you will be here, no contact is allowed. You will not be able to look for Gerri or the child that will stay with her, just as she will not look for the child that will stay with you."
"Not once? Not even on their birthday?" Roman looked at the mother of his daughters, the knife she had stuck in his, being driven deeper. "Will you be able to do this? Knowing that you gave birth to two children, but that you will be prohibited from seeing one of them?"
"It's for their safety."
“It’s for the safety of your fucking marriage!”
"Roman" Gerri said her name as a warning.
"I'm lying?"
"You are not free to talk about my marriage or my family."
"You're right," he said. "You're always fucking right. And I need a break."
Roman abruptly stood up and without waiting for permission, walked towards the same hallway that Karolina had entered earlier. Without thinking too much about it, he entered the first door he saw.
The young man took a deep breath, his back against the door. His hands touched the surface, reminding him where he was, what reality was.
What were you thinking, Roman?! Why did you act like that? Why did you let your feelings dominate? Think, kid! Think!
Roman opened his eyes, and then he noticed where he actually was. It was one of the bathrooms in Karolina's apartment.
The mirror was just ahead.
Curiosity got the better of him.
He approached the mirror and studied his own reflection, noting the lines that time and stress had carved into his face sooner than he expected. His eyes, normally vivid and impetuous, now seemed dark, surrounded by shadows that the sleepless nights had left behind.
As he stared at his own image, Roman could see the weight of recent decisions reflected in his tired expression. He ran his hand over his face, feeling the rough texture of his stubble, and sighed deeply, realizing that the exhaustion was more than physical; it was a tiredness that seeped into his bones, leaving him momentarily defeated in front of his own reflection. He may have been twenty-four, but he seemed to have aged twenty since Gerri had told him about the pregnancy.
Gerri.
Even if she didn't want to admit it, she was right. If they revealed it, everything she worked for would be thrown into the mud and no matter how much she mentioned her daughters, Roman knew that her biggest fear was losing the reputation she had built absolutely alone. People could talk all they wanted about her marriage, spread lies declaring that by having Baird's surname she was protected. Baird's family name gave her security to have some place to speak, but not protection. Everyone knew this, they just had to look. No one was safe in front of the name Roy, of the man who made that name an ovation. Not even this man's own children were safe.
Roman turned on the tap, wet his face, and as the water ran over the sink, he looked sadly into the mirror once again. If he continued the way he was acting, letting his emotions control him, he and Gerri would be like Logan and Caroline at best. At worst, they'd be like… he didn't even like to think about it.
Roman wiped his face with a towel he took from the closet. After taking a deep breath, he felt ready to return to the room.
"Okay, let's get this over with." declared Roman when he was in the two women's field of vision. "Not because I agree with all that shit, but because at the end of the day, this is for their own good, right? Where do I need to sign?"
Karolina showed him which of the documents he should sign, on which pages and asked him once again if he was sure, as there was no way back. Roman just nodded and crouched down, not even leaning on the couch or anything he had nearby.
When he picked up the document, he noticed that the places where Gerri's signature should have been were blank. He looked at her for less than two seconds before signing in the beautiful handwriting her mother forced him to have. When he finished, he dropped the pen as if it burned him. And he stood there, in that uncomfortable position looking at what he had just done.
It was as if time didn't pass, the sound didn't reach your ears. All he saw was that document with his legible signature that would change his entire story, whether for better or worse. He was aware of Gerri and Karolina in the room, that it wasn't his home, but for those infinite slow seconds, he was paralyzed in the infinite limbo that was his mind.
A touch woke him up.
He blinked and looked to the side, seeing Karolina's hand on her shoulder.
"You okay?" she asked.
"Uhum" Roman stood up from where he was. "I'm fine… now I'll… leave you alone so that… you can enjoy the peace of having me away."
He knew he was sounding like a complete idiot as he spoke without actually having anything to say. It felt like the same stupid version of when his father yelled at him when he was a kid.
"Be safe," Roman said to both women, but then his eyes only moved to Gerri. "Be safe and take care of our girls."
"The girls will be fine, Roman."
With a nod, he walked out of Karolina's apartment.
Everything around him happened without him noticing, on automatic pilot. Fortunately, no misfortunes happened. And he was only brought back when the driver asked where they should go.
"Connor." The name jumped out of his mouth without him thinking about what he would like. But he didn't turn back. Deep down he knew he needed a hug, so let it be from Connor, his older brother.
About half an hour later, Roman found himself at the door of Connor's hotel room.
"Hi, Roman" said Connor holding the door, a wide smile on his face. But upon seeing his brother's condition, his excitement evaporated. "Oh, what happened?"
"Can I come in?"
"Sure."
Roman followed into the room. Without asking if he could feel like he was at home, he took off his shoes and jacket, letting them fall to the floor.
Connor sighed at the defeated way Roman sat on the couch. Unlike other days, Roman usually sat like a child excited about new things, this time he sat shyly on the couch, looking like the same child he once was.
Instead of peppering him with questions, Connor sat next to him, put an arm around his younger brother's shoulders and brought him closer. With all barriers broken, Roman allowed himself to cry. Tears rolled down his skin, dripping onto Connor's clothes. He hugged his brother like he needed it, like Connor was his salvation. His breathing was soon affected, becoming shallower, shrill whimpers came out of his mouth without permission and his hands shook.
"I'm here, little brother," Connor whispered, softly, his right hand burying itself in Roman's silky hair. "I'm holding you."
"I just… I-I just w-wanted to be ha-ha-happy" Roman's voice sounded muffled and brittle, overcome with pain, the rejection cutting through him like never before. "Why… I c-can't… c-can I?"
Connor didn't answer it, because it was the same question he had been asking himself for all these years since his sunset was darkened by the hospitalization of his dear mother. The only thing he had to offer was to hug Roman, sharing some of his pain, showing him that loneliness hadn't completely caught up with him.
"I feel… so t-ti-tired," Roman revealed. "It's not even physical! And I ne-e-ed-d to fake it all the ti-time. All I-I wante-d-d was to not fe-fe-feel the way I do!"
Connor hugged him a little tighter, petting his head like he did when he was a child. He could feel the tremors that passed through his brother's body, as well as hear his broken heart.
"Roman, what is really happening?" He asked after a while, his voice soft. "You're not just sad about anything. This is more than just pressure daddy puts on you, isn't it?"
Roman shook his head hesitantly and then put his feet up on the couch. He was increasingly withdrawn into his own pain. But at the same time, Roman was trying to regain some of his lost control. He tried to focus on getting his mind rolling and rolling down that tall mountain. But the pain always came back stronger than the previous time, dragging him like a violent wave into the open sea of agony.
"You don't need to tell me anything, I'm here to support you."
"But I need it, Con!" Roman whispered, his voice choked. "I need it!"
"When you're better, you tell me. It doesn't have to be now. I can wait."
"I need to get this off my chest!" Roman placed his hand on his chest, where his heart was located. "It hurts… it hurts so much! I-I can't k-keep it se-secr-et-et anymore."
Roman slapped his hand against his chest, again and again, as if trying to silence an unbearable internal pain.
Seeing this, Connor calmly approached and covered Roman's hands with his own, gently stopping the action. His touch was firm, but filled with concern.
"I'm here, Roman. I'm here. You don't have to go through this alone. Stay with me, please." His voice was a comforting whisper, trying to bring Roman back from his spiral of despair.
Roman looked up from his hands to his brother's aged face. As he did so, he took a deep breath and finally managed to let his mind stop scrolling towards the precipice.
"I'm sorry, I…" He tried, but being there, so close to Connor, being watched and analyzed with concern, the words slipped off the tip of his tongue.
Connor, having known his brother for almost three decades, released him and shook his head, encouraging him to continue. Roman got up from the couch and walked around the glass table, his feet taking him closer to the windows. And only then, seeing the glow of the city lights across the night sky, did he find some comfort in his soul hurt since he was born.
He knew he needed to share what he felt, the fragmentations increasingly grounded in the flesh of his being… but it didn't feel right how to approach it. How could he explain when not even words helped him?! None of them seemed right.. And Jesus, everything seemed like chaos, a real hurricane!
Hurricane.
England.
Grandma Mary!
Maybe there was still something that could help him.
Roman needed a few more minutes as he plotted the beginning of the approach and imagined himself doing this or everything could go wrong. Connor offered the comforting silence, giving him the space he needed. Even hesitantly, fearing the vague memory of looking like the younger version, the child version of himself, Roman continued.
"Do you remember that garden story Grandma Mary used to tell us? About the gardener who planted different flowers on opposite sides of her garden so they would grow without knowing each other existed?"
"Yes, I do. He did that because the flowers competed too much when together, and that weakened them." Connor nodded, intrigued by the analogy.
"I... I'm kind of in the role of that gardener. There... there are flowers in my garden, Con. And I had to make decisions to protect them. Decisions that no one else can really understand."
"Roman, these flowers... they're very important to you, aren't they?"
"Very," Roman confessed, looking into the distance, as if he could see the invisible garden he described. "And the worst thing is, I had to plant them in different places, so they can grow strong... but apart. And that hurts, Connor. It hurts in a way it never has. It's fucking hard to keep knowing what I did."
Roman closed his eyes, his head tilted forward, leaning against the window. He let out a long sigh, the weight on his shoulders as heavy as before but a little more bearable.
“Gerri’s pregnant.”
"Yes, she is. We all know that." A crease formed on Connor's forehead. "But I'm sorry, Ro, why did you mention that?"
"It's not her husband's, Connor," Roman said, turning to his brother, without looking at his eyes, without advancing across the room. Being close to the windows seemed to calm him.
"Oh, Ro," Connor whispered, surprise drawn across his face. "This is...it's overwhelming. What are you going to do?"
"We made a deal. We'll each get one of the girls. It's the only way to protect... everything. It's the only way she can keep her marriage and I... I don't know, I keep daddy's love, I suppose."
Connor stood up, looking with that same look he had when he lost his mother, as if he knew Roman's pain, at least a little. Not entirely, just a small part that resembles his.
"That sounds incredibly difficult. Are you sure about that? Is it really the best solution?"
"I don't know, Connor. I just know this is what we have to do now."
Roman finally looked at his brother, who had his arms open to him. He didn't go for it immediately, thinking he could fool himself for a while longer. But then his feet took him, and when he least imagined it, he found himself with Connor's arms around him.
"You're doing the best you can, Roman. And I'm here, brother. I'm here to help you take care of that garden, no matter how complicated it is."
In the following months, the writer continued to put words on the page, each day getting closer to the end of this tragic story. So tragic that it could win countless awards if it were transformed into cinematographic works, inspiration for composers, the melancholic paint of painters, the words of a poet.
For Roman and Gerri, that meant keeping what they knew as buried as possible, away from the other people who would use the lives they created together to make the great fortress crumble, fall to ashes. Karolina was responsible for informing Roman about the exams and consultations, how her girls were healthy, without any visible complications.
"Gerri?" he asked several times after the report, after seeing the images where the two little girls were resting.
"She's fine." Karolina smiled. "A little sick of Baird's perfume, but fine. Oh, and your father. Their perfume always makes her wrinkle her nose. You've probably seen that."
"It's cute."
"The only one who doesn't…" Karolina fell silent immediately, looking back at the paper in her hand.
"The only one who doesn't?" he repeated. “Come on, Lina, complete it.”
After a few more minutes of Roman's insistence, Karolina placed the papers on the table, her eyes on him.
"Okay, I'll tell you, but don't even think about saying anything around Gerri or Baird. Or even your father."
"I'll be a good boy," Roman promised, smiling innocently.
"Not even Gerri believes you when you say that, even if you try because she asked you to." Karolina leaned her back against the back of the swivel chair.
"You're stringing me along, but it won't happen. I'm Roman Roy, so start telling me what you know."
Karolina rested her head on her hand, leaning a little. There was some real happiness amidst all the charming spoiled-boy acting.
"You."
"Me what?" he asked, only to earn a raised eyebrow. Surprise caught him when he understood what Karolina meant. "Oh, me?"
"Yes, you," said Karolina, moving her feet slightly so that the chair swiveled a little. "Your perfume is the only one that doesn't make her feel sick. Congratulations, girls' daddy."
"Wow, I'm going to have to give my fragrance to Baird."
"Don't even think about it, Roman." Karolina said between her teeth, looking at him hard.
"Maybe just a man-to-man conversation about nice perfumes for Gerri when she's pregnant."
"Roman!" his name sounded like a growl, making him laugh at how threatening Karolina was looking.
Even though he couldn't stay in the city as much as he would have liked, Roman was present in Gerri's life. Not like before, but he was still a ray of sunshine that made boring days better, whether she admitted it or not.
She didn't make any statements, but perhaps she had already admitted it with the small gestures, like smiling at him during a meeting, a light touch on his hand, or a sincere compliment about his communication skills.
There were also beautiful moments shared by the two that involved their daughters. Like Roman sending Karolina some things he thought would make Gerri's life easier after a Google search. Or a subtle comment from Gerri about the girls being happy and excited, saying how they already looked like him. It left him smiling like a fool.
There was a moment that would be forever marked in their memories, that would never disappear, not even if something terrible happened. Not even if the writer dropped the book where this story was being written into a puddle of mud.
Roman had just finished the extensive explanation about a proposed investment that could lessen the impact of Kendall's disastrous choices when he looked at her. Her mouth was twisted and her breathing was slow, as if she were counting imaginary numbers.
"I hope it wasn't my explanation that caused it. I didn't think it was that bad."
"It wasn't." Gerri hurried to explain, placing a hand on the bulge in her abdomen. "One of the girls just kicked me in the ribs. Oh, it fucking hurts!"
"Should I call a doctor? Because, you know, I can." Then, he shook his head and prepared to get up from his chair. "You know what, I'm going to call a doctor. It's for the best."
Before he had the chance to get up, Gerri grabbed his hand, making him stay in the same place. He looked at their joined hands, in no hurry to return to solitude, then at her face.
"It's not necessary, Roman. They're more active than ever lately. It's normal for some kicks to hurt" Gerri explained, at this point the lines that showed how painful it was softened. "Would you like to feel them?"
"Is this… is this serious?"
"Yea."
"Really? Aren't you just offering it out of politeness? I don't want to invade your space and all that shit about my body, my rules."
"Do you know how many people asked me to let them feel the children? A lot, Roman. A lot and I didn't let any of them." Gerri squeezed his hand tenderly. "I'm offering it to you because you're their father."
"The deal…"
"Part of it only applies when they are born. So, what do you say?"
"I want. Absolutely."
Gerri guided his hand gently, warning him to stay calm. But of course, no amount of warning would be enough to prepare him for feeling that kick under his hand. So strong and real.
"Wow! It looks like an alien!"
"Roman, they're your daughters."
"That doesn't make it seem any less strange," he countered, the gleam in his eyes telling the mother of his daughters that he was about to cry. "If I didn't know I put them in there I would think you fucked an alien."
"Don't be vulgar."
"I'm not being vulgar, I'm speaking facts." He smiled at her in that way that she already expected what he was going to say to her. "And I'm sure you remember my name coming out of your mouth when I spoke vulgarities. I can still remember it, like a beautiful song…"
Gerri interrupted him:
"Give me your other hand, your other daughter wants to say hello."
Gerri did the same, guiding Roman's hand so that he could feel the other daughter's kick on the right side, close to the navel. When the other daughter kicked, a smile appeared on her face.
"Are you crying Roman?"
"I'm not."
"Are you going to lie to me when there is evidence?"
"If you already know, why are you asking?"
She didn't answer his question with words. Instead, one of her hands moved to his face, wiping away the lone tear that had rolled down his beautiful, youthful face. And even though she had erased the trace, her hand remained on his left cheek. Roman moved his head slightly, kissing her palm. This took her by surprise, but she still didn't move away.
"Can I talk to them?"
"You can."
A few seconds later, Gerri was joining Roman and their daughters' conversation. He had nicknamed the loudest one "Number 2", because she obviously had to be his copy, while the quietest one had to be Gerri, "Number 1".
For those few minutes, the contract did not exist, nor did the choices they had made. They were just the versions of Gerri and Roman that started it all on that cruise. Everything that was around disappeared.
However, everything that disappears must return. A cell phone ring was enough to break the illusion. Gerri turned away from Roman when she realized the ringtone was from her cell phone.
"Hello dear…"
That was enough to let Roman know that what they had wasn't going to happen again, so he did something useful while she was on the phone: he put the materials away in their proper folders. And when he finished, he collected them in a pile, only to turn around and see her looking at him.
"It was Baird, I need to go."
"It's okay," he assured, even though he didn't want to do it. "I'll take this to my office."
Gerri grabbed her bag and walked to the door at the same time as Roman. They almost tripped over each other, it just didn't happen because Roman noticed.
"After you" he said as he held the door.
And that was the last time he saw her before the last page began to be written, because on November 26, 2007, about to enter his luxurious apartment in Chelsea, his phone rang.
"Hey."
"Hi Roman" Karolina's breathing seemed labored, as if she were running. Roman could hear some sirens and voices in the background. "Listen to me carefully and don't despair."
His eyes flew to the dashboard and somehow sensing something was happening, he incessantly pressed the park button.
"What happened to Gerri?"
"We were leaving Waystar when she went into labor…"
"This is too soon. It shouldn't be happening. It's too soon!"
"Listen to me before you chatter on and on" said Karolina, the voice of reason. "Yes, it's early, but you always knew there was a possibility. The kids will be early, so we're heading to the hospital. If you want to come…"
"You don't even have to ask that shit. I'll be arriving in a few minutes."
"Call me when you arrive, I'll come and pick you up" Karolina instructed.
"Take care of Gerri, I will find my way."
"Roman…"
"I can't be with her, Lina. Be with her in my place. She needs someone even if she doesn't admit it."
"Okay, but let me know when you get there. She wants to know."
When the doors opened in the parking lot, Roman ran out, telling the neighbor who had complained about being pushed to go fuck himself. And he could have stayed longer to start a debate that would end with ten white-collar lawyers taking every last penny the man had, but Edward Fink, his driver, was already waiting to take him to Liberty Health Center.
Upon arriving at the hospital, he sent a message to Karolina, who told him which room he should go to. It wasn't the room where Gerri would be, it wasn't even the same floor, he knew. He knew this since he signed the contract, but that didn't stop something inexplicable from hitting him. And it took all his willpower to ignore what he felt because today wasn't about him.
He sat on the comfortable sofa that was in harmony with the elegant decor of the room. Soon he changed position several times. The sound of the clock hand was annoying. The tic-tac seemed to mock his situation. And it didn't help Karolina to ask him to stop sending her messages every five minutes, because the process was slow.
Roman didn't dare ask if he could come see her. Not because he didn't want to see her or didn't care. God, he cared so much about her and was looking forward to marching through the VIP floors, opening door after door until he found her. What stopped him was the fear of rejection… but the fear of being rejected wasn't as strong as the possibility that he wouldn't be there to support Gerri. So when a nurse came to tell him that Gerri was entering the delivery room, he didn't think twice about following her to wherever that place was.
The staff helped him into the ridiculous protective clothing and put on caps and shoe covers. He saw his reflection in a metal door and found himself truly ridiculous. However, he just smiled at the reflection and then followed the team happily, his smile covered by the mask.
The door opened with a slight creak, and he was immediately struck by the contrast between the organized chaos of the hospital and the aseptic sterility of the operating room. The walls were white and immaculate, the surgical instruments shined in the intense, cold light that bathed the room, making everything seem even more real and urgent.
And a little further on was Gerri. His feet moved before any orders were given. His heart was pounding in his chest, the panic that anything could go wrong making him walk faster to catch up to her. Within seconds he was beside her, holding the surface close to her head, without touching her until there was explicit permission.
"You shouldn't be here," she told him without even hesitating, as if there was no doubt who he was.
"How did you recognize me? I'm dressed like a fucking astronaut about to explore space and colonize the moon."
"I would recognize your eyes anywhere."
"Oh, Ger, this way I'll think you're in love with me."
"Why are you here?" She ignored any provocation.
"I know what the contract says. I shouldn't be here, it's true. But you'll have to make a deal with the devil if you think I'm going to sit on my ass while you push two girls I helped make." "
"It's a cesarean section."
"Let me correct you. You're going to have to make a deal with the devil if you think I'm going to sit on my ass while you get cut in half to take away the two girls I helped make."
"You always know what to say," she said sarcastically.
"I try," he replied, playing dumb.
"Seriously, you shouldn't be here. And I told the team that no one should be here."
"Love, you may have them in your hand, but I have them in my pants." The arch of her eyebrow made him continue. "A generous donation opens doors, Ger."
"Did Karolina know that?"
"That I used a small part of my fortune to bribe the staff and the hospital? No, she's clean."
Just when he thought he was about to receive a warning to leave, her mouth curved into a smile.
"I'm proud of you."
"I can stay?"
"Yeah."
Soon after holding Gerri's hand, the procedure began. He tried to do his best for her and the girls. He said words of comfort, but it seemed like she was the one supporting him because Roman kept asking the team if they — the three of them — were okay.
The atmosphere in the room was a mix of technical tension and professional calm, with the sounds of beeping machines and whispered instructions between members of the medical team filling the air. Despite the doctors' apparent confidence, Roman couldn't help but feel a knot in his stomach, every movement on the other side of the curtain making his heart skip a beat.
Then, in the early hours of November 23, 2007, the high-pitched sound of one of his daughters filled the room, cutting through the silence. Roman held Gerri's hand tightly and kissed it as the doctor lifted the baby so they could see her. The girl was later taken for the first tests and the other child came into the world, scaring the parents and the medical team.
Hearing the team mention preparing for an emergency had Gerri squeezing Roman's hand and terror flickering in her lovely blue eyes. But then, the little girl cried after the doctor gently patted her.
When the two girls were brought to him, it was certainly one of the most unforgettable moments of his entire life. It was inexplicable looking at those two small versions of a mix of him and Gerri. An undeniable feeling of unconditional love for the little girls made him feel so emotional that it was impossible not to cry when he held them in his arms. They were so small and fragile, it was impossible to identify any traits that would indicate which genes were dominant in their appearance and personality. But for Roman, none of that mattered because he loved them and nothing they did in the future would make that love dissolve into space.
The moment he looked at Gerri, he knew she felt the same way about girls. And even though they were about to part, his heart was filled with love for her, because of course, if anyone had to make him feel the inexplicable, to care about another person in a genuine way, it would be her, the terrible and incomparable Gerri Kellman who broke down his defenses with her not-so-subtle way of scolding him and looking proud when he got something right.
The moment shattered into countless little pieces that he would reconstruct later to keep as his comforting memory, no matter what happened next.
The doctors told him to leave so they could continue the procedure for Gerri's recovery. He heard them and had to return the girls to the caring arms of the team, and then be escorted by a nurse back to the luxurious room, well decorated, but with no real memory to offer.
Paralyzed by the agony that was slowly consuming him, Roman sat down on the couch. He didn't know why he was feeling this way, when he had just experienced one of the happiest moments of his life. He should be happy, a smile should be on his face. But not. He felt terrible about what he would impose on his daughters, because there was no denying it, it was his selfishness that made them reach this point.
But he couldn't feel better knowing that he had daughters and that they were being raised by another man. Roy's pride was solid, cursing everyone it belonged to. This in itself meant he couldn't be rational. This was not an excuse, but for now it would serve as comfort for the predicted betrayal on the horizon when the sun rose to its highest point, bringing with it Gerri's husband so that the photo of the loving family could finally be placed on the mantelpiece.
Before that, the plan had to be followed to the letter or everything would have been in vain. Therefore, half an hour later Karolina appeared in the room, knocking lightly on the door.
"Could you accompany me?" She smiled at him so gently that the knives embedded in his chest were twisted.
“Uh-hum.”
With his hands stuffed in his pockets, Roman followed the woman without question. And even though he once again felt like he was going to cry, and wanted to turn away, he continued. And just like that, they found themselves two meters away from the nursery.
"Gerri okay?" he had to ask, even if he knew the answer.
"Yes, she's good by the standards of a woman who has just given birth."
"Did she hold the girls?"
Karolina didn't answer him, which made him assume that no, Gerri hadn't held onto the girls since she gave birth to avoid any contact with the girl who would be with Roman.
He sighed.
That agreement should have been changed weeks before because they both knew what they wanted. But they didn't, they didn't talk about a new perspective, as if what was being proposed was enough, when it wasn't.
With a few more steps, they were in front of the nursery with countless babies. To Karolina's surprise, Roman pointed to his two little girls who were in incubators next to each other. It made him smile sadly as they could never be together again.
"It's time" declared Karolina. "You need to choose which one will stay with you."
"Did Gerri choose?"
“That’s not in the deal.”
"Okay" he agreed, admiring her little girls once again. "But how am I going to choose? They are beautiful and perfect. I don't want to have to choose one of them and the other think that it was rejected, that it wasn't enough for me, because they are everything to me."
"I'm sorry, Roman." Karolina's voice sounded as affected as his, the emotion betraying the support she would like to give her friends. "I'm truly sorry. And I wish things were different, but at this point, everything is about to be consolidated."
He knew what she was referring to. One chance, one remaining hope of undoing the deal. But if he did, it would collapse Gerri's world. No matter how selfish he was...
"I can't do this."
"Then there's only one thing left for you to do." Karolina looked at the nursery, her eyes fixed on Roman and Gerri's little girls. "And I'm sorry about that. It's not fair to either of you, but you said you would make this decision so that Gerri wouldn't have to make it. It's time."
He looked at the two little girls, his heart being ripped in half at what he was about to do. But he would make the pain worth it. He couldn't let someone else go through this. He wouldn't let Gerri have to make that choice when she didn't want to be separated from either girl. Roman knew what comforted her was that she was giving one of them away so he could give all the love he had to offer, just waiting for someone who wanted to accept it.
"I… I…" He took a deep breath. "I choose the one on the right."
When everything was consolidated, Roman felt it happening around him. For a fraction of a second he was aware of the pen dipped in black ink, held by a hand that was tirelessly writing the last page. However, just as he was aware of the end of this story, he forgot, immersed in the pain and happiness that fought within his being.
Karolina took a step to the side, approaching.
"She held the girls."
He smiled, truly happy that Gerri had ignored the contract, and chosen to hold her daughters.
A few hours later, a new story began to be written, emerging from the ashes of a tragic event — a loss that, no matter who the victim was, always brought visceral terror. Both Roman and Gerri were devastated, each expressing their pain in a restrained way. The only thing that kept them centered, holding the fragments of their minds within a mental fortress, were their girls. The girls who were now physically separated, each with one parent.
Roman, with silent tears, boarded a helicopter heading to a hospital in Boston, holding on to the unconditional love he felt for his daughters — a love that also encompassed their mother — and which restored some of his strength, making him more resilient than ever. At the same time, Gerri disguised her pain to Baird, assuring him that everything had gone well and that he didn't need to blame himself for missing the birth. However, while her words offered comfort, her gaze lost in the window seemed to try to follow the helicopter that was taking Roman and one of his daughters away, perhaps forever.
November 26, 2007 would forever be etched in their memories. It was a day of pain intertwined with joy, the day Yara and Victoria came into the world. But for the rest of the world, it was just another date, marking the birth of a single baby girl.