Shakespeare but without rehearsals: Midsummer Night’s Dream Pt 1 - MSBY and Others!
MSBY Black Jackals✅
The video opens, showing a stage. Oliver, Meian, Iizuna, Tsukishima, Daishou, and Inunaki are standing on it. Oliver has a stack of papers in his hands.
Oliver: It’s just one fucking play, just do the role.
Daishou: Says the person not playing as a lover.
Oliver: Oh no, I’m married in the play to Starveling.
Inunaki: Well, fucktastic. Fuck you too.
Bokuto: Hey hey hey! My turn to start the video!
Bokuto takes his hand off the camera to show MSBY and other volleyball players in what seems to be the MSBY dorms’ living room. He has to rotate the camera to show off all the people.
Bokuto: So you may be thinking about the title and wondering why we did it.
Atsumu, yelling: Because Shakespeare was on fuckin’ crack when he wrote it!
Some people shake their heads in agreement. Others roll their eyes, and some (notably Sakusa) sigh loud enough for the mic to pick it up.
Bokuto contemplates Atsumu’s answer before slowly pointing his finger at Atsumu.
Bokuto: Yes… but no. Anyways, we did what the title says! Whatever the title says!
Hinata: …which is?
Everyone in the room turns to look at Hinata, mostly with exasperated or confused faces. Kageyama leans down and whispers something into his ear, to which Hinata nods enthusiastically.
Hinata: Nevermind! Continue!
Bokuto: Anywayyyy, here we go! A Midnight Summer’s Dream!
Akaashi: It’s ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’, Kou.
Bokuto: Right, that. Man, names always get to me.
The screen turns navy blue as Meian’s voice takes over the video.
Meian: We’ve all gotten together to put on a play for our friends and loved ones. Of course, we’ve decided to put a spin on it. Akaashi, Sakusa, and a few others who are pretty good at English -
Pictures of the mentioned people show up on the screen before a white chalk arrow points away from them to a picture of a small drama stage.
Meian: - read the play ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ and gave us generic cue cards for us.
The white chalk arrow appears again and connects the picture of the stage to a cue card, on which has the words:
- Mention how Kageyama had a thing for Goshiki
- Talk about how you and Kageyama fucked up the weather
- Give a long speech on why you have a child
Small text is on the bottom of this particular cue card. It reads, “Any relationships in the play are not real unless confirmed before the production of this play”.
Meian: In any case, this’ll be interesting. Please note that if you actually want to learn about this play, do not trust this production. The characters are as follows, and no, they were not in any specific order. And yes, I’m talking to all of you on my team.
A picture of each player, the name of the player below the picture, and the role next to the picture is shown as Meian reads off the names.
Meian: I am playing Snug, Iizuna is playing Snout, Ushijima is playing Cobweb, Sakusa is Demetrius, Atsumu is Helena, Komori is Lysander, Suna is Hermia, Kageyama is Oberon, Hinata is Titania, Koganegawa is Theseus, Goshiki is Hippolyta, Bokuto is Philostrate, Adriah is Puck, Inunaki is Starveling, Barnes is Quince, Tsukishima is Bottom (no, not that kind), Kyoutani is Peas-bottom, Yamamoto is Moth, Ojiro is Egeus, Kindaichi is Mustard Seed, and Daishou is Flute.
There’s a short pause before Meian speaks again.
Meian, muttering: Man, that’s a lot more people than I remember.
Meian coughs before speaking in a regular voice: In any case, if you’re not paying attention or can’t remember, that doesn’t matter. You’re going to learn them anyway. Also, this will be broken up into two or three parts for the sake of our editors and YouTube algorithms or something. In any case, enjoy… whatever this is.
The screen turns pitch black. ‘Welcome to the show!’ appears on the screen in white text. Below it, in smaller text, it reads ‘Enjoy the peace while you can’. A few seconds later, it shows the stage.
Koganegawa, Goshiki, and Bokuto walk out onto stage. Koganegawa carries what appears to be a diamond Minecraft sword while dressed in a robe. A crown is settled on his head. Goshiki is in similar attire except with a slightly different shade of clothes. Bokuto has no crown, but is dressed pretty well.
Koganegawa: I can’t wait for our wedding in a few days! There’s going to be balloons and bouncy houses and cake and food and dancing and plays and cake and the whole shebang! Did I mention there’s cake? We need to make sure there’s a lot of cake, isn’t that right, dear?
Goshiki: Just wait, darling. It’s just four days.
Koganegawa: Four days too far away! Why can’t it be now?
Goshiki: Because we planned it to be on that day? Don’t tell me you forgot that you were the one to set the day on your lucky number.
Koganegawa: I did? Well, it doesn’t matter. I can’t wait! Yo, Philostrate, get everyone pumped! We need everyone at least buzzed by the time this wedding finally rolls around.
Bokuto: Yessir, yessir!
Bokuto sprints off stage. A loud crash is heard with an “I’m OK!” as Aran, Sakusa, Komori, and Suna come out of the same side of the stage.
Ojiro waves, and Koganegawa copies the action.
Koganegawa: Hey, Egeus! What’s up?
Ojiro: Nothing much besides my son, Hermia, being difficult. He - Ojiro gestures to Suna - refuses to marry Demetrius! The one that I approved for him! Hermia wants to get married to Demetrius’s cousin, Lysander!
Ojiro throws his hands up in the air. Suna has an indifferent expression on, but it’s clear that he is annoyed with Ojiro despite him being his ‘father’.
Suna: And I don’t see the problem in this?
Ojiro: The problem is that you’re promised to Demetrius! Not Lysander! And Demetrius actually loves you!
Komori: Whoa, whoa, back it up, what do you mean “Demetrius actually loves you”? You saying that I don’t love Hermia?
Sakusa: Shove off, Lysander.
Komori: Did you hear that?
Komori points to Sakusa accusingly.
Komori: He’s a rude prick! You can’t just let Hermia be married to this dude!
Suna: Exactly, father, I don’t love him!
Ojiro: This is ancient times! The only reason people marry is either for land, money, or lust! When’s the last time love actually worked? Romeo and Juliet might’ve actually been alive!
Suna: But Lysander’s not marrying me for land, money, or lust as you say! He actually cares about me!
Ojiro: And that happens to include your body. At least I know Demetrius is a gentleman.
Suna: He barely does anything romantic! Lysander wrote me love letters and gave me gifts and jewelry!
Ojiro: What a basic bitch.
Komori: Excuse fucking me?
Ojiro: You’re excused.
Ojiro and Komori stare at each other aggressively before Koganegawa goes between the two.
Koganegawa: Let’s not start fighting in front of my darling Hippolytes! I’m sure we can get into some sort of agreement. Hermia, are you sure you don’t want to marry him?
Suna: Yeah, what’s the worst that can happen?
Koganegawa: We kill you or you become a nun. And have no sex.
Taken back, Suna puts his hand on his heart as he pretends to think.
Suna: Yeah, I still want to marry Komori.
Koganegawa stares in disbelief at Suna’s remark.
Koganegawa: You know what you’re doing?
Koganegawa: Well, take some time to think anyways.
Sakusa: Please rethink your decision, Hermia. I have your dad’s consent so Lysander should give up on you.
Komori: So what? You got Hermia’s dad’s love, not Hermia. Go marry Hermia’s dad and leave Hermia to me. Theseus, I’ve got just as much money and land and shit that people care about as much as him! And I’m nicer, so there! Besides, he’s basically been screwing Helena! He’s an unloyal bastard who has Helena so in love that I pity him.
Koganegawa: Oh yeah, I’ve heard of that! Anyway, I’ve lost track of what’s what and who’s who so I just zoned out on you guys! Let’s talk about something more interesting: my wedding with Hippolytes! Come on, Demetrius, Egeus, and Hippolytes. We have a lot to discuss, like what color napkin colors are for the umpteenth and all the boring shit that we have to do and then the fun stuff like whether we can fit a waterslide into the wedding arena.
Ojiro: An arena? For a wedding?
Koganegawa: I fell in love with Hippolyta while fighting against him to the near death! Of course it’s going to be in an arena, what do you expect? Let’s move it, fellows, this wedding isn’t going to plan itself.
Koganegawa waves his sword, enthusiastically. Sakusa ducks to avoid being decapitated. The words ‘Nice save’ appear next to this as the camera briefly zooms in on the almost-beheading. Grabbing Goshiki’s hand, Koganegawa practically marches them all offstage, leaving Suna and Komori alone. Suna stares at the backs of Ojiro and Sakusa aggressively. A whistle sounds through the room (most likely Osamu), clearly finding aggressive Suna to be attractive, making many people chuckle.
Suna: Ugh, those assholes.
Komori: There’s got to be a way for us to be together! Why is it that when I finally fall in love, my own cousin has to fall in love with you? How fucking rude is that??
Komori sits down on the floor, frowning. Suna drops down next to him.
Suna: I know right? As if I want that noodle haired guy.
Suna: Why does love always fucking fail? There’s always something in the way like status -
Komori: - money -
Suna: - parents -
Komori: - friends -
Suna: - being in love with someone else -
Komori: - being so stupid as to not waiting ten more minutes before stabbing yourself and dying.
Suna: That too.
Komori and Suna sit around for a bit before Komori brightens up. He hits the palm of his hand with his fist, showing that he has an idea.
Komori: I’ve got it! We’ll just casually run away! Listen, my other aunt lives, like, really far away from town in the middle of the woods for some reason. You know the spot where Helena almost fell in the lake? Meet me there, okay? It’s just a mile out of town, but it’s perfect since the law doesn’t apply in the woods! You got it?
Suna brightens up as much as he can.
Suna: Perfect! It’s a date! When should I meet there?
Komori: Tomorrow night after your dad’s gone to bed. When does he go to bed?
Suna: Like, at 9.
Komori: Wow, what a loser. Everyone knows that sleep’s for the weak!
As a response, ‘Please go to sleep, Komori-senshu - Editor-san’ appears before disappearing.
Suna: I know, right?
‘Again, please go to sleep, Komori-senshu, Suna-senshu - Editor-san’
Komori: So tomorrow at 9?
Suna: Yes, of course.
Komori: Hey look, it’s Helena.
At this time, Atsumu appears on the left side of the stage.
Komori: Helena! Looking nice today!
Atsumu glares at him, and Komori puts his hands up as if he were surrendering.
Atsumu: That’s not what Demetrius thinks!
He sighs before continuing.
Atsumu: He fucking loves Hermia! Like, I know he’s pretty -
Suna: Thank you.
Atsumu: - but it’s like he thinks Hermia is the peak of beauty! What, do I not exist? I’m just as pretty as him!
Komori: I personally think Hermia is the prettiest.
Atsumu: Shut your trap. But whenever Hermia does fucking anything , he thinks that it’s just so expected of Hermia to do something so graceful and elegant and dainty and shit.
Komori: Dainty? Have you seen those abs like -
Atsumu: We’re getting offtopic! It’s about me and my horrendous love life.
Suna: It’s not like I wanted him to love me. I frown and curse and freaking hate his guts.
Atsumu: How come that works? I smile, I try to be nice to him, I literally told him that I loved him no matter what and he just looked at me and scoffed! Like how rude is that! I confessed, and he doesn’t bother to reply!
Komori: I don’t know how Egeus thinks that he’s a ‘gentleman’.
Atsumu: But have you seen his eyes? They’re this deep emerald green, and his locks are just beautifully crafted so they frame his face, and oh, I just really want to kiss his moles, and -
Suna: Okay, okay, yeesh, we don’t need to know what that depraved mind of yours thinks about Sir Stick-Up-His-Ass.
Atsumu: You wound me, Hermia.
Atsumu places the back of his hand against his forehead dramatically, though it’s clear that he isn’t really hurt because of the smirk on his face. He puts his arm down and just like a lever, it triggers a frown.
Atsumu: I just really want him to like me back, or at least, not hate me. Is that too much to ask?
Komori stands up and pats his shoulder in comfort.
Komori: Don’t worry, Helena! We’re running away!
Atsumu: We’re what ?
Suna: Me and Lysander are planning to go off to the woods tomorrow where you almost fell into the lake. That way, I get out of your way to Demetrius, I get rid of Demetrius, and uh, I get Lysander.
Komori: And it’s totally legal since it’s not in Athens!
Komori: Well, see you later. Come on, Hermia. Let’s make the most out of the time we have before marriage.
Suna: See you, Helena.
Suna and Komori leave the stage, leaving Atsumu by himself on the stage. He sighs as he sits back down, legs crossed as he rests his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands.
Atsumu: Man, fuck my life.
Atsumu: I’m so jealous of Hermia and Lysander. Those two have each other and are even going to get married! Meanwhile, I can’t even get Demetrius to look at me without him being disgusted and cursing my name. I’m trying to adjust to everything that he wants, but he’s still being a douche. Just.. can’t he like me?
Atsumu groans as he covers his face with his hands before looking back up.
Atsumu: Perhaps… Perhaps I will tell Demetrius of those two. Then, he’ll be thankful for me! And he’ll like me and I’ll be able to keep him in my life. Yes, yes I’ll do that. Perfect! Guess I’m being a snitch.
Atsumu jumps onto his feet before making his way off the stage. After a few seconds, Oliver, Inunaki, Meian, Iizuna, Tsukishima, and Daishou enter into the spotlight. The six of them are dressed in commoner’s clothing. Oliver carries a stack of paper.
Oliver: Okay, everyone! We’re going to put on the best fucking show anyone has ever seen for Theseus and Hippolytes’s wedding!
Tsukishima: What are we even acting as?
Oliver: Like what?
Tsukishima: Like what play?
Oliver: That, sir, is a very good question. Picture this: we’re in front of the duke and his wife and we’re acting and bringing tears to their eyes with the most heart-wretching, most kinda stupid but also romantic like Romeo and Juliet - The most lamentable comedy and most cruel death of Pyramus and Thisby .
Daishou: Romeo and Juliet isn’t even that romantic.
Oliver: Well the balcony scene was romantic.
Daishou: Romeo was 17. Juliet was 13 turning 14. They hadn’t even known each other for a week.
Oliver turns his head towards Daishou.
Oliver: Silence, thot. We’re doing The most lamentable comedy and most cruel death of Pyramus and Thisby.
Inunaki: Why’s the title so long?
Iizuna: Yeah, it’s going to be a pain to keep calling it that.
Inunaki: And is it just about their death? No context? Just two people, dying somewhere, a few seconds apart because they’re probably not gay because we make everything so heteronormative that we erase queer identity?
Meian: Alright, let’s just get to it. Who’s who?
Oliver: You’re Snug? I don’t know how you forget your name, Snug. How disappointing.
Daishou: Imagine that.
Oliver: Shut up, Flute.
Tsukishima rolls his eyes.
Tsukishima: Can we hurry this up?
Oliver: Fine, fine, you impatient bitches. Nick Bottom, you’re Pyramus.
Tsukishima: And what does he do?
Oliver: He falls in love with Thisby and then dies because he thinks she’s dead.
Tsukishima, protesting: Can I not?
Oliver: No, you’re doing it.
Tsukishima: But I don’t want to be fucking Romeo.
Oliver: Then don’t? Fuck? Romeo? I don’t see why you’re arguing so much, Bottom.
Tsukishima: That’s not what I meant -
Oliver: ANYWAY, Flute, you’re Thisby.
Daishou: Who is?
Oliver: Pyramus’s lover who also dies.
Both Daishou and Tsukishima groan after having gotten the lover roles. They start talking over each other.
Daishou: Oh come on! You can’t be -
Tsukishima: What makes you think that -
Daishou: There’s no way -
Tsukishima: Go make Snug Pyramus or something -
Daishou: Why the fuck us?
Iizuna leans towards Meian and Inunaki. He whispers a question to them.
Iizuna: Should we interfere?
Inunaki: Nah, they’ll sort it out.
Iizuna straightens up as they watch Tsukishima and Daishou argue.
Oliver: It’s just one fucking play, just do the role.
Daishou: Says the person not playing as a lover.
Oliver: Oh no, I’m married in the play to Starveling.
Inunaki: Well, fucktastic. Fuck you too.
Oliver, nonchalantly: You’re Thisby’s mother and I’m the father.
Inunaki throws his hands up, clearly wondering how his life choices had led up to this point. Oliver, on the other hand, calmly continues to name the roles as the actors yell at him.
‘He’s doing quite well despite the hell around him - Editor-san’
Oliver: Snout, you’re going to be Pyramus’s father, and Snug, you’re going to be the lion.
Tsukishima: How come Snug gets to be the lion? I could be a lion! I’m fucking blond!
Inunaki: Screw that, I just don’t want to be married to you - you put socks on before you put on a goddamn shirt!
Meian: They can have the role if they want to -
Oliver: Nope, Snug’s the lion because that’s what I said. Everyone else would either play the role terribly or too well and if either of those happen, it’s off with our heads. Alright, let’s meet up tomorrow in the woods next door - say a mile within by the lake.
Iizuna: What should we bring?
Oliver: Just yourselves. Oh, and here.
Oliver passes around some papers in his hands.
Oliver: These are your lines and shit. Try to memorize them. Right, let’s disperse!
Oliver, Iizuna, Meian, Daishou, Inunaki, and Tsukishima leave the stage. Three ‘👏’ emojis appear in the middle of the screen. A few seconds later, they disappear. Kyoutani appears. He’s wearing green cloth, and there appears to be pink fairy wings from a little kid’s costume on his back. Multiple laughs are heard before Kyoutani glares at them. As he walks to the middle of the stage, if one were to look closely, they would see a chopstick wrapped in tinfoil.
On the other side of the stage, Adriah appears. He’s wearing purple attire just like Kyoutani but without any wings. However, it’s clear that he doesn’t care what he looks like because he struts onto the stage with merriment.
Adriah: Yo, dude! Where have you been?
Kyoutani: I had to go across this entire goddamn fucking country in order to get some stupid dewdrops and dump them on some stupid plants! And then, I apparently “didn’t do a good job” since I just dumped them there! Like what you want me to do? Get a syringe and become a baker? Do you want the job done or not? And now I gotta go again since the fairy queen and those fuckwads are coming here.
Kyoutani turns to see Adriah freeze.
Adriah: Wait a second, what?
Adriah seems to pace around, waving his hands around dramatically as he monologues.
Adriah: The fairy king is going to be here soon! And that’s bad….
Kyoutani: Don’t tell me they haven’t made up yet.
Adriah points accusingly at Kyoutani.
Adriah: You should know! You’re literally the fairy queen’s servant? And now those two are going to argue over the custody of this random kid from a king in India, and we’re all going to have to hide until they finish fighting… so never! Gods, why does this have to happen??
Kyoutani narrows his eyes as he crosses his arms and looks at Adriah.
Adriah: What? Do I have something on my nose - don’t tell me it’s a pimple. It’s not a pimple, right?
Kyoutani: What? No, you dimwit! How’d you know about the king being here? Don’t tell me you’re that idiot pervert Puck who keeps pulling pranks on literally anyone he meets?
Adriah squawks in indignation.
Adriah: Dimwit? Idiot? Pervert? Sir, I am offended, and I demand an apology.
Kyoutani: Well, you’re not fucking getting one. Cry about it.
Adriah: Why you -
Before Adriah can let out his definitely elegant retort, Kageyama appears in full royal attire. He has a paper birthday crown on his head with a wooden dowel as his scepter. It also appears that the top part of this is made of paper as it flimsily waves back and forth with his motions. Around his shoulders is a very long blanket that will soon need a good wash.
Kyoutani: Oh fucking come on, the queen’s here too!
Hinata strides in from the other side of the stage, though it appears as though he had been pushed. He certainly, 100% did not forget when he was supposed to come in. He has a towel on top of his head and a large plastic necklace around his neck. Instead of a blanket as a cape, he has a plastic tablecloth with images of balloons - is that Winnie-ther-Pooh? - and stars on it. Hinata doesn’t hold a scepter like Kageyama, but he’s followed by an entourage made up of Yamamoto, Kindaichi, and Ushijima, who stands out like a sore thumb since he strangely looks very similar to Peter Pan.
Kageyama, disdainfully: Look what the cat dragged in. Hello, Titania.
Hinata returns the disdain back to Kageyama.
Hinata: Well, I suppose if you, Oberon, were dragged in by a cat, you’d look exactly the same. Cobweb, Peas-Bottom, Mustard-seed, Moth! Let’s move. Nothing to see except Ba - Oberon’s stupidness. I don’t want to be anywhere near him!
Kageyama: Titania, we’re fucking married.
Kageyama: So stop being so stupid! [Pauses] Stupid!
Hinata’s eyes intensify as he stares down at Kageyama who stares back.
Hinata: At least I’m not the one who liked Hippolyta who’s marrying Theseus!
Kageyama: At least I’m not the one who liked Theseus who’s marrying Hippolyta, so there! And you liked him more than I liked Hippolyta, so you can’t say that!
Hinata: Well fuck you!
Kageyama: Fuck you too!
Hinata: You’re lying! This is why we’ve never met up with each other ever! Because everytime we do, you say something stupid and we argue and then the weather gets fucked up because it’s too goddamn noisy! The last time we argued - which was when we first argued - we summoned a hurricane which made it flood and then a drought happened followed by a tornado and a very concerning large bug appeared!
Kageyama: Me? I’m the one who says something stupid? You used to think that if you can’t see something, it can’t see you!
Hinata: At least I didn’t get hit by a ball that I was about to set!
Kageyama: At least I didn’t forget to spike the goddamn ball!
Hinata: At least I didn’t fail that geometry test!
Kageyama: You did just as bad as I did!
As this argument goes on, it becomes clear that they are just yelling about the stupid shit that happened to both of them. Seemingly forgetting about the play, they bring up incidents that trace back to their first year of high school until Ushijima lets out a cough, bringing their attention back to the play that they are supposed to be doing.
Kageyama, trying to whisper but failing miserably: Where were we?
An audible smack to the face is heard from backstage. Kindaichi whispers quietly into Hinata’s ear. Hinata quickly gets back on track.
Hinata: As you can see from everything I just said, this is why we can’t have nice things and why we never meet up!
It takes a moment for Kageyama, but he soon gets on the same brainwave as Hinata.
Kageyama: Well, if you just let me have the kid , we wouldn’t be having this problem, now would we?
Hinata: Fuck you, I’m not giving you the kid.
Kageyama: Why the fuck not?
Hinata: This kid is basically my kid! I was friends with his mother! Sadly, she died while giving birth to him, so he’s mine! She was my friend and servant, not yours! Besides, I’m the one who stole him from the king that she was married to, so there! Finders keepers, losers weepers.
Hinata goes ‘humph!’ as he crosses his arms and turns his head to the side. Kageyama lets out a groan of frustration before taking in a deep breath and letting it out. A note from the editor(s) appears.
‘Good job for calming yourself down 👍 - Editor-san’
It goes away when Kageyama begins to talk.
Kageyama: So how long are you staying here?
Hinata: Are you asking me on a date?
Kageyama: What? No! Of course not - I just want to know how long I have to tolerate you.
There’s an awkward silence that gets the performance a few chuckles.
Hinata: Are you sure?
The audience laughs.
Kageyama: Uh, yeah, I’m sure.
Hinata: Huh. Okay then. I’m staying until after Theseus gets married… you can join us, but if you’re going to be an idiot like today, then you can go away.
Kageyama: I’ll go if you give me the kid.
Hinata, furiously: In that case… Come on, everyone. Let’s go!
Hinata walks past Kageyama to the other side of the stage without looking at him. Kageyama just watches him, Kyoutani, Kindaichi, Ushijima, and Yamamoto leave.
Adriah, sliding up to him : Yesss?
Kageyama: Remember when we had a trip to the ocean and that mermaid was able to shut up that sailor by making him fall in love with her and then drowning him.
Adriah: Oh yes! It was very satisfying - he was very rude. Kudos to her for getting rid of him.
Kageyama: We’re going to do the same thing.
Adriah: What?! Sir, I know you two are arguing, but that doesn’t mean we can kill him!
Kageyama looks at Adriah exasperatingly.
Kageyama: We’re not killing him, stupid!
Adriah: Then why’d you bring up the whole mermaid-killing-sailor tale?
Kageyama: Because when we were there, we saw Cupid! Duh!
Adriah: ... and?
Kageyama: AND I saw one of his bows fall onto a flower. Remember?
Adriah: Oh yeah…
Kageyama: What do you mean ‘oh yeah’ - nevermind. That’s not important. Anyway, go get that flower for me. It should still be there.
Adriah: You got it! I’ll be faster than fucking Sonic!
Adriah zooms off the stage. However, instead of going backstage like the others, he jumps off the stage and runs around the audience. Camera B captures this run. If one were to look closely, they’d see people such as Miya (Osamu), Hyakuzawa, Akagi, Kuroo, Kodzuken (Kenma), and others.
Adriah goes behind one of the tables which has some Fukurodani alumni and gets a very neon and very fake purple flower that is attached to a perfume bottle full of water. He runs out of the room into the hallway, leaving some people confused and watching his flight before they turn back to the stage.
Kageyama: My plan is foolproof! He’ll be so distracted that it’ll be a piece of cake to do a kidnapping! Hey, is someone coming here?
Paranoid, Kageyama jumps off the stage and hides behind that. As soon as he does that, Sakusa stomps onto stage, followed by a pining Atsumu.
Sakusa: Stop fucking following me!
Atsumu: No, I will not stop fucking following you!
Sakusa: Where is Hermia and my cousin? I swear, I’ll kill that bastard.
Atsumu: No, you wouldn’t.
Sakusa: Sure. But go away!
Atsumu: You’re such an idiot! Do you think I want to love you? This infuriates me as much as it does to me. Why can’t you just love me back? I really fucking doubt that Hermia will change her mind.
Sakusa: Do you think that I want to love Hermia who loves my goddamn cousin? No? Then shut up and go! I can’t fucking love you; why can’t you get that through your brain?
Atsumu: Same reason as you, you fucking hypocrite! You’ve practically made me into your dog!
Sakusa: You motherfucking bitch.
Atsumu: Hopefully a Demetrius-fucking bitch.
Someone snorts. Sakusa, however, does not look that amused.
Sakusa: You disgust me.
Atsumu: That ain’t fucking news, try again.
Sakusa: I hate you.
Atsumu: And I hate that you hate me.
Sakusa: Stop being so desperate. You won’t be able to change me.
Atsumu: I’m not trying to change you, I just want you to love me back.
Sakusa, his voice dropping to a whisper: Why do I matter to you so much?
Atsumu approaches him, his voice also dropping down.
Atsumu: You are my entire world. Who cares what anyone else thinks? I have all I need right here. It might be night, but it’s not when you’re here because you’re like my star. You’re my world. I only care for you.
Sakusa, although he looks disinterested, seems to be touched by this.
Atsumu, singing: Share with me one love, one lifetime. Say the word, and I will follow you. Anywhere you go, let me go too. That’s all I ask of you.
A note from the editor(s): ‘Sakuatsu, get back on track 😐 - Editor-san’
Sakusa is about to respond but hesitates. He lets out a cough and glances quickly at the audience.
He shifts his feet around before steeling himself.
Sakusa: I am going to find a place where you cannot find me. Perhaps you’ll realize how foolish your endeavors are.
Atsumu, also snapping back into place: Yeah right. I’ll figure out where you are and find you. Man, I sound like a stalker. Isn’t that lovely?
Sakusa: Yeah no. I’m just going to go now, goodbye. See you never.
Sakusa leaves, leaving Atsumu on the stage.
Atsumu: You’re such a fucking bastard. I’m not supposed to be chasing you because I’m a woman in this play and can’t do that or it’ll make a scandal. We can’t fight, woo, and other shit because of the fucking patriarchy. I swear to you, Demetrius, I’ll follow you until I die!
Atsumu runs off the stage, leaving Kageyama to climb back onto the stage. Adriah returns.
Adriah: I’ve got it!
Adriah passes the flower-bottle to Kageyama, who grins eerily.
Adriah: Now, if you don’t mind me asking, what are you going to do with that?
Kageyama: Great question, Wasson.
Adriah, muttering: It’s Watson.
Kageyama, eyeing Adriah weirdly: Back on topic. What I’m going to do is spray this thing on Titania’s eyes while he is sleeping. Once he wakes up, he’ll immediately fall in love with whoever he sees first! While he’s wooing someone else - not like I’m jealous or anything - I’m going to commit a felony and steal the kid! It’s not like Athenian laws affect the woods. Besides, I’m the motherfucking fairy king!
Adriah: Good idea! But sir, are you sure you’re not jealous?
Kageyama: What? Of course I’m not jealous!
Kageyama flushes red.
Adriah: Are you really sure?
Kageyama: Of course I am!
Adriah: Sure, sure. Let the denial keep talking.
Kageyama: Why you - [coughs] Puck, we’re doing a side mission. There’s a blonde person who is pining so hard for this other dude. However, he keeps rejecting him. Your job is not only to get Titania, but make the Athenian dude fall in love with him. You’ll find him eventually. How many people from Athens would specifically be a mile within the woods at this specific time? It’s totally not like there’s another couple and an entire group of actors along with a fuck ton of fairies.
Adriah: Totally not!
Kageyama gives Adriah the flower-pump again. However, he pulls out an empty bottle and pours some of the liquid into it, almost spilling it onto himself.
Kageyama: Here, you go make that mortal dude fall in love with the girl and I’ll get the queen. Two stones with one bird!
Adriah: It’s two birds with one stone but just you wait! I’ll do it so fast that it’s no wonder why they call Puck ‘the fast flying fairy’!
Kageyama: Shush, you can’t say that! We’ll be demonetized by Disney!
Adriah: Oh shit! Uh, uh, I’m just motherfuckin’ fast!
He sprints off the stage, yelling.
Adriah: Don’t worry! I’ll do it amazingly!
Kageyama shakes his head before turning around and exiting the stage as well. After a pause, Hinata appears, followed by his entourage.
Hinata: I’m going to go to sleep. Can I have some music to sleep?
He lies down at the very back of the stage, against the wall with his arms around his head. Ushijima, Kindaichi, Yamamoto, and Kyoutani all glance at each other as they stand next to him. Well this is awkward.
Hinata: I said , can I have some music?
The four look at each other again. Kindaichi holds up his fist on top of his palm. He shakes his fist, then makes it into a paper and scissor shape. The other three nod in agreement.
Hinata: I’m waiting!
Kindaichi and Kyoutani shake their fists before showing their moves. Kindaichi holds out ‘scissors’ while Kyoutani has ‘rock’. Meanwhile, Ushijima and Yamamoto have a match, in which they tie at first with ‘rock’. However, the next time, Ushijima’s ‘paper’ wins against Yamamoto’s ‘rock’.
Yamamoto and Kindaichi face off. Yamamoto goes for scissors while Kindaichi uses paper. Kindaichi lets out a frustrated sigh while Yamamoto celebrates by jumping around and throwing his arms around. Kindaichi coughs.
He coughs again.
Kindaichi: Everyone, this is where the fairy queen rests.
Make sure you don’t wake him with your best
Howls and noise so yeah.
Go away all you evil spirits.
Because you’re all really annoying, so
This is a lullaby because I don’t know any
Go away all you evil spirits
Uh, Go to sleep, you are safe
Probably in this wood
Since you’re the fairy queen and all
Uh, good night to you
‘👏👏👏 Good job, Kindaichi-senshu - Editor-san’
Somehow, the song manages to set Hinata to ‘sleep’. Kindaichi shoots a glare at Yamamoto, who is still smug about his victory.
Ushijima: Alright, let’s go. We should secure the area.
Kyoutani: Lead the way.
Ushijima, Kyoutani, Yamamoto, and Kindaichi leave. Kageyama pops his head out in view from behind the curtain. He scans the area before walking over to Hinata and splashing some water on his eyelids.
Kageyama: Now, if something stupid or even disgusting comes along and you see it first, you’re going to fall in love. This is going to be entertaining!
Kageyama straightens up and walks off. Meanwhile, Suna and Komori appear.
Suna: Hey, do you know where we are? I’m getting tired.
Komori: Why don’t we go to sleep for now and then we can go in the morning.
Suna: Alright, sure. I’m going to sleep here.
Suna lies down, and Komori goes to lie down next to him when Suna puts out an arm and stops him.
Confused, Komori stares at Suna, who still has his arm out.
Suna: We’re not sleeping in the same bed.
Komori: Well, why not?
Suna: We’re going to get married.
Komori: Yeah, and? Even more reason to do so.
Suna: We can save it for when we do get married. We were supposed to get married tonight so we’re just going to push it back for a day.
Komori: Well then, where am I going to sleep?
Suna: You can sleep over there.
Suna waves lazily away from him, gesturing where Komori should sleep for the night. Komori stands up and walks farther and farther away, pausing to look back at Suna to see where he is to rest. He doesn’t stop until he’s on the complete other side.
Komori: Why am I sleeping over here?
Suna: So that you don’t roll over and then we end up sleeping together before we’re married.
Komori: But we’re going to be married tomorrow!
Suna: Even more reason! It’s a fucking tradition, get it in your head that it’s fucking hundreds of years ago!
Komori: Stop breaking the fourth wall!
Suna: It broke a long time ago!
Komori: True, but why can’t we sleep together?
Suna: Lysander, you desperate whore, just fucking be patient.
Komori: Fine! But we’re going to be sleeping together later!
Suna: You sound really horny when you say it like that.
The audience chuckles. What is this, a sit-com?
Komori: No, I don’t.
Suna: Sure, you don’t. Good night!
Komori: Good night.
The two go silent as they ‘fall asleep’. Adriah stumbles onto the scene on Suna’s side.
Adriah: Where the fuck is that Athenian dude? It’s just one dude in the fucking woods; I should’ve been able to find him by now - who the fuck?
Adriah looks down at Suna who’s sleeping. He then looks around and spots Komori.
Adriah: Is this the dude I’m looking for?
He walks over and squats down to peer at Komori. Adriah analyzes the clothes he’s wearing and nods to himself.
Adriah: An Athenian dude. Thought he was in love with a blonde… perhaps this is his secret lover? Ooh, or maybe there’s been a scandal? Or maybe they’re running away and Blondy was supposed to marry him? Was he kidnapped? … Probably not…
Adriah rambles on a bit further as his conspiracy theories grow wilder and wilder until he is convinced that this is a dramatic scene of Komori being brainwashed and kidnapped by Suna (whom he believes to be an alien), and that Komori is in love with Atsumu (Blondy) and must be rescued by a dashing, heroic, utterlessly amazing fairy (Adriah).
He spritzes some water onto Komori’s eyelids.
Adriah: Alright! My job is done! And it only took a few minutes for me to find one person in the entire woods! Man, I love fast-forwarding in plays!
Adriah exits the stage. After he does so, Sakusa and Atsumu enter the stage once more.
Atsumu: Stop running away from me!
Sakusa: Then leave me the fuck alone! We’ve gone through this point a million times!
Sakusa runs across the stage. Atsumu begins to as well, but slows down when he reaches the midpoint of the stage.
Atsumu: I’m really fucking tired. How fucking dare he have more endurance than me.
Someone in the audience laughs.
‘Miya-senshu has identified this to be his brother, Miya-san - Editor-san’
Atsumu huffs before pointedly turning away from the audience, most likely out of pettiness.
Atsumu: Hermia’s not that prettier than me… It’s not fair that his eyes are so pretty. Mine are just as pretty! Yeah.
Atsumu touches the corners of his eyes.
Atsumu: Oh come on, I’m crying now?
Atsumu: I’ve never seen Hermia cry this easily. Am I really that emotional? Is that why Demetrius doesn’t like me? In fact… [Atsumu looks around] … I haven’t seen anything besides Demetrius here. Do the animals just fucking not like me? Wait a second… holy crap, is that Lysander?
Atsumu spots Komori on the ground. He tiptoes to him before nudging him with his foot.
Atsumu: Oh shit, it is. Yo, wake up.
When he gets no response, Atsumu kicks him.
Atsumu: Bitch, are you alive or not?
Komori flinches away out of pain.
Komori: Ow, that fucking hurts.
He looks up to glare at who kicked him, but when he sees Atsumu, his face melts into what can only be called a lovestruck expression.
Komori: Holy fuck, Helena, you’re so beautiful.
Atsumu: What the fuck?
In the audience, someone mutters that Komori is “seducing the wrong twin”.
‘It appears to be that Miya-san would be horrible to have as company if this were an actual play starring Miya-senshu - Editor-san’
Komori: Forget Demetrius, marry me instead! I’ll kill him for loving you so much.
Atsumu: You can’t just kill your cousin! Also, I thought you loved Hermia.
Komori: What? Me? Love Hermia? [scoffs] Nonsense. I was just being stupid, that’s all.
Komori sits up properly now. Dusting off his arms, he then pushes himself up to stand.
Komori: My true love is you, Helena. I’ve been too blind to see that all I really wanted was you. My stupid cousin is truly lucky to have your love, but I shall earn it in any way possible.
Atsumu: I don’t know if you’re dumb or stupid, but this has gone too far!
Komori, furrowing his eyebrows: What do you mean?
Atsumu: Yeah, I know that Demetrius doesn’t love me back, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a fucking douche about it!
Komori: Did I say something wrong?
Atsumu: No fucking duh you said something wrong! I love Demetrius! You love Hermia! Don’t you fucking dare do anything stupid as to throw away his love! Honestly, I hope that this is a prank for your sake.
Atsumu turns on his heel and walks away, saying : Good fucking bye, you fuckwad!
He exits the stage, leaving Komori standing there, looking at Atsumu’s back.
Komori: What just happened?
People laugh, especially those backstage. Somehow, this is turning more dramatic than the editor(s) thought, because they leave the note:
‘Good luck figuring out the answer, Komori-senshu! (Because we don’t know either) - Editor-san’
Komori: Huh. [turning to see Suna] I hope that I never have to go near Hermia again. Gods, I have to make up so much to Helena if I want to be his knight-in-shining-armor!
Komori runs off in the same direction as Atsumu.
A moment passes before Suna sits up quickly, holding his heart.
Suna: Oh my fucking god. Lysander, I just had the worst nightmare about a snake eating my heart, and you letting it.
Suna turns towards where Komori used to be as if to wake him up but when he sees that Komori isn’t there, he jumps up.
Suna: Lysander?! Where are you? [Looks around, panicked] Shout if you can hear me! Lysander!
Suna runs off stage, leaving just a sleeping Hinata in the corner of the stage.
The screen turns black as text appears.
ACTS 1 and 2 - COMPLETED
(Cue ending sequence)
Liberos4life: theres not a single day without komori simping for suna istg
👍92 👎 🗨️3
whoosh: imagine ejp practice
Cindy R: “Suna! Komori! Stop snogging and start practicing!”
(Disappointed): not surprised tbh
sakuatsu stan: CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT SONG ATSUMU SANG??? LIKE I DIDNT KNOW HE KNEW PHANTOM OF THE OPERA??? LIKE SIR??
👍107 👎 🗨️9
MSBY Black Jackals✅: Omi-Omi’s a fan of theater in general - Miya Atsumu
efoaijea: @MSBY Jackals why can I see that - also, HI!
AZ: I was *screaming* when he started singing
def hinatashouyou: can we talk about how they SO FORGOT where they were and just talked genuinely? I want that
sakuatsu stan: give me someone who can serenade me with theater knowledge
AYO SLANDER ALERT: Not them popping off on Romeo and Juliet 😭🖐️
👍101 👎 🗨️14
ChaosWitch: Did they lie tho? Did they lie?
AYO SLANDER ALERT: no and that makes it so much funnier
Kodzukenstan: “Romeo was 17. Juliet was 13 turning 14” why does NO ONE MENTION THIS??
0987654321: we gonna talk about kagehina or no bc honestly theyre my spirit animal
👍83 👎 🗨️11
PrettySetterSquad: “AT LEAST I DIDN’T FAIL MY GEOMETRY TEST”
omiomi’smoles: @PrettySetterSquad no, but like why tf was geometry so hard compared to algebra
👍11 👎 🗨️3
SEND HELP TO EDITOR-SAN: DID YOU HEAR THAT FACE PALM BACKSTAGE?? YOU COULD DO SOME FUKCING DAMAGE WITH THAT
👍45 👎 🗨️3
PrettySetterSquad: @SEND HELP TO EDITOR-SAN F in the chat for them
SEND HELP TO EDITOR-SAN: F
0987654321: F but like F to editor-san for dealing with them
SEND HELP TO EDITOR-SAN: @0987654321 THATS WHAT IM SAYING
jackalsssGO: honestly, shipping inunaki and oliver more and more with this
👍96 👎 🗨️17
Sunarinsteponme: you could see the desperation in mans eyes
komori’seyesbrows: Oliver def meant for that to happen
cawcawmf: @komori’seyebrows of course he did
BOKUAKAismylife: nono but hear me out: enemies to lovers
HEYHEYHEY: @BOKUAKAismylife *points* you, yell it to everyone in the back
BOKUAKAismylife: @HEYHEYHEY ENEMIES TO LOVERS: INUxOLI
jackalsssGO: fr, what’s the ship name gonna be?
cawcawmf: @jackalsssGO be speaking facts right here
Onigiri Miya✅: Tsumu’s getting desperate
👍190 👎 🗨️3
MSBY Black Jackals✅: Shut up Samu!
Schweiden Adlers✅: Living for the Miya twins’ fighting - HOSHIUMI
Grapeistheworstflavor: why are they like this
_llamaguchi_: I’m so glad that Tsuki didn’t tear off someone’s head <3 character development, am I right?
👍137 👎 🗨️4
sugaandspice: Nooooo, you did not just go there 🤣🤣🤣
BROOOOO: Nice kill kouhai!
Sendai Frogs✅: @_llamaguchi_ Character development it is - Koganegawa
CHAOSGREMLIN: We need to talk about Adriah bc calm down sir
👍160 👎 🗨️4
mamamiyaherewegoagain: no, I dont think we need to since he’s a dashing, heroic, utterlessly amazing fairy
*screech*: @mamamiyaherewegoagain dont forget a fast-flying fairy
hollowtaco: @*screech* shhh youre gonna get them demonetized by disney
*screech*: @hollowtaco if that happens I’m laughing in their faces
vchan: “Bitch, are you alive or not” is how I’m gonna wake up everyone every morning
👍79 👎 🗨️4
Kachow: dont forget to kick them
vchan: @Kachow I’m not
Ninjasunshine: Kageyama and Adriah are so out of touch with each other and I’m living for it
👍58 👎 🗨️5
Tbgbbg: “What?” “What?” had me cracking up
Ravenclaw: @Tbgbbg the fact that it happened twice tho
ShakespearianLore: Surprisingly, this is pretty accurate to the actual play
👍79 👎 🗨️8
jajafala: so you’re saying that this entire thing’s craziness is matched in the actual play??? Damn, Shakespeare must’ve def been on crack
vleaguespike!!!: not only that, but shakespeare did write for common people so I think he would approve of this... whatever this is
OMIOMI: @vleaguespike!!! that’s exactly what I needed to hear