Chapter Text
Regulus doesn’t know if it’s anxiety, if it’s hunger, or if it’s just paranoia. But, he does know that something feels off. Father stormed into the house a mere fifteen minutes ago, and soon after he told Regulus not to bother him- he and Sirius will be in his study. Orion rarely speaks to his children, rarely notices Walburga, and rarely displays emotion. But this time, this time it was different. For the first time, Regulus saw a crack in the mask. It wasn’t like psychotic Walburga who can snap in a second, it was a calmness that made you feel uneasy, like you’re walking on eggshells. His eyes were hard, and his stance was sharp. Something smells rotten, and it was spreading throughout the house.
Regulus regains his cool, and steps off of his bed. The floor creaks under him, but he can’t find it in himself to care. The air smells like smoke, and it adds an uneasiness to the situation that he can’t explain. His body is moving slow and precise, practiced and concentrated. He makes his way downstairs, expecting to see Walburga taking up space in the area. Instead, he sees an abandoned kitchen. His heart rate picks up, he knows it’s not the paranoia now. Something is wrong, it’s so, so wrong.
“Kreacher.” He says out loud, and to his shock, he doesn’t appear to his side.
Nothing. No one. Silence.
Against his better judgment, small footsteps walk towards the intimidating black door. His hand grasps the handle, and he gasps. A large electric shock inhabits his body, sending his body to the floor. Shakily, he gets up and stares. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t have his wand, he doesn’t have Kreacher, and he has no idea as to what is going on behind the door.
He doesn’t know what’s happening, and fears that he doesn’t want to know. It’s only the first week of Summer break, what could Sirius have done already to make his father display a sliver of emotion. Regulus slowly retreats down the hallway, and goes up the flight of stairs. He steadily creeps back into his room, and sits on his bed. He tries to calm himself, but it’s pathetic. The sounds of screams don’t occur, and Regulus wishes they did. At least then, he would know that Sirius was breathing- that he was alive.
He lays his head onto his pillow, and waits there for what feels like hours. The time is moving too slow, it’s all too much. He starts pacing the room, and his mind is reeling like crazy.
Is Sirius fine? What did he do? Is he fighting Father off? Is Mother with him? Is Kreacher even alive? Who-
Crack!
The sound of apparition fills the room, and his body becomes on high alert. He starts searching for Kreacher, but hears another crack, and another, and two more after that. When he realizes the sound is coming outside of his bedroom, he immediately flings the door open and runs down the stairs. Though, what he sees is nothing that he’d ever expect.
His parents are laying on the ground, passed out. Aurors surround their bodies, and he feels the fear finally infiltrate his body. It wasn’t some hunch of paranoia, something was fucking wrong. He stands frozen on the stairs and feels his hands start to shake. ‘No, No,’ He thinks, ‘Right now is the worst possible moment, I can’t-’ He feels his stomach churn, and the gagging begins. His mouth gathers up saliva as he dry heaves, and all balance is lost along with his coherent thoughts as he starts to throw up. His eyes welled up with tears, and his usually kept curls now had clear liquid vomit etched up in every small ringlet.
He’s so caught up in his own mind, that he doesn’t notice anything else going on. He doesn’t notice Sirius being levitated off, he doesn’t notice the cuffs around his parents wrists, and in turn, no one notices him.
He passes out on the ground.
HIS eyes stick together when he tries to open them, but he eventually wins the battle. The bed is comfy and soft, but he still feels like shit. His body feels empty and cold, but that’s usual, he supposes.
As Regulus attempts to stand up, he realizes that he’s in an unfamiliar setting. It’s not Grimmauld Place, it’s an unknown warm and soft living space. This doesn’t do anything to diminish his worries, and his irrational tired brain opens the door. He starts to run down the hallway, and takes two left turns. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but then he remembers.
Sirius….Sirius! Something happened to Sirius! He needs to-
His body collides with another.
“Woah, Regulus-”
“Who are you- where am I- what’s-” Regulus stutters out, and he feels his body go limp. The boy catches him, and Regulus attempts to break free. Instead, he holds on tightly and Regulus is too immersed in his own mind to realize that the boy shouted something. Another presence takes the place of the boy, and she leans down to his level.
“...lus. Regulus, sweetie, you’re fine. It’s okay. Breathe.”
“Who-” He gasps out.
“You’re at the Potters, you and Sirius-”
“Sirius!” He exclaims, missing the other part of her sentence. He tries to get up for the second time that day, but the woman doesn’t let him. She tries to touch him, but he flinches away. Usually, he would hide behind a mask. But something is wrong with Sirius. He feels arbitrary, something he hasn’t let take control of him since he was seven.
“Get off of me!” He hisses, and she immediately backs off.
“Regulus.” She attempts, and his head snaps up.
“Something happened, and you’re with us, the Potters. Your brother's best friend, James’ house. Do you understand? You’re safe, you’re okay.”
Regulus continues gasping for air, and the woman inches slightly closer to him.
“How do you feel?”
Even though he feels like he’s dying, he scoffs at the stupid question.
“How do I feel?” He gasps out and starts picking at the carpet underneath him.
“Oh, je vais très bien!” He replies weakly, his voice attempting to hold his usual sarcastic tone.
“Do you know where you are?”
“Merde, comment le saurais-je ?!” He tries to say angrily, but he can barely form the sentence.
“You’re at Potter manor, can you repeat that Regulus?”
“...Man-Manor?” He asks after a minute, and feels his breath regain a bit of control.
“Yes, Potter manor.”
“Sirius…” He tries to form a sentence, but the woman seems to understand what he means.
“Sirius’ friend, James Potter. You’re here in our house with me, Euphemia, and my husband, Fleamont.”
Regulus weakly nods his head, and Euphemia inches closer to him.
“Where are you, Regulus?”
“Potter Manor.” He breathes out, and Euphemia nods in confirmation.
“Sirius, what happened, I-”
She shushes him and he falters, “Sirius is alright, he’s okay. He woke up a few hours ago, and you’ve been asleep for a bit longer. I’ll let Sirius explain what happened since we don’t exactly know, but first we need to do a Medical scan on you.”
“Please, I need to see Sirius.” Regulus begged, and he couldn't help but think about his Mother. How would she react if she knew Regulus was stooping so low, begging a blood traitor.
Euphemia’s face softens, and he must seem so desperate to see his brother, that she nods her head, letting him go to him first. She holds out a hand to help him up, but he just shakes his head and gets up on his own accord. She leads him down two hallways until they meet a wooden door.
“He’s in there, okay? I’ll leave you to it.” She walks away from Regulus, and he doesn’t spare a second. He flings the door open, and his eyes widen at the picture before him.
Sirius has bandages all over him, potions on the side of the table, and James is by his side. There’s a light scar on his collarbone, and a scorching burn that looks like it hurts. Regulus feels himself still, and that’s when James seems to notice him. Instead of acknowledging James, he ignores his presence entirely, and immediately runs to Sirius’ side. He grabs his hand, and looks up to him.
“Sirius, what happened?” His voice is a fall of desperation, and it makes Sirius’ heart start beating normally again. It’s like Regulus can fix all of his problems by just being there.
Despite his injuries, he engulfs Regulus in a hug and he gratefully returns it. It’s soft and warm, and Regulus buries his head into his shoulder. He feels himself start to shake a little, tears threatening to spill.
“Reggie…are you okay?”
“Why are you asking me that! What happened? What did he do to you!” Raw emotion spills out of him, and he feels mortified when his voice cracks. Sirius scooches over so Regulus can take the spot next to him. He feels like a child again, and he hates how he has no control over his emotions. He’s not used to having people other than Sirius see this side to him.
“Can you go for a second, James?” Sirius asks, and James, as fast as possible, leaves the room. It shocks Regulus, why wouldn’t Sirius want his best friend in the room? Regulus doesn’t let himself linger on it for too long, and reclaims his focus. He calms himself by squeezing Sirius’ hand. It’s as if Sirius will disappear if Regulus lets go. With his other hand, he wipes his tears and sits on the bed. He sighs deeply, and hardens his face.
He needs to be strong for Sirius.
“You know that git, Mulciber?” Sirius asks, and Regulus scoffs.
“Of course I know him.”
Sirius rolls his eyes, but seems to be glad that Regulus isn’t taking pity on his fragile state, it’s not in their nature.
“On the last day of Hogwarts, you may have noticed that we didn’t do our usual end of the year prank.” He starts, and a broad grin stretches his face. He pauses for dramatic effect before continuing, “Instead, we decided to do something to Mulciber.” Regulus narrows his eyes at this, and tries to think about what this has to do in the grand schemes of things. It’s not like his Father would care if Sirius did anything to Mulciber, their Mother takes on that role.
“Not that I’m complaining, but why just him?”
“He was harassing Lily, and it wasn’t just him calling her a Mudblood.” Sirius responds dismissively, and Regulus can tell that there’s more to the story- but he doesn’t have time to dwell on that.
“What does that have to do with what happened?” He finally asks, and feels himself tense when Sirius’ smile broadens even more. It never means anything good.
“Well…I realized that no one was doing anything about it. So; Me, Peter, James, and Remus came up with a plan. We hexed his dress robes since we knew that he had an important Ministry event soon. We had been planning this for months, and Peter realized that since he was a seventh year, it was inevitable that he would already be jumping at job opportunities- him being a pureblood. Moony altered the spell so that after twenty minutes of him wearing it, the hex will be taken into full effect. So, as he was trying to make a good impression- he would say the opposite of what he means. It was pretty impressive of Moons, I mean he had to research potions to get the spell and-”
Regulus’ mouth twitches at that, recognizing the look Sirius has when talking about the boy.
“What me and my friends didn’t realize was that Orion would be there.” Sirius spits out, and Regulus feels like he’s missing something.
“Why would that be a problem?”
“Well, once they figured it out, they asked him who did it. And-” Sirius pauses, and he starts to laugh. Regulus feels himself frown a bit, his body becoming nervous. Sirius never was one to take things seriously, so this was no indication for how the story would go on.
Through a laugh Sirius continues, “He said that it was probably not Orion’s ghastly son- meaning that he finds me attractive. Not that I can blame him, but old Ri Ri didn’t think it was very funny.” He seems to find great pride in this, but Regulus just feels frustration. This is why Sirius is always getting punished, he never follows the rules. If he had, then none of this would’ve happened. Or, at least, he would be punished less severely.
Sometimes Regulus wishes that he was punished instead of Sirius, for reasons he doesn’t understand. Of course he wishes he could take the brunt for Sirius at any time, but this feels different. It’s almost like he wants to be hurt. He wants to feel himself sweat and flinch in pain at the hands of his father, mother, cousins, brother.
“And you wonder why you’re always being punished?” Regulus asks incredulously as he turns his body towards Sirius’, but he just shrugs his shoulders.
“I’d take a thousand crucio’s if it meant you came out unscathed.”
Regulus fights the urge to launch himself at Sirius, and instead closes his eyes. “This wasn’t an example of that, Sirius. You were pulling shit for the hell of it, knowing that you could be caught and that Mother would punish you for it. It’s not fair to me. I don’t-” He falters for a moment, “I don’t like when they hurt you. They wouldn’t have if you didn’t provoke them.”
“Merlin, Regulus. Not everything is about you! It’s about me standing up for myself and for you. They’ve clearly learned their lesson now, they’re in Azkaban now! How do you not see how messed up that is?”
“I know it’s messed up- I’m not daft.” Regulus insists through a glare, making Sirius narrow his eyes.”
“Bloody Hell- you're the embodiment of Father like Son, did you know that?”
“Bold of you to say that when you’re the one screaming like Mother.” Regulus remarks, his tone nonchalant but scathing.
“If I wasn’t bound to this bed then I would have a go with you!” Sirius exclaims, and it was Regulus’ turn to shrug his shoulders.
“I’d never stoop so low.” Regulus scoffed, and he could almost see flames dancing in Sirius’ eyes.
“Why do you have to make everything so bloody hard! Merlin, I was just trying to talk about the murder attempt on my life!”
Regulus stills at this, but tries not to show it. “Go ahead, then. I’ll have to fact check it given that you like to grossly over exaggerate events.”
Sirius huffs, and Regulus can’t tell what Sirius is feeling.
“Fine. I’ll explain it in excruciating detail so you can get it through your thick skull and stop sulking around in my room like a bloody baby.”
Regulus’ heart contracts at the thought of Sirius already having a designated room at Potter Manor, and it is quick to shut him up. Regulus nods and Sirius opens his mouth to recount the events.
SIRIUS was in his room plastered with half naked Muggle girls all over the walls. He was listening to Flight of the Rat , trying to ignore the fact that he’s home. James had gotten him that record for his Birthday, and he has been obsessed with the band ever since. It was working quite well, until his door was forced open.b
“Sirius.” Orion said, devoid of any emotion.
“What’s up, pops.” Sirius responds, his voice mocking an American accent- a southern bell of sorts.
Orion ignores this comment. “Come, we are going to my study.”
“I’m good.” Sirius vocalizes, and continues to sit on his bed. He chuckles as he realizes that his Father is listening to Muggle music right now, usually it’s just his Mother who has to deal with his bullshit.
“Very well.” Orion agrees, and as he’s about to leave- he sets Sirius’ vinyl player on fire.
“The fuck!” Sirius exclaims, and Orion’s eyes are cold- held with some reminiscence of amusement.
“Follow me, unless you want to be locked up in this forest fire of a room.”
Sirius groans, but gets up from his bed, “I’m going to Reggie's room- not to your fucking study.”
Orion ignores this, and mutters, “Imperio.”
Sirius feels his mind drift away, and is taken to a euphoric place. This isn’t the first time his parents had used Imperio on him, but this time it felt different. Orion’s face breaks out into the most emotion Sirius has ever seen, it’s pure glee.
“Lay your face in the fire.” He says with great confidence, and Sirius obeys. He walks to the burning Record player, and his face is inflamed. Sirius starts screaming as Orion chuckles, all he feels is the hot fire burning and blistering his skin.
“Don’t scream.” Sirius shuts his mouth, but the pain is unbearable- he feels himself start to lose consciousness. Orion pushes him off of the fire, and uses his wand to spray water on his face. He nods in confirmation to the door when he sees that his face has an assortment of angry scorching peeling skin.
WHEN he wakes up, Sirius immediately realizes where he is.
His fathers study.
He jolts up, and when he is about to run out the door, a cold bony hand is on his shoulder. It grips him tight, and he hisses in pain as the nails dig into his skin. Crescent marks form onto him, and he snaps his head to the figure behind him.
“Where are you going, Siri!” Bellatrix sings out in a sickly sweet tone.
“Fuck no! Get away- where’s Regulus?” He doesn’t remember much, but all he cares about is his brother's safety. It doesn’t matter if he’s okay, it only matters if Regulus is all right. If not, then his life is worthless. He can’t function without his brother, the one that he’d loved since he first held him in his arms.
“We really need to fix your vernacular.” She hisses, and smiles gleefully when he glares.
“Crucio!” She screeches, her voice full of elation.
‘I’m going to die.’ Sirius thinks, his body thrashing along the floor. He sees white, and feels excruciating pain impinge on himself. He doesn’t think that it will ever end- he doesn’t think that anything he does can stop his batty cousin.
He feels all hope slip away from his mind, and accepts his fate. He’s going to die, and he doesn’t even know why his father is so angry- other than the usual circumstances. Sirius doesn’t notice three other figures in the room nodding approvingly at his pain, he doesn’t notice anything else. Everything is pain until-
Until it isn’t.
He doesn’t know how long he was under it, he doesn’t know why he was under it, but he knows that it stopped. Knows that the pain has at the very least stopped worsening.
He barely registers that his body is being levitated, and barely notices when he is brought into St. Mungos by floo.
“...And then I woke up, and I was here at Potter Manor. Apparently, I made Father go ballistic when he realized what Mulciber said, and the Aurors noticed how angry he was when he stormed out of the room. I heard that everyone in the room was looking at him disapprovingly when I was brought up, and he lost it. Then, the Aurors came to our house when they realized he wasn’t coming back. James’ dad, Monty, was a part of the group…he knew how awful our life there was, Reg. He saved my life there, you know? They probably would’ve killed me, or at least that’s what it felt like. I think this was the moment where I finally pushed him over the edge, made him snap. I kind of take pride in it, I-”
Sirius falters as he notices tears forming in Regulus’ eyes.
“Are you okay Reggie?” Sirius asks, his voice full of concern. He was acting like he didn’t just bomb Regulus with an overload of information, though Regulus knows that the prick did it on purpose.
Regulus swallows sharply at the question, and tries to straighten his face out to no avail.
“I could’ve stopped it- I’m so sorry, Sirius.” If it surprised Sirius to hear Regulus apologize, he didn’t show it. Instead, he put a hand on Regulus’ left shoulder and squeezed it.
“No, there was nothing you could do Regulus.” Sirius says, uncharacteristically firm.
“And now I’m being so sensitive when you’re the idiot who’s hurt.” Regulus trails off at this, like he regretted even voicing his opinions. And without warning, he feels himself start to sob. Sob for all of the years he was forced to hear Sirius scream and beg for help, and all the times he was forced to stand there and watch.
Regulus never cries.
When he was young, Regulus was a sensitive kid. He would cry at the slightest of things, but eventually, Walburga realized that. She punished him harshly for ‘acting like a girl’ and being ‘weak’. After that day, no matter what happened, Sirius never saw him shed a single tear.
So, to see Regulus in this state is jarring. It brought tears to his eyes, and he couldn’t help but grasp onto Regulus like his life depended on it. Regulus’s sobs were stifled by his chest, and Sirius felt his heart break a million times over.
“It’s okay, I’m sorry Reggie. I shouldn’t have told you all that once.”
Regulus doesn’t seem to register his comment, and even if he does, he doesn’t respond. Instead, he just sobs harder, and Sirius squeezes him tighter. He’s the only person that Regulus allows to hug him freely, even his best friends don’t have that privilege.
The two brothers sit in each other's embrace for hours, until they both fall asleep, it being dreamless for the first time in a while.
“REGULUS.” Sirius whispers, and Regulus groans in response. Sirius only laughs at this, and shakes him again.
“It’s time to get up!” He chuckles harder when Regulus puts a pillow over his own head, and yanks Regulus up.
“Come on, let’s go downstairs.” Regulus looks to Sirius with uncertainty in his eyes.
“I don’t know them- they probably don’t even want me here.” Sirius stares at Regulus and shakes his head in disbelief.
“Wow…Mother dearest has clearly fucked you up.” Regulus opens his mouth in shock, and pushes Sirius off the bed.
“Hey!” Sirius shouts, and slightly winces in pain. Regulus forgot about the events that happened, and Regulus winces along with him. He helps Sirius up, and clasps his hand in his.
“Reggie- let’s go!” He whines, and Regulus begrudgingly follows him down the stairs. Sirius clearly knows his way around the house, and Regulus can’t help but feel the jealousy sink in. All the times Sirius left him alone- no. He shouldn’t be thinking like that, but he can’t help it. He’s so codependent on his brother, it’s scary at times.
“Effie!” Sirius greets, and Regulus stands awkwardly by the door. This isn’t his typical setting, he’s not sure what he’s expected to do.
“Oh- hi Sirius!” She responds, “Me and Monty are so glad that you are here- and Regulus. Regulus, dear, come take a seat. You can sit next to Jamie!” Regulus curtly nods his head, and follows her directions.
“Hi Reggie.” He says, smiling bright.
“Not my name.” He grumbles.
James puts his head on the palm of his hand, and looks at Regulus in the eyes. “How come Pads gets to call you that, then. Am I not special Reggie?”
Regulus scowls at him, and turns his head to his breakfast.
Bad idea.
He feels his body panic at the prospect of eating, and poorly tries to hide his discomfort.
“Are you alright, Sweetie?” Effie asks, placing a hand on his shoulder. He flinches at her touch, and this seems to grab the attention of Sirius.
“He doesn’t like being touched.” Sirius explains to Effie, and she nods in understanding. Regulus, on the other hand, is mortified. How could Sirius talk so casually to her? We are just the guests, this is her home that she’s letting us stay in.
“It’s fine-” Regulus starts, but Sirius interrupts him.
“No, it’s not fine. Effie isn’t like Mother, she’ll listen to what we like and what we don’t like.” Regulus nods his head skeptically as Sirius sits in the seat next to him. Clearly, Sirius doesn’t notice the inner turmoil inhabiting his brother's brain.
Regulus’ eyes find his eggs and pancakes, and he shakily starts to cut them up. Everyone starts immersing themselves in conversation, but Regulus’ eyes are trained on his food.
“Merlin, we need to get rid of these habits!” Sirius chuckles out, and Regulus looks up at him in perplexity.
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t need to cut up all of your food so…poshly!” He says the word like it’s something in-humane, and Regulus frowns at him.
“Just let the poor boy eat his food!” Monty laughs out, and Effie returns the sentiment.
Regulus smiles weakly towards Monty, and continues cutting up his food.
“We have much to talk about after breakfast, Sirius and Regulus.” Effie pipes up as she butters her toast, and Sirius nods his head.
“Course!” He says through a mouthful of food, “Will we be staying here permanently? Or will we be going with Andy? No offense to her, but I think I’d rather be here, I wanna be with Prongs.”
“It looks to me that you both will be staying here, at least for this summer.” Monty replies, a small smile on his lips.
“...What?” Regulus asks, bewildered. He didn’t know that he was staying- he just assumed that since James’ dad was amongst the Aurors that came to his house, that that was the reason he was here.
Effie looks at him with pity and responds, “Regulus, you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to- but I think that’s what the Ministry is planning on doing. You have no one in your family who is stable enough to take care of you- besides Andy.”
“So my parents are going to Azkaban?” Regulus asks, the weight of the situation finally sinking in.
“Yeah, Reggie! We are free of them.” Sirius says with a smile, and Regulus attempts to return it. He doesn’t understand how Sirius is so…accepting of this. It’s not like Regulus even likes his parents- but it’s still hard for him to fathom.
“Are you sure you want me here, Mrs. Potter?” Regulus questions, and Effie stares at him like he grew two heads.
“Of course, Regulus! We’ve wanted you two boys here since Sirius became friends with my James.” She responds, looking at James' way.
Regulus follows her gaze, and sees James already looking his way. His messy curls against his tan skin suits him very well, and Regulus can’t find it in himself to look away. Thankfully, James is taken out of their staring contest when Sirius asks him a question about how Peter and Remus were doing.
“Remus got a job at a Muggle library in Wales!” James exclaims, “Can you believe that? And Petey is on a trip with his Mum to Greece, they’re visiting his sister! He left a few days ago, we can invite both of them in a couple weeks when they aren’t busy.” Sirius nods his head enthusiastically, and Regulus feels like an outsider at this table. But maybe…maybe that was a good thing. That meant he could do what he needed without anyone looking.
On his plate, it looks like he’s eaten a lot. Small bits of pancakes and eggs remain, but they’re scattered about. In reality, he hasn’t taken a single bite. He knows that Sirius will force him to eat if he realizes what he’s doing, so he has to resort to tactics like these. At Grimmauld Place, he never really had to worry about his eating patterns. His Mother had caught onto his disordered eating, and encouraged it. She thought that it would ‘toughen him up’ since he insists on acting like a ‘weak girl’.
“Excuse me.” Regulus says, and leaves the kitchen before he hears a response. Suddenly, he’s regretting his decision. He doesn’t know where the bathroom is, it’s a new location that he’s never been in before.
He continues looking around, until he finds it. He walks in, and stares at himself in the mirror. He needed to get away from all the food, or he would be tempted to eat it. He hasn’t had a good meal in a week- and he’s getting tired of the little snacks. He has gotten used to the lack of food, but usually he can only last about four days until he either throws up or he can’t help but stuff his mouth with food. It’s mortifying when the latter happens, and it usually ends up in him hysterically hyperventilating, attempting to hold back tears in the coldness of his bedroom.
It’s inexplicable, his relationship to food. It doesn’t always make sense to him, and it hadn’t since he was about ten years old. Only when Sirius came back from Hogwarts did he realize that it wasn’t normal for your Mother to withhold food. It wasn’t normal for your Mother to hex you. It wasn’t normal for your Mother to ignore you for weeks on end. It wasn’t normal for your Mother to break your left arm after you start writing with it instead of your right. It wasn’t normal for your Mother to break your nose after it didn’t look like your brothers. None of it was normal, and it’s still hard for Regulus to grasp this.
Especially the aspects of food.
When Regulus was forced to be in proximity with his Mother before Hogwarts, there were rare moments of her complimenting him for copying her mannerisms, and fitting to be a good spare. It filled him with pride, and his attempts of copying Sirius switched to hers. Eventually, it became so obvious that Walburga picked up on it and decided to have a one on one talk with him for the first time in his seven years on earth.
“Regulus.” she had started, “I’m afraid that instead of acting like a man, you are acting like a woman, almost exactly like me in adolescence.”
Regulus didn’t understand why that was a bad thing until she spoke her next words in a cruel tone.
“So much like me that you’re beginning to put on some weight.”
“Non, I am sorry Maman.”
Walburga shook her head in disappointment and sighed. “If you were the heir we wouldn’t have to focus on this as much. If you were more like your brother, we wouldn’t be having this talk at all. But don’t worry, there are things we can do to fix this mess you have created.”
Regulus nods solemnly and the next words she speaks change the course of his life forever.
“We just need to cut down your food, if you lose some of that,” Her eyes travel down his body, “Then we can stop. If you fail, we will have to continue. Is that clear?”
“Yes, Maman.” He responds diligently, and Walburga smiles.
Clearly, he still hasn’t met his Mother’s goal, and he has a need to fulfill it- to just get a scrap of praise. Maybe she’ll forgive him for sending her to Azkaban.
At least, this is what Regulus thinks as he does something he hasn’t attempted in awhile. He braces himself as he gets on his knees in front of the toilet and sticks two fingers down his throat. Like usual, he chokes around his fingers and the bile stays in his stomach, refusing to rush out of his mouth. Tears spring into his eyes as he tries again, but it still doesn’t work.
“It’s okay.” he thinks, “I haven’t eaten anything today, and I’ll naturally throw up later this week.” It’s slightly reassuring, but it’s not enough and he feels his mind spiraling at the fact of him failing again. He wants to sleep until the morning so he won’t be tempted to eat his weight.
It’s euphoric in a sense, and he wants it to stop sometimes- but he just
can’t.