Work Text:
Rabbit - 02:13 a.m.
U up?
Andrew looks at his phone, willing it to make the text disappear. After a minute of the text not going anywhere and his screen starting to darken, he unlocks his phone. He doesn’t bother answering the text, he goes straight into dialing the number, no need for his contacts app. It only rang one time before-
“Drew! You called! I can't believe you called. Matt, he called me. Isn't it amazing? Andrew is so amazing!”
Andrew can hear Matt chuckle in the background. “It’s pretty great buddy, congrats.”
“Thanks! Drew, why are you not speaking? Did you butt-dial? Hello?”
“I didn’t butt-dial, Neil.” Andrew says through clenched teeth. This man was going to be the death of him, Andrew is sure of this. “You texted me.”
“I did.” Neil sounds way too proud of texting Andrew at 2 a.m.
“You’re drunk.”
“Am not.” Neil says.
Andrew ignores him. “You said, and I quote,” Andrew makes Neil’s English accent as exaggerated as possible, “It will be okay. I’m mostly going to babysit.” Neil is laughing at the other end of the line. “Look who needs babysitting now.”
“I don’t need babysitting.” Neil says. Andrew can tell just by the way his voice got the tiniest bit whiny that he is pouting. Andrew can easily picture it. Plump lip sticking out, his blue eyes full of mischief and some stary curls falling in his eyes. Neil, as usual, wouldn’t bother with them, knowing very well Andrew can’t help but brush them aside every time, shove Neil up against the nearest wall and make a mess out of him.
“Yes, he does. He’s hammered. Andrew, come get him.” Dan steals Neil’s phone and shouts at the microphone, bringing Andrew back to present.
“Neil, where are you?” Andrew sighs.
“Eden’s. At the back, where we met. Do you remember, Drew?”
Of course, he remembers. It was the day his life did a one-eighty. Two years ago. Andrew had a fight with Aaron, it was a bad one. He went to Eden’s to have a drink and maybe find someone agreeable to hook-up with. Neil was dragged there by his friends and was looking for trouble. Somehow, they met in the middle. Andrew on his knees and Neil losing his mind against the wall of the alleyway. Since then, the rabbit has been a constant thorn in Andrew’s side.
“Can’t recall.” Andrew answers. He puts his phone between his shoulder and ear, already getting up and putting on his shoes.
Neil giggles in response. “You are such a liar, Drew. You don’t forget anything.”
“It’s amazing what trauma can do. Your introduction into my life was so devastating it has been completely wiped from my memory.” Andrew says as he closes the door to his dorm room and goes down the stairs. Neil is giggling again. The sound makes something in Andrew’s chest flutter, but at this point, he is used to ignoring any effects Neil has on him.
“Rabbit.”
“Yes, Drew.” Neil sounds way too pleased at the use of a stupid nickname.
“Pass the phone to Renee.” He needs to speak to an adult.
“Fine.” Neil huffs a little whiny again.
“Hello, Andrew.” Renee says after some rustling sounds and what sounded like Neil’s phone falling to the ground.
“Can you keep an eye on the idiot until I get there?”
“Of course. Drive safely.” Renee knows him too well. He is definitely planning on ignoring a couple of traffic laws on his way there. Lawful life can wait another day.
By the time they get back to Andrew’s dorm it’s four a.m. Neil took forever to say his goodbyes. Matt cried and there was a lot of hugging. Then Neil was hungry, so they stopped for food at the dinner they always go to, and then he wanted one last ride in Andrew’s car. Andrew complied with everything. It was after all their last night together, how he could say no?
It was their senior year of college. Neil had his graduation ceremony yesterday, that’s why his friends were back in town. Being older than them, they had already graduated and left town. Neil is staying in Andrew’s dorm since he had to hand in his keys after his graduation and his flight to London is tomorrow afternoon. Andrew’s ceremony is in a couple of days, and he is allowed to stay in his dorm room until then. It wasn’t a big deal; they were already going to spend the nights together, might as well let Neil stay with him for a couple of days. Neil had asked if Andrew wanted him to stay up until his graduation, but Andrew told him he didn’t want anything, so Neil booked the earliest flight back home.
They aren’t boyfriends. They aren’t even friends who just fuck around, Andrew’s only friends are Renee and Kevin, he doesn’t need more. Neil is convenient, he is hot, and he can keep his hands where Andrew tells him. That’s why it lasted as long as it did between them. But it’s going to end tomorrow. They will wake up, Andrew will drop Neil at the airport, maybe sneak in a make out session somewhere in there, and that will be it. Neil will return to the UK with his beloved uncle, fulfill his role of taking over his uncle’s business and live a life full of meetings, money and parties.
When Neil moved to the US for college, he had a very clear path in mind. Study in the best program, be the best, return home and start working in his uncle’s company. He had told Andrew that nowhere in his plan had there been friends, or movie nights, or hooking up. Neil wanted to focus on his studies and move on to take the enterprise world by storm. He had goals and ambition. He had been through a lot; his father was an abusive shit that killed his mother and then himself, and left Neil an orphan at the age of nine. His uncle travelled to the US, took him back to London and raised him as his own. He grew up with money and luxury, but also a lot of leftover trauma. Neil is crazy smart and funny and so very beautiful. He deserves the best and Andrew admittedly isn’t that.
Andrew too has plans, but they aren’t anywhere near as fancy as Neil’s. He wants to study law and go on to become a lawyer that primarily works with kids. He wants to provide the support he never got when he was a child. The money isn’t as good in that sector and there is no fame to speak of, but this is the path he wants to follow, and he will stick to it.
Neil and Andrew will live completely different lives, in different continents, miles away from each other. Andrew knew that from day one, he won’t let himself fall for a pipedream with an expiration date. No matter how much this pipedream keeps looking at him as if he is the answer he has been looking for his whole life.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Andrew says and pushes Neil’s face away with his finger. They are sitting on Andrew’s threadbare couch. Andrew in his usual corner and Neil curled up at his side.
“Like what?” Neil asks with a stupid grin on his face. As if he doesn’t know the answer.
“Like I’m your answer.”
Neil has that look on his face, the one he makes when he is contemplating saying something stupid. Thankfully, he makes the right choice and doesn’t push. When Andrew arrived at Eden’s Neil wasn’t as drunk as Andrew initially thought. After, the food and one-hour drive helped sober him up completely. “I like it when you call me rabbit.” He says instead. “I never had a nickname. Well, my uncle calls me Roo but that doesn’t count.”
Andrew raises a brow at the new information and turns to Neil. “Roo?”
Neil looks away, his face red as a tomato. “I might have had a little obsession with Winnie the Pooh when I was little.”
“But why the kangaroo?” Andrew asks intrigued.
“Well, I was a small child and...” Neil hesitates for a moment, “jumpy.” His face is so red it’s starting to rival his hair.
Andrew huffs a laugh. “It’s called ADHD, Neil.”
Neil jumps up alarmed. “It does not!”
Andrew lets out a disappointed sigh. “All this money yet none to spare for a simple diagnosis.”
Neil is about to object, but Andrew doesn’t let him. “You literally can’t sit still for even a second. It’s like the most prominent sign.”
Neil opens his mouth, then closes it. He looks like he is processing the new information. He goes to speak, but once again closes his mouth without saying a word. He sits down again and gets comfortable at Andrew’s side. “Once I’m back home, I’m getting this checked.”
Right. Because Neil is leaving. In a couple of hours.
Andrew suddenly feels the urge to get away. His heart is beating like crazy and it’s getting hard to breath. He can’t stand being near Neil right now, he needs fresh air. He gets up making Neil lose his balance and fall face first on the couch.
“What in the-? Andrew, what’s gotten into you?” Neil asks confused at the sudden movement.
Andrew ignores Neil. He grabs his jacket, and leaves, shutting the door behind him with a loud bang, more forceful than he intended, and heads to the roof.
Andrew doesn’t know how long he stayed up there, but the sky is starting to brighten. He is thinking about the future, and he keeps finding it missing a piece. He usually isn’t so dramatic. He almost never lets things get to him. But this, this one thing he let inside, crawled in and made a mess so profound, Andrew will spend ages trying to sort out. He really thought he was a smarter man. He thought he could indulge yet keep the appropriate distance. Alas, icy blues and fiery reds have led him to ruins.
Several vibrations in his pocket bring him back to the present.
Rabbit - 05:42 a.m.
Andrew
R u ok???
Did I do smthg wrong?
I’m sorry
I can leave early I u don’t want me here
I just really wanted to say bye before I leave
k
Bye I guess
Anderew feels panic rush through him. He can’t keep Neil, but at least he gets to properly say goodbye. He runs down the stairs and just manages to catch the idiot as he is stepping in the elevator.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Andrew almost shouts.
“Andrew.” Neil says in surprise. He clearly wasn’t expecting Andrew to show up. “I thought...” Neil trails off. “You didn’t come back.”
“I lost track of time.”
They stand there in the hallway staring at each other. The elevator doors close with a ding . Andrew realises that without him explicitly inviting Neil back to his dorm Neil isn’t going to come back. He thinks Andrew doesn’t want him there anymore and won’t overstep.
Andrew grabs one of Neil’s huge suitcases and without a word goes back to his dorm. For a moment he thinks Neil won’t follow, but then he hears the wheels of the second suitcase against the hardwood floor of the hallway.
Once they are inside Andrew goes back to the couch, but Neil stays awkwardly next to the door. It is even worse than the first time Andrew brought him here. Neil was a nervous wreck embarrassed of his limited knowledge on hook up culture and sex. He thought that because Andrew invited him to his room, he expected them to fuck, despite clearly neither being ready for something like that yet. He was so nervous back then it was almost cute. Right now, however, Andrew can’t help but feel angry at himself for making Neil feel like this.
Andrew sighs and raises his hand to Neil in an offering. “Come here.”
Neil hesitantly takes it, and Andrew slowly maneuvers them so that he is sitting at the corner of the couch with Neil sideways in his lap and his back at the arm of the couch. It takes Neil all of three seconds to relax and completely melt against Andrew.
“I didn’t mean to leave for so long.” Andrew says softly, just for the two of them to hear despite being alone in the room. It is the closest to an apology Neil would get.
“You just left so suddenly; I thought I overstepped a boundary without realising.” This man is unbelievable. Andrew had a small freakout and ran off like an asshole without saying anything, and Neil’s first thought was that it must have been something he did. He holds Andrew to an unreasonably high standard.
“It wasn’t you.” Andrew says.
A curl had fallen in Neil’s eyes and Andrew slowly raises his hand to tuck it behind his ear. Up this close Neil’s beauty is even more mesmerizing, if that is even possible. All those blues trapped inside his eyes, they almost shimmer in the dim light of Andrew’s desk lamp. His ravishing lips basically begging Andrew to bite them. He lets his hand travel down and caress Neils cheek. Neil shudders at the touch. Andrew isn’t usually one for soft touches. His touch is usually rough and unforgiving, and it works fine for them. More than fine. But right now, at this moment, Andrew needs to experience this softness with Neil, he needs to prove to himself that he is capable.
He spares a glance at Neil’s eyes, his expression open and unguarded. They meet in the middle for the softest most gentle kiss. Andrew is not a man of gentleness, but he can’t help but wish he could be for Neil at least for tonight.
When they break the kiss, they take a moment to look at each other as if committing the moment to memory. They don’t last long apart. They kiss again. Slow and deep, and so full of emotion Andrew is afraid Neil will realise just how gone Andrew is for him. He is terrified, but he can't make himself pull away. With every shaky breath Neil lets out, with every moan Andrew catches in his mouth, he becomes even more addicted.
Andrew drops his hand from Neils cheek to his throat feeling his rapid heartbeat on his fingertips. He lets it slowly travel down to Neil’s waist placing it there, holding him in place, making sure that at that moment he is really there, not a hallucination.
Neil pulls away from the kiss, eyes glazed over and lost. “Drew, where can I-”
Andrew doesn’t let him finish; he doesn’t even bother answering. He takes Neil’s hand and puts it in his hair. Andrew is pretty sure Neil has a thing for his hair. Whenever Andrew let him, he’d bury his fingers and softly run them through the strands, and he would keep doing that no matter how Andrew was taking him apart at the moment. This time is no different. The moment Andrew gives the okay, Neil’s hand is in his hair, fingers running wild, and he is leaning in to resume kissing Andrew.
This gesture changes something in the air, makes them more desperate. Andrew grabs Neil’s thigh hard and bruising. Soft, almost silent moans turn intense and deafening in Andrew’s previously completely silent room.
Andrew’s hand on Neil’s thigh working up and down, with his thumb caressing his inner thigh making Neil shiver with every move. His other hand in the back of Neil’s head grabs a handful of hair and pulls Neil’s head back to expose his neck. He licks and sucks and makes Neil let out the most beautiful noises.
Andrew can’t get enough.
He moves his hand under Neil’s shirt, feeling his toned abdomen and soft skin. When Andrew’s fingers graze his hard nipple Neil lets out a broken “Andrew” that breaks every last resolve Andrew has. He puts his hand under Neil’s legs and on his back, standing up and carrying him to his bed bridal style.
Andrew carefully lays Neil down and just stays there for a minute admiring the sight of Neil flustered and hard on his bed. Spread out and waiting for him.
Andrew reaches with his hand at his back pulling his shirt over his head. Neil’s eyes hungrily roaming his bare chest and soft stomach, something Andrew used to be a bit insecure about, but after all the times Neil had softly placed kisses there, admitting he loved that part of Andrew’s body, he was more confident showing it.
“What do you want, rabbit?” Andrew asks Neil, their shared gaze intense.
“You. Whatever you are willing to give me.” Neil takes a deep breath. “I want to feel you, Andrew.”
Andrew places his knee between Neil’s legs and climbs on top of him, reaching his swollen and red lips. He kisses him deep and hungry, teeth catching his bottom lip and pulling. He gives him a soft kiss to smooth the abuse from his teeth, before pulling away again.
“Believe me you will, rabbit.” Andrew says, smirking at Neil’s rushed breath, and dives back in.
Andrew wakes up to a bell ringing. It takes him a minute to realise it is coming from his phone. He blindly reaches at his nightstand for it. He grabs it and answers the call without bothering to check the number.
“What.” he says groggily.
“Drew.” It is Neil, his rabbit, who is supposed to be sleeping right next to him. Andrew reaches out only to find cold, empty sheets.
“Neil where are you?” he asks, panic slowly blooming in his gut.
Neil takes a moment to answer, his hesitation clear. “At the airport.”
Andrew is sure had he not just woken up, it’d be easier for him to understand what the fuck is happening.
“Why are you there already? Your flight is in...” he takes the phone away from his ear to check the time, but he is left speechless.
“In half an hour.” Neil finishes for him.
“You didn’t wake me up.” Andrew is slowly starting to understand the situation and he doesn’t like it one bit.
“No, I didn’t. And even though it kills me to have to say bye like this, I don’t regret it.” Neil says in a breath with determination. He is rightfully scared Andrew will hang up and not let him finish.
“Say it then.” Andrew says stubborn and bitter. He will not make this easy for Neil. After the night they had, unlike any other before, raw emotions and names whispered like prayer, the last thing Andrew expected when he woke up was Neil gone. Leaving Andrew to deal with the massive black hole his absence left behind, dragging everything in and reducing them to nothing.
Realistically, Andrew didn’t expect Neil to confess his love once they woke up and then the two of them to run off to the sunset in Andrew’s car and live happily ever after. But he never expected Neil to abandon him like that. Andrew was a fool for believing anything more could ever come from this arrangement. It doesn’t matter how tightly Neil held him the night before as if scared Andrew would disappear if he let go for even a second. All his star-filled looks were just for show. Andrew was nothing special, just another experience to check off his list of The American College Life. Andrew was starting to fall, hell, he’s pretty sure he’s been falling for months now. He put himself in such a vulnerable position and Neil just left. Andrew was supposed to be the one to keep a distance, to know their limits and enforce them, instead he fell, and he fell hard. The least he can do is not let Neil know that he ever felt anything for him. To keep any dignity he has left.
“Andrew, don’t be mad.” Neil pleads.
“Why would I be mad? You just saved me the inconvenience and the gas money.” Andrew is cold and any emotion is wiped from his voice. All his walls are up and for the first time in years Neil is left outside.
“Don’t be like this.” Neil almost sounds sad. He decided to up and leave without saying anything, let him be sad.
“I’m perfectly normal. It’s you that doesn't get it apparently. It didn’t mean anything, you are nothing, Neil.” Andrew knows it is a low blow, but common sense left the room around the time Neil sneaked off his bed, grabbed his things and left Andrew naked and alone.
Neil stays silent for a while. “Lying doesn’t look good on you, Andrew.” He sounds hurt, fighting to get the words out. Andrew’s blow hit dead center.
“Well, good thing I know a lot of guys that are into liars. Fuck off to your dear uncle. It was already overdue anyway.” Andrew says with finality. He doesn’t give Neil a chance to answer, he ends the call, powers off his phone for good measure and goes back to sleep. Or at least he tries to.
In a couple of hours when he will turn on his phone, he’ll get a single message.
Rabbit - 16:35 a.m.
Goodbye Drew