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The Toddies to Titties Affair

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Tim is tired. Not in the bone tired, weary way after weeks of stress, just normal tired. It’s been a long night and a long week, and it’s really nice that he isn’t going to be on patrol for… a few days. He wants to crawl into bed with a good book and then have a long, restful sleep. Yes, he does.

Only some lunatic with a death wish has suddenly accosted his doorbell with a vengeance.

Only in Gotham.

Tim sighs, shoots a longing look at his Kindle, and trudges out to check his front door camera. Because like hell he’s going to open his door without making absolutely sure it’s safe. It’s Crime Alley, after all.

The tinny camera feed (for fuck’s sake, they have better feed from Uranus, shouldn’t they have a less grainy security camera image?!) shows a woman in an ill-fitting Red Hood suit staring right into his camera. Or at least the helmet does.

Is it Steph, he wonders… The chest area suggests someone voluptuous enough like her, and Tim doesn’t know anybody else who could be filling the suit out so well. He knows – though he’ll forever deny it till his dying breath – that the red light district version of the Red Hood uniform shows a lot more skin than this does. And however ill-fitting, it looks very authentic.

The helmet itself looks like the real deal, and the damn staccato rhythm registers as 3 short, 3 long and another set of 3 short rings, which means SOS… so Tim grabs his staff, doesn’t bother with getting back inside his suit, and just pulls the door open.

“Thank fuck!” A soft alto he never has heard before declares as Tim is pushed inside by a veritable valkyrie. She’s a good head taller than him, and her chest under the very ill-fitting suit is almost at eye-level with Tim. It’s very distracting. “I thought you were still gone and I’d have to go to the fucking cave!”

“Uh,” Tim intelligently says as the boobs jiggle and sway as the woman closes and locks Tim’s door behind herself, and then swivels around to look at Tim. Which puts the boobs at eye-level again.

Tim thinks she isn’t wearing a bra.

“Tim. Tim you have to help me,” she says as she grabs at his arms. Her grip is like solid iron and Tim is very confused, because they’ve never met, or at least he doesn’t think they did, but something is niggling at him, something at the back of his mind. She sounds familiar. She looks familiar? He stares up in a daze as she rips her helmet off, and he’s greeted with soft black curls and teal eyes.

And a streak of white.

“Jason?!” He chokes.

He’s met with a sarcastically raised eyebrow and a deadpan look. “Yeah, yeah, thank fuck you’re the clever one. Look, Sionis’ goons did something to me and now I’m… well. As you can see I’ve a little problem with my centre gravity, and also missing my balls . Plus the tits are fucking inconvenient, see, they’re jiggling all over the fucking place!”

“Uh,” Tim interjects, because indeed, all that swaying and bouncing as Jason gesticulates with the hand he’s not using to hold Tim is… distracting.

“Yeah. So I heard you had one of the Zataras on speed dial…”

Tim blinks up, dazed, trying not to get drawn back in by the mesmerising jiggling of those plush orbs. “Uh,” he replies cleverly.

Jason… freezes. Then he slowly steps back to pull up the hem of his top and pulls it up, revealing miles of scarred, naked skin and…


Tim thinks he swallows his tongue.

“Yeah,” Jason chuckles as he steps closer to him again. “Thought so. So hey, you get me in touch with the dude who could fix my little problem, and I’m totally willing to put out.”

Tim blinks up at the… the… tableau in front of him.


“I mean… Sure, you’re the guy who can get me some magical first aid, but then I thought, hey! I thought… You’ve been pretty open with being an equal opportunity guy and I thought… I could hit two birds with one stone, see. Get my little problem fixed, and try out those multiple orgasms – before I got zapped back into my old body.”

“Uh,” Tim replies succinctly.

“Like my tits?” Jason asks as he grabs them and all but pushes them into Tim’s face. Tim thinks he’s getting egged on, but… Tits! “I’d make it worth your while, you know,” Jason goes on. “I’d totally let you motorboat them.”

Tim swallows. He looks down, and almost swallows his tongue as he sees Jason grabbing them and squishing them together, pink nipples jiggling as he plays with his breasts.

And then everything goes dark as he faints.


He comes to on his couch. He recognises the lump of the spring digging into his back, and also the texture. What’s new is the woman leaning over him, peering at him with a worried frown.

No. Not a woman. Jason Todd.

“Shit, sorry Tim. Please tell me I didn’t break you!!

Tim blinks up at a now clothed Jason. He’s wearing one of Kon’s shirts (probably the only one that’d fit him, and even that barely) and whines. It’s not one of his brightest, or proudest moments, but he almost sobs out the most pitiful “nooo” he has ever whined.

Jason’s face goes through several emotions until he settles on horrified. “Oh shit, I broke you. Bruce's gonna murder me. Dick's gonna murder me. I'm dead.”

The tits sway, even squished as they are in their cotton confines. They sway at him like perfect, low-hanging fruit Tim can just reach up and pluck… So Tim, not giving a fuck, and also having no inclination to go into lengthy explanations, decides to simply reach up to grab them.

They are soft but springy. They are squishy. Tim wants to bury his whole face in them and die a happy man.

Jason’s voice floats down at him. It’s soft and careful as he asks, “uh. What's going on?”

Tim sighs. He thinks they kind of jumped over several vital steps, like proper introductions and expected end goals, but… They could totally work this out. If Jason wants, Tim would be very, very happy to… Fuck. Tim would be ecstatic to fuck Jason Todd in any capacity.

Not that he was asked before, which is… honestly? Rude.

Plush or hard, soft, and jiggly or muscular… Tim would be crazy to turn the Red Hood down when he’s the one asking for sex. So he doesn’t.

He lets go of the magnificent tits, and gives the person whose lap he is lying in a considering look. He’s aiming for cool, collected and reasonable, but what he means to say still comes out bitchy. “You know, you could have given me a little warning in courtesy. It takes a lot of blood out of me when I get hard.”

Jason blinks. Then his eyes slide down Tim’s body, and he licks his lips. “Just out of curiosity… how much blood exactly?”

Tim shifts. He’s perfectly certain his semi-erect cock is visible through his sweats, and he feels absolutely no shame about it. He’s both a grower and a shower (something that horrified a young Bruce who had to modify the Robin suit to have pants, because accidents have happened), and it was Jason who propositioned him. Tim is more than happy to show it’s not Jason with the only assets.

“Holy shit,” is his breathed reward, and Tim smirks.

“You still want to?” Tim asks, because while he’s never wanted for sexual partners, it is still obviously the decent thing to ask in light of… his size. There have been a few who politely declined after being faced with… with Tim’s third leg, but there were plenty who hit up on him because of the rumour mill.

He can clearly hear the loud gulp coming from above. “Yeah. Yeah I do. Do you have to like… remain prone to safely fuck or something?”

Tim raises an eyebrow. “While I’m flattered you think I’m that big, it’s not quite that bad.”

“Yeah? Too bad. I’d have loved to ride you.”

“You still can,” Tim points out with a shrug. “But I can sit up for it, so you can make good on your earlier promise.”

Jason blinks. “Promise? What promise?”

Tim raises an eyebrow, and pokes at the boob closer to him. “Motorboating.”

“Ah. Yes. Promises were made.”

Tim, unbidden, licks his lips. He can’t believe his luck. He’ll have to send Zachary an edible arrangement. Do they offer them in Las Vegas, he wonders…

“You can let me up if you want,” he suggests placidly. “Or if you need some more time…”

The next second he’s hoisted up to a sitting position, propped against the backrest, and Jason is already slinging his leg over his lap before he can even reach for a scarred arm. His head spins as he registers boobs pressing into his face, and then he blinks as a solid weight settles on his thighs. So fine, maybe he misjudged the blood loss Jason’s covered tits would generate in his brain. Who hasn’t made a mistake like that before?

“Fuck more time. I want my orgasms now, Timmy!” Jason growls. It sounds cute and hot in his soft alto, and Tim shivers as he looks up into a definitely more feminine face.

“Condom,” he manages to say, because magical shenanigans or not, an oopsy pregnancy can fuck a lot of things up. Tim has lived through way too many magical mishaps to not be too careful.

“I have some,” Jason offers gallantly, and plucks a few out of his belt.

Tim takes one and squints at it before throwing it away to Jason’s indignant squawk.

“Won’t fit me,” he explains with a grin, because Jason, poor, unsuspecting Jason has no idea what he just demanded of Tim. But he will learn.


“What, seriously?!” Is his reward. The Red Hood gives Tim his mightiest incredulous look, though it is softened by pouty lips and delicate eyebrows.

Tim nods. “They are kinda small and might roll or slip off inside if we get serious. I have my own stash in–”

“I can get them,” Jason offers as he stands up. In a single move he pulls the shirt he’s been wearing off, and stretches with a groan. “Fuck. I can’t imagine how the girls are handling these melons.” And then he peers down at Tim. “All right Timmy, where’s your secret stash?”

“Bedroom, nightstand. Get the lube, too.”

Jason raises an eyebrow at him.

“Am pretty sure the ladies self-lubricate.”

Tim tries to swallow his bitchiness down, he does… But he can’t, not fully. “What part of ‘I’m big’ don’t you understand? I’m not chancing you not being wet enough and causing a tear in your brand new vagina, unless it’s a kink of yours?”

Jason, wild eyed with a heaving chest, swallows. Then he shakes his head. “Bedroom nightstand. Bring the lube, too. Got it.”

And then he’s off and Tim is left slumped on the couch, wondering if he’s really gonna do this. On second thought… hell yes. He thinks he blanks out a little as Jason strides out of his bedroom, full tits swaying as his hips and thighs do their thing. Tim wonders if they’re all corded muscle, or if they got a little softness now with a feminine edge.

The lube hits him in the chest and he chokes and wheezes, indignant, right until he sees Jason shimmying out of the bottom of his suit.

“Sorry, baby bird, my hand must have slipped!”

Tim squints up at the shit eating grin, and sighs. Then he looks down at the tits and the miles of light skin revealed, and he swallows as saliva suddenly pools into his mouth. Jason Todd is hot, both in a man’s and a woman’s body. Tim is truly lucky to live the closest to the Bowery, yes he does.

He sends up a grateful prayer to whoever sent him such a gift as Jason bends down to remove his boots to finally be able to kick his last shred of clothing off. Tim… well. It’s not his proudest moment, but he nearly brains himself as he struggles out of his sweats in quiet desperation.

He’s suddenly so hard he almost puts his own eyes out.

“Shit, Timmy, you weren’t kidding,” Jason grunts as he rights him. Tim wants to laugh, but he preens instead as Jason’s jaw hits the floor.

“You can still back out if you’d rather not–”

“Hell no! I’m riding this beast no matter what,” Jason cuts him off. He picks up the lube and squints at Tim. “So how does this go? Or how are we doing this?”

Tim smirks.

“Well usually I check my partner how wet they are. Maybe I eat them out or just play with them until they can’t take it any more. Then I glove up, slick myself up for good measure, and then and only then do I slide inside them, when they can barely take it any more.”

Jason, entranced by Tim’s little talk, or maybe just by staring at Tim’s dick, swallows. “Yeah. I think we could… we could definitely do that. Like… I wanna ride you while you suck on my tits, but holy shit, do you wanna eat me out?”

Tim shrugs. He’s kinda hard, and probably gonna fuck it up because half his brain is not getting enough blood circulation, but he can totally eat Jason's pussy while he finger-fucks him, so the idiot is not gonna injure himself on Tim’s pole. “If you want?” He offers gallantly.

“Holy shit, fucking yes!” Jason whoops. “Where do you want me?”

Oh boy, where doesn't he want Jason, is the more apt question at this point.

“Just lay on the couch and spread your legs. I can…”

Jason slings himself onto the couch and assumes position before Tim can even finish. Well. A+ for obedience. Or maybe it’s just eagerness, Tim doesn’t know. Still, it’s worth looking into later…

Maybe Tim has cracked the Todd code?

“Tick tock Timmy,” Jason snaps his fingers in his face, “who knows when I’ll turn back into a handsome pumpkin?”

Yeah. Tim’s not even offended. He just turns towards Jason and slumps forward in perfect position to spread those plush thighs straining with muscle. They have a softness to them that Tim notes as he pushes them further apart. He slides his palms up, noting the minute shivers as his fingers reach the wet labia to part them.

And then he licks Jason Todd’s slick folds right up to his clit.

“Holy fucking shit!” Jason screams, and Tim lets himself grin.

But he doesn’t stop. He flattens his tongue and tries different laps, different rhythms until he finds the one that makes Jason’s thighs snap up and go tight around him until it feels like his head is in a nutcracker. When he uses one finger and slides it inside Jason’s dripping cunt… the wail almost deafens him.

“Timmy,” Jason screams as his legs tighten and loosen and tighten around him again. “Timmy you gotta let me ride you right fucking now ,” he demands.

Tim stops. He scoots back as far as he can and then he’s grabbed and manhandled into position before Jason just rolls a condom down on him and sinks down without a single drop of lube. Not that Tim could stop him. He’s all but a toy as Jason impales himself on him, big tits bouncing into Tim’s unsuspecting face until he has to gasp for every breath.

His cock is in a vice, his face is stuffed into plush tits, and there are fingers locked into his hair and an arm around his shoulder, keeping him immobile while he’s ridden.

“So? How are the tits, Timmy?” He’s asked as he’s getting ridden, and Tim… Tim can’t speak. He can’t move. He’s nothing but Jason’s toy, a plaything as he’s used to fuck the older Robin, and Tim… 

He couldn’t be happier.

“Ah,” he finally gets out, and promptly moans as Jason’s perfect cunt milks him, the head of his cock rubbing against… “Please!”

“That good, huh? Are you close?”

“Yes!” He sobs, because he’s so close, so very, very close he can almost taste it.

Wait, no. That’s one of Jason’s nipples. Tim doesn’t know how it ended up in his mouth, but he sucks on it, laps at the little nub and tries not to bite down as Jason sinks down and rises up so fast Tim’s brain dribbles out, probably.

Because the next second, he comes. His mouth falls open as his back bows. His hips snap up, choking Jason’s scream off as he pumps his seed into the condom, wishing, for a fleeting moment, that it wasn’t there. Even if he knows that would be very, very foolish.

“Fuck, Timmy, oh fucking fuck,” Jason hisses above him as his hips never stop, right until Tim has to pull away forcefully, because he’s oversensitive and it hurts, but he compromises by sticking three fingers up the still whining Jason’s cunt to let him ride it out until he himself comes and slumps against Tim, choking him with his boobs.

“So,” he says an indeterminable time later, “we never got to the motorboating.”

Tim shrugs.

“This is fine,” he says even as he pushes the boobs back a bit and away, because he likes oxygen, too. “It was fine. Really.”


Tim meets the sparkling eyes, the soft grin, and nods.

“Yeah. So…” He sighs, and reaches down to tie the condom off. “You want me to go and call Zachary for you?”

Jason considers him with a frown.

“I mean we could. Or… We could wait a little bit and do it again. I mean I don’t think an hour would make a difference, really…”

Tim raises an eyebrow.

“An hour?”

“Hey, I like the multiple orgasms, and you weren’t complaining about choking on tits. We can totally go another round after this one!”

Tim grins. Who’s he to complain?

“Yeah, sure. Just give me a few minutes. I’m sure I can scrounge up something…”