Work Text:
Yoo Joonghyuk admits that at some point he stopped thinking that Kim Dokja was alive somewhere.
It's easy for Yoo Joonghyuk to let go of someone, especially after losing his people in his previous regressions. It's very easy for a regressor to learn not to hold sentiments for people since most of them end up dying anyways. It's very easy for Yoo Joonghyuk to just kill people off for the sake of the end.
At least, that's what Yoo Joonghyuk believed.
So why was it that when Yoo Joonghyuk thought about the possibility of Kim Dokja dying, his chest tightened in an extremely painful way?
Why was it that he was longing to find that fool somewhere, see his infuriating grin, hear his insufferable words and look at his brown eyes that expressed his care for his companions?
He believed that he had many things to say to Kim Dokja during the past three years of his absence. But now as he stands before the room in which Kim Dokja was staying in, he couldn't recall what he wanted to say to him so bad.
He gripped on the door handle.
Words weren't needed to let him know of his displeasure about Kim Dokja's absence.
He turned the handle and went in.
Soft rays of moonlight peeked in the room only lit by it, the bed was messy and the room was pleasantly warm. A comfortable atmosphere but the empty bed and the removed catheter on the side made siren alarms ring in his head.
Where the hell-
He exhaled, running a hand through his black curly locks. He rushed to the rooftop, the place his mind told him to check first.
And surely enough, a lone man, leaning against the wall and gazing at the moon ahead was the first thing that greeted him.
"Kim Dokja, what are you doing?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked, exasperated. Does he not know how easily he makes him so concerned? "You-"
And suddenly he was being embraced by the said man.
...
Kim Dokja looked at the new presence just in front of the now closed door. He took in a shaky breath.
"You-"
He wrapped his arms around Yoo Joonghyuk's neck ever so gently as if a little impatience or roughness would turn Yoo Joonghyuk into dust and he'd crumble away.
He closed his eyes as he breathed in the scent that relieved him. His chin was just barely resting near the base of Yoo Joonghyuk's neck.
"Kim Dokja?"
He flinched. "You don't have to do anything... Just- let me... A little... More..."
Three years were no joke.
He expected Yoo Joonghyuk to push him away and ridicule him for even looking at him after these years.
He expected Yoo Joonghyuk to hate him, say words to condemn him and remind him of how foolish he is.
He expected Yoo Joonghyuk to punch him and let him feel how pained his companions must have been.
He expected Yoo Joonghyuk to use him as if he's worth nothing more than a pawn now that he's endured everything in his own these years. After all, Kim Dokja wasn't anyone important, wasn't anyone worth caring for.
He expected several things.
What he didn't expect was to feel a hand wrap around his waist gently and another hand to rest on the back of his head.
It made Kim Dokja open his eyes and let out a sound as if he's in pain.
Yoo Joonghyuk... Yoo Joonghyuk died in front of him.
It hurt.
Tears fell from the corner of his eyes that were half closed. His breath stuttered, the sole indication of his cries.
"Will you-" Kim Dokja bit his bottom lip as his vision kept getting more and more blurry. "-leave?" He croaked out.
"What are you talking about, you fool?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked with an uncharacteristic soft voice.
It made Kim Dokja feel worse. He inhaled shakily. "You-" He sobbed.
When was the last time he cried like this?
"Hey," Yoo Joonghyuk said, a little more alarmed now. "Kim Dokja-"
"You-" He tried to stop crying but to no avail. "Left."
Yoo Joonghyuk seemed to think for a bit as he stroked Kim Dokja's hair, a touch that felt so foreign to Kim Dokja. "I left?" Kim Dokja nodded with a sniffle. "I left you?"
Kim Dokja's bottom lip quivered as he tried to form words. "Died."
"I died?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked and got a small stiff nod in return. "You mean I regressed?"
Kim Dokja shook his head frantically. "You-! You died-"
"Shh," Yoo Joonghyuk rubbed small circles on Kim Dokja's back while his other hand kept stroking his hair. "I'm a regressor, Kim Dokja."
Kim Dokja kept on shaking his head making Yoo Joonghyuk confused.
"So wherever you were, I was there too," Yoo Joonghyuk started. "And I died?" Kim Dokja nodded. "No regression?" Kim Dokja shook his head. "You're sad because of my death?"
The lack of response was enough for him.
"Kim Dokja..." Yoo Joonghyuk closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. "Do you realise I've been living like this in your absence?"
Kim Dokja froze, his body which relaxed in Yoo Joonghyuk's embrace started tensing up again.
"I didn't mean to." Kim Dokja whispered. "Please believe me," He said desperately. "I never meant to be gone for three years... I didn't know three years had passed here I swear."
What was Kim Dokja so afraid of? Was he always so easy to read?
"..." Yoo Joonghyuk remained silent for a long time and Kim Dokja braced himself to be pushed violently but nothing happened.
Kim Dokja grew even more tensed and was loosening his embrace to escape when he was stopped by the tightening grip of Yoo Joonghyuk.
"How long... Was it for you?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked quietly.
Kim Dokja took in a shaky breath. "A week."
"...a week."
"I'm sorry," Kim Dokja sniffled. "I never wanted to go away for so long-"
"Don't go away," Yoo Joonghyuk said. "Whether it be for a few days or a few weeks, don't go away."
Kim Dokja's breath hitched as his glistening eyes widened.
"You're... Needed," Yoo Joonghyuk exhaled. "So, don't leave."
"...you aren't angry?" Kim Dokja said, voice so soft that it would've gone unheard were it not for the small distance between them.
"I am," Yoo Joonghyuk said, now wrapping both of his arms around Kim Dokja's small waist. "I am angry, it wasn't easy," Yoo Joonghyuk buried his face in Kim Dokja's shoulder. "I didn't like it in the slightest. Being away from you... I hate it."
Kim Dokja listened to Yoo Joonghyuk with his lips parted slightly.
"Kim Dokja, are you listening?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked and felt him nodding. "Will you run away?"
Kim Dokja remained silent. "From what..." He mumbled.
"Will you run away if I confessed to you right now?"
"Confessed about what?" Kim Dokja asked.
Yoo Joonghyuk sighed and pulled them apart making Kim Dokja think he said something wrong but it was erased once Yoo Joonghyuk cupped his face with a gentle yet firm grip.
"Are you going to run away if I said that I like you?" Yoo Joonghyuk touched their foreheads together. "That I don't want to be apart from you for so long ever again? That I want to touch you every time I look at you?"
"H-hey Yoo Joonghyuk... What..."
"If I said that I'm scared of regressing because what if you won't be there? If I said that I want to hold you close and do everything for you?"
Kim Dokja's eyes shook as he struggled to keep looking at Yoo Joonghyuk.
"The person you love the most," Yoo Joonghyuk exhaled, causing a heating effect on Kim Dokja's rosy lips. "If circumstances were a bit different... I would've kissed you right then and there."
Kim Dokja licked his lips.
"Answer me," Yoo Joonghyuk whispered, staring right into Kim Dokja's eyes. "Are you going to run away?"
"Y-Yoo Joonghyuk," Kim Dokja spoke. "Lee Seolhwa-"
"What about her?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked with a frown. "If I liked her in the previous turn, it doesn't mean that I like her in this one too. We've both changed."
"But... You don't like men-"
"I realised I don't care about gender."
"Yoo Joonghyuk," Kim Dokja started again with a dejected tone. "It's... You don't deserve it," He brought his hands to Yoo Joonghyuk's chest to push him away but failing to do so due to his weak attempt. "You deserve better."
"Stop this about me," Yoo Joonghyuk said. "I want to know what the person I like, wants."
Kim Dokja gulped.
"What do you want, Kim Dokja?"
Kim Dokja opened his mouth to speak.
"I want an honest answer. I won't let opportunities slip by when we both could've been happy together."
Kim Dokja winced.
"What are you so afraid of? Tell me," Yoo Joonghyuk said with a tone so caring that his voice was almost foreign. "I'll listen," He rubbed Kim Dokja's cheek with his thumb. "Don't hide anymore."
"It's just..."
"I'll take care of you."
"I..."
"I'll be gentler with you."
"Yoo Joonghyuk," Kim Dokja said with exasperation. "It's not you, it's me," He hesitantly looked at Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes which were looking back at him with pure fondness. "I'm not a good person."
"I'm not a good person either."
"I'm messed up."
"I'm messed up too."
"I'll mess this up too."
"That can happen by me too."
"I'm not enough."
"You're more than enough for me."
Kim Dokja stared at Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes.
"Use lie detection if you want to," Yoo Joonghyuk whispered, getting closer to Kim Dokja's face. "I like you, so much."
[Lie Detection has confirmed the statement to be the truth.]
Kim Dokja opened his mouth to say something but his hesitation made him close it.
"Go ahead."
Kim Dokja bit his lips. "Is it okay?"
The corner of Yoo Joonghyuk's lips curved upwards. "It's perfectly okay."
"...really?"
He's so cute. Yoo Joonghyuk's smile became more apparent. "Really."
"I... I like you too."
[Lie Detection has confirmed the statement to be the truth.]
Yoo Joonghyuk ruffled Kim Dokja's hair, pressed a small kiss on his forehead and then stared at him.
The moonlight only highlighted Kim Dokja's features. His pale skin looked even paler. His lips appeared darker due to the abuse of his teeth. His hair was all messy but still looked good. His face was so...
Pretty.
It was a shame that it took Yoo Joonghyuk so long to see Kim Dokja's face uncensored. It wasn't fair.
Yet, him being one of the only few or even the only one to have the privilege of seeing his face brought him great amounts of pleasure and happiness.
"What?" Kim Dokja asked, feeling quite self conscious.
His pout was so cute.
"You're pretty," Yoo Joonghyuk said and felt Kim Dokja's face heat up.
Kim Dokja shivered when a cold breeze passed by.
"Let's get inside."
They were now in the room in which Kim Dokja was supposed to not leave from.
"Uh should I put it back on?" Kim Dokja tilted his face, having no idea what to do.
"No, it's fine, I'll just tell them I removed it."
"Okay." Kim Dokja smiled. "You wanna sleep with me tonight?"
"Hm?" Yoo Joonghyuk blinked at him.
"I-! I meant-!" Kim Dokja flushed.
"Yeah, I know," Yoo Joonghyuk said, ruffling Kim Dokja's hair with a fond look.
"Hmph, you can go sleep on the ground for all I care," Kim Dokja grumbled.
"You're gonna make me sleep on the ground?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked.
"Shut up," Kim Dokja groaned with a red face as he tried to hide it behind his hands.
Yoo Joonghyuk chuckled. He removed his coat, shoes and belt as he climbed on the king-sized bed, beside Kim Dokja.
"You're gonna sleep so far away?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked, seeing the distance between them on the bed.
"Hm?"
"Come a little closer," Yoo Joonghyuk said and Kim Dokja complied. He wrapped his arms around Kim Dokja's waist. "Is this okay?" He whispered.
Kim Dokja's ears turned red. "Feels good."
Yoo Joonghyuk could count his eyelashes at the close proximity. He kissed his forehead making Kim Dokja look up at him.
Their lips were so close. They were basically breathing the same air.
"Can I... Kiss you? Just this once," Yoo Joonghyuk whispered. "I've been dying to touch you."
"Yes," Kim Dokja whispered back.
[Lie Detection has confirmed the statement to be the truth.]
"You bast-"
Kim Dokja wasn't a big fan of people shutting him up by cutting off his sentences.
But he guessed he wouldn't mind if Yoo Joonghyuk shuts him up with a passionate kiss.