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Keeper Deshanna,
Ir abelas. I am needed here and the clan should not be deprived of a First, especially now. Please choose another. There are others to take my place and I trust that they will honor their duty as I have.Ma serannas Keeper for everything you have given me. I would not be the leader of the Inquisition without your guidance and wisdom. Should you require any assistance in Wycome you will have it as swiftly as possible. I hope I make our people proud with all the Inquisition has accomplished.
Dareth Shiral...
Tears fell onto the parchment, smudging the ink. This is necessary but that didn’t lessen the pain of it.
Since her magic manifested as a child she was trained and prepared to one day lead the clan as Keeper. The weight of responsibility was on her shoulders yet she never felt burdened with it. The day she received her vallaslin and turned her fresh face to her clan as an adult her future was laid out in its glory and hardships and she embraced it. She was First of Clan Lavellan. She is of the people.
That was so long ago. Separated from her clansmen, a strange magic burning into her palm and the world looking to her to save them. What was she now?
Inquisitor. Herald of Andraste. Heretic. Knife Ear.
A Dalish mage in love with a human ex Templar.
What have I done?
She was meant to quietly witness the outcome of the Conclave so her clan could be ready for the result. This was immensely bigger and she was the center. An elf, a Dalish elf, hailed as a holy savior and leading the army of the Chantry faithful against ancient darkspawn magister.
Oh Creators.... Fenedhis.
She missed her clan tremendously. Now she suspects this will be a lingering loneliness. With choosing a new future there are sacrifices and this is hers. The day she accepted the title of Inquisitor and stood above the people she knew there would be no returning. What made that thought hurt less was the Commander, sword raised high and leading the cheer.
“I will not allow the events of Haven to happen again.”
“It’s too much to ask but I want to.”
“I won’t want to move on, not from you.”
He bared himself to her, his flaws, his regrets, his brokenness, and she loved him all the more for it. The force of it surprised her. She has never felt this way with any of the clan. She always expected that she might meet someone in the brief encounters with other clans but it was never a priority. She was too busy to worry on it.
Here she literally fell out of the Fade and found him. Fate is funny that way. Of course it came with price.
She hasn’t told anyone, even Cullen, that she feared she wouldn’t survive this. She was frightened of the other magic in her and what it would cost to close the Breach permanently. It was lurking in her blood and bones, pulling at her each time she sealed a rift. Only Solas seemed to notice her weariness of it, watching her closely as she brushed off the others’ concerns with excuses of just being tired from the traveling and fighting.
She hopes it will not be what she fears. For Cullen’s sake if not hers. He has suffered so much misery. She prayed to all of their gods, hers and his, to grant him peace. The response was silence as always.
Nothing is ever easy. We’re on our own to fix this.
After giving the letter to Leliana to send off to Wycome she slowly made her way to Cullen’s office. Dorian thanked her for the new books delivered from Tevinter and shared a few of the highlights. Solas was focused on the next section of the fresco, the outcome of the Winter Palace and merely nodded as she passed. She had been breezed through his rotunda frequently these days.
A messenger, Jim if she was correct and by his blush she expected she was, was just leaving when she stepped up to the door. She found Cullen standing beside his desk, stretching his back. His face lit up when he spotted her.
“I hoped you’d stop by, Love. Is there anything you need?”
”Just this,” she whispered. She stepped in close to wrap her arms around him. He smelled of Chantry incense, leather and oakmoss. He engulfed her in his fur and armor and here she was safe. This is her home and she intended to do everything in her power to come back to him.