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2022-11-20
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2022-11-23
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The Same But Different

Chapter 2

Notes:

Got yet another round of child germs this week so this was a slow struggle. But hope you enjoy!

Chapter Text

She’d told Jordan that she’d check in.

 

And she really was worried about Jon.

 

But Natalie found herself leaning into denial and withdrawal for several days after the events in the alleyway.

 

She stayed in her room for the rest of the weekend, insisted that she had a sore throat on Monday to avoid school, and strategically dodged Jordan when she did return to Smallville High.

 

Jon didn’t attend school for that entire week and she heard through her dad that he was spending time up at that Fortress with Clark.

 

She was pretty sure that her dad had found out via Lois and Clark that Natalie had witnessed Jon’s explosive new power. She’d sensed his concerned gaze multiple times that week and Wednesday night at dinner he’d asked if anything was bothering her.

 

In true Lane style, of course, she’d claimed that she was perfectly fine. He probably didn’t believe her, but he didn’t press it either. He’d let her change the topic abruptly and they’d spent the rest of the meal talking about external combustion engines (in true Irons style).

 

Jordan had texted her, usurpingly, and asked if she wanted to talk. She’d only replied with a brief ‘nah, all good’ that she knew was pretty dismissive. He was probably worried about her too, but she really didn’t want that.

 

She was totally going to be fine. All she needed was to be left alone so that she could push everything back down and get back to the status quo.

 

Once Jon was back at school, she told herself, they could go back to normal again. He’d have things under control and there would be no need to worry.

 

Sleep hadn’t come easily that week and, after many hours of contemplation, she’d decided that glossing over the weirdness with her half-brothers would be for the best.

 

Jon’s denial about the Kryptonite had initially seemed ridiculous at the festival, but she was pretty sure she got it now. Clinging to normalcy had huge appeal. It was one way to make it through.

 

Christmas was only two weeks away and she wanted to go back to looking forward to a nice, normal holiday. She’d been so excited about it just last week. Stupid nightmares about streams of red shouldn’t ruin that.

 

She knew the Kents weren’t dangerous.

 

Her reaction was silly and irrational and would fade over time.

 

At least, she hoped it would.

 

The fact that Jon probably wouldn’t want to talk about it was a good thing, she’d reasoned. When she felt ready, she could probably go back over and play Madden with the boys as if nothing had happened.

 

That was all she really wanted.

 

As soon as her stupid heart stopped pounding at the thought.

 

By Friday afternoon, she’d been pretty pleased about her efforts to avoid the entire situation. She happened to know that Jordan had a free period at the end of that day and had already gone home. She left her shop class feeling a sense of relief and planning to spend another quiet weekend hanging out at home. Maybe she’d be fine after that.

 

As she gathered her books and closed her locker, however, the sound of an unexpected voice made her freeze in her tracks.

 

She’d been doing a pretty good job of dodging Sarah that week too but, apparently, her friend had sought her out. And she could tell from the look she was currently giving her that she wanted to talk.

 

“Wanna walk home together?” The other girl asked, tone making it pretty clear that she wasn’t going to accept no for an answer.

 

Natalie bit back a sigh as she hastily agreed. Part of her was annoyed, but another part of her was actually glad for the companionship. It had been a pretty lonely week, and the isolation had brought back some other unpleasant echoes as well.

 

Even if Sarah was going to pester her about what had happened, maybe it would be nice to have some company for a little. Perhaps she could quickly convince her that she was fine and they could move on to more pleasant topics.

 

They quietly made their way out of school together, not even bothering with small talk as they went. The longer the silence lasted, the more convinced Natalie was that her friend wanted to talk about things others’ couldn’t overhear.

 

Finally, when they rounded the quiet corner into Brooks’ Avenue, Sarah spoke.

 

“Jordan told me what happened,” her friend said, getting right to the point. Bluntness was something Nat usually appreciated but she wasn’t so keen on it today. It was impossible to keep the frown off of her face.

 

“Yeah, well, it’s all good,” she answered with a dismissive shrug, “Jon is okay and that’s what matters.”

 

She could feel Sarah’s eyes on her for a long moment but she refused to look over. She wasn’t sure if there would be disapproval or pity there.

 

Or maybe both.

 

Sarah knew everything about her and the boys.  Including her past on the other world. She’d probably figured things out quickly. And clearly she’d been talking to Jordan too.

 

“Yeah, Jordan says Jon will be back at school once he gets a handle on the super hearing,” her friend noted.

 

Natalie raised a brow.

 

She’d suspected that was part of what had been going on, but she hadn’t had confirmation until just now. She knew Jordan had it already, but it was still a weird thought. And not something she’d ever really dwelled on before.

 

Jordan was just Jordan, and Jon was Jon. That had seemed like enough until last weekend. She didn’t want it to be more complicated that that.

 

She wanted to go back to focusing on the things she and her brothers had in common.

 

“I’m worried about you guys, though,” Sarah added after a beat, “all of you.”

 

Natalie finally turned, taking in her concerned gaze for a second before looking back down the street.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

Sarah snorted.

 

“All three of you have been saying that and I don’t believe it for a second,” she said, as insightful as always.

 

When Natalie said nothing, she continued.

 

“You’ve avoided Jordan all week and haven’t checked in on Jon,” the other teen pointed out. “I can tell that Jordan feels really bad about everything, and I’m pretty sure Jon feels even worse.”

 

“You saw him?”

 

She asked despite herself, relieved to know that he was already well enough to have people over.

 

“Yeah, I was at the farm yesterday.”

 

Natalie let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. That was really good to hear, even if stuff still felt like an uncomfortable mess.

 

“So he’s okay then?” she pressed, unable to resist. “He has stuff…under control or whatever?”

 

She realized that she didn’t really have a good sense of how long that sort of thing generally took. By the time she’d really gotten to know Jordan, he already had most of his powers. She’d heard a few vague mentions of ‘sick days’ and struggles, but it wasn’t something they’d ever talked about much.

 

(They really didn’t talk about this stuff much at all…)

 

“I think so, yeah,” Sarah answered with slight hesitation, “I mean, he has these headphones that he uses to take a break from all the noise but he seems to be doing alright,” she shot her a sideways glance before adding, “aside from the fact that he is clearly upset about how things went back at the festival,” she noted pointedly.

 

Natalie sighed, the pit of guilt impossible to ignore as they rounded the next corner on their walk.

 

She hadn’t wanted to make a stressful situation even worse, and she felt terrible about that. But it wasn’t like she could really help it either. Her reaction had been instinctual. Deep and visceral and out of her control.

 

The last thing she wanted was the feel that terrible dread as her mind flashed back to the bunker, but it was what it was.

 

She was pretty sure all she could do now was wait until the memories faded once more.

 

Her friend seemed to sense some of her thoughts because she shot her a sympathetic gaze.

 

“Look Nat, I’m not trying to make you feel bad and I know what you’ve been through. I just think you guys need to talk it out as soon as you’re ready. This whole avoidance thing isn’t good for anyone. I know how much you guys love each other— they’re your brothers and they miss you.”

 

Nat swallowed, feeling a swell of emotion at that last reminder.

 

She’d never doubted their connection. But things suddenly felt more complicated than they had before.

 

She let out a long breath, clenching her hands at her side as she contemplated how much she wanted to share with her friend.

 

Finally, she launched in, letting her feelings flow more freely than they had all week.

 

“It didn’t take me long to feel a bond with them when I got here,” she said, smiling sadly at the thought of how easy things had been in that regard. She’d been uprooted from her world and discovered the shocking life of her mother’s doppelgänger, but the boys had been a steady force. Tying her to this place and to this family.

 

“It’s not like a burst of heat vision can really change that,” she added softly, “but,” she hesitated, looking down towards the sidewalk as they continued their slow trek together, “I don’t know. I guess seeing that happen to Jon just triggered something I wish I could ignore. I finally have siblings for the first time in my life and I’ve spent so long focusing on all of the things that make us the same— I needed to feel that connection to settle in here— but when that happened…I guess it suddenly felt like I was fooling myself or something. I’ve always known the truth, but I’ve also never felt like we’re that different. But we are, aren’t we?”

 

It all came out so quickly but Sarah seemed to follow. She paused contemplatively.

 

“Well, I mean, they definitely face some unique situations, and I don’t think Jon ever anticipated this one,” her friend noted. “I can’t pretend that I know how things feel for you after what you experienced. But I do know that you guys clearly have a lot in common, super powers or not.”

 

“Yeah,” Nat said quietly again.

 

She still believed that, there was just a flurry of complex emotions surrounding everything right now.

 

“The Lane genes are strong,” she noted with a small smirk, “I’m not sure how to process the fact that they can also do the same sort of stuff that once tore my family apart,” she gave an uncomfortable shrug, “like, I know they’d never hurt me. But seeing Jon like that…it just made it real and scary in a way I never imagined. And it proved that we’ll always have huge differences too,” Natalie paused and drew in a shaky breath, “it feels like the best thing to do it try to forget it even happened.”

 

“You can’t forget.”

 

Sarah’s quick reply took her aback and she paused, turning to face her friend on the quiet street.

 

“All the stuff that has happened to you, for better or worse— it isn’t going to go away,” the other girl said wisely. “For what it’s worth, I think you probably need to confront it. That’s the only way to sort out everything in your head.”

 

“Yeah, maybe.”

 

She knew it wasn’t the best response but she didn’t really know what to say in that moment. After a beat, they continued their walk and she bid Sarah goodbye after a few more blocks and subdued small talk.

 

It felt like she had a lot to think about, and she still wasn’t sure the best way past all of this. But apparently her friend’s words had some impact because she found herself pulling out her phone and sending Jon an impulsive text before she could second guess herself.

 

‘Hey. You around tonight?’

 

It only took a few seconds for three moving dots to appear. They came and went a couple of times (maybe he didn’t know what the best way forward was either).

 

But finally, he replied with a ‘sure— come by the farm after dinner?’

 

She barely talked as she picked at the pasta her dad had made that night but he’d seemed pleased when she asked if she could borrow the car to go check on Jon.

 

Natalie was glad he didn’t push her to open up about things in that moment, but she could sense the worry and hope in his gaze for the rest of the meal. He’d probably been talking to Lois and Clark again and they probably all had their own opinions on things.

 

She didn’t really want to know about all that though.

 

Nat had always been fiercely independent,  and she didn’t need to be babysat as she worked this out.

 

They were sixteen— practically adults themselves— and they were perfectly capable of tackling stuff on their own.

 

A certain numbness overtook her when she finally got into the car and made the ten minute drive towards the farm. She left the radio blasting on the first station she found, drumming some of her nervous energy into the steering wheel as she tried not to overthink what lay ahead.

 

She really didn’t know what to expect.

 

Maybe they really would just move past it without talking about what happened (despite what Sarah said, that had a lot of appeal).

 

Jon had never really been that comfortable with the personal elements of the Kryptonian stuff, after all. Hell, five minutes before the heat vision explosion he’d even been denying his reaction to the Kryptonite. And the argument he’d had with Jordan seemed to suggest that he’d been repressing things for longer than she’d known.

 

Perhaps he’d just want to hang out like they’d used to to take his mind off of his undoubtedly strange week.

 

(Deep down, she knew that probably wouldn’t be the case but the thought helped propel her forward).

 

As she neared the end of the long driveway that led up to the Kent farm Natalie caught sight of a single figure sitting on the wrap-around porch.

 

It was mid-December, and there was a light dusting of snow on the ground, but he was only wearing a thin hoodie (and a large pair of headphones).

 

It was a odd sight and she couldn’t help the nerves front fluttering up as she approached.

 

In a lot of ways, it was good to see him. Her last glimpse had been of him doubled over in pain and he was certainly more settled now.

 

But she felt weird and wary too. She wasn’t exactly scared of him, and she knew she wouldn’t have been allowed over if there was any risk involved. But she could help but think of the alley and, even more than that, she couldn’t stop wondering how much had already changed.

 

Would the conversation between them still flow like it always had, or were they both going to feel awkward and distant now?

 

Bravely, she squared her shoulders and walked up the steps until she was in front of him.

 

Jon offered a brief smile before lowering the headphones around his neck. She could tell that he was nervous too, and she was already certain that it wouldn’t just be a light-hearted hang.

 

“Uh, hey,” she said, with none of her usual ease.

 

“Hey,” came the equally stilted reply. He swallowed before standing up from his spot.

 

“Wanna go inside? The house is quiet. And warmer.”

 

“Yeah, okay. Not sure why you’re sitting out here in a hoodie, that’s insane on a day like this,” the second her weak attempt at lightheartedness left her lips she regretted it.

 

Jon’s shoulders slumped a bit and she realized she’d already tread on something uncomfortable.

 

“Haven’t felt the heat or cold for months,” he replied after an awkward pause.

 

He left it at that, turning to open the front door and ushering her towards the cozy living-room. She hadn’t been by in two weeks and, apparently, the family had decorated for Christmas at some point during that time.

 

Someone was clearly very into the season. There were garlands and candles and little festive details on nearly every surface.

 

She sat down next to a tall and beautifully decorated tree, poking at a few of the red and gold ornaments in a thin attempt to distract herself from what seemed to be looming closer and closer.

 

His face was so serious.

 

The air felt thick with worry and intensity.

 

She wasn’t going to be able to avoid things for much longer.

 

“Feels like Christmas exploded in here,” she remarked, taking another stab at a casual remark. This time, thankfully, it seemed to break the ice a bit.

 

Jon snorted at looked around the room.

 

“Yeah, this is like 95% my dad’s doing,” he replied, sitting down on the couch in a spot that was facing her chair. “Now that we have all of our decorations from Metropolis plus my grandma’s old stuff it’s kinda out of hand.”

 

Natalie snorted too. It was definitely a lot, and way more than her family had ever put up, but it was strangely nice too.

 

It felt like a much needed reminder that, despite the striking differences, Clark Kent really was just an excitable farm boy at heart. She’d realized that a while ago, of course— but after everything, it felt good to affirm it again.

 

Natalie’s eyes fell back on Jonathan and she decided to make a somewhat risky quip.

 

“So Kryptonains in this universe love Christmas. Got it,” she said with a flicker of a smile.

 

Jon stiffened in his spot and she worried that her attempts to bridge the topic hanging over them were failing horribly. But then he let out a breath.

 

“Dad and Jordan are predictably over the top,” he began slowly. He shifted in his seat before adding, “but I prefer a bit of moderation.”

 

Natalie looked at him, taking the response as a reflection of his own self-image. It was just a little thing, and did not get to the crux of the topic at hand— but the fact that he put himself alongside his dad and brother seemed meaningful.

 

She blinked a few times, not entirely sure where this conversation was going but increasingly sure that they needed to have it.

 

The longer she was in his company the more her deepest fears seemed to dwindle. She could still picture that terrible red, and she knew what power lay within— but she also knew that she was still looking at the Jonathan she’d come to know.

 

Her pulse was slowly steadying.

 

But there were definitely things to work through before they could reach their new normal…whatever that meant.

 

“So,” she started again, rubbing her hands on her jeans awkwardly, “I guess you count now, huh?”

 

It wasn’t the best or clearest phrasing but he seemed to get it.

 

His face grew serious once more and he began with a short nod.

 

“I’ve always been…you know…Kryptonian,” he replied with a little more confidence than she’d been expecting. It was certainly a noticeable shift from his denial in the alley that weekend, “I just didn’t know it for a while, and then I didn’t really want to accept it— but after everything that happened…” he trailed off, shooting her a nervous glance before continuing, “it’s pretty obvious that I’m not like most people on this planet.”

 

Jon ran a nervous hand through his heart before looking up at her.

 

“I’m sorry you had to see things erupt like that, Nat,” he finished, his voice softer than before. “Maybe if I’d listened to Jordan and had my grandmother check on me then you…”

 

“Jon, I’m fine.”

 

She found herself cutting him off with the same refrain she’d been fooling herself with all week.

 

He stopped, raising a brow, and she realized that she didn’t actually want to gloss over things like this. She wanted to cut through the weirdness that hung over them now and this wasn’t going to do it.

 

“Okay,” she started again, heart fluttering in her chest, “so maybe I wasn’t exactly fine,” she admitted, “after the stuff that happened on my Earth heat vision is kinda a trigger for me and I didn’t really see it coming. I panicked.”

 

He heaved out a defeated sigh and she felt her own guilt welling up. She didn’t want to make him feel bad— but, on the other hand, she suddenly felt compelled to be honest.

 

“I know you didn’t mean to freak me out, though,” she added, “it wasn’t your fault.”

 

“If it helps, it freaked me out too,” her brother offered, flinching at the memory. “I mean, I’ve always known it was possible on some level. And there had been a few subtle changes lately that I should have paid more attention to. I didn’t want this, though, so I tired to ignore it. I’d finally started to feel like I was settling in and now it’s like I have to reorient myself all over again.”

 

As she listened, Natalie realized that she could relate to that in a strange way. Sure, she didn’t suddenly have alien superpowers, but her recent equilibrium had been overturned this week too.

 

They were two people trying to find their place in a world that wasn’t entirely theirs.

 

“That sucks,” she noted honestly, “I guess we all have some reorienting to do.”

 

As was often the case, he seemed to follow her train of thought. And he reacted with notable worry.

 

“You know I’d never hurt you, Nat. I’m not like the Kryptonians on your Earth.”

 

It was her turn to flinch. She certainly didn’t want him to think she was accusing him of anything (she definitely wasn’t). Though she was less and less convinced that the dichotomy was useful.

 

She’d been telling herself that the Kents “weren’t like other Kryptonians” for months, and it had led to an overwhelming panic and shock when she’d seen evidence of Jon’s otherworldly heritage.

 

Maybe there was a more realistic way to frame it.

 

One that would help her truly wrap her head around things.

 

“You are like them in some ways,” she said before quickly adding, “not mentally, of course— but physically you can do all the same things they could.”

 

“Nat—“

 

She could tell that he wanted to object, and she once again felt badly for making this so uncomfortable. But, with all of her Lane determination, she pushed through.

 

“No, Jon, I’m not accusing you of anything. I know what a good person you are and I know you’d never do the things those people did. This has nothing to do with that,” she took a breath, glad that he seemed relieved by that assertion, “but I also think that I wasn’t prepared for what happened the other day because I convinced myself that you were NOTHING like the Kryptonians I knew, and that’s not really true. You guys can do all sorts of things that most people can’t. Even though it has never really been a secret I don’t think I truly got it until now. And I think I need to get it to be comfortable with it. Does that make sense?”

 

She knew her nerves were making her ramble. And she hadn’t exactly planned that speech in advance. But, thankfully, he seemed to follow. As he always did.

 

Even during a difficult moment like this, she was pretty sure that their natural connection made communication easier than it was with other people.

 

“Yeah I…I think that makes sense,” he mused quietly, grasping the side of the couch as he thought it through. “We hang out all the time but we never really talk about this stuff. Especially me. And I guess there is a difference between seeing Jordan zip out of the room on occasion and seeing someone explode with heat vision.”

 

Natalie though for a moment before agreeing. “I guess there is,” she replied. “I’ve always known the truth and Jordan does…Jordan stuff. But what happened the other day stuck me on a different level and made it more real than it ever had been before.”

 

“Yup. Same,” Jon noted with a sad smirk.

 

He leaned back into his seat, eyes drifting to the glittering Christmas tree for a moment before he continued.

 

“In retrospect, it’s kinda crazy that I could spend all year building alien tech with my alien grandmother but still maintain that I was normal.”

 

“And I guess it’s crazy that I could watch Jordan super punch bad guys and try out your latest Kryptonian gadgets while also convincing myself that you guys were exactly like me.”

 

Jon snorted at that.

 

“Well, we definitely have the denial and stubbornness in common,” he noted, slight smile taking hold on his face.

 

After everything, it was good to see.

 

“And emotional repression,” Natalie added wryly. “Oh the joys of being a Lane.”

 

Jon laughed quietly as she leaned back into her own chair, feeling more at ease than she had all week.

 

It was going to take more than one conversation to totally clear the air, but this felt like the best possible start.

 

Even if she was willing to see the differences now, the similarities still seemed to shine through. And that was incredibly comforting.

 

“We’ll always have that,” Jon said, voice taking on a more serious tone as he turned towards her once more. “And you’ll always be our sister, Nat. No matter how weird things get.”

 

She nodded.

 

That had never really been in doubt, but it was still good to hear it aloud.

 

“I meant what I said last spring,” she replied, thinking back to the time when it had seemed like two worlds might be lost. “I always wanted brothers. And you and Jordan are best half-alien half-brothers a girl could ask for.”

 

The other teen rolled his eyes but she could tell that there was more amusement than exasperation. Their old banter hadn’t been lost after all.

 

“Maybe all this stuff will get less weird if we actually start talking about it,” her brother said, fidgeting with the headphones that were still hanging around his neck. “I could start by telling you about all the crazy stuff I’ve accidentally heard this week,” he offered with a shy smile. “This Kryptonian hearing stuff is no joke.”

 

She felt her smile growing. It certainly wasn’t a usual topic or conversation for them but, despite the lingering flutter of nerves, she liked the idea.

 

They needed to open up. And she now knew beyond any doubt that they’d get past this, stronger and more connected than before.

 

“Sure,” she agreed easily before glancing towards the stairs, “where’s Superboy? Feels like he’d want in on this too.”

 

They shared a look, both knowing how annoyed Jordan got when they razzed him with that name.

 

He insisted that he NEVER wanted that to catch on, but Natalie secretly suspected that he wouldn’t have much of a choice.

 

“He’s finishing some chores in the barn,” Jon paused, tilting his head to the side with a suddenly distant expression on his face. “But he just heard you use his beloved nickname and he says he’ll only come in if we agree to lay off.”

 

Natalie immediately knew what she had to do.

 

“Come on, Superboy, you’re no fun!” she complained dramatically, knowing that he’d hear.

 

“She’s right, Superboy, you clearly can’t take a joke!” Jon piped in.

 

A second later there was a gust of wind and her other brother appeared. He glared at them each in turn (with no real venom behind it) before declaring that they both sucked.

 

Then, despite his best efforts, he looked at her with a relieved smile.

 

“Glad you came by, Nat,” he said, striding into the Christmas-filled room and flipping onto the couch next to Jon.

 

He paused, looking at his brother before adding.

 

“It wasn’t the same without you this week.”

 

She nodded in agreement.

 

“Yeah, I missed you guys,” she noted honestly, happy to see them both smile at that.

 

She really did have a place here. No matter what similarities and differences they had.

 

They were still the people who could keep her tethered to this Earth, even if they weren’t exactly tethered to it themselves.

 

Perhaps they could get used to occupying that weird in between space together.

 

“Jon was about to tell me how all the super hearing stuff is going,” she continued, noticing Jordan’s slight look of surprise. “I’ve realized I don’t actually know that much about how your powers work, and I figure we should talk about it. You know, for the sake of sibling bonding or whatever.”

 

“Oh, yeah,” Jordan replied, shifting in his seat as he worked through the last of his surprise, “sure. I’m an open book.”

 

“Cool,” she said, shifting her sights back to Jon. “So the hearing,” she began again, “you’ve gotta tell me, what’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve heard so far?”

 

Jon smirked as Jordan let out a short laugh.

 

They exchanged a glance before Jon began.

 

And before they all began again.