Chapter Text
“This is like Zoom all over again.”
“I don’t know how you’re going to get your speed back, Barry.”
“What if he can’t?”
Iris narrows her eyes at Caitlin and takes a step closer to Barry as Caitlin asks the last question.
“He can,” Iris replies harshly. “And he will.”
Logically, Iris knows she can’t protect Barry that well physically, so it’s all the more important to her to try to protect him emotionally. Him having doubts about getting his speed back won’t help anyone—especially not him, and he’s who she’s most concerned about.
“I think Caitlin is just trying to prepare him for an unwanted but possible situation,” Julian defends, stepping toward the center of the room, toward Barry and Iris.
Iris mirrors his motion, but moves so she’s standing slightly in front of Barry. It’s a message to Julian, to everyone , that they’re not going to hurt him in any way as long as she’s around.
“Fighting won’t help anyone,” Harry interrupts their standoff. “The only thing that will help is if we work on finding a solution.”
“We’ve been doing that for days, dad. Maybe we should take a break,” Jesse suggests.
“Yes, because the best way to get Barry’s speed back is by taking a break .”
“Well, whatever we’re doing now obviously isn’t working!”
“I think we should call it a night,” Cisco pipes up, trying to diffuse the tension. “We can pick up where we left off when we get back tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Iris nods.
“Jesse,” Harry catches her attention. “Upstairs. Now.”
Muttering something under her breath, Jesse rolls her eyes and storms out of the room. Harry follows but keeps some distance between them.
“I’m heading back to the station,” Cecile announces. “I have a big case that I need to prepare for.”
“Mind if I tag along?” Julian asks.
“Not at all.” Cecile smiles at him before looking around Iris so she can see Barry. “Barry, I can feel how scared you are, but things will be okay.”
“Bye, Cecile,” Iris says pointedly, trying her best not to glare.
The last thing Barry needs right now is for Cecile to butt in, but she can’t seem to sense that.
After nodding at Iris, Cecile turns to Caitlin. “Do you need a ride home?”
“No, I have my car,” Caitlin answers. “Plus, I’m going to stick around and go through the Starchives for a little while.”
Once they exit, Barry, Iris, Cisco, and Chester are left in the cortex.
“You still down to come over and play video games?” Chester asks Cisco.
“You know I am,” Cisco replies, high-fiving Chester. “Barry, you in?”
“No thanks,” Barry speaks for the first time in a while. “I’m pretty tired; I’ll probably just go to bed as soon as I go home.”
He’s not actually that tired. After knowing him for so many years, Iris can see right through his excuse. In reality, she knows he’s just feeling down and he doesn’t want anyone else to see him moping around.
“Maybe next time,” Cisco offers. He and Chester start to leave, but he turns back at the last second. “By the way, Iris, you’ve got a mean glare. I wouldn’t want to be on your bad side.”
It makes Barry crack a smile, which makes Iris feel a little lighter. At least he isn’t too in his own head to smile.
“How do you know you aren’t?” Iris jokes.
“Please, you love me.” Cisco laughs as he and Chester turn to leave.
Turning to face Barry, Iris debates whether she should say something or not. She wants to make him feel better, but she’s not sure if she can right now.
“Jesse seemed pretty upset.” She makes the decision to change the subject, hoping she can get his mind off of his worries. “I mean, I probably would be too if I was stuck here all day.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s too bad she doesn’t have any excuse to leave.”
When he doesn’t respond, she lets out a soft sigh. Getting through to him probably won’t work right now, not when he’s in his own head like this.
He probably just wants to be alone, so she gives him that out without him having to ask for it.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she settles on saying. “Promise me you’ll get some sleep tonight?”
“Yeah,” he replies unconvincingly. “See you tomorrow.”
After she grabs her jacket and she’s about to leave, she notices him going over to stand in front of his suit. That’s when she knows that she can’t leave him alone when he’s feeling like this.
She bites the inside of her cheek, trying to figure out what to say. All she can think is how badly she wants him to feel better.
“We’ll find a way to get your speed back, Barry,” she tells him, setting her jacket back on the chair and walking over to stand next to him, keeping a little distance between them. “It won’t be gone forever.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“We will ,” she insists. “I know things are hard right now, losing your speed and Patty moving away just a couple months ago—”
“This has nothing to do with Patty,” he interrupts quickly.
“Oh.”
“It’s just… I can’t help people when I’m like this.”
“You’ve always helped people. It doesn’t matter if you have your speed or not.”
“I guess.”
“Barry.” Her firm tone finally makes him look over at her. “You’re a hero to me either way—always have been, always will be.”
“Thank you,” he replies quietly with a faint smile on his lips.
“I’m so lucky to have you as my best friend,” she says.
She expected him to smile wider at that, but instead, something unreadable flashes through his eyes. It almost looks like disappointment, but that can’t be it.
“I’m lucky too,” he agrees. His smile is more toned down now, and she can’t help but wonder why that is. She really thought they were getting somewhere. “It’s late. You should get back to your apartment.”
“I’m actually staying at my dad’s house while he and Wally are out of town.”
“Alone?”
“Yes, alone.” She gives him a weird look. “Just like I am when I'm at my apartment.”
“Be safe, okay?”
“I will.” She smiles softly at his concern. “You be safe too.”
After he nods, she grabs her jacket and heads out. She’s fairly satisfied with their conversation. He was smiling when she left, so she’ll take that as a win.
Now she just needs to figure out how to get his speed back.
—
After the tense conversation in the cortex, Caitlin couldn’t wait to get out of there. She was just trying to be realistic, but Iris didn’t seem to appreciate it. Come to think of it, Julian was the only one to defend her.
Even though Caitlin knows she’s part of the team, sometimes it really feels like she’s alone, like she has no one she can talk to. It changed a little when Julian joined the team, but in some ways, it just made her realize how alone she really is. He’s the only one who ever stands up for her or supports her ideas now.
Even Cisco started seeming distant after Chester joined the team. Those two are attached at the hip, Barry and Iris can’t ever be separated, and Jesse and Harry have a father-daughter bond. So, Caitlin feels pretty alone.
She desperately wants for them to notice and appreciate her, and she decides that the only way to do that is to figure out how to get Barry’s speed back on her own.
“That’ll make them see how essential I am,” she mumbles to herself as she heads into the Starchives.
The only problem is that she doesn’t even know where to start. There has to be something in there that can help them, though.
She walks across the room, in search of anything that could possibly be useful. When she comes up short, she closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath. She’s smart; she’ll figure something out.
Then, she hears a noise from behind one of the shelves, and her eyes shoot open.
“Hello?” she calls out. “Barry, is that you?”
The room is completely silent after her question.
“Cisco?” she tries, still receiving no response. Maybe she’s just hearing things. She mutters, “Weird.”
The noise repeats, and her brow furrows. It sounded a lot like something metal sliding along the metal shelves to her.
Not one to be afraid, she decides to go investigate. After all, if she’s too scared to be in a room alone, then she really doesn’t fit in with the team. She has something to prove, both to the team and to herself. Besides, she’s probably just hearing things.
Slowly, she turns the corner and peers around the shelf.
Nothing. There’s nothing and no one there.
She takes a few steps, looking at everything on the shelves. Something there might just be the answer.
As she walks, she slides her fingers along the edge of the cold metal shelf. It reminds her of Cisco, who told her about Killer Frost on Earth-2. Sometimes Caitlin wishes she was a meta-human, because maybe that would make her feel like she has more purpose. But she isn’t a meta, so she needs to prove herself another way.
Deciding that there’s nothing on those shelves that will help them, she starts to go back to the main area. As soon as she turns around, she finds herself face-to-face with a cloaked figure. Their face is shielded by a ghost mask, and her thoughts immediately go to her friends.
“Cisco, seriously?” she asks, sounding unamused. “Or is it Chester? You know, sometimes these jokes just aren’t funny.”
She goes to step past the figure, but they block her path. Her the corners of her lips turn down in a frown. This time when she takes a step, they grab her arm to stop her.
Glaring at them, she steps back. “Seriously, this isn’t funny.”
The figure tilts their head to the side slightly, and she’s just about to reach forward and pull the ghost mask off of them when their hand shoots forward.
It’s so fast that she barely registers the glint of metal passing between them.
When she looks down, she sees their hand retracting, holding a bloody knife. Her hand comes up to her throat, and when she pulls it away, it’s covered in bright red blood.
She grasps the figure’s arm to try to ground herself, but her head is spinning and it almost feels as if she’s floating. The endorphins flooding her body keep her from registering the pain, but her mind is too foggy to even notice.
A second later, she’s falling down to her knees, and it gets harder and harder to keep her eyes open. Her eyelids quickly grow heavier, and no matter how hard she tries to fight the sleepy feeling, it gets stronger by the second.
The last thing she sees before her side hits the floor and her body succumbs to the pain is the ghost-faced figure waving a slow goodbye.