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You need a chill pill

Chapter Text

Jeremy 

Michael, ensemble 

Chole, ensemble

Brooke, ensemble

Jake, ensemble 

Rich, ensemble

Christine, ensemble

Mr. Heere, Mr, Reyes, Scary stalk boy, bus driver, ensemble 

Squip

 

Rich's Squip, Michele's mom, Math teacher, History Teacher, Vice Principal ( Alto) 

 

Rich's Brother(Mark) English teacher, woodshop teacher, choir teacher (Bass) 

 

Madeline, War of World craft member(Zoe) game club member (Emma) ,ensemble (Soprano) 

 

Dustin, War of World craft member(Matt), game club member( Zack) , ensemble (Bass) 

 

Brooke's little sister Rebecca, Freshman girl, game club member( Rose) , war of world craft member(Willow) , ensemble (Alto) 

 

Mr. Groanski, News reporter, Nurse, science teacher, Principal (Tener) 

_________________


(A voice is heard over the speaker) 

 

Squip: Welcome to Broadways Be More Chill. Silent all cell phones. I can't help you reach the top when you are looking down. In case of any mishaps please be chill and go to the nearest exit. Recording the show is distracting and highly illegal. So don't do that. Even the coolest people cleanup after themselves. Now please be quiet and Be More Chill 

 

(Lights dim as Overtune plays. Once it ends the beginning of more than survive plays. Jeremy is sitting on his bed with a laptop in front of him. He isn't wearing any pants.) 



                         Scene 1,Act 1

 

More Than Survive 

 

Jeremy:

C-c-c'mon, c-c-c'mon

Go, go!

C-c-c'mon, c-c-c'mon

Go, go!

I'm waitin' for my porno to load

My brain is gonna freakin' explode

And now, of course, it's time to hit the road

(he puts on pants) 

Which means I'll be uncomfortable all day

But that really isn't such a change

If I'm not feelin' weird or super strange

My life would be in utter disarray

'Cause freakin' out is my ok

Good morning, time to start the day

C-c-c'mon, c-c-c'mon

Go, go!

C-c-c'mon, c-c-c'mon

Go, go!

 

(Jeremy walks way as the set changes into his kitchen. Mr. Heere walk in not wearing any pants) 

 

Jeremy: dad. Haven't you heard of pants

Mr. Heere:We are all man in this house. Pretend that we are in the army. 

Jeremy:But you are taking me to school

Mr. Heere:oh I'm sorry Jeremy I know I promised but. I'm. Well not feeling up to leaving the house

Jeremy:Please when I get home. Please put clothes on.

Mr. Heere: Ten-hut

 

(scene changes everything is taken off stage besides a mailbox and it has HEERE. Written on it) 

 

Jeremy:

Now, should I take a bus or walk instead?

I feel my stomach fillin' up with dread

When I get nervous my whole face goes red

Dude, weigh the options calmly and be still

A junior on the bus is killer weak

But if I walk, when I arrive I'm gonna straight up reek

And my boxers will be bunchy and my pits will leak

Ugh God, I wish I had the skill

To just be fine and cool and chill

(some of the main eight should be there. But mostly the ensemble) 

I don't wanna be a hero

Just wanna stay in the line

I'll never be your Rob De Niro

For me, Joe Pesci is fine

And so, I follow my own rules

And I use them as my tools

To stay alive

I don't wanna be special, no, no

I just wanna surviv

 

(Groups of kids walk in, they all go different ways and directions. All in their groups.)

 

All:

c-c'mon, c-c-c'mon go, go!

C-c-c'mon, c-c-c'mon,go, go!

 

Chole:Um what are you staring at?

Jeremy: I was. Try to get to my locker? 

Chole:That guy is so weird

Brooke:I have never noticed him

 

(Jermery walks backwards into Rich) 

 

Rich: Don't TOUCH me tallass. 

Jeremy Sorry I was trying to (Rich writes on Jeremy's backpack) locker 

Rich:Wash that off. You're dead 

 

Jeremy:

I navigate the dangerous hall

Focus on a poster there on the wall

Avoiding any eye contact at all

And trying hard to remain unseen

The poster's closer now, what does it say?

It's a sign up for the after school play

(beat) 

it's a sign up sheet for getting called "gay"

And that's not what I need right now end scene

I hang a left and there's:

Christine

Christine

Christine

Christine Canigula

Christine

 

Christine:Excuse me

Jeremy:uh Yea. 

Christine:I think someone wrote boyf on your backpack

 

(Jeremy takes off his backpack and looks at the word boyf written on it.) 

 

Jeremy:I. I ugh 

(he run away) 

 

Jeremy:

Well that was smooth

Yeah that was super pimp

My mac daddy game couldn't be more limp!

No time to wallow, no instead

Just clear your brain and move ahead

Except that you're one of those guys

Who'll be a virgin 'till he dies!

(shift to a classroom and on dies everyone sits down) 

I don't wanna be a bother!

Just want some skills to count on

If my nuts were any smaller

They would be totally gone!

If I continue at this rate

The only thing I'll ever date

Is my MacBook Pro hard drive

I don't wanna be Clooney, no, no

I just wanna survive!

 

(shift to the Cafeteria) 

 

Jenna:Chloe I heard about you and Jake 

Chole:Not now Jenna

Jenna:I also saw him flirting. With Madeline 

(Chole stops for a beat) 

Chloe:I want details

(the two walk off) 

 

Jeremy:Michael

Michael:

Jeremy, my buddy,

How's it hanging? Lunch is bangin'

Had my sushi, got my slushy and more!

The roll was megi-maki and I'm feelin' kinda cocky

'Cos the girl at Sev' Elev' gave me a generous pour!

Jeremy:You're listening to Bob Marley again, aren't you?

Michael:

Ohhhh

I'm listenin' to Marley

And the groove is soundin' gnarly

And we're almost at the end of this song!

Yeah, that was the end, now tell me friend:

How was class?

You look like ass, what's wrong?

 

Jeremy:Boyf. What does that even mean

 

(Michael takes his bag off putting the bags together. It spells Boyfriends, freshman girl walks by looks at the bags. Then she giggles) 

Michael:My mothers would be thrilled 

Jeremy:I hate this school

Michael:It's all good. hey, I saw on discovery that humanity has stopped evolving!

Jeremy:Oh. That's. Good? 

Michael:Evolution's the survival of the fittest, right? But now, because of technology

You don't have to be strong to survive!

Which means there's never been a better time in history to be a loser! Ha!

So own it! Why try to be cool when you can be-

Jeremy:Signing up for the play. 

Michael:I was going to say getting stoned in my basement but. 

Jeremy:No. Look who is signing up for the play. 

 

(Christine comes on stage and goes over to where the sign sheet is.) 

 

Jeremy:

Christine

Michael:

Christine

 

Michael and Jeremy:

Christine

Christine canigula

Christine

Christine

Christine…

 

All:

(everyone bar Michael and Jeremy go over to Christine)

Christine canigula

Christine canigula

 

Jeremy:

I feel my body movin' through the air

See my converse walkin' over there

Take a shaky breath and I prepare

Who cares if people think I'm lame?

Christine signed, I'll do the same!

I grab the pen, I write my name 

 

Rich:GAY

(every laughs for a few seconds) 

Chole:I like gay people

 

Jeremy:

I'm never gonna be the cool guy

I'm more the one who's left out

Of all the characters at school

I am not the one who the story's about

Why can't someone just help me out?

And teach me how to thrive

Help me do more than survive!

All minus Jeremy:

Nah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah… 

Jeremy:

More than survive…

All minus Jeremy:

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!

Jeremy :

If this was an apocalypse

I would not need any tips

In how to stay alive

But since the Zombie army's yet to decend

And the period is going to end

I'm just tryin' my best to pass the test and

All minus Jeremy:

C-c-c'mon, c-c-c'mon,

Go, go!

Jeremy:

Survive 

All:

C-c-c'mon, c-c-c'mon

Go, go , Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go...

Go!

(Blackout) 

 

                          Scene 2,Act 1

 

(Bell rings. lights up. Two classes are taking place. On the left Jeremy, Chloe, Brooke Jake, Madeline and History Teacher. On the Right is Dustin, Michael, Rich, Jenna, Christine with Science teacher.) 

 

(Jeremy and Michael both have computers on their laps. It is implyed that they are talking to each other Via google docs.)

 

Jeremy:I can't believe I signed up for the play. 

History teacher: The Civil War happened because the north wanted to end slavery but the south wanted to keep it. 

Michael:I mean. Lots of guys do theater. 

Jeremy:I know. But we are in New Jersey. Not the most accepting place in the world 

Chole:Anyway so Madeline is such a bitch-

History teacher: language 

Brooke:You don't deserve him. 

Chloe:Brooke.

Brooke:I mean. He totally is missing out. 

Science teacher: This should be a review from last year. 

Michael: It is fine. Two years. Then BAMN college. 

Rich:Jenna, did you hear about the music cage incident

Jenna:No, do tell. 

History teacher: But after the north won President Abraham Lincoln was murdered.

Jeremy: I mean. I guess. But we have SATs this year. So funny. 

Jake:Chol I want a break. Explore other realships

Chole:But Madeline of all people 

Madeline:Hey what is that suppose to mean

History teacher:stop talking or else I'll start giving out detention

Rich: two seniors had sex in it before school

Michael:Meh I heard they might get rid of the SATs

Science teacher:Pay attention this will be on the SATs. 

Jenna:Who? 

Rich: Melissa Thompson and Samuel Polter

Jeremy:Isn't Christine in your class? 

Michael:Yea? Why. 

Christine: What will be on the SATs? Like what materials? 

Jeremy:I don't know

Science teacher: I don't know. Sorry Christine. 

Michael: Look you dragged me to the play and Spring musical 

Jeremy: Okay one the musical was Grease. And two I wanted to talk to her. She was Jan. I was so prepared then.

Madeline: what's your problem? Is it because I speak french

Chole:No you're not. 

History teacher:What did I just say. 

Science teacher: Please take notes. You will be doing yourself a favor

Michael:You got nervous

History: Also. You will have a quiz on the Civil War on Monday 

Science teacher: Michael are you paying attention. 

 

(Michael slams his computer shut and Jeremys side of the stage the lights go out. ) 

 

Michael:Yes. 

Science teacher:Really? What did I just say. 

Michael: Please take notes. You will be doing yourself a favor

Science teacher:Fine. But please Michael pay attention. 

Rich:Yea Michael. Stop talk to your boyfriend 

Michael:You know what Richa-

Science teacher: I want the peanut gallery to please be quiet. 

History teacher: Jeremy can you summarize the lesson?

(this time Michaels side goes out and Jeremys is on) 

Jeremy:Well. Um the North wanted slaves to be free. And the south didn't. So the um. South broke away from the. Um north. And then um. They fought and then after the north won the um. Abraham Lincoln was murdered. 

History teacher:Yes that is correct. But please use actual words. That was Alot of ums. 

 

(bell rings and the students grab chairs and move around and stop slamming them down. And sit. There are 3 groups of 3. Two in the front. And one in the window space in the back. The table on stage left is Michael, Jeremy, Rich(he has one foot on the chair) . Table on stage right is Jake, Chole, Madeline, table upstage center is Jenna, Dustin, Brooke. The teacher is walking around.) 

 

English teacher:Did none do the reading. Come one. It was one scene. Did anyone do the reading

(rich puts his hand up and the teacher stops with his back towards Rich) 

English teacher:Put your hand down Goranski 

(rich puts his hand down) 

Michael: Since when do you like Shakespeare? 

Rich:Don't be a penis. The man is a genius. 

Michael:Ok-wait

Jeremy:Isn't that a line from Something rotten? 

Michael:Yea it is. You don't seem like the person who is into theater

Rich: (as this line goes on he should get more and more upset) My mom liked shows;she used to take me and my brother to shows on Broadway. Actually Something Rotten was the last show she took me and my brother to before she died in the sev- (he stopped and he jolts) 

(an uncomfortable amount of beats) 

Jeremy:Then why did you call me gay if you like theater so much?

Rich: (still a bit upset) Because tall-ass you are gay. Aren't you? I mean with all the time you and your boyfriend spend together. Honestly now don't start talking about some homosexual agenda or some shit

Michael:Oh my God. Fine, we act kinda gay. BUT you didn't have to vandalize our bags

Rich:Well headphones. I could have written something much more horrible. But I'd didn't becau-

Michael:Why? because you're so "nice" Yea after a year of bullying I don't think you're capable of being nice. 

Jeremy:Yea. Now I have to get a new bag

Rich:Whatever. I don't hate gay people 

Michael:Sure and I'm the most popular kid in school 

Rich: Well I have a brother-in-law

Jeremy:So your sister married som-

Rich:How fucking stupied are you. Why would I say that if I had a sister? My brother married him. That's why I don't hate gay people because I love my brother (Jeremy flinched.)

 

(the bell rings and the groups move more and now 4 people are on stage. Michael, Jeremy, Dustin, Brooke's little sister Rebecca. Michael and Jeremy are by each other. Dustin downstate center. And Brooke's little sister stage right. All are sitting. Expect Michael. He is standing in front of Jeremy and Jeremy has his phone to his head.) 

 

Michael:Uh uh HeHe

Jeremy:Uh Michael Jackson? 

Michael:Yes

 

(Jeremy moves his phone down) 

 

Michael:Oh um. I want to dance with someone 

Jeremy: whitney houston 

Michael:Yes.

(Jeremy moves his phone down.) 

Michael:Uh stab (he jabs his stomach with a fist) 

Jeremy:uhhhh. I do not know 

Michael:Juliet 

Jeremy:Do you think I should go to Drama? 

Michael:I mean. Why not? 

Jeremy:I don't know. Can you come? 

Michael:Sorry I'm going to game club. 

Jeremy:Right. 

Michael:HEY how about i'll walk you there.

Jeremy:Thank Micah. 

Michael:don't let Rich Groanski talk you down. He is lame. We are the cool kids. 

(the bell rings. The people on stage grab the chairs and walk off. Blackout. ) 



                           Scene 3,Act 1

 

(Jeremy and Michael are upstage, Christine is downstage, downstage has 8 chairs) 

Jeremy:I. Mabey evaluation isn't for everyone

Michael:You don't have to do this. Though I'll mock you forever if you do (Michael left) 

Jeremy:Okay. C-c-c'mon (Jeremy walks downstage.) 

Jeremy:YO. 

Christine:Yo

Jeremy:Is this?where you go meet for play rehearsal? 

Christine:Um no this is where the swim team meets. 

Jeremy:Oh. 

Christine:I'm kidding 

Jeremy:Oh I'm Jeremy 

Christine:Are you okay? 

Jeremy:Yea. I always. Uh sweat this much. 

Christine:Oh I get it. You're a virgin! 

(Jeremy looks is shocked/fearful) 

Christine:First play rehearsal

Jeremy:Oh. You think I'm scared about the play rehearsal. 

Christine:Yea. Why else would you be shaking. Alot. Coming here is the highlight 

Jeremy: Of your day? 

Christine:Yea right. Of my life

 

I Love Play Rehearsals 

 

Christine:

I love play rehearsal

Because it's the best

Because it is fun

I love play rehearsal

And I get depressed as soon as it's done

But not depressed, as in like, kill yourself depressed

No, I'm not into self-harm

Dude, I swear, here check my arm

(she lifts up her sleeve revealing her arm)

See, I just use the word to emphasize a point

Show the passion I've got

I am passionate a lot

I have mad, gigantic feelings

Red and frantic feelings

About most everything

Like gun control, like spring

Like if I'm living up to all I'm meant to be

I also have a touch of ADD

(beat for a few seconds) 

Where was I?

Oh, right

I love play rehearsal

'Cause you are equiped with directions and text

Life is easy in rehearsal

You follow a script so you know what comes next

Anywho, the point that I'm getting to

Is sometimes life can't work out in the way

It works out in the play

Like the only time I get to be the center of attention

Is when I'm Juliet or Blanche DuBois

And can I mention?

That was really one of my best roles

Did you see that?

(Jeremy nodds) 

Christine:Really

Jeremy:yea

Christine:Thanks it makes me feel like there aren't strong roles in the theater these days for women. Specifically high school theater. 

And no matter how hard I try

It's impossible to narrow down the many reasons why-y-y-y

I love play rehearsal

I happiness cry whenever it starts

It's just so universal

Getting to try playing so many parts

Most humans do one thing for all of their lives

The thought of that gives me hives

I've got so many interests I wanna pursue

And why am I telling this to you?

Guess there's a part of me that wants to

Christine:There is also a part of me that wants to do this *improve what happens*

Back to play rehearsal

My brain is like "Bzzz"

My heart is like "Wow"

Because we're here at play rehearsal

And it's starting

We're starting

It's starting

Soon

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 

 

Jeremy: Is anyone else coming? 

Christine:We have been slipping in membership lately. Guess it's just us.

(Brooke, Chloe, Jake, Jenna, and Rich come in. Rich chasing Jenna in, Jake walking nonchalantly, and Brooke and Chole holding hands. All abling something. They all sit in seats available. Mr. Reyes comes in) 

 

Mr. Reyes:Thank God the popular kids have arrived. Hello I'm Mr. Reyes. Welcome to Drama. 

Brooke:HI MR. REYES 

Mr. Reyes:Hello brooke, anyway you might have had me as a freshman or this year for honors English or regular English. Or from hobby lobby. Which I work on weekends. Anyway it has always been a dream of mine to put on Shakespeare's A MidSummer dream-

Christine:Yes-

Mr. Reyes:and today that Dream dies

Christine:What?! 

Mr.Reyes:Just. Um slightly different. I was told if we don't raise our popularity. Then the fund will go to the Frisbee Golf team. So instead it will take place in a post-apocalyptic world. And fleeing from zombies. 

Christine:don't you care about Shakespeare

Mr. Reyes:Dear. The man is dead. Let it go. Now we will take a 5 minute break so I can eat a hot pocket and call my husband. 

 

(Mr. Reyes left and Jake takes his spot.) 

Jake:HEY you were in the play last year. 

Christine:Do you mean Romeo and Juliet? 

Jake:Yea. You were the girl who died

Christine:You mean Juliet. 

Jake:Yea. That was depressing 

Christine:Thanks?

Jake:No, I cried. Ask Rich. I force Rich to come because the student council got free tickets. . Rich. Richard. RICHARD PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION TO ME

(Rich will on the other side of the stage) 

Rich:WHAT

Jake:AT THE PLAY LAST YEAR DID I CRY

Rich:ROMEO AND JULIET? 

Jake:YES

Rich:YEA IT WAS FUNNY

Jake: FUCK YOU 

Christine:You. Actually cried

Jake:Yea. It was kinda sad. I. I didn't do that. Crying at shows,books and movies. Like at all not even when dobby died in Harry Potter. Or Fred. Bing Bong. I did not even cry during UP. 

Christine:No. Dobby. I cried for hours. And Fred. Jesus I'm still not 100% okay after that death. And I was sobbing when Bing bong died. And how did you not cry during up. Are you even human? Sorry that was mean. 

Jake: Heh. It's fine. I don't know. But. Yea. But everything felt small. Like my feeling to be prefect. All gone. Then you did your victory dance (does a little dance) 

Christine: (in awe) bow. It's called a bow 

Jake:Yea I remember thinking, 'wow. I'm glad this girl isn't dead.' you know before I got to know you. That's how good you are. I actually thought for a moment you died. 

Christine: (giggling slightly) that's sweet. 

Jake:Look, me and some of the cast are hanging out at the mall tomorrow, at around 1ish. It will be Chole, Brooke, Jenna and my boy Rich. We are meeting outside Payless. Want to come

Christine:okay

Jake:great (walk by Jeremy and stops) hey dude someone wrote boyf on your backpack. 

 

(Jeremy takes Jake's spot and talks tries to talk to Christine) 

Jeremy:So I heard a thing about how we aren't evolving anymore-

Christine:I'm sorry Jeremy. Did you say something? 

Jeremy:No. See you Monday.

 

More Than Survive reprise 



Jeremy:

Once again there′s been a takedown

I guess it could've gone worse

At least I didn′t have a break down

And have to go to the nurse

 

I don't want to be special

Don't even need to survive

I just wanna know that Christine

Is aware I′m alive

 

(Blackout) 

 

                           Scene 4,Act 1

 

(lights open up on a table in the middle of the stage with Gameclub members . They are playing DnD. Michael is the dungeon master) 

Zoe: I can't see why I can't roll to marry her. 

Michael:There isn't time for a wedding. The people are endangered. 

Zoe:MY lovelife is endangered 

Zack:Did you just fucking use an Incredible's quteo. And change it. You hethen. 

Rose:Are you trying to get us killed. 

Michael:SHUT up. Anyway The roar of the dragon is heard and you tremble with fear. What do you do. 

Zack:I feed him a potion of death that the I got at the apothecary 

Rose:It won't work 

(the member rolls and the group looks at the number)

Michael:Well. Guess that works. The Dragon roars on pain and he stumbles to the ground dead. 

Zoe:I roll to steal their (points to game club member Rose) heart (they roll the dice then) 

Michael:17. You have the wedding after the medals are given out. You both live happily ever after. And have wonderful life and live-

(Jeremy runs in) 

Jeremy:Michael. 

(the group of 4 look at him) 

Rose:Hi? 

Zoe: Can you not we are in the middle of a game

Zack:We just finished 

Rose:Shut up Zack

Michael:All of you. Please. 

Jeremy:Stupied Jake Dillinger. Fuck. Christine seems to like him

Rose:Did he just cussed in front of us. Pure innocent underclassmen

Michael:You made a sex joke when a few minutes ago rose

Zoe:Ha. Get exposed

Jeremy: UGH. I could have done game club again this year. We have new member

Rose:Yea. Who are you 

Jeremy:Oh. Um um. Jeremy. I did game club for two years. Also were is the teacher? Shouldn't Mr. Valman be here? But anyway. Should have done game club. 

Zack: It was one day. Honestly. Can't judge what it will be like after one day. 

Jeremy:Zack. Please. But guess who is there. Fucking Rich, Chole, Brooke and Jenna. Jake was there too

Michael:Babes. Please. Give it time

Rose:Wait are you dating? 

Jeremy and Michael:No 

Zack:Oh okay? 

Michael:What do you mean by th-

Jeremy:ARG. I am using the bathroom then can we leave. Please

Michael:Fine but if we get pulled over again because someone is distracting me. I'm blaming you. Okay I have my lisence not even a week. (turning his attention to the other 3) we need to find a way to get more people to join. The seniors graduated. And Hannah moved. 

(Zoe, Zack, Rose grab the chairs. Michael and Jeremy grabbed the table. Blackout) 

 

                         Scene 5, Act 1

 

(Jeremy is in the boys bathroom scrubbing the boyf and falling. In walks Rich) 

 

Rich:I thought I told you not to wash that off. 

Jeremy:Oh where is my homework

Rich:I'm talking to you tall-ass (he slams his hand on the sink. And Jeremy's eyes fall to his arms. He should look somewhat confused. This will be explained later on. But he does not comment on it. ) 

Jeremy:Why do you call me that? I'm not that tall. 

Rich:Well you will be. If you weren't hunched over, scared all the time. (Jeremy walks over to the stall) The only thing more pathetic is that you are walking away to hide in a stall. Stall are for girls. Are you a girl Jeremy? 

Jeremy:How can you talk to people when you are. (refering to rich 'using' the urinele') 

Rich:Confidence

Jeremy:Why are you guys doing the play? 

(Rich finished using the urinele) 

Rich: Choles doing because Jake is doing it. Brooke is doing it because Chole is doing it. Jennas doing it in hopes to get more gosspic. And Jake. I think you know why he is doing it. 

Jeremy:Then why are you doing it? 

Rich:I have my orders. 

(Rich starts to freak out.) 

Jeremy:Oh I don't have to use the bathroom 

Rich:No, don't move. 

 

SQUIP Song

 

Rich:You don't remember me from freshman year do you (with a lisp) 

Jeremy:You did not go her-

Rich:Haha Yes I did. You see (with a lisp) you didn't notice. (face falls) none did 

Rich:

 

Freshman year

Didn't have a girlfriend or a clue

I was a loser just like you

Good times would only

Soar by

 

I was gross

As every female would attest

My sexting was a futile quest

My little penis was depressed

He was so lonely

Poor guy

 

I was hopeless, hopeless

I was helpless, helpless

Every time I walked the hallway I would trip

I was stagnant and idle

I was so suicidal

and then, then, then

Then, then, then, then, then

Then, then, then, then,

Then I got a Squip

 

Jeremy:You got quick? 

Rich:Not quick SQUIP

Jeremy: I've just never heard it before

Rich:That's the point. This is some top-secret-can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-interet shit.

 

Rich:

It's from Japan

It's a grey, oblong pill

Quantum nanotechnology CPU

The quantum computer in the pill

Will travel through your blood until

It implants in your brain and tells you what to do

 

Jeremy:that's no pos-

Rich:SHUT UP TALLASS. (beat) sorry, old habits. I'm sorry for treating you like human garbage the past year. But I only did it because my squip told me I had to, now it's saying you aren't a bad guy. And you might want one. But of course if you aren't interested

Jeremy:Wait. So it's like….. Drugs? 

Rich:it's better than then drugs Jeremy

 

Rich:

It's from Japan

It's a grey, oblong pill

Quantum nanotechnology CPU

The quantum computer in the pill

Will travel through your blood until

It implants in your brain and tells you what to do

It tells you what to do

 

It's pre-programmed

It's amazing

Speaks to you directly

 

You behave as

It's appraising

Helps you act correctly

 

Rich and ensemble minus Jeremy:

Helps you to be cool

Helps you rule

 

Rich:

Right now you're helpless, helpless

You are almost hopeless

On the school social map you're just a blip

But if you take my advice and if you

Pay the listed price, well then you

Go from sad, to interesting, to hip

Yeah, your whole life will flip

When you buy a squip

 

Rich:hey I got to go man. There is this shady dude that works at Melo Park mall in payless. It's 600

Jeremy:Dollars? 

Rich: No. Pennies. Of course $600. Look. It's worth it. Being the money monday

(starts to leave) 

Jeremy:Wait

(rich turns and looks) 

Jeremy:aren't you going to wash your hands? 

(Rich will put his hands on Jeremy's face or arms any sort of non-sexual motion.) 

Rich:Jeremy. Do you know what you need

 

Hey, yeah, a squip

Yeah, yeah, a squip

A-ah a squip

No longer a drip when you've got in your grip

A squip

A squip

A squip  

(Blackout) 

 

                         Scene 6,Act 1

 

Squip Song reprise 

(Blackout but a spot light onto Jeremy) 

 

Jeremy:

It's FROM Japan. It's a grey Quantum nanotechnology CPU

The quantum computer in the pill

Will travel through your blood until

It implants in your brain and tells you what to do. It tells you what to do. It helps me rule

 

(set changes into a room, the bed's back from. Before) 

 

Two Player Game



Michael (Spoken):Apocalypse of the damned!

Jeremy:Level 9!

Both:The cafitorium!

 

Jeremy and Michael 

Find the bad guy, push 'em aside.

Then move on forward with

your friend at your side.

It's a two-player game, so

when they make an attack,

You know you got a brother

gonna have your back.

Then you stay on track,

and I remain on course.

If they give you a smack,

you gotta use your force.

And if you leave your

brother behind, it's lame!

Cause it's an effed up world,

and it's a two-player game, hey!



Jeremy:So? What do you think?

Michael:He's scamming you. He's scamming you super weirdly.

Jeremy:What if he's not? This could be huge!

All I have to do is give the guy who

torments me six hundred... yeah he's

totally scamming me. I'm doomed to be a

loser 'til the end of time. No, probably

then too.

Michael:No way.

 

Michael sung:

Dude you are cooler than

a vintage cassette.

It's just that no one else

but me thinks that yet.

You're just a nothing in

this high school scheme,

But it's no big cause

you and I are a team.

We like out of print games, retro

skates, got a Pac-Man tattoo.

Nobody here appreciates, but soon

we'll be together where they do.

Cause guys like us are cool in

college, cool in college, yes I know.

Guys like us are cool in college,

rule in college, listen, bro.

High school is hell, but

we navigate it well.

Cause what we do, is we

make it a two player game!

 

Michael and Jeremy (spoken):

Zombie!

Watch out!

Ah!

Wha-!?

Aww..

(sung)

 

Jeremy:

As users we have fought

together for years.

Both Nintendo zombies

and our popular peers!

Now we're stuck on a level

and I wanna move on.

 

Michael :

Just wait two years we're upon,

You'll realize guys like us are cool in

college, cool in college, won't be lame.

 

Jeremy:

Dude I know, I get it-

Guys like us are cool in college,

 

Jeremy:

But we're not in college,

 

Michael:

All the same. High school

is wack, but we have each

others' back. It's me and you,

We make it a two player game.

(Spoken)

 

Jeremy and Michael:

AH-

OH-

ZOMBIE!

Mr. Heer:Hello?

Jeremy and Michael:

BLOOD !

 

Mr. Heere:Son?

Jeremy and Michael:

CLAWS !

Mr. Heere:JEREMY!

Jeremy and Michael:

Pause .

 

(Mr. Heere walks in without any pants.) 

Jeremy:AHH! DAD! PANTS!

Mr. Heere:Is that a girl? Are you in here with

a girl? Oh. Hi Michael.

Michael:Hey, Mr. Heere.

Mr. Heere:I'm going to get a pizza. It you boys want anything

Jeremy:Did you get dressed today? Like at all?

Mr. Heere:Oh, they didn't need me at the office.So I worked from home.

Jeremy:Most people wear pants at home.

Mr. Heere:That's why most people... aren't your father. Good talk. I'll oder you two a plain. Is that fine with you Michael? 

Michael:Yea. 

Mr. Heere:Okay. 

(Mr. Heere leaves.) 

Michael:How is he doing?

Jeremy:How does it look?

Michael:You heard from her?

Jeremy:No. And who cares? It's like-Mom moved on, why can't he?

Michael:Hey-

Jeremy:I don't want that to be my future! Rich

said his hook-up's at the Payless, what

if we go there ourselves? Just to see if

his story checks out?

Michael:And if it does? Will you be too cool for m-video games?

Jeremy:No way. Dude

 

Jeremy sung:

You know that you are my

favorite person, that doesn't

mean that I can't still dream.

 

Michael:

Is it really true, I'm

your favowite pewson~?

(leans in close to Jeremys face) 

 

Jeremy:

Yeah, we're never not gonna be a team!

(he shoves Michael out of the way in a joking motion. Thinking that Michael going near his face was also in a joking motion. When he does get shoved he should look disappointed) 

High school is shit, and you

gotta help me conquer it.

 

Jeremy and Michael:

It's just what we do,

We make it a two player game!

Find the bad guy, push 'em aside.

Then move on forward with

your friend at your side.

It's a two-player game, so

when they make an attack,

You know you got a brother

gonna have your back.

Then you stay on track,

and I remain on course.

If they give you a smack,

you gotta use your force.

And if you leave your

brother behind, it's lame!

Cause it's an effed up world,

and it's a two-player game!

Two player game! Two

 

player game! Hey-ey-ey!

 

(A doorbell is heard. Blackout) 



                              Scene 7,Act1

 

(Cue to the Kitchen. Two pizza boxes are in the room. One on the table with Mr. Heere while he is watching TV. One on the floor with Michele and Jeremy farish away from Mr. Heere.) 

 

Jeremy: the mall is going to close in like an hour. Can you take me tomorrow when it opens Micha? 

Michael:Sure I'm assuming I am staying over. 

Jeremy:I have to ask. DAD

Mr. Heere:Yes Jeremy

Jeremy:Can Michael stay over

(Michaels puts his hands under his chin and smile a huge smile) 

Mr. Heere:If Michael's mothers are fine with it. Then it's fine. I don't know what he is going to do about clothing. 

(Michael takes out his phone) 

Jeremy:I have clothes

Mr. Heere:Okay. But no noise after 10

Jeremy:Can we go to the Mall tomorrow around 10ish?

Mr.Heere:Fine. But we need to talk about your how you will do better in math this year

Jeremy:UGH fine. 

(Mr.Heere turns back to the TV.) 

Jeremy:Did you te-

(Michael putting his phone away) 

Michael:Yep my mom said yes. As long as we do our homework 

Jeremy:UGH rather die

Michael:Nope. You are not allowed to die

Jeremy:Says who? 

Michael:Me

Jeremy:No

Michael:Your death privilege has been taken away. 

Jeremy:damn

Michael:Yeah 

Jeremy: honestly what does Jake have that I don't. 

Michael:A variety jacket with a lot of sport patches? He knows how to play the clarinet. Granted he hasn't played since 7th grade. But better than nothing. 

Jeremy:I should join a sport. Or learn an instrument 

Michael:No you should not

Jeremy:Why

Michael:You almost fell like 5 times during gym today. And you kinda sucked when we did recorders in the 4th grade. And guitar in 6th grade 

Jeremy: Is that what girls like. Sporty guys. Or guys how can play the fucking tumpet or some shit. 

Michael:No. Some people like nerdy guys. Some girls like non musically talent people.

Jeremy:ughhhhhhhhhhh 

Michael:Teenage angst at its finest. 

(Jeremy trys to kicks Michael's face. But Michele swats it out of the way) 

Michael:Get your nasty ass foot away from my face you mother fucking bitch 

Jeremy:Watch your fucking mouth

Mr. Heere:BOYS

Michael and Jeremy :Sorry Mr. Heere/sorry dad

Jeremy:You love me

Michael:No. I hate you

Jeremy:You love me

Michael:Nope. 

Jeremy:You do

Michael:Whatever helps you sleep at night 

Jeremy:don't lie

Michael:Whatever 

Jeremy:Come let's see if I have anything that fits. 

 

(kitchen changes to Jeremy's bedroom once again. Jeremy is looking off stage for something.) 



Jeremy: We weigh the same. More or less. 

Michael:It's fine if you don't have anything. I'll sleep in my clothes 

Jeremy:But then you might smell

Michael:Then after the mall I'll go home. 

(Jeremy comes on stage and flops on his bed.) 

Jeremy:I feel like an asshole 

Michael:Why? 

Jeremy:Rich went to our school freshman year. 

Michael:No he did not. He transfe-

Jeremy:No he did not. That's why he got it. He didn't have any friends. He told me he was su- (he stops himself. Michael goes to Jeremys bed. And goes to the back of Jeremy's bed grabbing a book.) 

Michael:Well. Only one way to find out if he is lying. 

Jeremy:by looking at the freshman year book. Please no my haircut when that picture was taken needs to be burned

Michael:Well to bad so sad (already opening the book and flipping through the pages) 

Jeremy:Where is Rich? 

Michael:His last name is Groanski. So. Uh. (he sings the alphabet till H) You two will be closer together. G is right before H. Wait (the pair looks at the book for a few seconds.)

Jeremy:Wait is that him? 

(Michael looks closer. Beat) 

Michael:Oh shit. It is. 

Jeremy:Holy shit. He looks-

Michael:Depressed? 

Jeremy:He looks like he is going to drop dead. (beat ) I couldn't say that. That's mean. 

Michael:His glasses are very thick. But I can still see his eye bags

Jeremy:Yea

Michael:Well. Now what. 

Jeremy:I don't know. Let's not tell anyone

Michael:What why. 

Jeremy:I mean. If he went from this to. What he is now. Michael none knew him in freshman year. Do you know how damaging that could have been for his Mental health. Like hell he told me how his squip made him happy. I know this because he said something really personal and I'm not going to repeat. He may be an asshole. But he deserves what he told me to be a secret

Michael: Well. Okay. Man. I guess you are right. Damn he changed. So much within like two and a half months 

Jeremy:Yea. I mean what's stopping me from doing the same. Hopefully I won't become a douche 

Michael:and you won't forget me. 

Jeremy:I promise. You are my favorite person Michael. No homo

Michael:No homo but I love you 

Jeremy:It's not gay we are wearing socks

Michael: But I am gay. 

Jeremy:Well that doesn't count. Cuz I'm pretty sure I'm straight 

Michael:pretty sure? 

Jeremy:Well sometimes I'm don't know if I  wanna be that hot guy or with that hot guy

Michael:Well I'm bored. Wanna watch incredibles? 

Jeremy:one or two. 

Michael Uhh. One cuz. Why the fuck not. Also so I can here elastigirl being a Bad ass mother fucker.

Jeremy:Mk. I didn't find anything. Sorry. 

Michael:Guess I'm gonna be a sweaty stinky hormonal teenager. 

Jeremy:No. I'm going to force you to wear. Something. I don't know if my mom left perfume. If not we are going to find perfume at the mall and "test" it. And boom. You smell nice. 

Michael:ugh. No

Jeremy:OH. Just wash it. Then i'll put it in the dryer. Like your pants and sweatshirt. And socks. 

Michael:But then it's gay

Jeremy:Michael. Please

Michael:Fine. 

(Blackout) 



                        Scene 8,Act 1

 

(lights open up on the kitchen. Jeremy and Michael are sitting across from each other eating breakfast) 

 

Jeremy:I'm so tired. You took most of the bed last night. 

Michael:Haha. Fuck you

Jeremy:Suck my dick

Michael: Mine first. Anyway when does your dad wake up at? 

Jeremy:Like 12ish.

Michael:Wow damn. I was going to ask if we can go but I guess not. 

Jeremy:He sleeps in late on the weekends.

Michael:Should we go? Or. 

Jeremy:I don't know. 

Michael:Well this sucks don't you think. 

Jeremy:Yea. Hey did you see Brooke's older sister in the freshman year book last night. 

Michael:Oh Yea. Katrina I think is her name. 

Jeremy:Yea. She was pretty. 

Michael:Haha Simp

Jeremy:I'm not a simp

Michael:who is doing choir because Christine did it? 

Jeremy:I literally hate you so much 

Michael:Sure. What do you even do

Jeremy:learn songs. We just learn songs for the winter concert. We have this one song I don't remember the name but it goes 

Mary sat a Rockin. Don't know it yet we just got it yesterday. But the basses song then tenors then everyone else I think. 

Michael:Should we check traffic? 

Jeremy:Nah fuck it. 



(scene changes to the mall. Micheal and Jeremy are at Payless, they are in the back near a guy with sideburns) 

 

Jeremy:Nice sideburns, Wolverine right? 

Scary Stalk Boy: You got the money

Jeremy:What? 

Scary stalk boy:

 

It's from Japan

It's a grey oblong pill

Quantum nanotechnology CPU

 

Scary stalk boy:got 400

Jeremy: 400?

Scary stalk boy:Yea what about it

Jeremy: OH it's nothing this guy at my school is selling-

( Michael fake heavy coughs)

Jeremy:Oh 400 what a steal 

Scary stalk boy:Look this is not legal. Since it is tested technology. To activate it you must drink Mt. Dew

(he hands Jeremy the box, while Jeremy gives him a look) don't know why. Something about the dew. Oh and really important. To-

(Jenna enters) 

Jenna:Excuse m-

Scary Stalk Boy:WE ARE SOLD OUT

Jenna:Oh shoes? 

Scary stalk boy:Oh you want shoes? Right this way

Jeremy:Wait. What was the important information. 

Scary stalk boy:All sales are final. Right this way. We have new crocs that are lit af

 

(chang to the food court.) 

 

Jeremy:hope you are worth $400

Michael: and 401. The Mt. Dew

(Jeremy drinks the Mt. Dew with the pill.) 

Michael:How do you feel

Jeremy:Like. A chump

Michael:Ugh really. Try to say something cool

Jeremy: I think I blew my Bar Mitzvah money on a tictac 

Michael:Yea not cool. 

Jeremy:Just leave me to mourn your chill fries 

Michael:Fine. But I'll be right back. 

Jeremy:Where are you going 

Michael:This guy I know has a case of all this old ass soda. Like New Coke, Clear Pepis, and more. 

Jeremy:have fun nerd. 

(Michael exits. And Christine, Jake and some ensemble members come out) 

Christine:So when is the other cast coming

Jake:Oh um I thought it could be the two of us. We can get to know each other. 

Christine:Oh okay. 

Jake:We can go to this pizza place called sbarro it's really good-

(Jeremy walks up) 

Jeremy:HEY Christine. I need to talk to you. 

Jake: (said through grit teeth) Now? 

Jeremy:Look. Um. Ow

 

Squip enters



(offstage) 

Squip: Target Female unrequitable 

Christine:Jeremy? 

Jeremy:Ow what the hell

Squip:Please excuse mild discomfort 

Jeremy:Mild? 

Jake:Dude that freak is freaking out

Jeremy:Wait. I'm fine. I-

Squip:Discomfert level increase

(Jeremy screams) 

Squip:

Accessing neural memory

Accessing muscle memory

Access procedure complete

Jeremy Heere, welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor

Your SQUIP 

Jeremy:You look like Keene Reeves. 

Squip: My default mode I can also look like Doja Cat, Napoleon Dynamite, Denki Kaminari, Midnight, or a sexy anime female

Jeremy:No. Um. Keene is fine. Can everyone see you

Squip:I only exist in your mind. All anyone sees so you having an animated conversation to none. So don't do that. Think to me. 

Jeremy:Like in X-men

Squip:I see this is going to be difficult. 

(Blackout)