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The Mating happens once a year, always on the very last day of winter, when the earth is still frozen solid, but the sun grows higher in the sky, slowly warming everything in its wake.
Felix sits stiff-backed on the village dais, Hyunjin to his left and Jisung on his right. He can’t see their faces past the tip of their noses because their faces are shrouded by the silk scarves draped over their heads, but he can feel them both tremble nervously beside him.
He leans slightly towards Jisung, knocking his shoulder playfully. Jisung makes a noise, soft and barely audible over the low murmur of the village surrounding them before he bumps Felix’s shoulder back. He has no reason to fear: Minho has made his intentions known. He is a good warrior, fast-footed and skilled with a spear. The Elders reward good warriors like Minho with whatever pleases them. Jisung will be the alpha’s by the end of the night.
Felix turns his attention to Hyunjin.
Hyunjin sits perfectly still. A piece of long, shoulder-length black hair escapes from the low ponytail at his nape. Felix knows that he wants nothing more than to tie it back into place, but the Elders have forbidden them from moving; they are to sit still and quiet and wait for their names to be called.
Felix shifts his weight, bumping his knee against Hyunjin’s. Hyunjin’s fingers, skillfully hidden under the long expanse of their white, ceremonial tunics, momentarily find Felix’s. Their fingers wrap together, giving a quick squeeze. Neither of them pull their hands away.
Time seems to slow on the dais, dragging on.
Felix stops paying attention as name after name is called. This year, there are a lot of them—fruitful, fertile, omegas, all born fifteen years after the end of the last, major war. There aren’t enough alphas for an even number of pairings, but that doesn’t matter; the Elders have spoken to the gods about the best matches. Those not deemed worthy of an alpha yet will have a match next year, but they all still must attend the ceremony.
An Elder calls Jisung’s name.
Jisung freezes, breath catching in fear, but standing next to the Elder is Lee Minho, who gazes at Jisung so fondly that it spurs the young omega to his feet. There are quiet murmurs behind them from the villagers, but no one is brave enough to voice how convenient it is that the gods have chosen Jisung for Minho. No one can really protest; Minho is strong, and Jisung has a tiny waist and wide hips. They are destined to breed hefty warriors and delicate, fertile omegas.
Felix watches Jisung walk across the dais, practiced and smooth, just like his carrier taught him in preparation for the ceremony.
Minho smiles when he’s close enough, taking Jisung’s hand in his own. From his seat, Felix can’t see Jisung’s face, but he knows that he’s smiling because Minho manages to somehow look even fonder.
While the Elder speaks the words that bind the two together, Hyunjin squeezes Felix’s hand. Neither of them have had any suitors like Minho, but they’re both beautiful, and the Seers determined that they would both bare many children. They are bound to be Mated this year.
When the Elder is done speaking, Jisung turns gracefully to the crowd, one hand still held firmly in Minho’s. Minho lifts their joined hands in the air, and the village erupts with a boisterous cheer. Felix only has a moment to glimpse Jisung’s embarrassed face before he’s escorted off the stage by his new husband, followed by vulgar jeers.
Tonight will be the night Jisung loses his virginity.
Tonight will be the night they all lose their virginity.
With Jisung gone, the space next to Felix grows cold. They sit close to the fire, but they aren’t allowed to lean toward it for warmth. He squeezes Hyunjin’s fingers every time a name is called, the number of alphas dwindling until there is only one.
Felix gulps nervously. Next to him, Hyunjin’s breath speeds up.
The alpha is short and stoic, but his shoulders are broad, his biceps bulging from under the sleeves of his dark shirt. Seo Changbin, Felix recalls. He can break a man’s skull with one heavy punch and who is a favorite of the Elders. Whoever he asks for he will get.
Felix wants to tell Hyunjin that it will be okay, that they only have to lie on their backs and think of better things until its over. Their carriers all say that it will only last a few, short, uncomfortable minutes. No seed will take tonight, not until they experience their first Heat. Tonight is only to mark them in marriage.
He keeps his mouth shut. They are not allowed to speak while on the dais.
“Hwang Hyunjin,” the Elder says, his monotone voice sounding like the cracking of thunder in Felix’s ears. Shame at not being chosen, and then jealously at being passed over, sweep over him. He stuffs the emotions down, giving Hyunjin an encouraging squeeze when he doesn’t make to go.
“Hwang Hyunjin,” the Elder says again, voice growing louder, annoyed by the disobedience. Hyunjin hastily untangles their fingers, almost tripping over his tunic as he stands. He walks too quickly across the dais, shoulders slightly sagging. Somewhere his carrier, who has always been unusually cruel to him, must be fuming with anger.
Changbin does not look displeased with Hyunjin, at least. He looks almost as fond as Minho did when he was allowed to touch Jisung. He tips his head back to compensate for the slight height difference between them and smiles.
Felix cannot see Hyunjin’s face, but he can tell that he’s relaxed, if only by a little bit; he stands a little straighter and allows Changbin to take his hand, his movements a lot more becoming of a highly prized omega now.
Felix cannot blame him for forgetting their training.
They never know the alphas they’re being given to. Jisung had been lucky. Minho had seen him on a chance encounter in the village and had become infatuated with him. Jisung’s sire, smelling an opportunity to elevate her only omega’s status amongst the village, had welcomed the gifts, despite the murmurings of the village about how uncouth it was for Minho to ‘court’ Jisung.
Hyunjin knows Changbin in the way that all unmated omegas know the unmated alphas—in name only. It’s not appropriate for them to mingle. The alphas who stand out on the battlefield or during the hunt are well-known amongst the village, and their exploits are the only thing their promised omegas know about them.
Hyunjin does not know if he’s being married and mated off to a good person or a madman. He, and the rest of the omegas, have absolutely no say in who they’re being given to. It’s all up to the gods, but they know that that’s not always true—Minho is not the first alpha to take a liking to a particular omega.
The Elder sends Changbin and Hyunjin off after reciting the words that bind them together, leaving Felix all alone on the dais.
Felix sits quietly, waiting for the Elder to tell him what to do. He’s not the first omega dismissed tonight without an alpha, but as the last, it’s embarrassing. His carrier and sire won’t be happy. An omega like him—young, pretty, destined to bare children—shouldn’t be on the chopping block.
The Elder sets his beady eyes on him. Felix has never liked this particular Elder. He looks at Felix like he wants to strip him of his clothes and take him as his own.
Fear grips Felix. Elders do not take omegas, but if the gods want it—
“Lee Felix,” the Elder says, voice carrying over the low whispering of the still assembled crowd. “Do not fret. The gods have chosen a special mate for you.”
The words do nothing to soothe the fear inside of him. Special mate could mean anything. He remains quiet, waiting for the Elder’s next words.
The Elder does not speak to him again. He turns his back, neither calling for him nor dismissing him. He speaks to someone off to the side that Felix can’t see, but by the sound of the crowd, it’s not someone good.
An alpha limps onto the dais. Felix does not recognize him at first, not until he steps closer to the fire.
His throat drops into his stomach.
Bang Chan, the village outcast, smiles at him. The scar tissue around what’s left of his left arm gleams ugly in the firelight.
Felix feels his entire world drop from underneath him.
- - -
Felix doesn’t remember the rest of the ceremony.
It’s all a blur, complicated by the shame and anger boiling low in his gut. There is static in his ears as he moves across the dais to take Chan’s hand, and then the rest of the ceremony is blank.
He doesn’t know how he managed to get back to Chan’s hut, but he sits on a low seat across the hearth from him now, a bowl of rabbit stew in his lap.
The air is heavy with awkward, stifled, silence. Chan keeps glancing at him worriedly, his own bowl balanced on his lap. One leg—the bad one with the limp—stretches out in front of him.
“Felix,” he says, drawing Felix’s attention to his face. His lips are too large and ugly, his nose too wide. He is ugly and crippled and Felix hates him. “How do you like the stew?”
Felix did not expect to be eating stew on his wedding night. He expected to be on his back, thinking of better things while his husband took him. His carrier had never said anything about stew. “It’s . . . fine.”
Chan frowns. It makes his uglier face even uglier.
Felix looks away and back down to his stew. He wonders, fleetingly, how things are progressing for his friends. Their carriers . . . their carriers had never explained how they were supposed to get on their backs. Is he supposed to go lie on the bed and just spread his legs?
Chan must know what to do.
Felix steals a glance at him. Chan is spooning stew into his mouth, looking down at the floor. He lacks the confidence the rest of the alphas in the village have.
Surely he isn’t supposed to be the one to initiate.
Chan catches him staring. Felix adverts his gaze back to the stew. This cannot be his life until he dies.
“Are there any foods that you like?” Chan asks suddenly. When Felix looks at him he smiles, not so wide this time; his eyes don’t smile. “I’m not that great of a cook but I . . . I want you to be comfortable here, Felix.”
“Comfortable,” Felix repeats, every consonant feeling heavy on his tongue.
“Yes,” Chan continues, eyes going wide with earnest. “I know this isn’t—” he hesitates. Felix wants to supply what I want, but it’s never mattered what he wants. It’s what the Elders and the gods, who he’s somehow managed to anger, want. “This isn’t ideal, but I hope that one day you can be happy here.”
Felix stares.
Happy. Here. In a hut on the outskirts of the village. With a cripple.
Chan seems to understand how ridiculous that sounds because his face drops. His eyes return to his stew. Felix should say something, but he doesn’t. He’s tired suddenly, and just wants to get the night over with. He sets his bowl on the ground near his feet, stew gone cold. “Where am I to sleep?”
“Sleep?” Chan repeats dumbly. “Oh—” he sets his own bowl down. Felix watches him struggle to his feet. How they will breed strong children—only the gods know.
Chan’s hut is small, barely fit for one person. There is a hearth, with two, low benches on either side, and a small trunk pushed into the corner. Behind Felix is a pile of furs covering a thin mattress. Presumably that he is where he is to sleep.
Chan limps over to the pile of furs. “They’re all new,” he says proudly. He smiles, trying to be reassuring, but it does nothing to sooth Felix’s nerves.
He wishes Chan would do something: rid himself of his own clothes; demand that Felix strip and get on the bed; do anything so Felix isn’t blindly floundering in his own deflowering.
Chan does nothing. He only stands there awkwardly, waiting.
Felix suddenly hates him. “Would you like me on my back or on my hands and knees?”
Only whores are taken on their hands and knees. Respectable omegas like him are supposed to be taken on their backs, but his respectability went out the window the minute the Elders tied him to Chan. Whatever little standing he had in the village is gone; he is now the omega to the village cripple. He will be shunned, just as Chan has. The life he knew before is now gone.
Chan’s eyes grow wide and his ears turn red. If he’s upset about Felix’s boldness he doesn’t correct him. “On your knees would be best,” he mumbles after an unbearably long silence.
Shame colors Felix’s cheeks. He removes the pin from his shoulder that’s been keeping his tunic up and lets it drop. He stands in the puddle of his clothes, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around his chest to protect himself from Chan’s gaze. Chan does not stare at him like he wants to eat him, but the heavy look in his eye is unmistakable.
Felix is suddenly embarrassed by the long, dark hair on his arms and legs, at the thickness of the coarse hair between his thighs. The other omegas are nearly smooth, the hair on their bodies is so scarce. His carrier had told him not to worry about it, that an alpha cared little for what he looked like under his tunic, as long as he spread his legs willingly and tended adequately to his home.
He shouldn’t be embarrassed to stand in front of Chan, an alpha missing his left arm below the elbow and a permanent lip; Chan is lucky to have an omega like him: beautiful, smart, trained in needlework and housework, but he is embarrassed. No alpha, not even his sire, has seen him naked since he entered adulthood.
Shame grips his soul as he slowly drops to his hands and knees, exposing himself. He sucks in a deep breath, trying to think of anything else but the fact that the most intimate parts of himself are bare to a stranger.
He flinches when Chan’s hand touches his hip. Chan makes a cooing noise, which makes Felix want to kick him. Maybe, from anyone else, it would be comforting, but coming from Chan—it just makes Felix hate him even more.
Chan’s fingers against his hole send a shock down his spine. His fingers are cold, covered in oil. Without Felix’s Heat, he cannot produce the natural slick that would make this so much easier. He is grateful that Chan is kind enough to afford him the luxury of oil.
He tries to think about the needlework that Chan might require of him as Chan slips his finger inside. Chan doesn’t seem to have many personal items. There is a sword, he thinks, leaning near the sole, open window, but it’s hard to see with only the dying light of the fire to illuminate the room.
His thoughts turn to his friends as Chan slips a second finger inside. His fingers feel strange, too big and too thick for the area they’re occupying. He wonders if Hyunjin and Jisung felt the same amount of shame as him as their alphas prepared them.
(Of course not. They have respectable alphas, alphas who are not missing limbs and do not limp when they walk and who looked at them so fondly that Felix is sure that they deflowered them on their backs, gentle and strong and in control.)
At the third finger, Felix cannot distract himself any longer. Chan’s fingers are too thick. It burns, every time Chan pulls his fingers out and then pushes them back in, even with the oil. Shame makes him want to vomit, because despite the uncomfortableness of it all, his cock stirs as it hangs between his legs.
His carrier had said that the first time would hurt. That he would feel full and split open and to just grin and bear it because for all of their endurance on the battlefield, alphas barely lasted in bed. Tonight would be the only night that his alpha would want to touch him outside of his Heat, but his Heat—oh his Heat would make it all worthwhile. He would be driven mad by the need for his alpha, but once he had him, cock snug deep and knotted inside of him, he would know a pleasure like no other.
This is not supposed to be pleasurable. It’s not supposed to feel good. Deflowering isn’t supposed to shock a noise out of him when Chan’s fingers touch something inside of him that makes stars shoot between his eyelids.
His hatred for Chan only grows stronger when he does it again. Shame makes his cheeks turn red and tears come to his eyes.
Chan eventually pulls his fingers out. The movement is rough, almost jerky. It almost causes Felix to fall forward onto his face. He jerks his head over his shoulder to glare; they are married now, and there is nothing that will separate them from each other but death. He can be bold, he thinks, with the husband that he hates.
To his utter humiliation, Chan is looking at where he is stretched open, cock in hand. His cock is large, far larger than Felix’s own, red and angry at the tip. It won’t fit, not inside of him, not even with all of Chan’s fingers stretching him open. There isn’t any way.
Felix swallows, trying to push back his tears. It will hurt, but he only has to do it once. It will be over soon, and hopefully Chan will leave him alone to nurse his wounds. Chan won’t touch him again until he goes into Heat, and he’ll be too Heat-sick to feel any pain then.
The gods hate him, but they also must feel some sort of affection for him still, because Chan does not attempt to stick his cock inside of him. His face is contorted in pain; it’s obvious that kneeling behind Felix on his mangled leg is too painful for him to continue.
“I’m sorry,” he says, humiliation coloring his face and neck red. He has to let go of his wanning cock to get enough balance to struggle to his feet. “I will sleep outside tonight.” He is gone through the door and out the hut before Felix can say anything.
Felix collapses onto his front, face buried in the soft fur. Oil leaks filthy between his thighs. He feels suddenly stupid, overly embarrassed and ashamed of the way his body feels so open. He has done nothing wrong, but he feels like a failure.
He hates Chan.
Hates him so much that if he never came back, he would rejoice at the freedom.
He takes the edge of a fur, uncaring if he ruins it, and swipes it between his legs, trying to rid himself of any trace of oil.
He hates Chan so much that he wishes the alpha would just die.
- - -
He is alone when he wakes the next morning.
The fire has been lit and the window opened to relieve the hut of smoke. Next to him on the floor is a flask of water with a bit of bread and cheese wrapped in a plain white handkerchief.
He begrudgingly helps himself to the cheese and bread, feeling instantly better, even though shame and hate still hangs heavy over his head. An Elder is supposed to come and check the furs to verify that his deflowering has been done. When they come, he will have to look them in the eye and admit that his crippled husband was not able to fulfil his end of the bargain. It will be embarrassing, shameful, but maybe the Elders will free him from this hell.
An Elder does not come. Even when the sun sits high in the sky and bakes the earth, an Elder does not come.
He dresses in the same tunic that he arrived in when it becomes apparent that no one will come, struggling to pin it without the help of his carrier. His sire is supposed to deliver his few belongings to his new alpha’s hut, but he doubts now that that will happen.
He tries to think of what he could have done wrong to entice the wrath of the gods, but nothing comes to mind. He has spent all of adulthood learning how to sew shirts and wash the linen and how to get the spiderwebs out of the hardest to reach places. He has been praised for his kindness and sweetness, his too big, trusting heart. He has spent all of his time with Hyunjin and Jisung and the other unmated omegas under the watchful eyes of their carriers. If he has done anything to slight the gods, then his friends are as equally as guilty.
And yet they are not being punished so.
He sits on the mattress and cries, happy that Chan is nowhere to be found. Maybe the alpha will never come back, too ashamed of his own failings. Maybe he has tripped and fallen and broken his other leg. Felix can only hope it so.
When he can no longer muster the strength to produce tears, Felix finally manages to leave the hut. From the doorstep, he can barely see the roofs of the village. The village is close, but not close enough. He is all alone out here to suffer the company of his bastard husband.
Behind the hut is a small garden, yet to be tilled; the ground is still too frozen to plant anything, but Chan has drawn the lines in the ground for where he wants things to go. Felix has never been good with gardening, but he supposes it will become his job to tend to the plants when Chan is off doing gods knows what.
Chan presumably cannot hunt, and he definitely cannot participate in drills. Sometimes he goes into the village. Felix only knows this because he has seen him there before, carrying furs in a satchel to trade.
Whatever he does with his day, Felix can only hope that it keeps him away.
There is nothing much else around the hut, except for a few racks of pelts leaning against trees as they dry. He drags his fingers over the pelts, feeling the softness under his fingers. He recognizes deer and rabbit and beaver fur, and is surprised to discover a bear pelt nestled amongst the racks. The animal it came from was large; three of him could fit comfortably under the pelt with room to spare. He cannot imagine Chan, with his one arm and a bad leg, taking down such a beast.
He returns to the hut and finds a broom leaning against the wall that he previously missed and begins to sweep the floor, if only for something to do. He does not want to take care of Chan’s pitiful little hut, but boredom will be a disease; no one will come out here to visit him. He will have to find ways to entertain himself since he cannot seek the company of the other omegas anymore.
In the light of the day, he discovers that there is a sword in its scabbard leaning against the wall under the sole window of the hut. He doesn’t know much about swords, but the handle is worn, and the sword and its scabbard are heavy when he tries to move them out of the way to sweep. The sword must have been given to Chan years ago, when he was still valuable to the village. Now it’s covered in a thin layer of dust, a testimony to how little use it gets.
The trunk in the corner is made of a smooth wood, adorned with intricate, hand-carved, flowers. It opens easily when Felix turns the silver key, revealing old furs and Chan’s spare clothes. To his delight, there is an old coat made of beaver fur at the bottom. He pulls it out, turning his nose up at the smell, but he is relieved to have it. Even with spring rearing its lovely head, it’s still chilly outside, and if his sire won’t bring him his clothes, then he’ll have to make do with what’s available.
Chan makes an appearance as Felix is hanging the coat over a low hanging tree branch to air out, a buck hanging over his shoulders. Felix immediately wants to know how he managed to catch it without a bow and arrow, but that would require speaking to Chan.
He tries not to frown as Chan approaches, but by the look on Chan’s face, he doesn’t accomplish his goal.
In the daylight, Chan isn’t so ugly. His lips are still too big and his nose far too wide, but the features seem to fit his face, and his skin is honey from long days working in the sun. He doesn’t have the same width in his shoulders as Changbin, but he is still wider than Felix. When he drops the buck to the ground, his biceps bulge under the material of his shirt.
Maybe, if Chan were truly an alpha and not a pitiful, outcasted cripple, Felix could grow to find him attractive, but he doesn’t think that he ever will. Hatred, he thinks, will always cloud his thoughts of Chan.
“Did you find the cheese and bread I left for you?” Chan asks. He has the audacity to look Felix in the eye.
Felix’s shame immediately makes itself known. Last night was completely humiliating. To be on his knees, with Chan’s fingers touching the most intimate part of his body and all for nothing—the memory makes him want to be sick. “Yes,” he replies curtly, hoping that will be the last of their conversation.
But Chan doesn’t take the hint to leave him alone. He offers no apology for his actions, but insists on knowing the things that Felix likes to eat. “I can snare just about anything,” he says, explaining how he managed to get the buck. “But I’m not the best cook. Do you know how to light the fire?”
“I’m not stupid.” The response leaves Felix’s mouth quicker than his brain can tell him to shut up. Chan’s face falls. There is no anger there, just sadness. Felix wants to hit him. “I know how to light the fire. I can also do housework and mend your clothes, but I don’t know what to do with that.” He gestures at the carcass lying between them.
“I will handle that.” Chan looks relieved to have something to do other than to speak to him. “It will take some time for me to remove the hide. I don’t have many clothes for you to mend—”
Felix interrupts him. “I will find something to do to entertain myself.”
Chan’s face falls. “Right. I will bring you the meat when it’s ready to cook.”
Felix leaves before Chan can speak to him again. Inside the hut there is nothing for him to do, but at least he is not near Chan. He sweeps again, if only for something to do with his hands, and then decides to tidy the trunk.
Chan has thrown everything into the trunk haphazardly, with no thought to organization.
Felix removes the old furs one by one, lying them out gently on the ground; they’re all soft and well taken care of. He wonders, briefly, if Chan made all of these furs himself, or if he traded for them.
Chan’s summers clothes aren’t as well taken care of. They’ve just been thrown into the trunk without much thought, but perhaps, there can’t be much thought when you only have use of one hand. Some of his shirts and pants have holes, especially around the knees. The clothes will need a good wash in the river, but Felix doesn’t know where that it is relative to the hut.
At the bottom of the trunk is a satchel with a few, blunt needles and thick thread. It will be hard to mend anything with the needles provided, but at least it will give him something to do as he wastes his days in relative exile.
He’s working his way through a hole in one of Chan’s undershirts when the alpha enters the hut. There are stains of blood on the front of his shirt and on his sleeves that will have to be beaten out with rocks. “Oh,” he says with a small smile, watching Felix’s fingers work. “Thank you for mending that.”
Felix doesn’t lift his eyes. “It’s my job as your mate to take care of your clothes.”
“My mate,” Chan repeats.
Felix finally lifts his eyes, challenging, even though he doesn’t know what he actually wants. He is Chan’s mate only in words, and not in the physical way as he should be. He doesn’t know if he wants Chan to attempt to make him as his mate again, or to leave him alone; it doesn’t matter much, either way. No one has come to check on him, and he doubts that anyone ever will.
It will be their little secret.
He only hopes that when his Heat does come, that Chan will muster the strength to do what needs to be done and not leave him in excruciating pain.
“The meat is ready. I must salt the rest, but I’ll bring it once the fire is ready. Would you like me to bring you the wood?”
Felix sets his sewing down. The needle is far too blunt, making it hard to pull the thread through the material of the shirt. It will take days to mend just one hole. “I can gather the wood myself, thank you.”
“Yes, of course,” Chan says, shuffling out of the way to let him pass.
Felix gathers the necessary sticks to build a fire. Chan blessedly leaves him alone as he works, busy doing his own tasks.
Felix watches him work, surprised by the way Chan manages to move and complete tasks with just one hand. He uses what’s left of his left arm to keep the deer still, holding it against his body as he makes deep, skilled cuts, thoroughly relieving the deer of its pelt and cutting away a few, large chunks of meat. He lies the meat across what Felix first thought was a rack for tanning hides, but is really for salting meat.
Felix returns to the hut, starting the fire before setting up the base of the spike to roast the meat. Chan soon enters with a large chunk of meat, probably from the thigh.
He hands the meat over, their fingers briefly meeting. His fingers are calloused from years of hard work, his nailbeds dirty. Those fingers were inside of Felix last night. The thought makes Felix blush; he takes the meat from Chan more aggressively than he means to.
Chan retrieves a shirt from the trunk while Felix prepares the meat and sets it over the fire. “I’m going to the river to wash.”
Felix hums, keeping his back turned to the alpha. He cares little for what Chan does and where he goes, as long as he keeps his distance and leaves him alone. Perhaps he will even do Felix a favor and drown in the river.
He returns, to Felix’s actual dismay, when the meat is just almost finished, shirtless, his pants low on his hips, held up with a crude belt tied in a knot around his waist. He has an expanse of muscles that Felix was not expecting for an alpha who can no longer participate in drills.
Chan finally puts his shirt on. He rolls up his left sleeve using his hand, and then to Felix’s alarm, uses his teeth to drag the right sleeve up his wrist by the teeth.
They eat in silence, to Felix’s relief. When it’s time to retire to bed, Chan doesn’t attempt to touch him. He turns his back, giving Felix privacy as he strips of his shirt and crawls under the furs.
Chan joins him under the furs, but he keeps his distance, as far away from Felix as possible with his back turned.
Felix is happy for that. He doesn’t think he could stand for Chan to touch him.
- - -
Their routine remains the same from that day forward.
Felix always wakes alone, bread and cheese and water, or maybe some dried venison, left next to the mattress for him by Chan, who is rarely seen around their hut before noon.
His sire never brings his things, so as the weather grows warmer, Felix is forced into Chan’s old clothes when he can no longer wear his only tunic. He and Chan are the same height, but Chan’s shirts are too big on him. They hang off his shoulders, exposing his collarbones to the hot sun, but they are at least long enough to cover his knees.
He busies himself around their home, sweeping the floors and airing the furs and Chan’s summer clothes out. When the sun gets high in the sky and it gets too hot in the hut, he sits under a tree with Chan’s dull needles and attempts to mend his shirts. If Chan wants him to make some headway, then he’ll need better needles, but that would require speaking to him, and Felix tries not to, not that Chan doesn’t try to start conversation.
Sometimes he returns from the forest with a beaver or a deer or a rabbit. One time, to Felix’s amazement, he returns with a wolf. He drags the animal behind him with a rope tied around it’s broken neck, looking proud of himself. Felix has to help him string the animal up so that he can drain it of blood and strip it of its pelt. “This will trade for a lot in the village, but I have a few gold coins still. I could pay the village seamstress to turn it into a coat for the winter, if you’d like?”
Felix doesn’t want gifts from Chan, but with his things still back at the village and winter to think about—because they are always thinking about the upcoming winter, even in the beginning of spring—the coat will be welcome. “Yes, thank you.”
Chan smiles at him. His smile always takes up his entire face, dimpled and too happy.
Felix doesn’t return the smile.
They eat mostly in silence every night. Sometimes Chan tries to speak to him, but Felix only responds in short, curt words, ending the conversation before it can even begin.
When it’s time to retire for the night, Chan always turns his back to give him privacy. He never tries to touch Felix, and they never, ever speak about their wedding night. They sleep as far away from each other as possible, and every morning, without fault, Felix wakes alone.
It’s a boring, miserable life and Felix is lonely.
Incredibly, stupidly, lonely.
Even if he did like Chan, the alpha is never really around. He tends to his garden in the early morning light and then disappears off into the woods to presumably check and set new traps before Felix is even awake. Even if Felix did have something to say to Chan, Chan isn’t around enough to hear it.
In the safety of the village, he would have had the other omegas to speak to, to do laundry with, to prepare meals and raise their children with. Out here, he has only Chan. For an omega raised lovingly in the cusps of their village, it’s a death sentence to be out here, banned from the human interaction that he so badly needs to survive.
Chan rarely goes into the village. Felix can only remember seeing him a handful of times, always at the very end of summer, carrying a bag full of furs that he traded amongst the villagers, who greeted him with begrudging indifference and only spoke to him when necessary.
Felix doesn’t know if he will be treated the same way as Chan if he returns, but gods does he want to go back. Despite the way they’ve abandoned him, he longs to see the old carriers and to hug Hyunjin and tease Jisung and flirt with the young alphas on their way to drills. He wants to hear the laughter of children and clucking of uncaged chickens and the widowed omega next door cursing at his children for not locking the gate and allowing the sheep to get out.
It's too quiet out here, too lonely. The village is so close, but yet so far. Often Felix can see the smoke from the fires heavy in the sky, but he cannot make out any familiar sounds. Even the part of the river where he washes Chan’s clothes and bathes is secluded from the rest of the village.
He doesn’t know how Chan has survived this. As far back as he can remember, Chan has always been an outcast, living on the outskirts of the village. He has no family, no carrier or sire or siblings that Felix is aware of. Whatever happened to them, or if Chan ever had a family—Felix doesn’t know, and he’s not inclined to ask.
But, he is so desperate to interact with someone other than Chan that he approaches the alpha and asks to be taken to the village.
Chan looks at him with shock, and then his face slides into an abject mixture of sadness and fear before it settles on his usual, happy demeanor. Going into the village—it can’t be a pleasant experience for the alpha, but Felix doesn’t care. He is lonely and bored and will risk the ire of the entirety of the village for a moment with his friends.
“You wish to go to the village?”
“Your sewing needles are dull.” Felix keeps his head high, ready to fight. The village is right there, and he should be able to walk to it freely, but outside of the village, it isn’t safe for omegas to be unaccompanied. There are wolves and bears and alphas from other villages lurking about. “I cannot hem your clothes with dull needles.”
Chan looks ready to argue. “It would make me quite happy, to have new needles,” Felix says, blinking his eyes bashfully. “I can go buy them while you ask the seamstress to make my coat. It’s best that she get an early start on it, before others commission her for work.”
Chan is quite stupid, because he falls for it. “Tomorrow morning, after I tend to the garden, we will go to the village. Is there anything else you would like? I will have enough coin, I think, but if not, I can bring some furs to trade—”
“That is all, thank you.” Felix forces a smile, not completely unkind, but not a real smile either. Chan doesn’t seem to know the difference, because he smiles back, stupidly.
- - -
The village, come morning, is as quiet as a village can be in the early hours, which is not quiet at all.
Felix knows from experience that most of the alphas are gone, either out on patrol or on the hunt or off in the fields doing drills. Only a few, older, experienced alphas remain around the village to keep the omegas safe, although it’s been a long time since another village attacked theirs, but there are enough omegas around that the village is already bustling with life.
The village hasn’t exactly shunned him, but they have shunned his marriage. The villagers greet him with a smile that quickly fades upon seeing Chan, who walks behind him, back straight and gaze set straight ahead. As they pass the villagers begin to whisper, shaking their heads and turning their backs. If Felix had come alone, he thinks, the village would have welcomed him with open arms, but since he has come with his stupid, ugly, disabled husband, they turn their backs on him.
It's dehumanizing.
The people he once loved no longer love him, simply because the Elders married him off to the village cripple. He has been shunned and turned away by the only community he has ever known.
He wants to cry, wants to turn back around and run back to their stupid, awful, hut, but pride keeps him from doing so. He keeps his head held high, even though he feels no pride in his marriage or his life.
Outside of the seamstress’s hut, Chan gives him a cautious, simple, smile. “The price negotiations can take quite some time,” he says. “Perhaps you would like to go visit with your friends? I will come collect you when I’m done.”
Felix is happy for the opportunity to escape. He nods slowly. “Please don’t forget the needles.”
“I won’t,” Chan promises. His smile is hopeful. Reluctantly, Felix returns it. Chan might be ugly and stupid, but he is kind.
Finding Jisung and Hyunjin isn’t hard. All the omegas gather in a field just outside of the circle of huts that make up where the widowed and unmated omegas live when they’ve outgrown the safety of their own families’ huts. There are benches there, where they sit and sew and beat stains out of the laundry.
Jisung and Hyunjin are huddled together at the usual bench, a shirt in front of each of them. They’re joined by another omega Felix doesn’t recognize, heads bowed in conversation as their fingers work.
Jisung catches his scent first. He lifts his head, needle caught between his teeth. “Felix!”
Hyunjin’s head snaps up too. He pulls the needle too quickly through his shirt and pricks his finger. “Felix!”
The other omegas lift their heads. Some blink at him confusedly, while others turn their heads to whisper into each other’s ears. Felix ignores them, keeping his back straight and head held high. He has every right to be here, without his mate, just like the rest of them.
He slips onto the bench, occupying the space next to Hyunjin. The unfamiliar omega sits across from him. He smiles at Felix, mouth a thin line but still impossibly sweet. It’s rare not to know the other village omegas, but people come and go. War with neighboring villages often drives orphans and widowed alike to their village for safety.
“Felix,” Hyunjin sighs, turning his head to sniff his hair. “We were so worried.”
“Yeah,” Jisung agrees, removing the needle from between his teeth. “I mean, we were sure Chan hadn’t, you know,” his words drop away. Felix doesn’t know what to say, so he sits in the uncomfortable silence left behind by Jisung’s words, staring down at his hands.
Hyunjin clears his throat. The yelp Jisung lets out indicates that Hyunjin kicked him under the table.
“Sorry,” Jisung mumbles. “Um . . . how are things with Chan?”
Felix doesn’t want to talk about his dumb, ugly, crippled, husband. He’d rather speak about anything else, but Jisung is looking at him with concern, and Hyunjin has taken his hand in his own, squeezing it gently. The new omega across from Felix smiles sympathetically at him. There are two bruises on his neck—a mating mark, fresh and new.
“Oh!” Jisung says, his excitement shifting the atmosphere to something more pleasant. “This is Kim Seungmin.”
“Seungmin is from the neighboring village,” Hyunjin adds, giving Seungmin a gentle smile.
Seungmin doesn’t offer his reason for being in their village, so Felix doesn’t ask; being from the neighboring village could mean anything, but it never truly means anything good. All Seungmin does is offer Felix another smile along with a soft “hello” before he dips his head and returns to the shirt in front of him.
Felix wishes he had brought something with him to mend, but he hadn’t known that he would be stopping to visit with his friends for so long. He rings his hands, wishing he had something to work on to distract from the inevitable. Jisung, or Hyunjin, will ask again how things have been going with Chan. They both have fresh, newly healed scars on their necks. They’ve been mated, like good omegas.
His own neck is horribly plain.
“You can help me with Changbin’s pants,” Hyunjin says, scooting the clothing across the table to share between them. “You were always better at hemming than me.”
Felix is grateful for the distraction. Jisung hands him a needle, and he gets to work, flipping the pants inside out to construct an invisible seam.
The table goes quiet as they work, air heavy with unspoken questions. His friends must have noticed the absence of his mate mark by now, but they don’t dare to ask. Only Seungmin speaks, asking questions about the village. He is freshly new. He and his mate, an alpha named Jeongin, only arrived in the village three days ago.
He and Jeongin are newly mated too, but their village—a tiny outpost just over the mountains, not even big enough to really be considered a village—does things vastly different. “Jeongin courted me with gifts and tokens. Things aren’t so strict, where we come from.” He smiles playfully, looking around before he leans forward, voice lowering to share a secret. “Jeongin and I fucked before we were officially mated.”
At the bluntness of his statement, Felix’s ears go red, his face burning. Hyunjin drops his needle and just stares. Jisung though—Jisung’s mouth gapes wide open. “That’s . . . that’s . . .”
Seungmin just shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “The whole village knew we were going to be mated, so what did it matter if we waited for a ceremony?”
It’s a good point, but it still makes Felix flush uncomfortably. Omegas here, in their village, don’t even touch alphas outside of their families until they’re mated. It’s unseemly, and the gods, supposedly, don’t like it.
Hyunjin leans forward, whispering. “But what if the gods intended you for someone else?”
Seungmin only shrugs again. “The gods wouldn’t have created someone for me if they didn’t want me to be with them, don’t you think?”
Felix blinks, taken aback. He shares a look with Jisung, who’s as easily perplexed by the question. Seungmin only raises his eyebrow at them. “The gods knew who we were destined to be with before we were ever born. Why would they make Jeongin for me and not allow me to even speak to him before we were mated for life?” He continues his sewing, pulling his needle through a little harshly. “Your way of doing things here is a little silly, is all I’m saying.”
Felix has never thought of it that way, and he would agree with Seungmin, if he weren’t mated to Chan. There is no way the gods, in all their infinite wisdom and glory, made the cripple for him.
Hyunjin and Jisung look moved by the sentiment, if not a bit unnerved. “It’s just how things are done here, Seungmin,” Hyunjin says, voice small, already lost in thought. Felix can see the gears turning in his head, trying to figure out heads or tails of this newfound wisdom bestowed upon him.
Jisung doesn’t look as perplexed. Minho had been allowed to bring him small, handcrafted gifts despite the way the rest of the village had mumbled and found it uncouth. The courtship had only been allowed to happen because Minho, a warrior who had kept their home safe from invasion since the age of fourteen, deserved whatever he wanted, including his pick of any of the young, available omegas. The Elders had been desperate from Minho to breed, and probably would have turned a blind eye to any shenanigans between Jisung and Minho before the mating ceremony.
Jisung grins to himself, fingers playing with a bracelet that’s been wrapped around his wrist since the day Minho started his courtship. Minho’s courtship of him had brought Jisung much anguish, torn between the shame of it and overjoyed at being so desired. Seungmin’s wisdom has probably settled that turmoil: the gods made them for each other, so it was only right that Minho courted him.
Felix wants to talk about anything else.
The gods did not make Chan for him. And if they did, it’s a horrible fucking joke.
He takes Hyunjin’s hand, trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. “How is your garden?”
Hyunjin shakes his head, pulling himself from his thoughts to smile at Felix. “Changbin tilled a field near our house for me. We’ll plant cabbage in the fall, and next spring we’ll plant flowers. Changbin says there’s a market in a village, two days away. They sell these giant flowers called ‘sunflowers’. He says that they look like the sun and will grow as tall as me.” Hyunjin smiles to himself, starting his sewing again.
Felix’s heart feels both full and empty. He is happy for Hyunjin, but also bitterly jealous. Chan could never till a field for him. He can barely manage the small garden behind their little hut. “Changbin treats you well.”
Hyunjin shakes his head, trying to play off the fondness, but his cheeks are red, and he can’t stop smiling. “He’s supposed to treat me well. It’s his responsibility.”
Felix touches his arm, truly happy for his friend, despite his own pain. “I’m glad you’re happy, Hyunjin.” He turns his attention to Jisung, who’s pointedly not looking at him, trying to hide his own fondness for his mate. “Does Minho treat you well, Jisung?”
Jisung’s cheeks are red. He pulls his needle through more aggressively than he means to. “No.”
“Our huts are close together,” Seungmin interrupts, patting Jisung on the shoulder, mocking sympathy. “Sometimes at night I can hear how well Minho treats him.”
“Seungmin!” Jisung shouts and Seungmin bursts into laughter.
Felix likes Seungmin, despite his unnecessary bouts of wisdom.
A table of widowed omegas tut at them. One looks ready to tell them off. Seungmin folds the shirt he was working on in half before he stands, bowing apologetically to them. The widows calm down, but they still send a glare before returning to their work. “I should get going,” he announces to their table. “Jeongin will be home soon. It was nice meeting you, Felix. I hope to see you again soon.”
Felix doubts that he’ll see Seungmin soon, or Hyunjin or Jisung. Chan doesn’t like coming to the village, and he can’t make the journey alone; it’s unseemly. “It was nice to meet you too.”
Seungmin bids Hyunjin and Jisung farewell. They watch the fellow omega walk away before both set of eyes fall on Felix.
Felix immediately feels like prey. He’s not ready to answer their questions. He tries to return to hemming Changbin’s pants, but Hyunjin snatches them away too quickly.
“Felix,” Jisung exhales, pouting, like that will get Felix to tell him all of his secrets. “You don’t have a mating mark.”
“Always so blunt, Jisung,” Hyunjin sighs. “Try to be more tactful, next time.”
Jisung rolls his eyes at him. “You were thinking the same thing.”
“Chan and I aren’t mated,” Felix interrupts, saving himself from having to listen to his friends bicker back and forth. He’s embarrassed, so pitifully embarrassed, but a weight feels like it’s been lifted off his shoulders as he speaks. His dirty little secret is no longer just his secret. “Chan wasn’t. We didn’t. On our wedding night. We didn’t . . . it was . . . we did not lie together on our wedding night. Or any night.”
Hyunjin’s face falls. “Your marriage hasn’t—”
“We aren’t married,” Felix disrupts, shame making his eyes cloudy with unshed tears. “Not in that way, at least.”
Jisung’s voice is quiet when he speaks. “Chan . . . Chan didn’t want you?”
“Chan couldn’t hold himself up to do what needed to be done. His leg hurts him, and he cannot balance so well with only one arm.” Felix’s throat stings with embarrassment. The Seers saw great things for him: a good, strong, alpha and many, healthy, babes. He was supposed to be mated to someone like Minho, or Changbin, or even Jeongin. Seungmin’s alpha doesn’t sound remarkably strong, but he does sound smart.
Instead he’s been mated to Chan, an alpha that is neither strong nor intelligent. He is a cripple, missing an arm and stuck with a permanent limp. His nose and lips are too big, and he smiles dumbly at Felix even when Felix is short with him.
“I’ve made the gods angry.” The words catch in his throat and his vision blurs with unshed tears. “They’ve cast me out.”
Jisung slips onto the bench beside him. There really isn’t much room for him, but the three of them squish together. Hyunjin takes his hand and Jisung leans his head on his shoulder. “They haven’t cast you out,” Hyunjin says quietly, always, somehow, the more reasonable one of Felix’s two friends. “You’re here with us right now, and the village still loves you.”
“The village scorns me.” Felix sniffles, basking in the warmth of his two friends. It’s too hot, the sun too high in the sky for them to cuddle, but it’s been too long since he felt someone else’s touch. “Everyone turns away from me when they see me with Chan.”
Jisung frowns against his shoulder. “It’s Chan the village doesn’t like, not you.”
Jisung’s words are meant to comfort him, but they really don’t. Felix leans more fully against Hyunjin, who wraps a long arm around his shoulders, his fingers just landing in Jisung’s hair. “Why would the Elders mate me to someone that the village hates?”
“I heard that he was once a great warrior and that’s how he lost his arm,” Hyunjin says. “Some great battle when we were just learning to sew. He lost it defending the village. The village took care of him, but when it became apparent that he could no longer defend them the Elders moved him to a trading hut outside the village. That’s where he’s lived ever since. The Elders are probably hoping that you’ll breed strong alphas. Changbin says there’s something stirring to the west. Nothing to worry about now, but there will be a time when the Elders will.”
Felix shakes his head, feeling dejected. He leans more into Hyunjin, wrapping his arms around his waist for a hug. “We cannot breed strong alphas if Chan cannot even kneel long enough to put his cock inside of me.”
Jisung makes a thoughtful noise before he lifts his head, peering curiously at him. “Why didn’t you get on top?”
Felix blinks at him. “Excuse me?”
“Why didn’t you get on top?” Jisung repeats.
“On top of what?”
It’s Jisung’s turn to blink confusedly. “On top of Chan?”
“Jisung,” Hyunjin interrupts, voice colored with slight embarrassment. “Felix doesn’t—”
“Right,” Jisung says sharply. “You haven’t—”
“Don’t rub it in,” Felix whines, feeling his eyes start to tear up again. “Just because I haven’t—”
“I’m not making fun of you,” Jisung whines, pouting. “I would never, not about this at least.” He sighs heavily. “There are other . . . positions.”
“Positions,” Felix repeats.
Jisung’s ears have started to turn pink, along with his cheeks. They used to hate talking about sex with their carriers. It was embarrassing and uncomfortable. Good, respectable, omegas are only ever taken on their backs. They do not put cocks in their mouths or touch them with their hands; that’s only for whores. Even during their Heats they’re supposed to remain virtuous, proper, omegas.
“Right,” Jisung nods, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else but here, but he pushes on. “You know the village past the mountains? Further than the village Seungmin is from? They have horses, yeah?”
“Horses,” Felix says.
“Hyunjin,” Jisung whines. “Help.”
Hyunjin sighs, like he’s completely done with them, but his cheeks are pink too when he pulls his arm away from Felix. “Sometimes the alphas ride the horses.”
Felix feels lost, like all three of them have set off on a journey, but while Hyunjin and Jisung have turned left, he’s made the wrong decision to go right. “The alphas . . . ride the horses . . .”
“You know how they um, bounce?” Jisung tries. “When they ride their horses? You can, uh. You can do that on Chan’s . . .”
Felix blinks slowly and then blinks again. He cocks his head to the side. Jisung looks at him like he might be stupid. Felix is not stupid, but his mind is struggling to make heads or tails of what Jisung just said.
“I can bounce on—”
“Yes!” Hyunjin nearly shouts. The widowed carriers have thankfully moved on to another corner of the field to beat the laundry dry. “Yes,” he says, quieter. “You can bounce on Chan’s cock instead of doing whatever it is that you haven’t been doing.”
Felix looks at Hyunjin and then at Jisung, feeling embarrassment creeping down his spine. His own cheeks feel like they’re on fire. Only prostitutes would be so bold to do such a thing. Felix could never.
But, apparently, Hyunjin and Jisung have.
“You’ve . . . you’ve done . . . that.”
“Yes,” Jisung says, lifting his head proudly. “Multiple times.” At Felix’s nervous smile he rolls his eyes, leaning forward to whisper. “The carriers, Felix. They lied. It’s okay. Sex feels good, even outside of Heat. Lying on your back is nice. It feels good, don’t get me wrong. But on your knees, on your side, bouncing on your alpha’s cock—it all feels good with enough oil.”
“Have you had your first Heat?” Felix whispers back.
Jisung nods slowly. “A week, after the Mating. But Minho and I had been,” he waves his hand, “before that.”
“How did it feel?”
“Everything was so, so hot. I felt like I might die. Minho was doing drills with the other alphas when it started. Someone had to fetch him. But when he was there . . . just being by my side, it felt right. I don’t remember the actual Heat. Just bits and pieces of Minho being there, inside of me, next to me. His seed didn’t take, not this time. But next time—”
“Right,” Felix says, feeling instant, regrettable sadness. They’re supposed to raise their children together, but they cannot. He has been outcast. He will have to raise his children alone in the woods with only Chan. His children will be outsiders until the Elders rip them away to fight for a village that won’t acknowledge them.
He hates the Elders. Hates them even more than he hates Chan, which may not be as much as he used to. To be shunned and cast out by the village that you lost your arm defending—it must have been devastating for Chan.
He has, perhaps, been unfairly cruel to the alpha who has only treated him with kindness.
“Everything will be okay,” Hyunjin says, wrapping his arms around Felix’s shoulders and kissing the top of his head. “We’ll always be by your side. Changbin and Minho are kind. They both speak highly of Chan. They will allow us to visit you, I’m sure of it.”
“Hmmm,” Felix hums, leaning back into his touch. He spreads his arms, inviting Jisung in. Jisung collapses into his grasp, wrapping his arms around his friends’ waists. “Be kind to Chan,” he says. “You’ll need him, you know.”
Felix hates that he has to agree.
- - -
Chan comes to collect him as promised, a lot later than Felix was expecting. He suspects that the alpha purposefully dragged out negotiations to give him more time with Hyunjin and Jisung.
The other omegas stare at Chan cruelly. Before Felix didn’t care, but now he feels shame as he approaches the alpha. Not at Chan, who stands with his back straight and his head held high, but at the others’ behavior. If what Hyunjin said is true, then Chan’s only offense was giving his body to defend his village. He deserved to be taken care of, not shunned when he became “useless”.
Chan smiles at him, small and private, not quite reaching his eyes. In the setting light his nose doesn’t look so big, and his lips are a pretty pink. “Hi,” he says quietly when Felix is close enough. “I have your needles.” In his hand is a small wool cloth. The needles glint in the light, fresh and new.
“Thank you,” Felix says, giving Chan a small smile back, genuine and honest. Chan is momentarily taken aback at the kindness bestowed upon him, but his lips morph into a wider, happier smile, his eyes crinkling in happiness.
Felix feels suddenly ill: angry, embarrassed, disappointed in himself. Chan has done nothing to receive his ire. It should lie with the Elders, and perhaps with the gods too. He knows his purpose has always been to bear children, whether they be strong alphas or delicate little omegas, but the realization that the Elders will shun their father for his sacrifices only to snatch them away when they see fit—it makes bile grow in the back of his throat.
One day he will bear Chan’s children. It is inevitable. His Heat will come, and Chan will have to breed him, no matter if it pains him or not, and Felix will need the alpha at his side to keep their children safe. The two of them cannot fight off the entire village, but they can go somewhere else. Live somewhere where their children won’t be shunned. Not every village is like their own. There will be somewhere else, maybe across the river and over the mountains, where Chan’s skills as a trapper and furrier will be appreciated.
“Did you have fun with your friends?” Chan asks, nervous, like he’s afraid that he’ll break the spell of kindness Felix has gifted him.
Felix nods, continuing to smile. “Yes,” he answers, glancing briefly over his shoulder to look at Hyunjin and Jisung still at the bench. “I missed them.”
Chan frowns. Felix doesn’t like the look on him. “If you want . . . I could bring you to the village during the day? Maybe not every day, but I know how, uh, how difficult it can be to be away from the village.”
Felix has done nothing to deserve this kindness. He has treated Chan like a blight to the earth. Has even prayed for his downfall out of unjustified and ill-placed hate, and yet.
Chan still treats him so gently.
Felix smiles and does something that he’s never done before: he reaches out, touching Chan’s left arm, right above the elbow. Chan flinches, taken aback by the touch, eyes widening with surprise, but he doesn’t try to pull away. “Let’s go home, Chan.”
“Oh,” Chan breathes, nodding almost dumbly, like he’s mesmerized. “Home.”
It’s easy to turn Chan around and start towards home. The villagers stare at them as they pass, but Felix keeps his held high, grip loose on Chan’s bicep until their little hut comes into view. “I’ll start the fire.”
Chan nods, sighing disappointedly when Felix’s grip slips away. He stands still, watching Felix gather wood from a pile to start a fire. It’s cool enough throughout the night that they’ve taken to eating their meals outside.
Eventually Chan moves. He disappears off towards the river and returns a few minutes later, carrying a bass by its tail.
There are woven baskets in the river to trap the fish. Tomorrow Chan will retrieve a basket and bring it back, and Felix will have to get his hands dirty descaling and deboning the fish because Chan is unable to do it all with just one hand. It’s a task Felix has always disliked, too filthy and grimy for his delicate fingers, but there are no guarantees that Chan’s snares will catch anything larger than a few rabbits, and rabbits will not feed them throughout the winter. Fish will be the only way for them to survive.
The fish is already dead, suffocated of air when Chan lays it over the tree stump he uses to butcher animals. He sits on his knees, using the stump of his left arm to awkwardly hold the fish down so he can start the descaling process with a blunt knife, soiling his shirt.
Felix spends a copious amount of time at the river, cleaning Chan’s shirts.
He settles on a stump nearby after the fire has roared to life. “You can leave the bones.”
Chan lifts his head momentarily, studying Felix’s face. Felix never comes to sit with him as he works. After starting the fire, he usually makes himself scarce in the hut until Chan calls him out to eat. “Alright.” He returns to his work, descaling the fish quickly and effectively.
It’s not until the fish is over the fire and cooking does Chan speak again. “Did um . .. did something happen in the village?”
“What do you mean?” Felix wraps his arms around his legs and rests his chin on his knees. Usually they sit on opposites sides of the fire, but tonight he’s decided to sit on a log to the left of Chan.
Chan rubs the back of his head bashfully, looking at his feet. “You uh. You usually don’t, um, sit with me?” He lifts his eyes to look at Felix, cheeks red. “I mean. You can sit wherever you want. This is your home too but—”
“I haven’t been very kind to you.” The words flow easily from Felix’s mouth because it’s the truth. He hasn’t been kind.
Chan looks at him, eyes softening.
“I haven’t been very kind to you,” Felix repeats, peering at his bare toes that he’s dug into the dirt. “I was . . . upset about our Mating. I thought I deserved—” he struggles with his words, unsure of how to continue without hurting Chan’s feelings “—I thought I deserved someone different. I was angry with you, when I shouldn’t have been.” He lifts his eyes to look at Chan, sniffling. He feels on the verge of crying, embarrassed by his own cruelty. “No one told me how . . .” he licks his lips, nervous, “. . . how you lost your arm until today. I thought—I don’t know what I thought, but our village has been cruel to you. I’ve been cruel to you, and I’m sorry. You’ve been nothing but kind to me and I’ve been so cruel.”
“Felix,” Chan sighs when he begins to cry, big, angry, embarrassing tears. He shifts on his own log, coming closer. “Please don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry,” Felix cries, feeling incredibly stupid. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t cry,” Chan repeats, reaching out for his hand. His fingers are large and calloused, warm and heavy. “It’s alright, I understand. The Elders don’t. No one explains anything, to anyone.”
“That doesn’t mean that I could be cruel to you.” Felix hates to cry. Everyone says he’s a pretty crier, but he feels so stupid every time he does. There’s always a lot of snot involved, and when he starts, he can’t stop.
“Please, Felix,” Chan begs. “Don’t cry. It’s alright. I understand. I wouldn’t want to be mated to me either.”
Felix only sobs harder.
“My nose is too wide.” Chan smiles, self-deprecating. “And my lips are too big. I’m also missing an arm.”
“Stop.” Felix rubs at his eyes, trying to rid himself of tears. “Your nose is perfect. Your lips are pretty. They fit your face.”
Chan is still smiling. “And the arm?”
“It wasn’t your fault. You lost it keeping the village safe.” Felix wipes his nose on his sleeve. “And they threw you out when you were no longer useful. And I never . . . I never thought to think why you were out here, all alone.”
Chan’s smile finally falters. “Who told you about my arm?”
“My friend, Hyunjin. He said that you lost it when we were kids.”
“Oh,” Chan says, glancing down at his arm. “I didn’t lose it during the battle. I lost it after. A small cut became an infection that never went away. The healers tried for months but—” he shrugs, nonchalant, probably accepting of his fate after so many years. “Alphas are only valuable if they can fight and breed and well . . .” Chan ducks his head, cheeks coloring with embarrassment. “I can do neither.”
Shame makes Felix stop crying. They have never once spoken about their wedding night.
“I broke my leg a few years back and it just never healed properly. It doesn’t hurt so much during the warm weather, but during winter,” Chan grips the knee of his bad leg, giving it a squeeze. “It aches.”
He licks his lips, lifting his eyes. “I didn’t um. I didn’t ask for you. Not that I don’t want you. You’re amazing. Better than I ever expected. But I didn’t ask for you, or for any omega, not really. Winters are hard for me, so I went to the Elders and asked if there were any widowed or older omegas who wouldn’t mind coming just to help. Not to stay, but to come every few days. I think they had honestly forgotten that I existed. I should have known that I wasn’t . . . adequate for a mate and told them no, but the prospect of just having someone here to speak to . . . I’m sorry. I was being selfish. I can speak to the Elders. Tell them that I’m impotent. Any alpha would be happy to have you. I’ll swear to the gods that you’re still a virgin.”
Weeks ago Felix would have jumped at the opportunity. Would have dragged Chan straight to the Elders that very moment. But he hesitates now.
Leaving Chan seems cruel. Humiliating him further than he’s already been seems even crueler. Even if Felix says nothing about their failed marriage, he knows that rumors will spread. Walking through the village to trade his pelts will be absolute torture for Chan if Felix returns to the village.
“But you’re not. You can . . .” Felix pulls at the edge of his shirt, head aching at the turn of events. “You can . . . Jisung, says that there are um . . . other ways for us to consummate our marriage.”
It shouldn’t be this hard to talk about these things with his mate, but it is, because Felix has been horrible to Chan. They have been together all spring and most of summer, and Felix can count on one hand how many times he’s held a conversation with the alpha. If he had been better, been nicer at the beginning, they could have been at least friends by now, maybe even lovers.
“I wish to stay. I want to stay. We will figure it out, together.”
“I cannot take you like the respectable omega that you are, Felix. The village will continue to shame you. Our children—”
“I said we will figure it out together.” Felix sniffles, holding his head high. He doesn’t mention the other things Jisung told him about the different ways they can mate. Chan is an alpha who once went to war. The alpha must know what to do when Felix isn’t so worried about being respectable. Jisung said that there is more than one way to do these things; they’ll figure it out together.
Chan’s smile is blinding. He looks genuinely so happy. “I think we burnt the fish.”
“The fish?”
Chan nods down at the fish cooking over the fire. It’s turned black, and the delicate meat is sliding off the bones and into the fire, too overdone. “Shit!”
“It’s okay,” Chan laughs as Felix tries to salvage what’s left. “There is bread and fruit inside. We can try fish again tomorrow.”
“You distracted me,” Felix accuses, keeping his voice light and a smile on his face. They have a fragile and frail truce. He doesn’t want to ruin what little peace they have between them. “It’s your fault that we have no meat for our dinner.”
“I’m sorry,” Chan says, not sounding the least bit sorry. He sounds happy. Gods he must have been so lonely for so long. “I’ll fetch the bread.”
Felix gets rid of the ruined fish, burying it with his hands so it doesn’t attract any unwanted visitors. Chan returns with the bread, taking his place on his log. Felix tentatively sits next to him, knocking their knees together. “Thank you for being so kind.”
Chan hums, bumping their knees playfully. He is a gentle, kind, forgiving soul. Felix cannot imagine him on a battlefield, tearing the village’s enemies down, but he must have been a good warrior if the Elders are still willing to mate him off. Loneliness must have made him a kinder, softer, person.
- - -
Despite their newfound understanding of each other, Chan still does not attempt to touch him outside of brushing their fingers together when he hands Felix the knife to descale the fish, or when their knees bump together comfortably as they sit in front of the fire and eat.
He does not turn his back on Felix when they sleep, but he does not reach out from him in the night, either.
Felix is happy for that.
Chan does not disgust him as he used to. His anger and bitterness scarred his perception of the alpha. Chan is quite beautiful; that wide nose and those big lips fit his face perfectly. His jaw is hard while his face always remains soft and kind. When he takes his shirt off at night before he goes to wash, his muscles now leave Felix swallowing uncomfortably.
But.
He feels happy that Chan has not attempted to rectify the mishap of their wedding night.
He would not shy away if Chan tried, but it feels better this way. He doesn’t doubt that the other alphas love his friends, or at least feel an immense fondness for them, but their relationships were forged by necessity and not something deeper.
He’s been given an opportunity to get to know Chan in a way that the omegas of their village are rarely allowed to get to know their alphas. Their friendship will come first before Chan will ever be inside of him, as long as his Heat holds off.
Chan keeps to his word about delivering Felix to the village. He cannot come every day because Chan needs his help gathering supplies for the upcoming winter, but every few days he walks Felix to the edge of the village and sees him safely inside before he returns to the hut, only retrieving Felix when the sun is starting to set low in the sky, so Felix has as much time as possible with Jisung and Hyunjin and even Seungmin, who he now considers a close friend.
Felix brings their winter clothes with him to hem and mend. His sire never brought him his clothes, but he had been able to retrieve what he could from his old home on his second visit back. His sire hadn’t been home, but his carrier had been, too busy with his younger siblings and the cows and pigs to pay him any mind. He is a disappointment to his parents, he knows. A waste of their good, impeccable breeding, but no one argues with the Elders.
His own clothes don’t need much work, but Chan’s have been neglected for years. There are rips and tears and teeth marks in the sleeves of his right arm from where he has to use his teeth to pull up his sleeve.
Felix starts there, mending the sleeves of Chan’s summer shirts so that they’re short, rolled up around his biceps so that he longer has to struggle. Chan’s winter shirts are easier: all Felix has to do is cut the sleeve below the elbow and sew the fabric together. He usually hates sewing, but fixing Chan’s clothes feels satisfying; doing something to help Chan when one else has in such a long time makes something deep in his soul feel good.
There are days, though, when Chan cannot escort him to the village. The pelts he brings to the village afford him coin, bread, and cheese; little consolation for all the work that he puts into producing such fine pelts, but without any animals of their own, the cheese and bread are a good way to fill their bellies while allowing them to preserve the meat from the animals Chan has trapped for winter.
On those days, Felix joins Chan in the forest to check the snares.
The forest is mostly quiet, except for the sounds of the birds in the trees. As an omega, Felix has rarely stepped foot outside of the safety of the village. There are wolves out here, and bears too. Sometimes alphas who have been kicked out of their own villages lurk in the trees, waiting for an unsuspecting omega to steal.
Chan at least carries a knife in his bag. It’s long and sharp, able to do serious damage. In a fight against another alpha, Felix doesn’t believe that Chan will win, or even in a fight against a bear or a wolf, but he sticks close anyway; even disabled, Chan has a better chance of defending them than he does on his own.
It’s in the near serenity of the forest that Felix is able to observe Chan more closely without the alpha noticing.
Chan knows the forest like the back of his hand. He leads Felix through what feels like a series of mazes, never once looking over his shoulder to check where they’re going, or if Felix is following.
He finds each snare he’s set easily, even those hidden in thick brush, and uses a small noose to break the animal’s neck if it hasn’t already been broken by the snare. He works quickly, disentangling the animal from the snare, using his left arm to hold the body down and his right hand to unwrap the wire.
Sometimes when they’re walking, he holds his hand up, signaling for Felix to stop walking and be quiet. While Felix’s heart beats rapidly away in his chest with fear, Chan stands stoic, listening, never giving a sign one way or another about what he’s hearing.
Nothing bad ever comes from the stoppage. No bear or wolf or alpha ever jumps out of the trees. Whatever it is that Chan hears, it carries along on its way, but something about those moments, after the fear has dwindled, settles something inside of Felix.
Chan is capable of protecting and providing for him. He won’t win a fight, but protecting Felix includes steering him away from danger, too. Rabbits aren’t a big game prize, but the storeroom under the floorboards of their little hut is full of meat to see them through the winter.
Whatever subconscious doubts he had about allowing Chan to father his children are put to rest. Chan will be a good father. He will keep Felix, and their children, safe. He will provide for them and keep them safe and warm.
Felix will be proud to carry Chan’s children.
- - -
Felix’s birth day sneaks up faster than he expected.
It’s chilly in the mornings now, but the sun does still sit high in the sky, keeping the earth warm. He means to spend the day with Jisung, who’s birth day is only the day before and who he’s celebrated with since they were children, but Chan’s leg has been bothering him lately. It’s starting to get cold, and Chan’s old, sore, muscles are starting to ache more.
Chan needs his help tilling the garden and picking the vegetables; usually he can handle it alone before Felix even wakes, but it’s gotten harder for him to bend or kneel and get back up. As winter sneaks its way in, life will only continue to get more challenging for Chan, who puts on a brave face and asks Felix for help with red, embarrassed ears, ashamed of his inability to handle the garden alone.
Felix only smiles kindly at the request. He is only twenty, and there will be plenty of birth days to celebrate, with or without Jisung. Besides, without the vegetables to provide them with nutrients, they might not make it through the winter, and their survival is far more important than sitting around with his friends and gossiping.
Chan holds the wicker basket as Felix leans forward and plucks carrots from the ground and peas from their branches. They work in comfortable silence, sharing a flask of water between them until the sun is too high and they have to take a break under the shade of a tree.
Felix lies on his side, cheek balanced in his hand. A midday nap won’t set them back far; their garden is only small, just wide enough to plant enough to feed two people. The sun still remains high even late into the afternoon. There will still be ample sunlight if he closes his eyes and naps for an hour or two, if only he could get comfortable.
He hasn’t slept on the ground since he was a child when it was much easier to fall asleep anywhere. The hut with their surprisingly soft mattress is right there, but it’s still too hot inside, even with the window and door open to let in a breeze.
Chan watches him struggle to get comfortable. “Here,” he eventually says, moving the water flask from his lap. “My lap would be more comfortable.”
Felix hesitates. They don’t touch, not on purpose. It’s always just a brush of their fingers as they hand each other tools or their knees bumping together when they eat.
“Uhm, I mean. You don’t have to put your head in my lap if you don’t want to,” Chan quickly says, sensing his hesitation. He rubs the back of his head and looks away, grinning shyly, a nervous habit of his. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. It’s weird to tell someone to do that.”
“No, no, it’s okay,” Felix says, stuffing down his hesitation. Chan’s thighs are thick and muscular, only growing wider when he sits. They’ll be ten times more comfortable for his head than the ground. “It’s not weird.” With little grace, he pulls himself over to Chan and drops his head into his lap, stretching his legs out and facing Chan’s stomach rather than the hut because his thick body will shade his eyes from the sun. “Thank you.”
“No problem,” Chan murmurs, hand stiff at his side. Felix closes his eyes, trying not to shift. His head is lying precariously close to Chan’s groin; he knows from experience that too much moving around won’t be comfortable for Chan.
A blush slowly makes its way across his face. This is the closest he’s ever actually been to Chan’s cock. The material of Chan’s pants is thin; if he opens his mouth and tilts his head just right, he can breathe hot, warm, air over the alpha.
The thought makes him suddenly ache between his legs, immediately torn between embarrassment and arousal. He shouldn’t be thinking about taking Chan’s cock between his lips and sucking teasingly on the head. He shouldn’t be thinking about swallowing Chan’s cock down until it hits the back of his throat.
He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to think of other things. The laundry that needs to be taken off the line; the mending he needs to do on their winter furs; the rest of the garden he still needs to till over again, but nothing helps. His cock continues to ache between his legs, steadily growing harder.
To his horror, he feels slick slide from his hole, wet and messy.
No.
He sits up suddenly, almost slamming his head into Chan’s chin.
Chan’s eyes grow wide with concern. “Felix?”
“Sorry!” Felix mumbles, scrambling to his feet, which is a mistake. Chan is eye level with his groin, where the evidence of his arousal is thick and angry. The alpha takes a deep breath, eyes pinpointed embarrassingly on Felix’s crotch.
“Oh,” he says, voice sounding dreamy before he shakes his head, snapping himself out of it. “Felix . . .”
His name coming from Chan’s lips makes Felix moan. He immediately clamps down on his bottom lip, almost hard enough to draw blood.
Chan looks like he wants to touch him. For the first time in weeks, Felix is glad that Chan is disabled. He cannot climb to his feet quickly enough to grab him before he runs off towards the river.
- - -
Felix dunks himself into the water, not even bothering to remove his clothes.
The rapid, cold water knocks some sense into him. It washes away his arousal and the light stream of slick between his legs, but he knows if this is his Heat, he cannot find solace in the river for forever. Soon enough the overwhelming pain in his abdomen will take over, and he’ll need Chan to make the pain go away.
His cheeks are on fire as he drapes himself over a large boulder, humiliated by his body’s reaction to just being so close to Chan.
It’s natural he tells himself. His Heat was bound to happen, one way or another, if not today, maybe tomorrow, or next week, or not for another six months. Either way, his body is supposed to respond to Chan’s. Chan is his alpha, after all.
But the thought of his Heat setting in as he thought improper thoughts about sucking Chan’s cock—that’s what sets Felix’s ears aflame.
It doesn’t matter what Jisung or Hyunjin or Seungmin say. It’s vulgar, improper. They’re omegas with impeccable breeding, not the whores who follow alphas from camp to camp.
His mind drifts back to Chan’s cock. He’s seen it a few times now, flaccid against his thigh when Felix has woken in the middle of the night to take a piss. It’s thick, even when flaccid. His memory of it when it was hard from their wedding night is blurry, but he knows instinctively that it will only grow larger when the alpha is aroused.
He swallows, butterflies floating in his chest. The cold water of the river is helping to keep his cock down and is washing away any evidence of his slick, but it doesn’t stop his body from growing aroused at the thought.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so awful to put Chan’s cock in his mouth.
Hyunjin does it frequently. Changbin plays with his hair gently and calls him pretty. The taste of seed is strange, but Changbin is always willing to reciprocate. Changbin has even put his mouth where his cock should go. Felix had turned absolutely pink at that information, and he hadn’t been able to look the alpha in the eye when he had come to collect his mate later that day.
Hyunjin hadn’t been ashamed of the act. The way that he had described it with his head held high, a sly grin plastered across his face . . . Felix hates to admit that it made him curious. Hyunjin had said that it felt good, no, better than good. Changbin knew what he was doing with his tongue, and being that intimate with someone—it was indescribable.
Felix doesn’t know if he would want Chan doing that to him, but his mind can’t stop thinking about Chan’s cock inside of his mouth; how thick it would be, how badly his jaw would ache, what Chan’s seed would taste like.
It’s the Heat hormones, he tells himself. Omegas do indescribable things when they’re in Heat, things that aren’t supposed to happen outside of Heat.
Except they do.
Multiple times between multiple couples.
“Felix?” Chan’s voice, low and concerned, draws Felix out of his thoughts.
The alpha is on shore, a towel draped over his good arm and the wicker basket that’s supposed to be full of their vegetables at his feet. He’s managed to start a fire without Felix noticing.
“I’m going to leave these things here for you,” he says, always the respectful, kind, alpha. “The temperatures will start to drop soon. You shouldn’t stay in the water too long, or you’ll get sick. The basket has cheese and bread. I’ll come back to check on you in a few hours.”
“You’re going to leave me?” The words tumble out of Felix’s mouth in a panic. He whines, feeling his eyes start to brim with unshed tears. The thought of Chan leaving him digs a hole into his chest.
Chan looks confused. “You ran away from me. If you’re not comfortable, I don’t need to stay. But if you want me to, I will.”
Chan deserves piles of gold for his patience and kindness. “Please.” Felix rubs at his eyes. The sudden need to be close to Chan causes him to shakily stand. “I’m sorry. This is all so confusing. Don’t leave. I’m going to need you, probably.”
“Probably,” Chan repeats, voice light and amused, overly fond like he always is when Felix doesn’t deserve it. He wades into the water, soaking his pants, but Felix is glad for it. Suddenly it feels like his legs can’t move on their own.
Chan’s grip on his arm is refreshing. “You’ve already got a fever,” he says, frowning. Felix hadn’t even noticed. “Let’s get you home before the Heat really sets in.” He guides Felix out of the water and puts the fire out while Felix stands around uselessly, head feeling heavy.
“Chan,” he whines, still conscious enough that his mind can form thoughts of fear and worry. “Chan, we haven’t even—”
“I’ll take care of you,” Chan says, his hand on Felix’s lower back, sounding the most confident Felix has ever heard him. His eyes are dark and heavy. When he draws close enough, Felix can feel his cock, hard and thick as it bumps against his thigh. “I promise.”
“Okay,” Felix relents, and lets Chan guide him home.
- - -
Felix can barely remember his Heat.
He remembers the fervor of it; the way his body started to feel on fire, the way he was so desperate for Chan, the way his abdomen gave sharp, angry, cramps until Chan was inside of him, knot thick and heavy, but he doesn’t remember much else. He doesn’t remember what position Chan took him in, or for how long. He only remembers drinking water once, and rolling hips back against Chan.
He remembers the growl of Chan’s voice in his ear, and nothing else.
He wakes feeling groggy, limbs heavy.
The hut feels hot and smells of sweat and the lingering aroma of their scents mixing together. His tummy is sticky from seed—whether it’s his or Chan’s, he honestly doesn’t know. He doesn’t dare to open his legs.
Chan is nowhere to be seen.
Felix sucks in a breath, fighting back tears. He feels lonely, abandoned, like a forgotten toy, but not for long. A few seconds after he opens his eyes and realizes that he’s alone, Chan enters the hut, wet washcloth in hand.
“Sorry, sorry,” he says when he sees Felix’s face. “Sorry, I just went to the river to get fresh water.” He struggles down onto the mattress, grimacing. His leg must be bothering him. Felix feels guilty. “How are you feeling?”
Better, now that he knows that he hasn’t been abandoned. “Sticky,” he settles on. “Everything is—”
“Yeah, I know,” Chan says, amused. “Here, let me.” He drags the wet cloth over Felix’s stomach, wiping away the evidence of seed. “Can you open your legs for me? I know it’s embarrassing, but I want to clean you up.”
Felix throws his arm over his eyes and spreads his legs, cheeks going red. He feels Chan’s seed leak out of him and he wants to cry from embarrassment, when he shouldn’t. Chan has had him multiple times. He’s seen Felix’s hole spread open on his cock, but Felix can’t remember any of it, so it feels like the first time all over again.
The cloth against his hole, wet and slightly warm, makes him flinch. “Sorry,” Chan says under his breath, wiping gently. “Almost done.”
Felix holds his breath until Chan is finished.
He tries to shut his legs, but Chan is still between them. Chan takes his arm and pries it away from his eyes. Felix blinks up at him. Chan smiles down at him. “You okay?”
Felix mulls over the question. Nothing really hurts. His thighs ache, but nothing a quick soak in the river won’t fix. His ego is bruised with embarrassment, he thinks. He can barely remember being deflowered. He doesn’t know if that’s a good thing yet or not. “Was I a whore?”
Chan giggles. The accompanying smile lights up his entire face. The crinkling of his eyes adds to the beauty of his smile. Fondness squeezes Felix’s heart. He smiles back, for once enjoying the way he blushes under the scrutiny of Chan’s gaze.
Chan leans forward. Felix thinks that he might kiss him. “You were a whore,” he says gently and kisses Felix’s cheek.
Felix groans. He tries to throw his arm over his eyes to hide his face again, but Chan catches his wrist. His grip is strong and assured. “It’s okay, you know. Whatever the Elders told you . . . out here, it doesn’t matter. I know that’s not much solace for being mated to the village cripple, but—”
“Don’t call yourself that.”
Chan smiles at him, not as warm or as lovely as before. It’s a tight-lipped smile, holding back his pain. “It’s true.”
“Fuck the village,” Felix hisses, anger itching under his skin. “Fuck all of them, Chan. They don’t know you.”
“And you do?”
Felix closes his mouth before he starts to chew on his bottom lip, frustrated. He knows Chan, better than the village does. Maybe he doesn’t know everything about the alpha, but he knows that Chan is smart and kind and a skilled trapper. “I know you better than the village. They don’t deserve you. Don’t call yourself that again. I won’t stand for it, Chan.”
“Okay,” Chan relents, although his tone of voice suggests that he will call himself the village cripple again, even if Felix doesn’t like it.
The alpha doesn’t move away, but the tension in the air is thick and uncomfortable. If this counts as their first fight, then Felix doesn’t like it. He wants to break the tension, make Chan smile at him again. “How whorish did I act?”
Chan is taken aback by the question, but at least that warm, happy smile returns. “Do you really want to know?”
“Yes,” Felix lies. Does he really want to know? Not really. But he feels like he needs to. At least he’ll have a story to share with his friends when he sees them next.
Chan shakes his head, but he looks fond. It might just be his default face when it comes to Felix, though. “I took you the first time on your back. The pheromones made it easy to ignore the pain in my leg, but when it was over—” Chan looks embarrassed. Felix reaches out, squeezing his bicep. There is nothing for him to be ashamed about, but as an alpha, it must hurt Chan’s ego. “—I wanted to take you on your side, but you were being a little . . . difficult. You wouldn’t turn over so I wasn’t on my bad arm. Instead you got so frustrated with me that you pushed me on to my back, climbed on top of me, and proceeded to ride me for the next three days.”
Felix’s ears are aflame. He blames Jisung for putting the idea in his head. “You’re telling lies, Chan. I would never.”
Chan’s grin is cruelly smug. “You seemed to really enjoy it. You wouldn’t get off my cock for anything. I think you liked having me under you.”
“It was the Heat,” Felix insists.
“I think you would enjoy it, even outside of your Heat.” Chan suddenly realizes the weight of his words. “I mean, we don’t have to do anything out of your Heat. But I think. Never mind. You must be hungry. I’ll go fetch you some venison. It should be done drying by now.” He makes to stand up, delayed by his leg.
Felix grabs his wrist, pulling him back down. “Would you want to?” He can’t believe he’s asking this, but a nasty little seed has now been planted in his head. “Would you want to fuck me outside of my Heat?”
Chan’s eyes are heavy with lust as he looks Felix up and down. For the first time, Felix is made aware that he’s naked while Chan is fully clothed, his legs still spread fully for his alpha’s eyes. The lust in Chan’s eyes doesn’t make Felix flustered with mortification. Instead it makes him feel powerful. Wanted. “Yes, gods. Yes. But only if you want to, Felix. I wouldn’t ever. Not if you didn’t want to. Just having you here with me, that’s enough.”
Felix wants to wrap his arms around Chan’s neck and pull him down for a kiss, but he knows that that would unbalance the alpha, so instead he takes Chan’s hand. He plays with Chan’s thick fingers, running his thumb over each knuckle. “I can’t remember anything about my Heat. Did you kiss me?”
“I tried,” Chan says, watching him. “But you wouldn’t let me. You were like a little demon. You would bounce away on my cock until you were knotted, and then you would slump over and fall right asleep until you were ready to ride me again. You didn’t want much to do with me, unless it involved my cock.”
“Sorry,” Felix mumbles, trying to stifle his shame. He lifts his eyes, trying to feel confident. Chan is looking at him so fondly, like he could hang the moon. It gives Felix the confidence to ask, “Will you kiss me now?”
For once Chan doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t stop to ask if this is what Felix wants. He leans forward, bracing his hand next to Felix’s head to keep his balance.
Felix closes his eyes instinctively. He almost opens them again, but then Chan’s lips are on his, cloud-soft to the touch. He gasps, surprised by the softness and tenderness of Chan’s lips.
The first kiss is soft and quick, barely a brush of lips against lips, but then Chan comes back, startling another gasp out of Felix, and slips his tongue inside, running it across Felix’s own. Felix gasps again, fingers reaching out to clasp tightly in Chan’s shirt, startled by the shock of excitement that rolls down his spine.
Chan moans into his mouth, dragging a startled groan out of Felix. The noise is pleasant and deep, Chan’s chest rumbling. Felix returns the noise as Chan licks over his gums, feeling a familiar ache between his legs, this time not accompanied by the familiar feeling of slick.
Chan deepens the kiss, licking over his gums and the roof of his mouth. Felix tries to follow along and return the favor, but his tongue only ends up sitting uselessly at the bottom of his mouth. He’s drooling too, getting spit everywhere.
Embarrassment seeps into every crevice and pore of his body when Chan pulls away and licks his lips, chin wet from his spit. Gods, he’s awful at this, but Chan says nothing about his inexperience or the amount of drool on his face. He looks impossibly fond as he sits up and shifts his weight, subtly trying to make himself more comfortable.
“Oh,” Felix says, feeling selfish. This can’t be comfortable for Chan. He’s sitting on his side, bad leg stretched out behind him. He has to twist on his side to kiss Felix, who’s been lying impassively and comfortably on their mattress. “Here, should we—”
“Whatever makes you comfortable,” Chan replies, ever the self-sacrificing alpha.
Felix rolls his eyes with a heavy sigh, pushing himself up. He doesn’t know exactly where to go or what to do, but this won’t be fun, he knows, if Chan is uncomfortable.
“Remember the first time we did this?” he says, not meaning to bring up bad memories and ruin the mood, but besides their little fireside chat, they’ve never really spoken about the failures of that night. “I want you to be comfortable too. It’s not just all about me.”
Chan gives him that stupid, fond look again. Felix rolls his eyes at him, but he can’t keep the smile off his face. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Okay,” Chan agrees and doesn’t stop, even when he shifts to remove his shirt and pants.
Felix tries not to stare at Chan’s cock, sitting half-hard against his thigh, but it’s nearly impossible not to. In the light of the day he can see every vein, can marvel at the soft pink fleshy color of it, and watch it grow harder under his unrelenting, hungry gaze. He licks his lips, imagining the head splitting his mouth open. It will be messy, even messier than their sloppy kiss, but he can learn, if only Chan would let him.
He blames his horniness on post-Heat hormones.
Chan arranges himself so his back is against the wall, using the furs from the bed to cushion his back. He spreads his legs, heavy cock curved back towards his belly.
Felix’s own cock has grown heavy between his thighs, not as thick or as long as Chan’s, the head oversensitive. He crawls between Chan’s spread legs, stopping just below his knees to sit back on his own, not exactly sure what to do now, but he wants to be brave and confident about this.
“I want . . . I wish to try something,” he says, mouth watering again at the thought of swallowing Chan’s cock.
“Anything you want,” Chan agrees, taking hold of his dick and giving it a tug. Felix watches his hand, mesmerized. Gods, Chan must be able to smell how turned on he is.
“I won’t be any good at it,” Felix mumbles, crawling the last little foot up Chan’s legs until he’s eye level with Chan’s dick. It won’t be comfortable to just lean over and suck his cock into his mouth, so he shifts onto his belly, balancing himself on his forearms. From here, he can smell the musk-hot scent of Chan’s arousal.
Chan hums, reaching out with his left arm to touch Felix, but he quickly drops the arm back to his side and curses.
“Here,” Felix says confidently. “Let me.” He takes ahold of Chan’s cock, right above his hand. The flesh is hard and thick in his grip. He feels it pulse when he squeezes his hand. He has never touched a cock other than his own before.
Chan pulls his hand away and immediately buries it in Felix’s hair, running his fingers through the soft locks as Felix slides his hand down the base. The slide doesn’t feel good, the friction too dry.
He can fix that with his mouth.
He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and wraps his lips around the head of Chan’s dick.
The cap tastes salty, but not unpleasant. He sucks his cheeks, unsure of what to do, and Chan gasps, bucking his hips up, forcing his cock deeper into his mouth. Felix chokes immediately, feeling like he might be sick, but Chan lowers his hips quickly, and the feeling ebbs.
“Sorry,” Chan sighs, pulling softly at Felix’s hair. “Try and cover your teeth with your lips and bob your head up and down. Don’t forget to breathe through your nose.”
Felix does as he’s told, thankful for the help, delighted that Chan is neither disappointed nor demanding. He bobs his head slowly, careful of his teeth until he builds more confidence and is able to go faster and not choke himself.
He moans at the slide of Chan’s cock over his tongue, over the musky, warm, hot scent of Chan’s arousal so potent and close to his nose, over the drool slipping from his mouth and onto his hand, making everything wetter.
Chan moans above him too, fingers flexing in his hair, hips minutely thrusting into Felix’s mouth. “Fuck,” he groans, the sound of his voice making Felix’s cock leak pre-cum, aroused about how he and only he can make Chan sound like that. “You’re doing so good, baby.”
The endearment makes Felix gasp, Chan’s cock slipping from his mouth. There’s a trail of spit from his mouth to the head. It makes Felix flush.
“You okay?” Chan’s fingers are still in his hair. His thumb drags over the tip of Felix’s ear, sending a shock of pleasure down Felix’s spine. He didn’t know that his ears could be so sensitive.
“Yeah,” Felix breathes, catching his breath. His lips feel swollen. There’s spit all over his chin. His cock has never been so hard before, not even when he first discovered that he could pleasure himself with his hand. It bobs between his thighs as he sits up. “I like that name you called me.”
Chan grins at him, cupping Felix’s face. His calloused thumb against his cheek feels good. “Baby?”
The endearment makes something soft and warm spring up in Felix’s throat. He’s heard other alphas in the village call their omegas baby before, but he never imagined that he would be on the receiving end of it one day.
“Yeah,” he sighs, feeling warm and bubbly and undoubtedly still so horny. “I like it.”
“Okay baby,” Chan says, the word rolling off his tongue with a happy, bright smile. “I’ll keep calling you that.” Felix smiles back, resting his hands on Chan’s knees. “Are you still doing okay, though? The past three days have been a lot.”
His legs and his jaw ache, but Felix feels okay. Maybe later, when the Heat hormones have left he’ll have a minor, little, panic about the steps their relationship has taken, but right now, he’s okay. “I’m fine. How about you? How’s your leg? How was the . . .” he waves his hand in the direction of Chan’s dick, which is still hard and shiny at the tip from pre-cum and Felix’s spit.
Chan hums nonchalantly, dark eyes pinpointed on Felix’s face. It makes Felix feel like prey, but in a good way. There are butterflies in his chest as Chan leans forward and forces him to tip backwards until he finds himself on his back.
Chan is hovering over him. This cannot be good for Chan’s leg. “Chan—”
“You did really well, baby,” Chan purrs, sounding nothing like the man Felix knows. He sounds confident, reassured about his role in the bedroom. He’s the one in control, and Felix is just here to do what he’s told. It sends a shiver down Felix’s spine. “But I should have demonstrated first.”
“Demonstr—?” Is all Felix is able to say before Chan is swallowing his cock down.
The hot, wet, heat of Chan’s mouth almost makes Felix’s brain short circuit. Chan is able to take him all the way down his throat without gagging. The slide of his cock in and out of Chan’s mouth as he bobs his head and hollows his cheeks and sucks makes Felix want to cry, overwhelmed by the sensation.
He digs his fingers into Chan’s hair, tugging harshly. He fucks his hips into his mouth, unable to control the desperate need to feel more of that wet, hot, heat. Chan just hums appreciatively and continues to bob, eyes closed in concentration. Felix tries not to look at him; his lips look so fucking good wrapped around his cock.
“Chan, Chan, Chan,” he chants, rolling his hips, watching his cock almost slip from Chan’s mouth before Chan swallows him back down with ease. “Chan.”
Chan hums as if to ask yes? and the vibrations make Felix sob. It feels good. So fucking good. He has never felt so good in his entire life.
“Chan,” he tries again, feeling his release tight in his balls. He’s going to cum soon, he knows it. He can feel the familiar flex of his toes that always accompanies his release. He doesn’t know much about sex, but he does know that despite how good it will feel for him to cum in Chan’s mouth, it won’t feel particularly nice for Chan.
“Chan I’m going to—” Chan opens his eyes, flicks his tongue against the head, and Felix cums in his mouth. He sobs, embarrassed by his lack of tack, but his mind soon short-circuits, and he can no longer care as pleasure washes sweetly over him.
His cock slips free from Chan’s mouth with a lewd pop! The alpha has to sit up to wipe his mouth on his left bicep and to relieve some pressure on his leg.
Felix sucks in deep breaths as his brain tries to get working again. He closes his eyes, feeling the sweat start to dry on his skin. His breath finally evens out and he pops his eyes open to stare at the ceiling.
“I told you,” he says, when he can get his mouth to work again, “to stop making yourself uncomfortable.”
“I’m fine,” Chan says from somewhere to his left. “Making you feel good helps the pain go away.”
Felix rolls his eyes, annoyed. “Stop,” he says, putting authority into his tone. “Stop hurting yourself on my behalf. We can do all these things without you hurting yourself.”
“I’m sorry,” Chan replies, sounding remorseful. Felix sits up on his elbows to look at him. Chan’s lips are swollen. His cock is still heavy and hard between his thighs. He’s beautiful, even as he pouts at Felix and looks like a kicked puppy. “I just want you to feel good.”
Felix sits up fully. “I can’t feel good if I know that you’re in pain.”
Chan looks like he wants to argue because it’s obvious that he can, but he’s a fast learner and smartly keeps his mouth shut.
Felix runs his hands through his hair, feeling how sweaty and gross it is. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands now, or how to transition into the actual sex. Chan is still hard, and he wants to make him feel good, but all his pre-release confidence has evaporated.
Chan leans back against the wall and opens his arms. “Come here,” he demands gently, and Felix goes to him. He settles easily on Chan’s lap, like he’s always belonged there. Chan’s cock is still hard against his ass. The thought of that thick, fat, cock being inside of him makes Felix’s toes curl.
He knows now that he can take it—has taken it multiple times over multiple days. His body’s natural slick only made it easier to skip the first step. He can do this. He will do this.
He lifts his hips to get more comfortable. When he sits back down, the head of Chan’s cock slips between his cheeks and catches at his still sensitive rim, startling a moan out of him.
“We don’t have to,” Chan says, hand on his hip. “You need to rest.”
“No,” Felix says, more forcibly than he means to. “No,” he repeats, calmer. “I want to do this with you. Get the oil, please.”
Chan hesitates. “Felix . . .”
“Get the oil,” Felix repeats, lifting his hips and dropping back down, just to feel Chan’s dick against his rim. He’s sore, he won’t lie. “I want to know what it feels like to have you inside me.”
That gets Chan moving. He grabs the oil, spilling it over the new rabbit pelt they just put down. “Put your hands on my shoulders and sit up on your knees.”
Felix does as he’s told, placing his hands on Chan’s shoulders and sitting up on his knees. Chan smiles at him reassuringly as he dips his fingers liberally in the pot of oil before bringing them to Felix’s hole. “Tell me if it hurts too much.” It’s the only warning Felix gets before Chan pushes two fingers inside of him. It stings, but Felix’s rim gives easily, still open from their previous couplings.
The sting soon gives way to something better. Not quite pleasure, but a feeling of emptiness that he wasn’t aware of before disappears. Chan pumps his fingers in and out, watching his face with heavy eyes. “Feels good?”
Felix nods, closing his eyes. Chan leans forward and kisses his forehead as he slips a third finger in besides the other two. Felix groans at the stretch and the sting. Chan keeps his fingers still, letting him breathe it out before he starts to work his fingers again. “You’re doing so well, baby,” he praises, sending a thrill down Felix’s spine. “You’re almost ready.”
Felix breathes in and out, concentrating on the feel of Chan’s fingers inside of him, thick, and spreading him so wide. It feels good now, pleasurable instead of just pain.
Chan pulls his fingers free and pushes them back in, and on this time they hit something inside of Felix, something familiar that startles a gasp out of him and sends a wave of pleasure through his body. He remembers this, from their wedding night— it’s that sweet little spot inside of him that he didn’t want Chan to touch.
Now he wants him to touch it, again and again and again. “Chan,” he groans, trying to rock his hips and make Chan do it again. “Please,” he whines.
Chan doesn’t listen. He draws his fingers free and makes Felix sob. “Hey,” he says, voice soft like he’s speaking to a spooked animal. “I’ve got you. It will feel better like this, I promise. Just need you to lower yourself onto my cock, okay baby? I’ll hold it still for you.”
Chan’s directions sound ridiculous to his too-hot ears, but Felix trusts that he’ll be right. He opens his eyes to find Chan staring at him, mouth slightly agape, pupils blown wide. It makes Felix flush; Chan likes him like this.
He braces his hands on Chan’s shoulders and spreads his legs. Chan’s cock is long enough that he doesn’t have to lower himself far before he feels the head bump against his rim. He takes a deep breath and pushes down, biting his lip as Chan breeches his hole.
Chan’s dick is thicker than his fingers. It hurts, it hurts. It feels like he’s being split in half, but under that hurt is the promise of pleasure, so he keeps going. He takes deep breaths and lets gravity help him take Chan’s cock inch by inch until there’s nothing left for him to take.
“Well done, baby,” Chan sighs, sounding like he’s strained. Felix worries that he’s hurt him somehow—put too much weight on his bad leg maybe, but a closer inspection of Chan’s face doesn’t show any pain. His fingers on Felix’s hip keep flexing, as if trying to keep himself under control. “Fuck, you’re still so tight.”
Something akin to glee sweeps over Felix, happy and dumb over the fact that he has this effect on Chan. He clenches and unclenches, just to watch Chan bite his lip, but it’s not as playfully cruel as he means it to be, because the feeling of Chan so large inside of him makes him moan.
“Fuck,” Chan curses, fingers squeezing tight on Felix’s hip. “You’re a fucking tease.”
Felix has never heard Chan curse so much. He quite likes it. “I think you called me ‘a little demon’ before,” he breathes.
Chan lifts his eyebrow, hips shifting. Felix groans at the movement. “I don’t think I would ever call my sweet, delicate, little omega a ‘little demon’. There’s no way such a sweet little thing like you could fit that description.”
Felix knows when he’s being goaded. Without the Heat hormones he doesn’t actually think he could be a little demon, but he can try.
He digs his fingers into the flesh of Chan’s shoulders for balance and slowly lifts himself up. The drag feels incredible, setting every nerve on fire. He looks at Chan as he moves, cock twitching to life at the heavy look of arousal on the alpha’s face. He leans forward, capturing Chan’s lips in a kiss as he lowers himself back down. Their combined moans makes it easy to slip his tongue inside of Chan’s mouth.
He's not a great kisser yet, that much is obvious, but he tries to copy what Chan did earlier: he licks his tongue and over the roof of his mouth, drawing another moan out of Chan.
He has to pull away eventually to concentrate on riding Chan. His thighs are already starting to burn, the ache feeling familiar. At first he doesn’t understand how or why he managed to do this for three days straight, but on one downward stroke, he shifts a little, and the head of Chan’s cock bumps against that little sweet spot inside of him and the pain in his thighs goes away.
He lifts up and back down, hitting the spot again, and his mind goes blessedly nearly blank. Oh, he thinks, doing it again and again, breathing heavily, stuffing down any shame as he mewls and rocks and keens and lifts and drops and moans, chasing the pleasure of the drag of Chan’s cock inside of him and the feeling of the head deliciously against the tiny cluster of nerves deep inside of him.
“Fuck,” he cries, fingers clutching meanly in the meat of Chan’s shoulders. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
Chan breathes heavily below him, hand still tight on his hip. He watches Felix take his pleasure, mouth open to take in the scent of their fucking. “Baby,” he moans and Felix keens. “There’s my little demon.”
The nickname makes Felix cry out. Every movement of his hips drags his cock against Chan’s abs. He won’t last much longer, not like this. “Chan.”
“Just a little more,” Chan murmurs, and despite all of Felix’s earlier protests about him staying comfortable, he bends his knees, cups Felix’s ass, and thrusts up. It knocks the wind out of Felix momentarily. “Just a little more until I can knot you, baby.”
The knot. Oh, his stupid carrier had never mentioned the knot outside of his Heat. He’s going to take Chan’s fat, thick, knot.
He whines at the thought, instinct driving him back to meet every last one of Chan’s thrusts, annoyance at Chan hurting his stupid bad leg gone. Every thrust drives Chan’s cock right against that bundle of nerves, and it’s on one particular stroke that he feels the knot, hard and hot at the base of Chan’s dick.
Chan’s hand returns to his hip, holding him still. Felix whines, high-pitched and upset, but undoubtedly aroused by the way in which Chan holds him still only using one hand. He never realized how much strength was inside of Chan’s body until now. “Lower yourself down slowly. It’s going to hurt.”
Felix ignores the warning. He wants to feel the knot inside of him, now.
He whines at the first press of the knot against his rim. It’s so damn big. It won’t fit. It won’t fit. He tries to lift up and off but Chan’s grip is too strong and keeps him in place. “You can do it,” he insists, driving his hips up. “There you go, baby. Look at you.”
There’s pressure against his rim, hot and angry, and then his body finally gives in, expanding around the knot until it sits tight and snug inside of him. Chan drops his knees down, and the tug on his rim from the impossibly hard knot inside of him sends Felix over the edge. He only has a few seconds to realize what’s happening before he’s coming all over Chan’s belly, head thrown back in pleasure.
Chan’s lips attach to his exposed throat. He sucks there, running his tongue over the soft flesh before he growls. Felix knows what’s coming next, and the thought makes his cock twitch and spurt more seed.
Chan fucks up into him in short, aborted, thrusts, with barely any leverage. It makes Felix whine and cry, Chan’s cock nudged up right against the spot that makes him see starts. “Alpha,” he whispers, nearly begs. “Please.”
Chan grunts and digs his sharp canines into Felix’s throat. The feeling of his teeth sinking into Felix’s tender flesh nearly makes Felix pass out, the pleasure so overwhelming. He whines, grinding on Chan’s knot until Chan growls possessively and cums.
It might only be his imagination, but Felix feels Chan spurt inside of him, painting his delicate and raw insides with seed.
His head slumps forward, Chan’s teeth still dug into his flesh. He wraps one arm around Chan’s shoulders and digs his fingers into his curly hair, wiping the sweat from his brow. “Channie,” he sighs, trying to catch his breath.
Chan finally detaches his mouth. He rests his forehead against Felix’s collarbone, sucking in deep breaths. The room smells of sweat and sex. Inside of him, Chan’s cock pulses as he spurts more seed. Felix was not expecting there to be so much of it.
He wonders briefly if Chan’s seed took over his Heat. Three days seems plenty of time for it to take, and with so much of it—
He squeezes his eyes shut. He will worry about that in a few months’ time, if his belly ever grows fat with child.
For now he worries about catching his breath and the tender, soft, ache in his throat. It’s finally been done. He has been mated and claimed.
No one, not even the Elders, can take him from Chan now.
- - -
The next morning, Chan is in considerable pain.
He’s put too much strain on his bad leg. Felix tries to be sympathetic to his pain, but the alpha brought it upon himself by not listening.
“I hope you’ll listen to me next time,” he says pointedly as he massages Chan’s shin where it seems to hurt the most.
Chan does not dignify him with an answer because he knows that Felix is right. Instead he just pouts and whines pathetically as Felix hits a particularly sore muscle. Felix rolls his eyes at him, loosening his grip.
He leaves Chan inside the hut around midday to tend to the garden. The traps, Chan claims, will be fine for another day, but the garden has gone neglected for three days straight.
Thankfully it rained on one of those days, and the deer have decided to not come close to the hut and steal a bite.
The work is not difficult, but it is busy work. Felix busies himself with pulling carrots and peas and replanting the cabbage, keeping an ear out for Chan if he calls for him, but it’s easy to let his mind drift to other things.
The bite mark on his neck aches and so do his thighs, but they’re good aches, reminders that he’s finally been thoroughly claimed.
He belongs to Chan now, in every which way. He will no longer feel ashamed or embarrassed when someone grows close enough to peer at his neck; the bite has already started to bruise and scar.
Felix smiles to himself, and doesn’t notice the forest go quiet until it’s too late.
The hairs on the back of his neck and arms stand up. His instincts shout danger! as he straightens and stands up. At the edge of the garden stands Minho.
Felix has no reason to fear Minho.
He doesn’t know the alpha well, but he is Jisung’s mate, and Jisung has never indicated that the alpha is vicious or cruel, but Minho is not smiling, and that makes Felix nervous.
“Minho?” he asks, resisting the urge to drop the basket and run into the hut where his alpha is. Chan would not be able to fight Minho if it came to that, but instinct is driving him to seek out the comfort and safety of his alpha.
“Felix,” Minho greets and finally smiles. It’s a kind smile with no malice behind it, but Felix still feels nervous. “Is Chan around?”
Warning bells ring in Felix’s ears. No one ever comes out here to visit him, let alone Chan. “He hurt his leg yesterday,” he lies, holding his head high, trying to stuff down his fear. He cannot risk Minho smelling it on him. “He is resting. Is there something I can help you with, alpha?”
Minho doesn’t look convinced. Jisung says he’s much like a cat; sometimes it’s hard to know exactly what he’s thinking. “My business is only with Chan.”
Felix swallows nervously, but he smiles prettily, resisting every single instinct telling him to run. He has to keep Chan safe. “It will be some days before he is well again. Next time we visit the village, I will have him seek you out.”
Minho looks around the little patch of land that they call home like he suspects that Felix is lying. Felix feels protective of it suddenly. It’s not much, but it’s home. His home.
No.
Their home.
“I need to speak with him,” Minho says, sharp gaze returning to Felix. Felix has only seen Minho smiling and looking fondly at Jisung. His unrelenting, piercing gaze is unnerving. “It’s an urgent matter.”
Felix doesn’t trust Minho. Doesn’t trust that he won’t hurt Chan, who is no longer capable of protecting himself. He won’t let anyone hurt Chan, not again. “He is resting,” he repeats, trying to keep his voice light and sweet, like a good, proper omega. “When he is well again I will make sure that he seeks you out. Is there anything else I can help you with, alpha?”
“Go get Chan,” Minho says, voice hard and commanding. Immediately Felix wants to obey. It’s in his nature as an omega to obey commands from any alpha, but he holds his ground. He doesn’t know what Minho wants with Chan, but he won’t let the alpha anywhere near him until he finds out.
“No,” he says, fighting against every reflex to obey.
“No?” Minho repeats, eyebrow raised in disbelief.
“No,” Felix repeats. “He is tired, Minho. Let him rest, please.”
Minho opens his mouth to say something. Maybe to repeat his command or to ask Felix another question, but Felix never finds out because Chan’s voice interrupts him.
“Minho!” Chan greets happily, limping towards Felix. “What are you doing here?”
Felix wants to tell him to go back to the hut. He shouldn’t be up or walking, that much is obvious. He shouldn’t let Minho see that weakness and use it against him.
Chan’s hand lands on his lower back, beaming proudly.
Minho looks between them, gaze softening. “Channie,” he says cheerily, the nickname sounding unfamiliar to Felix’s ears but rolling off of Minho’s tongue easily. “I need to speak to you. Alone.”
“Right,” Chan says, his cheery disposition slipping away into something more serious. “Let’s head to the river.”
Felix doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want Chan out of his sight, not alone with Minho. He still doesn’t know what the other alpha wants with Chan, and he’s not willing to risk losing him, not now. “Chan,” he says when his alpha moves to follow Minho towards the river.
“It’s okay, it’s only Minho,” Chan says, either too stupid to realize that he’s in danger or too trusting that Minho won’t hurt him.
Telling Minho no is one thing. Arguing with his alpha in front of Minho is another. Minho can go back to the village and tell everyone that Chan has no control over his omega, only adding fuel to the already disgusting fire of hate that surrounds Chan.
He doesn’t want Chan to go with Minho. Something doesn’t feel right. But there’s nothing he can do but watch Chan walk off with the other alpha and hope that Chan is returned to him safely.
- - -
Chan returns what feels like hours later, after Felix has turned over every rock in the garden and swept the floor of the hut at least a dozen times.
He looks fine, although he still limps. He smiles brightly at Felix when he sees him, sending a brief hello his way before he limps back into the hut.
Felix follows closely behind. “What did Minho want?”
Chan slowly collapses to the mattress, using the wall to help sit down. The mattress is too low on the ground for him to easily get up and down, even in the warm weather when his leg doesn’t hurt so much. “He only came to talk.” He doesn’t look at Felix when he speaks.
Anger grips Felix unexpectedly. Chan is lying. Chan has never lied to him before, but he knows that he is now. “You’re lying.”
Chan lifts his head to look at him. “I’m not lying.” He looks worn and tired and many years beyond his thirty years of life.
The anger ebbs, but only a little. Chan is exhausted. His leg is hurting more than he would like for Felix to know. It’s only the beginning of autumn, but the cold weather is already creeping in during the mornings and nights. Spending three days in bed caring for Felix throughout his Heat has not been easy on him. “What did you talk about?”
“Business,” Chan says, short and sharp. It’s the shortest he’s ever been with Felix, even in the early days when Felix was incredibly cruel to him.
Felix balls his hands into fists at his sides. “What business, Chan?”
“Why do you need to know?!” Chan barks. His face immediately drops when he realizes his tone. “Please, Felix,” he says, shoulders drooping with exhaustion. “I’m tired. Let me rest.”
Felix won’t let Chan rest until he knows what he spoke of with Minho. He doesn’t trust the other alpha. He should, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t trust anyone in the village not to hurt Chan, not even his best friend’s mate. “I don’t trust Minho.”
Chan has the audacity to look shocked. “Is he not your friend’s mate?”
“No one ever comes out here to visit you. You’re an outcast.” The words hurt as they leave Felix’s mouth. They must hurt more to Chan’s ears, because his entire face falls. “The village has not been kind to you, so what does Minho, the glory of the village, want with you, the village outcast?”
“I told you already,” Chan says, voice small. “He came to discuss business.”
This is going nowhere. They’re only talking in circles, but Felix must know. Chan is too kind now, too trusting. If Minho means to hurt him, then Felix must know so that he can figure out a way to keep the alpha safe.
He falls to his knees on the mattress next to Chan and takes his face in his hands. “I don’t want anyone to hurt you, Chan. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Chan’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Minho won’t hurt me.”
“But how do you know? No one—”
“Minho and Changbin often come to visit me,” Chan interrupts, ears red. “In secret, of course. We often meet near the river, but sometimes they come to the hut. Before you came, they used to bring me food, check on me, make sure I hadn’t fallen off the roof again.”
The news is both shocking and relieving. This whole time Felix had thought that Chan had been abandoned and suffering alone, but he has some friends. Friends too ashamed to meet with him out in the open, but friends, nonetheless. “You fell off the roof?”
Chan ducks his head, his nervous habit. “That’s how I broke my leg. Fell off it when I was trying to rethatch the roof. Laid there for a couple days before Changbin found me.” He laughs shallowly, but it’s not funny. He could have died. “Since you’ve been here, they haven’t come as often. The less eyes that see, the better. Jisung and Hyunjin don’t know. I don’t think Minho was expecting to see you today, since you’re usually with Jisung.”
Felix knocks their heads together briefly, ignoring the way his heart twists uncomfortably at the knowledge of Chan’s mistreatment. If Changbin hadn’t shown up, how long would Chan have lied there before he died? How long would it have taken for someone to discover his body? “I won’t tell your secret, not even to Jisung. But what business do you have with Minho, Chan? Don’t lie to me. I know it’s not about fur pelts.”
Chan looks like he wants to lie again. His face is too open and easy to read, but eventually his shoulders sag in defeat. “There’s going to be war.”
“War?” Felix repeats in disbelief. Dread immediately washes over his body, followed by fear. What does a war have to do with Chan? He is useless in war, unless the village plans to send him to the battlefield where he’ll be instantly slaughtered. “You cannot go to war, Chan.”
“No, I cannot,” Chan agrees, laughing that stupid, self-deprecating laugh again. “But Minho can, and Changbin too, but neither want to.”
“And? What does that have to do with you?”
“They want to leave the village.”
Abandoning the village is the greatest sin for an alpha. They have sworn since they could speak to protect the village, at all costs. They are supposed to die on their shield or return on it. It will bring great shame to them, to their omegas, to their lineage if they are to abandon the village, especially during war. “And so?” Felix demands, voice rising with misplaced anger and panic. “He came to you to ask for advice on how to be outcasted?”
The words hurt Chan deeply. Felix can tell by the way his lower lip quivers and his eyes soften. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry.” He kisses Chan’s forehead in apology. “I’m too cruel to you.”
“Minho came to ask if I . . . if we would go with them,” Chan admits softly.
Felix pulls his head back to stare at him with skepticism. “Go with them?”
“Yes,” Chan says, eyes lighting up as he lifts his head. He takes Felix’s hand in his, squeezing it tightly as he starts to speak earnestly. “He wants us to go with them. Next spring. The journey will be long and dangerous, but Changbin knows a place. A little section of land, just big enough for all six of us to start over and maybe raise a family. It belongs to no village, no tribe. Not yet at least.” Chan catches his breath and swallows. “We will not go, not if you don’t want to. But I think. I think it will be good for us to get away from here. I know the village doesn’t hold much of a place in your heart anymore, but Jisung and Hyunjin—” He stops speaking and licks his lips.
“We will need your help to convince them to go, Felix. It will be impossible for Minho or Changbin to drag them away in the middle of the night without them alerting the whole village if they refuse.”
Felix pulls his hand away. “You want me to convince my friends to leave the village?”
Chan frowns, sinking away. “Only if you wish to leave. But if you don’t, we’ll stay here. The Elders will not call on me to fight. It would be an embarrassment to them to send me onto the battlefield, but the war. It might come to our doorstep, and I won’t . . . I won’t be able to defend you Felix, or . . .” his eyes drop to Felix’s stomach, still flat, still void of child. “Or our child, if there is one.”
Chan’s face is colored with shame. “I don’t want to pressure you, Felix. I don’t. But there will be a war, Minho is sure of it. How soon, he doesn’t know. But when it starts, and an army comes marching on the village . . . they’ll destroy everything in their path, including our home. I won’t be able to keep you safe. Staying here with me is a death sentence for you, Felix. If you don’t want to leave, we will stay. But when the war starts, I will not let you stay here. You will return to the village.”
Felix swallows, shaking his head. “You can’t send me away.”
“I can and I will.” Chan’s voice is harsh, stern, his gaze dark. “The village will keep you safe.”
“You will not send me away from you.” Felix shakes his head, voice growing louder. Chan will not. He won’t allow it. “We are mated. You claimed me. The Elders will not take me back.”
Chan’s face is mean, voice void of any kindness. Felix doesn’t like the look. It scares him. “They will. Alphas will die and they will need fertile, young, omegas to breed more.”
“No. No,” Felix pleads, feeling nearly hysterical. It must be the post-Heat hormones making him protective and needy and afraid. This was his plan all along: to go somewhere far away with Chan, where the village couldn’t touch them. The thought of him being sent away from Chan—that’s what he’s most afraid of. “I won’t allow it. I won’t go back to the village, not without you. We will go together, or not at all.”
Chan shakes his head. “I will drag you back to the village if I have to.”
“No!” Felix cries, tears stinging his eyes. He takes Chan’s fist in his own, kissing each knuckle. “No. We will leave. Fuck the village. Even if Hyunjin and Jisung refuse to leave. We don’t need them. But we go together. Wherever we go. We go together.”
“Please stop crying,” Chan says, voice and face soft again. “I hate it when you cry.”
“Then don’t make me cry,” Felix sniffles, letting go of Chan’s hand to wipe at his eyes.
Chan cups his face. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I don’t want you to make a rash decision. It’s been a long few days. Think about it, but don’t mention anything to Jisung or Hyunjin. Minho didn’t even want me to tell you, not yet at least.”
Felix sniffles again. He must look disgusting and pathetic, always crying at the drop of a hat. He’s always been an emotional person, brought to tears if he is too happy or too sad. “It’s always been my plan to leave here with you.” Chan cocks his head and raises his eyebrows, like he doesn’t quite believe him.
Felix wipes his nose on his arm, unbecoming of an omega like him, but Chan has seen the most intimate parts of him. A little snot on his arm is nothing. “That day I apologized to you. I decided then that we would leave here one day. I won’t let the Elders take our children from us, Chan. Not now, not ever. Not after what they’ve done to you.”
Chan looks more than fond of him. He looks endeared, amazed. “We barely knew each other then.”
“Well,” Felix says, shaking his head to free himself of any more tears. “Bringing you along with me was the least I could do, after I was such a brat.”
Chan snorts a laugh. “Come here. Let’s lay down. I think we’ve both had a tiring few days.”
“If it will make you rest,” Felix relents, although a nap does sound good. His head hurts now, and he feels broken raw from crying and his Heat. He allows Chan to get comfortable on his back before he curls up by his side, resting his head on his chest where his shoulder meets sternum; he throws an arm protectively across Chan’s waist.
He wants to close his eyes and sleep, but his mind will not settle, not until he speaks his mind. “I will speak to Jisung and Hyunjin, when the time is right, but only if Minho and Changbin come and swear to me that you will not be left behind. The journey will be long and dangerous. Your leg will pain you and you will slow us down. They have already abandoned you out here once. I will not allow them to abandon you again.”
“They didn’t abandon me,” Chan argues, although his voice is soft.
Felix is too tired to argue with him. “They must come swear to me, Chan, or else I will let their omegas scream into the dead of the night and ruin their plans of escape.”
Chan is quiet for a long time before he says, “you are a little demon,” with a yawn.
Felix smiles at the nickname. He lifts his head, kissing the honey-warm skin of Chan’s shoulder. When he looks at the alpha, he discovers that he is already asleep.
- - -
It’s Changbin who comes to Felix first.
He comes a few days before Chan’s birthday. Felix is busy sewing together pigskin to form a bag that he will eventually fill with water that can then be heated over a fire. He hopes that the heated bag will give some comfort to Chan’s sore leg in the long winter nights to come.
It’s not yet freezing, but Felix sits wrapped up in his new, beautiful, fur coat. Chan had meant to give it to him for his birthday as a surprise, but Felix’s Heat had gotten in the way of any celebrations.
Sometimes he grows too hot in the sun and in the fur, but he wants Chan to know how much he loves it. He was ignorant of its costs before, cruel in not realizing how much Chan had to pay for the fur to be turned into a coat, even though Chan had provided the pelt. He’s sure the seamstress had doubled the price, only because it was Chan making the request of her, so he wears it proudly despite the heat.
Changbin does not sneak up on him like Minho. Instead he makes his presence known by stepping loudly on the freshly fallen leaves that Felix has yet to rake. “Felix,” he greets gleefully as he takes a seat next to the omega on his log under his favorite tree. He sits a respectful distance away and stretches his legs out in front of him.
“Hello alpha,” Felix responds, keeping his eyes on his sewing, failing miserably to keep the smile off his face. He likes Changbin. For all of his postering as a big, bad, alpha, the alpha is actually quite sweet and kind, if a bit too loud for Felix’s liking sometimes. He’s obsessed with Hyunjin as well, doting on him gleefully and spoiling him rotten with new furs and paints to indulge his love of art. He is a good match for Hyunjin, which is enough for Felix.
“Felix,” Changbin whines, pouting at him. “You greet your favorite alpha so cruelly.”
Felix rolls his eyes playfully and sets down his sewing, finally giving Changbin his full attention. “I am mated, Changbin. You cannot be my favorite alpha when Chan exists.”
Changbin smiles at him coyly, eyes subtly drifting to Felix’s freshly scarred neck. If he noticed the lack of a claiming bite before, he never said anything. He says nothing about it now. “Ah, yes, Chan. How could I forget about Chan?”
Felix sighs shakily and resumes his sewing. With Chan it’s much easier to be confident. Chan is his alpha, and is unbearably fond of him. Telling him no is easy because Chan doesn’t make demands of him, only minor requests that will benefit them both. Felix only says no to be a brat; it’s always a playful, easy interaction.
Instincts tell him not to goad Changbin. He is an alpha, capable of hurting him if he so desires if he doesn’t like Felix’s response. It is frowned upon for an alpha to discipline an omega that is not their own, but the rules of their village don’t really count, not out here. No one cares about the village outcast and by extension, his omega.
Chan’s safety is more important than any repercussions that Felix might suffer. “You allowed the village to forget about him once, Changbin. I will not allow you to forget about him again.”
Changbin is quiet. When Felix steals a glance at him, the alpha’s face is hard to read. He looks at Felix, eyes slightly narrowed, like he’s trying to solve a puzzle.
Felix concentrates on not stabbing his fingers to keep his confidence. “I will skin you alive if you abandon Chan. I have grown quite skilled at skinning animals now.”
“You will make Hyunjin cry.”
“And you will make me cry.”
Changbin gives him that look again, like he’s trying to look inside of Felix’s head. “Hyunjinnie didn’t say that you were so fierce.”
“I’ve never had anything to protect before,” Felix admits, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he even realizes what he’s saying.
Changbin looks surprised, and then his mouth curves into a familiar, sweet smile. “You have my word, Felix, that I will not leave Chan, or you, behind.”
Felix lifts his head, keeping it high. “I hope that you remember this promise on the road when the terrain gets difficult and Chan slows us down. You will have already dishonored your village by abandoning it. I can’t imagine the gods letting you into the afterlife if you abandon your friend as well and dishonor yourself more.”
Changbin stands, stretching his large arms into the air, smiling down at Felix. “You are quite scary when you are being serious.” He gets down on one knee and takes Felix’s hand in his own, peering into his eyes, face painted with seriousness. “I swear to you, Lee Felix, that I will not abandon Chan on the road. We will all make it to our new home, together.”
Felix feels almost drunk on power at having an alpha like Changbin on his knees, swearing his loyalty to him, but this isn’t about him. He has to guarantee Chan’s safety. He leans forward, smiling sweetly at Changbin. “If you break you word, Seo Changbin, I will find you, I will slit your throat, and I will wear your skin as a coat.”
Changbin has the smarts to look horrified. “I promise.”
Felix smiles happily at him, pulling his hand away. “Good. I would hate to make Hyunjin cry.” He returns to his sewing, ignoring the alpha.
Changbin eventually stands up. He doesn’t say anything as he leaves, not even a goodbye. Felix does not care. He has guaranteed Chan’s safety, at least partially, and that’s all that matters.
- - -
Minho comes much later.
Felix has not been back to the village for weeks. There’s too much to do now, with winter so close: the roof needs thatching and reenforcing against the heavy snow they’re almost guaranteed to have, more fish needs to be descaled to balance their store of rabbit and deer meat, the cabbage needs to be collected from the garden; the list goes on and on.
Minho doesn’t sneak up on him, this time. He follows Chan back from the forest, a buck slung over his shoulders.
Chan kisses Felix’s cheek in greeting. “Minho wants to speak with you,” he says, giving Felix a pleading look. He has said nothing about Changbin’s visit, but Felix is sure that the alpha heard about what happened. “I’m going to the river to wash,” he announces loudly, giving Felix’s hip a squeeze. “Please be kind,” he whispers to Felix before he waves goodbye to Minho and makes for the river.
Felix is left to stand there, watching Minho get started on cutting the buck. He knows that Minho is a kind person. He has heard from Jisung that he often brings food to the widowed and orphaned members of the village, making sure that they are fed and well-taken care of. When he is not on patrol or doing drills, he is on the roofs, helping the most vulnerable members of their community prepare their homes for winter.
Felix does feel guilty for not trusting him, but can he really be blamed for assuming that the alpha was there to do Chan harm when he was unaware that he regularly visited him? Anyone would make the worst assumption.
“I’m glad that you finally decided to be kind to him,” Minho says, not looking up from where he’s cutting the deer’s stomach open.
Felix is slightly taken aback. “Excuse me?”
“Chan,” Minho clarifies, looking up at him. His gaze is hard and almost unkind. “You have finally decided to be kind to him.”
Shame covers Felix’s shoulders. He stares down at the alpha and realizes that Minho is not unkind, or mean, or intimidating. He is protective.
He has been a friend to Chan in the only capacity that he’s been allowed to for far longer than Felix has been his mate. He must love Chan deeply, if he continuously risks the village dishonoring him to make his secret visits. Without Minho, without Changbin—Chan surely would have died by now. They’ve both done the best they can to keep their friend alive.
Felix settles on a nearby log, pulling his knees to his chest to watch Minho work. He is much faster than Chan, hands already deep in the animal’s guts. “I was very cruel to him before because I was stupid and arrogant and I regret it deeply, Minho. I didn’t realize that the gods had made Chan for me, the way the gods had made you for Jisung. But I realize that now.” He lifts his eyes. Minho has stopped working to watch him. “I will not leave him, and I know now that you and Changbin won’t either.”
“Neither will Jeongin,” Minho adds, eyes not so hard now. “He wants to come with us. You’ll be happy to know that you won’t have to convince Seungmin. He isn’t very fond of our village.”
Felix is glad. Things wouldn’t be the same without Seungmin or Jeongin. “Why do you want to leave? The village adores you.”
“I’m tired of fighting,” Minho answers with a shrug. “I’ve been fighting for the village since I was fourteen, and I’m done. I want to retire somewhere with Jisung and raise our children, if the gods allow it. Changbin feels the same way.” He pulls his hands free of the deer, wiping them on a rag Chan keeps nearby for that very reason.
He comes to Felix, sitting on the log before he splays out dramatically. “Jisung doesn’t seem too keen to leave. This is the only home he’s ever known. There will be another war and I will be sent to fight. I have survived so many battles before. Surely I will not survive any more. And then what will happen to Jisung? He will be given to another alpha and made to drink a tonic that will force him into Heat, and he’ll be bred like a bitch over and over again until he can no longer produce any children. And after? The village will throw him away. That’s what always happens during a war, and I won’t let it happen to him. If I have to gag him and tie him up to steal him away in the middle of the night, I will. But I really don’t want to. It will be easier if he comes willingly.”
Minho turns his head to look at him. His face is not unkind, but it is serious. “I’m sure Chan has told you what will happen if war comes to your doorstep.”
“He has,” Felix answers. “He says that he will send me back to the village, but I won’t go, not without him, so we will leave, no matter what.” He pulls on the sleeve of his coat, a nervous habit. “I don’t know if I will be able to convince Jisung and Hyunjin to go, but I will try, Minho.”
Minho sits up on his elbows. The way he’s splayed out with his ass on the log and his elbows on the ground cannot be comfortable, but he stays like that. He is quite strange, now that Felix thinks about it. “Changbin told me that you threatened to skin him and wear him as a coat if he abandoned Chan on the road.”
Felix flushes, embarrassed by his behavior, but he did what he thought he had to do. “I will, if he hurts Chan.”
Minho nods. “I don’t doubt it. Chan says that you’re skilled with the needle. Changbin is a bit short, but I’m sure that you can figure out a way to make it work.”
Felix laughs. He likes Minho, for all his strangeness. “I can always use your skin to fill in any gaps.”
“Ah!” Minho shouts. At Felix’s startled flinch, he grins.
Chan soon returns from the river, looking anxious, but when he finds Felix on the log peeling cabbage and Minho making quick work of the deer, he visibly relaxes. He comes to Felix, using a hand on his shoulder to balance so he can lean over and give him a kiss.
Felix blushes. Their people—they don’t kiss, not out in the open, not like this, not in front of others. But the rules of the village don’t apply here. Chan can kiss him as much as he wants, in front of whoever he wants. It’s not like Minho can go back to the village and tell on them. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine,” Felix answers, tipping his head for another kiss. Kisses are great. He loves kisses. Sometimes he pulls Chan down by his shirt for a kiss. Chan is always willing to let him practice kissing before they retire for the night.
“Ugh,” Minho pretends to gag, making a face at the display of affection.
Chan only grins, kissing Felix again, again and again, quick, happy, pecks to his lips until Chan has to stand up, his knee unable to stay bent any longer.
Minho is gone; he snuck away quietly while they were too absorbed in each other. He at least managed to get the skin off the deer for them, leaving behind the carcass to bleed dry.
- - -
With winter drawing so close, Felix only has a few tries to convince Hyunjin and Jisung that the best option is for them to leave.
It’s a heavy weight on his shoulders, even though failure only means that his friends will be dragged unwillingly from their homes rather than going willingly. Being kidnapped from the village by their own alphas will drive an irreparable wedge between them. Felix doesn’t want that for his friends. He is determined to convince them that the best option is to leave.
He doesn’t have to worry about Seungmin, at least. Chan has assured him that Jeongin is ready to leave, and his omega too. It’s Hyunjin and Jisung who don’t want to go. They are loved here, well-taken care of, their social statuses heightened because of their fine matings, despite their close association with Felix. Hyunjin has yet to have his first Heat, and Jisung is still not with child, but they both come from a long line of omegas who birthed many, strong, healthy alphas. Dragging them into the unknown where they will be faceless, nameless, without the safety of the village—if Felix wasn’t so endeared to Chan, he would hesitate to go too.
It’s been weeks since Felix was able to visit with his friends.
There’s always so much work to do around their little hut, and Felix isn’t so inclined to leave Chan alone now. Chan’s leg is bothering him more than he is willing to admit, and Felix is worried that he will push himself too far and collapse, and with Felix gone at the village, he will be left to lie where he fell for hours. The thought alone makes Felix want to be sick with anxiety.
Today is different. Instead of just escorting Felix to the village, Chan has stayed. He will trade and sell his pelts in the village and then come and collect Felix shortly.
It's not freezing yet, but it’s still cold, meaning that the omegas huddle together around fires as they work, savoring the last few weeks they can spend together before they’re stuck inside their huts for the winter.
Hyunjin and Jisung do not look happy as Felix takes his place between them, Seungmin to Jisung’s right. Changbin and Minho were supposed to talk to them today, which prompted Chan’s visit to the village. By the way they both carry on with their tasks in silence, Felix knows that the conversations have been had.
Only Seungmin looks happy. It’s been no secret that he isn’t fond of their village; he and Jeongin have probably always had plans to leave.
Felix has brought nothing with him to do. His visit is only supposed to be short, so he digs his fingers into the warm fur of his coat and savors one moment to smirk at the way the older, widowed, omegas whisper. They’re jealous, he knows; wolf is not easy to come by.
Neither Hyunjin nor Jisung greet him. Seungmin at least gives him a happy hello. Spread between the three of them are baskets full of corn that they must shuck, a laborious chore that Felix isn’t too inclined to participate in, but he steals a cob from Jisung’s basket anyway, just to keep his hands busy.
He doesn’t know how to broach the subject. The thought of leaving has obviously upset his friends; they’re rarely quiet when they’re all together, and he knows that their silence is not from the impending cold. “I know you don’t want to leave.”
Jisung’s fingers pause in the basket. Next to Felix, Hyunjin pulls the husk off a cob with more force than necessary. Seungmin pays none of them any mind.
“I know that you feel safe here,” Felix continues, holding the cob in one hand as he pulls at the husk with the other. It’s not a particularly hard task, but the repetitive motion of ripping the husk away from the cob will quickly make one’s arm sore. “But think of what will happen if Minho and Changbin don’t return.” He keeps his voice low. Any talk about abandoning their village will get Changbin and Minho dragged before the Elders on the dais. The Elders won’t be so quick to punish them, not when they will be so desperately needed, but they will be kept under near constant surveillance, making it impossible to escape.
“You will be given to another alpha,” Felix continues, setting his freshly shucked corn in a nearby basket before he grabs another. “They will not be kind to you. I think Minho and Changbin have already told you what will happen.”
“Changbin will return,” Hyunjin says aggressively. He hasn’t looked at Felix not once. He throws his freshly shucked corn into the basket violently.
“And if he doesn’t?” Felix asks quietly, stealing a glance at Hyunjin. Hyunjin’s face is angry, but Felix cannot understand why. The thought of staying here—risking his life and happiness for a village like theirs? He can no longer fathom it.
Hyunjin has no answer. He only grabs another cob and starts to pull at the husk. Felix sighs, and turns his eyes to Jisung, who’s been uncharacteristically quiet. “And if Minho returns like Chan? Broken on his shield and the village abandons him? What will you do then? Allow Minho to starve to death? Your new alpha will not allow you to visit him, you know that.”
“I wouldn’t abandon Minho,” Jisung says quietly, fingers squeezing tight to a cob of corn.
“You will have no choice, Jisung,” Felix murmurs softly.
“It will not be pleasant no matter what,” Seungmin adds, not lifting his eyes from his task. “An army will march on the village. There will not be an army big enough to keep them away. The alphas here are strong, but there are so few of them now. Your alphas should have been mated years ago, but the Elders were too smug in their reign over the region to force them. The alphas from the other village . . . even if Changbin and Minho do return to you, the other alphas will get rid of them. Your mates will not be able to keep you safe. It’s better to leave now and face the unknown with your mates than to be touched and bred by another alpha when they eventually take over the village.”
Felix wasn’t going that direction, but he’s glad for Seungmin’s help. Hyunjin’s fingers have stopped moving. Jisung’s eyes are wide with fear.
“We will go together,” Felix speaks, voice quiet and even. “All of us, together. I am scared to go as well. It will not be easy on Chan. His leg bothers him so much, and it will be a long and dangerous journey, but we will be together. Chan can trap just about anything, and we will be kept warm throughout the winter with fur he will make for us. Minho and Changbin built the homes you live in now, and they can do it again. Jeongin is a skilled tracker. He will find us food.”
“You,” he says, turning his head to Hyunjin. “You have a green thumb, and can grow anything. And you,” he turns his head back to Jisung, “your music will keep us going when things seem too bleak to carry on.”
“And Seungmin?” Hyunjin asks, voice small and soft. “What will he do?”
Felix grins, glancing at Seungmin over Jisung’s head. “He will just sit back and tell the rest of us what to do.”
That at least puts a smile on Jisung’s face. He even rolls his eyes. “And what about you?”
Felix hasn’t put much thought into what he will contribute to their newfound home. He isn’t particularly skilled in anything remarkable. He suspects that he’ll spend much of his time helping where he is needed, and most importantly, taking care of Chan. The upcoming journey worries him. With the way Chan’s leg is already, he cannot imagine that any part of their flight will be easy on him, even with the kinder, warmer weather, and when they arrive at their new home, it will take him time to recover. Felix must do the work for both of them, and make sure that Chan doesn’t try to overwork himself.
“I will have to take care of Chan,” he eventually admits. “He will need me to take care of him, and I will.”
“I will go,” Hyunjin finally relents. “But only if we stay together.”
Jisung slumps against Seungmin’s side. Seungmin grunts and elbows him in the ribs. Jisung whines at him before he tips over into Felix, who’s more accommodating to his affection. “Minho said that the only choice I had in the matter was whether I went willingly or not. I slammed his hand in the door when I left this morning. I guess I should probably say sorry.”
Felix tilts his head, resting it on top of Jisung’s. “I think he’s deserving of the injury.”
“Don’t apologize to him,” Hyunjin agrees. “You apologize to one alpha and then they all think they’re deserving of an apology.”
“We can’t let them think that they’re people, after all,” Seungmin adds.
Felix laughs and then closes his eyes, just absorbing the laughter of his friends until Chan arrives to collect him.
Chan’s bag is weighed down with cheese and bread. On the way home, he limps behind Felix, dragging his foot in the dirt. He keeps the pain off his face until they’re out of the eyesight of the village, and then his face just crumbles.
Felix has to help him walk the rest of the way home, Chan’s arm thrown over his shoulders to take most of his weight. It’s a long, drawn-out walk, and by the time they make it home, both of them are exhausted. Felix helps Chan down onto the mattress, and not for the first time, curses the gods for how low to the floor the damn thing is. Somehow, some way, in their new home, he will make sure that there is a proper bed for Chan, elevated high above the floor so that it isn’t a constant battle for him just to get out of bed.
Felix leaves the alpha to rest. When he returns, Chan is lying on his back with his eyes closed, sucking long, pained breaths through his teeth.
This will be their last visit to the village, ever.
- - -
Winter slowly creeps its way into their home.
The days gradually get darker and colder, until it’s too miserable to spend much time outside. They lock themselves into their tiny, little, hut with their furs and lone fire, only leaving to fetch water from the river or to retrieve more logs for the fire.
Chan insists on doing these tasks, despite the extreme pain in his leg that he refuses to acknowledge.
A hallmark of their mating has always been Felix waking alone. Initially, he had been led to believe that that was because Chan liked to rise early and get started with his day. But now, stuck alone in their hut with nowhere to go, it’s made clear that Chan only rose early to keep the omega from seeing him struggle to his feet.
Even after they became intimate, Chan stuck to the other side of the mattress, blaming the still humid night on not sticking close together, but now, in the midst of winter, they have to huddle together for warmth. Chan sleeps on his back, or sometimes on his side, his bad leg stretched out while his good leg is kept bent. He cannot detangle himself without Felix feeling him move.
Watching Chan struggle to his feet is gut-wrenching. Bending his bad leg isn’t possible without causing himself excoriating pain, so the alpha has to turn himself over, keeping the good leg bent while the bad one stays straight, and then, with only his right hand and the wall to help him, he has to pull himself up. It never happens in one smooth motion. It often takes several attempts for Chan to get to his feet, and even after standing, he cannot put much weight on his bad leg.
Still, he insists on retrieving the logs for the fire and the water from the river and crawling into the storeroom under their hut to fetch their meat for dinner. Felix is more than capable of doing these things, but Chan won’t allow him. He would rather painfully limp across the yard to get the wood or drag his leg behind him to fetch water. Watching him climb the ladder from the storeroom is excruciating.
For all of Chan’s kindness and grace and understanding, he is still, painfully, an alpha. He maintains that his pretty, sweet, delicate, little omega must stay inside and stay warm. It is his duty, as an alpha to provide; sending Felix outside to even do the simplest of tasks is uncivilized, despite how it would be much simpler and quicker for Felix to complete the task.
Chan has never come right out and said that he’s ashamed of his disabilities, but he’s always been self-deprecating about himself and his supposed flaws, so Felix is not so happy to sit back and let Chan put himself through unnecessary pain, but he does, because he understands that doing these things for Felix makes Chan feel like a “real” alpha.
He watches Chan suffer for weeks on end in silence. He pretends to be asleep when Chan struggles to his feet in the early mornings, and doesn’t drink as much water as he should so Chan doesn’t have to trudge across the yard to the river as frequently.
He remains quiet and docile and turns a blind eye until one day, despite several pathetic attempts, Chan simply cannot stand up.
Felix cannot sit by quietly and watch him suffer for any longer. “Darling,” he says, going to Chan’s side. “Here, let me help.”
“I can do it myself,” Chan snaps, brushing Felix’s hand away, head downcast as he tries pitifully to pull himself to his feet.
Chan has never been short with him before. He has always been kind and gentle, even when Felix was being absolutely awful to him.
He’s in pain, Felix tells himself. No one is nice when they’re in incredible pain. “Channie, please let me help,” he says, one hand going to Chan’s shoulder and the other to his hip. “You’re in pain. Let me help you stand, at least.”
“I said I can do it myself!” Chan shouts, shoving Felix away. He collapses onto his knees as Felix stumbles backwards, almost tripping into the fire.
The shove is unexpected, startling a gasp out of Felix. He catches his balance before he tumbles right into the fire.
“I’m sorry,” Chan says, voice small and pitiful. “Felix—”
Felix stares in shock before anger settles low in the pit of his stomach. “Fine,” he spits. “You can lay there and suffer for all I care!” He turns on his heel and storms out of the hut, vision red with anger as he slams the door shut behind him.
He’s so angry at Chan that he forgets his coat. It’s not snowing at least, but the ground is still wet with a fresh dusting of the horrid stuff. He storms across the yard, wrapping his arms around himself to kick at a log angrily before he collapses onto it like an insolent child.
Chan is an asshole. A horrid, mean person who had the nerve to shove him away when he was only trying to help; being in pain is not a justifiable reason to push Felix away and almost tumble him into the fire.
He should have brought his coat. His anger does nothing to keep him warm in the frigid cold. After only a few minutes, he returns to their stupid, little, hut ready to give Chan the cold shoulder for the rest of their lives if he has to.
Chan is lying on his side, staring grumpily at the wall like an impudent child. He doesn’t move when Felix slams the door shut. “Are you not ashamed?”
Felix ignores him at first. The fire is starting to die, and his fingers feel numb. He throws a log into the fire, watching the flames quickly consume it before he graces Chan with an answer. “And what is it that I am supposed to be ashamed of, alpha?” He sets his gaze on Chan, glaring, still absolutely infuriated by his childish, mean, behavior.
“Of the pathetic alpha that you are mated to?” Chan asks so quietly that Felix almost doesn’t hear him.
Felix pauses as he grabs another log, anger slowly churning itself into something else unplaceable. “I have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m supposed to provide for you, keep you safe and warm, protect you, and I can’t even fucking stand up,” Chan says to the wall, his last few words choking in his throat.
Felix sets the log down. He moves across the hut before he realizes what his feet are doing. He sits on his knees on the bed next to Chan, placing a hand on his arm. His fingers are so small compared to the expanse of Chan’s bicep. “You do all of those things.”
Chan doesn’t answer. He sucks a breath in through his nose and turns his head away.
Felix licks his lips and swallows. “I’m not ashamed of the alpha who brings me bread and cheese. Or the alpha who has been patient and kind with me since the day that we were mated, even when I didn’t deserve it. I’m certainly not ashamed of the alpha who has provided me a roof over my head, food in my belly, and expensive furs to keep me warm. The only thing I am ashamed of is the way my alpha has treated me when I have only tried to help.”
Chan doesn’t reply. He remains stubbornly on his side, trying to hide the fact that he’s been crying. Felix maneuvers himself onto his side, spooning up behind him to wrap an arm around his waist. He kisses the back of Chan’s neck, soft and delicate. His skin tastes of sweat. “My friend Seungmin once said that the gods knew who we were destined for before we were ever born. I didn’t believe him at first, but . . . but now . . . now I believe that I was shaped by the gods for you and only you.” He kisses Chan’s neck again, feeling his heart start to blossom with the first twinges of something, his breath catching in his throat. “And every part of you was made for me, Chan.”
Chan remains silent. Felix allows him this stillness, kissing the back of his throat as he slips his fingers over Chan’s waist to search for his hand. When their fingers lace together, Chan finally speaks. “There is a part of me missing, thrown somewhere in the river, I think. It’s probably rotten by now.”
The comment startles a laugh out of Felix. He smiles against Chan’s skin, his heart giving a pleasant ache. Slowly, with Felix’s hand on his hip, Chan turns over onto his back. He cups Felix’s face and pulls him down for a kiss. “I’m sorry.”
“I only want to help you.” Felix says against Chan’s lips as he peers into his eyes, warm and lovely. “I told you that we will figure it out, together.”
“Figure what out?” Chan whispers, peering back at him.
Felix shrugs. There are many things for them to figure out together. “I don’t know.”
Chan grins, kissing him softly. “Thank you. For everything.”
Felix sighs, pretending like it’s truly been a hardship, but it hasn’t, not really. Taking care of Chan has been lovely because Chan has taken care of him in return. It’s a mutual taking care of, forged by their love for each other.
Love.
Felix lets the word float around happily in his head as he lies his head on Chan’s chest.
Love.
He doesn’t think that he’s in love with Chan, not quite yet, but he does love him. He cares deeply for him, more deeply than he’s ever cared for another human being before. He will do anything to keep Chan safe, including making threats against an alpha who could crush his skull in the palm of his hand. He cares so much for Chan that if it comes to it, if Changbin and Minho break their promises, he will stay with Chan, no matter the outcome. They will stay together, no matter what.
Huh. Maybe he is in love with Chan. Being willing to die for him, with him, that’s not an average kind of love.
He takes a deep, shaky breath. Omegas always feel things more deeply than their alpha counterparts. He could be madly, deeply, in love with Chan, but that doesn’t mean that Chan feels the same for him, or ever will. He knows Chan likes him, adores him even, maybe does love him in his own way, but he doesn’t know if Chan is in love with him, and that thought scares him.
To invest so much love and feelings into another human—it’s scary, petrifying even, but instead of making Felix want to run for the hills or back into the safety of the village, the unknown makes him strangely optimistic. There is still so much they don’t know about each other, still room to grow together and learn to love each other. They have a whole lifetime to spend together.
He shifts his head, careful not to jolt Chan too much, and throws his leg over Chan’s, drawing in closer until he can lay his ear over Chan’s heart and listen to it beat. Chan’s hand comes to rest possessive on the curve of Felix’s ass, giving it a squeeze. Felix sighs into the touch.
They’ll figure it out together.
- - -
Winter is not easier, but it does become better once Chan stops trying to do everything by himself and lets Felix help.
It’s not easy for Felix to go to the river and hammer away at the ice to get fresh water, and neither is the walk back carrying two, heavy, buckets, but it’s far quicker with him doing it than Chan, at least after Felix starts to get the strength in his arms. After a few weeks of carrying buckets back and forth every few days, his once skinny arms start to bulk up with muscles, muscles that will help him carry Chan when he cannot walk any further.
With winter raging outside, they spend a copious amount of time lying together on their little bed. Chan has become obsessed with his new muscles, often running his fingers over Felix’s arms and between his shoulder blades when Felix lies on his back, tracing his freckles. He likes to encircle his large, warm, hands around Felix’s arms and marvel at the size difference.
In turn, Felix likes to take his tiny hands and spread his fingers over Chan’s biceps and his abs and his large, thick thighs defined by hard, compact muscles. He likes to take Chan’s soft cock in hand and tug playfully on it and watch it grow larger and thicker in his petite fingers.
Chan, of course, likes when Felix plays with his cock. He rolls his eyes initially, trying to knock Felix’s hand away as he tells him to go play with himself, but he relents always, because once Felix gets him hard, he’s always so eager to practice sucking Chan’s cock.
He’s gotten much better. He doesn’t choke now, when he swallows Chan down. He covers his teeth without having to be told, and knows now to breathe through his nose. When he bobs his head, he can take Chan further down the back of his throat without making himself sick, and whatever he can’t swallow, he wraps his fingers around and moves his hand with the rhythm of his head. He is no expert, and he will never impress any of the omegas who follow alphas around on campaign, but Chan enjoys his mouth, often spilling his seed down the back of his throat, which Felix always swallows greedily, intoxicated by the scent and the taste.
Chan’s cock is inebriating to him. He loves the taste of it, the smell of it, the way it twitches to life in his hand when he plays with it. He loves the taste of Chan’s seed and how there always seems to be so much of it and how he can’t possibly swallow it all. He loves the feeling of Chan’s knot, always too big to fit in his mouth, but bumping insistently against his lips, trying to work its way in. He wishes that his mouth was big enough, wide enough to stuff Chan’s knot past his teeth, but it’s not possible, no matter how much he tries.
Instead, he has to satisfy himself with taking Chan’s knot in his hole, which isn’t any hardship, now that he’s had more practice.
Chan’s leg still pains him, but it’s not so bad after he starts allowing Felix to help him to his feet and do the more physically laborious tasks around the house. There are still days when he can’t stand because the cold is too much, even with Felix’s extra body heat and the pigskin water bottle and all their furs; the bones in his leg just ache, but those days are fewer now.
When his leg feels well enough and he can withstand the weight, Felix rides Chan like the little demon that he is, chasing his own release while Chan grunts and moans and whimpers underneath him, pupils dilated as he stares at Felix, mesmerized. Chan’s intoxicated gaze only makes Felix move faster, switching between bouncing on Chan’s massive dick or trying to spell his own name with a roll of his hips.
Sometimes Chan lies completely flat on his back and Felix squats on his dick, thin fingers spanned over his pecs for balance. Other times, Felix faces towards Chan’s feet and holds onto his ankles as he rolls and grinds and bounces. No matter which way he faces, Chan’s cock inside of him, spreading him wide and rearranging his insides, feels incredible. His own little cock bounces between his legs, angry and red at the tip. Sometimes he doesn’t even have to touch it to cum; just the feeling of Chan’s knot, hot and thick pushing past the sensitive skin of his rim, makes him spurt all over his stomach.
Being knotted, being stuffed full of Chan’s cock with nowhere to go is its own particular form of sweet torture. Chan always knots him when they’re facing each other so that he can attach his mouth to Felix’s neck and bite and suck at his mate mark. Felix can do nothing but withstand Chan’s attentions, moaning and whining at the feeling of Chan’s tongue lapping against his oversensitive skin. Every jerk, every wiggle to try and escape, just tugs the knot against his rim, sending shockwave after shockwave down Felix’s back until Chan is satisfied that he’s been thoroughly re-marked.
When Chan is done kissing his neck raw, Felix hooks his chin over Chan’s shoulder and dozes until Chan’s knot deflates. It’s these quiet moments in the afterglow that Felix treasures the most. It feels more intimate than kissing or even having Chan’s cock in his mouth; he’s extremely vulnerable like this, relying on Chan to keep him safe despite the way they’re tied together. Chan always does, and something deep and primal inside of Felix is so soothed and pleased that he purrs in his sleep.
He refuses to be separated from Chan, even after Chan’s cock has slipped free. He whines pathetically until Chan lies with him, uncaring if the fire has died or if he’s dirty or thirsty. He feels utterly pitiful in those moments, but something in his soul feels bleakly empty until he’s back in Chan’s arms. He wishes he could blame his clinginess on his Heat, or even a pregnancy, but there’s been no sign of either. The only explanation for his profound clinginess is the fact that he genuinely loves being as close to Chan as he possibly can. If it were possible, he would climb under Chan’s skin and live there until the world ends.
Chan doesn’t seem bothered by his clinginess; instead he often encourages it, doing his own version of pitiful whining the rare times that Felix does manage to wiggle away from him. Sometimes Felix’s heart does cartwheels at the sound of Chan’s whines; it makes him feel wanted and more importantly, needed. He always crawls back under the furs with Chan as quickly as possible, draping himself over the alpha even when there’s enough space for them to be apart and the fire is making the room feel stifling.
Winters used to be horrendous and tortuous before, an expanse of never-ending time when he was stuck inside a hut with his parents and siblings, practicing his needlework for hours on end to pass the time. Lying in bed with Chan for hours, just fucking and talking, isn’t the most exciting way to pass the time, but it’s much better than what he was imagining and what he’s experienced before.
He almost wishes that spring won’t come.
- - -
Winter slips away quietly.
One moment the ground is frozen, the wind bitter and cold, the air quiet and void of life, and then the next the sun is beating warm and hard on Felix’s skin, and the air is full of the sound of songbirds and the forest coming alive.
There hasn’t been much discussion about when they’ll leave except for a vague mention of ‘spring’, but Felix feels anxious and ready to go. They haven’t heard anything from Minho or Changbin since the start of winter, but he fears that the longer they delay, the sooner the war will be on their doorstep.
He’s worried about Chan, too. He’s been able to rest throughout the winter with Felix’s help, but the winter has still been hard on him. They had enough food, so he hasn’t lost much weight, but he has lost some muscle mass, and Felix fears that if they delay leaving, all that rest will go to waste; Chan will have to start snaring and trapping again, putting unnecessary strain on his leg that will only cause him pain later down the line.
Thankfully, they don’t have to wait long. Changbin comes to them when all the snow has finally melted, carrying with him two, old, worn packs that have seen better days, but Felix recognizes Hyunjin’s stitches where the packs have been carefully sewn back together. “We will leave in two weeks,” Changbin announces with a look of seriousness that Felix has never seen before. “Pack whatever provisions that you can.”
Two weeks seems too long of a wait, but Felix doesn’t argue. His concern from that point on is making sure that they’re ready for the journey and that Chan is still resting, despite his constant reassurances that I’m fine, Felix. My leg doesn’t hurt as much. Felix isn’t inclined to believe him because weeks spent inside their tiny hut has allowed him to study every single facial expression, twitch, and noise Chan makes. Felix knows when Chan is in pain, even when he hasn’t said a word.
Convincing the alpha to continue to rest isn’t easy, but Chan isn’t a complete idiot and knows that Felix is right. He rests, allowing Felix to pack, unpack, and repack their packs over and over again, instructing him on what to pack and how to pack. Once Felix gets the hang of it, Chan leaves him alone and takes to sharpening his discarded sword.
Felix doesn’t want him to use it. He doesn’t think Chan can even wield it, not like he used to. Jeongin, Changbin, Minho—they will be with them and will keep everyone safe from whatever they encounter on the road, but he keeps his mouth shut. He knows how inadequate Chan feels about his ability to protect him. If bringing the sword with him will make Chan feel better about his ability to keep Felix safe, then Felix will allow it, as long as he doesn’t attempt to wield it; he won’t win, and they both know it.
The two weeks pass by in a blur. Within a blink of an eye the days are gone, and Felix finds himself standing next to Chan in the early hours of the morning, toes and fingers cold as they wait for the others to arrive.
He feels sick to his stomach with anxiety; not at the prospect of leaving, because he no longer cares for their village, but at the thought of Chan making this journey. He knows that Chan is not weak nor is he stupid, but this excursion is going to be long and harrowing, and he worries about how it will affect him. Who knows how many hours they will walk in a day or how hard the terrain will be. Chan won’t give up easily, but Felix worries about the alpha pushing himself too hard to keep up. He has Changbin and Minho’s promises not to leave Chan behind, but when it comes down to it and it’s between their lives and the lives of their omegas and Chan’s life, Felix knows that they will abandon him and despite all of his threats, he won’t be able to blame them. He would choose Chan’s life over the lives of his friends, too.
Chan takes his hand in his own and gives it a squeeze. “We don’t have to go. We will stay, if you want.”
Staying is not an option. Even if Minho is wrong about this war there will be others, and Felix won’t allow his children to be taken from him. They will go no matter what.
“We’re going,” he declares, turning his head to smile reassuringly at Chan.
“Okay,” Chan relents, not looking so convinced, but he’s always let Felix have the final decision in what they’ll do.
They don’t have time to discuss it further because Minho appears on the horizon, a sleepy Jisung following in his wake. Minho only greets them with a nod, and then Chan’s hand is on Felix’s lower back, encouraging him to follow the alpha.
Felix wraps his arm around Jisung’s despite the other omega’s whine. “Hi.”
Jisung mumbles something incoherent back to him.
“He was too nervous to sleep,” Minho explains, glancing over his shoulder. His gaze softens when his eyes land on Jisung who only smiles and leans his head on Felix’s shoulder.
Felix smiles, tutting. “I’ll make sure he keeps up, Minho.”
“Minho won’t leave me behind,” Jisung mumbles with a yawn.
“I will if you eat all the bread again.”
Jisung wakes up just enough to whine. “Minho.”
Minho’s bark of laughter is rich and heavy in the quiet of the morning.
- - -
They walk for what feels like several hours before they finally meet up with Changbin and Hyunjin who surprisingly, have a mule who’s pulling a cart.
“Where the hell did you get the cart?” Chan asks when they’re close enough. He spent most of the walk up front with Minho, who Felix suspects walked a lot slower than needed to get them here.
Changbin only shrugs and pats the mule between the eyes. “I traded all the furs in our house and the ones in Minho’s too for her and the cart. We have a lot to carry, and the omegas aren’t used to manual labor. I didn’t think they’d be able to walk the whole way.” He smiles warmly at Felix. “Seungmin and Jeongin are meeting us further down the road. I would get a ride now before the cart gets too heavy.”
Felix smiles back, feeling infinitely better. He knows that it will take much coaxing to convince Chan to ride in the cart while everyone else walks, especially if he’s taking a spot from one of the omegas, but Felix is relieved that there will be no way to leave him behind now; he will force Chan into the damn thing when it gets too much for him.
There’s no point in forcing Chan into the cart now, so he takes their packs and clambers into the cart, taking a spot next to Jisung who climbed in alongside Hyunjin without being told. Jisung mumbles something, his cheek pressed up against his own pack, making his cheek look rounder and larger than it really is. Felix laughs at him before he curls up around the other omega for warmth and hooks his chin over his shoulder. He peers up at Hyunjin with a smile. “Hi.”
Jisung mumbles something, eyes tightly closed. Felix giggles and wraps his arms around his waist, squeezing encouragingly. With a click Changbin starts the mule off.
Chan walks behind the cart, limping steadily, Minho right beside him. Felix doesn’t close his eyes to catch what little sleep he can before Changbin kicks him out. Instead he keeps his eyes on Chan, watching closely for any signs of discomfort. Chan’s leg seems stiffer than usual, and he leaves a larger gap between himself and the cart than Felix would like, but he doesn’t look to be in pain; the sword on his hip can’t be doing much to help his gait, but he is keeping up at least, and with Minho at his side, he can’t fall behind.
He smiles at Felix from time to time, smile wide and dimply, managing somehow to look nervous and relieved all at the same time. Felix smiles back, feeling only a few butterflies fluttering shallowly in his stomach.
It takes less time to meet up with Jeongin and Seungmin, who went on ahead to scout out the best route to take. Jeongin claims it was to make sure that the cart could make it over the terrain, but Felix suspects that it wasn’t entirely about the cart. The route Jeongin has chosen will be relatively flat; instead of going over the mountain, they’ll go around. The ground will hopefully be flatter and less bumpy for the cart.
Felix clambers out of the cart so that Seungmin can take his place. “Hi,” he says to Chan when they start moving again.
“Hi,” Chan says back. “You okay?”
Felix hums thoughtfully. “I’m fine. What about your leg?”
“I’ll wake Jisung up and take his place if it starts to pain me too much.” Chan smiles playfully at Felix’s skeptical look. “I know you too well, little one. You’ll force me into the cart whether I want to be in it or not. I think it’s probably in my best interests not to fight you. You might skin me alive and wear me as a coat.”
Felix’s cheeks flush. “I wouldn’t actually do that! I just wanted to make sure that no one left you behind.”
Chan laughs and wraps an arm around his shoulders. “I’m honored that my little demon is so protective of me.” He kisses Felix cheek. “Thank you.”
Felix’s blush doesn’t go away. He tries not to smile, but he’s stupidly fond and in love with Chan. “You have nothing to thank me for.”
Chan doesn’t answer. He only manages to draw Felix somehow closer and lets some of his weight rest against his shoulder. Felix doesn’t complain, only gladly takes the weight.
- - -
The first few days of their journey are uneventful.
They spend most of the day walking, the omegas taking turns in the cart when their feet start to ache badly. They stop at midday to let the mule, who Chan has affectionally named Berry, rest and for them to eat. After an hour or two of rest they start on their journey again, only stopping to set up camp and sleep. In the morning, they start the whole thing over again.
Being on the road isn’t so bad. No one from the village has come for them; it’s rare to see someone else, but when they do, no one harasses them or stops to question where they’re going. It’s the first time any of the omegas, except for Seungmin, have been away from their village. The landscape looks no different from back home, but it’s freeing.
Felix spends his time between riding in the cart with his friends and walking with Chan. They’re often joined by Minho, or Jeongin, who’s taken a particular liking to Chan; the alpha is closer to Felix than he is to Chan in age, but Jeongin wants to know more about trapping and pelt making, and Chan is more than willing to share his knowledge.
Two weeks into their journey, things start to get harder. As it slowly starts to get warmer, the heat makes the walk uncomfortable and sometimes unbearable. They have to stop more frequently to rest under any shade that they can find, and with Berry along for the trip, they have to stick closer to the river because they can’t carry enough water for her. In a way she’s a burden, but Felix is eternally grateful for the mule. Not only is Chan impossibly fond of her, but she has made the journey a lot easier; he couldn’t imagine walking in this heat and carrying their packs.
The mule also comes in handy when Chan’s leg, three weeks in, starts to give out on him. It’s a gradual transition from Chan being able to keep up to Chan lagging behind, even when Changbin slows Berry down to a near halt. Chan holds out for a few more days, Felix walking steadily beside him as the cart gets further and further away, but when they lag so far behind that they only catch up with the group as the sun is dangerously close to setting three days in a row, Chan gives in. He knows that he can’t keep up, and he climbs into the cart the next morning with help from Jeongin without a word, even though he won’t look anyone in the eye, not even Felix.
Shame is a horrible thing, and is only made uglier in the face of three able-bodied alphas. It grows deeper when their provisions start to run low and Jeongin and Minho have to go hunt, leaving Changbin to keep all of their omegas and Chan safe. Nothing has happened to them yet, and the further they get away from the road, the less they encounter anyone else, but Felix knows by the way that Chan has stopped speaking to anyone that humiliation is clawing deep, ugly, scars into his brain.
Felix knows that there isn’t much he can do to relieve that shame, but he tries. When talk drifts to the upcoming winter, he’s adamant that the furs Chan will make once they’re settled will keep everyone warm. He’s adamant, while trying not to brag, that Chan makes the best rabbit stew. He preens within earshot of Chan that his alpha keeps him satisfied in and out of his Heat.
It doesn’t do much to help. Chan still doesn’t engage much in conversation, not even when he insists on walking so someone else can rest. He holds to the side of the cart at those times, resolute to keep up. Felix stays right next to him, fingers wrapped loosely around his arm despite the sweat and the heat, giving his silent support. Chan doesn’t verbally acknowledge this help, but sometimes he does turn his head and plants a kiss to Felix’s temple.
Their pace is slow going, even when Chan takes his rest in the cart. The omegas aren’t used to these long, tedious walks. They aren’t used to working long hours in the sun. Even when their legs become used to walking all day, their feet still ache terribly. Their shoes aren’t made for this type of nonstop walking and start to fall apart, causing the group to have to stop many times for someone to fish out their sewing kit and try to repair what they can.
No one voices it, but when the journey starts to drag on longer than anyone was expecting, worry starts to set in. Winter is only weeks away, and there is still so much to do. They have to build their shelter and start to gather and grow food. They have some furs with them, but if Chan can’t start tanning soon, the pelts won’t be ready for winter, and there aren’t enough to keep everyone warm. Building their homes won’t be easy, either. They still have to cut down the trees and tear away the bark and sand the logs and gather the vegetation to thatch the roof. The longer they’re on the road, the longer these things will take to complete. They need to build a shelter for Berry, too.
Five weeks in, they still haven’t made it entirely around the mountain. Jeongin was counting on the terrain staying flat, and it does, but unfortunately the road has deteriorated from overuse. There are potholes and rocks everywhere, and sometimes they have to stop to clear rocks out of the way, taking away precious time. They have to rest more as the omegas’ shoes start to fall apart more often on the hard terrain. Some of their feet are raw and blistered and cut, even after their alphas give them their shoes to wear. Pulling the cart is also starting to take a toll on Berry; she tires so easily now, even when no one is in the cart.
They lose all hope when the cart hits a particularly bad pothole and an axel breaks. They have the supplies to fix it, but it will take time—something they don’t have. The possibility of them all freezing or starving to death is starting to look more and more real.
Felix tries to keep up hope, but it’s hard when everyone else around him seems ready to give up. He looks to the other alphas for reassurance; they survived on campaigns, surely they’ll know what to do, but even they look bleak. Changbin isn’t smiling, Minho’s face is unreadable, and Jeongin looks his twenty years, struggling to keep Seungmin’s spirits up but looking desperately to his peers to tell him what to do.
Only Chan seems unbothered by their situation. He doesn’t joke or smile or laugh, but he instructs Minho and Jeongin to start repairing the axel while he orders Changbin to go hunt. He empties two of their packs and then hands one to Hyunjin, instructing him and Jisung to go gather the blueberries growing along the road. He hands Seungmin the other pack and tells him to start gathering long weeds.
No one argues with Chan. Everyone seems relieved to allow him to take control.
Chan lets Berry lose from the cart and tugs on her lead. “You,” he says to Felix, voice soft. “Help me find the river. Berry needs a drink.”
Wandering away from the group seems counterproductive to keeping them safe, but Felix goes with Chan, relieved to have his own task. He walks next to Berry, patting her occasionally. She is sweaty, which means that she’s been working too hard. Immediately he feels sorry for the poor girl. She’ll be the first to go if they don’t gather enough food or find the time to build a shelter for her.
It's hard to navigate the forest with the mule in tow, but it becomes obvious that Chan brought her along for another reason. Although she is tired, she is still well-tempered, and doesn’t mind when Chan puts all of his weight on her to make it over a root or a fallen tree. Felix would have gladly helped, but he’s glad Berry is here; his feet ache miserably.
After feels like forever, they find a clearing. The space isn’t very large, but the grass is very cool and soft. Felix can’t see the river, but he can hear it. “Stay here,” Chan tells him and leads Berry off before Felix can protest. Felix lets him go, feet aching too much to care. He sits in the grass and takes his shoes off, letting the soft grass cool his aching feet.
Chan returns a few minutes later, pants wet and shirt soaked. Berry looks no better; only her head is dry. “There were bear tracks near the river,” he says. “Deer and fox too. The river is deep, but the current isn’t fast.”
Felix blinks at him, trying to absorb this information calmly. Chan, with his injured leg, went into the river. “You went into the river to test the current.”
“I sent Berry into the river to test the current,” Chan corrects, looking too cheery for Felix’s liking. “I only got wet because she was having too much fun.”
Berry huffs behind him as if to agree. She shakes her head before she nibbles at Chan’s shoulder playfully. “This clearing isn’t very large, but it’s away from the main road.”
Felix nods, not entirely sure where Chan is going with any of this, but this is the most he’s spoken in one day in the past few weeks. If he wants to talk about the clearing then Felix will gladly listen.
“Most of the trees are oak,” Chan says.
“Oak,” Felix repeats.
“Oak is the best material to build with.”
“Hmm,” Felix hums.
“The soil is soft and the trees don’t block the sun,” Chan continues.
“Right,” Felix agrees, shifting his feet into the shade. He nearly moans at how cool and wet the grass is.
“We’re going to settle here.”
“Yes—wait. What?”
“Here,” Chan clarifies. “We’ll settle here.”
“Here?” Felix looks around. The clearing is too small for four huts and a makeshift stable. Where will they leave the cart or start a garden?
“We won’t make it to the other place,” Chan says, matter of fact.
The look on his face makes Felix sick with anxiety. They won’t make it.
“If the others want to continue on, they can,” Chan continues. “But you and I? We’re stopping here. With your help, I can make a lean-to. It won’t be perfect but some of these trees are evergreen, and they’ll provide a canopy to keep some of the snow out. It will be difficult, but if we don’t start now, we won’t have any chance at all, Felix.”
Felix looks around the clearing again. Here. Surviving the winter in a lean-to will be nearly impossible, but it will be better than nothing. “What about the others?”
“I hope they’ll stay with us. We can’t build multiple huts right away, but we can at least build one large enough for all of us. The first winter will be uncomfortable, but we can clear more trees come spring and build more huts. Sharing our resources will be better than everyone fending for themselves. Our friends are reasonable, I’m sure they’ll stay.” Chan offers his hand. “Come on, let’s go fetch the others.”
Felix takes his hand, but doesn’t let Chan pull him to his feet. “You’re going to rest, you know that, right? You’ll be doing no such thing as chopping down trees, Bang Chan. You’ll be doing omega work until I’m sure that you’re well enough.”
Chan smiles at him, knowing better than to argue. Felix can be feisty. He will yell at Chan in front of everyone if Chan pushes himself too hard. “Of course, sweetheart.”
The others don’t argue with Chan about staying, not once they see the clearing; they all just seem relieved that Chan’s taken charge.
In the morning they’ll get started on figuring out where to build their hut and Berry’s makeshift stable and where the garden will go. For now, they all just settle into the cool grass and feel relief.
- - -
Building a new place to live isn’t easy. The oaks are old and strong and do not want to fall easily, but between Changbin and Minho, they manage to get down a few fairly quickly. Back in the village it would never have been allowed, but Felix picks up an axe and helps, chopping away at the old wood until it’s weak enough for Changbin to push it over.
Within a week or two they have at least a semblance of a cabin. It takes the effort of everyone excluding Chan, who can’t put enough weight on his leg, to stack log on top of log, but they’re able to manage with some rope and strong tree branches. The cabin isn’t very tall, but it is long, giving everyone just enough space so they won’t have to be on top of each other unless they want to be.
Their progress is only dampened when Hyunjin unexpectedly goes into Heat and Changbin leads him away for some privacy.
Changbin is the strongest amongst them, and his absence only leaves Minho behind to chop the trees with the help of Felix and sometimes Seungmin. Jeongin and Chan are busy hunting and snaring; its counterproductive to make them stop to help Minho.
Felix doesn’t mind helping Minho with the trees, unlike Jisung who would much rather tend to Berry or Seungmin who would rather gather the material for the roofs. He isn’t as strong as Minho, but using the axe has made him stronger; by the time Hyunjin and Changbin return a week later, Felix can help Minho carry the barked logs to their makeshift cabin without having to use Berry to help haul them.
He's proud of what he’s been able to accomplish, and Chan seems even prouder. “My little demon,” he likes to whisper into Felix’s ear when he returns from a trip into the forest. “Who knew you could be so feisty.”
Felix preens at the compliment. He is feisty. He used to be praised for his docility and kindness, and he still is kind, but he is no longer willing to sit by quietly and let others decide how his life is to go. He has a set of fangs on him now, and muscles to match. He will do whatever it takes to protect the ones he loves.
Soon after Hyunjin’s Heat, Seungmin’s follows. Jeongin and Seungmin aren’t gone for as long as Changbin and Hyunjin were, but Seungmin’s Heat brings a new urgency to getting everything complete; two heats means two chances of pregnancy. The babes will come during winter, and they can’t be born healthy if their mothers don’t have enough nutrients throughout the winter.
They double their efforts to get things done. Felix even lets it slide when he thinks that Chan is pushing himself too hard. They need the fur for the winter, and more importantly, the meat that comes with it.
The cabin is mostly finished when Jisung’s Heat hits. Unlike Seungmin or Hyunjin, whose Heats arrived slowly with enough warning for their alphas to take them somewhere more secluded, Jisung’s hits unexpectedly in the middle of the day with no warning. He’s pushing mud between the cracks of the cabin to help with insulation when he yelps unexpectedly and falls to his knees in pain. Minho is by his side in seconds, spurred on by the sounds of his hurt mate. When he manages to get Jisung to turn over and lie on his back to check him over, it’s obvious that Jisung is in the throes of his Heat; he’s withering in considerable pain and the smell is unmistakable. Minho has no choice but to take him right there to relieve some of that pain.
Mating is a private, vulnerable matter, so Felix doesn’t protest when Chan steers him away and into the trees. He does protest when Chan pushes him up against a tree and attacks his mate mark with his mouth. “Chan—”
Chan growls against his neck and grinds his hips against Felix. His cock is thick and hard.
“Chan,” Felix protests again, but his words are weak. He always gets weak when Chan’s mouth is on his neck. From somewhere behind him he thinks he hears Hyunjin moan. “What are you—”
Chan pulls his head away. His pupils are dilated, the smell of his arousal thick in the air. “It’s been too long since I last had you.”
It’s been weeks since they last fucked. Privacy is hard on the road, and even harder when they’re trying to survive. They’ve been too busy trying to live to worry about anything else. Felix licks his lips and inhales Chan’s scent. His cock gives an interested twitch. “Your leg—”
“Turn around,” Chan commands. “Use your arm to brace yourself and protect your face.” Felix whimpers, but he turns around. He puts his forearm on the tree and braces his forehead against it. “Push your hips out for me, darling.”
Chan’s fingers are on the hem of his tunic. He lifts it up and over Felix’s hips, allowing it to pool on his arched back, exposing him. “Chan.”
“Don’t worry baby,” Chan murmurs, shifting behind him. “I won’t let anyone see my little demon like this. Can you spread your legs wider for me? Wider, baby. As wide as you can go.”
Felix’s inner thighs ache with the stretch. He has no idea why Chan needs his legs spread like this, but it makes his ears turn red with embarrassment; his legs are spread so wide and he’s bent over so far that he can feel cool air on his hole. He isn’t left to wonder for long though, because there’s a noise behind him like Chan is getting to his knees, and then Chan’s large nose is between his cheeks. “Chan!” Felix gasps as Chan’s tongue pokes teasingly at his rim.
All thought after that slips away. Chan’s tongue is wet and cool as it laps delicately against his rim, sending electricity shooting down Felix’s spine. Chan moans against his skin hungrily, flicking his tongue rapidly before he changes to long, wet, strokes across Felix’s hole. All Felix can do is sob as he gets harder and harder, balls heavy and aching. He almost shoots all over the tree in front of him when Chan’s nimble, stupid, tongue pushes inside.
“Fuck!” he cries as Chan holds him open with one and starts to fuck him with his tongue. “Fuck!”
Chan moans against him, only pulling away momentarily to suck in a loud tug of breath before he dives back in. He wiggles his tongue inside of Felix before he pulls back and sucks.
“Chan,” Felix cries, stupidly shedding tears at how good it feels, “Chan. Chan, please.”
Chan’s fingers leave his ass. He pushes his tongue back inside of Felix, wiggles it, and then his finger is sliding in alongside his tongue. He crooks his finger, hitting Felix’s sweet spot as he pulls his tongue free to lick gently at his rim. Felix moans loudly, unable to control his hips as they move, trying to grind on Chan’s face. Chan laughs at him cruelly as he slips two fingers inside. He spreads them wide, slipping his tongue between them.
The feeling of being spread wide open on Chan’s fingers and his stupid, wet, tongue is all Felix needs to cum; he moans pathetically loud and shoots all over the ground. His knees feel like they might buckle under his own weight, but Chan is quickly on his feet, his large, thick, arm wrapped around Felix’s waist.
The head of his cock catches on Felix’s rim, causing Felix to gasp stupidly. He wants Chan’s cock inside of him, spreading him open, but Chan uses his weight to force him forward until he’s no longer bent over and is now bracing his weight against the tree. Chan lets go of him when he feels like Felix has his sense about him again, stepping back to spit into his hand and then right under Felix’s ass where his thighs are touching. Felix doesn’t understand what he means to do until Chan’s cock is nudging between his thighs. He spreads his legs a little to let Chan slip between them and then he closes his thighs around the girth of his cock.
Chan’s mouth attaches to his throat as he starts to fuck between Felix’s thighs. His thrusts are hard and punishing, pushing Felix uncomfortably against the tree, but Felix uses his forearm to create some space. His arm will be scratched up by the bark, but it’s worth it to feel Chan’s pelvis slapping hard against his ass and the head of his cock catching on his sac with every thrust forward.
Chan grunts into his ear, thrusts hard, once, twice, three times before he cums between Felix’s thighs. He slumps against him after that, driving Felix forward into the tree. Felix closes his eyes and just breathes until Chan pulls away from him, taking his softening cock with him. Even without Chan inside of him, Felix feels empty at the loss.
Chan tugs his tunic down for him, not bothering to wipe away the evidence of his release. Felix turns himself over weakly afterwards, sliding slowly down the tree to sit. Chan’s knot still hasn’t died down; Felix stares at it hungrily. “I wanted that inside of me, you know,” he says as Chan stuffs himself back into his pants.
Chan blushes sweetly, taking a seat next to him. He wraps his arm around Felix’s shoulder as Felix leans into him. “We didn’t have any oil. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Well,” Felix sighs, shifting about to get more comfortable. “Bring the oil next time, you oaf.”
Chan pinches his side playfully. “Yes, dear.”
- - -
Felix’s own Heat hits just as they finish thatching the roof.
Even though the cabin is available for them to use, Chan takes him away, somewhere near the river. Felix spends three days riding Chan’s cock like a little demon and demanding he put his mouth on his hole and lick away all of his slick (which Chan does, hungrily and greedily) before his Heat subsides.
Not longer after, they finish building Berry’s makeshift stable and a storeroom above ground. The weather begins to cool, and Hyunjin starts to get sick every morning. Changbin dotes on him, bringing him water and what little food he can keep down. Everyone knows what the morning sickness means, but no one hopes, not until Hyunjin’s belly starts to swell. Changbin is over the moon, but Hyunjin takes the news like he does everything else; with a playful roll of his eyes that’s meant to hide how happy he is but fools no one.
Seungmin’s and Jisung’s stomachs remain flat. Neither of them seem to care either way whether they become pregnant or not. Sometimes these things take time, and Felix is under the belief that the gods wouldn’t give them anything they couldn’t handle; one babe is enough for now.
Their alphas take to hunting and snaring and preparing meat in the last few weeks of autumn while they prepare the inside of their cabin for winter. They sweep the ground and lay out furs and arrange whatever can be stored inside the way they like it. Jisung and Felix’s birthdays pass without much fanfare, and then Seungmin’s, until they’re finally celebrating Minho’s and Chan’s. The weeks slowly close in and the world gets colder while Hyunjin’s stomach slowly grows larger until the first snow dusts their little clearing.
Inside their cabin the atmosphere is cozy. It doesn’t feel like eight people stuffed into a cabin trying to survive the winter together. Instead it is warm and pleasant, and Felix can curl up beside Hyunjin and touch his stomach when the babe starts to kick.
Hyunjin struggles to get to his feet now and needs Changbin, who dotes protectively on him, to pull him up. They let the pregnant omega have the closest spot to the fire to keep him warm, and more helpings of food despite Hyunjin’s protests that he’s fine. Jeongin surprisingly seems the most excited about the arrival of the babe. Despite there not being much room in the cabin, he starts to build a little bassinet for Hyunjin’s babe—some place he can place him or her to keep them safe if he needs to take a break. Hyunjin cries when Jeongin tells him what he’s building and needs to be comforted by Changbin.
It feels very much like a family. A warm, tiny, little family that only grows bigger midday in the beginning of winter. The alphas are kicked out to go make a fire somewhere near the garden or huddle with Berry in her shelter as the omegas help Hyunjin welcome his child into the world. The labor is long and tiring and Seungmin relents near the end to allow Changbin in to witness the birth of his child.
Rowoon is born screaming. His cheeks are rosy and round and he already has a thick patch of dark hair. He has Changbin’s nose and Hyunjin’s eyes and unfortunately, Changbin’s set of lungs, but he is loved immediately.
After Changbin and Hyunjin, Chan is the next person allowed to hold Rowoon. “I shouldn’t,” he says with his self-deprecating smile. “It’s not very safe, you know.” He grins as he shrugs his left arm, but it’s a fake, trying-to-hide-something smile. “I don’t want to drop him. Let Minho hold him.”
Hyunjin gives Chan a look. “Hold my son, Chan.”
Chan is not stupid, and he knows better than to argue with an omega who just gave birth. Jeongin was kind enough to build Chan an elevated bed, not so high off the ground, but high enough that Chan can sit down without issue. Chan has been letting Hyunjin use it, more concerned for the omega’s well-being than his own.
Chan sits on the bed next to Hyunjin and lets Changbin settle Rowoon into the cradle of his right arm. Felix sits next to him, ready to catch Rowoon if Chan does drop him.
Chan doesn’t. He looks down at Rowoon with so much love in his eyes that it makes something ache inside of Felix. He wants to give Chan a child.
Chan lifts his head to look at Changbin and Hyunjin. “He’s perfect. You both did well.”
“Yes, well,” Hyunjin says, trying not to cry, but he’s doing a really bad job at it. Changbin pats at his face with a wet cloth. “We wouldn’t have had anywhere safe for Rowoon if it weren’t for you, so. Thank you.”
Chan ducks his head and shakes it. If he wasn’t holding Rowoon, he would be rubbing the back of his head bashfully. “We all did it together, you know. I didn’t really do much.”
“If you hadn’t found this place we would have all frozen to death by now,” Changbin says, voice shaky with emotion. It makes Felix want to cry with happiness. “We all owe our lives to the best leader.”
“I’m not—” Chan tries.
“Best leader!” Jisung shouts. “Best leader!” Minho joins in, and then Jeongin and Seungmin. “Best leader! Best leader!”
“You’re going to make Rowoon cry,” Chan tries, sounding like he might cry.
“Best leader!” Felix shouts.
Hyunjin laughs, reaching out for Rowoon. When he’s safely in his arms, Jisung flings himself at Chan, followed closely by everyone else. Felix laughs from the outside of the pile, wrapping his arms around whoever he can reach. It’s Changbin’s “BEST LEADER!” that gets Rowoon actually crying, and they all separate to yell at him before their attention turns to helping Hyunjin calm the baby down.
With everyone distracted—making far too much noise for a newborn in Felix’s opinion, but Rowoon will unfortunately just have to get used to it—Felix leans his head against Chan’s and whispers into his ear, “best leader.”
Chan turns his head to look at him. His eyes are red from tears. This is probably the first time in so long that he’s felt accepted. “You think so?”
Felix nods, kissing his temple. “I know so.”
Chan smiles and then he wipes his eyes on the back of his hand. “Okay,” he relents, pecking Felix on the lips before his gaze returns to the chaos. “Hyunjin, don’t let Jisung hold Rowoon. He’s going to drop him.”
“Hey!” Jisung yells. “I know what I’m doing. Please let me hold the baby, Hyunjin. He needs to know his best uncle.”
“That’s not even how you hold a baby and you’re calling yourself the best uncle,” Jeongin says with a roll of his eyes. “Give him here.”
“What do you know about holding babies?!”
“Can we please not pass my baby around like a toy?” Hyunjin asks, sounding put-out.
“Jisungie,” Minho says, now somehow in possession of Rowoon. He’s cradling his neck and head expertly at least. “Let’s go try and make a baby.”
Seungmin pretends to be sick. “Please, not while we’re in the room.”
“At least give me my baby back before you start,” Changbin sighs, taking Rowoon back.
Chan turns to look at Felix again. “I’m not sure if I want to lead this.”
Felix smiles coolly at him and hums. “I don’t think you have a choice, really. You’re kind of stuck with them now.”
Chan sighs heavily, incredulous. “Oi!” he says. “Felix hasn’t had a chance to hold Rowoon yet.”
“Ah,” Changbin says, looking sad. “Felix, why didn’t you say anything?”
Felix smiles, feeling nervous and excited as Changbin approaches with Rowoon. “I wanted everyone else to have a chance first.” Changbin places Rowoon in his arms, and something just feels right. Rowoon reaches his little fist out and wraps his fingers around his finger, squeezing tight. He blinks at Felix, eyes still milky before he yawns. Felix is in love.
He holds Rowoon while the cabin bustles around him with organized chaos until the baby grows hungry. Rowoon is not his, but something hurts to hand him back to Hyunjin. “Don’t look like that,” Hyunjin says as he arranges Rowoon just right to feed him. “It will be your turn soon.”
Felix smiles, tightlipped. “Maybe,” he says, and crawls over to kiss Hyunjin on the forehead. “You did a good job.”
Hyunjin grimaces as Rowoon latches on before he tips his head against Felix’s. “Thank you.”
Felix nods, kissing Hyunjin’s temple once more before he leaves him to have a quiet moment with his child.
- - -
Rowoon is a month old when Felix feels a flutter in his stomach, strong and hard against his ribs as he collects logs for the fire.
Oh, he thinks, placing a hand on his stomach. There’s another kick, just as strong as the last one. He hadn’t noticed before, but when he pulls his tunic tight around his stomach, there’s a little bump, hard and round, barely anything but still there.
His babe kicks him again, demanding and feisty. Felix rubs his hand over his stomach, chasing each flutter, tears growing steadily in his eyes.
“Felix!” Chan shouts from across the clearing.
Felix turns to look at him.
Jeongin and Jisung are rolling around in the snow, wrestling playfully. Minho is sitting on a log in front of the giant bonfire they built, holding Rowoon who’s probably wrapped in too many furs to really be comfortable. Hyunjin and Seungmin are gambling with some crudely made dice with only leaves and twigs to barter. Changbin is running around nearby with Berry on the lead, trying to exercise the mule.
Chan beckons him over. Winter has not been so hard on him this time around. Jeongin carved him a walking stick that he can lean all his weight on, and Minho and Changbin heard none of his nonsense about not needing their help to get up. His leg still pains him, but he has seven other people who love and care about him to help.
Felix wipes away his tears of happiness but he can’t keep the smile off his face. He starts across the small clearing towards Chan when Jisung throws a snowball at him. It hits him square in the chest, exploding against his beautiful, wolf coat.
Tomorrow he decides as he scoops snow into his hands and molds it into a snowball. As he launches it across the clearing at Jisung, he briefly ponders about how happy he is and how happy he will be before he gives chase to a fleeing Jisung.
Chan’s ensuing laughter at their antics makes their baby kick excitedly.
Felix laughs happily, catching up to Jisung. He jumps on the other omega’s back, careful not to land on his stomach as they both go tumbling down into the snow.
Tomorrow he thinks and smiles into the sun.