Work Text:
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Complaints
Hi Todd,
Can you please walk Dirk through how to send a proper email? He’s managing the work one and he won’t stop scaring people off by writing essays about holistic-ness when they email about questions.
Thanks,
Farah
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re:Complaints
U think I haven’t tried? Just be glad he hasn’t learned abt twitter
Todd
p.s. why does ur email say springorganization.org that means organization twice
Sent from my iPhone
To-do: nov 6
Call Amanda
Talk to Farah abt setting up an actual bank account
Buy donuts
(10:35) Farah, what is Tiktok?
(10:35) The lovely teenager who asked us about her coat-turned-coyote (coatyote!) included a link to it in her email sign-off.
(10:36) Please, god, no. FB
(10:36) Fine, I’ll ask Amanda
(10:36) Amanda, what is Tiktok?
(10:36) The lovely teenager who asked us about her coat-turned-coyote (coatyote!) included a link to it in her email sign off.
(10:38) absolutely fucking not
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Visit
HEY DUDE!!!
when are u coming to visit i miss shitty movie nights
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Don’t act like you just don’t want to see Farah
Why did u email instead of texting
I’m being shot at rn can I get back to u later
Todd
Sent from my iPhone
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: HUH???
WHAT THE FUCK
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Not Dead!
Hello Tina!
Todd told me to email you and say that he is, and I quote, “not fucking dead”. He is, however, on a great deal of anaesthetics right now. There was a bit of a whoopsie-daisy in our last case, and Todd got rather badly hurt. He’s in hospital right now, and says that he’ll email you when he’s out, but I thought I should tell you that he’s all right.
Have a lovely evening,
Dirk
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re:Not Dead!
i’m not even going to make fun of ur email i’m too weirded out by how formal ur being. todd’s going to be okay, you know? he’s tough.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re:re:Not Dead!
The bullet was meant for me.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re:re:re:Not Dead!
pick up ur phone
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you
Hi Tina,
Sorry if this is weird, but I just wanted to thank you for what you did earlier. As I’m sure you guessed, given that’s what the subject is. This is redundant. I couldn’t get to the hospital right away, and I just… thanks for being there when I couldn’t be.
Love,
Farah
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: so formal….
hi farah :-) u don’t need to thank me. he’s my friend too
<3
(00:09) hospitalssuck.jpeg
(00:09) I lived, bitch
(00:11) TODD WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
[Missed call from: manda <3]
[Missed call from: manda <3]
[Missed call from: manda <3] [4]
“cool people and todd”
(00:27) WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A GROUP CHAT IF NOBODY USES IT TO TELL ME THINGS LIKE SAY MY BROTHER GETTING SHOT
(5:35) Oh my god, Amanda, I am so incredibly sorry! FB
(7:42) what tge fcuk
(7:43) Todd, go back to sleep. FB
(9:09) …Hi, Amanda
(9:14) don’t “hi amanda” me dirk i am this close to sending the rowdy 3 out for a little snack
(9:10) I would very much prefer it if you didn’t do that, thank you
To-Do: 11/09/22
Get Dirk to create a gmail account (Seriously, hotmail?)
Skype Lydia
Submit bank forms
Confirm Tina and Hobb’s train tickets!
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hi!!!!
Hi Todd!! Farah made me make a new email!! :D Probably for the best, as I have a cybercrime report filed against my hotmail one.
From,
Dirk :D
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: who the fuck are you
I know my boyfriend and he would rather die than have that email address. Nice fucking try
Todd
Sent from my iPhone
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re:who the fuck are you
Farah just told me that it’s actually you. Sorry. What’s this abt a cybercrime report?
Todd
Sent from my iPhone
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Visit
Since ur coming here instead of us coming there, ig I’m in charge of finding copies of the movies?
Todd
Sent from my iPhone
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: hell yea
to the google doc!!!!! i can bring the drugs hobbs confiscated
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re:hell yea
nvm hobbs saw that email over my shoulder. i will not be bringing the drugs that hobbs confiscated. i understand that recovering gunshot victims should not be smoking confiscated weed.
ps. i’m totally gonna
(12:43) I have a cane and about a million painkillers but I’m out of the hospital btw
(12:44) haha old man
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Mystery Document
Hello Farah!
I know you and Todd usually deal with documents and spreadsheets because I’m “a danger to organisation” and “should never look at a number again” but you left this email’s google drive open, and I noticed that there is a document called “super secret DO NOT LOOK”. Is this regarding a case? Are we being hacked? Is there a sentient creature inside our Google Drive? Should I try to copy it? Should I destroy it? Should I ask if Mona can transform into a USB key and try to export it?
From,
Dirk :D
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re:Mystery Document
Hi Dirk,
No to all of the above; it’s Todd and Tina’s stoned movie night list. I’ve tried to get them to use their personal emails, but it doesn’t work. Just ignore it. If we do get any hackers, maybe they’ll be weirded out enough by their joint review of Tammy and the T-Rex to stop looking through our files.
Best,
Farah
(15:56) i’m coming over to join you and tina on thursday
(15:56) also: rubber (2010)
(14:06) Wow I’m so glad that my sister has prophetic visions :) I bet they give her really good advice on when her family is going to get injured instead of when her brother is going to get stoned with his friend
(14:08) shut the fuck up
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject:
FKJADSHFUWYRU437R78534563478RFGEWRBURGT7T840187Y083?W:#$K@#%PO#${^:*(#$*#Y$*#@Y*R(Y@$*R&@Y*U@#HQOIUHIGJNPWENPFOMVKDLMVFFS”DFE:FL$)%$U%IY#$&Q@Y#&*QY$(&T !&^T#@&$^&*^#$*&^#YRUFHDSIUHVJDNV{OIQY$*#$*&#^%*&#^%)@*#@)!(387483Q4578*&^&TFSUHFOEWMFKMOIEWJGOM
don’t test me
amanda
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re:
???????????????????????
Cheers,
Dirk
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: h
&^s
[img258.jpeg]
don’t test me
amanda
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Ah. Hello, Beast.
Cheers,
Dirk
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Time off
U know you don’t need to request time off four months in advance right?? Everyone knows ur the boss, just go??? I’d say tell Lyida Dirk and I say hi but she probably wouldn't want to hear it
Todd
Sent from my iPhone
(17:23) Hey, can we confirm that the rowdies won’t wreck my apartment again? Going furniture shopping and I want to know if I should be buying reinforced stuff
(17:34) soz, was breaking mailboxes. let me ask
(17:38) they say no unless you lie to me again
(17:40) K thanks
(17:41) why are u buying stuff anyway i thought ur apartment got fixed
(17:41) i mean it’s still fuck ugly but i think that’s bc you have bad taste
(17:45) Dirk wants more color in it
(17:46) Since he’s moving in I figured that was probably faire
(17:46) *fair
(17:46) DIRK IS MOVING IN WITH YOU??
[Missed call from: manda <3] [2]
(17:50) why do you never pick up when it’s important
(20:49) Sorry the curtains were haunted
(21:05) i don’t even want to know
(21:05) happy for you, asshole
(21:09) Thanks, Manda
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: TODAY!!!
hi babe!!! you werent replying to ur texts so im guessing youre in another Work Focus (™) mode so maybe youd see this first. hobbs and i are on the train, our eta is uhhhhh 4 hours!!
see you soon <333
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: re:TODAY!!!
Hi Tina,
So sorry I haven’t been checking my phone! Call when you’re at the station? Love you.
All my love,
Farah
“the world might be ending”
(14:17) hey why is hobbs not in this chat
(14:21) He has a Nokia, Tina. You know this. FB
(14:21) ohhhh so true babe ur so smart <333
(14:22) anyway there’s been a
(14:22) complication
(14:23) What kind of complication?
(14:23) uh
(14:23) yall remember bart?