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Published:
2022-11-20
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2022-11-23
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2/2
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The Same But Different

Summary:

After more than a year in Smallville, Natalie Irons has been feeling settled and content.

She is particularly thankful for the bond she has formed with her half-brothers. But an unexpected event reminds her that things aren’t quite as straightforward as they seem.

Notes:

Season two barely addressed Natalie’s trauma and I wanted to explore it again. Hope you enjoy! Slight swearing.

Chapter Text

It was probably a somewhat depressing testament to the fact that she’d been lulled into small town life, but Natalie had been looking forward to the annual Christmas Market all week.

 

It was the sort of thing that she wouldn’t have batted an eye at back in Metropolis. There had been endless festivals and pop-ups there, and they’d rarely piqued her interest.

 

But, as she’d learned in the past year, things in Smallville were quite different. Community events only happened once every few months and pretty much everyone came out for them. There wasn’t much else to do, after all.

 

Most weekends, she either tinkered in the workshop with her dad or went over to the Kent farm to hang out with her half-brothers. Sometimes, they gathered in a larger group and went to the diner, or pestered Jon and Denise at Brit & Dunn’s until they finished their shifts. Frankly, she’d settled in better than she’d initially expected and enjoyed her small but tight-knit group of friends.

 

But things could still get a bit repetitive and a Christmas Market felt like a nice way to change things up.

 

It was mostly just craft and food stalls. And a small skating rink in front of the community centre. But the holidays music and decorations were enough to make it feel festive and she’d been having a pleasant afternoon so far.

 

She’d gone around to some of the booths with Sarah and the boys, bought herself a particularly cozy hand-knitted scarf, and was already in her third cup of candy cane hot chocolate.

 

Despite the early December chill in the air she found herself in a good mood. For the first time since she’d crash landed in this universe, she had a feeling that she was going to enjoy the Christmas season and this was just the sort of thing she needed to get herself in the mood. Life was settled now and she’d found her place within their weird blended family.

 

Her and her dad were planning to join the Kent’s on Christmas Day and she was pretty sure it was going to be enjoyable rather than weird. Last year, the thought of spending the day with someone who looked exactly like her mom had been too much and they’d spent it quietly at home— celebrating with just the two of them for the first time ever. It had been an emotional one, but Natalie had come a long way since then.

 

She’d settled into this Earth and this town. Somehow, she’d even formed a meaningful relationship with this Lois without blurring the line between ‘Lois’ and ‘mom.’ There we’re still moments when she felt a pang of yearning, but it was mostly manageable. Her increasingly close relationship with her brothers was probably largely to thank for that. She could easily let herself feel a connection to them— they hadn’t existed where she was from, but the bond she felt was undeniable. There was no doubt in her mind that they were family, and that made her feel more connected to Lois and Clark as well.

 

Somehow— miraculously— a woman who looked like her mother and a Kryptonian had started to feel like family too.

 

It was yet another thing she never could have imagined before coming here.

 

Her world had been taken over by evil Kryptonain overlords, after all. When she’d first arrived here she’d been mortified to discover who this version of Lois Lane had married— but those days were behind her now.

 

Clark was a good person, and far more normal than she’d expected (according to the boys, he was currently stocking up on chocolate covered bacon and volunteering at the kids’ petting zoo). It was almost easy to forget that he was from another planet and flew around the world making rescues on a daily basis.

 

And his sons were definitely mostly normal too. Her initial worries about the ‘Kryptonian hybrids’ had been completely misplaced. Sure, Jordan sometimes used his powers and there were occasional talks about their secret family Fortress. But other than that, they were just average teenagers, like her.

 

And she was incredibly grateful to have them in her life. They’d made everything about her transition so much easier.

 

Natalie smiled as she raised her hot chocolate to her lips and took another sip.

 

Jordan had wandered off with Sarah (to “talk,” as they often did) leaving her and Jon on the bench near the Gazette to finish their drinks. The plan was to head over to the diner later as a group but she was happy to take her time.

 

A pleasantly cheesy Christmas tune was ringing through a nearby speaker and Jon was currently outlining some of the Kent-Lane family traditions she’d be partaking in in a couple of weeks.

 

“…and we always put that old version of ‘A Christmas Carol’ on after dinner,” Jon noted before taking a sip from his own cup. “No one actually pays attention to it, really. But dad always insists. He’s a total stickler for tradition.”

 

Nat shrugged agreeably. “Sure, I’m down for a classic,” she replied. “We never really had a go-to movie when I was a kid, but I’ll watch anything.”

 

“Dad’s cookies are probably the best part of the movie watching experience,” her half-brother continued with a small smile. “Well, that— and placing bets on how long it’ll take Grandpa to start snoring on the couch.”

 

Natalie chuckled, easily able to picture the scene. In fact, it was one she had seen many times before.

 

“Yup. Sounds like Sam Lane is the same in any universe. The man can protect an entire country, but he can’t handle a stomach full of turkey.”

 

Jon snorted at that.

 

“Definitely not,” he agreed.

 

Nat couldn’t help but smile at the familiarity and shared experience. Strange as it all was, it was comforting to know that not everything had been lost. There were so many little things that provided a sense of continuity in her life. And being able to share that with the boys totally filled the sibling void she’d always felt growing up.

 

She meant what she’d said last spring— she’d always wanted brothers. And now that she had some, it was getting harder to imagine life without them.

 

She was pretty sure that she was getting good at the whole ‘being a sister’ thing nowadays.

 

The banter always seemed to flow easily amongst the three of them and they had no trouble playfully winding each other up. It was fun.

 

A small smirk tugged at the side of her lips as a sudden thought crossed her mind.

 

“Wanna go look at the rest of the booths?” She asked, downing the last of her hot chocolate before tossing the paper cup into a nearby bin. “There seemed to be a few nice ones near the old hardware store…” she trailed off, eyes sparkling mischievously before going in for the kill, “I bet you could find Denise the perfect present.”

 

Jon’s cheeks instantly flushed (and not from the cold). She could feel the instant triumph.

 

He’d been flirting with his co-worker all fall (ever since his breakup with Candice at the Homecoming dance). They’d “hung out” alone twice in recent weeks yet they still insisted that they were just friends.

 

But Natalie knew first-hand that they were both totally into each other and she was more than happy to give Jon a teasing push. Denise was cool and fun, and she approved of the paring.

 

Plus playing matchmaker and razzing him a bit felt like a sisterly duty.

 

She revelled in it.

 

“I’m not…it’s…”

 

Jon was uncharacteristically frazzled and Natalie knew she’d hit a nerve. She couldn’t help but chuckle as she nudged him in the side.

 

“Come on, Romeo,” she teased, hopping up from the bench and turning to face him, “you’re not as obvious as Jordan, but I know you’re secretly a hopeless romantic too. You could totally win her over with the perfect gift,” Nat paused, “not that she really needs any convincing at this point.”

 

“Wait, she doesn’t?” the words burst out immediately and Jon cringed at his transparency.

 

“Trust me. You guys make the exact same googley eyes at each other all the time. Neither of you can hide anything even remotely well.”

 

He let out an annoyed huff before standing up too. After rubbing the bridge of his nose for a moment he shook his head in defeat.

 

“Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. Despite the gruff demeanour, she knew he was secretly pleased by the thought of the mutual affection. “I’ll take a look at stuff. But that doesn’t mean we’re dating!”

 

“Suuuure,” Natalie agreed, giving him another rough nudge as they set off back down main street, making their way through the festive crowd.

 

It truly was nice to see every one gathered here, happily enjoying a fun Saturday. She was at a point where she recognized a good number of people in town and she exchanged a few brief hellos and waves with passers by (who was she nowadays? What would Metropolis Natalie say!?)

 

Smallville would probably never feel 100% like home, and she did envision moving somewhere bigger for university in a few years. But she also enjoyed the sense of settled belonging that she’d been experiencing recently.

 

Here, as one of many, it was easy to forget  where she’d come from and how unique she was.

 

She needed that sometimes.

 

As she glanced over at Jon she briefly wondered if he ever felt that way too. She knew this wasn’t his favourite place, and that he’d always be a city person at heart as well— but with all the weird revelations he’d faced in recent years maybe he also found relief in blending in with the crowd.

 

Natalie contemplated asking him. But then he reached up to rub his temple for the third time since they’d started their walk and her thoughts shifted towards concern.

 

“Are you okay?” she asked, watching as he winced slightly and lowered his hand to the side.

 

“Yeah, totally,” he said unconvincingly. She wasn’t entirely sure why, but Jon was someone who never liked to admit weakness. She’d figured out early on that his default was to claim that everything was okay, even if it wasn’t.

 

“If you’re not feeling well I can drive you home,” she offered, nodding in the direction of her house. Now that she was sixteen, she was allowed to borrow her dad’s car and she definitely didn’t mind helping him out.

 

“Nah, just a slight headache, it’ll pass,” he insisted, waving his hand and putting on a brief smile. “All good.”

 

His stubbornness could be frustrating (though she was pretty sure it was an unavoidable part of being a Lane). She decided to let it slide for now.

 

“You’re a bad liar, but fine,” she remarked under her breath, unable to resist rolling her eyes.

 

They slowed their pace as they approached the line of market stalls they hadn’t browsed earlier. These ones were a bit off to the side, but Natalie could already see some really nice stuff on display. She had to admit that the vendors had way more variety than she’d been expecting.

 

She examined the table of artisanal candles and bath bombs first, smelling a few and chatting with the young woman who (apparently) made them in the next town over.

 

She could feel that Jon was hovering behind her but his “slight” headache was obviously bothering him more and more as the minutes ticked past.

 

She shot him a few exasperated looks, hoping he’d finally relent to some help soon. But all she got were stone-faced looks of determination in response.

 

Fine. She silently decided that she’s do her best to ignore his stubborn suffering if that’s what he wanted.

 

“Oh wow, these are nice,” she remarked, taking a step towards a table full of jewelry.

 

She wasn’t someone who wore a lot of necklaces or bracelets, but she had to admit that some of the items were pretty cool. According to the sign on display, they were made using local rocks and minerals. They were rustic and unique, and she ran her fingers across a few of the nicely polished stones.

 

“I bet Denise would like one of these,” she commented, easily able to picture her friend wearing something like this.

 

She turned to Jon with a cheeky grin but it faded quickly as she caught sight of his pale complexion. There was a sheen of sweat on his brow, despite his ridiculously thin jacket.

 

She’d never seen him look quite this bad, and there was no doubt he was coming down with something, no matter what he said. She opened her mouth to reiterate her concern but he brushed past her, stepping towards the jewelry stall before she could.

 

He could probably sense what she’d been about to say, and he obviously still didn’t want to hear it.

 

But after a few seconds he became apparent that his stubbornness had gotten the better of him.

 

Natalie watched as he looked down at the display for a second before abruptly gasping the edge of the table— as if suddenly in need of it’s support.

 

The vendor started saying something about a two for one deal but Natalie was barely listening. Her concern was growing by the second and from her angle she could see that Jon’s knees were starting to buckle.

 

Something was definitely very wrong.

 

Without hesitation she took a step forward, lacing a supportive arm around his back.

 

That was when everything finally clicked into place.

 

“Oh wow, the sunlight is really catching these stones today,” the stall owner noted with an oblivious smile, pointing towards three necklaces with large green crystals on the end.

 

…large green crystals that suddenly seemed to be glowing with an internal light after Jon’s approach.

 

There was no doubt in Natalie’s mind what they were and her heart skipped a beat as she looked over at her brother with her mouth agape.

 

His eyes were clenched shut all of a sudden and he raised a shaky arm to wipe off the beads of sweat.

 

“Those were a great local find, by the way. My daughter and I were walking near Hobbes’ pond last summer and I found some beautiful pieces. All they needed was a bit of polishing.”

 

She could barely listen to the well intended vendor.

 

Rude as it seemed, she quickly forced Jon to take a few steps back before to tightening her grip around him.

 

“Are you kids okay?”

 

“Yeah, fine,” she said brusquely, turning around. She knew that she needed to get him the hell away from there and as her eyes fell on a nearby ally she set off with determination.

 

After a couple of yards, he let out a ragged cough but (surprisingly) didn’t protest against roughly being dragged across the street. In fact, he seemed pretty damn out of it. As if the physical pain was accompanied by a mental haze.

 

It wasn’t until they reached the darkened alley and she eased him into an old cinder block as a makeshift seat that he finally seemed to regain a bit of composure.

 

“What the hell,” he rasped out, coughing again as he rubbed his head with renewed vigour. He looked around the alley with confusion then up at Natalie.

 

Apparently, the last minute or so had been a total blur.

 

“Are you okay? Can you still feel it?” she asked, trying her best to remain calm.

 

Even though it had no effect on her, she certainly hadn’t expected to stumble across actual Kryptonite at a Christmas market. She’d seen it before, of course. In her world, it had been a useful weapon. But here, she suddenly realized, it was something that could really hurt some of the people she cared about most.

 

She swallowed thickly, heart still pounding as she contemplated what to do next. She was pretty sure she had him out of immediate danger— should she call for backup? Warn Jordan and Clark?

 

Before she could decide, Jon’s confused question cut her away from her thoughts.

 

“Feel what?” he asked, apparently still unsure of what had just caused his intense physical response, “what happened?”

 

Natalie, as always, didn’t beat around the bush.

 

“Some of the jewelry on display had green Kryptonite in it. You looked like you were about to pass out, so I dragged you over here.”

 

That seemed to send a surprising jolt of energy through him and his posture stiffened as he took in a sharp breath.

 

“No!” he replied, with more force that she’d anticipated. “That doesn’t make sense. I don’t. I’m not…” he trailed off, looking down at his still shaking hands before looking back up at her.

 

His eyes seemed to beg her to tell him that it wasn’t actually true.

 

Although it wasn’t something they talked about much, Natalie was taken aback by the strong reaction and panic.

 

Surely he knew how dangerous that stuff was? She didn’t know if he’d been around it before but everyone knew what Kryptonite did to Kryptonians. She’d assumed that Clark had warned his sons about steering clear of it too, for obvious reasons.

 

Why was he so shocked?

 

He talked openly about the stuff he was learning from his grandmother nowadays, and seemed pretty comfortable with it all. Was it possible that he was actually holding on to way more denial than she’d realized?

 

“The rocks started glowing when you stepped up to the booth,” she pointed out, her brow furrowing in confusion this time. He was blinking back at her with utter disbelief. “You were sweating and barely conscious,” she paused, hesitating before adding the obvious. Even though it felt kinda of silly to do so. “It’s clearly dangerous for you.”

 

“But I’m not…I always…the gas was fine. And that’s Jordan’s thing.”

 

It was another disjointed sentence and, despite the stress of the close call, Natalie found herself wondering how this had never come up before. Looking back, she honestly couldn’t remember if Jon had ever really labelled himself.

 

Probably not, she realized.

 

She’d been introduced to them as Lois and Superman’s sons and she’d always just assumed he accepted what that meant.

 

But maybe he didn’t.

 

“Jon, you and Jordan are both Superman’s half-alien kids,” she reminded him after checking over her shoulder to make sure they were truly alone. “And you’re allergic to Kryptonite, for obvious reasons.”

 

She knew she probably sounded blunt, and maybe that wasn’t what he needed in that moment. Then again, he still looked like crap and hadn’t managed to get to his feet.

 

Helping him feel better felt like priority number one.

 

He’d have to unpack the rest of it later.

 

“Do you have your ELT? Should I call your dad? And Jordan?”

 

“No,” this time, his protest came out as more of a groan and she watched with a renewed surge of worry and he buried his head in his hands. He slouched down on the cinder block, taking a series of sharp breaths in an out. As if he was starting to hyperventilate.

 

This definitely didn’t seem okay.

 

“Jordan! If you can hear me, I need help,” she said as loud as she dared. They were hidden from sight back there but she didn’t want to draw any attention. “Jon needs help.”

 

Kryptonite induced panic attacks were not something she knew anything about and she silently prayed that her other brother heard the call.

 

“I don’t. I’m okay.” The continued resistance came out between panicked breaths but, before she had time to respond, there was a rush of wind and Jordan appeared next to her in the alley.

 

He looked at Jon with instant worry and Nat briefly filled him in.

 

“There was Kryptonite at one of the stalls. He got close to it and almost collapsed.”

 

“Shit,” Jordan replied, dashing forward almost instantly.

 

Unlike his brother, he didn’t seem to find that shocking. All she could sense from him was worry and a determination to help.

 

She found herself stepping back against the nearby brick wall and she watched Jordan hastily unzip his brother’s jacket and toss it off to the side.

 

Jon didn’t look pleased. Natalie wasn’t sure what the reasoning was behind it until Jordan yanked his brother onto his feet and pulled him further down the alley into a patch of sun.

 

She kicked herself internally for not thinking of the sun thing sooner. Obviously, this was something that was unique to them and an instinctual solution for Jordan.

 

As connected as she felt to the two people in front of her, this seemed like a reminder of the things she’d never be able to understand.

 

She continued to look on as Jordan turned to face his brother, a hand on each of his shoulders and a serious expression on his face.

 

“What the hell man?” Jon protested angrily. He didn’t pull away, though, and she could tell from his breathing pattern that he was quickly starting to feel better.

 

“Hold up your arms. Get as much sun as you can,” Jordan replied simply.

 

Without the coat, Jon was wearing nothing but a t-shirt now. He didn’t look the least bit cold (neither of them ever seemed to get cold).

 

“Don’t be a stubborn idiot. It’s the only way and you know it,” Jordan said again, locking his brother with a pointed stare.

 

Although he was scowling, Jon finally relented. He held his arms out in front of him and Jordan took a step back, his own relief instantly apparent.

 

Despite his reluctance, it seemed that Jon couldn’t help but give into whatever soothing sensations the light brought on. He kept his bare arms in front of him and let out a long breath, his eyes slipping shut for a few moments as he drank it in.

 

It looked peaceful and pleasant, frankly. She found herself wondering what it was like.

 

Natalie looked at Jordan who gave her a grim nod. They were both relieved on their brother’s behalf, but they probably also agreed that this was still a pretty shitty situation. And one that Jon wasn’t handling particularly well.

 

“I’m fine now,” the other boy said gruffly, opening his eyes and letting his arms fall back to his sides.

 

She could see an embarrassed flush growing on his cheeks and the boys exchanged another long look.

 

“You still need to go to the Fortress with dad. Grandma needs to make sure everything is okay.”

 

Jordan’s proclamation, unsurprisingly, elicited an instant glare.

 

“I told you I’m fine. We don’t need to get dad and grandma involved,” Jon shot back, striding towards his abandoned jacket with far more energy than before and hastily slipping it back on.

 

The sun really did seem to work. It was pretty amazing that he could go from barely being conscious to looking like his regular self after a short exposure.

 

It certainly didn’t work that way for her (or the other eight billion people on the planet…)

 

“Jon, I know you don’t want this but you need to start figuring out how to accept it. We both know what’s been happening. And now this,” Jordan made a vague gesture in front of him before continuing, “you don’t want to be caught off guard like I was. Trust me. It’s better to monitor stuff.”

 

“Jordan, I’m really not in the mood for your theories right now,” Jon snapped back hastily, starting his brother down.

 

Natalie wasn’t fully following the exchange but it seemed apparent that more was going on than she’d realized. Jordan had hinted this this wasn’t the first unusual thing that had happened to Jon recently. She couldn’t help but wonder what they were talking about.

 

They had no obligation, of course, but she was a little surprised that this was the first she was hearing about things. She thought they shared pretty much everything nowadays…though, she realized with a flutter of discomfort, maybe they weren’t as open as she assumed talking about this sort of thing around her.

 

For the first time in a long time, she felt like an interloper in the sibling conversation.

 

They all had so much in common. They were Lanes, and there was significant shared ground that came from that. The bond had been deep and fast.

 

She was their sister.

 

Then again, the things they didn’t share separated them quite dramatically. She rarely thought about it in these terms but, after the events of the last several minutes, it seemed impossible to ignore the fact that they weren’t entirely the same species…

 

“They’re not theories, Jon,” Jordan replied, letting out a frustrated huff. This was clearly part of an ongoing argument. “You know you’ve been changing, and it’s just a matter of time. We can’t put off telling mom and dad anymore.”

 

“I don’t have powers!”

 

“Not yet. But I’m betting you will soon.”

 

“Stop saying that!” Jon snapped back, fury growing with each passing second.

 

Natalie wondered if she should attempt to step in and play peacemaker, but this whole thing felt way beyond her. She didn’t know what to say.

 

“I’ll stop when you stop pretending that we’re human,” Jordan retorted, standing just as firm. “We’re not, Jon. And we never have been.”

 

He reported that matter-of-factly, eliciting an immediate growl of frustration from Jon. The other teen dug his hands into his hair in an uncharacteristically obvious sign of his mounting anger.   

 

“We’re from Earth, asshole. Mom is human.”

 

“But dad isn’t, and Kryptonian DNA is dominant. You know what Grandma said.”

 

“About you! Not me!” Jon’s proclamation was nearly a shout, desperation under each word.

 

“We’re the same!” Jordan shot back, unrelenting.

 

“We’re not!”

 

That was when it happened. 

 

Despite herself, Natalie let out a strangled gasp, backing into the brick wall of the alley with her mouth agape.

 

As those final words left Jon’s lips another sign of anger and rage made itself apparent too.

 

A sign that was definitely unique to people like them.

 

Suddenly— unexpectedly— his eyes were glowing with a terrible fiery red.

 

Her heart pounded in her chest as she took in the sight. Before she had time to even process it, her mind was suddenly back in the bunker…the memory of holding her father close as that same red hue consumed her mother came rushing back in.

 

She took a sharp breath, hands pressed against the wall as the unstoppable panic swelled.

 

This was Jon.

 

This was another world.

 

Things were different here…

 

He was her brother, not some random Kryptonain.

 

She tried to remind herself of those things and yet, for a second, all she could think about was the wave of destruction that had once swept across her world.

 

“Jon!” She heard Jordan’s worried cry as his brother doubled over, the glow still apparent through his clenched eyes.

 

“Keeping looking down. I’ll call dad.”

 

Jordan pulled a metal device from his pocket and flicked it on, wincing visibly as a sound that only they could hear echoed out.

 

Beside him, Jon let out a pained cry, his hands moving to his ears.

 

Then, there was another strong gust of wind.

 

“Dad, it’s Jon.”

 

The man surveyed the scene, worry and alarm crossing his face before he zipped to his son’s side.

 

“I’m here. Let it out. It’s not safe to hold it in.” Clark crouched next to him, allowing the teen to lean into his strong arm as he slowly sank to his knees.

 

“Dad…it hurts.”

 

“I know. But you have to open your eyes. It’ll get better, I promise.”

 

There was a heart-stopping pause and Natalie felt the terror still welling up inside as she watched the unexpected scene. She knew the truth about the Kent’s — of course she did.

 

But she’d never expected this.

 

She’d never thought about how truly different they really were. The commonalities had always come first.

 

But now, as she watched her half brother cry out in pain as he finally opened his glowing eyes she knew that she’d never fully forget that there were things that set them apart too.

 

Things that could remind her of the worst moment in her life…

 

The red light began to flow out, careening painfully to Clark’s outstretched hand. She could hear Jon’s strangled groans and she felt deep sympathy too. But, for a few awful moments, it was the memories that remained at the forefront.

 

All she could think about was red.

 

Her chest was tight and her body tingled with unsettling discomfort.

 

Finally, after what felt far longer than it probably was, the light faded. Before she had time to blink, however, there was a blur of speed and Clark disappeared with Jon in tow, leaving her and Jordan alone in the suddenly quiet alley.

 

Jordan took a long breath, staring at the spot where his father and brother had just been before slowly turning towards her.

 

He paused, apparently sensing her discomfort. The worry quickly set in on his face.

 

“He’ll be okay,” he said, voice shaking slightly. He was undoubtedly grappling with his own shock as well. “It just hurts the first few times.”

 

“He…the light. It was just like…”

 

It was her turn to stutter, just like Jon had earlier. Her body was pulsing and she couldn’t fully form her thoughts.

 

Jordan nodded, though. And the realization seemed to dawn.

 

“You’ve never seen us do that before, have you?” he noted, blue-green gaze widening at the thought.

 

She couldn’t help but picture red there too. Now that she’d been reminded how possible it was.

 

“No,” she replied honestly, still pressed against the wall. She didn’t want him to know she was shaken up, but she had a feeling she wasn’t hiding it well.

 

She wasn’t afraid of him.

 

Not really.

 

She just needed time to process.

 

“I know that you’re…but don’t think about it much.”

 

Jordan nodded sadly.

 

“Kinda impossible for me not to think about it,” he noted seriously, turning his hand over in the beam of sun Jon had stood in before. “It can be a lot. I’m just sorry you had to see that. You know, after everything you went though in your world.”

 

Natalie felt a lump forming in her throat.

 

She nodded shakily.

 

“I’m fine,” she lied, knowing she was now acting just like Jon had earlier. She couldn’t admit weakness either.

 

“I need to go,” she added, wanting to be anywhere else, “I’ll check in soon.”

 

It was a hasty and transparent excuse but she turned abruptly, unable to muster more right now.

 

“Nat!”

 

She heard Jordan call her name as she broke out into a jog but she forged ahead out of the alley anyway.

 

The crowd and the festive buzz that surrounded her barely registered as she set off in the direction of her house.

 

The day had seemed so simple at first.

 

Now, suddenly, her mind was a million miles away from it all.

 

She was back in the bunker.

 

And no matter what she did, she was pretty sure it would be a long time before she could forget that surge of red.