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2022-11-20
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2022-11-23
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The Same But Different

Summary:

After more than a year in Smallville, Natalie Irons has been feeling settled and content.

She is particularly thankful for the bond she has formed with her half-brothers. But an unexpected event reminds her that things aren’t quite as straightforward as they seem.

Notes:

Season two barely addressed Natalie’s trauma and I wanted to explore it again. Hope you enjoy! Slight swearing.

Chapter Text

It was probably a somewhat depressing testament to the fact that she’d been lulled into small town life, but Natalie had been looking forward to the annual Christmas Market all week.

 

It was the sort of thing that she wouldn’t have batted an eye at back in Metropolis. There had been endless festivals and pop-ups there, and they’d rarely piqued her interest.

 

But, as she’d learned in the past year, things in Smallville were quite different. Community events only happened once every few months and pretty much everyone came out for them. There wasn’t much else to do, after all.

 

Most weekends, she either tinkered in the workshop with her dad or went over to the Kent farm to hang out with her half-brothers. Sometimes, they gathered in a larger group and went to the diner, or pestered Jon and Denise at Brit & Dunn’s until they finished their shifts. Frankly, she’d settled in better than she’d initially expected and enjoyed her small but tight-knit group of friends.

 

But things could still get a bit repetitive and a Christmas Market felt like a nice way to change things up.

 

It was mostly just craft and food stalls. And a small skating rink in front of the community centre. But the holidays music and decorations were enough to make it feel festive and she’d been having a pleasant afternoon so far.

 

She’d gone around to some of the booths with Sarah and the boys, bought herself a particularly cozy hand-knitted scarf, and was already in her third cup of candy cane hot chocolate.

 

Despite the early December chill in the air she found herself in a good mood. For the first time since she’d crash landed in this universe, she had a feeling that she was going to enjoy the Christmas season and this was just the sort of thing she needed to get herself in the mood. Life was settled now and she’d found her place within their weird blended family.

 

Her and her dad were planning to join the Kent’s on Christmas Day and she was pretty sure it was going to be enjoyable rather than weird. Last year, the thought of spending the day with someone who looked exactly like her mom had been too much and they’d spent it quietly at home— celebrating with just the two of them for the first time ever. It had been an emotional one, but Natalie had come a long way since then.

 

She’d settled into this Earth and this town. Somehow, she’d even formed a meaningful relationship with this Lois without blurring the line between ‘Lois’ and ‘mom.’ There we’re still moments when she felt a pang of yearning, but it was mostly manageable. Her increasingly close relationship with her brothers was probably largely to thank for that. She could easily let herself feel a connection to them— they hadn’t existed where she was from, but the bond she felt was undeniable. There was no doubt in her mind that they were family, and that made her feel more connected to Lois and Clark as well.

 

Somehow— miraculously— a woman who looked like her mother and a Kryptonian had started to feel like family too.

 

It was yet another thing she never could have imagined before coming here.

 

Her world had been taken over by evil Kryptonain overlords, after all. When she’d first arrived here she’d been mortified to discover who this version of Lois Lane had married— but those days were behind her now.

 

Clark was a good person, and far more normal than she’d expected (according to the boys, he was currently stocking up on chocolate covered bacon and volunteering at the kids’ petting zoo). It was almost easy to forget that he was from another planet and flew around the world making rescues on a daily basis.

 

And his sons were definitely mostly normal too. Her initial worries about the ‘Kryptonian hybrids’ had been completely misplaced. Sure, Jordan sometimes used his powers and there were occasional talks about their secret family Fortress. But other than that, they were just average teenagers, like her.

 

And she was incredibly grateful to have them in her life. They’d made everything about her transition so much easier.

 

Natalie smiled as she raised her hot chocolate to her lips and took another sip.

 

Jordan had wandered off with Sarah (to “talk,” as they often did) leaving her and Jon on the bench near the Gazette to finish their drinks. The plan was to head over to the diner later as a group but she was happy to take her time.

 

A pleasantly cheesy Christmas tune was ringing through a nearby speaker and Jon was currently outlining some of the Kent-Lane family traditions she’d be partaking in in a couple of weeks.

 

“…and we always put that old version of ‘A Christmas Carol’ on after dinner,” Jon noted before taking a sip from his own cup. “No one actually pays attention to it, really. But dad always insists. He’s a total stickler for tradition.”

 

Nat shrugged agreeably. “Sure, I’m down for a classic,” she replied. “We never really had a go-to movie when I was a kid, but I’ll watch anything.”

 

“Dad’s cookies are probably the best part of the movie watching experience,” her half-brother continued with a small smile. “Well, that— and placing bets on how long it’ll take Grandpa to start snoring on the couch.”

 

Natalie chuckled, easily able to picture the scene. In fact, it was one she had seen many times before.

 

“Yup. Sounds like Sam Lane is the same in any universe. The man can protect an entire country, but he can’t handle a stomach full of turkey.”

 

Jon snorted at that.

 

“Definitely not,” he agreed.

 

Nat couldn’t help but smile at the familiarity and shared experience. Strange as it all was, it was comforting to know that not everything had been lost. There were so many little things that provided a sense of continuity in her life. And being able to share that with the boys totally filled the sibling void she’d always felt growing up.

 

She meant what she’d said last spring— she’d always wanted brothers. And now that she had some, it was getting harder to imagine life without them.

 

She was pretty sure that she was getting good at the whole ‘being a sister’ thing nowadays.

 

The banter always seemed to flow easily amongst the three of them and they had no trouble playfully winding each other up. It was fun.

 

A small smirk tugged at the side of her lips as a sudden thought crossed her mind.

 

“Wanna go look at the rest of the booths?” She asked, downing the last of her hot chocolate before tossing the paper cup into a nearby bin. “There seemed to be a few nice ones near the old hardware store…” she trailed off, eyes sparkling mischievously before going in for the kill, “I bet you could find Denise the perfect present.”

 

Jon’s cheeks instantly flushed (and not from the cold). She could feel the instant triumph.

 

He’d been flirting with his co-worker all fall (ever since his breakup with Candice at the Homecoming dance). They’d “hung out” alone twice in recent weeks yet they still insisted that they were just friends.

 

But Natalie knew first-hand that they were both totally into each other and she was more than happy to give Jon a teasing push. Denise was cool and fun, and she approved of the paring.

 

Plus playing matchmaker and razzing him a bit felt like a sisterly duty.

 

She revelled in it.

 

“I’m not…it’s…”

 

Jon was uncharacteristically frazzled and Natalie knew she’d hit a nerve. She couldn’t help but chuckle as she nudged him in the side.

 

“Come on, Romeo,” she teased, hopping up from the bench and turning to face him, “you’re not as obvious as Jordan, but I know you’re secretly a hopeless romantic too. You could totally win her over with the perfect gift,” Nat paused, “not that she really needs any convincing at this point.”

 

“Wait, she doesn’t?” the words burst out immediately and Jon cringed at his transparency.

 

“Trust me. You guys make the exact same googley eyes at each other all the time. Neither of you can hide anything even remotely well.”

 

He let out an annoyed huff before standing up too. After rubbing the bridge of his nose for a moment he shook his head in defeat.

 

“Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. Despite the gruff demeanour, she knew he was secretly pleased by the thought of the mutual affection. “I’ll take a look at stuff. But that doesn’t mean we’re dating!”

 

“Suuuure,” Natalie agreed, giving him another rough nudge as they set off back down main street, making their way through the festive crowd.

 

It truly was nice to see every one gathered here, happily enjoying a fun Saturday. She was at a point where she recognized a good number of people in town and she exchanged a few brief hellos and waves with passers by (who was she nowadays? What would Metropolis Natalie say!?)

 

Smallville would probably never feel 100% like home, and she did envision moving somewhere bigger for university in a few years. But she also enjoyed the sense of settled belonging that she’d been experiencing recently.

 

Here, as one of many, it was easy to forget  where she’d come from and how unique she was.

 

She needed that sometimes.

 

As she glanced over at Jon she briefly wondered if he ever felt that way too. She knew this wasn’t his favourite place, and that he’d always be a city person at heart as well— but with all the weird revelations he’d faced in recent years maybe he also found relief in blending in with the crowd.

 

Natalie contemplated asking him. But then he reached up to rub his temple for the third time since they’d started their walk and her thoughts shifted towards concern.

 

“Are you okay?” she asked, watching as he winced slightly and lowered his hand to the side.

 

“Yeah, totally,” he said unconvincingly. She wasn’t entirely sure why, but Jon was someone who never liked to admit weakness. She’d figured out early on that his default was to claim that everything was okay, even if it wasn’t.

 

“If you’re not feeling well I can drive you home,” she offered, nodding in the direction of her house. Now that she was sixteen, she was allowed to borrow her dad’s car and she definitely didn’t mind helping him out.

 

“Nah, just a slight headache, it’ll pass,” he insisted, waving his hand and putting on a brief smile. “All good.”

 

His stubbornness could be frustrating (though she was pretty sure it was an unavoidable part of being a Lane). She decided to let it slide for now.

 

“You’re a bad liar, but fine,” she remarked under her breath, unable to resist rolling her eyes.

 

They slowed their pace as they approached the line of market stalls they hadn’t browsed earlier. These ones were a bit off to the side, but Natalie could already see some really nice stuff on display. She had to admit that the vendors had way more variety than she’d been expecting.

 

She examined the table of artisanal candles and bath bombs first, smelling a few and chatting with the young woman who (apparently) made them in the next town over.

 

She could feel that Jon was hovering behind her but his “slight” headache was obviously bothering him more and more as the minutes ticked past.

 

She shot him a few exasperated looks, hoping he’d finally relent to some help soon. But all she got were stone-faced looks of determination in response.

 

Fine. She silently decided that she’s do her best to ignore his stubborn suffering if that’s what he wanted.

 

“Oh wow, these are nice,” she remarked, taking a step towards a table full of jewelry.

 

She wasn’t someone who wore a lot of necklaces or bracelets, but she had to admit that some of the items were pretty cool. According to the sign on display, they were made using local rocks and minerals. They were rustic and unique, and she ran her fingers across a few of the nicely polished stones.

 

“I bet Denise would like one of these,” she commented, easily able to picture her friend wearing something like this.

 

She turned to Jon with a cheeky grin but it faded quickly as she caught sight of his pale complexion. There was a sheen of sweat on his brow, despite his ridiculously thin jacket.

 

She’d never seen him look quite this bad, and there was no doubt he was coming down with something, no matter what he said. She opened her mouth to reiterate her concern but he brushed past her, stepping towards the jewelry stall before she could.

 

He could probably sense what she’d been about to say, and he obviously still didn’t want to hear it.

 

But after a few seconds he became apparent that his stubbornness had gotten the better of him.

 

Natalie watched as he looked down at the display for a second before abruptly gasping the edge of the table— as if suddenly in need of it’s support.

 

The vendor started saying something about a two for one deal but Natalie was barely listening. Her concern was growing by the second and from her angle she could see that Jon’s knees were starting to buckle.

 

Something was definitely very wrong.

 

Without hesitation she took a step forward, lacing a supportive arm around his back.

 

That was when everything finally clicked into place.

 

“Oh wow, the sunlight is really catching these stones today,” the stall owner noted with an oblivious smile, pointing towards three necklaces with large green crystals on the end.

 

…large green crystals that suddenly seemed to be glowing with an internal light after Jon’s approach.

 

There was no doubt in Natalie’s mind what they were and her heart skipped a beat as she looked over at her brother with her mouth agape.

 

His eyes were clenched shut all of a sudden and he raised a shaky arm to wipe off the beads of sweat.

 

“Those were a great local find, by the way. My daughter and I were walking near Hobbes’ pond last summer and I found some beautiful pieces. All they needed was a bit of polishing.”

 

She could barely listen to the well intended vendor.

 

Rude as it seemed, she quickly forced Jon to take a few steps back before to tightening her grip around him.

 

“Are you kids okay?”

 

“Yeah, fine,” she said brusquely, turning around. She knew that she needed to get him the hell away from there and as her eyes fell on a nearby ally she set off with determination.

 

After a couple of yards, he let out a ragged cough but (surprisingly) didn’t protest against roughly being dragged across the street. In fact, he seemed pretty damn out of it. As if the physical pain was accompanied by a mental haze.

 

It wasn’t until they reached the darkened alley and she eased him into an old cinder block as a makeshift seat that he finally seemed to regain a bit of composure.

 

“What the hell,” he rasped out, coughing again as he rubbed his head with renewed vigour. He looked around the alley with confusion then up at Natalie.

 

Apparently, the last minute or so had been a total blur.

 

“Are you okay? Can you still feel it?” she asked, trying her best to remain calm.

 

Even though it had no effect on her, she certainly hadn’t expected to stumble across actual Kryptonite at a Christmas market. She’d seen it before, of course. In her world, it had been a useful weapon. But here, she suddenly realized, it was something that could really hurt some of the people she cared about most.

 

She swallowed thickly, heart still pounding as she contemplated what to do next. She was pretty sure she had him out of immediate danger— should she call for backup? Warn Jordan and Clark?

 

Before she could decide, Jon’s confused question cut her away from her thoughts.

 

“Feel what?” he asked, apparently still unsure of what had just caused his intense physical response, “what happened?”

 

Natalie, as always, didn’t beat around the bush.

 

“Some of the jewelry on display had green Kryptonite in it. You looked like you were about to pass out, so I dragged you over here.”

 

That seemed to send a surprising jolt of energy through him and his posture stiffened as he took in a sharp breath.

 

“No!” he replied, with more force that she’d anticipated. “That doesn’t make sense. I don’t. I’m not…” he trailed off, looking down at his still shaking hands before looking back up at her.

 

His eyes seemed to beg her to tell him that it wasn’t actually true.

 

Although it wasn’t something they talked about much, Natalie was taken aback by the strong reaction and panic.

 

Surely he knew how dangerous that stuff was? She didn’t know if he’d been around it before but everyone knew what Kryptonite did to Kryptonians. She’d assumed that Clark had warned his sons about steering clear of it too, for obvious reasons.

 

Why was he so shocked?

 

He talked openly about the stuff he was learning from his grandmother nowadays, and seemed pretty comfortable with it all. Was it possible that he was actually holding on to way more denial than she’d realized?

 

“The rocks started glowing when you stepped up to the booth,” she pointed out, her brow furrowing in confusion this time. He was blinking back at her with utter disbelief. “You were sweating and barely conscious,” she paused, hesitating before adding the obvious. Even though it felt kinda of silly to do so. “It’s clearly dangerous for you.”

 

“But I’m not…I always…the gas was fine. And that’s Jordan’s thing.”

 

It was another disjointed sentence and, despite the stress of the close call, Natalie found herself wondering how this had never come up before. Looking back, she honestly couldn’t remember if Jon had ever really labelled himself.

 

Probably not, she realized.

 

She’d been introduced to them as Lois and Superman’s sons and she’d always just assumed he accepted what that meant.

 

But maybe he didn’t.

 

“Jon, you and Jordan are both Superman’s half-alien kids,” she reminded him after checking over her shoulder to make sure they were truly alone. “And you’re allergic to Kryptonite, for obvious reasons.”

 

She knew she probably sounded blunt, and maybe that wasn’t what he needed in that moment. Then again, he still looked like crap and hadn’t managed to get to his feet.

 

Helping him feel better felt like priority number one.

 

He’d have to unpack the rest of it later.

 

“Do you have your ELT? Should I call your dad? And Jordan?”

 

“No,” this time, his protest came out as more of a groan and she watched with a renewed surge of worry and he buried his head in his hands. He slouched down on the cinder block, taking a series of sharp breaths in an out. As if he was starting to hyperventilate.

 

This definitely didn’t seem okay.

 

“Jordan! If you can hear me, I need help,” she said as loud as she dared. They were hidden from sight back there but she didn’t want to draw any attention. “Jon needs help.”

 

Kryptonite induced panic attacks were not something she knew anything about and she silently prayed that her other brother heard the call.

 

“I don’t. I’m okay.” The continued resistance came out between panicked breaths but, before she had time to respond, there was a rush of wind and Jordan appeared next to her in the alley.

 

He looked at Jon with instant worry and Nat briefly filled him in.

 

“There was Kryptonite at one of the stalls. He got close to it and almost collapsed.”

 

“Shit,” Jordan replied, dashing forward almost instantly.

 

Unlike his brother, he didn’t seem to find that shocking. All she could sense from him was worry and a determination to help.

 

She found herself stepping back against the nearby brick wall and she watched Jordan hastily unzip his brother’s jacket and toss it off to the side.

 

Jon didn’t look pleased. Natalie wasn’t sure what the reasoning was behind it until Jordan yanked his brother onto his feet and pulled him further down the alley into a patch of sun.

 

She kicked herself internally for not thinking of the sun thing sooner. Obviously, this was something that was unique to them and an instinctual solution for Jordan.

 

As connected as she felt to the two people in front of her, this seemed like a reminder of the things she’d never be able to understand.

 

She continued to look on as Jordan turned to face his brother, a hand on each of his shoulders and a serious expression on his face.

 

“What the hell man?” Jon protested angrily. He didn’t pull away, though, and she could tell from his breathing pattern that he was quickly starting to feel better.

 

“Hold up your arms. Get as much sun as you can,” Jordan replied simply.

 

Without the coat, Jon was wearing nothing but a t-shirt now. He didn’t look the least bit cold (neither of them ever seemed to get cold).

 

“Don’t be a stubborn idiot. It’s the only way and you know it,” Jordan said again, locking his brother with a pointed stare.

 

Although he was scowling, Jon finally relented. He held his arms out in front of him and Jordan took a step back, his own relief instantly apparent.

 

Despite his reluctance, it seemed that Jon couldn’t help but give into whatever soothing sensations the light brought on. He kept his bare arms in front of him and let out a long breath, his eyes slipping shut for a few moments as he drank it in.

 

It looked peaceful and pleasant, frankly. She found herself wondering what it was like.

 

Natalie looked at Jordan who gave her a grim nod. They were both relieved on their brother’s behalf, but they probably also agreed that this was still a pretty shitty situation. And one that Jon wasn’t handling particularly well.

 

“I’m fine now,” the other boy said gruffly, opening his eyes and letting his arms fall back to his sides.

 

She could see an embarrassed flush growing on his cheeks and the boys exchanged another long look.

 

“You still need to go to the Fortress with dad. Grandma needs to make sure everything is okay.”

 

Jordan’s proclamation, unsurprisingly, elicited an instant glare.

 

“I told you I’m fine. We don’t need to get dad and grandma involved,” Jon shot back, striding towards his abandoned jacket with far more energy than before and hastily slipping it back on.

 

The sun really did seem to work. It was pretty amazing that he could go from barely being conscious to looking like his regular self after a short exposure.

 

It certainly didn’t work that way for her (or the other eight billion people on the planet…)

 

“Jon, I know you don’t want this but you need to start figuring out how to accept it. We both know what’s been happening. And now this,” Jordan made a vague gesture in front of him before continuing, “you don’t want to be caught off guard like I was. Trust me. It’s better to monitor stuff.”

 

“Jordan, I’m really not in the mood for your theories right now,” Jon snapped back hastily, starting his brother down.

 

Natalie wasn’t fully following the exchange but it seemed apparent that more was going on than she’d realized. Jordan had hinted this this wasn’t the first unusual thing that had happened to Jon recently. She couldn’t help but wonder what they were talking about.

 

They had no obligation, of course, but she was a little surprised that this was the first she was hearing about things. She thought they shared pretty much everything nowadays…though, she realized with a flutter of discomfort, maybe they weren’t as open as she assumed talking about this sort of thing around her.

 

For the first time in a long time, she felt like an interloper in the sibling conversation.

 

They all had so much in common. They were Lanes, and there was significant shared ground that came from that. The bond had been deep and fast.

 

She was their sister.

 

Then again, the things they didn’t share separated them quite dramatically. She rarely thought about it in these terms but, after the events of the last several minutes, it seemed impossible to ignore the fact that they weren’t entirely the same species…

 

“They’re not theories, Jon,” Jordan replied, letting out a frustrated huff. This was clearly part of an ongoing argument. “You know you’ve been changing, and it’s just a matter of time. We can’t put off telling mom and dad anymore.”

 

“I don’t have powers!”

 

“Not yet. But I’m betting you will soon.”

 

“Stop saying that!” Jon snapped back, fury growing with each passing second.

 

Natalie wondered if she should attempt to step in and play peacemaker, but this whole thing felt way beyond her. She didn’t know what to say.

 

“I’ll stop when you stop pretending that we’re human,” Jordan retorted, standing just as firm. “We’re not, Jon. And we never have been.”

 

He reported that matter-of-factly, eliciting an immediate growl of frustration from Jon. The other teen dug his hands into his hair in an uncharacteristically obvious sign of his mounting anger.   

 

“We’re from Earth, asshole. Mom is human.”

 

“But dad isn’t, and Kryptonian DNA is dominant. You know what Grandma said.”

 

“About you! Not me!” Jon’s proclamation was nearly a shout, desperation under each word.

 

“We’re the same!” Jordan shot back, unrelenting.

 

“We’re not!”

 

That was when it happened. 

 

Despite herself, Natalie let out a strangled gasp, backing into the brick wall of the alley with her mouth agape.

 

As those final words left Jon’s lips another sign of anger and rage made itself apparent too.

 

A sign that was definitely unique to people like them.

 

Suddenly— unexpectedly— his eyes were glowing with a terrible fiery red.

 

Her heart pounded in her chest as she took in the sight. Before she had time to even process it, her mind was suddenly back in the bunker…the memory of holding her father close as that same red hue consumed her mother came rushing back in.

 

She took a sharp breath, hands pressed against the wall as the unstoppable panic swelled.

 

This was Jon.

 

This was another world.

 

Things were different here…

 

He was her brother, not some random Kryptonain.

 

She tried to remind herself of those things and yet, for a second, all she could think about was the wave of destruction that had once swept across her world.

 

“Jon!” She heard Jordan’s worried cry as his brother doubled over, the glow still apparent through his clenched eyes.

 

“Keeping looking down. I’ll call dad.”

 

Jordan pulled a metal device from his pocket and flicked it on, wincing visibly as a sound that only they could hear echoed out.

 

Beside him, Jon let out a pained cry, his hands moving to his ears.

 

Then, there was another strong gust of wind.

 

“Dad, it’s Jon.”

 

The man surveyed the scene, worry and alarm crossing his face before he zipped to his son’s side.

 

“I’m here. Let it out. It’s not safe to hold it in.” Clark crouched next to him, allowing the teen to lean into his strong arm as he slowly sank to his knees.

 

“Dad…it hurts.”

 

“I know. But you have to open your eyes. It’ll get better, I promise.”

 

There was a heart-stopping pause and Natalie felt the terror still welling up inside as she watched the unexpected scene. She knew the truth about the Kent’s — of course she did.

 

But she’d never expected this.

 

She’d never thought about how truly different they really were. The commonalities had always come first.

 

But now, as she watched her half brother cry out in pain as he finally opened his glowing eyes she knew that she’d never fully forget that there were things that set them apart too.

 

Things that could remind her of the worst moment in her life…

 

The red light began to flow out, careening painfully to Clark’s outstretched hand. She could hear Jon’s strangled groans and she felt deep sympathy too. But, for a few awful moments, it was the memories that remained at the forefront.

 

All she could think about was red.

 

Her chest was tight and her body tingled with unsettling discomfort.

 

Finally, after what felt far longer than it probably was, the light faded. Before she had time to blink, however, there was a blur of speed and Clark disappeared with Jon in tow, leaving her and Jordan alone in the suddenly quiet alley.

 

Jordan took a long breath, staring at the spot where his father and brother had just been before slowly turning towards her.

 

He paused, apparently sensing her discomfort. The worry quickly set in on his face.

 

“He’ll be okay,” he said, voice shaking slightly. He was undoubtedly grappling with his own shock as well. “It just hurts the first few times.”

 

“He…the light. It was just like…”

 

It was her turn to stutter, just like Jon had earlier. Her body was pulsing and she couldn’t fully form her thoughts.

 

Jordan nodded, though. And the realization seemed to dawn.

 

“You’ve never seen us do that before, have you?” he noted, blue-green gaze widening at the thought.

 

She couldn’t help but picture red there too. Now that she’d been reminded how possible it was.

 

“No,” she replied honestly, still pressed against the wall. She didn’t want him to know she was shaken up, but she had a feeling she wasn’t hiding it well.

 

She wasn’t afraid of him.

 

Not really.

 

She just needed time to process.

 

“I know that you’re…but don’t think about it much.”

 

Jordan nodded sadly.

 

“Kinda impossible for me not to think about it,” he noted seriously, turning his hand over in the beam of sun Jon had stood in before. “It can be a lot. I’m just sorry you had to see that. You know, after everything you went though in your world.”

 

Natalie felt a lump forming in her throat.

 

She nodded shakily.

 

“I’m fine,” she lied, knowing she was now acting just like Jon had earlier. She couldn’t admit weakness either.

 

“I need to go,” she added, wanting to be anywhere else, “I’ll check in soon.”

 

It was a hasty and transparent excuse but she turned abruptly, unable to muster more right now.

 

“Nat!”

 

She heard Jordan call her name as she broke out into a jog but she forged ahead out of the alley anyway.

 

The crowd and the festive buzz that surrounded her barely registered as she set off in the direction of her house.

 

The day had seemed so simple at first.

 

Now, suddenly, her mind was a million miles away from it all.

 

She was back in the bunker.

 

And no matter what she did, she was pretty sure it would be a long time before she could forget that surge of red.

 

Chapter 2

Notes:

Got yet another round of child germs this week so this was a slow struggle. But hope you enjoy!

Chapter Text

She’d told Jordan that she’d check in.

 

And she really was worried about Jon.

 

But Natalie found herself leaning into denial and withdrawal for several days after the events in the alleyway.

 

She stayed in her room for the rest of the weekend, insisted that she had a sore throat on Monday to avoid school, and strategically dodged Jordan when she did return to Smallville High.

 

Jon didn’t attend school for that entire week and she heard through her dad that he was spending time up at that Fortress with Clark.

 

She was pretty sure that her dad had found out via Lois and Clark that Natalie had witnessed Jon’s explosive new power. She’d sensed his concerned gaze multiple times that week and Wednesday night at dinner he’d asked if anything was bothering her.

 

In true Lane style, of course, she’d claimed that she was perfectly fine. He probably didn’t believe her, but he didn’t press it either. He’d let her change the topic abruptly and they’d spent the rest of the meal talking about external combustion engines (in true Irons style).

 

Jordan had texted her, usurpingly, and asked if she wanted to talk. She’d only replied with a brief ‘nah, all good’ that she knew was pretty dismissive. He was probably worried about her too, but she really didn’t want that.

 

She was totally going to be fine. All she needed was to be left alone so that she could push everything back down and get back to the status quo.

 

Once Jon was back at school, she told herself, they could go back to normal again. He’d have things under control and there would be no need to worry.

 

Sleep hadn’t come easily that week and, after many hours of contemplation, she’d decided that glossing over the weirdness with her half-brothers would be for the best.

 

Jon’s denial about the Kryptonite had initially seemed ridiculous at the festival, but she was pretty sure she got it now. Clinging to normalcy had huge appeal. It was one way to make it through.

 

Christmas was only two weeks away and she wanted to go back to looking forward to a nice, normal holiday. She’d been so excited about it just last week. Stupid nightmares about streams of red shouldn’t ruin that.

 

She knew the Kents weren’t dangerous.

 

Her reaction was silly and irrational and would fade over time.

 

At least, she hoped it would.

 

The fact that Jon probably wouldn’t want to talk about it was a good thing, she’d reasoned. When she felt ready, she could probably go back over and play Madden with the boys as if nothing had happened.

 

That was all she really wanted.

 

As soon as her stupid heart stopped pounding at the thought.

 

By Friday afternoon, she’d been pretty pleased about her efforts to avoid the entire situation. She happened to know that Jordan had a free period at the end of that day and had already gone home. She left her shop class feeling a sense of relief and planning to spend another quiet weekend hanging out at home. Maybe she’d be fine after that.

 

As she gathered her books and closed her locker, however, the sound of an unexpected voice made her freeze in her tracks.

 

She’d been doing a pretty good job of dodging Sarah that week too but, apparently, her friend had sought her out. And she could tell from the look she was currently giving her that she wanted to talk.

 

“Wanna walk home together?” The other girl asked, tone making it pretty clear that she wasn’t going to accept no for an answer.

 

Natalie bit back a sigh as she hastily agreed. Part of her was annoyed, but another part of her was actually glad for the companionship. It had been a pretty lonely week, and the isolation had brought back some other unpleasant echoes as well.

 

Even if Sarah was going to pester her about what had happened, maybe it would be nice to have some company for a little. Perhaps she could quickly convince her that she was fine and they could move on to more pleasant topics.

 

They quietly made their way out of school together, not even bothering with small talk as they went. The longer the silence lasted, the more convinced Natalie was that her friend wanted to talk about things others’ couldn’t overhear.

 

Finally, when they rounded the quiet corner into Brooks’ Avenue, Sarah spoke.

 

“Jordan told me what happened,” her friend said, getting right to the point. Bluntness was something Nat usually appreciated but she wasn’t so keen on it today. It was impossible to keep the frown off of her face.

 

“Yeah, well, it’s all good,” she answered with a dismissive shrug, “Jon is okay and that’s what matters.”

 

She could feel Sarah’s eyes on her for a long moment but she refused to look over. She wasn’t sure if there would be disapproval or pity there.

 

Or maybe both.

 

Sarah knew everything about her and the boys.  Including her past on the other world. She’d probably figured things out quickly. And clearly she’d been talking to Jordan too.

 

“Yeah, Jordan says Jon will be back at school once he gets a handle on the super hearing,” her friend noted.

 

Natalie raised a brow.

 

She’d suspected that was part of what had been going on, but she hadn’t had confirmation until just now. She knew Jordan had it already, but it was still a weird thought. And not something she’d ever really dwelled on before.

 

Jordan was just Jordan, and Jon was Jon. That had seemed like enough until last weekend. She didn’t want it to be more complicated that that.

 

She wanted to go back to focusing on the things she and her brothers had in common.

 

“I’m worried about you guys, though,” Sarah added after a beat, “all of you.”

 

Natalie finally turned, taking in her concerned gaze for a second before looking back down the street.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

Sarah snorted.

 

“All three of you have been saying that and I don’t believe it for a second,” she said, as insightful as always.

 

When Natalie said nothing, she continued.

 

“You’ve avoided Jordan all week and haven’t checked in on Jon,” the other teen pointed out. “I can tell that Jordan feels really bad about everything, and I’m pretty sure Jon feels even worse.”

 

“You saw him?”

 

She asked despite herself, relieved to know that he was already well enough to have people over.

 

“Yeah, I was at the farm yesterday.”

 

Natalie let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. That was really good to hear, even if stuff still felt like an uncomfortable mess.

 

“So he’s okay then?” she pressed, unable to resist. “He has stuff…under control or whatever?”

 

She realized that she didn’t really have a good sense of how long that sort of thing generally took. By the time she’d really gotten to know Jordan, he already had most of his powers. She’d heard a few vague mentions of ‘sick days’ and struggles, but it wasn’t something they’d ever talked about much.

 

(They really didn’t talk about this stuff much at all…)

 

“I think so, yeah,” Sarah answered with slight hesitation, “I mean, he has these headphones that he uses to take a break from all the noise but he seems to be doing alright,” she shot her a sideways glance before adding, “aside from the fact that he is clearly upset about how things went back at the festival,” she noted pointedly.

 

Natalie sighed, the pit of guilt impossible to ignore as they rounded the next corner on their walk.

 

She hadn’t wanted to make a stressful situation even worse, and she felt terrible about that. But it wasn’t like she could really help it either. Her reaction had been instinctual. Deep and visceral and out of her control.

 

The last thing she wanted was the feel that terrible dread as her mind flashed back to the bunker, but it was what it was.

 

She was pretty sure all she could do now was wait until the memories faded once more.

 

Her friend seemed to sense some of her thoughts because she shot her a sympathetic gaze.

 

“Look Nat, I’m not trying to make you feel bad and I know what you’ve been through. I just think you guys need to talk it out as soon as you’re ready. This whole avoidance thing isn’t good for anyone. I know how much you guys love each other— they’re your brothers and they miss you.”

 

Nat swallowed, feeling a swell of emotion at that last reminder.

 

She’d never doubted their connection. But things suddenly felt more complicated than they had before.

 

She let out a long breath, clenching her hands at her side as she contemplated how much she wanted to share with her friend.

 

Finally, she launched in, letting her feelings flow more freely than they had all week.

 

“It didn’t take me long to feel a bond with them when I got here,” she said, smiling sadly at the thought of how easy things had been in that regard. She’d been uprooted from her world and discovered the shocking life of her mother’s doppelgänger, but the boys had been a steady force. Tying her to this place and to this family.

 

“It’s not like a burst of heat vision can really change that,” she added softly, “but,” she hesitated, looking down towards the sidewalk as they continued their slow trek together, “I don’t know. I guess seeing that happen to Jon just triggered something I wish I could ignore. I finally have siblings for the first time in my life and I’ve spent so long focusing on all of the things that make us the same— I needed to feel that connection to settle in here— but when that happened…I guess it suddenly felt like I was fooling myself or something. I’ve always known the truth, but I’ve also never felt like we’re that different. But we are, aren’t we?”

 

It all came out so quickly but Sarah seemed to follow. She paused contemplatively.

 

“Well, I mean, they definitely face some unique situations, and I don’t think Jon ever anticipated this one,” her friend noted. “I can’t pretend that I know how things feel for you after what you experienced. But I do know that you guys clearly have a lot in common, super powers or not.”

 

“Yeah,” Nat said quietly again.

 

She still believed that, there was just a flurry of complex emotions surrounding everything right now.

 

“The Lane genes are strong,” she noted with a small smirk, “I’m not sure how to process the fact that they can also do the same sort of stuff that once tore my family apart,” she gave an uncomfortable shrug, “like, I know they’d never hurt me. But seeing Jon like that…it just made it real and scary in a way I never imagined. And it proved that we’ll always have huge differences too,” Natalie paused and drew in a shaky breath, “it feels like the best thing to do it try to forget it even happened.”

 

“You can’t forget.”

 

Sarah’s quick reply took her aback and she paused, turning to face her friend on the quiet street.

 

“All the stuff that has happened to you, for better or worse— it isn’t going to go away,” the other girl said wisely. “For what it’s worth, I think you probably need to confront it. That’s the only way to sort out everything in your head.”

 

“Yeah, maybe.”

 

She knew it wasn’t the best response but she didn’t really know what to say in that moment. After a beat, they continued their walk and she bid Sarah goodbye after a few more blocks and subdued small talk.

 

It felt like she had a lot to think about, and she still wasn’t sure the best way past all of this. But apparently her friend’s words had some impact because she found herself pulling out her phone and sending Jon an impulsive text before she could second guess herself.

 

‘Hey. You around tonight?’

 

It only took a few seconds for three moving dots to appear. They came and went a couple of times (maybe he didn’t know what the best way forward was either).

 

But finally, he replied with a ‘sure— come by the farm after dinner?’

 

She barely talked as she picked at the pasta her dad had made that night but he’d seemed pleased when she asked if she could borrow the car to go check on Jon.

 

Natalie was glad he didn’t push her to open up about things in that moment, but she could sense the worry and hope in his gaze for the rest of the meal. He’d probably been talking to Lois and Clark again and they probably all had their own opinions on things.

 

She didn’t really want to know about all that though.

 

Nat had always been fiercely independent,  and she didn’t need to be babysat as she worked this out.

 

They were sixteen— practically adults themselves— and they were perfectly capable of tackling stuff on their own.

 

A certain numbness overtook her when she finally got into the car and made the ten minute drive towards the farm. She left the radio blasting on the first station she found, drumming some of her nervous energy into the steering wheel as she tried not to overthink what lay ahead.

 

She really didn’t know what to expect.

 

Maybe they really would just move past it without talking about what happened (despite what Sarah said, that had a lot of appeal).

 

Jon had never really been that comfortable with the personal elements of the Kryptonian stuff, after all. Hell, five minutes before the heat vision explosion he’d even been denying his reaction to the Kryptonite. And the argument he’d had with Jordan seemed to suggest that he’d been repressing things for longer than she’d known.

 

Perhaps he’d just want to hang out like they’d used to to take his mind off of his undoubtedly strange week.

 

(Deep down, she knew that probably wouldn’t be the case but the thought helped propel her forward).

 

As she neared the end of the long driveway that led up to the Kent farm Natalie caught sight of a single figure sitting on the wrap-around porch.

 

It was mid-December, and there was a light dusting of snow on the ground, but he was only wearing a thin hoodie (and a large pair of headphones).

 

It was a odd sight and she couldn’t help the nerves front fluttering up as she approached.

 

In a lot of ways, it was good to see him. Her last glimpse had been of him doubled over in pain and he was certainly more settled now.

 

But she felt weird and wary too. She wasn’t exactly scared of him, and she knew she wouldn’t have been allowed over if there was any risk involved. But she could help but think of the alley and, even more than that, she couldn’t stop wondering how much had already changed.

 

Would the conversation between them still flow like it always had, or were they both going to feel awkward and distant now?

 

Bravely, she squared her shoulders and walked up the steps until she was in front of him.

 

Jon offered a brief smile before lowering the headphones around his neck. She could tell that he was nervous too, and she was already certain that it wouldn’t just be a light-hearted hang.

 

“Uh, hey,” she said, with none of her usual ease.

 

“Hey,” came the equally stilted reply. He swallowed before standing up from his spot.

 

“Wanna go inside? The house is quiet. And warmer.”

 

“Yeah, okay. Not sure why you’re sitting out here in a hoodie, that’s insane on a day like this,” the second her weak attempt at lightheartedness left her lips she regretted it.

 

Jon’s shoulders slumped a bit and she realized she’d already tread on something uncomfortable.

 

“Haven’t felt the heat or cold for months,” he replied after an awkward pause.

 

He left it at that, turning to open the front door and ushering her towards the cozy living-room. She hadn’t been by in two weeks and, apparently, the family had decorated for Christmas at some point during that time.

 

Someone was clearly very into the season. There were garlands and candles and little festive details on nearly every surface.

 

She sat down next to a tall and beautifully decorated tree, poking at a few of the red and gold ornaments in a thin attempt to distract herself from what seemed to be looming closer and closer.

 

His face was so serious.

 

The air felt thick with worry and intensity.

 

She wasn’t going to be able to avoid things for much longer.

 

“Feels like Christmas exploded in here,” she remarked, taking another stab at a casual remark. This time, thankfully, it seemed to break the ice a bit.

 

Jon snorted at looked around the room.

 

“Yeah, this is like 95% my dad’s doing,” he replied, sitting down on the couch in a spot that was facing her chair. “Now that we have all of our decorations from Metropolis plus my grandma’s old stuff it’s kinda out of hand.”

 

Natalie snorted too. It was definitely a lot, and way more than her family had ever put up, but it was strangely nice too.

 

It felt like a much needed reminder that, despite the striking differences, Clark Kent really was just an excitable farm boy at heart. She’d realized that a while ago, of course— but after everything, it felt good to affirm it again.

 

Natalie’s eyes fell back on Jonathan and she decided to make a somewhat risky quip.

 

“So Kryptonains in this universe love Christmas. Got it,” she said with a flicker of a smile.

 

Jon stiffened in his spot and she worried that her attempts to bridge the topic hanging over them were failing horribly. But then he let out a breath.

 

“Dad and Jordan are predictably over the top,” he began slowly. He shifted in his seat before adding, “but I prefer a bit of moderation.”

 

Natalie looked at him, taking the response as a reflection of his own self-image. It was just a little thing, and did not get to the crux of the topic at hand— but the fact that he put himself alongside his dad and brother seemed meaningful.

 

She blinked a few times, not entirely sure where this conversation was going but increasingly sure that they needed to have it.

 

The longer she was in his company the more her deepest fears seemed to dwindle. She could still picture that terrible red, and she knew what power lay within— but she also knew that she was still looking at the Jonathan she’d come to know.

 

Her pulse was slowly steadying.

 

But there were definitely things to work through before they could reach their new normal…whatever that meant.

 

“So,” she started again, rubbing her hands on her jeans awkwardly, “I guess you count now, huh?”

 

It wasn’t the best or clearest phrasing but he seemed to get it.

 

His face grew serious once more and he began with a short nod.

 

“I’ve always been…you know…Kryptonian,” he replied with a little more confidence than she’d been expecting. It was certainly a noticeable shift from his denial in the alley that weekend, “I just didn’t know it for a while, and then I didn’t really want to accept it— but after everything that happened…” he trailed off, shooting her a nervous glance before continuing, “it’s pretty obvious that I’m not like most people on this planet.”

 

Jon ran a nervous hand through his heart before looking up at her.

 

“I’m sorry you had to see things erupt like that, Nat,” he finished, his voice softer than before. “Maybe if I’d listened to Jordan and had my grandmother check on me then you…”

 

“Jon, I’m fine.”

 

She found herself cutting him off with the same refrain she’d been fooling herself with all week.

 

He stopped, raising a brow, and she realized that she didn’t actually want to gloss over things like this. She wanted to cut through the weirdness that hung over them now and this wasn’t going to do it.

 

“Okay,” she started again, heart fluttering in her chest, “so maybe I wasn’t exactly fine,” she admitted, “after the stuff that happened on my Earth heat vision is kinda a trigger for me and I didn’t really see it coming. I panicked.”

 

He heaved out a defeated sigh and she felt her own guilt welling up. She didn’t want to make him feel bad— but, on the other hand, she suddenly felt compelled to be honest.

 

“I know you didn’t mean to freak me out, though,” she added, “it wasn’t your fault.”

 

“If it helps, it freaked me out too,” her brother offered, flinching at the memory. “I mean, I’ve always known it was possible on some level. And there had been a few subtle changes lately that I should have paid more attention to. I didn’t want this, though, so I tired to ignore it. I’d finally started to feel like I was settling in and now it’s like I have to reorient myself all over again.”

 

As she listened, Natalie realized that she could relate to that in a strange way. Sure, she didn’t suddenly have alien superpowers, but her recent equilibrium had been overturned this week too.

 

They were two people trying to find their place in a world that wasn’t entirely theirs.

 

“That sucks,” she noted honestly, “I guess we all have some reorienting to do.”

 

As was often the case, he seemed to follow her train of thought. And he reacted with notable worry.

 

“You know I’d never hurt you, Nat. I’m not like the Kryptonians on your Earth.”

 

It was her turn to flinch. She certainly didn’t want him to think she was accusing him of anything (she definitely wasn’t). Though she was less and less convinced that the dichotomy was useful.

 

She’d been telling herself that the Kents “weren’t like other Kryptonians” for months, and it had led to an overwhelming panic and shock when she’d seen evidence of Jon’s otherworldly heritage.

 

Maybe there was a more realistic way to frame it.

 

One that would help her truly wrap her head around things.

 

“You are like them in some ways,” she said before quickly adding, “not mentally, of course— but physically you can do all the same things they could.”

 

“Nat—“

 

She could tell that he wanted to object, and she once again felt badly for making this so uncomfortable. But, with all of her Lane determination, she pushed through.

 

“No, Jon, I’m not accusing you of anything. I know what a good person you are and I know you’d never do the things those people did. This has nothing to do with that,” she took a breath, glad that he seemed relieved by that assertion, “but I also think that I wasn’t prepared for what happened the other day because I convinced myself that you were NOTHING like the Kryptonians I knew, and that’s not really true. You guys can do all sorts of things that most people can’t. Even though it has never really been a secret I don’t think I truly got it until now. And I think I need to get it to be comfortable with it. Does that make sense?”

 

She knew her nerves were making her ramble. And she hadn’t exactly planned that speech in advance. But, thankfully, he seemed to follow. As he always did.

 

Even during a difficult moment like this, she was pretty sure that their natural connection made communication easier than it was with other people.

 

“Yeah I…I think that makes sense,” he mused quietly, grasping the side of the couch as he thought it through. “We hang out all the time but we never really talk about this stuff. Especially me. And I guess there is a difference between seeing Jordan zip out of the room on occasion and seeing someone explode with heat vision.”

 

Natalie though for a moment before agreeing. “I guess there is,” she replied. “I’ve always known the truth and Jordan does…Jordan stuff. But what happened the other day stuck me on a different level and made it more real than it ever had been before.”

 

“Yup. Same,” Jon noted with a sad smirk.

 

He leaned back into his seat, eyes drifting to the glittering Christmas tree for a moment before he continued.

 

“In retrospect, it’s kinda crazy that I could spend all year building alien tech with my alien grandmother but still maintain that I was normal.”

 

“And I guess it’s crazy that I could watch Jordan super punch bad guys and try out your latest Kryptonian gadgets while also convincing myself that you guys were exactly like me.”

 

Jon snorted at that.

 

“Well, we definitely have the denial and stubbornness in common,” he noted, slight smile taking hold on his face.

 

After everything, it was good to see.

 

“And emotional repression,” Natalie added wryly. “Oh the joys of being a Lane.”

 

Jon laughed quietly as she leaned back into her own chair, feeling more at ease than she had all week.

 

It was going to take more than one conversation to totally clear the air, but this felt like the best possible start.

 

Even if she was willing to see the differences now, the similarities still seemed to shine through. And that was incredibly comforting.

 

“We’ll always have that,” Jon said, voice taking on a more serious tone as he turned towards her once more. “And you’ll always be our sister, Nat. No matter how weird things get.”

 

She nodded.

 

That had never really been in doubt, but it was still good to hear it aloud.

 

“I meant what I said last spring,” she replied, thinking back to the time when it had seemed like two worlds might be lost. “I always wanted brothers. And you and Jordan are best half-alien half-brothers a girl could ask for.”

 

The other teen rolled his eyes but she could tell that there was more amusement than exasperation. Their old banter hadn’t been lost after all.

 

“Maybe all this stuff will get less weird if we actually start talking about it,” her brother said, fidgeting with the headphones that were still hanging around his neck. “I could start by telling you about all the crazy stuff I’ve accidentally heard this week,” he offered with a shy smile. “This Kryptonian hearing stuff is no joke.”

 

She felt her smile growing. It certainly wasn’t a usual topic or conversation for them but, despite the lingering flutter of nerves, she liked the idea.

 

They needed to open up. And she now knew beyond any doubt that they’d get past this, stronger and more connected than before.

 

“Sure,” she agreed easily before glancing towards the stairs, “where’s Superboy? Feels like he’d want in on this too.”

 

They shared a look, both knowing how annoyed Jordan got when they razzed him with that name.

 

He insisted that he NEVER wanted that to catch on, but Natalie secretly suspected that he wouldn’t have much of a choice.

 

“He’s finishing some chores in the barn,” Jon paused, tilting his head to the side with a suddenly distant expression on his face. “But he just heard you use his beloved nickname and he says he’ll only come in if we agree to lay off.”

 

Natalie immediately knew what she had to do.

 

“Come on, Superboy, you’re no fun!” she complained dramatically, knowing that he’d hear.

 

“She’s right, Superboy, you clearly can’t take a joke!” Jon piped in.

 

A second later there was a gust of wind and her other brother appeared. He glared at them each in turn (with no real venom behind it) before declaring that they both sucked.

 

Then, despite his best efforts, he looked at her with a relieved smile.

 

“Glad you came by, Nat,” he said, striding into the Christmas-filled room and flipping onto the couch next to Jon.

 

He paused, looking at his brother before adding.

 

“It wasn’t the same without you this week.”

 

She nodded in agreement.

 

“Yeah, I missed you guys,” she noted honestly, happy to see them both smile at that.

 

She really did have a place here. No matter what similarities and differences they had.

 

They were still the people who could keep her tethered to this Earth, even if they weren’t exactly tethered to it themselves.

 

Perhaps they could get used to occupying that weird in between space together.

 

“Jon was about to tell me how all the super hearing stuff is going,” she continued, noticing Jordan’s slight look of surprise. “I’ve realized I don’t actually know that much about how your powers work, and I figure we should talk about it. You know, for the sake of sibling bonding or whatever.”

 

“Oh, yeah,” Jordan replied, shifting in his seat as he worked through the last of his surprise, “sure. I’m an open book.”

 

“Cool,” she said, shifting her sights back to Jon. “So the hearing,” she began again, “you’ve gotta tell me, what’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve heard so far?”

 

Jon smirked as Jordan let out a short laugh.

 

They exchanged a glance before Jon began.

 

And before they all began again.