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just a few words

Summary:

"I’m not sorry for telling you I love you. It’s true, you know. And, now that I know we can communicate like this (you’re right, it is less scary than texting), I’m going to keep telling you.
Please respond. I want to keep talking to you. About normal stuff, too, not just the heavy stuff."

Or, Simon emails Wille during Christmas break.
Basically the Waterloo letters, Wilmon version.

Notes:

ok how to explain this fic in a way that makes sense...
basically I was rereading rwrb and I just am fucking obsessed with how the emails play out and are able to really stand alone as a super strong piece of writing. so I wanted to do that with my two favourite boys. obviously, there are rwrb references here- I literally took a line from one of Alex's emails (sorry Casey mcquiston) because I just loveeeed how much I thought it spoke to Wille's character too. like, I read it and immediately was like "Wille!!!!"
Not sure how much this will diverge from canon, although I don't know if you'll even notice it. like I said this is allll taking place over email. as in, it will never transition out of the email format so if you're looking for a longer fic sorry!
that being said, hope you enjoy this first little bit. will update ... when I feel like it.

Chapter 1: The First One

Chapter Text

25 December 2021.
22:32
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: just a few words

Your Royal Highness,

Is that even the right way to address you? Does this have to be formal? Honestly this is all so weird for me and I don’t even know why I’m sending this to you. Well, I know why. I’m tipsy off mulled wine and it’s Christmas. And you told me you loved me and I couldn’t say it back. I do hope you’re having a nice Christmas, although I also simultaneously hope that you never read this?
I stole your email from the Hillerska database before I left just in case I wanted to do this, and I am both punching myself and thanking myself for doing it. The urge to contact you is literally too strong and this feels less monumental than a text (I do still have your number saved, btw).
In running with the assumption that you will never read this because you are definitely not the type of boy who checks his email, I’m going to explain everything.
I want to start from the beginning. Well, not the beginning-beginning, but like the beginning of where everything started going wrong. Although maybe everything was going wrong from the start.
(Wow, that’s really sent me into a spiral)
I just need you to understand that that video getting out was, like, a manifestation of my literal worst nightmare. It’s like, I’ve spent my whole life trying to be small, so so small, and the idea of being big, of being anything at all is actually horrifying. I don’t want people to look at me, or know who I am. I just don’t. And now…
Well. You know what it’s like now.
And then you were so, so stupid and you made a promise you couldn’t keep. You know, I wouldn’t have been that angry with you if you hadn’t promised we were in it together.
But it was so fucking scary to think I had you, and most of all to think that I was safe, and then it was all just pulled out from under me.
I get that you’re dealing with stuff with your family. So am I. But that was probably the worst thing you could’ve done in that moment.
And then you had the absolute fucking audacity to tell me you loved me, in front of the whole school, and I couldn’t say it back.
Because. Well because of course I couldn’t, you dickhead!
We were in public. Everyone was staring. They’re always staring, now. And you can’t do that; be with me in one place and then stay as far away from me as you can in another. It’s confusing. I don’t think you even know what you're doing to me sometimes.
Anyway, there isn’t much more for me to say. I hope this makes sense. Please ignore this. I just needed to get it all out.

Simon

 

27 December 2021.
12:35
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: [no subject]

Simon,

Fuck.

 

27 December 2021.
12:42
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: just a few words

Simon,

I’m so, so, so, so fucking sorry. I wish I could take it all back. I want to take it all back. I want to fight anyone who’s ever hurt you, but it was me too, wasn’t it? All that time. I’m so sorry.
I want to start with this:
Everything wasn’t going wrong from the start. Please, don’t ever say that. If there is one thing I want you to remember, it’s that you deserve to be happy. Even if it was with a dickhead like me (thanks btw), even if it was temporarily, even if we’re never supposed to be together again. I fucking hate that you are depriving yourself and apologising to people for being happy. Just because it ends doesn’t mean that the happiness was a waste. You, especially, cannot be wasted on anyone. There’s so much of you.
Second. I understand. I understand that the video getting out was -what did you call it- a manifestation of your literal worst nightmare. I wish I had told you more that I understand, because you deserve for someone to tell you the truth. Yes, it is shitty. It’s so horrible and there’s no getting around it. I feel like people (yes, even Rosh and Ayub) are not giving you credit for what you went through. And I’m sorry that I didn’t either.
I’m not sorry for telling you I love you. It’s true, you know. And, now that I know we can communicate like this (you’re right, it is less scary than texting), I’m going to keep telling you.
Please respond. I want to keep talking to you. About normal stuff, too, not just the heavy stuff. Please don’t call me Your Royal Highness.

Love,
Wille

 

28 December, 2021.
15:30
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: you’re a poet

Wilhelm,

I’m extremely embarrassed.
I honestly thought that you would never see that email. I guess it’s too late to ask you to forget everything you read? I hope the Royal Court won’t see me hanged for calling the Crown Prince a dickhead.
I just want to be perfectly clear that email communication does NOT mean we are good. I am still very angry with you. But… it’ s nice to be able to talk to you too.
Since when were you so eloquent? I guess the Royal Family really did raise you well.
Thank you, sincerely, for your words. I think I needed them. You’re right, no one has really sat down and processed this all with me. Even Rosh and Ayub. I think it just feels so big and unbelievable and untouchable to people that they can’t even try to understand what it feels like.
I noticed you didn’t apologise for breaking your promise. I don’t really know what to do with that.
But, you said you wanted to talk about regular stuff, too, and I’m feeling generous. I got a new keyboard for Christmas. I’ve been writing songs on it. I don’t know what it’s like at the palace, but Bjärstad is dull and everything is closed. I spend a lot of time at the house, I guess. It’s that time of year where I realise that school actually is good, because it gives me something to do. And clearly I need to go to school, because my email-writing skills are not HALF as good as yours.
Which ??????
Wilhelm, you are literally an author. Even though you’re not trying to be, and you’re not writing a fantasy book or something, your writing is still just so lovely. Like, I didn’t ever really see you write anything and now that I am, I feel like I’m meeting an entirely different boy. I want you to write more.
That’s all the updates I really have for now. How is the palace? How are your parents? How are you?

Best,
Simon

 

28 December, 2021.
16:00
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: I miss you

Simon,

I’m so glad you responded. I think today I’m going to skip the heavy stuff, entirely. Maybe I’ll send it in a separate email. Yes, think of this email as happy Wille who will be telling you about his time at home in the beautiful palace. Stay tuned for sad Wille later.
I miss you! I was in the garden today (horrible place to be this time of year) and I saw a fox. Can you actually believe it? It was so much smaller than I imagined it to be. It looked like it had your eyes. I know that sounds weird, but hear me out.
Your eyes are dark, darker than any I’ve ever seen before, but they fucking glow. They reflect any light they can latch onto. Even in my room when it’s dark outside and the lights are off, your eyes have light in them. It’s one of my favourite parts about you.
Anyway, this fox had your eyes. It made me think of you and I got a bit moody. So, I came inside to mope around and play some video games, and then I saw that you had responded to me! Talk about a good omen.
Since school finished for the term, I’ve been spending a lot of time at home, too (LOL- where else would I go). I actually decided to start going into the kitchen with the cooks at lunchtime so they can teach me a little bit. I thought that if I was going to move out one day and (hopefully) live a somewhat normal life, I should at least learn how to boil water. The other day, I successfully made a salad (and tossed it!) with vegetables that I chopped myself.
To answer your other questions, mom and dad are okay. I’m okay, too.
I miss you. I love you. Talk soon?

Love,
Wille