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Loki looked at his soul-chest, the perfect rectangle the spanned the length of his left inner forearm. The ever present ink box was empty. He traced the smooth lines before reaching the upper right corner. He smiled a sad little smile. Unlike any other soul-chest he had seen before this one had a design on it. Three gears, perfectly aligned together, just waiting to turn.
He let out a near silent sigh as his hand fell away from the ever-present image. He rolled down his sleeve, hiding it away.
His soul-chest may be empty, but all hope was not lost. It could mean one of two things. Either his soulmate had yet to be born or their emotions hadn’t aligned yet. All soul-chests breathed their first words only when the pair felt the same intense emotion at the same time. It didn’t matter how far apart they were, the last words that they thought before they fell asleep would appear in their soulmate’s soul-chest.
Only when their skin touched for the first would the ink change from black to their soulmate’s favorite color.
Tony Stark was breaking out the alcohol. Well, technically it was his father’s alcohol, but his parents and Jarvis weren’t around, so fuck it.
It’s his party and he’d cry if he want to, or in this case drink if he wanted to.
Fourteen years old today. Fuck. Even he knew that was too young to be drinking, but it was days like this that it was necessary.
Not a soul was within a five mile radius of Stark Mansion. He was all alone.
Tony screwed off the top of one of the cheaper brands of alcohol. He decided he’d work his way up to the really good stuff. He chugged down five swallows before nearly dropping the bottle as he lurched forward, almost vomiting. He could barely stand the taste of any alcohol, but damn did he love how it made his world feel a little bit brighter, a little bit like he wasn’t all alone.
He drank and he drank until it was empty. After that Tony stumbled forward, rummaging through the box of fireworks he had. Half of them were made by hand, the other half were from last year’s Fourth of July, which his father insisted they celebrate because of blah, blah, blah—America—blah, blah, blah—WWII. The usual shit when he actually took the time to talk to his son.
Tony grabbed a packet of bottle rockets. He fumbled trying to open them, patting his pocket to make sure his lighter was still there. Well, it was his father’s lighter, but whatever.
He put the firework in the recently emptied liquor bottle.
Some part of his mind commented on how it was a terrible idea to mix alcohol and fire. He couldn’t agree more, which is why he didn’t hesitate to light the bottle rocket. The loud explosion was far more satisfying than the actual burst of light.
Tony hummed in satisfaction. He grabbed another bottle and uncorked it, not even bothering to read the label before taking a swig. As he lowered his hand he noticed a burn mark on his thumb. Who gave a fuck? It wasn’t the first time he’d gotten a burn and it wouldn’t be the last.
After a few more bottle rockets he took out the big fireworks, the really big fireworks, the ‘finale’ fireworks. Seriously, the good shit.
He giggled as he set it up.
For a fleeting moment he considered pouring a bottle of liquor over the fireworks box, see things really explode, but as quick as the thought came it was gone. Even in this state he wasn’t that reckless. Besides, he didn’t want to disappoint his father or Jarvis too much.
Tony killed that last thought with a few more burning gulps of alcohol.
He lit the wick and stumbled back to the overpriced chair he’d dragged out earlier.
The bottle he was drinking from nearly fell out of his hand as the first explosion erupted.
Black was starting to cluster Tony’s vision. His eyes fluttered shut at about the two minute mark.
Fuck ‘em, fuck ‘em all!
He didn’t need anyone but alcohol and fireworks.
Loki pulled on his clothes lazily. He hadn’t slept well the night before. His thoughts had been caught up in the feast that he had just attended in honor of their return—Thor’s return from a quest in Muspelheim in which they hunted down a rare treasure thought only to be a myth.
The feast was as boring as usual until Sif started telling the tale of their adventure. Loki grew steadily more annoyed as she retold the story from her perspective, completely leaving out all of Loki’s deeds that were instrumental in their winning the battle, simply because they were magic.
Thor had cut in though, and Loki felt a glimmer of hope.
“Lady Sif! You are missing the most important part!” Thor had said loudly, cutting through Sif’s voice and the clinking of silverware on dishes.
“Oh?” she asked with an eyebrow raised. Loki bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to grin in relief.
“You forgot the part where Volstagg tripped and accidently cut off the leg of a fire giant!” The whole hall broke out into laughter and Loki sunk lower in his seat.
He’d been foolish enough to get his hopes up, just for a second, and he regretted it almost instantly.
Loki had discreetly slinked off to his room, stewing in his own hurt and anger. He had felt abandoned yet somehow vindicated, like he knew that was going to happen. It wasn’t like this was a new trend or anything.
In the dark of his own bed it had been easy to think that he didn’t need them, that he didn’t need anyone, but now that it was daylight again he felt too small to think such things.
Loki ate his breakfast in silence before heading to the council room, knowing a meeting was about to take place.
He was disappointed to see Thor there. His brother greeted him cheerfully and Loki felt some of his anger slip away. He could never stay mad at Thor for long.
The high councilmen started droning on and Loki took diligent notes, if only to stay awake.
A sudden bout of giddiness hit him and he jumped in his chair, glancing around to see if someone had just hit him with a spell. Before he could find the perpetrator the giddiness was back full force and he let out a giggle, instantly drawing the attention of everyone in the room. He covered his mouth, but another bubbling laugh escaped. He glanced at his father and could see the disapproval on his face.
Loki’s eyes started to water from held back waves of pure happiness.
It only took a moment for what was happening to make sense in his head.
He pulled up his left sleeve and took in a gasp that was both surprised and mystified.
His soul-chest was filled with a single word in an almost crude handwriting.
Fireworks
Tony saw the words on his arm shift slightly and he nearly pissed himself with glee. He could actually see how the emotions of his soulmate changed his regal and curvey letters. It was hardly noticeable, but Tony could see the difference.
A sense of wonderment and unbridled happiness swirled into his own emotions and he cried, feeling what his soulmate felt as they connected for the first time, meeting in their own special way. This was the person he was meant to be with, the one whose soul would shatter with his before coming together and forming a single soul between them.
The words of his soulmate’s last thoughts before they fell asleep were actually kind of funny. Who thought of roasted boar with cranberry sauce drowsily? Maybe his soulmate was a glutton. Tony could appreciate that.
He continued conveying his emotions while tracing the words.
Tony had never seen anything like this before. He’d never heard of words actually being too big for their soulmate’s rectangle. They always stayed in the borders, shrinking down when necessary.
The words weren’t actually that big. They could actually fit into the rectangle if they wanted to, but instead over half of the lower letters were below the border.
Tony thought it was perfect.
Before he could contemplate it further his killer hangover caught up with him and he went running to the bathroom to get rid of his liquid dinner.
Loki sat in his room and continued tracing the single word even after his soulmate’s emotions left him. He felt a strange hollowness at their absence, but then he looked at his forearm and knew there was someone out there for him.
The letters had become a bit shakier looking when his soulmate ended sending him emotions, but Loki wasn’t worried. If something was truly wrong he’d know it.
He liked the messy scrawl of his soulmate. The letters were blocky in a precise, yet rushed fashion.
Loki felt his heart flutter as he looked at the word.
Fireworks
They didn’t have this word in his language, but he knew it meant a burst of light in the sky.
A burst of light in his life.
His light.
That’s what he’d call his soulmate, his light.
It was great, exchanging emotions.
Tony would always start with a tentative touch, wordlessly asking if it was the right time. Depending on the emotions he got back he’d either be elated or a bit put off.
He liked sharing his sparks of ingenuity and creativity, secretly hoping it would impress his soulmate.
The first time his soulmate returned the emotion Tony felt the urge to create, to create something for his soulmate. That’s how Dum-E came into existence. His first child, their first child. He would never admit that last part to anyone, not even his soulmate.
He also liked sharing his drunken happiness. It always caused his soulmate to feel an idle amusement, making Tony think that they weren’t that much of a drinker. Probably a good thing an enabler probably wouldn’t do him any good. Even at the young age of sixteen he knew his drinking was nearly out of control. He never let his soulmate feel those emotions, when he knew he was too far gone. He didn’t want them to worry.
They did exchange negative emotions too, though. Things Tony would never share with anyone else, his fears, his insecurities, his sense of being not good enough. He only let those emotions show through when he was alone in his own bed, tracing his words.
They felt a lot of the same things. Tony did the best he could to comfort his soulmate. The kindness was returned and Tony was sure it was the only thing that had kept him alive when Jarvis and his parents died.
He shared his grief and the soft emotions he got in return were a balm.
His light’s handwriting became even more defined as years passed. Loki found it amusing. He liked seeing the progress, knowing that his soulmate was somehow changing and becoming better.
He always wondered if this would be the year he met his light.
But then the suffering came. He did what he could, paying extra attention to his words. He gave up wearing long sleeve shirts, much to the amusement and ridicule of the other Aesir. They took it as a sign of weakness, that he was soft hearted and womanly.
Loki tried not to care. He really didn't, but when even his brother started it was almost crippling.
His mother thought it was nice though. She said she did the same thing when she was his age.
He knew his father disapproved though. Odin never showed his words. He made it customary never to do so and his people followed suit.
As always, Loki was on the outside.
But his light would only be on his side.
Life was good.
Tony Stark was on top of the world and everyone knew it.
There were four things he loved in this world: inventing, partying, fucking, and his soulmate.
In was strange to think that he could be in love with someone he’d never met face to face before, but it was true.
He built up his wealth in hope of giving his soulmate everything he could.
Despite that, Tony knew he was a complete and utter fuck up.
Sex was the solution. Lots and lots of sex.
Loki figured that his soulmate was male in the strangest of ways. It wasn’t anything too obvious, but he could just tell.
From then on Loki hid his words, afraid that someone else would figure it out.
Relationships between males in Asgard was… wholly unacceptable.
Somehow his father found out and that look of disappointment just intensified.
Also, there were plenty of words that indicated that his soulmate was a very… virile man.
Loki felt woefully inadequate. He’d had his fair share of bed partners, but they had all been female because that was the acceptable thing to do. He didn’t know how to pleasure a man.
Then began his string of very illicit and very secret affairs with males. He was very picky about it, almost fearing that he’d meet his soulmate and be an embarrassment, fumbling about like a virgin.
It didn’t take long for him to become a proficient lover.
His father knew of course, but thankfully Thor and none of his friends found out. That would have… made thing more complicated.
That look of disappointment kept him from continuing his taboo sex life.
The irony that it was his own missile was apparent and immediate.
Tony would have snorted if not for it exploding.
The shrapnel ripped through him. It was a pain he’d never experienced before.
At that moment he realized he had been incredibly naive.
Loki lurched forward, clutching his chest as he let out a silent scream.
Thor rushed over to him, but Loki quickly pushed him away.
He made himself stand up, gripping his forearm.
Loki watched as the little gears in the right corner suddenly turned as the words disappeared. His breath hitched.
“No…” His light. “Please no.” His eyes fogged with tears before new ink was scrawled in place. He took in a shuttered breath, tracing the lines he could barely read: I’m an idiot
They wanted the Jericho. Of course they did.
Please be alright
The oversized script was a blessing.
He vaguely remembered making a joke that of course the words didn’t fit in the box. Anyone worthy of Tony Stark would never ‘fit in the box’. He chuckled at that, despite the pain.
Yinsen was a good man.
Then the torture came and he felt a little bit of his hope slip away.
Burning him seemed to be their preferred means of torture. They didn’t just burn him though. They burned his words.
The skin on his forearm always instantly healed, never allowing for him to build up any sort of callous or buffer against the pain.
At night they bandaged his arm and tied it behind his back, never letting him ‘speak’ to his soulmate other than in those brief moments between the torture and the building.
He could always feel his soulmate reaching out for him though, constantly, until they fell asleep.
The concern was warming, but he had to concentrate on getting himself and Yinsen out of here.
Loki could feel his pain, sharp and violent.
His words were smudged, far from the crisp blocky letters he was used to.
Loki stayed locked up in his chambers, feeling helpless. He knew looking for his light would be useless. Soulmates could only come together naturally.
What good was he? One of the most talented mages alive and a prince of Asgard, yet completely useless.
Then one day he felt a surge of triumph and Loki never felt happier in his life.
Tony was growing impatient. He wanted to meet his soulmate and he wanted to meet them now.
He was dying.
He sent simple emotions to his soulmate, not wanting to worry them.
Things felt tender between them, almost tentative. It was exactly what he needed.
He was trying to find the solution to his palladium poison. He was just glad he got his company in order, making Pepper his CEO.
Honestly, he just wanted to snuggle in his soulmate’s arms and have a peaceful night.
There was no peace for him though. Vanko.
Also, his birthday party. So there’s that.
He was so obsessed with finding the cure that he didn’t notice that his soulmate’s words were shattered until he changed the core of his reactor.
Tony fell to his knees, not understanding at first. He tried to trace the broken bits, to convey comfort, but he couldn’t feel the hum of their connection.
“I don’t understand… Jarvis, I don’t understand.”
“I hesitated to draw attention to it, Sir, as you were quite busy…” Tony stood up, hot anger burning through him.
“Tell me.”
“Throughout the last week your words have been steadily becoming more deteriorated.”
“On screen.”
The pictures were all from different angles.
At first the words looked brittle.
I can do this
Then they looked so frail, wisps of what he was used to seeing.
Have to
And then there was a clip of the words just…falling apart. It wasn’t even a quick process either. He watched in horror as it took just over twenty minutes for the words I’m sorry to simply disintegrate.
“My apologies, Sir, but my prime directive—”
“Shut up!” Tony wheeled around, staring at one of Jarvis’ sensors. “You didn’t think this was important to my health?!”
“At the time there was nothing you could do to—”
“I could have been comforting them! They needed me!” Tony completely collapsed in on himself. “My soulmate needed me and I wasn’t there.”
Tony spent every day staring at the broken words.
The shards changed at random times. It was both a relief and a stab to his heart. It meant his soulmate was alive, but what kind of life was that, living with a shattered mind?
He’d take that mind though, that soul. He’d do everything in his power to put it back together, even at the cost of his own.
He noticed it immediately, when the shards slowly started to come together.
He cried from happiness for hours on end, just watching them through his tears. The never formed words though.
Tony still couldn’t send his emotions to them, his love and comfort. He also couldn’t remember when he last felt their emotions. It had to have been a week before he finally found a cure to his blood poisoning.
He still felt completely paralyzed, hardly able to leave his house, despite knowing he should be out there in the world, giving destiny a chance to take its course.
It was nearly a half a year later when Pepper finally got him moving again, citing Stark Industries’ poor stock prices as a reason to put on a show for the public. It helped a little and he started going out more, trying to make that false happiness real.
The words were still a blur, but at least his soulmate was alive.
Stark Tower was only built because of Pepper Potts. He only gave himself 12% credit for designing such a large arc reactor that was actually stable.
Then Agent Coulson appeared. Tony wanted to decline helping out. Hero business wasn’t really something he participate in anymore. Pepper forced him to go, promising he wouldn’t have to attend the next five charity balls she had scheduled for him. He gave her a weak smile before flying off, trying to save both himself and the world.
Aliens? Seriously?
He took down Loki without saying a word, no longer having the strength for his usual showmanship. He was just so tired…
Thor came along and captured their prisoner. Tony almost cracked a smile when he heard his Shakespearian way of talking, but just couldn’t.
At the Helicarrier his eyes lingered on the screen showing Loki before going over to Bruce. He could handle the hard sciences. Now a days it was one of the few things he could handle, the cold facts and the idea of cause and effect.
There was an explosion, fixing the Helicarrier, and trashing his suit.
He idly figured out where Loki was going, saying it in a monotone to the Avengers before heading off.
Tony saw him standing in Stark Tower and sighed. He’d have to put on a song and dance, distract him as his new suit got ready to deploy. It didn’t even last a minute before Loki was stocking over to him, the threat clear as day in his crazed eyes.
Some part of him was relieved.
The staff didn’t work on him. He almost laughed at that.
Then Loki went for his neck and something changed, both their eyes went wide. His left forearm was suddenly warm, almost feeling like someone was tickling him. His eyes fluttered to the spot where the usual disjointed pieces were. They came alive with green before snapping together.
Save me
Air came gushing out of Loki and the blue in his eyes faded away. Loki whole demeanor changed. His bottom lip started trembling and his hand traveled up to cup Tony’s face. Silent tears fell from Loki’s eyes before Tony was engulfed by a hug.
Tony took in a shaky breath as he lowered them to the ground, Loki sobbing against him. He wrapped his arms tightly around Loki, feeling his own tears fall.
“It’s you. It’s you. It’s finally you.” Loki barely got the words out and Tony began rocking him back and forth.
“And it’s you,” Tony said back before kissing Loki on his tear stained cheek. His cries only became louder.
“You have to close the portal. You have to.” Tony nodded against him, somehow feeling Loki’s heartbeat despite the thick armor between them.
“How do I do it?”
“My staff, it’s the only thing that can penetrate the energy shield.” Tony ran his hand through Loki’s hair while kissing him again. He could feel the grit in his hair, dirt all over him.
“J, can you take care of it?”
“Of course, Sir. The suit is almost ready for deployment.”
“Thanks. I want the whole tower on lockdown.” The balcony doors shut and there was the loud noise of locks moving in place. “No one from SHIELD or law enforcement of any kind are permitted inside.”
“As you wish.” His suit was deployed and picked up the staff from the ground. The doors opened briefly and a moment later Tony watched all the aliens fell to the ground lifeless. “Shall we let SHIELD confiscate the Tesseract?”
“No, we might need it as a bargaining chip.” Jarvis didn’t reply and Tony wondered what he was thinking. “Come. Let’s get you cleaned up.” Tony tugged on him and Loki complied. “I love you, you know that?” Loki chuckled sadly as Tony led him to his room.
“You don’t even know me,” Loki mumbled, his head tilted down.
“Of course I do. I know that you’re smart. I know that you’re eloquent even when you’re tired. I know you’d rather stay home than go out. I know your favorite food is honeyed ham.” Tony chuckled. “Your last thought of the night has been about honeyed ham seventy-six times.”
“You counted?”
“Every last sentence, every last word.” Tony smiled softly at him and Loki wiped away his tears even though they kept coming. “The first words I ever read from you were actually about boar.” Loki chuckled again and Tony’s smile widened. “I’ve loved you for over half my life.”
“I love you too,” Loki whispered.
Once they were in the bathroom Tony went to work on the buckles and the loops of Loki’s armor and he felt like he’d done so a thousand times before. Loki was standing with his shoulders slumped. Tony took a moment to stand on his tiptoes and give him a peck on the lips. Loki’s eyes lit up as he sniffled.
Loki’s left arm was bandaged and he gave Loki a concerned look.
“I couldn’t bear to look at, knowing I had thrown away everything. After… I thought I’d never meet you." Tony nodded in understanding. He unwound the bandage revealing the words: One more day, written in bright red.
They were both soon naked and Tony was turning on the shower.
“Is this temperature alright?” Tony asked, just trying to get Loki to move a bit. He reached out and Tony could see signs of torture, some still fresh. He wanted to cry and kiss every one of them, but knew he needed to be strong for his soulmate.
“It’s fine.”
“Good.” Tony gave him a blinding smile and Loki did his best to return it.
Once inside the shower Tony lathered up Loki’s hair. He heard Loki let out a little sigh of contentment. It made his soul—their soul feel a little bit better.
His hands ghosted over scars as he washed Loki’s pale skin. There were too many to count.
He could feel Loki slowly relaxing under his touch.
Loki suddenly turned around and hugged him.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.” Under the warm spray Tony couldn’t say anything, only breathe in his scent.
Now that they were together Tony knew everything would be okay.