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One year and three weeks earlier….
When Liam had suggested that the entire band rent a cabin in Montana they all thought the idea was a little bit odd, but he had worked his magic of persuasion on each of the boys and they had ended up on a mountain in Montana in a cabin sitting on the couch around a fire and discussing lyrics for the next album.
“Liam we’ve been here for a week and a half,” Harry said over his mug of hot cocoa, which really wasn’t necessary, seeing as it was near the end of summer. “And not to mention, I promised Nick I would be at his birthday party.” Harry’s eyes flicked to each of the boys before landing on Liam.
“You knew we were meant to be here for three weeks. I don’t know why you just didn’t tell Nick that you couldn’t come to the party,” Liam said and his disappointment was apparent on his face. “I’m sure that he would understand that we’re working on an album.”
“He’s my best friend Li, I’ll only be there for a few days and then I’ll come back. Two days probably,” Harry said, scratching at the denim of his jeans and shrugging his shoulders slightly, “And to be fair, I told you before you scheduled this that I needed to be there for the weekend.”
“I want to go,” Louis finally spoke up, “with Harry I mean. For Nick’s birthday.” Louis felt the need to clarify as he felt all the eyes in the room shifting to him. He cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders as he looked over each of the boys.
“You what?” Niall said, well, mumbled over a mouth full of macaroni and cheese. “What did you say?”
“I want to go with Harry, for Nick’s birthday party,” Louis said carefully, licking over his lips and leaning to the right just slightly to nudge his shoulder against Harry’s side, “Hazza, don’t you want me to go along with you?”
“You don’t like Nick,” Liam pointed out helpfully, reaching up and scrubbing his hands over his face and dropping his head back against the couch, “Just do whatever, I guess.”
“I don’t not like Nick. And besides, people change. Maybe Nick and I are meant to be really good friends,” Louis said with a firm nod and a wide grin on his face.
“Yes, people change, but you don’t,” Niall said, shifting his attention back to his macaroni and cheese and glancing up only for a moment when Louis scoffed at him.
One Year and Two Weeks Earlier….
Nick’s birthday party was obnoxious to say the least. The music was awful, his friends were obnoxious and Louis was beginning to think that Niall really was right. He didn’t change and he still thought Nick was as awful as he always had. Rolling his eyes he dropped his attention from the conversation Harry was having with who knows who and turned to head to the bar.
He wasn’t more than two steps from where he had been standing when the music changed and Louis rolled his eyes. “Honestly?” he grumbled to himself, because he was more than certain that Nick bloody Grimshaw could have gotten through his entire thirty first birthday without hearing a trap remix of Best Song Ever.
When someone bumped into Louis, he pulled his glass up to his chest before turning around and looking up to see the wide smile and fluffy quiff that belonged to Nick. “Oh. Hi there,” Louis said, holding his empty glass up in mock toast.
“Tomlinson, what are you doing here?” Nick questioned, but his voice was soft, happy and he was obviously drunk. Nick tipped his head to look into Louis’ glass before poking his bottom lip out into a frown, “Your glass is empty, pet.”
“Was on my way to the bar,” Louis said, pointing over Nick’s shoulders and bouncing on his toes just slightly, “And suppose that I’m here for the same reason as everyone else, to celebrate some fool’s birthday.”
“What’d ya bring me then?” Nick’s voice changed volume slightly as he ducked his head back down and stood up again as he looked to see if Louis was carrying anything else, if Louis was holding a present on his person for him.
“You’re looking at it, mate. I brought you me! That’s enough present for honestly anyone, isn’t it.” Louis grinned, leaning to sit his empty glass on a waitress's tray as she was walking back towards the bar with a tray full of empty glasses.
“You’re giving yourself to me?” Nick asked with a mischievous grin, waiting only a moment before wrapping his arm around Louis and leading him towards the bar.
Louis didn’t expect the arm around him, but he went with it. “Why are you touching me?” Louis asked, looking up at Nick and letting his features fall into an almost annoyed expression. “I just meant my presence was your gift, I’m not a possession, Grimshaw.”
“Whatever you say then, pet,” Nick said, but the grin never left his lips and he stopped them in front of the bar, leaning to ask the bartender for four shots, two for each of them and he let his arm fall from Louis’ shoulder as he waited for their drinks. “Besides it’s not like I was planning on actually taking you home. Don’t be ridiculous. I have other plans for that.”
Louis rolled his eyes at Nick, but there was some part of him, the biggest part of him really, that was a bit jealous that Nick was taking someone else home. “I’m sure they’ve not got an arse like me. Missing out on me, really,” Louis shot back and he looked away from Louis immediately after. He wasn’t sure why he had said that and now he felt stupid. “I should have fucking stayed in middle of fucking nowhere America,” Louis murmured to himself, hoping it wasn’t loud enough for Nick to hear.
“You ‘av got a great arse, Tomlinson. But you also are a great arse and I’m not sure that the former outweighs the latter. And that’s the issue that we’ve got,” Nick said, clearly amused with himself with the small laugh that left his lips. When the shots were placed down on the bar, Nick pushed two of them towards Louis before grinning, “Cheers, mate!”
Louis rolled his eyes, reaching for a shot but not without setting a murderous glare on Nick, "You would know about being a massive arse, wouldn't you? Cheers!" Louis' voice went from mildly annoyed to painfully sweet when he said 'cheers', tipping his head back as he took one of the shots.
"Come on," Nick said, scrunching his nose up at the burn of the alcohol going down his throat, "We've got to have a selfie together because I'm taking them with everyone who is here. And awful or not, no one is exempt." Nick looked determined, and Louis couldn't tell if it was determined to get a selfie or determined to rescue his phone out of his jeans that were really, really too tight.
"Good thing I'm not awful," Louis said, tipping his head to the side but leaning in to Nick nonetheless. He stuck his tongue out in favour of smiling, his nose scrunched up just slightly and he leaned away as soon as Nick put his phone down. "Give me that." Louis demanded, holding his phone out to Nick.
"For what?" Nick said, pulling the phone back in to inspect the selfie, an almost satisfied smirk on his lips.
"Just give it to me," Louis said, reaching to snatch the phone from Nick, taking a few steps back and looking down at the screen. "Now back off, Fido."
Nick looked annoyed, but he didn’t lunge after Louis, he just stood back with a distasteful expression on his face and one of his arms crossed over his chest.
Louis poked his tongue just out of the corner of his mouth, because it helped him concentrate, thank you very much, tapping his thumb over the screen of Nick’s phone until he came to the ‘Contacts’ screen. He really wasn’t sure why he was doing this, but as he flicked through the contacts and saw ‘Hot Canadian Man’ as one of them he determinedly clicked the plus in the top of the screen and moved his other hand to the phone. Typing his choice for name ‘Popstar with the nice arse’ Louis tapped down to add his phone number before saving it, locking the screen and shoving the phone back into Nick’s hand, “Have a good birthday, loser!” Louis said with a smirk, snatching Nick’s half finished drink right out of his hand before turning and heading back into the sea of people to find Harry.
One Year and One Week Earlier…
Louis had hoped that Nick would have found his contact, he was hoping Nick would find it that night and he would end up rolling into bed with Nick instead of passing out half on and half off of Harry’s couch. Needless to say, there was still nothing. It was radio silence and Louis was annoyed. He didn’t even like Nick, not really, Nick was too tall and too annoying, but just the fact that he wasn’t chasing after Louis made Louis want him or something. He figured that had to be it, because there was no way that he actually wanted Nick.
When Louis heard the ding of his phone he reached for it immediately, hoping that it was Nick, but knowing that it would be one of his mates from home talking footie. His jaw dropped a little and he clicked his tongue against the back of the screen when he saw the number he didn’t know and the message that said ‘Louis? It’s Nick.’ Louis couldn’t stop looking at his screen, he couldn’t believe this had really happened and honestly he wasn’t sure what to say back.
It was three hours before Louis replied, because if nothing else, he was going to make Nick wait a little; seeing as the older had him waiting for a week, an entire week!
Louis: took you long enough.
Nick: Helps when you tell someone you’ve given them your number, pet.
Louis: helps when you’re not a massive idiot
Nick: Is that why you gave me your number? If you gave me your number just to wind me up I’m going to have to pass. All the stress isn’t good for my complexion.
Louis: must be realllllly stressed then because look at that face
Nick: Are we through here then? I’ve got things I need to do.
Louis: whatever
Tossing his phone at the couch, Louis sighed and glared at it as if it was the phone’s fault that he had just made a right tit of himself in front of Nick. He wasn’t sure how to tell Nick that he was maybe, possibly, just a little bit interested into climbing into bed with him without becoming the biggest joke of Nick’s entire life. And if Nick couldn’t figure it out for himself, maybe he didn’t deserve the sex.
Louis’ desire, his mind drifting back to how long Nick’s fingers looked around his glass at the party, how stupidly big and cartoonish his smile was won out over his stubborn streak and several hours later he fished his phone out of the couch to message Nick back.
Louis: m’not trying to fight with you you know
Nick: You make that hard to distinguish. What is it exactly that you want?
It was now or never, Louis thought. There was a possibility that Nick had a boyfriend, a possibility that he hadn’t considered until that very moment although he was certain if Nick had a boyfriend he would have seen him at the party. Or Harry would have mentioned it. Sighing softly, Louis decided the worst that would happen is Nick would freak out and he could say that someone had stolen his phone.
Louis: you
Nick: What? You’re not making any sense.
Louis: i want you i sort of want you to fuck me and i want to maybe suck you off and i really am curious about your fingers because they’re so long and i feel like theyd feel very nice so im saying you
Nick: I’ve never had any complaints about them.
Louis: thats it ? i said all that to you and thats all you can say ? youre such a fucking dickhead just forget it
Nick: Oh don’t get so riled up, popstar. Why didn’t you just say something instead of hiding your number in my phone?
Louis: because youre a dickhead but we have already figured that out
Nick: If you want me, come over.
Louis: no
Nick: You don’t make any sense. Either you want or you don’t. When works for you?
Louis: saturday ill come over before tea
Nick: Are you implying that you want dinner and sex?
Louis: im implying that you shouldn’t be an asshole ill see you on saturday
One Year Earlier…
He hated Nick, really. There had only been one text since their last exchange and that was Nick giving Louis his address. He had been hopeful that he and Nick would text more, that he’d feel a bit more confident about turning up at Nick’s flat for sex, but of course, and yes, Louis was blaming it on Nick, of course he had not texted Louis apart from his address. Putting out his cigarette just near the front door, Louis tossed the butt of the cigarette into an ashtray sitting next to the door and sighed softly as he looked at the door. Louis reached up and knocked, because if he didn’t, he’d probably be seen by a photographer and end up on the front of the Daily Mail.
When Nick opened the door it was with a shush to Pig who was excitedly at his feet and a half smile to Louis. He glanced over Louis’ shoulder as if he wasn’t sure that Louis wasn’t playing a prank on him and once he was satisfied, he stepped back and let Louis inside, shutting the door behind him.
“Hi,” Louis said, stopping just inside the door to kick his shoes off before pushing his hands deep inside of his pockets and looking around Nick’s flat. “God it’s really just as pretentious as you are. That’s amazing.” Louis said, making his way over to Nick’s bookshelf to look through the books on it.
“Keep talking dirty to me and you’ll definitely get what you want, popstar,” Nick said with a roll of his eyes and he leaned down to pet Pig before sending her off to bed. “Are you hungry then?” He asked, reaching up to rub over his lips gently.
“I’m only just starting,” Louis said, turning back to roll his eyes at Nick before shrugging, “Maybe eat later. I guess.” He spoke softly, trying not to show his insecurity.
“You made me make you dinner and now you’re not going to eat it? You’re something else, Tomlinson,” Nick spoke softly, shaking his head and looking at Louis. “What is it exactly that you want?”
“I really want for you to stop talking. That would be a really good place for all of this to start. Your voice irritates me,” Louis said, clearing his throat and stepping closer to Nick.
Nick looked down at Louis with his mouth slightly agape and he scrunched his nose up before opening his mouth to speak again; his mouth was hardly open for a second before Louis’ hand was up and clasped over top of it.
“I wasn’t kidding. Shut your trap,” Louis said, surged all the way up to his tip toes to keep his hand over Nick’s mouth. “God. It’s so nice when you’re silent. I almost want to kiss you,” Louis said, and he dropped his hand to Nick’s shoulder, his head tipped to the side as he watched Nick.
“Is this how you always romance people?” Nick asked, stepping back one step so that he could look over Louis’ face better, a soft scowl on his lips, “Because you could use some more, honestly.”
“Do you follow any directions.” Louis said, but soon his left hand joined his right in resting on Nick’s shoulder, but this time the opposite one and he pressed a kiss to Nick’s lips. There was nothing sweet or soft about his kiss, it was more like the kind of kiss that people shared when someone smashed their faces together.
Nick was slightly taken aback by the kiss, but after a moment he pressed his lips back to Louis’, just as firm, just as hard as Louis had kissed him. When he pulled back it was with a raised eyebrow and a slight roll of his eyes. “Can you just relax, please?” Nick asked gently, biting down on his bottom lip and moving his hand to Louis’ hip, pinching softly at it.
“Can you not tell me what to do?” Louis snarked back, his shoulders squared as he settled back down to his flat feet and looked up at Nick. “Honestly, just fucking --”
“No.” Nick interrupted him, both of his hands coming to grasp around Louis’ hips. “You shut up. You shut up right now, Louis Tomlinson.” Nick said firmly, but to emphasize how serious he was, he shoved Louis back against the wall, grinning at the thunk his head made against the wall. “For once, popstar, just shut up.” Nick said, using his right hand to hook his forefinger under Louis’ chin, tipping his head up and leaning down to press their lips together in a kiss -- a softer kiss, his lips parting against Louis’ as his let his eyes fall shut.
Louis shoulders softened as soon as his back hit the wall and he looked up just in time to see Nick closing in on him. His eyes fell shut and he kissed Nick back, his hands moving to Nick’s hips to hold him still, leaning up onto his toes just slightly and letting his lips part against Louis’ lips, a small groan escaping from his chest. Louis’ fingers curled at Nick’s hip and his tongue flicked out just slightly against Nick’s lips and this was happening, this was actually happening.
When Nick pulled back, it was with his head tipped to the side and a small smirk on his lips. “God. Why didn’t I do that ages ago? Is that all it takes to shut you up?” Nick looked amused, pleased and just generally like a knobhead, if it was up to Louis’ description.
“God you’re so fucking annoying.” Louis said, squaring his shoulders and pushing Nick back just slightly. “Give me something to eat. Or else.” Louis said, shifting his hips from side to side to get away from Nick before turning to find his kitchen.
“Whatever makes you happy, little duck.” Nick said almost reluctantly but he followed behind Louis anyway, taking in a deep breath of the smell coming from the kitchen and exhaling once he stepped inside of the kitchen. “I hope this suffices.” Nick said, nodding towards the pizza he had made that was sitting on the counter.
“Are there vegetables on here?” Louis asked, his nose scrunched as he looked over the pizza. “I can’t believe you ruined an entire pizza with vegetables.” Rather than waiting for a slice, Louis reached down and started pulling the vegetables off the pizza, keeping an overwhelming look of disgust on his face the entire time.
“Are you always like this? Or do you just save this behaviour for me? It’s honestly delightful.” Nick was sarcastic as he spoke and it was met with a roll of his eyes, but then the corners of his lips twisted up into what was almost a smile -- almost.
“It’s just for you, darling.” Louis said, a wide smile on his lips and an almost sickeningly sweet tone. “Do you have plates or how do hipsters eat?”
“I’m not a hipster. Stop being awful.” Nick said, shooting Louis an almost glare before reaching over him to retrieve plates for both of them, sitting them on the counter and turning his focus to Louis again.
When Louis’ mouth was entirely full of pizza, he looked up at Nick and tipped his head to the side, bringing his right hand to cover his mouth so he could speak without letting the food fall out of his mouth. “I don’t really want to go on tour.” He said, mumbled around the food.
“Charming.” Nick said, but then he sat his pizza down and rested his hands on the table, looking at Louis. “Why not? What don’t you like about tour?”
“Don’t like that I can’t be home and do normal stuff. Like have a relationship.” Louis said after swallowing and a serious conversation was definitely not something he was planning on having with Nick.
“What about Eleanor?” Nick asked with a raised eyebrow and his focus settling entirely on Louis, something that made Louis a bit uncomfortable.
“That doesn’t count.” Louis said with a shrug, “I mean things were nice with her. They were really, really nice. But.” Louis shrugged and hoped that Nick got the ‘but it wasn’t with a man’ that Louis couldn’t say out loud.
“I get it,” Nick said with a nod and he got up to clean up their plates. “You’re staying right? Come to bed with me.” Nick said, making his way back to the table and looking over Louis’ face.
“Why?” Louis asked and his face immediately went skeptical, looking up at Nick and furrowing his brows together. “Don’t do the pity thing. I hate it.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I’m not doing the pity thing. But like, you want to feel like you have a stable relationship, and I get that. I’m not that, but I’ll give you that for the night. I’ll take you to bed and kiss you in all the right places and lay next to you while you fall asleep.” Nick said, his hand still held out in front of Louis, but he looked a bit nervous, like he wanted to pull his hand back.
“Oh, um. Yeah.” Louis said, slipping his hand into Nick’s and huffing when the chair scraped on the floor when he pushed it back, because leave it to him to ruin the entire moment. “That sounds really nice.” He said finally, clearing his throat and shifting just slightly on his feet.
“Probably Harry set us up. And on our first date, I spilt wine all down the front of your shirt. I bet you walked out in a huff and wouldn’t even ride home with me. It was a real disaster but for some reason we did it again.” Nick explained, curling his fingers gently around Louis’ as he lead him to his bedroom.
“Probably because you took me to some awful hipster place with horrible lighting so you couldn’t see anything.” Louis said, but the fight was gone from his voice and instead it was soft and almost tired sounding.
“I’m not hipster.” Nick said again, shaking his head and shutting the door behind them, mostly because he didn’t want Pig sat at the end of the bed watching everything that they did.
“It’s neither here nor there at the moment, love.” Louis said, stepping back from Nick to shed himself of his clothes, until he was in nothing but a pair of red and black striped briefs that Louis knew accented his bum perfectly.
Nick rolled his eyes slightly and watched Louis before doing the same, leaving himself across from Louis in nothing but his white Calvin Klein boxer briefs. “Entirely at that point in our relationship where it’s easier to strip ourselves then try and undress each other while making out.”
“To be fair,” Louis started, arching his back slightly as he stretched, “I hate that. It’s uncomfortable and awkward and something always ends up pinching in the wrong place. Just easier to make my intentions known, if that makes sense.” Louis said, shrugging and walking over to sit down on the edge of Nick’s bed.
Nick laughed, crossing the room to sit next to Louis, his hand coming up to cup Louis’ face gently, leaning forward and pressing their lips into a kiss, his other hand moving to slide around Louis’ waist, pulling him closer on the couch.
Louis thought about what Nick had said and he decided he was going to go with it - he was going to let everything else aside for the night and let Nick take care of him. He wanted the one night of feeling like he had a normal night more than anything. When he felt Nick’s hand against the small of his back he let out a small gasp and arched into the feeling just slightly.
Nick kept his hands on Louis like it was what was keeping him alive, his long fingers stretched and his palms flat against Louis, the fingers of his other hand rubbing just softly at Louis’ cheek and his lips parted to lick into Louis’ mouth, not a hard kiss or a forced one, just a soft kiss, one that made Louis feel like Nick had nothing to do for the rest of his life aside from kiss him.
Louis loved the attention, he loved feeling like even if it was for the moment, that he was the center of Nick’s universe. His mouth opened pliantly to Nick, his tongue tangling with the older male’s and he could feel the whimper in his chest. There wasn’t anything about the moment that felt bad to Louis. His own hands slipped into action, first coming to rest on Nick’s chest and then slowly moving down, a soft squeeze at Nick’s hips.
Nick hadn’t been kidding, Louis thought, with what he said, because a moment later, Nick’s hands were at Louis’ knees and he was pulling him back a little so he fell back on the bed. Nick leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the side of Louis’ neck before nudging him up the bed slightly. “Love getting into bed with you,” Nick said softly, scooting up just as Louis did and attaching his lips to Louis’ neck again.
Louis dropped his head back against the pillows once he was scooted all the way up the bed and a soft almost moan escaped his lips. “Oh, god.” Louis said softly, the soft sucking against his neck making him jerk his hips up just slightly. He fleetingly wondered if this was something Nick did often, making people feel like they were in a relationship, because it seemed to come so easily to him and while that thought made him nervous, Nick made him feel like he was bubbling over and everything was going to be okay.
Nick grinned, but that was only a quick break from his kisses which he trailed down over Louis’ collarbone, his left hand gently exploring over the other male’s chest and stomach, which Louis sucked in subconsciously. “Stop that.” Nick said, tapping his fingers against Louis’ stomach and looking up from where he had been sucking a love bite into Louis’ shoulder, “You’re gorgeous. Perfect.” Nick said, his head dipping back down and his mouth attaching to Louis’ skin in the exact same spot.
“You’re fucking killing me, babe. I just need you to touch me, please.” Louis said, and how easy it was, how easy he opened up to Nick made a shiver go through his body. There was a voice in the back of Louis’ head that told him this was a bad idea, but he shook the thought away, because it wasn’t a bad idea. It was just one night.
“I’ve got you, gorgeous.” Nick said, his fingers dipping under the elastic of Louis’ briefs as his fingers pushed lower, over the short hair and down until the tips of his fingers pressed against the tip of Louis’ cock. “Just want to make you feel good,” Nick reminded him, his fingers stretching out just a bit as his wrist twisted so that he could wrap his fingers around Louis’ cock. Looking up from where he had been kissing Louis’ shoulder, Nick set his eyes on the younger male before surging up to kiss him, this time, his lips parted as they met and just as his tongue slipped into Louis’ mouth he flicked his thumb over the tip of Louis’ cock.
Louis jerked forward just slightly, gasping out and closing his eyes as his back arched just slightly. “Oh, fuck.” He murmured, his cheeks going red at the fact that Nick seemed so well-versed, every word he said was so eloquent and Louis could hardly manage to put a sentence together. In his defence, it had been ages since he had been with anyone and Nick was a knob, anyway. Louis finally moved his arms, wrapping them around Nick and pressing his fingers down against Nick’s back, his back arching up as his hands pressed down.
Nick gave Louis’ cock a few more tugs before he let go, pushing his hand just slightly further until two of his fingers pressed against Louis’ entrance and Nick made a noise - a noise that was strangely resemblant of a moan and a exhale. “Baby, I want to get inside of you, want to stretch you open for me.” Nick said, his breath shaky as his fingers moved just slightly over Louis’ hole.
It was with nothing but hope that Nick was like every other person he had met when Louis reached over and pulled the drawer to his night table open. He blindly smacked his hand around in the drawer and found what he was looking for - a bottle of lube, which was slightly cold against his hand. Louis wrapped his hand around the bottle in hopes of warming it up before pulling it back and pushing it down towards Nick. “Honestly, you keep so much crap in that table, going to get lost looking for the lube one day.” Louis spoke, furrowing his brows and looking at Nick and maybe this one time arrangement wasn’t as hard as Louis thought it was.
“Because of course it’s my fault.” Nick said with a roll of his eyes and an almost fond smile as he looked up at Louis to take the lube. “If you’d let me leave it out like I prefer, you wouldn’t have to go searching for it.” Nick shot back, turning his head to nip gently at Louis’ bicep before slowly pulling his hand out of Louis’ briefs.
“We need to -” Nick started before Louis was scrambling to push his briefs down, his feet flattening on the bed and his hips pushing up so he could push them down. He waited for Nick to shift so that he could push them the rest of the way down and kick them off the bed, his frame falling back down against the mattress.
“What were you saying?” Louis questioned once he was comfortable back on the bed, his cock curved up against his stomach and a few beads of precome smeared over his skin where the tip was lying.
“I believe I was talking about how fucking painful you are.” Nick said with an amused smirked, but he rolled his still clothed hips forward, the thin fabric of his pants still letting him feel Louis under him and he let a small breath leave his lips. “You cause me so much pain, Tomlinson.” Nick smirked, flicking the top of the lube open and pouring a bit on his fingers, rubbing them together and slipping his hand back between Louis’ legs.
“Says the one getting ready to stick his fingers in my bum.” Louis said, pulling his legs up and flattening his feet against the bed, his knees falling open as he watched Nick, his lips parted just slightly and his breath escaping there.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” Nick spoke, his fingers pressed back against Louis’ bum, wiggling just slightly as his first finger worked it’s way past the tight ring of muscle, just his fingertip working it’s way inside and wiggling just slightly. “Holy fuck,” Nick gasped as he inched his finger inside of Louis. “You’re so fucking tight,” Nick gasped as he settled his finger inside of Louis, curling it up just slightly and stretching it out again.
“Yeah, come on.” Louis said pushing his hips down and curling his feet against the sheets as he tried to get more of Nick, more of his finger, more anything inside of him. “Hurry up.” Louis urged, reaching down to swat at Nick’s forearm slightly.
“So patience isn’t a thing that you do, then.” Nick said with a smirk but he obliged the younger male and pulled his finger back, added a second finger and worked them inside of Louis.
“Shut up.” Louis said, but he sucked in a slow breath and exhaled slowly as he felt the second finger enter him. The moan that left Louis’ chest was soft but rough and his hips jerked up just slightly as he relaxed into the feeling, “Just want you inside of me.”
Nick smiled down at Louis, rocking his hips forward a bit and continuing to move his fingers inside of Louis. He scissored them slightly, stretching Louis as he did, his hand moving just slightly up and down to move his fingers. “Just a minute baby. Got to get a condom.” Nick said, crooking his fingers up one more time to brush the tips of his fingers over Louis’ prostate before reaching over to the night table with his free hand.
“Stop. No. I don’t want.” Louis said, and he narrowed his eyes looking up at Nick, before whispering, “I mean, I’m clean if you are. Like, I just. I would rather, you know.” Louis said and his cheeks went red as he was slightly nervous for asking Nick for exactly what he wanted.
Nick paused, settling his gaze on Louis and nodding down at him, “I’m clean too, babe.” Nick said softly, leaning back from the night table and leaning into Louis, pressing their lips together gently. “If you don’t want, I’m in no position to say no to that.” Nick said warmly, nudging his nose against Louis’.
“Okay, yes, come on. Need you.” Louis said but instead of his normal demanding, determined voice, his voice was soft, needy and almost pliant, just like his body was every time Nick’s fingers moved inside of him.
“Alright, alright. Settle down.” Nick said sweetly, his fingers crooking up one more time and pulling a moan from Louis before he slowly pulled his fingers from Louis. “Fuck.” Nick murmured, settling himself on his knees between Louis’ legs and reaching for the lube, uncapping it with a snap and drizzling a bit onto his cock, and wrapping his fingers around his length, giving himself a few strokes to spread the lube before looking over Louis’ face, “All good babe?” He asked, leaning forward to press the tip of his cock to Louis’ entrance, his eyes wide and focused on Louis.
“All good yeah.” Louis said, trying to keep his hips from moving, trying to keep himself from jerking up in search of what he wanted. His fingers were white from the way they were dug into the sheets on either side of him and he just wanted, this was what he wanted, this was more than what he had expected when he had randomly put his phone number into Nick’s phone. His heart was beating fast, his forehead was covered in a sheen of sweat and he just wanted - he wanted so much and so strongly.
Nick’s left hand pushed under Louis’ arm, forcing Louis to move his arm, the younger’s hand coming to rest on the older’s chest and Nick slowly pushed forward, removing his right hand from the base of his own cock once he was inside of Louis. “Fuck, you’re so tight. You feel so good baby, fuck fuck.” Nick whined, stopping once he was deep in Louis, to give not only the younger male, but himself time to adjust to the feeling.
Louis was silent, his lips parted and his breathing the only noise that was escaping him because this was, this was exactly what he needed. There was something about the feeling of being full that he loved, the feeling that he could never get being with a woman and his eyes went wide as a low moan finally pulled from his chest. “Okay, yeah, move, please.” Louis said nudging his knee against Nick’s side gently.
Nick obliged Louis, not that he was prepared to do much more waiting on his own, but he pulled his hips back before snapping them forward again and a low moan left his lips at the feeling because, “Fuck Louis. You feel so good.” Nick said softly, focusing on keeping his breath in check and keeping his movements fluid, finding a rhythm to go with and groaning softly when Louis’ hips jerked back up to meet Nick’s rhythm.
Louis curled his arms around Nick, digging his fingers into his back and jerking his hips up to meet Nick’s, “Oh, oh.” Louis said, his words sounded almost sung, his eyes were glassed over but they never left Nick. It had been so long, too long, actually, it had never happened, if he was being honest, that someone had fucked him without a condom and this was - this was exactly what Louis needed. Nick’s earlier words fluttered through his mind and Louis reminded himself that this was just that - they were just messing around - they were just pretending that this was real.
Nick paused for a moment to slip both of his hands under Louis’ knees, effectively bending the boy in half and letting him get deeper inside. His thrusts were hard, settling fully inside of him on each one and if the moans leaving Nick’s mouth sounded like Louis’ name it was a secret in the thick air between them. “Want you to touch yourself. Wanna see you come, Lou.” Nick said through a panted breath, his eyes flicking over Louis’ face.
‘Lou,’ the nickname reverberated through Louis’ head, the way it had fallen off of Nick’s lips and god, he was a mess. He nodded quick though and reached between them, his arm trapped in the space between his stomach and where his leg had been bent up. “Yeah, yeah.” Louis said, wrapping his fingers around his cock, his cock that was hard and angry and had been ignored for way too long. There was precome spread over the tip of his cock and Louis pushed his fingers through to provide at least a little lubrication to his fingers tugging over his length.
Nick shivered when Louis tensed around him and he probably wasn’t going to last very long but Louis didn’t seem to be bothered. “You feel so good, just want to fill you up.” Nick mumbled, and the red that splashed on his cheeks made his nerves just a bit more apparent.
“Yeah, please.” Louis said, flicking his thumb roughly over the tip of his cock, his hips jerking up slightly and his eyes closing as he focused on finding his release, it felt like it was so close and every time the head of Nick’s cock nudged over his prostate, Louis felt even closer. “Come on, come on.” Louis gasped, tensing around Nick and peeking his eyes after a moment.
Nick lost any semblance of rhythm that he had, his hips snapping forward in quick thrusts and his knuckles white in the sheets on either side of Louis’ head. “You’re gonna make me come baby, you feel so good.” Nick murmured, rolling his hips forward with a moan, his back arching just slightly.
Louis back arched and his whole body went tense around Nick and there wasn’t a moment for Louis to warn Nick that he was going to come, it felt like all at once, in one quick moment the warmth spread over his body and his eyes closed, his cock twitching as he came, over his hand and in a small pool below his bellybutton. “Jesus, fuck, Nick. Nick.” Louis whimpered, the immediate sensitivity making him shudder with Nick’s thrusts.
Nick grinned down at Louis, but his grin faded into his lips being parted and a low moan of Louis’ name leaving his lips. “Oh, Lou.” Nick said softly, rolling his hips forward one last time and freezing when the warmth of his orgasm spread through his body, his toes curling slightly as his cock pulsed inside of Louis. Nick focused on his breathing which was coming in soft pants. “Fuck. You’re brilliant,” Nick said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Louis’ lips.
Louis’ body was pliant and he felt like a noodle underneath of Nick, but he was still slightly over sensitive and as Nick pulled back, Louis let a whimper leave his lips, feeling himself clench around nothing and groan slightly at the loss. “God, I, that was so good.” Louis murmured, turning to his side to reach Nick’s lips with kisses.
Nick settled next to Louis, tangling their legs together and answering Louis’ kisses with his own set of sweet kisses. His hands explored over Louis’ back and sides gently, just rubbing over his skin lightly.
When Louis woke up the next morning it was to a note from Nick saying he had to go to work. He wished Louis well on tour and promised him there was a bacon toastie on the stove and tea waiting for him. It was oddly domestic, but Louis reminded himself that it was only a one night thing. That Nick was doing exactly what he had promised and Louis cleaned himself up, collecting his bacon toastie before heading home. He had a tour to pack for.
One Year Ago
It was only a one night thing. Louis had told himself that at least twenty seven thousand times but every time he got a text from Nick it shot that thought a million light years away because it didn’t feel like a one time thing. Nick checking to make sure Louis had made it to Heathrow, wishing him a safe travel, checking in on him after a particularly raunchy article was posted about him - none of those things were things that were Nick and Louis, not really, it was like the one time thing had expanded and Louis really was lost on what to do about it.
Nick: You should have seen Pig at the park today. She chased around some bloke with a sandwich.
Louis: and u just let her right what kind of dog parent r u
Nick: The kind with a sense of humour. I didn’t let her get the sandwich. How’s the shows?
Louis: only had 1 so far it was ok . . dont know really still weird with only 4
Nick: Are you doing okay with that? Seems like it would be a big change. I know when Finchy left my show it was weird and it’s not even the same kind of dynamic.
Louis: what
Nick: Matt. Fincham. He left to produce another show and it was hard with him leaving and he’s still in the exact same building.
Louis: i know that ur producer left idiot i meant the other thing
Nick: Me asking if you’re okay? That’s a thing people do, Louis. Have you never had anyone ask if you’re okay?
Louis: i know what it means why r u doing it
Nick: Because, I was concerned. Why are you acting like I’m such a bad person?
Louis: because a few months ago u wouldnt have cared
Nick: It’s not a few months ago. If you don’t want to answer you don’t have to. It’s fine.
Louis: ok
Louis rolled his eyes and reached up to press his hands against his eyes after he pushed his phone away from him. He glanced over at Harry who was across the dressing room and he knew he should talk to Harry. He knew that he should ask Harry to explain Nick to him but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He would just continue on the same path of disaster and see where he ended up.
Or maybe not. “What’s up with you?” Harry asked curiously, after he had sauntered across the room, his shirt half on, which really, was no surprise anymore. “Or should I say what’s up with you and Nick?”
“Excuse me?” Louis said defensively, straightening up in the seat slightly and glaring at Harry. Today was not the day for this, actually the best day for this was never. “There is nothing up with me and Nick.”
“Okay.” Harry said, “But, you and I both know that’s a lie. Don’t get yourself hurt. And don’t hurt him either.” Harry warned, but his warning didn’t come with much threat.
“I just don’t get him. Like he said we were pretending for a night. To make me feel better and now he’s gone off and started asking me how I feel and if I’m okay and I think he’s just fucking about. It’s stupid. I should probably stop talking to him.” Louis blurted out, because keeping his thoughts to himself was something Louis was never really great at.
“I think that he likes you.” Harry said, blinking slowly at Louis like Louis might’ve been the dumbest person that he had ever met. “Like, maybe he gave you whatever it was because he wanted you to be happy. He wanted to take care of you and maybe the two of you just need to learn how to communicate.” Harry suggested, his head tipping to the side in almost amusement.
“Okay Harry,” Louis said, pushing himself up from the couch and looking at him with a shake of his head before deciding the best way to deal with Harry was to get away from him. “I’ll think about it.” Louis said, leaving the dressing room to see what else he could find to get himself into.
Six months had passed and Louis had done a lot of things, up to and including, late night phone sex, quick trips home, a few weeks of a break and one evening where he came back to his room and found Nick in his room and the common denominator to all of it was Nick. Nick who was only supposed to be a one night thing, Nick who became a near permanent fixture in his life. Nick whose flat held more of Louis’ things than Louis really realised. Nick. Everything was Nick and Louis was happy. The one thing that hadn’t happened in the six months was Harry’s suggestion. Nick and Louis had still not communicated about their relationship - there was still no resolution to what they exactly were.
Louis was looking forward to his nearly six months at home. Six months with Nick, he hoped. Six months to figure out exactly what it was they were doing and six month of not having to be on the road.
Three months in from his break, Louis looked up from his spot, stretched out on the couch with Pig curled in against his stomach and he realised he had all but moved in with Nick. They still hadn’t defined their relationship, but Nick had given Louis the ‘key he kept around for friends’ and Louis had never returned it. When Nick did his shops he was always sure to pick up the things that Louis liked and there had been a few mornings when Louis realised he was out of clean clothes and threw Nick’s clothes on to wash with his. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but he liked it, he was happy and he was certain he hadn’t ever been that happy before. “What did you want to do tonight, Nicky?” Louis asked to Nick who was on the couch across the room looking at his laptop.
Nick looked up at the nickname Louis had given him, rolling his eyes slightly and shaking his head before shrugging softly, “We could go out? We’ve been in so much. Maybe Liam and Sophia will be out tonight?”
“Are you suggesting we go to Funky Buddha?” Louis asked curiously, his right hand dropping down to scratch behind Pig’s ear gently. His eyebrow was raised and his eyes were on Nick.
“I mean, why not? What’s the worst that could happen?” Nick asked, finally shutting his laptop and leaning forward to sit it down on the coffee table. “And I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind all the Netflix but I thrive on contact from humans outside of my flat. It would be nice.” Nick tried, watching Louis closely for his reaction.
“I’ll text Liam. I’m sure that if we are there, they will go.” Louis said, nodding and giving Nick a smile. Going out with Nick seemed like a step, Louis thought, and even more, they were going out with Liam and Sophia, which almost made it a double date, he thought. Or maybe he was reaching, but he had decided to remain positive.
It was just a few hours later and Nick had his fingers in his quiff, twisting and tugging and attempting to make it look just perfect when, “Are you ready finally?” Louis asked, shifting from foot to foot in the doorway as he watched Nick.
“Yeah, my hair’s just off.” Nick said with a slight frown, dropping his hands down to his sides and shrugging just slightly.
“Your hair is fine. Plus it’s not like you’re trying to pull. You’re bringing me home.” Louis said confidently and he got a warm smile from Nick in return.
When they got to Funky Buddha it was through a flurry of photographers that they finally got inside and Nick exhaled once they were inside, “God, I don’t know how you deal with that all the time.”
Louis shrugged, looking up at Nick and biting down on his bottom lip, “I suppose like, when you haven’t got any other choice you just go with it. I can’t not do it.” Louis explained, hooking arms with Nick and leading him through to where he knew they would find Liam and Sophia.
Nick was pleasant to everyone, he greeted all the right people and said all the right things and most importantly he always made sure it wasn’t too long until he returned to Louis’ side. Returning this time with a drink, he slipped it into Louis’ hand and ducked down to press a soft kiss to his cheek, “Are you having fun?”
“I am having fun.” Louis said, taking the drink and holding it up to inspect it before taking a sip of it and giving a soft hum in approval. “Don’t know what that is, but it’s really good.”
Nick grinned just then, nodding and biting down on his bottom lip, “I’m glad you like it. I suspect you don’t like to dance. Or do you?” Nick asked, nodding towards the small corner of the dance floor that wasn’t occupied with anyone. The small corner that Nick could easily whisk Louis away to.
“We could give it a go, if you wanted.” Louis said, finishing the rest of the drink as he watched Nick wobble on his feet just slightly. “Remember I won’t be carrying you out of here tonight.” Louis said with a smirk, but once he finished his drink he sat down the empty glass and turned his attention to Nick.
“I will not need to be carried out of here.” Nick said with a huff but he took Louis’ hand into his own and lead him over to the unoccupied space, attaching his hands to Louis’ hips and pulling him close as he rocked their hips together, “I am just fine there darling, just having a bit of fun.”
“I can smell that, love.” Louis said, but he loved the way Nick’s hands stretched over him, the way that in the dark, depth of the club he felt like he was Nick’s and Nick’s was his and he was so happy. “You smell like you’re having a brilliant time,” He confirmed, surging up onto his toes and pressing a light kiss to the side of Nick’s neck.
The song was something Louis didn’t know, a deep beat and lyrics that swam together in his head but it was nice, nice enough that he could brush up against Nick and reach up to rest his hands on Nick’s shoulders, grasping ahold of his shirt and pulling him down just slightly to bravely enough, press their lips into a kiss. He thought they were safe enough there, anyway.
Nick used his grip on Louis’ hips to turn Louis around, rolling his hips forward against Louis’ bum and it was no secret to anyone how much Nick loved the younger’s bottom. “I was wondering if you’d ever heard this one song by Rihanna.” Nick said, ducked down and whispering against Louis’ ear.
“If you play it on your show, I’m sure that I’ve heard it.” Louis said with a roll of his eyes, but he secured his hands over Nick’s and rolled his hips back firmly, a breath escaping through his parted lips.
“It goes like this,” Nick said, leaning down and pressing his lips almost to Louis’ ear before he sang, his voice completely off key, as usual, “Not really sure how to feel about it,”
“Nick, please.” Louis said, letting a soft laugh leave his lips.
“Quiet popstar, the stage is mine,” He said before continuing, ‘something in the way you move, makes me feel like I can’t live without you --’
“Nick, please.”
“‘It takes me all the way, I want you to stay.’” Nick sang against Louis’ ear, ignoring his pleas for him to stop.
“Nick, stop.” Louis whined, pushing back against Nick and curling his fingers down against the older male’s hands. He had heard the song before and hearing it Nick’s terrible voice, thinking of the actual song made Louis’ heart feel like it was flying. “You’re embarrassing me.” Louis said, knowing that even in the dark room his cheeks were probably a deep shade of crimson.
“I’m sorry, am I? Should I get up and sing it into the speakers next time? I will.” Nick said with a grin but his lips were pressing to Louis’ neck and his arms were tightening around Louis again. “Did you know that song?” Nick asked thoughtfully, swiping his tongue quickly over Louis’ neck.
“I know that song,” Louis said, turning around to look at Nick, pressing their lips together gently and taking one step back from him. “I think it’s about time for us to go home,” Louis said, and when Nick didn’t have anything to say about Louis calling his flat home, he took that and Nick’s song choice as good signs. Good replacers for that pesky conversation thing that they were still both severely struggling with.
Present Day
“Do you think you could help me with something?” Louis asked, following Niall down the hallway and nearly running smack into Niall’s back when he stopped to wait for the lift.
“Maybe if you stop walking so close to me.” Niall said, turning a little to look at Louis, one of his eyebrows raised as he looked at the other male with a small twinge of annoyance on his face.
“Sorry. I just, well, you see, tomorrow is Nick’s and my anniversary.” Louis explained, “like the proper one. For a full year.” Louis’ hands were twisting together nervously and Niall didn’t seem any more impressed.
“Okay…” Niall said slowly, waiting for the part where it seemed like he could help Louis to come in.
“I want to record a song for him. But I need a guitar and I don’t know how to play. So I thought maybe you could help and we could just record it in the bathroom or something and I could send it to him.” Louis rambled, his hands twisting together and his eyes hopeful as he looked at Louis.
“Bathrooms have horrible acoustics. You know that.” Niall said in return, but it wasn’t a no, “I mean, I guess if you want.”
“I know they don’t but I don’t think Nick cares about acoustics. I think he will just care about the song. You know?” Louis was excited and he shifted so he was nearly in front of Niall, blocking him from walking into the life, “Where are you going?”
“I was going to get something to eat. Do you need me to help you like right this second?” Niall asked with a slightly annoyed expression on his face.
Louis grinned, because he’d know Niall long enough to now not to let anything come between him and his food. “Ordered a full spread already. It’s in my suite.” Louis explained, glancing back towards his room and then back to Niall, “Believe there’s even a bit of Nando’s in there.”
Niall’s face lit up, his lips twisting up into a grin and he shook his head just slightly, “Alright, fine. You always know how to get me to say yes anyway. Knobhead.” Niall said, but he was turning to follow Louis back down the hallway.
“Don’t act like you mind helping me. I just wanted to do something neat for Nick and he’s literally got like everything so it’s not like I can just pop around a shop and buy him something. This is something he doesn’t have.” Louis explained, getting the door to his suite open and ushering Niall inside before following behind him with a smug smile.
“No I think that’s great, it’s so nice that you’re getting him something that’s not normal.” Niall agreed, glancing around the room as his stomach growled at the sight of the food. “‘Av you at least got a song picked out?”
“Yeah, I tried tracking some of the vocals the other night, but Garageband is shit and I think it might be easier if we just giving it a go singing and you playing together. I guess I could have done this proper, but I wanted it to be like a secret, just for him.” Louis continued explaining, even when Niall was filling a plate.
“No I think that makes sense. It takes away from how raw it is if it’s mixed and I think you’re doing it the right way. I think it’s cool.” Niall replied around a mouth full of food as he was happily eating.
Two hours later, Louis was sitting inside the empty bath tub, his legs stretched out in front of him and Niall was sitting on the closed toilet, balancing his guitar on his knee and Louis’ laptop was open and resting on the ledge of the bath tub between them.
“Ready then?” Niall asked, looking at Louis who still had a wave of nerves running through him.
Louis nodded, reaching up and clicking to turn the recording on before looking at Niall and nodding. He wasn’t sure why he was nervous, seeing as he had recorded so much in his life, but this was different. This was for Nick.
Niall’s fingers danced across the guitar strips, playing the tune on the guitar and Louis bobbed his head to the beat of the song before he started singing, his voice nearly echoing in the bathroom, ‘You’re my co-pilot, always by my side, looking so fly, baby you got me, clouds in the sky, I know that I’m never flying into lightning alone.’ Louis’ voice cracked on a word or two, but he could feel the emotion in the words and he hoped Nick would feel the same.
Once they had listened to the playback, Niall adjusting a few things, Louis looked at him nervously, “I’m going to email it to him, so that when he gets home from work it’s there and hopefully he will be happy about it. I hope he will like it.”
“He’s going to love it mate, It’s so good.” Niall said encouragingly, but he got up, ready to head out, probably to do what he was intending to do earlier in the afternoon.
“Thank you so much for helping me,” Louis said as he stepped out of the bathtub, grabbing his laptop and heading back into the room as Niall left - deciding he wanted today for Nick, even if they hadn’t seen each other and there was a good chance they wouldn’t even talk.
Once Louis’ room was quiet he sat down in front of his laptop to write an email to Nick. His hands were shaking as he looked at the keys but he decided it was no or never. He wanted Nick to understand how he felt.
From: Louis Tomlinson
To: Nick Grimshaw
Subject: One Year
Time: 14:45:02
Nick,
I hope you are able to get this and listen to it. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you and this last year with you has been amazing. I wish I could be home for today, but I’ll make it up to you soon, promise! Miss you. Give the Pig a kiss for me.
xL
Louis looked over the message, making sure the attachment was there before sending it and shutting his laptop quickly before he could regret sending the message.
Meanwhile in London, Nick had been meaning to get in touch with Louis, he had been meaning to have a conversation with him, but it turned out that their schedules were insane and before he knew it, Louis was off again and Nick was back to the grind.
“Nothing that a quick email won’t fix,” Nick said to himself, clicking over to his personal email and tapping gently at the keys before starting a new message.
Nick quickly sent the message before closing out of his email, he was meant to meet Pixie for lunch and he was already painfully late. He would hear an earful from her and he knew for every moment he was later it would get even worse.
The entire afternoon, Nick’s hand kept going to his phone, curious if Louis said anything back to him, but he decided it was better off to not check while he was out. When he had finally returned home, he changed into his pyjamas before tucking behind his laptop to check his e-mail. He didn’t have any missed calls or texts, but as soon as his email popped up, he saw the message from Louis.
Nick was nearly statuesque by the time he got through the email and he knew that he should get up, that he should get a glass - actually - he should get a bottle of wine, but he couldn’t bring himself to. His attention was drawn to the attachment and in the dumbest move of his life, Nick clicked on it to open it, waiting as it started to play. Nick moved his hand to cover his mouth, his jaw agape and oh. Nick could hear the quiver of nerves in Louis’ voice, the one that came from him feeling like his voice wasn’t adequate and Nick swallowed hard, slamming his laptop shut when Louis’ voice silenced. He had really, really fucked it and before he knew it, he was grabbing for his phone and hitting Louis’ name in his phone. He pushed the phone to his ear and sighed when it rang once and went straight to answerphone.
Back on tour, Louis had gone so far as to even leave his phone in his hotel room so that he wouldn’t obsessively check for Nick’s reaction and Niall had stuck close to him the entire day, knowing how nervous he was.
“Have you heard from Nick yet?” Harry asked, popping up over Louis’ shoulder and nudging their arms together before grinning down at him.
“What? Why do you know?” Louis asked, settling a scowl towards Niall before shifting it to Harry, “I don’t know. I left my phone in my room.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest and distancing himself from both of them.
“I couldn’t keep it secret, it sounded so cool.” Niall said, tapping his fingers together and nudging his shoulder against Louis’. “Your voice sounded wicked.” He complimented, shifting his focus from Louis back to his phone.
It had been several hours by the time Louis made it back to his room and he switched on his phone, ready to check his email and see how Nick had responded. He tapped his thumb over the home button as he waited for his phone to power up, shifting nervously on the edge of his bed.
When the screen lit up, Louis went directly to his e-mail, his thigh shaking slightly as he waited for the emails to load and there it was. An email from Nick.
From: Nick Grimshaw
To: Louis Tomlinson
Subject: Tour
Time: 14:45:03
Hey Lou,
Meant to talk to you before you left for tour. Things got crazy (and by things, I mean your ability to stay clothed around my flat) but I just wanted to tell you to remember we are just having fun. If you want to like, do anything, with anyone. I’m not going to be mad. You’re on this massive tour and I don’t want you to feel obligated to me. I want you to have fun. Anyway, I’ll talk to you soon alright? Fifi’s giving me the stink eye.
xx
Nick
Louis swallowed back the lump and the vomit that had rose in his throat without his permission. Blinking slowly, he looked over his phone again before closing out of it. He went straight to his contact, finding the one for Nick, editing and it and scrolling down to block his name. Maybe it wasn’t the most mature thing to do, but Louis didn’t think Nick was any better by breaking up with him on their one year not-anniversary apparently.
One week later, in London, Nick was frantically flicking through his phone, attempting to get ahold of Louis. Every phone call went straight to answerphone after one ring and every one of his text messages went unanswered. He knew that he had completely fucked up, which when it came to relationships was no surprise, but to fuck up for an entire year straight was an entirely new low for Nick.
After sending Harry a message asking him to force Louis to listen to the show at 7:47, Nick was anxiously looking at the clock, shifting his headphones on his head and looking across at Fiona. “This is going to be fucked,” Nick said softly, shivering slightly and reaching up to pull his mic a bit closer down.
“You’ve got to do it, Nick. It’s a good attempt anyway.” Fiona said, reaching across their desks and tapping her hand over Nick’s hand gently, squeezing softly at it and pulling her hand back after a moment.
“Always love a bit of Disclosure on a Tuesday,” Nick said, moving his left hand to pull his headphones down a bit more while Fifi hummed in agreement before Nick continued, “So occasionally we get to play a song off the list for the week and today is one of those days. I’ve got a bit of a special song for today for someone important in my life. Hopefully they’ve made it up and out of bed to hear this.”
Nick flicked the song on, sitting back in his chair and tucking his hands between his knees nervously as it played. When the song faded out, Nick pulled his mic back down before speaking again, “That was a song called ‘Peace’ by a little band called O.A.R.” Nick’s voice was uncharacteristically soft, well, soft for his radio voice anyway.
It wasn’t more than a minute before Nick’s phone lit up on the desk and he looked down, hopeful that it was Louis, but instead, Harry’s name flashed across the screen, Harry had texted him. Nick unlocked his phone and navigated to the texts, not even needing to open Harry’s to read the full message. ‘Not enough.’ It said on the screen and Nick locked his phone, pushing it away and looking over at Fiona with a small frown.
“Harry, Harry, please answer.” Nick begged over the ringing of his phone, nearly shouting in excitement when Harry answered. “Harry, Harry. I need you to help me.” Nick spoke in the middle of Harry saying hello.
“Why am I not surprised?” Harry questioned, but he sounded rather annoyed and Nick really couldn’t blame him.
“Look, I don’t know what to do. I get that I fucked it. I need to know how to fix it.” Nick said softly, scrubbing his hand over his face as he walked.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Nick. You broke him.” Harry said softly, “I just don’t understand how you could date someone for an entire year without even knowing it.”
“I don’t know Harry, I don’t. I’m freaking out.” Nick said, digging his keys from his pocket to open the door. “Just please keep an eye on him for me.”
“I am, Nick. But figure it out.” Harry said before the hum on the line let Nick know that Harry had hung up on him.
Tour was difficult, Louis thought, but trying to survive tour with a broken heart was so much harder. His knee jerk reaction to block Nick from contacting him may have been immature at first thought, but Louis decided that he would leave Nick blocked until it stopped hurting to breathe. That was fair, he thought, it was the least he could do to make himself feel a little bit better.
When Harry had made him listen to Nick’s show, Nick’s voice made Louis’ heart feel like it was shattering. It hurt so much to hear his voice, hear him talk about him, but it didn’t stop Louis from almost immediately downloading the song Nick had played. He refused to play it but he still downloaded it, just needing to know that it was there.
“You could just talk to him?” Liam suggested, a mug of tea covering and almost turning all of his words into mumbles. “I mean, I’m not saying he’s not wrong, ‘cause he is, but, it’s important for you to talk to him.”
“I don’t want to talk to him.” Louis said shortly, putting his empty mug down on the table with a little more force than necessary, “He strung me along like an idiot for an entire year and I don’t want to talk to him.”
When Louis laid down in his bed, he grabbed his phone to start going through his emails, and his eyes rolled when he saw one from Nick. Of course there was an email from Nick. Once he went through every other email he decided to go back to the one from Nick and open it.
From: Nick Grimshaw
To: Louis Tomlinson
Subject: Please
Time: 17:28:14
I need you to talk to me, please. I’m sorry that I am such a massive idiot, but you’re so important to me and not being able to pick up the phone and talk to you whenever I need to is killing me. Please, just please let me talk to you.
I miss you.
Nick
Louis rolled his eyes, tapping quickly on the the reply button to send Nick a one word reply. His word of choice was ‘no’ and he hit send just after and locked his phone, dropping it on his stomach and staring at the ceiling.
There was a part of Louis that wished Nick would keep trying, that he would wake up to excessive messages or grand gestures from Nick, but every day for an entire week there was nothing.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Harry asked over a bite of something - Louis wasn’t sure what it was and he really had no interest in finding out. “I mean, maybe you should have a chat with him?”
“I don’t want to have a chat with him,” Louis spoke softly, leaning forward and twisting his hands together in his lap. “Do you think that maybe we could get approval to play a cover?” Louis asked curiously, stretching his fingers out over his thighs gently.
“I don’t see why not. What have you got in mind?” Harry asked, pushing his bowl away with, that was definitely pasta in it.
“There’s just this song and I feel like if we did that and Nick didn’t react I would know it was time to walk away.” Louis twisted slightly, his spine popping when he did and he let a soft yawn slip past his lips.
“I mean, yeah, we can ask and talk to Niall and Liam and see if they’re up for it?” Harry had a small, almost mischievous smile on his face and it faded to one of soft fondness.
“Yeah, I think so.” Louis pushed himself up from the table, stretching his arms over his head and giving Harry a small smile, “I think this might work,” he said before turning to head out of the room.
It was six days of learning a song, learning the music, the lyrics, the timing and on the seventh day, on show day, Liam was standing in front of the mirror clearing his throat and reaching up to rub at his throat gently.
“Alright, mate?” Niall said, stopping next to Liam and pushing his fingers through his hair gently, tugging on it gently to sort it.
“All good, yeah. Just too much singing, I think,” Liam admitted softly, stepping back and slipping his feet into his shoes.
“Sorry,” Louis spoke sheepishly, laying back on the couch and arching his back as he stretched his legs out over the couch. “I really appreciate you guys doing this. If it doesn’t work, I’m going to throw eggs at his flat when we get back to London.”
“I think that’s something we can all get behind,” Harry laughed, flipping his head over to pull his hair up into a bun, his fingers expertly twisting the elastic around his hair.
Louis sighed softly, forcing himself up from the couch and he wasn’t sure why he felt so obligated to make a point to Nick. Maybe it was partially because he had never had the discussion with Nick about what they were. Maybe it was because he had shut Nick out and never given him a chance to explain. Mostly, it was because Louis knew he couldn’t continue like this. He couldn’t continue the way his chest felt like it was caving in every time he took a breath and mostly he just needed to know whether Nick was in or out - there was no in between, not anymore, not for Louis.
Louis turned his mic in his hand, looking out over the sea of people, the lights nearly blinding him and he hummed softly before pulling the mic back to his mouth to speak, “We decided we are going to do something a bit different, very special for you guys tonight. Something we’ve been messing around with backstage and uh, we hope you really like it.”
All four boys gathered at the center of the stage, shoulder to shoulder, Louis sandwiched between Liam and Niall, Harry on Niall’s other side, nudging their shoulders together gently. Nervous was an understatement for how Louis felt, he felt more like his stomach was getting ready to jump straight out of his mouth and off of the stage.
Hearing the chord, Louis brought his microphone to his lips, sucking in a breath before beginning to sing, ‘Say something, I’m giving up on you. I’ll be the one if you want me to, anywhere I would have followed you,’ his voice quivered slightly on the words but it was just then that the other boys came in and gave Louis the comfort he always needed when he was on stage.
As the song reached the end, Liam reached out with his free hand, digging his finger in Louis’ forearm and Louis, mic still to his lips, turned his head to look at Liam, giving him a warm smile as he finished singing. Louis leaned into Liam, murmuring ‘thank you’ into his ear before stepping back and turning to walk off the stage - something that would be passed off as a bathroom break, but was really just Louis needing to pull himself back together.
When the boys got off stage, Harry went straight to Louise to get his phone, watching the beginning of the video of their song before stopping it, and navigating to his texts to attach the video to Nick. “You fucked this up so badly.” Harry typed, tapping on send and slipping his phone back into his pocket once he had confirmed that it had sent, heading off to join the rest of the boys for a few after show drinks.
The internet blew up with speculation, speculation and clips of video analyzing the song choice, all of their behaviours and everything in between. Louis felt like he was going to explode - he couldn’t believe he had actually done this and in the one or two videos he accidentally clicked on to check it out, he couldn’t believe how it had turned out.
Back in London, Nick had been buried deep in work and engagements with friends, attempting to avoid the fact that he had lost Louis. That there wasn’t much that he could do to fix it, he didn’t think. Nick knew that once Louis got angry it was hard to go back from that and his last option was to start a public spat with him on Twitter, but everyone knew how that would end up.
“It’s just that it’s made it impossible for me to fix it. It’s so hard with him not being here,” Nick rambled, his lips wrapped around his beer bottle a second later, taking a long drink of his beer.
“It’s not impossible,” Daisy said, her eyebrow raised as she looked over at Nick, “You’re making it impossible. You could sort it.”
“I’m trying! I think he’s blocked my phone number,” Nick’s voice was nearly a screech and he glared down at his phone on the table like it was all his phone’s fault.
“So get a different number,” Daisy’s voice was soft, her eyes shifting to look over at Nick, “I’m just saying you need to be a bit more creative.”
Nick nodded, sitting his beer down and moving both of his hands to press the heels of them against his eyes, exhaling softly and just then his phone buzzed with a text message. Nick dropped his hands and let his eyes adjust to the light that flooded into them for a moment before frowning when he saw Harry’s name on the screen. He moved to unlock the screen, looking up at Daisy when he saw the video. “It’s a video?” Nick asked, wasting no time in moving over to sit next to Daisy to turn the video on.
“Oh…. my….. god…..” Daisy murmured, hand over her mouth that was agape as she watched the video, one that was clouded with the screams of thousands of fans but the message was still completely clear.
Nick’s eyes were filled with tears when he got to the end and he glanced over at Daisy, “He,” Nick started, blinking rapidly which only made the tears come quicker, rather than slower, “He did that for me? He, his hands were shaking.” His voice was soft and his eyes were wide as he glanced over at Daisy.
“I think his entire existence was shaking, to be fair,” Daisy spoke carefully before sliding her hand down to link their fingers together, “You’ve gotta get your boy back.”
“I’ve gotta get my boy back,” Nick agreed and that was that, he was going to get Louis back and there was no other option. Nothing else.
Louis felt like he hadn’t slept in weeks, it had really only been one night, but he couldn’t get himself calmed down enough to do anything but pace about his hotel room. Liam was meant to stay with him and at 2:30 in the morning Liam left the room because he couldn’t put up with Louis. Louis didn’t know why he kept checking his phone, Nick was still blocked and apart from the handfuls of texts he had gotten from friends asking if everything was alright, his phone was silent.
“God, why the fuck did I do that.” Louis said, after he had watched a video of them on stage for what must have been the thirtieth time. Louis’ hands scrubbed over his face gently and he decided to put it behind him. Nick hadn’t said anything and that was it. That was the end of it.
“You gonna be alright tonight, mate?” Harry asked, stopping in front of Louis and doing that obnoxious thing where he bent his knees just a bit to be face-to-face with Louis.
“Stop leaning over like I’m a child.” Louis snapped, taking a step back from Harry and crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m fine.”
In the spirit of being annoying, Harry ducked down even more and looked up at Louis’ face, “Alright there, grumpy gills,” he said with a smirk, but Louis laughed and well, mission accomplished.
The beginning of the show was a bit rough, Louis felt like he couldn’t find his footing, his voice was off and it took him just a bit longer than his normal song or so to find his confidence on stage. He couldn’t ignore the stinging in his chest, he couldn’t ignore his embarrassment that he had gone out of his way for Nick again and still nothing.
“Louis, Louis.” Niall said almost frantically, nudging into Louis and glancing back out over the crowd before looking at Louis again.
“Sorry,” Louis murmured, his microphone behind his back so that his words wouldn’t interrupt Liam and Harry’s current banter.
“No, I mean, Louis.” Niall said again, glancing off to the upper level of seats, his eyes shifting up.
“What?” Louis said when he stood back up from putting his water bottle down, finally following Niall’s gaze and, “Oh my god. Oh my god.” Louis’ eyes went wide and he felt like all the colour drained from his cheek as he looked up at the stands.
Nick was there. Nick was there with a sheepish grin on his lips, holding a neon green sign that said ‘Something’ in bold black letters, surrounded by a thought bubble that dotted to his mouth.
“He literally said something.” Niall said, nudging against Louis again and grinning at him, “he did literally exactly what you told him to.”
Louis looked down at the stage but it was only a second before his eyes moved back up and when Nick lifted his hand to wave, fingers wiggling down at him, the colour came back to Louis’ cheeks only for them to paint themselves a dark red. “I hate him,” Louis said softly, but his eyes were filled with tears and he was anxiously swallowing back a lump in his throat.
“Just a bit longer,” Niall said, laughing and reaching for his own bottle of water and taking a drink before heading up to meet Liam and Harry with Louis.
“Nick’s here,” Louis muttered from behind Harry and Liam’s shoulders and he was so conflicted. He was still angry at Nick, but Nick was there and even from so far away Nick was so beautiful and Louis really, really hated him.
Louis could hardly wait to get off stage, and just before their encore he had asked one of their security guards to go get Nick and when he was properly off stage, Nick was standing there, leaned against the wall with his sign leaned up against his shins.
“I’m so sorry,” Nick said softly before Louis could even speak, his bottom lip sucked between his teeth where he was chewing on it.
“I hate you so much you cheeky bastard,” Louis said, lifting his right foot to toe at the sign before swallowing hard and there were those tears again, “You’re so fucking stupid and I hate you so much.” He reiterated, but his fingers reached forward to tangle his fingers with Nick’s fingers gently.
“I love you too,” Nick murmured, squeezing Louis’ hands and stepping closer to him, his head tipped down so that he could look into Louis’ eyes, “God I love you so much.” He squeezed his hands one more time before letting go to cautiously wrap his arms around Louis.
“I can’t believe you didn’t know we were dating,” Louis said finally, Nick’s arms securely around him and the pinching feeling that had been in his chest for ages finally dissolving. “For an entire year, Nick Grimshaw. You’re a special one.”
Nick pressed a kiss to Louis’ hair before pulling back, moving his right hand to cup Louis’ jaw, his thumb rubbing over his cheek gently as he tipped his head to the side. “I know, I fucked up the entire last year, but I promise, if you let me, I’ll spend the rest of the years making this one up to you. I promise.”
Louis looked up at Nick, nodding his head once and surging up onto his toes to press a kiss to Nick’s lips, his eyes closing as he did. When Louis pulled away, it was with a small smile and his fingers reaching to tangle with Nick’s again before he spoke softly, “We’re gonna be okay, Nick Grimshaw, we are going to be okay.”