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“What the fuck was that, Wooyoung?” San looked mad. His cheeks were flushed and Wooyoung wasn’t sure whether it was from the anger, the alcohol, or from the kiss Wooyoung had interrupted. Probably a combination of the three.
In all honesty, Wooyoung wasn’t sure what he had been thinking. He just knew that when he had spotted San on the dance floor, with some other guy Wooyoung couldn’t recognize, hot indignation had flooded him and he felt forced to separate them right away.
“San-ah!” Wooyoung had attacked San from behind with an overly enthusiastic back-hug and pulled him away from the embrace of the other man in the process. Acting more drunk than he actually was, Wooyoung played up his affectionate clinginess and it didn’t take long for San’s dance partner to excuse himself, even though San was doing his best to distribute his attention equally.
Once he left, Wooyoung dropped his act immediately and San had turned to him with an expression Wooyoung was unfamiliar with before he dragged him along to the small guest room left to the stairs.
“I could ask you the same thing” was Wooyoung’s petulant response.
“No, you really can’t. I was just kissing someone. It’s none of your business.” Logically, Wooyoung knew San was right and the guilt made him want to squirm away. He really wished he could escape this situation. The guest room wasn’t that small, but it felt crowded with just him and San there. He wasn’t going to let San see his embarrassment though.
Instead he retorted. “Why not?! I feel like if you’re making out with someone in the middle of the room like that, you kinda make it everyone’s business…”
Because that was what this was, he realized as he was saying it. Outrage on his best friend’s behalf. Worry about what Seonghwa would have felt like if he had seen San. If he had seen San kiss someone else at his own birthday party.
Seonghwa’s hopeless crush on San had lasted for almost two years now. Although Seonghwa seemed to have accepted his fate by now, Wooyoung still imagined that stumbling across San engaged with someone else would leave him feeling hurt. And this was supposed to be a celebration for him.
So, really, San should have been more considerate and Wooyoung felt somewhat justified in stopping him.
“Making out? Wooyoung, it was just a little kissing. I’ve seen more passionate things happen at a middle school dance! Why are you mad?” San’s eyes were fixed on his face in a way that made Wooyoung feel like he was seeing right through him and he knew exactly how Wooyoung felt.
It annoyed Wooyoung, when he was trying to bury exactly that deep down, for his friend’s sake and his own.
“I’m not mad, I just think you can choose better people to kiss.” Wooyoung shrugged, faking casualness.
“Really?” San cocked an eyebrow, stepping closer to Wooyoung. His voice was a challenge.
Wooyoung wished he had worn different shoes. One of his platform pairs, so he could be on eye level with San. But he had opted for flat ones to make dancing easier so instead he was forced to look up a little as San advanced. “Like who?”
“Seonghwa!” Wooyoung shot back without hesitation.
“Seonghwa?” San laughed a little at this.
Clearly this wasn’t the answer he expected. It wasn’t a joyous laugh, more a reaction out of surprise, but his eyes still turned into the cute crescent shape they took when San smiled, which Wooyoung always loved seeing. “Why should I kiss Seonghwa?”
“Because… You know he likes you!” It was a lame answer, but maybe if he guilt tripped San hard enough he would drop this conversation. It was meant as a reminder to San that there were also a third party's feelings involved in this.
“So… what? Should I just kiss anyone just because they like me now?” San was still studying Wooyoung’s face who felt called out in more ways than just one. Was his face actually turning hot?
“Ach! Of course not~” He admitted, weighing his head from side to side. He meant to appease San, because this was not the way his comment was supposed to be read. San had the right to kiss whoever he wanted, even if Wooyoung wasn’t happy with his choice.
“Then what? Why should I not kiss Jeongje? Seemed to me like he also liked me.” Unfortunately, Wooyoung had also noticed that.
The guy, Jeongje, apparently (the fact that San knew his name, shouldn’t affect him the way it did), had stuck around for a while, even after Wooyoung had gotten in between their make out session by becoming a human barnacle to San.
San had tried to keep a conversation going, which had ended unsuccessfully a couple of minutes later. But from where his head was resting on San’s shoulder Wooyoung had been able to see exactly how Jeongje kept starring at San while he was talking and he wished his expression wasn’t as relatable as it was.
Only once it became apparent that Wooyoung wasn’t going to leave the two of them alone again any time soon, Jeongje had reluctantly torn himself away. When he left he threw San another backwards glance over his shoulder. One that Wooyoung saw, but San missed, since he was already turning to berate Wooyoung.
“Well, it’s just… did you have to do it here? In front of everyone? What if Seonghwa saw you…” Wooyoung was running out of arguments and he hated it.
Truthfully, Seonghwa hadn’t even been in the room while any of this was going on. He had danced a little with Wooyoung at the beginning of the evening before going upstairs to play billiard with some people and had not returned from there since, probably having gotten caught in some hour long conversation with Hongjoong immediately after.
“You know, Wooyoung-ssi, I didn’t realize you were in charge of policing when and where I’m allowed to kiss people. I’m not a fan.” The bluntness of the comment shocked Wooyoung a little.
It wasn’t that it was unusual for San to be more open around Wooyoung than their other friends. Even though Wooyoung had planned on staying away from San after Seonghwa told him about his crush, it hadn’t quite worked out.
Besides being in the same friend group, there was also something else and they kept being drawn to one another. Maybe it was because there seemed to be an instinctual understanding between the two of them, which lead to a mutual respect of the other’s choices and opinions.
And so they talked a lot. Bickered sometimes. But there were certain topics that they avoided, as if there was an invisible barrier stopping them from getting too close to something that might explode in their faces and make things messy.
This entire conversation had been getting dangerously close to that line, like San had grown tired of pretending there wasn't a huge feelings shaped elephant in the room with them.
Still, this wasn’t just about how Wooyoung or San felt. Even though San didn’t belong to Seonghwa, as he had rightfully pointed out earlier, it still felt like a betrayal to Wooyoung. You couldn’t start something with your friend’s crush, it was an honor code thing. Which was why, when Seonghwa had come to him with an excited smile and shyly admitted he might like San, Wooyoung decided his own feelings for San didn’t matter.
Nevermind about the fact that at that point, Wooyoung had secretly been pining for San for over 3 months already. That ever since he had first met the shy boy who came from Namhae so he could study in Seoul, and who was such an intriguing mix of reserved and eager, hardworking yet playful, he had been pulled in immediately. Seonghwa had spoken up first and Wooyoung had missed his chance fair and square.
So it didn’t matter how badly Wooyoung wanted to kiss San right this second and that maybe he hadn't ended the kiss earlier out of entirely selfless intentions.
If he succeeded in convincing San to choose Seonghwa there still might’ve been a point to all the years in which Wooyoung denied himself. If only his friends were happy together then there would have been a reason for it all.
Wooyoung made another effort. “As I said, I just think Seonghwa would be a better choice. I mean he’s handsome, tall, he’s been your friend for years, always has an open ear. I don’t understand why you’re so reluctant to give him a chance and would rather kiss a total stranger.”
“Sounds like you like Seonghwa. Maybe you two should kiss.” San’s tone was provocative, but there was a teasing lilt in it that suggested he wasn’t being serious. Instead his eyes had wandered to Wooyoung’s lips and Wooyoung was definitely blushing now.
“You’re not funny San-ah!” Wooyoung said. You know I don’t almost slipped out. Because that much was apparent. San knew exactly how Wooyoung felt, probably had for a while.
San nodded like he knew he wasn’t funny and was okay with it.
“Can I be honest?” San leaned forward to whisper in Wooyoung’s ear and Wooyoung became aware of how fast his heart was beating in his chest. “Seonghwa-hyung just isn’t my type...”
He was obviously flirting and Wooyoung knew he shouldn’t ask. Not if he wanted him and San to be able to return to normal after this.
But San was so close and his eyes were shining, reflecting the light of the orangish bed side lamp the only lighting in the room. Although Wooyoung thought he saw something else glinting in his eyes as well. A glint of hope and a glint that called Wooyoung a pussy if he backed out now.
“What is your type?” He finished the set up, offering himself up as the punchline.
“Someone shorter than me. Not by a lot just so he can rest his head on my shoulder easily while hugging. A good friend, loyal. Sometimes too much so. Stubborn as fuck. Refuses to lose a fight even though he’s clearly wrong.”
“San…” Wooyoung warned quietly.
San had gotten even closer while talking, the space between them more or less nonexistent and it took everything in Wooyoung, but he put a hand on San’s chest to physically stop him from coming any closer.
Remember Seonghwa. His mind was yelling at him and he wanted to say the same thing to San.
Seonghwa was Wooyoung’s friend before either of them had met San. He hadn’t really had any crush before San and Wooyoung had felt honored, albeit with mixed emotions, when Seonghwa confided in him. He had seen Seonghwa try to gather the courage to ask San out over the course of months with many times when he almost did it, only to panic and back out in the last second. Wooyoung witnessed when Seonghwa finally did confess to San, but was rejected.
He had confronted San then. Asked him about it directly and San had avoided the question, just stating there was a reason and Wooyoung, for once, hadn’t pushed it. He knew San wouldn’t just break Seonghwa’s heart for fun.
But now here they were. In a dimly lit guest room, bass noises and muffled voices an obvious reminder there was a party going on outside, even if Wooyoung had long forgotten about it. San looking at him like that while threatening to cross all the lines Wooyoung had fought so hard to maintain for himself.
If Wooyoung had thought Seonghwa might feel hurt because San was kissing someone random at the party, then he couldn’t turn around and do this now. Certainly it would be worse if a person who knew about Seonghwa’s feelings, who was supposed to be Seonghwa’s best friend, went behind his back to kiss the one person Seonghwa ever had romantic feelings for and betrayed his implicit trust.
The decision was hard and it became harder when San took a step back. Wooyoung didn’t want him to move away and he also didn’t want to see his disappointed expression. Silence settled in the room for a moment, before San groaned and turned away scratching the back of his neck.
For a horrified second, Wooyoung was scared San would walk away and leave him standing alone in the guest room, but San didn’t. Instead there was a new determination in his face when he turned around again.
“Okay Wooyoungie, listen…” San began. He walked past Wooyoung to the other side of the room where the bed was. There was a pile of jackets and bags on top of it and San pushed them back a little to make room at the edge, before he sat down and beckoned Wooyoung over to do the same.
His tone was serious now, all flirtation gone, but Wooyoung found it very attractive. He loved when San acted sure of himself and what he was saying, especially since this confident side of San was something he developed after their friend group met.
He didn’t hesitate before he joined San on the spot he was petting next to him. They were closer again now and oddly it made Wooyoung feel more at ease, despite the shift their conversation had taken. He somehow felt that San wanted Wooyoung to look at him before he continued talking and so he did.
“I don’t even think Seonghwa likes me anymore.” San explained, looking deep into Wooyoung’s eyes like he was desperate to be understood. “When was the last time he even talked about me to you? I heard he’s spending more time with Hongjoong these days also.”
If he considered it that way, Wooyoung realized it really had been a while. Seonghwa used to come to Wooyoung everyday gushing about something San did or complaining about what bad luck it was to be in love with someone who didn’t like him back.
It had gotten less over time though and the last time Wooyoung remembered that Seonghwa had even referenced his crush was on a rare evening a couple of month back where they had gone out drinking as a group and he had made a comment about how adorable it was that San couldn’t hold his liquor (despite hardly being much better at it himself).
You also had to be blind not to notice there was something going on between Hongjoong and Seonghwa, even if the two of them hadn’t realized it yet. They vehemently denied being close whenever someone asked them about it, and argued that they only spent so much time together out of convenience since their schedules happened to match up.
But matching schedules offered no explanation as to why Seonghwa always made sure to get an extra coffee for Hongjoong, or why Hongjoong would always laugh especially loud at Seonghwa’s jokes, or why their ears turned suspiciously red when their hands accidentally brushed while leaning together over their notes during a study session.
Wooyoung had noticed it, but he didn’t want to hope. So he didn’t let himself dwell on it. Now San was the one bringing it up, however. Bringing it up, because he was hoping the same thing or at least hoping it could convince Wooyoung that following his heart and putting his wishes first, would not break Seonghwa, would not be a complete betrayal of their friendship.
San kept talking. “And even if he does still like me… He will move on. He has to, because I don’t love him. I love-“ He didn’t manage to finish, because Wooyoung leaned forward and kissed him.
San made a noise in surprise, but it was only a second before he closed his eyes and kissed Wooyoung back softly. Wooyoung’s hands found the back of San’s nape and he pulled him closer. This wasn’t a dream.
Finally, for the first time ever there was nothing hidden between them. Everything was out now, the invisible walls crumbled down and the voice inside constantly nagging Wooyoung, that even if San was his best friend he could never show exactly how much he loved him, subsided.
It was a warm kiss, full of feelings that had been brewing for a very long time. A small giggle escaped Wooyoung as he realized how stupid he had been. He had been so silly. How fucking jealous he had been to see San kissing someone else. How he had denied himself the chance of being happy together with San, all in Seonghwa’s name, but had never even given Seonghwa the chance to give his blessing.
San responded to Wooyoung’s giggle by kissing him harder with a hunger that seemed to say that every other kiss San had had before the one him and Wooyung were currently sharing, had been substitutes as he waited for his chance to get the real thing.
“You were right. There are better people for me to kiss!” Wooyoung knew San was trying to tease him, but his face was betraying him as he smiled at Wooyoung.
It was a wide smile, goofy and sincere and so San, Wooyoung’s heart fluttered. If Wooyoung had known this was all it took to get San to smile his prettiest half-moon eyed smile, only for Wooyoung, he would’ve talked to Seonghwa a long time ago. But there was still time for it in the morning.
Presently, all thoughts that weren’t San left him as San kissed him again.