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No matter how many times it happens, over and over and over until Vash loses count, it’s always Wolfwood that goes first.
The first time it happened came as a shock, the memories hitting him over the head much as Nicholas- Wolfwood, Vash reminded himself, he was Wolfwood now, but he wasn’t supposed to know that, how did he know that- had just been hit by their truck. The second Vash pushed the hair away from the fluttering eyelids and bloodied face, they flooded back, stunning him.
They had met before. They had met before and-
Here was Nicholas, and he was Vash the Stampede, and they’d done this dance before.
Vash had not forgotten the steps. The way they’d come together, moved apart, circling each other like predators and clashing like waves against the shore.
Vash also had not forgotten how the dance ended, similar to how this one is beginning- Nicholas, broken and bleeding in his arms.
His heart was beating so fast and loud that everything else was drowned out by the panicked refusal of his mind to accept he had Wolfwood- Nicholas, Nick, Nico- in his arms, the desperate screaming of his heart making it hard to breathe. He could barely hear what Meryl was saying, had no idea where they were going.
Something told Vash that he wasn’t going to lose Nick here.
Something told Vash he was going to lose Nick again anyway, somewhere and somehow in the future.
It didn’t matter. Not right now.
He hoped that when Nick woke up, he’d remember too.
xxx
It took a few hours, it took being swallowed by a worm, escaping, and some food in Vash’s stomach once again for Wolfwood to blink at him like he was waking up. Like a switch had been flipped, the sudden realization of ‘I know you’ crossing Nicholas’ face, flashing his glasses orange in the firelight.
Vash stood up, heading toward the truck and knowing Nick would follow.
He always followed.
“How do I know you?”
The voice was hoarse, not from years of smoking but with barely held-back tears. Vash turned to face him, everything illuminated in an unnatural starlight from the worms crossing the sky like an aurora Vash had seen once in a book.
“I don’t know,” he whispered, stock still as Nick crossed to him, cupping his face in his rough hands, the same hand Vash knew as well as his own. He knew what those hands felt like in moments of pain and pleasure, he knew how much they could hurt and how well they could heal. “I don’t know Nick.”
“I know you,” he croaked. “I know you, we’ve-”
“Yes,” Vash breathed, leaning in to kiss him so softly and gently it felt like a dream. The delicate shimmering gloss of a bubble, threatening to burst as the memories came all at once. “We’ve done this before.”
Rough hands sunk into his hair, and Vash’s mismatched arms wrapped just as tightly around Nick’s back. “I’ve found you again.”
Vash did not ask how much Nick remembered.
Vash did not want to know.
xxx
The second time it happened, Nick didn’t recognize him at all.
Vash hadn’t not been looking, but stumbling into Wolfwood and not being recognized was a shock. That seemed to be the deal in this life, people refusing to believe he was who he was until it was too late- it was nearly a comedy of errors at this point and the fact that Meryl still refused to see it was baffling to him.
Then again, she had about nineteen more Derringers than he’d last known her to have, so he wasn’t about to ruffle her hair and explain he knew her from another lifetime and they’d been close.
Getting shot still was not fun, and he has the scars to prove it.
The connection was instant, the two of them getting along immediately, meshing together like Vash knew they would, knew they had done before, but there was no recognition from Wolfwood this time.
Not during the shooting contest when he’d come so close to admitting everything.
Not during their fight.
It wasn’t until the ship that it seemed to click for Wolfwood, when he suddenly looked up at Vash like he was seeing him for the first time.
“Vash? What the hell-”
“I’ll explain later, I promise.”
And he did, to the best of his abilities, once they’d managed to save the SEEDS ship, one they’d managed to save themselves.
It’s not quite the same, this time; there’s nothing incendiary or electric. Instead, it’s like a slow sigh, a tentative brush of hands. They’re both older, Nick is older, and they’re wiser and more jaded, once smooth edges made rough by pain and the ever-shifting sands. Nick is unsure, and that’s okay, Vash realizes. He’ll love him all the same.
“I’m sorry I didn’t know sooner.”
“It’s okay,” Vash embraces him and presses his face into Nick’s neck, feeling his pulse jump at the contact he wasn’t used to. “I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner, I’m sorry we haven’t had more time.”
“We have time now.”
It was so hopeful, so delicate that Vash felt the bottom of his stomach drop out with the sudden, whooshing realization that they really, really didn’t.
“Yeah,” he smiled. “We have all the time in the world.”
It was a lie.
Vash would go to his own end, sick with regret that he hadn’t been there this time, that Nick had died alone on his own cross in the arms of an unfamiliar God.
xxx
Over and over again, the wheel turned and spit them back out, again and again.
They’d been in college together, they’d been on Gunsmoke, they’d lived a version of their lives over and over, and Nick always went to places Vash couldn’t follow. Sometimes they had years. Sometimes they had days. It was always a roll of loaded dice.
Vash always found him first.
xxx
“Blondie! Hey, blondie!” Vash felt a hand grip his sweatshirt sleeve, yanking him to reality as he exited a crowded train, legs unsteady after standing for so long and swaying with each rock of public transit.
He turned, eyes searching, and a man shouldered his way out of the rush hour-packed car, covered in sweat and panting desperately. Brown dress shoes, black jeans rolled up past slim ankles, black dress shirt under a black blazer, all opened to reveal warm, dark skin.
Vash felt his heart jumpstart in his chest, like it hadn’t been beating before.
“Damn it, Vash, I’ve been calling you since the train stopped. What the fuck dude?”
He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe-
“Vash? Woah, hey, sit down before you fall down, I’m not hauling you off the tracks.” Wolfwood’s arm slipped around his waist, guiding him to the ground- “no benches, fuckin’ hostile architecture ass city, sorry Vash”- and pressing a water bottle into his hands. “Vash?”
Wolfwood- Nick- was between his splayed, shaking legs, peering into his face with concern and holding the back of his hand against his forehead like he was at risk of fever.
“You found me,” Vash lifted a shaky hand to grip the rumpled, damp collar of Nick’s shirt. “You found me.”
That familiar grin spread across Nick’s face, the one that spoke of mischief and stolen moonshine and staying awake until the light snuck over the horizon for various reasons.
“I did. Figured it was my turn, you were always the one findin’ me,” he gently took the water bottle back, twisting it open and holding it up. “Drink, you look like you’re gonna pass out.”
Vash let him guide the bottle to his lips, gratefully accepting the water and swallowing hard.
“I love you.”
Nick laughed, pressing a sloppy kiss to Vash’s cheek in response. “That’s a new one.”
“We’ve never said it before, not after all these lives. I’m not going to waste time, I’m not going to pretend like I didn’t love you since the first lifetime.”
“Well,” Nick pressed their foreheads together. “I love you too, Vash. Always have, even in the lifetimes when it wasn’t me and you together- fuck how could I not? Some part of me always loved you in some way. And hey,” the grin was back, his dark eyes sparkling. “It’ll be different this time. I can feel it.”
He offered Vash his hand, hauling him up off the dirty station floor. The touch was electric.
Vash decided it was best to believe him.