There is no other place Namjoon would rather be than here.
Here , in bed with his boyfriend of five years. He looks so beautiful, Namjoon thinks as he props his head up on his palm. Hoseok. Just the thought of his name brings shivers down Namjoon’s spine. The sun peers through the curtains, illuminating Hoseok’s naked body with the sun. The sun , that’s exactly what Hoseok is to Namjoon. A bright person who radiates love and happiness. Namjoon wonders how he got so lucky to have someone like Hoseok on his side, he places his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder and traces his curves all the way to his bottom, before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on his shoulder. “Mmm.” Hoseok groans, but Namjoon can hear his boyfriend smile anyway.
“Good morning.” Namjoon whispers in his ear, Hoseok smiles tiredly and turns his body to face Namjoon. Memories of last night flood Namjoon’s mind and he gives his boyfriend a smirk. He blushes and places his soft palm on Namjoon’s chest as Namjoon wraps his arms around him and pulls him in close. Hoseok looks up, eyes still tired, and yawns. “Morning.”
“Alexa, what time is it?” Namjoon asks the artificial intelligence device that is set up on the other side of the room, by the TV. “The time is 12:17pm, have a good day Namjoon.” Hoseok’s eyes go wide as he realizes he is more than late to his job. “I’m so late.” He gets up and puts on a pair of underwear. “Those are mine.” Namjoon sits up and laughs. The boxers fall off Hoseok’s torso and he laughs, nodding his head in agreement.
Namjoon was bigger and taller than Hoseok, he has a very nicely muscle-toned body, Hoseok always said it made a great cuddle buddy, despite him being the big spoon. Namjoon is Hoseok’s favorite person in the entire world, there was no comparison.
Hoseok is Namjoon’s favorite person in the entire world, watching his boyfriend struggle to put on last night's clothes is hilarious. “I think we should just move in together, that way you won't be late to work and you can wear clean clothes. I could make space here.” Namjoon got off his bed and wrapped a towel around his waist. “Joon.” Hoseok breathed out.
“What?” Namjoon smiled and made his way to the bathroom. “You mean that?” Hoseok follows him. “Yes.” Namjoon leans down and kisses Hoseok softly. The taste of their lips aren’t nice due to their morning breath, but to them it's sweet, it’s meaningful. It’s not just a kiss, this kiss takes them farther into the future and Hoseok doesn’t want to live in a world where there’s no Namjoon in his life.
Forever itself doesn’t feel like it's enough.
“Okay, but you can’t just spring that on me in the morning.” Hoseok laughs and goes back to dress. “Why not? It was going to happen anyway.” Namjoon closes the bathroom door and goes about his routine. “I’m leaving!” Hoseok yells as he takes his phone and wallet. He opens the bathroom door to find his boyfriend sitting on the toilet. “I love you.” Hoseok leans down and kisses Namjoon quickly before leaving.
Namjoon laughs as soon as Hoseok leaves. “I love you too!” He yells back before its too late.
This is how life should be , Namjoon thinks.
Having a good job, a great apartment in the wonderful city of Seoul, a job in marketing, and having one of the most beautiful people by his side, inside and out, Hoseok.
As Namjoon gets ready for the day, he wonders how his life will be a month from now. Will he be living with Hoseok? He smiles at the thought that the first winter snow is on it’s way. Hoseok is definitely going to want to kiss when it happens. The thought of the cold weather makes Namjoon smile, knowing already that he will be warmed by a kiss from his lover.
“I got you a jacket.” Hoseok walks into the small coffee shop with Namjoon and hands him a gift bag. “You did?” The thing about Namjoon that Hoseok likes is that despite how big and tall he was, he was the softest person. Namjoon can be so fragile and delicate at times and Hoseok feels so lucky that he can be able to know both sides of him. He felt so lucky, knowing Namjoon would never do anything to hurt him. He watches Namjoon’s facial features soften and gets excited once he sees the jacket. “How did you get this? I tried buying one but they were sold out.” Namjoon stands up from the chair and puts it on. Hoseok stands up too and brushes some lint off the jacket.
“I have some tricks up my sleeve.” Hoseok smirks and gives his boyfriend a kiss. “Thank you, I love it. I love you.” Namjoon wraps his arms around Hoseok and pulls him in for a sweet hug. “I love you more.” Hoseok whispers in his arms. “How was your day?” Namjoon asks, taking a sip of their shared iced americano drink. “It was okay, the design I submitted for the new shirts didn’t get as much hype as I was hoping for. My boss called it “risky”, it annoyed me honestly.” Hoseok sighs and scrunches his nose, his boyfriend reaches for his hand and tangles them together, leaning his head down to give it a kiss. “I just… need a good nap with some cuddles.” Hoseok says very softly, Namjoon could barely hear him which only made him concerned. “Then let’s go.” Namjoon says, still not letting go of his hand.
They find themselves in bed, Namjoon’s bed to be exact. Hoseok is tracing his boyfriend’s jawline, making Namjoon smile. “I love you.” Hoseok says, wrapping his arms around him. Hoseok starts to tear up and Namjoon can feel Hoseok’s breathing change from steady to ragged. “Don’t cry Hoseok, sometimes work can be stressful.” He tries his best to comfort him. “It’s not that, I don't even care about that anymore. I was just thinking of how much I love you. I love you so much it's crazy. Where would we be without each other?”
To this, Namjoon feels invincible. He feels like he could fly, feels like anything in the world is possible, he feels like he is exactly where he is supposed to be- next to Hoseok. Namjoon leans down and kisses Hoseok’s sweet lips. “I love you.” He whispers back, “I want you Hoseok, forever. It’s always you, it will always be you.” Namjoon whispers into his boyfriend's ear the sweetest confession.The couple hold each other and everything feels right, safe, like home.
Hoseok admires Namjoon’s face and places soft kisses on his boyfriend's lips and cheeks, never breaking eye contact while they very gently rub their noses together side to side.
Eternal bliss , Hoseok thinks.
They joke around back and forth, they gravitate towards each other and it's amazing, Namjoon has never felt this way before. Hoseok is hysterically laughing just by the touch of Namjoon’s fingers on his stomach. “I-“ Hoseok is out of breath in just a few seconds. Hoseok’s laugh is the greatest gift.
“Marry me.” Namjoon whispers, their grip on each other tightens and Hoseok feels like he’s on cloud nine.
“Marry me Hoseok.” Namjoon repeats the statement. The two men locked eyes in the dark room, the only light available was from the moon that was shining in. “I will.” Hoseok doesn’t hesitate to respond.
“You’ll take care of me right?” Hoseok asks a question he knows the answer to. “For as long as I live.” Namjoon lays back down onto the bed, Hoseok moving to sit on top of him. Hoseok leans down slowly and kisses his boyfriend yet again. Slow, but intense. Deep and intimate. No one has ever loved Hoseok this way, growing up in the foster care system he always assumed he would never get to experience love. But with Namjoon by his side, that thought was long gone. They created their own love out of scratch and Hoseok knew they would make a family together. Hoseok’s own family, his only family that he will ever know, Hoseok always smiles like an idiot at the thought.
The night goes on, Hoseok and Namjoon are in the kitchen making sandwiches and dancing to music. Namjoon smiles at his little creation. He took the plastic blue tie that wraps the bag of bread and made it into a ring for Hoseok. “For now, until I can get a real ring.” Namjoon puts it on Hoseok’s finger.
Hoseok is floored and is completely head over heels with his fiancé. “I love it.” Hoseok jumps into his fiancé’s arms and buries his head into the shape of his fiancés neck. “WIll you marry me?” Namjoon asks again, just to make sure this is real. “Yes.” Hoseok laughs and kisses his fiancés lips over and over until they end up back in the bedroom and under the sheets.
Taehyung’s mouth is wide open, as wide as it can be when Namjoon and Hoseok break the news that they’re engaged. Hoseok laughs and shows off the blue plastic tie that's wrapped around his engagement finger. “I am loving this diamond ring !” Taehyung laughs and takes Hoseok’s hand to get a closer look at the tie. “It’s just until I can get a real one.” Namjoon explains to his friend, their other friends should be here soon. “This is real.” Hoseok smiles proudly. “I know, baby.” Namjoon smiles and kisses Hoseok’s shoulder.
The rest of their friends finally make it to the restaurant and they all have the exact same reaction as Taehyung’s. “I mean, finally! Only about 5 years in the making.” Jimin jokes and the couple laughs. Jungkook hits Jimin’s arm and laughs. “5 years together, it's crazy.” Hoseok says.
“I am seriously so happy for you guys. Hoseok, you deserve this. Namjoon,” Jimin looks over at him. “He’s amazing and we love you two. Can’t wait to be the best man.”
“Hey I want to be the best man.” Taehyung interrupts. “Where does that leave me? And what about Yoongi-hyung?” Jungkook asks as he stuffs his slice of cheesecake into his mouth. Namjoon looks over at his fiancé and chuckles. “I have no idea.” Hoseok answers. The night ends with hugs and drinks, many many congratulations are given by their friends and Hoseok is so grateful to have this support system. Through Namjoon he has met so many amazing people who take care of him, who cheer and bet on him.
“This is the last box.” Namjoon huffs out. Today was move-in day, finally the day Hoseok moves into his fiancés apartment. Hoseok smiles and looks around the apartment, a few boxes here and there. Most of his things went to donations because he decided to start over and just buy things with his soon to be husband. “Thank you Joonie.” Hoseok coo’s and kisses him. “You’re welcome, my love.” Namjoon kisses back and goes into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. “This is going to change our lives.” Hoseok mentions. “It’s the start of forever.” He says after. “I love you Joonie.” Hoseok feels his eyes start to sting, and Namjoon knows that face gesture all too well. Namjoon wraps his arms around Hoseok’s tiny waist from behind and kisses his cheek. They overlook the city of Seoul through the glass windows. “I love you.” Namjoon whispers.
Five years together and they’re still learning about each other. For example, Hoseok likes to take food out of their original packaging and put them in containers that match the slick, clean fridge aesthetic. Namjoon doesn’t do that, if he buys snacks he leaves them as is and stuffs them somewhere in the pantry room.
Five years together, Hoseok learned that Namjoon doesn’t exactly know how to make a sunny side up egg that can go with their shared ramen that they have on the weekends. Hoseok doesn’t mind one bit, in fact he loves serving Namjoon meals. It feels normal, he also likes it when Namjoon tries to cook for him. He adores it and appreciates the gesture.
Five years together, Namjoon learned that Hoseok is an extremely clean and tidy person. Not that Namjoon is a dirty person, he just takes his time putting the dishes away, or folding his dried clothes. Five years together and Hoseok didn’t think he would be in this situation. “Yeah, just call me if you hear from him, please.” Hoseok bites his lip and hangs up on Jimin. He looks over at the clock and reads the time.
“Yeah, he’s six feet tall, has short black hair.” Hoseok calls up a hospital that’s near their place. “Namjoon, Kim Namjoon, that's his name.” But with no luck, the receptionist on the other side of the phone hangs up after explaining that there was no one here by that name. Hoseok sighs and grips his cell phone that’s in his hand, he looks down at his slippers and then looks at the door. The male doesn't hesitate to rush to the door where he puts his shoes on and quickly grabs a coat that was hanging and the keys. He rushes down the stairs and he doesn't know where to start.
Should I drive around and look for him?
Hoseok bites his lip and he’s on the verge of tears as he makes his way to his car, but just as he’s about to get in, he sees a man walking his way, almost zombie-like. Hoseok knew, just by the hair, that it was Namjoon. He runs toward the man and it is him, not only is it actually Namjoon, but its a very drunk Namjoon. As Hoseok approaches his boyfriend, he realizes drunk is an understatement. Hoseok scrunches his nose at the stench of alcohol that reeks off Namjoon. He’s crying, Hoseok can tell. “Hope-ah.” Namjoon blurts out, “Is it you?” Hoseok grabs Namjoon’s arm and wraps it around him, and with all of his might, he lifts up his fiancé and slowly but surely, carries him inside the building and into the elevator. “You have such pretty eyes.” Namjoon manages to stir out before he gets into a silly mood where he is just laughing his ass off.
Hoseok doesn’t really know what to think of this situation. This wasn’t like Namjoon, to go AWOL and not answer his phone, to come home extremely late, much less to get absolutely wasted. Namjoon blacks out, his laughter coming to a stop slowly as he falls into a very deep slumber in Hoseok’s arms, which are now burning. Hoseok manages to open the door to their apartment and he plops Namjoon down onto the bed. He takes off Namjoon’s pants, his dress shirt, blazer, and pants. Leaving his fiancé in his underwear.
Hoseok sighs and looks at the time, 3:37am.
He sits on his side of the bed and rubs his eyes as he fights the urge to cry, the worry and anxiety he had all evening had been eating away at him. His bottom lip, the left corner of it was a tad bloody from having been biting away at it to ease how anxious he was.
Hoseok sniffles and changes into his pajamas before heading to the living room, he would much rather sleep there than inside. Inside where he can hear Namjoon’s drunk loud snores, where he can smell the bar Namjoon had been in, but mostly the alcohol radiating off of his body. Worry takes over Hoseok’s mind as he tries to fall asleep, what was Namjoon thinking?
The following morning arrives, the air is cold and crisp. It still hasn’t snowed but the roads and sidewalks are getting frosty now. The sun hides behind the clouds and for once Hoseok is grateful it’s cloudy, it matches his mood and he just feels like laying on this couch forever. Hoseok gets up from the couch and closes all of the curtains in the living room, leaving the room with a dim, grey-ish light.
He wakes up in bed, confused and tired. His eyes feel heavy. The smell of ramen is around the apartment, eggs too. Namjoon is in the kitchen, still pretty drunk but sober enough to get up and cook something for his fiancé. Hoseok walks out of the room and Namjoon wipes his hands on the towel. “Hope-ah,” Namjoon starts. He walks over to Hoseok and gives his fiancé a hug.
“I made you some ramen and an egg, it’s a little burnt.” Hoseok looks over at the food and goes back inside the bedroom, closing the door shut behind him. Namjoon sighs and follows after him and opens the door. “I’m sorry.” Namjoon takes Hoseok’s hand and pulls him close. “I waited all night for you.” Hoseok starts to tear up. “I was so worried, I called hospitals and bars, called our friends and asked if they had seen you at all or if you were with them.” Hoseok clears his throat and the tears he had been holding back, flow out.
“I thought something bad happened. But you were out drinking, getting wasted, not giving a fuck if you made it home or not.” Hoseok moves his hand away and sits on the bed. Namjoon feels extremely guilty, he feels it in his cheeks, in his ears. “Baby.” Namjoon sits beside Hoseok and takes his hand again. “I know, I'm sorry. I had a tough day, the project I had fell through and I was so mad. I was so mad at myself and I was upset, I wanted to get a drink but I let it take over me.” Namjoon explains and Hoseok shakes his head.
“That doesn’t make it okay, Joon.” Hoseok looks up at his boyfriend. “You have to check in with me, we’re engaged. I’m not just your boyfriend anymore, we’re both in charge of each other. Just please, please check in. I was so worried.” Hoseok wipes his tears and Namjoon embraces him.
“I’m sorry Seok.” Namjoon pulls back from his boyfriend and leans in to kiss him before he notices the cuts on Hoseok’s lip. “What happened?” Hoseok looks down, but Namjoon brings Hoseok’s chin up with his thumb. “Nothing.” His boyfriend responds. Namjoon blinks and knows that Hoseok had been knowing at his lip. “I was anxious last night.” Namjoon frowns. He feels like crying himself, can’t believe he caused Hoseok this much worry and anxiety.
“I’m sorry.” He repeats, Hoseok takes it in and sighs. “I’m just glad you’re safe.”
“It’s super windy outside.” Hoseok says as soon as he walks into their apartment, Namjoon is sitting at the small table they have, with his laptop open and some papers from work. “I can hear it howling from the windows.” Namjoon smiles, he stands up and takes the grocery bags from Hoseok’s hands and sets them in the kitchen.
“Missed you.” Namjoon pecks Hoseok’s lips and they chat with each other as they put the food away. “Yoongi is upset with me.” Hoseok mentions. Namjoon looks at his takeout food they ordered and then goes back to Hoseok. “Over what, or why?
Hoseok sips his drink and shakes his head. “He told Taehyung he was upset that he wasn’t the first to know about our engagement.” Hoseok finishes up the food with Namjoon and they head to the couch to cuddle. They rest in each other’s arms as they converse back and forth. “We grew up together, he’s always looked out for me so I guess I was wrong for not telling him about this huge part of my life, first.”
Namjoon strokes Hoseok’s black hair and kisses his ear. “Just give him time, you two grew up and protected each other. Now I guess he might feel like I'm taking you away from him. Just talk to him.”
“I don’t want to make it seem like a big deal.” Hoseok says. The couple makes their way to their bed later on that night. Hoseok can hear the wind howling from outside of the windows. It’s dim, and he can still see the moon just before a mist of clouds swallow it whole. He’s concerned, why was Yoongi being distant, he wasn’t really at any of their get-togethers recently either. Hoseok closes his eyes and attempts to fall asleep.
On the other half of the bed lies Namjoon. The room is pitch black now and he can hear Hoseok’s breathing relax as he falls asleep.
It would be a lie if Namjoon were to say he was confused as to why Yoongi had been so distant, he knows why, and their friends know why. The only person who doesn't know is Hoseok, and Namjoon would rather keep it that way.
Namjoon knew how important Yoongi was to Hoseok, how important they both were to each other. He heard stories about both of them growing up in an orphanage, how they took care of each other, had each other’s backs.
“You’re so sweet.” Hoseok has puppy-like eyes as he coo’s. “Babe.” Hoseok laughs and sits down on the blanket, Namjoon had surprised him with an afternoon picnic at the park. “Just a small date. I know we talked about it before, but i still feel bad about what happened that night. So, please enjoy my apology picnic. I love you Hoseok-ah, dont forget it.” Hoseok smiles and takes a sniff of the peonies laid out.
“I love you too, thank you.” Hoseok and Namjoon lean in and kiss each other before digging in on the food Namjoon had prepared.
Hoseok’s laugh is music to Namjoon’s ears, “Remember our first kiss?” Hoseok asks. “It was raining, we had been dating for maybe a month? Yeah, a month. I pulled you in and kissed you, we were soaking wet but it didn’t matter.” Namjoon says. Hoseok smiles and reaches over to hold his fiancés hand. “I knew right then and there that I loved you.” Hoseok goes on to say. “I knew then that you were the love of my life, I love you.”
The night ends with the two in bed, candles lit, clothes scattered around, and rain pattering against the window.
But when it rains, it pours.
Hoseok sits by the fire and watches as the rain turns into hail. He can hear soft music coming from his neighbors, he can hear the silence in his apartment and it’s deafening.
He glances at the clock and reads the time, 3am. He’s awake, wondering what time Namjoon will come home. Wondering if he’s okay, wondering when this became a habit. “Call me back.” Hoseok says to his fiancés voicemail. He stuffs his cold hands into the pockets of his black hoodie and stands by the window, watching a few cars drive by. The lock from the door unlocks and Hoseok turns around to see Namjoon walking drenched in water from the rain.
Hoseok rushes over to their bedroom and grabs a towel, he wraps it around his fiancé and sighs. “Get off.” Namjoon mumbles. Hoseok stands still, dumbfounded. He shakes it off and proceeds to help Namjoon.
Hoseok ruffles Namjoon’s hair with the towel, takes his fiancé’s backpack and sets it on the ground before taking him over to the bathroom. “You need to stop coming home so late.” Hoseok says in concern as he strips his fiancé naked, he runs his fiancé a hot bath to sober him up. Hoseok sits outside of the tub and washes Namjoon’s hair. “I’m sorry.” Namjoon says as he closes his eyes, enjoying the small massage that he certainly doesn't deserve.
“My co-workers and I got a little carried away tonight at the company dinner.” He slurs his words but is comprehensive of the situation. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” Namjoon repeats. “Let’s just get you to bed.” Hoseok bathes his fiancé, he always loved taking care of Namjoon, even when he was in a state like this. He changed Namjoon into his pajamas and they went to bed. Hoseok looks out the window and wonders why Namjoon had a different cologne scent on him.
“Something is different.” Hoseok says hesitantly. He’s in his office, Yoongi sitting across from the desk. They still haven’t talked about why they were both upset with each other and Hoseok wasn’t really in the mood to bring it up.
Not yet anyway because right now, Hoseok needs a friend. “What is?” Yoongi questions as he takes a bite of Hoseok’s sandwich. He looks away, faces the big windows that overlook the city of Seoul. “Joon.” He says as he looks at Yoongi who is stuffing his face with Hoseok’s sandwich. Hoseok slaps his hand and takes Yoongi’s sandwich. “Did you not like your sandwich?”
Yoongi laughs and takes a sip of his raspberry iced tea. “Not really, did you ask them to put in chipotle sauce? I hate chipotle sauce.” Hoseok shrugs and rolls his eyes. They switch sandwiches and share a small plate of fries. “Is Namjoon acting weird?” Yoongi questions. Hoseok takes a bite of his new sandwich, chipotle sauce hanging on the corner of his mouth, while Yoongi wipes it off for him. “Thanks, yeah a little. He comes home late now.”
“How late? Like 7pm?” They dip their fries in ketchup as they continue talking. “No, that's the thing. He’s coming home around two or three in the morning and I have to stay up to take care of him because he comes home drunk.” Yoongi makes an annoyed face and stops eating. “Drunk and late?”
Hoseok sighs softly, not knowing what to think about Namjoon’s actions these days. “What if he’s turning into an alcoholic? What if he drinks himself to death?” Hoseok’s eyes tear up, knowing a disease like alcoholism is serious and can be deadly. Not just for Namjoon, but for Namjoon’s loved ones. “Don’t cry, please.” But it's too late, Hoseok is already reaching for the tissue box he has on his desk. “Then talk to him, ask him why he’s coming home so late and so drunk.”
“He wont tell me, he keeps telling me it's because of the company dinner. I just want him to be okay, you know? I want him to tell me what's wrong and that drinking won't solve his problems. You know how quiet he can get about his feelings.” A realization hits Hoseok and he feels immediate panic. “What if he’s really an alcoholic? I would have to send him to rehab, take him to therapy. Our lives would change, his life would change.”
Yoongi sets down his sandwich and holds Hoseok’s hand from across the desk. “If that's the case, it’ll be okay because you love him and you’ll support him. He’s the love of your life and nothing is going to change that. You have his back and he has yours. Nothing you can’t handle, you have been through worse. It’s not confirmed anyway, you have to talk to him, seriously just talk with him. Stop jumping to conclusions.” Yoongi tries his best to comfort Hoseok while at work, Yoongi being co-executive’s of their branch. He overlooks all of the designs and looks in Seoul and Gangnam.
The drive home is silent, Hoseok doesn't want to talk and Yoongi doesn’t know what else to say at this point. “Have a goodnight, it's going to be okay.” Yoongi says as he exits the car. “Thanks Yoon.” Hoseok smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
Like clockwork, Namjoon comes home, but this time he’s sober. “Where were you?” Hoseok sits up from the couch, he’s in his black sweatpants while wearing Namjoon’s hoodie that fits him big. “Working.” Namjoon says, setting down his backpack by the door as he undoes his tie. “At one in the morning?” Hoseok asks as he walks over to him. He smells like alcohol and there's that perfume again that he can’t recognize.
“I’m overlooking the NIKE campaign, we’ve talked about this already. The deadline is in a couple of days so I’ve been staying late, okay?” Namjoon looks into Hoseok’s eyes and for a split second it looks like Hoseok doesn't believe him, but Hoseok gives in and hugs his fiancé. “Okay, I'm sorry.” Namjoon closes his eyes and lets himself be engulfed by Hoseok.
Namjoon lays in bed, wide awake as he listens to Hoseok’s soft snores, so soft he could barely hear them. He looks at Hoseok, who is snuggling into his arm while wearing his hoodie. He loves Hoseok so much that he would literally die for him. No one makes him feel loved the way Hoseok does.
Namjoon can feel tears rolling down the side of his face as he holds his fiancé with one arm. How is he supposed to tell Hoseok that his own father stole all of Namjoon’s money? His trust fund is gone, the family heirlooms. The company… dust.
Now Namjoon stays overtime at work just to make ends meet with the rent from their apartment, for the car. Namjoon bites the bottom of his lip as he worries over the bills that are due at the end of the month. He sighs and shuts his eyes close, he tries his best to forget his family's problems as much as he can. Luckily he has some money saved up from his own job. With that extra money, he takes the investors out to fancy dinners and buys them expensive tequila and wine. He wines and dines them, convincing them to stay and help the company.
Namjoon can only think of one thing that helps him forget of his problems, getting drunk with his co-workers.
It’s worked so far.
When Namjoon walks inside Hoseok’s office, he doesn't find him, instead he finds Yoongi. “Hyung.” Namjoon says, making his way over to Hoseok’s desk. “Hobi’s in a meeting, just waiting for him for lunch. What brings you here?” Yoongi asks. “Oh, well I thought he and I could have lunch together. I owe him at least a small date. I’ve been so busy with work and all that.”
Yoongi presses his lips into a thin line and nods his head slowly. “So I’ve heard. Tell Hoseok that I’m driving home today, if he needs a ride just tell him to text me.” Namjoon can sense this sort of attitude from his friend. “Don’t worry, we’ll be going home together.” Namjoon sets the bag of food on the desk and sits in Hoseok’s chair. “You sure you’ll be okay to drive, or will you be drunk again?” Yoongi stuffs his hands into his pants pockets as he leaves Hoseok’s office, but before he leaves, he leans on the corner of the door. “For Hoseok’s sake, please stop drinking.” And then he leaves, leaving Namjoon in a state of confusion.
Not too long after, Hoseok walks in, a smile appears on his face as he sees his fiancé sitting in his chair. “Joonie.” He laughs and closes the door behind him. He goes over to the windows that overlook the cubicles and shuts the shutters, and pulls down the curtains to give him and Namjoon some privacy. Namjoon stands up and walks over to Hoseok, pulling him in for a kiss. So sweet, so tender. With Hoseok, a sense of calm overcomes Namjoon, his kisses feel safe and feel like home. It comes so natural and they fit together perfectly that Namjoon knows he’s an idiot for gambling this away.
Hoseok smiles into the kiss and a laugh escapes from his lips. “I love you.” Is the first thing that Namjoon says. “I love you too.” Hoseok smiles as they hold hands. “I bought us some lunch.” Hoseok takes off his blazer and sits down on the leather couch with Namjoon by his side. Namjoon sets the food down on the small table and proceeds to hold Hoseok’s hand. His fiancé can’t help but laugh. “How are we supposed to eat if we’re holding hands?” Hoseok picks up the chopsticks and looks over at Namjoon.
“I’ll feed you and you’ll feed me.”
Their lunch date turns into a mess, Hoseok stained his shirt with the tteokbokki sauce that Namjoon tried to feed him, and Namjoon’s pants are wet from the ramen soup Hoseok tried to feed to him. “Okay, this isn't working.” Hoseok laughs as he lets go of Namjoon’s hand. They exchange laughs and Namjoon whispers a dirty joke into Hoseok’s ear.
“How are things with Yoongi-hyung?” Namjoon asks. “Well,” Hoseok shrugs and nods his head. “It’s good. We apologized to each other over text messages. You know how we are, something small is nothing. He and I can fight or disagree, but we always come back.”
“That’s good, I’m glad.” Namjoon presses his lips together and stays silent for a while, until he speaks again. “He said I should stop drinking.” Namjoon says cautiously. “He said I should stop drinking for you. Why would he say that? It’s not like I actually drink a lot. I’ll go out with friends and co-workers for a drink, but I won't get wasted.”
Hoseok chews on his food and nods his head, thinking of what he should say without having Namjoon explode. “He should really mind his own business. Why did you tell him that I drink a lot? I’m right to assume it was you, right?”
“Yeah, I did say something like that.” Hoseok wipes his mouth with a napkin and continues eating. “Why?” Namjoon asks. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now Joon.” Hoseok says as he chews his food. “Seriously? Your friend insulted me twenty minutes ago. He asked if I was okay to drive you home. As if I was drunk or would drive drunk- which I would never do.” Hoseok rolls his eyes and sighs. “Fine, you want to have this conversation?”
“Let’s have it.” Namjoon is clearly upset, why would Yoongi say that?
“You come home drunk. Absolutely wasted, smelling like alcohol, mumbling things under your breath. I have to bathe you, put you to bed like you're some kid. Are you an alcoholic? If that's the case, it's okay. We can get you some help.” Hoseok says.
All Namjoon can do is laugh, loudly and obnoxiously. “An alcoholic? Hoseok, I have dinner with clients. We go out for drinks and food. It's the same when I have company dinners. I’m not an alcoholic.” Hoseok sighs and starts to cover the food. “Okay, and that's fine. You just have to learn how to control yourself. Learn how much you can take before you get completely wasted.”
“Hoseok,” Namjoon feels offended by the fact that Hoseok would think of something like this. “If you have any concerns about me, next time just tell me about it instead of telling your little boyfriend who follows you around everywhere. I know what I’m doing and I know how to control myself. I don’t need to hear shit from him.” Hoseok feels a small heat rise in his cheeks. “Sorry for being concerned?” Hoseok scoffs as they look at each other. “I just wanted advice and If I want to talk to Yoongi about my problems or what's on my mind then I should be able to. And don’t call him my boyfriend.”
“So now I’m a problem?” Namjoon looks away and nods his head. “ That’s not what I’m saying. I was just worried about you, why are you making this such a big deal?” Hoseok responds, feeling his eyes glossy. Hoseok clears his throat. He was never good at situations like these. Whenever they had an argument, Hoseok always ended up apologizing, always feeling like he started it. Namjoon would eventually apologize too “I’m not. I was just…” Namjoon sighs and gets up. “Asking.”
Hoseok’s eyes are glossy and Namjoon can see it all too well, he’s wrong, he’s wrong and he knows it. Knows that Hoseok was just being a good fiancé, a good person, a good partner. Hoseok stands up from the couch and makes his way to his desk. “I’m sorry.” Namjoon follows suit. “You should leave, my lunch is over.” Hoseok says in a small voice. “Hoseok, I-“ Namjoon starts, but Hoseok interrupts. “Just go. It’s fine. I have work to do.” Hoseok puts his blazer back on and starts to fix things around his desk. “Hobi, please.”
Hoseok looks up at Namjoon and just shrugs, he knows his face his red and he knows he has tears streaming down his face. “Just go, we’ll talk at home.” Hoseok wipes his face with his hand and exits his office with his iPad in his arm.
Namjoon feels a tug at the end of his mouth, pulling his lips downwards into a frown. He presses his lips together and looks around his fiancé’s office. There’s pictures of them together on his desk.
Namjoon knows that he shouldn’t blame Hoseok, he should be kind to him, be amazing to him because at the end of the day, Namjoon is keeping things from him.
Namjoon knows he’s changed, he just hopes Hoseok hasn’t noticed.
The rest of the day for Hoseok was a tough one. His designs came out angry and sad for the new collection. Though his boss liked his designs, it just wasn’t him. His mind bounces back and forth between work and Namjoon.
Being upset was an understatement, he couldn’t stop thinking about how upset he had gotten and Namjoon was right about one thing, Yoongi really shouldn’t have said anything about his drinking. They aren’t the best of friends so of course it would come out as different or as an insult. Hoseok doesn’t know why the two males don’t get along as well as the rest of their friend group, but he supposes its always like that between a best friend and the boyfriend.
Hoseok goes back to his office after his last meeting of the day, he stands by his desk and watches the sunset before him, how the street lights light up. He thinks of their small argument and he hates the thought of going home and having to do it all over again.
Hoseok opens the front door and is greeted by absolute darkness, which is nothing new because he has always come first before Namjoon. He sighs and takes a quick shower, he cleans up around the apartment while the television plays in the background. His favorite drama was playing reruns so it made for a great time by himself as he cooked dinner for himself and his fiancé.
He calls Namjoon but theres no response, he texts him and again there is no response.
Hoseok isn’t going to let his fiancé ruin his good mood, so he sits down on the couch, eats his dinner and watches the drama. But after two long episodes, Hoseok can’t help but worry. So he waits. He waits, and waits, and waits.
Until he looks at the time and sees that it’s already midnight, he sits by the couch and looks out the window, looking at the city lights beyond him. Before he knows it, he has tears streaming down his face. Namjoon was proving Hoseok right, and he didn’t want to be right. He clears his throat and heads to bed without another thought. He sends one final text message, asking him to come home. Hoseok notices that Namjoon has changed, he just hopes nothing changes between them.
Hoseok takes his phone to the bedroom, he puts on one of Namjoon’s hoodies and lays down. It takes him a while to lull himself to sleep, but he eventually does. Hoseok goes to sleep alone, and it wouldn’t be a big deal, but Namjoon could totally be home right now, tracing his fingers along Hoseok’s face and arms to help him sleep.
But he’s not. He hasn’t.
Hoseok tosses and turns throughout the early hours of the night, it's not until he feels the door unlock and the bed dip beside him that he can fully sleep.
They’re the funniest day of the week, Hoseok thinks he laughs more on Saturdays than any other day of the week. There’s no stress over work, over his designs. He also laughs a little, ending with a smile when he finds himself in the kitchen cooking something up for the two of them. It’s bliss, he can see his lazy Saturdays with Namjoon forever. Hoseok sometimes lets his mind wander and dream. Maybe in the future their kids could be helping him make breakfast in bed for Namjoon. He can see it, its there, its there and he just needs Namjoon to get it together. This case isnt so funny.
“Get up, I’m going to wash the sheets.” Hoseok shakes Namjoon’s arm, it's already 1pm. Hoseok let Namjoon sleep in and rest, who knows what kind of night he might’ve had. Namjoon stirs awake and covers his head by pulling the pillow over him. “It’s too early for that.” His voice is deep, a little hoarse but nonetheless Hoseok will always find his fiancés morning voice attractive. “It’s noon.” Hoseok says.
Hoseok goes out to the living room and turns down the volume of the television, he then goes to the kitchen to lower down the stove since he’s making soup. He glances out the windows and realizes it has started raining already. “Shoot.” He bites his lip, he had planned on going to the store using the bus, just to get his mind off things. He feels a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist and pull him in. His back is pressed against Namjoon’s front.
“Good morning.” Namjoon rests his chin on Hoseok’s shoulder and closes his eyes. “I put the sheets in the washer.” Namjoon says. “Thanks.” Hoseok responds, stirring the soup around with the kitchen spoon. “Smells good, babe.” Hoseok moves Namjoon’s arms away and closes the lid of the pot. “Are you still mad?” Namjoon asks.
“Where were you last night?” Hoseok asks, resting his waist against the kitchen counter to look at Namjoon. “You know, working.” Namjoon goes over to the pantry and takes out a granola bar to munch on. “Working?” Hoseok asks.
“Joon, what's going on?” Hoseok looks down at his socks and then back up at Namjoon. “This isn’t like you.” He says. Namjoon scoffs. “This isn't like you either .” Namjoon says and Hoseok gives him a confused look, he’s taken aback. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks. “You’re always asking where I am, who im with, what i'm doing. You’re always breathing down my neck and it's so suffocating. Shoot me if I work late or if I want to have a drinks with my coworkers. Jesus.” Namjoon clenches his jaw and Hoseok has his eyebrows furrowed.
“You do know that we’re together right? Engaged to be married. Sorry for giving a shit? You know that I only ask and check up on you because you’re my partner, we live together, we have a life together. Because I love you. I’ve known you for years and I know how you are, who you are. And I'm telling you that this isn't like you.” Hoseok hates this, hates how they’re arguing. “Why can't you see what I’m seeing? Something’s wrong Joon, what's going on with you?”
Hoseok persists, wont let Namjoon get away with this. He moves over to Namjoon and holds his hands, dismissing whatever Namjoon just said about him because he knows he doesn't mean it, he can't mean it.
“Stop, Hoseok. I'm not doing anything wrong, you’re just being insecure. I need space from being here so I go drink, space from work, so i relax with a drink. Fuck.” Namjoon makes up excuses, he can't have Hoseok know what his father did. It’s embarrassing, insane, and pathetic . He knows Hoseok will understand.
Hoseok backs up. “I don’t recognize you.” He says, tears streaming down his face. “If i'm so suffocating then I have no reason to be here.” He says. Namjoon drops his granola bar and closes his eyes, shaking his head no. He let this go to far, he said things he didn’t mean, never has hoseok ever been suffocating, he never will be. “Hoseok, please. No. I didn’t mean it. I'm just flustered and saying things I don't mean.”
“No, you clearly mean it and I see you. I hear you , I- you and I are no different. I'm suffocating you, and you suffocate me.” Hoseok hiccups and wipes his tears as he leaves the kitchen. Namjoon followed suit, but as he rushes right behind Hoseok, he realizes that Hoseok is right. The stress has been rough on him and instead of telling his fiancé about it, he takes it out on him instead.
He realizes he’s at fault, this is all on him.
He stops in his tracks, standing near the foyer, fingers playing with each other as he watches Hoseok head to the bedroom. “Babe.” Namjoon frowns and watches how Hoseok walks past him. His fiancé opens the door and just as he’s about to take a step out, he hesitates but keeps his hand on the door knob. Hoseok opens his mouth to say something, but his throat is contracted and he’d rather stay silent than do a word vomit.
The look of disappointment and hurt is shown on Hoseok’s face and it's tattooed in Namjoons brain. The day just started and Namjoon knows it'll be a rough one. He keeps himself busy throughout the day. He does the laundry, washes the dishes, finishes the soup Hoseok had made just for them. Namjoon struggles the entire day with himself, you can be busy the entire day but at the end of the night, all you have are your thoughts.
Namjoon sits down on the couch and flips through one of his books before sighing and throwing it across the couch, he can't concentrate. Not when Hoseok is gone and he left his phone here. The night creeps up on Namjoon and he can't take it anymore so he goes out to find his fiancé.
As he walks through the city, past the shops and libraries, Namjoon now understands the kind of worry and hurt his Hoseok must’ve felt. It’s late on a Saturday night. The streets are packed with young people who are out bar hopping, clubbing, drinking. This fear is trapped in Namjoon’s chest as he starts to enter these bars, his anxiety rises each time he exits a bar without his Hoseok.
Namjoon enters a club named Paradise, he walks in hesitantly, the club is dark with red and blue lights, creating an intimate atmosphere. “Wanna dance?” A man grabs Namjoon’s hand as he makes his way through the large crowd. Namjoon can barely hear him through the loud thumping music. He pulls his hand away and looks around the room. Namjoon looks so out of place, he has a baggy t-shirt with his denim pants and Nike’s on. Everyone else is dressed up to party, to let loose. He looks to the left, then the right and then to the middle of the room. Vanished when he saw Hoseok’s face. Hoseok has always been an amazing dancer, Namjoon has always encouraged him to keep dancing, always complimented him, and he especially loves it when they would dance together.
Seeing Hoseok dance with someone else to this sensual club music awakens this anger and jealousy inside Namjoon. He can feel his jawline clench and his eyebrow rise as he makes his way to his fiancé. “That’s enough.” Namjoon yells through the loud music. Hoseok, shocked and interrupted by his fiancé, flinches. “Fuck off!” The other man yells and takes Hoseok’s hand. Namjoon stands in between Hoseok and this guy. “I said thats enough, don’t fucking touch him.” Namjoon yells, though it can barely be heard through the loud crowd singing, laughing, and the music being ungodly loud. He feels Hoseok take his hand from behind. “Joon stop!” Hoseok says loud enough for his fiancé to hear. The other man laughs and gets in Namjoon’s face.
Words are being carelessly thrown between the two, causing a scene. Namjoon lets go of Hoseok’s hand and pushes the man that was dancing a little too close to Hoseok. “Don’t fucking-“ Hoseok takes Namjoon’s hand and tugs him out of the club before things can escalate even more. Namjoon lets himself be taken away from the man, and he’s so upset. They exit the club and stand outside. “Hoseok, what the- who the hell was that? Why were you dancing with him? Where-“ Namjoon is dumbfounded, Hoseok is wearing skinny jeans and they look so good on him, Namjoon almost forgets that he’s mad. Skinny jeans topped with a silky long sleeve button up, which was not exactly buttoned up because Hoseok likes to leave two, sometimes three, buttons undone to show off his neck and necklaces or chains.
“Where did you get that outfit? Where have you been?” Namjoon is out of breath from the adrenaline rush. “Namjoon, what the hell are you thinking? You can't do that to people, pushing and provoking. I bought my clothes, threw the others away.” Hoseok lets go of Namjoon’s hand and crosses his arms together. Namjoon scoffs and shakes his head. “You were dancing with someone else, I mean he was practically twerking or grinding on you-“
“No he wasn’t. I was just dancing, that was all.” Hoseok grunts with frustration. “Babe, whatever- lets go home, it's cold and it's late. It’s going to rain soon.” Namjoon says.
“Then let it rain Joon!” Hoseok laughs bitterly. “I’m having fun here, I’m listening to music and dancing with random people, drinking fruity drinks and eating stale potato chips and I'm having fun. ”
Namjoon sighs and looks down at their shoes before looking back into Hoseok’s eyes. “I'm sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean to say any of that. I didn’t mean it so let's just go home, please. I can't stay still without you. I was looking everywhere for you tonight.”
Hoseok taps his foot anxiously and looks away. “You meant it.” He says. “I bother you and I don't ever leave you alone.” Hoseok wipes his tears away before they can fall. “I mean, I fucking suffocate you.” He laughs and bites his bottom lip. The man who had been dancing, steps outside and looks at the couple. “Hoseok, you okay? Do you know this guy?” Hoseok turns around and he wipes his tears. Namjoon scoffs and is about to say something, but Hoseok beats him to it. “Yeah, Bohyun. It’s okay, I’m okay. Go inside.” Hoseok smiles sadly, but its enough for Bohyun to head back inside.
It’s silent between them.
“You don’t suffocate me.” Namjoon reassures him. “Then why did you say that?” Hoseok asks. “I was just rambling, its meaningless Hobi.” Namjoon takes a step closer and slowly takes Hoseok’s hand in his. He places a soft kiss on top of his fiances hand. “I need you.” Namjoon whispers. “I love you.” He says. “Please.” Namjoon softly begs for Hoseok. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
Hoseok feels like there's barbed wire wrapped around his throat, and he chokes back a sob. He loves Namjoon with all of his heart, every single fiber and cell that exists inside Hoseok, completely and totally loves and adores Namjoon. Hoseok looks up at his fiancé with doe-like eyes, his nose is pink from the cold and his eyes are puffy from crying. Namjoon leans down and places a soft kiss on Hoseok’s lips.
“I…” Hoseok looks down after the kiss and shrugs. “I'll see you later, don't wait up.” Hoseok says softly before he disappears back into the club. Namjoon watches as his fiancé heads back inside, and it leaves an open wound in his heart.
Namjoon leaves, takes the long way home and he gets lost in his thoughts. Now he’s afraid. Afraid that Hoseok will leave him. The walk back home Namjoon uses to reflect back on his actions. He accepts he’s fully at fault, accepts that he’s not the best person right now. Accepts that it’s time to tell Hoseok the entire truth.
Namjoon gets home, he doesn’t change into his pajamas just in case Hoseok will call him to pick him up. He lays down on the bed and his anxiety calms down. He knows he’s getting a taste of his own medicine and now he understands what Hoseok went through. Namjoon knows his words were hard to hear and even harder to take back.
Hoseok doesn’t come home until 3am and it’s this massive weight that lightens from Namjoon’s chest. Namjoon hears the door to the bedroom open, so he sits up and turns on the light that’s on the bedside table. “Babe.” Namjoon stands up and makes his way to Hoseok, who’s wet from the rain. “I told you it would rain.” Namjoon frowns and quickly grabs a towel for Hoseok.
“I’m fine, Namjoon.” Hoseok takes the towel and makes his way to the restroom.
Namjoon changes into his pajamas finally, and he grabs one of his shirts for Hoseok to sleep in. Hoseok takes a quick shower and Namjoon waits patiently as he finally reads a couple pages of the book he had attempted to read earlier. Hoseok walks out of the bathroom with just a towel on. “Forgot my jammies.” Hoseok says tiredly as he makes his way to the walk-in closet. “I have your pajamas here.” Namjoon closes his book and takes his university school shirt and then hands it to him.
Hoseok tries his best not to laugh, he knows Namjoon needs confirmation that they’re okay. Offering his shirt as pajamas is sort of hilariously cute to him, but it doesn't make what Namjoon said okay, or yet what they both said okay. Hoseok takes it in his hand and disappears back into the bathroom to finish his night routine. Meanwhile, Namjoon waits patiently on the bed with his back leaning against the backboard.
“You’re acting strange.” Is the first thing Hoseok says once he’s sitting on the side of the bed. “You say I’ve changed and now I feel like someone you don’t know.” Namjoon responds, and there's that rebuttal that Hoseok was dreading. “See, you don't even let me get a word in, a thought in. Why can't you see what I'm seeing?”
It doesn't take much for Namjoon to shut up. He invites Hoseok to take the floor instead. “Again,” Hoseok sighs and moves over to Namjoons side of the bed, he sits with his legs crossed, in front of him. They’re repeating themselves again, going in circles and Hoseok is determined to get to the bottom of it.
There’s an overwhelming sense of calm and silence between them, one they haven’t felt in so long. “Tell me.” Hoseok whispers. “Just tell me, whatever it is.” Hoseok takes Namjoon’s hand and caresses it softly. Namjoon told himself he would tell Hoseok all about his family’s mess, its just not the right time to tell him. Nothing is set in place, he has no plan, he’s using his savings to keep the stupid company afloat, and most importantly he doesnt want the pity, and he knows that if he tells Hoseok the truth right now, he’ll offer him money and all the resources he has and thats just… it doesn’t sit right with Namjoon.
With no response from Namjoon, Hoseok tries his best in that moment to keep it together. Maybe he’s being too persistent, maybe Hoseok needs to be more patient, he’s reading too much into this, he’s overthinking like usual. It has to be because it's the only explanation he can come up with on his own. Hoseok stares into Namjoon’s eyes, he searches for an answer in them but all he sees is hesitation. He leaves it at that. Namjoon knows Hoseok can call his bluff and see right through him. God, it takes everything in Hoseok to not let out a sob. It takes everything in him to stay here, to stay when his partner is not talking to him, not telling him what's been happening.
Still, Hoseok lets him win.
The following morning is quiet, as most Sunday’s are. There’s no traffic, no one walking out in the city. Everyone sleeps in and snuggles into their covers, but not Namjoon. He likes to wake up and watch Hoseok breathe. His snores are adorable, and the way his cheats heaves up and down, up and down, Namjoon is reminded of his reason and soul purpose of their engagement to each other. To love each other in the good and the bad, to be honest.
Hoseok stirs awake, his eyelids slowly fade into the present and his eyes land on Namjoon’s. “Mornin” Namjoon whispers as he reaches out towards Hoseok to take his hand. Hoseok forces a smile on his face, it hurts. “Morning.” He responds with a yawn and a stretch. It’s dark and grey out, with the rain still pattering against the windows. “Let’s stay in bed all day.” Namjoon whispers, wanting to get closer to Hoseok. “I have work to do.” He says. “Can it wait?” Namjoon asks. “I’m actually gonna head to my office, so I won't be home.” Hoseok gets out of bed and goes ahead with his morning routine, leaving Namjoon in bed.
Namjoon sits up and rubs his eyes, his hair is up and tangled in crazy ways. Namjoon gets ready for the day too, despite it being rainy and cold outside, he supposes he can accompany his fiancé to work. Hoseok dresses into a professional outfit and just as he’s fixing his hair, he gets a call from Yoongi. His phone, thats on the night stand, buzzes and sings a familiar tune. He rushes to his phone, unplugs it from the charger and answers.
“Hey.” Hoseok whispers. Namjoon, who is also changing, feels his ear perk up to listen. “Yeah, almost done. I’ll be down in a sec.” He hangs up and stuffs his phone in his pocket. “Um..” Hoseok catches himself wanting to laugh because why is he feeling so awkward right now? “Yoongi-hyung is downstairs, so I’ll be catching a ride with him.” Hoseok grabs his backpack and puts it over his shoulders. “Oh, I was actually thinking we could go on the bus together and I can wait for you at a coffee shop while you finish up your work. What do you say?” Namjoon fumbles with putting on his shoes. “Oh.” Hoseok blinks. “I kinda already made plans with Hyung, but I’ll just cancel them.” Hoseok takes out his phone and Namjoon feels like a burden. “No, no its okay. I’ll just pick you up then?” He asks.
“Sure.” Hoseok answers plainly and he doesn't mean to, but it just came out that way. “I’ll see you later, I love you.” Namjoon walks over to Hoseok and leans down to kiss him on the lips, but Hoseok moves his head to the side and Namjoon’s lips land on Hoseok’s cheek. “Im late.” Hoseok checks his watch and starts to rush out the bedroom. “See you.” Hoseok says as he leaves the apartment
Namjoon takes this free opportunity to head over to his father’s company- which really is now his. Namjoon hasn’t had the time to grieve over the fact that his dad quite literally ran away. Though his trust fund had disappeared, Namjoon’s mother is a smart woman who kept all of her accounts separate from her husband. The only worry now is that they have to start their electronic company from scratch. The factories were safe, it all had to do with the new CEO’s, the directors- Namjoon and his mother had to assign these titles to people they trusted.
“Your dad taught you everything you needed to know.” They’re in his fathers old office, sitting on the couch across from each other with all kinds of documents on the coffee table. “I have my own dreams, mom. I don’t want to take over the company. I have Hoseok, and no offense mom, really, but I just don't want to end up like you and dad. I haven’t even told Hoseok all of this was happening because I… I know he’ll just worry about me and you. I need him to be strong for us.” Namjoon sighs as he lets his true feelings out.
“You need to tell Hoseok, all those late night meetings we’ve had with investors and directors, where you had to please the men with expensive food and alcohol to convince them to stay… what did you tell Hoseok you were doing?” His mother, concerned, takes a small sip of her tea and gives him an i can’t believe you look. “I told him I was finishing up projects for my NIKE campaign.” Namjoon sighs with frustration and covers his face with his hands. “Do me a favor son, and tell Hoseok before he thinks something else is going on. He’s marrying into the family and soon enough he will be my son-in-law, he’s going to be a part of all of this. You must be honest, this is not how I raised you.”
Getting a lecture from his mother was really the last thing Namjoon needed today because he missed the bus to pick up Hoseok and it's pouring rain.
Namjoon stands outside of the company building with his phone hovering over his ear. He calls Hoseok, but there's no answer and Namjoon can feel his chest tighten as he hails a cab. He texts Hoseok, assuring him he’s on his way, but it's too late because just as the cab pulls up to Hoseok’s work, he sees his fiancé underneath an umbrella with Yoongi. Yoongi who is kind, Yoongi who is protective of Hoseok, Yoongi who’s right shoulder is getting rained on so that Hoseok wont get wet from the rain. Yoongi, who is in love with Hoseok.
Namjoon stays in the cab and watches them. Yoongi mumbles something and Hoseok’s smile is wide and he can hear his laugh through the patterning of the rain and the tires sliding along the road. It’s in slow motion. “Sir, we’re here.” The driver announces. “Ah, right, thank you.” Namjoon pays for the car.
“Hoseok!” Namjoon calls out, he opens the umbrella and jogs over to his fiancé, who had turned his head around. Namjoon catches up and Hoseok looks so cute with his pink nose due to the cold. “Hey, sorry I’m late. There was traffic, but I'm here now.” Hoseok bites down his lip and nods his head. “Thank you Yoongs, for today.” Hoseok says as he moves from under Yoongi’s umbrella, to Namjoons. “Anytime Hob-ah.”
“Thanks Yoongi, for keeping my Hoseok-ah company.” Namjoon bows politely to his elder and takes his fiance's hand in his. Yoongi hums and nods his head. “See you around Namjoon-ah.” And then he’s off.
“I don’t like him.” Namjoon says as soon as Yoongi is far away enough to not hear. Hoseok rolls his eyes. “Stop, please.” He says tiredly, “Not today.” Namjoon sighs and mumbles an apology under his breath. He wraps his arm around Hoseok as they walk over to the bus stop. It has been so long since they have been on a bus, and it feels nostalgic watching Hoseok rest his head against the window and their hands interlocked inside Namjoon's coat pocket.
Days pass by them and Hoseok feels like he’s a million miles away from Namjoon. He’s taking secret phone calls, always has someone to text. Tonight, Hoseok doesn't pace around the apartment when Namjoon doesn't come home at a decent time, he’s used to it now, he tells himself he doesn't care, but that's just not true. He’s come to a realization that if Namjoon doesn't want to talk about it, he won't push it.
Hoseok wakes up in a sweat in the middle of the night. A nightmare that had felt too real for him causes him to sit up in bed. He pants and reaches out to hold Namjoon’s hand, but he doesn't feel anything. Hoseok turns on the lights and just like when he falls asleep, Namjoon’s side of the bed is empty. Worried, Hoseok slides into his slippers and goes out into the living room. Hoseok takes a deep breath as he prepares himself.
Hoseok is relieved when he hears Namjoon’s snores coming from the couch. He sits down on the floor and rests his chin on his knees and watches Namjoon breathe. So much is going on between them, Hoseok doesn't know where to start, he feels like he’s taking up space and time.
Namjoon stirs awake, he had felt a presence around him while sleeping. His body feels weak and his head is heavy and pounding against itself. He groans and notices his fiancé sitting on the floor. So cute, Namjoon thinks. He had fallen asleep sitting down.
Despite Namjoon’s hangover, he makes an effort and carries his Hoseok to bed. Watching Hoseok breathe brings a soft smile to Namjoon’s lips, and it's immediately taken back when he remembers what's been happening. He caresses Hoseok’s cheek and presses a small kiss on his forehead. “Hey.” Hoseok wakes, his voice groggy. It hadn’t been long since he had fallen asleep outside, just about thirty minutes. The sky is still dark, gloomy and sad. “Hey.” Namjoon lays down beside him and gets under the covers. “Where were you?” Hoseok asks, his eyes squinting as they try to focus on Namjoon’s face. “Just out with co-workers.” Namjoon whispers back. It’s silent for a while, and Namjoon can feel the tension between them, he can feel the hesitation from Hoseok’s mouth. “Okay.” Is all Hoseok says. It’s a relief to hear, but what Namjoon doesn't understand is that he is on a dangerous path, Hoseok not caring anymore can possibly be the worst thing to happen in any kind of relationship.
“See you tonight?” Hoseok has the biggest smile on his face, it's too early for it but he’s just too excited. Hoseok’s company hosts a big charity event at the end of every month, and it's officially the end of November. Finally Christmas was around the corner, it was already snowing outside, and everything in the world was warm and cozy for them. Namjoon yawns and rubs his eyes as he sits up on the bed, against the bed frame. “Hmm?” He questions. Hoseok slaps his arm playfully and moves onto Namjoon’s lap. “The charity event, you’re my date as always.” He giggles and pecks his lips. “I hate those.” Namjoon groans. “They’re for rich people who need to feel important, why don't we just donate and stay home?” Namjoon’s eyes are closed, but he keeps one eye open to see Hoseok’s reaction. Hoseok rolls his eyes and pushes Namjoon lightly. “Stop, babe.”
Namjoon wraps his arms around his hoseok and kisses his neck. “What will you give me in return?” He mumbles against Hoseok’s throat, it sends shivers down Hoseok’s spine as he lets himself close his eyes. It’s been so long since they’ve been okay. Namjoon hadn’t been out drinking or coming home late this entire month, and finally Hoseok feels like things are looking up for them. They can go back to their routines, to how they were. Hoseok bites his bottom lip and grips his hold on Namjoon. “Anything.” He responds in a shaky breath. “Can we-“
“Yes.” Hoseok responds eagerly, cutting his fiancé off. Namjoon and Hoseok have the biggest smiles on their faces. “Tonight?” Namjoon asks. “After.” Hoseok finishes. Namjoon pulls back and pushes Hoseok’s hair out of his face. “If I can hold back, yes.” Namjoon answers. Hoseok blushes and Namjoon falls deeper in love with Hoseok. All these years together, Hoseok still makes Namjoon’s heart race and his mouth dry. “See you tonight.” Namjoon confirms. “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
Hoseok takes his suit to work, knowing he will have a long day, it would be better to change at work and head over to the event with Yoongi and wait for Namjoon there. The day goes by in a blur, there were so many meetings, so many people in his office today. But it’s all worth it because tonight he’s going to let loose, dance a little with his fiancé, eat good food and drink expensive champagne.
The sun sets and the darkness creeps in, the few inches of snow outside make the last night more memorable. The venue is already filling up, people are getting out of expensive cars for the valet to take. The women are dressed in their fanciest gowns and the richest jewels. “Let’s wait inside.” Yoongi says. “It’s too cold.” He complains and Hoseok complies. Hoseok is in a small circle of people, talking with others while still keeping an eye on the door, waiting for his beloved to come in at any moment.
“How have you been?” Someone asks, and really Hoseok can't concentrate on this conversation. It’s already 8pm, Namjoon must be running late. And Hoseok makes himself smile, maybe he went to buy me flowers . The thought of Namjoon buying Hoseok flowers right now would be the perfect way to start the night, especially with the plans that they have later. It was like slow motion, Hoseok standing there in his best attire with no one to impress. He forces a smile on his face when people ask where Namjoon is, he makes an excuse for him, something about being stuck at work again because “He’s practically running that marketing team.” He says in different ways throughout the night. By the time 10pm arrives, Hoseok accepts the fact that Namjoon wasn’t going to show up at all.
He eats with Yoongi and Yoongi’s date, some guy he had met online. Hoseok drinks expensive champagne to forget, and he doesnt dance tonight. He looks up at the people dancing, people laughing and talking, couples kissing. They’re all laughing and having a good time and Hoseok can’t take it any longer. He stands up and quickly makes his way to the bathroom as tears stream down his face. He cant even look at himself through the bathroom mirror because he feels so pathetic. “Hobi.”
Hoseok turns to see Yoongi with his eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t look at me like that.” Hoseok says in a whisper. “Like what?” Yoongi asks. “Like I'm a loser or something.” Yoongi walks over to Hoseok and places his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder. “I’m not looking at you like that.” He says. Hoseok is leaning against the sink, his palms spread over the white marble counter. “He won’t answer my calls, his phone is off. He said he’d be here.” Hoseok turns to look at his best friend, his best friend who this time, has no advice to give, has nothing to say.
Hoseok spent his night getting pulled down by Namjoon. He donates a generous amount of money in his and Namjoon’s name and hears home. “You sure you don’t want a ride?” Yoongi asks. Hoseok smiles softly, his eyes a little bloodshot from crying. “No, I’m just gonna walk, I’ll see you Monday.” Yoongi gets in the driver's seat, but he’s unsure. He can't leave Hoseok here, not like this. “Don’t be stupid, get in.” He says as he rolls down the window to talk to Hoseok.
Hoseok gets in the passenger seat and he feels better now because Yoongi turned on the seat warmer. He turns his body towards the door and stares out the window. Christmas lights glisten as they drive away. He feels tears stream down his face as he remembers Namjoon’s promise from earlier, his commitment.
“See you Monday.” Yoongi says to Hoseok, who is standing outside of Yoongi’s side of the car. “See you.” He says as he starts to walk away. “Hoseok.” Yoongi calls out. “Yeah?” Hoseok turns around with his hands stuffed in his coat pockets. “Never mind, I think you know.”
Hoseok looks down at his feet and nods his head. Yoongi drives away and Hoseok looks up at the tall building before heading inside. Hoseok puts the pin to get inside the apartment, he steps inside and takes off his shoes. He hears the door lock behind him and the lights automatically turn on in the foyer. Hoseok takes off his coat and places it on the couch. It’s silent, but he can hear the cars from outside.
Hoseok enters the bedroom and sees Namjoon sleeping. He reeks of alcohol and he can smell the smoke off of Namjoon’s clothes. “Wake up.” Hoseok says as he turns on the lights. “Wake up.” With his fingertips, Hoseok pokes Namjoon’s chest. He walks away and undoes his tie, throwing it in the hamper. Namjoon stirs awake and he sits up, one of his legs hanging over the bed. Namjoon’s head is pounding over and over, he’s groggy and so so out of it. He groans and shushes Hoseok. “Wake up, Joon!” Hoseok raises his voice.
“Jesus, Hoseok.” Namjoon rubs his eyes and blinks to focus his sight. “Oh shit, what time is it?” He asks. Hoseok looks at the time. “Midnight.” He says. “Where were you tonight?” Hoseok asks. “At work. I'm sorry I couldn’t tell you, my phone died.” Namjoon is still dressed in one of his work suits. “I called you over and over, you know my phone number, you couldn’t ask to borrow a phone?” Hoseok asks.
“My bad, that one is on me.” Namjoon laughs, still clearly and utterly drunk. “I needed you tonight Joon. I trusted your word when you said you would come tonight. Do you know how embarrassing it is to tell people you were going to be there and then take it back? I came up with some lie to make you look good.” Hoseok feels hurt when he hears Namjoon laugh. “Is this a joke to you?” He asks. “It just a stupid charity, we dont even like those.” Namjoon stands up and stumbles his way over to Hoseok, and he tries to kiss him but Hoseok pulls away. “You’re drunk.” Hoseok says, disgusted. Namjoon sighs and sits down on the bed. “I don’t mean anything to you anymore, do I?” Hoseok asks. “Hoseok, you mean everything to me dont say that.”
“You dont show it.” Hoseok says. “Over and over I have shown up for you, defended you, forgave you, protected you. You don’t do the same for me anymore.” Hoseok pours his heart out. “Hoseok, stop it, T-That’s not true.” Hoseok sits on one of the lounge chairs they have. “I take care of you, provide for you, love you. I do all of that so don’t come to me with this bullshit.” Namjoon scoffs and Hoseok laughs through his tears.
“You coming home drunk and dazed at odd hours of the night isn't you caring for me. I worry all night, worry the next morning. I dread waking up because I don’t know what version of you I’m gonna get.” Hoseok sniffles, he has this heavy weight on his chest and it’s hard to breathe.
Namjoon hates this arguing between him and Hoseok, but he’s so drunk he can't even think straight. “I don’t want to have this conversation again, it's like a broken record that won’t stop.” Hoseok closes his eyes and shakes his head. “You never want to talk about anything anymore.” Namjoon catches Hoseok’s eyes and doesn’t move away from them.”Neither do you, you’re always mad about something Hoseok, like fuck. You think you’re so perfect, but the truth is you’ve made mistakes between us too.”
“You’re different. You aren’t the Hoseok I used to know.” Namjoon stands up and so does Hoseok. Namjoon paces around the room. “You- You— you dance with random people, you hang out with Yoongi. I defended you and gave you the benefit of the doubt but you obviously know he’s in love with you! He’s in love with you and you hang out with him, like what the fuck? I’m your fiancé, not him.”
“You’re not making any sense.” Hoseok says. “You don’t know what you’re saying, so don't throw that to me.” Hoseok wipes his tears and sits back down, he can feel Namjoon staring at him. Those eyes add insult to injury. “That doesn’t- Yoongi is with someone else but that’s not the point, the point is…” Hoseok takes a deep breath and his words come out shakily.
“I just wanted you there tonight, and you can't even do that. Maybe I’m just trying way too hard to keep you.” Hoseok’s voice is drained, shaky, and tired. His eyes sting from crying now, and maybe it’s the champagne that’s making him speak like this, but it’s the truth.
oThe room is dead silent, and Namjoon is now sober. Hoseok’s word’s hit him like a train. “Your love is cruel.” Namjoon says.
“Then I guess you and I aren't that different.” Hoseok responds.
“I guess not.”
Hoseok looks down at the tie turned engagement ring that Namjoon had made him. Namjoon walks over to Hoseok and shakes his head. “Let’s stop, we’re heated and don’t know what we’re saying. I’m not making sense, and neither are you.” Namjoon takes Hoseok’s hand in his and squeezes it. Hoseok squeezes back before letting go and turning his body away from Namjoon. “I can’t do this anymore.” Hoseok says, his head hung as he squeezes his eyes shut. He clenches his teeth together and gulps. Hoseok finally finds the courage to say what’s been on his mind.
Namjoon turns Hoseok around with his large hands, his eyes tearing up. “Babe-“ They look into each other’s eyes, they’re both hurt. They’re both gone. Namjoon opens his palm and feels the ring he made for Hoseok, in the palm of his hand.
Namjoon’s voice is deep and breaking, his grip on Hoseok’s arms are loose and he feels weak.
“Let’s break up.”
Hoseok sits down on the floor of his new apartment. He looks around at the empty room and rests his chin on his knees.
This isn’t how he pictured his new year to be like. He bites his lip and hides his face in his arms as he cries. Yoongi rubs his arm and shushes him. “You’ll be okay.”
“I know, I just… had so many plans but it’s okay. I’m okay. Let’s finish unpacking some stuff.” Hoseok says softly. He wipes his face and starts to decorate around his new apartment. He supposes all good things come to an end, right?
Namjoon looks around his apartment, one he shared with Hoseok. Hoseok who left him that night. And Namjoon hopes the sun shines for Hoseok and that it’s a beautiful day.
His day to day life is a lot different now, he’s more productive during the day. This includes laundry, attempting to cook, reading, reading, and more reading. Not just that, but he stepped down from his job in marketing and accepted the role as CEO from their family company, Kim’s Skincare. The once private matter that had occurred between the family had gone public. News of Namjoon’s father stealing and fleeing the country had become national news. The only person who could fully step up and take over was none other than Namjoon, who had gotten a lot of hate but still, he persevered. He’s drowned in work these days, and although he swears he can’t hear the voice in the back of his mind that reminds him of Hoseok, his name echoes through his mind.
The wound Hoseok left in Namjoon’s heart is fresh. No matter how long he’ll work, how busy he is, when he’s underneath the covers all he can think about is Hoseok. His love, his everything. Namjoon’s heart aches and it feels as if someone had died, a loss so hard that Namjoon feels as if he can barely make it most nights. Namjoon wonders how he’s doing these days, has he eaten? How are his projects coming along? Has he visited their friends at all?
Is he happy?
Namjoon stirs around in his bed that has no business being this big anymore because Hoseok is gone. Hoseok is gone and yet Namjoon only sleeps on the left side of the bed. Old habits die hard.
He unplugs his phone from the charger and unlocks it. They unfollowed each other on instagram and Hoseok changed his username to something completely random. But Namjoon knew this phone routine all too well. He went to his following, clicked on his friend Seokjin’s instagram page, clicked on the first photo and went to the comment section. He finds Yoongi’s comment and clicks on his account, from there Namjoon goes to the likes and finds Hoseok’s account.
It’s not something he’s proud of, but Namjoon can’t help but look. He’s curious. Namjoon’s heart clenches as he notices all the photos Hoseok had posted of them were now gone. Not only that but all of Hoseok’s instagram photos were gone. With no success of seeing what Hoseok was up to these days, he gives up and turns off his phone. Namjoon sits up and looks down at the snowfall. He wonders if Hoseok still loves him. How can he? Namjoon’s groans and opens up Instagram again. He finds Hoseok’s page all over again and wait- there’s a new photo.
It’s a couple of photos so Namjoon swipes right to see them all. Hoseok had posted his sisters dog, a plate of food, and a picture of his outfit in the mirror. Namjoon frowns, he looks skinnier than when they last saw each other. Or maybe it’s the angle, god he’s just making shit up now. Namjoon swipes right for the last picture and it’s a selfie of Hoseok.
Hoseok’s instagram caption reads: eternal sunshine.
Butterflies burst around Namjoon’s stomach and his mouth runs dry when he sees Hoseok’s platinum blonde hair. His skin is radiating against this color and Namjoon is jealous. So jealous that Hoseok is walking around looking like that . Anyone could ask Hoseok out and Hoseok could say yes if he wanted too. Could kiss them if he wanted, maybe even have—
Namjoon sighs and realizes Hoseok is awake right now. He paces around the room with his finger hovering over Hoseok’s contact. Minutes pass and he feels himself getting cold sweats as he presses the button to call.
It rings once.
Namjoon is about to press the red button to hang up, but the screen turns on and it’s Hoseok who has answered.
Namjoon’s throat goes dry once again and it takes a huge gulp and courage to go through with this. “H-Hoseok, hey. It’s Namjoon.”
Namjoon sits down on the bed and plugs his earphones into his phone to hear Hoseok clearer (or to pretend they’re sitting beside each other but he digresses).
“I know.” He responds.
Namjoon taps his foot. “Did I wake you? Sorry, I know it’s late.”
“No, I’ve been up for a while actually. It’s okay.” Hoseok says through Namjoon’s earphones. Namjoon nods his head and lays down, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. “It’s so nice to hear you Hobi-ah.” Namjoon says softly.
It’s quiet. The spring snow outside falls down silently and Namjoon is cold without Hoseok. “Yeah.” Hoseok whispers over the phone. “It’s nice to hear your voice too.” Namjoon can almost feel Hoseok beside him. Namjoon would give anything in the world to turn back time, to make things right between them. To be honest from the very beginning.
“It’s cold tonight, are you staying warm? I think the temperature is going to drop a little later.” Namjoon tries to make conversation, any conversation with Hoseok is okay, even if it’s just so he could hear his voice. “Kind of.” Hoseok responds. “My apartment doesn’t have any heating, or a fireplace so I’m bundled up in blankets and heat packs.” Hoseok responds, his voice is tender and smooth. And it reminds Namjoon of their late night talks in bed when Hoseok would caress Namjoon’s hair or when they would cuddle and chat through the night. He feels bad that Hoseok’s place doesn’t have any heating, he should’ve kept this apartment instead, but he remembers Hoseok insisting that this apartment was never really his. Namjoon knows he tainted their time together, and he regrets it.
“How many blankets?” Namjoon asks, though really it’s not important, he’d rather keep Hoseok warm right now. “Just two, but they’re warm.” Hoseok says. “They’re the ones I got in Busan.” He says. “Oh yeah, those kept us warm, I remember.” Namjoon responds back.
There’s a comfortable silence over the phone. He’s here, Namjoon can feel him. Their connection is so strong that Namjoon can’t believe they aren’t together anymore, and can't believe Hoseok isn’t his.
“What did you do today?” Namjoon asks. His question turns into an entire conversation, it feels so good to talk to him again, to hear the sweetness in Hoseok’s voice. His nighttime voice is smooth, like a whisper. It’s a dreamscape.
Namjoon listens to Hoseok talk about something that happened at work, he smiles when he hears Hoseok’s laugh. God it’s been so long since he’s heard his favorite song, Hoseok’s laugh. “I miss you.” Namjoon admits to Hoseok. “I miss you so much.” Namjoon repeats.
“Joonie.” Hoseok whispers back. “Please.” And Namjoon can hear a sniffle on the other end. “Don’t.” Hoseok finishes.
“I can’t.” Namjoon says. “I won't,” Namjoon says. “I miss you everyday.”
“Can I come over?” Namjoon interrupts.
“I don’t know… if that’s a good idea” Hoseok says.
“Please, I need to see you.” Namjoon says. “I miss you.”
There’s silence over the phone and Namjoon thinks he’s lost his chance because there’s no answer, but then he hears a very small “Okay.”
Namjoon stands in front of Hoseok’s door, he had sent him the address before coming. The roads were icy and the outside was freezing, but Namjoon’s heart was pumping a million miles a minute.
“Hey.” Hoseok answers the door, he’s dressed in a long sleeve shirt with his cute pajama pants and socks. Namjoon looks into Hoseok’s eyes and smiles. “Hi.” Namjoon’s walks inside the apartment. It's as small and cozy as he had imagined. “Your hair.” Namjoon points out. Hoseok laughs shyly and scratches his head. “You look beautiful.” Namjoon says. Hoseok looks away. “Trying out different things.” Namjoon takes off his coat and they head over to the living room area, but there’s no furniture. So instead they make their way inside Hoseok’s room.
The small purple twinkling lights ignite a sort of mood in the room, intimate, close. They talk for a little while as they sit down on the bed, until they both can’t really sit like that without getting cold. They slip under the covers, both staring up at the ceiling.
“Are you cold?” Namjoon asks in a whisper. His left hand is in the middle of the bed and Hoseok’s right hand is laying right beside it. Namjoon sneakily moves his hand a little closer until their pinkies are touching. “Yeah.” Hoseok turns to look at Namjoon, his partner of so long it feels like second nature to look at him like this. At that moment, the lights turn off. And so do the lights from the other buildings on the street. A power outage. Hoseok’s gasps and Namjoon holds Hoseok’s hand. They’re cold and icy. “You’re freezing.” Namjoon says. He lays on his side and brings Hoseok’s hands up to his mouth. He blows his hot breath onto them and runs them together with his. With the moon spilling in, Namjoon wraps his arms around Hoseok’s tiny waist and brings him into his chest. Hoseok looks up and Namjoon looks down at him. Once again, Namjoon knows there’s no other place he'd rather be than here with Hoseok.
Their noses touch and it feels like home. Namjoon’s hand is resting on the bottom of Hoseok’s back, he tugs him closer and Hoseok takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around Namjoon’s neck. Hoseok’s fingers run through Namjoon’s hair slowly. Their breaths hitch when their noses touch. Namjoon opens his eyes, and Hoseok is looking right back. His honey like eyes are so inviting, Hoseok gives in and closes the gap between them. Namjoon kisses back, but the kiss was too short. He chases Hoseok’s lips and closes the gap between them one more time. This time Hoseok doesn’t pull away. They melt into each other and become one as Namjoon invites his tongue inside of Hoseok’s mouth, and without hesitation Hoseok gladly welcomes him in.
A small kiss turns into a make out session. Their lips clash together, small squeaks from their lips are the only thing that’s heard in the room. Namjoon’s hands roam Hoseok’s body as gently as possible and though this is moving fast, he’s gentle and careful with his love. Namjoon moves his body on top of Hoseok, dominating him entirely. Shirts are lost somewhere along the way, Namjoon kisses Hoseok’s lips over and over before making his way towards Hoseok’s neck. Their pants and undergarments scattered around the floor. He sucks on Hoseok’s neck, leaving a love bite behind. “You’re so beautiful, I love you.” Namjoon says as he admires Hoseok’s body.
This only speeds things up between the two. The friction between the two is hard and Namjoon can’t hold back any longer, and Hoseok feels the same. “I-“ Namjoon pants. “I didn’t bring condoms.” Namjoon says breathlessly. Hoseok has his arms wrapped around Namjoon as he kisses his neck. “Top drawer, lube is there too.” Hoseok pants.
Namjoon gets off of Hoseok and takes out the condoms and lube, he dismisses his question as to why Hoseok has these if they’re broken up. For a second, he wonders if Hoseok is seeing someone, if he’s slept with anyone else.
“Do you need help?” Hoseok asks, he sits up and places a hand on Namjoon’s back. “No, I got it baby.” Namjoon assured him.
Hoseok smiles and lays back down and waits for Namjoon.
It’s a puzzle piece that’s complete. Namjoon fits inside of Hoseok so well. He takes it well and Namjoon falls even more in love with Hoseok. “God, Hoseok.” Namjoon groans and Hoseok moans and whimpers with every thrust, he holds onto Namjoon’s shoulders as they rock back and forth in a fast rhythm. Namjoon’s hand wraps around Hoseok’s member and strokes him softly.
“Like that, like that.” Hoseok moans and squeezes his eyes shut. Namjoon does as told and does it the way Hoseok likes it. “I love you.” Namjoon says as he’s close. He tries to make eye contact with Hoseok like they always do whenever they make love, but it’s hard to catch his eyes this time, almost as if he’s avoiding his eyes. He tugs a little at Hoseok’s hair, seeing him like this with the platinum hair color arouses Namjoon, Hoseok is ethereal. “Oh fuck- Joonie-“ Hoseok moans and finally looks into Namjoon’s eyes. “Y-Yes like that, faster, faster baby.” Hoseok pants and pants, his chest feeling heavy. Namjoon and Hoseok’s forehead are touching, quite literally face to face, as he thrusts himself faster and deeper.
“I love you, fuck— I love you.” Namjoon moans and Hoseok gasps as he feels Namjoon come. Namjoon exhales as he feels Hoseok come on him too.
Hoseok pants, his eyes looking up at the ceiling. Namjoon stays inside of Hoseok as he leans down to kiss him. “I love you.” Namjoon repeats, waiting for Hoseok to say it back. “I love you, my love.”
“You’re still inside me.” Hoseok says with a small laugh. Namjoon smiles and laughs along too, he pulls out and collapses next to Hoseok. He turns to cuddle with him, but Hoseok is already sitting up with a blanket around him. “I’ll get the towels to clean us up.” Hoseok says. “Babe, no not yet. Let’s hold each other.” Namjoon reaches over, but he’s too late. “I don’t want it to get sticky and dry.” Hoseok explains, so Namjoon complies.
They clean up their mess and Hoseok gets up to change into his pajamas. “Wear my shirt.” Namjoon whispers. “It’s warmer.” He says.
“What will you sleep in?” Hoseok asks. “My clothes don’t fit you, I’ll just wear mine.” He says. But really Namjoon just wants to see Hoseok wear his clothes, like he used to before.
“Or we can just sleep like this, without anything.” Namjoon smiles. “It’s not like we haven’t done this before.” He says in a smirk.
“It’s cold, I’ll just change into my clothes.” Hoseok says.
Namjoon watches Hoseok’s silhouette as he changes into the pajamas, and it feels different. Something’s off and Namjoon sits up to change back into his clothes, which have just been a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. Hoseok lies back down onto the bed and stares at the ceiling. Namjoon lays beside him and pulls him in close under the covers. Hoseok hides his face in the crook of Namjoon’s neck and wraps his arms around Namjoon.
“Did you like it?” Namjoon asks in a whisper. “I wasn’t too harsh, was I?” And Hoseok pulls back to look at him. “No, no you weren’t harsh at all. I loved it. Did you like… me?” Hoseok asks.
Namjoon chuckles and he feels a blush creep onto his face. “I always like you.” Namjoon says. “You’re the only one who sees me like this. I’m the only one who gets to see you in your most vulnerable state, right? And I… I love you. I loved it.” Namjoon leans down and kisses Hoseok, he feels Hoseok kiss him back a little hesitantly, but nonetheless he still does kiss back.
“Do you love me?” Namjoon asks. Hoseok pulls back and moves his hair out of his face. “What?” He asks. Namjoon moves his arms off of Hoseok and asks again. “Hoseok, it’s a simple question. Do you still love me?”
“Joon, stop, I don't want to talk about this. We just- let’s just enjoy the night together.” At this moment, the lights turn back on and the purple lights illuminate the room, along with the other yellow-like lights. “Hoseok how is this a- a topic of conversation, it’s how you feel about me. It hasn’t been that long, I don’t understand. Do you love me?”
Namjoon stands up and walks around the room. “Joon, stop, you’re getting frustrated for no reason. Let’s just go to sleep.” Hoseok says. “Hoseok, do you love me or not?” Namjoon’s eyes are glossy and he’s on the verge of leaving.
Hoseok sits up and rests his back on the bed frame. “Of course I do.” He says finally. Namjoon’s heart races and he sits down in front of Hoseok. “Then say it.” Namjoon whispers. “I need to hear you say it, please. I- I love you. I love you so much Hoseok.”
Hoseok looks down at his hands and he’s sniffling. He shakes his head no. “I can’t.” He admits. “I can’t say it because if I do, I’ll never stop saying it. You hurt me Namjoon, you pushed me out of your life slowly by keeping secrets. Imagine me finding out everything that went on with you and your family through the tabloids? Through the television and newspapers? I’m sorry that happened to you, I am. But that all happened when we were not only together, but living together. You didn’t tell me a single thing. The most important thing to ever happen in your life and I didn’t know about it.” Hoseok stands up for himself and Namjoon feels his heart fall into the pit of his stomach.
“Hoseok it’s not-“ Namjoon sighs and takes Hoseok’s hands. “It’s not like that. I couldn’t tell you, I couldn’t look you in the eye and tell you what my father did. He left us broke, took everything and I had to stand up for my family, they needed me. My mother was distraught and I had to focus on the company. That’s why I came home drunk, I was busy kissing ass to rich people so that they wouldn’t pull out from their investments. I had to take them out drinking, buying them expensive dinners.”
Hoseok yanks his hands away and wipes his tears. It explains everything now, Namjoon isn’t an alcoholic. He was just doing what had to be done to keep his family afloat, but one thing Namjoon didn’t realize was that Hoseok was his family too.
“I was your family too, I needed you too.” Hoseok says. “We… we were engaged, Namjoon. To be married and you completely ignored me every time I asked what was wrong, or what was happening with you. You dismissed me, made me think the worst things about myself. That I wasn’t good enough for you anymore, that you were drinking because of me.”
Namjoon frowns and cups Hoseok’s face into his hands. “Hoseok no, no it’s- you’re my family, you’re still my family. I couldn’t come to terms with it, I couldn’t tell you because you’d offer me money and help and I didn’t want you to be a part of that. And don’t ever say that.” Namjoon wipes Hoseok’s tears and kisses his cheeks. “You are more than enough, I’m the one that’s not good enough for you, I’m the asshole. It’s my fault and I know it now. I know it, and I’m sorry. God, I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you. I never meant to.”
They hold each other for the rest of the night. Hoseok sleeps soundly in Namjoon’s arms and he keeps him warm throughout the night. When the morning comes, Namjoon isn’t sorry he stayed. The sun peeps in through the curtains and Hoseok stirs awake in the hold of Namjoon. “Hey.” Hoseok smiles.
“Hey.” Namjoon responds. He leans down and pecks Hoseok’s lips. “Ew, your breath stinks.” Hoseok says with a laugh. Namjoon laughs along and hugs Hoseok close. “Shut up.” He says jokingly. Hoseok smirks and kisses Namjoon again, not caring about their morning breath.
They finally get up an hour later. The clouds outside swallow the sun whole, and it starts snowing again. Hoseok brushes his teeth with his toothbrush while Namjoon pees. It feels so normal, feels like nothing has changed. Namjoon washes his hands when he’s done and stands beside Hoseok. They look at each other through the mirror and Hoseok smiles, still brushing away. Hoseok takes the toothbrush out of his mouth, adds more toothpaste and sticks the brush in Namjoon’s mouth. Namjoon wants to laugh, but instead he ends up gagging a little. Hoseok laughs and helps brush Namjoon’s teeth.
Namjoon takes the brush into his hand and brushes his teeth away. It should be gross, they know, but it’s not like they’ve never done this before. It’s so normal, it’s so domestic, it’s so homey. He falls even more in love with Hoseok. After that, Hoseok turns on the shower and heads into it, Namjoon following him right behind.
Under the hot water they hold each other closely. Small kisses here and there. Hoseok sucks on Namjoon’s neck, specifically the right side. He leaves behind two love marks for Namjoon, Namjoon falls deeper in love. This is all he’s ever wanted, to be close with Hoseok.
Breakfast is easy, Namjoon cooks this time and Hoseok makes the coffee. “We need to go buy some furniture for the apartment.” Namjoon says, he sips his coffee and walks around the empty space. Hoseok swallows his food and nods his head. “Yeah, I just haven’t had the time, really. I don’t know what I like anymore these days. So I’ve kinda been putting it off.” He explains, swinging his legs back and forth on the stool he’s sitting on.
“Mm.” Namjoon hums, it’s spacious and the balcony Hoseok has is big too. “Yeah, we should go soon. I’ll take you.” Namjoon smiles. “Some chairs out on the balcony would be nice too.” Hoseok nods his head, doesn’t say anything anymore and Namjoon forgets this isn’t his apartment. Nothing in here is his, not even Hoseok.
They spend the rest of the day together, watching movies on Hoseok’s projector in the bedroom. They snack on chips and sip on hot chocolate in bed. They never leave each other’s side for too long either. If Hoseok goes to get water, Namjoon goes too.
Mugs sit in the sink and the bags of chips are in the trash, and Namjoon has to go now. “I’ll call you.” Namjoon promises and he puts his coat on. He steps into his shoes while Hoseok wraps a scarf around his neck. Namjoon is so fond of him, he leans down and kisses him. “Okay.” Hoseok smiles softly. “Thank you for last night.” Namjoon says shyly. Hoseok laughs and hugs Namjoon. “Shut up.” He says.
“I love you.” Namjoon says before kissing Hoseok. “I love you too.” Hoseok finally says back.
“I’ll call you later, baby.” Namjoon kisses Hoseok again. “One for the road?” Namjoon asks as he opens the door. Hoseok giggles and kisses Namjoon one more time. Then another, oh and another. Just one more. “Okay, okay bye.” Hoseok laughs and closes the door. They exchange a smile and Namjoon’s heart flutters all the way home.
Namjoon calls Hoseok but it goes straight to voicemail, he texts him but there’s no response. There’s no feedback from Hoseok the next couple of days and Namjoon busies himself with work in the company. He runs errands by himself, walks past Hoseok’s place to see if the lights are on, but to no avail. There’s no one.
It’s Friday night and Namjoon can’t wait any longer, he wears his winter attire and has his chauffeur drive him over to Hoseok’s place. He enters the building and goes to Hoseok’s door. He’s about to knock but he hears loud thumping music coming from behind, the door is unlocked and slightly open so he walks in. There’s different colors of lights around the apartment, dark and a ton of people. So Hoseok threw a party.
There’s loud music, people talking over the loud music, people dancing. People he hasn’t ever seen before. People are already wasted, yet still drinking from the red cups. He spots Yoongi and heads over to him. “Hey, have you seen Hoseok?” Namjoon yells over the loud music. Yoongi turns around and gives him a mean look. “What’re you doing here?” He asks.
“Just tell me where he is.” Namjoon says back. Yoongi ignores him and walks away. “No help, as usual.” Namjoon mumbles to himself. The apartment has furniture now, it’s fully decorated and just exactly to Hoseok’s taste.
Namjoon can barely walk around, he bumps into people as he makes his way to the bedroom. He opens the door and sees a couple making out on the bed. One of them is on top of the other with his hand on the other males thigh, and the one on top is fully tatted from his arms. “Oh, sorry.” Namjoon closes the door but then stops.
He opens the door again and realizes it’s Hoseok underneath the man. “Dude, what the fuck. Close the fucking door.” Namjoon walks into the room and pushes this guy off of Hoseok. “What the fuck?” Namjoon says in disbelief. Hoseok sits up and he’s angry. “Namjoon.” He says breathlessly.
“What’re you doing here?” Hoseok asks. “You know this guy?” The tattooed guy asks. The guy gets off Hoseok and pushes Namjoon back. “Who the fuck are you?”
Namjoon takes Bogum by the collar and gives him the angriest glare. “Who do you think you are? Fuck off of him.” Namjoon yells and the male is so confused but absolutely ready to fight. “I’m his fiancé, fucking prick.”
Hoseok, never in his life, has seen Namjoon this angry before. Hoseok always figured there was this side to Namjoon, he just never thought he’d ever see it. Hoseok stands up from the bed and rushes over. He manages to push Namjoon off. “Stop! Stop it.”
“Fuck you.” Bogum huffs and walks out of the room.
Once the door is closed, Namjoon can feel himself break down. “Hoseok- what-“ Namjoon sighs. “What- who is he?” Namjoon asks. “Why did you let him kiss you? Touch you like that?!” He yells at Hoseok with tears streaming down his face. “You’re my fiancé, what the fuck?” Namjoon runs his hands through his own hair and paces. “What?” Hoseok says through his tears.
“You and I aren’t together, Namjoon. I can kiss anyone I want. I’m allowed to because I’m single and we broke up.” Hoseok is crying too. “Then what was that the other night? We made love, Hoseok. What-“ Namjoon is so angry, Hoseok has never seen him this way.
“We had sex.” Hoseok says back. “We didn’t make love, it’s not the same as it was.”
“Yes it is Hoseok, oh my god. How could you kiss someone when you know we love each other. You haven’t answered any of my questions, any of my calls or texts. Why would-“
“Because I’m trying to forget you!” Hoseok yells. “I see you everywhere. In my dreams, when I wake up. I can’t live without you. It feels like I can’t breathe properly, like I’m drowning without you. So yeah, I’m trying to forget because I don’t like this feeling. I made you my everything, gave you my all and you took it for granted and I’m stuck here picking up the pieces.” Hoseok gasps for air as he sobs in front of Namjoon.
And it hits Namjoon like a wrecking ball. He stands there, his eyebrows furrowed and tears streaming down his face as he reaches to touch Hoseok. “I love you.” Namjoon wipes his tears and holds his hand. “I don’t want to move on, I don’t want you to move on. I don’t want us to forget, we’ve made beautiful memories together, so many things together. We make magic, we have a deeper connection than just boyfriends. You know every single part of me, you know me. I can’t, I can’t Hoseok. We’ve spent all this time forever, it can’t end. I won’t.” Namjoon stands his ground and admits his feelings.
“Don’t I get a say in this?” Namjoon asks. “All I want to do is love you, please just let me.”
Hoseok squeezes his eyes shut. “It can’t end.” Namjoon whispers. “What will I do without you? I can’t imagine you not in my life. You’ve always been there. You’re my first real love, my first everything. My everything.” Namjoon whispers, their foreheads touching each other. Namjoon’s hands are placed on Hoseok’s waist. “Without you, I don’t… I don’t know what I’ll be.”
Hoseok whimpers as his tears stream down his cheeks. He pulls away reluctantly and bites his bottom lip as he paces back and forth.
Hoseok sniffles and finally opens his eyes. “I need time.” He stops pacing and this is all Namjoon needs to hear, it’s music to his ears, it’s an answered prayer, it’s a second chance. “I love time, time is our best friend. I can give you time.” Namjoon says softly, he walks over to Hoseok and cups his cheeks. “I’ll give you all the time you need.” Namjoon’s whispers.
Hoseok nods his head as Namjoon kisses away his tears. “So, this is a break.” Hoseok aniffles as he confirms with Namjoon. “So… what does that mean then?”
They sit down on the bed and hold hands, Hoseok rests his head on Namjoon’s shoulder and sighs. “It means time and space from each other and I guess when it’ll feel right, we’ll come back to each other?” Hoseok asks.
“Can we still… can I still kiss you?” Namjoon asks.
Hoseok giggles to himself and shrugs. “Yeah?” He said with a confused look.
“We just need time away from each other, I think. Or like, see other people?” Hoseok says, to which Namjoon immediately shakes his head. “No, not that. I don’t want to see anyone else. I just want you and I’ll wait. I’ll wait, no matter how long it takes. I could wait forever.”
Namjoon feels himself calm down, the adrenaline kicked in when he thought Hoseok was getting rid of him for good. The hold he has on Hoseok’s hand tightens as they talk. “What if we take too long? What if I take too long and you don’t want me anymore?” Namjoon looks into Hoseok’s eyes and shakes his head.
“Won’t happen.” Namjoon states boldly. “I’ve been in love with you for so long, it’s the only thing I’m certain of. There’s no future of mine without you in it. I don’t want to see anyone else, and I don’t want you to see anyone else either. I think we owe it to ourselves to try.” The loud music thumping behind the bedroom door is mute compared to Namjoon’s heartbeat.
“I love you.” Hoseok declares. There’s tears in his eyes and Namjoon is sure of what this means, all Hoseok needed was confirmation, all he needed was to be sure and that’s exactly what Namjoon was able to give him. Hope.
“I love you even more.”
It’s been months since Namjoon has seen Hoseok.
Hoseok has been traveling the world, his career in design took off, every single brand wants to work with him. When Namjoon walks around the mall or even the streets, he sees Hoseok’s clothes on display. Namjoon even wears the Nikes his boyfriend had designed. He walks around with pride, telling people that’s his boyfriend, that’s his man. It feels so good to brag, Namjoon never liked bragging but when it came to talking about Hoseok, good luck getting out of that conversation.
Namjoon likes to sugarcoat things all the time, and he sugarcoats his relationship with Hoseok. The truth is he misses him, misses his laugh, being able to hold his hand. He misses everything. But he counts down the days, it’s summer now and the days are slow. Still, he waits for Hoseok who’s coming home.
“You should propose.” His friend, Taehyung says. Namjoon chokes on his food and his friend Jin hits his back harshly. Namjoon swallows down his food and coughs, he takes a sip of his drink and looks over at Jin. “Ow! Why’d you hit me so hard?” Namjoon’s voice is squeaky and all he gets are laughs from his friends. “I literally saved your life, shut up.”
They’re out on the town tonight, it’s still a little warm out but the breeze is nice and fresh. The three of them decided to have dinner at some outside restaurant. The food was mediocre but the drinks were great. Now that they’re done eating, they order some more drinks and talk. “Propose?” Namjoon asks.
“No shit, I mean he’s been gone and you’ve been here. Who’s to say he won’t leave you? What if he finds someone out there?” Taehyung says as he takes an inhale of his cigarette.
Jin shakes his head and takes the cigarette away from him. “I shouldn’t propose just because I’m afraid he’ll leave me.” Namjoon scoffs. “Think about it.” Taehyung says. “How long is he staying in Seoul?” Jin asks.
“He’s here just for the weekend. Hoseok’s so busy these days, it’s hard to catch up with him. When I call, he’s either in a meeting, designing something. Or he’s sleeping because of the time difference.” Namjoon takes another sip and shrugs.
“Damn.” Taehyung frowns. “That must be hard.” Namjoon nods his head and downs his drink. “You have no idea.”
Namjoon heads home, he takes a deep breath as a cool breeze flies by him. A summer without Hoseok, feels so strange. They’ve done everything together for about 6 years now. Right now, they would’ve been walking home together from dinner, they’d stop at the red lights to kiss. Namjoon smiles to himself as he walks home by himself. “Tomorrow.” He mumbles. “He flies in tomorrow.”
He walks up the steps to his apartment, he hates elevators, absolutely despises them and he’ll only go on them if he’s with Hoseok. He groans at the last step, a little out of breath but he blames himself for being so slow.
Namjoon unlocks the door and steps inside, the door locks behind him and he switches from his shoes to his slippers. He’s not drunk, but he feels like he is. He thinks he is because the slippers are gone. He blinks and looks around, and he finds a pair of shoes, shoes that aren’t his. He furrowed his eyebrows and grabs the umbrella that was sitting in the corner. He holds it up like a bat and makes his way inside.
He sniffs, did- are-
Namjoon hears ruffling around and his heart races. He goes into the kitchen, where he hears the noise coming from. He stands there as he sees the fridge door is open and someone is crouching down, looking at the fridge. His grip on the umbrella tightens, he has beads of sweat on his forehead and his bottom lip quivers. Namjoon yells as he’s about to swing. The person stands up and screams, backing away. “Hoseok!” Namjoon sighs and puts down the umbrella. Hoseok laughs and clutches his chest with his palms. “Joon!” Hoseok yells and runs to him.
Namjoon laughs and hugs him tight. “Sorry, I’m sorry.” Namjoon laughs louder and squeezes him. “Don’t be, I was gonna surprise you.” Hoseok laughs and pulls away. “You-“ Hoseok laughs and wipes Namjoon’s sweat off with the sleeve of his shirt. “You’re sweating-“ Hoseok breaks into another fit of laughter. Namjoon pulls Hoseok into another hug, and this time he picks him up and spins him around. Hoseok giggles and has his arms wrapped around Namjoon’s neck.
He sets Hoseok down gently, but it’s no use because they both end up falling onto the ground from being dizzy. The pair fall onto the floor, Namjoon landing on top of Hoseok, all they can do is laugh and god does Hoseok’s laugh sound so good in person. It’s loud and beautiful, like the color yellow. “You came home early.” Namjoon whispers, Hoseok runs his hands through Namjoon’s hair. “Is that okay?” He asks in a whisper. “It’s more than okay.” Namjoon smiles and leans down, his heart races faster with each inch he moves closer. Hoseok closes his eyes, just as excited as him. Just as their lips are about to touch, theres a knock at the door. “Don’t get it.” Hoseok whispers.
Namjoon smiles and leans down again, but the knock at the door is louder and rougher. They groan at the same time and Namjoon gets off of Hoseok. Hoseok stands up and looks at the door. As soon as Namjoon opens the door, there’s lots of loud talking and laughing. It’s Jin and Taehyung, and oh Jungkook is back. “Hoseok?!” Taehyung and Jin push past Namjoon and run to hug Hoseok. Yoongi walks in too and shrugs at Namjoon’s confused look on his face. “They invited me over for drinks.” Yoongi walks inside, once he and Hoseok lock eyes, Hoseok bursts into tears.
Yoongi rolls his eyes and goes in for a hug. “I haven’t seen you in so long.” Hoseok mumbles. “Shut up.” Yoongi pats his back and pulls away. “How did you know I was here?” Hoseok asks. “I got an email with your plane ticket, the backup email.” Yoongi explains to him. Hoseok laughs and hugs him again.
Namjoon closes the door and sighs, he loves his friends but some alone time with Hoseok would be ideal. The group head over to the living room and sit on the floor, Namjoon rushes to sit beside Hoseok, but is pushed away by Yoongi. Yoongi sits next to Hoseok and Taehyung sits on the other side of Hoseok.
Namjoon sits across Hoseok in the small circle they formed. They all eat the snacks and catch up with each other. Another knock at the door and it’s Jimin with Jungkook, and for the first time in forever, the entire gang was present. Namjoon, still sitting across from Hoseok, smiles at him. Hoseok smiles softly and mouths something, Namjoon can’t tell what he said, but he smiles anyway.
Another knock at the door and it’s Namjoon’s friend Kihyun. “Nice to meet you.” Hoseok smiles as they all meet each other for the first time. It takes no time for Kihyun to become fast friends with the group. They drink some more, laugh along with each other and Hoseok tells his stories about the embarrassing moment when he sat at the wrong seat for fashion week in Paris.
Many drinks later and everyone is drunk, it doesnt help at all that Hoseok hasn’t eaten a real meal either. Almost everyone is snoring and fast asleep on the floor. Namjoon rests his face on the seat of the couch and Hoseok does the same from the opposite side. “How are you?” Namjoon asks.
“Better now.” Hoseok whispers.
Namjoon yawns and Hoseok smiles. Namjoon stands up and so does Hoseok. They go inside the bedroom and lock the door behind them. “I missed you.” Hoseok says to Namjoon. “So much.” Namjoon sits on the bed and Hoseok climbs on top of him and sits on Namjoon’s lap. “I missed you so much Hoseok, you have no idea.” And finally, after months of only talking on the phone and video calls, Namjoon clashes their lips together, they mold into each other once more.
“I love you, I love you.” Namjoon says in between kisses and breaths. “I love you Joonie.” Namjoon tightens his grip on Hoseok’s small waist and falls back onto the bed.
“Thank you for waiting.” Hoseok whispers. They look at each other in silence, Namjoon sighs into Hoseok’s touch. “I could wait forever.” Namjoon whispers.
Clothes are scattered around the floor, the bed rocks back and forth, the springs from the mattress squeak and Hoseok moans into Namjoon’s ears just for him to hear. They keep their eyes on each other as Namjoon goes faster. Hoseok scratches Namjoon’s back and whimpers. Namjoon takes care of Hoseok for the rest of the night, and Hoseok takes care of him too. “Marry me.” Namjoon proposes. When he asks Hoseok to marry him for probably the millionth time, it’s not because he’s scared Hoseok will leave him. It’s because they belong together, the gravitational pull Hoseok has on Namjoon is insane. And Namjoon would love it if they spent the rest of their lives together.
They reach their climax and Hoseok shuts his eyes. Namjoon smiles and buries his face in the crook of Hoseok’s neck. “Yes.” Hoseok hugs him tight as Namjoon thrusts get slower and slower. “Yes.” Hoseok giggles and brings Namjoon into a kiss.
This is what love feels like, Namjoon thinks.
The following morning Hoseok and Namjoon wake up in a daze with the biggest hangover known to man. “What time is it?” Namjoon groans, he blinks multiple times so that his eyes can adjust but it's no use. “Shh!” Hoseok groans and covers his head with the blankets. Namjoon wraps his arms around Hoseok and kisses his back. “Good morning.” He says. “Shut up.” Hoseok responds. Namjoon laughs and then holds his head from the pain. “Shower.” Is all he says as he heads to the bathroom nakedly. “Nice ass.” Hoseok compliments. “Shut up.” Namjoon teases back. Hoseok doesn't take long to follow him inside the shower.
Once they step out of the room together Namjoon is wearing a pair of grey sweats and a black shirt and Hoseok is wearing Namjoon’s clothes, which is just a really long t-shirt and his underwear underneath. “Good morning.” Namjoon says to them, Jin is already cooking something in the kitchen, Jungkook is playing some video game. Yoongi is still sleeping, and Taehyung is chilling on the couch.
“Next time, have sex when we’re not here.” Jimin says. Hoseok hides his face on Namjoon’s back and shrugs. “Well, I'm sorry you had to hear us-“
“You mean you, Hoseok?” Taehyung laughs and Hoseok frowns. “Oh no, Namjoon was loud too, he was all marry me, marry me.” Jungkook plays along with them. Hoseok laughs and so do the rest of them, he hides his face in Namjoon’s chest as they hug.
Namjoon sits down on the couch and sheepishly smiles and throws a pillow at him. Hoseok holds Namjoon’s hand as they all talk. They eat breakfast together, some food is thrown here and there, laughs are exchanged and Hoseok is left alone for the first time in months.
“Love ya.” Hoseok says as he washes the dishes.
Namjoon smiles and kisses Hoseok’s lips. “Love you, baby.”
Namjoon stands in the doorway of his apartment with Hoseok beside him. His hand is warm and sweaty against Hoseok’s soft cool ones. “Don’t worry.” Hoseok rests his head on Namjoon’s shoulder and squeezes his hand. “Not worried.” Namjoon rests his head on top of Hoseok’s head and lets out a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Excited.”
The apartment is empty, all of their things are packed in the car and the moving truck. Namjoon sold his apartment, and Hoseok sold his. “Next chapter.” Namjoon smiles fondly. “New house, new us, we’re getting married soon, maybe get a dog?” Hoseok giggles.
“I don't know about the dog part.” Namjoon smiles.
They take one last look at the apartment, so many things happened in this very place, good and bad. It feels like he’s letting go of something and diving right into the deep end. But that's love, you take a deep breath and dive right in, hoping you’ll both make it past the storms and harsh waves. They did just that, dove in and arrived on shore. The ride to their new house is loud, Hoseok is singing and rapping along to some song, Namjoon has his hand placed on Hoseok’s thigh and has his shades on with the biggest smile on his face. “I love you.” Hoseok leans over and kisses Namjoon’s cheek. “I love you more.” Namjoon smiles back. “Let’s get some food?” Namjoon suggests and Hoseok nods his head. “Yes, I’m starving!”
The pair eat on the floor of their new house, its empty but the sun shines in and the cool breeze invites itself in. “Pizza is the best food in the world.” Hoseok says. “It’s fast, its good, its easy, and you can get multiple slices.” Hoseok continues and Namjoon laughs. “Yeah, but if we had gotten burgers you could have had that with fries and ketchup and ranch.” Namjoon argues. Hoseo rolls his eyes and takes a bite of his pizza. “Yeah but with pizza you can get any toppings you want and you can also dip it in ketchup and ranch so HA! I got you there, didn’t I?”
Namjoon makes a disgusted face as he chews on his food. “Ketchup on pizza? That’s so wrong, please never repeat that again.” Namjoon takes a sip of his soda and leans in for a kiss. He takes Hoseok’s hand and pulls him on top of himself. “Hey, my pizza fell.” Hoseok frowns, but is gone the moment Namjoon places a white gold ring with diamonds on Hoseok’s engagement finger. “Joon.” Hoseok raises his hand and admires the ring in front of him. “I think I’ve asked you to marry me so many times already.” Namjoon laughs. They sit up and Hoseok sits on his lap.
“I designed this ring just for you, I'm sorry I took so long to get you a real one.” Namjoon takes Hoseok’s hand and gives it a kiss. Hoseok’s beautiful brown eyes are glossy and he cups Namjoon’s cheeks. “I love it.” Hoseok hugs Namjoon and hides his face in the crook of his neck. “Will you marry me, my love?” Namjoon asks. Hoseok laughs, his tears stained on Namjoon’s shirt and some snot. “Yes. Duh.” Namjoon laughs and wraps his arms around Hoseok. “I love you.” Hoseok says.
“I love you more Kim Hoseok.”
Hoseok bursts into a fit of laughter and so does Namjoon. “Mm… I’ll have to think about that.”
Namjoon smiles to himself as he feels the wind fly into their suite on the beach. The French doors are open and the thin white curtains move around due to the wind. Their honeymoon suite sits on the beach of Cancun, its beautiful in the day, and even more beautiful at night.
Especially when Hoseok is lying beside him, and the room is filled with flower petals and beautifully lit candles. There is nowhere in the world Namjoon would rather be than right here. Making love to his husband, in the room, on their private beach.
“Three kids.” Namjoon says. They're laying naked in bed. Namjoon has his arm wrapped around Hoseok’s body. Their eyes on the ceiling. “Two.” Hoseok says. He traces his fingertips along Namjoon’s arm, studying every mole and curve. “Four.” Namjoon says with a coy smile on his face. “Huh?” Hoseok laughs and shakes his head.
“Three kids, one dog.” Hoseok suggests.
“Three kids, two dogs, a beach house because I can stay in this room with you forever. Mmm… what else?” He questions.
“No kids, no dogs, just a beach house and us.” Hoseok smiles and kisses Namjoon’s chin.
“Two kids, one dog, beach house, every anniversary we come back to Cancun.”
Hoseok and Namjoon shake hands, the room is full of laughter and giggles from each other. “I love you, Kim Namjoon.” Hoseok gets on top of Namjoon and kisses his lips over and over. Memories of the wedding mar their minds as they enjoy their days on the honeymoon. One thing Namjoon knows for a fact is that even if they don't end up having kids, he will always have Hoseok and even that alone is enough for Namjoon to be happy for the rest of his days. All those arguments and lows they had, feel like nothing anymore. Their love for each other persevered all of those hardships,
“I love you even more, Jung Hoseok.” Namjoon places his hands on Hoseok’s hips and pulls him down closer.
“Im hungry.” Namjoon says.
“Lets get pizza with ketchup and ranch on the side!”
“Oh hell.” Namjoon mutters. “Really?”
“I thought you loved me unconditionally?”
Namjoon reaches over the nightstand and picks up the phone.
“Room service, please.”
Namjoon places a pizza order through the room service of their resort. “Pep only please.” The couple stay in bed until there’s a knock at the door. Namjoon opens the door after putting on a robe and lets the person deliver the food for them.
“There’s no ketchup.” Hoseok frowns.
“I love this place.” Namjoon kisses Hoseok with the biggest smile on his face, and Hoseok laughs as they eat in bed. “Love you.” Hoseok says.
“Shut up…….. I love you more.”