Chapter Text
⠀⠀⠀⠀Warmth enveloped his body, and he felt an odd, soothing calmness. He couldn't tell how long he had been in such a state. But it didn't bother him when the soul was so pleasantly at ease.
There was also something sweet. So sweet that the taste became overwhelming, a pungent aftertaste lodged in his throat. The silence that accompanied him was satisfying in its muteness. He felt so soft, pleasant, and light, like a feather, that he was completely unconcerned.
He seemed to be immersed in an undefined and intangible space, where there was only emptiness. This space enveloped his entire body to the extent that he couldn't just move but also couldn't make a sound.
At first, everything seemed unreal, then came a vague and simultaneously shaky realization. He was cold. Then he was hot. And then came a calmness he had never felt before. Similar to a long meditation or sleep, but it was neither.
It was good, it was quiet, it was so lonely, and again, it was nice. He didn't know why, when, or for what reason, but it didn't matter anymore. Not important, but sometimes in this quiet little space, he could hear distant echoes, the only guests here. They had no schedule; they appeared spontaneously and whispered something trembling in the distance. These tones were filled with various shades of feelings, and differed in tone and frequency of speech.
They left as quickly as they came, without an invitation. Leaving only a powerful, sweet scent with a slight bitterness, creating a trail somewhere into the distance.
His head was spinning from this overly sweet smell.
But something familiar was in these voices, making him try to remember forgotten things, shudder, and try to do something. Anything.
There was a soft, gentle tone that brought with it some sadness, but also hope for the future, hearing it made him want to follow this person no matter what. The next, a lower, rougher voice, he heard quite often, this voice was full with loyalty, some warming security. And the other voice, too, was a somewhat tired, calm one, the kind that whatever the owner of it said to him, he believed everything would be alright.
He wanted to turn around, call out to these voices.
And again, someone's whisper is filled with these colorful paints he had forgotten. Someone seemed to be reading some magical spell that instantly made the soul lighter.
This voice was more soothing than all the other guests here; it was filled with wisdom and the same great care.
"...retsu, zai, zen," warmth spread throughout the body from such deep intonation. "...My son, find the true way home. Your family needs you; we all wait for your return."
A faint noise strikes the ears, involuntarily causing a flinch from the hissing sound. The wooden creak in the space echoes deeply as a slow, tired sigh goes in the same direction. Shouts filled with disagreements, and then, then... he drowns again, unable to hear such things.
These voices are full of a colorful palette of colors, different emotions. If he answers, the heat will burn his throat. And he didn't want to feel this sensation, even though he senses the metallic taste is familiar.
Despite everything, hearing the voices became harder each time for his soul. That desperate and angry arguing burned every artery, every vessel, and every vein in his body.
He feels like he should have stopped this.
Awareness wavered.
The heartbeat is rhythmic, like a beautiful melody, the instrument of the beat. Everything around takes on its spectrum of shades. When he turned towards the light, a stream of warm, fragrant air greeted him pleasantly. The short ties of the mask flew up, leaving the owner surprised as he touched his face, for he doesn't remember it being there before.
It was orange. He likes that color.
Everything trembles with these forgotten sensations, making him look around. Taking a step, he felt the strength boost, so he moved again along the white petals. So that is what it smelled so good. Intuition made him stop halfway and turn back. A blurred image of a smiling woman, standing shyly under a tree of beautiful falling sakura petals next to a lake filled with those same snow white flowers.
His eyes widened when he stopped. They exchanged unequivocal glances, and a word came from both of their mouths. Then she slowly nodded with the same gentle smile with which she greeted him, as if answering. The dark haired woman approached closer, enveloping him in tender embraces, which caused a pleasant fluttering in his heart. The petals swirled away from the breeze, creating a vortex around them. He couldn't fully hear words, only a quiet whisper, but he didn't need to know. It seems the answer will come in its own time.
So, he embraces the sun, closing his eyes with a relieved sigh.
⠀⠀⠀⠀The damp air hit his nose as he shook his head uncertainly, causing ripples in the water around him. Everything blurred before his eyes for a few seconds, only to be replaced by calming shades of dark purple reflected in his clouded gaze.
His weak body refused to cooperate, growing limp in the water, and thoughts jumbled together, sticking like a web. Why was he lying in a bath filled with water? It was oddly soothing, but not really normal, right?
"Leo, I swear, if you move again in this direction, I'll-..."
Heavy things opened wider, trying to comprehend what was happening and why someone was yelling.
Lifting his shoulders, the teenager groaned softly from a flash of pain. Only then, lowering his gaze, did he notice some scars on his left arm and not only. Ah.
Leaning on his right, he slowly stood up, clumsily crossing the bath, swaying from side to side, trying not to fall, leaning on the edge of the nearby medical bed. Inhaling slight cool air, a chill ran through him to the bones. He grabbed the blanket from the bed, wrapping it around himself in search of warmth.
"Both of you are SO unbearable! Not the time for this! Can't you two just..."
Taking the first step, he immediately awkwardly fell to his knees.
His consciousness turned into mush with clouded thoughts; it was hard to concentrate on anything. Some things in front of his eyes blurred, and worse, he couldn't hear well, unable to discern the unfolding situation. It seemed both strange and funny at the same time, even somewhat absurd.
"Raph, I told you to step back. Did you not hear me?"
It was them. Those voices. He recognized them now. Blinking, he raised himself again, relying on whatever he could, hoping to find balance. His legs refused to obey, everything trembled, but the guy forced himself to walk.
Overcoming himself, he moved toward the door, which he didn't notice right away. Because of the headache, his head felt like it was splitting in half, adding to the list of his unpleasant sensations.
Leaving the room, or rather the med bay or laboratory, he glanced unsurely at the living room. The TV, changing pictures every half second, caused ache in his eyes, so he quickly looked away. This place... for a moment, everything seemed so right.
Leaning his healthy shoulder against the wall, he headed in the direction of the noise. Surprisingly, the concrete floor was not as cold as it seemed at first, and he was curious if something warmed down there.
Slowly but surely, he reached the slightly open shoji. For some reason, he knew what it was called. Peering inside, he noticed how soft light pleasantly fell on three turtles and a rat, illuminating dark areas of the dojo.
"Leo, brother, listen to me. It's not you right now," Raphael frowned, looking straight into the cold eyes of his older brother. "Any other time, I'm ready to help you break a few cans, but not when you're gonna do stupid stuff you'll regret later."
Only now did he feel the tense atmosphere that literally squeezed everyone in this room with iron clamps, and it saddened him.
He swallowed, finding solace in the beauty Japanese's interior.
"Listen to Raph, Leo. No doubt, you're the leader and, yes, you feel like shit, we all do. But right now Mikey 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 need a leader. He needs his big brother. We need you, Leonardo. We understand, we know what you feel, and we've been through it too," Donatello added sadly, approaching both brothers, glancing between the two turtles and occasionally throwing sideways look at their sensei.
"You can't just selfishly shut yourself off from us and run in search of the revenge train, like there is no tomorrow for you. And if in a normal situation... I'd let you two figure it out, it's just... wrong..."
The two mutant brothers were determined, though Donnie looked much tired from his speech, only sadly glancing between the two turtles and sometimes casting side long glances at their sensei.
Splinter's eyes were closed, seemingly contemplating something of his own, allowing his sons to deal with their problems independently. Their father was turned towards a tall tree, which, by the way, the awakened one didn't notice right away. He wonders how. The picture in front of his eyes did not seem clear; objects either blurred into outlines or transformed into some contours...
But the pink sakura was so beautiful.
"..." However, only a frightening silence followed. The two brothers realized Leonardo could not understand this simple truth, even their nearby sensei could not bring the lost son to his senses.
Standing in the doorway, he was genuinely frightened despite his dulled consciousness. Was it a family argument? He didn't want to intrude into personal things, but it was so heartbreaking to watch. Sadness corroded him from these words, in the emerging struggle between the brothers.
Leonardo clenched his hands into fists in an untypical manner, and his eyes distorted icebergs in a deep, lost ocean. Witnessing this spectacle, his heart sank, and when the turtle in the blue bandana took a step, he involuntarily repeated the same. He is holding out his hand, but freezing.
There was a strong desire to embrace this guy, to melt the ice that covered a sharp mind and the kindest heart with a layer of anger. But the other two were faster; they blocked the leader's physical attack, pressing against him with their entire bodies, literally knocking him to the ground.
"Leo, we're here, brother," Raphael whispered quietly, holding him tighter in his embrace.
"We won't leave you, Leo," Donnie sounded more confident, reminding him that they were here. For him and will always be, regardless of anything.
"Let me GO! I have to! I must... do at least something... it's my fault, I should have listened to him!" The turtle struggled for a while, looking desperate, until he quieted down after a minute.
And the hugs helped. The gaze of the eldest warmed, and his hands fell down to the carpet, hiding the shiny eyes full with sorrow in one of the mutant's shoulders. Leonardo was so helpless. He flinched in the family members' embraces, while two pairs of hands comfy pressed him closer. Donnie murmured something soothing in another language as Raph breathed heavily but just as calming, pressing him even tighter.
Leonardo forgot that his younger brothers already saw a similar scene. First, they almost lost him, carrying him in their arms, and now their youngest brother.
Leo couldn't even imagine how terrible it was. To watch, to wait, and only hope, unable to help with anything. To see Raph not far from the bath or Mikey's bed, sitting for hours on a chair in silence, then bursting into the punching bag, hitting it until it tore. Swallowing the guilt, tightening his sais more tightly and throwing himself into training on everything that moved. How Donnie didn't leave his laboratory for days, buried in tonnes of work, watching from afar only Mikey's state and sometimes Raph's. And Leo couldn't remember when Donnie last ate properly; he doesn't remember when everyone ate together at the same table.
Leonardo is embarrassed; he cannot describe his feelings.
The trio didn't dare to peek into the kitchen, avoiding it by the tenth way, fearing to hear the ghostly ringing laughter of the baby brother. And then it turns out that there is no one there, only a long cold stove from two weeks ago and an insanely sad Ice cream kitty in the freezer. Only when April and Casey visited, they pulled out the worrying family pet, carrying it to Michelangelo. For a short time, until April leaves for Donnie, closes the door to the lab, and stays there until evening or even night, sometimes with even Casey. And yet, Casey still sat around the bath for a while, holding a cool bowl with numb hands, returning to the kitchen and trying to make Raph eat his aunt's homemade food, knowing that his school friend is busy with a similar mission. And maybe later, they will go to Leo together. Together, like heavy artillery.
The teenagers remember the difficult recovery stage on the farm, but there was Mikey, despite all the troubles, he glued everyone together with his optimism. But now, even Michelangelo cracked.
This glue dissolved, along with it in his blood.
Their training became rarer, even Leonardo, the most dedicated to this art among the brothers. Even more, he no longer looked his father in the eyes, guiltily leaving, thinking that his sensei was disappointed in each of them, even if it was far from the truth. A few times, Karai came to them, not uttering a word; she sat next to Leo and went into the astral world, after which he hesitantly joined her for a long time. After that, she left just as quietly, heading to her father, doing the same thing and disappearing, looking in on her way to the younger brother, taking part of the sadness with her. Both thanked her for that. Splinter didn't really leave his room, however, visiting the youngest son, reading healing mantras, changing fragrant herbs and flowers near the table, sadly examining the bowed heads. He didn't speak, just let them figure out their own mistakes on their own. It seemed in their unusual family; understanding silence in such situations was the most necessary.
Leo exhaled, drained.
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to attack you... I just..."
"It's okay Leo... just please stay with us... I don't want to lose anyone again... you and him almost died, you both are 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 closer to death.... just... that's enough...." Donnie answers quietly, his voice almost didn't tremble, but the pictures of his red hands stained with the blood of his brothers are in his nightmares.
"I'm not a doctor, I don't have a classification... I only know how to fix broken tech."
"I'm sorry Donnie..." Leo mumbles quietly, pressing himself into his genius brother.
Donnie slightly nodded, his lips trembling as he sniffled.
"I'd still trust you with my life over some stupid docs, Don," the red masked turtle exhaled. "You always find a way."
Ah, Donnie huffed, muttering something half angry, half proud at this statement: "That doesn't mean I can always do this, Raph. Don't push our poor turtle luck."
Raphael is grumbling now too, but it was a pleasant moment.
"...Geez, Raph, when did you manage to become the voice of reason?"
"Probably when you lose your shit, it turns on," he responded with a shrug, when his grip eased. "Two hotheads here? Leo, we should already evacuate the planet."
"I agree. It would be a disaster," Don added with a half smile, slightly stepping back, slightly sensory overloaded.
The guest near the door smiled.
Watching this scene made him feel better, despite the dizziness. Standing on his feet for more than five minutes turned out to be much harder than it seemed.
He felt incredibly sleepy; he felt like he'd reached his limit, without fully understanding what was happening. His distracted attention was caught by a figure in a dark raspberry kimono that turned around.
The sons flinched and immediately squirmed their faces, completely forgetting that their sensei was standing nearby. Leo lowered his eyes in shame, and the guys patted his shell for support, while Splinter hid a half smile of relief, his whiskers twitching, giving yet another important lesson.
"My sons, discord and estrangement are never the solution in difficult situations."
The eldest mutant sat down with a sour expression on his face when he spoke quietly but loud. "That is why you always only watch, father?"
It was a cold bite, as true as it was. The other two brothers stared at each other in surprise, understanding completely the frustration they felt from their sensei's actions, less than their father now. Though hearing Leo's shocking disobedience and resistance was still surprising.
Oh, even he was surprised by this, not knowing how to react.
And the tall rat, slightly confused, sighed softly, folding his hands behind his back, averting his gaze. He didn't expect that, of all of them, the once eldest son would say something like that to him. Well.
Master Splinter nervously cleared his throat, his ears dropped a bit.
"True... I also made a mistake here... I apologize, my sons. I must... also take a more active part in the emotional side of our family and not only observe."
It seemed like the tension slightly eased with the admission of their father's mistake, when the fearless now confused one now embarrassed by his snap, but not apologizing. Yoshi doesn't blame him for it.
"Leonardo, I know how bitterness hurts, but seeking revenge for the past is meaningless. It only burns our hearts and souls. What happened cannot be changed, but we must know and remember it to avoid such in the future," all the sons in the room nodded in response to Splinter's wise advice, "...even if someone is to blame, we must overcome it. Only then can we protect each other, for there is nothing more valuable than family."
"In this life, we only have each other, if one of us goes down, we all go down."
In that brief time, only these deep words brought something in a mess up memory.
He remembered every rustle, every conversation, and every scent in detail.
That sweet scent of pure white flowers. He remembered a dark haired woman under a beautiful blooming sakura, just like here, but even greener. Her beautiful dark hair, as delicate as she was, pink petals circled around her back then. An incredibly loving gaze filled with the most sincere emotions in her black eyes. That velvety voice, leaving her never ending gentle smile.
One word escapes his lips in a whisper, and it seems the acute hearing of an old rat caught it. Finally, Sensei opens his eyes, stepping back, fixing his eyes in genuine amazement on the pale turtle standing beside the shoji.
"My son... Michelangelo?" Splinter's voice trembled for the first time in a long time.
But he didn't hurry to answer; his head was so heavy, not noticing how the world darkened before his eyes. Not even managing to turn his gaze to the three mutants, he only noticed a blurry blue ribbon and a raspberry blotch. Even so, he didn't feel the cold floor with old carpets, only the warmth of hands.
He doesn't understand anything, but right now, it feels so calm that he doesn't even want to.