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It's All Going To Be Ok.

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It's All Going To Be Ok.

David moved around to the music and the lights a little out of sync. He wasn't really used to this kind of club but he was having a good time with Kurt, at least he was until he saw Keith.
He'd tried to put his ex out of his mind in the last few weeks but that was easier said than done. And now here he was in the same club as Keith. Keith and the new guy.

Keith stood and watched from a distance as Kurt gave David the Special K on the dancefloor, not quite believing that David accepted it with very little resistance. Was this really the David that he knew? The quiet, conservative, closeted David. This guy didn't even smoke what the hell was he doing snorting Special K in the middle of a club? Keith needed to get away from the scene playing out infront of him, he pulled his new lover, Eddie, to him and started to explain he was going to the bar for awhile, pointing with his hands incase his lover couldn't quite hear. Eddie nodded suggesting that he'd understood and continued to dance as Keith began walkng away to an area by the bar.

David followed Kurts example and began to strip out of his sisters t-shirt. Tucking it into the back of his trousers so he wouldn't lose it, knowing Claire would never let him hear the end of it if he did.
He closed his eyes and began to feel the music. This wasn't just dancing to him, it was therapy. He could try for the first time all day to be happy to enjoy himself to not think about the dead 6 year old lying in a casket waiting to be buried tomorrow. Tonight he was off duty and he was going to enjoy himself. He began to move around, a stray hand would occasionaly brush against his bare back, the sweat on his chest glistened under the colored lights. David looked younger, maybe its because he was jumping around like a teenager, maybe it was the drugs he'd taken, maybe the hedonistic atmosphere in the club, whatever it was he was in another time and place and for once he was surrounded by life, by the living.

Keith stood at the bar with a newly purchased bottle of water and gazed over the dance floor. He saw David jumping around, he looked so innocent. Keith wanted to run over and take him away, he didn't want him to get hurt. Keith could see Kurt exiting the dancefloor with a blonde guy, making their way towards a secluded table next to a staircase while David continued to jump around the dance floor oblivious to Kurt and his new 'friend'.
Keith couldn't believe what he was seeing he still felt a connection to David they'd been through a lot together and he couldnt just let go of what they had. Most of his feelings at this moment in time were made up of anger and all of it towards Kurt. Who was this bastard? Who the hell did he think he was. He was lucky to have David. And there it was, more than anger, it was something else and as Keith watched David exit the dancefloor and head over to the table to get used by Kurt and the new blonde guy he realised what it was. Jealousy. He was jealous. He still loved David, he knew he did, but to be confronted with it brought a shock to his system. Keith wanted to be the one kissing his lips, running his hand through the light blonde chest hair. Keith wanted to say something he didnt want to see David get hurt but it wasn't his place anymore, besides David's probably better off without him he thought.

David never set out for it to be like this. He wanted to have fun, do things he'd been too scared to do when he was in his teens, but not this, not these things. What the hell was he doing? Special K, X, booze and now sitting in a darkened corner having two guys grope him. He'd gone from the strong one, the stable one, the depenable one to a mess all in the matter of weeks and all because Keith had left him, had gone and found Mr. Fucking Superguy E.R. He thought that Eddie must have something that he didn't, self-confidence, passion, fun.
David sat between the two men, Kurt pushed his hand down the front of David's blue jeans and began kissing him hungrily. Kurt moved his mouth to David's neck and began to draw circles with his tongue allowing the blonde guy access to David's mouth.
There he was with two guys kissing and groping him in a dimly lit nightclub for any and all to see. But seeing the face of his ex-lover, Keith, left him feeling disgusted with himself. Did he really have so little self control, self respect, self worth where had all the restraint and repression gone? The truth is all David wanted was to feel an intermicy, to feel loved by someone, anyone. The look on Keith's face showed him he was going about it all wrong.

"You really hate yourself that much?" "You really think I hate myself?" David thought about those words that had haunted him since they were spoken "Do you really hate yourself?" At this moment in time the answer seemed to be yes. David was on self destruct and there was only one person who could save him.

"Stop. Stop. Stop!" David pushed at Kurt's chest to release him from his neck. He stood reaching a hand onto the table top to steady himself as he climbed over Kurt's legs to escape.
"Where are you going?"
David didn't answer. He walked towards Keith, straight past him and out the exit into the chilly Californian air.

One thing he had in common with Keith he got to see the worst that humanity had to offer he got to see the evidence everyday lying on a cold wet slab, the gunshot victims, the dead children, the old people who couldn't hold on any longer. Every day he felt like he was grieving instead of the relatives. Why couldn't be be more carefree like Nate or couldn't-care-less like Claire? Why did he have to absorb pain like a sponge. Maybe Keith would still be with him, if he didn't care what people thought, if he could be himself and not hide to protect others.

Keith exited the club after David. He saw him standing on the sidewalk looking out into the busy traffic of West Hollywood. "David? You ok?"
David turned around to face the familiar voice, the same voice that would shout at the baseball results, mock magazine articles and call him out on being in the closet, not really sure why he was stood on a cold sidewalk at one in the morning.
"David?" Keith repeated not sure if he heard him.
David lifted his arms as if they were made of lead and slowly shrugged. "I can't.". His face began to distort, his lips quivered and eyes squinted as the weeks of strain began to unleash from him. Keith moved forward and encased him in his strong arms.
"It's ok. It's ok."
"I can't do this anymore." He muffled into Keith's t-shirt.
"You don't have too."
"I want you. I need you. Please." David paused not sure if he'd gone too far but if he had it was to late to go back. "Please." He begged again. "Please, please. I'll tell my mom, the church, everyone, but pleeease."
Keith planted a gentle kiss to David forehead. "It's all going to be ok."

 

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