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Len Kagamine was absolutely fucked.
His week had been going completely fine; he had manage to rank fourth place in his midterms, he finally managed to get his hands on a PS5 before they had gotten sold out again, his sweet, caring partner, Fukase, - was that what he was supposed to refer to them as?- had gotten him tickets to this year’s MemeCon Japan. Everything was going great.
Until a few days ago.
Len, Fukase, and their friends had gone out for ice cream to celebrate the fact that they passed their exams and won’t have to repeat any classes. They had been talking about the new Fortnite update and were laughing their asses off upon watching Rin attempt to engulf an entire waffle cone in one bite. Len had been recording his sister’s mukbang challenge when Miku had tapped her spoon against her glass.
“Another toast, if I may,” she announced.
Rin paused and choked on her orange soft serve. “Dammit, Miku, I almost had it!” she shrieked, causing other customers to glare at the group from their tables.
“But Rin, this is of utmost importance!” she protested. “To Leno and Fuckass, for their one month anniversary of being together!”
Len couldn’t help but chuckle at their nicknames as he tapped his own spoon against the tealette’s. Fukase, Rin, Gumi, Flower, and Piko joined in, only for the redhead to lose grip of their spoon, watching with horror as it fell into an already pissed off middle-aged woman’s banana split. The woman in question snapped her neck in their direction, eyes full of murderous intent.
“Sorry,” Fukase bowed politely as they retrieved their spoon. The woman however did not seem to care for their apology and called for a manager.
“You just pissed off a Karen, didn’t you?” Piko grumbled.
“It appears so,” Fukase laughed nervously, peeking glances at the screaming woman. Hopefully they didn’t get kicked out because of the cursed spoon…
“Anyways,” Miku turned her attention back to the topic at hand. “You two have been having fun with those little dates of your’s, haven’t you?”
Flower nudged her in the ribs, but the former didn’t seem to notice.
Len nodded. “Yeah, we went to the Sega Arcade together, watched the air show-”
Miku burst out laughing. “Oh Lenny, you’re so innocent!” she giggled. Once again, the woman screamed at them to shut the fuck up. “I wasn’t talking about those kind of dates.”
“The hell are you on about-”
Then it hit him.
Oh.
Oh.
That kind of date?!
“What the actual fuck Miku?!” Len squealed. He could feel his face turning bright red at that moment. “We’re both minors!”
Miku scoffed and brushed her hair out of her eyes. “Yeah, and so are Rin and I,”
Len almost felt his jaw hit the surface. “Rin, you’re not a virgin?!”
Rin smirked. “Lost it a long time ago,”
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!”
“You didn’t ask~”
Len didn’t know what to say. He stared at his half-eaten sundae in absolute disbelief. Then, another thought decided to force its way into his mind.
“Gumi, Flower… have you two… done it too?” he slowly asked.
The looks the two exchanged told him everything.
“Damn…”
“If it makes you feel better Len, I’m still a virgin too,” Piko said with a soft smile.
“You don’t even have a partner,” Rin snickered.
“Shut up, orange hoe! I’m not looking for a relationship right now!”
Len ignored their banter and glanced at Fukase from the corner of his eye. They had been silent throughout the uncomfortable discussion and their expression was blank.
What could they be thinking?
Gumi must have sensed the blond’s discomfort because she made eye contact with him, pulled out her phone, and gasped dramatically.
“Guys, someone lit up the bra aisle at Itsesan!” she exclaimed, eyes wide.
“No way,” Miku grabbed the tealette’s phone and read the article. “Eyewitnesses say to keep an eye out for two blond individuals just over five feet in height…” She slowly looked up, her eyes drifting between the Kagamines.
“It was a protest against trans youth!” Rin whispered. “If you turn us in, I’ll tell the cops the one time when you-”
“Excuse me,”
At that moment, an exhausted looking waiter had come up to the teens. “I don’t wish to be rude, but apparently you have been disturbing the other customers and we must ask that you leave.”
Knowing exactly who they had “bothered” with their presence, Len threw his hands in the air. “But their spoon fell into her ice cream by accident! And they already apologized!”
“I want more than an apology! I want a full refund and you kids banned from here!” the Karen yelled from her table.
“No one was even talking to-”
“Len, let’s just go,” Fukase said quietly. “She’s not worth our time.”
“I’ll pay for our ice cream, and if the lady would like, I can pay for her as well,” Flower offered, reaching for their wallet.
“You don’t need to pay for her order, just your own,” the waiter said, before leaning in. “I know you kids didn’t do anything wrong. She’s a regular here and thinks that she owns the place. Trust me, my brain cells are long gone from her tantrums. I’m asking you guys to leave to spare your own energy.”
“Very well then,” Piko stood up and zipped up his hoodie. “Thank you, Sir.”
Once they had paid for their ice cream - Rin could not resist flipping off the problematic woman, which resulted in a huge scene- the group decided to head home for now and made plans to meet up later on. As he was about to leave, Gumi pulled Len aside so she could speak with him in private.
“Sorry about Miku. It really wasn’t any of her business to ask about your sex life,” she whispered.
Len shrugged and looked away. “It’s fine, I’m used to her bullshit.”
“You and Fukase don’t have to rush,” Gumi said with a gentle smile. “You really have to prepare yourself for this kind of stuff. Do ‘it’ when you’re ready.”
Upon hearing those words, Len was quick to drag his sister home so he wouldn’t have a mental breakdown right there in front of his friend. The green haired girl was left with many questions as he pulled a screaming Rin down the street.
“Jesus Christ, banana man, what’s up with you?!” she snapped, yanking her hand out of her brother's grasp once they were a block away from their house.
“Nothing, I’m just tired,” Len muttered, storming the rest of the way home.
“Are you on your period or something? I have spare pads-”
“I SAID IT’S NOTHING!”
Len slammed his bedroom door shut, dropped his bag onto the carpet and flipped onto his bed. He lay like that for ten minutes straight before rolling over and staring at the anime poster on his ceiling. The reason it wasn’t on a wall was because his walls were covered in anime scrolls and black and white Polaroids of his friends.
And cat posters. Plenty of cat posters.
But he didn’t give a damn about the poster at that moment. Currently, his mind was preoccupied with replaying the conversation that occurred in the ice cream shop earlier that day. Specifically, the one about having ‘fun times’.
It wasn’t that Len was chaste or innocent. In fact, the blond knew more sex jokes then all the students in his grade combined. He was, after all, the kid who was famous for paying Moke and his nerd friends to create a banana-shaped vibrator.
No, the issue lied in the fact that he was asexual.
Now, Len knew very well that there was nothing wrong with being ace. So what if he didn’t feel sexual attraction to anyone? That was just his own personal preference. It’s the same thing as being gay. He still loved Fukase and thought they were pretty damn hot, but Len never felt any desire to sleep with them.
The thing that bothered him was how he was going to tell the redhead this tiny piece of information. It shouldn’t be hard to just go up to them and be all “Hey babe, I’m ace! Surprise!”
Thing was, Fukase had been really silent during that conversation. What if Fukase wanted to have sex with him? Would they be upset if Len came out to them?
Would they lose interest in him and decide to break up?
Also, what was up with everyone wanting to have sex before they even graduated?! And even if he wasn’t ace, why did Miku expect them to fuck within a month of their relationship?!
And yet everyone at school thought Len was the horny one…
The thought about coming out to his partner poked and prodded at Len throughout the course of the next few days. His brain was so preoccupied on the dilemma that he fell into a rabbit hole, accidentally pushed Piko down the stairs, and answered Steve Rogers and Tony Stark when asked who fought on opposite sides in the Civil War on his history test (Mr. Hiyama was not pleased in the slightest).
“Dude, you good?” Piko asked in the nurse’s office after Len had zoned out during a game of dodgeball in Phys. Ed.
“I see rainbows,” the blond muttered, his eyes following a house fly as he lay on the cot.
Piko rolled his eyes at that remark. “We all know you’re gay, buddy. I mean, you’ve been acting weird these past few days. What’s going on?”
Len buried his face in a pillow. “Piko, I am so fucked,” he moaned - in a frustrated way, not a sexual one.
“…what did you do this time?”
“You know how we were at the ice cream parlour and were talking about-”
“Sex?” The albino scrunched his face up in disgust. “Who could forget? Why, do you want to do it with Fukase?”
“The opposite,” Len sat up and looked the other boy in the eye before continuing. “Piko, I-” he slowly inhaled. “I’m ace.”
Piko blinked. “Okay?”
“Wait, that’s all? You’re not gonna freak out?”
Piko gave the blond an odd look. “Why would I? So what if you’re asexual?” he asked. “I wouldn’t care if you had told me that you’re queer, nonbinary, trans- remember how I went around giving a piece of my mind to those dudes who picked on you when you came out as a boy?”
Len couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory. “If you mean getting your ass beaten by them, then yes I do.”
“I-it’s the thought that counts! Besides, they left us alone after Flower showed them who's boss!” It was true, once their Flower had found them getting beat up by the upperclassmen, let’s just say they decided to put their judo skills to practice…
“The point is, I have no problem with you telling me this. You’re still my friend, no matter what.”
Len nodded, his face falling. “Thanks, Piko. I’m just scared that Fukase won’t like learning about this though.”
Okay, now Piko was officially confused. “Len, if I’m cool with you being ace, why would Fuckass have a problem?”
“Because we’re literally dating?” Len shot back. “What if they want to have sex with me? I don’t want to hurt their feelings by- ow!”
Piko wringed out his finger after flicking the former’s forehead. “And I’m gonna stop your negative mouth from spewing anymore bullshit right there.” he deadpanned.
“But-”
“No buts,” Piko crossed his arms and gave Len a harsh glare. “Len, if Fukase really loves you, they won’t get mad if you told them the truth. And if they do, I know you two can talk it out. Even before you guys became a couple, you’ve practically been inseparable. I promise you, they’ll be fine with your feelings no matter what.”
He had a point there. This was Fukase they were talking about after all. If they could handle the Kagamines ‘accidentally’ burning their apartment down, then who’s to say they would be bothered by this?
Hesitating, Len looked up once more, now determined. “Okay, I’ll talk to them tonight. Can you tell the coach that I won’t be able to return to class?”
Piko sighed and stared at the ceiling. “I never understood class skippers…”
︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.
That evening, Len forced himself to invite his partner over after banging his head against the wall for an hour straight. He told them that he wanted help with their assignment, but his main reason for calling them over was, well, to yeet the weight he had on his chest out of existence.
And five seconds later, the blond began to regret this whole scheme. What if Piko was wrong about how this could possibly go and Fukase decided to leave him? Being ace can’t be enough to result in a break up, could it?
“Len, your smoochie-poo is here!” Rin screamed from downstairs.
What did she just call Fukase? Cursing, Len forced himself to descend down the stairs to meet the redhead… along with his possible doom.
Fukase was leaning against the doorframe with that mischievous, sly grin that Len had grown to love, oblivious to the intense pressure the blond was being subdued to. They were also… bleeding?!
Forgetting the situation he was in, Len darted forward and grabbed the latter’s shoulder. Their hoodie had been torn, and blood was slowly trickling out of a small, fresh gash that Fukase didn’t seem to care less about.
“What did you do…?” he asked, concerned who they had attempted to murder this time.
Fukase chuckled nervously. “I was just driving to your place and vibing, you know, blasting My Chemical Romance when I didn’t see Mr. Hiyama’s car in front of me and…” They flushed and awkwardly put their hands in their pockets. “…you can probably figure out the rest.”
“Why are you so accident prone?” Rin muttered as she left the two to their own devices.
Len quickly pulled his partner inside and sat them down on the couch, much against their protests. He ordered Rin to make sure Fukase didn’t move, who yelled at him to shut up yet obeyed as she too was concerned about their stupidity. Once Len had returned, he helped Fukase out of their hoodie and began to apply disinfectant to the wound.
“Stop m-moving!” he stuttered as he attempted to dab the cotton swab against the cut.
“I-I can’t help it!” Fukase giggled. “It tickles!”
Once Len had successfully dressed the wound, he sat down next to the redhead and lectured them about keeping their eyes on the road.
“Okay, okay, I heard you!” they pouted. “I’ll pay closer attention next time.”
“You better,” Len grumbled. “And I won’t be able to bail you out if you end up getting your clumsy ass in jail.”
“Aw, why not?”
“I’m broke?!”
Fukase laughed and allowed themselves to relax in their lover’s presence. Len found himself laughing along with them upon realizing how dumb -yet hilarious - the whole thing had been.
“Okay, so could we put the homework on hold since I nearly died?” Fukase asked. “And my right arm is screaming in pain right now.”
Oh right. That.
“Actually, there was something I need to tell you,” Len turned his body so he was face to face with Fukase.
“Oh?” The redhead raised their eyebrows. “Go ahead.”
Len was stunned into silence. He should’ve gotten it out by now, but his anxiety kept holding him back. How could he-
“Len?”
Len found the latter staring at him with an alarming amount of concern. “Are you okay?” they asked softly.
“I-” He shook his head. “It’s just-”
“What’s wrong?” Fukase reached over and grasped the blond’s hand. “Are you sick? Have you been diagnosed with something?”
“No, I-”
He could practically see Piko glaring at him with disappointment.
“Get on with it, bitch!”
It was now or never. Inhaling, Len looked up once more.
“I’m… asexual.”
Silence.
Terrified, Len shut his eyes before continuing. “Before you say anything, I really do love you. I just don’t like you in a… sexual way. Don’t get me, wrong, you’re the hottest fucker I know and-”
“Oh, thank God.”
Huh?
Len opened his eyes to find Fukase smiling at him.
“And here I thought I was an idiot beating around the bush,” they chuckled, their face bright pink.
“What do you mean…?” Len asked stupidly.
“I’m ace too!”
Len felt like his world had been cracked the fuck open.
“Y-you are?!” he stammered in utter shock.
“Yeah, sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” they nodded. “See, I like cuddling and kissing you and whatnot but… sex has always sounded yucky to me.” They knitted their brows together as they continued.“And here I thought you would hate me or decide to break up with me or something…”
“No way, I thought you would break up with me!”
Fukase’s eyes turned as large as saucers. “What made you think that?”
“Y-you we’re so quiet at the ice cream parlour when Miku was talking about-”
“Dude, I was having a panic attack wondering how I was supposed to tell you that I don’t like sex!”
“So I guess we’re both total morons, huh?”
At this point, the two teens were practically dying from hysterics.
“So… now what?” Len asked once they had managed to calm down.
Fukase shrugged. “You wanna play Smash Bros?” they suggested, gesturing to the Nintendo Switch docked up to the TV.
“I thought you said your arm hurt?”
“For homework.” Fukase winked.
Rolling his eyes once more, Len leaned forward and kissed their forehead. “Alright, two hours of Smash Ultimate it is.”
And so Len, Rin, and Fukase wasted their time clapping CPUs and players online, as well as each other. Turns out Fukase was a horrifying Captain Falcon main.
But of course, good times can’t last for long because half an hour later, Meiko burst in screaming at the redhead for their hit and run, which resulted in the trio running for their lives. And Rin screaming “I WASN’T EVEN INVOLVED THIS TIME!” on top of her lungs.