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Dear Jimmy,
It’s going to be strange without you this winter. I’m not sure what I’m going to do if I’m honest. You were always the best at making me forget about whatever I was worrying about, always the best at calming me down, recently however I have had to resort to drowning myself in work. Luckily, there is a lot of that, work I mean, with the Rivendell Winter Festival coming up there is always more to design, check, plan, there are always more questions to answer.
I remember our first Christmas together, hiding away from all the chaos so we could decorate our little place with the little resources we had. I miss it. Actually no, I miss you. I’m not sure what I’m going to do without you this year.
I hope that I’ll see you again sometime soon, Aeor knows that would restore some of my sanity.
Sincerely, Scott
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Hey Scott,
I was thinking the other day about when we decided to bake Christmas cookies together, it was hilarious. Do you remember how I got flour everywhere, like I mean everywhere it was all over the table and the floor and me and you but you just laughed and I laughed and dammit Scott I really miss your laugh it’s so beautiful.
I’m not really sure what I’ll do to celebrate the holiday season this year. There's some festival I was thinking about going to but it will never be the same as staying up with you until midnight the night before, cheering when Christmas day arrived. We danced, do you remember that? We danced that evening, no music, no dancefloor, just us outside dancing around the lake together under the stars.
The stars still remind me of you when I look at them, you used to be able to name every constellation, I wish I remembered more of what you taught me. You taught me to dance though and I will never forget that. You complained so much that night when I stepped on your feet, when I went the wrong way, stepped with the wrong foot, at the end you told me there was a way I could make it up to you, you told me to kiss you. It was so peaceful that night, no screams, no explosions, just the sound of the water rippling across the lake and the leaves rustling gently and the sound of your laughter.
I miss you,
Jimmy
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Dear Jimmy,
Preparations for the festival are going well, unfortunately my original building plans were postponed so it will have to be mainly outdoors but I think we can work with that. I’ve finished planning the meals and the food and I’ve been told some of the other empires have some food to share so hopefully that goes down well. The food will definitely be more extravagant here than when we had Christmas together but I still wouldn’t trade it.
They’ve been asking me what flowers I’d like to choose and I want to tell them poppies, just poppies everywhere but I’m not sure I could make it through a day without breaking down crying if I chose that let alone the three days of celebrations we have planned.
I dreamt of you last night, I dreamt of us watching the stars together on one summer evening, you listening patiently as I described each constellation to you, you would try to find them again a few nights later, your eyes always lighting up so beautifully when you got it right. We did enjoy watching the stars. Some nights, when I really miss you, I go outside and I lie on the floor and I just imagine we’re back there together, watching.
Sincerely, Scott
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Hey Scott!
Remember how you used to be there to comfort me whenever I had a bad dream? Yeah I could really use some help right now. It’s like 3 in the morning or something and I know I could call Lizzie but she just doesn’t understand like you did, she wasn’t there.
It was back when the TNT went off, you know, the one outside Dogwarts and I was back there except this time I knew exactly what would happen if I touched it but I had no control, I just had to watch it happen, I just had to watch as my friends got blown up, and it hurt Scott it hurt so so much
and I don’t know why I’m writing this I just really needed to tell someone because I never meant to hurt anyone I swear I never meant to do it I thought I could help, you know, but then it all went black and it burned and it burned so bad and even though I knew I deserved it, I caused other people to suffer I deserved to as well but even though I knew that it still hurt so much all I wanted was for it to end all I wanted was out of that place Scott it was hell it was like actually living hell Scott do you know that do you remember that because no matter how much I miss you and how much I miss our home, our beautiful home that will never make me want to experience so much pain again I never want to have to wake up and go to bed every day fearing for my life and for your life
I’m sorry petal I should probably sleep now I’m sorry I miss you I hope you know I miss you
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Sunflower please come back please I need you
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Jimmy,
I want to say I’m sorry, I hope wherever you are you’re safe
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Jimmy,
I tried writing letters to you like a diary but it’s too hard, I hoped one day I could give them to you, see you again, but I know that can’t be. You died. I died. Every day I long to see you, to hold you, but I know I can’t.
You’re not here.
The Codfather is far too similar to you for my liking but he doesn’t remember, he’s not you, he’s not been through what you have. The first time I met him I thought it was you, I thought you were alive but then he didn’t remember me. He didn’t remember me and it hurt
I miss you Sunflower
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Dear Jimmy,
Back to normal for now, The festival starts tomorrow it’s going well, I decided on the poppies in the end, I like to think of them not as a reminder of our suffering or of what I’ve lost, but as a celebration of what we had and the times we spent together, it’s going to hurt but I know that and I accept it, I lost you and there is no way I’ll ever be ok with that.
Lizzie is bringing a variety of cakes to the festival and I’m very excited, I’ve seen a picture of one and it looked amazing. You’d like Lizzie, you know.
This is too hard, it’s hard to write to you, I think this will be my last letter, but please know that I miss you more than anything.
Sincerely, Scott
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That night Scott dreamt of a glass barrier, stretching as far as he could see. He was standing barefoot in a field, the grass dry and crunchy beneath his feet, scorched by the hot sun. The glass shimmered, the rest of the fields on the other side occasionally blurring, warping, but only if you looked too closely, it was strange, like it had some kind of magical quality.
What in Aeor’s name-
He reached out, drawn to it like it was calling him, Scott, Scott, Scott…
What was it? He just had to know, every fibre of his body was filled with a strange unsettling curiosity about this wall, it was weird, uncomfortable, he didn’t like it.
He touched it, his finger coming into contact with the glass for barely a second before it shattered before his eyes into millions of tiny pieces that caught the light sending rainbows scrambling across the ground. It was strangely beautiful.
But there, on the other side of it all was Jimmy. Beautiful, beautiful Jimmy, with his golden hair shining in the sunlight, his soft brown eyes filled with amazement and his hand stretched out, just like Scott’s, their fingers brushing against each other. In seconds, Scott had pulled Jimmy forward into his arms longing to feel this again but he could feel himself waking up. He had to remember this, he had to try to remember how this felt because he would probably never feel it again.
—
It was the morning of the first day of the Rivendell winter festival and Scott did not have time to process a dream like that . He got up, trying desperately to push any thoughts on what he had just dreamt aside, he had to focus on the festival, he just had to get through the festival, three days and then he could analyse the shit out of what just happened. He sighed, burying his face in his hands, this was going to be a rough couple of days.
He got dressed, picking out the elegant set of elven robes that he had selected a few days prior and slowly began to get ready for a long week of celebrations and oh so many people. And the Codfather. The Codfather was going to be there and Scott was going to have to concentrate and not get distracted by him or how much like Jimmy he is or how he is actually really pretty-
—
The morning went fairly smoothly, setting everything up and making sure they were prepared for day one of the celebrations, the market day. Day one was the market day, day two was an evening event with the turning on of the lights and decorations and it was truly stunning, then on day three, there was the feast followed by an evening dance under the stars and the lights, a calm, beautiful end to a beautiful week.
The festival had originally been aimed at Rivendell citizens but soon opened up to other rulers and some others from the other Empires who could afford the journey. Scott’s job at the beginning of day one was greeting the other rulers as they arrived, which of course went smoothly until the Codfather arrived. Luckily Scott was getting better and better at covering his tracks and he think he recovered quite quickly from his kind of slip up.
He had almost called the Codfather Jimmy, which while that was his name, was not very formal and would certainly spark a few questions that he did not want to answer. Strangely though, he wasn’t the only one to mess up on the titles, the Codfather also stumbled over Scott’s title before giving him a small smile and looking down at the floor, quickly exiting the situation. It was weird.
Apart from that interaction the first day went reasonably well, the market stalls were well received and no fights broke out which was always a good thing, Scott was feeling pretty optimistic about the rest of the festival, he went to sleep that night excited for the rest of the events.
The next day threw him a bit of a curveball though, and it left his mind reeling. The main events of the lights coming on had come to an end and it was about 5 minutes until the fireworks and Scott was sitting on a blanket, much like everyone else who had settled down to watch the fireworks. He was sat on the edge of the crowd, a little out of the way in an attempt to get some peace and was very surprised when a familiar voice startled him from his thoughts.
“Hey… can I sit here?” It was the Codfather and for a second Scott’s brain just stopped functioning before he managed to spout some reasonably formal reply and shuffle across to make room.
“I like the poppies,” the Codfather said quietly and Scott looked around quickly, trying to process the situation.
“Yeah… they mean a lot to me.”
“We don’t get them in the swamps which is a shame, they mean a lot to me too.” They fell into silence for a little bit before Scott took a risk and broke it.
“If you want you can just call me Scott, sometimes the formalities feel like too much,” he says, trying not to let the other see how nervous he is.
“That sounds nice, you can call me Jimmy.”
And then they watched the fireworks in a comfortable silence before bidding their farewells and heading home. Scott did not sleep as well as he had done the night before.
—
The grand finale to the weird string of events happened on the final night, the night of the feast. Jimmy and Scott had sat next to each other for the meal and the conversation had been fairly normal but now somehow they had ended up dancing. Which apparently was a bad idea.
As they danced Scott couldn’t help being reminded of third life when they would stay up and dance together under the stars, for a few hours just forgetting about the chaos around them. Scott couldn’t do this, it was too much and he couldn’t do it. There were tears in his eyes and he couldn’t let Jimmy see that because this wasn’t his Jimmy and he didn’t know how much he could trust him.
“Jimmy-” he went to speak but then winced when his voice came out so quiet and broken and fuck he was trying to hide that. To his surprise though, he found himself being pulled into a tight hug.
“Scott- it’s- I missed you- I wasn’t sure it was you but-” Scott wraps his arms around him tighter, both of them still swaying to the music, Scott didn’t think he’d ever get to see Jimmy again but here he was. Now, he and Jimmy were standing in each other’s arms again under the stars, somewhere neither of them ever thought they’d be and it was perfect.