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That Time I Was Transported to the Magical Boy Anime with My IRL Friends

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Since the school’s cultural festival finished without any resolution to the first season’s plot, it only made sense that we would head into a non-canon territory—where Caerula Adamas would still be the villains in the second season, where neither team would know of the other’s identities, where there would be no sending the Council off to Europe for no good reason.

Well, the Doylist reason was that they have expensive voices. Watsonian, on the other hand, was never really explained—though I had a few personal head canons. Did Caerula Adamas plan their exchange trip to Europe as part of conquering the Earth, and couldn’t back out? Was it some sort of attempt at a backwards punishment for the destruction of the school’s roof? Or was it a plan concocted by the twins, in an attempt to remove any possibility of being beaten?

Sitting in the council room, I realized it must be the third possibility.

“We are Galaxy Idol! The VEPPer!”

The twins were striking their signature pose after barging into our tea time—after Kinshirou had asked who they were.

“And what, pray tell, are you doing here?” Kinshirou asked his follow-up question.

“We are here to challenge the Battle Lovers, of course!”

The Council’s eyes widened.

“And why are you telling us?” Ibushi asked. “We can’t help you with that.”

“Don’t play dumb!” Haruhiko spat.

“We know all about Caerula Adamas,” Akihiko explained. He looked at me. “Though you’re a surprise.”

“And you’ll be in for another one soon,” I muttered.

“We were going to make our debut on Earth—but of course, other stars have been stealing our thunder.” Akihiko glared at the four of us.

“We’re not idols,” Kinshirou said. “We’re conquerors. I do not appreciate this baseless accusation.”

Haruhiko snorted. “I can’t believe it—you’re really that clueless?”

Just then, Dadacha popped out of Akihiko’s jacket pocket. “Zundar, where are you, cha?” he wailed.

The green hedgehog appeared from Kinshirou’s pocket. “Ah, my brother. Thank you for bringing reinforcements for our plan of conquest—”

“Drop the act already,” Akihiko interrupted. “Just tell them about Can I Destroy the Earth? Returns. Then, we can get down to business.”

“Lord Zundar…” Kinshirou hesitated, not wanting to question his loyalty to the hedgehog. “What is he talking about?”

Zundar grumbled a bit, before saying, “I may have embellished certain facts when I first approached you, dar.”

“Such as?” Akoya asked.

“It’s all for a show on TV Universe, dar.”

“You mean to say that all my plans…” Kinshirou stared into space. “My plans for conquest were meaningless?”

“Not entirely,” Haruhiko replied. “Now that we’re all on the same page, you can help us to defeat the Battle Lovers!”

Ibushi squeezed his hands into fists and gave a smile, eyes closed. “This is a lot of information you’re dumping on us,” he said. “Can’t you see that you’re causing distress to our President?”

“What sort of challenge did you have in mind?” I asked, knowing Kinshirou probably wouldn’t want attention to be called to him in this moment.

Haruhiko blinked. “And who are you, again?”

“Noboribetsu Kumiko. I was sent to assist Caerula Adamas.”

“No, you weren’t, dar!”

I blinked, and then realized that—duh—they were constantly recording our every move. Of course my private conversations with my friends were shifted to the public eye.

“Ah, you got me!” I shrugged. “Believe it or not, I’m from an alternate universe where you’re all fictional. Up until the school festival, I knew where everything was headed—but I made some changes, so some of this timeline is new to me.”

Kinshirou sighed. “Discovering my life has been broadcast to the universe is one thing…but an alternate universe where our lives are fictional? That’s a bit too far-fetched in my opinion.”

“Hm…” I gave a sly smirk. “Do you have any specific questions? I can prove myself. Ask me something that I wouldn’t be able to know—since from your perspective, I haven’t been here very long.”

Everyone was silent as they thought of what to ask.

“What is Arima afraid of?” Akoya blurted out. The older boy cringed.

“Snails,” I replied.

“Who are the Battle Lovers?” Akihiko asked.

“Hm, I thought you would’ve asked why you want to fight them.”

Kinshirou raised his brows. “It is a good question, though. I suppose since the two of you came to the council room and knew our identities, you know theirs as well.”

“Well, it’s obvious,” Haruhiko replied. “But seeing as she didn’t give a direct answer, I’m guessing it wasn’t revealed—”

“The Defense Club,” I answered. “I mean, you’re right—it’s obvious, but probably not for whatever reason you’re thinking of.”

“So when the Defense Club was in cosplay…” Ibushi started.

“They were in their actual Battle Lover outfits, but without the mosaic, yes,” I finished. “And the festival is where this timeline splits—Kinshirou was supposed to open that door and discover Atsushi making curry, and a battle would take place. Ibushi and Akoya—you two would see the fight right as you passed by the Defense Club—and both groups would overhear the other questioning what’s going on with their respective friend, thus revealing your identities to each other.”

The twins cleared their throats. “And where do we come in?”

“Second season of the anime,” I replied. “The first season ends with the Defense Club and Council as friends, taking a bath together, and—”

“W-W-Wait!” Kinshirou spluttered, blushing. “Taking a bath?!”

“Oh, yeah,” I said, sheepishly scratching my cheek. “The whole franchise is kinda…fujoshi bait…so there’s a lot of bath scenes and fan service…”

“Excellent—I see that even when fictional, Can I Destroy the Earth? Returns is reaching its targeted demographic with the tsun in Kinshirou, dar!”

“For the record, the Battle Lovers are the protagonists—and it’s called Cute High Earth Defense Club LOVE!

“Tacky…” Akoya and the twins muttered.

“The second season tacks on another LOVE!” I crossed my arms. “And the graduation OVA tacks on another. Then, there’s a spin off that’s like…ten years in the future. And an anime that’s in the same universe, called Robihachi. And another by the same creative team that’s also about magical boys—and I like to think it’s in the same universe, but that’s up for debate.”

“It might not be wise, but let’s backtrack,” Ibushi said before I could get into my explanation of the manga, novels, music, et cetera. “You said this franchise that we’re all fictional characters in…is fujoshi bait?”

“Yes.” I blinked.

“And there is a scene where we’re in the bath?”

“Oh yes—a few, actually. Though the Defense Club gets the spotlight.”

Ibushi blinked, not sure of how to phrase a follow up question, and not sure if he should even ask it, before settling for how his President would phrase it. “How…vulgar…is it?”

“There are butts.”

“But is there any…”

He was about to gesture vaguely instead of finishing the question verbally, but in embarrassment Kinshirou shouted, “Arima! Stop!”

“Sorry.”

“Ah, my poor Blorbo,” I said, patting Kinshirou on the shoulder.

“What?”

“It means you’re my favorite.”

The twins cleared their throats again. “You haven’t answered our question,” Haruhiko chimed in.

“Ah, that’s right. In the second season, the Council goes abroad to Europe—and the two of you are the antagonists. Honestly, the writing quality kinda goes downhill. Along with the monsters. Like, a Chest Hair Monster? A Panda Monster that poops on screen and throws it? Horrible. Plus, you never really came out directly and said your goal was to win over Goura—even though it was obvious to the audience—so they weren’t really as motivated to compete with you and didn’t care until you kidnapped him.”

“Thank you for the information,” Akihiko replied. “We’ll take that into consideration.”

“Actually, I have a better plan for how you can settle things,” I said. “If you’d be willing to hear me out, that is…”