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Porchay was in love.
Porchay was so unconditionally and irrevocably and head over heels in love... it was almost embarrassing. Being with Kim was better than anything he had ever dreamed of. All the embarrassing teenage fantasies he had had about Wiʞ were surpassed by Kim and Porchay was so happy it almost hurt.
Even if the road there has been more than bumpy...
After Kim had sent Porchay the video of his song (and no, he absolutely did not have tears in his eyes even a whole three months later whenever he watched it - and he watched it often), Porchay was still not able to forgive him right away. His heart was simply too broken. But he didn’t block the number Kim had used to contact him and soon Porchay received messages from him again. They were only trifles like "Good luck with your exam!" or "Have fun with Tankhun tonight!" but Porchay’s heart was pounding every time he received one.
Packages were also frequently delivered for him. Little things like notebooks or his favorite biscuits or the socks with anime characters that he always wore. The packages had no return address, but Porchay knew who they came from. He should have been angry. That Kim just wouldn’t leave him alone, that he still seemed to be more or less stalking him but after being on his own for so long he couldn’t help but be happy about the attention... even if he didn’t understand the reason for it.
After weeks of texts, all unanswered, they finally came face to face. Porchay was on his way to Porsche and Kinn’s apartment to see his brother and just as he was about to knock, the door opened, and Kim was suddenly standing in front of him.
"Chay!", Kim had only exclaimed in surprise, frozen in the doorway, eyes widening in shock.
He looked... not good. Of course, he was still beautiful, truly the most beautiful person Porchay had ever seen, but he was pale, his hair dull and his eyes red-rimmed.
"Kim“, Porchay had simply answered with a nervous gulp, hoping the other couldn’t hear his loud pulse while Kim just stared at him. Only after sounds could be heard from the inside of Kinn and Porsche’s apartment did Kim tear himself away and disappeared with quick steps around the next corner.
But it did not remain at this encounter. Over the next few weeks, Porchay saw him walking around the compound more and more often, on his way to or from meetings. They never spoke but nodded politely to each other as if they were... strangers. Porchay hated it. At one point he even showed up at the weekly family dinner Tankhun had introduced, much to the delight of his brothers. He still didn’t say anything, but Porchay felt Kim’s gaze on him more often than not and had to pull himself together to keep his ears from turning red.
Porchay still loved him.
There was no denying it. He missed Kim so much that it tore him apart. The conversations and playing the guitar together and his smile and the way he stroked Porchay’s hair and the way he looked at him and... everything about him. But he still didn't understand. Still didn't understand Kim.
One evening, Kinn came to his flat saying, "I have something to show you." It was a video from the security cameras at Yok’s bar and Porchay was more than confused until he realized what exactly was going on. Kim. Who, as a one-man army, beat up nearly a dozen men while Porchay unsuspectingly played a video game in the background. He had known deep inside that it had been Kim, his guardian angel that day, but had refused to believe it. When the video ended, hot tears ran down his cheeks. Kinn put a warming hand on his shoulder.
"My brother has been cold and dismissive all his life because it was expected of him that way. That he seriously cares for anyone other than himself is something I have never seen him do. Not even we, as his brothers, got to see him for the last few years. And now he’s here every week. I think you know why.” He gave Porchay a meaningful look.
“Kim never learned to express his feelings, none of us did. He only speaks two languages: Music and violence." Kinn tapped the tablet in Porchay’s hand.
"I’m not in a position to interfere but I thought you should know that."
Porchay couldn’t get the conversation with Kinn out of his head. Music and violence. Porchay thought of the song Kim had sung for him, of the many hours they had spent together in the recording studio, of the video in Yok’s bar, of the night he had beaten up his senior in the club, who had tried to drug Porchay... Music and violence. He wanted to call Kim, but he still couldn’t.
It was his brother, of all people, who gave him the final push.
"You know I’m not exactly Kim's fan. Honestly, I still want to punch him in the face for hurting you“, he said one night when they were alone in Kinn and Porsche’s apartment and he had one arm wrapped around Porchay’s shoulder.
"But a blind man with a cane can see how miserable the poor guy is and how sorry." Porchay looked down at his knees. So, it wasn’t just him who had noticed that Kim wasn’t doing well.
"I don’t know if I ever told you exactly how we got together but Kinn did some pretty bad things to me in the beginning that broke my heart." Porchay looked at his brother and saw the pain in his gaze.
"How could you forgive him?" Now Porsche was smiling again.
"I realized that I loved him. And that the longer I am angry with him and stay away from him, I’m not only hurting him but myself. His love for me and his regret were secondary to that." He stroke Porchay’s hair lovingly.
"I can see how sad you are and how angry and confused, Porchay. Forgiveness also means that you are finally free of these feelings. Whatever you do, I am here for you." He hugged Porchay tightly.
"But please make up your mind soon. The tension between you two at the family dinner is really uncomfortable."
"Hia!", cried Porchay, embarrassed. But Porsche only dodged the pillow his brother threw in his face with a laugh.
Porchay thought about his brother’s words for a long time (when had he become so wise anyway?!) and finally got some clarity in his head... and his heart. He had to see Kim. He needed to see him, talk to him. Just be with him. He missed him so much it hurt
Porchay ran back to his flat for a jacket and sneakers when he saw an envelope under his door slit. Curious, Porchay opened it and found... a message from Tankhun:
Go get him.
I want tension-free family dinners again!
Your big brother
Tankhun<3
Underneath was an address and time. Porchay was familiar with the location. He knew what he had to do.
The bar was filled with people but still cosy. With many armchairs and comfortable couches, dimmed lights and a simple wooden podium that served as a stage. Porchay got a beer at the bar (he was finally old enough to do that legally) and plopped down on an empty couch in a corner. He thought he would be nervous, but he wasn’t. He was just happy to see Kim soon. Porchay smiled.
Kim, of course, was breathtaking. His beautiful voice, accompanied only by a guitar, shook Porchay to the core and he had goosebumps all over his body. It took a few songs, but when it happened, it took Porchay’s breath away.
Kim was in the middle of one of his faster pop songs when he saw Porchay in the crowd and he just... stopped. For a moment he just sat there, guitar lifeless in his hand, staring at Porchay as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He caught himself as a murmur went through the audience.
"Sorry guys!", he exclaimed with a charming smile and red cheeks.
"I’d spontaneously like to play something else for you. I hope that’s ok." The crowd just cheered of course, what else.
"I wrote this song together with someone I love more than anything and who I hurt a lot nonetheless. I hope that one day he can forgive me." Porchay heard the first familiar chords of Why don't you stay and finally forgave Kim.
As if in a trance, he watched Kim put down the guitar, another singer entered the stage and greeted the audience, Kim making his way through the crowd, stopping right in front of Porchay and finally sitting down next to him. He still said nothing but his hopeful, glassy eyes spoke volumes.
"Is it true? What you said on stage?", Porchay finally asked. Kim tilted his head.
"What do you mean?" And Porchay asked for the second time, every cell in his body tense:
"Do you love me?" Kim swallowed. His hand jerked up as if he wanted to touch Porchay but thought better of it.
"So much”, he whispered, and that was enough. Porchay kissed him, passionately and awkwardly, and after a moment of shock Kim kissed him back, with his hands buried in Porchay’s hair as if he was drowning and Porchay was air to breathe.
And since then, everything was perfect. They spent every minute they could together. Kim had moved back into the compound, knowing how important it was for Porchay to be close to his brother, and he himself enjoyed being back with his brothers as well (not that he would ever admit that voluntarily).
When they first appeared together at the family dinner, hand in hand, they were greeted by loud cheers and various "Finally!”s. Awkward.
Occasionally they would spend a few days at Kim's flat or at Porchay and Porsche's house. For some things... you didn't want to have your brothers under the same roof.
Three months had passed since then and it was as if they had never been apart: they played guitar together again, went to kitschy cafés, Kim drove Porchay to university every morning (even grim and overtired he insisted), they laughed at silly videos on the internet, talked all night about anything and everything, Porchay cooked Kim rice and eggs with smiley faces, they studied for university together, took naps on the couch in close embrace.
There were problems, of course: Kim was still terribly controlling and jealous, and Porchay was quick to become insecure and shut himself off. But Kim made an effort to be more open with his past and with his feelings and Porchay tried to give him space. And it worked. They grew with their relationship, made each other better persons. Together they were just complete.
So, everything was fine. Kim was a wonderful boyfriend, they understood each other without words, went on great dates and had wonderful sex. Well, the sex was... fine.
And therein lay the whole problem.
It hadn't taken long for them to sleep together.
Kim wanted to wait, afraid to push Porchay into something he wasn’t ready for, but Porchay was more than willing... and had his ways of convincing Kim. He had the greatest and most beautiful and hottest boyfriend in the world, not sleeping with him would practically be a crime.
Porchay thought it was impossible but when he felt Kim inside of him and looked into his eyes, veiled with lust, he fell in love a little bit more.
So, their first time was beautiful and better than anything Porchay could have dreamed of, but after that... things kind of went downhill. Porchay didn't want to complain (he really didn't!) but he could tell something was wrong. And he used the process of elimination (who would have thought that what he learned in university would have such... practical application) to find out what:
Often his cock twitched just by looking at Kim, as embarrassing as it was. When Kim came out of the bathroom in the evening, dressed only in pyjama bottoms, his skin shiny from his lotion and his long hair still wet, he had to try hard not to drool. And sometimes when Porchay stretched out after one of his (many) naps, his T-shirt sliding up a little and revealing a few inches of bare skin, Kim's eyes would get so dark that Porchay could practically count down the seconds until Kim pounced on him.
So, it definitely wasn't a lack of sexual attraction.
Porchay could kiss Kim for hours. Until he could hardly breathe, his lips were red and swollen and his tongue slowly cramped. He loved the closeness to Kim, the feelings expressed when kissing, the intimacy. He couldn't get enough of it. And apparently neither could Kim. Most of the time it was he who initiated the kisses, burying his hands in Porchay's hair, pressing up against him and putting his lips on Porchay's.
So kissing wasn't it either.
When they were naked, it was like Porchay was in heaven. To feel Kim so close to him, his warmth and his strength, to be so tightly entwined that Porchay didn't know where he ended and Kim began, was simply indescribable. Kim could not keep his hands and lips off him. Porchay was sure that there was not one place on his body that Kim had not kissed. And Porchay gave back as good as he got.
So that wasn't the problem either.
Kim had had Porchay's dick in his mouth more times than Porchay could count. Sometimes he literally invaded Porchay: he simply joined him in the shower, opened Porchay's trousers in the car or got down on his knees right in front of him and got to work. God knows Porchay didn't complain. He buried his hands in Kim's hair, concentrated on not coming too quickly (which he often failed to do) and was only too happy to return the favor. One evening they had spent an entire hour with each other's cocks in their mouths, teasing each other to climax over and over again, so that Porchay's eyes went black with orgasm by the end of it. Good memories.
So, it wasn't blow jobs either....
When they had sex (like full on sex), Kim sometimes prepared him for hours so that Porchay had to beg him to finally fuck him. Kim would lick his hole as if it were ice cream or stick his lube-soaked fingers inside him and widen him while whispering dirty things in Porchay's ear until he was just an incoherent, moaning mess.
Porchay had wanted to reciprocate but Kim was… dismissive. He didn't tell Porchay directly that his ass was taboo, but he didn't have to. Porchay knew his boyfriend well enough. He assumed Kim was a typical top and just didn't enjoy passive sex. And that was fine with him.
In the beginning.
Porchay had thought they would have full penetrative sex more often. Several times a day, if he was honest. After all, he was 18 and newly deflowered and constantly horny and had the hottest boyfriend in the world, so how could it be any different? He thought maybe that just wasn't his and Kim's thing but his brother and Kinn did it all the time (!) and so did Pete and Vegas if Macau was to be believed and everything else with Kim was so incredibly good... Porchay didn't understand it.
And then it struck him (and scared him even more) that it didn't really bother him. He loved feeling Kim inside him but everything else they did was just so much better. And when Porchay started to focus not only on his own pleasure (and what a feat that was), he noticed that Kim... wasn't really enthusiastic either. He always seemed to be a little tense, his eyes always slightly narrowed with a stress crease in between and he was so quiet when he usually couldn't get enough of whispering filthy things in Porchay's ear. In everything else they did, he was so relaxed and sexy and energetic and passionate... it just didn't make sense.
And then there were various... incidents.
At one point Kim just came out of the shower, sat down on Porchay's lap, wet and naked (rawr), and started kissing him. Porchay dug his hands into Kim's bottom and massaged him vigorously. His fingers had accidentally touched Kim's hole the slightest bit and Kim had let out such an excited moan that Porchay still got goosebumps when he thought back of it.
And another time Porchay gave Kim a passionate blowjob and ran his tongue all over Kim's cock, balls, and perineum to his hole and the sound Kim made was almost animalistic. He literally devoured Porchay afterwards.
And then Porchay had summoned up all his courage and had put his fingertip into Kim's hole during an enthusiastic handjob and Kim had come. On the spot. Pretty conclusive if you asked Porchay. And if Kim was so clearly into having his ass massaged, fingered or licked, why did he insist on topping?
But whenever he wanted to talk about it, Kim had to spontaneously go to a meeting (at two in the morning, as if) or make a phone call or otherwise have some flimsy excuse to avoid the subject. It hurt Porchay that Kim once again closed himself off to him like that, but he suspected that there must be more to it than it appeared at first sight.
So Porchay now knew the reason for their fine sex life, but he was still no closer to a solution. He had to ask a professional.
Even as he knocked on Porsche and Kinn’s door he felt the blood rush to his cheeks. This was going to be more than embarrassing.
"Chay!", Porsche greeted him with a bright smile.
"Hey, Hia!", replied Porchay, returning his brother's hug.
"Do you have time? I don't want to bother you."
"Bullshit! You would never bother me. Kinn is stuck in a meeting anyway." Porsche led Porchay to the couch and got him his favorite ice tea and a water for himself before dropping down next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder.
"You okay? How are you?", he inquired.
"Fine“, Porchay assured his brother, smiling nervously at him.
"I wanted to ask you something...", he began.
"Of course. You can ask me anything, Chay." Porsche interrupted him.
"...about sex”, Porchay finally finished his sentence and smirked as his brother's features slipped.
"Oh“, he said lamely, pulling his arm from Porchay's shoulder.
"How can I-", he cleared his throat awkwardly.
"How can I help you?" Porchay saw no point in beating about the bush for long.
"You're a bottom, right?" Whatever Porsche had been expecting, that wasn't it. He almost spat out the sip of water he had just taken, coughed and then just blinked dumbly at his brother.
"Excuse me”, he said and Porchay just looked after him in irritation as he got up and walked to the bar.
"I can't do this sober”, he muttered, pouring himself one of Kinn's expensive whiskeys. Porchay rolled his eyes. His brother really was a drama queen. After emptying the first glass, pouring himself a second one and sitting down next to Porchay again (with a little more distance than before) he simply replied "Yes." Porchay nodded.
"Always?", he inquired.
"Most of the time”, Porsche admitted. Briefly, an awkward silence spread between them.
"Why do you do it- er... that way?" He really had had more pleasant topics of conversation with his brother. Porsche took another (large) sip of his whiskey.
"Well, you know that Kinn is my first... man.” Porchay nodded.
"In the beginning, I just let him guide me. Kinn is a classic top. But I... just like it. A lot”, he added quietly at the end, blushing. Porchay did the same. That he had known.
"So you never did it... the other way around?", he dug deeper.
"Yes. Every now and then we switch positions. It's always wonderful but the other way around is just more our thing.” That reassured Porchay. That there was no one right way.
"And the other way is... good too for Kinn?" Urgh, he really didn't want to imagine his brother-in-law-to-be having sex. Porsche took another sip.
"By now, yes. In the beginning it was... difficult." Porsche looked down at the glass in his hand.
"It was anything but easy for Kinn to come out as gay. Today no one would dare ask him about his sexuality but in the past..."
"Except for the fact that you would shoot anyone who dared disrespect Kinn", Porchay interjected dryly and Porsche grinned at him. Idiot.
"As you know Korn, he was anything but thrilled that his heir was gay and wouldn't carry on the family line himself. Not in the traditional way, anyway." Porsche blushed again and Porchay made a mental note to broach the subject again at another time.
"But like everything else in this goddamn family, it was primarily about power. The very idea of Kinn letting another man touch him makes many people think he is weak. And then to think that Kinn would give himself to a man like that, give up control like that... unthinkable." Porsche rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"All complete bullshit if you ask me. Freaking mafia." Porchay just nodded. Exactly what he thought. There was silence between the brothers for a moment.
"For Kim, apparently, it was even worse”, Porsche finally said. Porchay listened up.
"After Kinn and Tankhun, all of Korn's hopes were on Kim and when Kim came out of the closet as well... Let's just say Kim moved out for a reason." Porsche stroked Porchay's hair comfortingly when he saw his sad face.
"Growing up in this family was anything but easy and I have to remind myself of that every time Kinn acts like a... well, not like a normal person." Porsche smiled at him. Porchay was still thoughtful.
"You said in the beginning it was difficult... What do you mean by that?", he finally asked.
"Well, let’s put it this way: I had to persuade him quite a bit." Porsche grinned awkwardly. Bingo.
"How?”, Porchay wanted to know. Porsche swallowed.
"Uh... well, it took him a while to trust me enough to let himself go like that. I needed quite a lot of patience. And alcohol. And a little blackmail”, he added guiltily, running his hand nervously through his hair. Interesting. As awkward as this conversation had been, it had at least given Porchay an idea.
"Thank you, Hia!", he said, hugging his brother. He understood now.
"The questions... they are for a friend, right?", asked Porsche stressed, holding Porchay's shoulder a little tighter than was necessary.
"A friend?" asked Porchay, confused at first before getting the hint.
"Uh yes... a friend! Absolutely. And I couldn't help him, so I thought I'd best ask Hia.” He grinned innocently at Porsche. The latter just continued to look at him skeptically, finally groaned in anguish and drained his glass in one go.
"So...", Porchay began awkwardly and stood up.
"I'll leave you to it then. I'm sure you have a lot to do and I have to do something for university and yeah... thank you again!" Porchay was almost out the door when Porsche called after him.
"Chay!" Porchay turned around and looked at him questioningly.
"Say hi to Kim for me“, Porsche said with a nasty grin on his face and winked at his brother. Porchay just smiled awkwardly and made to leave. Embarrassment did not even begin to cover it!
As Porchay made his way back to his and Kim's flat, he smiled as soft music could be heard through the door. Kim was home. He was sitting at his desk with his back to Porchay, working on a new mix.
"Hey, Angel!", he said as Porchay crept up behind him and put his arms around Kim.
"Hi”, Porchay replied, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's cheek. Kim laid his head back and looked tenderly at Porchay.
"How's Porsche?", he asked. Porchay had told him that he wanted to visit his brother. However, he had kept back the exact reason.
"Fine”, Porchay replied. "He told me to say hello to you."
"Are you sure about that?" Kim looked at him doubtfully.
"I thought he still hated me." Porchay grinned.
"Hate is a very strong word. Strong dislike is more like it." Kim rolled his eyes.
"Can you blame him? You turned his baby brother into a slave to your lust." Porchay playfully stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend.
"Oh, did I now?", asked Kim with a mischievous grin.
"Mmh...", Porchay murmured in Kim's ear and watched contentedly as goose bumps spread across the back of his neck.
"Do you have to work late?", Porchay asked.
"A little longer, actually. But you could persuade me to take a break.”
When Kim looked at Porchay again, his eyes were dark. Porchay knew that look. Normally he wouldn’t mind distracting his boyfriend from work, but not today. Today he had a mission.
"How about this: you finish the mix and then you and I will go out. It’s Friday after all!" He looked at Kim eagerly.
"Going out? You want to go to a club?", he asked incredulously.
"I feel like dancing!" Actually, he felt like fucking his boyfriend, but one thing at a time. Porchay gave Kim his best puppy eyes which always got him what he wanted, and Kim did not disappoint.
"Okay, baby. Give me another hour." Porchay beamed at Kim and then kissed him, short and sweet.
"Thank you."
"Anything you want, baby”, Kim replied, slightly out of breath. Porchay smiled. Kim would live to regret that sentence.
Loud, rhythmic music, dim lights, alcohol in abundance and a mass of people dancing, rubbing up against each other... The club was perfect. Admittedly, Porchay much preferred to spend his evenings relaxing on the couch with noodles, Netflix and of course his hot boyfriend but sacrifices had to be made... for sex.
Porchay and Kim sat in a secluded private booth overlooking the dance floor. It wasn't one of Kim's clubs (Porchay had made sure of that, after all, he didn't want his friend stressed out but loose... and a little bit horny), but with the necessary wherewithal that wasn't a problem. Mafia life also had its advantages. He had persuaded Kim to drink cocktails with him (the only kind of alcoholic drink sweet enough for Porchay) and Kim was already sipping his third Long Island Iced Tea. High alcohol percentage. Perfect.
They sat close together, Porchay almost sitting in Kim's lap, talking about all sorts of things, laughing about what was happening on the dance floor and, of course, making out at length. Porchay was having the best time, enjoying how Kim trusted him and let loose. The ice-cold mafia prince had disappeared. Still, he did not forget his mission.
As Kim relaxed more and more, giggled about anything and everything and no longer seemed to be able to keep his hands off Porchay, he thought the perfect moment had come.
"Come on, let's dance!", he challenged Kim with a laugh.
"Do we have to?", the latter grumbled, much more interested in covering Porchay's neck with hickeys.
"Yes, we do!", replied Porchay with a laugh, pulling his boyfriend behind him onto the dance floor. Time for step two of his plan.
Of course, Kim was also a fantastic dancer. He moved effortlessly to the music, swayed his hips to the rhythm and tossed his head back. His long, slightly tousled hair, skin glistening with sweat, glittering necklaces and earrings and wide-cut shirt made him look like sex on two legs, and Porchay had to pull himself together not to drool.
Kim had his arms wrapped around Porchay's neck (Porchay was by now a few inches taller than Kim, to Kim's absolute dissatisfaction) and Porchay had his hands on Kim's hips. They danced so close together that no sheet would have fit between them, their cocks separated only by two layers of rough denim. Porchay saw that Kim's eyes were dark with lust and when he kissed him, he heard Kim moan loudly. Once they started they couldn't stop.
Kim tried to devour Porchay, sticking his tongue deep into his mouth, biting and sucking on Porchay's lower lip. Porchay kissed his boyfriend back with all his passion, ran his hands over his body and licked up his neck to his ear. Kim moaned and murmured his excitement into Porchay's ear. Good thing the dancing couples around them were similarly busy.
Porchay felt how hard Kim was (he was no different himself) and he couldn't help but marvel at how much Kim let himself go with him. Porchay seized the moment, mustered all his courage and gripped Kim's ass firmly with both hands.
The reaction was immediate.
Kim's moans went up an octave, he threw his head back lustfully and pressed his lower body even tighter against Porchay. Bingo.
"Fuck, you're so hot!", murmured Porchay into Kim's ear and nibbled his earlobe. He kneaded Kim's butt, enjoying how wantonly Kim responded. Thinking of being on top of Kim later, burying himself deep inside of him, marking his neck red and purple, and how Kim would react then... Porchay almost came in his pants.
He had to fuck Kim. He would go crazy if he didn't.
Finally, he grabbed Kim, turned him around and pressed himself against his backside. He wrapped his arms around Kim's chest and hips so he couldn't get free and pressed his cock against Kim's (unfortunately) clothed ass.
This was the moment of truth.
If Kim rejected him again now... of course that would be fine with Porchay. He loved Kim, no matter what the sex was like between them.
But it would be a bummer.
For a moment, Kim was rigid in his arms and Porchay was about to let him go and apologize when Kim moaned so loudly that even the couple next to them looked up grinning and he pressed his butt even harder against Porchay's cock.
"Fuck!", it escaped him. Several times.
"Kim”, Porchay whispered in his ear and Kim turned his head back to give him a filthy kiss, more tongue than anything.
"I know what you're up to”, he murmured in Porchay's ear, tugging playfully at his hair.
"Do you?", replied Porchay breathlessly.
"Mmh...", Kim moaned in reply. Wordlessly, he took Porchay's hand off his hip and pressed it down on his dick instead.
He was rock hard.
Porchay felt his own hard cock twitch.
"I can't believe you're dry fucking me in the middle of the fucking club. Fuck, you turn me on so much!" Kim rubbed his ass even harder against Porchay's cock until the latter slowed him down.
"If you don't want me to come in my pants right in the middle of the dance floor, you better stop." Kim just grinned. Then he detached himself from Porchay, gave him one last fiery kiss and grabbed his hand.
"Let's get out of here!"
Porchay followed only too willingly.
In the car on the way home, the divider to the front rolled up completely, they could hardly keep their hands off each other.
Kim sat astride Porchay's lap, had his hands buried in Porchay's hair and was rubbing his ass against his boyfriend's hard cock. Porchay kneaded Kim's butt ceaselessly and had to pull himself together not to come in his trousers at the thought of doing this without the disturbing clothes between them. Kim was so hot that Porchay couldn't concentrate on anything but the delicious pressure against his cock.
However, he really needed to talk to Kim.
"Kim-", he breathlessly tried to get the attention of his boyfriend who was covering Porchay's neck with hickeys.
"Hmm?", he replied incoherently, fiddling with the buttons of Porchay's shirt.
"Maybe we should-" He groaned as Kim bit his left nipple.
"Yessss?", asked Kim lengthy and grinned at Porchay. Son of a bitch.
"We should-" Kim licked over his other nipple, his hips continuing to grind against Porchay.
"Fuck!"
Porchay grabbed Kim's head with both hands and brought it to eye level.
Kim's pupils were dilated with lust and his red-kissed mouth glistened with saliva. He looked like they had already gone at least two rounds. Porchay took a deep breath, grabbed Kim's hips with his hands to stop the sensual movements and tried to clear the sex fog in his head.
"We should talk”, he finally finished his sentence. Kim blinked.
"I could think of so many more fun things we could do”, he murmured, and when Porchay tried to protest, just stuck his tongue in his mouth.
Very effective.
For a moment, Porchay reciprocated the kiss, then he gently pushed Kim away. He looked deep into Kim's eyes and tenderly stroked his cheek with his thumb.
"Are you sure you really want this?", asked Porchay.
"You mean your cock in my ass? Yes, I do”, he said with a filthy grin and rolled his hips again. Porchay held him down.
"Kim, I'm serious. I don't want to force you to do anything you don’t want." Kim pressed a quick kiss to his mouth.
"I know. You never would. I want it… so much!" He was telling the truth, Porchay could see that in his eyes.
"Then why didn't you ever say anything until now?" Kim didn’t look at him.
Porchay didn't care that he was killing the mood, he had to know. Kim continued to be silent.
"Because at first I thought you were just a classic top and not interested in switching but then, you know, that one time when we were making out and I accidentally touched your hole-"
"Yeah, I know”, Kim interrupted him.
"Or the time I gave you a blowjob and ran my tongue over-"
"I know!", retorted Kim vehemently.
"Or when I put my finger-"
Kim simply covered his mouth.
"Chay, I know. Okay? I remember all those moments! Honestly, I couldn't think of anything else for days afterwards." He ran his hands over his face as if ashamed. This revelation gave Porchay new courage.
"Then why did you avert the subject whenever I brought it up?" Gently, he took Kim's hands in his.
"Because I really didn't want to talk about it! Honestly, I still don't want to. Can't we just do it instead of talking about it?" He looked at Porchay pleadingly. Porchay gave him a look he knew too well, the I'm-not-gonna-engage-in-your-bullshit look, and Kim knew he wasn't getting out of this one.
"Is this about power? Are you afraid to give up control?", Porchay asked him cautiously.
"No!", replied Kim. Then he sighed. "Yes..."
Stressed, he ran his hands through his hair. There was nothing left of his carefully arranged hairstyle.
"All my life, sex has been just a means to an end for me. I used it to exert control over people because I had no control over anything else in my life." His expression turned bitter and Porchay gently stroked his cheek again. Kim continued.
"After I moved out of the Main Compound it got better, but there was still this voice in my head saying I mustn't give up control, mustn't show myself vulnerable."
Porchay's anger at Korn grew beyond measure. How could you brainwash your own children like that!?
"And at the same time sex satisfied me less and less because it wasn't what I really wanted and I searched so long for someone I could trust enough but there was no one, no one who..." Kim faltered for a moment. Then he finally looked Porchay in the eyes again.
"No one like you." He looked tenderly at Porchay and stroked his hair again.
"Everything is different with you, Chay. You've taken all my power and control away from me and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel naked in front of you sometimes because you know me like no one else, because you see through me, because you have all my power and control now. I trust you completely, I would give you anything, do anything for you, let you do anything to me. You own me. And it scares the shit out of me sometimes." Despite the serious words, Kim smiled lovingly at Porchay.
Porchay was speechless.
Kim had just revealed himself completely, given him insight into his emotional world like never before. And Porchay wanted to cry because it meant so much to him, but also laugh because he felt exactly the same. He would do anything for Kim, give Kim everything of himself. Kim was his whole world and Porchay was absolutely powerless of the feelings he had for him.
He loved him so much.
"You've turned my whole life completely upside down, Chay. And I want everything with you. I want you more than anything."
And because Porchay was still at a loss for words and tears were threatening to roll down his cheeks, he simply kissed his boyfriend.
The kiss was full of love.
Porchay tenderly nibbled on Kim’s lip and when he opened his mouth their tongues met as their hands caressed each other's bodies. Porchay finally ended the kiss and leaned his head against Kim's.
"I love you so much, Kim, I could never hurt you. I will be so good to you, be so good for you."
Kim kissed him again, short and sweet.
"I know."
When they finally arrived at Kim's building (for what they were about to do they really didn't want their brothers around) the mood shifted again.
Kim was nervous, Porchay could feel it.
During the car ride the alcohol had mostly left his system and he was restless, his hand in Porchay's was sweaty and he didn't look Porchay in the eyes.
Porchay himself was no better.
Wordlessly, they walked through the lobby, rode the lift up to the top floor and crossed the last corridor until they were finally in Kim's apartment. As the door closed behind them, Porchay let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.
For a moment they just stood there in silence.
Initially, Porchay had planned to just... jump Kim as soon as they were near a bed, but the mood just didn't fit. Maybe he should talk to Kim again?
"Kim, I-", he started, but was interrupted by his boyfriend.
"I'm going to take a shower”, he said, his tone indefinable. Porchay swallowed.
"Okay."
With the shower rushing in the background, Porchay sat on the edge of the bed, mulling over tonight.
Was Kim really ready?
He had been so enthusiastic at the club and in the car, but once they reached his building... Did he feel pressured by Porchay? Maybe they should wait, take it a little slower.
Maybe Porchay could just stick a finger up his bum for now, maybe even just the tip, and then they could gradually take it up a notch and maybe next month Porchay could finally stick his dick-
He went semi-hard again at the thought.
Great.
He wanted to talk to Kim again and if he got hard, Kim would think he only wanted one thing anyway and urgh!
Deep in thought and desperately pulling on his hair, he didn't hear Kim come out of the bathroom. Only when he saw his boyfriend's bare feet in front of him did he react.
"Kim, listen. I really didn't want to pressure you into anything and if you want to wait then-"
Suddenly a wet towel landed on the floor and Porchay finally looked up. And had to pull herself together not to drool.
Kim was a vision.
He was completely naked and still wet from the shower. Drops of water ran down his chest, over his defined abs and down into his pubic hair where his cock-
Porchay swallowed.
Kim was hard.
His cock was jutting out, ruddy and wet, the vein Porchay loved to lick clearly visible.
With a jolt, Porchay looked up into Kim's face.
He was breathing heavily, his mouth slightly open, his cheeks flushed, his eyes dark with lust. He looked like sex on two legs and Porchay really could no longer control-
Suddenly Kim pounced on him.
He dropped himself astride Porchay's lap and expertly interrupted Porchay's protesting "Kim!" with his tongue down Porchay's throat.
His hands were everywhere.
They tugged at the sensitive hairs on Porchay's neck, fiddled with the buttons of his shirt and pinched his nipples through the fabric. Porchay moaned with arousal. He tried to scrape together the last bit of sanity he had left and withdrew from the kiss.
"Kim, are you sure that-", he started breathlessly but Kim wouldn't listen.
"Shut up!", he whispered, pressing his bare ass against Porchay's still-clothed cock while he covered his neck with hickeys.
"But you were still so nervous just now and I-" Kim moaned and reluctantly pulled away from Porchay's neck. Then he took Porchay's face in both hands and looked him deep in the eyes.
"Of course I'm nervous. I'm about to have the best fuck of my life so nervous does not even begin to cover it!" He laughed briefly and Porchay began to grin too.
"I want it so much, I'm losing myself completely right now. Can't you feel it?", he asked with a rough voice, pressing his hard dick against Porchay's belly.
That was enough for Porchay.
He helped Kim take off his shirt and threw it carelessly on the floor. Then he kissed his boyfriend hard and finally, finally, grabbed his bare ass. He dug his fingers deep into the soft flesh and kneaded it so hard that Kim would definitely have bruises tomorrow. The latter moaned a breathless "Fuck!" in Porchay's ear and bit into his neck.
"Do it, Chay! Do it! I want to feel your fingers inside me."
Porchay's cock twitched in his tight pants (why was he still wearing those anyway!?) at Kim's words. He lowered his head to suck on Kim's right nipple while running a finger through his cleft. When he felt Kim's hot, puckered hole, he gently rubbed his finger against it, enjoying the reactions he coaxed out of Kim.
He moved his hips in unison with the circling of Porchay's finger. "It feels so good, Chay! Fuck! Put it in! Do it!" Porchay wanted nothing more than that.
"Shit! I need- we need-"
He was so aroused; he could barely get a proper sentence together. Kim understood him anyway.
He reached behind him, grabbed Porchay's right wrist and brought his hand to his lips. Then he sucked Porchay's middle finger inside his mouth and wetly swirled his tongue around it.
Porchay had to close his eyes at the sight. He was afraid of coming in his pants otherwise.
With a smacking sound, Kim let go of his middle finger, which was now glistening with saliva.
"Now it's nice and wet. Do it, Chay!"
Porchay had never seen his boyfriend so shameless.
He was addicted.
Again, he reached behind Kim. With his left hand he still had a firm grip on his butt. Carefully, he circled Kim's rim with his wet middle finger and gently pressed the tip of it inside. Gently, he moved his finger back and forth, listening to Kim's reactions.
"More! Deeper!", he demanded. Porchay bit into his nipple and let his finger go deeper. He made circular motions to widen Kim further. He would need it if they kept this up.
"More!", he demanded again and groaned as Porchay sank his finger completely inside him.
"You're taking it so well, Kim. My whole finger is inside of you”, Porchay whispered in his ear, watching goosebumps spread across his skin.
Porchay felt wetness on his belly. Kim's rock-hard cock had spilled a little precome.
"It feels so good! Give me another one!"
Shit!
He couldn't move his finger the way he wanted and they finally needed lube and Porchay really wanted to put his mouth-
"Get up!", he urged Kim after pulling his finger out of his ass. Kim uttered a dissatisfied grumble and looked at Porchay confused.
"Come on. Lie down on the bed. On your stomach."
Only when he gave Kim a light slap on the butt did he finally respond.
With wobbly legs he stood up, got some lube from the nightstand which he threw on the bed and then settled on his stomach, legs spread wide. He was wanton.
Porchay just stood there for a minute, staring at his boyfriend while his mouth watered.
"Stop drooling and get your ass over here. I finally want to get fucked, preferably tod- ahhHH!" Kim howled as he suddenly felt a tongue on his rim.
"So bratty”, Porchay muttered, giving Kim another slap on the butt and then sinking his tongue into his boyfriend again.
He licked all over his cleft, circling his tongue around the hole that twitched and quivered beneath him, fucking the tip inside. Kim tasted of sweat and soap and musk and Kim and Porchay couldn't get enough. Kim seemed to feel the same way.
He had one hand buried in Porchay's hair and was trying to press it as tightly against his ass as he could.
"Fuck, baby! Keep going, yeah! You're so good for me." Porchay enjoyed the praise and rewarded Kim by wetting two of his fingers with lube and jerking them inside him.
"Oh my God!", came a muffled cry from Kim, who had buried his head in the pillows. Porchay continued to lick around Kim's rim, making circular, searching motions with his fingers.
There.
His fingers hit a patch of rough tissue and he thrust without caution.
Suddenly Kim's body leapt up, he cried out and then fell back onto the mattress, all muscles relaxed. Did Kim just...?
Porchay sat up.
"Kim?", he asked, his fingers still buried inside of him. Kim mumbled something unintelligible.
"Did you just-?"
"Shut up! Shut up!", he cried, before burying his head in the pillows again and pulling at his hair in distress. Porchay pressed his fist down onto his still clothed cock to relieve some of the pressure.
Fuck!
He couldn't believe that Kim had just come when Porchay felt like he hadn’t even gotten started. Under sounds of protest from Kim, he withdrew his fingers from him and sat up straight.
"Kim? Will you look at me, please?"
Kim shook his head and tried to disappear deeper into the pillows. Porchay smiled. With more strength than he would have given himself credit for, he grabbed Kim and rolled him onto his back.
Kim quickly covered his face with his hands, obviously embarrassed to look Porchay in the eyes.
He was still breathing heavily, his sweaty chest rising and falling. Kim’s cock was soft and laid on his belly which was completely covered in cum. The spot Kim had just been lying on was also wet.
Porchay crawled over his boyfriend, laid on top of him (ignoring the wetness on his belly) and gently took Kim's hands off his face. Before he could say anything, Porchay simply kissed him. His tongue explored Kim's mouth and he moaned softly.
"That was the hottest thing I've ever seen”, he finally said, looking into Kim's eyes. His cheeks were still flushed red with shame.
"I can't believe I came so fast." Porchay grinned.
"And you didn't even have my cock in you yet."
Although he had just come, Kim's cock twitched. He grabbed Porchay's head with both hands and they kissed. Short, messy, wet kisses.
"You were so good for me, baby!"
"You were so hot, I almost came myself."
"I've never had such a powerful orgasm before."
"I can't wait to finally be inside of you."
"You turn me on so much, angel. I love you!"
"I love you!"
They made out nonstop, rubbing their bodies together.
"Why are you still wearing those damn pants?", complained Kim, biting Porchay's lower lip.
"Because you were just dying to get my fingers up your ass,”, Porchay replied, out of breath and laughing at the grumble Kim uttered.
He rolled off Kim and together they impatiently yanked the offending pants off Porchay's legs. His cock jutted out, flushed red, the glans completely visible with precome at the tip. He felt like he would explode if he couldn't sink into Kim soon.
The latter looked at him with glazed eyes, his own cock already half-hard again.
"How do you want me?", he asked with a rough voice, swallowing uncontrollably as he knelt in front of Porchay. Porchay could barely think straight.
"Stay... stay exactly like that." Porchay grabbed the lube and warmed some in his right hand. Then he knelt directly behind Kim and breached his hole first with one, then two fingers. His other hand held Kim close and played with his nipple while he covered his neck with kisses.
"How does that feel?" Kim just moaned.
"So good, angel. Your fingers feel so good inside me. Give me more. I need it." Porchay inserted a third finger into his boyfriend and instantly fucked all three against his prostate. Moaning loudly, Kim laid his head back and slid his hands into Porchay's hair to hold him even tighter.
"Baby...", he sighed into Porchay's ear as he let go of his nipple and grabbed his cock. Porchay's fingers went into Kim's hot hole without resistance and Porchay really really wanted to replace them with his dick.
"Are you ready for my cock, Kim? Do you want it?" Kim panted.
"Yes, baby! Angel, give it to me. I need you inside me. Please! Please, do it!"
If there was one thing Kim never did, it was begging.
Porchay removed his fingers from Kim's butt and slathered his cock with copious amounts of lube. Kim's rim was already shiny with it but Porchay believed he couldn't use too much. His own fingers around his cock were already setting off a firework of sensations inside him and he couldn’t imagine how it would feel to be buried inside of Kim.
Once again, he kissed Kim's sweaty shoulder before he took his cock in hand and carefully inserted it into Kim's hole. They both moaned loudly.
Kim felt like heaven.
He was so hot and tight and wet and Porchay really didn't know how he could last more than ten seconds inside of him without coming. Kim's head laid on Porchay's shoulder, his mouth slightly open, his lips shiny with saliva and his eyes closed in pleasure.
"Are you okay, Kim?", Porchay asked him, brushing the wet hair from his forehead. Kim opened his eyes. His pupils were black with lust.
"Fucking perfect”, he replied blissfully. "Fuck me, baby!"
And Porchay did.
He grabbed Kim's hips with both hands and thrust into him hard. He really wanted to be gentler, it was Kim's first time after all, but Porchay was so aroused, he couldn't help it. And judging by Kim's constant cries of pleasure, he didn't seem to mind.
"Baby, you're fucking me so good. Don't stop! Don't stop!" He held onto the bed frame with one hand and moved his hips to meet Porchay's thrusts.
The room was filled with the sounds of their lovemaking: Kim's hoarse cries, the slapping of their sweaty skin, the smacking sound of all that lube.
Porchay heard none of it. It was as if all his senses were dulled so that the sensations on his cock were all the stronger.
He knew it. This was the sex they were supposed to be having all along. Dirty and hard and shameless and passionate and full of love.
He loved feeling Kim inside him, feeling his hard cock sinking into him, but being inside Kim... It was the best feeling in the whole world and he knew he was addicted.
And Kim felt the same way, Porchay knew it. He had never let himself go like this, never forgotten himself like this. He screamed himself hoarse while Porchay continued to ram into him.
"Chay! Baby! Don't stop! You feel so good. You're fucking me so good. Don't stop!"
He had placed his left hand on Porchay's which rested on his hip and intertwined their fingers.
"Kim...”, Porchay moaned. "I'm going to come soon. It's too good."
"Me too! Me too! Just a little more. Fuck me harder!"
Porchay gave him all he had. Like a savage, he thrust into Kim, ignoring his protesting thighs. He took his right hand from Kim's hip and was about to reach for his cock, but Kim stopped him.
"I don't need that! Kiss me! Just kiss me!", he murmured into Porchay's ear and he obeyed. Wetly he licked into Kim's mouth and bit his lower lip as he continued to fuck into him.
When Porchay twisted Kim's nipple hard, it happened.
Kim's whole body tensed, he screamed out his pleasure louder than ever and came all over his stomach and Porchay's hand, which was still on his chest.
During his climax, Kim's hole contracted almost painfully and that gave Porchay the rest.
He came and came and came.
It was the best orgasm he had ever had.
Breathing heavily, he turned Kim, who had slumped forward during his climax, onto his back, laid down beside him and interlocked their hands.
"What the hell was that?", asked Kim when his breathing had somewhat returned to normal.
"Sex”, Porchay replied and it was meant to sound smug but instead it just sounded breathless and fucked out. Kim snorted.
His hair was a wild mess, his face still sweaty, his lips swollen from kissing and his eyes shining. He had never been more beautiful.
With the last of his strength, Porchay turned onto his stomach, and leaned over Kim's chest to kiss him. The kiss was short and gentle. Full of wonder.
Kim brushed the wet hair from his forehead as Porchay leaned back and looked at him lovingly. Porchay should get up, should get Kim a towel and clean him but the sheets needed changing anyway and he just couldn't and wouldn't let go of him right now.
He thought the relationship between them, which had already been through so many ups and downs, couldn't get any more intimate, any stronger, but he was wrong. He felt more connected to Kim than ever before.
"I love you”, he said, because what else could he say? Kim smiled and kissed him.
"I love you so much”, he replied, hugging Porchay tightly. He rested his head on Kim's chest and bathed in his afterglow.
For a while they just stayed silent, enjoying the newfound intimacy.
"I hope you don't have any plans this weekend”, Kim finally said. Porchay looked at him, lifting and eyebrow in question.
Kim smirked mischievously.
"I won't let you out of bed!"
Porchay just laughed and kissed Kim, whose mouth was still pulled into a grin.
He did not have the slightest objection to that plan.