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Tub Trouble

Summary:

The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate just wants a nice relaxing bath but when the Pirate with a Scarf crashes her bath time, things go down hill from there. Secrets are revealed (spoiler, Surprisingly Curvaceous is a woman! *gasp*) and the Scarf wearing Pirate has to readjust his view of his crewmates. Or at least one in particular.

Notes:

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoy reading this. I watched this movie forever ago and this has been percolating in the back of my mind and sitting in my draft folder for ages, just waiting for me to finish it. I figured it's about time.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate sunk into the hot bubble bath with a sigh. She liked being a pirate, liked sailing the open seas, but she really missed taking regular baths. She had just gotten comfortable (with her beard close by just in case) when she heard pounding footsteps coming closer. What in the world? The door slammed open and the Pirate with the Scarf ran in and quickly shut the door behind him. As quickly as she could, she threw on her beard and tried to look as manly as possible as he looked back at her strangely.

Not again, she sighed.

O.o.o.o.o.O

The Pirate with a Scarf raced down the street. His Captain always seemed to be able to get him into trouble. He looked behind him to see the two rather large men still chasing him. He ducked into the inn they were staying at, maybe they would lose him. “He went in there! Get him!” He sighed, so much for that.

He tore up the stairs and ran into the first unlocked door he found. As he barged in and turned to slam the door he noticed it was already occupied by Surprisingly Curvaceous but, as the door clicked shut, he realized something was different about him. A quick look over his shoulder however showed that he was very much the same as ever. Must’ve been seeing things, he thought with a slight shake of his head.

O.o.o.o.o.O

Surprisingly Curvaceous blinked at him. “What’s going on, Sir?”

“Shhhhh.” The Pirate with a Scarf held his finger to his lips. “I’m being chased by-”

Fists pounded on the door. “Come out ya bastard. We know yer in there.”

The Pirate with a Scarf looked for a place to hide. There were no cabinets or bins only… The door began to rattle so he chucked his hat where Curvaceous’ things were and dove into the bath.

She gasped in surprise. What in the world was he thinking? Just then, the door burst open and she got a look at his pursuers. No wonder he was running. Quickly pulling off her beard she rested her left hand on his head to keep him in place under the water and let out a very feminine shriek. The men stared at her in surprise.

“What are you doing here? How dare you interrupt a lady’s bath? You hooligans! Scoundrels! Get out!”

“We followed someone in here. We know he’s here.”

The taller of the two stepped forward. “Get out!” She threw her scrub brush at him. “How dare you barge in here?!” She threw the bar of soap and it connected with his head. “Get out now!”

The shorter and younger of the two tugged his friend’s shoulder, a bright blush covering his face. “We’re sorry, Miss, very sorry.” They tugged the door close and she could hear their loud voices through the door. As soon as they moved away, she let go of the Pirate with a Scarf’s head and, while he blinked soap from his eyes, she put on her beard.

“They’ve left.”

He nodded as he coughed and got out of the tub. “Thank you. Sorry for intruding but that was the only place to hide.”

As he tried to wring out his clothes she arranged what bubbles were left to cover everything that needed to be covered.

“Bloody hell.” She looked up just to see him slip off his outer jacket. “Damn thing’s going to take forever to dry.” Her mouth dropped open when his damp inner shirt followed his coat. He wrung out the sodden shirt.

Surprisingly Curvaceous licked her lips. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him without his shirt. He looked good. She blinked in surprise and shook that thought away.

“All right.” She looked up at him in surprise. “As soon as I’m sure they’re gone I’ll be on my way. Hopefully those two beasts will be long gone by now.”

“I think I heard him.”

The Pirate with a Scarf snapped his head around to look at the door. “Damn.”

Surprisingly Curvaceous barely had a moment to register what was going to happen when he jumped back in the tub. Her left hand tangled in his hair while the right tugged the beard free. Just in time for the door to fly open again. “How dare you two come back in here?”

“Where is he, lady? I know he’s in ‘ere. I ‘eard ‘im.” The big man looked around the small room. “Come on out ya damn cur.”

Surprisingly Curvaceous took in a deep breath and screamed the absolute loudest she could. “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!” Both men covered their ears and she could even feel the Pirate with a Scarf flinch under the water. Her hand tightened slightly in his hair to keep him from moving but when he brought his left hand up to her waist to steady himself she gasped. Luckily, she didn’t have to think much of her reaction because the innkeeper had charged up the stairs to see what the commotion was about.

“What’s going on here?” The grizzled old innkeeper looked at the two men standing in the door.

Surprisingly Curvaceous decided to act as feminine as possible. “These ruffians have barged in here. Twice! This is simply unacceptable.” She fluttered her free hand in front of her face. “I’m just so frightened of these two hooligans.” She batted here eyelashes in what she hoped was an innocent manner.

“Don’t you worry, Miss, I’ll take care of these ruffians.” He reached up and grabbed the two men by their ears, making them cry out like little boys, and dragged them out of the room. “You two come with me. What do you two think you’re doing, scaring a lady like that?” She could hear him scolding all the way down the stairs.

She waited another breath before she let go of the Pirate with a Scarf’s hair. He sat up quickly, gasping for breath while she just as quickly slipped her on beard. She paused, unable to prevent herself from staring. If she thought he looked good without a shirt, without a shirt and dripping wet with soap suds running down his chest was ten times as nice. She flushed and looked away.

He coughed. “Thank you again.” He wiped the soap from his face, preparing to stand up from the tub.

She swallowed hard. “You’re welcome.”

He was about to step out when another knock came. Curvaceous panicked and pulled him back down into the water, fingers tangling once more in his hair. “Yes?” She croaked as, once again, the beard came off.

The door opened and a maid appeared with more soap, towels, and a bucket of hot water. “I’m sorry for all the trouble, Miss. I’ve brought you some things you might need.”

“Um, thank you.” As the girl went to pour in the water Curvaceous started. “Oh, no! I mean, not yet please. I can get it later.” She gasped as her jump caused him to slip and reach out again for her waist to steady himself. This time though, his hand rested higher up her waist. Quickly, she clasped her right hand around his left wrist to stop it from going any further up.

The maid looked at her strangely. “Are you alright, Miss?”

Surprisingly Curvaceous gave her a weak smile, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart. “Yes. Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”

The girl smiled and walked towards the door. “Let me know if you need anything else.” With that, she left the bathroom, leaving Curvaceous in a predicament. To reach the beard she’d have to either let go of the Pirate with a Scarf’s head or hand. And she had to decide quickly or else she’d drown him.

Figuring that the hand sliding up was the most dangerous threat to her secret, she decided to let go of his head and reach across with her left. A deep breath to calm her racing heart and she let go of his hair. As he began to rise she twisted to grab her beard. Her plan failed.

She felt his arm brush her breast as they moved. Abandoning all sense of subtlety, she jumped from the tub and grabbed a towel to wrap around herself. She looked for her beard which had been kicked away and reached for it. As her hand closed around it, another hand came to rest on hers. She looked into the shocked face of the Pirate with a Scarf.

“Bloody hell.” He said slowly, the shock clear in his voice. His eyes traveled across her form in surprise. “You’re a woman?” He jerked his hand back, the beard falling to the floor between them. “Oh god, of course you’re a woman. How the hell hadn’t I noticed?”

“Please.” Her voice shook. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“But why?” He truly looked confused. “I don’t understand. You can be a woman and a pirate. They’re not mutually exclusive… just look at Cutlass Liz.”

“I just-”

“Miss? Are you alright in there?” The maid spoke through the door.

“Yes, I’m fine. Just finishing up.” Surprisingly Curvaceous heard the panic in her voice and cleared her throat. “I’ll be out in a few minutes.” She turned her eyes back to her second in command and continued more quietly. “Please, I don’t want them to know. I don’t want them to treat me any differently. I just want to be one of the crew.”

“But you would be.” He met her pleading gaze and sighed. “Alright. I promise I won’t tell them.”

She almost sagged with relief. “Thank you.” They stared at each other and she shifted nervously. “I, uh, I need to finish up.”

He blushed profusely. “Yes, of course. Right. I’ll just…” He gestured towards the door before picking up his discarded jacket and shirt. Blushing harder because he just realized he’d been standing half naked in front of her for the last few minutes. Then again, she was half naked too. He shook his head and moved towards the door. Peaking outside, he made sure he was in the clear before looking over his shoulder at his crew mate. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something comforting, encouraging, anything really, but nothing came. He mouth twisted in a grimace and he left.

Curvaceous sank to the floor as soon as the door shut and closed her eyes. It would be alright. It would. She gathered up her belongings and dressed quickly. Later, as she lay in bed, she had one thought running through her mind. Please be alright.

O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O

The Pirate Captain looked down on his crew as they worked through the day’s chores. Something wasn’t right. The harmony was off. He reached up and tugged at his luxurious beard, thinking hard.

“Here, let me get that for you.” The Captain watched as the Pirate with a Scarf hurried over to help Surprisingly Curvaceous lift a barrel. He cocked his head. It wasn’t unusual for him to help the others but that had always been Curvaceous’ job and he never had a problem with it.

“I’ve got it.” The reply, given in an angry and frustrated tone, had the Captain blinking in surprise. Surprisingly Curvaceous never had a harsh word for anyone. In fact, if anyone on board could be said to be the motherly type, it would be Surprisingly Curvaceous.

The others ignored the byplay but the Captain could tell that there was tension there. He smiled. He knew exactly what could cheer this group up. “Alright everyone, that’s enough work for today.” Everyone but the Pirate with a Scarf and Surprisingly Curvaceous cheered. “Come on ya bilge rats, it’s Ham Night!”

They all moved to the dining room with a smile, even Number 2 and Surprisingly Curvaceous. The Captain smiled smugly. Could he fix a problem or what?

They were all plopping down in their chairs when, without thinking, the Pirate with a Scarf pulled out the chair for Surprisingly Curvaceous. She froze then glared at her second in command. Gritting her teeth she turned to her captain. “M’not hungry, sir. I’ll be in my bunk.” She stormed out of the room, the others watching her in surprise.

The Captain looked at his second but couldn’t make out the expression on his face. Something was up and it was beginning to affect his whole crew. The Pirate with a Scarf sat quietly at the table that night and the others, while not nearly as quiet, lacked their usual rambunctious manners. The Captain ate, preparing to quiz his second about what was going on as soon as dinner was over.

In the bunkhouse, Surprisingly Curvaceous was fuming in her hammock. How could he be doing this? He promised! She turned over angrily, causing the hammock to sway. This is why I didn’t want them to know. He’s treating me like some weakling instead of a pirate! She clenched her jaw, frustrated beyond belief. I am one of the crew, damn it.

His actions had convinced her, now more than ever, that telling the others her secret was a bad idea. She couldn’t take it if all of them began to treat her as anything less than a pirate. She closed her eyes, fighting back the tears that wanted to fall. A low mournful squawk had her looking down. “Polly?” The bird jumped up and cuddled against her. Surprisingly Curvaceous wrapped her arms around him and cried into the soft feathers.

O.o.o.o.o.O

“Number 2, I’d like to see you in my quarters.”

Inwardly, the Pirate with a Scarf groaned. He had a feeling what the topic of conversation would be. “Yes, Captain.”

Together, the two men descended into the Captain’s quarters. As soon as he was settled, he looked over at his nervous second in command. “What’s going on?”

The Pirate with a Scarf cleared his throat. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Captain.”

The Pirate Captain blinked. Number 2 had never outright lied to him before. “You know very well what I’m talking about. What is wrong between you and Surprisingly Curvaceous?”

The Pirate with a Scarf shifted nervously then, all of a sudden, he straightened and looked his captain straight in the eye. “We’re fine, sir. There is absolutely nothing wrong.”

The Captain glared. “I’m not stupid, you know. Something is going on between you two.” He watched curiously as his second in command blushed slightly. What the…? He shook his head. “Never mind. I don’t need to know what it is, I just need you to fix it.”

“Yes, sir.” With that, the Pirate with a Scarf turned and headed above deck. He leaned against the railing at the bow and tried to work through this problem. It wasn’t that he didn’t think she could do the work, he knew very well that she could and that she’s been doing it for years. He didn’t think less of her now that he knew she was a woman. She was still the same person. She hadn’t changed… he did.

He wanted to help her, to make things easier for her. He knew that she could work and fight and do anything else that any other pirate aboard could do. He knew that. But then he would think about how small she seemed huddled in that towel, how delicate her features were, and he would want to run in and assist her.

After the fight he broke up when she had just started to swing, after he scolded the men for their rough treatment of her, and after he tried to take on some of her tougher work, he didn’t wonder that she was mad at him. Dinner must’ve been the last straw. He rested his head against the railing. No wonder she wanted to keep this a secret.

Sighing, he straightened and looked up at the full moon. This was his problem and he needed to deal with it. He nodded to himself, resolved to make this up to her tomorrow, and then made his way to his cabin for the night.

O.o.o.o.o.O

“Surprisingly Curvaceous?”

She closed her eyes, still angry from last night. “Sir?”

The Pirate with a Scarf winced at her tone. “I’d like a word with you, please.”

“Yes, sir.” She marched away from the others, heading below deck for some privacy. She could tell that they didn’t need to hear what was said. When she heard the door close behind them she whirled on him, clearly waiting impatiently for what he had to say.

“I’m sorry.” He saw the surprise in her eyes. “I know I haven’t been keeping my word about treating you the same. It’s not something that I’m meaning to do, it’s just instinctual, how I was raised.” When she glared at him he continued on quickly. “I know that’s not an excuse, I’m just trying to explain.” He sighed. “The truth is; I don’t know if I can treat you the same.”

She growled and tried to walk by him when he reached out and grabbed her wrist. “Wait! I know it’s my problem, not yours and I’m sorry about it.” He looked down at her small hand in his grasp. It was so small in his larger one but it was just as rough as his, calloused from the ropes and the work they did. “I know you’re perfectly capable. I know it. But that doesn’t make me want to help you any less.”

She stood proudly before him, eyes flashing in anger. “I don’t need help. I can do the same work as any of the others.”

“Better even.” His quiet words stopped her in her tracks. He caught her eyes with his. “I know that you’re good. And I will try to treat you like before.” There was doubt in her eyes. “I promise… I promise that I will try harder.” He squeezed her wrist before letting her go. “You’re needed above deck, crewman.”

She blinked then smiled as hope filled her chest. Maybe, just maybe, they’d be okay. She strode past him into the brightness above deck.

O.o.o.o.o.O

With a jaunty tune, the crew went about their duties on deck. Surprisingly Curvaceous had just hauled a barrel over her shoulder when the voice of her second in command rang out. “Surprisingly Curvaceous!”

Gritting her teeth she turned to him. Her ire building as his promise of only a few hours already seemed to be crumbling. “Aye, Sir?”

Her eyes locked with his and she blinked as his lips curved into a slight smile. “There’s a barrel in the Captain’s quarters that needs to be moved as well.

The ire was gone in an instant, replaced by such bright happiness that she couldn’t hide her beaming smile. Snapping a smart salute she cried out, “Aye, Sir!” and, with a new spring in her step, continued on with her work.

At the wheel, the Captain gave a sigh of relief to have his crew, once again, in harmony.

Notes:

Thanks for reading!