Actions

Work Header

You Come Too

Chapter 3

Summary:

Simon took a deep breath and steeled himself for the day ahead. He needed to figure some stuff out and not jump Wille the minute he saw him. First, he needed to talk to Sara for a reality check, because he didn’t know if he could trust what he was feeling… if he and Wille were really in a different spot than they were before, or if it had all been a delusion of Simon’s own making. Now that Simon’s carefully built wall had come crumbling down, he needed help finding his way forward.

Notes:

I'm back with a new chapter! I'm having a lot more fun writing this than I expected because it's so interesting to really get inside the mindset of the characters and plant seeds that will grow and connect later on in the story. I hope you like reading this type of exploration of the characters and the story, and I hope you'll also like some of the new details I added in this chapter to imagine some of the scenes we didn't see in the show. I expect to do a bit more of that in upcoming chapters. This chapter was also written from Simon's POV because that made the most sense to me, but we'll switch back to Wille for the next one. Please consider leaving kudos and/or comments about which parts you like best. That's really my favorite part! Or come find me on Twitter or Tumblr, because I'd love to chat with you about anything YR, honestly! Until then -- 💜

Chapter Text

Simon’s POV

Simon’s fingers tangled in the soft, delicate fibers of Wille’s sweater as he pressed it to his face and inhaled the scent that barely remained there. Simon felt nearly dizzy with want as Wille’s scent pulled his memory back to their kisses last night. Their lips had slid together so naturally that it didn’t feel like it had been months since the last time. Simon had been tired of fighting the magnetic pull he felt every time he was near Wille. He wanted to stay in that space where none of the outside voices could have a say; where it was just the sound of their heartbeats thumping together in time, filling the space in the charged air between them.

Simon took a deep breath and steeled himself for the day ahead. He needed to figure some stuff out and not jump Wille the minute he saw him. First, he needed to talk to Sara for a reality check, because he didn’t know if he could trust what he was feeling… if he and Wille were really in a different spot than they were before, or if it had all been a delusion of Simon’s own making. Now that Simon’s carefully built wall had come crumbling down, he needed help finding his way forward. He and Sara had drifted apart a bit more since she moved to Hillerska, but Simon knew that she was still the person he trusted to help him sort through the rubble and give it to him straight.

******

Simon’s eyes darted around nervously as he approached Sara, checking to see if Marcus was lurking anywhere nearby.

“Hey,” Sara cheerily called out to him.

“Hey,” Simon quipped with more edge in his voice. “Have you seen Marcus?”

“No, I haven’t seen him today.”

“Good,” Simon sighed, relieved.

“Is something wrong?”

“I kissed Wille at the ball,” Simon confessed, not able to keep it to himself any longer.

“What? But your date was Marcus,” Sara responded, confused, her eyebrows raising in surprise.

“Yeah…” Simon agreed, hanging his head and staring at his shoes.

“Why did you do it?” Sara asked.

“Because I’m a complete idiot,” Simon huffed. “Because I really wanted to,” he confessed more honestly, swallowing thickly. “I’m a horrible person.”

“I really wanted it,” he further admitted, not wanting to even pretend anymore that he didn’t want Wille with every part of himself.

“But are you really a bad person because you did one bad thing?” Sara challenged.

Simon groaned in frustration, challenging Sara’s acceptance right back. “You’re supposed to tell me to forget Wille and be with Marcus.”

“But you’re not in love with Marcus,” Sara replied softly, shrugging her shoulders.

Shots fired.

Simon deflated and looked at Sara with surprise, eyeing her cautiously.

“I mean…you can’t control your feelings. Even if you have feelings for the wrong person, it can feel so damn right…so, I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

Simon sighed and tried to process what Sara had said. He didn’t expect Sara to support any part of him giving Wille another chance, which was why he had come to talk to her if he was honest. He expected her to give him another rebuke for his tendency to give people too many chances and a reality check about the reasons Marcus was better for him.

Hearing Sara directly acknowledge that he was in love with Wille without judgment or reproach loosened something in Simon’s chest. Sara saw that he and Wille worked together, and that meant everything to Simon right now.

“Come on. School is starting soon,” Sara reminded him.

Simon turned and started walking toward the classroom buildings alongside Sara when his phone chimed with a new text message.

In case it was Wille, Simon stopped and unlocked the screen to read it.

Markus: Too bad you couldn’t stay over last night.

Markus: Maybe this weekend?🙂

Simon’s dread and guilt washed over him instantly as Marcus’ persistence reminded him on nearly a daily basis that they weren’t on the same page. Last night had proven that beyond a doubt since Simon had kissed Wille right in the middle of his “date” with Marcus. It had been nice of Marcus to go with him, but Simon had just felt drawn to Wille all night like a magnet. By now, he also knew that his feelings for Marcus were strictly platonic. Simon doesn’t know if Marcus believed him last night when he said he’d been “getting some air” when he'd really been kissing Wille, but he does know things were super awkward when the ball finished. To get out of spending the night with him, he told Marcus that his mom had said he needed to stay at home since it was a school night. Marcus told him he understood, but he barely said a word to him on the drive home. Simon had also kissed him quickly on the cheek and bolted out of the car before Marcus’ car had barely rolled to a stop outside his house because the last thing he wanted was for Marcus to kiss him again. He was honestly a bit surprised that Marcus was still texting him now like everything was great. Unintentionally, Simon knew he had given Marcus a few mixed signals, but Marcus didn’t seem to be noticing any of them, or if he was, he was choosing to ignore them.

Shoving his phone back into his pocket, Simon hustled to catch back up with Sara. He couldn’t deal with Marcus right now, but he knew he would have to soon.

******

Simon straightened his posture and listened attentively as Jan-Olaf from the Royal Court stood before the choir and gave them instructions about how to stand during the upcoming Jubilee Celebration for Hillerska. They would be directly behind the Crown Prince - behind Wille - as he gave his speech. It would be on television, and Simon couldn’t even let himself think about what kind of opportunity this was for him to sing the song that he wrote in front of so many people. The Queen would be there, and the Prince Consort too. Simon couldn’t even let his brain consider the implications of all of it. He just wanted to do his best and deliver a performance that he could be proud of…that Wille could be proud of, too.

“The Crown Prince will stand here, in front of you for the speech. Because you’ll be right behind him, I don’t want to see anything but your utmost attention on the speech. Go ahead -” Jan-Olaf said, handing it over to their choir leader.

“Thanks. Let’s start with the second verse: 1...2...3…”

Simon started singing the second verse of his song and felt his voice fill out the acoustics in the gymnasium. He closed his eyes and remembered how it had felt last night to have Wille’s eyes on him as he sang. Right then Simon felt held by the emotions and the memories this song evoked for him. Simon would have to ask Felice what she thought, but he thought his voice sounded even better today with these acoustics. His nerves had settled, and he was just enjoying the song itself because today it represented some healing and even hope for him; maybe this song wasn’t a goodbye anymore…maybe it was a new beginning.

Before he could finish that thought or even the final notes of the song, he watched as Jan-Olaf whispered something in the ear of his choir leader before he heard her say, “We’ve decided to sing the classic version of the Hillerska song at the Jubilee instead…”

“What for? The Headmistress thought this was great at the ball,” Simon scoffed incredulously.

“Sometimes last-minute adjustments have to be made,” the leader said sadly but resigned.

“We’ve been rehearsing for weeks…” reminded Simon.

“Since it’s the school’s 120th Anniversary, it’s important to keep to tradition. The traditional Hillis song symbolizes the school, ” Jan-Olaf bellowed.

“I thought we were going to show the school in a more modern light,” Simon retorted, hoping his choir leader would back him up here. After all, she’s the one who had encouraged him to work on the song, and she had told him to work hard all semester because this could open doors for him.

“Jan-Olaf is right, Hillerska has always stood for continuity and tradition,” she said insistently.

Well, forget that, then. Simon honestly felt betrayed. He thought she believed in him enough to fight harder. Why did everyone throw him under the bus without a second thought?

“We want to see a group performance, not a solo,” Jan Olaf added. “Her Majesty the Queen loves the original. It will be much appreciated.”

Simon had heard enough. He stepped down off the risers and grabbed his stuff on his way out of the gym. He was fuming. He should have known that the Royal Court wouldn’t let Simon have any kind of spotlight. Simon felt the bile rise in his throat as the opportunity slipped through his fingers. If the best thing that Simon had — his voice — wasn’t good enough for the Royal Court, how would he ever be good enough for the Crown Prince in their eyes? He felt small and powerless to get his life back on track.

******

Simon reached into his locker to get his books for class and saw Felice approaching him from the corner of his eye. She leaned against the lockers and sighed.

“Hey, I just wanted to say that your song is great. The choir leader thought so, and the Headmistress, too.”

“Jan-Olaf didn’t think so, and he fucked everything up,” Simon scoffed.

“The lyrics are so personal. They don’t want the solo and the speech on The Year with the Royal Family. It’s one of the most-watched television events in Sweden. They must not want to start up any more rumors about the two of you,” Felice explained.

Simon sighed. He hadn’t thought about it from that perspective, yet. But did it matter? He still felt like he was being swatted back in line and out of view.

******

Simon was trying to read silently, still stewing in his disappointment and anger over his song being cut from the Jubilee program. He could feel Wille’s concerned eyes on him. Wille had walked into class with such a bright smile on his face that it had taken the breath right out of Simon’s lungs, and his traitorous heart started hammering in his ears automatically. Simon knew it wasn’t Wille’s fault, but all that hope and possibility that Simon had felt last night and even this morning seemed out of reach, now. He didn’t know what to tell Wille; they still had so much that made everything so complicated for them. He wishes it was as simple as just dating the boy that he loves; maybe Simon doesn’t get simple in life.

“I made you a sandwich,” Wille said, pushing a napkin-wrapped sandwich across the desk toward him. It looked just like the one Wille had given him the morning after the football field, so Simon felt his heart clench.

“In case you didn’t have any time to eat breakfast…” Wille continued.

Wille could be so sweet and considerate sometimes that it made Simon's insides turn to goo, but even this gesture wasn't enough to temper the thoughts swirling in Simon's brain right now.

Simon barely looked up from his book, so he felt Wille deflate beside him.

“Don’t you want it?” Wille prodded.

Simon shook his head no because his voice had gotten stuck in his throat with his heart.

“Did something happen?” Wille continued, leaning over with obvious concern now.

Simon sighed and slouched further into his chair. “I need to finish this,” he insisted, not meeting Wille’s worried gaze.

Simon pushed the feelings down — refusing to let them all spill out in the middle of school.

******

Simon had rushed out of the classroom before Wille could grab him, and he had skipped lunch, opting instead to eat the sandwich Wille made in a corner of an empty classroom. Simon needed to cool off and think before he tried to talk to Wille because he really didn’t know what to say. Simon wanted to work things out with him, and he knew Wille wanted to be with him but was it enough?

Simon headed toward the music room hoping that it would help him unwind and feel better, but as his fingers aimlessly played a tune, he felt his focus drifting to all things Wille and the Royal Court.

Right on cue, he saw Wille pause at the open door before moving into the room.

“Hey,” Wille said softly, tentatively.

“What do you want?” Simon asked, still not feeling ready to do this.

“To see how you’re doing. What happened?”

Whether he was ready or not, this was happening now. How he was doing and what he even wanted didn’t seem to be the most relevant factors anymore…if they ever had been.

Simon sighed deeply and replied, “It feels like, when you enter the picture, everything I do turns into a problem.”

“—But I…I thought that we, like…could start over after the ball, or…You…We kissed each other,” Wille stammered.

“It’s not about that,” Simon tried to explain. “They’re taking away the one good thing I love and that I’m good at. They’re not letting me sing my song at the Jubilee. Jan-Olaf changed it back to the traditional school song. They don’t want you associated with me,” Simon said, looking pained toward Wille, “…as usual.”

“Simon, that’s not my fault.”

“Wille…the song is about you.”

Simon watched as understanding registered on Wille’s face and he absorbed that information. He thought it had been clear last night that he was singing about Wille, but it turns out this mess of a boy that he loved wasn’t very astute sometimes.

“But even if it wasn’t about you, they probably still wouldn’t want me to sing a solo. Felice said they probably don’t want to kick the rumors about us back up again.”

“Simon, I didn’t… I didn’t know—”

Simon sighed and moved away from the window. “How long do I have to be punished for the video?” he asked Wille.

Wille swallowed.

“You don’t understand. You haven’t suffered any consequences,” Simon connected, shuffling his feet across the floor.

“What? What the hell do you mean?” Wille asked, getting angrier.

“Okay, I get that it was rough for you for a while, but it feels like you’ve been pretending like nothing happened,” Simon returned, getting more frustrated.

“What the hell are you saying? You have no clue what I’ve been through. The person who posted it is to blame,” Wille implored, his voice getting louder.

“Yes—” Simon tried, not having much time to turn those thoughts over in his head.

“Not me,” Wille continued.

“That person got away with it while I got all the crap,” Simon acknowledged, feeling defeated and lowering his gaze.

He was so tired of this damn video and everything he had lost because of it. He was still losing things because of it... He could feel the tears starting to burn in his eyes, and he blinked them back.

“Simon, you…”

Simon swallowed thickly and felt the words that he didn’t want to say come out of his mouth anyway.

“Yesterday was a mistake. Okay?” Simon sighed and broke eye contact, moving toward the door and his bag. He couldn’t be here any longer if they were going to keep talking about everything he wanted but couldn’t have. He felt like Wille was just out of reach behind glass, but he kept getting stuck on the other side of it.

Wille stepped in front of his path after the pregnant pause exclaiming, “Simon you should be blaming August, not me.”

“What?” Simon asked, frozen in his tracks as confusion moved across his face and a chill went down his spine.

“Yeah,” Wille continued, taking a deep breath. He looked over his shoulder to the open door and then moved to close it behind him, sighing deeply.

Simon felt the charge in the air, sensing that something big was about to pop.

“It was… It was August who posted the video… But I… I removed him as prefect and captain of the rowing team. I tried —”

Simon felt like he’d been punched in the gut, his insides flinching.

“When did you find this out?” Simon implored.

Wille swallowed and couldn’t meet his eyes. Simon felt his muscles tense and the fury beginning to rise.

“You didn’t want to tell me??”

“Yes, Simon. Of course, I did… I was trying to protect you. I mean—”

“Come on. ‘Protect’ me?” Simon’s blood was now rushing in his ears, his pulse racing.

“You were protecting him. I could have reported him to the police,” Simon spit.

“Simon, you…” Wille swallowed, shaking his head. “You don’t get it. If you go to the police, August will have Sweden’s top lawyers. The royal family will have his back. They protect themselves. You don’t stand a chance against them,” Wille exclaimed with resignation.

Simon felt his face flush as the pieces clicked together.

“Against you—”

“What?”

You are the royal family.”

“I am not like them,” Wille said, sounding more frustrated.

“You are EXACTLY like them! You’re exactly like your mama! You say you’re angry with her, but you act just like her,” Simon yelled, his voice harsh. “Keeping secrets and pretending like you’re protecting me, but you’re protecting yourself.”

Simon felt finished with today. Everything about this day had gone to shit, and the walls felt like they were closing in on him. He had to get out of there before he said anything else that they might never recover from. He moved to grab his bag and coat and walked out without another glance at Wille behind him. Simon needed to think.

“Simon. Simon, please, can we… Please, let’s just talk. Where are you going?” he heard Wille ask behind him, but Simon kept walking even as he heard a door slam behind him a few seconds later.

Simon felt every muscle in his body clench as he pulled out his phone to text Ayub as he sat down on the bus.

“Fucking August posted the video. And Wille knew but didn’t tell me.”

“What? For real?!”

Simon threw his head back and dropped his phone into his lap as the anger rolled through him again. What the fuck was he going to do now? His brain was spinning, but he couldn’t latch on to a single thought, because he just felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath him…again. How was he right back here with Wille? How had he made decisions without including Simon like before? It affected both of them. He had the same pit in his stomach that he had felt after Ayub read him the news alert that Wille had denied being in the video. How long had Wille kept this from him? Why tell him now? It didn’t seem like Wille wanted to do anything else with the information. If he had, wouldn’t he have done it already? How could Wille think that August losing his Prefect and Rowing Captain roles was enough of a punishment for recording and posting that video of them? August had committed crimes. August had destroyed their lives. Of course, it was fucking August. Who else could have hated him that much? Simon doesn’t know how he hadn’t put everything together before.

But Simon also couldn’t understand why August had done this to his own cousin. Doing it to him was one thing but to Wille? Even though he knew August annoyed the shit out of Wille, he thought they were friendly. Or at least they had been, before Christmas…which made more sense now. August had only ever trotted behind Wille like a lost puppy who wanted any scrap Wille threw his way. Did August hate Simon so much that he was willing to make problems for Wille and the family, too? Maybe he knew the whole time that Wille would find a way out of it since it was Simon’s face and not Wille’s in the video…

Simon wanted to hit something -- or shut off his brain and game.

But he needed his friends to help him make sense of this because Simon didn’t know up from down anymore. How did everything get so fucked?!

******

“What a fucking snake,” Ayub exclaimed while leaning over Rosh’s shoulder as she looked up laws for Simon.

“We always knew August was an asshole,” Rosh chided, removing a lollipop from her mouth.

“Yeah, but I meant Wille,” Ayub explained.

Simon half-heard them while his brain continued to spin about Wille and what he could/should do about August.

“Invasion of privacy. Defamation. Guys you know he could be nailed for all of this, right? You guys are minors. That’s child pornography. He could go to prison!” Rosh quickly assessed.

Simon's brain had connected something, but it wasn't good news for him.

“Do you remember the guys who whipped a freshman several years ago?” Simon asked.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?” Ayub nodded.

“There were, like, nine of them. Two of them had to pay damages. That’s it. Wille is right. People like them don’t get convicted. They get away with everything,” Simon said, defeated.

“But everyone knows what they did. Don’t you want to expose what August did?” Rosh challenged.

Simon threw back his head in frustration. “Of course I do,” he said exasperated.

“Well, then. Listen to me. You’ve got us. We’ve got your back. Report him. Then everyone will know what he did,” promised Rosh.

Simon sighed and contemplated what Rosh said. He was grateful to know that his friends would have his back no matter what, but he was worried about what Wille had said, too. He knew that Wille was probably right - August probably would have a great lawyer who would get him out of it. But didn't Simon have to try? Just thinking about August's smug face made Simon's blood boil. He hadn't bothered Simon as much since coming back from break, but suddenly that made more sense. He'd been sniffing around Sara at the stables, though, and Simon still wasn't sure what that was about yet. Regardless, the worst things that happened to Simon at Hillerska had been because of August, and he shouldn't get to treat people like shit and not have people know how low he had sunk. August had filmed and posted minors having sex, and one of those minors was his own cousin! It's sick and twisted, and people should know.

Simon's thoughts were still fighting with each other. He was genuinely getting a headache from thinking about everything. Simon wondered if reporting August would still give him some justice if nothing actually happened to him. Would it still make him feel better if people knew? Part of him thought yes, but the world didn't seem to work against people like August the way it worked against people like Simon. Simon's first time having sex was filmed by that pervert. The worst thing Simon had done that night was sneak into Wille's room, but Simon was the one still losing opportunities because of it. He had lost Wille because of it, too...and it made the possibility of him and Wille trying again harder because Simon would always be the boy in the sex video. How was it fair that the person who had been filmed without consent would possibly suffer more than the person who filmed and posted it on the Internet?! When would August be held accountable?

Would reporting August change how the video had affected him and Wille? This decision kept stalling in Simon's brain. He was so angry and hurt that Wille had made decisions that impacted them without talking to him. When Wille told him it was August, he didn't have time to process what it all meant. Now that he was trying to do that, he felt like he couldn’t see the whole picture because he had so many questions that probably only Wille could answer. Simon didn’t want to exclude him from the discussion, and it felt bad to do so. He wanted to know how Wille really felt about it all and what their options were. Simon needed to make a decision that was best for him, but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t also consider how Wille felt and how it would impact him, too.

Simon realized that he still thought of him and Wille as an “us” even though Wille had hurt him; it didn’t all seem so straightforward anymore. Simon wished he hadn’t walked away from Wille before they’d had a chance to finish discussing everything. Simon wanted Wille to loop him in when information affected both of them, but he realized that he also needed to stick around to sort problems out with Wille and not always walk away.

Simon, Ayub, and Rosh all decided to go back to Simon’s house for dinner. He couldn't decide anything about August yet. Today felt like it was two weeks long instead of 24 hrs, so he was letting himself off the hook for making a decision just yet. Maybe he'd text or call Wille after he ate dinner to try talking things through again.

"Can we go? I'm starving! And didn't you say Linda was making her spaghetti?" Ayub interrupted.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go. I need some comfort food," Simon replied.

"Are you going to put ketchup on it again, Simme?! I don't understand how you eat that; how gross can you be?!"

"You're missing out, Rosh. It's not my fault you don't have any taste," Simon teased. Rosh just rolled her eyes as Ayub snorted beside her.