You missed him.
It was frustrating, tiring, when Howl disappeared for days on end. Even after establishing a relationship, and begging and pleading for some sort of consistency, there was still no telling if he would be there for breakfast or if you knew he was even alive.
And you needed him. Each day you spent hours cleaning your abode and the rest of it was spent caring after Markl and Heen. You just wished he was here, to brush away the invalidating thoughts, to hold and remind you that you were loved, to help make the house a home.
You settled on making stew for dinner, and Calcifer didn’t even argue when you pulled out the large cooking pot, the ‘most suffocating of all the cookware,’ as your depression was obvious to even the flame.
Dinner had come and gone, and the spark of hope that Howl would return for supper was smothered as it neared midnight and subtle snores of the household residents drifted down the halls. As you were surrounded by darkness, thoughts started to drift into your head as they usually did. Tears flooded down your cheeks as you felt foreign and dysphoric in your own body.
Hunching over the side of the too-large bed, you choked back silent sobs but didn’t hear the floorboards creak as your lover crouched before you.
“My dear, what’s wrong?” He cooed, already stroking your hair in his familiar hands. Your cries got louder, now in relief, as your arms wrapped around him. He summoned a small flame to light up the room but more specifically so he could look into your eyes as you spoke.
“Howl, Howl! I’ve missed you so very much,” you cried out, embracing him so tightly that you didn’t even think to be embarrassed that he walked in on you crying.
“I’m back, my beautiful girl,” he smiled. You tensed at the compliment, remembering how not-so-beautiful you felt just moments before, but softened in his arms once again, hoping he didn’t notice your hesitation.
Of course, he did.
“What’s wrong my beautiful darling?” He emphasized, gauging a reaction. He didn’t have to be told again about your body and self-esteem issues, but of course, he always pushed the boundaries, doing his best to make you feel gorgeous even after he was gone for weeks.
You swatted his arm. “Howl, stop it! I feel anything but beautiful tonight. Now if you would just come to bed–”
“And why is that?” he challenged.
“Well, I’ve been crying so my eyes are all puffy, and… and… well my arms don’t look the same as they used to, and–” You were silenced by his lips pressing against yours as he enraptured you in a kiss. His hands snaked behind your head and his fingers were woven in your hair, and you moaned into the kiss just slightly. Howl, the ever-attentive lover, smirked as he pulled away.
“You’re gorgeous, and I realize I’ve been away, and it means I haven’t been doing my job right if you don’t believe that you are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes upon,” he spoke. Backing you up against the bed, he littered kisses up against your neck as he lifted your shirt, his fingers lingering for too long against your touch-starved skin. You looked up at him and he admired your body but you felt incredibly bare. Your arms went to cross to cover your bare stomach but he was faster.
“Don’t,” he snarled, his hands pressing your arms against the bed. His knee crawled up, separating your legs and pressing against your needy core. “Don’t deny me of looking at this beautiful body when I’ve been away for so long,” he corrected. “Your arms will stay here. Don’t you move them for me. Better yet–” Restraints appeared from out of sight, probably summoned by Howl’s incredible magic. You swore the man would use his magic for anything but what it was needed for if it meant he could show off.
He continued to press kisses across your neck and chest, removing your bralette and allocating his attention elsewhere. His fingers lingered on the waistband of your sleep shorts and he looked up awaiting your permission. You nodded and they were gone instantaneously.
His fingers danced up your thighs, his mouth not far behind. When you tried to squirm, his powerful hands held you in place as if to say ‘don’t run from me.’ His tongue met with your core and you moaned out as he traced circles around your clit. His grip on your thighs remained as he began to fuck you with his tongue, your back arching your body deeper into your bed. Suddenly two fingers were shoved into you and you cried out as he combined this with his tongue flicking up and down on your clit.
“Oh, Howl, I’m close,” you cried out, and he removed his mouth from where it was pleasuring you. You whimpered as he slowed his fingers as well, and you wanted to cry as you met his eyes and he gave you the evilest smirk you had ever seen. “Howl–”
“I want you to list three things that you find beautiful about yourself,” he stated, almost nonchalantly. His fingers barely moved and you tried to grind against him to get some friction, to no avail.
“What? No, please! I–”
“Don’t make me repeat myself, my love, I’m not afraid to keep you on edge all night.” That smile was absolutely sinister.
“My… my hair is really luscious,” you whimpered.
“Good girl, keep on going,” he cooed, slowly speeding up his fingers.
“My eyes!” you choked, “I really like my eyes.”
“One more, beautiful girl,” he said.
“My… I really like…” you drew a blank, not being able to think of something else. He would know if you lied.
“Come on,” he encouraged, his voice just a little sterner.
“I like… Uhm… Howl–”
“For fuck’s sake,” he grunted, and suddenly the restraints were gone from your hands and you were flipped over onto your stomach. You looked back and saw him wave his hands, a large, gorgeous mirror summoned and stagnant at the end of the bed.
“What? Howl, what is this for?”
“I’m going to make you watch yourself as I fuck you mercilessly,” he said smugly, “so that maybe you can see what a gorgeous being you really are. And, if you close your eyes,” he added, “you will not be allowed to come. Is that clear?”
You watched your reflections in the mirror as the man positioned himself behind you. He wasted no time in stripping himself of his clothes, and your eyes couldn’t help but linger when his shirt was removed and littered on the floor, soon followed by his pants and his briefs. He lined himself up and began to press himself into you, watching to make sure your eyes were on the mirror. You knew he was enjoying himself, particularly your reactions to his every move.
You moaned as he started to fuck you slowly but roughly, your eyes never daring to leave your reflection in the mirror. He started just as intently.
“You’re. Fucking. Beautiful.” He grunted out with every thrust. “Beautiful hair. Beautiful eyes. Beautiful smile. Beautiful teeth. Beautiful breasts. Beautiful stomach. Beautiful arms. Beautiful thighs. Beautiful ass.” He was starting to speed up, and you pressed your face into the mattress, if only by accident before you realized your mistake.
A hand reached and grabbed your hair, hard. Fingers interlaced with each strand, yanking your head up so that you were once again looking at your own eyes in the mirror.
“Did I say you could stop looking?” He growled at you, never ceasing his mercilessness. “Now you have to say it.” he panted out.
“Say what?” you half-whimpered half-moaned, tears involuntarily streaming down your face for the second time that night.
“Say that you’re beautiful.” One hand tightly gripping your hip and the other in your hair, the pain turned to pleasure and you realized you were close to your release.
“I’m… I’m beautiful!” you cried.
“Say it again.” It wasn’t a request, and you knew that.
“I’m beautiful!” You chased your release and finally came around him, hard.
“Good girl, good fucking girl.” He thrusted into you once, twice more before he pulled out and released all over your ass. He loosened your grip on your hair and your face met the mattress, panting out as Howl summoned a towel to clean you up. He laid face-up beside you, fingers stroking lazy circles on your back and shoulders.
“You did so good for me, darling,” he praised. You met his eyes and saw that he was staring at you with a softened gaze. He really meant it. “It’s okay if you don’t really feel beautiful after tonight,” he added. “I can’t expect that to change that quickly. But know I will do this to you every night if it means I can make you one day believe it.”
He opened his arms up to you and you placed your head on his chest where you almost fell asleep.
“Don’t leave me again, Howl,” you said in almost a whisper.
“That’s the thing, I’m not leaving you again my beautiful girl.” You tensed, staring intently into his eyes.
“You mean it?” you questioned, choking back your tears.
“I promise it,” he declared, his hand waving to turn out the lights.