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Sleeping with Alec was a bit boring. Well, they were supposed to sleep but Ellie was a bit of a chatterbox when it was close to falling asleep. All her thoughts were gathering in her mind in the bed so it was a bit unfortunate that Hardy wasn't the talkative type. He just rolled over and refused to carry on talking. Ellie, on the other hand, was now thinking about the case and that it had such a big impact on the detective. She wanted to help him solve it at all cost. Maybe then he would finally let himself rest for a bit which was highly unlikely. But one can have some hope.
After a few minutes of listening to the silence in the room, Ellie finally closed her eyes and fell asleep. It was a very peaceful sleep. Since Joe had left her live, she was a bit anxious when getting closer to any men. She preferred to call it being careful but, in fact, she was just afraid of finding a man who can turned out to be a pervert and a murderer. But now, sleeping next to Alec seemed safer.
Suddenly, Ellie felt a rapid movement on the bed which woke her up. It was still dark in the room. Her phone showed that it was only 2 am. The room was quiet but she could see the light coming from the bathroom.
"Alec?" she said as she noticed the lack of the detective in the bed. "Alec?"
Ellie turned on the lamp and when she looked at the sheets, she froze. There was blood on it. Miller started having very bad thoughts. It wasn't supposed to be a dangerous mission. Yet, her partner was now hurt.
The woman got up and knocked at the bathroom's door. "Alec!" Her voice was getting a bit shaky when Hardy wasn't answering. "Hardy! Open this goddamn door!"
Eventually, Ellie was gently pushed back by the door and soon she saw the detective. His hair was messy which wasn't anything surprising since he had just been sleeping. But the thing that changed was his clothes. His button-up was changed to a plain t-shirt and trousers to shorts. He didn't look wounded. However, Ellie could sense that something was not right. She tried to look inside the bathroom but Alec's silhouette was successfully keeping her away from that.
"What happened?" she asked.
Alec shrugged. "Nothing. Go to sleep, Miller," he said but didn't move from his place. Ellie was sure that he was hiding something at that point.
"There was blood on the bed, Alec." The detective was stubborn now. She couldn't keep a blind eye to that.
"It doesn't matter, Miller," he snapped but was still staying in his place.
"Alec, I am not moving until you tell me what happened."
Hardy only groaned and turned off the light in the bathroom before closing the door and making his way back to the bed. He mumbled something under his nose as he was walking past Ellie, however, she couldn't quite catch that.
"What did you say?"
"I got my period..." he mumbled a bit louder now and started removing the dirty sheets from the bed.
Ellie was taken aback but his answer and she involuntarily smirked. That was probably her biggest mistake because the look that Hardy gave her was a mix of hurt, embarrassment and madness.
"Oh, shit, sorry, Alec, I didn't thi- I thought you were joking and- I-" she stuttered as she was trying to find good apologies. Unfortunately, nothing seemed appropriate in that situation. "I just- are you-"
"Yes, I am trans," Alec growled and kept his head down. Ellie tried to keep a straight face but it was hard to hide her surprise. It wasn't that it was something abnormal to her but still it was quite a big confession, especially coming from somebody like Hardy.
The atmosphere between them was so thick that one could cut it with a knife.
"Now I have to make an excuse," Alec grumbled as he picked up the dirty sheet and was about to leave the room. That made Ellie come back to reality.
"Wait, wait, let me do it. I'll say it was me," she suggested but didn't really give Hardy much time to make the decision. Instead, she just took the sheets and walked out, leaving the man alone in the room.
It was probably a good thing though. Let both of them have some time to gather their thoughts. Both of them didn't really know what to say or do. Ellie was sure that Alec didn't want his coming out to happen like that. Maybe he didn't want the coming out at all. Now Ellie was hunted by very intrusive thoughts. What if Alec had never felt comfortable enough to tell her? Maybe she had given him some ambiguous thoughts? However, she had never wanted to be seen as an intolerant person. Right now, she wanted to ask him so many questions but, on the other hand, he should be the one to actually start a conversation. She didn't want to make him more uncomfortable.
As she walked back in the room with the new sheets, Alec immediately got up from the bed and helped her put the sheets on the bed. None of them said a word until they were done with the bed.
"I thought that I would be over it after almost 30 years," Alec mumbled and looked down. Ellie had never seen him so... sad? It was almost painful to see the man who's normally stubborn and snappy in such a state. "I guess you have tons of questions. Go on."
Ellie opened her mouth to say something, however, she didn't feel like she should ask. The last thing she would like to happen was to hurt Alec with some inappropriate question. Unfortunately, her curiosity won.
"Why haven't you told me before?" she asked, moving a bit closer to Alec. It was almost like she would want to give him some comfort but she didn't know whether the man would actually accept it.
Alec smirked at the question. "People react very differently from you usually," he sighed. "My life was ruined mainly because of that." Miller could hear worry in his voice. "So if you want me to move to another station, never contact with you aga-"
"What? No! Why would I like that?" Ellie asked honestly. That thought hadn't even crossed her mind for a split second.
"A few people have done that before..." he admitted.
"Did Tess..."
"Yeah," Alec quickly answered. "After she had admitted to having cheated on me she said that people had been calling her a lesbian," he smirked. That was such a ridiculous thing to say. "And then when I asked her why she had cheated on me she said 'because I wanted to know how would it be with a real man." Alec's voice broke at the last words and he cleared his throat.
Ellie was completely devastated after what she had heard. Tess was so disgusting by saying such things to Alec. Maybe he was a knob but she could see that he would do everything for his family. He didn't deserve to be treated like that.
"Alec," she placed a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it slowly. Surprisingly, he didn't move away. "But you are a real man."
"Apparently, you have to have a dick to be a real man," he snapped and crossed his legs.
Miller bit her lip. She really wanted to ask one question but it feared that it would be too far.
"Come on, Miller. I know what you want to say," Alec pointed out.
Ellie swallowed and said, "Why didn't you... you know."
"Why didn't I get bottom surgery? Simple. I feel good this way. I have never wanted that surgery. Well, until that talk with Tess. I even made an appointment. I wanted to save that marriage but then I realized that I had never been the man she was looking for. So I just left."
It was so sad to listen to that. Ellie would never have thought that Alec had had to go through something like that.
"How many people know?" she asked instead of saying how sorry she felt. She knew it would be pointless. Alec didn't want that. He wanted to be listened to.
Hardy thought for a while. "I've come out to eight people, but the rumours are spreading quickly. In Broadchruch, only you," he admitted.
"Alec, listen, whatever you think that I will do now, I believe, it's false. I don't think less of you now. In fact, it- well it didn't change anything, you're still the knob," she chuckled which made Hardy smile slightly. She took it as a win. "And whatever happens, I will always be on your side, we're friends, even if you don't want to admit it."
Ellie's words actually did cheer up the detective. It'd been a long time since he was so honest with another person. It felt good to be able to be fully yourself around somebody. Especially, when it was a person that was actually important to you.
"Thank you, Miller," he said.
The woman chuckled. "After the whole conversation, I'm still Miller." She reached for her phone and checked the time. "Alright, it was an interesting talk but we still have a case tomorrow. We should sleep." After she said it, she moved back under the covers and waited patiently for Hardy to join her. However, he was still sitting, bouncing his knee nervously.
"Alec?"
The man swallowed and without looking at the woman, he asked, "Do you have a tampon, by any chance?"
Ellie nodded, even though Alec didn't see it, and got up, walking to her purse. She grabbed a packet and handed it to the man with a soothing smile. She really wanted him to know that it was nothing to be ashamed of. Hardy quickly went to the bathroom and stayed there for a bit, probably to calm himself down.
When he walked out, Ellie was already at the edge of sleep so he just put the packet away and moved under the covers, now facing his partner. She smiled at him sleepily and closed eyes.
"Goodnight, Alec," she whispered.
"Goodnight, Miller," he answered.
"..."
"Thank you, Ellie."