Chapter 1: The Biggest American Shitshow
Chapter Text
EDDIE
Eddie woke up in the hospital three days after they brought him back.
The transition from a pleasant, fuzzy nothingness to all too much all at once was jarring; like he suddenly rose from the dead.
He felt it in his gut first – literally and figuratively. A deep, dull throbbing all around his middle, pinching his nerves, needles and a tightness that was too unfamiliar – and then the sense that he wasn’t supposed to be here.
The flashes came back to him: red lightning, a bone deep cold, screeches and hordes of black leather bodies, their stink and talons surrounding him. And then pain, so much pain. And everything slowing, seeping away. Dustin’s face above him, crying. Eddie’s heart slowing, a resistant peace descending.
And then quicker, briefer bursts: hands pulling him, dragging a scream from his unconsciousness as the force opened the gashes and gapes at his side. A sling around his middle, under his neck, pulling at his hair, soaking his blood, lifting him slowly, hands cradling him up, and up and up, and then a crash. Pain. So much pain. And cries, that he thought were his own, but also enveloping him.
And now this. Pain, yes, but it was quiet. The calm and clean of a hospital room, sunlight shining through the windows, birds chirping eagerly, a scent of flowers.
Could they have pulled it off? Did it work?
They. He remembered suddenly. If he was here, where were they?
Eddie jerked up, gasping out at the motion, eyes swinging around the room, looking for one of their faces, any face.
And that’s when he felt it. That’s when he felt the cold cuff around his wrist, the dinging of the metal against the bed railing bringing him crashing back to reality.
***
The first person who deigned to address him after his return to consciousness was a doctor. An old, white, round man who reminded Eddie too much of Mr. Carlson, his third-grade teacher who ignored the classroom bullies flicking staples, rocks, gum at Eddie all year long and was present for one of his most public humiliations involving a denied bathroom pass after three sodas on a school field trip. Eddie didn’t know if the bile in his throat was from that memory or his present shitty reality.
‘Frankly, you’re lucky to be alive, Mr. Munson. The blood loss was severe, and the recovery will be slow and painful, but we got you patched up,’ he said, not making eye contact with Eddie at all but instead addressing the clipboard in his hand. When he did look up, his eyes were scanning Eddie’s pillow, the flowers on his nightstand, the silver cuff on his wrist – anywhere but Eddie’s face.
‘You’ll understand the additional precautions we’re taking, given the… circumstances.’ At this, the doctor glanced at the uniformed officer at the door. ‘We understand there are some people waiting to speak with you. Their patience has run thin, I’m afraid, but waking from the kind of surgery you had takes time, I told them. Not that they were listening,’ the doctor grimaced slightly and then finally looked at Eddie. ‘Son, I’d advise you to get a lawyer as soon as possible. I wouldn’t… you’re not… there’s no obligation to speak with them while you’re under our care and you’re on pain medication. Do you understand what I’m saying?’
The doctor’s eye contact was now increased from barely there to almost too intense. His voice had gotten softer and quieter as he spoke, and another quick glance at the officer told Eddie that maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe this doctor was nothing like that asshole teacher. Maybe he wasn’t ignoring the injustices coming Eddie’s way.
‘Yes, sir,’ Eddie replied softly. He appreciated the doctor’s advice, but his old habit of sticking it to the man and mantra of ‘deny, deny, deny’ were his go-to moves in any case.
‘Good,’ the doctor coughed out slightly. ‘That’s good.’
The doctor’s warning was timely, as moments later, Chief Powell and a few suited men strode in. They’d barely got a breath out before Eddie stated clearly: ‘Lawyer.’
‘Now, Munson, we just want to clear the air…’
‘Lawyer.’
‘When we get lawyers involved…’
‘Lawyer.’
Eddie was a broken record for the next five go-rounds, and they finally relented, slinking out, throwing disgusted looks over their shoulders. ‘Slimeball’ he thought he heard one say. Eddie couldn’t help but smirk. Better than ‘murderer’.
The doctor had remained in the room while the brief exchange had taken place. He coughed slightly and drew Eddie’s gaze.
‘You do have a few other visitors who are waiting to see you. Are you up for it?’
Fuck. He knew this doctor had likely literally seen inside of him, but Eddie was still immediately embarrassed by the tears springing to his eyes as he nodded yes.
***
‘Eddie!’ Dustin screeched into the room, hobbling over on a single crutch, and coming to an abrupt halt about a foot from the bed as he met Eddie’s eyes. And Eddie didn’t need a mirror to see how he looked – Dustin’s face said it all. From joy, to horror, to sadness, as his eyes moved from Eddie’s face to his bruises, the cuff and… his hair?
‘Don’t tell me I’m having a bad hair day, Henderson?’ Eddie attempted a joke, weakened by a cough at the longest sentence he’d uttered in days.
‘Nah, man, looking good as ever,’ Dustin smirked back, but something in his eyes was guarded. ‘I’m just… oh god, Eddie.’ And that was all the restraint he had, rushing toward Eddie and enveloping his head in a hug.
Those tears again. Eddie hadn’t cried this much in years. Weakness wasn’t always a luxury he was afforded being who he was, where he was, when he was.
‘Munson.’ Another voice at the door. Eddie craned his neck slightly around Dustin’s embrace to see Steve, sheepishly standing by the door, looking bruised and battered, scarred but alive. Eddie raised his eyebrows in hello, limited in his options by Dustin’s continued embrace.
‘I do have to breathe eventually, Dustin,’ Eddie mumbled into a sweaty corner of Dustin’s neck.
‘No touching!’ a deep voice sounded from the door, the officer leaning into the room, glaring at Dustin’s back.
‘Sorry, sorry.’ Dustin sprung away, rubbing tears from his eyes. ‘Fucking asshole,’ he mumbled to Eddie under his breath. Eddie smirked but missed Dustin’s warmth immediately. Dustin was here, Steve was here, they were safe…
‘What the fuck happened?’ Eddie couldn’t take it anymore. Dustin and Steve glanced at each other quickly, then back at the guard. Steve’s brows twitched twice, Dustin’s twitched back, in some unspoken communication.
‘Well,’ Steve started with a cough. ‘After we found you, in the woods, after your attack,’ he started, punctuating the words found, woods, and attack, seemingly for the guard’s benefit, ‘we rushed you here as fast as we could. We thought you were dead, man.’ That last part was softer, quivering, genuine, meant just for Eddie.
Eddie nodded, but the confusion must have shown on his face, so Dustin continued.
‘Someone must have attacked you because of the vicious, unfounded manhunt,’ those last three words almost yelled over his shoulder at the officer outside, ‘and left you for dead.’
‘Someone?’ Eddie asked, not totally following.
‘Yeah, man,’ Steve laughed outlandishly, ‘what else but some crazy person,’ emphasis person, ‘could have caused injuries like that? Not like, monsters from another dimension, am I right?’
Eddie thought maybe his painkillers were up too high. His nodding head turned to shaking back and forth, eyebrows drawn together right, a desperate look on his face, hoping to convey his true thoughts: what the fuck is going on. Dustin finally took pity and mumbled out quickly, quietly: ‘It’s a cover story, don’t blow it, you have no memory of what happened, got it?’
Eddie’s head continued to shake. ‘I definitely have no memory of any of that happening,’ Eddie stated slowly and clearly. Dustin tapped his nose twice, as if Eddie was playing along; Steve rolled his eyes at Dustin’s back.
‘And what about… the… attack?’ Eddie asked slowly. What fucking code was he supposed to use here to ask his ultimate question. ‘Did I… win?’
At this, Dustin and Steve’s immediate eye contact and matching grins gave Eddie the answer he needed. No words required.
‘Fuck,’ Eddie breathed out, tears yet again springing to his eyes, as his head dropped back onto the pillow in genuine relief. ‘Fucking shit. We won.’
‘We won, man. He’s gone,’ Dustin replied, grinning from ear to ear, any pretense of a code gone. A relieved laugh bubbled out of Eddie, and he apparently couldn’t hold anything in today.
‘And everyone’s okay?’ Eddie laughed, sighed, cried back at them. And the mood in the room shifted immediately.
‘Max…’ Dustin started, swallowing, continuing with his eyes downcast, ‘…she was hurt. Attacked like… Chrissy.’
Chrissy. Still as a statue. White eyes. Hovering. Cracking. Falling, a lifeless form crashing into the dull carpet of Eddie’s living room. The memory was right there, at the surface, springing forward; would it always be so close? Eddie didn’t realize that he’d moaned out loud until both Dustin and Steve took a step forward, Steve’s hand finding Eddie’s ankle, Dustin’s his wrist.
‘She’s alive, Eddie. She’s in a coma, broken bones, but… alive.’ Steve whispered.
That helped, a bit of relief flowing in.
‘You obviously couldn’t have hurt her,’ Steve continued, ‘since you were practically dead at the time.’ What a fucking silver lining. His ideal alibi was Max’s also near-death experience.
Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head again. ‘What the fuck… what the fuck…’ his breathing coming fast and quick. Flashes in his mind of Chrissy’s white eyes, Max’s red hair, bones cracking, red lighting, his flesh tearing... ‘What….’ He clutched his chest with his one free hand, eyes flinging open, scanning the room, trying to find something to ground him here, not in those nightmare flashes – landing on Steve’s worried gaze, Dustin running out of the room screaming for help.
‘It’s okay, Eddie, breathe, okay, just breathe,’ Steve scrambled to take Eddie’s hanging, mimicking deep breaths, eyes wide and worried. ‘Can we get some fucking help?!’ he screamed over his shoulder.
Eddie continued to clutch at his chest, vision going blurry.
‘Fuck, Eddie, stay with us, stay here! Oh, fuck off! Help him!’ Steve was yelling at the guard, who now was trying to pull him away from Eddie. ‘Help!’
The last thing Eddie saw before fading away was Steve’s frantic eyes on him, mouth wide and yelling for help, fighting to hang onto Eddie’s hand as he was being pulled away.
***
Eddie woke some time later. The room was dark, a monitor beeping steadily. There was something over his mouth and a renewed dullness but a new pain now, somewhere on his chest. He twitched his wrist; the cuffs were still there. He felt the morphine button in his hand, and he pressed it. Repeatedly. It wasn’t helping. The pain was growing too much, and he started to moan.
After a few minutes of the pitiful sound, a nurse came in, not turning on the lights. He looked at her desperately, trying to catch her, motioning to his chest, moans growing louder.
‘Shut your crying mouth, murdering son of a bitch,’ she whispered into his ear, knocking the morphine button out of his hand and silencing the monitor. ‘You deserve all this and more. The good lord will get you. We’ll get you.’ Even in the dark, Eddie could see the hate in her eyes. The fear he felt in that moment, vulnerable, at her mercy, was more immediate and urgent than anything he’d felt in the Upside Down. At least then, he’d had a plan and a weapon. Here… one click of a button and that was it. She could end him.
The irony of that thought – surviving a literal hell dimension to die at the hands of a god-fearing Hoosier – caused Eddie’s lip to twitch in an almost laugh.
The nurse didn’t see it that way, interpreting his dark humor thought as some sort of threat. ‘Demon…’ she hissed at him, glaring, backing out of the room. ‘You deserve this suffering.’ She spat on the floor, crossed herself and slammed the door behind her.
A gurgled laugh escaped Eddie, and the waves of pain soon lulled him into complacency.
***
Eddie’s next waking was easier – someone must have turned the necessary meds back on, and Eddie loopily hoped it was the devil-fearing nurse, maybe after a moment of regret and remembering that Eddie was also a child of god and innocent until proven guilty… or more likely the new shift nurse.
‘Hey Eddie,’ an unfamiliar voice spoke to him from a chair by the window. He looked over, not recognizing the face but knowing that he was familiar somehow. ‘You had a blood clot, but it’s all fixed now. Do you remember?’
Eddie remembered the pain in his chest and Steve’s frantic eyes. He nodded yes, still not sure what was going on and his voice hard to find. He croaked out: ‘Doctor?’
The stranger had a moment of confusion, but it cleared quickly as he smiled and introduced himself: ‘No. I’m Jim Hopper.’
Hopper. Right. The dead Chief of Police. The dead Chief of Police? Did that mean Eddie was dead? Was he meant to spend the afterlife with a guy who’d pulled Eddie over once for a broken taillight and confiscated an unopened six pack from his passenger seat?
The confusion must have shown on Eddie’s face.
‘Your friends… Dustin, Nancy, that Harrington kid?’ Hopper started, Eddie relaxing a bit at the familiar names. ‘They came to me, told me what you did.’ The confusion was back; what Eddie actually did or what their damn code and cover story said?
‘In the Upside Down,’ Hopper continued. ‘I’m so sorry that this all landed on you, kid. I was in there for 20 minutes with a gun just one time and I still have nightmares so… all this…’ he gestured vaguely at Eddie’s general form and puffed out a long breath. ‘And what you did in there? That’s some fucking hero shit, you know that right?’ he asked with a smirk. Eddie was still too confused, too doped up, too nervous to acknowledge it. Hopper tracked it and continued more slowly.
‘We’re working on getting you out of here. It might take some time but, there are people who are trying to help you. It’s not easy but it’ll get done so… don’t lose hope, okay?’
Eddie nodded back at Hopper, still unsure what was going on.
‘Your uncle’s right outside, pretty pissed at me for getting the first turn, but I pulled the former cop card on him. You okay to see him?’
Eddie nodded again. Uncle Wayne. He hadn’t thought he’d see him again, their last moment together some inconsequential everyday domestic thing that Eddie barely registered it. How long had it been? Just a week?
‘Okay, kiddo. Like, I said, it’ll take time, okay? And keep doing what you’ve been doing: shutting the hell up.’ Hopper said with finality and something like pride.
After Hopper left, the visit with Uncle Wayne felt more normal but more surreal. Eddie cried for what felt like the millionth time since his return, and after a dry spell of decade before that, it was overwhelming to him, just how much he was feeling and how it was spilling out of him without his permission.
Eddie still couldn’t bring himself to say much, content to let Uncle Wayne hold his hand and cry, apologizing for something but Eddie didn’t know what. He caught bits of what Wayne was saying: he never believed it, knew Eddie was innocent, the damn town. Something about broken windows in the trailer. Graffiti on his van. A manhunt, satanism, vigilantes.
It was too much, and Eddie closed his eyes to this reality, Wayne tapering off his updates as he saw what must have been grief or pain or just damned disappointment on Eddie’s face.
‘I’m so sorry, Eddie,’ Wayne continued, as Eddie drifted off to sleep.
***
It was a long process, like Hopper had predicted.
A long stay in the hospital, thankfully without further complications after his blood clot, but his wounds were tricky, the doctors said, not healing the right way, not as they predicted, did he remember what had made them? It looked like a small bear or maybe a large dog or maybe a knife (or a few knives)? Did he know what was causing the infections, the slow healing, the fever?
Eddie barely knew what day it was.
But time must have been passing, because he slowly got better. But the cuffs stayed on, the officer stayed outside, and visitations were halted, except for his regular doctor (Dr. Mason, Eddie learned – and would never forget due to a recurring Mason-Munson bit that the doc loved) and Uncle Wayne on what seemed like an every-other-day schedule.
Eventually, he was released – into the care of the state. From the nice, clean solo hospital room to an overcrowded, shared rehabilitation space for convicts, felons, losers, whoever they needed to keep off the safe streets of the county but who needed a daily regimen of something to not be a menace to themselves or society.
Again, time had no meaning here; whenever Eddie perked up too much or started paying too much attention, the horror of his current reality set it and so he retreated back inside of himself. He took his medicine – antibiotics, something for the pain, something for his nerves, and who knows how many other somethings – allowed them to change his bandages, did his physical therapy of a few laps around the floor with his feet cuffed, all under the watchful eye of apathetic orderlies and twitchy guards.
Fewer visitors now, just Uncle Wayne a few times (maybe weekly? Who knows.), in a shared room, no privacy, no comfort, and little conversation beyond a quick hello and quick how-are-you-doing and continued defeated apologies that the bail was too high, I’m sorry, I’m trying, I don’t know if I can, Eddie, I’m so sorry.
No word from the rest of them, no Dustin, no Steve, nobody who had been through that hell with him – but Eddie wasn’t sure what he would say to them even if they were right there. He was going through a new hell all on his own.
The cops still came by regularly. The FBI a few times. His court appointed lawyer who seemed more scared of Eddie than he should have been, given Eddie’s bandaged and medicated state.
And once, some suited government agent in a cheap suit and a good haircut, making Eddie sign document after document signing his memories of the Upside Down away, promising not to talk on fear of death or imprisonment or whatever. Eddie signed. Not a problem, Eddie thought. Don't want to remember anyway.
A few times Eddie thought back to that first moment waking up in the hospital, that feeling of safety and cleanliness and hope; to Dustin squeezing his head in happiness, his tears falling onto Eddie’s forehead; of Steve’s hands in his, his desperation to keep Eddie, screaming for help; at that fucking euphoric high at hearing that they had done it, they had killed Vecna, they had saved the world.
But realizing that those few shining minutes were far outshadowed by the rest of his time back in the real-world broke Eddie’s heart. And so, he stopped thinking of them. And he tried to stop thinking, generally. Even when a rare glance in the mirror showed that at some point someone had cut half his hair off (the god-fearing nurse, he bet); his long mane now uneven, bangs at a slant, one section cut up so short it was sticking out while the one right next to it still fell to his shoulder, others somewhere in between. He could barely muster a response and instead tied it back with a length of string that he pulled from his drab prison scrubs.
So, it was a real shock to his system when one day he was led not to the communal visiting area but instead the small, stained private room reserved for his lawyer’s visits – only to find himself seated across from a stranger.
By the time Eddie had registered that this wasn’t his lawyer, what was he doing here, who was this, and started looking towards the now closed door, guard facing away from him, he was stuck – and frozen in terror.
‘No need for the horrified stare, Mr. Munson – believe it or not, I’m here to help you,’ the stranger smiled a toothy smile, a melodic enunciation making his sentence seem like the beginning of a joke. ‘Murray Bauman, and today, I’m your lawyer.’
‘You’re not my lawyer,’ Eddie replied slowly, mouth and brain foggy from disuse.
The stranger called Murray smirked at him, ‘No shit. But for the sake of you and me and all the finagling I had to do to get in here, I am your lawyer. Stare at me with a dumb look on your face if you agree.’
Eddie wrinkled his nose and scoffed, just to be contrary. ‘Fine. You’re my fucking lawyer.’
‘And they said you couldn’t graduate high school,’ Murray cooed at him. Eddie flicked him off, that one motion and its associated muscle memory bringing a bit of him back. And for the first time in a long time, Eddie didn’t hate that flicker of recognition of the old him.
‘Now then: I’m going to tell you a story, and you’re going to listen carefully and then do whatever mental gymnastics you have to do to commit it to memory – are you with me so far?’ Murray nodded his head slowly as he spoke, as if to a toddler.
‘Oh, I’m hooked already,’ Eddie replied with a sarcastic grin.
‘Good boy,’ Murray said and opened a file folder on the table in front of him. ‘You lived in a shithole, Mr. Munson.’
Eddie started to growl and sit forward, Uncle Wayne had worked hard for that (admitted) shithole, some of that old spark again coming out, but Murray held up a hand without looking up and continued.
‘There were maybe some gas lines and wells and things dug around the trailer park that shouldn’t have been. Something crazy must have happened and that night when dear Chrissy Cunningham was visiting her very nice friend Eddie Munson for some late-night tutoring,’ Murray was in the flow now, gesticulating as he talked, as Eddie’s nerves spiked at the mention of Chrissy’s name. ‘Well, wouldn’t you know it, there’s a naturally occurring toxic gas that was somehow in the air called…’ Murray looked down at the paper and attempted to sound something out silently, ‘…called a long scientific name that the judge and DA will love, that causes among other things, sudden blindness, constriction of the vessels and muscles, and a bunch of other convenient symptoms that match the causes of death of three individuals in and around the Hawkins area. Oh, and somehow might grow black mold instantly and cause spontaneous combustion, too.’
At this, Murray paused and looked directly at Eddie, all bravado gone.
‘You have got to be shitting me,’ Eddie replied dully.
‘Oh, I would never dream of making something like this up, only to save your so-far-useless life, Mr. Munson,’ Murray replied in a way that made it clear that was exactly what he was doing. ‘Why would a very reputable government agency and three independent environmental researchers sign off on something like this if it wasn’t completely real?’
Eddie shook his head, understanding but not comprehending. ‘Are people really going to believe that? They’re not stupid,’ though a slideshow of Mr. Carlson, Jason Carver, the nurse, and so many others all flashed quickly through his mind.
‘Oh, the lack of proper scientific education in the American school system will work in our favor, and Hawkins has a long history of unusual incidents causing unexplainable deaths… though going to the toxins well again was a little lazy, if you ask me,’ Murray grumbled the last part more to himself. ‘But comfort in the familiar, am I right?’ he grinned.
Murray continued: ‘Mr. Munson, you miraculously somehow weren’t exposed to that same gas even though you were like two feet away from her at the time… let’s hope they don’t look too closely at that one. But you were disoriented and of course traumatized, so you fled the scene, your secondary exposure to the gas somehow making you not immediately seek help because you were likely almost blinded too or something, so you know, dig into your own motivations to fill in the blanks there, mmkay?’
Eddie was still starting at Murray in disbelief, trying to process. ‘What the hell is going on and who the hell are you?’
‘Dingus, I’m the damn cavalry – Hopper sent me,’ Murray softening a bit at Eddie’s moment of clarity.
‘This is the… help that’s coming? That was going to take a long time but was definitely coming?’ Eddie asked quietly.
‘Yep,’ Murray answered cheerily. ‘I am the help.’ He paused. ‘Scratch that – cavalry’s better.’
‘Listen, kid,’ he continued, ‘I know it’s not great, but it fills everything in as cleanly as we can. Believe it or not, you adolescents aren’t the only ones who know about dimensions and portals and monsters. Maybe a few reputable government agencies do, too, you follow? And maybe all of them are pulling strings they wouldn’t normally be pulling because everyone’s just so fucking thrilled that it seems to be – finally and actually – over. And since you played a part in it…’
Eddie could not believe what he was hearing. Yes, he literally traveled to another dimension and fought demons, but the idea of a coordinated government cover-up and conspiracy theories was making his head spin in a way that he couldn’t help but ask…
‘Does this mean Area 51 is real?’
It’s like a lightbulb went off in Murray, who leaned in immediately, eagerly, ‘Oh, Mr. Munson, you find me when you’re finally free of this horror show and boy, do I have some information you would love…’
He caught himself and reeled it back in. ‘I digress. But seriously, it’s so good,’ he whispered eagerly, mind still clearly on the hidden alien bunker. ‘You got it? Questions, thoughts, feelings?’
‘This is a fucking trip, man. Is this going to work? No offense, but I created campaigns with more logic than this when I was 10.’
‘It’s working – just very fucking slowly. For some reason, the DA does not want to give up his perfectly gift-wrapped, satan-worshipping, at-the-scene-of-the-crime sacrificial lamb to this bullshit. And neither did the government at first, but let’s say they were convinced. They’ll all be convinced. You can’t argue with the government,’ Murray sighed wickedly, ‘But oh boy is it fun.’
‘When do I get out of here?’ Eddie recognized that the old Eddie would love to sit down with this crazy fucker and let the conversation flow, but he had more immediate concerns.
‘Soon,’ Murray answered. ‘Eventually. I have no idea. But you will – that’s what all this is for. There’s a very persistent group of teenyboppers out there that won’t let this go.’
Eddie’s heart surged at that – ‘How are they? How’s Max? Are they okay?’
Murray deflated a bit, ‘Max is hanging on. Still in a coma. Her body’s healing but her mind is… nobody knows if she’ll wake up.’ Eddie’s heart skipped a beat at that, the echo of his last attack after the last Max update.
‘The rest of them… I mean, where to start. Physically healthy, emotionally traumatized, but somehow still determined and obnoxious,’ Murray grumbled but almost with some affection, ‘You had the worst of it, Eddie. In every way.’ As if Eddie didn’t know that.
‘Why…’ Eddie started, knowing he was begging for a mocking response from Murray, or those treacherous tears to return. He realized he was rubbing at his knuckles, where his rings used to be, mimicking turning them, an old familiar habit, comforting him even without them there, ‘Why… where have they been?’ Fucking hell, Eddie thought, as he felt a lone tear roll down his cheek. But the sight of it seemed to declaw Murray for the moment.
‘Oh, kid,’ Murray started, shaking his head slowly, with a deep sigh, ‘They’ve tried. Believe me.’ Eddie did. ‘You’re a high-profile, regionally-televised murder suspect, the biggest American shitshow since New Coke.’ Eddie couldn’t help the laugh that sputtered out at that.
‘Nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me, Murray,’ Eddie smirked at him, Murray returning a grin.
‘You’re hard to get to, is my point. Hence, the ‘I’m your lawyer’ play we’re currently performing.’
‘Got it,’ Eddie said with a sad smile, arms crossed tightly, mind already wanting to retreat to the calming disassociation from before this insane visit. Murray seemed to sense this, and continued, still gently.
‘Don’t give up hope now, okay kid? You’ve been through a lot, I know, and I can’t imagine what the fuck this place is like but, I’m the cavalry, and help is coming. Light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang on a little longer. You’re a monster killer, remember? You can handle this.’ The genuine look in Murray’s eyes looked so out of place that Eddie couldn’t help but be shocked into hearing every word, feeling them deep in his core.
‘I didn’t kill the monster, you know. A bunch of them almost killed me.’
‘Okay, well, we won’t tell the government that, just in case they void these nice, fabricated lies, okay?’ Murray nodded; eyes narrowed at Eddie. Eddie mimed his lips zipped, with a smile.
***
And so, he waited. And sure enough, slowly, so slowly, too slowly, Murray proved himself right.
Eddie appeared in court, in an old smelly suit recovered from somewhere, crazy hair tied and slicked back as best possible. He let his real lawyer – still nervous but relatively competent, it seemed – speak to the judge, Eddie not really listening, his nerves buzzing in his ears instead.
He stood up when he was told, sat down when he was told. He kept his face as neutral as he could, tamping down those old instincts to smirk and fight back when those bullies on the other side of the bench started talking the same old shit people had been saying for years; Hopper’s voice in his head, ‘shut the fuck up.’ And so, he did.
He wasn’t sure how it happened but the angry look on the DA’s face, his lawyer’s relieved bug eyes, and a judge’s banging gavel brought him back to reality: he was going to be free. As they led him back out of court, he thought he caught a glimpse of faces through the window in the chamber door; faces he hadn’t seen in weeks (months?). A flash of a ballcap, an oversized flop of hair, a pair of big blue eyes, nothing registering clearly but overall giving the effect of a sudden burst of joy, that flared quickly but disappeared just as fast.
***
Uncle Wayne picked Eddie up the next day, relieved tears in his eyes, but something guarded, nervous, still not the old Wayne who had ruffled Eddie’s hair every day he got home without fail, made him a special concoction of tea, honey, mystery spices whenever he was sick, had struggled through reading Lord of the Rings for months (months!) just to have something to share with Eddie.
As they pulled up to the trailer, Eddie soon realized why. He slowly stepped out of the truck, eyes wide and scared. ‘What happened?’
‘Oh son, it’s been a long summer,’ Wayne sighed. Half the trailer looked like it had erupted in flames, scorch marks extending into the ground around it, the wall non-existent, melted into itself. Graffiti covered almost every available surface, mostly combinations of the words murderer, devil, hell, burn, a few pentacles and crosses tossed in seemingly at random. Police tape still hung from the sides of the door; glass scattered from where windows had been smashed.
‘People were real riled up, you know,’ Wayne nodded at the damaged trailer. ‘Took their anger out where they could. I’ve been staying up at Jordie’s, he’s got that spare room. But uh, then that gas report came out, folks got real spooked. Toxic environment and all that. Trailer park was shut down almost the next day, everybody left in a hurry.’
Eddie finally registered the eerie silence all around them, as he scanned the neighboring homes, most of them reeking of the coldness of abandonment, a few windows boarded up, some now empty lots, trash cans overflowing, a few forgotten pieces of laundry still flapping on a line across the street. ‘What does this mean? What are we doing here?’
‘That’s um… that’s what we need to talk about, son.’ And Wayne continued: the trailer was worth nothing, their belongings were worth nothing, and between Eddie’s medical bills, lawyer fees, the costs to get him to be standing here free – there was nothing left. ‘The plant shut down, too. It was just up the road from the Creel house, that’s where that sweet Max girl got exposed. Threat of sudden combustion and black mold wasn’t too good for business. It’s been, uh, it’s been tough, Eddie.’
Wayne sighed deeply, the final wall coming down. ‘There’s nothing left for us here, Eddie. I got a job, it’s just driving, trucking, but it’s not bad, it should get us back up on our feet. But it’s a six-month stint. On the road. The pay’s okay, should be enough to get us another place maybe a few towns over, or really, uh, wherever you want to go.’
From no mental stimulation in months, to standing here, taking all of this in – the destroyed trailer, Wayne’s news – Eddie was not keeping up. ‘Go where?’
‘You don’t want to stay here, do you?’
A simple question. Should have been obvious. And Eddie knew from the look on Wayne’s face, he was assuming Eddie’s answer was ‘no’. But if the answer was ‘no’, what had it all been for? It was to keep the world from changing. It was to save the world as it had been, to return to their lives. And frankly, he didn’t think he had the energy to move from this very spot.
Eddie had to believe he was still here for a reason.
‘I don’t know,’ he responded instead.
‘Hm, yeah, I know, Eddie. Big world out there. Big decision to make. I can try to get you a job on the crew with me, instead. You’re not the best driver, but I know you can follow a map,’ Wayne tried to joke. Eddie just shook his head, eyes downcast. He couldn’t know which life was worse: in the cab of a truck, alone with his thoughts for months at a time; starting in a new place, infecting it with the trauma he dragged with him and rebuilding on shaky ground; or staying right here, where yes, maybe some thought him a murderer, but others thought him a friend worthy enough to fight for.
‘Hm. Right. Okay, well, listen, here’s this,’ Wayne quietly handed a big bundle of cash, answering Eddie’s questioning gaze. ‘It’s not much but what I could scrape together. Should be able to get you set up somewhere for a few months, tide you over. Had to sell your van. Don’t give me that,’ he wagged a finger tersely at Eddie’s flinch, ‘It was already… well, it matched the house, so Jordie took it more for the parts than anything. You can have my truck when I leave, I obviously won’t need it on the road.’
Eddie quietly took the cash, stuffing it inside the small canvas bag that contained his things from the hospital, from the prison. ‘Thanks, Uncle Wayne.’
Wayne smiled, then coughed, looking down again: ‘I have to leave tonight.’ Eddie’s head jerked up in shock. ‘Tonight?’
‘I’ve been pushing back the start, seeing you were so close to release. I wanted to be here for this, but um, I think they’re already pissed at me for the delay, so… why don’t you go inside, pack up what you want, and I’ll drop you by that motel on State Street. Jordie’ll grab me later, take me to the job.’
And so, in shock, in silence, processing another trauma he didn’t expect – because he did, deep down, envision more movie nights on that old couch in the living room, more head ruffles, more microwaveable dinners in companionable silence with Wayne as part of the light at the other end of the tunnel – he slowly entered the trailer.
It was fairly empty, Wayne having cleared out most of their things, whatever had been left in the kitchen or living room likely already sold and now existing as the wad of cash in Eddie’s bag. When he saw his room, he let out a quick, defeated moan.
It looked like it had been ransacked. He remembered Wayne saying something about cops collecting evidence – and they must have taken anything that vaguely connected to what they saw as satanism or proof that Eddie was capable of a vicious murder.
And unfortunately, it seemed like that was a majority of what he owned.
Eddie’s books, posters, clothes, much of it missing, some of it destroyed, scattered around the room. He grabbed a trash bag and started shoving whatever he could find in it, without looking. And when he turned around, his heart broken again, noticing the empty space on the wall where his guitar used to be. He wondered where it was now, if it had been taken by the police or pawned; if its twin was still lying somewhere in the Upside Down, wondering if the Upside Down even existed anymore. His heart twinged again, thinking back to everything he’d sacrificed to get her, that beauty. At least it had been a worthy sacrifice. ‘She saved the world, after all,’ Eddie grimaced, touching the empty space.
As promised, Wayne dropped him at the motel, with a big hug that went on longer than maybe any other they’ve shared. Wayne pressed into his hand a piece of paper with a phone number, an answering service so Eddie can get in touch with him if needed. Promises of postcards and calls from the road when Eddie was settled. Reassurances that Eddie was strong, look at him, he’s healed up, free, he made it through, he can make it through this too, it wouldn’t be for long. And a few final apologies.
‘It’s okay, Uncle Wayne. I get it. I really do,’ Eddie tried to make the smile reach his eyes, not wanting to add more to Wayne’s guilt. ‘I’m sorry I caused this. The bills, lawyers. I’m so sorry.’
‘Oh, son, you can’t apologize for an act of nature.’ Of course, an unpredictable gas leak was the true cause of all their problems in Wayne’s eyes.
Wayne handed over the keys to the truck, as his old pal Jordie pulls up in his own, waving a hello to Eddie thru the glass. And just like that, Eddie was alone.
***
It took him about two minutes of standing in front of the motel to realize it was going to be a waste of money. He had counted the small wad of cash – it wouldn’t last him long. And for the life of him, Eddie couldn’t figure out where he would get more once it was out. That he wasn’t the most employable person in town was the understatement of the century. And any income from his drug stash was not a possibility, perfectly decent drugs wasting away in an evidence locker somewhere.
So, Eddie returned to the only real home he’d ever known. Stashing the truck in the tree line so nobody would know he was there, Eddie scrambled back to the decrepit trailer, crawled into a pile of pillows (his old, stained mattress in the molten mess in the newly open-air end of the trailer) in a corner of his room and fell asleep.
When he awoke, he was starving, sweaty, disoriented. It was dark out again – had he slept through a whole day?
He quickly rinsed himself off with a hose that was thankfully working, then drove maybe a few more miles than necessary just to buy himself some essentials at a gas station a few towns over: chips, soda, cereal, cigarettes. And yes, maybe a small bag of weed from a guy behind the store, but Eddie thought he deserved a treat, all things considered.
Driving back to the trailer, Eddie saw the turnoff that would take him towards school, and his mind continued, that it was only a few turns beyond that to Henderson’s house, and a little further on, Gareth’s and his garage, where Eddie had spent so many hours hanging out, playing, laughing, drinking. It felt like a scene from a movie he’d seen years ago and could barely remember.
He couldn’t imagine making that turn. It felt like a life that belonged to somebody else. And so, he continued to drive, straight ahead, straight home.
Chapter 2: An Object In Motion
Summary:
‘Eddie, Eddie, hey,’ Steve cradled his head, pushing his hair back, trying to keep the eye contact. He wasn’t sure Eddie was registering anything. ‘It’s okay, we got you, you’re safe.’ Eddie’s eyes continued to stare into his, barely there. But there was a spark of something. Steve’s heart sped up.
‘You’re gonna make it, Eddie, okay? We got you. Just hang on for me, okay?’
A shallow exhale was all Steve got in response, Eddie’s eyes closing again. Shit.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve’s head whipped around without his permission, allowing his eyes to follow the figure now in the distance.
It had to be Eddie. A two second glimpse, but Steve knew it was him.
He’d gotten out a few weeks ago, everyone knew. But nobody had heard from him. Steve had driven Dustin to Eddie’s trailer but it was obviously abandoned, half destroyed, tagged, unlivable.
‘He’s not here, bud,’ Steve had whispered to Dustin, both still in Steve’s car.
‘Then where is he?’ Dustin’s voice cracked. Fucking Eddie Munson, if he made Dustin cry one more time, Steve was going to use the bat he still had clattering around his trunk on Eddie. Whenever he actually turned up.
‘We’ll find him, okay? We know he’s out; he has to be somewhere. You know he’d come see you if he could, so there must be something going on. More interviews or something with his uncle… I’m sure it’s nothing,’ Steve said, hoping to god that was what was going on.
Eddie had been gone so many times – his bloody body lying in Dustin’s arms: he’s gone, Steve thought, until he knelt to pull Dustin off Eddie and felt the pulse, so weak, his body so cold. And then again: in the hospital room, Eddie clutching at his chest, color draining from his face, as now Steve was dragged away, he thought it again: Eddie’s gone. Only to find out, no, he’s alive, he’s fine, but then gone again, as soon as the reluctant yes from the guard turned into fast no’s – and he was right there, so close, behind a few doors, but gone. And then he was gone, swallowed up by some drab gray building giving off waves of anguish the dozen or so times that Steve and Dustin had turned up at the front gate, begging to see Eddie. Nothing. Gone.
Nothing until that glimpse of him through the window in the courthouse. Steve was the only one tall enough out of him, Dustin, and Robin to see much. He saw a figure that at first, he couldn’t believe was Eddie – gaunt, haunted, so still. Not an ounce of the vibrancy that Steve automatically associated with him. That pale version quickly disappeared from view and that was it. Again, nothing. Gone.
Until now.
Coming out of a random gas station, on a random road, on a random night, Steve in the backseat of his father’s car, returning from a torturous bi-annual visit to his grandparent’s house a few towns over. (His grandfather thought his hair made him look like a hippie and his grandmother kept asking about grandbabies, seeming to forget Steve was not even old enough to legally drink).
It was definitely Eddie. Something about his walk, Steve thought, the way he carried himself. The way the harsh gas station lights threw shadows on his face reminded Steve of the red light on Eddie’s face in the Upside Down, as he was lying there, motionless in Dustin’s arms.
But that meant that Eddie was back. He was here, somewhere. Steve’s eyes tried to catch the name of a street, a sign, something to tell him where they were. But outside of the moment of light at the gas station, it was too dark to see anything. Fuck.
***
He knew it had been naïve of him, but he hadn’t expected any casualties. And technically, they hadn’t had any – but they had still lost so much.
They had had a plan. A solid plan. Maybe not the best plan but given the time and resources, Steve thought they’d done well. And if it came down to it, he knew he was willing. To be the sacrifice. He felt it in his gut as they climbed through the portal. Whatever happened, everybody else would return; Steve would make sure of it.
He knew it would be him to go. Or Max. She was walking willingly into a hell that none of the rest of them were. But Steve would protect her; they’d get to Vecna first. It wouldn’t be a problem.
The vines strangling him broke his confidence a little, not really a break, but a dent, a scratch. He would have found a way down, already had his lighter in his hand to try and burn the things away when they released. And so, they continued.
It wasn’t until Steve saw the empty space on the ground where Vecna’s body should have been – multiple bullets, fire, falling from the attic, he should at least be wounded, shouldn’t he? – that Steve’s confidence faltered. Dropped again with the chiming of the clock.
‘Max,’ Nancy had whispered. Max, Steve thought, bile rising in his throat.
‘We’ve gotta go,’ he shouted.
‘But Vecna, he’s –,’ Robin started, Steve interrupting: ‘We have no time! We don’t know where he is, we have to go back.’ Steve swallowed heavily, ‘We failed.’
Nancy didn’t like that word, he knew, but she met his eyes calmly and nodded. ‘We have to go. We can’t search the whole town for him.’
They ran, back to the trailer. At least Eddie and Dustin would be safe, Steve thought, as they ran. They were right by the portal, their part had been done, the music had stopped a while ago. They’d be back on the other side by now, anxiously awaiting the others’ return. If Steve could count on anything, it was that Eddie would run to safety, taking Dustin with him.
So, it stopped him cold when he saw the scene: Eddie lying limp, still, lifeless in Dustin’s arms, Dustin wailing, ‘Eddie! Eddie, please!’, tears falling from his eyes.
‘Oh no,’ Robin whispered next to him at the sight, grabbing his hand, as he reached out to grab Nancy’s. He took a deep breath. That moment was all he allowed himself before rushing forward.
‘Dustin, hey, Dustin,’ he ran forward, shaking Dustin’s shoulders, forcing him to meet his eyes. ‘What the hell happened?’ he yelled, maybe more harshly that he intended, but Dustin barely registered him.
‘He wouldn’t leave, he wouldn’t leave, he cut the rope and he stayed here! The bats, there were so many of them, he stayed here, he wouldn’t leave!’ Dustin yelled, repeating variations of the same thoughts in an endless stream. Steve took in Eddie’s body, the gaping wounds, the blood loss, the cold eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
‘We have to take him!’ Dustin yelling at Steve snapped him out of it.
‘What?’
‘His body, Steve,’ Nancy had run over, crouching beside them, hands already under Eddie’s shoulders, Robin right behind her. ‘We can’t leave him here!’
Steve knew they couldn’t. No man left behind – no matter what. But he hesitated. What would happen now that the clock had chimed? Now that Max had died? Would the portal close? How long would it take to grab Eddie –
‘Steve!’ Nancy slapped him, again forcing him back to this moment, this fucking horrible moment. ‘We have to take him!’
Steve snapped into action, pushing Dustin aside, and grabbing Eddie’s other arm – and that’s when he felt it, all his lifeguard and boy scout training coming back to him in an instant.
‘He’s alive,’ Steve whispered. Nobody heard him. ‘He’s alive!’ Steve repeated, louder, with urgency. They looked at him bewildered. Steve dropped his ear close to Eddie’s mouth, felt the faintest movement, hand on his neck searching and he found it, the weakest pulse.
‘Are you serious? What are you doing?’ Nancy was yelling at him, but Steve paused, checking again, checking to make sure it wasn’t his own vibrating nerves or his own wishful thinking that he was projecting onto Eddie’s body. But no. He was right.
‘He has a pulse! It’s weak, but it’s there!’ Steve looked at them frantically. ‘We have to move him now!’ All four of them descended on Eddie, lifting as best they could. A small moan escaped Eddie at their efforts, bringing new urgency, their renewed hopeful eyes finding each other.
‘Dustin, go find something in the house to make a sling, a bedsheet, fucking anything! Robin, Nancy grab his arms, I’ll grab his legs,’ Steve sprang into action mode, as Dustin ran off to the trailer, the girls taking their positions. It wasn’t until Steve moved down to Eddie’s legs, switching positions that he saw him. Half burned, limping, but still moving with a strength and confidence he shouldn’t have had. Vecna.
‘There’s nowhere to go, Steve,’ a deep voice, bone-chilling, otherworldly, whispered in his head. The others couldn’t seem to hear and none of the others had caught sight of him yet, striding up from the other side of the trailer park. ‘Maxine is gone. The barrier is broken. It’ll all be over soon.’
Nancy and Robin had started dragging Eddie, not seeming to notice Steve frozen, staring, his mind fixated, Vecna’s words reverberating in Steve’s head. It wouldn’t be over soon. It was over. It was already over. If Vecna was still alive after all that, it was over. Steve could feel himself cracking inside, any confidence, any hope, draining. What could they do now? What was left to do?
‘Fight,’ another voice whispered in Steve’s mind. El. El? The shock of it snapped Steve back to reality.
‘El?’ Steve whispered out loud, the others not hearing him, still dragging Eddie closer to the trailer.
‘He’s weak. I am fighting him, too. I need your help.’ That’s all Steve needed to hear. What kind of babysitter would he be if he didn’t help someone who was asking? What kind of person?
The next moment, Vecna stumbled, head jerking slightly to the side. El said she was fighting him, too. In the mind plane. So, Steve would have to fight him here. In this fucking plane. He’d fight him with whatever he had. And this was his chance – he’d fight, to the death, whatever it took, so the others would be safe.
He picked up the closest weapon, an axe, and started striding over, confidence in his step. Robin finally looked up, noticing Steve walking away, ‘Steve?’, her eyes following and predicting Steve’s path, landing on Vecna. ‘Holy shit. Steve! No!’
‘Take Eddie inside!’ Steve yelled at her, his pace increasing. ‘Now! El has a plan!’ He could see Nancy registering what was going on, dropping Eddie’s arm and reaching for a gun. ‘Nancy!’ Steve screamed over his shoulder, something in voice breaking. ‘Take them and go!’ His desperate eyes found hers. She halted her movements, eyes darting to Vecna for a moment, before returning to Steve’s. She looked down, picked up Eddie’s arm again. Thank god.
He could hear Robin protesting to Nancy behind him, but Steve refocused on the monster before him, now only feet away. He looked worse up close, the burns deeper, the limp from a broken leg, bone sticking out. Bone. What a human thing for a monster to have, Steve thought, and remembered: Vecna’s just a man. A freaky, powerful, sadistic monster of a man – but a man nonetheless.
Vecna did not seem to notice Steve’s approach, despite now almost being close enough to grasp. He was clutching his head, his movements slowed, jerky. ‘You cannot defeat me,’ he heard Vecna whisper out loud, but whether that was meant for Steve or El, Steve didn’t know or care, the mantra running in his head now: he’s just a man.
And so, Steve swung. He gripped the axe tightly in his hands and wound back, a familiar movement, honed by years on little league, JV and Varsity baseball, games in the park with his friends, fights against demogorgons and demodogs and now, finally, this demofucker.
As he swung the axe around, Vecna was already falling to his knees, now both hands on his head, a deep growl escaping him as whatever El was doing to him in the mind plane was obviously working. The momentum of the swing couldn’t be stopped – and it was perfect. What Steve had initially planned as a desperate attempt to wound Vecna however he could, a blow to his body to weaken him, something to give El more time, transformed with Vecna’s fall. The axe swinging. An object in motion. Steve couldn’t have stopped it if he tried.
The axe made contact, slashing through Vecna’s neck, the thick muscle, bones, skin (he’s just a man) finally halting the axe’s motion halfway through the cut. Vecna’s eyes had shot open, boring into Steve’s. He heard it in his head and felt it in every corner of his being: a deep scream. Vecna’s scream.
Blood started spurting from the wound, Vecna still on his knees in front of Steve. Vecna wasn’t concerned with his fight with El or what was going on in his head any longer. All of his focus was on Steve right in front of him. His hand reached up, grabbing at Steve’s shirt, pulling him closer. Steve pushed back, bringing his foot up to Vecna’s chest, using the force to free the axe from its position in Vecna’s neck, simultaneously pushing him onto his back, loosening his grip on Steve.
With Vecna on the ground in front of him, Steve finished the job, swinging the axe again, up and over, with all the strength he could muster, a perfect arc, exact aim.
Decapitation.
Hopefully that would do the fucking job.
It seemed to. The red sky stilled. The screeches in the distance silenced. The echo in Steve’s head gone.
‘Holy fuck,’ Steve whispered. He heard screaming behind him – not screaming, cheering. He turned to see Robin and Nancy jumping, running over to him from their spot by the trailer’s front door, Dustin running out from inside, confused and then suddenly yelping and shaking his fists in the sky, running to join Steve and the girls.
They surrounded him, jumping on him, hugging, cheering. There was no doubt this time, they all felt it. The entire world had shifted with Steve’s final swing. Steve hoped that El could sense it, too, wherever she was, wherever she’d been.
It was a crazy rush after that. Nancy shot a few extra bullets into Vecna’s skull (‘just to be safe’), and while Steve thought that normally that might have been overkill, he didn’t think that existed in this case. He and Robin set fire to Vecna – both parts – and they watched him burn, satisfied. He was gone. He’s just a man. Was just a man.
‘Steve,’ he heard Dustin croak, the extra minutes of destroying Vecna having pushed anything else out of their minds. But Dustin’s tone… Eddie. Steve turned and ran back to where they had left Eddie, right by the front door.
‘Shit,’ Steve whispered, clocking the pale sheen on Eddie’s face, the increasing grayness. ‘We gotta go!’
The portal was thankfully still open; Steve wasn’t questioning it. He jumped through first, securing a garden hose for the others to climb up and rig up to pull Eddie, urging them to move, faster, let’s go. He’d hoped that he could tie one end around Eddie’s waist and have the others hoist him up, but he couldn’t find a way. There were too many gashes, too much blood.
‘His injuries,’ Steve yelled up to others in the ceiling, on the floor of reality. ‘I’ll kill him if I do this.’
‘I’ll come help,’ Dustin already reaching for the hose to climb back over.
‘No!’ Steve shouted back. He had three people safe, he wasn’t moving backwards now. He looked around frantically, hands pulling at his hair, trying to find a solution.
He grabbed blanket, swaddling Eddie’s body, throwing some extension cords around him, wrapping him up.
‘I’m bringing him up, get ready to pull!’ Steve knelt under Eddie, lifting him as best he could to allow their makeshift pulley to take off. He heard a moan, and he glanced over, Eddie’s brown eyes barely open but staring at him, dull but focused.
‘Eddie, Eddie, hey,’ Steve cradled his head, pushing his hair back, trying to keep the eye contact. He wasn’t sure Eddie was registering anything. ‘It’s okay, we got you, you’re safe.’ Eddie’s eyes continued to stare into his, barely there. But there was a spark of something. Steve’s heart sped up.
‘You’re gonna make it, Eddie, okay? We got you. Just hang on for me, okay?’
A shallow exhale was all Steve got in response, Eddie’s eyes closing again. Shit.
‘Pull!’ Steve yelled up again, resuming his lifting, ignoring how the blanket was already soaking through with Eddie’s blood.
***
They’d made it, of course, Steve the last one to jump through. Steve the one to carry Eddie’s body into the back, gently holding Eddie’s head in his lap, counting his breaths while Nancy sped them to the hospital, not knowing what he would do or could do if the breathing stopped. Steve who followed the gurney as far as it would go. The others were there too, but he knew they were okay (relatively), so Steve’s anxious worry had settled on Eddie; Eddie was the man down. They weren’t supposed to lose anybody.
The immediate aftermath was a blur. Cops cornered them once the hospital realized who they had in surgery. Where did you find him? What did he say? Where are your parents?
In the woods. Nothing. At home.
Had you seen or aided him before today? Are you aware of who that is and what he’s been accused of? Can you come down to the station?
No. Yes. We want to stay.
The questioning hadn’t gone much further than that, when the other shoe dropped.
‘Lucas?’ Dustin jumped out of his seat, running after Lucas in the hallway. ‘Lucas! What the hell happened? Where’s Max?’
It sounded horrific. It had sounded horrific when Eddie first told them what happened to Chrissy, but hearing it again, and knowing Max’s face so well, her big blue eyes, her lanky gait. To imagine that happening to her. Steve tried not to imagine but he couldn’t stop himself.
The similarities between Max’s injuries and the others’ was hard to deny, distracting the cops from their initial line of questioning. They thought they had a smoking gun at first. Murderer and his final victim, a few surgical rooms apart, the perfect finale.
But Lucas and Erica insisted: Eddie hadn’t been there. They had been at the Creel house together with Max. A truth-or-dare game gone wrong, somehow, they haltingly explained. No, they didn’t know how it happened. Even the basketball player and the neighbor across the street who had let Erica use his phone to all 911, all agreed: Eddie hadn’t been there.
Not that it stopped them. Not that they believed it. It was all too convenient, the timing, the two of them injured so severely. And finding Jason’s body in the Creel attic, burned up somehow, so similar to the fires that spontaneously erupted at the trailer park, on the backroad, flaring up at the bottom of the lake, all at the same time, just for a few minutes.
Frankly, Steve didn’t care what they believed right then – as long as Eddie and Max were being taken care of. As long as they would be okay.
Their parents showed up, took them home, received vague explanations of what had happened, the trauma and exhaustion too real to fake. Quick shower, quick change.
Statements at the station, a few suited agents standing in the corners. A cover story with holes in it sure, but weren’t they just kids, after all? Why would they lie? Why would they make something like this up?
Back to the hospital as soon as they could go, sitting in that waiting room, no update after no update. Eddie’s uncle showing up, crying, frantic, questioning. Max’s mom showing up later, a bit too late, a bit too shaky to be sober.
Steve wanted to do something. He wanted to help. He couldn’t sit here any longer. It had been days already.
And that’s when they walked in. El, Jonathan, Will, Mike, followed by a stranger who Steve didn’t have the energy to consider too deeply. Mike beelined to Nancy, El to Steve: ‘We did it. Thank you.’ She wrapped him in a big hug, Steve resting his head on top of hers, tears flowing from them both.
And then another shock, only hours later: Joyce, Hopper, Murray. Steve thought his exhaustion was playing tricks with him. But no, Hopper was back, alive. Steve was too exhausted to care.
They eventually were told that Eddie was awake, he could have one visitor, supervised by an officer. They looked around for Wayne, but he’d been taken to the station to answer some questions. They didn’t need to have a discussion to know that, if not Wayne, it would be Dustin. ‘I’m a minor, I can’t go without my babysitter,’ Dustin told the doctor and police officer, thumb gesturing to Steve, who smiled sheepishly, adding, ‘His mom gets really nervous.’ A reluctant shrug from the guard and they followed.
It had been a shock to see him. A thousand times better than he had been, but still so, so far from the Eddie from before. He was so pale, fading into the light blue of the hospital walls, the bedding surrounding him. So many tubes, monitors beeping. Dustin rushed in, but Steve felt himself fall back. He’d noticed it instantly. That Eddie spark, ever present as long as Steve had known him, that had sprung back into his eyes briefly in those last moments in the Upside Down. It was gone.
And then the attack, Eddie clutching at his chest, gasping, desperate. It was so much worse to see the panic in his eyes, to be there during it. Steve felt a little more deeply for Dustin, if that was even possible, knowing he’d had to be there, alone, the last time it had happened to Eddie. Steve wondered if that lurking blood clot, if waking up in a hospital were to blame – if Eddie’s spark would come back in time.
But they never got the chance to find out.
After that, he was locked away.
***
First thing the next morning, after the gas station glimpse, Steve sped over the trailer park, car engine barely off before he was barreling out, slamming his fists on the door.
‘Eddie! Munson!’, Steve yelled. ‘I know you’re in here!’
Silence.
Steve tried the handle, but it was locked, tried to get a peek through the boarded-up windows but couldn’t make much out. It definitely looked abandoned, the inside empty and dirty and dark. It was only the sight of a lone cigarette butt, one that looked too recent, on the ground by the door that made him continue on. Steve walked around the entire trailer, trying to get a look in. He eventually clambered through the burned-out hole on the end of the trailer, landing in a pile of soot, inhaling a lungful, twisting his wrist. Coughing, he stood up, squinting. It was so dark in here, even with the giant hole and boarded windows letting in shafts of light.
Eddie obviously wasn’t here. How could anybody be here?
But he’d come this far; and if Eddie wasn’t here, then where was he? Steve continued on, through the empty kitchen, with glass shards still littered from the broken windows, down the tight hallway. Nothing in the first bedroom except a few abandoned wire hangers, a broken cardboard box. The sight of a damp towel in the bathroom was Steve’s first sign. Followed quickly by a soft sound. A soft snore.
And there he was, curled up in a corner of the back bedroom, his back turned towards the door, on a pile of mismatched, misshapen, curiously stained pillows. He was curled over on himself, one hand grabbing at his upper arm, the other with a finger holding the page in a creased, coverless book. There were empty packets of chips, bottles of YooHoo, a roach of a joint on the lid of a can along with an old Bic lighter, along with a few real roaches scuttling around.
Steve felt the anger well up in his chest – he was here. He’d been here the whole time! Who knows how many days and nights Steve could have saved trying to cheer up Dustin, distracting him with movie and arcade dates, forced fun and optimism, trying to get him to think of anything else other than Eddie. Because if Eddie was gone, then what Dustin had felt in that moment of his supposed death had been real. That fucking crushing loss had been real, that fucking euphoric joy at his survival had been a fluke.
But Steve knew he was using Dustin as an excuse. He was also trying to distract himself. For those same reasons. Because there weren’t supposed to be casualties. Because there was no man left behind.
Steve took two long steps into the room, taking a deep breath, gearing up to yell Eddie the fuck awake and ask him exactly what the hell he was thinking, maybe adding a well-placed punch or a literal kick in the ass.
At that moment, Eddie turned over his sleep, book falling out of his hand, but eyes still shut tight, breathing steady, his shirt catching on the turn and riding up to reveal his stomach.
And Steve froze.
Across Eddie’s stomach were large, bright red angry scars, raised and looking like they were throbbing in the musty heat even in the gray dusty shadows of the room.
‘Holy shit,’ Steve whispered. Along with smaller bite marks were peppered all over Eddie’s skin, there were areas that looked like the skin had been peeled off in swathes, leaving barely any clear patches; and the few gaps that may have been, were marked with healing surgical scars. Steve could see the outlines of his ribs and his hollow stomach. His cheekbones were jutting out and his eyes seemed more sunken.
All that anger Steve had had a moment ago disappeared. He reached out gently and pushed a piece of hair out of Eddie’s face.
‘Oh, Eddie,’ he sighed.
Steve backed out of the room, as slowly and quietly as he could, not really knowing what he was doing until he was starting his car and pulling out of the trailer park. When he finally came to, he was a half mile away and, disgusted with himself, he pulled over.
‘I’m a fucking asshole.’
He knew he would have been an asshole waking up Eddie with a kick and a yell like he’d planned, the other boy so obviously in pain. But waking up him up gently and offering help also felt like an asshole move; it didn’t seem like Eddie wanted anyone to know, wanted to hide his delicate state. Steve felt like he had walked in on something private, something that he shouldn’t have seen. Steve felt paralyzed, not knowing what the right next step was. And for him – who always prided himself on having a plan, knowing what to do to keep those under his charge safe – the uncertainty formed an aching ball in his gut.
Before his shift at Family Video the next day, Steve swung by the trailer park again, not to Eddie’s trailer but parking up by the road. He killed the engine and waited, watching, he wasn’t exactly sure why or for what. After an hour, seeing nothing, he left.
At the end of his shift, he came back and repeated his earlier actions, sitting and waiting, finally leaving when the late summer twilight gave over to dark.
And then again, the next day. And the next, never seeing any sign of Eddie, no sign at all that Hawkins’s former most-wanted man was squatting in a former crime scene.
Finally, Steve got lucky. About to head out after swinging by the trailer park, Steve saw Eddie, sneaking around the back of his trailer, running to one a few doors over, clambering through a window. Steve waited, checking the passing of time on the clock. Three minutes. Five minutes. He was about to start the engine to leave, when he saw Eddie climb back out, a box under his arm and what appeared (from this distance) to be a grin on his face.
Steve didn’t know what he’d wanted to learn but this didn’t help. So, Eddie was actually scavenging around, which gave a point to the sad, delicate Eddie theory; but he was capable of climbing through windows and laughing at whatever it was, which pointed to the old Eddie.
‘Fuck!’ Steve yelled, slamming his hands on the steering wheel.
That was it. He didn’t care anymore about how Eddie felt. He had to do something. And Steve felt like such a dumbass when he realized that the first person he wanted to go to for advice about Eddie was Dustin. So, he headed over. Well, he would later, after his morning shift; he couldn’t afford to be fired.
He was distracted his whole shift and as soon as it was time to go, he raced over to Dustin’s, only for his jaw to drop when Dustin exclaimed, ‘Eddie’s back!’
‘What – I mean… what?’
‘Hopper just called, man, we gotta go now!’
What the fuck?
Notes:
Eddie and Steve POVs will be alternating for this story! Some unique scenes, some overlapping. I try to keep the timeline of the overlaps clear but if it's confusing, let me know!
Chapter 3: Oh, The Fucking Symbolism
Summary:
Steve turned around and took a few steps back to Eddie, whispering to him: ‘Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.’ A glare of determination and something else in Steve’s eyes left Eddie speechless, not able to formulate a response before Steve turned away, jogging after Dustin.
Chapter Text
EDDIE
The real world had snaked itself in eventually, against Eddie’s best efforts. A sudden whiff of what had to be his own smell finally registered, so Eddie scavenged the abandoned homes around him and found some soap, a basin, and had a makeshift bath behind the house, the trusty hose still going despite nobody paying the water bill. He found some old clothes that weren’t his style but relatively clean; a threadbare denim jacket that fit; some needle and thread to repair the holes in last pair of jeans. And a Walkman with some tapes of pop and disco music; against everyone’s assumptions, Eddie wasn’t a music snob, so he pocketed those quickly. He preferred metal but knew not to turn his nose up at ABBA.
But he was desperate for a book. A daily habit of his life before that had been cruelly paused, Eddie’s fingers itched to turn a page. He remembered stashing some old books of his behind the TV cabinet in the living room; while the TV was gone, the cabinet was relatively unscathed, just one side of it with scorch marks. Eddie shoved the furniture aside, and his eyes alighted on the spines of some familiar titles. They were tangled up with some other paperwork, letters and bills that had likely fallen from their regular space by the entry and overlooked in the police search and Wayne’s packing.
Eddie pulled out the books and paperwork and tossed them behind him. He was eagerly grabbing for a copy of a Jules Verne when he spotted the return label on one of the letters. Hawkins High School. Fuck.
Reluctantly opened, the letter revealed no surprises to Eddie: incompletes on all of his classes for last semester. Missing half of the semester to hospital and prison stays likely contributed, he thought bitterly. But behind the report card, there was another letter, frankly one of the best he’d ever received from an academic institution.
They were aware of his unfortunate situation (no shit, Eddie thought) and were willing to allow him to make up the work and tests that he missed; if he was able to receive passing grades, they’d award him the needed credits to graduate.
Graduate. Eddie crumpled up the letter and held it to his head, breathing out a tense laugh. Held back twice, but all it took for them to cut him some slack was a murder charge and a bullshit government cover up. Of course.
But that spark again. He remembered how he felt, standing on that cafeteria table, proclaiming that this was it. This was his year. He knew it would have been (should have been) – nothing was going to stop him (other than what did). Whatever he needed to do to graduate, he would have done it. Whatever work, whatever time. He was sick of his grades and his super senior status signaling to the world that he was a loser, a fuckup, an idiot. He knew he was none of those things. Graduating. That would show them.
He strode out of the house, got in the truck, and finally made the turns to Hawkins High, letter still clutched in his hand.
***
It was more painless than he thought it would be. The lone summer school administrative assistant in the office took one look at Eddie, sighed deeply, ‘Mr. Munson.’ It was frankly the best reaction he could have hoped for; he assumed his reputation in the high school offices overshadowed his new reputation in the streets of Hawkins: harmless, hopeless, but if he would just apply himself.
She handed over a big folder of paperwork. ‘Here are your study materials, please return the assignments next week, and we’ll conduct the finals here under timed supervision. Failure to pass and we’ll enroll you for the fall,’ she drawled out, almost like reading from a script. But fuck no, he would not be enrolling in the fall, he thought – and then told her verbatim.
‘Language,’ she sighed back.
Eddie was just about to get back into his truck when he heard behind him: ‘Eddie?’
Hopper stared at him from across the empty parking lot. He turned and whispered something to the woman he was with, she gave Eddie a sweet awkward smile and then hustled the two kids she was with towards the building Eddie had just exited.
‘I thought that was you,’ Hopper stated, making his way towards Eddie. In his haste out the door, Eddie hadn’t considered what he looked like, but the intense look on Hopper’s face that seemed to scream ‘don’t stare’, made Eddie evaluate. One of the nondescript brown-gray-faded t-shirts he’d found, stiff dirty jeans with holes past the point of fashionable, he could feel the sweat stains on his back and pits; it had been so long since he’d willingly looked in a mirror, but he assumed his hair hadn’t improved from neglect. And he could feel the clothes hanging off of him, could see his strong wrists and arms and body had withered down to a point where it was noticeable, significant. To be expected after months bed bound and disassociated. His recent diet of cigarettes, Doritos, and Honeycomb cereal likely hadn’t helped.
‘Hopper, hey man,’ Eddie faked a big smile, anything to distract Hopper from taking a closer look. ‘Just picking up some unfinished schoolwork,’ he shook the folder, ‘Really could have used this during those long days in the slammer, am I right?’ Eddie tried his old bravado on for size and felt that it didn’t quite fit right anymore. Hopper could tell.
‘Right. Sure,’ Hopper started slowly. ‘How are you doing, Eddie? It’s been a while. We tried to be there for the hearing, but it was closed door. We wanted to come by but didn’t know where you were staying…’
‘Oh, just bopping around, couch surfing, you know how it is,’ Eddie replied. ‘Making my way around to the fans one by one.’ Had he ever talked like this? Hadn’t conversation been an easy thing, a welcome thing for the old Eddie?
‘Couch surfing? Right. Sure.’
‘Trying to keep a low profile, sure you can understand.’
‘Right. Sure.’
Eddie didn’t have to know Hopper well to realize he wasn’t buying any of it; not the words, not the smile, nothing Eddie was putting out was making a dent for Hopper to ‘right, sure’ believe him.
‘Heard your uncle got a new job. He’s left town, right?’ Eddie couldn’t hide the quick flinch at Hopper’s question. ‘He and I kept in touch during your, um, time away.’ Hopper clarified.
Now it was time for Eddie’s own: ‘Right. Sure.’
‘Where are you off to, Eddie? We’re just registering the kids for the new schoolyear, transferring them back from California, but we’re grabbing a bite after. Join us.’
‘Nah, Hopper, thanks, but I’ve gotta –‘
‘I insist.’
Before Eddie could protest again, a loud growl from his stomach answered on his behalf.
‘Great. I’ll drive.’ Hopper grabbed Eddie’s keys out of his hand. ‘Joyce and the kids will meet us there.’
***
‘What happened to your hair?’ the boy – Will – asked Eddie from across the booth. The two young teens sitting across from him were both looking at him in fascination.
Eddie shrugged in response, ‘I can’t explain fashion to you.’
‘He’s right, Will’ the woman – Joyce – responded, ‘Your dad had a hairstyle like that back in the early 70s. He thought he wanted to be a punk rocker,’ Joyce added to Eddie, who just nodded, awkward smile plastered on his face. ‘Loved The Who.’ The silence descended again.
Hopper had left them to make a phone call after they’d ordered, and he still wasn’t back yet. Eddie wasn’t sure what he was doing here.
‘You were there.’ The girl – who Eddie had been introduced to as Jane, but Will kept calling El – said to Eddie. ‘In the Upside Down. With Vecna.’ So, this was the superpowered hero friend Dustin had told him about.
Eddie’s heart gave an involuntary lurch at the memory. ‘Yup. Let his demon bats feast on me and everything.’
Joyce’s face scrunched up and she turned to Will. ‘Demon bats? I don’t remember demon bats?’
Will shrugged slightly. ‘I’m not sure, I try not to remember too much.’
‘You were there?’ Eddie asked, startled.
Will nodded gently. ‘For about a week.’ Eddie’s jaw dropped. They had barely lasted a few hours. ‘A week?’ Eddie couldn’t help but ask. Will nodded again, eyes downcast.
‘It was a few years ago,’ Joyce jumped in, snaking her arm around Will’s shoulders. ‘Obviously, we got him back.’ She squeezed Will, a little too tightly by the flinch on his face.
Of course, Eddie remembered the stories about the missing boy who then was found, the other body that had been discovered; everyone in Hawkins remembered. To think that boy was Will, and knowing what he knew now about the Upside Down and everything that had been going on…
‘Was it him?’ Eddie couldn’t help but ask, leaning forward, crossing his arms, running his hands up and down, trying to fabricate some of the comfort that Joyce was giving to Will. ‘Vecna got you?’
‘It was different, then,’ Will answered slowly. ‘I didn’t see him. I tried to hide.’
Eddie was fascinated. A week in there. Several years ago. He couldn’t imagine, other than imagining what he went through, times ten. A hundred. More? He had so many questions.
‘Don’t worry,’ El turned to Will and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder too. ‘It’s all over now. Vecna’s dead and the portals are closed. For good.’
‘How do you know?’ Eddie asked her.
El’s brow scrunched in confusion. ‘I closed them.’
‘What –’
‘Steve and Nancy and Robin burned his body. I exploded him in the mind plane from a pizza dough freezer. He was weak when he attacked you at the gate, when they were bringing you back,’ she stated everything so calmly and matter-of-factly. Eddie recognized the words and what she was saying but it was taking a minute to sink in. ‘Steve cut his head off with an axe and then I brought Max’s mind back from the beyond. She will wake up soon but she’s still nervous in the mind plane.’
Eddie had been staring at her, head unwittingly shaking along with each word she said.
‘And we checked, I definitely closed all the portals.’ El looked to Joyce for confirmation, receiving a nod.
‘Yes, sweetie, we got them all.’
El returned her gaze back to Eddie with a smile. ‘See!’
‘What…’ Eddie didn’t know where to start. ‘Thank you?’
‘You’re welcome,’ she replied, taking a sip of her chocolate milkshake.
Eddie’s confused eyes found Will’s. ‘There were multiple arenas of combat,’ Will tried to translate. ‘Physically, with you guys fighting him in the Upside Down. El was fighting him in like his mind. Like the shadow plane.’
The DnD reference actually helped Eddie’s mind finally translate what El had said. ‘Oh. Right, that makes sense, I guess’ he nodded.
‘Does it?’ Joyce asked, scooting over to make room for Hopper in their large corner booth. ‘Where have you been?’ she asked him. Eddie wanted to know, too.
‘Quick phone call, nothing to be worried about,’ Hopper smiled, grabbing a few fries from Joyce’s plate and weaving his arm around her. ‘What’s going on here?’
‘The kids are freaking me out,’ Eddie answered.
‘Sounds about right.’
The rest of their food came out and Eddie couldn’t fake nonchalance anymore, immediately scarfing down half his burger in a few big bites. It was the best thing he’d ever eaten, hands down, he thought. He couldn’t remember the last warm meal he had that wasn’t served on a tray by an orderly.
‘Slow down, you’re going to choke,’ Will laughed at him, taking a small bite of his own burger.
‘Nothing can kill Eddie the Banished,’ Eddie smiled big at Will, proudly displaying his half-chewed burger in his mouth.
‘Boys are so gross,’ El mumbled.
‘Yes, they are, sweetie, make sure you remember that whenever you’re with Wheeler,’ Hopper reached over and ruffled El’s short and fuzzy hairdo. The movement reminded Eddie so much of Uncle Wayne, his heart skipped a beat.
They all continued to eat for a few moments with relatively innocuous conversation after their earlier mind-blowing one. Eddie was about to finish up his fries and trying to plan his escape – tossing down a few bucks and making a quick exit under the booth – when he saw them out of the corner of his eye. Like an echo from that day in the hospital. Eddie turned in his seat towards the barreling figure.
‘Eddie!’ Dustin ran across the restaurant to their booth in the back, Steve trailing a few steps behind. And sure enough, Dustin’s arms encircled Eddie’s head in that same sweet way, in that memory that Eddie had stopped pulling out for how much it hurt. ‘What the hell is going with your hair?’ Dustin asked, leaning back and taking Eddie’s head in between his hands, turning his head at angles to get a better look.
‘One more comment like that and I’ll really be offended,’ Eddie murmured, and winked at Will over Dustin’s arm. Steve must not have heard Dustin’s question, still making his way over, ‘Munson, you need a shampoo recommendation?’ Will burst out laughing and Eddie couldn’t help but laugh along, something about seeing the joy on Will’s normally sad face lifting his heart a bit. That or maybe Dustin’s joyful smile, hands still on Eddie’s face, or Steve leaning by the booth.
‘Had to call reinforcements. This one won’t leave me alone about you,’ Hopper gestured at Dustin with his coffee cup.
‘Where the hell have you been, Eddie? You got out weeks ago,’ Dustin asked as he shoved Eddie to the side, squeezing into the booth beside him, hands reaching for the last fries on Eddie’s plate.
‘Yeah, man, lots going on,’ Eddie couldn’t help grinning at Dustin. God, it was good to see him. ‘Lots to catch up on, correspondence and what not.’ Dustin nodded along as if he bought it but Eddie couldn’t help but clock Steve’s dubious expression.
‘Very cool! What are you doing right now? We were gonna hang out but then we got Hopper’s call! Do you want to go to the movies? Have you seen Labyrinth yet? It just came out, it’s supposed to be awesome,’ Dustin couldn’t seem to slow down, his energy buzzing near him unlike Eddie had felt in a long time.
‘Nah, man, not yet’ Eddie smiled at Dustin, reaching over to tap his ever-present cap, hair not accessible for a ruffle, what Eddie really wanted to do.
‘So, do you wanna come? Steve’s owes me a movie, tickets AND snacks.’
‘Whoa, that deal’s only for you, Henderson, I’m not made of money,’ Steve objected.
‘You kind of are,’ Dustin scoffed at Steve over his shoulder, eyes never leaving Eddie’s. ‘He lost a bet,’ Dustin explains.
‘Henderson,’ Steve angry whispered, a light blush spreading on his cheeks. Eddie smirked at him. ‘Is that so?’
‘It’s nothing,’ Steve tried to wave it off, but Dustin jumped in, ‘This hot girl turned him down, it was brutal.’
Steve exclaimed, ‘It wasn’t me she was turning down, it was the vest, okay, the Family Video vest only has a 60/40 shot and I was playing the odds, but –’
‘Sure, Steve,’ Dustin rolled his eyes. ‘Movies?’ he directed again at Eddie.
It was definitely tempting; a few hours in an air-conditioned movie theater, with a snack and a drink, escaping into a new story. But Eddie could feel his social battery almost drained, sitting in this both and making conversation with four practical strangers for an hour already more than he’s done in months.
‘So tempting, Dustin, really, best way to spend an afternoon but I’ve got to, ah –’
‘You had that doctor’s appointment, didn’t you, Eddie?’ Hopper tossed a lifeline; Eddie wasn’t sure why but took it.
‘Yeah, yeah, that’s right, can’t miss that appointment!’
‘Are you sick? Are you hurt?’ the little white lie was the wrong one for Dustin to hear, his eyes immediately scanning over Eddie’s face more closely. ‘You look sick.’ Ouch.
‘Just some follow-ups, routine, nothing to worry about,’ Eddie tried to beam out as much confidence as he could to soothe Dustin’s worries. Did he really look that bad? Eddie felt Steve’s eyes boring a hole through him. What’s going on there?
‘You heard the man, Henderson. Movie starts soon, we got to go,’ Steve stepped up to try and pull Dustin back from Eddie, but Dustin rubber-banded back to where he was almost immediately.
‘So when can we hang out? I miss you.’ Eddie’s heart broke a bit at Dustin’s big eyes.
‘I’ll call you,’ Eddie smiled, giving in to his temptation and snagging Dustin’s hat, ruffling his hair. ‘We’ll make a plan. Real soon.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
Dustin seemed satisfied and made his way to Steve’s side. ‘Cool. Call me!’
‘I will. Soon,’ Eddie nodded at him. ‘And I expect you to take Harrington for all he’s worth with snacks.’
Dustin laughed, ‘Hell yeah! Bye Eddie!’ They were finally making their way out of the restaurant, Steve still trailing Dustin when Steve turned around and took a few steps back to Eddie, whispering to him: ‘Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.’ A glare of determination and something else in Steve’s eyes left Eddie speechless, not able to formulate a response before Steve turned away, jogging after Dustin.
Only Hopper seeemed to have heard Steve’s comment.
‘Looked like you needed a break,’ Hopper said to only him, while the others talked about back-to-school shopping after Dustin and Steve’s interruption. ‘Instead of the fake doctor’s appointment, why don’t you and I sit down for a conversation, okay, Eddie?’
Eddie felt like he was in trouble, but didn’t know why, squirming under the gaze of the former sheriff and still not sure what to make of Steve’s comment.
‘Yes, sir.’ Eddie replied, and Hopper nodded satisfied.
***
Eddie immediately felt at home in the Byers’ house. It was warm and lived-in, a smell of toast and coffee in the air, a jumble of shoes and coats by the door, books, magazines, movies strewn about the living room. Eddie wasn’t sure he would have ever described a room as ‘soothing’ before, but that’s what it was.
‘Here,’ Hopper motioned to Eddie, leading him to the back hallway, straight to the bathroom.
‘I’m cool, I peed at the diner,’ Eddie replied stiffly, confused. Hopper smirked at him, opening a closet and pulling out a towel and a pair of shears.
‘You smell like roadkill, and I think we already covered what’s going on with the hair. I’m going to need to you to fix all that before we talk,’ Hopper shoved the tools into Eddie’s chest. ‘If this,’ he gestured at Eddie’s head, ‘isn’t taken care of by the time Joyce gets home, she’s going to want to take a crack at it and well… I’m sure you saw Will. Nobody wants that.’
He walked away without another word, Eddie stared after him, a mixture of disbelief and offense.
Eddie’s couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a whole bathroom to himself. From nurses supporting him to the toilet, guards observing and barely turned away, communal showers, the makeshift hose-bath outside the trailer. To this, four toothbrushes lined up on the sink, a mix of shampoos and soaps in the shower, individual towels hanging in a row. The offense Eddie had initially felt slowly disappeared.
For the first time in a long time, Eddie looked at himself in the mirror. He stifled a shocked gasp that quickly turned into a giggle. Fuck, they were right. Look at his hair!
He wasn’t sure why it had been cut, maybe tangled in something, dried blood, who knew, but the shaggy, uneven hairdo had continued to grow out and truly looked like roadkill (maybe that’s where the smell was coming from). It was matted, greasy, he saw some chunks growing in his natural curls, others falling straight. Eddie picked up the shears and scissors.
He had always hated getting his hair cut. Nobody had been able to figure it out, never knowing what to do with it. His mom was the only one who ever knew how to handle his curls, having tamed her own. After she’d died, he’d resorted to a buzz cut before letting it grow out as long as he could.
The thought transformed his image in the mirror into her for a brief moment: same curly dark hair, big dark eyes, pale skin. He remembered his father calling her ‘lovely’, a stranger in the grocery store stopping her to stay she was ‘beautiful’. He had her nose, mouth, eyes. Almost everything that mattered (to be beautiful, lovely). But where she had been short, curvy, good natured, bright, Eddie knew he got the rest from his dad. Fucker. Tall, slender, boisterous. Easily offended. Confrontational. Prone to escape, whether that was disappearing for days at time or spending weeks in a drugged, drunken stupor. At least Eddie’s escapes were mostly into stories, games, music; and he’d always felt a pang of regret when that escape did bleed into a few too many drinks or a few too many hits of something, a pang in his chest that he was moving one step closer to becoming his dad. The last thing he ever wanted, but his darkest fear that it was inevitable.
He ran a hand through his hair. Where to start?
A few minutes later, he thought he’d tamed it as best as he could at least. He’d found the shortest bit and tried to clip the rest to match. It would have to do, and he could admit it looked better, in the sense that it was more presentable; worse, in the sense that Eddie now looked like a stranger to himself.
Without the shock of his hair to distract, it was all more obvious. The dark circles, gaunt cheekbones, razor burn and patchy facial hair, haunted expression. He saw a long scar on the underside of his jaw, mostly covered with stubble, and a small new scar under his ear that hadn’t been there before. He wondered what else had changed.
He undressed and took a survey. He was thinner all over, he had felt it, but it shocked him to see it. He’d always been thin, but this was beyond. He could see his ribs, stomach dipping into visible hip bones. And the scars. While they’d been healing, hidden under bandages, they’d been abstract, except for the large misshapen one on his forearm that was impossible to miss. When the bandages were gone, Eddie had purposely tried not to look at the rest of them. But seeing them now? The shocking redness of the healing scars was beginning to fade. Large scars as big as his hand, small scars like starbursts, fireworks and splotches all around his middle, over his hips, he looked like he had been patchworked together in shades of red, pink, white, silver.
There were so many of them.
Eddie had been there, obviously, had felt them being made, but had gone cold at some point. Hadn’t registered how far gone he’d been. ‘We thought you were dead,’ he remembered Steve saying in the hospital. He thought he’d been dead, too. Lying there, body numb from the pain and terror, looking up at Dustin, saying goodbye. Feeling like he wasn’t ready to go. But knowing if he had to, then saving his friends, saving the world, wasn’t a bad way to do it.
And maybe that was the crux of it. From a hero’s death to waking up cuffed, accused, alone. Eddie was glad he was alive. There was no doubt about that. It was more about the life he’d woken up to.
He ran his hands over scars, feeling each one. He turned around and was surprised to see that outside of a few marks on his shoulders, one on his ass, edges of a few from his front spilling to his sides, his back was mostly unmarked.
The rewards of running towards battle instead of away.
‘Oh, the fucking symbolism,’ Eddie murmured, finally getting into the shower.
***
Later – cleaned, groomed, wearing some of Jonathan’s old clothes – Eddie was sitting in front of Hopper at the kitchen table, a glass of orange juice and a plate of waffles placed in front of him despite the late hour. ‘Eat,’ Hopper commanded. Eddie was about to protest when he remembered the jut of his hipbones, the drawn look of his cheeks; he picked up a waffle.
Hopper nodded, satisfied, tilted his head: ‘What the hell are you doing, Eddie?’
Mouth stuffed, Eddie pointed to it and mumbled: ‘Eggo?’
‘I’m serious,’ Hopper continued, unamused, ‘Couch surfing?’ with air quotes, ‘Correspondence?’, more quotes. ‘I’ve seen enough living rough to recognize it. What happened, kid?’
Eddie had always been good at putting on a show. Being a little bit louder, a little bit more than people expected. It distracted them like a peacock’s bright tail, prevented them from looking closer and seeing the truth, whatever really was going on. For as much shit as Eddie got from the town, for being a ‘freak’, Eddie had the upper hand; they were seeing what he wanted them to see (most of the time).
He really was out of practice. He was disappointed in himself, that Hopper had seen through him so quickly, especially when he thought he’d put on a good show.
‘I have a home,’ Eddie responded. ‘The trailer.’
‘The trailer is condemned, Eddie. Nobody should be within ten feet of that thing, let alone living in it.’
‘You know the toxic gas thing was a cover story, right?’
‘Don’t get smart with me,’ Hopper sighed. ‘There’s no windows, no heat, no electricity. Half of its gone, burned up when that damned portal opened up. Wayne said he got you set up somewhere else… what happened?’
‘Huh,’ Eddie’s lip curled. ‘Set up is generous. A random motel and enough cash for maybe two weeks’ stay? And then what? Figured I’d skip spoiling myself with motel luxury and head straight for where I was heading, save me the cash.’
‘He said there as a job waiting for you, hauling something…’
‘What am I supposed to do, spend hours staring at an open road, nothing but my thoughts for company? Long lonely nights in some shithole truck stop, avoiding every fucking shadow and every fucking stranger, cause who knows? Maybe they saw me on TV but didn’t hear I’m innocent, maybe they’re just another Carver looking to fuck up the freak? At least here… I know what to expect. And I just got back…’ Eddie’s voice broke, ‘…and now I’m supposed to go? Alone? Then what the fuck was it all for?’
Eddie was breathless. He wasn’t used to talking so much. But his lungs remembered this. His body, his heart remembered this. That old Eddie spark.
Hopper sighed and leaned back, crossing his arms, examining Eddie. Leaned forward, pulled out a cigarette, offered one to Eddie from the pack. He took one eagerly. They both lit up, took their first drags, Hopper still looking at Eddie, working something out.
‘I have a job for you.’
Eddie wasn’t sure he heard right, the statement coming so out of left field. ‘A job? For me? You have a job for me?’
‘Like I said.’
Huh. ‘What’s the job?’
Hopper puffed out a trail of smoke. ‘It’s not much but I’ll pay you fair. More than you’re making now,’ a wink. ‘Why don’t you stay the night, couch is a little lumpy but in a good way. I’ll take you in the morning.’ Before Eddie could protest, Hopper held up a hand: ‘Again, I insist.’
***
Hopper had a lot of nerve to call the trailer condemned.
The cabin they were standing in front of was yes, maybe technically in better physical shape than the trailer. But Hopper talking about the trailer’s broken windows and walls was rich when this is what he was offering up.
‘You want me to fix this up? I’m not a handyman, in case you couldn’t tell. And if I was, don’t you think I’d be using my mighty talents to fix up my actual home?’
Hopper side-eyed him. ‘With what money?’
Fucking touché.
‘It’s better than it looks, come on,’ Hopper leading Eddie up the house.
Again, thought Eddie, Hopper might have been overstating. The broken window at the front, a giant hole in the ceiling, part of the back wall collapsed. One of the bedrooms seemed okay at first, until it was clear that some animal had made itself at home in the back corner under the bed, leaving something very smelly behind.
‘Ugh,’ Hopper reared back, getting a whiff.
‘I definitely smelled better than that,’ Eddie said.
‘Barely,’ Hopper replied, shutting the door back up. ‘This place has been through a lot, you’re right. Destroyed by that thing… what did the kids call it? The Mind… Thing?’
‘A crazy ass monster, I get it.’
‘Yeah, well, I didn’t have a chance to really take care of all this, being in a Russian prison and all. It was going to be my summer project, but between everything, it’s got away from me.’
‘And you want me to… what, exactly?’
‘Fix it up, you know, the basics.’
‘What basics?’ Eddie could hammer a nail into a wall relatively straight most of the time, but beyond that, physical labor wasn’t one of his top skills. He remembered slamming the hammer into his fingers more than a few times when he and Dustin were fortifying the trailer in the Upside Down.
‘Patch the ceiling, the wall, new window… I’ll pay you extra if you can get the smell out of that room. You know, just get it back to livable. El and I used to stay here, before. It’s not a bad place. Been in the family a long time.’
Eddie couldn’t think of anything he owned that had been in his family a long time. Maybe a history of inevitably screwing up and that silver ring of his mom’s he wore sometimes, but that’s it.
‘I can maybe rehang that picture for you, if you don’t expect perfection, but the rest… no go, man. You need a professional to do this shit.’
‘Minimum wage job would get you what, $2 an hour? Regular 40 per week, after taxes, would get you what, $50 a week? I’ll match that.’
Eddie’s jaw dropped a little. ‘$50 a week to… do an impossible task that I am in no way qualified for? You know, I don’t need a pretense, you can just give me the money.’
‘I’m not a charity, Eddie. You put in the work, take your time to do it right. Mickey at the hardware store can answer any questions you have, I already have a tab set up there, you can grab whatever you need, and tools are in the shed out back. Plus, you can stay in the spare room, it’s got to be better than the trailer.’
‘I mean, the smell is kind of similar.’
‘Not that room,’ Hopper led him to another room, smaller, brighter, at the front of the cabin by the bathroom. It didn’t fit more than a twin mattress and a small chest of drawers. ‘The big one was El’s, I usually crashed here. Never needed an alarm clock, couldn’t find curtains thick enough to keep out the sun in here.’
It was in better shape than the rest of the house. Bed was dusty but still made up. A pair of boots and a magazine under the bed, some newspaper articles, maps, reminders tacked onto the dark wood walls.
$50 a week and a clean place to stay. Eddie knew he wouldn’t be getting a better offer anytime soon. But still…
‘I’m not shitting you, man. I wouldn’t know where to start, it wouldn’t be fair…’
‘You start where you start and you go from there, Eddie. Every journey starts with one step, or whatever they say, right? And if you need help, I’m here.’ That last statement seemed to carry more weight, as Hopper laid a heavy hand on Eddie’s shoulder as he said it. He was already so close to agreeing, and with that…
A deep sigh. ‘Okay.’
Chapter 4: Always Nice To Have Visitors
Summary:
Steve smiled at Eddie, who smiled back brightly. Steve’s stomach somersaulted at the sight. He’d gone from wanting to punch Eddie, to holding him while he cried, to now smiling at each other like lunatics. What a fucking day. Steve shook his head and jingled the keys he pulled out of his pocket. ‘Shall we?’
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve wasn’t sure what weird quirk of the universe led to this coincidence, not registering the drive to the diner, or Dustin chattering animatedly – the happiest Steve had seen him in so long – in the passenger seat. He viewed Dustin and Eddie’s reunion at the diner through a fog, eyes boring into Eddie’s every movement, how his mouth smiled when he talked but turned down otherwise, how his formerly animated hands clenched when not in use. Steve heard Dustin talking to him and played along but he was only half there.
Was this all it took? Should he have cornered Eddie in that trailer a few days ago and forced him to a diner for a burger? Not by the way his jaw tightened, and panic entered his eyes at the idea of going to the movies with Dustin.
‘…Movie starts soon, we got to go,’ Steve heard himself say, pulling Dustin away from Eddie. But the boy wouldn’t leave Eddie’s side. It seemed like only Steve could see that Eddie was a ticking time bomb; he wasn’t sure what would happen if he exploded. And then they were moving out the door, Dustin bouncing on his feet.
It took Steve a second to register Eddie’s promise to call, and fucking hell. If that call didn’t come… for all the jokes Steve made, he prided himself on being a great babysitter, and just generally a great friend, a good guy, a decent fucking human. And he’d be damned if he could see someone about to get hurt and not stop it; especially Dustin, and especially if that hurt was caused by Eddie. Again.
That protective rage caused Steve to turn back, taking those quick steps, that repressed urge to kick Eddie’s ass and wake him, scream at him returned; but he restrained himself to an angry whisper: ‘Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.’
***
It gnawed at Steve all day, all night, into the next day… he couldn’t concentrate on the movie, at dinner with his parents, at work. After shelving the returns a little too aggressively and barely grunting out a hello to Robin as she started her shift and a quick goodbye as he balled up his vest on the way to the car, he’d decided. He needed to figure out this Eddie situation. Ass-kicking long overdue.
With a determination that had eluded him on his last visit, Steve strode up to Eddie’s window and banged hard three times: ‘Munson! Get your ass out here!’
No response.
Three more, with a little more force: ‘I know you’re in there, Munson! Come out and face me!’
He heard a snort and Eddie’s face popped up, eyeing Steve thru a gap in the boards. ‘Come out and face you? Are you challenging me to a duel, Harrington?’
‘Get your ass out here, Eddie,’ Steve sighed, forcing himself to swallow back a retort and banging on the window one last time in frustration before heading to the front door.
‘Always nice to have visitors,’ Eddie drawled, opening up the door, arms overhead, hanging off the doorframe, ‘but the maid hasn’t come by yet today and the state of this place…’
‘Yeah, I’ve seen it, we’re not talking in there. Outside.’ Steve stepped back and turned away, forcing Eddie to follow, barely catching Eddie’s confusion register in his drawn eyebrows.
The confusion took the wind out of Eddie’s sails, it seemed, as he took a few steps closer to Steve, lighting up a cigarette and leaning on the hood of Steve’s car. ‘You’ve seen, huh? And when was that exactly?’ he asked quietly, not making eye contact, focusing his attention on a spot on the ground in front of him, flicking the end of his cigarette rhythmically.
‘A few days ago,’ Steve started, Eddie’s head snapping up and finally meeting his eyes, ‘I saw… I thought I saw you… somewhere, so I wanted to come check on you. Sue me!’
‘You saw me somewhere…’ Eddie repeated slowly, ‘…and you wanted to check on me.’ The way he ended the sentence was somewhere between a question and a statement.
‘Is that a question, Eddie? Why wouldn’t we want to check on you? The last time we saw you, you were… fucking clutching at your chest, dying in a hospital bed! After we dragged your ass out of the Upside Down and signed our fucking lives away on the condition that you go free? I think we earned the right to check on you!’ Steve was firmly in his anger now, having stomped closer to Eddie during his rant, registering his own heavy breathing and closing his eyes quickly to calm himself.
Eddie didn’t say anything for a moment, looking down ashamedly as Steve composed himself. His voice was so small that Steve almost missed it: ‘We?’
‘What?!’ Steve asked, more forcefully than he intended. Eddie winced and looked back up at him.
‘You said we… was Henderson here? Did he see?’ Eddie asked, gesturing to the trailer with his cigarette.
‘What? Oh. No, no it was just me.’
‘Ah, the royal we,’ Eddie quirked his lip at Steve, taking another drag.
‘What the hell are you talking about, Munson? Royal who?’
Eddie let out a small chuckle. ‘Never mind.’ And softer under his breath, ‘King Steve.’
‘What the fuck are you doing, man? And what’d you do to your hair?’ Steve finally registered the new cut, shorter, shaggy around his face. His hair looked lighter, curlier than it had been when long.
‘Wow, I really can’t win with you guys!’ Eddie took a last pull of his cigarette, tossing the butt on the ground and grinding it out. ‘First, it’s ‘your hair looks like roadkill, Eddie’, now it’s ‘what’d you to do your hair, Eddie’, sheesh.’ Eddie let out a huff that Steve could tell was a little more serious than maybe he meant to show.
‘No, it’s – it’s nice. You look good.’
Eddie glanced up at Steve quickly, a curious look in his eyes, and Steve felt embarrassed all of a sudden, not sure why. He cleared his throat quickly and refocused his energy on why he’s here in the first place.
‘That’s not why I’m here, obviously! The question, Munson, is what – the – fuck – are – you – doing?’ Steve punctuated his question with what he hoped were threatening points of his finger and was a little disappointed when it seemed like guilt overtook Eddie, more than fear of a possible threat from Steve. ‘You know that I drove Dustin out here almost every day after we heard you got out? No answer any of the times we knocked and I… I had to stop bringing him. It was… he was too… just too fucking sad.’
‘So, Henderson was here?’ Eddie asked slowly.
‘I mean, he was out here, we just, like, knocked and tried to look inside. Looked empty and no answer so… we left.’
‘Oh. Yeah, I, um, I just relocated back here recently, you know. New digs weren’t quite up to the Munson standards.’
‘Eddie, if that’s above the Munson standard, the bar is in hell,’ Steve pointed to the trailer, eyes never leaving Eddie’s.
‘Hm,’ Eddie started to grin, ‘what time’s happy hour?’
This fucker.
‘Oh my god!’ Steve grabbed his hair in frustration. ‘Trying to have a real conversation with you is like…trying to get Dustin to admit he’s wrong.’ Steve sighed angrily. ‘Fucking impossible.’ Steve’s shocked eyes met Eddie’s as the other boy finished the sentence with him. Steve’s stomach jolted slightly, the reminder of what he and Eddie shared in Dustin; what they’d shared fighting Vecna.
Eddie smiled softly, eyes filled with a gentleness Steve hadn’t seen before.
‘Man, I love that kid,’ Eddie whispered, the gentleness finding its way to his voice.
Steve sighed. ‘Me, too, man. That’s why… how can you do this to him?’
‘What exactly am I doing, Harrington?’
‘You’re breaking his heart, Eddie,’ Steve didn’t mean for his voice to crack at that. ‘Every day we came to that hospital and got turned away, every time he was yelled out of that shitty half prison, he just… he keeps getting sadder and sadder. Every time. But he puts on a happy face, and he tries. Again, and again. I mean, it’s Dustin. You know what he’s like.’
Eddie nodded shortly, his arms now wrapped tightly around him, his fingers worrying the edge of his t-shirt, eyes back on the ground.
‘And then I see you, fucking sauntering out of a gas station, all ‘la di da’, not a care in the world! When you’d been out for weeks?’ Steve’s head started shaking, side to side, his disbelief and disgust leaking out with each movement. ‘And I could see it in your eyes yesterday, that fake promise to call him. You don’t want to call him, do you, Eddie? So, what do you want, huh? You want us to leave you to rot in this shithole? Just forget about you? After we dragged your practically dead ass back here after killing a fucking magical mind monster? Is that what we should be doing, Eddie?’
Eddie had gone still and silent, barely breathing. Steve realized he could notice this because he had gotten very close to Eddie during his rant, now looming over him, Eddie hunched over, leaning back against the car hood. Steve’s breath was coming fast, and his nerves were on edge, so it took him another moment to notice the tears gathering in the corners of Eddie’s eyes. Eddie sniffed slightly, so gently that if Steve had been standing even a foot away, he wouldn’t have heard it.
Jesus. He really was an asshole.
‘Hey, man, I didn’t mean –’
‘You’re right.’ Eddie whispered it almost into Steve’s chest, his head still low, Steve still close. ‘I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.’
And with that, a few tears escaped. Eddie looked up at Steve, his big brown eyes glistening, tears streaking slowly down his face. His nose had turned slightly red, lips quivering, short brown curls framing his face, which crumpled completely only a moment later. Eddie snapped his head back down so Steve could no longer see.
The sight was so jarring from everything Steve knew about Eddie (thought he knew about Eddie), that all his anger disappeared almost instantly. Eddie, who’d attacked Steve that first time, in the boathouse, when he’d felt threatened; who’d decided to walk into the Upside Down again after a first narrow escape; who’d gotten Dustin through the portal to safety and then turned around to fight, knowing how hopeless it would have been. Eddie, who’d fought for his life in that hospital, and again in that prison, and again in that courtroom.
‘Oh, Eddie,’ Steve whispered, wrapping his arm around Eddie’s back and pulling him into his chest; it was barely a change from their existing position but that small movement broke whatever dam Eddie had had up in him. Steve could feel Eddie’s tears soaking through his shirt, his sobs still silent, knowable only by the small tremor in his shoulders. Steve rubbed a hand up and down Eddie’s back, feeling his ribs and spine with each motion.
Steve couldn’t tell if it had been one minute or five when he felt Eddie pull away, his hands that had come up to rest gently on Steve’s middle now pushing him away.
‘Fuck, man,’ Eddie breathed out, lifting his head to the sky and wiping under his eyes. No rings, Steve noticed. No long hair. No smirk. Was this even Eddie Munson? ‘This keeps happening.’
‘What?’
‘This,’ Eddie gestured to his face, fingers waggling around his eyes. ‘Bawling like a baby. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,’ he grimaced.
‘Nothing, Eddie, nothing’s wrong with you. I’m an asshole, coming here, yelling at you. I’m sorry, man.’
‘No, Harrington. This is 100% is not your fault. I’m… fuck, I am sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I couldn’t think. About Dustin. Or you. Or like, anything else, really.’
‘I believe it.’
‘After –,’ Eddie’s voice broke, he took a breath and tried again. ‘I thought I was dead.’ Eddie glanced up, catching Steve’s eye.
‘So did we.’
‘Yeah, I remember. You said that to me, back in the hospital.’
‘Did I?’
‘Yeah. Not like it was a surprise, right? Eddie the Delusional, thinking he would defeat a hoard of vicious bat monsters and save the day. Shocking, I didn’t have the upper hand there.’
Steve huffed out a reluctant laugh, leaning back against the car next to Eddie. ‘If you were delusional, then we all were. We marched through a portal to defeat, like, a psychic, unkillable monster with a sawed-off shotgun and a Molotov cocktail.’
Eddie laughed, ‘The balls on us.’
‘Seriously.’
‘But you did it, though.’
Yeah.
‘Yeah, we did.’
They both fell silent, Steve assuming Eddie was thinking back to that day, those moments, just like he was.
‘It felt like a nightmare in there,’ Eddie’s voice was small. ‘A nightmare where I died. It felt so real. Hah, probably because it was real,’ Eddie looked up to the sky again, seeming to blink back more tears. ‘I was ready, you know.’ He looked over at Steve, certainty in his eyes. ‘I made the choice. The one we agreed to. You know the one.’
‘I know.’
It had gone unsaid, both because Steve knew it didn’t need to be and because he knew he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he’d said it out loud, if he’d asked Eddie the impossible: that if it came down to it, Eddie would save Dustin. Whatever it took.
And it had come down to it.
And it had taken everything.
‘I don’t blame you, if that’s what you’re thinking,’ Eddie said, nudging Steve’s shoulder with his own. ‘I would have done that, with or without you.’
‘I know.’
‘But to do that and then wake up… here.’ An angry laugh. ‘Here, in Hawkins, Indiana. Wanted, for three murders.’ Eddie’s leg started to twitch, bouncing up and down, vibrating into Steve, hand tapping in an off-beat rhythm on this thigh. ‘I went from one nightmare to another. At least, in that other one, that was my choice,’ a proud glance over at Steve. Eddie started shaking his head, the pride fading. ‘Here… I don’t know how to be here. Not anymore.’
What was he saying? ‘What are you saying?’ Steve asked.
‘I’m not suicidal, Harrington,’ a wry smile, ‘you don’t have to look so freaked. I’m saying, I’m figuring it out. And not doing so hot at it, if your angry tirade is anything to go by.’
‘I didn’t –’
‘You did,’ Eddie reached over and patted Steve’s knee, his own still bouncing. ‘It’s cool. You’re a really good friend. To Dustin.’ He scoffed, smiling, ‘Steve Harrington: cool guy, good friend, all around American hero. Who’d have thunk?’
‘Well, I mean… hopefully, my friends. And now you.’
‘And now, me.’ Eddie’s smiling again, some of the brightness returned to his eyes. ‘But you’ve got to help me out here, Harrington.’
Steve returned the smile. ‘How can I help you, Eddie?’
Eddie’s smile cracked a bit. ‘You’ve got to help me… be me. The old me.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘I saw it yesterday, with Dustin. God, that kid has got a ton of energy,’ (don’t I know it, Steve thought), ‘but the way he was looking at me? Like I’m supposed to be happy Eddie Munson, who eats burgers and goes to movies, and calls him to chat on the phone? I can’t, man. I just… I can’t.’
‘Yeah, that… I, um, I understand.’
‘But you said it yourself, I’m breaking his heart and I can’t…’ Eddie paused, fingers now tapping a rhythm that Steve recognized by couldn’t place. ‘I remember his face, you know? He was holding me, and I thought I was gone, and he looked so fucking sad. I can’t keep doing that to him. You’re right. But I don’t know how to not do that, not right now.’ Eddie sounded genuinely frustrated, that he hadn’t figured out how to fix it. A soft sigh. ‘How am I supposed to be around him, when I can barely be around myself?’
Steve stared at Eddie as he was talking, Eddie’s knee still going, thumbs running over his knuckles, his tongue coming out to run over his upper lip, his eyes unfocused in front of him. He tried putting himself into Eddie’s shoes; and just thinking that stopped him cold. He’d been so selfish. They’d all been so selfish. Wondering where Eddie was, why they couldn’t find him. He’d been here this whole time: trying to put himself back together again. Steve’s heart twisted at the thought.
Eddie didn’t need a kick in the ass. He didn’t need a celebration and to be called a hero. He needed some space. Time and space, to find a way back to himself.
Steve reached out a hand, reassuringly squeezing Eddie’s shoulder.
‘Yeah, man. Whatever you need…’
Eddie’s eyes lit up; his brows creased; Steve could feel the gratitude radiating off him. Unfortunately, Steve knew he was about to pop that balloon.
‘… but you’ve got to talk to Dustin first.’
The light in Eddie didn’t dim as much as Steve had thought. Instead, Eddie nodded, a gentle smile on his face.
‘I know.’
‘If only so he can tease you about your haircut.’
‘Hey, you said I looked good!’ Eddie smirked at Steve.
‘I don’t think I said that,’ Steve replied, feeling an unwanted blush starting to spread. He shook his head to break it before it formed.
‘Oh, you did, Harrington,’ Eddie pushed himself off the car, turning around to face Steve. ‘I’ll never forget it. Have it up here,’ he tapped his forehead, ‘locked up tight forever.’ His short curls bounced around at the motion, framing his eyes.
‘May it keep you warm on a lonely night. Come on, let’s go.’
‘Go where?’
‘Dustin’s. It’s…’ Steve glanced at his watch, ‘Yeah, we might be able to catch him.’
‘For what?’
‘We’re going to go for a nice family dinner,’ Steve smiled. ‘Get some meat on your bones.’
‘Oh, you’d like that?’ Eddie asked with a twinkle.
‘Keep it in your pants, Munson, I’m trying to keep you alive. As usual.’
Eddie barked a quick laugh, then an unnamed emotion entered to his face, drawing his brows together. ‘Thanks for that, by the way. Don’t know if I said.’
‘Don’t mention it.’ Steve smiled at Eddie, who smiled back brightly. Steve’s stomach somersaulted at the sight. He’d gone from wanting to punch Eddie, to holding him while he cried, to now smiling at each other like lunatics. What a fucking day. Steve shook his head and jingled the keys he pulled out of his pocket. ‘Shall we?’
***
They caught Dustin just in time. But Eddie wasn’t able to escape Mrs. Henderson as quickly.
‘Oh, you poor boy,’ she cooed, pinching Eddie’s cheeks. ‘Look what they did to you! Oh, those dark circles!’
‘Mom!’ Dustin hissed. ‘Be cool.’
‘I knew you weren’t guilty,’ she continued, hands now massaging the red spots on Eddie’s cheeks from her pinch. (‘Did you?’ Steve heard Dustin sass under his breath). ‘My Dusty is such a good judge of character,’ (Steve thought back to Dart and held back a snort), ‘I knew, if he believed in you, so should I.’
‘Thanks, Mrs. Henderson,’ Eddie managed to grind out through clenched teeth, seemingly in pain whether from the conversation or her continued ministrations. ‘That means a lot.’
‘I have an extra frozen hot dish in the freezer, let me give it to you!’ She started towards the kitchen, but Eddie, Dustin, and Steve all moved quickly to stop her.
‘Oh, I couldn’t –,’ ‘Mom, geez!’, ‘There’s no need, Mrs. Henderson,’ Steve somehow broke through the chaos. ‘We’re taking him out for a nice burger and fries, isn’t that right, Eddie?’
‘Oh, yes, yeah, I’ve got a huge craving.’ Eddie mimed rubbing his stomach like he was playing a game of charades.
‘Huge craving,’ Dustin echoed.
‘But it’s already made, it’ll take one second –,’ she continued, Steve realizing where Dustin got his determination from.
‘There’s really no need, Mrs. Henderson,’ Eddie repeated Steve’s plea. ‘My new place doesn’t have an oven, so I really wouldn’t have anywhere to cook it.’
Steve’s brow quirked at this. New place?
‘Oh, well, that’s just…’ Mrs. Henderson finally paused. ‘Oh, well, that just means you have to come over for dinner some night. Or we can have it tonight? I can heat up the oven!’
Again, all three boys voiced their protests and lurched forward to stop her.
A few minutes later, and they’d finally extricated themselves, heading the same diner that had hosted their reunion the day before, Eddie silently and determinedly leading them back to the same large corner booth that he’d sat in with Hopper and his family.
‘You’re a doll,’ Eddie winked at the waitress as she passed around menus. He still hadn’t really made eye contact with either Steve or Dustin since they’d sat down, a nervous energy radiating off him, his eyes roaming the menu. Steve caught a glance from Dustin, their quirked eyebrows matching.
‘So, um, what’ll you have, Eddie?’ Dustin broke the silence.
‘Oh, um…’ Eddie started, Steve clocked him quickly feeling at his side, a reluctant look on his face. Steve jumped in quickly, guessing what the problem was: ‘My treat, remember?’
‘Oh, shit, Harrington, you don’t have to do that,’ Eddie sent him a sharp, apologetic look.
‘Yeah, Steve, I thought you weren’t made of money?’ Dustin teased, echoing his words from yesterday.
‘Well, this is a special occasion, right boys?’ Steve smiled at them. ‘Eddie’s welcome home dinner! He can’t pay at his own welcome home dinner!’ Maybe he was trying too hard? Eddie seemed to be wrestling with himself, then caught sight of something the waitress was carrying to another table, his eyes going wide.
‘I guess you’re right, Harrington,’ Eddie said with a crooked grin. ‘In that case… waitress!’ Eddie motioned the waitress over: ‘I’ll start with the waffles, extra butter, extra syrup. Can I get that with a side of bacon? Then I’ll do the double cheeseburger, double order of fries, chocolate shake. Do you guys have apple pie? A slice of whatever pie you’ve got, ice cream on the side. Oh, and maybe…. Yeah, let’s also do an order of onion rings. For the table.’ Eddie winked up at her.
‘Hah!’ Dustin snorted at Eddie’s order, looking at the waitress. ‘I’ll have what he’s having.’
‘No, you won’t!’ Steve jumped in. ‘This one and I’ll just have two cheeseburgers, fries, cokes. Thanks so much,’ Steve smiled apologetically at the waitress as she finished scribbling out their order. ‘It’s not your welcome home dinner,’ Steve mumbled at Dustin, who only flashed him a big smile and a wink.
Dustin quickly focused his attention back on Eddie, seemingly not knowing where to start. ‘It’s so great to see you, Eddie.’
‘Yeah, Henderson,’ Eddie smiled gently, ‘you, too.’
‘What have you been up to? How are you feeling? How was your doctor’s appointment?’
‘Ah, you know, just trying to take it easy this summer, you know how it is. Save the world, I’ve earned a break, right?’
‘Yeah, yeah, of course, right,’ Dustin beamed, nodding at Eddie, Steve wasn’t sure if Dustin was even registering what Eddie was saying, he seemed so thrilled to just be in Eddie’s presence. ‘It’s so great to see you, Eddie.’
‘You said that already, Henderson,’ Steve added, but Dustin didn’t register it.
‘You wanna join our new campaign? Gareth and Jeff joined us for our last one, but it wasn’t the same without you. Will’s the DM, but we could definitely use you, whenever you want to join, just say the word. It’s a cool campaign, nothing as cool as the curse of Vecna but –,’ Dustin’s flow halted with a sharp swallow. ‘Sorry, Eddie, I didn’t mean –’
‘No worries, Henderson,’ Eddie smiled reassuringly, ‘it’s not a swear word, right?’
Dustin glanced worriedly at Steve, before looking back to Eddie. ‘Yeah, but I thought maybe… you didn’t want the reminder?’
Eddie huffed a small laugh. ‘Oh, Henderson. I’m a walking reminder, so don’t worry that gorgeous big brain about that, okay? Besides, we actually kicked Vecna’s ass so, there goes his curse, right?’ Eddie smiled big, trying to reassure Dustin.
‘Right!’ Dustin’s smile slowly returned. ‘Crit hit from Steve, with an assist from Eddie the Banished.’
‘Why don’t I get a cool nickname?’ Steve interjected. They both stared at him. He continued, trying to explain himself, not knowing if they got what he was asking (they did): ‘Like Eddie the Banished. I’m just Steve? I could be Steve the… you know, something cool.’
‘Steve the Something sounds about right,’ Dustin said, as Eddie snorted.
‘We’ll keep an eye out for a good one, okay Harrington?’ Eddie puffed out at the end of his laugh, moving aside to let the waitress start filling up their table with Eddie’s many plates. He immediately descended, drowning his waffles (and bacon) with syrup (gross, Steve thought).
‘So, you want to join the campaign?’ Dustin asked Eddie. ‘We’re going to meet at Mike’s on Saturday!’
Steve noticed Eddie’s slight pause in his pour, a trickle of syrup making its way down his wrist at the stutter in his movements. Eddie leaned forward, licking the syrup of his wrist, eyes darting up to meet Steve’s. Steve wasn’t sure to make of it, curious eyes looking at Eddie’s tongue on his wrist, before noting the helpless look in the other boy’s eyes. Oh, right. Help. To be his old self. Steve’s distraction and confusion were taking a little too long, he couldn’t form a good excuse to get Eddie out of it. He was about to jump in with a question about Nancy (taking one for the team), when Eddie apparently tired of Steve’s confusion and jumped in himself.
‘I’d really love to, Henderson, but I’ve got big plans this week. Catching up on some homework.’ Eddie didn’t seem to anticipate the dropped jaws this statement would cause in Dustin and Steve, because he returned his attentions to his plates, starting to pour ketchup on his fries.
‘Eddie, are you saying you’d rather do homework than play DnD?’ Steve asked slowly. Even Steve would have come up with a better bullshit excuse than that, if Eddie had just given him another few seconds.
Eddie looked back up at Steve’s question, stuffing an onion ring in his mouth before answering. ‘I’m not doing this for fun, Harrington. This is the definitive homework assignment, the pinnacle at the top of the mountain that is Eddie Munson’s scholastic journey, the homework of all homeworks,’ Eddie paused for dramatic effect. ‘Graduation homework.’
Steve saw Dustin’s eyebrow quirk and could only respond: ‘What the fuck is graduation homework?’
‘That, my dear friend Steve, is homework that, if completed to the Roane County School District and Ms. O’Donnell’s satisfaction will result in the ultimate W, as I’ll be crowned Eddie Munson, high school graduate, class of 1986,’ he finished with a flourish, taking a big bite of his burger.
‘Holy shit, Eddie, that’s awesome!’ Dustin exclaimed.
‘Hell yeah, man,’ Steve agreed, shaking his head slightly. ‘Congrats.’
‘Like I told you, Henderson. 86 is going to be my year,’ Eddie winked. ‘No matter what,’ he continued, a little more softly. ‘I survived death, prison, and soon, my biggest challenge: geometry.’
‘Geometry?’ Dustin scoffed, coughing slightly as he swallowed his mouthful of fries. ‘That’s what you need to pass? Geometry?’
‘You don’t have to say it like that,’ Eddie mumbled into a forkful of waffle.
Dustin couldn’t let it go: ‘So you were fine with algebra and all that fast math when we play but… geometry?’
‘My brain doesn’t like it, okay! I’ve tried,’ Eddie looked annoyed, with himself more than with Dustin. ‘It’s been my own personal curse. Now, I have to finish some assignments and take the finals I missed, but if I pass – then I’m good. At least… at least, a bit closer to good.’
Dustin was regarding Eddie seriously, nodding in thought. ‘Cool. I’ll tutor you.’
‘What?’ Eddie’s voice pitched up as he turned to Dustin, shocked.
‘You need to pass geometry, I can tutor you,’ Dustin shrugged.
‘I’m not sure how I feel having a freshman tutor me.’
‘Rising sophomore, if you please,’ Dustin pointed to himself. ‘And frankly, I’m not sure how I feel having to tutor a 20-year-old in a subject I tested out of, but here we are.’
Steve giggled as Eddie replied quietly: ‘Touché.’
‘When’s the test?’ Dustin continued.
‘Next week. Friday?’
‘Well, you should figure that out but great. We’ll study, it’s a date. A study date!’ Dustin smiled, a hint of reassuring condescension in his tone. ‘You’ll pass geometry, and your other tests, and then – we campaign!’
Like a dog with a bone, Steve thought. ‘Hey, maybe cool it with the board game stuff for a while, Dustin? Maybe Eddie’s got other stuff to do?’
‘It’s not a board game, you know that, Steve. And what could be more important?’
‘I got a job,’ Eddie chimed in.
‘Really?’ both Dustin and Steve asked, surprised.
‘Yeah, I’m helping Hopper fix up this busted old cabin he has.’
‘The Mind Flayer cabin?’ Dustin asked.
‘If that’s what you were calling whatever ripped off the roof, then yes. Hopper’s… helping me out,’ he was talking slowly, eyes focused on his food. Steve wasn’t sure why he would have been ashamed of this particular revelation. ‘He’s going to let me crash there while I fix it up.’
‘Where are you staying now?’
Dustin’s innocent, natural question caused Eddie’s eyes to bulge. Steve remembered how nervous he’d been of Dustin finding out he was squatting in his older trailer. And when Steve remembered how it had looked when he’d been inside, the sticky heat, whatever that smell was, rustles from the unnamed vermin crawling around… he shuddered at the memory. But despite Eddie’s reluctance, Steve thought Dustin would have understood. Even if it would have been a spotlight on just how bad things had been for Eddie; and maybe that would have broken Dustin’s heart a little bit more.
‘Couch surfing, isn’t that what you said, Eddie?’ Steve jumped in, hoping to help.
‘Yup, couch surfing, just making the rounds,’ Eddie picked up.
‘Oh, cool,’ Dustin nodded. ‘Whose couch?’
Again, Eddie looked like he was flailing, like it was impossible to come up with a single credible name.
‘Mine,’ Steve heard himself say, both Dustin and Eddie’s eyes landing on him in shock. ‘He’s going to stay with me for a while. Right, Munson?’
It took Eddie a minute to catch up with Steve’s offer.
‘Yup, right. I’m crashing with Harrington for a few days.’
‘That’s so awesome!’ Dustin started bouncing up and down in his seat. ‘Can I sleepover, too?’
Eddie’s panicked eyes met Steve’s, who just reached over and slapped Dustin on the back of the head. ‘You need to chill out, I’m serious. Finish your burger.’
And even though Dustin didn’t look like he wanted to, he returned his attention to his burger, continuing to bounce away, smiling up at Eddie and Steve. Steve couldn’t help but smile and shake his head in affection, returning to his own burger, missing the grateful glance Eddie threw his way.
Chapter 5: Hurts So Good
Summary:
Steve combed a hand through his hair, shining and voluminous, recently styled. The motion tightened his dark button-down shirt across his chest; his hand circled his hip and one finger snaked through a belt loop on his jeans, drawing Eddie’s gaze from Steve’s wide shoulders to his narrow hips. Eddie felt blood rushing to his face and a tightening in his pants, as he quickly looked away, bringing a fist up to his face to catch a fake cough.
Shit.
Chapter Text
EDDIE
Eddie couldn’t tell if the roiling in his gut was from the insane amount of food he’d scarfed down at the diner, or from the nerves at the idea of staying over at Steve’s house.
It had taken him all of thirty seconds to grab the few bags with his belongings while Steve waited outside the trailer. It had taken Eddie another few minutes, standing at the door of his room, taking it in one last time, saying goodbye. He’d went from hiding here, scavenging like a rat, to now – a job from Hopper, tutoring from Dustin, a place to stay from Steve. How much could change in a few days.
How much could even change in a few seconds, Eddie thought bitterly, flashing back to Chrissy’s sightless body floating above the dingy living room carpet as he stared at the spot where it happened one last time.
It felt like it happened years ago. It felt like it was still happening.
With a final double tap knock on the kitchen counter, and a whispered, ‘good riddance,’ Eddie finally left the trailer for good.
It was almost comical how completely different the house was that Steve drove to was from the decrepit trailer they’d just left.
‘So, this is King Steve’s castle,’ Eddie whistled, stepping out of the truck after parking next to Steve in a large driveway.
‘Cool it with the King thing, please,’ Steve shook his head, giving him a sardonic look over the roof of his car.
‘Hey, you’re the one who wanted a cool nickname,’ Eddie smirked at him.
‘That’s not a nickname, that’s a judgement.’
‘Isn’t that what nicknames are?’
‘Okay, sure,’ Steve nodded, motioning for Eddie to follow him to the front door. ‘But maybe as thanks for this huge kindness I’m doing, we can veto that one.’
‘Whatever you ask, my liege,’ Eddie replied with a shallow bow, earning an eye roll from Steve.
Steve paused halfway through unlocking the double front doors, turning back to Eddie. ‘Let me do the talking in there, yeah? Just hang back, maybe.’
‘Not so eager to bring an accused murderer home to meet mom and dad?’
‘Wrongfully accused, and… yes.’
‘Lead the way,’ Eddie flourished a hand at the lock, then mimed locking his lips shut. He understood what Steve was saying and was grateful he was going to these lengths for Eddie, but still; it hurt.
Upon entering the large marble foyer (a word Eddie had only read about so far but never experienced), they heard muffled sounds of a TV playing from another room, lights off except for a couple that were on in the back of the house in what looked like a kitchen. The air was chilly, the air conditioning going full blast. There was a scent in the air that just smelled clean: lemon, soap, perfume, pine, vanilla. Eddie took a deep breath without thinking.
‘Stevie, is that you?’ a woman’s voice called out from the room with the TV sounds.
‘Stevie?’ Eddie mouthed at Steve, eyebrows raising.
‘Shut it,’ Steve mouthed back. ‘Yeah, mom, it’s me!’ he replied in a louder voice. He jerked his head for Eddie to follow him.
The room was tall and open, floor-to-ceiling built-ins covering one wall, and stuffed with what looked like leather-bound books, wood trinkets, photo frames. A large TV sat on massive wood cabinet on one side of the room was the only light source in the dark room. On a lush leather recliner, a meatier, darker, older version of Steve was asleep with his mouth open, while a slender woman with Steve’s thick brown hair and tan coloring rested almost weightlessly on a sleek white couch, her legs tucked under her, large glass of white wine in one hand, eyes focused on the TV screen in front of her.
Steve walked over and bent down, giving the woman a peck on the cheek; she leaned into it slightly, only glancing up at Steve quickly before returning her eyes to the screen.
‘How was your day, baby?’ she asked, not looking at Steve.
‘Fine, mom.’
‘Work was good?’
‘Yup, work was good.’ Steve was standing stiffly beside the couch, hands clasped behind him as if giving a report to a military officer.
‘Did you have a date tonight?’
‘Uh,’ Steve shot a quick glance at Eddie, ‘No, mom, I was out with some friends.’
‘Oh, that’s nice,’ she replied, taking a large sip of her wine, eyes fixed on what appeared to be an argument between two lovers on the screen.
‘Actually, mom, is it okay if my friend Ed… Edward stays over tonight?’
‘Edward?’ her attention pulled away slightly from the screen to look up at Steve. ‘Edward from baseball?’
‘Uh…’ Steve hesitated for a moment, so Eddie jumped in, against Steve’s direction: ‘Hi, Mrs. Harrington.’
The new voice caused her to fully turn her head to look at Eddie, eyeing him up and down. Eddie realized that this scrutiny is what Steve was trying to avoid, and he stiffened. But he shouldn’t have worried. In the dark room, his formerly recognizable long hair now cropped, tattoos covered with his ratty denim jacket, face mostly in shadows – it would have taken even his good friends more than a passing glance to recognize him as the infamous Eddie Munson.
‘Oh, hello, Edward,’ Mrs. Harrington started, before a shift in music pulled her attention back to the screen. ‘Of course, you’re welcome to stay. Steve, you know where the guest things are?’
‘Yes, mom.’
‘Edward, you can use the phone in the study if you need to call your parents. And Anita went to the store today if you boys want to make yourselves a snack.’
‘Thanks, mom,’ Steve leaned down to place another peck on her cheek in goodbye.
Steve and Eddie were almost out of the room, when Mrs. Harrington called out: ‘Steve!’ Eddie felt Steve jerk next to him before turning around, ‘Yes, mom?’
‘Don’t forget, you’re driving your father and me to the airport in the morning!’ she was fully turned around now, both hands around her wine glass, full focus on Steve. Beside him, Eddie realized he was back in the hallway lighting and tried to shrink into the shadows.
‘I didn’t forget, I have my alarm set,’ Steve replied quickly, stepping in front of Eddie.
‘Two weeks in Europe, can you believe it?’ she seemed to direct this to Eddie, who didn’t know how to reply to that.
‘Sounds great, Mrs. Harrington.’ That seemed to suffice, as she turned back to the screen.
‘Don’t stay up too late boys!’
‘Night, mom!’ Steve called out, shutting the door to the TV room behind him.
‘That went well,’ Steve exhaled to Eddie.
‘Edward?’ Eddie asked with an eyebrow raised.
‘Don’t start,’ Steve sighed again, leading them to the kitchen. It was large, white, clean, with wood accents, matching the rest of the house. Steve entered another room off the side, and it took Eddie a second to realize it was actually a walk-in pantry. His eyes bulged as he took in the sheer amount of food and supplies in here. Steve rummaged around, climbing onto a small step stool to look at an upper shelf.
‘What do you like? We’ve got chips, pretzels, cookies…we could make popcorn…’ Steve’s voice was muffled as he was sorting through items on the shelf.
‘Harrington, I could have sworn you were sitting across from me as I just housed enough food for a family of four. I’m not hungry!’
Steve paused his rummaging to look down at Eddie. ‘Really?’
‘Really!’
Steve maintained eye contact for a second, still paused on the step stool, not looking convinced. After a few more seconds, Eddie rolled his eyes. ‘Fine. Any Cool Ranch?’
Steve smirked, tossing down the bag of chips, along with a package of cookies and a can of root beer. ‘See, wasn’t so hard, was it, Munson? That’ll get that meat back on your bones,’ Steve winked, passing by Eddie, who cradled his junk food haul and followed Steve up a wide staircase to the second floor.
Steve stopped at a door to another large, clean, white room, gesturing for Eddie to enter. He did, dropping the food onto the neatly made-up bed. Standing in this room, Eddie in his scavenged clothes and choppy haircut felt so out of place; he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. Steve didn’t seem to notice, again asking Eddie to follow him, this time to a larger room at the end of the hall.
Eddie knew it as Steve’s instantly, from the dark navy bedspread, crumpled polo shirts and jeans on the floor, sports team and band posters on the wall, a collage of photos of Steve with Nancy, Dustin, Robin and some unfamiliar faces tacked above a messy desk, a smell in the air that Eddie realized was quintessentially Steve, a mix of some kind of soap or cologne or just him.
‘Here,’ Steve headed to a dresser in the corner, rummaging through it and tossing some clothes at Eddie. ‘You can sleep in these, don’t want to be dragging your bags through the house if we don’t have to.’
‘Don’t want to arouse suspicion,’ Eddie nodded quietly.
‘Something like that,’ Steve said, heading back out to the hallway, again squeezing by Eddie, who followed again.
‘Bathroom,’ Steve said gesturing at a door across from the guest room. ‘Towels should be in the cabinet in there, and toothpaste and stuff under the sink.’
Eddie realized he was still nodding, awkward, ‘Got it.’
‘You gonna be okay, Munson?’
‘Yeah, yes,’ Eddie’s head nods slowly turned to shakes, ‘yeah, no, I’m not sure. No, I don’t know.’
Steve smiled, ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Like, what if I run into your parents in the hallway and they recognize me? Are they going to run me out of here with pitchforks?’
‘Hah,’ Steve laughed gently. ‘No, my dad will barely be conscious when he stumbles upstairs, and it looks like mom’s having a white wine night, so you’ll be fine. Just relax, get some sleep. It’ll be fine.’
‘Okay,’ Eddie replied, still not convinced.
‘You heard her, they’re leaving in the morning, so you just have to, you know, stay out sight for tonight. Not a problem.’ Steve nodded at Eddie; eyebrows raised in reassurance. ‘I’ll see you in the morning. Cool?’
‘Cool.’
Steve reached out and patted Eddie’s shoulder, then turned around and strode back to his room, closing the door. Eddie stood awkwardly on the landing, holding his pile of borrowed clothes, before heading into the bathroom, taking a shower and getting ready for bed.
A long while later – snacks eaten, freshly showered, hair wet, in soft sweatpants and a well-worn t-shirt, under a large fluffy white duvet – Eddie found himself tossing and turning, unable to sleep. ‘Fuck,’ he whispered, crawling out from under the heavy covers, and padding out into the hall over to Steve’s bedroom door. He took a small breath and knocked quietly, whispering, ‘Harrington?’
Eddie heard a shuffle and a stumble, the door opening a crack to reveal a sliver of Steve, shirtless, his own hair wet and messy, in a pair of sweatpants, matching Eddie’s. His eyes were squinting, as if he’d been asleep. He reached up, long fingers rubbing his eyes. ‘Munson? You okay?’
‘Yeah, I’m okay, I was just…’ Eddie sighed, annoyed with himself, ‘I can’t sleep.’
‘Oh,’ Steve nodded, eyes still blinking slowly, confused.
‘Do you… do you have, like, a book or something I can borrow?’
‘A book?’
‘Yeah, I usually… I usually read before bed? Helps me, um… helps me sleep.’
‘Oh, right,’ Steve said, stepping back from his door, opening it wider to let Eddie inside. He walked over to small bookcase in the corner, gesturing for Eddie to take a look. ‘I don’t have a ton of options…’
‘That’s cool,’ Eddie said, hustling over and crouching down to get a better look. ‘It doesn’t really matter what it is as long as it… as long as it helps me dream of something other than a cloud of bats eating me alive.’
‘Oh,’ Eddie hears Steve whisper gently behind him, his eyes still scanning the spines. ‘Fuck.’
‘Yup,’ Eddie whispered curtly, unable to focus on the titles in front of him, not sure why he felt so embarrassed in this moment, something about revealing this vulnerability to a shirtless, rumpled Steve making him unable to concentrate. He reached out and blindly grabbed a stack of books off the shelf. ‘I’m sure one of these will be great. Thanks.’
Eddie hustled back to the door, eager to get back to his room. He could sense Steve following him to the door, close behind. He felt a hand reach out and grab him by his elbow. ‘You okay, Eddie? Do you want to, like, talk?’
‘Nah, thanks, man, this should be good,’ Eddie smiled a smile he wasn’t sure Steve could see in the dark. ‘Night.’
‘Night,’ Steve said softly, closing the door.
Eddie was making his way back to the guest room door when he saw the large double doors at the other end of the hallway open, a head sticking out halfway into the dark hallway. ‘Steve?’ Eddie heard Mrs. Harrington ask. Shit.
‘Uh, it’s me, Mrs. Harrington. Edward? I was just uh… just using the restroom.’
‘Oh, of course. To your left.’
‘Yeah…I mean, yes. Thanks, Mrs. Harrington.’
‘Good night, Edward,’ she replied, closing the door again.
‘Good night,’ Eddie replied, after she’d already gone.
***
Eddie awoke the next morning like a literal fairytale princess, the sun shining brightly through the curtains, the sound of birds chirping. He took a deep happy breath and stretched into the soft bedding surrounding him.
That softness was dissonant enough from his past few months of sleep that his eyes shot open, Eddie taking a second to remember where he was. Right. Steve’s guest room. The clock on the nightstand showed that it was a little after nine.
The house was quiet when Eddie stuck his head out into the hallway. It didn’t sound like anyone was home. ‘Steve?’ Eddie whisper hissed. ‘Harrington?’ he repeated a little more loudly when he got no answer.
Eddie had just wandered down to the kitchen and found a half full pot of coffee and some cereal boxes seemingly laid out for him on the counter when he heard the front door open.
‘Munson?’ Steve’s voice came echoing from the marble and tile entrance. Eddie poked his around the corner from the kitchen with a smile: ‘Morning, Harrington!’
‘Did you end up sleeping okay?’ Steve asked as he made his way straight to the coffee pot, pouring himself a large mug. ‘I mean, did the books help?’
‘Oh, yeah, like magic,’ Eddie replied. Eddie had settled on a clearly never-before-opened copy of The Outsiders, realizing a little too late that reading about Ponyboy’s attack and a brewing gang war wasn’t the best choice for his restless mind. He didn’t think Steve needed to know that.
‘I’ve got to change and head to work, but the place is yours, plenty of food, TV in the den, just, you know, don’t break anything or set anything on fire.’
‘Darn, there go all my plans for the day.’
Steve smirked at Eddie and finished his cup of coffee with a large gulp, which he promptly choked on and started coughing. Eddie was laughing, when he heard the doorbell ring and jumped.
‘Shit, did your parents forget something?’ Eddie asked.
‘My parents are on a plane,’ Steve replied, heading to the front door, Eddie following a few paces behind in case he needed to hide. If only he had.
‘Eddie!’ Dustin exclaimed, shoving past Steve and running down the hall to embrace Eddie.
‘Henderson!’ Eddie breathed out at the impact of Dustin’s hug.
‘And a hello to you, Steve,’ Steve was mumbling to himself, closing the door, when Will popped his head in with a smile.
‘Hi, Steve.’
‘Byers! What the hell are you doing here? Uh, I mean, nice to see you, come in,’ Steve said, pulling the boy inside. ‘But also,’ Steve directed this to Dustin, exasperated, ‘What the hell are you doing here?’
‘I’m here to tutor Eddie. Like we agreed,’ Dustin replied as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.
‘Okay…’ Steve replied slowly, now turning to Will. ‘And what are you doing here? No offense, Byers.’
Instead of letting Will answer, Dustin jumped in: ‘I was at Will’s to grab the campaign binder,’ at this, Will held up a small but heavy looking tote bag, ‘You know, for Eddie to review, just in case,’ he emphasized this last part at Steve’s rising annoyance, ‘but then Hopper said he had a message for Eddie, so I said we’d deliver it.’
‘Great,’ Steve nodded, eyebrows up in exasperation. ‘Well?’
‘Well, what?’ Dustin asked.
‘The message, dingus!’
‘Oh, right…’ Dustin started, nodding over at Will, apparently finally his time to speak. Will turned to Eddie: ‘Hopper says your Uncle Wayne is going to call on Wednesday, so you should come over for dinner and then you can talk to him.’
‘Oh. Cool.’ Eddie replied, brow creasing in confusion, a nervous flutter in his stomach. It had been almost a month since Wayne had left and Eddie hadn’t heard from him; Wayne had told Eddie that he’d be sending word through Jordie, but Eddie was reminded again about this connection between Wayne and Hopper. ‘Dinner sounds great.’
‘Also,’ Will continued. ‘Hopper said your tests are more important than the cabin, so finish that first. He said…,’ Will closed his eyes and tried to remember, ‘A long journey starts with a single step.’
Eddie blushed slightly at Hopper’s self-help mantra being repeated back to him, but he managed a small smile and quick nod. ‘Great.’
‘Okay, so you biked all this way to deliver a message?’ Steve asked Will.
‘Oh yeah, and Dustin said we could use your pool,’ Will replied, turning to Dustin, a question in his eyes. Dustin just smiled mischievously.
‘Nope! No way!’ Steve exclaimed.
‘Come on, it’s scorching outside today!’ Dustin replied, gesturing angrily to the sliding glass doors as if they were responsible for the heat outside.
‘No way, no pool without supervision! I have to go to work!’
‘We have Eddie!’ Dustin moved his angry gesturing to Eddie beside him.
‘You have Eddie to what?’ Steve replied, confused.
‘Eddie! To supervise!’
Eddie had been following their conversation, head darting back and forth, but now, as everyone’s eyes turned to him, questioning. What was the question?
‘Oh, right, I’m not sure I’m…’
‘See!’ Steve exclaimed in triumph. ‘Eddie doesn’t want to play babysitter today, okay? Why don’t you guys go to the community pool? I heard the new locker room is nice.’
‘Gross. Come on, Steve! It’s not like we’re five! Besides, Eddie survived Lover’s Lake, I’m sure he can handle all seven feet of your pool,’ said Dustin. Dog with a bone, thought Eddie.
‘It’s fine, Harrington, I can watch them,’ Eddie added in, causing Dustin to flash a giant triumphant smile at Steve, who was gaping helplessly from Dustin to Eddie.
‘Can I have a word with you please?’ Steve pointed a finger at Eddie, gesturing for him to follow to the kitchen.
‘Stay strong, Eddie!’ Dustin called after them.
‘Dude, I’m trying to help you here,’ Steve started in a whisper as soon as they’d turned the corner. ‘I thought you didn’t want to… you know, have to fake it in front of Dustin? And now you want to spend all day with him?’
Eddie’s stomach had started to turn in knots as Steve talked. He was right. But shit. If he couldn’t face this fear of his, if he couldn’t face Dustin, what hope did he have?
‘I appreciate you, Harrington,’ Eddie said, reaching out to squeeze Steve’s shoulder. ‘I’ll be okay, I’ll, um, hang with them for a few hours, get some of that sweet, sweet tutoring from Dustin, and then I’ll kick them out. No problem.’ Eddie tried to smile but the look on Steve’s face told him he wasn’t being totally convincing. Steve regarded him for a moment, then took a deep breath, and walked back out to the foyer, where Dustin and Will were waiting, Dustin bouncing on his heels, Will knotting the tote bag handles nervously.
‘No running by the pool,’ Steve started in a strong voice, finger pointing from Dustin to Will to Eddie, ‘No swimming 30 minutes after you eat, no jumping into the shallow end… which one of you knows CPR?’ Dustin, Will, and Eddie looked at each other blankly for a second, then they all raised their hands slowly. ‘Oh, right,’ Steve mumbled. ‘Um… and no breaking anything, no second floor, no stove, and just… just don’t die while I’m at work, please?’
‘Promise!’ Dustin said, running out to the backyard, Will following him.
‘I said no running by the – they can’t hear me,’ Steve had started to yell, giving up halfway.
‘It’ll be fine, Harrington. Go rent videos to the good people of Hawkins, we’ll survive without you.’ Eddie had meant for it to be a calming reassurance, but something scared and anxious flashed behind Steve’s eyes and was gone just as quickly.
***
It hadn’t been as bad as Eddie thought. He sat by the pool in a borrowed pair of shorts and a t-shirt, slowly working his way through half semester’s worth of pop quizzes and worksheets, while Dustin and Will splashed around, Dustin occasionally swimming over to surprise Eddie with some geometry ‘fun facts’ as he called them. (‘You have a twisted sense of fun, Henderson,’ Eddie deadpanned).
Eddie made sandwiches for lunch, dumbstruck at how stuffed the fridge was with almost every kind of pre-sliced cheese and deli meat, three kinds of bread, an overflowing vegetable drawer. He ate a whole tomato standing in front of the coolness of the open refrigerator, he couldn’t help it. He’d felt so domestic bringing out sandwiches, chips, and pop to the boys, as they ate their sandwiches leaning their elbows up on the side while still in the pool, Eddie cross-legged on the edge.
‘Remember, boys, no swimming for 30 minutes after you eat,’ Eddie said with a wink.
‘Definitely,’ Dustin nodded. ‘We’ll just float.’
‘Don’t you want to come in?’ Will asked Eddie. ‘It’s so hot out.’
Eddie took a second to compose himself, swallowing a bite of sandwich, before replying: ‘No, it’s not so bad.’ And it actually wasn’t, Eddie thought, closing his eyes to enjoy the breeze, lifting his face up to the sun, and taking a deep breath. ‘It’s nice.’
‘Did you get to go outside at all? When you were in jail?’ Will asked in a quiet voice, eyes on Eddie. Dustin stilled as well, turning his head to Eddie, failing to hide his blatant curiosity.
‘No. Not really.’
‘What was it like?’ asked Dustin.
‘It was…,’ Eddie hadn’t really allowed himself to think about it much. It had been bad enough being in there and willing himself to dissociate, to let his mind hide from the reality he’d been living in, to lessen the pain of it as much as he could. As bad as his physical situation had been, willingly and forcefully quieting his mind, his mind that had always hungered for words to read, stories to tell, songs to play – that had almost been worse. ‘…lonely.’
Eddie didn’t know how else to put it.
It took him a minute to pull himself back together, and he noticed how silent both boys were, big eyes trained on him. Dustin’s brows were drawn together in concern. Shit. Don’t break Dustin’s heart. That’s what he and Steve had agreed.
‘But hey, look at me, now, right?’ Eddie brightened himself instantly, turning on as big and charming of a smile as he could. ‘Living the life, poolside! And enjoying maybe the best sandwich I’ve ever made, if I do say so myself.’
The boys continued to stare at him.
‘Wouldn’t hurt if you guys could say it too?’ Eddie tried to tease them. They both smiled small smiles.
‘Yeah, it’s a great sandwich, Eddie,’ said Will softly.
‘Could have used more mustard,’ Dustin shrugged.
‘Oh, really? Could have used more mustard? You little –’ Eddie reached over and dunked Dustin’s head underwater as the boy struggled, Eddie releasing the pressure almost immediately. Dustin jumped up, sputtering.
‘Oh, that’s it, Munson!’ Dustin lunged up, grabbing hold of Eddie’s t-shirt and pulling back hard and fast, catapulting Eddie into the pool, his arms flailing.
The cold water hit him in a rush, filling up his nose and mouth. Eddie kicked his legs and emerged from the pool coughing, hands reaching up to clear his wet hair from his eyes.
‘Oh, you little shit. Well played.’ Eddie gasped out. Dustin and Will were laughing, full throated at the edge of the pool. Eddie slowly swam over to steps and made his way out, walking awkwardly, weighed down by the heavy wet clothes.
He reached for one of the towels hanging on the chair, and started to rustle his hair, drying it off when he heard a loud gasp. He stilled, dropping the towel, looking around frantically for what had happened.
He saw Dustin and Will staring at him, horrified.
Eddie looked down at himself and saw what they saw: his drenched clothes sticking to his bony frame, ribs visible, knees knobby. His wet white t-shirt had ridden up, and wet shorts hanging lower than before exposed a large section of his torso, the demobat and surgical scars clearly visible, dark red swatches fading into glowing pink outlines wrapping his middle, red starbursts of smaller scars pockmarked the gaps, crisscrossed with more methodical pink and white slashes from the surgeries that saved his life.
Blood rushed into his face. He felt naked, embarrassed, enraged, wanting to melt into the floor or punch a hole in the wall.
‘Oh, Eddie,’ Dustin whispered.
Eddie pulled his wet shirt down, though the translucent fabric couldn’t hide the strong red of the scars; he wrapped the towel around his middle, holding it closely to himself, hands bunching the edges into a ball.
‘I – it’s – it looks worse than it is,’ Eddie muttered, trying to will strength into his voice but hating how it was breaking. ‘They don’t hurt… anymore.’ Eddie’s eyes were racing around from the blue water, green trees, black chair, gray concrete, anywhere except for at Dustin and Will, who he could tell were still staring. He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. But he might as well say what he was thinking, what they were all thinking: ‘It’s just.. disgusting.’
No response, just a sound of the wind rustling the branches, when: ‘It’s badass.’
Eddie’s eyes snapped open, instantly finding Dustin, who just spoke. ‘What?’ He must have misheard.
Dustin pushed himself up out of the pool, walking slowly towards Eddie, his arms outstretched as if he was approaching a scared animal, which maybe he was.
‘You’re badass, Eddie,’ he laid a gentle hand on Eddie’s arm and squeezed, hand trailing down to touch Eddie’s most visible scar, a jagged one on his forearm that had healed better than the rest. ‘Look at what they did to you. Look at what you survived.’
Dustin was speaking slowly, in a gentle voice, hand still holding onto Eddie’s arm. His eyes were warm, and his smile was small but genuine. Eddie’s heart lifted a bit, some of the emotion clearing away.
‘You’re so lucky, Eddie.’
‘Lucky?’ Eddie hiccupped in shock.
‘I mean… we’re lucky, Eddie. We’re so lucky you’re still here.’
Dustin leaned forward, circling his arms around Eddie’s chest, holding him in a firm, comforting hug. It took Eddie a moment, but then he wrapped his arms around Dustin’s back and rested his head on Dustin’s with a sigh. Moments later, Eddie also felt Will’s arms encircling both him and Dustin, Will’s forehead coming to rest on Eddie’s temple.
Eddie didn’t realize he’d started crying until he noticed Dustin sniffling into his chest.
When they pulled apart, Eddie noticed that they’d all been crying, eyes shining. Eddie reached out to ruffle Dustin’s hair, and pulled him in again quickly, to drop a fast kiss on the top of his head.
‘I love you, man.’
‘Love you, Eddie.’
***
That moment had broken a barrier in Eddie, in all of them. Eddie felt lighter, thinking back to Dustin’s words. That he wasn’t broken, but badass. That they weren’t damaged, but lucky.
It was one of the best day’s Eddie had spent in a while. With the boys familiar with his scars, he’d lost the shirt and joined them, floating in the pool; at one point, Dustin had found a water gun and began to spray Eddie every time he got a math question wrong. Eddie was finding the method surprisingly effective (and refreshing).
The sun was already starting to go down by the time Steve came home, arriving with yet another visitor.
‘Eddie!’ Robin shouted with a big smile, rushing over to Eddie, now clothed and sitting at the kitchen counter. ‘Oh my god, your hair! So fresh!’ Her hands immediately rushed up, grabbing his scalp and running her fingers through it. Eddie tried really hard not to sigh in pleasure. ‘So soft!’ Robin exclaimed.
‘Hey, Robin,’ Eddie smiled, as her hands found his cheeks, squishing his face together. ‘Missed you.’
‘It’s so good to see you!’ Robin pulled his head to her shoulder and wrapped him in a bear hug. ‘When Steve said you were staying with him, I had to come by, even if I might be late for my shift.’
‘You’re already late for your shift,’ Steve said, wandering into the kitchen. ‘Where are the little monsters?’
Eddie pointed out to the pool, where Will and Dustin were taking turns jumping in. ‘Cannonball contest.’
‘Oh, jeez…’
‘Hey, they’re only jumping in the deep end, per your very specific instruction. I can give you their feeding and pooping schedule, if you like.’ Eddie said, Robin giggled.
‘Hah hah,’ Steve deadpanned to Eddie, then yelled out the open sliding door: ‘Hey, you little Gremlins! Pool’s closed for the day, get your asses in here!’
Eddie couldn’t make out exactly what Dustin grumbled in response, but it resulted in Steve throwing him the finger. ‘Quit your whining and come inside!’
‘We’re coming, we’re coming, sheesh,’ Dustin groaned as he entered, dripping wet.
‘Towel!’ Steve yelled, and Dustin reached back to grab one and made a big show of toweling off.
‘Thanks for letting us use the pool, Steve,’ Will said, laughing at Dustin and Steve’s antics.
‘Well, thank you, Will, what a kind thing for you to stay. You –’ Steve pointed at Dustin, ‘– your pool privileges are under review until you learn some gratitude and how to control that mouth of yours. I know your mother raised you better than that.’
‘Thanks, Steve,’ Dustin replied with a grin and an eyeroll.
‘You guys have twenty minutes to get dressed, I’ll drop you home when I head out.’
‘Where are you going?’ Dustin asked, almost accusingly.
‘It’s Friday night, Dusty,’ Robin chimed in. ‘Steve’s got a hot date.’
‘Oooh,’ Dustin teased, and Will started clapping. Eddie felt a flutter in his stomach but pushed it away quickly, bringing his fingers to his lips and letting out a big whistle.
‘Alright, calm down, calm down,’ Steve was grimacing, and waving his hands to quiet them. ‘It’s just a date.’
‘It’s a second date,’ Robin noted slyly. ‘With Mandy Thomas.’
‘Who’s Mandy Thomas?’ Will asked.
‘Oh, only the most popular girl at Hawkins!’ Robin couldn’t seem to stop herself, ‘She was a senior when I was a freshman and one time, we were waiting in the bathroom together, and she told me my shoes were cool!’ Robin looked to the boys but was met with blank stares. ‘When I was a freshman!’ she emphasized. Still nothing. Undeterred, Robin sighed out: ‘She’s so awesome.’
‘Is she hot?’ Dustin asked with an eyebrow waggle.
‘She’s pretty,’ Steve replied at the same time as Robin said, ‘Mega hot.’
‘Big blonde hair and big blue eyes, every guy’s dream,’ Eddie added, with a forced wink. It had been a while since he’d exercised this particular muscle: objectifying women when he didn’t want to. He knew Mandy from school and had some mixed feelings about her, like all of the rest of the “popular” crowd, but there was no denying how beautiful she was.
‘Anything else big?’ Oh, Dustin.
‘That’s enough out of you,’ Steve reached over and smacked Dustin’s shoulder. ‘I’m gonna go get ready, you monsters get dressed.’ Eddie’s eyes followed Steve as he ran upstairs, a spring in his step.
By the time Steve came back down, showered and ready, he had a mutiny on his hands.
‘We want to sleepover and hang out with Eddie!’ Dustin exclaimed.
‘You know you’re pushing even my limits here, Henderson,’ Steve sighed. ‘This isn’t a hotel or an amusement park. I live here! And maybe Eddie doesn’t want you here.’
‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ Eddie said with a grin, anticipating the fun debate to come.
‘But it’s kind of a hotel if Eddie’s staying here, right?’ Dustin whined. ‘Just one night! I promise!’
‘Promise what?’
‘That if we sleepover tonight… we…’
‘If you sleepover tonight, no sleepover or pool for at least a week.’
‘What!? That’s insane!’
‘Hey, those are the terms, take it or leave it,’ Steve crossed his arms. Eddie thought Steve would be perfectly fine either way but could tell Dustin was weighing his options heavily. Eddie felt a rush of affection, that Dustin was considering choosing a single night hanging out with him at the expense of a week without his Steve (and a private pool). Dustin glanced at Will, who gave a quick nod.
‘Fine,’ Dustin sighed. ‘But only if we can order pizza. And if we can watch an R-rated movie!’
‘Pizza, yes. Movie… only if Eddie agrees and you both call your parents right now and get their okay.’
‘Steve, you really think an R-rated movie is going to give them nightmares. Really?’ Robin asked, eyebrow raised. Steve glanced to Eddie quickly, and Eddie’s heart skipped, remembering his late-night confession. That maybe this consideration was more for Eddie than for Dustin and Will.
‘Hey, it’s the law,’ Steve nodded, arms still crossed. ‘Call! Now!’ He pointed to the phone in the den. ‘If I’m late to pick up Mandy, that’s another week without the pool. Go!’
The boys scrambled off, elbowing each other to get to the phone first. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, head hanging low. ‘Ten minutes with them, and I already have a headache.’
‘Hurts so good, don’t it, Harrington,’ Eddie smirked.
Steve combed a hand through his hair, shining and voluminous, recently styled. The motion tightened his dark button-down shirt across his chest; his hand circled his hip and one finger snaked through a belt loop on his jeans, drawing Eddie’s gaze from Steve’s wide shoulders to his narrow hips. Eddie felt blood rushing to his face and a tightening in his pants, as he quickly looked away, bringing a fist up to his face to catch a fake cough.
Shit.
Eddie was distracted as the boys ran in triumphant, as Steve left money on the counter for the pizza, as Robin kissed his cheek and hugged him goodbye with a promise to catch up soon, heading out the door after Steve.
Even after the pizza arrived and he had negotiated the boys down from Friday the 13th to Indiana Jones, Eddie wasn’t fully present. Two hours of a sweaty, heroic Harrison Ford on screen also wasn’t helpful to his thoughts.
Eddie wasn’t blind. Steve was hot. Undeniably. He knew any girl he stopped on the street to ask this would agree; and any guy would bluster, call Eddie a faggot, but then think to themselves that maybe they wouldn’t mind trading places with Steve every once in a while, the closest most guys got to admitting they considered other men’s bodies at all.
Eddie had never had that problem. He often looked at guys that way, had for as long as he could remember. He could tell when a square jaw, a muscular frame, a thick head of hair, kind eyes, or anything else on a guy made him attractive. Attractive to women. And also, to Eddie. But he’d learned from those around him that guys don’t do that; they don’t talk about finding other guys attractive, they don’t compliment their bodies. They don’t let their eyes linger.
He could also tell when girls were beautiful. Like Chrissy. So pretty, so kind, so much more than he’d expected up close; he knew he’d stared at her more than necessary at first, surprised by just how big her eyes were, how brightly she smiled. But he didn’t want to make her nervous. He’d seen how guys leered, lingered too long; he only wanted to make people uncomfortable on purpose, when they deserved it, when he needed it. So, he’d joked, and she’d laughed – that laugh had lit up so much more in her. Eddie had felt himself blush.
He'd always been able to recognize beauty.
He knew why certain girls caused guys to go a little crazy, could recognize what about them made guys talk about being ‘desperate’, to draw their stares and whistles in the hallway, to inspire locker room talk about ‘ass’ and ‘tits’ (never really her face). And while he could see a beautiful girl, tell she was hot, flirt with her and convince her and the other guys he wanted her, Eddie had never taken it further than that. It had never felt right.
It had never felt like when Eddie had been wrestled to the ground by a couple of bullies on his way home one day in middle school; how the pressure of their bodies on him, their hands in his hair, their legs entangled with his, had caused his dick to harden, Eddie simultaneously trying to get free from their grasp and urging them on a little more, to keep that good feeling going. After a final kick, they’d scrambled off him and ran away. Eddie limped home and instead of fixing the cut on his face, had jerked off over the toilet.
Girls had never caused him to wake up moaning in the morning, a mess in his sheets; they weren’t the ones that came to mind late at night, when his mind wandered, when his hand wandered. More often than not it was Harrison Ford (sometimes as Han, sometimes as Indiana Jones).
Eddie kept it all to himself. Had done the required first awkward kiss behind the bleachers, had gotten a couple of blowjobs, had run his hands up and down the bodies of enough girls so he’d know what it was like, so he could keep up in those locker room conversations; each time hoping that maybe this was the time that would change it all for him. But it never did.
The final straw and farthest Eddie had ever gone had been on a visit with Wayne to Jordie’s house, out in the fields. Jordie had a few of his nieces and nephews over for the weekend, and one – Richie, eighteen, tall, blonde, in town from Iowa – had looked Eddie up and down in a way that had made his legs tingle. Richie followed him outside for a smoke, cornering Eddie back behind the storage shed, pushing him up against the wall and kissing him hungrily. Eddie had tried not to react, but he’d never felt this before, like a puzzle piece locking into place in his chest. When Richie ran his hand down the front of Eddie’s pants and felt his erection, he had smirked at him through long blonde hair: ‘Knew it.’
Eddie was too breathless to protest when Richie knelt down, pulling down Eddie’s jeans and taking him in his mouth. With the sight of Richie on his knees, moving so eagerly, hands gripping Eddie’s waist tightly, squeezing his ass, it didn’t take long for Eddie to come, body spasming, fingers clenched in long blonde hair. As Richie was smiling up at him, licking his lips, they both heard the door slam, and someone step out onto the porch. They froze, Eddie’s hand still in Richie's hair, Richie kneeling. They scrambled and crouched silently, backs to the storage shed. Eddie risked a look around the corner, seeing Jordie lighting up a cigarette, his back to the shed and them.
Eddie had turned to look at Richie, bringing his lip up to his finger. They had to be quiet. Richie didn’t seem worried, also holding up a finger to his lips but the other hand grasping Eddie’s cock firmly again. Richie's mouth muffled Eddie’s moan, and they made out sloppily, silently, as Richie unbuttoned his pants and guided Eddie’s hand to his own hard cock. They pumped each other in matching rhythms, then came almost simultaneously, Eddie stifling a groan as Richie bit into his neck.
Richie had leaned back, smiling lazily, buttoned up his pants and planted a last kiss on Eddie’s mouth, clearly not in the same shocked state that Eddie was. ‘Thanks, babe,’ he’d smiled over his shoulder, as he disappeared around the corner.
It had taken Eddie some time to pull himself together. Wayne commented on how quiet Eddie seemed on the drive home, but Eddie didn’t have a good excuse. He was in his head, reliving the afternoon over and over again, dick twitching as the images popped up. But at the same time, his heart sinking at what this meant. Because it had felt so good. So right.
Eddie had unwittingly fallen into this reminiscence as the movie played, the boys already asleep on the big white couch. He didn’t realize he, too, had dozed off on the leather recliner, dreaming of that summer afternoon, the feel of Richie's hair in his grip, the feel of his mouth on him, until he felt gentle hands tucking a blanket around him, inhaled a whiff of Steve’s scent, and opened his eyes for just a moment to catch Steve’s, lit up by the glow of the static on the TV screen.
‘Thanks, babe,’ Eddie mumbled, with a happy smile, eagerly falling back to sleep.
Chapter 6: Clothes And All
Summary:
Eddie found that the mix of bland chit chat and physical closeness was a good balance; he got to steal quick glances at the freckles on Steve’s earlobe or how his hair fell while answering questions about his favorite candy or hearing about Steve’s favorite brand of baseball glove (a surprisingly passionate topic). It was almost a study session in itself, Eddie thought: how to be around Steve without being weird.
Chapter Text
EDDIE
Eddie awoke slowly, feeling himself move closer and closer to waking, but not wanting to leave the warm, happy feeling of his dream behind. He kept his eyes firmly shut, calling the dream back into his mind. The summer sun, the warmed woodshed at his back, the man kneeling in front of him, looking up at him, grinning like a devil, his hand fisted through soft hair...
And Eddie’s eyes flew open, his body jolting awake, snapping the recliner shut with a bang.
Oh shit.
The face looking up at him hadn’t been Richie, as it had always been before.
It had been Steve.
Flashes of the dream started coming back to him, Steve playing a role in each moment. Pushing him against the shed, hands on him, mouth on his neck, moaning.
Shit.
Eddie could feel his erection, thanking every god he knew that he hadn’t had come in his borrowed sweatpants. In Steve’s sweatpants. In sweatpants Steve had worn. And then taken off.
The thought strained what little control he still had.
Eddie stole a look around. Gray early morning light was just starting to brighten the room. Will and Dustin were sprawled over the couch, soft snores coming from both.
As silently as he could while tip toeing, Eddie ran upstairs to the guest bathroom, and was only a little embarrassed about how quickly he came, only needing a few strokes, biting his bottom lip to muffle any sound as he stood over the toilet. He would have been more embarrassed, but it had been a long time since this had happened. Since any type of sexual thought had popped up in his head at all. A disappointingly long time.
After, Eddie snuck back out into the hallway and promptly gave a squeaked gasp, flailing back into the door.
‘Munson?’
As if out of his dream, Steve stood in the hallway, shirtless, a golden beam of light illuminating him from the hallway window. His hair was mussed from sleep, shorts riding low on his hips, painting an enticing path from the hair on chest, down his happy trail and…
‘Eddie, you okay?’
Eddie blinked quickly several times, realizing he’d been staring at Steve in shock. He shook his head, cracked his knuckles, eyes darting nervously before fixing firmly on Steve’s face. Only look at his face.
‘Yeah, you scared the shit out of me, Harrington,’ Eddie could tell his eyes were wide, voice higher than normal. ‘I thought everyone was asleep.’
‘Shit, sorry. Thought I heard something, so I wanted to check…’
Maybe Eddie’s attempts to muffle hadn’t worked as well as he’d hoped.
‘Nope, all good out here,’ Eddie rocked on his heels, fingers still nervously rubbing at his knuckles. He really needed to find his rings. ‘Just one too many root beer floats before bed,’ Eddie patted his stomach. What the hell was he doing?
‘Oh, right –’
‘I’m going to go for a walk,’ Eddie exclaimed, voice again a little too loud. Jeez, he had to pull himself together.
‘A walk?’ Steve blinked in confusion. ‘It’s like 6 a.m.’
‘Yeah, it looks nice outside, want to start the day right. Had a good night’s sleep, so I should get some fresh air,’ what the hell was Eddie babbling about.
‘Good dreams, then?’
Eddie’s heart leapt into his throat, eyes bulging bigger. Was his sex dream written all over his face?’ ‘Uh…’
‘No cloud of bats?’ Steve continued, still looking confused.
‘Ah!’ Right, the nightmares. Yes, that made more sense. ‘Nope, all good dreams. Sweet dreams. All good, sweet dreams.’
‘Okay…’ Steve’s eyes narrowed a bit, looking at Eddie more closely. ‘Maybe some coffee before the walk? You seem… like you need it.’
‘Yes, great idea. Need that morning cup of joe!’ Eddie had never used that phrase in his life. ‘I’ll go make that now!’ Eddie backed away from Steve, hands finding the banister.
‘Okay… I’m gonna head back to bed,’ Steve pointed over his shoulder. ‘Sure you’re okay?’
The idea of Steve in bed sent another jolt through Eddie, but he just nodded. ‘Yup, all good. See you!’
Eddie rushed down the stairs but felt Steve’s eyes on him. Without pausing, Eddie powerwalked down the hallway, slid open the glass door to the pool and jumped in, clothes and all.
***
The shock to his system helped. It brought immediate clarity: What a fucking bad idea. Eddie knew that this was all just a reaction, an unfortunate combination of months’ worth of pent-up sexual frustration, a nostalgic trip to his sexual awakening, and how Steve had looked last night, with his date night button down and cologne and floppy hair.
It was a fluke.
Yes, Steve was attractive. And kind. And had offered Eddie a place to stay. Had held him as he cried. Had crawled through a broken-down trailer to look for him. Had been one of the few bright spots in his life recently. Had started to become, against all odds, a friend.
Eddie really didn’t want to lose a friend.
So, he’d lock this down. Keep it in his pants, literally and figuratively. Be friends with Steve. Only friends.
Mind made up, Eddie climbed out of the pool, shaking his head vigorously, and stripping off all his clothes to change into the still slightly damp pair of shorts he’d swum in yesterday. He’d paused for a second about not having a shirt but figured that Dustin and Will had already seen and realized that his worry about Steve being repulsed by his scars was maybe another reason to go shirtless; a brick in the wall of friendship he was going to build around this insane crush.
Eddie was still full of restless energy, so raided the fridge and pantry for supplies, and got to work, not fully realizing what he was doing, but enjoying the mindless flow he sometimes found himself in when he was in a kitchen. An old coping tactic to keep his hands busy while his mind worked, whether on a campaign, song lyrics, or how to suppress a stupid crush before it started.
‘Are you baking cupcakes?’ Eddie heard Dustin ask from behind him some indeterminate amount of time later, as Eddie was busy with bacon on the stove.
‘Uh, muffins. Blueberry.’ Eddie called over his shoulder.
‘You’re baking blueberry muffins?’ came Will’s voice.
‘Yeah, they’ll be ready in a few,’ Eddie dropped the last piece of bacon on a paper-towel lined plate and turned around to find Will and Dustin staring at him with dropped jaws. ‘What?’
‘I – I don’t –,’ Dustin started, a wondering look on his face, speechless for one of the few times Eddie remembered. Dustin turned to Will with a desperate look.
‘I guess we didn’t know you could bake muffins,’ Will said, almost as a question.
‘Anyone can bake muffins, Byers,’ Eddie said with a huff and a tight smile. ‘It’s a simple recipe.’
Dustin’s mouth was still snapping open and shut.
‘I guess we didn’t know you knew the recipe,’ Will continued, trailing off.
‘Well, I do. Sit,’ Eddie pointed to the stools at the kitchen island, both boys making their way over and sitting slowly, wide eyes still on Eddie. The kitchen timer dinged, and Eddie removed the muffin tray from the oven, bending his head low to listen. ‘Perfect,’ Eddie whispered to the tray, smiling.
He turned back around to the island and now also saw Steve – thankfully fully clothed – standing next to the seated boys, joining them with his own befuddled stare at Eddie.
‘Are you… listening to muffins?’ Steve asked slowly.
‘It’s how I know they’re ready,’ Eddie rolled his eyes at their blank looks. ‘Do none of you know how to cook? Seriously? I’m embarrassed for you.’
‘I made brownies with my mom! That one time.’ Dustin’s brain finally seemed to start working again.
‘Great!’ Eddie said, exasperated. ‘So, what’s with the faces?’
‘It’s just… unexpected,’ said Steve, looking to the boys for confirmation, which he got via matching head nods. ‘Guitar, yes,’ Steve was gesturing to Eddie as he spoke, as if Eddie was a specimen on display in a museum. ‘DnD, sure. Baking… uh…’
‘I am a man of many talents, Harrington,’ Eddie smirked. ‘Including making decent muffins. Here…’ Eddie dropped half of the still steaming muffins onto a plate, and placed it on the kitchen island, then adding the platters with the bacon and scrambled eggs he’d made. The gesture generated more silence and shocked stares. Eddie crossed his arms and stared back. When they hadn’t made a move, Eddie yelled at them, jerking his head so furiously his hair bounced: ‘Eat!’
Dustin flinched, and Steve blinked rapidly, the spell finally breaking. They started to load their plates while Eddie poured them all cups of coffee.
‘Oh, wow,’ Will whispered, after a mouthful of eggs. ‘These are great!’
‘There’s chocolate in this!’ Dustin yelled after a bite of muffin. Eddie couldn’t help but smile at their reactions, but not letting it soften his still annoyed demeanor.
‘It’s like you’ve never had a home cooked meal before,’ Eddie raised a brow.
‘It’s a blueberry chocolate muffin!’ Dustin grabbed Steve’s shoulder, shoving the half-eaten muffin in front of his face to look.
‘I see that, Henderson,’ Steve frowned, pushing Dustin’s muffin out of his face, ‘Keep that to yourself.’ Steve pointed to his plate with his fork. ‘What’s in the eggs?’
‘Uh, salt, pepper, some heavy cream, chives…’
‘Chives?’ Steve exclaimed, eyes wide. ‘Chives!’
‘Yes, chives…’ Eddie met Dustin’s confused glance.
‘Eddie Munson made scrambled eggs with chives,’ Steve was shaking his head in awe, staring at his plate, taking another bite.
‘I feel like I should be insulted by your reaction.’
‘No!’ Steve shouted, eyes coming back up to Eddie. ‘No, these are really great…’
‘Really great,’ Dustin mumbled in echo, already stuffing a second muffin into his mouth.
‘…I just figured you more for the microwave dinner kind of guy,’ Steve finished with a shrug.
Eddie huffed an annoyed laugh. ‘All this,’ Eddie waved to the table of food in between them, ‘came from your fridge, Harrington. Believe it or not, we couldn’t always afford chives in the Munson household. I’m happy to eat junk when it’s all I can afford,’ Eddie couldn’t hide the hint of irritation and theatricality in his voice and felt guilty as soon as he saw the apology on Steve’s face.
‘I didn’t it mean it like that,’ Steve stammered out. ‘I just –’
‘It’s fine, Harrington,’ Eddie jumped in. ‘Really. I was just craving a warm breakfast, is all. And to thank you, you know, for the place to crash,’ Eddie shrugged, popping a bite of muffin into his mouth.
‘It’s really delicious, Eddie,’ Steve said, a contrite smile on his face.
‘Really great,’ Dustin repeated, moving on to his third muffin.
‘Yeah, thanks,’ added Will with a smile.
They all ate in silence for a minute until Dustin asked: ‘Why are you shirtless?’
Eddie paused his chewing, a piece of bacon halfway to his mouth. ‘Uh…’
‘Did you fall in the pool?’ Dustin asked, one eyebrow raised.
‘Yup,’ Eddie nodded. Jump, fall, what’s the difference. ‘Yes, I fell into the pool. I am an idiot,’ he said slowly, punctuating each word.
‘You’re not an idiot, Eddie,’ Dustin reached over to pat his arm. ‘You’re a klutz!’
‘Thanks for that,’ Eddie smiled sarcastically.
After breakfast, Steve gave the boys ten minutes to get ready to head out, at least if they wanted a ride home from him.
‘You can just put those in the dishwasher,’ Steve commented, as Eddie had started to place the plates in the sink.
‘Oh,’ Eddie paused. A dishwasher. ‘Convenient.’ He started to pile the dishes in, when he felt Steve come a little closer.
‘I didn’t mean anything by that comment earlier,’ Steve said, Eddie glancing up at him in confusion. ‘The chives thing. I’m sorry. Like, I’ve scrambled an egg, but I was just… surprised. By the chives.’
‘Surprised chives,’ Eddie repeated slowly. ‘Surprise chives!’ he almost sang, giving a little melody to the internal rhyme. He saw an amused look flash over Steve’s face and threw him a small smile. ‘You’re good. Really.’
‘I know I’m good, I’m just sorry,’ Steve grinned back at Eddie. Eddie wondered if the eye contact was going on a little too long or if he was just feeling paranoid about it, so he shook his head, turning back to loading the dishwasher. As he bent down, a lock of his hair fell into his face, he pushed it back behind his ear. He heard a small gasp from Steve and before he knew what was happening, he felt Steve’s fingers brush along the underside of his jaw, and his stomach gave a somersault.
‘Oh wow, I can’t believe I didn’t notice this,’ Steve whispered, almost in awe. On the underside of Eddie’s jaw, the long thin scar was courtesy of the demobats (as so many of his were), falling right along his jawline, from under his ear almost to his chin. It had healed relatively well, and the placement often hid it from view, blending into the shadows highlighting his jaw or camouflaged by stubble.
Eddie looked up at Steve, whose eyes were still fixed on the scar on his face before they darted down Eddie’s body to take in the others, lingering on the large scar on Eddie’s side; Eddie thought that if Steve’s hand trailed its way down to cover it, even his long fingers extended still wouldn’t cover it completely. Steve’s eyes zigzagged along Eddie’s torso – and even though Eddie could tell Steve was accounting for Eddie’s injuries, taking in the sheer extent of them, reminding himself of how close Eddie had come to death, Eddie still felt a hot blush rise in his cheeks, simply for having Steve’s eyes focused on him so intently.
To break the tension he was feeling, Eddie coughed, taking a step back and closing the dishwasher door.
‘I, uh – I’m gonna head upstairs, change,’ Eddie mumbled, pointing over his shoulder, backing away.
‘Oh, yeah, sure,’ Steve seemed to break out of his trance, ‘I’ll be back in a bit and don’t work until the afternoon if you want to hang out or something. Saw you guys didn’t finish that Indiana Jones movie last night?’
Watching his childhood infatuation while sitting next to his current ill-advised crush sounded like torture.
‘Nah, man, I think I got a good geometry flow going with Henderson yesterday, so… I think I’ll do that.’
Steve flashed a confused smile, shaking his head. ‘Eddie Munson baking muffins and now choosing to study instead of hang. What a world.’
‘Hah,’ Eddie puffed out, ‘What are we, in the Upside Down?’
‘Right,’ Steve chuckled. ‘Well, good luck and, um, you know, house is yours so…’
‘Yeah, thanks, Harrington. Have a good day at work!’
‘You, too!’ Eddie heard Steve call out from behind him, already halfway up the stairs. He thought he might have heard Steve repeat to himself in an admonishing voice: ‘You, too?’
Eddie headed straight to the guest room, throwing himself back on bed that was still an unmade mess from when he left it yesterday morning. He stared up at the ceiling, feeling a moment of vindication that maybe this house wasn’t so perfect when he noticed a hairline crack along the crown molding. He continued staring even after Will and Dustin poked their heads in to stay goodbye, after Steve’s car pulled out of the driveway. He stared after he placed on his headphones and pressed play on his pillaged Beatles tape in the pillaged Walkman, after he lit up one of his joints and smoked it slowly, dragging each inhale and exhale out as long as he could.
***
Eddie had to force himself not to make breakfast again the next morning, though he was craving something warm and homemade, and that damn fridge and pantry were still so well stocked, meals over the last few days not making a dent. Halfway through a cold bowl of cereal, he caved and scrambled himself a few eggs.
‘Got any extra?’
Eddie looked up from his place to see Steve coming down the hall, oversized Hawkins High sweatshirt over his shorts, rubbing at his eye. Positively scruffy. Eddie couldn’t help but smile, nodding his head at the pan on the stove. Steve made a plate and sat next to Eddie at the island.
‘How was studying?’ Steve asked, eyes on his plate.
‘Oh, great,’ Eddie started, but quickly realizing he didn’t have the energy to bullshit. ‘No. It was fucked.’
‘Huh,’ Steve nodded slowly into his eggs. ‘What’re you going to do?’
Eddie glanced at him, not sure what was going on; Steve was still focused on his plate. ‘I dunno… I guess I’ll give up, burn that geometry textbook, steal your silverware and hit the road, with nothing but my wits and gumption to guide me.’
Steve cracked a smile small, glancing up at Eddie quickly. ‘If you had wits, maybe you’d have passed geometry.’
‘Asshole,’ Eddie chuckled at him. They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes, until Steve broke it: ‘You should call Dustin. That nerd’s a math… nerd. I’d help but, well, everything flies out of my head after I pass a class, so I’m no good. I’ll even lift his banishment on the pool, if it’ll help.’
Eddie wasn’t sure why Steve was treading so lightly or being so accommodating. Eddie had spent most of the previous day staring at the ceiling, trying to will himself out of a crush on Steve; the only times when he’d successfully stopped thinking about Steve were when he was trying to focus on math. So maybe a day of studying wasn’t such a bad idea.
Eddie made the call and Dustin eagerly convinced Eddie to head over to his house to study, seeming to hold a grudge with Steve for negotiating the banishment in the first place and stubbornly determined to stick to it. So, Eddie headed over for a torturous day of studying followed by happily joining Dustin, his mom, and her now three cats for the raincheck hot dish Sunday dinner.
Monday passed relatively the same – with Eddie caving and making pancakes, sharing them with Steve side-by-side with minimal conversation, that somehow felt too surface but also comfortable, before heading their separate ways, Steve to work and Eddie to Dustin’s. On Tuesday – a tomato and mushroom scramble (‘with surprise chives!’ Steve had blurted out adorably), and banal conversation.
Eddie found that the mix of bland chit chat and physical closeness was a good balance; he got to steal quick glances at the freckles on Steve’s earlobe or how his hair fell while answering questions about his favorite candy or hearing about Steve’s favorite brand of baseball glove (a surprisingly passionate topic). It was almost a study session in itself, Eddie thought: how to be around Steve without being weird.
By Wednesday, Eddie was looking forward to his breakfast routine with Steve and shocked to realize he was also almost looking forward to another day of studying at Dustin’s (Dustin still adamant on maintaining his banishment from the Harrington home).
Eddie found that schoolwork was coming a bit easier without the burdens of actually being in school – of balancing school with keeping Wayne fed and the trailer (relatively) clean and his friends safe and his customers happy. Easier to be himself without having his defenses up, as loud and aggressive as he needed to be to prevent the jocks and other assholes from setting their sights on anyone other than Eddie, keeping his friends protected with his brashness, a bold target that their enemies couldn’t miss.
So, Eddie was jarred when Steve broke their unspoken agreement halfway through a bacon sandwich and asked: ‘What are you doing tonight?’
Eddie stuttered his coffee mug’s path from counter to mouth but thought he caught himself fast enough for Steve not to notice. ‘Oh, tonight? I have that dinner at the Byers’. Wayne’s calling?’
‘Your uncle?’ Steve asked, and Eddie nodded. Steve continued: ‘I have the day off, so I was thinking, if you wanted to hang out or something. After your study time with Dusty Bun, of course.’
‘I think even Henderson’s getting sick of me. Too much math.’
‘Not possible,’ Steve grinned. ‘About you, not the math. For Dustin, I mean.’ Steve coughed awkwardly; Eddie charmed by how flustered he was acting. ‘Did you want company?’
‘Company?’
‘At dinner. I could come along, if you want.’
Eddie realized he didn’t hate the idea. Ever since Eddie had asked Steve for help, to help him figure out a new way to connect with Dustin, a place to stay, maybe even subconsciously asking for distance – Steve had done it. And it had helped. But something in him wasn’t sure he would know what to do with Steve there. It felt like he’d be surrounded by those giving him their charity; Hopper with his cabin and job offer, Steve with his friendship and hospitality, Uncle Wayne with his new job and life, all to help Eddie. Eddie thought he could at least get through a single dinner alone.
‘I’m good, dude. You should enjoy your day off, though. Pool looks nice,’ Eddie smiled gently, placing his dish in the sink and heading upstairs.
***
Eddie felt a little foolish that he had been so nervous about dinner. When Will let him in with a huge, genuine smile and hug, El and Hopper were playing a game of cards at the coffee table, Joyce in the kitchen standing over the stove, stirring a huge pot, another simmering with something that smelled deliciously garlicky.
‘Spaghetti!’ she exclaimed, ‘Hope that’s okay?’
‘Perfect,’ Eddie quirked an awkward smile, standing stiffly between the kitchen and living room. ‘Uh, can I help?’
‘Oh no, it’s almost ready. I think Will wanted to show you something. Will?’ Joyce yelled down the hall, but Will was already making his way over, an overstuffed binder in his hands. Eddie barely had time to think before Will was talking him through another campaign he was planning, tossing out specific nuances that Eddie though were pretty impressive, and asking for his advice. His face was so open, so eager, nodding along to everything Eddie said. It rekindled something in him, and flashes back to those late-night games with the Hellfire Club sprang into mind. He wondered where his old campaign binders were now. In an evidence lockup? Kindling for the trailer fire?
Before he knew it, Joyce was calling them to the table, Will dragging Eddie to the bathroom so they could both wash their hands. It was such a sweet, respectful, (hygienic) habit, and another example to support Eddie’s new belief that if Will had started freshman year at Hawkins with the others, Will would have been the one to get Eddie’s protective guard up first; and Eddie firmly believed that he would have gone to great lengths and committed whatever crimes necessary to ensure that Will would have stayed protected in those heartbreaking hallways.
‘Will tells us you’ve been studying hard, Eddie,’ Hopper asked midway through dinner, after some other innocuous conversation.
‘Yes, sir,’ Eddie wasn’t sure what it was about Hopper that brought out a level of respect typically reserved only for Uncle Wayne. ‘Sucked it up and found myself a tutor. Who knew that was all it took?’
‘Tutor?’ El asked across the table, seemingly confused by the term.
‘You’ll find out soon, sweetie,’ Hopper smiled at her gently. He turned his attention back to Eddie: ‘And you’re staying at Steve Harrington’s?’
Eddie’s lips pursed in a quick grin at the use of Steve’s full name but nodded.
‘Is that… permanent? Or do you still want the cabin?’ Hopper asked.
‘No, it’s just a trade-up from the trailer until the test’s over,’ Eddie replied, realizing his chest hollowed at the thought that he’d soon leave Steve’s, wondering what that would do to their growing closeness, to their breakfast routine, to his cooling-off crush. ‘Trying to enjoy that air conditioning and giant fridge as long as I can,’ Eddie winked.
‘Eddie’s a great cook!’ Will exclaimed, seemingly out of nowhere. Eddie blushed at how proud Will seemed of him.
‘Oh, that’s so nice, Eddie,’ Joyce smiled, ‘I can’t get any of these ones to help me out. What do you like to make?’
Eddie shrugged, this attention making him uncomfortable. Maybe because it was one of the sides of himself that he’d tried to hide, knowing the reactions it might get; what would those bullies have done to long-haired Eddie the Baker instead of tattooed badass Eddie the Banished?
‘Nothing fancy. I just follow the recipes,’ he mumbled.
‘You know, there’s how-to books for home repairs? If you can follow a recipe, sure you can follow those,’ Hopper chimed in.
Before Eddie could answer, he was saved by the bell.
‘Must be your uncle,’ Hopper said, striding over to the phone on the wall, grunting out a quick hello. A tilt of his head told Eddie he was right and to join him. He heard Joyce tell the kids to start clearing the table and give Eddie some privacy.
Eddie pulled the corded phone as far as he could, settling on the floor in the corner.
‘Uncle Wayne?’
‘Eddie! Oh, it’s so good to hear your voice,’ Wayne’s voice sounded rougher than Eddie remembered, but it could have been the connection. Eddie heard the sounds of traffic and voices in the background. ‘How’re things with you?’
‘They’re good. Studying.’
‘Yeah, yeah, Jim told me.’ It took Eddie a moment to realize that Jim was Hopper. Just how often were Hopper and Wayne in touch? ‘How’s that going? No shame in telling them you need more time.’
‘Test is on Friday. I think I’ll be ready.’ Eddie could feel himself being short with Wayne. Logically, Eddie knew why Wayne had had to leave – because of him. Because of his hefty hospital bills and legal fees. Because the trailer had been destroyed and the town had turned on them. But it still hurt. Being left behind. Even if he hadn’t wanted to go with him.
Eddie tried to push down this swirl of guilt and anger, instead asking Wayne how he was (fine), where he was (Florida), how was the new job (exhausting). The conversation got warmer, the two of them finding their rhythm. It made Eddie miss him even more, feel guiltier that he had caused their separation. But it had been so long, Eddie couldn’t help but recount the minutiae of his life to Wayne, much as he had those nights in the trailer, chattering endlessly as Wayne listened, always patiently, always actively.
Eddie had to catch himself when Wayne asked, ‘Sounds like you made a new friend?’
‘What?’
‘This boy, Steve? You’ve brought him up a lot. Sounds like you made a new friend, if he’s letting you stay at his place,’ Wayne said, a neutrality entering his voice that Eddie recognized.
While he and Wayne had never discussed Eddie’s sexuality outright, it was an open secret. Eddie knew it was hard to miss how often he’d rewatched Indiana Jones (enough that the tape wore out from rewinding), stared too hard at the shirtless basketball players on the old court by the trailer park, or never brought a girl home. Eddie had nearly burst with embarrassment when Wayne had gifted him a VHS of Rocky Horror Picture Show a few years ago, because Wayne had ‘heard it was something kids today might like.’
But despite all that, Wayne had never asked, and Eddie had never brought it up. He knew that, at this point, there was no need to hide. Wayne was still here, through it all, through somehow standing in line to purchase a VHS of the horniest, gayest movie Eddie had ever seen outside of outright porn, all because he thought it would make Eddie happy.
Still. Saying those words out loud were scary. Maybe Eddie was more scared of himself, more than what Wayne would say.
‘Yeah, he’s a new friend,’ Eddie answered. ‘Just a friend. Seems like we both have some new friends.’
‘What, you mean me and Jim? He’s a good man, Eddie. He’s done a lot for us.’
Eddie snorted a laugh. ‘Sure, why hire professionals when you can hire a former drug dealer to fix up your cabin for cheap?’
Wayne gave a quick chuckle but quickly turned serious again. ‘We both know you’re more than that. And it’s a good thing he’s doing. I’m glad you’re doing that, Eddie. I’m glad you have someone looking out for you while I’m not there. It helps me sleep better at night.’
The emotion in Wayne’s voice, so uncharacteristic in his normally gruff tone, caused Eddie to tear up. ‘Yeah.’ That was all Eddie could think to reply.
‘Hey, I gotta get going,’ Wayne said suddenly, a loud voice behind him. ‘Good luck on that test. You always could do whatever you set your mind to. That test ain’t no different.’
‘Thanks, Uncle Wayne.’ Eddie paused, suddenly not wanting to let him go. Once again, not ready to say goodbye.
‘You be a good boy, Eddie.’
‘I will.’
And then the line went dead, Eddie relieved that he didn’t actually have to say or hear the words ‘goodbye’.
Chapter 7: Unambiguous Love, My Ass
Summary:
‘Well, it’s not too late,’ Eddie said after a moment.
‘For what?’
‘For the Freak and the Jock to be friends,’ Eddie grinned.
Steve smiled back, raising his now practically empty beer up in a toast: ‘Cheers to that.’
Eddie returned the toast, throwing his head back to take the last gulp, throat muscles moving, hair flopping back, barely brushing his shoulders. Something about the motion in the cozy twilight glow, tree branches swaying in the background, and Eddie’s open face made Steve feel warm inside. If this is being friends with Eddie Munson, it feels good, Steve thought.
Chapter Text
STEVE
Faced with a full day off and no one to spend it with, Steve had done what any red-blooded American man who was casually dating a hot older woman would do: he called her and asked her out for that night with no notice. Steve couldn’t help but feel a rush of pride, that he still had it, when Mandy agreed eagerly, inviting him over to her house later that night.
‘My parents won’t be home,’ she’d whispered into the phone.
‘Uh,’ Steve faltered, knowing that this was an invitation, that he was meant to respond seductively back. ‘Cool,’ was all he could manage.
It wasn’t that Steve didn’t like Mandy, at least he didn’t think that was it. She was great. Hot. Fun enough. Steve wasn’t sure why he was feeling so ambivalent about her.
He suspected it had something to do with Nancy Wheeler.
In the aftermath of Vecna, everything Steve had said to Nancy before had almost felt like a dream. Sitting in that hospital waiting room, realizing how close they had been to losing Eddie and Max, to losing generally, those dormant feelings that he’d briefly resurrected hadn’t mattered. When he’d collapsed in Nancy’s arms, exhaustion finally getting him after the doctors had wheeled Eddie away, he hadn’t had romance on his mind. When she’d reached over to grab his hand the next day, to stop his fidgeting as they were back in the hospital waiting room, it had been for comfort.
But when Jonathan had walked in, and Nancy had run into his arms – Steve’s heart had broken a little. Just a little. Because he could admit to himself, that nothing had really been the same after Nancy. At least, not with any other girls.
It eluded him, how he was supposed to connect with people now, in any genuine way. Sharing a milkshake and giggling over an inside joke felt nice, but it didn’t mean anything. How was he really supposed to know someone like Mandy, when he knew that someone like Nancy would pick up a shotgun and rush through a portal to fight a monster with him. That someone like Eddie would abandon escape and walk to near certain death to protect him. To protect them. To save the world.
Mandy couldn’t even go five minutes without filing down a broken nail. He’d timed it.
That had been on their second date. God, he’d been so tired. He’d gotten to sleep early the night before, knowing he’d have to be up to drive his parents to the airport, but not knowing that he’d be woken up in the middle of the night by a sad Eddie Munson knocking on his door, asking for a book. A book to distract his mind from nightmares of bats eating him. The image had brought it right back for Steve – the red sky, Dustin cradling Eddie’s lifeless body, Vecna’s voice resonating through his mind.
He hadn’t been able to fall asleep after that, jolting awake whenever he’d started to doze, to images of Eddie lying prone on the ground, bats swarming around him, feasting, screeching.
No. No sleep after that.
But Steve had agreed to that date with Mandy, sleep or no sleep. (And she hadn’t picked up the phone when he’d called to cancel, and he didn’t want to stand her up. She didn’t deserve that.)
It had been a good second date, as far as second dates went. Not that he’d many recently.
He’d tried. He knew the key to getting over Nancy was getting back out there. He tried not think of her, out there in Boston, already getting settled into her new city, ready to start at her dream college in the fall, the first step in what Steve knew would be an impressive, happy life. She deserved that. Steve wondered how long Jonathan would be a part of it.
After Nancy and Jonathan’s reunion at the hospital, there’d been a breakup a few days later, something about lying and college applications. But a quick reconciliation. They always found a way back to each other (Steve tried not to be bitter at that). Some late enrollment paperwork later, and Jonathan was admitted to a community college in Boston, joining Nancy on that next step of their lives.
Steve had overheard some of the drama, both Nancy and Jonathan feeling guilty about leaving their families, leaving Hawkins in the aftermath of Vecna.
‘What if Will needs me?’ Steve had heard Jonathan ask Nancy once when they were all gathered at the police station, waiting to sign more in a long line of endless confidentiality, high security, classified documents. ‘I don’t think my parents are okay,’ Nancy had whispered back.
But both sets of parents seemed adamant: get out of Hawkins. Even the Wheelers, with their limited understanding of what had been happening over the past few years, were eager for Nancy to head off to college, to start over somewhere safe, in a town without mysterious gas leaks and spontaneous fires and unexplained deaths. And Joyce, knowing more intimately exactly what Jonathan had been through, had been even more supportive. Insistent, even demanding.
And so, they’d left at the start of the summer. Together. In love.
‘Unambiguous love, my ass,’ Steve thought back to Eddie’s observation about him and Nancy. That told Steve just how much Eddie knew about love, or at least about girls, or at least about girls like Nancy.
All that had been roiling around Steve’s head and heart when he’d seen Mandy Thomas walk into Family Video that day, back from college for the summer, tall and blonde and right out of his sophomore year fantasies. He remembered one senior party that he’d crashed where he and Mandy had flirted so shamelessly that he’d had wet dreams for a week. Between that and the past rejections that Dustin was still teasing him for, he’d walked up to her and asked her out, with all the confidence of a younger Steve Harrington. And she’d said yes. Surprisingly eagerly.
The first date had been classic: dinner and a movie. He’d been charming, he could see it on the coy smile on her face, felt it when she rubbed her foot against his leg under the table. They’d made out during the movie and again in his car as he dropped her off. Not a bad first date, by any measure. He thought he could feel it, that potential. Maybe this was good, maybe Mandy was the girl to get him over whatever he was still harboring for Nancy. He’d meant to ask for a second date right away, but he’d gotten distracted.
Distracted by that faceless figure sauntering out of a gas station in the middle of nowhere. A figure that looked a little too much like Eddie Munson.
And so, instead of calling Mandy like he’d planned, he’d crawled through a broken, burnt up trailer to find Eddie curled in a ball. And then instead of calling her the next day, he’d forgotten, in between standing guard, waiting for Eddie to emerge from his trailer, mind preoccupied by trying to decipher what was going on with him. So preoccupied that when Mandy had walked into the video store full of confidence, looking tanned in a tight, short, white sundress, feathered hair falling over her shoulders, blue eyes bright in a slightly sunburned face, and asked Steve for a second date, he’d agreed.
But that was before he’d asked Eddie to stay over, before the sleepless night and early morning.
He’d been so exhausted after work, and he felt like shit. So, he’d tried to at least not look like it, taking extra time getting ready, trying on a few different shirts before settling on an old dark (maybe a little too tight) button down.
Steve already hadn’t felt like going out with Mandy, and when Dustin and Will had demanded to sleepover, it was even harder to leave. The idea of watching movies, ordering pizza, relaxing, laughing and having fun with Dustin, Will and Eddie was so tempting; maybe Robin could have come by after work, too. But he’d left them. Gone on the date with Mandy. He had to try. He had to get over Nancy once and for all. He had to try and start the next phase of his life, whatever that looked like.
Mandy had invited him to a house party thrown by some of her old Hawkins High classmates who were also home from college for the summer. It had been a while since Steve had been to a party like that. The giant red bowl of jungle juice on the counter reminded him Nancy spilling on herself. Breaking up with him. Calling his love bullshit.
Shit. Stop thinking about Nancy.
Steve turned his full attention on Mandy, dialing his flirt level up as high as it could go. Making her a drink, touching the small of her back, asking her questions but not really listening, focusing on her lips as she spoke; making it clear to her that he was looking at her lips as she spoke.
He didn’t have to try very hard, as she soon pulled him into a dark corner, hands circling around his neck and into his hair. She felt so soft, her breasts pressing up against his chest, making him pull her tighter, their bodies flush. As Steve ran his hands over her, he realized she wasn’t wearing a bra. He started to skim his hands up her legs, caressing her hem when he heard the conversation around the corner.
‘…not as good as what Munson had,’ a man’s voice was saying. Steve’s mouth continued to move but his concentration shifted to hear the response.
‘Ugh, I can’t believe we used to score pills from a killer,’ a high-pitched voice replied.
‘I thought he didn’t kill them,’ a third, clearly stoned voice chimed in.
‘Well, he’s still a creep,’ the girl huffed. ‘I don’t know why Chrissy was hanging out with him. Even if he didn’t kill her, he still lured her over there. If she hadn’t been in that shitty trailer park with him, she’d still be alive so...’
Steve realized he’d pulled away from Mandy, letting her kiss and suckle his neck while he’d craned his head to listen to the conversation. Those pleasant feelings from just moments ago were now turning hot and angry in him. Steve wanted to shoot around the corner and punch those assholes in the face.
Happy to buy Eddie’s pills but still call him a creep and a killer. Steve knew the cover story was bullshit and couldn’t believe when people bought it but still; the idea of people having no empathy for Eddie at all, for continuing to believe the worst about him even after the police and the FBI and the legal system had all deemed him innocent was too much.
And he couldn’t stop the thought from coming that if things had turned out slightly differently, if he hadn’t asked out Nancy, if he hadn’t shown up at the Byers that night to fight a Demogorgon, if his worldview hadn’t been shifted, then Steve could have been one of these assholes at the party thinking these things about Eddie.
Steve pulled away from Mandy, her dazed expression turning confused.
‘Hey, uh, sorry,’ Steve stammered, the edges of his vision blurring slightly at containing his anger. ‘I forgot; I have an early shift tomorrow. I gotta go.’
‘Oh,’ Mandy’s swollen lips formed a perfect circle. ‘You didn’t say –’
Steve was already backing away, catching sight of the girl who’d been talking about Eddie in the hallway, continuing to talk to her friends but not hearing what he was saying. She looked so normal, Steve thought. He didn’t recognize her, but she looked like any other girl he’d seen at these parties before. The idea that any random face could be concealing hatred like that…
‘I have to go,’ Steve blurted out, not meeting Mandy’s curious eyes. ‘I’ll call you!’
He barely heard her reply as he jogged out the front door.
As he drove home, he hoped that maybe Eddie and the boys were still awake, but he walked into a quiet house, the TV static from a paused VHS tape, Will and Dustin sprawled passed out on opposite ends of the couch and Eddie asleep on the recliner. What a party, Steve thought.
He gently removed the pizza box that was balanced on Dustin’s stomach, and dropped soft, cream-colored decorative blankets on the sleeping Dustin and Will, placing Will’s head on a pillow from the uncomfortable angle it had been hanging.
Steve moved over to Eddie on the large leather recliner. He looked so small in it. Steve grabbed the last blanket, his favorite. It was blue and worn and soft, covered in a pattern of baseball bats, and always the one Steve used, the only reason his mom made the exception to keep it down here even though it didn’t match the white and wood toned color palette. Steve leaned forward, tucking the large blanket in around Eddie. He looked so peaceful, Steve thought. More peaceful than the last time he’d seen Eddie asleep, curled up in that hot trailer.
Was it creepy that Steve had seen Eddie asleep multiple times?
Steve ignored that thought, tucking the blanket around Eddie’s still bony shoulders. A dark, frizzy curl had fallen over Eddie’s eye, his exhales moving the piece as he breathed. Steve reached over to tuck the strand back. The short hair looked nice on him, Steve thought. He was still coming to terms with this new look; it didn’t look like the Eddie from before. But hair grew back; maybe that old Eddie would come back, too.
Steve was about to pull away when Eddie’s eyes opened. Steve froze, shocked. Had Eddie been awake this whole time? Steve tried to remember how long he’d been lingering here.
Eddie’s eyes were unfocused from sleep but looked directly into Steve’s, two bright sparks reflecting the glow of the TV screen.
‘Thanks, babe,’ Eddie mumbled, a lazy smile playing on his lips. It was almost seductive. Steve had never seen a look of such pure ease on Eddie’s face before. Intrigued, Steve felt himself lean forward slightly but before he had registered what was happening, Eddie’s eyes closed, and he fell back asleep.
***
Steve tried to forget about that moment, but it kept coming to mind; he was certain that Eddie wouldn’t remember it, his eyes flashing open so briefly. But it had felt longer for Steve, like he had observed something private, intimate, just like when he’d spied the scars playing over sleeping Eddie’s stomach in the trailer.
Even acting as normally as he could, the next day had been weirdly strained. Steve thought maybe it was his stupid comment about Eddie’s cooking, again realizing that he should have some empathy for Eddie, otherwise he was no better than those assholes at that party. Or maybe Eddie was stressed out about his tests. Or maybe he felt uncomfortable in Steve’s large, silent, sterile house; Steve knew he felt that way sometimes.
But Steve wanted Eddie to feel comfortable. He didn’t want to add to Eddie’s stress. So, he tried to match his pace.
Steve had never been a big breakfast fan, always preferring to sleep in, but he made the effort when he’d heard Eddie downstairs that next day. The breakfast and conversation were nice. A bit polite, stiff. But he’d thought Eddie was coming out of his shell again, a bit each day. He thought they’d made some progress, and he was surprised at how rejected he felt when Eddie hadn’t wanted to hang out that day and hadn’t wanted him to join for dinner. Not that he would have expected to be invited. Would he?
So, again, nursing a feeling of rejection but this time from Eddie, not Nancy, Steve had called Mandy. He hadn’t expected her to answer as he knew she’d been spending her days at the pool or up at the lake with friends.
And when she had answered, he hadn’t expected her to say yes, since he’d gone MIA after leaving so abruptly from that house party.
But he’d called, she’d answered, she said yes.
‘So… do you want to come over tonight?’ she repeated. ‘Maybe around 7?’
Not really, Steve thought. ‘Sounds great,’ he said instead.
He spent the day lounging in the pool, had called Robin at work a few times just to bother her, had tried calling Dustin to check in on him and Eddie and had been rejected with a swift ‘we’re studying!’. He’d tried to watch TV but ended up staring mindlessly at the screen for most of the afternoon. Eventually, he got up, got date ready, went to buy Mandy some (sorry for ditching you at a party) flowers, and showed up right on time.
‘Oh my god, they’re beautiful!’ she exclaimed, maybe a bit too excited for a standard bouquet. God, she really was gorgeous, he thought. Sunkissed, symmetrical, blonde hair tousled in a way that looked too purposefully casual (Steve had experience with that). Wearing another short sundress, this one pink and blue and lacy. Still no bra.
What the fuck is wrong with me, Steve thought. Look at her. He was determined to push aside this moodiness he was feeling and enjoy the fact that he was here with Mandy Thomas, somewhere any other guy would be lucky to be.
‘So are you,’ he smiled at her, leaning in for a kiss that she returned eagerly.
‘Come on in,’ she opened the door wide into her hallway, one that looked eerily familiar, almost a copy of Steve’s own. Even the large living room she led him to was decorated similarly, this in shades of cream instead of white, floral accents instead of wood.
‘I made us some dinner,’ she pointed to a bowl of chips, a tray of carrots and celery and some dip laid out on the coffee table. So maybe no secret culinary skills here, unless she was hiding hers like Eddie had been.
‘Looks great,’ he smiled, a bit disappointed, realizing that he was actually hungry. He sat down on the couch and started on the chips.
‘I rented us a movie,’ Mandy walked over to the TV stand, showing him the case. Oh shit. ‘The girl at the store recommended it to me. She said it was really romantic.’
He was going to kill her. ‘That girl at the store? Robin?’
‘Is she the red head?’ Mandy asked. Steve nodded, and so did Mandy. ‘When she heard it was for our date, she insisted!’ Mandy popped in the first of the two VHS tapes for Doctor Zhivago. God help him.
As soon as Mandy ran over and snuggled in next to him, he could see how the rest of the night would go. He’d place his hand somewhere suggestive, they’d make out, chances are have sex right here on the couch, movie forgotten, parents away, Mandy braless and in a short dress, Steve here with flowers on date number three.
He knew from his work at Family Video that the runtime for Doctor Zhivago was over three hours. So instead of putting himself through that, Mandy could be a perfect distraction.
Again, Steve thought, what the hell is wrong with me? Hot girl, no parents. I could get laid tonight, it’s practically a guarantee! And she wasn’t a distraction, she was a nice girl. A nice girl he was casually dating. So casually, that he often forgot he was dating her.
Stop being an asshole, Steve chided himself.
It all played out just like he’d expected, with Mandy wiggling into his side not even ten minutes into the film, his hand coming down to stroke her arm gently, then cupping her breast as she leaned up and kissed him. Soon she was straddling him, movie forgotten, lifting her sundress over her head and tossing it onto the plush cream carpet. Steve ran his hands up and down her slender torso, his fingers grazing the edges of her breasts, her nipples, trailing down to grip her tanned thighs, her ass, as she squeezed her legs around him.
Steve’s body moved in well tested motions, shaking off the rust of months of disuse. His hands knew where to linger, his mouth where to suck, finding the hollow of her throat, tongue circling her nipple, as he lifted her off him, to lay her down on the couch, his own clothes soon tossed aside. His thumb knew where to circle, his fingers where to stroke, knowing how much pressure his tongue needed to add to get her there. And she arrived, coming loudly.
She returned the favor, kneeling in between Steve’s legs as he reclined, getting him close before settling over him, straddling him and writhing maybe with a bit too much drama. But Steve knew he was (at least) decent at this; if this had been a few years earlier, he would have thought she was faking it, for how loudly she was moaning, hands coming up to muss and yank at her own hair, before threading through the hair on Steve’s chest and pulling it painfully as she rocked back and forth. But he knew it was real, knew this was all working. He held on as long as he could, shuddering his own release a few seconds after Mandy’s, reaching up to cup her shoulders, placing a small bite on her neck.
Laying there later, long after the movie’s first tape ended, second one thankfully forgotten, with Mandy curled up against him, sleepy and satisfied and sweaty, Steve felt good. It had all felt good.
It just hadn’t felt right.
And he couldn’t stop his mind from churning, trying to find a reason why.
‘Do you want to stay over?’ Mandy had whispered, a glint in her eye as Steve had pulled away, moving to get up from the couch.
‘I wish I could, I’ve got the early shift tomorrow,’ he forced a look of regret into his eyes, thankful that he didn’t have to lie this time. He leaned forward, lightly kissing her nose. She grabbed the back of his head and pulled him for a deeper kiss.
‘Are you sure? You always seem to have the early shift,’ she grinned. ‘You can be up early if you don’t go to sleep…’
Sleep sounded like the best thing to Steve, the idea of his warm bed at home immediately bringing a wave of exhaustion over him.
‘Next time,’ he whispered, placing a quick peck on her lips before moving away so she would not drag him back down again. He was so tired; he was nervous he might stay.
He left Mandy there on the couch, still lying naked, eyes following his every move as he dressed and made his way to the front door. ‘I had a great time,’ he said, door on the handle. ‘I’ll call you?’
‘You better,’ she smiled at him, a huge genuine smile.
Steve realized that he might be in dangerous waters. While he saw this as casual, had frankly been a terrible and absentee date, hot and cold with her, Mandy was somehow seemed like she was actually in this. She was dating Steve Harrington, had been on three dates with him, had slept with him. Was smiling up at him with such warmth, while he stood there, eager to leave. And Steve knew that this was not it. As good as the sex had been, as hot as Mandy was – this wasn’t what Steve wanted.
He wanted something real. And how could it ever be real if he knew she’d never believe that he’d saved the world by decapitating a mind control monster in another dimension; that she thought she was dating King Steve of Hawkins High, not Steve of Family Video; when he knew beyond a doubt, she’d see his best friends as nerds and freaks and not the brightest and best things in Steve’s life.
This was going to be messy, he thought.
He was still mulling this over – how to end it gently so Mandy wouldn’t hurt; she was returning to college anyway soon, wasn’t she, she couldn’t be as serious about him as that look had suggested – as he pulled into his driveway, noticing Eddie’s truck was parked, already back from his dinner with the Byers (or were they the Hoppers now, Steve wondered).
Outside of their shared breakfasts, Steve hadn’t seen much of Eddie in the house, Eddie seemingly preferring to stay in his room in the evenings, even when Steve had come home early enough where it might have made sense for them to have dinner together.
Tonight was no different, Steve walking into a quiet house, lights off, air conditioning on full blast. Eddie was probably in his room, smoking pot, like he’d been doing, like Steve could smell him doing.
Steve trudged up to his room, still deep in thought about Mandy and wanting to talk about it to someone. To explain that he wasn’t trying to be a bad guy, sleeping with a girl and then immediately thinking about breaking it off.
Sometimes you just don’t know until you know.
He walked by Eddie’s door, saw the strip of light underneath, faint scent of marijuana in the air. Steve wanted to knock. He wanted to ask Eddie if he felt the same way, that the only true people in his life were the ones who’d been through the same hell as he had. He wanted to ask Eddie if he thought Steve was an asshole for what he planned to do to Mandy. If he thought Steve was an asshole for who he used to be. If he thought Steve was a good person. If he even liked Steve.
But Steve didn’t knock. He just paused outside Eddie’s closed door, leaned his head on it gently and sighed.
***
Steve could feel the nervous buzz vibrating off Eddie the next morning at breakfast.
‘Test tomorrow?’ Steve asked, Eddie only nodding curtly in response, his spoon dragging through his cereal, making a soggy mess, his nerves apparently quelling any desire for a warm breakfast. Eddie’s leg bounced violently hooked on the bottom rung of the kitchen stool. He was focused on the bowl in front of him, head shaking gently from side to side.
Steve had no idea what to do to help him, but he wanted Eddie to get this win. To pass the test, to finally graduate. It was obvious how much it meant to him, how much work he’d put in.
‘Can I… how can I help?’ Steve asked, Eddie not seeming to register the question. ‘What do you need?’
Eddie finally looked over, wild eyes settling onto Steve. ‘I don’t know?’
‘Do you want Dustin to come over? Ban lifted; it was a stupid idea anyway. Would that help?’
Eddie shook his head slowly. ‘No, it’s not that. We’ve got a good routine… his mom makes snacks…’
‘I could make snacks,’ Steve mumbled, finally getting a small smirk out of Eddie.
‘No, no, it’s good,’ Eddie’s head shakes turned to nods, a determination entering his eye. ‘It might be bad luck to change it up now, you know. Dustin’s is where I study. It’s good. Really.’
‘If you’re sure?’
‘I am.’
The two of them headed out at the same time, Steve waving at Eddie as he got into his car. Eddie didn’t notice.
All morning at work, Steve alternated between thinking about how to break up with Mandy, and how to help Eddie for the test tomorrow.
‘Hey, Keith?’ Steve called to the other employee working with him; unfortunately, no Robin around today for him to kill for the Doctor Zhivago gag. ‘Can we trade shifts? I’ll take your Saturday if you take my Friday?’
‘Saturday and Sunday,’ Keith responded, not looking up from the magazine he was reading behind the counter.
‘Aw, man, come on.’
‘If I have to reschedule my Friday night plans, I want the whole weekend.’
‘What Friday night plans?’
‘I don’t kiss and tell.’
Steve rolled his eyes: ‘Fine!’
He wasn’t sure why, but Steve thought he might feel better being around tomorrow. Part of him thought Eddie might need support no matter whether he passed or failed that test.
***
When Steve got home in the early afternoon after his half-day shift – after dodging every blonde who came into the store, heart leaping out of his chest thinking each one was Mandy – he made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a bag of chips from the pantry, eating them standing over the sink. Was there a drama-free way to break up with Mandy? Was there a surefire way to cheer up Eddie?
The answer to one of the questions came to him as he rinsed the soggy cereal from the bowls in the sink, to load them into the dishwasher.
He knew one thing that Eddie liked, that seemed to cheer him up. It was a dangerous thought, maybe a bad idea, but Steve thought it couldn’t be that hard.
***
‘What the fuck did you do, Harrington?’ Steve heard Eddie squeak a few hours later. Steve turned his head so suddenly that he cricked his neck and got a big waft of hot oven air in his face.
Rubbing the back of his neck and the heat out of his eyes, Steve straightened to see Eddie by the kitchen island, a huge, bemused smile on his face.
Steve could imagine how he looked – the apron he’d thrown on earlier was now a mess, his hands had combed through his hair so often in frustration, it was practically slicked back. He felt something on his cheek and brought his hand up to check, coming away with fingertips of flour.
‘I made meatloaf!’ Steve shouted, gesturing vaguely to the kitchen behind him, genuinely proud of himself.
Something warm and homemade. That’s what he knew Eddie liked.
Steve had pulled out the only cookbook he’d ever seen his mom crack open and had scanned through the Joy of Cooking for a while, double checking each recipe that looked reasonably easy against the ingredients he had, spending more time going through his fridge and pantry than ever before. Finally, he’d landed on meatloaf. And then mashed potatoes from a packet because, well, one thing at a time.
But the meatloaf had gone okay, he’d gotten most of the eggshells out that he’d dropped in, and he thought it smelled right so far but who knew how it would taste.
The meatloaf victory made Steve cocky, he now realized. See, it wasn’t so hard to cook, Eddie had been right, they had all been fools for how shocked they’d been to see him in the kitchen.
And then he’d tried to make cookies.
Well, fuck.
Steve wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong.
Eddie walked up to Steve, who was holding the tray of questionable cookies, a curious look on his face.
‘And you baked?’
‘I… tried? They look… not right.’ Steve couldn’t believe he was frowning at a tray of cookies. But the look of pure glee on Eddie’s face almost made it worthwhile.
‘They look fine,’ Eddie said gently, a smile quirking his lips. Eddie looked around the kitchen, taking in the bowl of mashed potatoes, the meatloaf (that Steve thought was definitely the right color), and these oblong, melty looking cookies.
‘You cooked dinner?’ Steve couldn’t tell what that tone was in Eddie’s voice. It sounded like awe.
‘Yes.’
‘For me?’
‘Uh, yeah, who else?’
‘I… This is…’ Eddie paused, coughing out a breath, eyes blinking rapidly and coming back to meet Steve’s. ‘This is really cool of you, Harrington. Steve.’ Eddie imbued the ‘Steve’ with a serious head nod.
Steve felt himself flush with pride, with an unnamed happiness at having caused this reaction in Eddie. He couldn’t help but smile. ‘I thought maybe a home cooked meal would help. For tomorrow, I mean. Like, for good luck?’
Eddie just smiled at Steve, eyes dancing over his face. Steve felt a pleasant tingling in his chest that was rising so quickly, he had to look away.
‘Or,’ Steve continued, ‘maybe I’ll give you food poisoning and a good excuse to reschedule your test.’
‘Oh, I’m taking that test tomorrow, Harrington,’ Eddie said with such serious confidence, it radiated out of his entire being. ‘So should we eat?’ Steve nodded, and they both grabbed plates and sat in their usual seats at the kitchen island, Eddie on the left, Steve on the right.
Before Steve could tuck in and try his culinary creation, Eddie had tilted his head. ‘No offense, Harrington, but those cookies smell… questionable. Can we…’ Eddie pointed to the patio. Steve shrugged, and so they moved outside.
‘Here’s to you, Eddie Munson,’ Steve raised his can of beer to toast before they started. ‘Soon to be graduate, class of 1986.’
‘Aw, shucks,’ Eddie smirked but seeming genuinely pleased. ‘And here’s to you, Steve Harrington, and the first meal you’ve ever cooked.’
Steve rolled his eyes. ‘Not the first…’ Eddie just looked at him, an eyebrow raised. ‘Fine, the first meatloaf.’ Eddie’s smirk grew and he tapped his beer can to Steve’s.
Steve kept his eyes on Eddie as he tried his first bite. Eddie chewed for several seconds, a look of concentration on his face. He seemed to be dragging out the moment, knowing that Steve was observing him. Steve was about to yell at him, when Eddie looked at him, amused: ‘It’s good.’
‘Really?’ Steve couldn’t help the note of disbelief in his own voice, trying his own first bit. It wasn’t bad at all. ‘I’m a fucking genius,’ Steve said seriously, smiling.
Eddie guffawed, ‘Hah! Yes, Chef Steve.’
‘Uh uh,’ Steve shook his fork side to side, ‘That’s not it either.’
‘We’ll keep trying,’ Eddie grinned, taking another bite.
‘So, how do you feel? Ready for tomorrow?’
‘Ready as I’ll ever be. It’s insane, man,’ Eddie shook his head, tongue coming out to run over his top lip. ‘I’m nervous about a math test, when last month I was in jail, before that the ICU, before that dead in another dimension. Life’s fucking wild,’ Eddie raised his beer apparently in toast to life itself, taking a swig. ‘And now, I’m having dinner with Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington,’ Eddie grinned, biting his bottom lip.
‘Also veto that nickname,’ Steve shook his head. ‘And do you know how many girls would kill to be having dinner with me?’ Steve tried to joke but caught Eddie blush. ‘Like, not that many, with my recent luck, but… you know, at one point…’
Shit, Steve thought, I accidentally depressed myself.
‘Speaking of,’ Eddie seemed to force a smirk onto his face, ‘hot date last night? You came home late.’
‘Uh,’ Steve took a nervous drink, ‘Yeah, I had a date with Mandy.’
‘What’s this now? Fourth? Fifth? Is it getting serious, Harrington? Did you go all the way?’ Eddie teased, his head bobbing from side to side and eyebrows wriggling.
Steve couldn’t stop the blush that spread, feeling the heat on the apples of his cheeks. ‘Uh, third date. Only the third date.’
‘And what does a third date with Steve Harrington look like?’
‘We watched a movie at her place,’ Steve shrugged, praying there wouldn’t be more questions. Everything with Mandy felt so complicated and other than Robin and Dustin teasing him when he struck out, he wasn’t used to talking about his dating life when they went beyond the first or maybe second date, at least not anymore, not with sincerity, not since Nancy.
Eddie looked at Steve seriously: ‘Movie and a blowie?’
Steve choked on his beer. ‘What?! Is that a thing?’ he spluttered.
‘It’s a thing,’ Eddie shrugged. ‘Or so I’ve heard.’
‘So, you’ve heard, huh,’ Steve closed his eyes, embarrassed. ‘It was… something like that.’
Eddie raised his beer can again; Steve wasn’t sure if he was toasting Steve’s embarrassment or the fact that he got lucky. ‘Well, it must not have been that great of a date, if I’m the one getting a home cooked meal,’ Eddie grinned, leaning forward, crossing his arms on the table.
Steve huffed a small laugh, ‘You need it more. Meat on those bones, remember?’
‘You thinking about my meat, Harrington?’
‘Just tired of looking at your bones, Munson.’
‘Really? You don’t want to see any of my bones?’ Eddie raised his eyebrows suggestively.
‘How do you turn everything into a line?’ Steve laughed and threw up a hand in mock frustration. ‘Does that usually work with the ladies?’
A red blush crept up onto Eddie’s neck as he tensed, and leaned back, arms crossed. ‘It’s not one of my usual moves.’ He coughed and reached up to ruffle his own hair. ‘Sorry, actually.’
‘What for?’ Steve was confused; he thought their back and forth had been in fun.
‘It’s an old habit, I guess,’ Eddie was looking down at his beer can, as he flicked the tab back and forth. ‘Freaking out the jocks,’ he gestured up at Steve, ‘Usually a line or two like that and they’d leave us alone.’
‘Okay, well, first of all, I’m not a jock,’ Steve raised his hands in offense.
Eddie scoffed, ‘You’re Steve Harrington, of course you’re a jock.’ How insistently he said it actually hurt Steve’s feelings, which must have flashed on his face, as Eddie quickly looked apologetic. ‘I mean, you’re a jock, but you’re not just a jock. Has the word jock just lost all meaning?’ Eddie mouthed saying the word jock over and over a few times. He shook his head and continued, eyes meeting Steve’s: ‘You’ve been really decent to me, and a… a good friend.’
‘Thanks,’ Steve whispered, trying to smile. ‘I’m trying.’
‘Well, you’re doing great,’ Eddie said, smiling but a gentle tease in his eyes.
Steve tried to smile back and found himself saying: ‘I know what you really mean, when you say that word. “Jock”. It’s just… I don’t think I’ve been that way for a long time. I’m trying. To not be like that. Not anymore.’
Steve took a deep breath. Eddie was considering him closely, eyes traveling over Steve’s face. Steve had to look away, picking up his fork and mashing what was left of his meal together.
‘It’s easy to get caught up with all that bullshit. The labels, you know,’ Steve continued, staring at his plate. ‘Like, there’s one part of you that’s easy for everyone to see. But it’s not the real you. Or at least that’s not all there is. But that takes time, right, to get to know someone… beyond a label?’ Steve looked up at Eddie, who was sitting, silent, brown eyes intense on Steve. ‘People have to take the time to really see you and… most people don’t.’
Steve met Eddie’s eyes. He usually smiled and joked along when people gave him shit for his high school popularity, for what he used to be like, but he didn’t want to be that guy anymore. He wanted them to see him for more than that. And he knew they did; he knew that Robin, that Dustin, hell probably even Eddie would defend his character to anyone who tried to question it, knew that they knew they could rely on Steve, trust him. But he still sometimes felt that he was living in the shadow of King Steve.
He wanted to make sure that Eddie knew; that Eddie understood. He felt a tension in him loosen with relief when Eddie gave him a small smile, head nodding slightly. ‘Yeah. I get that. I mean, you’re talking to Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson, remember?’
‘Huh,’ Steve realized that if anyone would know it was like to not actually be what the world saw, it was Eddie. And he suddenly regretted that he hadn’t been a person to take the time to get to know Eddie before.
He had known of Eddie, of course; it was a small town, a small school. It was impossible not to. But Steve had been so focused on his own little world, and that world hadn’t crossed over much with the band kids, the nerds, the outcasts. How ironic that he’d found his best friends, the best people he knew in those groups.
Or maybe not ironic. Lucky. Lucky he’d found them at all.
‘Our paths didn’t really cross much, did they?’, he said, regret in his voice. ‘Back in school.’
‘Think you yelled at Tommy to leave me alone once, and we had history together when we were in the same grade that year. I was at that lake party, the one that Nicole had for your guys’ graduation?’ Eddie looked down, mouth quirking up on one side, his fingertips running over his knuckles. ‘But no. Our paths didn’t really cross.’
Eddie had been right there, so many times. And Steve hadn’t noticed.
‘I wish they had…’ Steve said, before he realized it. Eddie’s eyebrows bunched, a look that Steve couldn’t read flashing over his face.
‘Well, it’s not too late,’ Eddie said after a moment.
‘For what?’
‘For the Freak and the Jock to be friends,’ Eddie grinned.
Steve smiled back, raising his now practically empty beer up in a toast: ‘Cheers to that.’
Eddie returned the toast, throwing his head back to take the last gulp, throat muscles moving, hair flopping back, barely brushing his shoulders. Something about the motion in the cozy twilight glow, tree branches swaying in the background, and Eddie’s open face made Steve feel warm inside. If this is being friends with Eddie Munson, it feels good, Steve thought.
A minute later, Eddie spoke: ‘Wow, if Carver could see me now,’ he seemed to catch himself, crossing himself quickly. ‘Uh, rest in peace, I guess.’
‘What do you mean?’ Steve asked.
‘Just imagine,’ Eddie leaned forward, elbows on the table, fingers dancing as if painting a picture. ‘You, Steve Harrington, walking into the cafeteria and sitting down with me, Henderson, and the rest of the Hellfire Club…’
Steve couldn’t imagine it. If he admitted it, he’d never felt totally comfortable in that cafeteria. It had always been about putting on a bit of a show, even before he knew better, even when he did think Tommy was his best friend. He’d liked it best in those moments with Nancy, when he knew he could turn to her, talk to her and enjoy being himself, knowing she wasn’t judging him. (At least not too much.)
But he thought it would have been fun. To hang out with people who had seen the real him and still wanted him around. To goof off over lunch with Dustin and Eddie, not caring what others thought.
Yeah. It sounded so nice.
‘Maybe,’ Steve replied, a wondering look on his face. ‘If I ever got a do-over, then maybe. But life’s not like that.’
‘Well, I’m getting one. Tomorrow,’ Eddie hands were clasped under his chin, his head quirked to one side.
‘Shit. Right.’
‘That’s all I wanted those last few months, you know,’ Eddie stared off into the distance, as if recalling that time before. ‘It was so close I could taste it. Walking across that stage,’ Eddie almost whispered. ‘I built it up in my head for so long…’ he took a deep sigh, ‘but tomorrow? Tomorrow, I’ll take some tests in a smelly office and there we go. That’ll be my graduation.’
Steve smiled sadly, ‘It’ll be real, Eddie. With or without a ceremony. Class of 86.’
Eddie finally looked back at Steve, a wry smile. ‘Class of 86.’
There was something happening on Eddie’s face that Steve couldn’t look away from. When Eddie broke eye contact, Steve realized he’d been staring.
Eddie coughed into his fist: ‘Speaking of… Dustin said cramming isn’t a valid study technique, but I made do with it for 15 years and I think it’ll make feel better, so… I’m going to go up.’ Eddie pointed at the house over his shoulder.
‘Oh, sure,’ Steve nodded, scrambling after Eddie into the house.
‘Thanks for dinner, by the way,’ Eddie had paused by the hallway, smiling back at Steve. ‘It was definitely decent. For your first meatloaf, at least,’ Eddie winked. Steve wasn’t sure why that act made him want to giggle but he swallowed it down.
‘Yeah, of course! You want to try a cookie?’ Steve had run back to the now cool cookie sheet, bringing it over to Eddie.
‘Definitely,’ Eddie laughed, picking one up and taking a careful bite. He chewed it a few times, eyebrows drawn together, mouth slightly downturned in consideration. After he swallowed, he started nodding. Steve started to smile, but then, Eddie walked around Steve, bent over dramatically and placed the remainder of the cookie in the trash can.
Steve’s jaw dropped, ‘Come on, man, really? It can’t be that bad!’
Eddie gestured for Steve to try one which he did.
Oh.
‘How is it…’ Steve mumbled, mouth still full of cookie, ‘Sour? And chalky?’
Eddie shook his head slowly, a sad smile on his face.
‘I don’t know, Steve. I really don’t know.’
Chapter 8: The Answer Key
Summary:
‘I –,’ Eddie started. He truly didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure what words could express what he was feeling. Saying thank you didn’t seem like enough. Eddie could only grasp at vague notions of: I never knew how much I needed this; I never thought this day would come; I’m so glad you’re here; how do you know me better than I know myself. Instead, all that came out was: ‘How’s my hair?’
Steve let out a small chuckle. ‘Fluffy. But good.’
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
Eddie couldn’t sleep that night. His mind kept repeating formulas he needed to remember. Kept returning to Steve’s excited face showing off the meatloaf he’d made, standing in a disaster of a kitchen, messy hair sticking up at all angles. Dustin: ‘In any triangle, the sum of the interior angles is 180 degrees.’ Steve: ‘There’s one part of you that’s easy for everyone to see. But it’s not the real you.’
By the time it started to get light out, Eddie couldn’t take it anymore, dressing quickly and silently, heading downstairs. He was surprised that the kitchen was spotless; the mess had been intense. Steve must have spent a lot of time cleaning.
Eddie’s heart leapt at that; the idea of Steve, spending time to clean up from the time he’d spent making cookies. Making cookies for Eddie Munson.
Cookies that tasted like hot garbage, but still. It was the thought that counted.
Last night had been too much for Eddie. He was torn – he wanted to see Steve right now, more than anything. He loved Breakfast Steve. Loved the way his eyes stayed blurry until he’d finished his cup of coffee. How he let out a soft sigh of pleasure after the first bite of whatever Eddie had made. His chaotic morning hair.
But just remembering these moments from their past breakfasts was distracting, tempting to fall into and not emerge from. He couldn’t lose focus. Not today.
Not even when that crush that he’d been trying to minimize had come roaring back full force.
Because it wasn’t just a vague idea anymore, not a crush born from a too-tight shirt and some nice cologne when he was horny. That could have been anybody. But from one kind act to another, from those little moments of thoughtfulness, those shared glances and vulnerabilities.
This was too real.
This was all Steve.
Eddie didn’t know how to deal with something like that.
So instead, he scribbled a note and stuck it to the fridge: ‘Went to graduate. Be back later. – Eddie’
***
He’d been waiting at the front office when the administrator had walked up, holding a thermos of coffee and balancing a stack of paperwork.
‘Mr. Munson,’ she sighed, looking him over. ‘Good morning.’
Eddie smiled, popping up from the floor where he’d been lounging. ‘Great day to graduate.’
‘Hmpf,’ she puffed out. ‘Follow me.’
She settled him into a small office next to the main admissions desk, laying out four folders in front of him.
‘Your assignments?’
Eddie handed over the binder she’d given him last week, missing homework completed as best he could. She barely glanced through it before sticking it under her arm.
‘You will have one hour to complete each test. You’ll get a 15-minute break between each. Instructions are written out. If you have questions, I can’t help you.’
‘Awesome,’ Eddie tried to keep the bite out of his voice, though she obviously caught it, raising one eyebrow slightly. She placed a glass of water and a handful of sharpened pencils in front of him.
‘Good luck, Mr. Munson.’
Eddie breezed through the first test: history. It had always involved a lot of reading (his favorite type of class) and he’d always been able to visualize the real historical events and had even let them bleed into a few of his DnD campaigns.
He stuck his head out of the room: ‘I finished. Can I keep going?’
The administrator sighed deeply, not looking up from reviewing his binder, just held out her hand for him to place the test in, which he did. She placed it face down and asked him: ‘The break is required. You can start the next test in 15 minutes.’
After a smoke and downing a pop from the vending machine, Eddie returned to test number two, taking almost the full hour for life sciences, the bullshit science alternative for those who didn’t earn their place up into the advanced classes.
Another mandatory break, this one powerwalking the full length of the hallway twice, then test number three. The class that surprised everyone when they learned that not only Eddie was taking it, but he was breaking the curve. Advanced English. Eddie took almost the whole hour out of pleasure, luxuriating in his chosen essay topic, wishing for an extra fifteen minutes to really pull it all together.
During his last break, knowing that fate had saved the worst for last, Eddie was frozen in his seat, his bouncing leg vibrating the table, as he tapped out a rhythm, humming along. He saw the admin, still at her desk, reviewing Eddie’s binder of assignments with a red pen.
‘Are you grading all of this?’ he asked, raising his voice high enough for her to hear, but trying not to yell.
‘I have the answer key for everything except your essay. Mr. Feeney will be grading that himself tonight.’
‘Wait,’ Eddie burst out of his chair, hanging around the doorframe to face her. ‘So, I’ll know if I passed today?’ He’d been expecting to leave here with only a vibe about whether he graduated or not. The idea of actual certainty was overwhelming him.
‘As I said, Mr. Feeney will –’
‘I’m not worried about the essay!’ Eddie huffed, his fingers rubbing at his eyes in frustration, then taking a deep breath to calm himself. ‘Math. Can you grade my math today?’
When he lowered his fingers, the admin was looking at him, mouth drawn into a tight line, light reflecting off her glasses and making it hard to see her expression. After a minute, she left out a soft sigh: ‘I have the answer key for everything except for your essay.’ Eddie continued to look at her, eyebrows drawn, tense.
Another sigh. ‘I can grade your math test today.’
Eddie didn’t realize how loudly he’d sighed in relief until he saw her flinch back in surprise. ‘Sorry!’ he laughed out. ‘Sorry, that’s just… that’d be great,’ he placed his hands together and bowed to her. ‘Thank you.’
Her mouth was still drawn in a tight line, but he thought he saw her cheek flinch up. ‘You may start, Mr. Munson.’
And Eddie did, Dustin’s tutoring lessons and the promise of knowing for certain today whether his six-year high school career was finally over, swirling through his mind.
***
Eddie barely remembered the test itself, repeating Dustin’s number one lesson (‘they’re just shapes, don’t let them scare you’) over and over. It had helped. Eddie had always been so intimidated – what kind of brains first figured out that area equals pi r squared? Like, how did that happen? And why was it always true? Who figured out why r was so important to begin with? He thought that he’d have been more interested in a class about the history of geometry, rather than geometry itself.
And then, the waiting. It was like she was dragging out the grading just to piss him off.
But eventually, she’d returned the test to him, his final grade circled in red on the top.
‘A 72? I got a 72?’
‘Congratulations, Mr. Munson.’
‘I passed,’ Eddie whispered, staring at the number on the paper. Not just passed. A full-on C-. He stared at her in shock. ‘Does that mean… did I…’
Eddie noticed her small grin only because her expression so rarely changed. ‘You completed the majority of your assignments with passing grades. Again, Mr. Feeney will be grading your essay tonight…’
Eddie was positively vibrating, eyes bugging out of his head, focused on her every word.
‘… but barring a failing grade on that, you’ve passed, Mr. Munson. Congratulations. Your diploma will be ready for pick-up in two to four weeks.’
Eddie whooped out a howl, jumping so high his fingers reached the ceiling, then landed in a deep crouch, his arms cradling his head. He couldn’t stop a few tears from escaping.
He’d done it.
Holy shit.
Now what?
He straightened himself up, and rushed towards the admin, circling her in a big hug that she only resisted for the first few seconds, before placing her arms awkwardly around his middle, tapping his back twice gently. He kissed the side of her head as they pulled apart.
‘You’re my angel,’ Eddie beamed at her, holding her at arm’s length.
‘My name is Ms. Collins,’ she replied, a small grin still on her lips. ‘And I hope to never see you in these halls again, Mr. Munson.’
‘Please kill me if you do,’ he nodded at her, eyes wide in sincerity.
He had wandered down the hallway one last time, suddenly realizing that he would never walk these halls as a high school student again, transforming them from a place of dread to a place of nostalgia. How quickly that had happened.
Emerging from the front doors, he blinked into the bright sunlight but wasn’t fully present, mind still reeling. All of that work. He’d done it.
He was fucking exhausted.
He wandered over to his truck, and it took him a few seconds to register that someone was calling his name. He turned around, head scanning for who it was. If it was Ms. Collins saying that she had made a mistake with the grading, he was going to punch her. Literally punch her.
Instead, Eddie saw Steve jogging over from the other side of the parking lot.
‘Harrington?’
‘Eddie!’ Steve raised a hand in greeting as he ran closer, a Hawkins High gym bag tossed across his shoulder. ‘Hey man, how’d it go?’
While Eddie’s first instinct had been to tease (‘missed me, Harrington?’), Steve’s question brought it all bubbling to the surface. Eddie smiled wide, and without needing to hear the words, Steve returned his giant smile, eyes alight, rushing forward to draw Eddie into a hug. Eddie was so happy to share this moment, to have someone as thrilled for him as he felt, that he didn’t even register the closeness of Steve’s body, his scent surrounding him, until he felt the absence after Steve pulled away.
‘Class of 86, baby,’ Eddie grinned, as Steve stepped back, clapping in excitement.
‘Congrats, man! You’ve earned it.’
Eddie let out a long sigh through his smile: ‘I really have.’
‘Okay, well, that makes this,’ Steve reached into his bag, pulling out a bottle of whiskey, ‘a graduation present, instead of a ‘sorry geometry kicked your ass again’ present.’
Eddie took the bottle – expensive – running his finger over the label. ‘Well, I’ll be using it for the same reason. To toast a big ‘fuck you’ to this place,’ Eddie flipped off the building with his free hand.
‘I don’t blame you,’ Steve shrugged. ‘But before you do…’ Steve signaled for Eddie to follow him and started walking towards around the side of the building. Eddie followed him until he came to a stop outside of the auditorium.
Steve gave a quick yank on the door handles. ‘I figured but couldn’t hurt to check,’ he grimaced at Eddie, tossing the bag onto the ground. ‘Wait here.’ Steve disappeared behind a bush, making a painful grunting sound. Eddie suddenly felt very alone and exposed, standing out here in the open; being at school in the summer already felt off-limits, let alone no longer being a student and holding a bottle of alcohol.
‘Harrington?’ Eddie whisper-yelled, looking around to make sure he wasn’t being watched. No answer. ‘Steve?’ Eddie moved towards the bush where Steve had disappeared but barely took two steps before the auditorium door opened from the inside.
Steve jerked his head, ‘Come on!’ while holding the door open. ‘Grab the bag?’ Eddie did, hustling inside.
‘You know, I really don’t want to be nabbed for a B&E when I finally…’
‘Such a drama queen, we’re not getting arrested,’ Steve said over his shoulder, walking towards the stage. He gestured for Eddie to hand over the bag, crouching down to pull out a few items. When he stood up, it was clear what was going on.
‘Happy graduation,’ Steve smiled. He was holding a slightly bent graduation cap, what looked like a rolled up Chinese food menu held together with a piece of ribbon, and a Polaroid camera.
Eddie was speechless, staring at the items in Steve’s hands, making sure he was processing this correctly.
‘Here,’ Steve handed Eddie the faux diploma and Polaroid, then moved to place the graduation cap on Eddie’s head. ‘I always forget which way…’ Steve mumbled, taking another step closer to continue his adjustments, the tips of his sneaker’s grazing Eddie’s own.
Eddie’s breath hitched at how close Steve was standing, all of Steve’s attention focused on ensuring the cap was placed correctly. With Steve distracted and so near, Eddie felt a freedom to inspect him more closely than he had before. He could see soft brown hairs on Steve’s upper lip, light brown freckles on a tanned nose. His lashes are so long, Eddie thought. Beautiful.
‘There,’ Steve smiled as he stepped back, meeting Eddie’s gaze, now from a more acceptable distance. ‘Pretty sure the tassel starts on the right, and when you’re up there, switch it to the other side.’
Eddie reached up to run his fingers through the tassel, staring in wonder as the threads floated silkily around his fingers. It felt real. It made it all feel real.
Steve regarded him with curiosity. ‘You haven’t said anything.’ A statement, not a question. But a question.
‘I –,’ Eddie started. He truly didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure what words could express what he was feeling. Saying thank you didn’t seem like enough. Eddie could only grasp at vague notions of: I never knew how much I needed this; I never thought this day would come; I’m so glad you’re here; how do you know me better than I know myself. Instead, all that came out was: ‘How’s my hair?’
Steve let out a small chuckle. ‘Fluffy. But good.’ A smile. ‘Get on up there.’
Eddie handed Steve the camera and walked up the stairs to the stage, Steve humming the graduation tune under his breath; he snapped a photo as Eddie walked, letting it drop to the floor.
‘Where did you even get this?’ Eddie asked Steve from the stage, pointing to the graduation cap, standing awkwardly in the center of the stage, fiddling with the tassel.
‘It’s mine,’ Steve replied, snapping another shot. ‘Never returned it.’
‘Rebel,’ Eddie smirked at him.
‘Cut it out, Munson, do you really want to be smirking in your graduation photos?’
Eddie paused, then: ‘Kind of.’
Steve snorted. ‘Fine, but then you also…’ he took a running leap from where he’d been standing and jumped onto the stage. ‘… have to do one smiling.’
Steve stood right in front of Eddie, camera lowered. He mimicked a big smile, ‘And hold up your diploma.’
‘My Chinese food menu?’
‘It’s symbolic.’
Eddie grinned, but held it up, Steve taking photos, each polaroid dropping carelessly to the floor.
‘Okay, but like…’ Steve murmured, camera still covering up his face, ‘… actually smile.’
‘I am smiling.’
‘No, you’re not.’
Eddie growled low in frustration, causing Steve’s finger to slip off the button. He lowered the camera: ‘Yeah, that’s the sound of someone smiling, sure.’
‘I’m smiling! I’m happy!’
‘Then prove it!’
Eddie plastered a giant, overblown smile on his face, baring all his teeth, raising his eyebrows up as high as they would go, throwing up devil horns with his free hand.
The annoyed look on Steve’s face generated a real laugh that Eddie couldn’t contain. Steve snapped the picture, smiling softly. ‘Better,’ he said. Eddie reflected the small smile back at Steve, who took another shot.
They continued sharing these soft smiles until Eddie caught himself, coughing to break the moment. ‘All good?’
‘Yeah, just one more,’ Steve said, reaching over to throw his arm around Eddie, turning the camera towards them and taking a picture of the two of them together. ‘Cheese!’
Eddie knew that photo would reflect the shock on his face, staring at Steve in confusion at their sudden change in positions. Steve seemed to realize this without looking at Eddie, taking a second picture a moment later when Eddie had recovered and looked to the camera, smiling.
‘Cool,’ Steve said, crouching down to being picking up all the polaroids where they had dropped, jumping off the stage to collect the rest.
Eddie watched him for a moment before removing the graduation cap and turning it over in his hands. ‘Thanks for this, Harrington,’ Eddie mumbled to Steve, still staring at the cap. ‘It’s really thoughtful.’
‘You’re welcome,’ Steve said from below the stage. ‘You worked so hard. Eddie Munson, spending all his free time studying? Something to celebrate.’
Eddie grimaced slightly, looking at Steve. ‘I did study.’
‘Yeah, I know, I said.’
‘No, I mean… I mean, before,’ Eddie swallowed nervously. ‘Each time I was held back. I wasn’t being lazy. I actually tried.’
‘Oh,’ Steve said.
Eddie wasn’t sure why he’d confessed that. Bad boy metal head too busy living it up to pass his classes was his preferred image; not the scared kid who couldn’t figure out why the shapes never made sense and got upset when letters were used for calculation and not imagination.
‘Like you said, right? It’s easy for people to just see The Freak, but there was more to it than that. More to me,’ Eddie shrugged.
‘I know that.’ Steve said quietly, looking at Eddie intently. ‘Of course, I know that.’
‘I guess, just, what you said last night? I get it. I mean, it made sense to me.’
‘I knew it would,’ Steve said. ‘If it would make sense to anyone…’ he paused, considering Eddie with drawn brows, ‘…we both know you’re not what everyone thinks you are.’
Eddie swallowed thickly, wondering again, if his crush was too obvious, if his covert glances had been anything but. ‘Oh?’
‘Well, first of all, not a murderer,’ Steve held up one finger and continued raising fingers as he listed: ‘Not a freak. Surprisingly good cook. Secret math nerd. If anyone’s breaking the mold around here, Munson, it’s you.’
‘You forgot heroic, hilarious, and drop dead gorgeous,’ Eddie continued with a smirk, holding up three fingers of his own.
‘You’re right, I wouldn’t have torn my house apart looking for that damn graduation cap for a boring, hideous coward.’
‘You flatter me, Harrington.’
‘Return the favor anytime, Munson.’
Eddie barked out a small laugh. ‘It’ll take me some time, I’m sure I’ll come up with something.’
‘Alright, keep thinking while we get out of here, if doing those two things at the same time won’t tax your exhausted brain.’
Eddie jumped off the stage, jogging to catch Steve who was already making his way out of the door.
‘And not to overload you,’ Steve turned to Eddie as he caught up, ‘but this isn’t actually your graduation surprise.’
‘No? Sure felt like it.’
‘I could have done better than a to-go menu if I had a bit more time. I think.’
Eddie snorted, ‘So, what’s the surprise?’
‘Well,’ Steve grimaced slightly, glancing at Eddie, ‘It’s supposed to be an actual surprise but…’
‘But?’
Steve let out a breath, stopping to turn to Eddie. ‘This is really testing me, man.’
‘What?’ Eddie laughed nervously.
‘It’s… Dustin planned this thing and it’s supposed to be a surprise but, like, I don’t know if surprising a guy who’s been jumpy all week is a good idea, you know?’
Eddie nodded, getting it. ‘If it involves people jumping out to surprise me, please dear god break Dustin’s confidence and just tell me.’
‘Oh, thank god,’ Steve breathed out quickly. He looked at Eddie seriously. ‘But you’ll act surprised and never tell him I told you?’
‘I swear,’ Eddie said seriously, holding out his pinky, Steve looking at him amused before hooking his own pinky in Eddie’s. ‘I consider this binding,’ Eddie explained.
‘You’re… you’re so…’ Steve couldn’t find the words and shook his head, sighing and continuing: ‘He organized this DnD game with the whole Hellfire Club. It’s at Wheeler’s and I’m supposed to like, give him a signal and find a way to get you over there if you passed. I told him I’d take you out to get shitfaced if you didn’t.’
Oh. That’s so… ‘Nice,’ Eddie whispered.
The thought of Dustin, of everyone coming together to celebrate him. He flashed back to those long gray days in the institution, when he’d purposely numbed his mind to the boredom, to the bad thoughts; numbed his heart, to not miss those who wouldn’t or couldn’t visit.
His heart was full, now, even at this idea. His mind sparking at the idea of getting lost in a game for a few hours. At the adrenaline of the right throw, the fight, the win.
But then the tightness in his chest. Was it nerves?
It had been okay with Dustin, with Will, with Hopper and Steve. One on one.
When he thought of his last game with the Hellfire Club – the fun, the theatrics, the intensity – it felt like someone else. He would have loved to be at a game with that Eddie. Knew how much everyone else loved that Eddie. But this Eddie?
He didn’t know if he had it in him.
‘I wasn’t sure,’ Steve said, concerned. ‘It was like a week ago that you were asking me to help you act normal with Dustin and stuff… but I know you’ve been hanging out with him, so I thought maybe you were okay…’
God, was that only a week ago? Maybe a little more?
But it had turned out okay, hadn’t it? Dustin had seen Eddie – scars and all – and had accepted him.
Lucky, Dustin had said. Lucky that they still had Eddie.
So maybe he’d try.
What kind of DM would he be if he was scared of rolling the dice?
‘I – I’m okay,’ Eddie whispered. ‘I think I want to.’
‘Really? Cause I can tell Dustin I couldn’t find you, that you’d already left –’
‘No, that’s okay,’ Eddie nodded now, confidence growing. ‘It’s okay. It sounds fun?’
‘Is that a question?’
‘I mean, it’ll be fun but… it’ll be fun,’ Eddie said with more certainty than he felt.
Steve pulled out a walkie from his bag, looking to Eddie once more for confirmation. ‘You sure?’
‘Do it.’ A nod.
‘Dustin?’ Steve spoke into the walkie, waiting for a response. ‘Henderson?’
‘Steve?’ came Dustin’s crackling response.
‘The package is being delivered.’
Dustin’s loud whoop popped over the walkie, the sheer joy in it bringing a smile to Eddie’s face. It’d be okay.
‘Love my new nickname. Eddie The Package. Fitting.’
‘Don’t start,’ Steve sighed. ‘Let’s go – and remember, pinky swear.’
‘Pinky swear.’
A second later, Eddie asked: ‘How were you supposed to convince me to go over there with you without telling me the secret?’
‘I have no fucking clue.’
***
Eddie ended up following Steve’s car to the Wheeler’s, a caravan of two, Steve slowing to stops so gradually and waiting for so long that by the time they arrived, Eddie was properly annoyed.
‘You drive like my dead grandmother, Harrington,’ Eddie huffed as he walked up to Steve’s driver side window after parking his truck on the street out front, Steve’s car still idling.
‘I didn’t want to lose you.’
Despite Steve’s meaning, that phrase sent a warm flutter through Eddie.
‘Alright, well, this is where I leave you,’ Steve nodded. ‘Remember to act surprised.’
Eddie drew back a bit in confusion. ‘You’re not coming in?’
‘Nah, it’s not really my scene,’ Steve shrugged. ‘This is your thing with Dustin, right? Not mine.’
Eddie hadn’t considered that Steve wouldn’t be there. He tightened his grip where his hand had been resting on the rolled down window.
It would be okay. It would be okay if Steve wasn’t there. Wouldn’t it?
‘I… I think…’ Eddie realized his eyes were shut tight. When he opened them, Steve was looking at him curiously. ‘You should come in. It could be fun…’
Steve blinked his eyes a few times, eyebrows drawn. He bit the corner of his lower lip, clearly in thought. Eddie wondered if his need was written all over his face. Wondered when Steve had become his crutch. Was it when he’d come storming in, defending Dustin from Eddie’s distance? When he reached out to hold Eddie as he’d cried? Or when Eddie had realized Steve would never make him feel bad for crying, for cowering, for anything?
‘Sure, Eddie,’ he said eventually. ‘It’s your party,’ he smiled. ‘I just have to make a call.’
Eddie was a bit embarrassed at how much relief he felt.
If old Eddie could see him now – nervous to hang out with the Hellfire Club without Steve Harrington by his side. He never would have believed it.
***
‘Eddie!’ ‘Munson!’ ‘Congrats, man!’ ‘You did it!’ a chorus of voices and overwhelming cheers greeted him when they entered Mike’s basement. It was the most people he’d seen gathered together in so long – and they were all there for him.
Dustin, Will, and Mike all immediately ran up to him, surrounding him with hugs, a hand coming up to pull at his hair (‘so short!’ Mike yelled). Gareth, Jeff, and Grant followed, a bit more reserved in their hand clasps and back pats, but still smiling wide. Only a few curious glances back at Steve, who had entered behind Eddie and was standing silently in the corner.
‘What are you doing here?’ Dustin asked Steve, half thrilled, half confused.
‘It’s a party,’ Steve shrugged, ‘I love parties.’
‘No, we’re a party,’ Dustin said, pointing to himself and the rest of the Hellfire Club. ‘You’re not a part of our party.’
‘Ew,’ Steve swiped a bit of spittle from his eyes, a product of Dustin’s aggressive alliteration. ‘And words can hurt, Henderson,’ Steve pulled an exaggerated sad face.
‘Steve Harrington?’ Eddie heard Gareth whisper to Jeff, who just shrugged.
‘My good friend Steve insisted on joining us,’ Eddie stated, throwing his arm around Steve’s shoulder, and Steve a wink that he returned with a grimace. ‘I wasn’t sure why but now that I see this set up…’ he moved to the large folding table that was fully decked out, ready for the game to begin. ‘Very impressive, Byers,’ Eddie smiled at Will who beamed back at him.
‘We don’t have room for you,’ Dustin was still talking to Steve.
‘Are you trying to be an asshole?’ Steve asked.
‘It just comes naturally,’ both Eddie and Mike replied, sharing a grin.
‘I just wasn’t expecting…’ Dustin started but trailed off, raising his hands in defeat. ‘Fine! You can play!’
‘Oh, no, no, no, Henderson,’ Steve shook his head. ‘I am not playing. I am here to observe and –,’ he pulled out the whiskey he had gifted to Eddie earlier, ‘– to drink.’
‘Gross, no peeping,’ Mike snickered.
While Mike, Dustin and the rest of the party conferred loudly about Steve’s proposal, Steve turned to Eddie and whispered: ‘Those are my conditions for staying so…’
‘Deal accepted,’ Eddie muttered back.
‘Hear me, my brothers,’ Eddie stated loudly, arms coming out wide. ‘It’s my party and if Harrington wants to drink and peep – then drink and peep, he may.’
‘Amen,’ Steve murmured behind him. Eddie tried to contain his grin, knowing exactly what annoyed face Steve was surely making.
‘Now, Dungeon Master Will, what does the night have in store for us?’
Will grinned, ‘Tonight, we’ll be visiting Baldur’s Gate…’
As the guys got set up around the table, Eddie saw Steve run upstairs, but he was back only a few minutes later. Phone call, Eddie remembered. To whom?
***
Eddie forgot how fast time could fly during a good game. Will was amazing, Eddie realized quickly, a true natural. The spin he’d put on the campaign was so unique, Eddie and the others soon were immersed. He only vaguely realized that Steve was observing the game and players closely, taking swigs from the whiskey bottle at seemingly random intervals.
It wasn’t until the game was wrapping up (successfully, thankfully), that everyone began to realize how drunk Steve actually was.
‘And that’s snake eyes!’ Steve yelled out during one of Mike’s last rolls.
‘That’s not the game,’ Dustin reached back, slapping at Steve for the dozenth time that night.
‘That’s not the game,’ Steve whined back in a mocking, high pitched tone, throwing a pizza crust at the back of Dustin’s head.
‘Ugh, Eddie,’ Dustin eyed Eddie for help, his look clearly screaming out that Steve’s shenanigans were all Eddie’s fault for letting him stay.
‘Hey, not my game,’ Eddie couldn’t help grinning at Dustin’s annoyance. ‘Will?’ Eddie turned to Will.
Will sighed: ‘Steve, can you please be quiet?’ repeating the plea, not for the first time that night. Steve raised his hands in apology, and sat back, crossing his arms, all while still holding the whiskey bottle tight in one fist.
After a final winning play from Gareth, cheers erupted from around the table.
‘Great job, kid,’ Jeff grinned at Will, squeezing his shoulder in congratulations. Will returned the smile, beaming at everyone around the table. ‘Really? I wasn’t sure about the changes…’
‘It was masterful,’ Eddie echoed the compliment, causing Will to blush. ‘The Hellfire Club will be in good hands next year.’
‘Holy shit,’ Grant sighed. ‘That’s right! You’re graduated, man.’
‘It won’t be the same without you,’ Mike chimed in.
‘Eddie is the Hellfire Club and the Hellfire Club is Eddie,’ Dustin exclaimed. ‘Graduated or not.’
Eddie grinned at Dustin. Always so loyal.
Eddie swore he could feel Steve’s eyes following him as he made his way around to all of the guys, saying goodbyes, with promises to Jeff to catch up before he headed off to Iowa State next week, and to Grant before he left for Nebraska the week after; to Mike promising another game when Lucas and Erica returned from a forced family vacation (apparently the Sinclair parents were tired of both of their children sitting vigil at Max’s bedside), and to Will, reminding Eddie of their next Wednesday night dinner and Uncle Wayne call.
‘So, Steve Harrington, huh?’ Gareth cornered Eddie as he was leaving. ‘We all heard Henderson gush about him last year but…’
‘Yeah, he’s, um,’ Eddie glanced over to Steve, who now had his eyes closed, swaying slightly on his feet. Not good. ‘He’s helped me out since I’ve been back. Really decent of him.’
‘You could have come to us, you know,’ Gareth said, an edge of something like hurt in his voice. Maybe jealousy. ‘We didn’t… we didn’t believe it. Any of it. We had your back, man.’
Eddie’s heart melted a bit at that. ‘Oh, Gare Bear,’ he reached out, pulling him into a hug. ‘I never doubted you. It’s just been a… weird time.’
‘I can imagine,’ Gareth replied, nodding intently.
Oh, but could he?
Eddie realized there was a wall. A wall around him, around them – the ones who’d been to the Upside Down, who knew about Vecna. What could he possible say to Gareth? What lies would he have to pepper in to make what he’d been through seem reasonable? Would it be a real friendship if Gareth thought he’d been exposed to a toxic gas and attacked and left for dead in the woods, instead of journeying into an alternate dimension to fight a hoard of monsters and save the world?
Maybe. It might be a form of real, a facsimile of what they had before.
But Eddie would never be able to be fully himself with Gareth again.
The thought broke his heart.
‘We’ll catch up, man,’ Eddie said instead, forcing a half smile.
‘Definitely,’ Gareth said, returning the forced smile with a genuine one. Another back slap, another reminder to hang, and they were gone.
‘Do you wanna sleep over?’ Dustin asked Eddie excitedly, Steve now leaning on the basement door. ‘Will and I are staying, we got stuff for banana splits, and we rented Fright Night!’
‘Uh,’ Eddie stepped over to steady Steve. ‘I think I should take this one home. Unless you want to be the one cleaning up his vomit.’
‘Gross,’ Mike whispered from where he’d been packing up the game materials with Will.
‘Wheeler, is it cool if we leave Steve’s car here? I don’t think he’s safe to drive…’
Mike shrugged a ‘sure’, and with Dustin supporting one side, Eddie the other, they carried Steve out and deposited him in Eddie’s truck.
‘Gotta roll a 27,’ Steve mumbled, eyes snapping open, nodding at both Dustin and Eddie, who shared a concerned glance.
‘Is he gonna be…?’
‘He’ll be fine, Henderson,’ Eddie nodded. ‘I’ll make him chug some water and put him to bed.’ Dustin thankfully did not catch the quick quiver of awkwardness Eddie felt at the thought of putting Steve to bed.
‘Alright… but make him clean up his own vomit tomorrow.’
Eddie saluted: ‘Will do.’
After a big hug from Dustin and rolling down the window so Steve could yak out of it if necessary, Eddie drove them to Steve’s; he’d caught himself, but had almost called it home.
***
‘You’ve got to help me out, man,’ Eddie begged, trying to guide Steve to his front door as he kept insisting on walking himself, only to end up swaying back into Eddie after each step.
‘I am not that drunk,’ Steve said very slowly, turning to Eddie. ‘You are too… not drunk.’
God, he was adorable.
‘Why aren’t you drunk?’ Steve asked, truly confused.
‘You drank all the whiskey.’
‘Nuh uh!’ Steve pawed at the duffel bag at Eddie’s side, pulling out the bottle of whiskey. ‘See!’ He was right, it was still almost two thirds full.
But that was still more than enough for one person to get truly soused.
‘Okay, careful!’ Eddie reached out to grab the bottle before it fell onto the driveway, a saved victim of Steve’s swaying. ‘That shit’s expensive.’
‘S’true. Yummy.’
After a bit more maneuvering, Eddie managed to get them inside, only for Steve to kneel then lay himself gently onto the cool marble floor of the foyer, letting out a soft ‘ah!’.
Eddie knelt down next to him, twisting his head to look at Steve as straight on as he could.
‘Is this really where you want to spend the night, Harrington?’
‘Hmmm.’
Eddie couldn’t help but chuckle at Steve’s smooshed cheek and the dopey smile on his face. ‘How the hell did you get this drunk?’
‘Drinking game,’ Steve said, half mumbling with his face on the floor.
‘Oh yeah?’ Eddie laid down next to Steve, hands laced over his stomach. ‘And what game was that?’
‘Mmm…’ Steve’s brow furrowed in concentration, Eddie’s in sheer joy of how cute he looked. ‘One drink every time Dustin disagreed with someone,’ Steve spoke slowly, eyes still closed. ‘One drink every time you cracked your knuckles. One drink every time you did this,’ Steve touched his tongue to his top lip. Eddie felt himself heat up at the sight, pressing one of his palms into the chill marble. Then needed to press his other hand down, too, when he realized that Steve had been watching him so closely all evening.
Despite his exhaustion and the cold floor, Eddie felt himself starting to harden.
‘Well, if those are the rules,’ Eddie pushed himself up to retrieve the bottle of whiskey he’d placed on the entry table. ‘I think you’ve disagreed with me… hmm, let’s say three times in the last ten minutes,’ Eddie took a long drink. ‘And that tongue thing,’ he whispered more to himself, taking another quick drink. He settled himself back onto the floor by Steve, eyes now open and following Eddie’s movements. ‘I’ll catch up to you in no time,’ Eddie grinned over, settling the bottle on his stomach.
Steve just looked at him, eyes seeming to focus better than they had even just ten minutes ago.
‘You looked so happy tonight,’ Steve said softly. Eddie’s breath hitched in his throat. ‘It was nice,’ Steve continued.
I was happy tonight, Eddie realized, and: I am happy now. As happy as he could remember being in a while. He graduated. Passed fucking math. Had his friends around him. Played a great game.
Was lying here with one of the nicest people he’d ever met.
But Steve noticing that he’d been happy – it haloed that happiness in something greater. Eddie wasn’t sure what and felt nervous to examine it more.
So, he did what he always did when he was uncomfortable: joke, distract. Eddie angled his face towards Steve’s, their bodies close enough for Eddie to feel Steve’s heat, but not touching.
‘I don’t need much to be happy. A game of DnD and a few drinks,’ Eddie grinned. ‘Give me a guitar and a joint, and it’s just like old times.’
Steve rolled his eyes, but then widened them, mouth forming an ‘oh!’. He pushed himself off the floor and began moving (clumsily) down the hallway. Eddie hoisted himself up to stare after him, confused, before jumping up to follow.
Instead of turning right to the kitchen, Steve went left, down the other side of the hallway. Eddie thought there was nothing down here, but Steve pushed open a door and entered a dark room.
‘Uh, Steve?’ Eddie asked nervously. Instead of responding to words, Steve made an impatient sound in the dark, before pulling on a light cord. It illuminated a set of descending stairs.
A basement. Ah.
Eddie followed Steve down the stairs, but halted at the bottom, as Steve ran to the laundry area in a well-lit, white tiled corner of the room. Eddie took a nice long look as Steve bent over the washing machine, rummaging around behind it, popping up a moment later with a look of triumph.
‘Aha!’ Steve exclaimed, holding up a baggie of weed also containing two pre-rolled joints and a lighter. He settled on top of the washing machine and pulled out one of the joints, lighting up.
‘You sure you need that? You’re already drunk,’ Eddie had never seen Steve drunk or high before tonight; and now he was going to see both.
‘It’ll help me sleep,’ Steve said, hands cupped around the joint. He inhaled, held, released, then offered the joint to Eddie. Why the hell not. Eddie joined Steve, perching on the dryer next to Steve on the washer, and took a hit.
‘Nice,’ Eddie whispered. Better than whatever he’d been smoking the last few weeks. He passed the joint back to Steve who took another hit.
‘I get why you do it.’
‘Do what?’
Steve raised the joint in answer. Eddie knew he wasn’t exactly being subtle about his nightly routine, but he still felt a bit embarrassed. ‘Ah.’
‘It makes the scary things feel… softer. This,’ Steve pointed to the baggie between them, ‘is from when we got back. After Vecna.’
Eddie waited for Steve to continue, which he did after another hit. Slow down, Eddie thought, but didn’t say, instead reaching over to grab the joint from Steve and taking his own puff, hoping that without having it to fiddle with, Steve would slow down.
‘It helps stop it,’ Steve whispered, nodding at the joint. ‘The nerves. Or nightmares. Whatever. That first monster? At the Byers? I couldn’t sleep for weeks. It was gonna kill Nancy so I… we fought it. I wasn’t being brave. I just… didn’t want her to die. And then those tunnels,’ Steve shivered. His eyes were focused on a spot on the ground. ‘Monsters ran right at us, you know? Right at Dustin. God, fuck, if they’d hurt him? I can’t – I don’t – but it keeps happening. Kept happening.’ Steve raised his hand to his mouth, covering it gently with his fingers, almost as if he’d expected the joint to still be there. ‘And you,’ Steve looked over at Eddie. ‘You were dead. Fuck!’ Steve tilted his head back, taking a deep breath. ‘I hadn’t lost anyone, and then you…’
‘Hey,’ Eddie reached over, placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder, ‘You didn’t lose anyone. I’m here.’
Steve sobbed out a laugh, turning to look at Eddie. ‘I know. But it’s those moments right before, you know? That’s where I get stuck. Like, that split second when the demodogs are about to surround us, and I think Dustin’s about to die. Or seeing you there, all gray and bleeding. Before realizing you’re not, you know…’ Steve took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. He reached over to grab the joint, his fingers brushing over Eddie’s and pausing for a moment, before taking another hit.
‘Fuck,’ Eddie whispered. ‘You’re a depressing drunk.’
A real laugh bubbled out of Steve, who turned to look at Eddie with a small smile. ‘I know, right?’ Eddie held out his hand for the joint, taking it and pinching the end before placing it back in the baggie.
‘You know, I have some upstairs?’ Eddie jiggled the bag. ‘You didn’t have to bring us down to your creepy basement.’
Outside of the tiled and well-lit area housing the washer and dryer, the rest of the gigantic basement was lit sporadically with dull dangling lightbulbs. Eddie could make out full shelves visible at the farthest end, stacks of boxes filling up most of the rest of the space, along with multiple rolled up carpets, what looked like a full 8-piece dining room table and chairs, and several couches pushed up against the far wall.
‘Damn, you’ve got a lot of shit down here,’ Eddie whistled.
‘Oh, fuck!’ Steve smacked his head, jumping off the washing machine, and heading into the deep of the basement, coming in and out of view as he passed under the dim bulbs.
‘Hope you don’t expect me to follow you into a dark corner, Harrington!’ Eddie yelled after Steve, who had stopped to rummage through a pile in one of the far corners. ‘Especially after you just reminded me of my traumatic death!’
‘I didn’t come down here for the weed,’ Steve yelled back, his voice softened by all of the boxes and furniture surrounding him.
‘Aha!’ Steve shouted in triumph, pulling something out from behind a pile. He held it up to Eddie in victory: a dusty, black guitar case.
Eddie paused. Drunk, high, DnD, and now a guitar. All the ingredients for the old Eddie. For a happy Eddie.
Eddie took the case as Steve clambered back out of the pile.
‘I remembered the other day,’ Steve said, pointing at the guitar. ‘Just forgot to grab it and then when you said…’
‘A guitar?’ Eddie held the case gently. He could tell this was quality, a heavy hardwood case with gold hardware.
Steve guided Eddie to sit on one of the couches, Eddie distracted and still holding the guitar case reverently. He opened it, revealing an acoustic guitar, in satin black smoke, the mahogany wood cool to the touch. It looked pristine, cradled and protected from however long it had spent forgotten in this basement in its red velvet bed.
‘Wow,’ Eddie whispered, fingers gently grazing over the body, the neck.
He looked over to Steve, whose pupils were wide and black, whether from the weed, the dimly lit basement, or something else. ‘Can I?’ Eddie asked Steve, pointing to the guitar.
‘Yeah, man, of course. I found it for you.’
Eddie lifted it out of its case carefully and settled it against himself. The last guitar he’d held had been electric, mottled red, the love of his life, a sacrifice to save the world at the most metal concert ever. It had been months since then, since he’d held an instrument.
But it fit perfectly in his hands, cradled perfectly against his body. One hand had settled on the frets, the other on the strings – a natural fit.
‘You just had this sitting down here?’ Eddie asked, not able to keep the slight accusation out of his voice. If Steve noticed, he didn’t seem to care.
‘Uh huh. There’s lots of nice stuff down here that didn’t fit the new “aesthetic”,’ Steve said, making air quotes around the last word, and nodding to the couch that Eddie was sitting on. Eddie looked down – it was a worn in, gorgeous brown leather midcentury style couch.
‘You rich people…’ Eddie mumbled.
‘That was my grandpa’s,’ Steve had settled cross-legged on the floor in front of Eddie on the couch. He nodded up at the guitar. ‘He left it to me when he died. I don’t think he even really knew how to play, he just liked having the nicest things. And I never learned, so I mostly did what you’re doing, just taking it out and holding it. Now realizing, I wasn’t even doing that right.’ His head tilted side to side, examining Eddie’s stance, focus falling to his fingers on the string.
The attention caused Eddie to strum a random chord in nervousness.
‘Play something,’ Steve said, leaning back on his hands.
‘Play? Now?’ Eddie wanted to. He loved performing in front of a crowd. But here, one on one, with Steve looking up at him so eagerly? And given his last performance…
‘I heard you play, you know, down there,’ Steve said. ‘But I didn’t get to see. Sounded great though. Epic.’
‘Hmmm,’ Eddie ran his fingers up and down the neck of the guitar. ‘That was electric,’ Eddie explained. ‘This is acoustic.’
‘So?’
‘It’s just… it’s different.’
‘You can’t play this one?’
‘No, it’s not that…’ Eddie sighed. He wasn’t sure why this felt different. He’d been playing electric for years, had immersed himself in Metallica, Dio, Iron Maiden.
He thought maybe it was the fact that their respective positions – Steve cross-legged, looking up to Eddie seated on the couch and holding an acoustic guitar – brought a vivid memory to mind. Many memories. Memories of how Eddie first fell in love with music, first learned how to play guitar. Looking up just like Steve was; looking up at his mom as she sang for him almost every night.
It was those thoughts floating through Eddie’s mind that caused his fingers to start moving with muscle memory, to the first song he’d learned to play. Maybe the first song he’d ever heard. Maybe his mom playing it the first memory he ever had.
‘Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly…’
Eddie spoke more than sang to the melody. Just like his mom used to do. He caught a quick glimpse of Steve watching him intently, mouth open and eyes dancing; he wanted to keep looking at Steve, but instead closed his eyes and continued.
He felt the warm rush of remembrance infuse him from core to fingertips; holding a guitar in his hands felt so natural, he couldn’t believe it had been so long. It was that same static jolt of recognition he’d had, grasping that first paperback behind the cabinet after he’d returned to the trailer, rolling those dice tonight surrounded by his friends, now with his fingers strumming like they should have been doing all along.
It felt like the old Eddie.
It felt like home.
Notes:
Healing is a long process but I am so happy Eddie getting there! And I think we all could use a friend like Steve to help pick us up and put us back together sometimes.
I would love to know what you think :)
Chapter 9: Pinky Swear
Summary:
They were standing so close; Steve could feel the heat coming off Eddie’s body. Between that, Eddie’s hand, the intensity of his gaze, Steve felt himself lean forward slightly, subconsciously. Breaking their intense eye contact, his eyes skimmed over Eddie’s face, from the soft curls falling over his cheeks to his pink lips; Steve was still focused on them when Eddie pulled in his bottom lip, biting one corner. Steve swallowed and took a breath, locking back on Eddie’s gaze.
Wow. Steve shuddered at the look.
If he thought Eddie had been intense before, it was nothing compared to this. His pupils had widened, and there was something there that Steve hadn’t seen before. Not in Eddie.
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve could hold his liquor. Ask anyone he’d gone to school with. Steve was always the one passing out shots, doing keg stands, drinking whatever random combination of mixer and alcohol was available, always coming through it without incident.
So, what the hell had been in that whiskey bottle?
The splitting headache woke Steve before the gurgle in his gut did, but just barely.
‘Ughhhh,’ Steve reached up to hold his head in his hands, massaging his temple.
‘Morning sunshine.’
The cheery voice in his ear caused Steve to leap up, the sudden motion causing the pressure in his head to sharpen. ‘Ah!’ he scrunched his eyes shut, dropping his head into his hands. ‘What the fuck?’
Steve looked up to see Eddie laughing, holding a plate with toast and a mug of coffee.
The smell made Steve want to vomit.
‘What’s going on?’ Steve mumbled.
‘Breakfast?’ Eddie held up his offerings again. Steve waved them away.
‘Ugh, I can’t…’ Steve started to lie back down again, realizing that he was still in the basement, on the soft leather couch that his mother had deemed too dark to fit the new decorator’s vision. Steve had always loved how it smelled, how well worn it had been. He snuggled his face deeper into the cushion.
‘Sorry, dude, but no go,’ Eddie pulled at Steve’s shoulder, attempting to get him upright. ‘You made me pinky swear that you wouldn’t be late for work and it’s already after 8.’
‘I wouldn’t make you pinky swear…’ but as soon as Steve said that the memory came back. Sitting in front of Eddie as he’d been perched just a few cushions down, playing song after song for Steve, that old gorgeous guitar finally fulfilling its purpose after wasting away in this basement for who remembered how many years.
At some point, the music, the weed, the alcohol, the late hour had all gotten to Steve, who’d curled up in a ball on the floor, reaching up a pinky to Eddie and making him promise to get Steve to work on time.
That was surprisingly responsible, Steve thought. Fuck me.
‘I don’t need the job that badly…’
‘Oh, no you don’t,’ Eddie reached to lift Steve up, wafting the cup of coffee under his nose. Steve gagged and pushed it away, sloshing coffee over Eddie’s hand and onto the linoleum. Steve barely registered Eddie’s ‘fuck’; that’s how much this cushion was calling his name.
‘I didn’t want to have to do this,’ Steve heard Eddie say after a blissfully quiet minute.
Steve felt an arm encircle his waist, separating him from the couch and before he knew what was happening, he felt Eddie’s shoulder under his ribcage; he was hoisted over Eddie’s shoulder, the movement knocking the air out of his lungs and accelerating the spins he’d already had.
‘What the fuck!?’ Steve yelled, mostly into Eddie’s lower back, his face bouncing onto Eddie’s ass. ‘Put me down!’ Steve wriggled his legs, trying to get free, but Eddie had an iron grip on his upper thighs, holding him in place. Eddie was just barely more than the skin and bones he’d been a few weeks ago; Steve marveled at the fact that Eddie was able to lift him. Without the off-kilter angle and a massive hangover, I could still take him, Steve thought, definitely.
Before he knew it, Eddie was hustling him up the stairs, now seeming to struggle under Steve’s weight, but keeping his momentum, carrying Steve the short distance down the hallway, out through the open patio doors, where he dumped Steve into the pool.
Clothes and all.
‘Holy shit!’ Steve bounced up quicky, pushing his sopping hair out of his face and rubbing his eyes. ‘What the hell, man?’
‘I take my pinky swears seriously, Harrington,’ Eddie smirked at him from the edge of the pool, arms crossed, enjoying every second of this.
‘Help me out at least,’ Steve reached up a hand to Eddie, who just laughed and shook his head.
‘Nuh uh, Henderson got me with that one last week,’ Eddie nodded to the ladder. ‘You can manage on your own.’
‘Asshole,’ Steve mumbled not-at-all softly, generating another laugh from Eddie, who tossed a towel at him as soon as he emerged.
‘Gotta hustle, Harrington, we’ve still got to pick up your car.’
‘What?’ Steve’s memories of last night were coming back to him through the shock of the cold water, the shock of returning to his senses.
That’s right. The Dungeons and Dragons game in Wheeler’s basement. The one Eddie had asked him to stay for, with that nervous look in his eye that made Steve want to do whatever it took to make it go away.
And that included cancelling on Mandy, making up a drinking game to keep himself entertained, and now getting tossed into the pool for all his troubles.
‘This is all your fault, Munson,’ Steve said, heading into the house. The smell of coffee was suddenly less abhorrent than it had been minutes ago; Steve poured himself a fresh mug.
‘How so?’ Eddie leaned forward of the kitchen island, still smiling but with his breaths coming in short; Steve wasn’t sure if it was from the laughter or from hauling him upstairs.
‘I was only drunk cause you asked me to stay for that game!’ Steve pointed at Eddie with his coffee mug, causing his second coffee spill of the morning.
‘Oh, nice try, Harrington,’ Eddie said. ‘Yes, you so graciously obliged – but the drinking was all you. You could have played, could have sat in the corner knitting… literally, the options were endless. You were the one who drank most of my,’ Eddie gestured to himself with both hands and bowed, ‘graduation gift. You’re welcome, by the way.’
‘I – that’s –’
‘We can argue more on the way,’ Eddie nodded, heading out of the room. ‘You’ve got to be at work in 45 minutes and well, lots to do. Chug some water and get changed!’ He singsonged as he ran up the stairs.
‘Fucking pinky swear,’ Steve said, finishing his coffee and filling a large glass of water from the tap.
***
It wasn’t until he locked the front door behind them that Steve noticed the large bag slung over Eddie’s shoulder.
‘What’s with that?’ Steve asked, nodding to the bag. ‘Going somewhere?’ he teased, but the look on Eddie’s face stopped him short.
‘Uh, yeah,’ Eddie shuffled from one foot to the other and back. ‘Hopper’s cabin, remember? He’s letting me crash there.’
‘Oh. Right.’ Steve deflated at the realization that Eddie was leaving. Why was he leaving? ‘But my parents are gone til Friday. You could stay?’
He wanted Eddie to stay.
A mix of emotions flashed over Eddie’s face, and Steve’s chest tightened when Eddie finally landed on one: determination.
‘No, man, that’s really okay,’ Eddie nodded. Confident. ‘This has been… you’ve been so great. Really. This was so generous of you…’
‘But?’ Steve asked. He wasn’t sure why this felt like a breakup, but it did.
Eddie lifted a corner of his mouth, not a smile, not a smirk. His eyes were sad; Steve saw that clearly.
‘…everyone’s doing so much to help me, you know? I just feel like I need to…,’ Eddie’s head was shaking back and forth, as if searching for the right words, ‘I need to do something on my own. I can’t feel helpless forever.’
Oh.
‘I make you feel helpless?’ Steve’s voice was small. He saw a panic enter Eddie’s eyes.
‘No!’ Eddie stepped forward, a hand landing on Steve’s shoulder. ‘No, it’s not that,’ Eddie’s smile was soft, genuine. ‘You offered me this place of sanctuary,’ he saluted to the house behind them, ‘and let me rest and recover. But now… I’m off on the next step of my hero’s journey.’
‘Your hero’s…’ This guy, Steve thought, pulling at his hair in frustration. ‘It’s just a guest room, Eddie!’
Steve’s breath hitched when Eddie’s hand inched over from Steve’s shoulder to cup his neck, his thumb brushing gently over his jaw. ‘It was more than that, Steve,’ Eddie said seriously, the pressure in his hand increasing, reinforcing his words. His eyes were dark and deep, comforting, reminding Steve of all of his favorite things: coffee, whiskey, chocolate.
They were standing so close; Steve could feel the heat coming off Eddie’s body. Between that, Eddie’s hand, the intensity of his gaze, Steve felt himself lean forward slightly, subconsciously. Breaking their intense eye contact, his eyes skimmed over Eddie’s face, from the soft curls falling over his cheeks to his pink lips; Steve was still focused on them when Eddie pulled in his bottom lip, biting one corner. Steve swallowed and took a breath, locking back on Eddie’s gaze.
Wow. Steve shuddered at the look.
If he thought Eddie had been intense before, it was nothing compared to this. His pupils had widened, and there was something there that Steve hadn’t seen before. Not in Eddie.
But it scared him.
It scared him how much it intrigued him.
It must have scared Eddie, too, or he had seen something in Steve’s eyes, because he suddenly pulled away, hand dropping to his side. He coughed, taking a step back, gaze falling to his feet. Steve took a half step forward as he did; he wanted to keep looking, to decipher whatever that look had been.
‘Anyway…’ Eddie said to the ground between them, ‘Thanks for letting me crash.’ He nodded, shooting a quick look at Steve. Whatever had been there moments ago had passed.
‘Yeah,’ Steve’s voice was lower than he expected. He coughed, too. ‘Of course.’
Eddie tilted his head towards the truck, ‘Shall we?’
***
‘What’s eating you?’ was the first thing Robin said when she showed up for her shift a few hours later.
‘Hmm?’ He looked up to see an amused look on her face. Steve hadn’t had to speak for the last several hours, the store thankfully quiet on Saturday mornings, with most folks having picked up their weekend movies yesterday or still a few hours from realizing they wanted something for Saturday night.
‘What did it ever do to you?’ she nodded to the magazine laying on the counter, pages of which Steve had started shredding into strips.
‘Oh.’ He hadn’t realized he was doing that. ‘Uh…’
‘Are you drunk?’
‘God, I hope so.’
At least that would be an explanation.
The ride to the Wheelers had been completely normal – for Eddie. He scanned through the radio until he found a song he liked, but then switched to another station before that one finished, repeating that action a dozen times; said that it looked like a nice day, but maybe they’d have rain later; rambled on with random advice on how to cure a hangover.
Steve hadn’t really been listening. All he’d been thinking about was that look in Eddie’s eyes.
He knew what it reminded him of. He’d seen it before. With Nancy. With Mandy.
But never that intense.
Had he imagined it? He must have.
Steve kept stealing glances over at Eddie; he looked at Eddie’s hands as they switched the radio knobs, the dimples forming on his cheek as he talked about a raw egg and hot sauce concoction his uncle had made him try once, the lightly deranged smile as he said ‘toodle-oo’ with a waggle of his fingers.
Steve even stared after the truck as it drove away, in the vain hope that it would come to life and yell back a detailed explanation of what had just happened.
‘Bad night with Mandy?’ Robin asked, coming up beside him and stealing the destroyed magazine to start shredding pages herself.
‘Mandy?’ The dissonance between Steve’s thoughts and the mention of Mandy made him turn to Robin in shock. It took him a second to remember: he was supposed to have a date with her last night. A date he’d cancelled. A date that he’d told Robin about after forbidding her from ever recommending movies to Mandy again.
‘Uh, no, I ended up going to that DnD thing that Dustin had. For Eddie? He graduated.’
Robin smiled big, excited. ‘Oh, amazing! Aw, I’ll have to give him a big ol’ smooch later.’
The thought of Eddie kissing Robin made Steve’s stomach twist. Would he look at her with that same intense look? Steve felt slightly possessive over it; that was his and Eddie’s.
‘So, it was a shit time?’
‘What?’ Steve shook his head again, that damned look taking over from anything else in his brain.
‘Oh my god, Harrington, keep up,’ Robin snapped her fingers in front of his face, eyebrows raised in frustration. ‘So, the game sucked? I know DnD isn’t your thing, but it can’t be that bad? It’s like a story right? Like, it’s gotta be fun to hear about like elves and monsters and stuff, but I guess watching something and not participating can be kind of boring. So, I don’t know why you stayed,’ Robin continued to ramble, Steve pausing, knowing he just needed to let her come back around. ‘I mean, if you wanted to have a good time, you would have gone out with Mandy and not gone to a Dungeons and Dragons party?’
‘I wanted to give a chance, you know, for Dustin and, um, for Eddie,’ Steve didn’t know why he felt so awkward just saying Eddie’s name out loud. Or admitting he’d given up a date with Mandy just because Eddie asked him to. ‘But you’re right, it was boring, so I started drinking and…’ Steve gestured vaguely to his head and stomach.
‘Ah.’ Robin nodded in understanding. ‘Hangover.’
‘Yup.’
‘I’m surprised you made it in. It wouldn’t be the first –,’ Robin imitated a clearly fake coughing noise – “I can’t come in, I’m sick” you pulled’
‘It was a close one. Eddie literally dumped my ass in the pool to wake me up.’
Robin laughed brightly. ‘I am sorry I missed that. Hah! What a great friend.’
Okay – maybe that’s what it was. Friend.
Steve kept forgetting he didn’t really know Eddie – or he did, but he was getting to know him backwards. Steve had already learned the big stuff, about who Eddie really was, his character. That he was the type of person to sacrifice himself, to endure so much, too much, things that would have broken others irreparably.
But Steve was still learning the little things. The things that are usually the first things you learn about a person. Like, what you have in common. What food they like. What makes them laugh.
So, maybe that look meant nothing. Maybe that was just Eddie being Eddie?
Steve coughed lightly. ‘So…Eddie… he’s kind of intense sometimes, right?’ he asked Robin.
She shot him an incredulous look: ‘Duh! Just like sometimes you’re kind of a doofus. And sometimes Nancy is kind of badass. And sometimes Keith is a total weirdo –’
‘Okay, okay, I get it.’
Right, okay. That makes sense. Maybe Steve was freaking out about nothing. Maybe that was just a normal Eddie look. Steve suddenly remembered Eddie’s intensity when attacking him in the boat house that first time, the look on his face when he was recounting what happened to Patrick.
Yes. Eddie was just intense.
Nothing to worry about.
‘So, are you seeing Mandy tonight?’ Robin asked.
‘Why would I see Mandy tonight?’ Steve was again surprised by the topic of Mandy while his mind was so focused on Eddie. He really needed to get it together.
‘Um, because you cancelled on her?’ Robin asked, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. ‘And it’s Saturday night? And you’re dating her?’
God, Robin was dating Mandy better than he was, Steve thought.
‘Nope,’ he shrugged. ‘No plans tonight.’
‘You should call her!’ Robin singsonged, as she moved to an aisle to help a customer.
The thought of returning to that empty house, no weed wafting from Eddie’s room, no strip of light shining out from his door, no promise of breakfast together tomorrow – it was weird.
Steve realized that he didn’t even know where Eddie was; he’d heard about the cabin but had never been. Did it have a phone? When would he see Eddie again? It suddenly seemed crazy that Eddie was out there, living his life, with Steve not knowing where he was or when he’d see him again.
He’d been thinking about not much else but Eddie Munson for weeks; months even, if you counted all those attempts to see him, figuring out where the institution was, driving Dustin there and back; finding out the trial date, arguing with the bailiff to be let in; the visits to the destroyed trailer. Obsessing over Eddie, since that glimpse at the gas station.
Maybe this wasn’t healthy.
Maybe he needed this Eddie detox. Even if he had to force it.
And though he hated himself while he was doing it – Steve reached for the phone on the counter and dialed Mandy’s number.
***
‘Eddie!’
Steve was embarrassed by how his heart leapt when Eddie Munson walked into Family Video the next day, on a slow Sunday morning.
Robin ran to Eddie, grabbing him in a bear hug that generated a gentle ‘oof’ and a smile. He turned his head into her hair as he wrapped her in a full body hug.
That looks like a great hug, Steve thought, followed by a selfish: He’s never hugged me like that.
‘Hey Robin,’ Eddie smiled as they pulled apart.
‘What are you doing here?’ she asked.
‘Oh,’ Eddie shrugged, ‘Had an errand to run and thought I’d swing by. I wasn’t sure if you guys were working.’ Eddie’s eyes finally traveled from Robin to Steve. He smiled and nodded. ‘Harrington.’
‘Hey Eddie,’ Steve said, trying to play it cool with a nod of his own, but he could feel a grin break through. ‘Long time, no see.’
Eddie shuffled awkwardly from side to side with a smile to the ground. ‘Well, I couldn’t bear the thought of you starving to death without me,’ he said, holding up a white bag that Steve hadn’t noticed earlier.
‘Donuts!’ Robin grabbed at the bag, sticking her face in it and inhaling deeply. She rolled down the bag and plopped it on the counter.
Steve moved forward to inspect the contents of the bag. ‘No chives?’ Steve asked, looking up to Eddie. It was a bad joke, a desperate attempt at connection, so Steve was gratified when Eddie grinned.
‘Nope. Sorry.’
‘What – chives? In donuts?’ Robin looked back and forth between them.
Steve’s chest felt warm at sharing this little thing with Eddie. He smiled and shook his head at Robin. ‘Nothing. Bad joke.’
‘Weirdo,’ Robin mumbled before turning back to Eddie. ‘What are you doing here? Not that I’m not grateful for the visit!’
‘Well, you know, I’m helping Hopper out with the cabin?’
Robin nodded, stuffing a chocolate glazed into her mouth, mumbling, ‘Right.’
‘It’s crazy, I went from studying for math to studying these crazy how-to guides that Hopper left for me,’ he reached back, pulling a thick, rolled up magazine from the back pocket of his jeans. Steve could make out the title in large block font on the front: A guide to home repair. ‘Turns out, you need stuff to fix stuff,’ Eddie shrugged.
‘Crazy,’ Robin said, chocolate smeared on one side of her mouth. Steve turned to her and gestured to the spot on his own face. Robin stuck out her tongue at him but then licked the chocolate off. Eddie smiled at the interaction.
‘So, now, I’ve got this,’ he pointed to a measuring tape clipped on his belt, ‘and this,’ pointing to a pencil stuck behind his ear. ‘I’m Bob fucking Vila.’
Steve had planned to make some witty retort, to hear more about everything Eddie had been doing the last day (had it only been a day?), but in Eddie’s gesturing, Steve noticed something.
‘Your rings,’ Steve said, reaching out a hand to touch them. Eddie pulled back slightly at the touch.
He made fists and looked down. ‘Yup. They still fit.’ Eddie smirked.
They made his fingers look longer, Steve thought. He also noticed the wallet chain, the handcuff belt buckle, all bringing back a warm pang of recognition. The adornments of the old Eddie. Steve desperately wanted to know what it meant, that Eddie had finally unearthed these, had put them on. He was about to ask, when Robin stuffed the last bit of donut into her mouth and hustled around him.
‘I’ll be right back,’ she smiled at them, as she went to help a customer.
The removal of Robin settled an awkwardness over them. Steve ran a hand through his hair, as Eddie ran his thumb over his rings, settled a hand in his back pocket. Steve reached out to move Eddie to the side of the store as someone walked past to access the aisle they’d been standing by.
‘So…’ Steve started. Why was this so hard? ‘How’s the cabin?’
‘Good,’ Eddie nodded but then his head started shaking side to side instead, ‘A shithole,’ now back to a nod, ‘but good. It’s nice… to unpack somewhere, I guess. You know, all 10 of the things I own,’ he joked. Or tried to. But Steve thought maybe there was something true trying to come out with that.
When Steve had gone into the guest room last night, he saw that Eddie had left all the books he’d borrowed, had tried to make up the bed, had tried to make it seem like he hadn’t been there at all. Steve almost hadn’t wanted to open the window to air out the lingering smell of marijuana but knew his mom would have a fit. He remembered the disaster that had been Eddie’s room at the trailer, even before the destruction; the fact that Eddie had tried to clean up was… sweet?
‘You could have kept the books,’ Steve said. ‘You know, if you need them for…’
‘Oh,’ Eddie shifts uncomfortably. ‘No, that’s okay. They’re yours. I’ll be good.’
‘Cool.’
‘Yeah.’
Steve wanted to ask Eddie if he wanted to grab dinner, maybe, or hang out sometime? Where was the cabin? Could Steve visit? Did he want Steve’s number? Or could Steve have his?
Before Steve could find a way to weave those questions into the conversation naturally (or unnaturally if he had to), Robin sidled up to him, whispering aggressively in his ear: ‘Steve!’
‘What?’ he hissed at Robin, maybe a bit angrier than he should have.
‘You have a visitor,’ she nodded her head to the front door, either not noticing or caring about his tone. Steve looked over: Mandy.
‘Shit,’ Steve whispered under his breath. ‘I’ll be right back.’
‘Hey,’ he smiled at her tightly. ‘What’s up?’
‘Hey!’ she leaned forward, giving him a kiss on his cheek. ‘We’re on our way to mass,’ she nodded outside, but Steve didn’t look. ‘You forgot your wallet at my place last night,’ she smirked at him, handing over the offending item.
Steve didn’t need to look to feel Robin’s excited energy buzzing, clearly overhearing the comment. He pulled Mandy a little further away from Robin and Eddie and turned them around.
‘Cool, thanks,’ he stuck the wallet into his pocket.
‘Are you free tonight?’ Mandy asked sweetly.
‘Uh…’ Two nights in a row seemed like it would be signaling something, so instead Steve offered, ‘How about lunch tomorrow? I’ve got the night shift.’
‘Oh,’ Mandy frowned. ‘I was… really hoping to see you… at night,’ she moved forward incrementally with each word until she was right up against Steve. His hand came up to her waist instinctually.
‘That would be great,’ Steve said. He caught a glimpse of Eddie and Robin talking over Mandy’s shoulder. He could only see the side of Robin’s face, saw her mouth moving non-stop; he had a clear view of Eddie, his whole face beaming out a warmth, smiling at whatever Robin was saying.
Steve wished he was over there instead. It looked like a good conversation.
‘But’ he continued, ‘I can’t tonight. It’ll still be nice to see you tomorrow?’
Mandy made a disappointed face that still managed to look adorable. ‘Fine,’ she mumbled, frowning, flirting. ‘But you better make it up to me.’
Steve managed to not reflexively say ‘promise,’ instead trying for a warm smile. It seemed to work as Mandy leaned up to kiss him. He pulled back a little: ‘I’m at work…’
‘Not even one little kiss?’
Steve reluctantly nodded, leaning forward to place a peck on Mandy’s lips; but she threw her arms around his neck, pressing her body into his, deepening the kiss.
Kind of a lot for a Sunday morning, Steve thought.
As they pulled apart, Steve saw Eddie’s head jerking slightly.
Steve suddenly felt embarrassed. Maybe about the kiss. Maybe about doing that in front of Robin. In front of Eddie.
Steve smiled at Mandy, moving his hand to her lower back, trying to steer her out of the store. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ he said, as a form of goodbye.
They were almost at the door when Mandy stopped short.
‘Eddie Munson?’ she asked, turning to look at Eddie full on, examining him over from head to toe.
‘Hey Mandy,’ Eddie mumbled awkwardly. Was he blushing? Robin’s eyes shot back and forth from Mandy to Eddie to Steve and back again, in glee.
‘I heard some awful rumors about you,’ Mandy said, stepping closer and giving Eddie a loose hug, squeezing his arm. Was she flirting with him?
‘Oh, you know I wouldn’t hurt a fly,’ he said, one side of his mouth lifting almost seductively. Was he flirting with her?
She reached up and ran a hand through his hair; while Eddie continued smiling, he stiffened a bit. So did Steve.
‘It’s a great look on you,’ she said, continuing to run her hand in his hair, a finger circling one of his curls around it. ‘You always had gorgeous hair.’
‘Mandy, you’re making me blush,’ Eddie exaggeratedly pulled back from her with a wink.
‘That’s the idea,’ she said, returning the wink. ‘It’s so great to see you, Eddie. I’ll see you tomorrow, Steve?’ He was still staring between her and Eddie befuddled, so barely registered the peck on the cheek she gave him, the ring of the door as it closed behind her.
It was like the whole store, the three of them paused for a minute after Mandy left but Robin soon broke the moment with a slap at Eddie’s shoulder. ‘What the hell was that?! You know Mandy?’
‘Ouch!’ Eddie rubbed at his shoulder.
Steve really wanted to hear this answer.
‘I was in high school for six years,’ Eddie shrugged. ‘I know most Hawkins High alum. Or know of them.’
‘That doesn’t explain the ‘oooh, so good to see you, your hair’s so soft’,’ Robin put on a high-pitched voice and started flouncing around in imitation of Mandy. Eddie just shook his head.
‘She was a year ahead of me for most of school,’ Eddie said. He swallowed nervously, then said: ‘Chrissy wasn’t the first cheerleader who wanted to buy a little something from me.’
Steve and Robin shared a look, knowing how much it hurt Eddie to talk about Chrissy; how rarely he did.
‘Believe it or not,’ Eddie continued, ‘If a girl wants to buy drugs in Hawkins, I’m one of the less creepy options around.’ He paused, then corrected himself. ‘Was one of the less creepy options.’
‘Don’t sell yourself short, Eddie,’ Robin patted him on the back. ‘You’re still plenty creepy.’
Eddie wiggled his tongue at her and did a little dance with his head rocking back and forth. Robin laughed, swatted him away.
Still laughing, she said: ‘Looks like you’ve got some competition, Steve,’ she nodded at Eddie. ‘Seems like Mandy’s eye is wandering…’
‘Nah,’ Eddie quickly jumped in, shaking his head but raising his eyebrows at Steve. ‘Stevie boy’s got her locked up, sounded like. Another hot date? Movie and a –’
‘Don’t!’ Steve interrupted. ‘We have a lunch date at the diner. Very respectable. No –’
‘Blowies?’ Eddie smirked. ‘Oh, there’s plenty of room under those diner booths,’ he wiggled his eyebrows.
‘Ew. I eat there with my grandma,’ Robin groans.
‘There will be no…’ Steve gestured vaguely at his lower half, ‘…none of that.’
‘Well, you must be doing something right,’ Robin turned to Steve excitedly. ‘I heard from Jenny who heard from Matt who’s dating Mandy’s cousin Monica…’ Steve blinked at Robin as she spoke, trying to follow along; he saw Eddie doing the same, ‘…that Mandy said she was – and I quote – “in deep” with the guy she’s dating…’
‘In deep?’ Steve squeaked. ‘In deep? In deep what?’
‘You know… in deep.’
‘I really don’t know, Robin!’
Steve leaned back on the counter, hands running through his hair.
‘Okay, well, as much fun as it is watching you freaking out, Harrington, I’ve gotta head out,’ Steve heard Eddie say, and heard Robin’s response of ‘See ya, Eddie!’ but was too deep (“in deep”) in his own thoughts to register what was happening. It wasn’t until he heard Eddie’s car that he realized that Eddie had left. Again. Gone.
And Steve didn’t know where he was going. Or when he’d see him again.
He made a move to open the door, to run after him – but Eddie was already driving away.
***
There was no other option. He had to suck it up.
As soon as he got home that night, Steve called Dustin.
This was going to be… something.
‘Hey, buddy!’ Steve said as soon as Dustin answered. It was more enthusiasm than he’d used to greet anybody in a long time.
‘Buddy? You mean me?’ Dustin already knew something was up, Steve could tell.
‘Uh yeah… aren’t you my buddy?’
‘I – don’t know how to answer that. What’s up, Steve?’
Off to a great start.
‘Hey, um, so you know how Eddie headed over to that cabin? You know the one?’
‘Yeah…’
‘I wanted to –,’ Steve coughed, squirmed, ‘– he left a few things here, and I wanted to drop them off with him. Do you have an address for the cabin or…?’
‘That was years ago, dude,’ Dustin said. ‘But I think Eddie’s seeing Will on Wednesday, I can give him Eddie’s stuff and he’ll pass it on.’
Very logical. Great.
‘Makes sense, makes sense…’ Steve struggled. Now what? Eddie had been so meticulous, no trace of him left at Steve’s house. Even the weed smell was almost gone.
‘But I can only do that tomorrow,’ Dustin continued. ‘Then I’m out of town, remember? Salt Lake City?’
‘What?’ Steve shook his head, forgetting Dustin couldn’t see him. ‘Why?’
‘To see Suzie, remember? We talked about this! Like a lot!’
‘Shit, right! The long-awaited reunion.’
Steve felt dumb for forgetting. A meticulously planned visit, Steve had heard about the hours Dustin spent coordinating the visit with Suzie on Cerebro; it had been one of the few bright spots for Dustin those first few months after they’d gotten back, when so much of Dustin’s energy was devoted to finding Eddie. A covert ops trip, involving a long con to convince his mom to take him a week-long visit to Salt Lake City, and some shenanigans Suzie was coordinating with her sister.
‘That’s so great, man,’ Steve said, genuinely. ‘Don’t worry about this, I’ll give it to Byers directly so…’
‘Whatever you want, Steve,’ Dustin still seemed a little miffed that Steve had forgotten.
‘Hey, I’ll come by in the morning,’ Steve offered, ‘We can hang for a bit. Make some memories to tide you over so you don’t miss me too much while you’re gone.’
He could sense Dustin’s smile through the phone line: ‘Yeah, sure, whatever.’
‘Hey – does Suzie know?’ Steve couldn’t stop himself from asking, always curious about whether others felt this barrier since Vecna, since everything, this remove from the people they loved.
Dustin didn’t need any clarification. He knew what Steve was asking. Knew why he was asking.
‘No,’ Dustin said seriously, quietly. ‘Not sure how my Mormon girlfriend would react to, you know, monsters and mind control…’
‘Yeah, of course.’
‘But she still loves me. And I still love her. Love conquers all, right?’
‘Right,’ Steve nodded, more for himself than for Dustin. He wasn’t so sure he believed that anymore.
‘See you tomorrow?’
‘Tomorrow.’
***
Steve moved on to plan B.
If he couldn’t get it out of Dustin, he could go straight to the source.
Early the next morning, on his way to Dustin’s, Steve made a stop at the Byers home. (Byers-Hopper home? He still wasn’t sure). He thought calling on the phone would have been awkward; he wasn’t really close with anyone here. Still, Steve was confident someone here would be able to guide him to the cabin.
But who to ask…?
He wanted anyone but Will to open the door because Will might talk to Dustin, and then the whole shaky ruse he’d constructed to Dustin yesterday would fall apart. He figured he could charm Joyce with a story about wanting to surprise Eddie; she seemed like a soft touch in that way. El would be the best, Steve thought. Despite their limited interactions, they’d shared something profound, working in tandem to defeat Vecna. Yes, El would be the best. Steve thought the worst option would be…
‘Hopper. Hey.’ Steve’s hand was still up from when he’d knocked the door. Hopper must have been standing right there to answer so quickly.
‘Steve Harrington?’ The confused, annoyed look and the use of his full name immediately made Steve feel like he was in trouble.
‘Uh, yup. Hello,’ he waved awkwardly.
Hopper squinted at him, clearly trying to make sense of why he was here, coming up short. He still took a stab: ‘Jonathan’s not here.’
‘No, I know…’
‘Are you here for Will? He and El just left for Wheeler’s.’
‘Uh, nope…’
‘You better not be here for Joyce.’ A small scowl.
‘No, no sir.’ Sir?
‘Out with it. I still haven’t had my coffee.’
Steve was too nervous to come up with any decent lie. So maybe the truth would work.
‘I wanted to…’ Steve started, paused, took a breath. ‘Eddie’s all alone at that cabin, so I wanted to go say hi, but I don’t know where it is.’ That wasn’t so hard.
Hopper looked at him intensely; Steve could tell he was being judged, weighed. ‘You want directions to the cabin. To visit Eddie.’
‘Uh, yes?’ he wasn’t sure why he made it sound like a lie, when it was the honest truth.
‘Huh.’ After another moment of examination, Hopper nodded, jerking his head to indicate Steve should come inside. ‘So, you boys really are friends now? Always seemed like you two were… maybe weren’t cut from the same cloth.’
Steve hesitated, remembering what he and Eddie had talked about. The Freak and the Jock. That’s how Hopper must see them, too.
It was so far from what Steve felt who he was, who Eddie was. Sometimes he thought he and Eddie weren’t just from the same cloth, but from the same thread, that they had the same tension, the same feel. It was a strange thought; one he immediately wanted to share with Eddie. He felt he’d understand exactly what Steve meant.
‘Oh, yeah, I guess.’ It was easier to agree than explain.
‘Guess when you’ve been through the shit together, that bonds you. Had a few guys like that in Nam. We lost touch though…’ Hopper lost himself for a moment before snapping back, rummaging around for a pen and paper.
‘That was really decent of you, what you did,’ Hopper said after a minute. Steve cocked his head, questioning. Hopper clarified: ‘Letting him crash with you. That’s a good thing you did.’
‘Yeah. He wasn’t doing great. I mean, you saw that.’ He’d seen the worry in Hopper when they first saw Eddie at the diner. Dustin had told him how anxious Hopper had been when he’d called to say he’d found Eddie.
‘He’s been through a lot,’ Hopper sighed. ‘I’m glad he has friends like you.’
Steve smiled. ‘I’m glad to have a friend like him.’
Hopper reached over to hand him the paper with directions but stopped short. ‘You don’t know anything about construction do you?’
‘Uh, not really?’
Hopper sighed. ‘Just, if you’re up there, maybe take a look? I’m trying not to –’ he made a vague motion with his hands, ‘Joyce told me not to hover but… I mean, he can’t make it worse right?’ Hopper laughed.
Steve laughed along awkwardly. ‘No? I haven’t seen it.’
‘Right. Well, here you go. Just you know, make sure he hasn’t broken his neck. Or anything else.’
Steve gripped the paper tight. Finally.
‘Will do.’
***
The directions burned a hole in Steve’s pocket while he was at Dustin’s, helping him pack, listening to him go on and on about all the cool things he was going to do with Suzie that week. They burned a hole in his pocket as he then sped over to lunch with Mandy, already running late.
An aggressively fine lunch. It couldn’t have been finer.
She’d been so nice, holding his hand, telling him how handsome he looked. Dropping hints about a bonfire by the lake on Wednesday night; did he want to come?
Steve continued to disappoint himself by only half listening, but he caught the magic words.
‘… I’ll be heading back to school in a few weeks …’
So, Steve agreed. A bonfire. A few more weeks of this and he wouldn’t have to let her down too harshly; it would be a natural separation.
He could do it. He could play this part for a few weeks.
But then work. Agonizingly slow hours ticking by.
He’d memorized the direction to the cabin by that point. He thought if he rushed out right at closing, if he sped down a few roads just a bit, he could make it tonight. He’d done as much prep to close as he could but then was thwarted by a group of tween assholes, coming in just a few minutes before closing, browsing even after Steve had turned the sign on the door, even after he’d huffed in their direction several times. By the time they were done, it was too late. Even the late setting summer sun was gone, the muggy day finally transforming into a cool evening.
Steve dug out the paper with the address, staring at it again.
He wanted to see Eddie. But he didn’t want to get lost wandering around the woods in the dark, either.
Tomorrow.
It would have to be tomorrow.
Chapter 10: Late-Night Audio Track
Summary:
Eddie resigned himself to live in this agony. These innocent interactions with Steve getting blown out of proportion, hoarding phrases, scents, looks, and turning them over in his mind long after dark that night (every night), lying in bed, his hands running over his chest, down his happy trail and up again, as the thoughts of Steve replayed over and over.
But knowing that none of it meant anything.
Chapter Text
EDDIE
It was like time had no meaning up at the cabin. Isolated, insulated, Eddie found himself measuring time by the sun and his own instincts rather than any clock.
But that first day had still been too long. And too lonely.
He’d tried to avoid an awkward goodbye with Steve but had instead fucked things up. Typical. Eddie hadn’t counted on Steve looking so crestfallen when he said he was leaving; hadn’t expected to hurt his feelings; hadn’t meant for his hand to linger on Steve’s bare skin, for his body to respond to Steve stepping closer, to Steve looking at him in that way. It had been a dangerous moment.
Eddie tried to stop it.
He thought he’d been successful.
He'd put on a good show, he thought. Glossing over it. Trying not to notice Steve’s eyes on him in the truck, clearly confused. Eddie tried to do what he usually did best: filling up the empty space with whatever words came to mind, gesturing a little bigger, speaking a bit louder. Distract.
It worked. Hopefully. As soon as Steve stepped out of the car, Eddie imploded.
He turned off the radio, stilled his movements, wholly focused on the road. Forced himself to remember directions to the cabin, but every other thought was about what had just happened. What did Steve think? Was he scared? Disgusted? Did he hate Eddie now?
Did he know?
Would he tell?
Eddie careened between confusion, fear, lust, anger at his stupidity, his weakness, for finally giving in to what he’d wanted to do so many times now. To step close. To touch.
Stupid.
Showing up at the cabin, with no one around for miles – it really wasn’t helpful, Eddie thought. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts right now.
Instead of unpacking or doing anything productive, Eddie headed straight to the little bedroom, collapsed face down into the musty mattress and screamed.
Moments from that morning continued to flash in his head. What had led him there? What had been the tipping point?
He remembered Steve’s sleepy face blinking up at him in the basement. Steve squirming against him as Eddie used literally every ounce of his strength and will to haul him into the pool. Wet clothes clinging as Steve emerged from the water. His long torso that reminded Eddie of Steve in the Upside-Down, shirtless, sweaty, hot.
And then Eddie’s traitorous hand, finally giving up the good fight of trying to not touch Steve, that delicious spot where his neck dipped into his shoulder, downy hairs on tan skin. And Steve had stepped closer. And had looked at him so searchingly. Eddie wet his lips just at the memory.
Stop it.
It was one moment. It was fine. It would be fine.
But if there was any benefit to being out here in the middle of nowhere… Eddie unbuttoned his jeans and reached down, thinking of Steve.
***
He shouldn’t have done it. But it was right there.
Just a few blocks down from the hardware store: Family Video. He wasn’t sure of Steve’s schedule. Wasn’t sure he’d be there. Wasn’t sure what he’d do if he walked in and there was some other video rental clerk – would he have to rent a video? Browse? Go fully out of his mind?
But he saw Steve’s car in the lot – and so he turned, parked, and at the last second before going in, grabbed the bag of donuts he’d gotten for himself.
It was stupid that he missed him; it had been less than 24 hours. But he did.
As soon as Robin greeted him with a huge smile and hug, Eddie was glad he’d stopped by; he felt warm, happy, accepted. But that undercurrent of nerves. When he glanced at Steve, it was a moment of truth. How would he react? Normal? Weird?
It was definitely a little weird.
But also, a little normal?
When Steve made the terrible chive joke, Eddie relaxed. He wouldn’t be making inside jokes with someone he hated right? Maybe it would be okay. Eddie could do this. He’d gotten away with one moment like that; another one would be tempting fate. He’d build that wall back up: friends only. That was safer.
And then Mandy had walked in.
Eddie remembered her from school. She’d always wanted a little something extra for her parties, so when Eddie’s reputation preceded him even as a freshman and Mandy had asked if he’d anything to sell, they’d started a… not friendship. An acquaintanceship? Whatever a few minutes of conversation every few months equated to.
Mandy had been one of the first visitors to the old picnic table in the clearing. The character that Eddie cultivated was more for the guys; for the jocks; for protection. When he sold to them out there, in the empty woods, his attitude was more direct, challenging, leaning into his weirdness, his brashness. The isolation of the clearing was more a threat, a statement that this was Eddie’s place; don’t intrude.
But when it was girls coming out to the clearing – Eddie could turn it all off; be a bit more himself. He liked to make them laugh, put them at ease, to talk to them a bit.
Some were bitches, some were rude, some were all business.
Not all of them had been Chrissy. Sweet. Real.
Not all of them had been Mandy – always flirty, asking him how he was, touching him a little bit here, a little bit there, going a little bit further than he wanted. It had taken him a while to get a read on her. He hadn’t been able to tell if she was actually flirting with him or putting on a show of her own. And he sometimes forgot that his own flirting in response could be taken seriously; it was so foreign to him that people could see him that way. That girls could see him that way. That Mandy could see him that way.
So, she walked into the video store – as beautiful as ever, sun kissed skin, long blonde curls, in her Sunday best (that additional coverage somehow enhancing her curves, her waist, her height), Eddie flashed back to the last time he’d seen her at the clearing, towards the end of her senior year, his junior year; he’d made a big sale for her graduation party. The last time she’d been in the clearing.
Which made him think of the last time he’d been in the clearing. With Chrissy.
Unlike with Chrissy – it had been the start of something, all potential – that last time with Mandy had been… awkward.
He didn’t dwell there for long as a burst of possessiveness shot through him when Mandy reached out a hand to rest on Steve’s bicep. He caught bits of their conversation. Wallet left at his house last night (last night!). Plans for another date tomorrow.
Of course. Yes. This made sense.
Looking at Steve and Mandy together – they looked made for each other, perfect together. King Steve and Queen Mandy.
It made sense.
Of course, that moment yesterday hadn’t meant anything to Steve. How could it? Eddie’s heart lurched thinking of Steve giving Mandy a look like the one they had shared. But he must. All the time. Last night. Tomorrow. Right now?
And then that kiss.
Mandy’s entire body pressed up against Steve’s, as if her curves were made for him. Steve’s eyes closed and he leaned in, hands on her.
Of course. Yes. This made sense.
More than Steve leaning into Eddie.
It was a shock to his system, this sudden clarity. He felt it all at once, that little spark of hope that maybe that look had been something, finally doused by the blackness of the truth: that it had been nothing.
He cringed and looked away.
He was trying to recenter himself when suddenly, Mandy was there, right in front of him. Same as ever. Flirting, forward, touching him when he didn’t want to be touched. But he knew it wasn’t real. Not after what he’d seen between her and Steve. She was putting on a show – the question was, for whom?
***
Eddie made a list. A massive list. Of everything wrong with the cabin. Truly, the only parts that were unaffected were the cozy bedroom where he was staying and the bathroom.
A hole in the ceiling in the living room, along with a chunk of wall missing; the smell in the big bedroom that he was not eager to reenter to see what else was wrong with it; broken window in the kitchen at the front of the house; and so many little things, from crooked and creaking posts on the front porch, flickering lights, cracked floorboards.
He wasn’t getting paid enough for this.
Hopper had given him free reign over everything in the house, storage shed, an account at the hardware store – anything needed to fix the cabin. Eddie decided to take inventory in the shed and was glad of the isolation, so there was no one around to hear when he yelped in surprise at a movement in its shadows.
A quick flash of eyes and a shake of a tail revealed the truth of what Eddie had seen (quick flashes of black still brought to mind the maelstrom of demobats). It was nothing so sinister.
Simply a small black cat, fluffy, light green eyes blazing at the intruder, at Eddie.
Eddie spied a small hole in the back corner of the shed (another item for the list).
The cat regarded him coolly, brimming with a confidence that Eddie envied. That Eddie had tried on for size before, knew how it felt. He knelt down, holding out a hand. The cat barely extended its head to sniff at Eddie’s finger, before flinching and returning back to its corner, tail raised in defiance.
If that’s how it wanted to play this…
Eddie returned a few minutes later with a can of tuna – a key item in his food stash now that he had lost access to the Harrington fridge – setting it down, backing away slowly and feeling a sense of pride when the cat slowly emerged and started eating.
Eddie warmed at the sight. He loved taking in strays. Loved watching the fear disappear. Watching the trust grow.
He thought of Chrissy and her big eyes, how they had turned from frightened to friendly during their first short conversation. It had felt like the start of something, with her. Maybe not romantic – though Eddie wouldn’t have been surprised, with how his romantic instincts had been fucked up recently – but something. A shared understanding. A budding friendship.
It was the loss of all that potential that hurt, too. For all that Chrissy would have become in her life. For all that she and Eddie could have become, if they’d just had time.
His gut twisted at the thought that she’d been wrong to trust him. He knew he couldn’t have saved her, but still feels like he should have.
‘You can trust me. Promise,’ Eddie whispered softly to the still distracted cat. Without bothering it any further, he slowly assessed the tools in the shed. It was only on his way out that he removed the ratty shirt he’d been wearing, knotted it up in a ball and placed it in the corner where the cat had hidden. An offering of trust; or maybe just a place to sleep.
The stray cat brought to mind other strays… his own adopted brood. He suddenly wanted to see the proof of the trust he had built before the insanity of their fight against Vecna had brought his world crashing down – he wanted to jam in Gareth’s garage, wanted to tease Jeff, wanted to see how things were with Grant’s grandparents, wanted it all back again. But they were heading off to college soon, back to school. He didn’t have much time with them.
The idea of limited time, of wanting connection, of his old friends… Something niggled at Eddie’s brain. Someone else was leaving soon…
Oh shit.
Had he missed him?
***
‘Eddie!’
The surprise in Dustin’s voice made it clear that he’d written Eddie off. Eddie was ashamed he’d almost forgotten – Dustin had only rambled on and on about his trip to see Suzie during every study session.
‘I thought you forgot,’ Dustin pulled Eddie into a one-armed hug, his other carrying a stuffed duffel bag.
‘How could I forget? You’re only pulling off the con of the century on your own mother,’ Eddie winked. ‘And I know what time away from your Eddie does to you.’
Damn, it was meant to be a joke, but Eddie saw Dustin’s smile falter. It was that kernel of truth: they both remembered what Eddie being away had done to Dustin. It had inspired Steve to knock on Eddie’s trailer and challenge him to be better, to do better, to stop breaking Dustin’s heart.
‘You just missed Steve,’ Dustin said. Think of the devil and he shall have apparently just been there.
‘Oh yeah?’ Eddie tried to play it off but felt disappointed. Seeing Steve with Mandy the day before had brought some clarity, but not enough to stop Eddie from thinking about Steve that night, bringing him to mind as he stroked himself to sleep.
‘Yeah, he said he has some stuff of yours, but he’s going to give it to Will.’ Dustin moved to continue loading the car, as Eddie followed.
Eddie wracked his brain. He specifically tried to leave everything as he’d found it at Steve’s house so wasn’t sure what Steve had to give him. A lesson from his mom to be a good guest; you can be as messy as you want in your own space. Eddie remembered how long it had taken him to feel comfortable when he’d first gotten to Wayne’s, how he kept himself small, had even hidden his trash in his pockets to not add to the trash bin.
‘Did you have fun on Friday?’ Dustin asked Eddie, expectantly.
‘How could I not?’ Eddie’s smile was genuine. Friday had been great. Seeing all of his friends, the fun of the game, that satisfaction of graduating. He tried not to think of the end of that night, the feel of the cool marble under his palms, as he lay next to Steve; as Steve settled in front of him, looking up at Eddie almost in awe; how Eddie had played for him, song after song in the basement, until Steve had nodded off, a pinky promise his last conscious act.
Eddie had placed the guitar carefully back in its case and briefly considered going upstairs to sleep, but had instead curled on the couch, facing a sleeping Steve on the floor, the last thing he saw as he drifted off.
At some point in the night, Steve had woken up, pushed Eddie to the side, and laid down on the couch himself. Steve’s feet poked Eddie in the back, as they’d curled around each other in opposite directions, Eddie facing the couch, Steve facing out. Eddie had done some interesting gymnastics when he woke up, to get off the couch without disturbing Steve.
‘Yeah, it was a great. Thanks for that,’ Eddie said. Dustin had a huge smile on his face and Eddie realized he was mirroring Eddie’s own huge smile at the Friday memories.
‘Eddie!’ Mrs. Henderson emerged from the house carrying a small case and a pillow.
‘Hey, Mrs. H,’ Eddie smiled, already resigning himself to what he knew was coming as it did: a pinch of his cheek and a thorough look at his face, as if she could read every good night’s sleep and well-balanced meal on it clearly.
‘My Dusty told me you graduated! All that hard work paid off, I knew it would,’ her normal single pinch was now just the precursor to the full body hug she gave him. She’d seen Eddie’s dedication firsthand all week, never complaining that a former murder suspect was taking up so much of her only child’s time, instead plying them both with every variation of after-school study snack known to mankind.
‘Couldn’t have done it without your fried PB&Js,’ Eddie smiled at her, returning the hug unironically. Trying to convey his genuine thanks. He winked at her as they pulled apart.
‘Oh, you charmer,’ she swatted at him. ‘We’ll do a big celebration when we’re back, okay? Dusty, we gotta hustle!’
‘Shit, okay,’ Dustin jogged back into the house.
‘Language!’
‘OK!’ He huffed, returning with a backpack slung on his shoulder.
‘Thanks for coming!’ Dustin wrapped his arms around Eddie’s middle for a quick hug.
‘Have a great time – and remember,’ Eddie leaned in to whisper to Dustin, ‘Suzie’s a lady so you let her take the lead,’ a sly smile spread over Eddie’s face as Dustin exploded in a red blush. Eddie didn’t think he’d ever seen Dustin anything less than cool when it came to Suzie. When all Dustin could reply to this was ‘Gahhhh,’ Eddie giggled and grinned wide, squeezing Dustin’s cheeks.
‘Stop!’ Dustin squirmed away; an action Eddie could imagine him having done countless times to his own mother’s cheek squeezes.
How much he loved this kid.
**
The visit to Dustin’s had been start of a chain reaction of procrastination.
While driving back to the cabin, with his windows down, hair flying around his face in the hot muggy air, his stomach dropped: he didn’t want that silence and isolation. Not just yet.
He almost didn’t register what he was doing as he turned the truck around in a quick turn to pull into the library’s parking lot.
The librarian did a double take as Eddie checked out his pile of books.
‘Edward Munson?’ She looked him over, nervously.
He tried on his most reassuring smile. ‘Yes, ma’am.’
The last thing he wanted was to be a pariah at the library. He didn’t feel like the smile did anything, but she did seem to relax when she noticed the titles he was checking out; would a killer really be checking out Diana Wynne Jones and Terry Brooks? (He hoped those offset the Stephen King.)
Books secured, Eddie made the next stop just as subconsciously, heading back in the direction he’d come from to hit up the record store. Without tempting himself with new releases, he headed straight to the discount tapes bin, where he restocked some of his favorites that had been lost to who knows where. AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Metallica. That would have to do, considering he hadn’t gotten paid yet.
The record store clerk thankfully didn’t give him a second glance.
Eddie tried to ignore that he’d driven by Family Video twice on his drive around town; the corner of his eye caught a glimpse of Steve’s car in the lot anyway.
Eddie’s guilt finally got the better of him, leading to his last stop of the day, entering the hardware store right before it closed.
He felt so awkward in here. All these big men with their big beards, in their flannel, their judgmental looks; Eddie crossed his arms to hide his scars and tattoos, shoved his hands into his armpits to hide his rings.
‘Munson, right?’
Mickey, the owner of Mickey’s Hardware, was caught somewhere between the librarian and record store clerk’s reaction. Not surprised to see him but somewhat cautious.
‘Yeah. Hey, Mickey.’ Eddie needed another minute to suss out how this interaction would go. He wasn’t sure how much to fake confidence, to fake bravado, if he needed that type of defense with Mickey, when his hackles were already up from being in the hardware store.
Mickey thankfully seemed all business: ‘Hopper said you’re on his account.’
‘That’s right,’ Eddie said. ‘I’m uh… I’m helping him out with a few things.’
‘What’s your specialty?’ Mickey leaned forward slightly. Sure, of course. Why would Hopper hire Eddie if he didn’t know what he was doing? Great question, Mickey, I’d love an answer to that one myself, Eddie thought.
‘Oh – uh – just generally fucking things up?’
‘Huh?’ Mickey had clearly heard him but seemed but giving Eddie the chance at a redo.
‘Nothing,’ Eddie mumbled, before putting on a stronger voice. ‘I’m a novice, I guess.’
‘Hmpf’ – seemed like Mickey was used to novices – ‘What’d you need?’
‘I have a, um, I guess a… creaky porch railing?’
‘Sounds novel.’ Was Micky funny? ‘Follow me.’
After many minutes of enduring Mickey’s disappointment – that Eddie hadn’t written down exact measurements, hadn’t known the exact type of wood, didn’t know what exact tools he already had – Mickey finally handed Eddie a few pieces of wood and some special nails with a vague ‘try these but I’m sure you’ll be back soon’. Before ringing Eddie up, Mickey also added leather work gloves and safety goggles to the pile, with a simple: ‘Use ‘em’.
Back at the cabin, Eddie heated up a can of chili on the one stove burner that was working (another thing added to his list), popped a beer, and ate sitting on the back patio, watching the sun going down, letting his head bob and body vibrate to the sounds of Back in Black on his Walkman.
Halfway through his meal, he spotted the cat darting between trees, its green eyes reflecting brightly as it gave Eddie the once over.
I’ll win you over, Eddie thought. Just you wait.
***
If the brightness hadn’t woken Eddie up the next morning, the humidity would have. He woke groggy, the heavy air weighing him down, draining him of any energy he might have restored in sleep. His body had been fighting his natural tendency to stay up well past a reasonable time, susceptible to the silence and darkness that surrounded the cabin so soon after sunset. Last night, Eddie tried to distract himself with music and books (in the flickering lamplight; he’d have to check the generator, another task for the never-ending fix it lists) but hadn’t lasted very long.
Fuck it – he was awake. A shower didn’t seem worth it in his heat, his hair was already damp from the humid air, and he’d be sweating all day anyway. He donned only his jeans and snapped his Walkman on his waist as a finishing touch, cranking up the volume as he went to work prying off the old rickety post, then also noticing and removing some rotten wood from the window frame, and pulling up a collapsed floorboard.
Damn. This project was creeping out of scope already.
Remembering Mickey’s advice to measure twice, cut once, and consulting his how-to guide thoroughly, Eddie felt like he had a groove going by mid-morning. He was kneeling on the porch to hammer in the new floorboard when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Eddie fumbled the hammer and swung around frightened, landing a punch on a random body part of his attacker.
It took Eddie a second to register Steve, wheezing, doubled over, holding his neck. ‘You punched me in the throat!’ he croaked out, glaring at Eddie.
‘Steve?!’ Oh shit. Eddie didn’t know what to do, so settled Steve on the ground and ran inside for some water. When he returned, Steve was coughing and massaging his throat.
‘It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m fine,’ his voice was raspy but getting stronger.
‘Are you sure?’ Eddie gently pet Steve on the head, nervously examining his neck. The neck Eddie had gently caressed just days ago. Shit.
‘Yeah, I’ve had worse,’ Steve managed a smile after a quick cough.
Steve’s coughing had made his eyes tear up a bit and Eddie noticed that they sparkled. Damn, it was so great to see him.
Jesus.
He had to get a hold on himself.
Eddie called the image of Steve and Mandy kissing to mind; that helped. A bit.
‘What the hell are you doing here, Harrington?’
‘Well, I thought was doing something nice,’ Steve rasped out, ‘I didn’t think I’d get attacked for it.’
‘So far all you’ve done is surprise me so…’
‘I just –’ cough ‘– I just wanted to say hi, see how you’re doing up here…’
Had Steve… missed him? The thought made Eddie warm up, and he suppressed a smile, dropping down to sit on the porch across from Steve.
‘Oh… well, hi,’ Eddie grinned, with a little wave. ‘I – I’m okay. It’s quiet. Hot. Smelly.’
‘Well, the guest room is still wide open for a few days, if you want,’ Steve smiled.
Eddie remembered the disaster that had been his goodbye after leaving Steve’s house; he didn’t need a repeat. It had been a close enough call.
‘Nah, man – thanks though.’
Steve looked disappointed but seemed to brush it off quickly. Too quickly?
‘How’d you find me anyway? Hopper was pretty clear that this place isn’t on any map.’ Eddie tried to lighten the mood and turn the conversation back to their usual playful banter but hadn’t expected a light bloom to spread of Steve’s cheeks.
‘Well, uh,’ Steve ran a hand through his hair nervously, but again seemed to blink it away quickly. ‘Hopper gave me directions. Seems like he doesn’t trust you around power tools.’
‘Good instincts, but I haven’t ventured as far as power tools. Only a handsaw and a hammer so far.’ Eddie said. ‘You don’t need to tell him those are probably too advanced for me.’
‘Huh.’ Steve looked around the porch, clocking the cluttered strips of wood, piles of rusted nails, still unfurled measuring tape, Eddie’s half eaten pop tart. Not a huge mess but definitely not the site of a professional. ‘Need any help?’
‘Oh, uh…’ Eddie’s mind screamed yes but his instinct said to say no; he knew he could figure it out on his own. But after punching Steve, turning down his offer to stay, and the evidence laid out clearly that Eddie definitely could use a hand, he admitted: ‘Sure, there’s actually one thing…’
A few minutes later, Eddie cautious climbed the old wooden ladder he’d found in the shed, Steve holding the bottom firmly. Eddie fervently hoped that this wouldn’t be the moment the seam on his jeans finally gave, as it had been threatening to do for some time.
‘How are you scared of heights?’ Steve asked, bewildered, as Eddie reached the roof.
‘I don’t appreciate the tone,’ Eddie said, crouched, slowly crawling over to the giant hole over the living room. ‘The last time I was on a roof I was eaten by bats a few minutes later so…’
‘But you weren’t eaten by bats on a roof?’ Steve yelled up, now out of Eddie’s sightline.
‘Shut! Up!’ Eddie yelled back. ‘Let me have my well-earned phobia!’
He heard Steve mutter something but was too focused on not falling to his death, as he scrambled closer to the hole on all fours. One point for the trailer was that it had a more solid roof than this cabin; or it would until Eddie was through with it.
Eddie squatted, measuring the hole in the roof, an annoyed part of him not wanting to hear Mickey’s disappointment the next time he visited the hardware store. As he measured, Eddie noted the layers of wood, tar, shingles. Fucking not novice shit.
‘This was a bad idea,’ Eddie said.
‘I’m holding the ladder, it’ll be okay,’ Steve responded. Eddie wasn’t sure how Steve had heard him.
‘No… not that,’ Eddie replied a bit more loudly, crawling back to the edge of the roof, peeking over the edge. Steve was still there, holding the ladder, head down, just like he said. So reliable.
‘This is… I can’t do all this,’ Eddie lay on his stomach on the roof, an awkward angle, head cradled in his crossed arms; but he wanted to look at Steve. ‘This is like, advanced shit. I can hammer nails into trash can lids but otherwise?’
‘I don’t think I’ve seen you give up on one thing yet,’ Steve said, sincerely. Sweetly. He looked up to Eddie. ‘If you want to do this, I know you can.’
Eddie smiled. Always so supportive. Fuck he’s cute from this angle, Eddie thought, with Steve looking up, eager, honest. A flash of a dream, of Steve kneeling in front of him, sucking him off behind a shed in a cornfield.
No. Stop. Eddie felt himself flush. ‘Hot today,’ he said, fanning himself, willing the sudden redness to subside. He thought he saw a flush on Steve, too.
Steve’s eyes suddenly went wide, as he muttered, ‘Oh shit,’ and ran to his car, ladder swinging precariously behind him, before thudding back into place.
‘Did you just abandon me on the roof?’ Eddie yelped after him loudly.
‘I’m coming back, chill!’ Steve yelled back, rummaging around the trunk of his car. ‘Fuck, I forgot! I brought you some groceries,’ Steve pulled out a cooler, ‘I wasn’t sure what the setup was here? I’ve eaten cold pizza for almost every meal since you left, so I figured these would find a better home with you.’
Eddie watched Steve haul the cooler – it was obviously heavy, and Steve’s arm muscles bulged accordingly in his baby blue shirt. He dropped it after a few steps, lifting up his hem to dab at his forehead, revealing his stomach.
Eddie realized he’d been staring and hasn’t said anything in a bit too long: ‘Wow, that’s… thanks, Steve.’
Steve smiled up to Eddie in return, not realizing the same awkward silence that Eddie had. ‘No problem.’
‘Can I come down now?’
‘Oh, shit yeah,’ Steve ran over, and Eddie finally descended, heading into the house. Steve followed him and raised an eyebrow as Eddie opened a beer.
‘Want one?’
‘It’s like 11am?’
‘I don’t think normal rules apply out here.’
Eddie saw a flash of something across Steve’s face as his eyes darted down. Steve coughed, nodding to Eddie’s torso. ‘The scars are healing nicely.’
Steve was right – Eddie looked down, examining the marks, now fading into a light pink from the previously shocking bright red. He ran his fingers over the scars on his abdomen, feeling the dips and valleys caused by the kaleidoscope of scars. The movement caused whispers of sensation, the feeling finally returning to the places where there was numbness a few weeks ago.
As Eddie looked up to reply, but Steve’s eyes were focused on Eddie’s stomach, following his fingers as they played. He would think with a look like that…
Steve coughed, then nodded at the scars: ‘Do they hurt?’ Ah. A more innocent explanation.
‘No, actually. Most of them are still kind of numb. Doc said the feeling would come back soon.’
‘Wow, really.’ Steve stepped closer; curiosity piqued by Eddie’s answer. ‘Is it weird?’
‘Huh.’ Eddie swallowed. Steve was now only a foot away. Within arm’s reach. ‘Yeah. Weird.’
Steve briefly locked eyes with Eddie before taking a step back and looking around the cabin. Eddie released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. ‘Well, you weren’t lying. This place is kind of a shithole.’ He smirked, ‘Still better than the trailer.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Eddie looked down, disappointed at the distance. ‘You and Hopper agree on that.’
‘You don’t?’
‘I don’t know,’ Eddie shrugged, looking around the small space. ‘It’s different. At the trailer at least… well, I mean, I know the woods were right there but like… this is so…’
‘Isolated. Yeah, it’s the middle of nowhere. It took me a while to find it.’
‘Well, thanks,’ Eddie nodded, sincerely. ‘For finding it.’
‘Yeah man, I miss you.’ Steve’s smile was guileless and open.
Eddie loved that look on Steve’s face. There was never anything else when Steve was being honest. No strings attached. Just a genuine sense that he was being exactly who he was in that moment. For Eddie, who had to play act more often than not – it was such a refreshing presence. And always reminded Eddie that he could be genuine with Steve in return.
But in this particular moment, he needed to play act a little. Because he missed Steve, too. But probably not in the exact same way.
‘Aww,’ Eddie put on a smirk. ‘The Jock missing The Freak?’
Steve chuckled slightly, ‘Sure. Or just Steve missing Eddie.’
Fuck. Eddie’s heart skipped. He knew he’d be replaying that over and over in his head. Just like he did with Steve’s innocent comment a few days ago: I don’t want to lose you.
Steve broke their eye contact. ‘Speaking of, I wanted to invite you to this thing tomorrow. Mandy invited me but it’s like a big party so I thought… it could be fun.’
Eddie hesitated. Mandy. Steve and Mandy. And Eddie. It sounded like a special form of delicious torture that Eddie was actually willing to undergo. Steve sensed Eddie’s hesitancy and jumped in before Eddie could respond.
‘Robin’s coming too, so… it’ll be like a group thing,’ Steve shrugged, but Eddie could tell he was more hopeful than he was letting on.
‘Oh, no, it sounds like fun,’ Eddie nodded; maybe he did have a good excuse. ‘I just have dinner with Hopper tomorrow. My uncle’s calling so...’
‘Well, I’m sure it’ll be after dinner? I could pick you up from the Byers’s and we could go over together.’
Steve seemed so excited. It was a great offer, but: ‘Wouldn’t you be going over with Mandy?’ Eddie asked.
Steve’s brain seemed to hiccup; it looked like he was doing some mental calculations in his head. Eddie grinned at the befuddled look on his face.
‘Oh uh,’ Steve’s eyebrows were drawn. ‘I think I’m meeting her there.’
‘You think?’
‘I am. I will meet her there.’
‘Do you – I mean, we don’t have to crash your date? Isn’t she only in town for a few more weeks?’
‘Oh yes,’ Steve breathed out, sounding relieved. ‘I mean, it’s no problem. I think the more the merrier, right?’
Between Steve being so eager for him to join, the promise of Robin, and Eddie’s past fond memories of other parties in the woods (they were some of his best business), Eddie was leaning yes. But how would everyone react to Eddie at what he assumed was a Hawkins High alum gathering (who else would Mandy be partying with other than other her high school friends)? How would they react to accused murderer Eddie Munson? But looking at Steve, Eddie saw how hopeful he was. And Robin would be on his side. And Mandy would be a buffer for any dangerous thought.
And Eddie knew he’d be safe if Steve was there. He knew that as much as anything.
‘Yeah. Okay.’ Eddie smiled. ‘Sounds like a plan.’
‘Woo!’ Eddie recoiled slightly at how genuinely pleased Steve was. His heart gave another flip, as it seemed to be doing more often in Steve’s presence. It only continued its gymnastics when Steve continued: ‘It’s a date!’
One more for the late-night audio track.
***
Steve stuck around longer than Eddie would have guessed. He wanted to ask him – don’t you have to work? Have a date? Have somewhere else to be? – but didn’t want to be the reason Steve left.
While the cabin was too hot for Eddie, Steve grabbed a broom and started cleaning, dumping piles of debris outside, while Eddie finished on the porch. The ambient noise of Steve moving around inside, his little sounds, were comforting to Eddie; he’d save his Walkman batteries for later.
Every so often Steve would stick his head out of the door or the missing space of the window with little updates: Hey, you’ve got Boggle! The phone works! Wow, a ham radio!.
Eddie gave in eventually and stopped fighting it, letting himself revel in just how cute Steve was, with his excited eyes whenever he was surprised or had good news. He also let himself notice how the sweat was soaking through Steve’s light shirt, clinging to his body, how his damp hair fell in defined waves. And he let himself fall over laughing when Steve ran out of the house, eyes blinking rapidly and coughing, shouting: ‘What the fuck is that smell?!’
‘Ah, the big room?’ Eddie laughed.
‘Jesus Christ!’ Steve exclaimed, panicking.
It was early evening by the time Steve made moves to leave. Eddie was actually proud of how much had been done – the inside was mostly clean, they’d moved the couch outside to air out, the porch was fully patched up and solid; Steve had even darted into the big room to open a window to start letting out the smell.
‘Where you off to? Work?’ Eddie asked as they made their way to Steve’s car.
‘Yeah, it’s inventory night and I drew the short straw so –’
‘Ah shit.’ Eddie knew that meant a long night. And after everything Steve had already done today? Eddie wished Steve would stay, would let him draw him a bath, massage his feet, show him how grateful he was. ‘You didn’t have to stay here all day, you must be exhausted and like –,’ Eddie said, but swallowed at the thought, ‘– sweaty.’
‘I’ll be there solo so at least no one to smell me,’ Steve smirked, but Eddie’s heart started to race. Maybe the idea of Steve all alone in some dark room. Maybe the idea of leaning in closely to Steve and taking a deep breath, maybe his tongue cleaning up the drops of sweat on his brow, his neck. Eddie felt himself starting to get hard, so literally tried to shake it off, doing a little shimmy as Steve raised an eyebrow.
Eddie just smiled awkwardly. Steve seemed to go with it but then turned awkward himself.
‘Hey, um… is it cool… can I come by again sometime?’
Eddie wanted to yell out – ‘fuck yes!’ – but held it in, instead just nodding twice. ‘I’ll have to schedule you in around my other visitors but.. yeah,’ Eddie tried for teasing, but his desperation shone through as he added a sincere: ‘Please.’
Steve grinned then moved forward, wrapping an arm around Eddie’s shoulder, the other coming up to cradle his back. Eddie froze, shocked, thinking he should pull away.
But Steve initiated this – and so Eddie leaned in, arms circling around Steve, holding him gently. One hand lightly brushed the hair at Steve’s neck. Eddie tried to take a quiet breath in, Steve’s scent filling him. He felt Steve’s own warm exhale on his neck.
Eddie had never been this close for this long. Feeling Steve’s whole body pressed up against his, feeling the cooling sweat on his shirt against Eddie’s bare chest. Steve smelled like sweat, yes, but also like lingering notes of a cologne, and something uniquely Steve, the scent that Eddie had caught whiffs of throughout the Harrington home. His cheek grazed against Steve’s as the other boy started to pull away.
Eddie reluctantly let go. His hand on Steve’s waist lingered for an extra second after they’d already separated.
‘It was good to see you, man,’ Steve said, his voice a touch deeper than normal.
‘Yeah –,’ Eddie realized his was too, ‘– thanks for coming all the way out here. You can find your way back?’ Eddie nervously shuffled from foot to foot.
‘I’ll manage,’ Steve said, getting into his car, waving at Eddie through the window and finally driving off, slowly.
Eddie stared after him, his hand up in a returning wave goodbye.
As soon as Steve’s car turned out of sight, Eddie ran around to the back of the cabin, the side facing the shed in the small clearing, away from the road; the sun was bright gold as it set over the horizon.
In this privacy and heat, Eddie unbuttoned his pants, reached a hand down, and started stroking, coming in seconds, Steve’s sweat still on his skin, his smell surrounding him.
***
Eddie resigned himself to live in this agony. These innocent interactions with Steve getting blown out of proportion, hoarding phrases, scents, looks, and turning them over in his mind long after dark that night (every night), lying in bed, his hands running over his chest, down his happy trail and up again, as the thoughts of Steve replayed over and over.
But knowing that none of it meant anything.
Eddie thought that Steve was the nicest person he knew. Maybe only second to Uncle Wayne, who literally saved his life by taking him in and giving him a home, the only true constant in Eddie’s life. Steve was so new to him – a stranger just a few months ago. But his kindness, protectiveness, loyalty; Eddie hadn’t experienced anything like that from someone who wasn’t related to him. Hadn’t experienced it from most people who were related to him.
Yes, he had friends, great friends. Knew he could count on them; knew they loved him. Knew how much Dustin had fought for him, how Gareth and Grant and Jeff had stood up for him as best they could.
But they’d all known him. Before. They’d known happy Eddie, free Eddie, just normal high-school-level-discriminated Eddie. Had had that baseline to build on.
Not accused of murder, on the run, rebuilding his life Eddie. That was definitely a more challenging place to build a friendship from.
But Steve was doing it. He seemed to want to do it.
Eddie couldn’t imagine why. It seemed like rotten work.
Why was he taking this chance on him? Eddie didn’t feel like he had as much to offer anyone, let alone a new friend, let alone Steve Harrington; with the Hellfire guys, he was their DM, the foundation of so many years and nights of fun; he was their protector, going to battle for all of them against whatever enemies – real or fictional – came their way. He’d earned their loyalty, their friendship.
So why was Steve doing this?
Eddie thought his first thought was right: pity. Poor broken Eddie needed some help. Babysitter Steve to the rescue. Would he have done this for anyone? Maybe for any of his friends.
And that was the agony of it.
While Eddie was taking each of these moments with Steve and hoarding them like treasure that he knew he would covet for the rest of his life, Steve was simply being a good friend. It was like he didn’t know any other way to be.
I am the freak (The Freak) turning these nice moments into something Steve would surely be creeped out by, Eddie thought.
Steve has Mandy.
I’m his friend.
And while Eddie tried to get his logical mind to listen to this, his heart still sparked at the memory of Steve pressed against him, at Steve’s smile, at Steve missing him.
And that was an agony Eddie decided he’d endure, if it meant more moments with Steve, if it meant having his friendship. It’s worth it.
It might be the best he’d ever get.
But Eddie couldn’t help the warmth that spread over him from head to toe the next morning, when he saw that Steve left his number on ripped piece of paper, wedged between the phone and the wall, signed ‘Call your Jock – anytime, Steve’.
Chapter 11: Mirror Image
Summary:
‘A toast,’ Robin said a moment later, raising her beer, ‘To Eddie Munson, high school graduate!’
‘Oh, that’s last week’s news,’ Eddie grinned, but clinked his can to hers. ‘Cheers.’
‘So, how does it feel?’ Robin asked.
‘Great. Biggest item on my to-do list for the year checked off.’
‘Surviving another dimension wasn’t at the top?’
Eddie scrunched his face in consideration before replying: ‘It was top 5.’
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
The sense of déjà vu shocked Eddie when he walked into the Byers’ home that Wednesday. It felt the same – warm and comforting – despite the little changes from last week. This time, Hopper was on the phone, seemingly annoyed with the person on the other end; El with Joyce in the kitchen, both stirring and chopping and laughing; Will smiling big, carrying a comic book as he answered the door.
‘Hey Eddie!’
‘Will,’ Eddie nodded a smile in greeting as he stepped inside, this time carrying a box of chocolates from the gas station, his mom’s voice in his head to be a good guest, repay the kindness you are given. Eddie felt like he’d been taking so much.
‘Hey, this is for you all,’ Eddie thrust out the box awkwardly.
Will took it with a laugh: ‘You didn’t have to do that!’ but tucked it under his arm.
‘Hi Eddie!’ Joyce yelled from the kitchen, walking over while drying her hands with a rag. She saw the box under Will’s arm and echoed her son exactly, like mother like son: ‘Oh, you didn’t have to do that!’
‘It’s a simple offering to the amazing meal. Thanks again for having me.’
‘Oh, you’re a sweetheart,’ Joyce smiled at him, taking the chocolates to the kitchen. Sweetheart wasn’t something Eddie heard about himself every day.
It felt nice, homey. Normal. Eddie hung out with Will at the kitchen table, while Joyce busied herself. A few minutes and a slammed phone later, Hopper walked over, placing his hands around Joyce’s waist, a kiss to her neck.
‘Gross,’ Will drawled, but was smiling.
Without asking, El poured a glass of orange juice and set it in front of Will, who took it with a thanks. ‘Want one?’ she asked Eddie, who nodded, and then tried not stare, jaw dropped, as she levitated the juice carton over from the counter to the table before pouring. She didn’t notice the look on Eddie’s face, but Will did.
‘Your face,’ Will whispered through his giggles.
‘Sorry! I’m not used to the girl with fucking magical powers yet,’ Eddie whispered back and tried to play it cool, literally biting his tongue to not ask her to do it again and fighting every urge he had not to purposefully knock the glass off the table to see if she’d save it.
As they all got seated around the table and dinner started, seeing this family together, happy, interacting in all of these little ways made Eddie feel suddenly alone. So alone. Wayne was who knew where, and the rest of his family was… complicated. Scattered. And had never been anything like this.
The closest had been his mom. He remembered her exactly as Joyce was right now, standing over the stove, but would have had the radio on, moving to the music, twirling as she’d move from fridge to stove to table. And instead of El next to her, it had been Eddie, following along, stars in his eyes every time he looked at her. He did remember his father coming over and dancing his mom around the kitchen once. But usually was at work, at the bar, sleeping something off, in jail for a stint; somewhere that wasn’t with them.
He would have loved a sibling, someone to pour him a drink without being asked, to ruffle his hair as they walked by; a dad who played cards with you, teased you about who you were dating, who was tender and protective and clearly cared, so much, so deeply.
But Eddie’s family had only ever been two people. Him and his mom. And then him and Wayne.
Eddie swallowed deeply. He suddenly wanted nothing more than to speak to Wayne. To beg him to come home. To tell him they’d make it work, money be damned.
To please come ruffle Eddie’s hair.
Instead, when the call came right as they were finishing up dinner, Wayne sounded so happy.
‘It’s beautiful here, Eddie. You’d love it.’
Wayne was now in Maine and had a rare day off after his last haul. An old friend of a friend had a cabin right on the water. It didn’t sound like Wayne knew exactly what water it was, as he’d talked about fishing in the river, visiting the bay, driving to the ocean.
‘So, is that the top contender? For the new Munson family home?’ Eddie asked, trying for playful but veering into petulant.
‘Oh, I’m not thinking like that,’ Wayne said, rolling with Eddie’s changes in tone as he often did. ‘Just nice to be somewhere nice, after stinking up my cabin for a week.’
Eddie laughed. ‘I know something about stinky cabins.’ Hopper leaned back into the hallway to glare at that comment; Eddie winked at him and turned away.
Wayne said there wasn’t much else new with him, he only wanted to hear about Eddie – so Eddie proceeded to spend several of Wayne’s quarters as he kept extending the call to talk about the details about each of his tests, the polaroid graduation snaps (‘don’t get your hopes up,’ Eddie cautioned), the DnD game, his work on the cabin so far.
‘Sounds like you’re doing really good,’ Wayne said. Eddie could hear the smile in his voice, the relief. For every horror that Eddie had lived through those months, Wayne had lived through them to. He’d been there for Eddie through everything, every hardship, every victory.
Suddenly, Eddie realized he couldn’t ask Wayne for one more thing. He couldn’t ask him to return, not just for Eddie. Eddie needed to stop making Wayne’s life harder – he deserved to be happy.
‘I hope you’re doing good, too, Wayne,’ Eddie said, his voice tight. ‘I want to make sure… if you hate the job, quit, okay? I can… I can do it. I’m good with maps, right?’ Eddie tried to laugh.
‘Oh, hush you,’ Wayne laughed. ‘You were right from the start – can’t imagine you cooped up in a small box, sitting still for days at time, no one but yourself for company. You’d wear out the radio knob in no time.’ Eddie could hear a muffled noise over the phone; he realized Wayne had shrugged. ‘It’s a good job, actually. Relaxing. After all those years at the plant, it’s nice, getting to sit down all day and still get paid.’
Eddie smiled. He did sound happy. ‘If you’re sure…?’
‘Course, I’m sure. I miss you, Eddie. Awful.’ Wayne paused. ‘If you want me to come home –’
‘No,’ Eddie cut in. ‘No, it’s not that. I miss you, of course, I miss you. So much.’ Eddie cleared his throat. ‘But I just want you to be good. And it sounds like you are. So, keep on trucking.’ Wayne laughed at that. ‘And whenever you come through Indiana, say hi.’
‘Hounds of hell couldn’t stop me.’
***
When Eddie suggested that he’d have Wayne start calling him at the cabin instead of bothering them next week, Joyce wouldn’t hear of it.
‘Absolutely not,’ she said with finality. A mother’s tone. ‘We’ll see you here next Wednesday.’
‘I really –’
‘You heard the lady,’ Hopper chimed in, coming to join Eddie and Joyce at the front door.
‘I – I guess,’ Eddie didn’t want to impose; but he warmed at the thought of returning to the Byers’s home, of another home cooked meal and comfortable evening. ‘Thank you, that sounds… thanks.’
Hopper leaned in, as Joyce stepped away after giving Eddie a big hug goodbye. ‘Not that we don’t love you, Eddie, but I think she misses Jonathan. Also, we need something to balance out all those teen hormones in there. With you, we finally outnumber ‘em. Plus,’ Hopper grinned, ‘it’s this or random drive-bys at the cabin.’
‘Oh, it’s your place, come over whenever you want…’ Eddie wouldn’t mind the company. Hopper kept teetering between authority figure and friend around Eddie; Eddie wanted to know where he’d land.
‘I trust you, up there,’ Hopper said, in a tone that indicated he was trying to convince himself as much as Eddie. ‘And I’m trying to be less… controlling.’
Ah, the truth. Eddie asked with a laugh: ‘How’s that going?’
‘Working on it,’ Hopper gritted out. Oh, Eddie had an idea of what one of the main things he was trying to be less controlling about…
‘Wheeler’s not a bad kid,’ Eddie smirked.
Hopper held up a hand. ‘I’d rather not talk about it. They’re on again, off again, who knows what’s going on,’ he sighed. ‘Just the drama of it all. You couldn’t pay me to be fifteen again.’
‘Hard agree.’
They shared a look. Definitely leaning friend right now. But then, Hopper stuck out a hand for a handshake, and back to authority figure. ‘See you next week, Eddie.’
As Eddie stepped out, he saw Steve waiting up the drive, leaning against the hood of his car, the late summer sun setting casting a pinkish golden glow over his silhouette.
‘Harrington?’ Eddie turned around as he walked towards Steve, but the Byers’s front door was already closed. Maybe it was the gust of butterflies in his stomach, or the golden glow on Steve, but he suddenly felt like he was sneaking a boy into the house, even though he wasn’t sneaking, and it wasn’t his house. ‘I thought you were gonna come by the cabin…’
‘Hey man,’ Steve smiled, reaching out to clasp Eddie’s hand in a quick hello. ‘Well, I was with this one,’ he pointed a thumb to Robin in the passenger seat, as she waved, eating fries from a bag. ‘We grabbed some food, and this was on the way – plus, she wouldn’t shut up about seeing the cabin.’
‘I’m like the only one who’s never been there, and you keep going on and on about visiting Eddie at the cabin this, seeing Eddie that,’ Robin yelled from inside the car, then hopping out and drawing Eddie into a quick hug and thrusting the bag of fries at him. Which he took and started eating immediately.
Steve blushed at her, a hand coming up to comb through his hair. ‘I wasn’t going on and on…’
‘Plus, he was saying it’s like impossible to find but I think he’s being dramatic.’
‘I figured we’d follow you there, and this genius would draw her own mind map or whatever,’ Steve rolled his eyes.
Eddie couldn’t help but grin at them. The same sibling dynamic he’d just envied with El and Will felt even more lived in, more enviable with Steve and Robin. ‘In that case, I’ll lead the way.’
Eddie drove slow and carefully (‘I didn’t want to lose you’), so it was starting to get dark by the time they arrived at the cabin.
‘Yeah, this looks great, absolutely not haunted, no reason to be scared,’ Robin mumbled as she exited the car to join Eddie at the front porch. He knocked twice on the formerly creaky post and swelled with pride when he realized it was holding.
‘Oh, if you think this is bad…’ Eddie said, leading them inside, flicking the light switch illuminating the flickering lights, throwing shadows across the room. It was now mostly dust free, but still felt unlived in and creepy; it didn’t help that the tarp Eddie had installed over the hole in the roof was throwing shadows as it gusted slightly in the wind, sending crackling sounds through the room.
Suddenly, Steve shrieked and Robin and Eddie both turned, raising their fists in matching fighting stances, on high alert. Until all three pairs of eyes settled on the fluffy black cat wandering out of a shadow in the corner, green eyes blazing.
‘Holy fucking Christ,’ Steve cursed, doubling over and clasping his chest.
‘Of course, there’s a black cat,’ Robin laughed in relief, but also at Steve.
‘Wouldn’t be a haunted house without it,’ Eddie smirked. ‘Just gotta change, then we can go.’
Without a second thought or any concern for his privacy, Robin followed him into the small bedroom; Steve stopped himself to linger by the bedroom door.
‘Cozy,’ Robin said, starting to move around and examine the room more closely, seemingly not caring as Eddie lifted his shirt off. He saw her glance quickly at the scars on his torso, and they made eye contact. He raised a brow, signaling – wanna talk about it? She just smiled gently and turned back around.
‘Woo! Glad to see the cuffs made it from the trailer,’ Robin walked to the wall, fingering the handcuffs now hanging on a leftover nail on the wall. It was some of the only decoration in the room. Tacked up next to it on the wall were the remains of Eddie’s leather jacket, which had been half destroyed by the demobats and then fully destroyed when the hospital had cut him out of it.
All of Eddie’s belongings fit into two of the dresser drawers. The few paperbacks he owned, his library books, his assortment of tapes were tossed over the top of the dresser, the current book he was reading (The Shining) was on the nightstand, along with the lantern he used to read at night (surprisingly less flickering than the other lighting in the cabin), his Walkman marking his place in the book. The full-size bed was messy, the red and black flannel blanket he’d been using bundled in a knot in the middle of the bed, the pillows falling out of their covers.
He’d found a pair of boots left in the room that fit him, which he’d started wearing, trying to save his dilapidated sneakers for as long as possible. He knew his jeans were on their last legs, the only pair he owned and wore constantly; the number of holes was veering from purposeful to risqué. One wrong move would rip the seams at the crotch, Eddie could feel it.
Eddie pulled on a clean black t-shirt, fluffed his hair at the roots while looking in the small mirror on the dresser, and grabbed his jacket. ‘Ready?’
Robin was examining the song lists on the tapes and nodded absentmindedly; Steve’s eyes had been slowly roaming around the room, seemingly taking in each small detail. Eddie caught his eye and Steve smiled. ‘It is cozy. Feels like you already.’
It made him feel cozy that Steve had the vaguest sense of something that could ‘feel like’ Eddie.
Eddie blushed, and placed his hand gently on Robin’s back, steering them all out of the room.
He looked back and took it all in, smiling softly, before turning off the light. To his room.
**
‘So… Lover’s Lake.’ Robin said, as they stood outside of Steve’s car. ‘Definitely not a source of any traumatic memories, so...’
‘Sorry, I didn’t – I didn’t realize when she said. Guess I wasn’t listening,’ Steve tried to explain, looking panicked. ‘We should go, I mean, Mandy’s with her friends, I’ll call her tomorrow…’
‘Hey, we survived this place once, right?’ Eddie said, clasping both Robin and Steve’s shoulders, ‘Surely one party won’t kill us.’
‘Knock on wood,’ Robin said, and reached over to knock her fist on Steve’s head instead of the dozens of trees surrounding them. He looked at her, annoyed.
‘Very funny. Let’s go.’
They walked from where the cars for the party had been parked by the lake and wandered a little further into the woods on the lake’s border, following the sounds of murmured talking and low music, the glow of the fire growing brighter as they drew nearer.
The small clearing had a makeshift fire pit in its center, the bonfire maybe more modest than its name would suggest, more of an excuse to get horny teens and summer visitors together in the remote darkness and away from prying eyes. It wasn’t a huge group by any means, maybe a little more than a dozen people clustering around the fire in small groups, another few couples making out in some of the more shadowy edges. A trio of coolers were opened on the far side, currently surrounded by a trio of dudes in Hawkins High letterman jackets shotgunning beers.
Memories of past high school parties came to Eddie’s mind – it was about 50/50 for ones where he’d had a good enough time, had blended in enough to partake of the partying, compared to the other times when he’d been called out, the victim of a drunken jock trying to exert his power, or just general jeers at The Freak somehow being invited, which he usually was because someone was hankering for something very specific and very illegal.
But Eddie was here empty handed, no party favors to give, and had recently been accused and acquitted of murdering not one but two members of Hawkins High’s highest social strata; even Carver’s death seemed like it was being tied to Eddie, despite his being miles away and unconscious at the time.
He wasn’t sure exactly which people around this fire were the ones who had been part of the lynch mob hunting him, but by the sheer volume of green Hawkins High athletic wear, chances were good he was among some of the first who had decided to light their torches.
‘Oh boy,’ Eddie whispered under his breath. He looked to Robin who seemed equally unnerved by this particular gathering.
‘Yeah, Steve?’ Robin leaned forward, placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder. ‘I thought this party would be like… a party, you know? Music, maybe some dancing, and, like, people? This is – I dunno – what’s the word for an intimate get together with an exclusive guest list?’
‘A cluster? A confab?’ Eddie offered. ‘Or if you want to be literal: a baker’s dozen.’
‘There’s music,’ Steve said, vaguely waving. His eyes scanned the scene, finding Mandy talking to another girl. He waved at her, and even in the dim lighting, her smile seemed bright. ‘Listen, we’ll have one drink, I’ll talk to Mandy for a bit then we can head out, okay? I mean, we’re already here.’
When neither Eddie nor Robin responded, Steve turned around and seemed to register their discomfort.
‘Hey, Mandy invited us, and these are her friends, I’m sure it’ll be fine,’ Steve smiled in a way that Eddie thought was meant to be reassuring but instead conveyed a lingering sense of cluelessness about their vastly different high school experiences. ‘Like I said, in and out, we don’t have to stay long.’
Steve’s eyes looked hopeful. And dammit, Eddie wanted to give Steve whatever he wanted, whatever would make him happy. Even this.
‘I think we can do one drink,’ Eddie said, turning to Robin, who smiled reluctantly.
‘Sure. One drink,’ Robin agreed, slowly.
‘Great!’ Steve smiled, clapped them each on their shoulders, then abandoned them to walk over to Mandy.
‘Huh.’ Robin said. ‘I guess that one drink wasn’t one drink together?’
Eddie looked at her, eyebrow raised. ‘Don’t think he wants us cramping his style. His loss,’ Eddie smirked, and Robin smiled. ‘Let’s get those drinks. Shall we?’ He offered her his arm.
Robin wove her arm through his, clutching him tightly. ‘Please do not leave me.’
‘Never.’
They approached the coolers from the far side, keeping mostly to the shadows. Eddie felt like an intruder but walked with confidence. He wasn’t ashamed to admit he was channeling the energy of the small, fluffy black cat in his cabin. He grabbed two beers in his right hand, then noticed a half empty bottle of vodka, which he nodded at Robin to grab.
‘Go Tigers!’ Robin smiled at the trio of drunk dudes as they passed by, though they thankfully were too far gone to register who’d said that, only one of the guys throwing a loopy smile over his shoulder as they passed.
Eddie led them to a large rock a few trees behind the line of the clearing; they could still see the party clearly but were mostly hidden. From their vantage, they could see Steve and Mandy talking closely, standing by the fire.
‘A toast,’ Robin said a moment later, raising her beer, ‘To Eddie Munson, high school graduate!’
‘Oh, that’s last week’s news,’ Eddie grinned, but clinked his can to hers. ‘Cheers.’
‘So, how does it feel?’ Robin asked.
‘Great. Biggest item on my to-do list for the year checked off.’
‘Surviving another dimension wasn’t at the top?’
Eddie scrunched his face in consideration before replying: ‘It was top 5.’ Robin laughed.
‘And what’s next for you, Eddie?’
‘Ah, that’s the question isn’t it?’ Eddie leaned back onto the rock with one hand, taking a long swig of beer. He shook out his hair and looked at Robin over his shoulder. ‘Everything feels so… small. After… you know.’
‘Surviving another dimension? Clearing your name in a statewide manhunt? Saving the world?’
‘Yeah.’ Eddie gestured vaguely in the air as if each item Robin had listed had floated in a text bubble around her head. ‘That.’
‘Yeah,’ Robin sighed, leaning back alongside Eddie. ‘Like, I’m starting at Roane Community in a few weeks. And my mom is, like, so thrilled, she’s taking me shopping, new clothes for her “college girl”,’ Robin rolled her eyes. ‘Like, great, I’m taking Econ 101 and Art History, yay! But it’s just… I don’t know. It doesn’t seem important after everything…’
They were both silent for a moment, eyes fixed unseeingly on the bonfire.
‘I get it,’ Eddie said, softly, turning back to Robin. ‘But that’s why we did it, right? So, we could have all those boring moments, and do the everyday stuff. Go to school. Fix an old cabin. Get drunk off stale beer. I forget that, sometimes. When I’m feeling sorry for myself. My gross scars. My shitty haircut. Wayne off on the road for five more months to pay the hospital. But that’s why we did it. We’re all still here for a reason.’
Robin sighed gently. ‘And what’s the reason?’
‘Oh that, my dear, that you’ll have to find out for yourself,’ Eddie smiled at her, nudging her shoulder with his. ‘I’m sure yours will be different from mine. Different from Steve’s.’ He nodded over to Steve, sitting with Mandy, speaking with another girl and guy, laughing. ‘And I did notice you didn’t say anything about my shitty haircut comment.’
‘Oh please, you know your hair looks great,’ Robin reached out to ruffle his hair, massaging his roots. Eddie closed his eyes, smiled, sighed. It was what he’d wanted all day.
‘But for the other thing? Huh,’ Robin huffed out a small laugh, contemplative. ‘What is my reason for living?’ She blew out a long breath, setting her bangs floating. ‘I don’t think I’m drunk enough to answer that question.’
‘Well, let’s get you there,’ Eddie grinned, unscrewing the bottle of vodka and taking a long chug before passing it over to Robin who did the same.
**
‘I think we’re way past our one drink,’ Robin said almost an hour later. Eddie was drunk, yes, but not too far gone; he knew himself well enough to know maybe another two or three shots would get him there. He was still in his happy drunk phase, knew that he’d get more and more contemplative, more morbid the drunker he got.
‘I don’t want to be Morbid Eddie,’ Eddie announced to Robin without context, shaking his head back and forth.
‘I think you’re just drunk, Eddie,’ she shrugged. ‘Should we go home? There’s pizza at home.’
‘Mmmm. Pizza. But we need to find…’ Eddie’s eyes scanned the partygoers. Outside of a few glances, they hadn’t been noticed in their secret perch. Eddie quickly found Steve, sitting with Mandy, near the fire, huddled close, in intense conversation. The way the shadows were playing on their faces, the golden glow of the fire lighting them up…
‘They’re beautiful,’ Eddie said without meaning to. It was so clearly true, Eddie didn’t feel nervous saying it, though a more sober Eddie may have.
‘Yeah,’ Robin breathed. ‘And just like… so hot.’
Eddie laughed, looking over at her. ‘Definitely a hot couple.’
‘It’s nice that he found someone,’ Robin continued. ‘He’s had such bad luck.’
‘Who hasn’t had bad luck recently?’ Eddie asked, the kernel of truth in the joke.
‘Not me. Or have I? What – no double negatives when we’re drinking, please,’ Robin shook her head. She sighed deeply, staring wistfully at the couple. ‘Whatever. But he’s totally blowing it.’
‘Doesn’t look like he’s blowing it,’ Eddie turned to examine Steve and Mandy, heads still bent together closely, bodies turned in towards each other.
‘He’s so great in the moment, you know?’ Robin continued. ‘If I could flirt like that, I’d be unstoppable,’ her voice was slurring. ‘But like, he could really have Mandy Thomas, if he wanted. But he keeps screwing it up! I mean look at her! God, when I get a woman like that, I’ll treat her right –’
Robin caught herself, and she froze completely; it was so dissonant from her normal state that Eddie’s attention pulled to her. His mind was a few seconds behind, still processing what she said. When she got a woman like Mandy…
Robin’s eyes were wide, fixed on Eddie. The look in her eyes was so familiar, like Eddie was staring in a mirror – and it all snapped into focus. The capital P platonic friendship with Steve, her ease with him. Eddie had always wondered what their friendship was based on. Not in a mean way, it just didn’t always make sense at first.
And yes, Steve and Robin were both hilarious, brave, great humans – but that didn’t always translate into the kind of deep bond that Steve and Robin clearly shared. But this? This made everything a bit clearer.
Eddie could see the nerves radiating off her, could see her mind working and he knew what she was looking for: an excuse, something to brush off the comment, her reaction, this endless awkward pause. Eddie had been there so many times himself.
Whether it was that recognition, the vodka in his veins, or that need for connection he’d been pining for all night…
‘So…’ Eddie started, and he saw Robin tense. ‘You think he’s a lucky guy?’ Eddie asked slowly. Robin didn’t move, just blinked at him, breathing deeply, mouth opening and closing. Eddie smiled cautiously and whispered. ‘Because… I think she’s a lucky girl.’
He waited for it to land. Waited for Robin to make the connection – between what she had said, what he had said.
When she did, it was like an explosion went off inside of her. Her eyes went wide, bright. She grasped both of his hands in hers, turned her whole body towards him, something unnamed but potent burning in her gaze.
‘Really?’ she asked, her voice squeaky, small.
Eddie swallowed. This would be it.
‘Really.’
Robin lunged at Eddie, arms wrapping around his neck, squeezing tight. He let out a hard huff and laughed into her hair, as his arms came around her, holding her close. He could hear Robin’s happy little gasps of ‘oh my god, oh my god’ and feel her warm breath in his ear.
But no judgment, no fear, no anger or disgust. Everything he’d been afraid of.
The relief he felt at that brought tears to his eyes. He knew that Robin heard his sniffles, maybe even felt the tears, because she pulled him nearer, hands gripping him a little tighter.
‘We don’t mean to interrupt,’ a voice came a few seconds later. Eddie and Robin both turned their heads without breaking their embrace, to see Mandy and Steve standing in front of them. ‘Well, isn’t this unexpected?’ Mandy said, a teasing tone in her voice.
‘I’ll say,’ Steve chimed in over Mandy’s shoulder, a perturbed look as his eyes jumped from Eddie and Robin, their close position, with Robin having nearly lifted herself into Eddie’s lap during their hug.
He saw Mandy lean over and whisper something to Steve with a giggle, though Steve’s cheeks turned bright red.
‘Steve said you needed to get home, but we can give you guys some privacy…’ Mandy started to nudge Steve back to the bonfire.
‘No!’ Robin shouted, disentangling herself from Eddie. ‘No privacy needed. Home’s great. Let’s go home!’
‘Always such a heartbreaker, Eddie,’ Mandy winked at him. Eddie tried to smile back, but his mind was still on what he’d shared with Robin, still feeling the warm glow of her embrace and acceptance, now processing the curious look on Steve’s face, Mandy’s wicked grin. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he instead took a deep swig from the vodka bottle. And here comes Morbid Eddie, he thought. Great.
Mandy escorted them through the clearing, giving Steve a kiss as they said goodbye.
Robin caught Eddie’s eye and raised a brow. While normally he might have interpreted as an ask to commiserate about the PDA, he read it differently this time: ‘Does Steve know?’ He could tell Robin wasn’t nearly done, she was still standing close to him, holding his hand, the thoughts and questions in her almost visibly close to bursting out.
Eddie shook his head, once: ‘No.’
And Robin understood. God, the fact that anyone could understand; Eddie couldn’t believe it. A calm came over her, something locking up, pushing those questions, that excitement back. Because this wasn’t a safe space. Because Eddie wasn’t ready.
Robin understood.
And Eddie had never been so grateful.
***
After reminding an adamant Robin that she’d already told her parents that she’d be spending the night at a friend’s, (maybe Eddie shouldn’t have let her finish off the vodka as they walked to the car), they headed back to Steve’s.
‘So, what did we interrupt out there in the woods?’ Steve asked after many silent minutes spent listening to the radio.
Robin looked back to Eddie from her perch in the passenger seat. He didn’t know why there was an almost jealous tone in Steve’s voice. Obviously Steve knew that Robin was gay. So, what did he think was happening with them?
‘Harrington, the bonds you form when drunk are… let’s just say, they run deep,’ Eddie landed on brushing it off, and a version of the truth. ‘Robin and I were just commiserating over the sad state of our love lives. We are born alone, we live alone, we die alone.’ Oops.
‘God, that’s morbid, Eddie,’ Robin laughed loudly, her head swaying. ‘Ohhh, Morbid Eddie! I get it.’ She lunged back at him, grasping his face in her hands, drawing a delighted laugh from him. Her body swung into Steve’s as he was driving.
‘You two are a dangerous combination,’ was all Steve muttered, shoving her back in her seat, as she and Eddie kept laughing.
By the time they arrived, Robin was deeply committed to singing Peter Gabriel at the top of her lungs, with accompanying hand motions, lightly dancing across the lawn, the sight of it pulling Eddie back from the edge of morbidity – all the way into singing backup.
‘The light, the heat!’ Robin sang.
‘I am complete,’ Eddie twirled Robin under his arm as he pitched his voice high.
‘I see the doorway!’
‘To a thousand churches!’
‘Please see this doorway,’ Steve sighed and herded them both through the open the door into the foyer. ‘There you go.’
‘Can we go swimming!?’ Robin didn’t wait for an answer but ran straight down the hall and opened the patio door.
‘Oh, come on…’ Steve ran after her. Eddie took a deep breath of the clean scent of the Harrington house, closed his eyes to enjoy the cool central air. Not missing the musty heat up at the cabin. Well, not the heat or the gentle wafts of that weird smell from the other room. But he did miss his bed, he realized. His bed. He wanted to curl up with his book, his music, in the sheets that already felt familiar.
Eddie stumbled to the den, looking for the blue blanket he’d used the last time he was here. The soft one, with the comforting scent. He found it, crumpled at the end of the couch. He wrapped himself in it and soon was asleep.
***
It was still dark when Eddie awoke. Robin was passed out on the recliner, her hair damp, wearing what Eddie recognized as one of Steve’s shirts. It felt like it had been a few hours; his bones told him it was the latest hours of the night, maybe earliest of the morning – and Eddie was parched.
He stumbled to the kitchen, and stuck his head under the faucet, gulping down the cool water. How did even the water at the Harrington house taste better than anywhere else? As Eddie straightened, he saw a familiar glow on the patio: the flickering end of a cigarette. Then he caught a whiff and corrected himself: a joint. A moment later, Eddie’s eyes adjusted to the dark outside and recognized the shape of Steve, reclining on a lounger.
‘Hey’ Eddie said as he collapsed onto the lounge chair next to Steve’s. He reached over for the joint without asking, taking it from Steve’s long fingers.
Steve didn’t move, remained with his head resting on one arm curled behind him, staring up at the stars, the only lights from the bright of the moon and a yellow glow from a lamp on somewhere inside. The hazy glow highlighted the outlines of his face – a curve of cheek, his sharp nose – and left him in shades of gray.
Eddie’s eyes remained on Steve’s profile as he took a drag from the joint, blowing the smoke into the empty space between them. He saw Steve take a deep inhale.
Steve continued to stare up at the stars, not moving, not talking. After a few long minutes of silence, Steve finally spoke to the sky: ‘What was up with you and Robin tonight?’
Eddie – whose gaze had stayed on Steve – bunched his eyebrows in confusion. ‘What do you mean?’
Steve finally turned, expressionless. ‘At the bonfire. That hug.’
‘It was just a hug. We’re friends.’
In the faint light, Eddie saw Steve’s eyes scan his face, could almost feel their weight on him, as Steve examined him closely; for what, Eddie wasn’t sure. Steve turned his head away, looking back up at the stars.
‘It looked like more than that.’
‘Well… it wasn’t. Damn, I forgot you get all depressed when you’re high.’
Steve turned away. ‘I’m not high high. And I’m not depressed.’
Eddie wasn’t used to this from Steve; no joy, no honesty, no energy. This wasn’t a Steve that Eddie had seen before. He desperately wanted the Steve he knew back.
‘It was platonic with a capital P. Isn’t that what you guys always say?’ Eddie continued.
At this, Steve scoffed. ‘I wasn’t suggesting… that.’
‘That’s what it sounded like,’ Eddie knew he sounded petulant, especially as he punctuated his sentence with his own head turn, his own glare at the night’s sky.
‘No, that’s not –’ Steve ran his hands roughly over his face, before letting out a long ‘ughhhhh’. He turned his whole body towards Eddie and sat up on the lounge chair, dropping his elbows to his knees, in a pose of defeat. Eddie didn’t move but allowed his eyes to follow Steve’s movements.
‘I’m sorry,’ Steve said, looking at the ground. ‘I’m being… stupid. I know it. I know it!’
‘Recognizing the problem is always the first step.’
Steve let out a humorless laugh. ‘Yeah. If that’s all it took.’ He sighed, looking up at Eddie. He was wrestling with something, like he didn’t want it to come out. ‘It’s just… Robin’s my best friend.’
‘I’m aware,’ Eddie said, confused. That seemed too obvious to explain the struggle on Steve’s face.
‘And… um…’ Steve seemed embarrassed, his hand combing through his hair and a nervous energy running through him. His eyes darted to Eddie and then away. ‘And Dustin… the little shit’s also my best friend.’
‘Yeah,’ Eddie said, slowly. ‘I know that, too.’ Eddie paused, angling his body towards Steve. ‘They’re both lucky to have you.’
‘Hah. Right,’ Steve grimaced, shaking his head. Eddie didn’t know what this was about but there’s no way Steve could be doubting this. Could he?
‘I’m serious,’ Eddie said, sitting up now, drawing closer to Steve, willing his body to reinforce just how serious he was.
‘No, I know’ Steve said. Their knees touched as they faced each other from their parallel loungers. His eyes connected with Eddie’s; they were brimming with emotion. ‘But if that’s true… then why do they love you more?’ Steve asked, his voice small and quavering.
Oh.
‘Shit!’ Steve looked up suddenly, blinking back tears. ‘I told you I was being stupid! Just… just forget it…’
‘No, man,’ Eddie rested a hand on Steve’s knee. ‘It’s not… it’s not stupid, I just can’t believe you’d think that. That’s crazy talk. Genuinely insane. Like… they love you. So obviously. Unequivocally.’
‘No, that’s not – that’s not what I mean. That’s not what I want! They should love you, you’re awesome. It’s just… fuck.’ He dropped his head in his hands. ‘Dustin almost broke without you.’
‘I know.’
‘And Robin… she doesn’t… she doesn’t always act like that. With people,’ Steve’s eyes darted up to Eddie’s. Eddie nodded. ‘But that hug looked… real. Like, a really real connection.’
‘It was,’ Eddie coughed. ‘It is. She – she gets me, I guess.’ Eddie squirmed a bit. It was an understatement by magnitudes, but he still wasn’t ready to say more; not even to Steve, not even to unbreak his heart in this moment.
‘And that’s great, and she should!’ Steve covered Eddie’s hand with his own and squeezed. ‘I don’t want – it’s not a competition! I know that but…’
He hung his head again, hand still clasped on Eddie’s. When his gaze connected back, he looked lost, broken, his voice small and scared: ‘I’m never enough. I’m never what they want.’
Eddie could feel his face fall, his jaw drop at the confession. It was an echo of what Eddie felt in his heart on every dark day, the vocalization of every niggling evil thought at the back of his brain. That he was alone. That he was unlovable. That he wasn’t enough.
God, he never wanted anyone else to feel that way. That it was Steve Harrington, of all people – King Steve, beloved by all – who was sitting here, a mirror image of Eddie’ own hurt.
He could see Steve collapsing in on himself, leaning forward – and like a good mirror image, Eddie leaned forward, meeting Steve halfway, catching his head on his shoulder, a hand coming up to cup the back of Steve’s head, brushing his hair gently. He didn’t feel any tears or hear any sobs, just felt deep shuddering breaths into his neck. Eddie murmured comforting nothings of ‘shh’, ‘it’s okay’.
With Steve’s head cradled on his neck, Eddie started speaking, filling up the space with the first words of comfort that came to his mind. From the first person he always thought of in times of trouble.
‘My mom… she told me once; she said that love isn’t a pie. There’s not just a few slices to go around. It’s… infinite,’ Eddie swallowed heavily; he never spoke about her. Maybe Steve sensed something, as his breathing slowed slightly but he didn’t move. Eddie fingers continued their slow movements through Steve’s hair.
‘She was – she was glowing. Always. After like, a five-minute conversation with a stranger, she’d already know about their hopes and dreams and shit and have a new best friend. Just… magnetic. And everyone wanted a piece of her. All those strangers, her family, friends… my dad. Me. He hated that she loved me,’ Eddie’s voice broke. ‘That she loved me more than him.’
Eddie’s eyes were closed now. He felt Steve pull away slightly, could sense his eyes on him. Eddie didn’t want to look. He looked down into his wringing hands, tracing the outlines of his rings one by one.
‘This one summer, she invited all these friends of hers and their kids to stay. Our house was so fucking tiny, but we all piled in. I had like, five random kids in my room for a week. But she was just… giving them everything. Anything they wanted, anywhere they wanted to go. I never… I was used to having her to myself. Like, she was… she was mine. Always. Every day. Just the two of us. So, sharing her with all these people, not even getting a second of her time – hah.’ Eddie swiped away a tear that had escaped.
‘I threw a classic Munson hissy fit, the spitting image of dear old dad,’ Eddie flourished his hands, grinning at Steve sardonically. It only lasted a moment until he turned serious again. Looked away. Didn’t want to see Steve register the reality of who Eddie was one wrong move from becoming. But he swallowed, continued.
‘Threw a plate at the wall, yelled at her, everything. I stormed out, hid in the woods. A master class of being an ass. But she found me.’
His voice broke. He couldn’t help it; she was still too important.
‘She said… that’s when she said it. Love wasn’t a pie. She could love a thousand people and that wouldn’t mean she loved me any less. She said… love was the hunger. That it was always there. Time is the pie. It could fill the hunger for a while. So, you had to keep giving it. She said she kept me fat and happy with her time for so long, that she’d spoiled me,’ he smiled at the memory. ‘I dunno if it makes sense really but… it did when I was a kid. Still kind of does, sometimes…’
He looked up at the sky. It was such a clear evening; the stars were bright; the night was turning a lighter gray. He wondered what time it was. If it was any time at all. If he was still passed out on the couch, dreaming this entire exchange. Dreaming that he’d held Steve close, that he’d spoken about his mom out loud, something he hadn’t done in years.
Then his heart twisted, and a dark thought returned, as it did when he least wanted it to; that this entire thing had been a dream, that he had died in the Upside Down, or died in that hospital bed and this was all a fantasy. That he was already gone.
As that thought was cresting, the anxiety building, Eddie felt a hand grab his, squeezing tightly. The sudden action, that warmth, drew him back to reality. Back to this backyard, here to Hawkins, here to Steve.
Steve’s face was filled with a warmth that Eddie hadn’t seen before. An understanding.
Eddie didn’t know how long they looked at each other. How long Steve held Eddie’s hand in his.
‘What happened to her?’ Steve asked, eons or minutes later. He ran his thumb over the back of Eddie’s hand.
Eddie took a deep breath. ‘Cancer. She went in for a stomachache. Three weeks later, she was gone.’
‘Fuck. I’m so sorry.’
‘Yeah. Thanks.’
He could tell Steve wanted to ask. So, he offered. ‘My dad’s… I honestly have no clue. Could be dead as far as I know. Think he was in jail in Texas for a bit. But that was years ago.’
Steve nodded slowly. ‘So, your uncle…’
‘He’s all I’ve got.’
Steve paused, hung his head, gripped Eddie’s hand tighter. ‘I’m such a fucking asshole.’
‘What?’ It was such a shift in tone, Eddie startled. ‘Why?’
‘Here I am, moping that my friends happen to have other friends and like… god, I’m such an ass!’
‘Hey, hey,’ Eddie laughed, pulling Steve’s face back up from where it had dropped in his hands. ‘I didn’t tell you all this so you could pity me. It’s not a competition, remember?’ Steve rolled his eyes but nodded. ‘It’s not Eddie versus Steve for Robin’s love, right? Or Dustin’s. Or anyone else’s.’ Eddie shrugged. ‘It’s the metaphor, right? Sometimes, they’re hungry for Eddie Pie. And sometimes… for Stevie Pie.’
Eddie couldn’t help the wicked grin that spread over his face at that turn of phrase. Any melancholy in the air was gone in an instant. As his grin grew, so did Steve’s dread.
‘Oh. No. No, don’t you dare.’
‘Don’t dare what… Stevie Pie?’
‘Oh my god,’ Steve cringed, dropping his head into his hands. ‘Veto. All the veto.’
‘I think this one might be veto proof.’
Steve let out a low growl and threw himself back onto the lounge chair. A grin still on his face, Eddie did the same. Eddie reached over and patted Steve twice on the arm: ‘It’ll be okay, Stevie Pie.’
‘I hate you.’
‘No, you don’t.’
A deep sigh. ‘No, I don’t.’
Eddie’s wicked grin turned into a genuine smile at Steve’s confession.
‘Thanks,’ Steve said, turning to look at Eddie. ‘For… telling me all that. And making me feel better. And reminding me I’m an asshole.’
‘I wasn’t trying to make you feel like an asshole.’
‘I know. But I was being one.’ Steve sighed. ‘I’m glad Robin has you. And Dustin, too.’ He paused. ‘And me. I’m glad I have you, too.’
In the glow of Steve’s words and the final beams of moonlight, curled in on himself and towards Steve, their locked gazes turning to slow blinks, Eddie slowly drifted off to sleep.
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 12: "Anything for a Friend"
‘Oh my god, you’re friends with the girl from the store? That’s adorable!’ From her tone, Mandy considered it hilarious that Steve could be friends with someone like Robin. Something grated inside him.
‘And your old friend, Eddie,’ Steve continued, a tone of challenge in his voice that Mandy seemed to miss.
‘Eddie Munson?’ she looked delighted. ‘Oh, is he dating that girl? Is that why he was at the store with her?’
‘What?’ The idea was so absurd that Steve reeled back. ‘No, they’re not dating!’
‘Oh,’ Mandy seemed genuinely surprised. ‘So, he’s here –’
‘He’s here with me,’ Steve cut in. ‘We’re friends.’
Chapter 12: Anything For A Friend
Summary:
Steve was just so confused. Because yes, Eddie was pretty – fine, fuck, yes, he could admit it – and he was surprising and tough and caring...
But Steve had been confused before. He remembered his insane, ill-advised crush on Robin, no matter how brief it had been.
He needed to get his head on straight. And there was one way to try…
And like so many times before, by now forgetting to feel ashamed for how last minute it all was – he dialed Mandy’s number and went over.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
In his dreams, in the humid morning air and golden tendrils of the sunrise, Steve had seemingly given himself permission to explore all the curiosities that had run through his mind recently.
Like, what if when he had grasped Eddie’s hand on the patio, Eddie had risen and led them into the woods, beside a bonfire that looked much like the one earlier that evening, but it was only the two of them in its circle of warmth?
What if instead of Robin entangled in Eddie’s embrace by the fire, it had been Steve?
What if Steve could finally run his hands up and down the smooth whiteness of Eddie’s back, that contrasted so sharply with his scarred-up chest? He’d wondered what it felt like, ever since he had accidentally snuck up on Eddie at the cabin, when he was bent over, working on the porch, not hearing Steve’s approach – and Steve had freedom to look. Had noticed how unmarked Eddie’s back was, only a few wisps of scars poking around from the front. Despite Eddie’s overall thinness, the muscles in his back worked and moved with his motions. Steve had meant for a quick tap on Eddie’s shoulder to let him know he had company, but his fingers had ghosted over his spine, his shoulder, before settling (before being punched in the throat).
But now, in his dream, Steve let his fingers graze, running from the dip in Eddie’s waist, up his spine, over his shoulders, down his arms.
What if Steve had let himself inhale deeply when Eddie held him so closely tonight? Steve knew Eddie’s scent by now, of sweat, of the woods he lived in, of something sweet like honey or the sugar that dusted over his hands after baking, of something uniquely Eddie that Steve was still trying to identify.
And what if after their long hug goodbye at the cabin, when their bodies pressed together from thigh to torso, Steve had leaned forward and touched his tongue to the tip of Eddie’s, the tongue that distractingly ran over his upper lip in moments of concentration, of frustration, of flirtation?
And in his dream, he did. And Eddie lifted Steve’s shirt over his head, his own already gone, so their bare skin was touching, the cool of Eddie’s belt buckle digging into Steve’s stomach. Steve ran his tongue up Eddie’s throat, tracing the scar under his jaw. Steve’s fingers finally examined the dip and valley of every scar on Eddie’s chest, dropping kisses on each one, his tongue healing the hurt inch by inch.
And suddenly, they were in Steve’s basement, in the dim lighting, on the soft leather couch, where Steve had gazed up at Eddie for hours. But now, Steve was naked, Eddie still in his threadbare jeans (because Steve’s mind was already working overtime and imagining what lay underneath those jeans was something Steve didn’t want to have to do. He wanted to know. Know what it would feel like, to be bare against Eddie fully. But he didn’t. What he did know was what it felt like for his cock to rub on denim, and so did his dreams. And so, he did).
And in that friction, with Eddie’s mouth on his, deep breaths in his ear, Steve felt a warmth crawl through him. He knew what was coming, knew he was coming – and in his dream, not only was Eddie kissing him, nuzzling his stomach, looking up at him wickedly but also staring into his eyes all at the same time.
What finally pushed him over the edge, clutching on Eddie’s smooth back, his shaggy curls forming a curtain over their faces, was the memory of Eddie’s eyes when they’d stood outside the front door, the look that had haunted Steve consciously and unconsciously since – that deep hunger, that wanting, that look that Steve finally recognized as lust, as pure unadulterated need.
And in the clarity of his dream, he realized he’d been reflecting it back.
***
Steve awoke to his own moans, and his own pleasure. He let the warmth of it all wash over him before he opened his eyes – to look directly into the face of a sleeping Eddie Munson, passed out on the patio chair next to him, head leaning at an odd angle, softly snoring.
The sun was already up and blazing, the day already a hot one.
He felt a moment of panic – Eddie was here, but he’d also been in Steve’s head, in the dream, the dream that Steve was still living inside of as he made his way fully to the waking world.
Bits of it were already starting to slip away, but the overall sense of it remained: Fuck, that had been a good dream.
Eddie looked so peaceful laying there across from him.
Steve really loved looking at Eddie, he realized. ‘Great face,’ Steve heard himself whisper aloud. It really was. The juxtaposition of the softness of his cheeks and lips with his sharp jaw. Steve was always intrigued, gaze jumping from one feature to another. He wanted to know Eddie’s face from every possible angle, in every new setting, experiencing every emotion.
Even in its stillness, in sleep, it was compelling.
But Steve wished Eddie would open his eyes. That he could have this same freedom to examine Eddie while those whiskey brown eyes were alight, that spark bringing a whole other level of fascination.
Fuck.
What the hell was going on with him? He’d just had one of the most sensual dreams of his life about another man, the first dream with an outcome like that in a long, long while. Now, he was laying here, openly admiring him.
This wasn’t normal.
(‘But what is normal anyway?’ an unknown voice whispered in his head)
Steve blinked several times, running his hands aggressively over his face. Time to wake up. Time to exit that dream world and come back to reality.
And not a moment too soon.
‘I want pancakes.’ Robin stood at the patio door, face a tinge green but with a demanding look. Her expression shifted, taking in Steve and Eddie’s positions on the loungers. ‘Did you guys sleep out here?’
‘Uh,’ Steve’s voice was husky, he coughed. ‘Got a little… high,’ he reached down to grab the end of the joint from the night before.
Robin just quirked an eyebrow, sighing. ‘Whatever. I’m starving,’ she walked over to shake Eddie awake. His eyes opened slowly, taking a beat to focus on Robin above him. ‘I. Am. Starving,’ she said, punctuating each word, hovering closely above his face.
‘Your. Breath. Smells,’ Eddie replied in a similar cadence, pushing her head away. Steve snorted at the Robin’s offended expression. Eddie’s gaze flew to Steve at the noise; Steve didn’t think he imagined a flash of delight before it was masked by something else. ‘Her breath smells,’ Eddie repeated to Steve in explanation.
‘I can imagine.’
‘You don’t need to,’ Robin said, leaping over Eddie’s lounger to breathe directly and heavily into Steve’s face.
‘Ugh, yuck,’ he gagged and squirmed to get away.
‘I will continue unleashing this beast until someone gets me breakfast!’ Robin pointed to her mouth, opening it as if wielding a weapon and menacing it towards Steve and Eddie, who both jumped up.
‘Hey, that’s his deal,’ Steve pointed at Eddie, directing Robin and her breath his way.
‘Traitor,’ Eddie whispered, his hands up in surrender. ‘I’m going, I’m going!’ he said louder, this directed at Robin.
Twenty minutes (and a quick shower for Steve) later, Robin was ensconced in a plate of pancakes, Eddie adding bacon to the side, and Steve topping up her coffee, defensive actions against any future breath offensive.
‘Anything else we can get you, milady?’ Eddie grinned.
Robin just shook her head, ignoring them completely as she dug in. ‘Oh my god, these are amazing,’ she muttered through a mouthful. ‘I thought he was messing with me when he told me about your breakfasts,’ she gestured her fork at Steve.
‘I am very gifted,’ Eddie smirked at her, winking. Steve flushed and took a deep gulp of coffee.
Now with some food and coffee in her, Robin’s entire being seemed to shift, growing more animated, her attention concentrated on Eddie. She studied him intently, and her focus was not lost on him as he started to squirm. What was going on here?
Steve realized they must be quite a sight: Steve squinting at Robin, wondering what she was being so intense about; Robin’s calculated gaze examining Eddie from head to toe; Eddie awkwardly shifting from foot to foot, throwing angry glances at Robin and helpless ones at Steve.
‘What the hell is going on?’ Steve said after the weird three-way stare down had continued for another minute. Neither Robin nor Eddie responded, another silent communication happening between them.
Echoes of his insecurities from last night returned; he knew he was being left out of something, that the two of them were in on something he wasn’t. It looked like Eddie was about to speak when Robin jumped in.
‘Oh, I just promised Eddie I’d help him at the cabin today.’
‘You? Help? At the cabin?’ Steve asked, bewildered. ‘How could you possibly help?’
‘Hey!’ Robin reached out and punched his arm. ‘I can help!’
‘In the last 24 hours, I’ve seen you trip over nothing, bang your head on the rental desk, and spill soda onto a small child…’
Robin just looked at him, mouth gaping. ‘I… I was…’
‘She lost a bet,’ Eddie jumped in. ‘So, she’s gonna clean the big room. Remember the big room, Steve?’
Oh god.
That smell.
‘Really?’ Steve asked, crossing his arms. ‘What was the bet?’
‘Oh, uh,’ Robin’s eyes darted to Eddie. ‘I told Eddie you’d definitely go home with Mandy last night. I had so much faith in you,’ she shook her head, now patting the spot she’d punched just moments earlier. ‘So really this whole thing is your fault. Cause you suck. Specifically, you suck at dating Mandy.’
Steve couldn’t fault her there.
‘So, because I decided not to abandon you both in the woods last night to go have sex, Robin has to clean that disgusting room, and you two are making weird eyes at each other…’
‘Disgusting?’ Robin squeaked; a look of betrayal aimed at Eddie.
He ignored her, grinning at Steve and mimicking the crossed arms pose: ‘Yup. That’s what happened.’
Steve considered them both closely for a moment. It was obviously a lie. But the proof would be in the pudding, though he really didn’t want to have to get another whiff of that room to prove whether this was real or not.
‘Fine,’ Steve shrugged. ‘Then I better get you both over there ASAP. You know, working on that room is gonna take some time.’
‘Wah,’ Robin yelped at Eddie again. Steve left the two of them to their silent conversation as he headed out of the kitchen.
Steve was in his bedroom, seated on his bed to don his sneakers, Family Video vest already on, when Eddie poked his head in.
‘Hey, man,’ Eddie smiled, knocking gently. ‘Can I?’
Steve nodded, and Eddie entered. Being alone in his room with Eddie, after all they’d shared last night, after the dream Steve had had… he felt himself growing hot and turned his face away.
‘What’s up?’ he mumbled as he tied his shoelaces.
‘Just, everything downstairs with Robin. It’s kind of… you know, it’s what we talked about last night.’
At this, Steve raised his head. Eddie was leaning against the wall, arms and legs both crossed, looking so casually confident that Steve’s stomach flipped. He hoped it was in jealousy but feared it was in something else.
‘Right. I know. It was just weird. With the eyes and all. And, um, about last night?’
‘Yeah,’ Eddie suddenly stumbled a bit, all the confidence of a moment ago diminished by a degree. ‘What, um, what about it?’
Steve got up and took a step towards Eddie. ‘Just, thanks, I guess,’ he reached out an arm, squeezing Eddie’s bicep. A jolt of something ran through Steve as his hand touched Eddie’s bare skin. ‘For being so nice about everything. You – you’re a really great friend.’
‘Of course.’ Eddie smiled tightly. ‘Anything for a friend.’ Steve didn’t miss the strange emphasis Eddie placed on the last word.
The word seemed so insane to use in this situation, Steve knew. It seemed so small for everything that had happened last night. Steve hadn’t been that vulnerable with anyone in a long time. Hadn’t quite known what the aching in his chest, what the static in his head had been until he’d verbalized it to Eddie.
That he was alone. That there was nobody who wanted him above anybody else. That there was no one who chose him, every time. Not his parents. Not Nancy. Not even his best friends.
‘I – I didn’t –,’ Steve wanted to take it back. Didn’t like how Eddie had closed up a bit.
‘It’s cool, man,’ Eddie said, smile growing a little more authentic. ‘And thank you. For listening. I don’t always… I don’t ever talk about her, I mean.’ Steve remembered that look on Eddie’s face as he talked about his mom. He hadn’t been able to make eye contact, but Steve had still felt the waves of emotion rolling off of him; he wasn’t sure he could have handled all of that emotion also spilling out of Eddie’s large doe eyes.
‘Yeah,’ Steve whispered. ‘Of course. Anything for… you.’ He’d wanted to reflect Eddie’s earlier statement but tried to avoid using that meager word. Friend.
He hadn’t realized just how much his own body would awaken at the specific word he’d chosen instead. At that phrase.
Anything for Eddie.
He knew in his bones it was true. Realized how much he’d already been living that sentiment. From crawling through a condemned trailer to making meatloaf. The things he’d do for Eddie.
Whatever ran through Steve at that moment, he saw something similar happening in Eddie. Saw his chest puff out slightly, his dimples deepen, his pupils widen so imperceptibly that Steve wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been standing so close, if he hadn’t already been examining Eddie so closely.
‘Well,’ Eddie’s smile shifted into a smirk, ‘That’s good to know… Stevie Pie.’
Steve almost choked on his breath, could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks faster it had any of the other dozen times this morning.
Fuck.
His mouth dropped open, and he stared at Eddie, blinking rapidly. His befuddled response seemed to amuse Eddie to no end, as his wicked smile grew even larger, his tongue peeking out the corner of his mouth.
Fuck.
Steve flashed back to his dream, when he’d leaned forward to let his own tongue captured Eddie’s. And then flashes of a dozen more memories like a slideshow – Eddie nuzzling his stomach, Eddie shirtless in the soft glow of a bonfire, Eddie’s head thrown back in frenzy.
Fuck.
He had to close his eyes, take a few deep breaths. But the blood wasn’t subsiding from his face. Or from the other place it had rushed.
‘I told you,’ Steve said slowly, willing a calm to fall over him. He opened his eyes and damn it, Eddie was still right there, amusement still playing over his features, eyes triumphant and bright. ‘Veto.’
‘Oh, no chance,’ Eddie said slowly, voice deep, his eyes darting to Steve’s mouth then back up. ‘Not after that reaction.’
‘I – I just… I wasn’t expecting it. It’s, um, kind of embarrassing? To have nickname that’s a dessert.’
‘Well, I’d never want to embarrass you.’
Steve let out a relieved breath. Both at Eddie’s words and that his body was starting to return to normal. ‘Thanks.’
‘It’ll just stay between us, then.’
The glint in Eddie’s eye was sharp and challenging. The implications of that; a private nickname. Steve’s mind spun, and he felt himself lean forward. As he’d been doing more and more, almost like he wanted to lean in so far that he would fall into Eddie’s eyes.
A stumbling sound on the staircase broke the tension, as they heard a soft ‘ouch’ from Robin. Steve’s eyes flew to the door and he took a step back; he noticed Eddie didn’t move.
‘Steve, you’re gonna be late,’ Robin said, peeking her head in the door and rubbing her knee. ‘Also, your stairs are really tall.’
‘My stairs are really tall? They’re stairs, Robin.’
She just shrugged, and Steve rolled his eyes. ‘Please don’t let her near any power tools,’ he begged Eddie, gesturing at Robin, now bent over massaging her hurt knee. ‘I mean…’
‘Pinky swear,’ Eddie said slowly, with a grin, holding his pinky out to Steve. Steve swallowed before weaving his own pinky with Eddie’s, every nerve in his body alight from just that simple touch.
How was even this turning him on?
***
Steve’s mind was still wrestling with everything that had happened that morning, well into his shift at the video store.
Eddie acted normal after their pinky swear and on the drive to the cabin where Steve had dropped him and Robin off. Though it seemed like that normalcy was more for Robin’s benefit, somehow. Steve realized their charged interactions always left him feeling on edge and awkward, while Eddie always seemed perfectly fine.
Was this all in Steve’s head?
He remembered Eddie saying how he used to say shocking things to the jocks and bullies, to get them to leave him alone, to distract them. Was that what he’d been doing? They had shared some intimate stuff last night. Maybe he was embarrassed that he’d talked about his mom; or embarrassed that he’d needed to comfort Steve; or embarrassed that Steve had been so emotional over something so dumb.
So maybe it was nothing.
Maybe Steve had simply taken all of the ingredients of last night plus all of the Eddie that had been on his mind for weeks and put them in the horny blender of his sleeping mind.
Cause he’d had a nice night with Mandy. He could easily see how he could have won Robin her bet (if it was real) and gone home with Mandy (though he never would have abandoned his friends. No man left behind, and all).
The bonfire had woken up an echo of King Steve. He’d been to so many similar parties, with similar people, similar vibes, he slipped right into it. Arm around the prettiest girl there, talking and gossiping with old friends, nursing a beer, doing shots. He’d cuddled up with Mandy by the fire and they’d held court, entertaining whoever walked by with light and easy conversation.
It felt familiar.
He hadn’t meant to abandon Eddie and Robin, had only meant to greet Mandy, but by the time he’d turned around to join them again, they’d vanished. It was some time until he’d caught sight of them, hidden in the shadows of trees a little deeper into the woods, the light from the bonfire barely reaching them.
‘I should go,’ he told Mandy. ‘I need to take my friends home,’ he nodded vaguely into the woods.
‘Oh, I didn’t know you brought anyone,’ Mandy turned towards the general area he’d indicated. ‘Is it Tommy? He’s such a riot, we should go say hi!’
‘Uh, no, not Tommy,’ Steve hadn’t spoken to Tommy in over a year. ‘No, it’s my friend, Robin, you know, from the video store?’
‘Oh my god, you’re friends with the girl from the store? That’s adorable!’ From her tone, she considered it hilarious that Steve could be friends with someone like Robin. Something grated inside him.
‘And your old friend, Eddie,’ Steve continued, a tone of challenge in his voice that Mandy seemed to miss.
‘Eddie Munson?’ she looked delighted. ‘Oh, is he dating that girl? Is that why he was at the store with her?’
‘What?’ The idea was so absurd that Steve reeled back. ‘No, they’re not dating!’
‘Oh,’ Mandy seemed genuinely surprised. ‘So, he’s here –’
‘He’s here with me,’ Steve cut in. ‘We’re friends.’
‘That’s… interesting,’ Mandy’s eyes narrowed a bit as she looked at him. ‘I’m surprised.’
‘Yeah, I can tell.’
‘I just… how did you even meet?’
‘How did you meet?’ Steve challenged. He knew he sounded grumpy but something about Mandy’s disbelief and her interaction with Eddie at the store were rubbing Steve the wrong way.
‘Ah, okay,’ Mandy winked at him. ‘Got it.’
‘Got what?’
‘I bought from him, too,’ she interlaced her fingers with Steve, pulling him close. ‘But you’re not supposed to become friends with your drug dealer. He didn’t like it when I got too friendly with him.’
‘I didn’t – I never –’ Steve wanted to defend himself against the idea that he’d met Eddie via his drug business, but his attention snagged on what Mandy had said. ‘What do you mean, you got too friendly with him?’
‘Oh my god, it’s no big deal,’ Mandy rolled her eyes. ‘I mean, who doesn’t love a bad boy? He was always such a flirt! Not so much at school, obviously, but out in those woods…’ she giggled. ‘We just made out a little,’ Mandy said then shrugged, ‘But he wasn’t into it. Which, like, definitely wasn’t because of me, obviously. He probably prefers alternative girls, you know? Like your friend Rachel.’
‘Robin,’ Steve corrected automatically. Eddie and Mandy made out?
Steve was trying to wrap his brain around that. He couldn’t visualize it. He never would have guessed, but maybe he should have, given their mutual flirtation the other day, the way Eddie stiffened at her touch, as if he was hiding something.
Mandy had kissed Eddie. Steve wasn’t sure what exactly was bubbling up in him, but he felt his stomach stutter and his heartbeat quicken.
He was still in a daze, not registering what Mandy was droning on about as he led the two of them to where Eddie and Robin had been sitting in the woods. He needed to get out of there. He was so deep in his swirling thoughts that he barely felt when Mandy pulled him back by the hem of his shirt, stopping him in his tracks.
‘I knew it,’ she whispered. Steve turned to her voice, his eyes finally focusing as he then followed her gaze to the sight before them: Eddie and Robin hugging (passionately?) in the woods, their faces close together, bodies pressed tight.
Steve’s stomach plummeted.
He knew – his logical mind knew – that this meant nothing. He knew Robin was gay, that there was some other explanation for their closeness right now. But after what Mandy had just revealed, and everything it had churned up inside of him, his logical mind had no control over how his body was reacting.
‘Well, isn’t this unexpected?’ he heard Mandy tease.
It really was.
While Robin and Eddie disentangled themselves, Mandy leaned into Steve and whispered: ‘See? He can clearly get it up for her.’ Steve (again, logically) knew that this wasn’t the case, but the idea of Eddie getting it up at all made Steve blush.
It was all this roiling, undirected jealous energy that had led to Steve laying contemplatively on the patio, smoking his last joint slowly.
Everyone had someone else, wanted someone else.
Nobody ever picked him. Nobody ever put him first.
Mandy had kissed Eddie first. Robin was making a new best friend in Eddie.
And Steve was lost somewhere in the middle.
***
Robin called the store towards the end of his shift, asking if he wanted to come out to the cabin. She and Eddie had been hanging all day (‘the smell is so much better,’ she promised), did Steve want to join?
But he’d had too much time to think that afternoon, a slow day at the store leaving him to his thoughts, trying to make sense of everything he’d been feeling recently.
He didn’t think seeing Eddie would be a good thing right now.
He made some excuse – his parents were coming home soon, had to tidy the house, get ready – and begged off. Next time, definitely. ‘Can’t wait to smell it.’
So, he returned home, back to the same lounge chair he’d been in all night, walking right past the one where Eddie had lain. He revived the last bit of his joint and took a few deep breaths.
Eddie was right. Steve was depressing when he was under the influence. But it always helped him, in some way. To work out what was real and what was not. He usually used it for nightmares.
But tonight, he wanted to use it for dreams.
It all started to make sense.
Steve had been at a bonfire, feeling great, someone hot by his side, knowing he could have ended the night having good sex if he’d wanted to. Had learned about Eddie making out with someone in the woods. The last time he’d been drunk and high with Eddie had been in the basement. Eddie always being so confident and comfortable in his body, in a way that made Steve take notice.
All of those pieces. Disparate puzzle pieces that had come together to form something different in Steve’s mind.
Yes, that would explain his dream.
But it didn’t explain why his body was still reacting the way it was.
He’d already not felt totally at ease within his mind, reconciling who he used to be with who he was now. But now his body?
He’d been lost for a while. He knew that. He knew that others knew that.
He’d overheard enough fights between his parents – thought fights would imply a level of passion that didn’t exist in their relationship or their family – about why their formerly popular golden child was suddenly single and friendless (at least among the caliber of friends who mattered in their eyes); forcing him to get a job was supposed to be punishment for not being able to get into college, a lesson that would hopefully get him back on track. But then he’d started working at a video store and hanging out with high schoolers when he instead was supposed to halfway through a degree, with an internship in consulting or finance or something equally mind-numbing so he could join his dad’s business and move back home to Hawkins and start pumping out grandbabies with some unnamed but socially desirable wife on schedule in a few years.
When he thought about the divergence between his current life and what the plan had been before he’d walked back into the Byers’ house wielding his spiky baseball bat, he started to panic.
Not because of what he’d lost. He’d rather have Vecna in his head again than be halfway through some bullshit econ degree at whatever mid-rate college would have accepted him, blacking out with his bros (“jocks”) and hooking up with random girls behind his girlfriend’s back (as seemed to be customary among that set).
No, he was right where he needed to be. Who he needed to be. Who he wanted to be.
The panic was the realization that everything he used to think would make him happy, all the lessons he’d learned growing up, everything that he thought built a “worthwhile” life – didn’t.
So, what did make him happy?
Fuck if he knew.
It was always just little things.
For a while, it was Nancy. Her intelligence, her kindness, her strength.
Then, it was Dustin. An unexpected but real connection. Steve being able to see himself in a new light through Dustin’s eyes.
And Robin. Her friendship shaking Steve to his core, erasing the things he thought he knew about himself and learning to accept and love without judgement.
But now?
His mind jumped to Eddie. The little things. Listening to Eddie sing “Blackbird” and the way his fingers glided over the strings. The awed look on Eddie’s face when Steve made him meatloaf. The soft curls that fell over his eyes. Even that glimpse of Eddie, blurry and shadowed, outside of the gas station.
Damn it.
All of those little things added up to something big. Too big. Too sudden.
But hadn’t it been that way with Nancy? Seeing her one day in the hallway in a different light, not having noticed her before. And that moment on the train tracks with Dustin, after all their adventures together, the bond finally cementing into something real. And staring at Robin’s laughing, bloody face in that bathroom stall, warmth blooming in his chest at the trust she’d placed in him, promising himself that she’d never regret it.
It had taken just a moment to transform them from people Steve knew and liked into people who changed the course of his life.
So, maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. Maybe his body was.
Because his body liked Mandy, too. A lot. (His mind was… catching up.)
He was just so confused. Because yes, Eddie was pretty – fine, fuck, yes, he could admit it – and he was surprising and tough and caring...
But Steve had been confused before. He remembered his insane, ill-advised crush on Robin, no matter how brief it had been.
He needed to get his head on straight. And there was one way to try…
And like so many times before, by now forgetting to feel ashamed for how last minute it all was – he dialed Mandy’s number and went over.
***
‘What a surprise,’ Mandy beamed as she opened the door. ‘I thought you were working today? I can’t keep up with your schedule!’
Steve smiled and dropped a quick kiss on her lips, entering her house, still shocked by how closely it mimicked Steve’s own, even after being here so many times.
‘Yeah, I got off early, so I thought I’d swing by.’
‘That’s so sweet of you! Come on up.’ Mandy led Steve up the stairs to her room, at the end of the hall; the same place Steve’s room was in his own home. The door hadn’t even fully closed behind them before Mandy had turned, arms circled around Steve’s neck, kissing him deeply.
Steve’s body responded, as it had so many times before. He deepened their kiss, hands running up and down her body, gripping her ass. It felt good. He leaned in, slowly walking her back towards her bed.
‘I’m going to miss this,’ she mumbled against his mouth, as she climbed back onto the bed, yanking him down after her.
‘Hmm,’ Steve murmured, pulling away, propping himself up on an arm. ‘I wanted to talk to you about that.’
‘Oh?’ she trailed kisses down his neck.
‘Yeah. Hey,’ he tilted her chin up to look at him. She bunched her eyebrows in confusion.
‘Like, talk now?’ she said, sitting up. ‘Right, okay. What do you want to talk about?’
Steve had a plan coming here. More than he typically did when he showed up and wanted to spend a few hours feeling wanted, admired, getting off.
The first item had already been confirmed: was he still attracted to Mandy? Clearly, yes. So clearly, it was hard (literally, figuratively) for him to stop their make-out session. So whatever else his body had been doing must have been a fluke, if it was working well otherwise. Like he’d thought, he probably got something mixed up.
Second item was about the other thing that had been troubling him: his mind, his emotions, figuring out why the hell he’d been so ambivalent about Mandy these past few weeks, when she was everything he wanted on paper. Beautiful, outgoing, sweet, sexy, fun. All great things. Sure, he didn’t know her as well as he should after dating for this amount of time but that was all because of item number one on the list; he couldn’t help it if they got distracted when they got together.
He planned to face it head on. No distractions of any kind.
‘Is this about Eddie?’ Mandy asked.
‘What?’ Steve pulled back. He had been trying to hard (literally, figuratively) to make this not about Eddie.
‘About what I told you last night? That he and I made out? You just seemed, like, weird about it. It was years ago!’
‘Uh, no, that’s not what this is about.’
‘Oh,’ Mandy angled her head. ‘Then what?’
‘It’s about, um, us,’ Steve shrugged.
‘Us? What us?’
‘That’s exactly it, right?’ Steve continued, reaching out to hold Mandy’s hand. ‘There isn’t really an ‘us’, is there? But… I’d like there to be.’
‘I don’t understand,’ she laughed.
‘I know you go back to school next week, but I thought, maybe, we could do long distance. I could come to Ohio for a visit, maybe next month? What do you think?’ Even as he spoke, Steve was trying to convince himself of the idea as much as he was trying to convince Mandy.
She clearly sensed his ambivalence.
‘Oh, that’s really okay,’ she patted his arm. ‘That’s such a sweet idea, but… no, thank you.’
‘No… thank you?’
‘Uh huh,’ she smiled, closing her eyes as she leaned forward to capture Steve in another deep kiss. It took his brain a moment to compute, and he pushed her away.
‘I don’t get it. Isn’t this what you wanted? Like, we’re dating and it’s going well, right? So shouldn’t we keep doing this?’
Mandy laughed, genuinely confused. ‘I mean, I guess we’re dating but this isn’t, like, a thing? Or did you think it was, like, a thing?’
‘Thing? Like, what thing?’
‘Oh, Steve,’ her face bunched up, and she took on a tone that reminded Steve of how Mrs. Wheeler spoke to Holly. ‘This is just a summer thing. We’re just hooking up. This isn’t supposed to be, like, a serious thing. It’s just fun! Right?’
‘Fun,’ Steve muttered. ‘Right.’
She pulled him into a hug and petting his head gently. ‘This is what I was worried about,’ she sighed.
‘Worried about what?’
Mandy sat up, spine straight, facing Steve. ‘I knew you’d fall for me.’
‘What!?’
‘I was hoping this would stay casual but… I have to come clean. I have to tell you the truth.’ Mandy was speaking with such sincerity and conviction; Steve’s mind was still caught up on her very polite denial: No, thank you. ‘I’m only single for the summer.’
‘Uh,’ Steve swallowed heavily. ‘What does that mean?’
‘You know my boyfriend, Brad?’
‘Wait – what? Your boyfriend?’ Steve jolted up, turning on her. ‘You never said you had a boyfriend.’
‘Well, I don’t. Technically. But I do.’
‘I’m – ugh,’ Steve fisted his hands in his hair. ‘What the hell are you talking about, Mandy?’
‘Well, Brad graduated from OSU this year, right? And this is his last free summer, cause we’re getting engaged when he gets back from Scotland with his grandmother’s ring. It’s this beautiful oval cut emerald. Like, I wouldn’t have picked a green ring, it doesn’t really go with my coloring, but since it’s an heirloom –’
‘Mandy!’ Steve yelped. ‘Can you, please, just…?’
‘Oh, right,’ Mandy nodded and continued. ‘Like, cause his dad said it’s perfect to get engaged right before he starts law school, and my mom agrees, cause, you know, it takes two years to plan the wedding, the dress alone will be a year…’ Steve was thankful she noticed his increasing annoyance, so he didn’t have to yell again. ‘Anyway, what I mean to say is, this was our last fun summer before, you know…’
‘Before you get engaged,’ Steve croaked out. ‘Oh my god,’ he doubled over, hands on his knees. ‘Wait, do you mean Brad Billingsley?’ Steve shot up. He vaguely remembered him, two or three years older than Mandy, but Steve knew him as the quarterback, prom king, biggest big shot of Hawkins High when he’d gone there, well before Steve.
‘Aww, yeah,’ Mandy smiled sweetly.
‘Oh, Jesus,’ Steve had to sit down. ‘He’s gonna murder me,’ he mumbled.
‘Oh, you do not have to worry about that! I told him all about you and he’s totally cool with it.’
‘What?!’ Steve was back to standing. ‘Mandy, what the hell?’
‘He knew I always had a little crush on you in school. God, you were so cute,’ she said; Steve clocked the past tense. ‘But you totally fit the guidelines we set for each other. Lucky for me, right?’
‘I don’t – Mandy, please. Just tell me what’s going on…’
‘Well, it’s our free summer, like I said,’ Steve nodded at her, gesturing for her to continue, faster. ‘So, he’s having fun in Europe while I’m having fun here.’
‘Fun as in – hooking up with people. A summer thing.’
‘Right, exactly! But it can’t be with anyone serious, obviously.’
‘Obviously,’ Steve murmured. He was going to be sick.
‘So, it’s only locals, which…’ she gestured at Steve, and he nodded, dazed, ‘No one we could fall in love with, because that would suck, right?’ she laughed, and Steve faked an overly big smile, which she didn’t clock as she continued. ‘It had to be sex only, no emotion. So… yeah. You’re perfect,’ she smiled, as if this cleared everything up.
‘So… I’m supposed to be happy about this?’
‘Well, yeah,’ Mandy said, as if it was the only obvious outcome. ‘A fun summer fling. Isn’t that what we both wanted?’
‘I – I guess…’
‘I mean, this isn’t seriously how you’d date someone you were into… is it?’
Steve sighed. Fuck. He’d hoped she hadn’t noticed.
She continued: ‘Like, what girl is going to just let you disappear for days and days, only call last minute to come hook up. I mean, you can’t get out of here fast enough after we fuck!’ she did seem a bit offended by that. ‘If we were actually dating, I’d have dumped you weeks ago. No matter how good the sex.’
‘Well, Mandy, if I’d known you were engaged to Brad fucking Billingsley, I would have dumped you weeks ago, too!’ Steve felt flushed, his vision going blurry at the sides.
Nothing Mandy was saying was wrong – in fact, it threw their whole relationship (“relationship”) into brilliant clarity. Why she’d been so easy-going about Steve’s absences, always willing to meet up whenever he called, remaining nice and pleasant no matter how shitty he acted; they weren’t dating. She was in it for the sex.
Just liked he’d been.
Because he’d known from the start, from that first time they hooked up, that there wasn’t ever going to be anything real here. And instead of stopping it right then and there, because it wasn’t fair to Mandy, if she’d actually been dating Steve, he’d let it continue on, for the same reason she had. Cause they wanted a warm body around, and anyone would do.
As long as they fit the right criteria.
For her, it was that Steve was a loser – a townie, a local, no one serious, no one she had even the remotest possibility of falling in love with. For him, it was that she was hot and available.
God, they deserved each other. Both assholes.
Steve was weighing who acted worse to whom but realized it didn’t matter. It was done. The last gasp of normalcy, of old Steve, of King Steve, was over.
He felt like betrayer and betrayed all in one.
It felt like shit.
He sighed deeply, hand running through his hair and looked at Mandy. She looked hesitant, still reeling from his outburst, her perfect features drawn.
‘I’m sorry for yelling. And I’m sorry for treating you like that. You deserved better. Well, I mean, you clearly have better, so…’
She smiled, lighting up her whole face; Steve realized this just must be what her smile looked like. Always sincere, always beaming. Anything he’d read as her being into him was just her being herself.
‘Apology accepted,’ she said sincerely. Steve paused for a reciprocal apology from her, but it didn’t come. ‘So, did you still want to…’ she pointed to the bed behind them.
‘Hah!’ Steve couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from him. ‘Nope, no, I’m good. Thanks for the offer.’
‘Oh.’ Steve couldn’t believe that she looked disappointed. After everything?
She walked him back downstairs and gave him a full body hug at the door, probably hoping to tempt him with her curves. He felt nothing.
‘Steve?’ she grabbed his shoulder just as he was turning away. What now?
‘Do you happen to have Eddie’s number? I’m home for another week and he technically checks all the right boxes so…’ she smiled sweetly, eyes blinking innocently.
She had to be fucking joking.
‘Fuck,’ Steve whispered to the ground before lifting his face back. ‘Goodbye, Mandy.’
And he walked away, without looking back.
***
‘I can’t believe it.’
‘Same!’ Steve shouted at Robin, who was twirling a Twizzler between her fingers. He’d told her the entire Mandy saga during another thankfully slow morning shift.
‘I mean, if he looks anything like his brother, then Brad Billingsley looks like a foot!’
‘Really? That’s the part you can’t believe?’
‘It’s just – she’s so hot!’
‘I am aware, Robin! Can we focus, please?’
She’d been like that all morning. Paying attention, yes, but just a little bit off, a little distracted.
‘I am focused! But what’s the problem, exactly?’
‘She was using me! For my body!’
Robin rolled her eyes. ‘And what were you using her for?’
‘I – damn it, Robin!’ Steve huffed. ‘I was… using her… for her body.’
‘That’s right,’ she tossed the Twizzler at him and picked up another one. He ate it, grumpily.
‘Dude, every time we talked about her, you sounded like you kind of hated her?’
‘I didn’t hate her. She was… fine.’
Robin squinted at him. ‘That’s almost worse.’
‘Are you serious? That’s worse than me hooking up with someone I hate?’
‘At least with hate, there’s passion,’ Robin’s eyes were focused on a point in the distance, clearly imagining something vivid. ‘I’d rather have someone hate me than feel nothing for me.’
Steve could see her point. ‘Well, I hate her now.’
‘Do you, though? You got hot sex with a hot girl all summer, and she’s given you basically the greatest breakup gift – in that it’s 100% not your fault. You’re free and clear! On to the next one, right?’
Steve sighed. ‘I just feel so used.’
At that, Robin doubled over laughing. ‘You’re joking!’ When Steve just glared at her, she continued: ‘You literally just said you didn’t like her, and yet you still slept with her! If anything, you used each other.’
‘I didn’t need to like her to have sex with her.’
‘Douchebag,’ Robin muttered, and Steve held up a hand in acknowledgement.
‘What I meant to say, was that I couldn’t help that part of it. It’s just, like, we were attracted to each other. Both of us,’ he pointed at Robin before she could interject. ‘You’re right, we were using each other. Even though, apparently, neither one of us liked the other’s personality. God, I am a douchebag.’
‘Yup,’ Robin said, biting off another inch of candy.
‘But I can’t help who I’m attracted to!’ Steve spat out, frustrated. That had been at the core of it all, with Mandy. He’d had a huge crush on her years ago, she looked hot, he asked her out, and kept asking her out because of it. Because of how easily his body had responded to hers. Because of how well their bodies worked together.
‘Wow, Steve,’ Robin had paused, considering him. ‘That’s very evolved of you.’ At Steve’s befuddled expression, she gestured to herself. ‘Like… just how I can’t help who I’m attracted to? You know? Girls?’ she whispered the last word, looking around the store, even though they both knew nobody was around.
Right. He guessed his realization wasn’t mind blowing to Robin, who lived it every day.
‘How did you know?’ Steve asked her, leaning forward. He’d always been curious; Robin looked confused. ‘I mean, like, were you ever attracted to guys? Or did you just know?’
Robin gave a little laugh. ‘Déjà vu.’ When Steve quirked his head, she shook hers and continued. ‘Nothing. No, I’ve never been attracted to guys.’
‘Never? Not once? Not one single guy?’
‘Steve, are you fishing for compliments? You know I think you’re very pretty… for a boy.’
Steve scoffed, but still grinned.
‘So, no matter how much you like me as a person –’ Steve held up a hand, knowing Robin was about to throw in a dig at him, ‘– there’s nothing there? At all?’
Robin regarded him seriously in a way that made Steve nervous. Still looking at him intensely, she put down the candy and took a few steps, putting them face to face. She tilted up her head and drew closer, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. Leaning in, she let her lips graze gently over Steve’s, a whisper of a kiss.
Steve was about to giggle at how odd this was, just as Robin stepped away, shaking her head: ‘Nope. Nothing.’
‘Seriously,’ Steve took a deep breath, and shook the awkwardness out of his body. ‘That was so weird, please don’t ever do that again.’
‘You do not have to worry about that. Why do boys smell like that?’
‘Like what?’
‘Like… so sweaty. Do you not shower?’
‘Excuse you, I shower plenty.’
Robin shrugged. ‘Whatever. Not my problem. And never will be.’ She pointed directly at Steve at this last point. ‘But I understand what you were saying about Mandy. That you couldn’t help it. It makes a ton of sense. She is –’
‘So hot, I know, I know,’ Steve cut in.
‘And you got to have sex with her,’ Robin shook her head sadly.
‘She’s in town for another week and you’re as big of a loser as I am, maybe you have a shot?’
After Robin threw another handful of candy at him, laughing, Steve realized that if he could love – genuinely love – someone as much as he did Robin but not have any sexual chemistry with her at all, but feel as blah about Mandy as he did and still have amazing sex, then it really was beyond him. It wasn’t his choice.
It wasn’t a far leap that his mind took next.
The person who he connected with as deeply as he did with Robin; the person who electrified him even more than Mandy.
The person he had definitely never felt blah about, in any way, even when it had been something close to hate or rather jealousy.
The person who he wanted to look at, all the time; who he wanted to make happy; who made him happy in all those little ways, in all those little moments.
Steve let out a low groan and lowered his head onto the rental desk, the truth now undeniable, washing over him like a wave.
He liked Eddie Munson.
As more than a friend.
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 13: "Baby Duck"
Eddie didn’t know if he would insult her by asking the question, but knew he had to: ‘I do but… you can keep this a secret, right?’
‘Definitely, yes, 100%...’ Robin’s entire being seemed to be focused, intent on communicating just how serious she was. Still…
‘Cause you kind of spilled about yourself –’
‘No,’ Robin held up a hand to Eddie’s mouth, silencing him. ‘That was a total fluke. That was… a dumb move, granted. But with other people’s secrets, I’m a vault. I never even told anyone about the time that Steve said he had a crush on me.’
‘Robin!’
Chapter 13: Baby Duck
Summary:
‘Why’d you stop kissing Mandy? She was hot and willing. If she was offering, why didn’t you?’
Eddie was so confused. He’d had dozens of reasons for not making out with Mandy. One major one but plenty of valid reasons.
‘Are you joking?’ Eddie drawled. ‘She had a boyfriend! I didn’t want Brad to murder me!’
This drew a genuine reaction from Steve, who nodded eagerly. ‘Right?!’
‘Also, she’s not my type,’ Eddie shrugged; a way of saying the truth without saying too much.
‘Oh?’ Eddie quirked his brow at the way Steve suddenly broke eye contact and shuffled his feet. ‘I thought she was every guy’s type.’
‘I’m not into blondes.’
‘Ah. Right.’
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
What a fucking confusing week it had been.
Eddie kept replaying that night of the bonfire and next morning over and over, wondering what he’d done wrong. He and Steve had shared so much out there, in the silence of the patio, in the protective deep of the night. He’d held Steve’s hand, caressed his hair – and actually talked about his mom, something he hadn’t done in years, not even with Uncle Wayne.
And they’d fallen asleep almost staring into each other’s eyes.
Had he imagined all of it? Had he imagined Steve’s reactions the next morning? Nervous, blushing, eager?
He’d almost come just from the look on Steve’s face when he’d called him Stevie Pie.
It was more of a reaction than even Eddie would be able to conjure up in his imagination. So, he hadn’t dreamed it.
Or – was this more of him just torturing himself, looking for the sex in every innocent interaction?
It was Steve’s radio silence that made him think that there was some truth to what he was thinking. That Steve was avoiding him for some reason. It had been over a week now. Either Eddie had pushed it all too far with his teasing, but he really couldn’t help it sometimes. He loved Steve’s reactions whenever he was thrown off kilter and left blushing, confused.
But where Steve had been missing all week – there was Robin.
And Eddie would have killed for a little literal silence.
He had a new respect for Uncle Wayne. It really was a lot to have someone talking at you non-stop constantly. Wayne had been (and still was) one of the only avenues for true, deep connection that Eddie had – and he’d shared everything. (Almost everything. The one big exception).
He recognized that the same was true for Robin now. That Eddie was one of the few people who knew the full story, who saw the full Robin.
And she was sharing everything.
It started as soon as Steve dropped them at the cabin that morning, still a bit fumbling and awkward. Eddie appreciated every befuddled Steve moment but tried to tamp it down for his own sake; he didn’t need to be even more riled up before spending all day with the disturbingly observant Robin.
She’d started almost immediately – and while she peppered in questions for him, he found he was barely able to respond before she was on to something else.
It was clear she hadn’t met many other gay people.
Eddie heard all about her first crush, a girl named Linda in fourth grade who had a gap between her front teeth and was the fastest runner in the class. He also heard all about Vickie, about Steve’s theory about Vickie and Fast Times, how Robin had seen Vickie and her boyfriend at the supply store before they went to confront Vecna, how she’d been avoiding her since.
Eddie soon realized his role was to listen and understand, more than to respond. It seemed Robin mainly wanted to be close to him, wanted to open up and share all of this with someone who understood.
He got that. But it was still so new.
During a lull, while Robin was getting her nerve up to toss an entire bottle of Pine Sol into the big room before conquering it, Eddie chimed in with a question of his own.
‘Who knows?’
She got it immediately. And she just answered, trusting him completely, no second guessing.
‘Steve, obviously. My cousin, Alice. She’s in Chicago, her best friend’s older brother is gay and it just came up one time. She was cool about it, which is surprising cause her stepmom is a total Jesus freak. Oh, and my grandma.’
Eddie was shocked. ‘Your grandma knows?’
‘Oh, yeah. She’s awesome.’
‘Wow. What did she say?’
‘She said that men are trash and I’d have a long and happy life without one.’
Eddie sighed. ‘She’s probably right.’
‘What about you? Who knows?
Eddie faltered. He knew the question was coming, but still. ‘You’re the only one who knows. Officially.’
He saw Robin’s jaw drop, eyes wide in shock.
‘Oh my god. Eddie. That’s… wow,’ Robin shook her head, blinking slowly. He thought she was tearing up a bit. ‘Thank you for, like, trusting me.’
He didn’t know if he would insult her by asking the question, but knew he had to: ‘I do but… you can keep this a secret, right?’
‘Definitely, yes, 100%...’ Robin’s entire being seemed to be focused, intent on communicating just how serious she was. Still…
‘Cause you kind of spilled about yourself –’
‘No,’ Robin held up a hand to Eddie’s mouth, silencing him. ‘That was a total fluke. That was… a dumb move, granted. But with other people’s secrets, I’m a vault. I never even told anyone about the time that Steve said he had a crush on me.’
‘Robin!’ Eddie laughed in shock at the revelation and at the irony; revealing a secret to prove she could keep one.
‘Damn it,’ Robin whispered. ‘Okay, but that’s not a real secret, cause, like, it’s Steve and he doesn’t count. And like, we had just been tortured by Russians and we were coming off of truth serum, we were just so vulnerable, you know? You can’t trust your emotions after something like that. It’s like a baby duck, you’ll imprint onto the first thing that shows you kindness!’
Eddie was reeling from the revelations – tortured by Russians? Truth serum? – but his heart hiccupped at her words. That you can’t trust your emotions after going through something like that. Was that what he was doing with Steve? Imprinting on the first person to show him kindness?
Was he a baby duck?
Robin didn’t notice his pause and kept on talking. ‘… maybe that’s why I talk so much and ramble, so hopefully if anything top secret comes out, it’ll pass right by, mixed in with all the weird stuff, like a trail mix of information and the truth is like the one blue M&M.’
He was truly impressed with how much could come out of her mouth without a breath. ‘That’s not a bad plan.’
‘Right?’ Robin smiled. ‘So, just me? Not your uncle? You guys seem so close.’
Eddie squirmed a bit. They were close. But he was still nervous.
‘He… kind of knows. Like, I think he guessed. But no, not like, officially.’
‘Not Dustin? Not Steve?’
‘No,’ Eddie shook his head vehemently. ‘Nope.’ He couldn’t take it if he lost either one of them because of this truth.
‘For what it’s worth, Steve was really cool about it. Like, surprisingly cool,’ she smiled reassuringly.
‘I’m sure,’ Eddie swallowed. ‘But it’s just different… with guys.’ He’d witnessed enough locker room tortures at the merest hint of otherness; he knew that wasn’t Steve, but still. He knew enough to know that men raised in Indiana generally weren’t positively inclined to revelations like this one.
‘Right. I get that.’
They both went silent, looking at each other.
‘What you said yesterday…’ Robin started, cautiously. ‘… about being jealous of Mandy. Does that mean… do you have a thing for Steve? Cause he’s gross to me, but I’d get it.’
Eddie flushed, and he knew that Robin clocked it, but he still shook his head. ‘I get it, too. I do. Steve’s great.’ He coughed. The understatement of it all. But he’d revealed so much of himself to Robin already, and he didn’t need someone else to confirm for him just how insane his crush on Steve was. ‘But I think… I think I’m like that baby duck, like you said. All of that stuff… it’s just not a good idea. Not right now.’
Robin murmured something in agreement, nodding, but inspected Eddie closely, in the way that made him squirm. He looked away from her.
‘Even though… it can be really lonely,’ Eddie whispered, not for fear of anyone overhearing, but because revealing a fundamental truth about yourself sometimes requires a little extra care the first time it’s exposed to the harshness of the world.
Robin leaned into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. ‘It is. I’m glad… that you know. That I know. I’m glad that we know. I’m glad that I have you, Eddie.’
‘Thanks. Same,’ he rested his head on hers.
‘Not in the way I want to have someone, you know, like, sexually –’
‘I get it, Robin.’
She sighed deeply. ‘Eddie?’
‘Yes, Robin.’
‘I really don’t want to clean that room.’
Eddie snorted. ‘Well, because of that –’ he pointed at her mouth, ‘– weapon of mass destruction, you know Steve’s going to be sniffing all over that room next time he’s over and he already smelled the lie a mile away. Pun intended.’
Robin scrunched up her face in a pout. ‘I hate this!’
Eddie grinned, ruffling her hair. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll help.’
***
It was pathetic really. Eddie knew it. He had spent the whole next day literally waiting by the phone, always within listening distance, wanting to keep an ear out in case Steve called. He’d driven past the video store, had seen Steve’s car, but hadn’t gone in.
Was Steve waiting for him for some reason? If he wanted to see Eddie, he’d make an effort… right?
Eddie wasn’t proud of himself that he only reached out for a final Corroded Coffin reunion before Grant and Jeff headed off to school to avoid another night of waiting for Steve to call.
It had been fun, after Eddie’s first bout of nerves and guilt – a final jam session in Gareth’s garage, a borrowed electric guitar that was nowhere near as nice as his old one but still decent, drinks in the backyard after.
He could tell Grant and Jeff had been trying not to sound too excited about college, about moving away from home, being on their own for the first time; had tiptoed around the fact that Eddie would be staying behind.
He couldn’t allow that.
‘I am so fucking stoked for you guys,’ Eddie said, when he couldn’t take the halting conversation any longer. ‘I’m sure I’m just a few months behind, so scout it out and report back, okay? Let us know how it is in the great beyond.’
It was bullshit – Eddie couldn’t see more than a week ahead, let alone months – but it seemed to do the trick. Opened them up a bit. Made them more comfortable with leaving Eddie behind.
‘Well, I’m still a year away, so…’ Gareth pouted into his beer can. ‘Can’t believe you guys are all leaving me.’
‘I’m all yours for a while, Gare Bear,’ Eddie winked at him.
‘Yeah, man,’ Jeff chimed in. ‘You’re the elder statesman of the Hellfire Club this year! Primo position.’
‘That’s right,’ Eddie clapped Gareth on the back. ‘You’re never alone when you have Hellfire.’
Gareth shrugged but had a small smile on his face. ‘I guess so.’
‘Hey, none of that,’ Eddie waggled a finger in his face. ‘It’s up to you to save them this year, okay? All those scared little froshies wandering around like lost lambs. You’ll see the truth in their eyes. Offer them safe harbor, yeah? The safe harbor of Hellfire.’
Eddie’s little speech seemed to bolster Gareth further. ‘Yeah. You’re right.’
‘I believe in you, bud.’
‘Thanks, Eddie.’
It had felt like old times. Music, drinks, a little weed, a lot of teasing, inside jokes that Eddie realized he would never share with anyone else. It felt like it could have been the end of any old summer, not the summer that had fundamentally changed Eddie’s life.
Eddie grasped on to that sliver on normalcy and was determined to cherish it. Because who knew when these guys would be together like this again. The future nostalgia already overwhelmed him.
***
Eddie was also grateful for Joyce’s stubborn insistence on their Wednesday dinners, because the highlight of the week came when he arrived – this time with a small bundle of flowers for Joyce – and Mike Wheeler opened the door.
‘Wheeler?’ Eddie smirked, already looking past Mike’s shoulder for Hopper. ‘What’s up?’
‘Hey, Eddie,’ Mike opened the door a bit further then turned around, calling to Eddie over his shoulder. ‘Come on in.’
That’s when Eddie caught sight of Hopper, settled on the couch, beer in hand, glare firmly fixed on Mike.
‘Hopper,’ Eddie nodded to him.
‘Hmmpf.’
Eddie remembered very little about the meal – he spent most of his time observing Hopper clenching his jaw.
It seemed like El and Mike were in an off part of the on-again, off-again relationship. The fact that these fifteen-year-olds had dated long enough to be on-again, off-again was mind blowing to Eddie. How were you supposed to know who the hell you were or who the hell you wanted to be with when you were that young?
In any case, they seemed perfectly civil, friendly but not overly so. Mike wasn’t even paying that much attention to El, arguing about some comic book and making references to some elementary school competition with Will. Eddie thought he caught Will blushing a few times. He’d never really seen Will this way, had never really seen him interact with Mike. He’d known they were best friends, of course; Mike had mentioned Will enough times last year.
But seeing them interact, one on one like this? Eddie didn’t know if he was reading into it, but all of Will’s little reactions felt a little too familiar. Hit a little too close to home. He knew how complicated it could be to confuse friendship for something else, especially if you didn’t know better. (But who was Eddie to say? Maybe he didn’t know better, given his current situation).
The only thing that topped seeing Hopper’s reactions all night was after dinner, when El indulged Eddie as he asked her to levitate various items – The pencil! The vase! Hopper! – to the point where even Will (soft-spoken, adoring Will) told Eddie that it was enough. The fact that it was Will was the only reason Eddie complied.
It had been the first night in a week when he hadn’t obsessed over Steve Harrington. Hadn’t wondered what he’d done wrong, what Steve was thinking, when he’d see Steve again – to either apologize or brush it off, depending on how the other man felt.
He’d heard through the grapevine (Robin, in one of her now almost daily calls to the cabin) about Steve’s breakup with Mandy; about his mom’s return to town and immediate departure for another vacation; about a fight with his dad about his future.
He appreciated Robin in those conversations, as they were basically monologues instead of dialogues. Eddie didn’t need to tell her – didn’t have the heart to tell her – that he hadn’t talked to Steve in a week. From the way she talked, it was clear she assumed he and Steve were still chatting, still hanging out. He wondered what Steve had been telling her.
Because, at this point, Eddie wouldn’t know what to say, how to reach out, how he felt about seeing Steve – and he wanted to see him, so badly, but was nervous about what kind of reaction he’d get. Nervous what Steve’s absence this week meant.
Nervous that showing Steve some of the real Eddie had pushed him away for good.
***
A silver lining of his need to distract himself from Steve was that Eddie had been making good progress on the cabin.
He and Robin had tried their best in the big room – but there was something insidious in there, that no amount of Pine Sol, bleach, vinegar, pure elbow grease could diminish. So, he’d taken extreme action, taking one section of the wall and floor down to the studs.
He was hauling some of the decrepit old floorboards outside a few days later when he saw the car pull up.
Steve’s car.
Eddie dropped the load he was carrying, and braced himself, legs stiff, arms crossed, as he turned his body towards the car. He observed each action cautiously. The car pulling up. Engine turning off. Door opening. Steve emerging. Fluffing his hair nervously. Noticing Eddie. Walking over, head down, a sheepish look on his face.
‘Hey, man,’ Steve mumbled, more to Eddie’s boots than to Eddie. His eyes darted up, meeting Eddie’s briefly. He swallowed, smiled an awkward small smile.
And Eddie melted.
The Steve that lived in his mind was great – but nothing compared to the real thing. The way his eyelashes caught the light. The nervous twitch of his lips. How his hair flopped into his eyes.
I’m pathetic, Eddie thought.
‘Harrington,’ Eddie nodded. Steve flinched. From Stevie Pie to Harrington. A lot can happen in a week.
But he was here. Steve had shown up. Eddie wanted to know why. Steve radiated nervous energy, shuffling his feet, hand running over the back of his neck. He still couldn’t quite meet Eddie’s eyes.
‘Sorry for disappearing,’ another quick glimpse at Eddie. ‘It’s been, uh – let’s just say, it’s been a weird… confusing week.’
‘Yeah. I heard.’
Steve’s eyes darted up, face questioning but caught on a second later. ‘Robin told you?’
‘Apparently, Robin tells me everything now.’
Steve huffed a laugh. Even that whisper of his normal laugh made Eddie’s heart lift. ‘Yeah. When she’s in, she’s all in.’
Eddie smiled, tentatively. ‘So, Queen Mandy and King Steve weren’t meant to be?’ Eddie knew he was pressing on a bruise, had spoken with Steve enough about how his high school reputation (and nickname) was a shadow he was trying to escape. He felt more guilty than vindicated when Steve flinched yet again.
‘No, not meant to be,’ Steve finally made eye contact with Eddie. ‘It was just a “summer thing”.’ He mimed air quotes around the phrase.
‘Hmm. Heard she was using you for your body?’
‘Right, yup,’ Steve swallowed heavily, eyes falling back down. ‘You could’ve had a shot with her, you know? Apparently, we’re just the kind of summer hookup she was looking for.’
‘You mean brave, witty, great hair…’
‘Directionless loser, actually,’ Steve grimaced. ‘But thanks for the pep talk.’
Eddie was triggered by the comment. He wasn’t a loser. He’d always been wary of Mandy, and everything Robin had told him about how she’d treated Steve made him feel justified. It was that plus…
‘She told me that you guys hooked up in school.’
Steve verbalizing what had just run through Eddie’s head caused him to draw back in surprise. While Steve hadn’t been able to look before, his gaze was now locked intently on Eddie, almost challenging. Almost disappointed.
‘Hookup is a strong word…’
‘Then what was it?’
‘It was… fucking awkward. She cornered me and said she knew it was every guy’s dream to make out with the prom queen and that she’d never tell. She, like, kissed me for ten seconds and that was it. That does not a hookup make!’ Eddie bounced on his heels; arms crossed defensively.
‘Why’d you stop?’
‘What?’ Eddie scoffed. Steve was still focused on Eddie, seeming to take in each of his body’s unconscious nervous tics. Eddie hoped he wasn’t revealing more than he intended.
‘Why’d you stop kissing Mandy? She was hot and willing. If she was offering, why didn’t you?’
Eddie was so confused. He’d had dozens of reasons for not making out with Mandy. One major one but plenty of valid reasons.
‘Are you joking?’ Eddie drawled. ‘She had a boyfriend! I didn’t want Brad to murder me!’
This drew a genuine reaction from Steve, who nodded eagerly. ‘Right?!’
‘Also, she’s not my type,’ Eddie shrugged; a way of saying the truth without saying too much.
‘Oh?’ Eddie quirked his brow at the way Steve suddenly broke eye contact and shuffled his feet. ‘I thought she was every guy’s type.’
‘I’m not into blondes.’
‘Ah. Right.’
An awkward silence descended on them, neither one able to meet the other’s eye. He wanted more from Steve – wanted to know why he’d stayed away. Had it all been because of Mandy? If so, then he’d been more into her than he’d let on, and way more than Robin had said.
‘I’m sorry,’ Eddie finally offered. Steve’s head tilted, questioning. ‘About Mandy. That whole thing sounds… fucked up.’
‘Hah, yeah. Supremely fucked up. Thanks,’ Steve smiled. ‘And I’m sorry, too.’
‘What for?’ Eddie wanted to hear it. Wanted Steve to explain in some way that would fill in the hollow that had formed in his chest, deepening each day without word, without explanation.
Steve grimaced. ‘I just – I got so in my head about everything. With Mandy, with… everything,’ he swallowed heavily, looking up at Eddie. ‘I was working through some stuff that I didn’t – that I don’t know how to talk about. Not right now. So…’
Stuff. Right.
‘… I figured if anyone could understand, it’s you.’
Now it was Eddie’s turn to bob his head at Steve, drawing an indulgent smile. ‘When you got out? And you hid from us for weeks? You just needed some time, right?’
It felt like a different life.
Thinking about just these last few weeks – dinners with the Byers, jamming with Corroded Coffin, his new friendship with Robin, those study sessions with Dustin, phone calls to Wayne, and this new, electric connection to Steve fucking Harrington – Eddie could barely remember that darkness of a few months ago. When it had felt so bleak. When he purposely suppressed any feeling, any emotion that acknowledged the dark reality he’d been in.
Everything was brighter now. Lighter. Better.
Maybe he wasn’t exactly the same Eddie Munson he’d been before it all – before he’d helplessly watched the life crumple out of Chrissy’s body. But it was becoming okay.
And he realized he liked who he was, who he was becoming.
It seemed like Steve could read all of these thoughts passing over Eddie’s face clear as day. It wasn’t until Eddie felt the fullness in his chest, a happiness that somehow only overflowed around Steve, that he realized they were staring at each other.
But unlike every other time they’d found themselves in this situation, Eddie didn’t look away. And neither did Steve.
The moment was only broken when the small black cat walked by and rubbed its face on Eddie’s shins, shuffling close and looking up at him. The balls on this cat.
Eddie reached down slowly and let the cat sniff his fingers for a second before scratching it between the ears.
‘Made a new friend?’ Steve asked. Eddie continued stroking the cat’s head, as it in turn wove around Eddie’s legs, purring.
‘Apparently,’ Eddie smiled. After a minute, the cat lost interest in being petted as quickly as it started, sauntering off to rub its face on the pile of wood that Eddie had just tossed out.
‘What’s all that?’ Steve nodded towards the wood.
‘That’s what was causing that smell,’ Eddie smirked. ‘Robin tried her best but there was no saving it. Something definitely died in there, something else probably gave birth, and then something else shit all over.’
Steve paused, considering. ‘That sounds exactly how it smelled.’ He laughed. ‘So, I guess that Robin thing wasn’t a lie then?’
Eddie stiffened, remembering their fib to cover his coming out to Robin. ‘Nope,’ he said, shortly. ‘You can take a whiff for yourself. That room is in way better shape.’
‘That’s great. I’ll admit, I’m relieved,’ Steve sighed. ‘I was gonna offer to help you out today, and was really, really hoping I didn’t have to deal with that smell…’
‘Well, uh, since you’re here,’ Eddie started walking to the other side of the cabin, gesturing for Steve to follow. ‘Could still use some help with the ladder…’
***
As before, Steve held the bottom of the ladder while Eddie made a few trips up, depositing the decking, sheeting, shingles, and all the other materials that Mickey explained that he’d need to start fixing the roof. It was the last thing that Eddie wanted to tackle but the summer storm a few days ago had convinced him how urgent it was.
Eddie was just getting started on nailing in the decking that he’d already cut to size (correctly, on the first try), when Steve called up to him.
‘Are you sure I can’t help? I can come up there!’
‘I don’t think this roof can support two people!’
After thirty minutes of working under the glare of the noon sun, hauling materials and hammering away, Eddie was burning up, sweaty and drained, his head going woozy.
‘Hey, Steve?’
‘I’m here!’ he heard Steve rush back to the ladder from wherever he’d been. ‘What’s up?’
‘Could you grab me a pop? There’s some in the fridge. It’s scorching up here.’
‘On it!’ he yelled eagerly, already running inside. Always such a good helper, Eddie thought. Steve was back a minute later, juggling two cans of pop, two mugs of water, and a beer. Eddie giggled as Steve did a complicated routine setting them all down, before climbing up a few rungs to hand Eddie a can.
‘Here you go! Did you also want a beer or anything?’
‘Thanks, this is good,’ Eddie smiled. Something felt different about Steve today. The awkwardness of their week apart had eased, but there was still something off. The nerves from last week, yes, but something else. Something he couldn’t identify but kept making him smile.
Eddie pushed his hair back with his bandana and peeled off his shirt, using the fabric to wipe the sweat from his face, before chugging down the pop. He stood up, desperate for the faint breeze of the day to cool him, just a bit, please. Ah, there it was.
Eddie lifted his face to the wind and smiled. He could feel the sun baking into his skin, knew he’d be bright red at the end of the day but didn’t care. The sun, the breeze, the sweetness on his tongue from the root beer. It was a perfect moment.
Made more perfect for a shining second, when he glanced down and saw that Steve had similarly shed his shirt in the heat and was taking deep gulps from the mug of water, some of it splashing over the rim and down his chest.
Eddie swallowed, heart constricting, dick twitching in his jeans.
Steve lowered the mug from his lips and ran the back of his hand over his mouth, before wiping off the rest of the water on his chin. His hand ran from the dark curls on his chest down his long torso, finally rubbing his hand dry on the front of his jeans. His tight jeans.
Eddie knew he made a sound, something between a heavy sigh and a strangled gasp; but Steve didn’t notice, didn’t look up. Instead, he dunked a few fingers into the water mug and dragged the wet digits over his forehead, running his hand through his hair.
Eddie’s breathing deepened, and his dick fully hardened at the sight. Against his will, his body jerked forward, as if it was desperate to be closer to Steve and wanted to start walking over right away.
At the involuntary movement, one of Eddie’s boots caught on a roof shingle and he stumbled. The slight decline of the roof caused his foot to land heavier than he’d anticipated, bringing him tumbling a few footsteps forward, closer to the line of the roof. Eddie threw all his body weight down to prevent himself from falling off the rooftop, and his foot stuttered to a stop. He paused just a few shingles from the edge.
‘Holy shit,’ Eddie breathed out. He found himself in a lunge, one foot bent under him, the other extended out; he’d twisted around during the fall, hands splayed out underneath him. He thought that his current pose wouldn’t be out of place in a Spider-Man comic.
‘Fuck, Eddie! Are you okay?’ Steve had rushed up the ladder, his head poking up over the edge of the roof.
‘I’m okay,’ Eddie had to turn to look over his shoulder to see him. He saw Steve’s eyes moving frantically over his body, taking in his awkward pose, the spilled soda, the disturbed roof shingles. He radiated pure anxiety, concern – and then suddenly, his face broke into a huge grin, a deep laugh escaping him.
‘Glad my near-death experiences don’t cause you concern any more, Harrington,’ Eddie huffed out, annoyed, trying to reposition himself so he could sit back. As he did, he felt the hot roof maybe a bit more strongly than he’d had before. He leaned to the side to see, and immediately knew what had happened. What he’d been fearing for weeks.
The back of his jeans had ripped straight down the crotch and right across his ass, a large flag of worn denim now flapping around. Only his threadbare pair of bright blue boxers protected him from the hot roof tiles.
Steve laughed harder. ‘Oh my god,’ he gasped out. ‘Your face!’
‘This isn’t funny, asshole!’ Eddie ground out, though he could admit part of him was amused by Steve’s clear amusement. ‘This is my only pair of pants!’ he did hiccup out a laugh at the last word, which made Steve hoot.
‘I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,’ Steve leaned forward onto the roof, still perched on the ladder, hand waving as if to clear any humor away. ‘It’s not funny,’ he tried to say, a laugh still escaping.
‘What am I supposed to do?’ Eddie tried to whine but it caught in a giggle. He lowered his face into his hands to prevent Steve from seeing the smile forming on his face.
This was so fucking ridiculous.
Karma, in action. Lust after your straight friend and the universe will knock you down several pegs.
‘Didn’t I give you some sweats?’ Steve asked, finally calming down, a smile still evident in his voice.
‘I didn’t take them.’ Why, oh why, did his mother teach him to be such a good house guest. He’d left all the clothes Steve had let him borrow in the hamper.
‘Oh!’ Steve snapped his fingers, and Eddie heard a rustling, Steve descending the ladder. He looked back up as Steve returned, holding a pair of bright red swim trunks.
Eddie slumped. ‘Seriously?’
‘What?’ Steve looked them over closely. ‘They’re my lifeguard uniform!’
‘Your – you haven’t been a lifeguard in years?!’
‘Well, yeah,’ he shrugged, still leaning forward from the ladder onto the roof. ‘They’ve been crumpled in my trunk for a while, but it’s not like they go bad. Seems like maybe they’re coming in handy right now?’
‘And I’m what, supposed to wear your old lifeguard shorts for the rest of my life?’
‘Always so dramatic,’ Steve raised a brow. ‘I have a better idea.’
***
‘I don’t know why you never thought about buying more clothes,’ Steve scoffed, as they walked through the aisles of the thrift store on the other side of town. The cleverly named “Hawkins Thrift” was the main purveyor of fashions at the trailer park, including the Munson trailer.
‘I thought about, counted the bills in my wallet, then forgot about it just as quickly,’ Eddie replied, holding a pair of pale blue jeans up to his body. Too short.
But they would still be a better option than what he was currently wearing.
God, he looked ridiculous.
Sweaty mop of curly hair, frizzed from the heat, barely contained by a bandanna; the smelly black Iron Maiden shirt he’d been wearing for days and had used to mop up his excess sweat just an hour ago; oversized brown work boots with mismatched tube socks peeking out… and bright red swim trunks that were at least a size too tight and definitely a good three inches higher than was considered decent.
When Steve huddled him into his car earlier with a simple ‘hush, it’ll be fine,’ Eddie sat awkwardly in the passenger seat, thighs clamped together, sitting bolt upright, aware of just how much further the shorts rode up when he was seated. He kept catching Steve glancing over at him and smirking, eyes darting from Eddie’s knobby knees to the road.
‘Stop it,’ Eddie muttered to Steve, closing his eyes as he felt a blush creep over his face.
‘Stop what?’ Steve’s grin spread.
‘This is so embarrassing.’
‘Why? You tripped and split your pants, happens to the best of us.’
‘Not that,’ Eddie muttered into his fist, elbow leaning on the rolled down window.
‘Then what?’
‘These ridiculous red –’
‘Hey! No disrespecting the shorts. Those are professional shorts, okay? They’re a uniform.’
Eddie groaned and threw his head back. ‘Stop it!’
Steve giggled. Literally giggled. ‘For a guy who loves to dish it out, you really can’t take it, can you?’
‘This isn’t fun teasing, Steve! This is kicking a man when he’s down.’
‘I’m not kicking anything, Eddie Pie.’
The casual way Steve said it made Eddie miss it at first. But when it clicked, he swung his head around, eyes wide in shock. Steve remained focused on the road in front of him, but Eddie saw his jaw clench, his lips twitch.
Eddie was speechless, his mind caught on the nickname every time he tried to think of a response.
He must have gaped at Steve’s profile for minutes, because he never did reply. It was Steve who broke their silence, announcing as he parked: ‘We’re here.’
And now they found themselves wandering the aisles of the thrift store side by side, Steve fondling every piece they passed, a blue fedora perched on his head, a bunch of old t-shirts, a large green blazer, a plaid vest, a hodgepodge of other items in his arms (Eddie couldn’t actually believe Steve was considering buying any of this – was he?), while Eddie’s were still empty.
‘What about these?’ Steve held up a pair of dark blue Levi’s, balancing his bundle in his other arm.
Eddie just sighed and took them. ‘Fine.’ He was walking out of the small changing room (no more than a sheet tacked up in the corner), surprised the jeans had fit well enough, when he heard his name.
‘Eddie Munson?’
The voice, the cadence, immediately shot Eddie back to that first day in the hospital. The joy of his awakening immediately marred by the cuff on his wrist.
But the man this voice belonged to had made things slightly more tolerable.
‘Hey, doc,’ Eddie mumbled, suddenly embarrassed. Whether it was from his ridiculous outfit, the unexpected nature of the encounter, or because Doc Mason had literally seen Eddie at his weakest, at his worst; had had his hands inside of Eddie’s body; had seen his blood, his guts, his shit, every part of him.
And now Eddie had to have a civilized public conversation with him while wearing tiny red swim trunks.
Doc Mason either didn’t notice Eddie’s awkwardness or didn’t care. He dropped the box he was holding – conveniently labeled ‘Donations’ – and rushed forward, the small, round man’s arms encircling Eddie’s midsection in a hug. Eddie didn’t have time to react or respond before the doc was holding him at arm’s length, turning Eddie slightly from side to side, examining him from head to toe.
‘You’re gaining weight, that’s good,’ the doc mumbled, more to himself than Eddie. He looked up into Eddie’s face, tilting it back and forth with his thumb. ‘Scar healed nicely,’ he touched a clinical finger to the scar on Eddie’s jawline. ‘Definitely got your color back. You’re looking great, Eddie. How are you feeling?’
‘Oh, I –’
‘Eddie, you okay?’ Steve materialized at his side, a sharp expression on his face. He angled his body slightly, coming in between Eddie and the doctor. Eddie smiled at the idea of Steve defending his honor against a man who so strongly resembled a squat Santa Claus.
‘Yeah, I’m good,’ he patted Steve’s back. ‘Steve, this is Doc Mason, the man who put this Humpty Dumpty back together again.’
‘Ah, right. Sorry, doc,’ a blush creeped up Steve’s neck, as he held out a hand, which Doc Mason took, a smile on his face. ‘Nice to see you again. Sorry about the…’
‘Oh, it’s not a problem, Mr. Harrington. I remember how many times the nurses had to warn you away from visiting this one,’ the doc pointed at Eddie. ‘Nice to see that chivalry’s not dead.’
At this, Steve’s blush roared into full force, and Eddie materialized one to match.
‘And of course, I’ve heard about your visits to Maxine. Small hospital,’ he winked. ‘Should we expect to see you tomorrow? Or is it on Sundays that you visit?’
‘Oh, uh,’ Steve glanced at Eddie, clocking his confusion. Steve had been visiting Max? ‘I work in the morning, but I can come by in the afternoon.’
‘Excellent!’ the doc rubbed his hands together. ‘That’s perfect timing, actually,’ he turned to Eddie. ‘Mr. Munson, you’ve missed all of your follow up visits. Didn’t you get our messages?’
‘My answering machine went up in flames, sorry I missed you.’
Eddie admired Doc Mason’s focus, as he didn’t flinch or question Eddie’s comment but continued: ‘I have rounds in the morning but stop by my office any time after one. Mr. Harrington, you’ll make sure he’s there?’
‘Uh, yes, sir.’
‘Excellent!’ More hand rubbing. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Eddie. Love your shorts.’
With that, Doc Mason turned, picked up his box, and walked to the donation drop-off table, leaving Eddie and Steve gaping after him.
‘Why do I feel like I was just hit by a truck?’ Eddie muttered.
He didn’t want to go to the hospital. He had, in fact, heard the messages the hospital had left on the answering machine at the trailer, recorded before it had been disconnected. They’d seemingly not gotten the memo that Eddie had been in a facility while awaiting his trial.
And the facility had been terrible – dirty, scary, isolated. But the hospital…
It had been lonely and terrifying, too. In a way that had almost been worse. Uncle Wayne crying and broken at Eddie’s bedside. The physical pain with every wrong move, with every forceful examination (never by Doc). That devil nurse that Eddie had only seen once more, hoping that someone else had realized the evil lurking right beneath the surface and keeping her away from him. But she hadn’t been the only one, just the most overt. The whispers between the nurses and doctors when they passed by the officer outside his door, the fear and hesitancy on their faces when they examined him.
But it had been the uncertainty that had choked him in every quiet moment. Not knowing what would happen to him, physically, mentally, legally.
‘Hey, it’s just a checkup’ Steve placed a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, rubbing small, comforting circles. ‘He just wants to make sure you’re good.’
‘Right,’ Eddie swallowed. ‘Any way I can tempt you to forget about your deal with the doc and let me ditch tomorrow?’
Steve’s hand paused and his eyes darted over Eddie’s face. ‘No, uh, I think it’s a good idea that you go.’
‘Really?’ Eddie scoffed, stepping away. ‘I’m not sick anymore, I’m fine!’ He didn’t need any more of an examination by the doc than the one he’d just had.
Eddie didn’t expect the storm cloud that passed over Steve’s face. ‘I don’t care!’ he whispered angrily, turning them away from the few others in the store. ‘I’m the one who dragged your practically dead body to that hospital, remember?’ his voice caught, and he paused, closing his eyes before continuing. ‘And yeah, you’re better, obviously. But now you’re hauling wood and climbing on roofs… can you blame me, if I want to make sure everything’s really okay?’
Eddie was too stunned to speak. Steve’s worry for him was so blatant, written all over his face. Eddie kept forgetting that his trauma wasn’t just his. It was shared by all those around him.
‘Okay,’ Eddie whispered a moment later. ‘I’ll go.’
He had to stop being surprised that people cared.
***
That’s how Eddie found himself sitting in Doc Mason’s office the following afternoon – sitting in his newly acquired, used but sturdy blue Levi’s, one of the two (!) pairs of jeans he now owned, along with a pair of jean shorts to work in and a ratty but cool pair of sneakers, after his mildly successful thrifting trip. Despite the point of their trip, Steve was the one who’d left with three bags of purchases, compared to Eddie’s meager one.
Only seconds after sitting down, Eddie was already squirming under the doc’s intense gaze. Eddie thought he saw tears forming in his eyes.
‘I am so happy for you, Eddie,’ the doc sniffled. ‘The truth came out! As I knew it would.’
‘Yeah. Same. Obviously.’ The doctor was more emotional than Uncle Wayne had been at Eddie’s innocence; more emotional than even Eddie and it had been his life.
‘It’s just…’ the doc coughed back more tears. ‘Seeing you through your recovery. Well,’ he sighed deeply. ‘It was touch and go for a while. Very touch and go.’
‘Well, I’m here,’ Eddie tried to smile. Why was this so awkward?
‘You are. A miracle.’
Eddie couldn’t believe he was going to ask this, solely to end this deeply sincere conversation: ‘Don’t you have to take blood now, or something?’
Eddie got the sense halfway through his exam that this entire check-up was more for the doc’s benefit than for Eddie’s. No intake paperwork, no insurance or billing questions. Literally just Doc Mason double-checking that apparently the greatest medical miracle of his career was still thriving and in no danger of slipping back into touch-and-go territory.
‘Gosh, you are doing great, Eddie. These scars! Healing perfectly,’ Doc Mason said, prodding a scar on Eddie’s side with medical precision. ‘But for goodness’ sake, please wear some sunscreen.’
‘Sunscreen?’
‘Get yourself some of the Coppertone. Your scar tissue is sensitive!’
Eddie looked down at his body with new eyes – he saw what just a few weeks of working on the cabin had done. His pale torso was now tanned; the scar tissue had turned more white than pink and the contrast between scar tissue and normal skin was much less noticeable. His feeling in those areas had returned almost back to normal, except for that persistent dullness of the largest scar at his side, where the demobats had seemingly pulled the nerves right out of him.
‘Is it too sensitive to tattoo?’
He’d been thinking about it for a while. Not that he hated his scars; he had grown prouder of them, of what they signified. But he’d been given them without his permission. He wanted any future marks on his body to be his own choice.
‘Oh.’ The doc’s mouth formed a perfect circle. Eddie suppressed a smirk at the sight. He was sure Doc Mason didn’t get this particular medical question that often. ‘Sure, that should be okay. But Eddie, my boy, maybe use a professional, to be safe? Those dingy places can cause infections, understood?’
‘Yes, doc,’ Eddie smirked. Wouldn’t want to mar his perfect body with anything like an infection.
As if the doc could read his mind: ‘You’re not invincible, Eddie. You healed remarkably well, but take care of yourself, huh? You might not be so lucky again.’
The sincerity on the doctor’s face made Eddie think of Steve’s confession yesterday. They were worried about him. They cared. They didn’t want him to die.
The least he could do was wear some sunscreen every now and then. And pay for a real tattoo artist, not his neighbor Jerry’s cousin’s roommate who had swung by the trailer park with his stick and poke every few months and had given Eddie his first tattoo for $10 and a six pack.
Sufficiently cowed, Eddie nodded; he understood.
Doc Mason reached out a hand, solemn – Eddie took it and shook.
‘Thanks, doc,’ Eddie whispered. ‘For everything.’
‘Oh, it wasn’t just me –’
‘It was just you.’
Maybe there had been others who had healed Eddie physically. But Doc Mason was the only one who had been on Eddie’s side, who’d had his back, from his first snuck advice on how to handle the police, through every subsequent setback, every subsequent success.
And here came the weepy doc again.
‘Don’t be a stranger, Eddie. This Mason is always here for this Munson,’ the doc giggled, pointing back and forth between them. What a goober, Eddie thought, smiling.
When Eddie stepped out of the doc’s office, he was expecting to see Steve, who’d dropped him off, told him to take his time, that he’d be right there. It wasn’t like Steve to not be where he said he’d be.
Doc Mason noticed Eddie glancing up and down the hallway. ‘He’s probably with Max. I can show you the way?’
Oh, right. Max.
It wasn’t that Eddie didn’t think about her – she was always one stop on his train of thought every time he caught sight of a scar, or his body ached, or he drove by the trailer park. Thoughts of Chrissy, Max, Vecna, demobats, a creeping darkness. Round and round it went.
He’d seen how the life had escaped Chrissy’s body, has witnessed it firsthand. He didn’t want to know what Max looked like, like that.
He was being a coward; he knew it.
But doc was looking at him expectantly. And that’s where Steve was. And he knew he’d always be okay, if Steve was there.
So, he nodded. And they walked.
***
Doc Mason had left him outside of Max’s room in a quiet corner of the hospital, the opposite end of the hustle and bustle of the entrance, emergency room, doctor’s offices. It was sunny, white and clean, and mostly silent outside of the subtle beeps of machinery.
It didn’t seem like a lot of emergencies happened up here. Didn’t seem like much of anything did.
Eddie paused, gathering his courage to walk in, to finally see Max. As he took a step closer, he heard Steve’s voice (soft, warm) drifting out from the room. His feet stopped just outside the door. Eddie didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but as always, where Steve was concerned, his body had a mind of its own.
‘…so great now, Max. He’s all healed up. He’s even fixing up that cabin, the one that El was living in. Shit, I think you were there when it got destroyed…’
Was Steve giving Max updates about Eddie? The pride in Steve’s voice when talking about Eddie made his heart lift.
‘…you should come see it. It’s so peaceful up there. And as soon as you’re back, we’ll get the gang back together. No more monsters, just us, all together…’
Steve’s voice faltered at the last word. Eddie heard him pause, thought he heard an exhale, or a sigh. His guilt at what he was doing finally took over the pleasure at hearing Steve’s voice, and he stepped away, as quietly as he could, tiptoeing back down the hall, sliding down to sit on the floor. He placed his headphones on, hit play on his Walkman, fingers tracing over his rings as he waited.
A few minutes later, Steve emerged from the room, head down, hands in his pockets. Eddie stood to greet him, surprising Steve.
‘Shit, hey,’ Steve mumbled, sniffling. Did he put himself through this every week, like Doc had said? ‘How long were you out here?’
‘Just a minute,’ Eddie said, tilting his head to observe Steve more closely. ‘Doc thought you might be up here.’
‘Yeah,’ Steve attempted a smile. ‘You, uh, you ready to go?’
Eddie nodded but Steve didn’t notice, his eyes still downcast. Eddie reached out a hand, gripping Steve’s elbow, squeezing twice in comfort. Steve’s hand came up to rest on Eddie’s, brushing his thumb over Eddie’s hand. Steve sighed, finally looking up at Eddie, a small smile which Eddie returned.
‘How –’ Eddie didn’t want to make Steve sad again (anything but that), but he was here. He wanted to know. ‘– how’s she doing?’
Instead of making him sad, the question seemed to buoy Steve. ‘She’s doing really good. Her bones are all healed, as best they can be. They said they need to do physical therapy and stuff when she’s awake to really tell but… it’s good. It’s just her mind. She still hasn’t woken up. Obviously,’ Steve turned back and nodded his head at Max’s door.
‘She’ll wake up,’ Eddie said. Steve turned back quickly at the certainty in Eddie’s voice. ‘El said. And when it comes to all this stuff… I trust her.’
Steve huffed a small laugh. ‘Yeah. Same.’ He swallowed. ‘Did you.. want to see her?’
No, Eddie could admit to himself. He wanted to run. But where had that ever got him?
So, he nodded yes, passing by Steve and taking cautious steps to Max’s room.
It was nothing like he’d imagined, thinking of his own cramped, gray hospital room, windowless, humid, that they’d moved him to for most of his recovery.
This room was bright, sun shining in through the open blinds, and smaller than it seemed from the outside, only enough room for Max’s bed, a few beeping monitors, two chairs, and a small table that held fresh flowers, giving of a vibrant scent.
In the bright room, surrounded by white linen, Max’s brilliant red hair – contained in a single long braid that fell over her shoulder – stood out like a scar.
She looked like she was sleeping. Peaceful.
Not at all like Chrissy, the image that had kept jumping into Eddie’s mind whenever he thought of Max. He remembered Chrissy’s eyes, what had happened; they said that it had happened to Max, too. He didn’t want to know; he was happy they were shut as if in sleep.
He wanted to keep her in his mind, just like this.
One slow step was all it took to reach the first chair, another step to the one closest to Max. It was still warm from when Steve had sat here, just minutes ago.
He couldn’t bring himself to reach out to hold her hand, which was right there, palm up, as if waiting for him.
‘Hey, Red,’ he breathed out, barely above a whisper. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been by. That’s – that was shitty of me. I know I had my own shit but… I should have been here.’
It was unnerving, speaking to her without knowing if she could hear him, where she was. Without seeing her eyes light up with a challenge, some retort already rolling off her tongue at his admission (‘Damn right, asshole.’).
‘No one deserves to be abandoned like that. I promise you can kick the shit out of me when you wake up,’ Eddie grinned at the thought. He’d let her. ‘Though maybe you’ve heard… I’ve been kicked plenty recently. Nothing compared to…’ he gestured at her vaguely. ‘But it still sucked. A lot.’
‘I’m sure you’ve heard about the trailer park. It’s super creepy now. You’d probably love it. I haven’t seen your mom around town, or anything. So… sorry, I don’t have an update on that. Steve probably knows, though. He’s probably told you.’ Eddie shook his head. What was he supposed to say?
I guess I can say anything, he thought. That made it easier.
‘It’s fucking weird out here, Red. On the other side of it all. You and I really went through it, huh? Always happens to kids like us. Life already knocked us down, figures what’s a few more hits, right? With parents like ours, the shit we’ve been through… we deserve better.’ Eddie’s voice broke as he felt tears well up. He coughed, continued: ‘If you’re worried about that, what’s it’s gonna be like? If that’s what’s keeping you wherever you are? Don’t worry. Cause out here, there’s a lot of people who have your back. Who’ll help you figure it all out. I will. I promise… I’ll do everything I can to help you. You’ve got me. And Steve. All of us.’
He finally reached out a hand, clasped his work-roughed fingers around hers. Her hand was so small, so soft.
Eddie finally let his tears fall.
‘We shouldn’t have left you. We shouldn’t have let you go in there. Not just you and Lucas and Erica. That was dumb of us. But brave of you. God, you’re too fucking brave, you know that? So, be fucking brave again, and get out of there, wherever you are. Come back, okay?’
He squeezed her hand, wiped away his tears. He didn’t want to leave her, not now. Not when he felt her warm hand, her pulse in her wrist. She was here. She was so close.
He hoped his words reached her. But just in case, he unclipped his Walkman from his belt, unwound his headphones from around his neck, and placed them gently over her ears. He’d only brought one tape, chosen specifically to be more tonally appropriate for a hospital than his usual. He wasn’t sure if she’d like it but if she was anything like him, any music would do in a time of need; and he couldn’t imagine anyone objecting to Bowie. He hit play, thinking where he’d paused the tape earlier was probably an appropriate song to start…
Psychodelicate girl – come out to play
Little metal faced-boy
Don't stay away
They're so war-torn and resigned
She can't talk anymore
What are they trying to prove?
What would they like to find?
It's love back to front and no sides (like I say)
These pieces are broken (like I say)
These pieces are broken (hope I'm wrong but I know)
Because you're young
You'll meet a stranger some night
Because you're young
What could be nicer for you
And it makes me sad
So I'll dance my life away
A million dreams, a million scars
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 14: "A Slice of Time Pie"
‘I’m not pissed at you, you know.’
‘Yeah, why would you be?’ Steve tried to joke, but it obviously was too soon, as something flashed across Eddie’s face. It wasn’t hurt, it wasn’t annoyance, but something close.
‘Well, I would be pissed at you for disappearing for a week after –’ Eddie caught himself.
‘After what?’ Steve knew what the after was for him – his dream, his realization. What had it been for Eddie? Their poolside conversation? Something else?
Chapter 14: A Slice Of Time Pie
Summary:
‘I go away for two weeks and the hottest girl you’ve ever dated dumps you! No other big news?’ Dustin laughed.
No, Steve thought, no other big news except that I realized that I have a giant crush on Eddie Munson, his ass looks great in those new jeans he bought, and I have been subconsciously counting how many licks it’s taking him to eat that fucking popsicle.
Instead, Steve laughed: ‘Nope! That’s the big headline.’
As if Eddie had been able to read his thoughts, Eddie caught his eye and smirked.
Fuck.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve didn’t want to leave Eddie, after his checkup at the hospital. After the visit with Max. Eddie had been quiet, in his head the whole drive back to the cabin, not just silent but also still. Steve was used to his anxious motions – because they weren’t just anxious. He was always moving in some way, whether he was anxious or happy or distracted.
Anything from bouncing his leg, cracking his knuckles, biting his tongue, fidgeting with his rings.
But so far on the drive, he’d just closed his eyes, head gently swaying occasionally, as if to music that only he could hear.
As they’re approaching the final turn on the cabin, Eddie finally looks over at Steve. ‘Thanks for making me go today. It was good.’ Steve caught a ghost of a smile, his eyes still on the bumpy dirty road.
‘Yeah, course. Will he call you? With, like, your test results?’
‘Hmmm, I think so. I didn’t really ask,’ Eddie said, almost dreamily. Still too quiet, still too still. ‘How often do you go see her?’
Max. Steve hadn’t realized how much that would affect him. Maybe he should have.
‘I try to go once a week, more if I can.’ He didn’t say how much it ate at him, that Max was still in there. Didn’t explain his irrational belief that they wouldn’t lose anybody when they’d set out on their quest.
That Max had been his responsibility, ultimately. And he’d failed.
Maybe something in his posture communicated all those thoughts, because Eddie reached out and squeezed his shoulder.
Steve pulled up, turned off the car. ‘My mom’s friend,’ Steve continued. ‘She works mostly nights, she lets me in after visiting hours, sometimes. Lucas and El and the rest come by during the day a lot, but at night…’ she’s alone, he wants to say. I shouldn’t have left them alone.
Again, Eddie seemed to be understanding all that Steve was leaving unsaid. Or maybe he had enough memories of the hospital at night, because he just smiled, sadly.
Steve really didn’t want to leave, now that he was back to seeing Eddie. He always found it hard to emerge from whatever emotional depths he was in after a visit to Max, too; he always wanted to be around people, around life, something to remind him of what they’d all fought for. But usually he returned to a cold, empty house – and that’s all that was waiting for him tonight.
If anyone could remind him of what they’d fought for, it was Eddie.
‘I can come in, if you still need help with the roof?’ Steve suggested, as Eddie had already unlatched the door.
‘Nah, it’s cool. Thanks though,’ Eddie grinned over his shoulder, opening the door wider. Before he knew what he was doing, Steve reached out and grabbed Eddie’s sleeve, pulling him back in. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Eddie sat back down, his hand meeting Steve’s in another quick, comforting squeeze, before he said: ‘Don’t be a stranger, Harrington.’
And within seconds, he was gone.
***
Steve returned to his empty house, quiet and echoing, a mausoleum more than a home. Steve thought his parents had spent more time away from home than in it this past year.
His parents had returned from their trip last week, but only briefly. Barely more than a layover before they were on to the next. Something obviously had happened on the trip, some fight – as it usually did – because his dad left for a sudden work trip to Chicago two days later; his mom to a supposedly already planned month-long visit to her sorority sister in South Carolina a day after that.
Of course, that was plenty of time for his dad to not so casually mention that it was back to school season, and wouldn’t it be great if his only son was heading back to school, joining his colleagues’ and friends’ sons at ‘Jesus Christ, any of the state schools would have been fine, Steven, we weren’t expecting Notre Dame!’ so that he wouldn’t ‘be leeching off your parent’s generosity for the rest of your life’ if he ‘ever wanted to be a real man.’
Steve had nodded, head down, arms crossed, muttering ‘yes, sir’ during every pause, not making eye contact, swallowing every retort, every justification that popped into his head. ‘I saved the fucking world, dad!’, ‘Not like you have the blueprint for a happy life, asshole!’
As always, his mom had been there, just off in the corner, not agreeing with what his dad said, but not defending Steve, either. He’d learned long ago that he was the only one on his side in this home.
Not like his parents had each other’s backs either. He wondered why they didn’t just get divorced.
But he knew why. It wouldn’t look good. God forbid, their friends and family and even distant acquaintances learned that the Harringtons hated each other enough to divorce. That they’d be divorcees.
He knew his mother wouldn’t be able to stomach his father inevitably marrying a younger woman (likely his secretary); he knew his father would never give his mother the pleasure of taking half of his hard-earned money without putting up a fight.
What would people think?
And what would people think of their only son – a once promising athlete, popular, beloved by all – skipping college to work at a video rental store? Living at home in his 20s? Being best friends with a sophomore math nerd and a lesbian clarinet player? And… fantasizing about squeezing a male acquitted murder suspect’s ass (which had looked phenomenal as he had walked away in a perfectly worn pair of thrifted blue jeans)?
Steve had tried to evolve beyond all of that – what his parents, his old friends, people in general thought of him. But that voice – sounding so much like his father’s – had whispered in his ear…
He’d tried to stay away.
For a full week, after gently slamming his head onto the video rental desk repeatedly, his revelation of ‘I like Eddie Munson’ echoing through his mind, he’d fought it. Tried to think his way out of it.
He’d rented Fast Times that night, just to pause it at 53 minutes and 5 seconds to triple check that yes, Phoebe Cates: incredibly hot. The red bikini, emerging from the pool dripping wet: yes, please. He’d gotten hard, as expected. Had stroked himself, had come, all while staring at Phoebe’s topless form on screen.
But then, his mind had leapt from the image of Phoebe to an image of Eddie. He has prettier eyes, Steve thought. Fuller lips. So, he let himself remember the heat in Eddie’s gaze, when they’d stood outside his front door back when Eddie moved out. The electricity when he’d touched Eddie’s arm up in his room last week. The wicked gleam in Eddie’s eye when he’d called him Stevie Pie. The feel of Eddie’s body in his arms, fully pressed against him, when they’d hugged at the cabin.
And his dick hardened again. And when Steve ran his fingers up and down his length, gently at first, cautiously, thinking of Eddie’s face… it felt good. It felt like it had when he’d been looking at Phoebe.
And this time, when he came, it was Eddie Munson fully in his mind.
***
He didn’t know what to do with this information. It was something brand new in his life, in his mind and he was trying to figure out how it all fit on him. Fit with the other pieces of him.
So, what was he supposed to do now?
If it was a girl that was making him feel like this, he’d walk up to her, ask her out. He mostly knew what to say, how to act, knew what girls liked enough to probably get them to say yes to at least a first date.
But this wasn’t that.
With girls, chances were pretty decent that they were into him; and the one time that absolutely hadn’t been true, he’d gotten a best friend out of it.
But this wasn’t a girl. This was a guy. And not just any guy. It was Eddie. Who he already knew, liked, who knew his friends, knew things about him that no one else did.
And that was different too. He already knew he liked Eddie. A lot. Not just the crazy crush he realized he had – but before all of that, even as a friend. It hadn’t been that way with anyone else. Not even with Nancy. They’d become friends, yes, but it had started out like all the others: she was beautiful, and he wanted her, and he asked her out. All the rest (the liking, the love, the heartbreak) came later.
Just like everything else with Eddie, it was all happening in the wrong order.
And he knew it would be so easy to fuck it all up. If he made a move and Eddie didn’t feel the same; if Eddie thought he, Steve, was the freak for this; if Eddie told Dustin, Robin… his parents… what would happen?
But he knew what Robin’s advice to him would be, and it was the only thing keeping him away from seeking out her help with this crazy new truth. Because obviously, she’d been in this situation before. It was what she’d told him over and over again every time he tried to encourage her with Vickie. (How naïve he’d been, he realized). The stakes were too high to be wrong here. Not in Hawkins. Not when he had a father like his.
He’d tried to stay away, tried to see if distance would diminish everything swirling around his head, his chest, his dick when it came to Eddie. But wow, it hadn’t.
When Keith had uncharacteristically nicely brought in donuts one morning, he’d thought of Eddie surprising him and Robin with donuts. When his mom had commented on the strange smell in the guest room, he’d thought of Eddie, the strip of light and scent of weed in the air that had accompanied those few days (too few days) that he’d stayed here. When he heard the Beatles on the radio. Saw meatloaf on the menu at the diner. Drove by the trailer park.
Every little thing brought him right back to Eddie.
He lasted as long as he could – but he finally gave in. He knew he’d disappeared on Eddie; he’d had to fight every instinct he had not to check in, to see how Eddie was doing. It had been torture.
But deciding to see him had been easy. Literally, his mind went from fighting it to giving into it in the span of a moment. Two minutes after he’d decided ‘screw it’ and to go see Eddie, he was in his car, speeding over to the cabin.
He hadn’t realized how much he’d taken for granted that Eddie’s eyes lit up every time he saw him. Until he’d seen how cold Eddie was when he first arrived. Nervous, on guard.
Fuck, that had broken his heart.
He’d apologized. Or tried to. It didn’t seem like Eddie totally believed him.
But he’d make him believe it. No matter what it took.
***
The visits to the thrift store and the hospital had both given Steve good excuses to hang out with Eddie. But the idea of just showing up to say hi felt weird; wouldn’t a phone call make as much sense? But he wanted to see Eddie, needed to see him. Because while Steve had realized how he felt, he needed to know how Eddie felt. He knew he wasn’t imagining the tension between them, there was no way – but did it actually mean anything to Eddie? Or was he just like that after spending time with anyone? Remember, Steve thought, even Mandy thought she’d had a chance with him.
So, Steve started showing up – as both an act of penance for his previous absence and for reconnaissance.
The next morning, after their hospital visit, Steve showed up before his morning shift with donuts, coffee, and box of random cassette tapes that he’d uncovered in his basement.
The surprise flashed on Eddie’s face only for a moment as he opened the door to a smiling Steve, arms laden with his offerings.
‘Thought there might be something in here you like,’ Steve said, gesturing at the box wedged under his arm. Eddie took it with a nod of thanks, still looking uncertain. Steve handed over the food and headed back to his car, waving with a quick ‘Got work!’ before driving off.
The next morning when Steve showed up with a bag of groceries – ‘Anita bought too much, she thought my parents were staying!’ – Eddie quirked a brow and wordlessly opened the door wider for Steve to enter. By the time Steve had unpacked the groceries into the fridge, Eddie had poured him a cup of coffee. They leaned across from each other in the small kitchen, Steve initiating small talk – about the heat wave today, about Dustin’s imminent return – which Eddie responded to, cordially, patiently, an air of curiosity in every response. Finally, Steve smiled, placed his coffee mug in the sink, nodded his head, and walked out with a quick ‘See ya’.
The next day, Steve had been running too late that morning to come by before work, so he headed by after, startling Eddie – shirtless, sweating, sawing wood in the clearing behind the cabin. He raised the pizza and six pack he’d brought in apology. Eddie cautiously invited Steve to sit with him on the back porch, where they finished off the pizza and a few beers each, talking about nothing really: Steve’s day at work, the back wall that Eddie was rebuilding, the fight that Robin had with her mom that they’d both heard about at length. After finishing his beer, Steve slapped his hands on his thighs, stood up with a ‘Well, I’d better be off,’ and walked away, trying not to look back at Eddie.
It was on the fourth day of this, when Steve showed up bearing the recognizable guitar case and a sheepish smile, that Eddie finally broke.
‘What’s going on, Harrington?’
‘What?’ Steve could tell his voice was a little too high. ‘Nothing! I’m just here to say hi!’
‘Well, hi,’ Eddie crossed his arms.
‘Hi…’ Steve swallowed. Did that mean he needed to go? Cause things had been okay between them, after his apology. They’d joked and hung out, and it had felt fine. But something still wasn’t right, he could feel it. And he wanted to fix it. He raised a questioning eyebrow, and Eddie sighed.
‘I’m not pissed at you, you know.’
‘Yeah, why would you be?’ Steve tried to joke, but it obviously was too soon, as something flashed across Eddie’s face. It wasn’t hurt, it wasn’t annoyance, but something close.
‘Well, I would be pissed at you for disappearing for a week after –’ Eddie caught himself.
‘After what?’ Steve knew what the after was for him – his dream, his realization. What had it been for Eddie? Their poolside conversation? Something else?
‘Nothing,’ Eddie shook his head, coughed, cracked his knuckles. He’s nervous, Steve realized. ‘Nothing, I just thought we were friends, and that’s, just, shitty to do to a friend.’
‘We are friends,’ Steve stepped forward, as Eddie took a half step back. ‘That’s why I’m here! I want to help you, Eddie.’ He wanted to reach out, to take Eddie’s hands, to force him to look at him.
‘I don’t need help, Steve!’ Eddie’s arms came up defensively and he took another step back, backing up into the couch.
‘Oh, really?’ Steve was suddenly, inexplicably upset. What was wrong with his help? It was the best thing he had to give. ‘Because I think you almost broke your neck falling off a roof just a few days ago!’
‘No, I just fell on my ass and ripped my pants!’ Eddie shouted with a mirthless laugh.
‘And as hilarious as that was, it’s dangerous work you’re doing here, Eddie! You’re out here all alone!’
‘I don’t need a babysitter, Harrington!’
Something about the way Eddie yelled it, his voice almost breaking, color in his cheeks, spittle as he talked, a broken look on his face. Like he was scared of this idea as if it was the truth.
‘I – I’m not –’ It was so far from how Steve felt about Eddie, about why he was here, he couldn’t reconcile it. ‘I’m not trying to be your babysitter, Eddie.’
‘Aren’t you?’ Again, still that angry tone, that emotion. Eddie crossed his arms, swiped a hand roughly over his face, and turned away.
An awkward, charged silence descended, Eddie’s breathing the loudest thing in the room. Steve was frozen. How was he supposed to explain this to Eddie? How was he supposed to tell him that the reason he was here was because seeing Eddie made his day better, because he missed him but wasn’t sure if he had the permission to see him without an excuse? That he was bringing these gifts, these offerings because he wanted to see Eddie happy, to show that he cared, that he paid attention?
‘Fine,’ Steve finally said, tightly, all of those many reasons swirling in his head condensed into a single, ineffective word, that conveyed absolutely nothing important. ‘I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry for caring.’
He turned to walk away but the absurdity of it all swung him around again: ‘But you clearly are pissed at me for disappearing, and now you’re pissed at me for being here. I don’t know what you want from me, Eddie! Enjoy the guitar.’
Steve stormed to his car, already sifting through each moment of this fight with what he’d hoped to learn – did Eddie care, was he alone in his feelings or not – when he felt a tug on his arm, turning around to a panicky Eddie.
‘I’m sorry,’ Eddie yelped, breathing deeply still. ‘I’m just… I’m not used to this,’ he gestured to the air between them, shrugging, looking away, shuffling his feet.
‘Used to what?’ Steve huffed, still annoyed.
‘To having… someone who wants to help me, okay?’ Eddie glanced up at Steve quickly before his eyes darted away again, ashamed. ‘I’m used to figuring things out on my own.’
‘Oh.’ Well, Steve knew that feeling. He thought of his empty house, his mother in the shadows of every tirade he endured from his dad. ‘Yeah, me too, man. That’s why I know how much better it is to have someone around.’
‘I just… I’m not a charity case,’ Eddie mumbled to his feet.
‘That’s not – that’s not why I’m here, Eddie. I… I like hanging out with you,’ Steve admitted, dropping his own eyes to the ground, heat rushing to his cheeks. ‘But I do worry about you, out here, all alone… but not as a babysitter. Just, like, as your friend.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
Eddie smiled crookedly, ruffling his own hair. ‘Okay, then.’
‘Okay,’ Steve returned Eddie’s smile, leaning back on his car. ‘I am sorry. I know I’ve said it but…’
‘I know, I know,’ Eddie sighed. ‘I was being a brat. You don’t – you don’t owe me anything, Steve.’
‘Of course, I do,’ Steve said. Eddie raised an eyebrow. ‘I owe you a… what was it? A slice of time pie? Cause of the… pie thing?’
Eddie snorted, tongue darting to the corner of his mouth. Steve’s eyes followed the motion. ‘Something like that,’ Eddie said quietly a moment later. Steve realized that Eddie was staring at him, while he was still staring at Eddie’s mouth. As he caught himself and met Eddie’s gaze, Eddie’s smile transformed into something brighter, sharper.
‘Do you want some coffee?’ Eddie gestured over his shoulder, back to the cabin.
‘Yeah,’ Steve coughed, grinning. ‘I do.’
***
Steve was opening the store a few days later when the phone rang.
‘Steve! I’m back!’ Dustin’s voice reverberated loudly through the line and Steve had to hold the phone away from his ear, but he smiled immediately.
‘Henderson! Welcome back, man! How was it?’
‘It was amazing, I’ll tell you all about it at my party!’
‘Party, huh?’
‘Yes, it’s a back-to-school party, now that Will and El are back and we saved the world and everything… sophomore year, baby!’
‘Sounds great, I’ll be there.’ And then a pause and suddenly Steve knew what was next. ‘No, man, no way! You can’t just use my place every time…’
‘It’s the only house big enough! Trickle-down economics, Steve, share the wealth.’
‘The hell are you talking about?’
‘Thank god you’re pretty,’ Dustin mumbled quietly, and Steve scoffed.
‘That doesn’t sound like someone who’s trying to suck up to me to use my house for his party?!’
‘Actually, I need your pool…’
‘Henderson!’
‘Come on, Steve! What are you doing with it anyway?’
‘Ugh,’ Steve sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Two minutes to an annoyance headache. Maybe a record. ‘Fine,’ he mumbled, and he heard Dustin whoop. ‘When?’
‘This weekend?’
‘I work Saturday, so it has to be Sunday.’
‘Well, Saturday would be…’
‘It is my house, Dustin, are you seriously suggesting that I shouldn’t schedule a party at my own house around my own schedule?’
‘No! Nope! Sunday is great, perfect, I’ll let everyone know.’
‘Who’s everyone? This better just be you guys. I’m not volunteering for a sophomore class rager.’
‘We could rage! But it’s just us, okay? Me and Will and Lucas, Mike and El, and you and Robin, if she wants to come, and Eddie, if that’s cool?’
Shit.
Of course, Dustin wanted Eddie there. Hell, Steve wanted Eddie there. But did he want to be around a shirtless Eddie in front of Dustin and Robin, who teased him even under normal circumstances, let alone when he was trying hard (so hard) to figure this Eddie thing out without making an ass of himself.
But he knew he couldn’t say no without arousing suspicion. And he’d already paused long enough for Dustin to think…
‘Do you not want Eddie to come?’ Dustin asked, a note of disbelief in his voice.
‘No, of course Eddie can come, that’s totally fine! I was just… thinking about… party supplies.’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll plan everything!’
***
To Dustin, “plan everything” apparently meant having Steve chauffeur everyone to his place on Sunday morning and asking Steve to pick up some pop and chips for them on the way over.
‘You’re a real shit, you know that?’ Steve grumbled at Dustin, as he stuffed the grocery bags in trunk, with Will, El, and Mike all crowded in the backseat. Lucas’s parents’ bout of protectiveness after the incident with Max had extended to them wanting to drop him off themselves.
‘You’re a prince, Steve,’ Dustin cooed, exposing his braces in an overly big smile. Steve knocked the brim of his baseball cap before starting the engine.
But he had to admit, it was nice having everyone over, the house finally feeling full and crowded after the silence of the past few weeks. He was standing in the kitchen, pouring the chips into plastic bowls, heating up pizza bagels in the oven, as he looked out at the group around the pool.
Will and Mike were doing some type of cannonball competition as Dustin yelled at them from the side of the pool. El and Lucas were huddled together on the steps, heads bent together. He knew they were probably talking about Max; they were the two he ran into the most frequently at the hospital.
From what he could tell, Lucas visited Max every day, something his parents were apparently starting to see as obsessive, hence the prolonged family vacation, their additional oversight of his and Erica’s comings and goings.
The families had all handled the post-Vecna fallout differently. El and Will could talk through their trauma with Hopper and Joyce, who understood deeply what they’d been through. And it seemed like the Wheelers had taken it on the chin and suppressed any possibility of lingering emotional damage of what they saw simply as a weird incident that had befallen the town of Hawkins, not their children specifically.
But for the Sinclairs, for Lucas and Erica – Steve knew how much seeing what happened to Chrissy destroyed Eddie; he could only imagine how helpless Lucas had felt, seeing his first love, his best friend go through that. How long he’d had to hold her body, feel her broken bones, look into her sightless eyes until help came. Eddie had been smart to run, Steve thought. Not to save himself from the law, but to save himself from that additional trauma, from additional minutes spent in that hell.
And he didn’t fault the Sinclairs for their reactions, the overprotectiveness. God, what Steve wouldn’t have given for his parents to even look twice at his sudden changes in behavior, to comment beyond a generic “boys will be boys” when he’d shown up bloody and bruised, to notice his trauma, to reach out or ask even once.
Steve was so glad then, that they all had each other. That this group had stayed together, that they clearly loved each other, had fun together, were healing together.
That they had stayed friends through it all.
He suddenly felt very lonely.
‘Earth to Steve?’
Steve snapped out of it, blinking back the wetness in his eyes, to see Eddie standing in his kitchen, as if conjured from the deep loneliness that had just overcome him.
‘Hey, man,’ Steve tried to smile, swallowing down the lump in his throat. ‘Join the party,’ Steve gestured to the pool.
Eddie blinked at him, tilting his head. ‘You okay?’
‘Yeah, definitely,’ Again, his voice wasn’t quite his, a little too strained. ‘Just getting the snacks ready. I’ll bring them out in a minute.’
Eddie began to head out but paused, turned back. ‘You know –’ Eddie started to speak but cut himself off with a shake of his head.
‘What?’ Steve tried to smile. He didn’t want to bring down the mood.
Eddie grimaced; his eyebrows scrunched. ‘You don’t always have to bring something.’
‘What do you mean?’ Steve wasn’t sure why Eddie seemed so nervous.
‘When you visit me,’ Eddie’s voice pitched a little lower, like he didn’t want the others to overhear. ‘You always show up with something. Food or tapes… or a guitar,’ Eddie shrugged. ‘You don’t always need to bring stuff.’
‘Oh,’ Steve cocked his head. He knew he did do that. ‘I’m just… trying to help.’
Eddie’s gaze intensified, a small smile on his lips. ‘How can I help you, Steve?’ With the intensity of his look, Steve would have expected a leer or a flirtatious tone, given how some of his past conversations with Eddie had gone but he was being completely sincere. He was really asking.
Steve’s mouth opened to respond. Closed a second later. When was the last time he was offered help? He offered it to others all the time – just days ago to Eddie, in fact. Which is somehow where this question was coming from, he knew. He wondered if it had been his agreement with Eddie’s confession; that he was used to doing things alone.
He knew he wasn’t ashamed to ask for help, when it was necessary. He’d asked for Nancy’s help with his college essay, for Robin’s help in getting hired at Family Video. But being offered it?
He was still thinking, not sure how to respond. Eddie must have seen the panic or confusion on his face, because he just smiled, softly.
‘Let me know, okay?’ Steve nodded as Eddie continued: ‘Until then, you can just bring yourself. I don’t need all that stuff. You’re enough.’
And Steve had to blink back tears again, as he watched Eddie step out onto the patio to cheers and hellos.
***
‘What’s up with them?’ Steve leaned over to ask Eddie, nodding over to where Mike and Will had pulled their lounge chairs close together, and were talking quietly, the gentle music from the boombox covering their voices. Steve recalled that he and Eddie had been seated in similar positions for their own poolside conversation a few weeks ago.
‘Oh, that?’ Eddie raised an eyebrow and shot an innocent look at Steve. ‘Think they just missed each other, that’s all.’
Steve looked over to El, who was doing a handstand competition with Lucas in the shallow end. ‘He missed Will more than his girlfriend?’
Eddie sighed. ‘All that stuff can be… complicated. Don’t you think?’
Well, that was a fucking understatement.
Steve hummed in agreement and glanced over at Eddie, shirtless, head thrown back to the sun, sweat beading down his neck. Heat rushed to Steve’s cheeks; hopefully it wouldn’t be visible, hopefully it wouldn’t compare to how he was glowing under the noon sun.
Eddie and Steve had claimed two patio chairs on the far side of the pool, a little further away from the kids and the music. But they hadn’t talked much, just laid back in their bathing suits (Steve had giggled when he saw that Eddie was wearing the tiny red lifeguard shorts), relaxing under the late summer sun.
Until…
‘Think fast!’ Steve felt something cold bounce off his sun-warmed chest, and he yelped, sitting up quickly.
‘The fuck, Henderson?’
Steve grabbed the Otter Pop that Dustin had tossed at him, the other boy giggling as he handed another treat to a grinning Eddie.
‘What?’ Dustin smiled innocently. ‘I said think fast! It’s not my fault you can’t.’
‘I think I liked you better when you were 1,000 miles away…’
‘Aw, don’t listen to him, Henderson. We missed you,’ Eddie winked, taking the popsicle into his mouth. Steve’s dick twinged, as he focused on Eddie’s lips, already turning blue, his tongue darting out to catch the sweet droplets.
‘So, what’d I miss?’ Dustin asked, settling down on one end of Eddie’s lounger, and unwrapping his own popsicle.
‘Well, uh, I’m working on the cabin. Had a doctor’s appointment. Bought some new jeans,’ Eddie listed everything off so practically, but had shot small glances at Steve while he’d talked. Cause Steve had been there for all of Eddie’s big stories, a thought that pleased Steve.
‘Fascinating,’ Dustin said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
‘I saw Max,’ Eddie added, more solemnly.
‘Shit,’ Dustin whispered, looking at the ground. ‘How was it?’
‘It was good. She’s looking good. It’s – it was good to see her,’ Eddie nodded, tapping his fingers on his knees. Dustin leaned over and knocked his shoulder into Eddie’s.
Steve could feel the mood slipping. And it was too nice of a day, they’d all worked too hard to start healing – and goddammit, he wanted to stop seeing Dustin sad.
So, he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.
‘Mandy broke up with me!’
‘Oh shit!’ Dustin’s head swiveled to Steve, his eyes wide. Mission accomplished. ‘What’d you do?’
‘Why do you assume I did something?’ Steve scoffed.
‘Cause I know you,’ Dustin answered, shrugging his shoulders as if this explained everything.
‘I was a gentleman…’ he heard Eddie snicker and reached over to swat at him. ‘Mostly.’
‘Ooh, did you go all the way?’ Dustin wiggled his eyebrows and purred that disturbing sound of his.
‘Dustin!’ Steve sighed at the same time as Eddie said: ‘Definitely.’ Dustin started cracking up.
‘I go away for two weeks and the hottest girl you’ve ever dated dumps you! No other big news?’ Dustin laughed.
No, Steve thought, no other big news except that I realized that I have a giant crush on Eddie Munson, his ass looks great in those new jeans he bought, and I have been subconsciously counting how many licks it’s taking him to eat that fucking popsicle.
Instead, Steve laughed: ‘Nope! That’s the big headline.’
As if Eddie had been able to read his thoughts, Eddie caught his eye and smirked.
Fuck.
He knew today was a bad idea. And it was about to get worse for him, as Dustin asked, a light blush settling on his cheeks: ‘Hey, so uh… going all the way is the same as fourth base right?’
Oh shit.
What was happening.
Steve sent a helpless look to Eddie, who simply winked and bit his lip in amusement, laughter evident in his eyes.
‘Uh huh,’ Eddie nodded, taking another lick from his popsicle, smile growing. ‘Why do you ask, my young friend?’
Dustin’s blush grew a shade darker. ‘No reason,’ he squeaked, then coughed. ‘So, third base is…?’
‘Oh my god,’ Steve mumbled, head dropping into his hands. He was not ready for this conversation with Dustin. Probably not ever. Especially not when Eddie was right there, that flirtatious glint in his eye, tongue traveling over the icy treat.
Eddie sat up straighter, looking at Dustin intently. ‘I’ll teach you a… what’s it called? Mnemonic.’
Steve didn’t know what that meant but apparently Dustin did, as he also sat up straight, focusing on Eddie. Steve leaned in, curious.
Eddie used his popsicle as a pointer, pointing first to his lips: ‘First base.’ He moved the popsicle down to his chest, where it left a blue droplet on his nipple: ‘Second base.’ The treat moved down further to hover over his crotch, cradled in Steve’s own red swim shorts: ‘Third base.’ Finally, he formed a ring with the index and thumb of his opposing hand and lowered it over the popsicle: ‘All the way home.’
‘Oh…’ Dustin nodded, blush now bright red and impossible to miss. For as much as Steve wanted to crawl in a hole for discussing sex with Dustin Henderson – his little Dustin! His toothless little guy! – Eddie was clearly loving this, eyes sparkling with amusement, popsicle back in his mouth. ‘I knew that.’
‘Course you did, big guy,’ Eddie smirked, patting Dustin’s leg. ‘And how is Miss Suzie doing? Did she enjoy your… visit?’
Dustin’s blush exploded across his cheeks, down his neck. Steve was fascinated – he’d never seen Dustin so overwhelmingly embarrassed before. He couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped him, and he caught the grin growing on Eddie’s face, too. Apparently, all that attention was too much, as suddenly Dustin cupped his hand around his ear and yelled: ‘What’s that, Mike? I’ll be right over!’ and ran from his perch beside them.
‘That’s interesting, I don’t actually see Mike out here at the moment…’ Eddie tapped his chin and pursed his lips in mock curiosity.
‘If Dustin hadn’t done that, I was about to,’ Steve moaned, flopping back onto his chair, finally unwrapping his own popsicle. ‘Please, dear God, for any future sex talks with Dustin, make sure I’m in another county, at minimum.’
‘That wasn’t a sex talk,’ Eddie made air quotes around the phrase. ‘A sex talk would have been debating whether touching the popsicle or sucking the popsicle both count as third base or…’
‘Okay!’ Steve shut his eyes and lowered his sunglasses. ‘That’s enough!’ As Eddie snickered, Steve added, helplessly: ‘I knew that boy before he had front teeth! Before his voice dropped! I – please don’t…’
‘I’ll stop, I’ll stop,’ Eddie laughed, laying back down.
It was peaceful for a few minutes, Steve eating his popsicle, eyes closed, letting the sun warm him, enjoying the gentle sounds of the music, the kids talking, the splash of water. He began drifting in and out of sleep but heard Eddie moving around beside him on the other lounger, another addition to the white noise of the afternoon.
Then Eddie coughed, and asked hesitantly: ‘Hey, Steve?’
‘Hmm?’ Steve slowly opened his eyes, turned his head to where Eddie’s voice had been. Eddie was sitting up on his lounger, rubbing at his forehead. ‘What’s up?’
‘Hey, can you…’ Eddie’s eyes darted timidly. ‘…just get my back?’ He held up a bottle of sunscreen. ‘I tried, but arms don’t bend that way.’
‘Huh,’ Steve croaked out, scrambling to a seated position. ‘Why do you – what do you –’ Eddie turned around, displaying his back to Steve, who could see light smears of white sunscreen over his shoulders, around his lower back, but a clearly unscreened section around the middle and his spine. ‘Uhhh…’ Steve’s brain short-circuited. Running his hands over Eddie’s smooth back was a thought that had crept in too many times. It was too tempting.
‘Doctor’s orders,’ Eddie spoke without turning around.
Steve scoffed. ‘Really? Doctor’s orders?’
‘Hey, you can ask Doc yourself,’ Eddie smirked over his shoulder, his profile outlined by the blue pool behind him. His scar along his jaw highlighted its sharpness, defined it, and the contrast with his lush lips, the soft curve of his nose, his surprisingly long lashes, had Steve swallowing, heart racing.
Eddie’s dark curls fell over his shoulders, broad and solid compared to his slender waist. His weeks working at the cabin had left him tanned, his muscles more defined than they’d been when Eddie had hefted Steve over his shoulder all those weeks ago. How lucky I was, Steve thought, to have my face bouncing on his gorgeous ass; I didn’t appreciate it enough at the time. What a waste.
Steve looked down into his lap to see his dick twitching in his swim trunks. He shifted, pressing his thighs together tightly.
‘And you want… me? To do… this?’ Steve squeaked out, realizing that maybe just by asking this question, he was revealing too much.
Eddie only laughed. ‘I’d ask Henderson, but that little butthead would probably draw a sunscreen dick on my back just for laughs.’
‘He wouldn’t –,’ Steve started, but quickly changed his mind. ‘Yeah, okay, I get it.’ Steve reached his hand over Eddie’s shoulder for the sunscreen; he felt Eddie flinch as his wrist touched his skin.
Eddie’s back was ramrod straight; Steve had never considered it before, that a back could look nervous, but his did. Steve squirted a small dollop of sunscreen into his hand, but he paused, hand outstretched, before he made contact. Before he touched Eddie.
Steve’s chest was tight, his breathing shallow. He was one inch away from living out a very specific fantasy and he was terrified.
Calm the fuck down, Steve thought. There are children around. You’re in public. Your shorts don’t hide anything.
‘It might be cold,’ Steve whispered, bowing his head close to Eddie’s ear. Eddie’s shoulders tensed in response, whether to the oncoming chill or Steve’s voice in his ear. Steve took two deep breaths and finally extended his fingers, gently touching Eddie’s back, which arched in response.
Fuck, Steve thought. It was exactly what he’d imagined. Smooth, warm, taut. His dick hardened despite his warning to himself; he was surprised, yet again, at his body’s reaction to Eddie’s firmness, when his body had previously always responded to softness – the gentle curve of a woman’s breasts, waist, ass.
Steve swallowed and shook his head, trying to count backwards from 1000 by 7’s to get his mind off what his hand was doing. He tried his best to dissociate as he smoothed the lotion over Eddie’s back, but failed horribly, because his hand lingered, spreading onto Eddie’s shoulders, swiping down to the dip in his hips, areas that were clearly already protected, that Eddie had already coated in sunscreen himself.
‘All done,’ he whispered a minute later, hoping Eddie hadn’t noticed, the others hadn’t noticed just how thorough he’d been.
Eddie had remained tense the whole time, his back twitching in each different area that Steve’s hand had come in contact with.
‘Cool,’ Eddie murmured, his voice raspy. ‘Thanks.’
‘Yeah, no problem,’ Steve handed the sunscreen back over Eddie’s shoulder. He still hadn’t turned around.
‘I’m just gonna…’ Eddie started to say but then darted up out of his seat, and ran to the pool, cannonballing into the deep end with a yell, sending a huge wave over the others, water lapping out and over the pool’s edge. He emerged a moment later, laughing, tossing back his wet hair and slapping a wave of water over at Dustin and Lucas, who returned it, laughing.
Steve thought that if he moved just right and quick enough, nobody would be able to see his situation, so he waited until most of their heads were turned and ran, jumped, a mirror image of Eddie’s earlier action.
But as he emerged from the water, congratulating himself for hiding his hard-on so effectively, the thought struck him: had Eddie jumped in for the same reason?
As their eyes met – just for a millisecond – across the pool, the kids splashing and yelling in between them, even from that distance, for that brief spark of time, Steve knew the answer.
Yes.
Notes:
I am so excited for the next chapter! Will be so curious what you all think...
Preview for Chapter 15: "All Electricity"
Eddie took a step forward, maybe reading the panic on Steve’s face. ‘You don’t have to keep taking such good care of us,’ Eddie breathed deeply, took another step. ‘You can let us take care of you.’ Another step.
Steve flashed back to Eddie stepping closer when they were parting in the Upside Down, splitting up on their final mission. He had that same lost look on his face, eyes bright, a sense that there was something he wasn’t saying, something he was desperate to say.
And Steve would have sworn on everything he had in this world that Eddie was about to kiss him.
Chapter 15: All Electricity
Summary:
It looked so casual; Eddie looked so normal even after that charged moment. After every charged moment they’d shared. Steve stood here, making excuses to Robin about being tired, apologizing for acting so weird, but for Eddie, it seemed like business as usual.
But it wasn’t, was it?
Steve looked closer and saw it. Eddie acting a bit bigger, speaking a bit louder, purposefully ignoring Steve when Steve knew by now, always knew, that Eddie would look his way, stealing glances whenever he could.
Eddie was trying to stay in control.
And, fuck, he was doing such a great job of it.
As Steve drove home that night, the question he kept turning in his mind was: What would happen if Eddie lost control?
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve couldn’t stay away.
Now that he had a hunch – that, at the very least, Eddie was somewhat similarly affected by Steve as Steve was by Eddie – he needed to know for sure.
So, he started coming by. Sometimes to just say hi, a literal two-minute wave and ‘Hey’ before he headed off to work. Sometimes, they had time for coffee or a beer. And sometimes, he had more time, and Eddie asked him for help with something around the house.
And those were Steve’s favorite days.
Because they were a beautiful torture that Steve got to carry home with him at night.
It could be as simple as the noises Eddie made, singing along to his headphones, his whispers as he mouthed along the measurements of things as he took them, how his pencil scratched more heavily than other people’s on paper, his feet tapping or rings clicking on wood as he concentrated.
But the best where when Steve was able to catch glimpse of Eddie working throughout the day. Because Eddied moved when he worked in a way that Steve couldn’t help but watch. All those casual leans, tongue poking out in concentration, hips shaking to music from the radio or from his headphones; Steve always observed him more closely then, trying to work out what music he was listening to, dancing to.
And for each of those moments, Eddie was (blessedly) shirtless.
It was the last gasp of summer, trying to squeeze in as much heat as it could before Hawkins inevitably tipped to the fall chill later in the month. Steve couldn’t escape the news updates of a promise – a guarantee! – of the upcoming storm just a week or so away that would finally break the heat.
It was hot in the cabin. It was hot outside the cabin. And both Eddie and Steve adapted accordingly.
Steve had started bringing a change of clothes, knowing he’d sweat through any shirt or undershirt he wore, or that he’d be too sweaty from working shirtless (when he chose to do so) to not have at least a spare shirt.
But Eddie walked around chest and scars exposed to the world. Steve remembered how nervous Eddie had been that day in his kitchen, when Steve and Dustin and Will had first caught him baking, shirtless. He’d been pale, dark red scars bright on his torso; too slender to be healthy (Steve remembered his calls for more meat on Eddie’s bones; oh, the double entendre!). How he’d folded in on himself, to minimize himself, the way he looked.
That Eddie was long gone.
Where he used to be pale, his chest was tanned, not quite golden but warmer than he’d been. No longer scrawny, but all these weeks of hauling wood, hammering, hoisting himself onto the roof, had firmed him up. Sturdy was the word that came to Steve’s mind whenever he looked at Eddie. And whether it was time or the sun or just healthy living, his scars had healed to look like pale shapes scattered across his torso, blending in somehow with his tattoos, no longer the screaming reds and pinks that they’d been.
Eddie’s body was always on Steve’s mind. That was the torture part.
And it was dangerous.
One day, Steve found himself tripping on the toolbox, as his gaze snagged on Eddie standing on the roof, haloed in the late afternoon sunlight, like a golden god, his head thrown back as he chugged down a beer, his throat muscles contracting, strong.
Another day, Steve walked straight into the wall as Eddie lifted a piece of wood meant to reinforce the wall out of his truck, his abs tight and gleaming with sweat.
The most dangerous had been when Steve had come by early one morning, earlier than usual, and Eddie hadn’t answered the door when he’d knocked. A sound from the back of the cabin caught his attention, and he walked around, slowly, to find Eddie sitting on the grass, in a cropped tank, lower back on display, facing the clearing behind the house. It was a cool morning, dewy and damp, and the sun was still fortifying itself for the day, sending a chill silver light over the meadow.
Eddie had his guitar (formerly Steve’s) slung across his lap, fingers strumming, voice strong and melodic and drifting out over the grass. Steve’s ears perked up, as he caught some of the words Eddie was singing: I keep on going all night long, cause that's the way I like it, and with what you got in the heat of the night, I know we got to try it, until the flame burns out…
Something about catching Eddie unawares, the teasing hint of his back, his sweet voice, and those words, had caught Steve’s breath in his throat and he’d wanted nothing more than to rush forward and place his lips on Eddie’s shoulder that was flexing as he played. Fighting that urge robbed him of his breath and he’d felt his heart skip several beats. It felt like dying, like his heart would never beat right again. It had been minutes until he’d felt calm enough to move.
He’d retreated back to the front of the cabin slowly and had put on a louder voice to yell ‘Eddie!’ and stomp around noisily, so that by the time he returned, Eddie was up, guitar slung of his shoulder, greeting Steve with a shy smile: ‘Morning, Harrington.’
And Eddie’s shy smile in the morning light was the image that Steve kept returning to, more than any of the others, over and over that night and for many future nights, as a talisman on his way to sleep.
***
Just a little over a week after the pool party, so a little over a week after sending the high schooler’s back to school, it was Robin’s turn.
The day before her first community college class, she had invited Steve and Eddie to dinner at the diner.
‘It’s not like I’m going anywhere,’ she’d said to Steve on the phone, ‘but it still feels like something, right? Like a growing up thing? And we didn’t really celebrate my graduation cause of, you know, the world almost ending and everything, so it’s not like I’m being selfish? Just a little dinner for us Vecna alumni, but if you think it’s weird…’
‘Robin!’ Steve finally interrupted, having heard variations of the same logic for five minutes. ‘It’s not weird, it’s not selfish – you’re going to college, it’s awesome! Dinner sounds great.’
Steve found himself sitting at the same corner booth as he had so many weeks ago, with Eddie across from him, Robin by his side in the place previously occupied by Dustin. This time (thankfully, since Steve offered to pay again) Eddie hadn’t ordered half the menu, though he’d winked at Steve when asking the waitress about what pies they had tonight.
It was nice. Weird, but nice. Because it’s not like Robin was leaving – she’d still be living at home, working a couple of shifts at Family Video, but she was still moving on to the next step. Something that Steve still hadn’t done.
Steve interrupted Robin’s tirade about how she’d have to take the bus an hour each way to Roane Valley: ‘It’s fucking weird that you’re leaving.’
Robin paused, as did Eddie, a fry halfway to his mouth. They looked at each other, then at Steve.
‘I’m not leaving, Steve,’ she said quietly. ‘We have a shift together on Saturday!’
‘I know, it’s not that, it’s just like… you’re a grown up, Robin,’ Steve said in a tone of disbelief.
Robin just rolled her eyes. ‘I am living in my parent’s house and don’t have a car. I am far from a grown up.’
‘Exactly! That’s why it’s weird. You’re a grown up… but you’re not. Weird.’
‘I could say the same about you!’ Robin retorted. ‘You’re technically a grown up but not…’
‘Me, too,’ Eddie chimed in. They all were silent for a moment.
‘What a sad group we are,’ Robin finally said with a sigh. ‘Way to bring down the room, Steve.’
‘I’m sorry!’ he said, hands up in defense. ‘I didn’t mean to! I just wanted to point out… that it’s fucking weird.’
‘Don’t start again!’ Robin tossed a fry at him. She laughed but looked up at him seriously, ‘Are you going to be okay?’
Steve scoffed. ‘I survived 18 years without you, Robin, I think I’ll manage.’
But fuck, he knew it would be just that. Managing. Surviving. He was being left behind, yet again, by people leaving their lives with him for lives that were more exciting, more important. Every business trip his dad went on. Every month-long visit to a cousin or sorority sister or old friend his mom went on. Nancy to Boston. Hell, even Dustin had ventured out to Utah, to the girlfriend he loved, while Steve was still here. Alone. In Hawkins.
‘Oh, I’ll keep our little one alive, Robin,’ Eddie grinned, taking a sip of his milkshake. ‘Don’t you worry.’
Steve caught Eddie’s eye and relaxed. Because Eddie would still be here, in Hawkins, with Steve. Eddie wasn’t leaving him behind. Not yet… but would he?
‘Where would you be right now?’ Steve asked Eddie. ‘If the Vecna stuff hadn’t happened?’
Eddie leaned back, arms stretched out on the back of the booth. He squinted, looked at a point in the distance out the window, really thinking about his answer. Robin had paused, seemingly as curious about Eddie’s answer as Steve was.
Finally, Eddie sighed, leaned forward. ‘I’d have flunked out of high school, and I’d be dealing drugs from the trailer park,’ he said nonchalantly, popping a fry in his mouth.
‘No, you wouldn’t!’ Steve’s instinct to defend Eddie even from himself was strong. Robin nodded her agreement.
‘You totally would have graduated, Eddie!’ she leaned forward, placing a hand on his arm.
Eddie simply shook his head. ‘Nope, probably not.’ He looked at Steve. ‘The only reason I graduated is because of that conversation, the one that happened right here,’ he gestured to the booth they were sitting in. ‘If I hadn’t confessed all that shit to you and Dustin, if Dustin hadn’t offered to tutor me… I would have failed again, plain and simple.’
‘Yeah, but Dustin could have tutored you anyway,’ Steve argued.
‘Nah, man. I never – never – would have said any of that shit to you guys before,’ Eddie swallowed. ‘Like, Dustin was my buddy before, right? But… until he came after me, until you guys came to find me in that fucking boathouse? I never could have trusted him like that before. It was… I never admitted real shit like that. And the only reason I did was, well, when someone holds you when you’re dying,’ Eddie actually smiled a little at this, ‘Or drags you back from the dead,’ a nod at Steve and Robin, ‘It changes things. So… no, I wouldn’t be here without Dustin. Without Vecna.’ Eddie huffed a small laugh. ‘Fucking weird to admit… that anything in my life is better because of that fucker.’
‘Me, too,’ Steve whispered, and Eddie’s eyes shot to him, Robin turning toward him. ‘Because of Dustin, I mean. If he hadn’t been there right as I was going to see Nancy that day… shit, what if he’d had to go find Dart on his own?’
‘Dart?’ Eddie interrupted.
‘That little demo monster dog thing. He adopted it! Like an idiot,’ Steve said, with affection. ‘It got loose, ate his cat… if I hadn’t run into him that day, then I don’t know where I’d be. I wouldn’t have become friends with him. Or the rest of them,’ Steve shook his head at that realization. ‘I wouldn’t have gotten dragged into all that shit again…’
‘Shit, me, too,’ Robin sighed, slouching down. ‘What if Dustin’s voice hadn’t carried when you guys were talking about that stupid Russian code? You’d have just been that loveable doofus I worked with one summer.’
Steve laughed. ‘Hey, Dustin wouldn’t have even been at Scoops if it hadn’t been for all the shit the year before. Fuck,’ Steve realized, ‘I probably wouldn’t have been at Scoops. I’d have maybe actually focused senior year. No nightmares of those tunnels. I’d probably be in college,’ he chuckled. ‘My dad might actually be proud of me,’ he added quietly, but knew both Robin and Eddie heard it.
All those little things had led them here, to this booth, on this night. Steve tried to think if he’d accidentally gotten high before coming here, if someone had spiked his milkshake. But no. Just the realization, the introspection that came from moments like these, moments when you realized things were changing, moments when you hoped things would always stay the same.
He saw that Robin and Eddie were having similar moments of soul-searching. He’d done it again. Brought the mood down.
‘Hey!’ Steve clapped, bringing Robin and Eddie back to reality. He raised his milkshake, and they raised theirs. ‘A toast! To Robin, our college girl!’
Robin blushed, a rare sight, and Eddie chimed in ‘Hear, hear!’
‘And a toast to us,’ Steve continued. ‘For saving the fucking world.’
‘Hell yeah,’ Robin laughed.
‘And finally, a toast to the asshole who brought us all together…’
‘I am not toasting Vecna,’ Robin protested.
‘Oh, this started way before Vecna,’ Eddie said, smiling. He looked at Steve, who nodded. ‘To Henderson!’
Robin laughed. ‘Right! To Henderson!’
***
Eddie and Steve waited by the car after their dinner, while Robin used the restroom. Steve was quiet, still in his head about how crazy it was that they’d ended up here, that Robin was leaving, that he was staying.
Eddie broke the silence after a minute: ‘You know we’re all okay, right?’
Steve blinked twice, trying to comprehend the sudden shift in topic. ‘What do you mean?’
Eddie laughed gently. ‘I know you act annoyed at that babysitter thing, but you really love it,’ Steve looked away, awkward at being caught out. ‘And it’s true, you’re a great fucking babysitter, Harrington. But we’re all good. As safe and as happy as we can be right now, anyway.’ Eddie grinned. ‘You can clock out.’
‘I – I don’t know…’ Steve swallowed. He knew it wasn’t a real job. It’s not like he went around getting paid for how much he cared, for being the babysitter. But it wasn’t babysitting, was it? It was bigger than that.
Even now, his body and mind were calibrated, were ready for the next tragedy, the next fight. It had happened every year like clockwork. These happy moments, these pauses still felt like a fluke. Vecna was gone – by Steve’s own hand. The Upside Down was sealed off. But Steve knew another disaster was coming. He couldn’t shake the feeling.
Eddie took a step forward, maybe reading the panic on Steve’s face. ‘You don’t have to keep taking such good care of us,’ Eddie breathed deeply, took another step. ‘You can let us take care of you.’ Another step.
Steve flashed back to Eddie stepping closer when they were parting in the Upside Down, splitting up on their final mission. He had that same lost look on his face, eyes bright, a sense that there was something he wasn’t saying, something he was desperate to say.
And Steve would have sworn on everything he had in this world that Eddie was about to kiss him.
When Eddie took another step and lifted a hand to cup Steve’s face, Steve’s heart raced, and he turned his head into Eddie’s hand. His eyes had spent so much time gazing at them, but they still darted to Eddie’s lips. They looked so soft. He wanted to know, finally, definitively, unquestioningly what it would be like to kiss Eddie Munson.
Steve leaned forward. And there was no mistaking it, no denying it – Eddie leaned forward, too.
The jingle of a bell and slam of a door shocked Steve awake, not because he’d registered the sound, but because Eddie sprung back, taking out a cigarette and lighting it with superhuman speed. The absence of Eddie was what had shocked him back to reality.
Steve stayed where he’d been, head turned as if Eddie’s hand was still there, but his eyes followed Eddie, who was now looking at the ground, flicking his lighter, grinning at Robin as they were talking. Steve followed every movement.
It looked so casual; he looked so normal even after that charged moment. After every charged moment they’d shared. Steve stood here, making excuses to Robin about being tired, apologizing for acting so weird, but for Eddie, it seemed like business as usual.
But it wasn’t, was it?
Steve looked closer and saw it. Eddie acting a bit bigger, speaking a bit louder, purposefully ignoring Steve when Steve knew by now, always knew, that Eddie would look his way, stealing glances whenever he could.
Eddie was trying to stay in control.
And, fuck, he was doing such a great job of it.
As Steve drove home that night, the question he kept turning in his mind was: What would happen if Eddie lost control?
***
It had been a quiet week for Steve.
With Dustin and the kids in school, there were no more daytime calls to his house or the store, no more begging to use the pool, no more diner dates or movie nights, at least not until things settled down. It seemed like sophomore year and all his advanced classes were finally taking a toll on Dustin. (As Mrs. H told him the last time he’d called their house: ‘Oh, he always thinks he’s the smartest thing in the room, but he forgets he still has things to learn, Steve, don’t you think?’ And Steve agreed).
And though she’d insisted that things wouldn’t change, even Robin’s absence was acute. He’d driven her to the bus stop on her first day of school – ‘Don’t get used to it!’ he’d threatened, though now he wished he had more chances to – and she’d been so excited, so nervous, reminding him that despite her objections: it actually was a real first day of school. She was in class four days a week, a long bus ride each way, and was still picking up shifts at Family Video, though Steve had looked and only had one measly shift with her for the next two weeks.
His dad had extended his business trip to Chicago (no surprise) and his mom had decided to head to Atlanta after South Carolina to visit another friend (even less of a surprise).
Steve tried not to think about how small his world was, how sparsely populated. It had felt so full just weeks ago.
So, while the rest of the world faded away, moved on – Steve’s world became all about Eddie.
They hadn’t had another moment like the one at the diner. And Steve had been on the lookout.
There was some new distance between them that Steve couldn’t interpret. While Eddie still smiled, smirked, joked, laughed, hell even flirted, it wasn’t the same as before. There was some wall up, some spark missing. Steve tried to revive it, deploying a few strategic ‘Eddie Pies’ in conversation, showing up with a bouquet of fresh chives, walking around shirtless even on the only chilly September day they’d had so far.
Nothing.
Just Eddie’s diverted eyes, straight face, nonchalant responses.
Maybe it had all been a fluke? Eddie’s responses at the pool, at the diner, every electric look? Steve couldn’t believe it – wouldn’t believe it. He’d seen it, he’d felt it, and he knew Eddie had, too.
But, fuck, even being around this cold, distant Eddie was better than no Eddie at all. So, Steve continued to show up, looking forward to even a few awkward moments in Eddie’s presence.
***
Steve always forgot how hot September in Indiana was, how desperately people wished for the end of summer, reversing course from months earlier when everyone frantically wished for a warm day after their long winters. But this month had been even hotter, even drier than usual – and it’s all anybody would talk about, on the radio, on the news, in line at Family Video.
Steve was sick of hearing about it. But when he got out of the car at Eddie’s after a long afternoon shift and he felt the air – static and heavy, an earthy fresh scent, heat dissipating into coolness – he knew there would be rain soon.
And though he’d mocked others for doing it only hours earlier, the first thing he wanted to do when he saw Eddie was talk about the weather.
‘Looks like rain’s coming,’ Steve said, walking into the cabin without knocking, as he’d been doing more and more of lately. But the room was silent and dark, no signs of life inside. Steve raised a brow; if Eddie wasn’t working outside or in here, where was he?
‘Eddie?’ Steve stepped out of the cabin, walking slowly around its circumference. ‘Eddie?’
‘Steve?’ the voice came a minute later, Eddie emerging from the woods behind the clearing at the back of the house. ‘Hey.’
Steve could tell something was wrong immediately by Eddie’s voice, how he was walking, wringing his fingers together.
‘Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?’ Steve rushed to Eddie’s side.
‘I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s stupid,’ Eddie’s voice wavered as he answered, eyes darting from Steve to the forest to the house and back.
‘You’re obviously not fine,’ Steve rubbed small circles on Eddie’s back. The fact that Eddie was letting him get so close, that all his defenses were down after the chilliness of the past week was more proof that something was wrong. ‘What is it?’
Eddie took a deep breath. ‘It’s silly.’
‘I’m sure it’s not…’
‘I can’t find Demo.’
Wait – ‘What?’
‘Demo? My cat?’
‘The little black thing?’
‘Yes, Harrington!’ Eddie scoffed but looked a little embarrassed.
‘Oh…’ Steve paused his comforting movements. ‘I guess… I didn’t know that you named him. Demo?’
‘Democat,’ Eddie rolled his eyes when Steve still didn’t get it. ‘Like Demobat?’
‘Oh, sure,’ Steve nodded, side-eying Eddie. ‘Makes sense.’
Eddie just huffed and crossed his arms.
‘What do you mean you can’t find him?’ Steve continued. ‘Isn’t he, like, feral or wild or whatever? Just wandering around, doing his own thing?’
‘I mean, technically,’ Eddie grumbled, shrugging. ‘But he comes by every day now. Usually, first thing in the morning and he gets his tuna… and sometimes at night, he’ll come hang with me…’ Eddie’s voice had gotten small, shy. ‘But it’s been a few days, which isn’t totally weird, but then this afternoon…’
Eddie stopped in the middle of his sentence and walked to the toolshed. He pulled on the light cord, illuminating the small space, and pointed to one corner. Steve saw a hole in the wall, next to a ratty old t-shirt that looked like the cat had been using it as a bed. But right next to it…
‘Is that blood?’ Steve asked.
‘I think so,’ Eddie swallowed. ‘I saw it when I was grabbing something and… like, what if that’s why he hasn’t been around? What if something happened to him?’
This little cat really meant something to him, Steve realized. He loved it.
‘I’m sure it’s fine, like you said,’ Steve said, hands on Eddie’s shoulders. ‘I mean, I never see him around when I’m here.’
‘Well, he doesn’t like you…’ Eddie whispered to the ground.
‘Rude.’
‘Sorry, I’m sorry…’ Eddie shook his head, ‘What I meant… he only likes me.’ He sounded so vulnerable; Steve pulled Eddie into a hug, which he didn’t fight, simply rested his head on Steve’s shoulder and sighed.
‘We’ll find him, okay?’ Steve whispered into Eddie’s hair. Eddie hummed back a non-response. ‘Have you started looking?’ He felt Eddie nod. ‘Where?’
Eddie pulled back. ‘The woods from here to the pond. That’s where I see him most on my walks…’
‘Okay, well, we’ll split up and look around,’ Steve nodded, forcing Eddie to meet his eyes. ‘We’ll cover some ground and meet back here in an hour with an update.’
Eddie sighed, blinked. ‘Yeah, okay. Thanks, Harrington,’ Eddie shrugged. ‘I know it’s silly…’
‘It’s not silly,’ Steve interrupted. ‘If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.’ He wrapped a hand around Eddie’s shoulder and squeezed.
‘Thanks, Steve,’ Eddie smiled, leading them back out. ‘I guess… I’ll head that way,’ he nodded to the woods on the other side of the clearing. ‘Walk to Merrill’s farm. I think he used to be one of theirs so maybe he’s visiting home…’
‘Okay, great,’ Steve always did well with a plan. ‘I’ll head back to the main road, see if I see him. Okay?’
‘Okay.’
‘One hour?’
‘Okay.’
‘Eddie,’ Steve grabbed Eddie’s shoulder before he turned away. ‘It’s going to be okay.’
Eddie just smiled and nodded, turning to head out to the woods.
Steve headed back down the dirt path he’d just driven up. He wasn’t sure exactly how he was supposed to find a small black cat in the forest but for Eddie, he tried, stopping every few feet to look as deeply into the woods as he could.
It was nice, he thought. Peaceful. He realized why Eddie liked wandering around the woods. The heat of the day had cooled off, a promise of rain in the air, the gentle sounds of birds and wind in the trees. Steve tried not to forget why he was out here, that this wasn’t meant to be a relaxing stroll through the forest. He had to find that cat.
He walked all the way back to the main road without any luck. Thinking that the cat probably wouldn’t be near a main road anyway and seeing as how it hadn’t taken him that long, Steve decided to walk back slower, do a more thorough search, just a bit off the main path, a little deeper into the forest.
Steve ventured out cautiously, calling to mind all of his boy scout training to keep his bearings. Several things snagged his attention – several birds, what look like rats or gophers, but with the forest’s shifting shadows, encroaching twilight, and darkening clouds overhead, it was hard to tell if anything was a small black cat.
When Steve finally checked his watch, it was already well past the hour mark, but when he turned around to return to the dirt path that led to the cabin, it wasn’t where it was supposed to be.
No need to panic.
He squinted in the direction of the setting sun, tried to map out calculations that would guide him back to the cabin, but really wished for Henderson and his infallible sense of direction.
A few minutes later, Steve felt the first droplets. Not yet rain, but not the light mist that had permeated the air earlier.
When the sky blackened fully and rain started pour in earnest, thunder rumbling in the distance, Steve knew he was fucked. His light polo shirt and jeans were no match for the weather; and yet again, he cursed himself for not having a flashlight when he needed one.
It was just over two hours now, but he had to be nearer the cabin after all this wandering, he thought, he hoped. It seemed impossible that he hadn’t encountered the clearing or the road or the cabin after all this time. With no sun to guide him, his boy scout training failed him. The only lesson he held onto was to not panic, to just stay calm.
The rain clouds and setting sun had darkened the sky too much to wander indiscriminately so he waited for each flash of lightning to make his way forward, taking a mental snapshot of the trees and roots in front of him, trying not to trip.
When the sky suddenly turned from light silver to dark gray and started dumping down even more rain, vertical sheets of water stinging his face, bouncing up off the forest floor, when Steve realized he was soaked through completely, from his hair to his clothes to his shoes, when he realized it had been another hour of wandering with no sign of home – that’s when the real panic finally set in.
‘Eddie?!’ Steve yelled, hoping his voice carried over the loud of the rain, the sporadic thunder. ‘Eddie?!’
He spluttered out mouthfuls of water after each breath, tossed his wet hair back for a few moments of relief before the rain plastered it over his forehead again and again. Steve flinched at the brightest flash of lightning, loudest hit of thunder he’d experienced yet.
‘Eddie?!’ he called out into the brief moment of calm after the thunder. He thought maybe he should stay still, wait to be found, but that felt so wrong, to stay, to give up, to not move, to not fight. His clothes hung heavily on him, made each step, each movement a battle. His feet started slipping in his wet sneakers, getting sucked into the sodden forest floor.
‘Eddie?!’ His knee gave out as his foot hit a root, and Steve yelped as he fell down to land hard in the mud, hands sinking into the wet ground. ‘Fuck!’ A busted knee was all he needed. ‘Eddie?!’
‘Steve?!’
Steve felt a hand on his shoulder, another under his elbow, hauling him up from the ground.
Eddie.
He was drenched from the rain, black t-shirt plastered to his body, dark hair slicked back, a flashlight bobbing around the darkened woods around them, as he was using both hands to steady Steve onto his feet. But even in the dark, through the layers of rain, Steve could see the light of relief in his eyes.
He was one of the best things Steve had ever seen.
Steve wanted to collapse again, this time from relief. Until he saw Eddie, he didn’t realize how nervous he’d been, how scared, what hours of wandering had done to him. He felt such a rush of emotion, the tears he shed mixed in with the rainwater running down his face.
‘How the hell did you get all the way over here?’ Eddie asked him, voice loud, head bent close to Steve’s ear to be heard over the gushing sound of the rain, the echoes of thunder.
Instead of answering, Steve pulled Eddie into a hug, pressing his shivering body into Eddie’s, grasping him tightly. Where a moment ago he felt cold and drenched, Eddie was somehow all heat even in the rain, his arms coming up readily to wind around Steve, the flashlight digging into his side.
Steve buried his face into Eddie’s neck, his lips brushing over Eddie’s skin, drinking in rainwater with each inhale. Instead of pulling away, he felt Eddie’s hand come up to grasp the back of his head, felt warm fingers in his soaked hair, Eddie’s other hand running up and down Steve’s back in comfort. A warm breath on his neck, as Eddie turned his face, too, his breath exhaling onto Steve in short bursts.
Steve shuddered – from the cold, from relief, from Eddie’s closeness.
Then: the lightning.
It struck closer than any lightning Steve had ever seen, maybe thirty or forty feet away but close enough for Steve to feel it in his bones. He saw the initial strike out of the corner of his eye, with his head angled away, saved from the jagged brilliance being stamped onto his retinas.
But then the forest exploded into whiteness with a resounding boom that vibrated through Steve, who felt the vibrations through Eddie, sending goosebumps over his body and a sparking, burning scent into the atmosphere. In the inch that they had pulled apart at the initial strike, Steve had a perfect image of Eddie in the illumination, painting him in black and white, the rain highlighting him silver; but nothing could dampen the warmth of his deep brown eyes, sparking and vibrant.
They had sprung apart, arms disentangling from each other’s bodies to shield their eyes from the brightness, but it was faster than they were; Steve found himself holding his face in his hands in the dark, finally being able to take a breath without the rain invading him with every inhale.
His body was all electricity. He could feel the lightning on his skin, the static, the glow, could feel the echoes of Eddie’s hands, his warmth. He licked his lips, hoping some of the wetness he felt there was still from Eddie’s skin.
Steve faced Eddie in the aftermath, the rain still pouring down, coating them, filling the space between them. Eddie’s breaths were coming quickly, deeply, and he ran his tongue over his lips to catch the rain falling over his face. He held himself very still, but his eyes were dancing, meeting Steve’s hungrily before moving down to his lips, down his body, and back up again.
Steve realized he was doing the same thing.
He took a step closer and opened his mouth to speak, not sure what he wanted to say but Eddie turned his head away, took a deep breath. ‘We should get back!’ he almost yelled, his voice competing with the sounds of thunder echoing from miles away. He turned and gestured for Steve to follow him.
Only a few steps in, Steve realized he was hard, the rain-drenched jeans rubbing against him unhelpfully, Eddie’s back muscles moving under the dark t-shirt papered onto his body a few feet in front of him. While the chill of the air, the rain, the walk, the tension in Eddie’s spine all stifled the tension of the lightning strike, and the moments before and after, Steve still found himself on edge.
The walk back to the cabin only took ten minutes, but they approached from the opposite side of the house that he’d set out from; he really had wandered in circles. Eddie walked so confidently, even in the dark, even in the rain – Steve was impressed. He really knew these woods. This really was his home.
The sky darkened even more during their walk, the lightning moving further and further away, a single light in the cabin and Eddie’s flashlight the only glimpses of warmth in the entire landscape.
The difference between the pitch-black pouring rain and the dry warmth of the cabin when Steve stepped inside felt like being swaddled in blankets; he immediately felt calmer, safer, even as the water drenched off him onto the wood floor, blinking slowly, eyes adjusting to the dim light.
Eddie walked stiffly across the living room to turn on another lamp, awkward and hurried. Without looking at Steve, he crossed over to the bathroom, grabbing a towel and tossing it at Steve before heading back in and shutting the door. Steve heard the slap of wet clothing falling to the floor, then the sink turning on.
Steve towel dried his hair while toeing off his soaked sneakers, then removing both his polo shirt and undershirt. His hands were on his jeans, contemplating whether he should remove them or not, but the action felt too charged at the moment. That’s when he felt something soft hit his face.
‘Red shorts to the rescue,’ Eddie smirked, but in the dead-eyed way he’d had for the past week. Steve picked up his old reliable lifeguard shorts. Eddie had changed clothes into a pair of loose boxers and a dry t-shirt, a towel around his neck, hair falling in defined wet curls. ‘Bathroom’s free,’ he added, heading into his bedroom and shutting the door.
Steve peeled off his jeans, heavy with water, and did his best to wring the rain out over the bathroom sink. He debated for a second then removed his similarly drenched underwear, draping all of his clothing over various surfaces of the bathroom, drying himself off with the towel before deciding to rinse with warm soapy tap water. After a few splashes on his face, he felt better, the memories of being lost, helpless, vulnerable, fading with the warmth of the water, warmth of the light, warm scent of Eddie on the towel, in the room, all around.
As he donned the red shorts, he realized anew just how short they were, the memory of them riding up Eddie’s thighs in the car, how tight they’d been on him… how Eddie had just worn them at the pool, when he’d jumped in, after Steve had gotten a full erection just from touching his back.
None of those memories diminished the charge that he still felt that he hadn’t been able to shake off, not even in the rain, during that long walk, and despite Eddie’s awkwardness and literally shutting a door in his face.
Steve perched on the side of the couch when he emerged, throwing a blanket across his shoulders in the spirit of modesty, to balance out the shorts. What was he supposed to do now?
When Eddie still hadn’t emerged from his room several minutes later, Steve walked over and knocked gently. Eddie had literally wandered through the stormy wilderness to find him; it didn’t seem right that he was ignoring him now?
After knocking, Steve heard a faint ‘yeah’ and entered.
Eddie was seated cross-legged on the bed, looking cozy and dry in warm orange lamplight, music playing softly from the speaker on the dresser, puffing lazily on a joint which he rested in an ashtray on the nightstand as Steve entered.
‘Finally decent, Harrington?’ Eddie asked, trying for glib but Steve noticed that he swallowed and seemed to be looking past Steve, not at him.
‘Yeah. Hope it’s cool if I…’ he held up a corner of the blanket slung around him. Eddie nodded. ‘Did you find him?’ Steve asked, remembering the cat, the reason for their current predicament.
‘Nope. I assume you didn’t either.’
‘No, I went all the way back to the road and then… I guess I got turned around. Thanks for finding me.’
Eddie nodded, stiff. ‘Anytime.’
‘Are you okay?’ Steve stepped into the room, pulling the blanket tighter around him.
‘Course, yeah, why?’ Eddie attempted a smile that didn’t make it to his eyes.
‘You just seem… I don’t know. Weird.’ Steve came to sit on the edge of the bed, as far from Eddie as he could manage, but still (helplessly) tilted his body towards him.
‘No –’ Eddie finally looked at him ‘– not weird, just... tired, I guess. I looked for that damn cat all afternoon and then, you know, I lost you. For hours.’ Eddie’s voice seemed to catch in his throat at that last phrase, but his expression didn’t change.
‘Yeah, don’t tell Henderson about that. I don’t need to give him any more ammunition to tease me about my shitty sense of direction.’
Eddie mimed locking his lips shut and tossing away the key.
‘Pinky swear?’ Steve asked, in a whisper, reaching out his finger, blanket slipping off his shoulders as he twisted closer to Eddie. Eddie tensed; his back stiffened and he sat up straighter, but he slowly reached out his own pinkie, and twisted it in Steve’s.
The touch of just that bit of skin sent off another lightning bolt through Steve, electrifying him from head to toe.
And he didn’t want to fight it any longer.
So, he didn’t.
He clasped his hand around Eddie’s wrist and pulled him closer, Eddie’s shocked expression registering for only a millisecond before Steve kissed him, pressing his lips to Eddie’s, free hand coming up to cup the back of his head, fingers in damp curls.
Steve could feel the shock drain out of Eddie as a second later, Eddie tilted his head and leaned in, responding to the kiss, hot lips moving over Steve’s. He felt Eddie’s hand on his bare waist, pulling him closer, and he opened his mouth slightly, tongue running over Eddie’s lips, and Steve now had an answer of what Eddie’s tongue tasted like. Right now, at least, like mint and smoke and rain.
It was Eddie who pulled away a moment later, pupils blown wide, breathing heavily. The hand that was on Steve’s waist clenched, the other on Steve’s face ran a thumb gently over his cheek. His lips were already swollen and lusciously pink, and Steve couldn’t take his eyes off them.
‘What the fuck,’ Eddie breathed out, eyes alight. ‘Steve?’ Steve caught his gaze, caught the confusion, the lust… the fear. Steve leaned forward and kissed him again, gently, feather light.
‘Yeah?’ Steve ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair, combing out the curls. Eddie closed his eyes and let out a small whimper.
‘I – I – I don’t understand,’ Eddie said, forcing his eyes open, searching Steve’s face for something.
‘Your hair’s so soft,’ Steve couldn’t stop himself, now that his hand was where it had longed to be so many times. He couldn’t stop his motions, especially as it continued pulling delicate noises out of Eddie. ‘I always wondered…’
Eddie’s whiskey eyes were bright, traveling over Steve’s face. He leaned back slightly, hand falling from Steve’s cheek. Steve missed its warmth immediately.
‘You kissed me,’ Eddie whispered, awed.
‘I did.’
‘I don’t understand…’
Steve smiled, also leaning back and from the way Eddie’s head moved as Steve pulled away, he knew Eddie missed his hands on him as much as Steve did.
‘I wanted to kiss you,’ Steve ran his index finger over Eddie’s lips, which puckered around it in the whisper of a kiss. ‘So, I did…’
‘You wanted to kiss me…’ Eddie tilted his head, blinking rapidly. ‘You wanted to kiss me?’
‘Yeah…’ Steve smiled. God, he was being so cute. Steve had never seen him like this before – all traces of bravado, flirtation, smirk, wit gone. Just genuine confusion, face scrunched as his mind worked. He looked so young, all of a sudden; so innocent. Almost as if… ‘…this wasn’t your first kiss, was it?’
‘No,’ Eddie shook his head, laughing slightly, a challenging look in his eyes. There he was, the Eddie he knew in the lift corner of his lip, the slightly raised brow. But the innocence returned… ‘No,’ Eddie continued, ‘but I just… I don’t understand!’
‘I don’t know how else to explain it to you, Eddie,’ Steve smirked, loving this reaction. He’d rendered Eddie Munson (for all intents and purposes) speechless.
‘You wanted to kiss me…’ Eddie was still working through it. So fucking adorable.
‘Mmhmm,’ Steve grabbed Eddie’s hand, ran his fingers over Eddie’s knuckles, his rings. Eddie’s fingers twisted to catch Steve’s.
‘Do you still want to kiss me?’ Eddie’s voice was deep, suddenly more determined. Steve caught his eye.
The look.
The intensity that had haunted him for weeks, that had infiltrated his dreams, that had started all of this.
‘Fuck yes,’ Steve whispered, both a response to Eddie’s question and an exclamation of delight at seeing that look sparking in Eddie’s eyes.
Eddie smiled wickedly and launched himself at Steve, both hands coming to grip the sides of Steve’s face, as his own hands found the contours of Eddie’s torso, his smooth back. The earlier kiss had been great, a dream fulfilled, but this one was something else.
Without the shock and disbelief, Eddie’s hunger was apparent, the pressure of his lips forcing Steve’s apart, tongues meeting eagerly. Finally doing this, kissing Eddie, tasting Eddie, was making Steve’s head swim and he leaned in excitedly, trying to memorize every taste of Eddie, the feel of his lips, the small whimpers escaping from him, from them both. Steve was distracted by his sheer amazement that he was finally kissing Eddie, who seemed just as fascinated, hands moving over Steve’s naked chest, his back, fingers skimming at the top of Steve’s shorts but no further.
Eddie slowly reclined onto the mattress, bringing Steve down with him, never breaking apart their kiss. Finally laying on their sides, with one arm caught under Eddie, Steve pulled him closer, fingers trailing up and down under Eddie’s shirt, covering every inch he could reach – skin as soft, muscles as firm as he’d dreamt – his lips moving over Eddie’s jaw, licking over the scar hidden there, down his neck; Eddie’s hands continued their explorations up and down Steve’s body, moving over his arms, his side, before gripping his waist, fingers vibrating as Eddie suddenly pulled their bodies flush.
Steve moaned as his erection grazed up against Eddie’s own, only two layers of light fabric separating them.
‘Like that, Harrington?’ Steve’s eyes clenched shut in pleasure, but he could hear the smirk in Eddie’s voice. All Steve could get out was a breathy ‘Uh huh’. He’d been hard since their hug in the woods, and with Eddie finally so close, with weeks of curiosity finally being satiated, he knew he’d come quickly. He hoped not too quickly.
He didn’t want this to end.
Eddie captured him in another kiss, as he thrust his pelvis against Steve’s, bringing one knee up around Steve’s hip and hooking him into a position that drew matching deep moans from both of them. The newness of that feeling, of his clothed dick against another, sent a shock wave through him. All the tension that had built up tonight so far – his lips grazing Eddie’s neck, the shudder of thunder in his bones, the electricity the lightning had instilled in him – was now concentrated on where their bodies met.
With Eddie’s lips on his, tongues entwined, warm hands on his side, in his hair, that woodsy Eddie scent enveloping him, Steve met the tempo of Eddie’s thrusts, as they rocked back and forth.
Eddie broke their kiss, his eyes clenched shut, as his hand came up to grip Steve’s neck, thumb moving firmly over his jaw, resting his forehead on Steve’s.
‘Oh fuck, Steve,’ he breathed out heavily, as his motions increased. Steve could feel a matching intensity, and he responded to Eddie’s increasing speed, hand splayed across Eddie’s back, pulling his entire body closer.
Eddie’s eyes were still closed – but Steve’s were wide open, taking in Eddie’s every feature, his scrunched brow, long eyelashes, bruised mouth moving in silent whispers. His lips were bright red, and Steve couldn’t help but lean forward for another kiss.
The action sent Eddie over the edge, as he gripped the side Steve’s face tightly, throwing his head back and moaning loudly as he came. The sight of Eddie’s ecstasy, his long throat and wild hair, sent a shudder through Steve, as he leaned forward to suckle Eddie’s neck and quickened his pushes, the pressure finally giving way to his own orgasm, biting Eddie’s neck as he came, shuddering.
He could feel Eddie’s hot breaths on his shoulder, breath coming in ragged bursts. Their bodies were so entangled, Steve felt Eddie’s chest rising and falling against his, Eddie’s hand twisted up in his hair, his own clenched on Eddie’s back so hard he knew he’d left marks. Their hips were still connected, still moving in soft aftershocks. Steve could feel the hot stickiness of their release damp between them.
Steve leaned back slightly to get a better look at Eddie. His eyes were now open but unfocused, slowly blinking, moving unseeingly over Steve’s face. Steve grinned at the sight of Eddie looking so satisfied, so exhausted. He lifted a hand, running his fingers over Eddie’s scalp before resting on the side of his face. Eddie smiled and twisted his head to kiss Steve’s palm.
‘King Steve… just came… in my bed…’ Eddie breathed out with a grin, eyes finally meeting Steve’s. His smile grew, as he took in Steve’s own appearance. He could only imagine he looked just as spent as Eddie did.
‘Mmhmm,’ Steve smiled lazily, turning onto his back, his arm around Eddie pulling him into his chest at the movement. Eddie rested his head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve couldn’t remember seeing Eddie from his angle before, Eddie looking up at him, head tilted. His hair was mussed, his face relaxed. Steve thought his hypothesis was right. That Eddie would look great from any angle. ‘Great face,’ Steve whispered.
Eddie lifted a brow. ‘Me?’
‘Mmhmm,’ Steve pulled him closer, the exhaustion and satisfaction washing over him. He knew he should get up, clean himself up. Knew they should talk about this. He wanted to know what Eddie thought about what they’d done, about whether they should do it again. He couldn’t move.
‘King Steve thinks I’ve got a great face.’ Steve’s eyes couldn’t seem to stay open, but he heard pride in Eddie’s voice. His fingers found their way into Eddie’s hair and couldn’t help playing in their soft strands. Eddie whimpered softly.
‘Cool it with the King Steve thing, remember?’ Steve mumbled, as Eddie’s fingers ran through his chest hair, circling over his nipple.
He felt as much as heard Eddie laugh into his chest. ‘As you wish… Stevie Pie.’
Eddie dropping light kisses onto his chest to the sound of heavy rainfall soon lulled Steve into a deep, satisfied sleep.
Notes:
Let me know what you think! The slow burn burned but we're finally getting somewhere...
Preview for Chapter 16: "Find Some Joy"
‘It’s a date.’
‘Oh no,’ Steve shook his head, his fingers trailing up and down Eddie’s back. ‘This is not a date.’
‘No?’ Eddie leaned forward, dropping a kiss onto Steve’s neck.
‘No…’ Steve’s voice was breathy. ‘When it’s a date, you’ll know.’
‘Hmm,’ Eddie mumbled, his lips on Steve's warm skin. ‘Movie and a blowie?’
He felt Steve swallow heavily.
‘Something like that.’
Chapter 16: Find Some Joy
Summary:
The whole drive over in Steve’s car, Eddie’s stomach roiled. At this same time yesterday, he’d been trying to will away the electricity between him and Steve, convinced it would never happen, convinced that all of those moments between them were in his imagination only. And now he was sitting here, Steve’s hand on his knee, having gone to second base with Steve Harrington in one night (he’d have to have that second vs. third base debate with Dustin at some point… using hypotheticals, of course).
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
It was all a dream. It was all a dream.
When Eddie woke alone in his bed, the sheets warm, the stickiness of his come in his boxers, on his sheets, he knew it had been a dream. A crazy, fucking amazing dream. But there was no way it was real.
He figured he’d been struck by lightning during the last night’s storm, had died, and some benevolent god or goddess had granted one final moment of pleasure, the fulfillment of his life’s greatest fantasy before his soul left his body.
Still, Eddie thought, as he stretched out on his bed, luxuriating in the memory, even if it had been a dream, it’d be one he never forgot. He turned his head and inhaled and swore he could smell Steve on the sheets. He’d been holding a tension inside him, begging it not to snap for weeks so when it finally had, maybe it made it feel that much more real.
It wasn’t until he went into the bathroom and saw Steve’s muddy clothes hung up to dry on the shower rod, on the windowsill, that it sunk in.
It was real.
Eddie braced himself on the sink, hunched over, as the memories flooded back. The shock, the joy, Steve tasting so good; he’d never let himself hope that it would actually happen, he’d long since resigned himself to the misery of having Steve (incredible Steve) so close and never being able to touch.
He moved slowly through the main room, to the front door – and finally saw him. Steve was outside on the porch, elbows on the railing, a steaming cup of coffee cradled in his hands, one foot kicked out behind him, the rain still falling gently in a cool, silver mist, air heavy with damp and the smell of earth. As Eddie admired him – tall, slender, relaxed – he almost had a heart attack, realizing Steve was wearing a pair of Eddie’s boxers, one of his cropped tanks.
As Steve tilted his head to drink his coffee, Eddie caught a look at his profile, looking serene, happy, smiling to himself.
Surely that wasn’t because of Eddie?
Would that smile still be on Steve’s face when he turned? Would it turn to regret? Shame? Disgust?
Eddie didn’t want to know, wanted to live in the before, wanted to back up, let Steve be – but then a floorboard squeaked under his foot and Steve turned around.
And smiled.
‘Hey,’ he whispered, turning around fully, leaning back onto the rail. He looked Eddie up and down through the screen door, subtly. But Eddie noticed. He noticed everything about Steve. Eddie blushed, started to harden again. Holy fuck. Steve Harrington was checking him out.
‘Hey,’ Eddie replied, voice hoarse from disuse, from horniness. ‘Morning.’ He opened the screen door and stepped out, leaning back against, the distance of the small porch separating them.
‘Sleep okay?’ Steve asked.
‘Mmhmm,’ Eddie mumbled, eyes looking everywhere but at Steve. He didn’t know how to act normal right now when everything he’d thought was normal had been blown up.
Steve smiled. ‘I thought what we did last night would make you less confused, not more confused…’
‘What?’ Eddie squeaked.
‘That look on your face,’ Steve smiled. ‘You’re all –’ he mimicked what Eddie must look like, brow scrunched, mouth open, eyes darting, ‘– it’s… just... fucking adorable.’
‘I’m adorable?’ Oh god, it really was real, wasn’t it? He couldn’t believe it, rubbed his eyes aggressively.
‘Very,’ Steve smirked, eyes bright.
‘Oh god,’ Eddie whimpered. ‘What is happening?’
Steve laughed, stepped closer to Eddie, free hand on his waist, leaning in to kiss him gently. Eddie’s body responded immediately, wanting to lean in, grab Steve, hold him tight. But he just returned the kiss’s gentle pressure, eyes closed.
‘Was that okay?’ Steve whispered as Eddie pulled away.
‘Mmhmm,’ Eddie’s voice didn’t work. Steve was right there, like he’d been so many times before – but like he’d never been before. Now, it seemed like Eddie could actually look, instead of what he’d been forcing himself to do: dissociating, forcing a blank stare, pushing away any feelings.
So, he looked.
His eyes jumped around Steve’s face, memorizing every feature – morning Steve, his favorite. Hair somehow voluminous despite the sleep and rainwater, tan skin and freckles, creases around his mouth from his smile, light brown eyes staring into Eddie’s face, skipping his heartbeat every time their eyes met.
‘I don’t understand,’ was still all Eddie could say, all Eddie could think.
Steve’s smile widened and he threw his head back in an open-mouthed laugh. ‘Eddie, come on…’
‘But you’re not gay!’ Eddie exclaimed, head shaking.
This quieted Steve for a moment, as he tilted his head looking at Eddie. ‘I don’t know,’ he said after a pause. ‘Maybe I am?’
‘Are you?’ Eddie crossed his arms, stepping back. He couldn’t think with Steve’s hands on him. He figured it couldn’t hurt to check… ‘Who’s hotter Jennifer Beals or Kelly Lebrock?’
‘What?’ Steve twitched away, a weird look on his face.
‘Don’t think, just answer, first instinct – Jennifer Beals or Kelly Lebrock?’
Steve huffed. ‘Fine… uh, Jennifer Beals.’
‘Jennifer Beals or Johnny Depp?’
‘Jennifer Beals.’
‘Johnny Depp or Tom Cruise?’
‘Tom Cruise.’
‘Tom Cruise or Harrison Ford?’
‘Ooh…’ Steve paused, such a look of concentration on his face that Eddie had to smile. ‘Harrison Ford.’
‘Harrison Ford or Jennifer Beals?’
‘Damn, tough call… Harrison Ford,’ he confirmed his choice with a determined head nod.
‘As Indiana Jones or Han Solo?’ Eddie smirked. This was amazing.
‘Definitely Han Solo,’ Steve answered immediately, no hesitation.
Eddie laughed out loud; his mood lifted with each answer.
‘What?’ Steve blinked at him, looking confused. ‘Is that the wrong choice?’
‘No, that’s a fine choice,’ Eddie grinned. ‘All excellent choices…’
‘Why? What was that?’
‘Just… most guys, if I’d asked them to choose between two dudes, they’d have punched me so…’
‘People punched you?’ Steve took a half step closer, concern brewing in his expression.
‘No,’ Eddie shrugged. ‘I mean yes, sometimes but not for that… just for being my charming self!’
Steve looked upset; eyes drawn.
‘Hey,’ Eddie wrapped his hand around Steve’s neck, forcing eye contact. He felt a rush when he realized he could touch Steve like this now, fearlessly. ‘That wasn’t my point.’
‘Yeah but that’s not –’
‘My point was…’ Eddie cut him off, tilting his head to look at Steve. ‘You’re definitely not straight.’
Steve rolled his eyes, ‘I think making out with you was the first sign, don’t you think?’
Eddie still couldn’t reconcile those words, their actions. They’d made out. He’d made out with Steve Harrington. ‘I still don’t understand…’ Eddie whispered again, helplessly.
‘Eddie!’ Steve laughed, hand coming up to run through Eddie’s hair.
‘No, I’m serious, Steve…’ Eddie shook him off. ‘Like you went from Mandy to me? I just…’
‘If you say you don’t understand one more time!’
‘I mean, come on,’ Eddie took a step back, gesturing to himself up and down. ‘This?’ He held out his arm twisting it slightly to show off his biggest scar, situated between his tattoos. ‘This?’ Pointed at his hair and stuck out his tongue, making a silly face. ‘Really?’
Steve nodded, contemplative. ‘No, you’re right, I’m out.’
Eddie spluttered out a shocked laugh as Steve rushed forward, smiling, wrapping Eddie in his arms.
‘Of course, I’m not out! I have eyes, Eddie, I’ve seen you and…’ Steve’s thumb brushed Eddie’s cheek, his lip, ‘I like what I see. All of it.’
Eddie felt the heat rising through him again and still stunned he could, his hand met Steve’s waist. Steve saw Eddie. And he liked what he saw.
Steve swallowed, turning serious. ‘I know… I know I’m not supposed to like you like this.’ Eddie saw something flash across his face but didn’t catch it, couldn’t interpret it. ‘But I… I can’t help it.’ Steve reached up, gently tucking a strand of Eddie’s hair behind his ear.
‘I do understand that,’ Eddie said, smiling, but sad.
He wondered who had it better and who had it worse: Eddie who’d had years to learn to accept this, the full scope of it, but also years to feel scared, guilty; or Steve, to whom it was so obviously new, who’d already been braver than Eddie ever had been, but Eddie knew there would be so much to this realization he’d made, this action he’d taken, so much that Steve didn’t know yet.
He wasn’t sure it was his place to say or what he could do. Maybe the best he could do for Steve was to just be there. To help him whenever he needed it. And until then…. just enjoy it.
Eddie leaned forward, slowly, so slowly, Steve’s eyes following his forward motion, a smirk playing on his lips, one that Eddie matched.
This kiss was slow, unhurried. Now that he could, Eddie wanted to take his time. He feels perfect, Eddie thought, followed quickly by: He knows what he’s doing. A voice in his head whispered that he’d learned all of this making out with girls, kissing girls; and even though he knew Steve didn’t want to hear it anymore, Eddie still didn’t understand. Not completely. But he told that little voice to shut the fuck up, because right now, Steve was making small noises, tongue running over Eddie’s lips, hands moving slowly up and down Eddie’s body. God, it felt…
‘This is so weird,’ Steve breathed out, leaning his forehead against Eddie’s breaking their kiss.
Weird was definitely not the word that Eddie had been thinking. Orgasmic. Phenomenal. Unbelievable. Eddie paused, head tilting.
‘Not weird!’ Steve pulled back, panic in his eyes. ‘Different.’
‘Different bad or different good?’ Eddie asked. This would be it, Steve’s brief gay awakening cut short by how weird and different it actually was…
‘Good,’ Steve smiled, slowly, sinfully, heat in his eyes. ‘Very good.’
Eddie caught him another kiss, hands grasping Steve’s face, fingers in his hair, thumbs brushing his cheeks. Steve pressed them into the door of the cabin, his hands winding under Eddie’s t-shirt. Eddie winced as he felt the dullened sensation of Steve’s fingers on his scar. Without breaking the kiss, Steve pulled his hand away, moving it to Eddie’s back.
‘Fuck,’ Steve whispered a second later, swallowing. His pupils were wide, the black overtaking the light brown of his eyes. ‘I don’t want to stop, I really don’t, it’s just... I have to go to fucking work!’ He laughed as if he couldn’t believe it.
‘I thought you said you didn’t need the job that badly,’ Eddie grinned, leaning in to nibble Steve’s neck.
‘Hah,’ Steve turned his head, capturing Eddie’s lips in a kiss. ‘Yeah I wish but…’ another kiss. ‘… I need to pay rent this month, so…’
Eddie raised an eyebrow in question, but Steve just shook his head, just said quietly: ‘My dad.’ Eddie nodded.
‘Can I come by tonight?’ Steve asked, absentmindedly running a finger along Eddie’s waistband.
Eddie shivered at the touch, was about to agree when he realized. ‘Shit, I have dinner at the Byers tonight.’
‘Oh,’ Steve’s fingers were running circles over Eddie’s hip, and he was doing all he could not to squirm. ‘Can I come?’
‘Uhh,’ Eddie tried to imagine Steve sitting next to him, around the small table. For whatever reason, he couldn’t. What would Steve and Hopper talk about? Steve and Joyce? But god, he didn’t want this to be the last time he saw Steve today. ‘Yeah, that would be… good.’
‘Great,’ Steve smiled.
A small rustling sound caught his attention and both he and Steve turned their heads to see Demo, perched on the other side of the porch, paws muddy, black tail twisting lazily, blinking his mint green eyes at them slowly.
‘Demo, you little fucker,’ Eddie whispered, breaking away from Steve to crouch down, hand extended, as the cat made its way over slowly, unbothered, and rubbed its face into his hand. ‘Where the hell have you been?’ The cat didn’t answer but proceeded to rub himself against Eddie’s shins, back and forth as Eddie pet him.
‘I don’t think that was his blood in the shed,’ Steve said, and Eddie looked to where he pointed, at a small brown mouse lying dead on the edge of the patio.
‘Aww, Demo,’ Eddie cooed in a high-pitched voice. ‘Did you bring me a present? Do you love me?’ The cat purred and continued to let Eddie pet him before walking away a few seconds later.
When Eddie straightened Steve was staring at him.
‘What?’
‘That was…’ Steve giggled. ‘I haven’t heard that voice from you before.’
‘Oh yeah?’ Eddie smirked, hands back on Steve. ‘Now have you changed your mind?’
‘I’m considering it,’ Steve teased, and Eddie laughed. ‘So tonight? I’ll pick you up?’ Steve dropped a quick kiss on Eddie’s lips, so casually, like it was something they’d done forever.
‘Sure,’ Eddie smiled. This was surreal. ‘It’s a date.’
‘Oh no,’ Steve shook his head, his fingers trailing up and down Eddie’s back. ‘This is not a date.’
‘No?’ Eddie leaned forward, dropping a kiss onto Steve’s neck.
‘No…’ Steve’s voice was breathy. ‘When it’s a date, you’ll know.’
‘Hmm,’ Eddie mumbled, his lips on Steve’s warm skin. ‘Movie and a blowie?’
He felt Steve swallow heavily.
‘Something like that.’
***
Eddie spent the day in a daze. It was too rainy and muddy to do any work outside, so he spent the day studying the electrical repair manual he’d gotten from Mickey. Or he tried to study it.
In reality, he spent most of the day staring out the window, watching the rain fall, replaying the events of last night over and over again; he was proud of his self-control when he’d only masturbated once, in the shower, when he realized Steve had been in there naked just hours earlier.
As Eddie got ready, he saw a tiny purple bruise on his neck. ‘He gave me a fucking hickey,’ Eddie whispered into the mirror, smiling. Oh god, what would Hopper think of this? What would Joyce? Eddie threw on a plaid flannel with a higher collar, found a silver chain that he used to wear, hoping the shadows of the collar and chain would cover the bruise. And they did; mostly.
When Steve showed up, he was cologne scented in what looked like a freshly ironed polo shirt, his hair shining and bouncy. Very much like it was a date, despite Steve’s earlier protests. He had obviously gone home after work and made a real effort; when he’d left that morning, it had been in some of Eddie’s borrowed clothes (his own still muddy and damp) in order to make it to work on time.
The whole drive over in Steve’s car, Eddie’s stomach roiled. At this same time yesterday, he’d been trying to will away the electricity between him and Steve, convinced it would never happen, convinced that all of those moments between them were in his imagination only. And now he was sitting here, Steve’s hand on his knee, having gone to second base with Steve Harrington in one night (he’d have to have that second vs. third base debate with Dustin at some point… using hypotheticals, of course).
And now, he was bringing Steve to his weekly dinner at the Byers, which had begun to feel more and more like a family meal.
‘So uh, as nice as this is,’ Eddie wound his fingers through Steve’s on his knee, ‘When we get there…’
‘Oh, yeah, of course,’ Eddie saw Steve’s neck flex as he swallowed. ‘I guess we didn’t have time to talk about… this.’ Steve glanced over at Eddie before looking back to the road but squeezed Eddie’s knee.
‘Yeah, I guess we can talk later,’ Eddie said, though he hoped they’d be too busy doing other stuff to talk. ‘Nobody knows I’m gay, obviously.’ He still wasn’t used to saying the word out loud. But that wasn’t true anymore was it. He tilted his head and corrected himself. ‘Except for Robin, I guess.’
‘Robin knows?’ Steve’s car swerved as he turned abruptly to Eddie, shock on his face.
‘Whoa there, Harrington!’ Eddie reached over to straighten the wheel, though Steve had already recovered control of himself (mostly) and the car (fully).
‘Robin knows?’ Steve repeated, head shaking, glancing back and forth between Eddie and the road.
‘Yeah.’ Eddie furrowed his brow. ‘Why does that freak you out so much?’
‘It doesn’t freak me out,’ Steve shook his head. ‘It’s just… how long has she known?’
‘Since the bonfire.’
‘The bonfire?’ Steve turned to Eddie again, starting to swerve the car but catching himself quickly.
Eddie wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or hold on for dear life. ‘Yeah…’
‘That was, like, a month ago!’
‘I know, I was there,’ Eddie decided to do both, laughing while gripping the handhold.
Steve blinked, thinking through something. ‘Was that what that weird hug was about?’ he glanced at Eddie, eyebrow raised.
‘Umm, yes?’
‘Oh, okay… I’m just like… wow,’ Steve shook his head. ‘I’m just – I guess I’m impressed that Robin kept a secret for that long. She’s literally told me about her pooping schedule before so the fact that she didn’t say anything is just… wow,’ Steve continued to shake his head.
‘Well, it’s a big thing to know…’
‘Yeah,’ Steve shifted in his seat, eyes darting to Eddie, seeming nervous. ‘And um…’ it looked like he was trying to work something out, mouth opening and closing. Eddie guessed what it was about.
‘I know about Robin, too, Steve,’ he finally said.
‘Really?’ Steve seemed gleeful, grateful. ‘Oh, thank god, I’ve been dying to talk to someone about it!’
‘I don’t know if I want to gossip…’ Robin had done so much for him, it didn’t feel right.
‘Gossip? What gossip? You need things to happen for there to be gossip,’ Steve talked with his hand while he drove. ‘No, we’re going to talk about how to get her a girlfriend and then there’ll be gossip.’
‘Girlfriend, huh?’ Eddie smirked.
‘Yes, oh my god, do you know how much more free time I’ve had since she’s started hanging out with you? Add a girlfriend to the mix, I won’t know what to do with all of it!’
‘Glad it’s such a selfless pursuit for you, Harrington.’
‘That’s just a silver lining for me,’ Steve said. ‘I mean, the obvious thing is that Robin will be happy, right?’
‘Right,’ Eddie laughed. It faded soon as he realized they were pulling up to the Byers hours, and he stayed quiet as they walked up to the door.
‘Are you nervous? About me being here?’ Steve asked eventually, as they paused before knocking.
‘No,’ Eddie laughed, then nodded his head. ‘Yes.’
‘It’ll be fine,’ Steve squeezed his hand before he knocked. ‘There’s no reason to be nervous.’
Only for the door to be opened by none other than Murray Bauman.
‘Eddie Munson!’ Murray erupted into a tooth grin. ‘My favorite fake client! And Steve Harrington, someone I kind of know! Come in, come in!’ Murray stepped aside to huddle them in.
‘Murray!’ Eddie exclaimed happily but then whispered, ‘Oh shit,’ to Steve as they entered.
‘Why oh shit?’ Steve asked out of the corner of his mouth.
‘He’s just… a lot,’ Eddie admitted, remembering how overwhelming it was to be in Murray’s presence during their one and only meeting, when Eddie was desperately trying to mentally check out, but Murray pulled him right back to reality. Gave him hope. Gave him hope in the most condescending, irritating way possible but hope, nonetheless.
‘Welcome boys! Nice to see you, Steve,’ Joyce greeted from the kitchen. ‘Eddie, could you help Hop with the table? We’re overflowing tonight,’ she smiled.
‘Sure, Joyce,’ Eddie set down the liter of soda he brought (he’d been too distracted to bring a better offering tonight, it was the only thing he’d had), and worked with Hopper to fold out the small card table for their expanded party.
‘Thanks, Eddie. Steve Harrington,’ Hopper nodded, and Eddie grinned, not sure what Steve had done to earn full name status.
‘Eddie!’ Will and Mike ran into the room. As they pulled him away, blathering on how Gareth messed up the Hellfire Club schedule or something, he glanced helplessly over his shoulder to Steve, who just shrugged. Eddie let them pull him to the couch where they started to talk over each other. He saw El, headphones on, cross-legged on the floor, obviously trying to do homework and he nodded hello.
‘I didn’t realize it’d be a full house tonight,’ Eddie said, tilting his head over at Murray when they’d taken a collective breath.
‘Yeah,’ Will answered. ‘He was passing through town for something so mom invited him to stay for dinner.’
‘Why’d you bring Steve?’ Mike asked, almost challenging, and nodded to where now Steve had an apron on and was stirring something with Joyce talking to him. Eddie bit his lip, suppressing a smile at the sight.
‘Don’t be a jerk,’ Will bumped his hip into Mike’s from where they’re kneeling by the coffee table. Eddie saw Mike suppress a smile, much like he just did with Steve. Eddie raised a brow that they didn’t notice. ‘It’s really nice of you, Eddie.’
‘Thank you, Will,’ Eddie said, reminded for the millionth time what a good kid he was.
‘He’s gotta be so lonely in that big house,’ Will continued, absentmindedly flipping thru his DnD binder.
Eddie had been so in his head about his feelings for Steve, trying to cautiously allow Steve his daily visits, that he hadn’t even considered that. Seeing Steve now in the kitchen with Joyce, smiling, happy, Eddie’s heart broke a little, realizing he’d probably only seen his own parents just a few days over the past few months.
Was that why he wanted to come tonight? No, Eddie corrected himself – he kissed you; he likes you; he came here for you. But that little voice again – does he only like you because there’s no one else around? Because Mandy dumped him? Because you were so obviously a guaranteed yes? Eddie shook his head, trying to shut that voice up.
‘Dinner’s served!’ Joyce clapped her hands a minute later, calling everyone over.
Seated around the table, Eddie found himself in between Steve and Murray, across from the kids, Joyce and Hopper taking the heads of the table.
When Steve sat down, he angled his leg, so it came right up against Eddie’s; Eddie pressed back, knocking his ankle into Steve’s and shooting him a quick smile. He needed to control himself, especially because…
‘Oh shit,’ Eddie whispered for the second time that night. Only Steve heard and raised a brow, everyone else distracted with plates and drinks and getting settled. Eddie angled his head close to Steve’s ear, whispering: ‘I just really hope she can’t read minds right now…’ Eddie glanced over at El.
A worried look flashed for just a second over Steve’s face before he started to smirk. ‘God, I hope not,’ he whispered back, and shifted his hand slightly so his pinky entwined with Eddie’s for just a second.
All that did was get Eddie hot, thinking of Steve asking for a pinky swear last night just seconds before kissing him.
Eddie gulped down his pop, trying to distract himself.
‘So… Steve Harrington,’ Murray leaned over Eddie to address Steve. ‘Nancy’s fella, huh?’
Eddie felt a defensiveness rise in him, the urge to correct Murray. Steve wasn’t Nancy’s anymore. He shifted in his seat and suppressed it, pressed his leg harder into Steve’s.
‘Ex-fella,’ Steve corrected, with a sarcastic smile. ‘And I think that was your doing.’
‘Oh, you give me too much power, Steve. I think we all know no one can tell Nancy Wheeler what to do,’ Murray smiled.
‘Seriously,’ Mike muttered from the other side of the table, clearly overhearing.
Eddie felt Steve stiffen beside him, as he gave another shallow laugh and turned to speak to Joyce instead.
Eddie shouldn’t have worried about what Steve would do – he forgot just how much the charm could radiate off him. From complimenting Joyce on her cooking, talking football with Hopper (to the groans of literally everybody else at the table), asking El about school and Will about his childhood drawings still on the fridge, he was literally the life of the party. Eddie was the one who fell silent, appreciating the attention being off him at the dinners for a change. He instead found himself talking mostly to Murray, who (as he’d promised all those months ago) was giving Eddie a detailed download of his mysterious source’s excursion to Area 51 and the incontrovertible proof he’d uncovered that aliens were real.
‘Haven’t aliens lost their appeal for you? After all this?’ Eddie asked, gesturing vaguely to the table but darting a pointed look at El.
‘Why would they?’ Murray asked, legitimately confused. ‘All our little adventure did was prove that there’s more out there than we know. I mean, I think we’ve all just gotten too comfortable with the fact that we’re having dinner with a girl with psychic powers!’ Murray laughed, ‘No offense,’ he offered as an afterthought to El across the table.
‘That is not offensive, that is factual,’ she replied, unbothered, before returning to her lasagna.
‘Don’t let it deaden you, Eddie,’ Murray said, turning back to Eddie, who raised a brow in question. ‘You’re too young to be jaded.’
Eddie laughed loudly, surprised. ‘Murray, seriously? Am I?’ he thought back to everything he’d been through and clearly Murray did as well.
‘Fine,’ Murray admitted. ‘I guess you have an excuse. We all do,’ he paused momentarily before his energy returned full force, ‘But you’re young enough to still find the joy, right? To run wild and free, to dream big, to expect the unexpected! To believe in magic! Find some joy, Eddie! Don’t let those monsters steal it from you.’ Eddie could tell Murray didn’t mean just literal monsters.
‘I’ve never heard you so sentimental, Murray,’ Joyce smiled over.
‘Not sentimental,’ Murray took a deep drink of wine. ‘Just trying to get these kids to remember… they’re just kids. To enjoy it while they can.’
‘Good advice,’ Joyce nodded, winking at Eddie.
The doorbell rang, and Joyce sprung up. ‘I’ll get it!’
Eddie looked after her confused; the table was already fuller than normal and outside of Wayne’s phone calls, they’d never been interrupted before. A second later, Eddie heard the unmistakable voice of Dustin Henderson.
‘We’re here!’ Dustin and Lucas walked in, Dustin with his arms extended as if in a victory pose, Lucas with Erica carrying a bulky package. Closely following them was Dustin’s mom, carrying a covered dish.
‘Mrs. H!’ Eddie exclaimed, jumping up to greet her in a hug, and run a hand over Dustin and Lucas’s heads in hello, a high five for Erica.
‘Oh hello, Eddie,’ she leaned forward, resorting to a kiss on his cheek instead a pinch with her hands full. She gestured and Eddie grabbed the dish, running it over to the kitchen counter.
‘Henderson!’ Steve had hopped up excitedly to hug Dustin. Eddie met Will’s eye, matching raised brows. So used to the teasing and bickering between Steve and Dustin, Eddie forgot for a minute what Steve had told him, what he’d known. That Dustin was his best friend. And he clearly missed his best friend. ‘Hello, Mrs. Henderson, don’t you look lovely tonight,’ Steve winked at her and got the double cheek squeeze in return, as Eddie smirked.
El and Mike had pulled up a few extra chairs around the table, and Lucas, Erica, Dustin and Mrs. H seated themselves, the table now good and crowded, elbows knocking.
‘Really, Eddie?’ Dustin asked as soon as he was seated. ‘You bring Steve over here before you think to invite me?’
Eddie started to blush, not sure how to answer but Steve jumped in before he could.
‘Hey,’ he flicked Dustin’s cap, ‘You put in some hours working on that cabin and then you can actually earn your seat at this table like I did.’
‘So, how’s the cabin going, Eddie?’ Hop asked in a way that made it clear he’d been holding that question in.
And apparently for a good reason as Joyce chimed in with an admonishing ‘Hopper!’
He raised his hands defensively. ‘Just a question! A casual question!’
‘It’s good,’ Eddie smiled over. Hop had really trusted him with this, and he wasn’t going to let him down. ‘Mickey’s been helping with any questions. I, uh, I still have to see how the roof held up with the storm last night, but no leaks so far,’ Eddie crossed his fingers.
‘And, uh, how much longer do you think it’ll be?’ Hopper asked, strained and Eddie heard another hushed ‘Hopper!’ from Joyce.
‘Oh uh… well…’ Shit. Eddie was doing the best he could; yes, he’d gotten distracted here and there, but he thought it wasn’t bad for nearly a month of work, especially given that each fix had uncovered a new problem he’d needed to solve. Like fixing the damage to the porch, ripping the big room almost down to the studs, realizing his roof repair had revealed another weak spot that he still needed to reinforce… he couldn’t possibly calculate. Especially because each problem involved him spending hours either poring over the home repair books or talking to the guys at the store.
‘Hey, you get what you pay for right?’ Steve chimed in, an edge in his voice.
‘Excuse me?’ Hopper said softly but sternly, putting down his beer. Eddie pulled a Joyce and angry whispered ‘Steve!’ under his breath as the chatter froze.
‘No, I mean, what do you expect?’ Steve leaned forward, elbows on the table. ‘You a hire a kid who’s never done any of that stuff before to basically rebuild a whole cabin on his own.’ He scoffed, pressed his leg against Eddie’s. ‘It’s a ton of work, but Eddie’s doing a great job. He’s already almost fallen off the roof and now he’s studying fucking electrical manuals to redo the wiring, so cut him some slack. Good work takes time, and he won’t let you down. You can trust him.’ Steve and Hopper stared each other down, tension apparent.
The table was silent after Steve’s pronouncement, and though Eddie’s stomach flipped with nerves, he had felt his pride grow with every word Steve said.
‘Hear hear,’ Joyce finally said, clearly as if she’d made a similar argument to Hopper not too long ago, followed by a ‘Go Steve’ from Lucas, a ‘Damn right’ from Erica, and a soft whoop from Will.
‘Yeah, Eddie did three months of school in just one week to graduate. He can rebuild one fucking cabin, no problem,’ Dustin chimed in.
‘Language,’ Mrs. Henderson swatted at him, causing Dustin to scoff: ‘Oh, so Steve can curse but I can’t?’ This earned him another swat.
‘Okay, okay, I get it,’ Hopper finally looked away, appearing to cede to Steve’s point. ‘Patience is a virtue and all that. And I do trust you,’ He pointed his beer at Eddie. ‘If I didn’t, you’d know it. But I’m here if you need anything. Anything.’ Hopper emphasized and Eddie nodded.
‘On that note,’ Joyce interrupted, ‘Eddie, we heard that you hadn’t picked up your diploma yet…’
Shit. He hadn’t. After hearing about his passing math grade, letting Steve take those graduation polaroids, and playing a celebratory game of DnD, he’d forgotten about the actual diploma. It was just a piece of paper, he thought. Having it wouldn’t change the fact that he’d graduated.
‘Right yeah, I’ve been meaning to do that…’
Eddie saw Mrs. H nudge Dustin under the table, as he turned around to grab the package Erica had been carrying earlier.
‘No need!’ Dustin proclaimed, displaying the contents of the packet proudly for the whole table to see: Eddie’s diploma, professionally matted, in a thick wood framed inscribed with “Hawkins High School, Class of 1986”.
Eddie could only stare at it in shock, while the faces of everyone around him turned to big smiles in his direction, Will chiming in softly with ‘Happy graduation, Eddie.’
Dustin reached over, placing the diploma in Eddie’s hands. He was still speechless, looking down at it in disbelief, running his fingers over the glass, the engravings.
He tried to say something, anything, even just thank you but his brain wasn’t working. When he looked back up, a home-made cake was set in front of him, with frosting reading: Class of 86.
He laughed, recognizing Dustin’s chicken scratches. He looked around the table, everyone looking at him clearly so proud, so excited. The last person around the circle he looked at was Steve, who was smiling softly. ‘Congratulations, Eddie,’ he whispered, which everyone else echoed.
‘I – wow, this is so… thank you all so much,’ Eddie finally got out, his voice hoarse. Eddie shot a look at Steve, hoping it conveyed what he knew couldn’t be right: did you do this? Steve blushed lightly.
‘We all chipped in to get it framed,’ Steve answered his unasked question. ‘All of us “Vecna Alumni”,’ he used Robin’s new phrase. ‘It was ready a few weeks ago,’ he tapped the edge of the frame, ‘we just weren’t sure how to give it to you.’
‘But when you called to say Steve was coming tonight…’ Joyce said.
‘…it seemed like the perfect time,’ Steve smiled, finishing Joyce’s sentence.
‘And that’s why you get such a half-assed cake,’ Dustin added. ‘Cause we only had a few hours’ notice.’
‘Sorry, did we interrupt your hot Wednesday night plans?’ Steve rolled his eyes.
‘Actually –,’ Dustin started before his mom cut him off: ‘It would have been homework, Dynasty, then bed!’
‘Mom!’ Dustin hissed at her as his friends laughed.
Eddie laughed too; he couldn’t help but laugh. Almost everyone he loved in the world was around this table, having just surprised him with physical proof of one of his greatest accomplishments.
‘This is amazing,’ Eddie whispered. ‘Thank you,’ his voice breaking slightly. Everyone erupted into cheers, and Steve huddled them all together to take a picture, placing a camera on a timer, balanced precariously on a pot on the stove.
Eddie’s smile from the photo didn’t leave his smile for the rest of the night, as they cut the cake, as Erica and Steve started snapping photos, as Murray reminisced about his high school experience and gave the kids advice that Mrs. H quickly contradicted. Hopper poured him a celebratory finger of whiskey (‘I know you’re not 21 but it’s a special occasion’ with a wink).
When Wayne called a few minutes later, the phone call was quick once he’d heard about the events of the night, saying that he didn’t want to interrupt but that he was proud of him. Hearing Wayne’s obviously tired voice on the phone, remembering everything he’d given up just for Eddie to have this, pushed Eddie even closer to tears than the diploma reveal had.
Though Eddie was warm from the whiskey and the joy and could have stayed there celebrating all night, at some point, Mrs. H stood up, herding Erica, Lucas and Dustin, reminding them it was a school night, the Sinclairs had asked for their kids to be home by his curfew, they needed to head out. This led to an offer to take Mike home, a big yawn from Murray, and Steve leaning over to whisper to Eddie, ‘Maybe we should go, too’ with a small innocent smile but a glint in his eye.
As everyone was saying their (many) goodbyes, Eddie found himself shaking hands with Murray.
‘Remember my advice, Eddie. Find your joy,’ Murray grinned.
‘I’ll try, Murray,’ Eddie smiled back.
‘At the very least, it seems like you found someone who can help you with that,’ Murray glanced at the poorly hidden hickey on Eddie’s neck, then over at Steve, grinning. ‘Hot, thoughtful, has your back… looks like Nancy gave up a prize after all.’
Eddie froze, swallowing thickly, heart stuttering but before he could say anything, Murray gave him a direct look and winked. From the look on his face, the pressure in his handshake – Eddie relaxed, knowing somehow that Murray wouldn’t tell. That if anyone could actually keep a secret, it would be Murray. And after their dinner conversation, Eddie knew firsthand that Murray was the keeper of far juicier secrets than this.
With a pat on Eddie’s arm, Murray turned and stepped over to Steve, who had just finished saying goodnight to Joyce.
‘Steve, you’ll help our Eddie find some joy, right?’ Eddie blushed at the way Murray drew out the word joy and wanted to sink into the floor.
‘Uhh,’ Steve raised a confused brow at Murray’s question, or maybe at Eddie’s embarrassed response. ‘Sure?’
‘Delightful,’ Murray smirked, shaking Steve’s hand with vigor. With a final wink to Eddie, he turned and walked away.
‘What was that about?’ Steve whispered to Eddie.
‘I’ll tell you later,’ Eddie sighed.
And he did, as he and Steve made out in his bed, more lazily, less urgently than last night, content with their kisses, knowing that they had time.
Steve cracked up at Murray’s request and dropped soft kisses on Eddie’s face, his neck, his hair, whispering ‘and here’s some joy, and here’s some joy’ between each.
As Steve fell asleep curled around him, breathing softly in Eddie’s ear, with the warmth of whiskey in his chest, staring at his framed diploma leaning on his nightstand, the only thought running through Eddie’s mind was how lucky he was to get a day like today.
And in that thought, after the year he’d had, Eddie managed to find some joy… though he still couldn’t quite drown out that pesky little voice, saying that he didn’t deserve it.
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 17: "One Of The Benefits"
‘Morning, gorgeous.’
‘Harrington,’ Eddie drawled, lazy, content.
‘So formal after you mauled me in your sleep?’
Eddie laughed, throwing an arm around Steve’s shoulder, pulling him into his chest. ‘I could have sworn I was humping my pillow.’
‘Hey!’
‘My hot, sexy Steve pillow,’ Eddie pinched Steve’s side.
Chapter 17: One Of The Benefits
Summary:
‘You made me so nervous. Still do.’
‘Oh?’
Eddie must have heard a note of sadness in Steve’s voice, as he opened one eye, glanced over. ‘Not in a bad way, Harrington. Just, like, the crush, right? I didn’t want to act dumb or weird or scare you away for good…’
Steve tried to think back, if Eddie had ever scared him or acted weird; Steve thought he must have been the one acting weird, not Eddie. ‘You always acted really cool,’ Steve said a moment later.
‘What?’ Eddie scoffed, turning to Steve. ‘No, I definitely didn’t act cool.’
‘Not like cool guy cool,’ Steve smirked.
‘Thanks, Steve.’
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve woke to a cat’s tail swishing in his face. ‘Ugh,’ he pushed Demo off, but felt the cat settle by his feet instead. It took him a second to register where he was, until he felt soft breathing on his shoulder, remembering that he was in Eddie’s bed.
Finally.
He had finally done it. Taken the chance, taken the lead – and it had paid off. So far. Paid off as he moved his head slightly, to get a better look at Eddie. All those times before, when he’d seen sleeping Eddie, only to stare at him but feel guilty about it, like it was wrong, like it was something he shouldn’t be doing.
But it felt right. It scared him how right it felt. Because he saw all the beautiful, soft parts of Eddie’s face, his eyes, his lips, that he had always seen; but also registered the morning stubble, the tangy scent of body odor, the prominent Adam’s apple on his long throat. Things that when he looked in the mirror didn’t mean anything, things that when he’d seen them on other guys didn’t mean anything.
He didn’t know why it all worked on Eddie. Why he wanted to run his fingers on his cheek to feel the hair, why he wanted to nuzzle his armpit, lick his throat.
Steve hardened and decided to stop thinking. To just feel.
He curled himself around Eddie, nuzzling the side of his face. Eddie turned toward him, still in sleep, nuzzled back. Intrigued, Steve kissed him, slowly and felt Eddie respond, push back, still not fully awake. Steve pressed his body a little closer, inhaling sharply as Eddie’s sleepy hands found his ass and pulled him in. He searched Eddie’s face; his eyes were still closed. He started to move against Steve, a dreamlike version of what they’d done the other night, slower, quieter.
Steve wasn’t quite sure about the sexual etiquette in this particular situation, so he whispered: ‘Eddie?’
At the sound of Steve’s voice, hearing his name, Eddie stirred slightly, exhaled, eyes barely opening, but continued to rub himself against Steve. He leaned up, catching Steve’s mouth and increased his pace, breathing still even, not uttering a sound. Steve brought a hand up to cup Eddie’s face, and responded with his own movements, slow and steady.
A minute later, Eddie’s eyes started to open further, blinking slowly. He looked at Steve in confusion – and Steve registered the moment Eddie awoke fully, the spark entering his eyes, the recognition of what was happening.
And he smirked, grabbing Steve’s face, kissing him deeply, tongues entwining.
In the hazy morning light, Steve and Eddie continued to move against each other, kissing lazily, until Eddie shut his eyes, exhaled sharply, whispering ‘Fuck’. Steve moved his hand over Eddie’s cheek, pushing him back so he could lean forward to lick his throat, run his tongue over Eddie’s nipple, inhale his scent deeply.
It took him another minute of moving against Eddie, who had continued his motions, palming Steve’s ass, caressing his hair, until he came, with a low moan.
Eddie continued running his hand through Steve’s hair as he raised his head, grinning at Eddie. ‘Morning, gorgeous.’
‘Harrington,’ Eddie drawled, lazy, content.
‘So formal after you mauled me in your sleep?’
Eddie laughed, throwing an arm around Steve’s shoulder, pulling him into his chest. ‘I could have sworn I was humping my pillow.’
‘Hey!’
‘My hot, sexy Steve pillow,’ Eddie pinched Steve’s side, and Steve squirmed. ‘When I realized you were real and not a dream…’
‘Do you dream of me, Munson?’ Steve tried to joke, but Eddie paused, long fingers dancing slowly up and down Steve’s arm.
‘Yes.’ Steve looked up to Eddie staring at him intensely. ‘Every day you came by.’
‘Every day?’ Steve tried to count but couldn’t. Dozens of times. More.
Eddie nodded. ‘And before that.’
‘How long?’ Steve warmed at the idea, of Eddie wanting him for so long. But how long had he been oblivious?
Eddie sighed, looked away, shook his head. ‘I don’t know…’ he looked back. ‘Maybe the first time I saw you.’
Steve rolled his eyes, scoffed. ‘When you were trying to kill me with a broken bottle?’
‘Not the first time we met,’ Eddie said. ‘The first time I saw you. You were playing basketball in the gym when I was walking to detention. I… noticed you.’
‘Really?’ Steve wracked his brain trying to remember. He had played there so many times. ‘Like a practice or something?’
Eddie nodded. ‘Shirts and skins,’ he smiled. ‘You were skins.’
Steve shook his head. ‘I don’t remember the first time I saw you…’ he tried to think. He remembered seeing Eddie in the hallways, remembered knowing about him, about his reputation. But the moment he’d first seen him was a blank spot, as if Eddie had slowly materialized into his consciousness.
‘That’s okay,’ Eddie smiled softly. ‘You see me now, though?’ he asked in a joking tone.
Steve chuckled. ‘Oh, I see you! I can’t help but see you… god, was that freshman year?’ A lifetime ago. A different Steve.
‘Yup,’ Eddie grinned. ‘Lil’ freshman Harrington, all hot and sweaty, my 15-year-old self couldn’t take it.’
‘Did you like me this whole time?’
‘Well, I liked your body this whole time,’ Eddie pulled back to look at him. ‘And your face. But you… well, jury’s still out.’
Steve elbowed him and Eddie laughed. ‘No, I guess… I guess when Dustin started talking about you, I thought that maybe you sounded cool. And then when you killed those bats, I thought you were badass. But the crazy stupid crush? Who knows exactly when…’ he drifted off. ‘Was it obvious?’ he asked a minute later.
‘What? Your crazy stupid crush on me?’ Steve asked. Eddie nodded. ‘No, actually,’ Steve shook his head. ‘If it had been, we could have been doing this a lot sooner.'
‘I thought I was being so obvious…’
‘Well, you’re being obvious now. You’ve been squeezing my ass for five minutes,’ Steve raised a brow. When Eddie started to remove his hand, Steve leaned back into it. ‘I didn’t say I didn’t like it!’
Eddie grasped his ass more tightly, leaning in, laughing, kissing him as they tussled. What a way to start the morning, Steve thought.
‘We should do this all day,’ he said eventually, as Eddie let him come up for air.
‘Oh no,’ Eddie waggled a finger. ‘Not after your little speech at Hopper’s about how I can do anything and I’m amazing and I can fix this cabin all by myself. Now the pressure is on!’
‘I meant every word,’ Steve kissed the remnants of Eddie’s demon tattoo. ‘And I don’t work today, so I can help, whatever you need. I can hang out… all day.’ He trailed more kisses down Eddie’s chest, his hands coming up to finger the seam of Eddie’s boxers.
Eddie pulled away, laughing. ‘I have shit to do today! You need to calm down…’
‘I’m calm,’ Steve continued to grope at Eddie, who pushed him away more firmly.
‘Control yourself, Harrington!’ Eddie yelled but Steve could see he was delighted by Steve’s attention. ‘Seriously, you can hang out today but no touching! I mean it. Five feet distance at all times!’
‘Five feet? This room is five feet.’
Eddie rolled his eyes, ‘Fine, just like… control yourself.’
Steve held up his hands, shimmied back a little. ‘Okay, okay! You’re in charge.’
Something darkened in Eddie’s expression, and he murmured, ‘I know.’ Steve could tell that right then Eddie wanted to touch him, wanted to do something more.
‘Control yourself,’ Steve whispered, and Eddie’s tongue flicked out, licking his upper lip.
That fucking tongue.
Well, that was it.
He’d tried.
Steve started to move forward, his hands rising towards Eddie, who shifted away, scrambled out of bed.
‘I’m taking a cold shower,’ Eddie said, backing out of the room. ‘You stay there.’
Steve knelt on the bed, shuffling his knees forward. ‘I could join you…’
‘No!’ Eddie yelled, hand coming to rub at his eyes. ‘You’re killing me, Harrington. Just… stay there.’ He sighed, pained. ‘I really do have shit to do today.’
Steve smirked. ‘Fine, I’ll just be here… alone… in bed… thinking of you.’
‘Ugh!’ Eddie bellowed, slapping the door frame in frustration as he walked out of the room, Steve’s laughter following him.
***
Steve kept his distance from Eddie as he made breakfast on the one stovetop burner, though Eddie still blushed, annoyed, as Steve stared at him intently, silently.
‘You’re such a child, Harrington.’
‘You said no touching! I’m just looking…’
Eddie rolled his eyes but brought over breakfast.
‘What’s the plan for today?’ Steve asked, taking a bite of his eggs.
‘I’ve got to head to Merrill’s, then Mickey’s for the window guy, library books are due, check the roof after the storm, start reframing the big room…’
‘Oh, you really do have shit to do.’
‘I wouldn’t lie to you, Harrington,’ Eddie winked. Steve realized he wouldn’t.
‘What’s in these?’ Steve pointed to his eggs.
‘Nothing special, just eggs, milk, butter…’
Steve didn’t know how Eddie did it. ‘Fucking amazing,’ Steve mumbled through another mouthful. ‘How’d you learn how to cook?’
Steve noted that Eddie paused slightly, making some decision before answering. ‘My mom.’
‘We don’t have to talk about her,’ Steve winced. ‘Sorry.’
‘No, it’s okay. There’s not much more to say,’ Eddie shrugged. ‘But I… I actually don’t make that many things she taught me.’
‘Why?’ Such a strange admission.
‘She left all these handwritten recipes, but when I first tried to make them… I could never do it right. It never tasted right. So, I just started making other stuff, stuff she didn’t make before.’
‘You could try again?’ Steve offered after Eddie fell silent, but he just shrugged. ‘Tastes change, right?’ Steve continued. ‘When I was, like, six, I wouldn’t eat anything but chicken nuggets.’
‘Sounds good,’ Eddie smiled softly.
‘No, like literally for like every meal for months. I wouldn’t eat anything else. Refused,’ Steve shook his head in emphasis. ‘And then one day,’ he snapped his fingers, ‘I just got over it.’
‘So, you ate chicken nuggets and crawled backward,’ Eddie chuckled. ‘What a kid.’
‘What?’
‘That thing you said to Nancy? In the van?’
Steve blushed at the memory. The stupid shit he’d said. ‘You heard that? That – that was… I –’
‘Hey, no judgment. I used to get naked every time I cried,’ Eddie said through a mouthful of eggs. ‘Like, I was so sad that I couldn’t have anything touching me, so I stripped right down, no matter where I was. Backyard, grocery store, restaurant, wherever.’
‘How old were you?’ Steve held back a laugh.
‘Old enough to know better,’ Eddie winked. ‘Mom started to see it coming and would toss her scarf over me whenever I started to get worked up. But I guess, same as you, one day,’ he snapped his fingers, ‘I was over it. Sad Eddie now remains fully clothed.’
‘What a tragedy.’
Eddie threw his head back in a laugh. ‘Promise, next time I’m feeling down, I’ll cry naked in your arms,’ he winked. Dammit. Steve started to heat up, even at the thought of Eddie crying… as long as he was naked.
Control yourself, Steve.
‘So, what’s next?’
***
It was a perfect early fall morning as they walked to Merrill’s farm, still temperate from sun’s fading summer strength, but a crisp chill in the air. The sky was blue, birds were singing. Steve felt amazing.
‘Hey, Bev,’ Eddie called to an older woman, graying red hair, light blue overalls, knee deep in the garden behind Merrill’s farm.
‘Oh, hiya, Eddie,’ she smiled over, slapping her dirt-covered gloves clean as she got up. She raised an eyebrow at Steve.
‘Hi, I’m Steve’ he waved, waggled his fingers.
‘Hello,’ she nodded, looking unconvinced, before returning her attention to Eddie. ‘You ever find your kitty?’
‘Yes, ma’am, seemed like he was on the hunt, but he turned up.’
‘That’s a blessing! Oh, and they’re holding up great,’ she nodded to some wooden planters behind her. ‘Let me get your basket.’
As she shuffled off, Steve whispered to Eddie. ‘What’d I ever do to her?’
‘She needs to be convinced,’ Eddie answered under his breath, ‘She glared at me every time I saw her until I offered to help pull weeds, and then I shucked corn, fixed those crooked planters. I do the smallest things for them, and every time…’
‘Here you go,’ she returned with a basket overflowing with fresh produce. Steve saw tomatoes, zucchini, corn, and so much more. Eddie needed both hands to carry it, holding it up with obvious effort. ‘You’ll help with the chicken coop next week?’
‘Course,’ Eddie nodded, smiling. He held up the basket, ‘Thanks for this and say hey to Merrill for me.’
‘Beautiful garden!’ Steve threw in a compliment as they walked away. She just shook her head slowly, turned away.
‘Too little, too late,’ Eddie grinned.
‘Wow, do I feel dumb for ever bringing you groceries,’ Steve said on the walk back, as they each carried a handle of the hefty basket.
Eddie chuckled. ‘I get stuff from them when I help out. I only get stuff from you whenever you feel guilty.’
‘That’s not true!’ Was it? It kind of was, Steve knew, but… ‘I get you thoughtful stuff, too! Like the guitar…’
‘Guilt after ditching me.’
‘I got you that diploma!’
‘Guilt for me almost dying.’
‘Now, that’s not true!’
‘I’m only teasing you, Harrington,’ Eddie smiled.
‘Fine, no more gifts, got it,’ Steve stated seriously, but worried about the things he’d already gotten Eddie that were sitting in his closet at home…
‘No, I like gifts… I said you didn’t have to bring me stuff just to visit me. You could visit me whenever you wanted. As long as you brought yourself.’
Steve’s heart lifted, just like it had when Eddie said it the last time. And Steve still wanted to believe it.
But he knew that it hadn’t been true for anyone in his life so far. At least not yet.
***
At the hardware store a little later, Steve did a double take when a group of older, flannel clad and ballcapped men turned to greet Eddie with smiles and pats on his back.
‘Hey guys,’ Eddie smiled.
‘Got those final measurements?’ one of the men asked Eddie with a wink.
Eddie laughed. He looked so casual, Steve thought, so comfortable with these brawny old timers, with their work belts, weathered skin, pencils behind their ears. ‘Hope they’re right this time!’
‘Can I help you, son?’ one of the men – Mickey, Steve read on his nametag – asked him.
‘Uh, no, I, uh…’ Steve was caught off guard.
‘He’s a friend of mine, uh, helping me with some stuff around the house,’ Eddie clarified.
‘Good timing,’ Mickey nodded, as if Eddie had answered a riddle correctly. ‘That window’s definitely gonna be a two-person job.’
‘Hey,’ Eddie turned quickly to Steve, ‘I’m going to need a few minutes, if you want to look around or something?’ Oh god, was Eddie embarrassed by him?
‘Sure,’ Steve nodded, saluted to the men and headed down one of the aisles, that contained what looked all types of electrical switches, connectors, wires.
A minute later he felt a tap on his shoulder, to turn around to find a red-faced stranger in a red flannel and overalls raising his eyebrow. ‘Hey, uh, you here with Munson?’
‘Um, yes?’ Was he going to have to fight this red man for Eddie’s affections?
‘Oh, great, can you give him this? He’s busy with Buck,’ The man passed him a business card with an additional number scribbled on the back. ‘Tell him it’s from Randy. My cousin’s number.’
‘Sure…’
‘He’s a smart kid,’ the man said, straight face. ‘My cousin said he had really smart questions.’
Steve had no idea what he was talking about but then, without a thank you or goodbye, the man turned around and walked out of the store, pushing a heavy looking cart of what looked like bags of sand.
When Eddie found Steve a while later, Steve was staring at a wall covered with buckets of screws.
‘Why could you possibly need this many screws?’ Steve asked softly as Eddie gently nudged his shoulder. ‘It’s kind of overkill.’
Eddie huffed a laugh, reaching for a screw in the nearest basket. ‘Well, these are for concrete, I think. I haven’t used them. And these,’ he picked up another, ‘these are for wood, and these,’ another, ‘are the ones I used on the roof.’
‘Oh,’ Steve was mesmerized by how gently Eddie’s fingers were rolling the screws between them. ‘What are those called?’
‘Roofing screws,’ Eddie smiled.
‘Creative,’ Steve said, now distracted by Eddie’s throat moving under the chain he was wearing. He wanted to step forward and touch Eddie but pulled himself back. He could tell Eddie felt the same, as he whispered: ‘Not here.’
Steve coughed, took a step away. ‘Hey, uh, this guy wanted me to give you this number. For his cousin?’ Steve handed over the business card.
‘Oh, great,’ Eddie flipped the card over, eyes scanning, before tucking it into his jean’s back pocket. ‘He’s a roofer in Indy. The cousin,’ Eddie clarified. ‘Had some questions, so the guys are helping me out.’
‘You’re really…’ Steve didn’t know what exactly. He hadn’t seen this Eddie before, walking into a place like this so comfortably, chatting with people who maybe months ago would have scoffed at his hair, his tattoos, his reputation. He’d won them over. Just like he’d won over grumpy Bev. Won over Steve. There was something about him, Steve thought. It’s not just me who can’t ignore him. ‘…impressive.’
‘Oh, I don’t know –’
‘You are. I remember you saying you could only hammer nails into trash can lids. Installing windows, fixing roofs? Impressive.’
Eddie squirmed, shifted from side to side, uncomfortable with the compliment. ‘Thanks.’
‘I’m glad I didn’t have to lie to Hopper last night,’ Steve winked.
‘I want to do a good job,’ Eddie said, so seriously, Steve wanted to hug him.
‘You will. You are!’
He couldn’t help but reach out and squeeze Eddie’s fingers quickly; Eddie’s small smile in return was worth it.
‘What’s next?’
***
Next was an insanely long trip to the library, where Steve wandered for so long while Eddie chose his books, that he’d actually started to read one with cute bunnies on the cover. When Eddie found him, he’d laughed at how he found Steve – crouched over in a reading nook, hand fisted in his hair, confusion apparent on his face.
‘Good book, Harrington?’
‘What the… what the hell is this?’
‘Watership Down?’ Eddie grins. ‘It’s a good one, you should borrow it.’
‘You’ve read it? Does it ever make sense?’
Eddie just winked at him, adding the book to his own pile.
Finally, back to the cabin, Steve tried to concentrate on his book, while Eddie worked – and as promised, Steve stayed on the patio, way more than five feet away, despite Eddie sweating, shirtless, tongue pinched in concentration as he measured and cut new floorboards for the big room. Steve couldn’t help it if his eyes wandered, if his book slowly drooped onto his chest, if his breathing deepened…
‘Harrington!’
‘What?’ Steve startled, scrambling up from the porch steps, book falling into the dirt. ‘Hm?’ he tried to lean casually on a post.
‘You’re… distracting me. Can you go inside?’
‘I’m not doing anything!’
‘You’re staring. A lot.’
‘I… I’m just watching you work.’
‘Creep,’ Eddie tried to grumble but Steve saw his lips turn up slightly.
‘I love watching you work,’ Steve admitted, the blatant truth of the statement stilling Eddie’s movements.
‘Oh,’ Eddie replied, blushing, head darting down and away.
‘You’ve got a great body…’ Steve didn’t intend the leer that crept into his voice, how his body started taking long, slow steps closer to Eddie.
Eddie flushed a deeper red, the color creeping down his neck. ‘Damn, Harrington,’ he tried to joke. ‘You’re not so bad yourself.’
Undeterred, not taking the bait for distraction, even though Steve loved basking in a compliment, he continued. ‘It’s dangerous being around you. You know how many times I hurt myself watching you?’
‘What?’ Eddie laughed, confused.
‘Yeah, you walking around, hot and sweaty all the time? Like, come on, man! Tripping on those stairs nearly killed me that day you were hauling wood from your truck!’
‘Really?’ Eddie seemed almost proud. ‘You were watching me?’
‘Of course,’ Steve laughed, but Eddie shook his head.
‘Not of course! Like… I didn’t know, I thought you were just being nice coming over here.’
‘I am nice.’
Eddie smiled at him, coming around from where he was standing behind the sawhorse, took one slow step of his own towards Steve. ‘You distract me, too. Like, right now? I can’t pretend you’re not here, not when you’re looking at me like that…’
‘Like what?’ Steve raised a brow, suppressing a grin, taking another step.
‘Like…’ Eddie glanced at Steve’s lips, swallowed. ‘Like… that…’
‘Like… I’m hungry for some Eddie Pie?’ Steve said in a joking tone, but it was true. He was hungry for Eddie. Desperately.
Especially when Eddie threw his head back, laughing, his long throat on display, body vibrating. ‘Don’t start!’ He laughed but then grew serious. ‘You’re dangerous, too.’ His voice was low, rough. He hummed another laugh. ‘Nearly broke my neck because of you…’
‘The roof?’ Steve beamed, pointing up. ‘I wasn’t even up there!’
‘No,’ Eddie started to squirm, some of his intensity vanishing. ‘But I… saw you…’
‘You saw me… what?’
‘I saw you drinking water,’ Eddie shrugged, eyes darting from Steve to the ground.
Steve bellowed a laugh. ‘I was drinking water? And you almost fell off the roof?’
‘Well, yeah,’ Eddie shut his eyes. Steve was so delighted by this revelation and couldn’t imagine it could get better when it did. ‘You were drinking it like… sexy.’
Steve beamed, closing the distance between him and Eddie, bending down to catch Eddie’s gaze which was darting around in clear embarrassment. ‘How was it sexy?’ he asked, but Eddie swatted him away, taking a step back, suppressing a smile.
‘Stop it, Steve! I have to work,’ a laugh escaping him.
‘Oh, you have to work?’ Steve pecked him on the lips once, twice.
‘Yes,’ Eddie smiled, finally catching his eye. Seeing Eddie this happy, this close, something familiar, warm, disquieting stirred in his chest.
‘Okay…’ Steve raised his hands, smirking, starting to walk away. ‘Well, I’m going to go get something to drink, and then I’ll be back to drink it…’ Steve continued to back away, ‘Sexily…’ a wink at Eddie, ‘While I watch you work.’
Steve laughed as he ran inside, dodging a pencil that Eddie threw after him.
***
After a while, Steve could tell that Eddie did forget he was there. Steve continued to read on the porch, stopping every now and then to snap a photo of Eddie, wanting to get the film of his diploma reveal party developed.
But Eddie simply went about his work, concentrating. At one point, Eddie went inside, walking by Steve with a simple touch to his shoulder, but coming out a few minutes later with a plate with a sandwich and some chips on it for Steve, as well as one of his own. Steve wanted to cry at how casually thoughtful it was.
Eventually, Eddie did ask Steve for help, hauling pieces of wood into the big room, then Steve mainly holding boards in place as Eddie hammered them in.
After only an hour, Steve was already sweating and exhausted; he wasn’t sure how Eddie still had any energy, how he’d been busy and working all day without any sign of slowing down.
‘Time to wrap up,’ Eddie said a few minutes later.
Steve tried to regulate his breathing, tried to wipe off the sweat. ‘No, it’s cool, we can keep working.’
Eddie smiled. ‘Not because of you, though the sweaty look works,’ he threw a thumbs up with a wink. ‘It’s quitting time, come on,’ Eddie grabbed two beers from the fridge and headed outside, Steve following him to the back porch overlooking the small clearing behind the cabin.
It was early evening, the sun making its way down the horizon. A soft breeze rustled around them, birds chirping in the trees. It was peaceful, calming. All the strain, the sweat from just minutes ago seemed to evaporate from Steve’s body. Was this what Eddie did every day? Steve had seen bits and pieces of his days, but spending all of these hours observing Eddie, forced to keep a distance; it had made him see Eddie differently. Yes, he still wanted to touch him, wanted to kiss him, wanted to see him wink and tease and moan.
Looking over at him now, serene with the look of a man who had actually accomplished something, who had built something with his own two hands, who made an impact on his community, who was beloved by those around him… Steve felt a surge of affection for him.
And realized how his own life was the opposite of that in almost every way.
Why did he always fall so hard for people who were so much better than him?
‘What would you be doing if I wasn’t here?’ Steve asked many minutes later, enjoying the breeze, enjoying looking at Eddie.
‘Hm, could be anything. Reading, playing guitar, going for a walk, editing Will’s campaign… trying to guess if you’d be coming by,’ Eddie had his eyes closed, face to the sun, but smiled.
‘Really?’
Steve loved that for as many times as Eddie made something into a line, twisted a question or a conversation into a moment to flirt and leer, just as often, he was honest, devastatingly so. ‘You made me so nervous. Still do.’
‘Oh?’
Eddie must have heard a note of sadness in Steve’s voice, as he opened one eye, glanced over. ‘Not in a bad way, Harrington. Just, like, the crush, right? I didn’t want to act dumb or weird or scare you away for good…’
Steve tried to think back, if Eddie had ever scared him or acted weird; Steve thought he must have been the one acting weird, not Eddie. ‘You always acted really cool,’ Steve said a moment later.
‘What?’ Eddie scoffed, turning to Steve. ‘No, I definitely didn’t act cool.’
‘Not like cool guy cool,’ Steve smirked.
‘Thanks, Steve.’
‘But like… you always had it together, I think. Around me. Mostly,’ Steve tilted his head, now remembering some of Eddie’s awkward coughs, swallows, shuffles in a different light. ‘I guess that should have been a sign.’
‘What? Why?’
‘Cause when you’re being normal, just being you, you’re intense but… fun. But sometimes with me, you were kind of… rigid.’
Eddie’s brow furrowed. ‘Could you tell?’
‘Could I tell what?’
‘That I was gay?’
Steve shook his head. ‘Eventually, I guess, but no. Not for a long time. But maybe someone straighter than me would have been able to tell.’
Eddie laughed.
‘Could you tell about me? That I liked you?’
Steve smiled at Eddie’s blush. Eddie started to speak, then swallowed what he was going to say before continuing. ‘Honestly, I still don’t totally believe it.’
‘Eddie!’
‘No, it’s just, you’re so nice, Steve,’ Eddie was looking at him with so much softness, Steve’s breathing started to quicken. ‘You care. You’re thoughtful. I thought you were just being nice to me… I didn’t know until you kissed me,’ he swallowed, eyes darting over Steve’s face.
‘Yeah,’ Steve’s voice was deep, his eyes focused on Eddie’s face as he turned away to take a sip of his beer. ‘That was a good decision.’
Steve leaned over and kissed Eddie, because now he could. The disbelief that this could actually be happening, after weeks, months of thinking they were each the only one with these types of feelings. He wondered if Eddie had exactly the same feelings, the same thoughts about this.
He’s probably less curious, Steve thought. He’s probably already seen and felt and tasted all the things that Steve was still wondering about.
Steve broke away from the kiss, Eddie’s face tilting forward, lips still pursed, following Steve’s absence.
‘So… do you still have more work after this, or…’
Eddie grinned crookedly. ‘No,’ he leaned forward, placing a small kiss on the corner of Steve’s mouth. Steve’s breath hitched at the look on Eddie’s face. ‘I’m all yours.’
They came together violently, Eddie grabbing Steve’s face in his hands, tongue invading his mouth eagerly. Steve could smell his sweat after a hard day’s work, feel fine wood shavings on Eddie’s skin as he dragged his hands up and down Eddie’s back. Steve’s breath came quickly, hand clenched in Eddie’s hair as Eddie moved down, licking and suckling on Steve’s jaw, his neck, his collarbone.
‘Are you trying to give me a hickey?’ Steve breathed out as Eddie paid particular attention to the pulse point at the base of his neck.
‘It’s only fair,’ Eddie leered up at him, tapping his own healing hickey.
‘That was an accident,’ Steve said, pulling Eddie’s head back by his hair forcefully. Eddie licked his lips, gaze intensifying. He pulled against the pressure Steve was exerting, a quick sigh escaping him as he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his brown eyes had gone almost black, intense, as he leaned forward, slowly, returning his lips to Steve’s neck.
‘And this is on purpose,’ Steve felt Eddie’s teeth as he sucked, his eyes demanding, questioning, daring Steve to object. Steve hardened fully at the sight. ‘What are you going to do about it?’
He’d been right before; Eddie was dangerous.
Steve wasn’t afraid of a little danger.
‘Nothing,’ Steve could barely speak, gasped out the word helplessly. He tilted his head, angling his neck closer to Eddie’s mouth, feeling heavy breaths on his wet skin.
With a wicked smile, Eddie pushed Steve down from his seated position on the edge of the patio, the rough wood floor scratching at his back. In one quick motion, Eddie straddled him, his hips holding Steve’s thighs in place.
‘Oh fuck,’ Steve moaned, feeling Eddie’s pressure against his own. He ran his hands over Eddie’s chest, pausing momentarily at Eddie’s flinch.
‘It’s okay,’ Eddie breathed, running his hands up and down Steve’s arms. ‘It’s good just… it feels different than before.’
Steve leaned up, hands around Eddie’s back, bending forward to kiss Eddie’s pecs. Eddie laughed when he licked his nipple. Steve reached to cup Eddie’s chest as if he were cupping a girl’s breasts.
‘No boobies,’ he tried to joke, but Eddie paused, fell serious. The opposite of what Steve intended.
‘Do you miss it?’
‘What? Boobies?’
Eddie rolled his eyes. ‘You’re such a dork. Yes, boobies.’
‘I mean, I like boobies…’ Steve squeezed, running his thumbs over Eddie’s nipples. Eddie’s eyes closed with a soft sigh, and Steve moved his hands down Eddie’s torso, over his hips, his thighs and back up to let his thumb stroke Eddie’s jean shorts over his obvious erection. ‘But I like this, too.’
Eddie huffed, eyes still closed, as he squirmed and rubbed himself over Steve’s hardness. Steve moaned, eyes caught on the sight of where Eddie was grinding, seeing as much as feeling the friction of the denim between them.
When Steve looked back up, Eddie was staring at him, tongue massaging his upper lip.
‘Lie down,’ Eddie commanded, voice low, serious, powerful. Steve was so shocked by the tone, he leaned back slowly, staring at Eddie wide eyed.
Eddie looked at him so intensely, eyes traveling from his face to his mouth, his chest, up and down again and all around. His pupils had blown wide, his chest moved quickly, each inhale, each exhale exerting pressure on Steve’s pelvis that felt so tantalizing, Steve started to squirm.
‘Don’t move.’ Again, that voice. Steve didn’t think he could sit still, he wanted to drown in that voice.
It took every ounce of his self-control, but Steve stilled, looking at this new version of Eddie. Or maybe not new, but another side of him that he hadn’t seen before, added to the many that he’d seen throughout the day already.
Eddie leaned forward slowly, lips trailing firm kisses down Steve’s chest, tongue licking at his sweat, teeth grazing his skin. He nibbled at Steve’s side, over Steve’s own demobat scars, that had healed so fast, so cleanly compared to Eddie’s own.
A sudden rumble laugh from Eddie had Steve blinking in confusion. ‘What?’ He didn’t know if he was allowed to speak but thrilled at the idea of Eddie commanding him again.
He didn’t, instead nuzzled his face closer into Steve’s light scars. ‘I just… I just realized that I’ve wanted to do this since then…’
‘Since when?’ Steve tilted his head, his body shifting under Eddie’s and he had to swallow his moan as his erection rubbed against Eddie’s.
‘Since you fought off a hoard of demobats,’ Eddie was still focused on Steve’s chest, his fingers joining his lips as he caressed Steve’s scars, his chest hair. ‘It was so fucking hot.’
‘Really?’ Steve writhed under Eddie’s attentions. ‘I was… bloody and disgusting…’ Steve breathed out, lost in the sensation of Eddie on him.
‘I know. It’s sick but…’ The dark look, those hungry eyes that made Steve melt focused in on him. ‘I fucking wanted you.’
Steve shot up, his lips seeking Eddie’s, but Eddie caught his face before their lips fully connected, barely touching, their heavy breaths mingling. Steve tilted his face forward into the warmth Eddie was exhaling, desperate to touch their lips together.
Eddie slowly shook his head, raised a brow; Steve could feel the ghost of Eddie’s tongue as he wet his lush lips. ‘Lie. Down.’
Steve ground his jaw, eyes challenging. Eddie’s mouth twisted as he pushed Steve back.
‘I want to touch you,’ Steve complained, trying to resist.
‘Me first,’ Eddie breathed into his ear, nipping at his lobe. He slid down Steve’s body gradually, nails grazing over Steve’s skin, repositioning himself between Steve’s legs. He kissed his way down Steve’s happy trail, continuing over the front of Steve’s jeans, the flutter light sensation sharpening as his mouth nuzzled where the tip of Steve’s penis lay.
Steve exhaled sharply at the sensation, of Eddie’s hair tickling his stomach, of his face rubbing itself over his erection, mouth open, heating the denim. Steve thought he’d come just from that, but then Eddie’s hand moved to Steve’s waist band, unbuttoning his pants, unzipping them slowly.
Eddie peeled Steve’s jeans down his thighs and then a second later, his boxers.
At the sensation of cold air on his dick, Steve blew out a breath. ‘Holy fuck.’ He had to clench his eyes shut to minimize how much he was feeling and threw his head back. He angled his head to look out over the field, suddenly very conscious that he was exposed for the world to see.
‘Relax,’ Eddie murmured, attention still focused on Steve’s body. ‘There’s nobody around for miles. I haven’t seen another person in all my time here…’
Steve’s nerves did not ease as he realized what was about to happen. He’d gotten head before, plenty of times; he’d even been naked in front of guys before, in the locker room.
But the way Eddie looked at his penis now, like it was the best thing he’d ever seen… his nerves started to transform into eager anticipation.
Most girls (almost all girls) seemed to only tolerate penises, or at least Steve’s. He’d received good blow jobs before, even great ones, but (almost) every time, it had felt like she was going through the motions, like it was a requirement they somehow just needed to get through.
It didn’t seem like it would be a requirement to Eddie. It seemed like a necessity, like it was vital to his survival.
Eddie knelt now, running a finger slowly up Steve’s shaft, pulling a deep moan from him that made Eddie smile.
‘Well, hello there, big boy,’ Eddie smirked up at Steve. The sight of Eddie’s mouth, with that look in his eyes, crouched over Steve’s penis, made his dick twitch.
‘I’m so hard,’ Steve moaned, pointing out the obvious.
‘Oh, I see that,’ Eddie smiled, slowly, crookedly, evilly. ‘Let’s see what we can do about that.’
Steve made a sound he never had before as Eddie’s tongue touched his head, circling slowly. ‘Oh, fuck,’ as Eddie took his tip fully into his mouth.
He wanted to look, wanted nothing more than to see this, to watch Eddie’s every movement, but he physically couldn’t; the sight of Eddie doing this to him was turning him on even more, painfully so.
Steve shut his eyes, threw his head back, one hand coming to pull at his own hair, anything to disperse the sensation in his body from where Eddie’s mouth was now working its way up and down, one of Eddie’s hands wrapped around Steve’s shaft, extending the movement, and the other…
‘Holy shit,’ Steve exclaimed, as Eddie started massaging Steve’s balls with his other hand.
He soon couldn’t distinguish between Eddie’s mouth, his hands, but could feel as Eddie varied his pace, his tongue occasionally running up and down his length, circling his head, and then he felt Eddie’s mouth suckle his sack, the pressure and his humming drawing loud groans from Steve, as his hands continued their motions.
The sensations were too much, he was so close, too close.
He opened his eyes to see Eddie’s hair forming a curtain around his work. Steve reached down, pushing the hair back from Eddie’s face and watched him. Realizing that he had an audience, Eddie looked up – the direct eye contact, the look on his face, the feeling of his smile as he had Steve fully in his mouth, his little hums, his teeth grazing every so often.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
‘I’m coming,’ Steve exhaled. ‘I’m coming, I’m coming.’
He’d learned by now that most girls needed the heads up, they didn’t like this part, moving away quickly, maybe switching to their hands, maybe letting Steve finish himself off.
But Eddie just smiled at Steve’s warning, increasing his pace and when Steve came, his body spasming, back lifting off the porch and pulling Eddie’s hair so hard he felt his entire head angling, Eddie continued to suckle, Steve’s penis still in his mouth. He felt Eddie’s throat muscles contracting, which only extended his pleasure, as a loud moan escaped him and his body seized up, collapsed in the aftermath.
Eddie released his penis with a pop, licking his lips, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
He crawled up beside Steve, resting his head on his bent arm and looking so pleased with himself that Steve would have teased him if he’d had any energy at all. Steve couldn’t seem to catch his breath, felt the cool air on his wet dick, wet from Eddie’s mouth… and that caused him to close his eyes again, trying to block out some sensation, it was all too much, far too much.
When he finally looked at Eddie a minute later, he was smiling so large, his dimples were deeper than Steve had ever seen.
Steve wanted to smile, wanted to move closer to Eddie, wanted to pull his pants up but all he could do was blink rapidly, in awe. ‘You are so good at that…’
‘Really?’ Eddie smirked. ‘I’ve never done that before.’
At this, Steve started to shake his head, disbelieving. ‘Wow, just like… wow, that was… you… I mean…’
‘Sounds like it was good for you, Harrington,’ Eddie drawled, as he traced patterns over Steve’s chest, proud smile still firmly plastered on his face.
‘It was fucking amazing,’ Steve finally caught his breath and leaned to kiss Eddie, knowing the salty taste on his lips was his own. ‘How did you…’ Steve gestured vaguely in the air as he collapsed back down.
‘Well, porn,’ Eddie said, and Steve nodded, understanding. ‘And I also know what I like so…’
‘Wow.’ Steve wished he had a better word for what he was feeling, but it seemed the most appropriate. ‘That was… wow. Thank god you have a penis.’
Eddie guffawed, delighted. ‘One of the benefits of being with a dude,’ he smirked.
‘Yeah, that and being able to borrow your clothes.’
Eddie laughed again, dropped his head onto Steve’s shoulder. Steve finally leaned down and lifted up his boxers and jeans, realizing how exposed he’d been while Eddie’s pants had remained on.
Steve’s curiosity had sparked at Eddie’s answer, and he couldn’t help but ask: ‘If you haven’t done that… then what have you done? Like from that Nintendo.’
‘Nintendo?’ Eddie tilted his head to look at Steve, confused.
‘The –’ Steve pointed to his mouth, chest, groin, ‘– that thing you showed Dustin.’
‘It’s mnemonic,’ Eddie said gently, smiling.
‘Right, that… so have you…’ Steve pointed to his groin, stuck his finger in his fist, eyebrows lifted.
‘I’ve…’ Eddie points to his crotch, ‘… and well,’ then he made the fourth base motion, but lifted a shoulder as if in question, ‘I’ve… kind of…’
‘What’s kind of?’ Steve turned to Eddie. ‘With who?’
‘Mary Mullen,’ Eddie said, as if that was supposed to mean something to Steve.
‘Who the hell is Mary Mullen?’ Steve started to sit up, but then laid back down again. It’s not like he’d be going to fight this girl right now…
‘She did the costumes for Drama Club at Hawkins. The punk chick? Shaved eyebrow?’
Steve shook his head. He had no idea. The description didn’t register for him at all. ‘And you dated her?’
‘God, no,’ Eddie scoffed. ‘No, I just… we hung out a few times. She did the costumes for Drama and I… well, I didn’t always like being home alone, so I, like hung around there or whatever. They made me haul props for them and stuff. She started using me for costume fittings… I was the same size as the Cowardly Lion in the play last year,’ Eddie looked to Steve for some type of confirmation but for the life of him, Steve couldn’t remember the play last year. Eddie shook his head at Steve’s blank stare. ‘Never mind. But then we hung out a few times, fooled around a bit….’
‘And then you kind of had sex?’
Eddie rolled his eyes. ‘Unlike you who will apparently fuck anyone –’
‘Hey, there,’ Steve protested but Eddie continued.
‘– I don’t like girls. Well, mostly.’ At this, Steve turned to him, looking shocked. ‘Very, very rarely,’ Eddie clarified. ‘Like, I can sometimes see the appeal, but, you know, very rarely. Very. But like… they were kind of the only option. And I was…’ Eddie swallowed. ‘I was so fucking horny. And she was an option.’
‘An option you kind of had sex with?’
‘Jesus, Harrington!’
‘Sorry,’ Steve didn’t get it. He knew about the idea of “anything but” sex but couldn’t wrap his mind around this. ‘It’s just like… kind of?’
‘I mean, we tried,’ Eddie shuffled closer to Steve, hiding his face in his chest. ‘It’s just that… nothing… it never quite…’
And then Steve understood.
‘Soft serve all the way, huh?’
‘Exactly!’ Eddie gestured widely, his quick movement jostling Steve. He shrugged then: ‘I just blamed it on being drunk and then got her high to distract her, promised her we’d try again… thankfully never had to do that.’
‘Why?’
‘I was accused of murder.’
‘Ah.’ That would do it, Steve thought. But he still was curious, that if girls hadn’t been a real option for Eddie, then how did he know? ‘So, have you ever been with a guy…’
‘No. Not really,’ Eddie shook his head, his hair tickling Steve’s chest. ‘Just like, made out and got a blow job from a guy once and… um…’ Steve felt Eddie swallow. ‘It was great. I’d tried to make it work with girls for so long with no luck, so it wasn’t until he… until we did that… it felt good. I knew.’
As Eddie had talked, something obviously soft and sweet about the memory he was bringing up, Steve had felt himself grow hot, jealous. ‘Who was it?’
At Steve’s tone, Eddie looked up and smiled. ‘Relax, Harrington. I only met him that one time.’
‘Well, okay, then,’ Steve pinched Eddie’s butt. ‘That was slutty of you.’
‘Oh please!’ Eddie scoffed. ‘One guy, one time? And how many girls have you been with?’
Steve blushed. Oops. ‘Not that many,’ he said, suddenly very interested in the horizon.
‘More than five?’ Eddie asked. Steve paused. ‘More than 10?’ God, he’d been a slut. ‘15?’
It was close enough. ‘Something like that…’ Steve admitted.
‘Shit,’ Eddie laughed but Steve could sense a nervousness. ‘That’s… a lot.’
‘Hey!’ Steve leaned over to kiss him, hand cupping his jaw, stroking the stubble gently. ‘It was only 12 girls… and that was still the best blow job I ever had.’
‘Really?’ Eddie seemed uncertain. ‘Ever?’
‘Hell yes,’ Steve kissed him again, and his lips could feel Eddie’s uncertainty turning to pride as his smile grew.
They laid there so long – Eddie’s head on Steve’s shoulder, Steve’s hand trailing up and down Eddie’s arm, his side – that the sky started to darken, a chill creeping in.
‘What should we do now?’ Steve asked eventually.
‘Wow, you’re insatiable, Harrington,’ Eddie smiled up at him.
‘Does that mean horny?’
‘Basically… a bottomless pit of horniness.’
‘I’ve been called worse,’ Steve kissed him gently. ‘I was thinking more like, I’m starving, and I’d love some dinner because unlike you, I haven’t eaten in a while,’ Steve winked, teasing.
Eddie leaned in for another kiss, hand holding the side of Steve’s face, thumb brushing roughly over Steve’s facial hair. ‘I don’t know why you’re so tired, I was the one doing all the work today…’
‘And you did a great job,’ Steve smiled, finally pushing himself up and standing, holding a hand down for Eddie to grab. ‘Come on.’
After a dinner of boxed mac and cheese and rehydrating with several glasses of water, Steve did get a second wind, wanting to finally reciprocate for Eddie, wanting to finally live out what he’d been thinking about obsessively. But even as he grabbed Eddie’s hand to lead him into the bedroom, Eddie started yawning.
‘Am I boring you, Munson?’
‘No, no, I just… it’s been a day,’ he smiled, sleepily, burrowing into his pillow. ‘I just need to close my eyes for a few minutes but then, good to go… do you have to go home?’
Steve was so distracted by how cute Eddie looked all curled up in his flannel blanket, all sleepy eyed, not believing for a second that Eddie would wake up in a few minutes from his exhausted demeanor, it took him a second to realize that he didn’t have to go home. No one would be there to miss him. There was nothing for him there.
Not when Eddie was here.
‘No,’ Steve laid down behind Eddie, winding himself around him. ‘Can I stay with you?’
‘Yeah, of course,’ Steve heard a smile in Eddie’s voice.
Steve kissed Eddie’s shoulder, leaned forward to whisper into his ear: ‘But I get to work tomorrow…’
Eddie’s soft laughter rumbled through Steve’s body. ‘I’ll hold you to that.’
Steve nuzzled his face into Eddie’s soft hair, inhaling deeply, not allowing himself to sink into sleep until he felt Eddie’s breathing even, sleep overtaking him.
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 18: "Let It Ring"
Dustin attacked the pizza right away and through a mouthful asked Steve: ‘So, where were you yesterday? You never answered me earlier…’
After a brief panicked look at Eddie, Steve responded casually, ‘None of your business.’
‘Were you with a girl?’
‘Um, no, I wasn’t,’ Steve said, taking his own bite of pizza. Eddie caught his eye and winked.
‘Cause Robin thought you’d be at work, but you weren’t, and Eddie said he didn’t see you. And those are the only people you know.’
Eddie saw a flash of something cross Steve’s face before he replied. ‘I know other people.’
‘Oh, really? Who?’
‘None of your business,’ Steve repeated slowly, kicking at Dustin lightly.
Chapter 18: Let It Ring
Summary:
‘That was the most aggressive I’ve ever seen you,’ Steve darted a glance over at Eddie. ‘Like, that was… intense.’
‘I like bowling,’ Eddie shrugged.
‘No, that’s not liking something, that’s like… obsessive.’
Eddie smiled to himself. He was rusty but he’d broken his personal record. ‘It’s a skill. I practiced. That’s all.’ Years of tagging along with Uncle Wayne to his bowling club paid off.
‘Exactly!’ Steve said it like Eddie had admitted to something. ‘It’s a skill, you practice, you’re intense and competitive – you’re a bowling jock!’
‘I resent that.’
‘I know you do, that’s why I said it.’
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
‘You need better blinds in here.’ Steve’s grumbling complaint woke Eddie the next morning. ‘I’ve been up for an hour!’
‘I have a solution,’ Eddie murmured, eyes barely open, as he reached over and manually shut Steve’s eyelids. ‘There you go. Built in blinds.’ He nuzzled back into his pillow.
‘I can still see the light!’
Eddie sighed. ‘You get used to it.’
‘Well, I’d try,’ Steve continued, and Eddie realized his sleep time was over. ‘But also, your cat started clawing at me at the crack of dawn like it thinks I’m the one who feeds it? Does it not recognize you?’
‘You’re in his spot,’ Eddie laughed. ‘He’s trying to kick you out for his morning nap.’
‘Too bad, kitty cat. Besides, who’d you rather have in your bed, me or him?’
‘Well, he does like to cuddle in the morning…’
‘Oh really, like this…’ Steve curled around him, kissing his neck. Eddie felt Steve’s hard-on.
‘God, you’re really always ready to go,’ Eddie smirked.
‘It’s cause you kept squirming against me in your sleep,’ Steve whispered into his ear. ‘This –’ he thrust his pelvis into Eddie’s ass, ‘– is your fault.’
‘Well, let me help you…’ Eddie palmed Steve’s dick, just as the phone rang.
‘Holy shit, who’s calling this early?’ Steve raised his head to glare at the direction of the phone, hair sticking up in all directions. Eddie tried to get up, but Steve pulled him back: ‘Let it ring.’
‘I don’t have a machine!’ Eddie yelped as he hurried over to catch the call. ‘Hello?’
‘Eddie!’
‘Oh, hey Dustin,’ Eddie said, raising an eyebrow at Steve who had also gotten up and was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, annoyed expression on his face.
‘Is Steve with you?’ Dustin asked.
‘Is Steve with me?’ Eddie winked at Steve, who rolled his eyes.
‘I’ve been calling his house, but he hasn’t returned my messages and he wasn’t at work yesterday…’ Dustin sounded an equal mix of annoyed and worried.
‘Uh, no, Steve’s not here,’ Eddie answered, as Steve walked up to him, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. ‘But I, uh, I…,’ Eddie tried to speak as Steve leaned forward to place small kisses on his neck. ‘I might see him later…’
Eddie held a hand over the receiver as Steve pushed him gently into the fridge with a deep kiss, tongue invading his mouth. In his ear, Dustin continued to speak: ‘I just… I wanted to talk to him, to you both! Do you want to hang out tonight? Maybe he’s dating someone new and ignoring us…’
‘Oh, I’m sure he’s not dating someone new,’ Eddie breathed, as Steve giggled. Eddie nudged him in the chest, covering the receiver again, hoping Dustin hadn’t heard. ‘If I see him, I’ll tell him to call you.’
Steve mouthed something; Eddie raised a brow. ‘I’ll be at work in an hour,’ he finally whispered.
‘I think he’s working today so you could try him there,’ Eddie passed along Steve’s message to Dustin.
‘Alright,’ Dustin huffed. ‘Hey, I was going to make him take me to the movies, do you want to come? I’m sure he’ll pay for you!’
Eddie remembered Steve’s comment about having to pay rent, so he just answered: ‘We’ll see. Talk to you later?’
‘Yeah, course. Bye, Eddie!’
As he hung up, Steve leaned back onto the fridge, looking at him guiltily. ‘I should get home, shower and change…’
‘You can keep borrowing my clothes,’ Eddie smirked. ‘That’s one of the benefits, right?’
‘Well, Keith told me I wasn’t worthy of wearing that shirt when I couldn’t name three Metallica songs so…’
‘What an asshole,’ Eddie snickered. ‘I’ll make you a mixed tape.’
‘Really?’ Steve seemed inordinately excited.
‘Yeah,’ Eddie stepped forward, hand on Steve’s waist. ‘Would you like that?’ He kissed Steve slowly.
‘Yeah,’ Steve breathed in response.
‘Will I see you later?’ Eddie asked, another kiss.
‘Are you sick of me?’ Steve raised a brow.
‘Not yet…’
‘Then yes.’
***
His phone had been ringing off the hook: Robin with a long story on an obnoxious girl in one of her classes named Elaine who seemed to have it out for her, Mickey with an update on the window delivery and then twenty minutes of instruction for the upcoming install, Gareth asking for advice on how to control an apparently increasingly unruly Hellfire Club, so by the time the phone rang that afternoon, Eddie was annoyed by the constant interruptions before he even answered.
‘Yeah?’ he grunted in hello.
‘Whoa, who pissed in your coffee?’
‘Steve?’
‘Hey, gorgeous,’ he heard the smile in Steve’s voice. ‘Bad day?’
Any bad mood was instantly gone at the sound of Steve’s voice, at Steve calling him gorgeous completely unironically.
‘Just… busy,’ he sighed, smiled. ‘What are you up to?’
‘Literally nothing. Returns are returned, new releases are out, snacks stocked up. I am now sitting here, dick in hand, nothing to do.’
Eddie chuckled. ‘I know what it means but the idea of you sitting behind that desk with your dick out…’ he laughed again.
‘Well, I’d be thinking of you,’ Steve said, voice deep and Eddie’s breath hitched. ‘But I don’t want to get fired for public indecency, so I’ll keep it in my pants,’ he continued in a lighter voice.
‘Good plan.’
‘Dustin invited himself over to mine tonight, said I should rent, and I quote “something actually good” and order us pizza. Do you want to come over?’
He remembered how Dustin sounded that morning, so worried about Steve and eager to see him. ‘I don’t want to crash…’
‘Nah, it’s cool, he asked me to ask you. Kind of,’ Steve huffed a small laugh. ‘I think he’s jealous that we’re friends. He said I’d probably invite you anyway so I might as well.’
‘With an invitation like that, how can I say no?’
‘Hmm… and after the movie, when Dustin leaves, we could…’
Eddie grinned. ‘Sounds like a date.’
‘Hey! Still not a date! I wouldn’t invite Dustin on our first date,’ Steve scoffed.
‘He’d invite himself.’
‘Seriously,’ Steve sighed. ‘Anyway, I’ll see you at seven?’
‘Yeah. I’ll bring the pizza. What are you going to rent?’
‘He’s going to hate whatever I pick, so I really don’t care.’
‘That’s the spirit.’
***
Eddie knew he was early but after the day he’d had – the damn roof had sprung a leak after the storm after all – all he wanted was to see Steve. And while part of him felt pathetic because of it, another part of him kept screaming to enjoy it while it lasted, because Steve obviously would come to his senses sooner rather than later.
‘Pizza delivery!’ Eddie tried to smile as Steve opened the door, but his face quickly fell in disbelief as he took in the sight before him: Steve, in a low-slung towel, wet and glistening and smelling like soap and lemon and everything clean, straight from the shower. ‘Hi,’ Eddie breathed out, trying not to lick his lips.
‘Oh, hey,’ Steve smiled hello, but the intense hit of his clean smell was too much, so Eddie pulled him in for a kiss. Eddie still couldn’t believe he could do this.
He pushed Steve inside, kicking the door shut behind him, fumbling to place the pizza box on the entry table without looking, without breaking the kiss. Steve responded immediately, helping Eddie relieve himself of the box, pushing him back into the door, pressing his full (damp, clean, firm) body up against Eddie’s. Eddie couldn’t help himself from nuzzling his face into Steve’s wet hair, breathing deeply, his hands running up and down his back, pushing the towel lower and lower each time.
He heard low moans from Steve so was surprised when he pulled away.
‘Shit,’ Steve breathed. ‘Hi.’
‘Hi,’ Eddie smirked, leaning forward again.
After a quick kiss, Steve took a step back. ‘I can’t be half dressed and making out with you when Dustin shows up,’ he said, voice tense, pupils blown wide. ‘But hold that thought for later?’ He leaned in again, a deep kiss, hand squeezing Eddie’s ass before they separated, both breathing deeply.
‘Promise,’ Eddie winked.
As Steve ran back up the stairs, the house phone rang, with Steve calling back down the stairs: ‘Let it ring, machine’ll get it!’
Eddie picked up the pizza box and moved to take it to the kitchen but stopped in his tracks when he heard the answering machine pick up the call.
‘I need you out of the house this weekend, I’m hosting the Michaelson’s. Jim’s son will be at a tailgate with his college friends, otherwise you boys could have joined us. Anita will be by in the morning to clean up any mess you made. Your grandparents would appreciate a visit if you need somewhere to be.’
The voice was a frigid echo of Steve’s, higher pitched, more exhausted. Cold. Business like. No hello, no goodbye. No feeling at all.
Eddie felt like he’d done something wrong, like he was being scolded just by listening to it.
He was still frozen by the door, pizza in hand when Steve came bounding down the stairs, fully dressed, a smile on his face. ‘Hey,’ he quirked a brow at the expression on Eddie’s face. ‘What is it?’
Eddie nodded at the den, at the machine. ‘The message… I think it was your dad.’
At the mention of his father, Steve’s face closed off. Cold, business like, Eddie thought. Steve nodded, stepped into the den to replay the message. Hearing it a second time was almost worse.
‘Fuck,’ he heard Steve whisper, as he picked up the phone to dial. ‘Hi Betty, it’s Steve. Yeah, good. My dad just left a message for me, can you tell him I got it? Mmhmm. No, I understand. I won’t be here. Okay. Thanks.’
Eddie didn’t mean to watch, didn’t mean to listen, but he had. He was desperately curious to know more, had heard some of Steve’s comments about his dad, had gotten a sense of what was going on, but not specifically. Just general disappointment, neglect. Hate?
He could tell that Steve paused after hanging up, heard a few deep breaths before he stepped back into the hall.
‘Did you hear?’ Steve tilted his head to the door, attempting a smile but avoiding eye contact.
Eddie felt like he should lie, say he hadn’t, but he never wanted to lie to Steve, not if he could help it. ‘Yes.’
Steve nodded, awkward, stiff. ‘He’s an asshole,’ he said, trying for a joke, but failing.
‘I got that,’ Eddie swallowed. ‘You okay?’
‘I’ll be fine,’ a more convincing smile. ‘But, hey, sleepover at your place tomorrow night?’
Eddie smiled. ‘Of course.’ He cupped Steve’s face in his free hand, gave him a peck on the cheek.
But Steve grabbed him, the pressure propelling Eddie backward into the wall. Steve’s hand gripped his waist tightly, fingers digging in, mouth digging in, bruising. Eddie hesitantly opened his lips, met his tongue, but tried to soothe Steve by running his thumb over his cheek. Steve stopped after a second, shaking his head and pulling back.
‘Sorry, I’m a little wound up,’ he grimaced, eyes apologetic. ‘I didn’t mean…’
‘It’s okay,’ Eddie said, resting his forehead on Steve’s. ‘You can be a little rough with me. I won’t break.’
Something hungry sparked in Steve’s eyes, and he was about to speak when, almost on cue, the doorbell rang. Steve swallowed. ‘How do I look?’
His lips were swollen, hair mussed and damp. Eddie smiled, finger combed his hair, and swiped a thumb over his lips. Steve bobbed forward to capture Eddie’s thumb in his teeth, sucking on it gently.
‘Stop it,’ Eddie gasped. The doorbell rang again. ‘Give me a sec to run to the kitchen.’
‘Okay, hurry,’ Steve said, dropping a final kiss on the side of Eddie’s mouth.
Eddie hustled to the kitchen with just enough time to drop the pizza and position himself casually leaning over the counter flipping through a cookbook by the time Dustin and Steve joined him.
‘Oh hey, Dusty Bun,’ Eddie said with a teasing smile as they entered. He saw Steve suppress a grin as Dustin whined: ‘Don’t call me that!’
Dustin attacked the pizza right away and through a mouthful asked Steve: ‘So, where were you yesterday? You never answered me earlier…’
After a brief panicked look at Eddie, Steve responded casually, ‘None of your business.’
‘Were you with a girl?’
‘Um, no, I wasn’t,’ Steve said, taking his own bite of pizza. Eddie caught his eye and winked.
‘Cause Robin thought you’d be at work, but you weren’t, and Eddie said he didn’t see you. And those are the only people you know.’
Eddie saw a flash of something cross Steve’s face before he replied. ‘I know other people.’
‘Oh, really? Who?’
‘None of your business,’ Steve repeated slowly, kicking at Dustin lightly.
‘God, fine,’ Dustin rolled his eyes before glancing over at Eddie. ‘I assumed you guys were hanging out.’
‘What? Why?’ Shit, had Dustin seen Eddie’s wink? Did he see something else?
‘It’s just, like… I know you guys hang out without me.’
‘We don’t hang out without you,’ Eddie tried to deny but saw both Steve and Dustin raise dubious brows. ‘I mean, we do sometimes…’
‘What are we supposed to do, Henderson? Ask your permission each time? Cause you’re at school like ten hours a day. Not practical.’
‘I didn’t mean that,’ Dustin blushed a bit.
‘And I thought you wanted us to be friends!’ Steve continued.
‘I did! I do!’
‘So, what is it?’ Steve asked.
Dustin swallowed, trying to look casual as he shook his head. ‘Never mind.’
‘Are you jealous that I made an older male friend?’
Eddie giggled at the phrasing, but it apparently meant something to Dustin who rolled his eyes, shoving Steve away. ‘I’m not jealous! I’m not, it’s just…’ he looked at Eddie. ‘School is really weird without you. Like, Mike and Will are hanging out all the time, and Lucas is all into basketball again, and El doesn’t want to hang, she made this new friend Val and they’re all into astrology and shit. And Gareth is great, but the campaign so far is bogus… and Suzie joined a jazz band so…’
‘You lonely, buddy?’ Eddie asked, reaching over to clasp Dustin’s shoulder.
‘I guess,’ Dustin shrugged. ‘I just… I’d rather hang with you guys.’
Damn.
For Dustin to admit feeling like this, Eddie knew it was only the tip of the iceberg. Steve caught his eye, and he could tell he thought the same.
Steve scooted his chair a little closer to Dustin’s.
‘Someone told me once…’ Steve tilted his head as he talked, brow drawn. ‘Time is a pie, and you have to… eat the pie… to show your love. Which is also a pie.’
Eddie froze, caught between bursting out laughing and cringing violently. The absolute confused horror on Dustin’s face didn’t help him decide which way to go.
‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ Dustin whispered frantically.
Steve blinked helplessly at Eddie, who finally decided to laugh.
‘I think what Steve is trying to say,’ Eddie said, leaning forward across the table, arms bent, ‘is that just because your friends aren’t spending time with you doesn’t mean they don’t love you.’
‘That’s basically what I said,’ Steve mumbled.
Eddie rolled his eyes and turned back to Dustin. ‘Things change, right? I mean, look at all of us. We’re different than we were a year ago,’ he saw both Steve and Dustin pause, matching contemplative looks on their faces. God, they were twins sometimes. ‘Just because you don’t fit together exactly the way you used to, doesn’t mean it’s over. Real friendship lasts through all that shit.’
Dustin shrugged, considering. ‘But what if how I change and how they change doesn’t match? What if it doesn’t fit anymore?’
‘Well, maybe it won’t be exactly the same…’ Eddie admitted.
‘Who cares if it’s not the same? Tell them how you’re feeling,’ Steve added in. ‘Doesn’t help anyone to fake it.’ Steve darted a glance at Eddie, a small smile on his face. ‘Let them know you miss them… they might be so caught up in their own shit, they’re not, like, aware of what they’re doing. And maybe they didn’t change as much as you think, maybe it’s just, like, the world that changed.’
Dustin was blinking at Steve. ‘That’s really insightful, Steve.’
‘I can be insightful,’ Steve scoffed.
Dustin didn’t look convinced but still smiled. ‘So, is that why you guys are friends now?’
‘What do you mean?’ Eddie asked, warily.
‘Cause, like, Eddie, I mean, you’ve definitely changed. Not in, like, a bad way!’ Dustin jumped in, catching Eddie’s confusion. ‘But you’re, you know… less…’
‘Less what?’
‘Like, less mean?’ Dustin ventured cautiously.
Eddie’s jaw dropped. ‘I wasn’t mean!’ he protested as Steve snorted. ‘I wasn’t!’
‘Not mean!’ Dustin’s eyes darted as he tried to search for an explanation. ‘I meant, like, more understanding, I guess. More… vulnerable?’
Eddie was about to protest again when he paused. It was true, he thought. It’s what happens when your life is torn down to the studs, when you’re forced to rebuild, to reframe, to reconsider now that you knew monsters were real and jocks could kiss you and your little life was worth something after all.
‘I guess so,’ Eddie admitted, smiling. More understanding and more vulnerable weren’t the worst things to be.
‘I mean, you’re having pizza with Steve Harrington. You’d never have done that last year!’ Dustin said, picking up another slice.
‘I might have,’ Eddie said shrugging.
Dustin clearly disagreed, as he added: ‘No way! You called him a brainless jock and said that anyone who cares about their hair that much must be a yuppie poser.’
Eddie’s eyes bugged out as he saw Steve’s jaw drop, his eyes dancing with delight and faux offense.
‘I never said that!’ Eddie protested.
‘Oh really?’ Steve mocked.
He reached out a hand to Steve but pulled back quickly, remembering that they were with Dustin, so instead tried to put his best apology face on.
‘I – I didn’t –’
Steve crossed his arms, looking smug, but only had one second of peace before Dustin turned to him.
‘Don’t act so superior, you said Eddie was just some smelly board game dweeb who needed a shower.’
‘No!’ Steve squeaked. ‘I never said that!’
‘Something like that,’ Dustin said innocently, but with a devious look between Eddie and Steve.
Eddie leaned back, arms crossed, eyebrows raised as Steve floundered. He was only mildly insulted. He was a board game dweeb who could always use a shower. And it somehow comforted him to know that despite what he and Steve had thought of each other all those months ago, they had come so far.
‘Like I said, Dustin, people change and sometimes… well, that means that they fit better than before,’ Eddie tried to keep the affection out of his voice, tried not to look at Steve as he spoke, but he couldn’t help the small glances that escaped him. ‘A jock and a freak can be friends... all it takes is a world-shattering trauma, but it can happen.’
Steve smiled softly, looking down, but quickly turned to Dustin to swat him on the shoulder. ‘And I hang out with you, so obviously I don’t mind dweebs who don’t shower.’ As Dustin scoffed, Steve added: ‘I’m kidding, I’m kidding,’ with an affectionate hair tousle. ‘And I see what you’re doing, doofus,’ Steve continued, ‘but no matter how much shit you stir, Eddie and I are friends now and we’re going to stay friends even with your meddling.’
At the word friends, Steve threw a worried glance to Eddie. It was a loaded word for them, or at least for him. Because they were more than that. But what was it? A hook up? Dating? Mutual horniness? With Steve looking at him, smiling with so much warmth, Eddie felt the label didn’t matter. At least not now. Enjoy it while it lasts, the small voice in his head whispered.
And he would. Because Eddie never imagined that he would have someone looking at him like that.
Eddie winked at Steve who visibly relaxed. ‘To make up for all the bad things he said about me, I think Steve owes us more than just a movie night, don’t you think, Dustin?’
‘What’d you have in mind?’ Dustin looked as devious as Steve looked nervous.
‘How about… bowling?’ Eddie ventured.
‘Bowling?’ Steve gagged. ‘Really? That’s your idea of a fun night?’
‘Well, us nerds like bowling. What do you think, Dustin?’
‘Can I get nachos?’
‘Absolutely, big guy, Harrington will pick up the tab.’ Eddie winked as Steve groaned.
***
‘You’re a bowling jock,’ Steve said on their drive home from the bowling alley after dropping off Dustin.
‘What the hell does that mean?’
Steve looked so befuddled, one hand on the steering wheel, the other flapping out of the open window. ‘That was the most aggressive I’ve ever seen you,’ he darted a glance over at Eddie. ‘Like, that was… intense.’
‘I like bowling,’ Eddie shrugged.
‘No, that’s not liking something, that’s like… obsessive.’
Eddie smiled to himself. He was rusty but he’d broken his personal record. ‘It’s a skill. I practiced. That’s all.’ Years of tagging along with Uncle Wayne to his bowling club paid off.
‘Exactly!’ Steve said it like Eddie had admitted to something. ‘It’s a skill, you practice, you’re intense and competitive – you’re a bowling jock!’
‘I resent that.’
‘I know you do, that’s why I said it.’
It had been a fun night, all things considered. Between frames, Eddie had heard all about Gareth’s apparent mishandling of the Hellfire Club’s latest campaign. As part of the storytelling, he’d heard a lot about El’s new friend Val, a freshman who had also joined Hellfire. Eddie only teased Dustin about her once before being shot down vehemently (‘My heart belongs to Suzie!’).
When Steve parked at his place, he turned to Eddie. ‘You’re staying over tonight?’ Hopeful, nervous, as if they hadn’t spent the last several nights together.
‘Is that still cool, with everything with your dad?’
Steve shrugged. ‘Fuck him, it’s my house tonight.’
Eddie didn’t want to ask but couldn’t help it. ‘What’s up with him?’
‘Just an asshole who thinks his way is the only way,’ Steve spoke with no emotion as he let them into the house.
‘Your mom seemed nice?’
Steve laughed bitterly. ‘Yeah. Nice. Robin said this thing once about how neutrality is worse than being hated,’ he sighed, ‘I think it’s true. Because it would be one thing if they hated me. They just don’t care.’
Eddie ran his hand up and down Steve’s back, but Steve snapped out of his emotional moment quickly.
‘The house is ours tonight! Anything you want to do? Party? Should we trash the place?’
‘Did you throw parties here?’
‘Yeah, of course,’ Steve shrugged.
‘Did you hook up with hot chicks?’ Eddie joked, dancing around Steve, who rolled his eyes.
‘Sometimes.’
‘Hmm,’ Eddie took a step closer. Maybe he was jealous or wanted to claim Steve as his, but he wanted to erase those girls from Steve’s mind. ‘What was that like? What were your moves?’ he tilted forward slowly, speaking deeply into Steve’s ear. He felt him shudder.
‘Well…’ Steve grabbed his hand and walked him to his dad’s office. Eddie hadn’t been in here before, but it had the same design scheme as the rest of the house – wood, beige, clean – but appeared to actually be in use, with piles of paperwork on the desk, overflowing bookshelves, heavy looking tomes with tabs and annotations open on the leather couch, two printers, a fax machine. Steve opened a cabinet behind the desk and pulled out a crystal decanter and two glasses, pouring them each a few fingers of liquor.
‘Cheers,’ he tapped his glass to Eddie’s, sending a high-pitched ping through the room.
Eddie had to close his eyes at how good the whiskey was. ‘Wow.’
‘Yeah.’ Even Steve had paused to appreciate it.
‘You partied in here? With this?’
‘No… this was for special occasions.’
Eddie raised a brow. ‘Like what?’
‘Like…’ Steve blushed a little.
‘Seduction?’ Eddie teased, taking another sip, savoring it.
Steve set his empty glass down slowly and closed the distance between them. The kiss was slow, deep, the traces of whiskey on Steve’s tongue tasting even richer than what was in the glass.
‘Do you want to go up to my room?’ Steve asked breathlessly a minute later.
All Eddie could manage was a head nod, a deep hum of assent. Steve took his hand and led him up the stairs, past the guest room where Eddie had stayed, into his room, where the Steve smell overwhelmed Eddie, as if Steve hadn’t spent the last many nights away from here.
Steve had barely closed the door before they collided again, Eddie trying to get his hands on Steve’s ass, his back, his hair, trying to kiss him, nuzzle his hair, lick his throat. Steve was similarly occupied trying to feel and taste as much of Eddie as possible.
As they fell on the bed, Steve broke them apart to remove his shirt, mouth immediately latching onto Eddie’s neck.
‘Who’s the last girl you had up here?’ Eddie breathed out.
He felt Steve let out an annoyed huff. ‘Why are you so obsessed with that?’
‘I’m not obsessed,’ Eddie protested, though it was true. While he wanted Steve to think only of him, he was thinking about all the girls who had been in this bed before him. ‘I just want to know about my competition.’
Steve pulled back, looking exasperated. ‘There’s no competition!’
‘Really? 12 girls and then one guy seems, well… not balanced, let’s say.’
‘It’s not 12 girls and one guy!’
‘Oh? Tell me it’s not more than 12 girls!?’
‘It’s 12 girls and you, dumbass!’ Steve exploded, grabbing Eddie’s face firmly between his hands, a smile fighting its way through. ‘I’d say that’s pretty evenly matched,’ he said softly, eyes full of such affection, Eddie wanted to float away and explode into a million pieces.
What had he done to deserve a look like that?
He fidgeted under the intensity of Steve’s gaze and did what he always did when the emotions of the world got to be too much. He joked. Even when all he wanted to do was pull Steve close and tell him that, against all odds, Steve Harrington now had the power to destroy Eddie Munson, more than any monster, more than any hell on earth that he’d been through; that Eddie was at Steve’s mercy in this moment, maybe forever.
‘God, you really are such a flirt,’ Eddie rolled his eyes instead, swallowing his emotions.
‘I wasn’t even trying,’ Steve raised a brow, laughing, as he caught Eddie in a kiss.
Steve’s hand crept under Eddie’s shirt, ghosting over Eddie’s largest scar, almost in a question. Eddie sat up and took his shirt off, pulling Steve in tightly. Eddie started to get breathless and moved down to run his lips over Steve’s neck, kiss down his chest, but Steve pulled back.
‘No fair,’ he spoke softly. ‘It’s my turn.’
‘What’s your turn?’
Steve looked mischievous as he smiled, pushing Eddie down gently, and beginning his own trail down Eddie’s body, taking his time. Eddie closed his eyes, reveling in the sensations of lips, of tongue on his scars. When he’d first seen them in all their shocking glory, he’d thought he was a disgusting monster, that he finally looked how everyone really saw him.
‘They don’t bother you?’ he asked, an absurd question given how much time Steve was spending with each one, running his lips and fingers gently over them, as if they were something to be treasured.
‘No, why?’ Steve frowned. ‘Do you not like this?’
‘No, I do, I just… never mind,’ Eddie twisted his head away.
‘Hey,’ Steve moved up a hand up to Eddie’s face, pushing up to look him in the eye. ‘We don’t have to –’
‘No, I want to,’ (an understatement if there ever was one), ‘I guess, I’m still getting used to them…’
‘Oh. Well, for me? They’re all part of the Eddie package.’
‘The Eddie package?’ Eddie leered.
‘Yes,’ Steve wet his lips. ‘And I like the whole Eddie package…’
Eddie kissed him, smiling, promising himself that he’d start believing what Steve was saying, that he’d start listening to him instead of the obnoxious voice inside his own head.
‘And speaking of the Eddie package…’ Steve said, shuffling down Eddie’s body to run a hand over the front of Eddie’s jeans. Eddie’s breath hitched. ‘These jeans were a great buy, by the way. Your ass is just…’ Steve winked, with a chef’s kiss.
‘If you like my ass that much, your favorite should be the pair with the missing ass,’ Eddie smirked.
‘That was pretty awesome,’ Steve nodded, before turning serious again, as he slowly undid Eddie’s jeans, pulling them off Eddie completely. He started to slowly trace Eddie’s erection through his boxers. ‘Can I?’ he asked, tugging gently at the hem.
Eddie nodded frantically, leaning his head back as Steve unclothed him completely. Eddie expected something, some feel of Steve on him, but when there was nothing, he looked down to see Steve kneeling between his legs, examining his penis closely.
‘I think we’re twins!’ Steve said with so much excitement, Eddie would think he’d just gotten his Christmas wish instead of staring at Eddie’s dick.
‘Are you just now realizing we both have penises, Steve?’
‘No, I mean…’ Steve unzipped his own pants, pulling down his jeans and boxers to reveal his own erection. ‘…see?’ He leaned forward so his and Eddie’s dicks were lined up, almost side by side, pointing between the two.
Eddie giggled seeing that yes, Steve was right, they were similar in size, but before he could say anything, Steve’s penis grazed his and a moan erupted out of him as he tossed his head back.
‘Holy shit,’ Steve whimpered. Eddie’s hips bucked for another touch, but Steve hissed, pulling away.
‘Wait, wait,’ Steve protested weakly.
‘What?’ Eddie whined, squirming, Steve staying just out of range.
‘I want to look at you first…’ Steve said, breathing deeply, pupils blown, obviously suppressing his own urge for contact. A blush burst over Eddie’s whole body, realizing that looking at Eddie was more important to Steve than getting off.
Eddie nodded slowly, as Steve sat back on his heels, eyes roving over Eddie calmly, deliberately, taking him in from head to toe. Eddie tried not to move, wanted desperately for a touch, for a kiss, anything to distract him from this intense, fucking incredible scrutiny.
After a few minutes, Steve knelt back down in front of Eddie’s penis, blowing on it gently. Eddie suppressed a laugh at the sensation, at the sight of Steve looking so fascinated.
Steve reached out tentatively, running his fingers up and down Eddie’s shaft.
‘Awesome,’ Steve whispered.
‘You have one, too, as we just proved,’ Eddie murmured, biting his lip.
‘Yeah, but I’ve never been this close.’ Eddie felt Steve’s breath on him, and he gave into the urge this time, writhing his hips a little closer.
‘And? How does it compare?’ Eddie asked. Steve looked up, confused, so Eddie clarified. ‘To 12 vaginas?’
Steve rolled his eyes with a huff. ‘Well, you’ve seen at least one, right? Drama club Mary?’
‘True, but I sort of, just, like… squinted at it?’ Eddie admitted as Steve laughed. ‘It seemed so dark and mysterious and… moist.’
‘That’s all true,’ Steve chuckled, moving back to Eddie’s erection. ‘But you get the hang of it…’ he circled Eddie’s penis with the tip of his finger and Eddie hissed in a breath. ‘It’s about being gentle,’ Steve ran his hand slowly up and down Eddie’s shaft. Eddie saw him smile when it twitched. ‘You need to know what the most sensitive spots are…’ Steve’s finger found the tip.
Eddie leaned back, back arching, feeling Steve’s tongue on his head.
‘Tastes different,’ Steve mumbled. ‘Salty.’
Eddie couldn’t look away. He had literally dreamed of this, of Steve’s hair bouncing as he moved up and down, hand cupping Eddie’s shaft, sucking hard, almost painfully. Eddie hissed in a breath, his hand finding Steve’s head, directing it gently.
‘Tell me what you like,’ Steve whispered, breath on Eddie’s tip.
‘A little gentler…’
Steve hummed, returning his mouth, pressure lighter, perfect.
‘I like that…’ Eddie said, shutting his eyes in pleasure in response to Steve’s laugh vibrating through him.
Steve’s hand came up to cup Eddie’s balls, massaging gently.
‘I… like… that…’ Eddie whimpered, breath increasing, chest moving up and down rapidly. He was so close.
He heard a new sound, beyond Steve’s mouth, beyond his movements on Eddie. He peeked down to see Steve sucking him off, with one hand on Eddie, the other moving quickly up and down on his own dick. Eddie wanted to tell him to stop, to tell him that Eddie would do that for him, just give him a minute – but the sight of Steve so turned on by what he was doing for Eddie, realizing the effect that he was having on Steve Harrington, Steve’s warm mouth on him, those long fingers finally touching where Eddie had wanted them to touch for so long, the sensations of Steve’s hums as he moved…
A guttural groan burst out of Eddie as he came, both hands finding Steve’s hair, grabbing tightly even as Steve moved away so some of Eddie’s come landed on his chest, some on Eddie, hot on his own stomach.
Steve continued to pump himself vigorously, irises dark, as he moved up Eddie’s body to kiss him quickly, messily, his face so serious. Their eyes locked as Steve continued his movements, Eddie palming Steve’s ass, squeezing, his fingers dancing closer and closer to where he thought they would be most helpful.
But before he could, Steve dropped to his elbow, eyes squeezed shut and mouth moving silently as he came, coming onto Eddie’s stomach as he shuddered, before collapsing fully onto Eddie, his dick and their joined release between them.
Eddie’s arms came up to encircle Steve, one hand in his hair, the other on his ass, both squeezing, massaging, comforting, as Steve’s breathing returned to normal. As he caught his breath, Steve tilted his head to kiss Eddie’s ear, his cheek, his neck.
‘Shit,’ Steve rolled over, still in Eddie’s arms, their legs entwining. ‘Made a mess,’ he whispered. He pulled back, looking questioningly at Eddie. ‘Was it okay?’
Eddie grinned. ‘Would never have known it was the first time you had cock in your mouth.’
‘It was…’
‘Different,’ Eddie finished for him, chuckling.
‘Yeah, sorry,’ Steve burrowed closer. ‘I don’t know all the big words like you do.’
Eddie kissed him. ‘Your mouth is talented enough.’
Steve smirked a laugh, before pushing back and off the bed. Eddie watched him walk away, fully naked, admiring his lean body, lightly muscled, his summer tan glowing even in the dim lighting of the room, his ass white from his swim shorts’ protection.
Steve returned with a damp towel. As Eddie moved to sit up, Steve held up a hand. ‘I can clean up my own mess,’ he winked, moving the washcloth gently over Eddie.
Eddie had seen a lot of porn (a lot) and it was always about the act itself; the quick foreplay followed by lots of slamming, grinding, moaning, lots of close-ups of faces in obviously fake pleasure, close-ups of dicks and balls and pussy and ass, shot so tightly you didn’t know what you were looking at half the time.
But they never showed the after.
Seeing Steve Harrington gently clean him, bring over a clean towel and a bottle of water; seeing Steve Harrington fold himself in beside Eddie, pulling his comforter over them both, playing with Eddie’s hair as they faced each other, both drifting off, not talking, not needing to talk, as they nuzzled their noses together…
Eddie thought it was the best movie he’d ever seen.
Notes:
A little bit of calm before some drama to come...
Preview for Chapter 19: "Normal For You"
‘Are you and Eddie hanging out a lot?’ Robin asked, eyes narrowed.
Only every day and every night, Steve thought, but swallowed. ‘A little,’ he shrugged. ‘I help him with the cabin sometimes. We went bowling with Dustin last night.’
‘All three of you?’ Robin sounded as if he’d confessed to something incredible.
‘Yeah, like I said.’
Robin squinted again. ‘Should we all hang out tonight? I haven’t seen Eddie in weeks…’
Shit.
He’d seen Robin in this mode before; a little too intense, a little too observant. He didn’t want that. All he wanted was to be alone with Eddie, to kiss a little (or a lot), to smoke a little (or a lot), to fall asleep to his soft breathing.
But he could never really lie to Robin. He’d never been good at it. (And also, every time he’d tried, she’d caught him, and it felt like shit.)
He knew it had to be a version of the truth.
Chapter 19: Normal For You
Summary:
‘So, uh, Harrington, you still need to stay over?’
Steve had tried to stay as far from Eddie as could be considered respectable, permissible, a distance that Robin would interpret as normal (for him).
But he had no idea what that distance was so had boomeranged back and forth from leaning on the fridge, to settling on the back of the couch, to now perching on the small dining table.
‘Yeah, if that’s still cool?’ he asked (normally?).
‘Cool as can be,’ Eddie winked over. Steve realized that Eddie flirting with him, winking, this whole persona he had on, was normal (for him). He was playing it so well. Steve remembered when he’d thought this was just who Eddie was around everybody, a little extra, a little flirty.
And Steve also remembered why it had driven him crazy, because all he wanted to do was let his eyes linger, loving this confident Eddie, how he was moving to the music, how he was stirring and tasting and seasoning the sauce.
He’s going to smell amazing later, Steve thought. And taste even better.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve hated to admit that he slept better in his own bed than he did at Eddie’s. Because for the first time in days, he wasn’t awoken by a demanding black cat or the early morning sun easily defeating whatever Eddie was using for curtains.
Instead, he woke up to Eddie elbowing him in the stomach.
‘Stop it!’ Eddie hissed.
‘Stop what?’ Steve mumbled, returning right back to the position Eddie had just shoved him from, curling back around Eddie, one hand ghosting over his stomach.
‘You’re… tickling my dick…’ What Steve had thought was anger was actually Eddie suppressing a giggle. Steve tilted forward to see that his hand was not ghosting over Eddie’s stomach, but instead his morning wood.
‘Are you ticklish, Munson?’ Steve whispered into Eddie’s ear, nibbling his lobe.
Eddie squirmed under him. ‘I’m not ticklish, I’m just trying to sleep and it’s annoying!’
‘Oh, okay…’ Steve started before moving his hand up quickly, tickling Eddie’s side.
‘Harrington!’ Eddie yelped, writhed, turned away from Steve, sticking his ass out to put some distance.
‘Seems like you’re ticklish,’ Steve laughed, as his hands followed Eddie.
‘Quit it!’ Eddie hissed. He hopped up, naked body on display, chub jiggling as he moved. He wrapped his arms around his middle, almost as if trying for modesty.
Steve moved to pull Eddie back into bed, but he stepped away.
‘Isn’t your housekeeper coming this morning?’
‘Yeah,’ Steve inched a little closer.
‘And don’t you have work?’
‘Yeah…’ Steve inched again, raising his brow.
Eddie just shook his head, smiling. ‘Then we don’t have time for… this!’ he gestured at his partial.
‘I can be fast,’ Steve laughed, as Eddie rolled his eyes. Steve slumped. ‘Okay, well, what do we have time for?’
‘Unfortunately, nothing,’ Eddie said, pressing a quick kiss to Steve’s lips before skipping over to the bathroom. He stood in the door frame, ass stuck out, head tossed over his shoulder, hand on the door. ‘But later…’ he winked.
Steve heated as Eddie’s tongue wet his upper lip. Steve sprang up from the bed but before he could make it, Eddie ran into the bathroom, locking the door.
‘Tease!’ Steve slapped his hand on the wall.
‘Learn some self-control!’ Eddie laughed, muffled on the other side of the door.
‘Never!’
***
Steve packed more than a weekend’s worth of clothes. Eddie watched him as he placed shirt after shirt after shirt into his duffel, but he never said anything, silently acknowledging, approving that Steve was going to be staying for more than just a few nights. Steve hadn’t expressly asked but knew Eddie would understand.
When he’d locked the front door behind them, Steve paused. His dad had only kicked him out for a few days, but it was the closest he’d come to verbalizing what Steve had seen written on his face every day since his high school graduation: you don’t belong here anymore.
Maybe that was the coldness Steve felt every time he walked in. Not the marble. Not the air conditioner. But a culmination of all that simmered under the surface of his father’s façade, frustration, annoyance, disappointment that his only son had turned out to be such a failure.
‘Fuck you, dad,’ Steve whispered, as his key secured the deadbolt.
Eddie seemed to sense Steve’s mood as he simply entwined their fingers together on the short walk to their cars, not letting go as they kissed goodbye, wordlessly, a promise that they’d see each other soon, that they didn’t need to plan for it. It was an inevitability.
So, where he probably should have felt anger at his father, annoyance at being kicked out of his house, instead all Steve felt was cared for – and thrilled at the idea of spending another night in Eddie’s bed.
Steve was so consumed by the thought of Eddie – how he’d tasted, how he’d looked standing so confidently fully nude at the bathroom door, how he’d squeezed Steve’s hand in goodbye – that he wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing, clicking through the customer logs on the computer, eyes focused on nothing in the middle distance, when Robin walked in.
‘Steve!’ she shouted, snapping her fingers in his face. Steve startled. From the look on her face, Steve could tell his wasn’t the first time she’d yelled his name. ‘What the hell, dude?’
‘Sorry… didn’t sleep well,’ he blinked, plastering a smile on his face. But the thought of sleep brought to mind sleeping next to Eddie, tickling his dick… he felt his smile grow without his permission.
Robin was still looking at him curiously and he forced a blank look. This only made her squint closer.
‘Did I piss you off or something?’ she asked after a moment, depositing her bag under the desk and leaning onto the counter next to him.
‘What? No? Why?’ he thought his voice sounded hoarse, deeper than normal. He remembered the tenor of Eddie’s voice when he’d commanded him to lie down on the back porch. Steve swallowed, felt himself flush.
He had to pull himself together. This was not healthy.
Or smart, given how Robin was still blinking at him.
‘You seem… off today,’ she spoke slowly, considering him.
‘Tired,’ he grimaced. ‘Like I said.’ He walked over to grab a Coke from the display, popping it open and taking a deep swig. ‘A jolt of caffeine, I’ll be back to normal, promise.’
‘Normal for you or normal for normal people?’
‘Hah hah.’ He flipped her off, and Robin grinned.
A measure of their usual dynamic back in place, Robin launched into an update of her week. ‘Speaking of tired, I spent like 10 hours this week on that damn bus! I really need a car; do you think you can give me driving lessons?’ Steve knew better than to respond, and he was right, as without pausing: ‘Shit, I think they offer driving lessons at school. Okay, well, my econ professor is this huge…’
Steve was happy to let her talk, he knew the cadence of her stories well enough to know when to smile and nod, how to moderate his hearing to take in enough information while still letting his mind wander. With Robin distracted, it wandered back to a place where his whole body felt electric, on edge. He kept snapping himself back into the present, because he felt like he was glowing with a secret.
And Robin loved a secret.
It was only the mention of Eddie’s name through his fog of dissociation that brought Steve fully back to the conversation.
‘What about Eddie?’ he interrupted.
‘The diploma!’ Robin repeated. ‘Oh my god, you have to tell me all about it. I’m so pissed that you did that on a school night.’
‘Robin, you have class almost every day, it’s pretty much always a school night.’
‘Yeah, but my late class is on Wednesday! I could have made it any other night.’
‘Sorry,’ Steve said, truly. ‘That’s his dinner at the Byers’s and it worked out.’
‘Well, what did he say?’ Robin jumping to sit on the counter. ‘How did he look? Was he surprised?’
‘Yeah, he was really surprised,’ Steve smiled at the memory, Eddie blinking, misty eyed, looking slowly around the circle of his friends, clearly overwhelmed, overcome. ‘He looked so happy…’
Steve realized that he’d spoken so softly, with so much overt affection, that it had transformed Robin’s face from bright curiosity to something sharper.
‘What?’ he asked. Shit.
‘Nothing…’
‘It was great,’ Steve continued at a faster pace, forcing a lighter, casual tone in his voice. ‘Dustin and Erica and Lucas came, Mrs. H baked, it was a real party. It obviously meant a lot to him. We missed you, of course.’
Robin nodded slowly. ‘Yeah, that was a good idea you had, with the frame…’
‘I only heard him complain about not getting to walk at graduation for a full week,’ Steve scoffed, avoiding eye contact. ‘A frame isn’t the same but yeah, it was good.’ He tried to laugh it off, his mind jumping for any other possible topic to move the conversation to. But Robin had other ideas.
‘Are you and Eddie hanging out a lot?’ she asked, eyes narrowed.
Only every day and every night, Steve thought, but swallowed. ‘A little,’ he shrugged. ‘I help him with the cabin sometimes. We went bowling with Dustin last night.’
‘All three of you?’ Robin sounded as if he’d confessed to something incredible.
‘Yeah, like I said.’
Robin squinted again. ‘Should we all hang out tonight? I haven’t seen Eddie in weeks…’
Shit.
He couldn’t say no. He was literally staying over at Eddie’s and had nowhere else to go. But he didn’t want to say yes. He’d seen Robin in this mode before; a little too intense, a little too observant. He didn’t want that. All he wanted was to be alone with Eddie, to kiss a little (or a lot), to smoke a little (or a lot), to fall asleep to his soft breathing.
But he could never really lie to Robin. He’d never been good at it. (And also, every time he’d tried, she’d caught him, and it felt like shit.)
He knew it had to be a version of the truth.
‘Well, I’m actually staying at the cabin tonight,’ he admitted with a grimace. Robin’s eyes lit up; he saw her gearing up to say something, but he cut her off. ‘My dad,’ this time Steve paused, swallowed for a different reason, ‘he kicked me out for the night... with no consideration that his only son might need a place to sleep,’ Steve grimaced, shamed. ‘So, I’m not allowed to go home. Eddie offered his couch.’
Robin must have sensed his honesty, his discomfort at the admission, as the wind fell out of her sails at this. ‘Oh shit, Steve. That sucks.’
‘Hmm,’ he smiled tightly.
‘Your dad’s a dick!’
‘I know!’
They laughed. Steve hoped it was the end of it, but…
‘So, you’re staying with Eddie?’ Robin asked, still suspicious.
‘Well, it was Eddie’s smelly couch or Dustin’s and, well, I don’t feel the need to have my cheeks pinched,’ Steve smirked but his eyes widened when he remembered Eddie doing just that to certain parts of him last night. ‘By his mom! Dustin’s mom likes to…’ he pinched his own cheek in demonstration.
Robin nodded at him. ‘She can be a lot.’
‘Eddie’s place is more chill…’
‘I’m sure.’
Steve smiled awkwardly. Please, let’s talk about anything else. ‘If you need driving lessons –’
‘Well, can I come over?’ Robin asked. It took Steve a second to catch up. She was still on tonight. ‘We haven’t all hung out in weeks,’ she continued. Steve forced himself to stop his eyes from rolling at the obviously fake innocent look she’d put on. He knew she had ulterior motives, wanted to explore more of whatever this weirdness was that Steve was putting off.
Hell, he’d suppressed his feelings for Eddie for weeks (poorly, but still). He could do it again (hopefully). It didn’t seem like there was any fighting this.
‘You’ll have to ask him,’ Steve sighed out after a moment.
‘I’ll give him a call!’ Robin pulled the desk phone over to her and started dialing right away. Steve allowed himself an annoyed groan, finally.
‘Hey Eddie!’ Robin wiggled, bumping into Steve slightly with each motion as she talked. ‘I’m good! It’s good, yeah, but okay, that girl Elaine I told you about? She was being so weird about sharing her notes so I – actually,’ she caught herself, turning to Steve. ‘I’m here with Steve, you remember Steve? Yes, the one with the hair,’ she snorted a laugh. Steve faked a laugh and bumped her with his hip. ‘I thought we could all hang out tonight. Are you around? Oh, uh huh, he told me,’ she darted an indecipherable look at Steve. ‘Yeah. Oh, sure. That would be nice, but you don’t – no, I – but –’ Steve couldn’t help but smile at Robin finally not driving a conversation, even for a second. ‘Okay, then. But if – okay! Geez. We’ll come by after work. Sure. Hah,’ she giggled, throwing another look at Steve. ‘Right? Okay. Bye, Eddie.’
Steve was annoyed, he realized. Not at Robin (though he was), not at the situation (though he was) but at the idea that Robin had just been able to talk to Eddie and he hadn’t. He had to stop himself from asking Robin to recount every word Eddie had said.
‘Well?’ he asked instead.
‘He’s down, said he’s going to cook for us,’ she shrugged, smiling.
‘What?’ Steve knew the stove was barely working. ‘No, we can bring something…’
‘He insisted.’
Steve crossed his arms in defeat, at Robin overtaking his cozy Saturday night with Eddie, at Eddie for agreeing, at not being able to explain to Robin that Eddie cooking for them would be difficult because his stove only had one working burner that often didn’t stay lit, and it made it hard to cook even simple meals because of it but realizing he couldn’t say any of that without sounding suspiciously comfortable at the cabin.
‘Sounds great,’ Steve ground out through a forced smile.
‘Can’t wait,’ Robin replied, heading over to begin sorting the returns, her words sounding like a threat.
***
Later that afternoon, Steve was finally starting to feel comfortable again, resigned to his forced evening plans, when Robin sidled up next to him.
‘She’s cute, right?’ Robin nodded over to a pretty, vaguely familiar brunette browsing the new releases.
‘I guess,’ he answered, shrugging. ‘Who is she?’
‘Debbie Arnold. She’s a senior this year, she was in my French class last year.’
‘Oh,’ Steve wasn’t sure what the point of this was, but Robin clearly wanted something from him. ‘Yeah, she’s cute. Not as hot as Mandy.’
‘Obviously,’ Robin scoffed. ‘You should ask her out.’
‘What?’ Steve turned to her, dropping a box of candy he was restocking. ‘Why?’
‘Because she’s cute, like you said,’ Robin said, as if it was obvious. ‘I know for a fact she’s single. And she was on JV cheerleading when you were King Steve, so she’s pretty much a sure thing. You should ask her!’
‘I don’t know…’ The last thing Steve wanted was to ask out this girl. Any girl.
‘I mean, you haven’t dated anyone since Mandy, right?’ Robin’s intense gaze was back. ‘That was a month ago, wasn’t it?’
Shit. Yes. Probably around a month. Around a month since he’d realized he liked Eddie. And just barely a week since he’d done something about it.
Robin was still staring at him.
‘Isn’t it kind of creepy for me to ask out a high schooler? She’s what? 17?’
That seemed to stop Robin for a second, but she recovered. ‘It’s just two years and I’m not asking you to marry her, go see a movie or something!’ She shoved him lightly in the girl’s direction. ‘Ask her!’
‘I’m not sure she’s my type…’
‘Every girl is your type!’
‘Why are you so into this?’ Steve turned to her.
‘I just… I want to see you happy,’ Robin stammered. Steve knew she did, but this still didn’t feel like the reason.
But he needed to suppress, to pretend – and what would the Steve of a month ago, the pre-Mandy breakup, the pre-Eddie realization Steve do?
He’d ask out this girl. In fact, he probably would have noticed her before Robin had.
And he couldn’t for the life of him think of a good excuse for not doing this that Robin would buy. At least not one that didn’t involve Eddie.
‘Fine.’ Steve took a deep breath, smiled tightly at Robin and headed over.
He and Eddie hadn’t talked about this, about being exclusive, about what exactly they were doing, but given how much they’d been together, their silent understanding this morning… this felt like some kind of betrayal.
She was prettier up close, delicate. Her hair was shining, long and light brown, her face was thin and pointed, an upturned nose, bright blue eyes, a full lower lip that shined with gloss. She smelled like flowers. A gold necklace hung low on a milky white chest, the pendant settling between petite breasts.
Steve took all of this in, registered the details, felt his body respond to her body, to her proximity, an old familiarity overtaking him, causing him to puff out his chest, lean back on his hip, draw a smirk on his face, let his eyes shine playfully.
But his heart tripped.
He didn’t want smooth milky skin. He wanted a scarred golden tautness.
He didn’t want clear blue eyes. He wanted chocolate whiskey.
He didn’t want a smell of flowers. He wanted that special woodsy honey smell, morning breath, sharp sweat, the heady scent that he and Eddie created after a night together.
‘Hi, Steve,’ the girl giggled as Steve froze in front of her.
He didn’t want a giggling girl.
He wanted Eddie.
But he felt Robin’s gaze on him, saw this poor girl’s innocent smile.
Shit.
‘Hey. Debbie, right?’ he smiled, painfully, though she didn’t seem to notice. ‘I saw you over here… looking all… blue,’ he pointed to her top. ‘Hah.’ He wanted to walk away. He couldn’t. Why couldn’t he?
She giggled again, looking down and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
He commanded his legs to walk but he couldn’t move. Instead…
‘Can I get your number?’ Steve heard himself ask as if he was floating outside his body.
‘Sure! Do you have a pen?’
Her smile was bright as he led them back to the desk, not registering his steps, where Robin waited with a pen. The girl wrote her number on the back of Steve’s hand for the world to see, drew a small heart at the end. He could not imagine what had inspired her to not only give him her number after he had uttered a handful of words to her, let alone draw a heart.
‘Call me,’ she smiled, trying to wink at him. She looks like a child, he thought. ‘Oh, and…’ she handed him two tapes. ‘I want to rent these!’
He passed the tapes over to Robin, smiling tightly. ‘She can help you.’
He felt Robin’s curious gaze as he pushed past another customer, wandered down the aisle, to the bathroom. He leaned his head on the door as soon as he’d locked it, let out a deep breath.
Steve sat on the closed toilet lid, looking down at the number on his hand. He wanted to wash it off. He didn’t want this number. He didn’t want to go on a date with a silly little girl who didn’t even know him.
But Robin suspected something. Clearly. She knew about Eddie being gay – he said she did. Had Eddie told her something? On purpose or on accident? Had Steve?
The thought made Steve nervous. It was still a big thing. He didn’t want anyone else except Eddie but the idea of the world knowing that… something gnawed at him, turned over in his stomach.
He didn’t want anyone else to know. At least not yet.
He heard an echo of his father’s voice, when he’d yelled about faggots spreading diseases, about dykes destroying family values. And not for the first time, the thought passed through his mind that if his dad found out, if his parents found out, they’d hate him. Actually, revile him. (It still sounded better than how they felt about him now. At least they’d feel something for him. At least they’d notice.)
Steve stood up, turned on the faucet. Paused. Turned it off. Sat back down.
There was no going back once this new truth was out there.
And Steve wasn’t sure he was ready. Knew he wasn’t.
He shut his eyes, banging his head on the wall behind him, as his thumb ran over the number on his hand, too gentle to destroy it, but hard enough to smudge.
It was the best he could do.
And he knew it wasn’t enough.
***
The heaviness didn’t leave him until he and Robin walked into the cabin that night – and he saw Eddie. Relief flowed through him, his entire body letting out a deep sigh at the scene that greeted them.
Loud rock music played over the boombox, a scent of garlic and onion and spices in the air. Eddie had a cigarette dangling from his lip, hair pulled back in a messy bun as he bounced on his heels to the beat of the song, stirring a red sauce on the stove.
‘Hello, friends!’ Eddie yelled as they entered, winking, grabbing the neck of his beer bottle for a deep swig. He caught Steve’s eye quickly before turning to give Robin a quick hug.
‘Wow, that smells amazing,’ Robin stuck her head over the pot and took a deep inhale.
‘My mom’s famous red sauce. Haven’t made it in a while,’ Eddie grinned. ‘Hey, Harrington,’ Eddie nodded a hello to Steve. ‘Beers in the fridge if you want.’
‘Hey Eddie,’ Steve smiled back, hands in pockets, rocking back and forth. He needed to put his hands away, all he wanted to do was reach out to Eddie, pull him in for a kiss, squeeze his backside.
‘Thanks for cooking, man,’ Steve said instead, as he opened the fridge. ‘You didn’t have to.’
‘Well, it’s a celebration!’ Eddie turned to both of them, splattering sauce over the stove as he gestured to it. ‘I fixed the stove!’
‘Really?!’ Steve couldn’t help sounding excited. He knew how annoyed Eddie had been at not being able to really cook. Or bake.
‘Mmhmm,’ Eddie’s tongue darted out to take a quick taste of sauce from the wooden spoon. Steve bit his lip. ‘I was on the phone all morning with that appliance guy, John? Talked me through it and now we’re cooking!’
‘With gas?’ Robin asked, alarmed. ‘Should you be smoking?’
‘There’s no leak in here, Buckley.’
‘Yeah, but this place still looks pretty flammable,’ she reached forward and grabbed Eddie’s cigarette out of his mouth, grinding it out on the plate he was using as an ashtray.
‘Because it’s you, darling Robin, I won’t take offense at the destruction of a barely lit cig, because, as you know, I’m not made of money,’ he smiled at her sarcastically, which she returned. Eddie returned his attention to the sauce but asked with a quick glance, ‘So, uh, Harrington, you still need to stay over?’
Steve had tried to stay as far from Eddie as could be considered respectable, permissible, a distance that Robin would interpret as normal (for him).
But he had no idea what that distance was so had boomeranged back and forth from leaning on the fridge, to settling on the back of the couch, to now perching on the small dining table.
‘Yeah, if that’s still cool?’ he asked (normally?).
‘Cool as can be,’ Eddie winked over. Steve realized that Eddie flirting with him, winking, this whole persona he had on, was normal (for him). He was playing it so well. Steve remembered when he’d thought this was just who Eddie was around everybody, a little extra, a little flirty.
And Steve also remembered why it had driven him crazy, because all he wanted to do was let his eyes linger, loving this confident Eddie, how he was moving to the music, how he was stirring and tasting and seasoning the sauce.
He’s going to smell amazing later, Steve thought. And taste even better.
‘Hey, can you grab some plates?’ Eddie asked a few minutes later.
Without responding, Steve moved to the cupboard grabbing plates, forks out of the drawer, depositing them on the small countertop next to the stove. He realized a second too late that Robin had been staring at him.
‘Wow, you really know your way around here,’ she commented.
‘I’ve been here before, Robin,’ he took a swig of his beer.
‘So have I, but I don’t know what’s in all the cabinets.’
‘There’s like two cabinets, I’m sure you’d figure it out.’
Eddie made Robin a plate at the stove, the table too small to hold the big pots of sauce and spaghetti. As she sat down, Eddie handed a plate to Steve.
When Steve reached out to grab it, the smudged number and heart drawn on the back of his hand were positioned directly in Eddie’s sightline.
Eddie paused.
Looked at the number.
Looked up at Steve.
Looked back down.
When Eddie looked up again, it was like nothing had happened. That blankness, that wall that Steve had sensed so many times was back up.
‘Dig in!’ Eddie yelled, a bit too loudly. Steve flinched. Eddie moved around Steve in a wide arc to sit at the table beside Robin, and Steve slowly followed. ‘Fresh tomatoes, fresh onions, fresh basil all from Merrill’s farm. Spaghetti from a box from the gas station. Enjoy!’
‘This is amazing!’ Robin said, digging in. Steve agreed with a murmur, desperately trying to catch Eddie’s eye, with no luck. Steve felt Eddie’s knee bouncing restlessly, jiggling Steve’s, Eddie’s eyes darting from Robin to his plate to the number on Steve’s hand to the door, anywhere but at Steve. When he finally did look, just out of the corner of his eye, Steve tried to shake his head, tried to indicate he’d explain later, gesturing to Robin who was still focused on her food.
‘So, Steve!’ Eddie started, with an overfriendly loud tone and dull eyes. Steve sighed, rolled his eyes. ‘Looks like your time on the bench after Mandy is over,’ Eddie poked Steve’s hand with the tines of his fork; Steve tried not to wince. ‘Who’s the lucky lady?’
‘She’s no one,’ Steve mumbled, focused on his plate. ‘Some girl.’
‘Hey, you agreed she was cute!’ Robin exclaimed, leaning forward, and pointing aggressively with her own fork. Steve thought an injury would be inevitable tonight.
‘Yes, because you were pestering me,’ Steve exhaled, rubbing at his eyes. ‘Don’t you think she’s cute, you have shot, go ask her out,’ he put on a high-pitched voice in imitation of Robin.
‘Well, I’ve done that twenty times before and you never had a problem,’ she challenged.
‘And it’s annoying every time...’ Steve sulked into his pasta.
‘I just thought you needed a rebound after Mandy. Don’t you think, Eddie?’
Eddie grinned, eyes blank. ‘Oh yes… seems like Steve’s ready for a rebound.’ He emphasized the last word, shooting a glare at Steve.
‘I mean, no one will be as hot as Mandy…’
‘Obviously,’ Eddie interjected with an annoyed look.
‘…but Debbie’s really cute! You should call her, Steve.’
Steve sighed, looking up at Robin with a resigned smile. Back in the middle, where’d he’d spent the day. Not being able (or ready) to tell Robin exactly why he never wanted to call Debbie, and now not being able to explain the entire situation to Eddie with Robin’s constant presence.
He hated this.
And he knew he’d done it to himself.
‘Maybe,’ he breathed. ‘Maybe.’
Eddie’s body was still now, finally. Steve caught his eye, raised his eyebrows, hoping Eddie saw the exhaustion on his face, the hidden protest, any indication that he’d been trying to fight Robin, that he’d explain, that it meant nothing. Eventually, Eddie flinched a small smile, turning back to Robin.
‘So, how’s our college girl? That bitch Elaine ever tell you what her problem was or…?’
Thankfully, Robin started on a small tirade against some poor girl in her class. Steve tried to listen, remembered parts of this same story from Robin earlier, but was focused on running his foot against Eddie’s ankle instead. After a minute of trying to put as much apology into that action as he could, Eddie looked over with a faint version of a real smile, which Steve returned eagerly, brightening instantly. He didn’t realize that he’d automatically glanced over at Robin, nervous if she’d seen.
She hadn’t noticed Steve’s look to Eddie.
But Eddie had noticed Steve’s look to her, as his barely-there smile faded, a weary look entering his eyes.
Steve took a deep breath.
Fucked it up again so quickly. Maybe a record.
He wanted to flip the table, run out into the woods, and scream.
Instead, he smiled tightly, turned his attention to Robin’s story, and took another bite of spaghetti.
***
After dinner, Steve offered to wash up, mainly so that he could soak the cursed digits off his hand and hopefully any damage they’d done along with them. He couldn’t wait to take Robin home, so he could return here to Eddie, to explain it all, to apologize, grovel, beg. Whatever he had to do to get rid of this hollow feeling in his stomach.
He shouldn’t have asked for the number; he’d known even as it happened. But he had anyway.
He still didn’t know exactly why.
As Steve worked, Eddie took Robin on a small tour of the cabin, showing her what he’d done on the house. It was already so much better than when she’d been here last, after the bonfire. It felt like ages ago.
The hole in the wall was almost completely fixed, the ceiling was in process of being fully patched, and even the big room was being slowly rebuilt. The biggest issue was the missing kitchen window, which Eddie had patched with peeling duct tape in the interim, cutting out a small hole in the corner so that Demo could enter whenever he wished. Which he happened to be doing right now, as the cat strutted in, walking on the back of the stove, over to the sink.
With his hands wet, Steve lowered his head slowly to the cat in greeting and was surprised when he started licking his forehead.
‘Ugh, that’s rough,’ Steve complained, the cat’s tongue like sandpaper on his skin. He tried to pull away, but the cat lifted up a paw to hold him in place as he continued grooming him.
‘Wow, Steve,’ he heard Robin’s voice behind him but didn’t turn around. ‘I think that cat’s your girlfriend now.’
‘Boyfriend,’ Steve corrected, turning his head slowly to see both Robin and Eddie staring at him, awed. ‘He’s a boy,’ he gestured gently to the cat, who finally gave up and jumped down, heading over to rub himself on Eddie’s shins.
Eddie reached down to pet the cat, but Robin continued starting at Steve, a worried look in her eye.
‘You can’t stay here tonight, Steve!’ she burst out.
‘What?’ Steve dried his hands and turned to her. ‘Why? Because the cat likes me?’
‘No,’ Robin scoffed. ‘The couch smells dank. Think it got wet in the rain.’
Steve was unconvinced but when he walked over, he caught the whiff of something coming off the couch cushion. ‘Shit.’
‘So where are you going to stay instead, Steve?’ Robin asked.
‘Oh, uh…’ he’d been planning on staying in Eddie’s bed, but he couldn’t say that. And wasn’t sure if Eddie would still want him there after all the weirdness tonight. ‘It’s just one night,’ he shrugged. ‘I can tough it out. Cover it with blankets or something.’
‘Nah, man,’ Eddie said, joining them by the couch. ‘You’re my guest, you take the bed, I’ll take the couch. I slept on the floor of a burnt-out trailer for weeks so… I’ll be fine,’ he smirked.
‘You could call Dustin?’ Robin interjected. ‘You said you didn’t want to stay with him because of his mom but it has to be better than a rotten couch, right?’
‘I mean, it’s already late…’ Steve protested lamely.
‘I’m sure he’ll say yes,’ Robin picked up the phone and handed it to Steve. ‘Call him!’
He was going to kill her.
‘Fine!’ he dialed Dustin’s number and within minutes, Dustin had happily agreed, saying his mom was making brownies anyway and asking if Steve want to try the new video game he’d just bought. He sounded so excited that now Steve didn’t have the heart to try and get out of it.
‘I guess I’m heading to Henderson’s…’ Steve announced after he hung up, as if Eddie and Robin hadn’t heard Dustin’s eager yell of agreement echo out of the receiver moments ago.
‘We better go!’ Robin slapped her hands together, ushering Steve towards the door. He threw a helpless glance over at Eddie, who seemed amused but with a shadow of his earlier coldness still lingering.
Steve and Eddie barely touched as they hugged a quick goodbye.
‘Thanks for dinner, Eddie.’
‘Harrington,’ Eddie nodded, giving Robin a deeper, longer hug. ‘Miss ya, Buckley.’
‘Bye, Eddie,’ she smiled. ‘I’ll call you later.’
‘I’d expect nothing less.’
***
Steve wasn’t sure what he was feeling as he drove Robin home. Annoyance, anger, shame, disappointment. He wanted to do something, but wasn’t sure what, so he settled for seething in silence, as Robin rested her head on her arms on the open window, the cool night air of early fall rustling around them as the radio played low.
‘Do you –’ Steve started, swallowed, took a breath. ‘Do you not like me and Eddie being friends?’ It was the closest he’d come to an explanation for whatever was going with Robin today. And assuming that she didn’t know what was actually going on between him and Eddie.
‘No,’ she didn’t sound convinced of her answer, but looked over at him. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You’ve been weird about me and him hanging out all day…’
‘I have not,’ she protested lamely.
‘You have! He’s my friend, Robin. I can hang out with him if I want.’ He fisted his hand in his hair, forcing his eyes to stay on the road when all he wanted was to glare at her. ‘Especially,’ his voice broke, ‘because everyone else is always gone…’
He sensed Robin turning towards him but still couldn’t bring himself look over. He nudged the turn signal as he stopped at a crossroads.
‘I’m glad you’re friends, really,’ she placed her hand on his forearm, squeezing gently. ‘It’s just… Eddie is… sensitive, I guess.’
He hadn’t discussed it with Eddie specifically, if he needed to keep that he knew about Eddie’s sexuality a secret from Robin, but he figured it was what Robin was getting at.
‘I know Eddie’s gay, Robin,’ he spoke slowly, finally looking over at her as he turned the car onto Robin’s street.
‘He told you?’ Robin buzzed next to him. He could feel her staring as he pulled up in front of her house.
‘Yes, he told me.’ He shut off the ignition. He knew they wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while.
‘And… how do you feel?’
‘Fine,’ he huffed, crossing his arms. ‘How am I supposed to feel?’
‘I don’t know…’
‘He’s Eddie! I don’t care that he’s gay, just like I don’t care that you’re gay,’ Steve turned in his seat, gesticulating wildly at Robin, at the backseat as if an invisible Eddie were sitting there.
‘So, he told you…’
‘Yes! Obviously! I didn’t, like, read his mind or find his diary or whatever!’
Robin rolled her eyes. ‘That’s not what I meant. I mean… you should know why I’m being weird, then.’
‘I don’t!’
‘Steve, come on,’ she said, seriously.
‘What!?’
‘He obviously likes you.’
Steve couldn’t help the flutter of pride that coursed through him, the small grin that formed. He knew Eddie liked him. He still liked being reminded of it.
‘No, he doesn’t,’ Steve hoped he was convincing, hoped he suppressed his smile enough.
‘Yes, he does. And it’s not fair what you’re doing.’
‘What? What am I doing?’
‘You’re being you,’ Robin laughed. ‘A non-stop flirt machine.’
‘I am not! I am being totally normal!’
Robin shook her head. ‘Normal for you is like… AP level charming for everyone else. You’re leading him on.’
‘I am not leading him on! I’m just being his friend!’
Dammit. Had Steve led Eddie on? Or not led him on exactly, not since it had actually led somewhere. Had he always known, on some level, that Eddie liked him? That he’d liked Eddie? He remembered being bowled over by his revelation, the frustration and tension of weeks of observing Eddie to get an answer of how he felt.
It wasn’t as black and white as Robin made it seem.
But she clearly had some experience in this area.
‘Well, take it from me,’ she grimaced, leaning back. ‘It can be super confusing and all it does is lead to hurt feelings and broken hearts and Eddie doesn’t deserve that!’
Oh.
Steve suddenly saw Robin’s weirdness all day for what it had been. Not trying to catch Steve in a lie, not trying to suss out a secret.
She’d been trying to protect Eddie. To see how badly Steve was going to hurt him. To steer Steve in another direction. To distract him with a hot girl. To make it clear to Eddie that Steve wasn’t an option.
Oh.
It was such a loving, annoying thing she’d done.
He felt an overwhelming fondness for Robin overtake him, as he pulled her into his side. She rested her head on his shoulder and breathed deeply.
‘I know he doesn’t,’ Steve admitted, rubbing a hand up and down her arm. ‘But Robin… what do you want me to do? Not be friends with him after he told me he was gay? Doesn’t that seem…’
‘Homophobic.’
‘Right. That.’
‘You’re right,’ she sighed. ‘He doesn’t deserve that either.’
‘So?’
‘Just… be careful. I already told him you’re straight and he doesn’t have a chance but there you are, hanging out all the time, knowing where the plates are, making out with his cat. It’s…’
‘Confusing, yeah, I get it. You’re a good friend, Rob,’ he placed a small kiss on the crown of her head.
‘I just… didn’t want to, like, force him to share a bed with you and for it to get all weird,’ she shrugged. ‘Sorry if I’m making you endure a night of Mrs. Henderson’s cheek squeezes,’ she grinned up at him.
He sighed. ‘It’ll be fine, Robin. It’ll be fine.’
***
It had been fine. Mostly.
The cheeks were squeezed as Steve expected, brownies delivered on a plate to Dustin’s room, where a sleeping bag had been rolled out for him, an old Atari system hooked up to a squat TV set – and cross-legged on the bed, a smiling pajama-clad Dustin, who’d greeted him with a sassy ‘You homeless now?’ but quickly settled into a long conversation about all of his sophomore year troubles and maybe more than Steve wanted to know about his relationship with Suzie.
Steve realized that his own parents would never have let a 19-year-old friend of his spend the night when he’d been a sophomore.
It made the cheek squeezing worth it, all in all.
Later that night, after brownies had been eaten and updates given, as Dustin headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth before settling in for a movie, Steve gave in to what had been niggling at him since he’d left the cabin.
‘Hey, uh, can I make a quick call?’ Steve asked Dustin as he headed out.
‘Who’re you calling? That girl you ignored me for the other day?’
‘Truly none of your business, Dustin. But no. Not a girl.’
Dustin rolled his eyes but tilted his head down the hall. ‘Mom should be asleep. You can use the one in the kitchen if you want.’
Steve paused with his hand on the phone before he picked it up, shielding himself with the wall as he dialed Eddie’s number.
Eddie answered after a few too many rings.
‘Hello?’ He sounded tired, Steve thought. Or maybe just upset.
‘Hey, it’s me. Uh, did I wake you?’
‘Oh. Hey. No, I was just… I didn’t hear the phone.’
Steve painted a picture in his mind of a disappointed Eddie, beer in hand, staring up at the stars on the back porch. Or an upset Eddie stalking through the night forest, punching trees as he passed. Or a sad Eddie, cuddled up with Demo on his bed, cocooned in messy plaid sheets.
He wished he was there for all of it. And that he hadn’t been the cause of any of it.
‘I, uh, I’m sorry about earlier… the number… and Robin.’
‘Its okay. I get it.’
‘I told her that you told me about… you.’ Steve was cautious of saying anything, aware he was still standing in the middle of the Henderson home, not sure how much his voice was carrying even as he’d pitched it lower, softer.
‘Oh.’
‘Was that okay?’
‘I guess. I mean, you both know so… it’s fine that you both know that you both know,’ Eddie paused. ‘You know?’
Steve smiled. He sounded stoned. ‘I know.’
‘Did you… tell her anything else?’
‘No, uh, she thinks I’m leading you on and wanted me out of there, so you weren’t tempted into bed with me…’
Eddie huffed a laugh. ‘She’s got good instincts.’
‘She thinks you have a crush on me.’
‘Well, I do.’
‘Is it still just a crush if you’ve seen me naked?’ Steve tried to tease.
‘I don’t know what it is,’ Eddie replied slowly, uncertain.
Steve closed his eyes, let his head fall against the wall. He’d really stepped in it. ‘Hey, really, that number? It meant nothing. It was Robin stirring the pot and me being too chicken shit to stop it.’
‘It’s okay,’ Eddie said. ‘It’s not like I expect us to be exclusive.’
Steve’s eyes shot open, head up. ‘You don’t?’
‘It’s been a few days, Steve. We’ve made out a few times, that’s all.’
Did he really believe this? Steve was right back where he was before he’d grabbed Eddie’s wrist and kissed him: uncertain, nervous, desperate to know what the hell was going on between them. His stomach dropped. He thought he’d explain, apologize, and it would be fine. Not this.
‘Really? That’s all we’ve done?’ Steve couldn’t help how his voice wavered.
‘I mean, what else would you call it?’
Steve didn’t have an answer. Not a good one. Not one that made sense right now.
‘I don’t know… but it’s more than that.’ Steve’s voice softened, not out of any type of propriety, no longer worried about Dustin overhearing, but because it was true, and it was honest, and he wanted to make sure Eddie knew it, as he emphasized every word: ‘I don’t want to see anyone else. I only want to see you.’
Eddie didn’t reply, his silence echoing. Steve heard him take a breath, heard a shuffling on the line.
‘Really?’ Eddie asked a moment later.
‘Yes. Really.’
‘Okay.’
‘Okay?’
‘Okay,’ Eddie breathed deeply, a warmness in his voice that hadn’t been there seconds ago.
Steve opened his mouth to speak, a smile on his face, thrilled at his apology finally getting through to Eddie, when Dustin poked his head around the corner. ‘Are you done? I want to start the movie!’
‘Yeah, I’ll be right there,’ Steve called over.
‘Is that Dustin?’ Eddie asked. ‘Will you tell him I said hi?’
Steve paused. That meant telling Dustin that he’d been whispering on the phone to Eddie for five minutes in the middle of the night.
Eddie interpreted Steve’s pause correctly because he said, ‘Never mind. I get it,’ he sighed. ‘Have fun with him.’
‘Okay. Sorry. Are you okay?’
‘Yeah, of course,’ Eddie said, though Steve knew it was a lie. Hated that it was a lie. Hated that he’d inspired Eddie to lie. ‘Will I see you tomorrow?’
‘Yes,’ Steve was adamant. ‘Definitely.’
‘Steve!’ Dustin called again, annoyed, coming back into the kitchen, standing just a few feet away.
‘Okay, well, bye… dad,’ Steve said into the phone. With Dustin listening, he wasn’t sure who else made sense for him to be talking to for this long in an urgent, whispered late-night phone call.
He wanted to take it back as soon as he said it. Wanted to take this whole day back. Had never regretted one word more.
Eddie laughed scornfully, taking in a sharp breath. ‘Yeah. Bye, son.’ He hung up.
And just like after a conversation with his actual dad, Steve wanted to punch a wall.
Notes:
So curious what you all think! Steve can't help but be a little messy, no matter how good his intentions...
Preview for Chapter 20: "Fight Or Flight"
Of course, Steve had gotten a girl’s number. Of course.
He probably couldn’t help himself.
Eddie would be mature about it, he decided. He’d be the cool one. He’d break it off, let Steve off the hook. He wouldn’t be clingy. He’d tell Steve the next time he saw him: it had been fun, no hard feelings, we can go back to barely tolerating each other and share custody of Dustin and Robin.
It would be fine.
Chapter 20: Fight Or Flight
Summary:
‘I like you for a lot of reasons, Eddie,’ Steve almost whispered. ‘One of them is cause you’re fucking fearless. A fighter. Cause you run when it means surviving but you stay and fight when it really matters. So, which is it this time? Fight… or flight?’
Or freeze.
Which Eddie did.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
Eddie didn’t know what he’d expected.
If he was honest with himself, he’d expected to find a number on Steve’s hand sooner rather than later. He’d expected Steve to get over whatever curiosity had urged him towards Eddie in the first place, of what it was like to kiss a guy, to suck a dick. He’d expected Steve’s attentions to return to where they’d been every single other time, for every single other hookup than Eddie.
He’d expected this.
He’d just hoped it would be different.
And wanted to kick himself for hoping.
He knew better.
***
He’d seen the apology, the guilt in Steve’s eyes the second Eddie had noticed the number. Guilt for getting caught? Or for getting the number in the first place?
Thankfully, Eddie was now used to shutting out whatever shitty reality he found himself in. Dissociating wasn’t as hard as it used to be. It felt like a tepid bath, a burned piece of pizza, a joint filled with mainly stems: not what you wanted, but better than nothing.
He was almost glad that Robin noticed the smelly couch, that Steve had to leave, that he didn’t have to keep up the charade any longer than he had to.
Almost glad.
Until he stepped back into the silent house, as his face fell, as everything he’d bottled up since dinner finally came out.
That was the silver lining of living out in the middle of nowhere: No one to hear you scream.
Eddie took a deep breath, clenched his eyes and fists, and let out a long, loud yell that echoed back at him in the small room, startling the cat that had curled up on the dank couch. His throat burned in the shocking silence when he stopped.
It helped a bit but not enough, so he tried again.
Better.
But then the silence descended again, and along with it the thought that those nights of falling asleep with Steve curled around him, of being looked at with affection, of having someone who – against all odds – wanted him? That all of that was about to go.
Eddie grabbed his half empty bottle of whiskey from the cupboard and the bong from under his bed and decided, fuck it, if he was going to be alone, then he’d be alone. He’d been alone before. He’d been fine. Not great, not good, but fine. And fine would have to do.
The cabin was stifling in its reminiscence, every corner filled with a memory of Steve. Eddie stormed outside only to see the post where Steve had leaned, the dirt road up to the cabin that only looked complete with Steve’s car coming up it.
Fuck.
Well.
There was one place Steve hadn’t been.
Eddie climbed up the ladder to the roof, holding the bong under his arm, the bottleneck between his fingers, all of a sudden not caring about any phobias. He wasn’t scared of falling off the roof, wasn’t scared of heights. There were scarier things.
He put on his headphones and blasted his Dio tape, took a few hits, a deep swig, and leaned back on the rough roof tiles, looking up at the stars.
He felt better, calmer. It made sense. It did.
He’d pointed it out to Steve that first day. From Mandy to Eddie? Really? One of the hottest girls who’d ever graced the halls of Hawkins High to scarred and battered and tatted Eddie Munson? And Eddie was vaguely aware of who the other girls could be, the whole dozen, without forgetting, of course: Nancy Wheeler. Gorgeous, brilliant, brave, a force of nature. Steve’s great love.
How had Eddie ever thought he’d had a chance in hell? Had he really believed Steve when he’d said that there was no competition?
Why had he ever let himself forget the reality of who they were? The Freak and the Jock? It wasn’t just a joke. Steve said that there was more there, more if you really looked, but maybe there wasn’t. Maybe he and Steve had bullshitted too hard to Dustin: maybe the pieces don’t fit any better as people change. Maybe you grow and develop a bit, but the core remains the same.
Of course, Steve had gotten a girl’s number. Of course.
He probably couldn’t help himself.
Eddie would be mature about it, he decided. He’d be the cool one. He’d break it off, let Steve off the hook. He wouldn’t be clingy. He’d tell Steve the next time he saw him: it had been fun, no hard feelings, we can go back to barely tolerating each other and share custody of Dustin and Robin.
It would be fine.
When Eddie heard the first ring of the phone, he knew in his bones it was Steve. His body still reacted to Steve without his permission, immediately sitting up, pausing the tape, pulling his headphones down. On the second ring, he catapulted down the ladder, feet hitting the ground by the third. By the fourth, he was standing in front of the phone on the kitchen wall, one hand braced around the handle.
He let it ring a fifth time. A sixth. A seventh.
He didn’t know what he wanted more: to hear Steve’s voice or to have the satisfaction of Steve giving up, the satisfaction of Eddie being right about his true intentions, his true nature.
An eight. A ninth.
I’m an idiot, Eddie thought, as he picked up the phone as it rang for the tenth time.
‘Hello?’ Eddie asked. Cautious. Calm.
‘Hey, it’s me. Uh, did I wake you?’
Dammit. Eddie closed his eyes, leaned his forehead against the wall. Jesus Christ, he was weak. Just hearing Steve’s voice filled him with warmth, made him so happy so instantly that he knew there was no being mature about this, no letting this go easily. It would be hard and messy; Eddie didn’t know if he had the strength.
And Steve said all the right things. All the things he wanted to hear. Apologized. Explained. Had honesty in his voice when he said: ‘I don’t want to see anyone else. I only want to see you.’
And Eddie believed it.
Like a fool.
Because of course Steve couldn’t tell Dustin he was talking to Eddie. Of course, it would be weird. Eddie realized that! And Eddie knew he was being a hypocrite, that he was only out to two people so what was he expecting from Steve after only a few days? But he still didn’t like feeling like a secret. Like something shameful.
Even though Steve had never given him a reason to feel ashamed. Not until the end of that phone call.
‘Dad.’ Ugh. Gross.
Eddie couldn’t help the disgusted laugh that came out, couldn’t help slamming the phone. He shouldn’t have answered. He felt empty, hollow, knowing that Steve would rather pretend to be on the phone with a person he hated, instead of Eddie.
He headed back up to the roof, put his headphones back on and stared at the cloudy starless sky. But the music wasn’t helping, the weed wasn’t helping.
He didn’t realize he’d drifted off until he woke in a start, a nightmare creeping in for the first time in weeks. Whether it was being on the roof, the eerie glow of the moon through clouds, the anxiety in his gut, something brought back the bats and the blood and the pain. He startled up, clutching at his chest, breath coming heavy. He had a vague memory of waking up from a bad dream a few nights ago but calming quickly as he felt Steve’s warmth next to him.
But tonight, when he woke, there was no warmth. He was stiff from the roof and the cold, suffocated by the tree line of the woods that surrounded him in every direction.
He felt like the only person left in the world.
He dragged himself down the ladder, into his bed, which still smelled like Steve. Eddie wasn’t proud of himself, but he was exhausted, and needed a desperate, deep breath of Steve’s scent to calm him. It wasn’t enough. He stayed in that muddled area between sleep and waking for hours, shutting his eyes and burying his head into the pillow when the first persistent rays of morning sun shone defiantly through the curtains.
It was the knocking that finally woke him fully.
‘Eddie?!’ Steve yelled, banging on the front door. ‘Hey, Eddie! Come on, man!’
Eddie opened his eyes but didn’t move from his position curled around the pillow. The knocking continued.
‘Eddie! I know you’re in there! Please…’ Steve’s voice caught on the plea. So did something in Eddie’s chest. He shut his eyes tightly, buried his face back into the bedding. Fool me once, Eddie thought. He wasn’t in the mood.
Steve knocked and called out a few more times, and Eddie heard him try the doorknob, realize it was unlocked, but he didn’t barge in, quickly latching it back shut. There was some shuffling, a final, ‘Eddie?’ and then the sound of Steve’s car starting, pulling out, driving off.
Eddie stayed frozen in his bed. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Getting high hadn’t helped, moping didn’t seem like the best idea. Work, moving his body, focusing on his list – that usually kept his mind busy, any other thoughts at bay.
But when he opened the front door a little later, to grab his materials from the shed, something fell at his feet, from where it had been wedged in between the front door and the frame. A polaroid: Eddie, with messy hair and a borrowed graduation cap, a shocked look and awkward grin, face turned towards Steve, who sparkled with a guileless smile directed at the camera, arm thrown loosely around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie turned the picture over, and scribbled on the back: Whenever you want a slice… - SP.
***
The phone rang a few times throughout the day – but Eddie let it ring, the noise faint enough through the loud sounds on his headphones to ignore.
As the sun started going down, after a surprisingly productive day, Eddie felt a sense of foreboding that Steve would show up again after his shift, with more apologies that Eddie wasn’t ready to hear. So, instead of being a sitting (baby) duck, Eddie loped across the clearing and through the far woods over to Merrill’s farm where he spent an hour repairing their chicken coop and another hour complimenting the roast chicken that Bev insisted he stay for and then another listening to Merrill’s analysis of the pumpkin crop. Merrill took every moment of Eddie’s confused nodding as an opportunity to expound upon his previous points, so Eddie didn’t have to carry much weight in the conversation, which was fine. Mostly. Except it let his mind keep drifting back to exactly where it didn’t want to go.
To exactly the person he found sitting on the porch steps when he returned to the cabin later that night.
Eddie saw Steve before Steve saw him. He was lit up, aglow in dim orange porch light, hunched over on the top stair, one hand running nervously over his forehead, the other gripping a bouquet of wildflowers that was slowly losing petals with each and every nervous bounce of his knee. Eddie couldn’t see his face but imagined the scrunched brow, the anxious lip bite.
Eddie froze, shrouded in the darkness of early nightfall. He reached for his back pocket and felt the outline of the polaroid that he’d pulled out several times that day. It was weird seeing his and Steve’s faces together like that, realizing what they must look like from the outside, to others. Steve with his shining smile, confidence, great hair; Eddie straggly, confused, the only ounce of joy in him coming from looking at Steve.
But looking at Steve right now, it seemed clear that, without Eddie, there was less joy in Steve, too.
‘Harrington.’ Eddie spoke from the shadows and Steve startled to his feet, hopping down the stairs. He blinked several times as he tried to locate the source of the voice, his eyes finally falling on Eddie as he walked up the path.
‘Eddie, hi. Hey,’ Steve coughed, nodded his head, shuffling back and forth on his feet, taking a step towards Eddie, a step back.
Eddie stayed silent as he walked past Steve, up the stairs. He looked back from the open doorway, walking inside and leaving the door open for Steve to follow. Eddie turned around from pulling a beer out of the fridge to see Steve waiting at the front door, nervously clutching the flowers.
‘You may enter,’ Eddie said with a mocking smile, sweeping his arm in a grand invitation. Steve cringed but took a tentative step inside. ‘What’s up, Harrington? Got a hot date later?’ Eddie nodded at the battered flowers in Steve’s hands.
Steve sighed, scrunched his eyes shut, hung his head. ‘Eddie, come on…’
‘Come on, what? You were at work all day, who knows how many numbers you got…’
Steve huffed out a frustrated breath, shaking his head. ‘I said I was sorry for that, okay. I’m a dumbass, obviously. But I told you – I don’t want to see anyone else.’ Steve’s look was intense, hands choking the flower stems.
‘Why?’ Eddie asked with a shrug.
‘Why?’ Steve scoffed. ‘What do you mean, why? I just don’t!’
‘Why not?’ Eddie continued, challenging. He leaned back on the fridge, crossed his legs and took a deep drink. ‘12 girls so far, right? Could have been lucky number 13 with the number you got yesterday. Plenty of fish in the sea who are a lot less complicated of a fucking situation than this, right?’
‘I guess…’ Steve sighed, shoulders up and defensive. That kind of hurt, Eddie thought, but he’d asked for it. ‘But maybe I like complicated,’ Steve continued, taking a step towards Eddie, breathing deeply, his eyes searching. Eddie met his gaze directly, forcing some of his anger, his hurt into the stare.
‘Do you?’ Eddie smiled ruefully. ‘Cause it seems like the easy thing to do was to get that number… would have been a lot more complicated to say no. And we know you didn’t say no.’
‘No. I know,’ Steve swallowed heavily, retreating again. When he finally met Eddie’s eye, he was exhausted, resigned. ‘I know, Eddie. And I’m so sorry. You have to believe me.’
‘You’re forgiven, Steve. Like I said, I wasn’t expecting us to be exclusive,’ Eddie said with an overly large smile, bowing deeply and gesturing to the door. ‘You can go now.’
‘What? No! I’m not leaving until –’ Steve protested, then paused.
‘Until what?’
He let out a deep growl, fisted a hand in his hair as he turned away, turned back, feet dancing in frustration. ‘I fucked up! I know I did! And let’s be honest – it won’t be the last time,’ he scoffed. ‘But this is –,’ his hand unclasped his hair, reached out towards Eddie then fell at his side. ‘Eddie, I can’t go. I’m not… not going to walk away.’ He crossed his arms, crushing the poor flowers under his armpit.
Eddie couldn’t help melting a bit, at Steve’s frustration, at his determination to stay. But still… he had to ask, the thought that always ran through his head every time Steve looked at him, touched him, talked to him like this. ‘Why?’
Steve huffed out a tired laugh, pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Because. I like you.’
‘Why?’
‘What do you mean, why?! I like you. It’s… simple.’
Eddie laughed bitterly. ‘I think we just established that this is complicated as fuck.’
Steve rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, maybe to like the world or whatever, it’s complicated. But me and you – that’s simple. That’s like… the only simple thing. I like you. And I know you like me. And before I fucked it up, it was good, wasn’t it?’
It had been. Mostly. Except for…
‘It sure was… Son.’
Steve flinched. ‘Fuck,’ he whispered, deflating a bit. ‘I’m sorry about that, too. That was…’
‘Gross.’
‘Yeah.’
Finally, something they agreed on. Eddie almost allowed himself a small smile, but Steve spoke before he could move.
‘If you want me to tell Dustin, I will.’
Eddie couldn’t stop his jaw from falling open, shocked into silence at Steve’s words. ‘What?’
‘Isn’t that why you’re mad?’ Steve cocked his head, stepping closer. ‘Because I wouldn’t tell Dustin I was talking to you? I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him that I like you,’ Steve sounded confident, but Eddie noted his nervous eye dart, a quick swallow. He took a deep breath and continued: ‘If you want me to, I will.’
‘No.’ Eddie vehemently shook his head, hand slashing through the air. ‘No, you shouldn’t – you shouldn’t come out if you’re not ready.’ Steve seemed confused by Eddie’s response. ‘Like… don’t tell people if you’re not ready. That’s not why I was mad…’
‘Then why?’ He sounded almost desperate. ‘Eddie, please… help me not fuck up again. Like, tell me and I’ll stop doing it or start doing it, whatever it is!’
Eddie paused to really look at Steve, so earnest, so handsome, still murdering those flowers. Steve, who had always made him feel safe, like no matter how scared or fragile or angry Eddie was feeling, that it was all going to be okay if Steve was around.
Eddie was addicted to that feeling.
But it had cracked yesterday – because Eddie wasn’t a pretty girl that Steve could flirt with in public; Eddie couldn’t write his number on Steve’s hand, mark him for the world to see; Eddie couldn’t even have Steve call him by his name on the phone at night.
What were they doing?
He just couldn’t see a way out of it. Couldn’t see a way forward that wouldn’t be complicated. Couldn’t see a way that wouldn’t hurt a hundred times worse if this continued.
And Eddie was tired of hurting.
‘I just…’ Eddie sighed, dropped into the dining chair behind him, arms collapsing onto his knees. ‘I don’t know, Steve…’
‘Hey, I never… Eddie, hey,’ Steve crouched down to catch Eddie’s eye, but he looked away. ‘I hate that I made you feel like this. How can I fix it?’
‘Sometimes there’s nothing to do, Steve.’
‘Stop! Okay? Stop it – there’s always something to do, there’s always a way!’
The way out was through, Eddie thought. So, he buckled in.
‘I think this is just too much. I think we should just be friends.’
‘You’re not serious.’
Eddie looked up at the flat tone in Steve’s voice, at the way he collapsed onto the back of the couch, at the bare stemmed bouquet falling to the floor.
Fuck. Eddie had to sit on his hands to stop himself from running over and wrapping Steve in his arms.
‘I am,’ he said, slowly, trying to convince himself as much as Steve, even though the tension between them was speeding up his heart, his breathing. ‘We were good as friends, right? Hung out, we were cool, it was good. But this, whatever this is… or was,’ Steve flinched as Eddie spoke, ‘Like, it’s a lot, Steve. It’s a big deal. You can’t just tell someone casually that we’re doing this.’ Eddie swallowed, got to his point. ‘It changes things. How people see you. It makes the world… dangerous.’
There it was. The crux of it.
It had been one thing when it had been just Eddie with his secret, his knowledge that he’d be alone here, that the way he wanted to love someone was never a real possibility right now. But here came Steve Harrington, destroying all his fearful plans, kissing him, caring about him, groveling, willing to start telling people about them despite his clear nerves.
Steve Harrington being brave was spotlighting just how afraid Eddie was.
And it was one thing to be scared for yourself. It was a whole other terror to be scared like this for someone else.
‘Are you joking?’ Steve scoffed, disbelieving. ‘The world’s been dangerous, Eddie. Remember that alternate dimension we almost died in?’ He laughed again. ‘We faced it, we fought, we won!
Eddie sighed. ‘Maybe I’m tired of fighting.’
He didn’t register Steve standing up, didn’t anticipate the change in him until he spoke.
‘You’re running away.’ Eddie’s head snapped up, locking his eyes on Steve. He’d seen that look on Steve’s face before. As they had parted in the Upside Down, when Steve had an axe strapped to his back, Eddie a shield. When Steve had been about to face a monster and save the world. ‘I thought you don’t do that anymore.’
‘I’m not running, I’m –’ Eddie swallowed his thought: I’m saving you, you idiot.
‘You’re running,’ Steve said with a disappointed headshake. ‘Let me give you some advice, since you’re always so focused on those other girls. Well, I’ve learned a lot,’ he sighed, biting his lip. ‘Getting a number, going on a date – you’re right, it is easy. This shit?’ He waved a hand between them. ‘It’s hard. When it’s real, it’s really fucking hard.’ Despite the strength in his stance, Eddie heard a tremble in his voice. ‘It’s not all butterflies and making out. It’s fucking up royally. It’s hurt feelings and misunderstandings, it’s not noticing…’ Steve looked away, a flash of something crossing his face. ‘… not noticing things you should. But you work through it.’ His eyes found Eddie again. ‘You don’t run. You don’t walk away. Not when you find something worth fighting for.’
Eddie swallowed. He couldn’t look away. Hadn’t seen this side of Steve, the full force of him, the determination, the inspiration directed at him like this. He finally understood how Steve could wear the title of King, unironically.
‘So, I’ll say it again, and hope you hear me this time,’ Steve continued, tone softer, more earnest. ‘I like you, Eddie Munson.’ He smiled. ‘I don’t want to see anyone else. You’re worth fighting for.’
Eddie sighed. God, it sounded so good. He wanted to believe, but he couldn’t – before he could protest, Steve held up a hand: ‘If you ask me why one more fucking time, I swear to god…’
The laugh bubbled out of Eddie, through the reluctant smile he couldn’t fight any longer. ‘Get out of my head, Harrington,’ he admitted, making a point to clench his lips shut, locking them and throwing away the key.
Steve’s soft smile in response melted his resolve even further.
‘I like you for a lot of reasons, Eddie,’ Steve almost whispered. ‘One of them is cause you’re fucking fearless. A fighter. Cause you run when it means surviving but you stay and fight when it really matters. So, which is it this time? Fight… or flight?’
Or freeze.
Which Eddie did.
He wasn’t fearless. Wasn’t a fighter. He was scared all the time. He ran, avoided, hid. Only believed the worst. Never hoped for the best. And all that was even before his world literally went up in flames; those thoughts had never been far away.
He thought now: how had Steve had gone from reading his mind to not knowing him at all; how was Steve getting him so wrong?
(Another voice chimed in: Or was he right?)
But despite his fear, his immediate urge to run, something in Steve’s words had sparked a defiance in him. And maybe he was a fool for wanting to believe again, for ignoring that fear pooling in his gut.
Because Steve was right. When it was the two of them, it was good. When it was the two of them, it worked.
And look where you could be if you fought, Eddie considered: a second chance at life. A smooth back with a scarred front. Even if it led to a broken heart, wasn’t it enough that he’d always have the memory of Steve Harrington looking at him like this? Fighting for him?
He thought maybe it would.
And he realized he liked his scars.
And if Steve was willing to lead them into this battle, he was worth following.
And so, this time, for this man, Eddie decided to fight.
Eddie catapulted up off the chair, stepping directly up to Steve, face to face, chest to chest, his eyes challenging.
‘Do you wanna fight, Harrington?’ He growled and saw a flash of apprehension on Steve. ‘Fine.’
Eddie pushed his chest out, took a step forward, forcing Steve to take a step back. His breathing quickened, as with each move, he pushed Steve back a step, and another, and another, until he backed him firmly into the wall. Eddie tilted his head, gaze locked on Steve’s wide-eyed nervous face.
‘I’ll fight with you. For you.’ He respected this call to arms. Steve’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Eddie took pity on him and licked his lip, Steve’s gaze immediately locking on the action. ‘What you did was fucked up.’ Not a question, a statement.
But Steve agreed: ‘Yes.’
‘So, let’s establish a few ground rules,’ Eddie’s arms locked onto the wall, caging in Steve who must have seen something on his face because the corner of his lip twitched up. ‘If you had your mouth on any part of me that day, maybe don’t ask someone else out until the next, hm?’
‘Fair,’ Steve nodded.
Eddie leaned in closer, his nose grazing Steve’s, their breath mingling. ‘You don’t have to tell anyone about us. You shouldn’t,’ he whispered, swallowed. ‘Because this isn’t just yours. It’s ours.’
‘Ours,’ Steve echoed, a small smile.
‘And you can’t decide something like that for the both of us. I understand what you did yesterday, I really do. I know all about needing to play a part.’ As Eddie stilled, Steve leaned forward slightly, touching their foreheads together briefly in comfort. ‘So, you should play it,’ Eddie continued; it hurt him to say it, but knew Steve had to, they both had to pretend with others in some way. That this wouldn’t be the last time something like this would happen. ‘You should if you have to. But as long as you understand, as we both understand, that’s it’s just play. That you’re actually…’
‘Yours?’ Steve interjected with a quiet smile that Eddie returned.
‘Mine.’
‘I like these rules…’
‘And one more…’ Eddie closed the miniscule distance between them, brushing his lips over Steve’s in the ghost of a kiss, pressing their bodies fully together, any space disappearing. He felt Steve respond, felt his breath hitch, the anticipation buzzing. ‘If you fuck up – when you fuck up…’
‘Yes…’ Steve shivered against him, angled his head for a kiss, eyes starting to close.
‘No touching me until you make it up to me,’ Eddie whispered low, seductively, as he stepped away with a wicked smile.
Eddie watched Steve’s eyes blink open, head straighten as he processed what had happened. His smile only grew as he watched Steve fully register Eddie’s absence. ‘Wait, what? I did make it up to you!’
‘How?’ Eddie crossed his arms, jutted his hip.
Steve pointed at the fallen bouquet that was mainly stems, a few straggling petals hanging on, the rest a mess on the floor. ‘And I said I was sorry! Eddie, I swear –’
‘I accept your apology, Steve. Really. We are good,’ Eddie smiled, taking another step back. ‘But no touching, no kissing, no Eddie Pie… nothing. Until you properly repent.’
‘Repent?!’
‘Blankets are on the couch if you still need to stay. Don’t mind the smell. I’ll see you in the morning.’ Eddie felt powerful as he walked away, catching a glimpse of a befuddled Steve frozen right where he’d left him as he closed the door to his room.
***
The power quickly turned to frustration. It was torture, hearing Steve right on the other side of the door because he hadn’t just riled up Steve when he’d pressed their bodies close. Eddie had done it to himself, too. But he forced himself to stay in bed, running his hands over his body slowly, a poor mimicry of Steve’s on him, as he fell asleep, the exhaustion of his last sleepless night and emotional day overtaking him.
He dreamt of Steve, as he usually did. Dreamt of Steve leaning over after taking that polaroid, flinging off his graduation cap, kissing him deeply, kneeling between his legs right there on the auditorium stage.
It was a great fucking dream.
Eddie could tell he slept in by the slant of the light when he awoke slowly. In that twilight time between sleep and waking, he heard Steve shuffling around, heard him on the phone, heard plates clinking and the sounds of the old hissing percolator making coffee. When he finally emerged, bleary eyed and still exhausted despite the long sleep, Steve stood up quickly from the table.
‘Ta da!’ Steve pointed at the set table, eggs and toast and coffee, one lone surviving blue flower from the bouquet in a small glass. Eddie couldn’t help but smile as he sat down.
‘I don’t know if your cooking is going to get you out of the doghouse, Harrington. I still have nightmares about those cookies.’
‘No, this isn’t the repenting thing,’ Steve shook his head. ‘You were sleeping, but I got hungry so…’ he waved vaguely at the table. ‘It’s not very good,’ he admitted as Eddie took his first bite.
‘I’ve had worse,’ Eddie winked at him, taking another bite.
‘So… can we do something tonight?’ Steve asked a minute later, slowly sipping his coffee.
‘Like what? Butt stuff?’
Steve spluttered and turned bright red. Eddie smirked at the look on his face but turned serious as Steve raised an eyebrow and winked at him with a ‘Maybe.’ It was Eddie’s turn to blush; he felt his dick twitch.
‘Let me rephrase,’ Steve continued with a smile. ‘Eddie Munson, will you go on a date with me tonight?’
Eddie couldn’t help beaming. ‘Really?’
Steve grinned back at him. ‘I’ll pick you up 7, dinner and a movie. Classic Steve Harrington first date. You seemed curious about it. And I figure after everything we’ve done, I owe you at least one,’ he winked.
God, he’s too fucking charming, Eddie thought. ‘Okay,’ he responded with half the enthusiasm he felt, trying to keep his cool, not wanting to let Steve out of the doghouse this soon.
‘Okay? Really? Awesome!’ Steve sat up quickly and seemed to forget the no touching rule as he pressed a quick kiss to Eddie’s lips, making Eddie blush at the sheer casualness of the gesture, at Steve’s clear excitement. It almost made Eddie forget the hollow pit he’d lived with all day yesterday.
Steve ran to the bathroom, shouting to Eddie over his shoulder. ‘I had to switch shifts last minute to get tonight off, so I’m already late, but be ready at 7!’ He poked his head back out of the door. ‘I think I’ll be fully repented after that, don’t you?’
‘Let’s see how the date goes first,’ Eddie challenged.
‘Oh, it’ll go very well,’ Steve said seriously. ‘I give great first date,’ he winked, ducking into the bathroom.
‘Among other things,’ Eddie whispered to himself, grinning into his coffee.
***
Eddie Munson’s first date was going to be with Steve Harrington.
For most of what Eddie had done so far in terms of dating, of ‘kind of’ sex hadn’t actually necessitated actually going on a date. It had been casual hangs, group things, whatever. He’d never tried to impress anyone with his plans or what he wore or conversation; had never had anyone try to impress him.
But Eddie spent the day – and he hated to use the word, though it was fitting – primping. It seemed to distract from the butterflies in his stomach. After nearly smashing his hand with a hammer, he’d decided it was too dangerous to work, he was too distracted. So instead, he’d showered, shaved his persistent stubble and applied aftershave, taking his time with each step. He’d had Steve’s penis in his mouth and yet still spent over an hour trying on every single item of clothing he owned only to settle pretty much on what he’d started with: the cleanest of his two pairs of jeans, his only plain black t-shirt, worn jean jacket, new used sneakers, silver chain, rings, bracelet.
Steve had barely knocked on the door at seven on the dot, when Eddie threw it open, after peeking through the curtains on the lookout for Steve’s car for the past thirty minutes.
‘Hi,’ Eddie knew he sounded too eager. But as soon as he got a good look at Steve, he knew he wasn’t the only one.
Decked out in his dating best, Steve wore a familiar dark button down, smelled of cologne, his hair standing taller than Eddie had ever seen. And he quickly realized why, as Steve ran a hand up and through it nervously.
‘Hi,’ Steve smiled and held out the bouquet of flowers to Eddie. Roses. He nodded at it. ‘Made sure these ones survived.’
Eddie felt the blush on his cheeks as he took the bundle from Steve. God, had he really been so scared yesterday that he’d asked Steve to be just friends? What a fucking rollercoaster the past 24 hours had been.
‘Very impressive, Harrington.’
‘Well, it’s an important date.’
After an awkward shuffle of whether Steve should kiss Eddie or not (he had, quickly, barely a peck on the side of his mouth) and placing the flowers in the empty coffee mug, Steve guided Eddie to the car, opening his door with a flourish.
‘Wow, you treat all your dates this fancy?’ Eddie smirked as Steve drove off.
‘No.’ The tenor of his voice, the quick glance Steve shot over at Eddie made him bite back a smile.
‘So, what’s the plan?’
‘Like I said, dinner and a movie. I was thinking we’ll do the movie first.’
At the old small movie house in town that had gotten a second chance at life after the mall disaster last summer, Steve gestured up at the board. ‘We don’t have a lot of options, so you get to choose…’
Eddie considered the marquee: The Fly or Howard the Duck. He snorted a laugh. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah, but watching the movie isn’t really the point,’ Steve winked. Eddie felt himself blush, opened his mouth to respond, when a group of loud middle schoolers walked by, a few throwing weird looks at him. Eddie raised a brow in response before turning back to Steve.
‘In that case, I don’t care. Which one do you want to see?’
From the way Steve shrugged, a little too quickly, a little too nonchalantly, Eddie guessed: ‘You want to see the duck one, don’t you?’
‘He looks so cute!’
Eddie couldn’t help but smile as he and Steve lined up for tickets. Again, he might have imagined it, but thought he saw a few strange glances being thrown his way by people passing by.
Eddie realized that outside of his visits to the hardware store or the library, he really hadn’t been out in town too much. Especially not as he looked now: hair almost back to its full length, his rings, his confidence, back to his fighting weight. His little world had felt so safe and so happy, with his friends, with Steve, with the cabin and the freedom of the woods.
He felt nervous, suddenly, almost regretted that he’d come back to himself. He crossed his arms to hide his rings, hunched over a bit, trying to reclaim some of that anonymity he’d had for those months of his recovery. And just as suddenly, he felt guilty about being so wounded by Steve playing a part the other day, when that’s what he was trying to do now too.
It was clearly so much easier to play a part than to invite the judgment that comes with being yourself.
But was it just Eddie they were looking at? Or did Steve look too good, did he smell too good, was he standing too close and smiling too much? Could people see that it was a date?
‘Hey, you okay?’ Steve asked as he grabbed the tickets, clocking Eddie’s nerves. ‘We can find something else to do if you don’t want to –’
‘No, no, this is good,’ Eddie forced a smile. ‘Just… being out is weird?’
‘Being out?’
‘Of the house.’
‘Oh,’ Steve tilted his head. ‘But you have been out of the house?’
‘Not that much,’ Eddie admitted. ‘Not, like, out in town.’
Steve suppressed a smile. ‘It’s not exactly a hotbed of activity,’ he gestured to the two other people in line, the five people walking up and down the street. When Eddie didn’t respond, Steve turned serious. ‘Hey, we can go, okay? Really.’
‘No, it’ll be good.’ Eddie nodded twice confidently, more to convince himself than Steve. He tried to smile more genuinely, but wasn’t sure if Steve bought it, as he just returned a small smile, placed his hand gently on Eddie’s shoulder and guided him into the theater.
Supplied with popcorn, Milk Duds, and a soda, they grabbed seats towards the back of the almost empty theater. Eddie eased a bit in the darkness of the room, at their solitude.
When the lights went down fully and the previews started up, Steve reached over to hold Eddie’s hand, placing it on the armrest between them, the lengths of their forearms touching. Eddie hadn’t realized that he’d been running his fingers over his rings nervously, hands clamped together in his lap.
‘Relax,’ Steve whispered. Eddie tried to, but still moved the bag of popcorn to lean in a way to ensure their hands weren’t visible, even though the only other people in the theater were ten rows ahead of them. Steve just smiled, reached over to add some popcorn to the candy in his mouth with a wink. ‘We can leave whenever you want,’ Steve said.
Eddie shook his head and returned his attention to the screen, taking comfort in Steve’s warmth pressed against his arm, Steve’s knee bumping into his.
So, they stayed.
But Eddie thought maybe they should have left.
‘That was the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,’ he mumbled in disbelief as they left the theater. Steve just laughed, a continuation of what he’d done during the whole movie, clearly enjoying himself, while Eddie had desperately wished he was high for this particular viewing experience.
‘What do you mean? That was hilarious!’ Steve paused, cocked his head. ‘So, did she actually have sex with the duck or just kind of?’ he winked.
Eddie grinned at Steve’s expression. ‘Of course, that’s the part you’d remember.’
‘I’ll never forget it,’ Steve said. ‘So, I was planning on the diner for dinner, but we could go home instead, if you’re not up for it?’
Eddie clocked that Steve called the cabin home. He had relaxed a bit during the movie, even as his heart had sped up both from heat and nerves when Steve had massaged his thumb over Eddie’s hand, had leaned in close. But hearing Steve call the cabin “home” made him feel warm, calm. ‘I’m always up for food.’
Eddie sort of loved that they had a regular spot, as Steve led them directly to their usual corner booth which seemed to be serendipitously empty. But before Steve sat down, he ran over to whisper something to the waitress.
‘What was that?’ Eddie asked, as Steve slid in around the edge of the booth, so they were sitting side by side. Steve simply grinned in response as the waitress brought over two large to-go cups with straws.
‘Beer,’ Steve whispered to Eddie out of the corner of his mouth. ‘You’re a doll, Alice.’
‘If the police show up, I’m telling them you smuggled these in and it’s your ass,’ she replied with a scowl, though she finished with a quick wink.
‘Yes, ma’am,’ Steve nodded, as he ordered for them both then lifted his cup to toast against Eddie’s.
‘Nice move, Harrington.’
‘I made the beer deal with her earlier, I wasn’t sure she was going to do it.’
‘Not a typical first date move?
Steve snorted. ‘No, not typical. Why don’t girls like beer? It’s so refreshing.’
Eddie chuckled and took a deep gulp. ‘So, what is a typical first date move?’
‘Well…’ Steve slide even closer to him in their corner booth and their knees knocked together, Steve’s foot finding his under the table. ‘…it really depends.’
‘On what?’
‘On what she’s like. On what she likes.’
‘Hmm,’ Eddie found it hard to concentrate as Steve entwined their legs together, as he licked the beer off his lip. Steve leaned in even closer, and Eddie’s heart skipped. ‘Isn’t this suspicious? Two dudes in a corner booth?’ he asked.
‘Well, we have something very confidential to discuss,’ Steve lowered his voice, hunching closer to Eddie. ‘And we have to whisper…’ Steve was close enough that Eddie felt his breath on his neck. Suddenly, Steve sprung back, squeezing his hand quickly under the table, as the waitress walked up with their food.
It turned out that a date with Steve Harrington was a lot like hanging out with Steve Harrington. At least when he was on a date with Eddie.
As they ate, Eddie let him ramble on about the movie, trying to dissect the plot (‘I don’t think logic was their main concern, Steve’), then talking about his day at work, about the new high school girl Abby that they’d hired and how she clearly thought Steve was an idiot. Eddie imagined they would have had this same conversation alone at the cabin (home) if they hadn’t been at the diner. It seemed like the main difference was that they were actually out in public alone together.
Eddie wasn’t sure what he imagined his first date would be like.
But this was nice.
Spending time with Steve was nice.
Spending time with Steve rubbing his foot against Eddie’s, wiping a spot of ketchup off Eddie’s chin, seeing Steve’s eyes darken when Eddie licked his lip trying to get the rest of it – that was all nice. Really nice.
As they finished up their food, Steve nodded over at the waitress, and she brought over a slice of pie for them to share as she cleared their plates.
‘You sure you don’t want a second slice?’ she asked.
‘Nah, trying to watch my weight,’ Steve patted his stomach and winked at her, as she rolled her eyes and walked away.
‘So, is this your end of date move?’ Eddie asked.
‘What, the pie? Hell no! Most girls don’t even order fries,’ Steve responded. ‘No, this is a pie for my Eddie Pie,’ he winked, and so quickly that Eddie didn’t register what happened until it was over, Steve leaned over and placed a light kiss on Eddie’s lips.
Shocked, Eddie looked around nervously, but nobody had noticed. There was no one storming up, no one looking at them disgusted, no one asking them to leave.
‘You – you –’ Eddie gaped, blinking slowly as Steve took a bite of pie.
‘What?’ he finally looked up, noticing the look on Eddie’s face and smiling curiously. ‘What?’
‘You keep surprising me, Steve Harrington.’
Eddie reached over under the table, squeezing Steve’s knee, running his hand up his thigh, fingers grazing over the front of Steve’s pants. Steve dropped his jaw and his fork, which clattered onto the table loudly. Eddie grinned and picked up his own fork, running it through the cherry pie filling on the plate, and licking the tines slowly. He saw Steve swallow, his eyes on Eddie’s tongue.
Eddie had quickly realized the parts of his body that somehow drove Steve crazy. His tongue. His hands. His back. Eddie was less particular; everything from the smallest freckle to a single eyelash to every inch of his skin – every part of Steve turned him on.
In this particular instance, Eddie used the knowledge to his advantage, as he placed his fork down and picked up a cherry, placing it slowly in his mouth then deliberately licking each sticky finger.
Steve froze, his mouth hanging open, eyes locked onto Eddie’s mouth, looking so overcome that Eddie had to smile and, without thinking, he ran his tongue over his lip to catch more of the cherry’s sweetness.
It was like he broke him.
Steve sighed out a soft strangled noise, then moved so quickly, Eddie gasped in surprise: fumbling for his wallet, throwing down such a mass of bills that Eddie was confident they had overpaid by nearly double, pushing Eddie out of their booth, and hustling them out of the restaurant and to the car.
Eddie couldn’t stop smiling as Steve drove them back to the cabin so fast, taking the turns on the dark dirt road so quickly that Eddie had to grab onto the door. But Steve was so confident in his driving, that Eddie’s heart lifted, realizing that the confidence came from just how many times Steve must have made this drive, for no other reason than Eddie was at the end of it.
Before Eddie was fully out of the car, Steve grabbed his hand, slammed the passenger door and ran them up the stairs, barely waiting for the front door to close before he had Eddie pressed up against it, crashing their lips, their bodies together with urgency. Eddie couldn’t help but respond with the same desperation, pulling Steve’s tucked shirt out of his pants, nails raking up his torso.
Steve reached behind his head and lifted his shirt off, pushing off Eddie’s jacket and pawing at his tee, which he quickly had off and tossed aside. His hands wound around Eddie, pulling their bodies flush, Steve’s chest hair tickling Eddie’s nipples.
Eddie walked them backwards towards the bedroom door, neither one breaking the kiss. Eddie tried to toe off his sneakers without looking, while walking, Steve doing the same. Steve was already unbuttoning his jeans when Eddie pushed him back onto the bed. Steve’s lips were swollen, pupils blown, hair in disarray. His chest was rising and falling quickly as he caught his breath. The sight of him, his golden chest, his pants half pushed down, his cock hard and on display – Eddie couldn’t help the leer that crept over his face, couldn’t help unzipping his own pants to stroke himself.
Steve grinned up at him from the bed, kneeling up to pull Eddie’s pants all the way down, Eddie leaning on Steve’s shoulder as he stepped out of his jeans and boxers. Steve laid back down on the bed, keeping hold of Eddie’s hips and pulling him down over him to kneel over his face, taking his full length into his mouth in one swift movement. Eddie hissed in pleasure, couldn’t help closing his eyes and thrusting deeper into Steve’s mouth.
‘Sorry,’ Eddie murmured, distracted, but looked down to see a smile in Steve’s eyes. Eddie moaned, steadying his knees around Steve’s torso and grabbing onto Steve’s hair, letting Steve set the pace even though Eddie ground his teeth in frustration, in pleasure, trying not to push forward as firmly as he wanted. He groped behind him, finding Steve’s penis and starting to stroke it, feeling a hum of approval from Steve vibrating through him.
He knew he was going to come, could feel it, just there, over the precipice. He didn’t want to get there yet, didn’t want this to be over, didn’t want to be staring at the wood-paneled wall while he came. He pulled back, moving down Steve’s body.
He saw the question in Steve’s eyes only for a second, only until Eddie laid his penis directly on top of Steve’s, gripping both in his hand, stroking them together.
‘Oh, holy fuck,’ Steve moaned, tossing his head back, writhing, pushing his hips up, meeting every motion of Eddie’s hand. The change in position calmed Eddie a little but he was still just there. But this was so much better, feeling Steve’s length against his, seeing the pleasure on his face, the pain of his anticipation. Eddie released them from his hand but continued to thrust, laying his body over Steve’s, his hands coming up to grip Steve’s face, his hair, as Eddie kissed him deeply, repeatedly. Steve responded to each motion, to each kiss hungrily, his hands gripping Eddie’s back and ass.
Eddie was concentrating, doing his best to stay just where he was until he felt it: Steve thrusting a bit faster, breath coming a bit harder. ‘I’m coming,’ Steve whispered into his ear a minute later, and it’s all Eddie was waiting to hear, increasing his pressure, his pace, the friction between them building and building and building until Steve moaned, until Eddie felt nails digging into his skin. Eddie watched Steve’s face as he orgasmed. They were so close that Eddie saw the flush overtake his skin inch by inch.
It was the one of the hottest things he’d ever seen.
And that’s all it took to send Eddie over the edge with a long groan, burying his head into Steve’s neck.
Eddie rolled off his weight off Steve slightly but neither one moved beyond that, hands still where they were, bodies still aligned and close. Eventually, Steve nuzzled his face into Eddie’s with a sigh.
‘Sorry for breaking the rules. But I haven’t touched you in days and well…’ Steve smiled lazily, swallowed, blinked up at Eddie slowly. ‘… that was way too long.’
‘Huh?’ Eddie’s brows scrunched in confusion. His body was still buzzing, mind distracted by replaying what Steve looked like when he came.
Steve smirked. ‘No Eddie Pie? Until I repented?’
Eddie laughed and shook his head. ‘Right, right. That rule…’
‘I assume I repented enough. Or… do you need to punish me again?’ Eddie could hear the leer in Steve’s voice and smiled.
‘Oh, I definitely think you need another round of repenting before you’re in the clear…’
‘Oh, yeah?’ Steve’s hand was already moving down Eddie’s body and Eddie shivered in anticipation.
‘Oh, yeah…’ Eddie whispered into Steve’s mouth, swallowing Steve’s laugh with a kiss.
Notes:
The next chapter turned out really long, so I'm splitting it into two! Hopefully means the next chapter will be posted soon...
Preview for Chapter 21: "I Give A Shit About You, Too"
‘How were you such a clean freak at my place but here… I mean, come on, man!’ Steve stood in the bedroom, holding up one of his polo shirts that had a dried brown stain on it. Steve sniffed it and recoiled. ‘Is this rotten beer or something?’
Eddie had been standing by the door with his arms crossed. He leaned forward to take a whiff. ‘I think whiskey. Did you spill whiskey?’
‘No, Eddie, I didn’t spill whiskey! You spilled whiskey!’
‘I don’t think I did.’
‘Yes, you did, when you tripped on the guitar case!’
‘Oh, right, I totally did.’
Chapter 21: I Give A Shit About You, Too
Summary:
‘Well, maybe I give a shit and I want to talk,’ Steve countered, shifting his body so that Eddie would be forced to look at him. He did. That look again. Not as strong as before but still. Anger. But also – fear.
‘It’s none of your business, Steve,’ he said quietly, slowly, seriously.
‘You’re pissed at me, and I don’t know why, so it kind of seems like my business!’
‘Fuck!’ Eddie shot to his feet, startling Steve back into the wall. ‘I think – fuck.’ He tossed his cigarette to the ground, stomped it out with his bare foot. ‘I’m going for a walk.’
‘What?’ Steve followed him as Eddie started pulling on his jeans, his boots. ‘It’s the middle of the night!’
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve hadn’t realized that he missed having a home until he had one again. It’s what the cabin quickly became to him. It’s what Eddie became to him.
Outside of a ‘It’s cool if I stay over, right?’ after their date night, he and Eddie hadn’t discussed it. Steve just stayed. And over the next few weeks, they settled into a routine of sorts. It felt so normal, waking up together, going to sleep tangled up in each other. Eddie making breakfast, Steve clearing. Daily calls checking in, ‘What do you want for dinner?’, ‘Can you pick up some milk?’, ‘Dustin’s looking for you,’ ‘Robin wants to hang’.
Steve had only been back to his parents’ house (no longer his home) for two reasons.
The first was to borrow (‘just admit we’re stealing it,’ Eddie sighed) the lovely leather couch from the basement, after they realized that the cabin’s rotten couch was beyond saving. They hauled the old one to the dump and then had a huge fight over the best way to tilt the new couch to maneuver through the basement door and hallway. Eddie hadn’t spoken to him for the rest of the day after Steve’s method (‘tilt up then sideways!’) turned out to work best.
The second was for a torturous week when Steve’s mom had (finally) returned from her extended trip. It was easy enough to fake excuses, telling her he had extra shifts or a date that might go late or was meeting up with friends, all while sneaking off to the cabin and Eddie and his actual life instead.
After days of this little game, Steve started to get nervous, concerned that she’d be staying longer and he’d run out of reasons to be gone, might have to awkwardly discuss actually moving out but just in time, his mom’s friend Judy’s daughter-in-law had twins and mom decided she simply had to be in Minneapolis to help out for a couple of weeks.
Of course, her imminent departure meant that his father needed to come home for at least a brief visit to show his face, to put on the pretense of family at least for one night.
It had been relatively painless, all things considered. Surface level, as always. The only tense moment came when his father reminded Steve that his office was off limits, that Anita did not clean in there, that if Steve wanted to steal his liquor he needed to clean up after himself better, or better yet, ‘Don’t throw away your future by drinking! Don’t you remember when that poor girl disappeared during one of your house parties when you and your little friends were all drunk? Didn’t you learn anything, Steven?’
‘Yes, sir. Sorry, sir,’ Steve ground out, head hanging down, his mother suddenly extremely focused on cutting her broccoli into smaller pieces.
He didn’t bother with an excuse that night, simply grabbed his keys, yelled ‘I’m heading out’ and headed home to Eddie. His mom didn’t say anything when he came home the next morning only to give her a hug goodbye before her trip then leave again.
And that had been that.
And it was back to life at the cabin. Life with Eddie. Which was amazing. Really, truly great. So, so good. Except for…
‘How were you such a clean freak at my place but here… I mean, come on, man!’ Steve stood in the bedroom, holding up one of his polo shirts that had a dried brown stain on it. Steve sniffed it and recoiled. ‘Is this rotten beer or something?’
Eddie had been standing by the door with his arms crossed. He leaned forward to take a whiff. ‘I think whiskey. Did you spill whiskey?’
‘No, Eddie, I didn’t spill whiskey! You spilled whiskey!’
‘I don’t think I did.’
‘Yes, you did, when you tripped on the guitar case!’
‘Oh, right, I totally did.’
‘Oh my god,’ Steve rubbed his hand over his face in frustration. ‘I miss Anita,’ he mumbled, suddenly realizing just how valuable of a service she provided to the Harrington house, even just on her weekly basis.
‘It’s not a big deal,’ Eddie grabbed the shirt from Steve. ‘I’m heading to the laundromat tomorrow. I’ll clean it, promise.’
‘Okay, well, that’ll fix the shirt, but what about the rest of this?’ Steve spread his arms wide, gesturing to their room.
It was small enough to begin with, let alone with two people living in it. Piles of clothes and shoes took up the scant floor space and Steve’s duffel bag and Eddie’s guitar case stuck out from the bed (both tripping hazards). Clothing was also overflowing from the small chest of drawers, as Steve somehow had brought more clothes with him than Eddie even owned, not that it mattered; they had both gotten used to grabbing whatever was close by and clean, no distinction for who owned what. The walls also seemed to be closing in as Eddie had installed a few shelves for his tapes and books, posted pages of his repair manuals to study, tacked up postcards Wayne had been sending from his drives around the country, finally hung his diploma. Beyond the visual mess, there was a musty smell, ash from cigarettes and joints coating the nightstand, beer cans and coffee mugs crowding the surfaces.
‘I guess we could clean…’ Eddie stood amid the mess, scratching his head and looking befuddled. Steve couldn’t help but smile. Damn, he’s cute, Steve thought. And, like he had been doing, he gave into the urge that sprung from that thought, leaning over and grabbing Eddie by the front of his shirt, pulling him in for a kiss that soon turned into more.
And that was exactly the reason why the room was a disaster.
Because living with Eddie meant that Steve’s mind didn’t have much else on it. He’d never been this obsessed before and he wasn’t sure why. Their (kind of) sex was great. He knew there was more to come, was desperate to get there, but Eddie seemed to be holding himself back for some reason. Steve didn’t mind. Anything and everything they were doing was blowing his mind enough already.
It was all he could think about.
It was all he could think about in the shower, touching himself to thoughts of Eddie even though Eddie was only a room away; it was all he could think about when he got dressed in the morning, especially when he found himself reaching for something Eddie had recently worn and had his smell all over it; it was all he could think about when he blew through a stop sign on his way to work. (Like he’d told Eddie before: he was dangerous to Steve’s health).
Steve was so distracted that when he walked into the gas station to pay and pulled out his wallet, he realized it wasn’t his. Despite the chain that was supposed to keep exactly this from happening, Steve had somehow grabbed Eddie’s wallet that morning instead of his own.
‘We really have to clean,’ he mumbled as he stepped up to the gas station attendant, pulling out the only bill in the wallet to pay. As he was closing it, he caught sight of Eddie’s driver’s license and grinned. It was a surprisingly good picture – Eddie looking serious (sexy), staring down the camera, hair long and messy. But next to the picture, Steve noticed the birthdate: October 24. Just a few weeks away.
Shit.
Had Eddie told him his birthday was coming up? No, I would have remembered, he thought. But had I ever asked him?
Steve knew a lot about Eddie, a lot of the little things that made him Eddie. Knew he liked his coffee surprisingly sweet, always adding an extra spoon or two of sugar beyond what Steve thought was reasonable. He cut his toast and sandwiches into triangles. He sang to himself when he was distracted. He curled up in a ball around a pillow while he slept. Steve knew Eddie’s nervous ticks and what he looked like when he was really happy and when he was annoyed and when he was scared.
But he didn’t know his birthday. What was his middle name (his license just had an initial: A)? Where was he born? What was his mom’s name?
Steve felt like he should be writing this down, like he should call in sick to work and head straight back to the cabin to interrogate Eddie on all of these questions, on every question. He wanted to know. Felt like an asshole for not knowing, for not thinking about it until now.
Now, not just distracted by Eddie’s body but all things Eddie, Steve’s mind was somewhere else when he finally walked into work.
‘Hey, Rob,’ he said automatically, squeezing past Robin behind the rental desk to punch his timecard. When he finally looked up, Robin’s eyebrows were scrunched, a curious smile on her face.
‘What’s that?’ she laughed, nodding at Steve.
‘What?’ he looked down at himself, head craning around his sides.
‘That,’ she pointed to his chest. She turned more serious. ‘Steve, what is that?’
Steve looked a little closer and saw it, the colorful image obscured but recognizable through the sheerness of his white polo shirt, peeking through the gap in the green work vest.
Oh shit.
A logo of bright red lips on a white tank top.
Eddie’s tank top.
Oh shit.
(They really needed to clean.)
Steve knew his shock was visible on his face, as he clamped his jaw shut, blinked his eyes quickly to clear them into a more normal look. ‘It’s a shirt,’ he mumbled, turning away and walking out into the store.
Robin followed close behind, spun him around violently.
‘Don’t do that!’ she shook a finger in his face. ‘That’s Eddie’s shirt, Steve. It’s a hard one to forget. What are you doing wearing Eddie’s shirt?’ Though she still wore what could be considered a smile, Steve saw the tension in it, the anger in her eyes. And he remembered the last time he’d talked to her about Eddie. About how much she didn’t want Eddie to hurt. About how she didn’t want Steve to lead him on.
Steve knew exactly how this must look to her.
‘I fell asleep at Eddie’s,’ he shrugged. Always a version of the truth. ‘We were working late on the cabin, and I was exhausted. I must have grabbed the wrong shirt this morning.’ At least that was true.
Robin crossed her arms, squinted at him closely. ‘Really? You fell asleep at the cabin. And you were shirtless…’
‘What do you want from me, Robin? I grabbed the wrong shirt!’ Steve crossed his arms in response.
‘I don’t want to have a repeat of the same conversation we already had!’ she yelled.
‘It’s fine, Robin! It’s not a big deal! Don’t worry!’
‘Of course, I’m worried, Steve!’ she stepped up right to his face, serious and angry. He could see the tirade about to start. ‘I told you – it’s not fair to him. If you’re hanging out and sleeping over and walking around shirtless and borrowing his clothes, just imagine what he must be thinking. Seriously, you always tell me to tell you when you’re being an asshole, well, you’re being an asshole! You should know better, and I can’t believe how thoughtless –’
‘I’m dating Eddie, okay!’ Steve finally exploded, throwing his hands up in the air. ‘Happy now?!’
Robin froze her rant and her jaw dropped. She blinked slowly, once, twice, three times. Steve saw her mouth move, like she was going to say something, but nothing came out.
Then, suddenly, she reached out – and slapped Steve across the face.
‘Ow!’ Steve covered the stinging spot with a hand. ‘What the hell was that for?!’
‘Oh my god, oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ Robin rushed forward, still blinking, head shaking, mouth moving in silent sounds. She closed her eyes and shook her head more vigorously. ‘Did you – did you say you’re dating Eddie?’ She looked up at him in shock.
‘Well, it’s only been one official date, but…’
‘Steve!’ Robin screamed, then whipped around to turn the sign on the door to “Closed”, twisted the lock shut, then dragged him by the sleeve to the employee back room, which she also locked behind them.
Steve stayed silent as he watched her stomp back and forth in the small space.
‘I’m freaking out…’ she said eventually, hand in her hair, eyes fixated on the ground while she paced.
‘Clearly,’ Steve murmured, Robin’s eyes finally finding him.
‘But you’re straight?!’ she asked, halfway between certainty and disbelief.
‘Apparently not?’ Steve answered in a similar tone.
‘Since when?’ she finally slumped down onto armrest of the old brown couch.
‘Just, like, a few weeks… ish.’
‘Weeks?!’ she sprung up again, back to pacing. ‘Weeks? So, the other week –’
‘You were cockblocking majorly, yes.’
‘Oh my god!’ Robin exclaimed, sounding pained, collapsing back onto the couch. ‘You’re dating Eddie…’ Processing this information seemed to be a physical act for Robin as she was suddenly back on her feet, stepping up to Steve and slapping him for the second time. ‘I can’t believe you got a boyfriend before I got a girlfriend!’
‘Again, ow! Please stop doing that!’ Steve pushed her away gently. ‘And I didn’t say boyfriend! I said dating.’
Robin scoffed, crossing her arms. ‘Really, Steve? This is Eddie! You can’t fuck around with him.’
Steve couldn’t help but smirk and flush at the memory of where Eddie’s mouth had been when he woke Steve up this morning.
‘Oh my god, are you guys having sex?!’ Robin’s jaw dropped again, eyes bugging out.
‘Well, kind of…’
‘How can you kind of have sex?’
Such a valid question, Steve thought. But now he knew. ‘Apparently, it’s a thing,’ he shrugged.
She finally leaned back, having seemingly worked her way through her shock, but now she considered Steve closely. ‘Why are you doing this?’
‘What the hell does that mean?’
‘Is this, like, a phase? Are you just, like, experimenting?’
Steve felt defensive, taking a step back, hitting the wall. ‘I mean, it’s my first time dating a guy, so it’s all kind of an experiment…’
‘Steve!’ Some of the anger had returned to Robin. It seemed that in her eyes, dating Eddie without clear intentions was worse than unconsciously leading him on. (Maybe it was…, Steve thought).
‘Not in a bad way!’
‘Then in what way?’ Her voice had risen, and Steve didn’t like the implication. That he was just fucking around, that this thing with Eddie was just an experiment. That he could be that heartless. That Robin could think him that heartless.
‘I like him, okay?!’ Steve exploded again, willing Robin to understand, hoping that words that often failed him would find their mark. ‘I think he’s brave and smart and funny and hot and I like being around him and I want to be around him all the time!’ Maybe not eloquent, but something in Robin softened as he talked. ‘So, I kissed him,’ Steve admitted, laughing, still in disbelief that it had happened, even now. ‘I kissed him and now we’re dating or maybe he’s my boyfriend, but we haven’t talked about it and it’s still new and I don’t need you to keep slapping me to know it’s a big deal, okay? It’s –’ Steve ran out of breath, felt himself losing steam. He wasn’t prepared for this. ‘It’s a big deal, I know it is. But I… I like him, Robin. I just like him.’
Steve sighed and slumped back against the wall. Robin had watched him closely, eyes growing bigger with each word he spoke. She darted forward, embracing Steve in a big hug.
‘Aww,’ she cooed as she pulled back to look at him, hands still around his waist. ‘You kissed him?’
‘Yeah…’ Steve couldn’t help but smile at Robin’s reaction, smile at the memory of that first charged kiss.
‘That’s so sweet!’ she exclaimed through a growing smile. ‘I thought he, like, mauled you and you were so horny that you went with it.’
‘I think it was the other way around,’ Steve admitted with a shrug and a smile.
‘So, you like him?’ Robin giggled.
Steve rolled his eyes. ‘Yes…’
‘And he likes you?’
‘Seems like it…’
‘And you guys are… together.’
‘Yes, Robin!’
‘So, what does that mean?’
Steve blushed, then a bloom of anxiety sparked in his chest. Being with Eddie meant following the rules. No asking anyone else out (still good there) but also no telling anyone – and he’d definitely just broken that rule. And that meant Steve’s least favorite rule (no touching Eddie) would soon go into effect. Steve groaned inwardly. ‘I don’t know, Robin. It means we’re… together. We’re a we.’
He didn’t know how else to explain it.
‘Oh, Steve!’ Robin’s eyes scrunched as she pulled him in for another hug. ‘This is so amazing. I can’t believe you’re gay! My gaydar was so off.’
Steve swallowed again, still an echo of that anxious spark in him. ‘I think I’m just gay for Eddie. And Harrison Ford, I guess.’
‘Oh.’ Robin paused, tilted her head. ‘So, you still like girls.’
‘Yeah.’ Steve hated to admit it, given how big this thing was with Eddie, how overwhelmed he was with him, how obsessed. But he remembered how his body had responded to that sweet girl a few weeks ago, name long forgotten, but forever the source of his first big fuck up with Eddie.
‘And like, girls still turn you on? You still wanna have sex with them?’
Steve squirmed at Robin’s bluntness. ‘Not like anyone specific right now, but yes, generally, technically…’
‘And no other guys than Eddie?’
‘Not so far…’
‘Huh,’ Robin stepped back, tapping a finger on her lip in consideration. ‘Interesting.’
‘What is? What does that mean?’
‘So, you’re attracted to everyone?’
‘I mean, not like every person alive, but –’
‘But like potentially, guys and girls?’
‘I guess so,’ Steve shrugged. ‘Is that bad?’
‘No!’ Robin exclaimed, placing a hand on his arm. ‘No, not bad! I’m just… trying to figure this out.’
‘You’re not the only one.’ Steve had spent so much time mulling over this exact thing after he’d come to his realization about Eddie. ‘But it doesn’t matter, does it?’ he asked, happy that he could finally talk this out, that someone else was around to think this through with him. ‘It shouldn’t matter if I’m gay or straight or whatever, just that I like Eddie? Isn’t that enough?’
Robin bit her lip, thoughtful. She looked a little worried. ‘You might not need a name for it,’ she admitted. ‘But if this is a real thing, like more than a hook up and more than few weeks? And more than just Eddie? Like, if this is… you?’ She caught his eye, and Steve felt that quiver of nerves again. ‘You might want to know, like, for your own sanity. Because everyone else will call it something… call you something, and it might not be something you like…’
Steve swallowed, sighed. He remembered the comments his dad made, remembered the comments Eddie made. It was too close to giving a name to the anxiety that he felt, the hesitancy to tell anyone other than Robin, the fear that he’d seen so clearly in Eddie’s eyes when he’d told Steve they should be just friends.
He didn’t think a label would help anything right now.
The only thing that helped right now was thinking of Eddie. Of the two of them. That was enough for him. For now.
‘I get it. But Robin, it’s still so new. I don’t know about the rest of it… all I know is that I like him, and I want to keep doing what we’re doing.’ He sighed and looked at her with a sad smile. ‘Things fall apart for lots of reasons,’ he swallowed thickly, an image of Nancy popping into his mind without his permission. Nancy, who he’d been 100% sure of, of their future, of them together in it – and now, she was off and in love with someone else, nothing but a few letters exchanged between them in months. ‘Can I just… can we just enjoy it while we can? Without all the shit of what other people think?’
Robin mirrored his small smile, pulled him for a hug. ‘Of course.’
‘And can you… not tell anybody?’
‘Of course!’ she agreed readily. ‘But I have to talk about this with someone or I’m going to explode so you’re on desk duty.’
Steve looked after her confused, as she unlocked the door, strode to the desk and dragged the corded phone into the back room.
‘What?! I just told you not to tell anyone!’
‘I need to talk to Eddie,’ she said seriously, shoving him out and slamming the door in his face.
***
It had been a long day, a double shift, and Steve was exhausted.
He’d rolled his eyes at Robin all day, as she made little squeaking happy noises every time she looked at him. And then he’d forbidden her, in the clearest terms he could, that they definitely, absolutely could not hang out tonight; she’d talked him to death already and had also been on the phone with Eddie for over an hour, leaving Steve to deal with a Saturday morning rush.
All Steve wanted now was to lay down, cuddle with Eddie, and close his eyes.
Eddie, apparently, had other ideas, as the second that Steve walked in, Eddie attacked him, shoving his back against the slammed door and kissing him hungrily. Steve had spent all day in dread of Eddie’s possible anger at the fact that Steve had told Robin, so this was a pleasant surprise. Steve decided to go with it.
He was finally able to take a breath when Eddie’s mouth moved to his jaw, nibbling tenderly while his hands ran up and down Steve’s body.
‘What’s this for?’ Steve breathed out, twisting to place a kiss on Eddie’s shoulder.
‘Robin called,’ Eddie murmured, continuing to move his mouth down Steve’s neck, pushing off his work vest.
‘I know… she was gone for ages,’ Steve’s hands found Eddie’s back underneath his shirt, his nails trailing up and down the smooth expanse.
‘She had questions…’ Eddie unpeeled Steve’s shirt, his tank and threw them all behind him.
‘Oh?’ Steve smiled as Eddie finally looked at him, his hands winding their way through Steve’s hair.
‘Lots of questions,’ Eddie smirked, leaning in for a kiss. ‘She also,’ another kiss, ‘told me that you liked me…’
Steve laughed. ‘You know that I do.’
‘She told me,’ another kiss, ‘that you think I’m hot…’ another, ‘and smart…’ another.
‘You knew all of that already, too,’ Steve smiled softly, bringing a hand up to Eddie’s cheek, thumb brushing gently.
‘Yes, I did,’ Eddie beamed back at him. ‘But you told someone.’
Steve raised an eyebrow. ‘I thought I’d be in trouble for that. The rules, and all.’
‘Well, I think Robin is the only exception to that rule…’
‘Oh, thank god.’
‘You’re so fucking brave, it scares me sometimes,’ Eddie swallowed, eyes piercing into Steve’s.
‘Why?’
‘Because I didn’t tell anyone for like ten years after I knew I liked guys but like 10 minutes after we kiss, you tell your best friend.’
‘I tell Robin everything,’ Steve shrugged. He tried to, as best he could. Dodging her questions, giving her half-truths these past few weeks nearly killed him from anxiety.
‘I know, but still…’ Eddie knelt down, unbuttoning Steve’s pants.
They haven’t gone much farther than this. Touching, pressure, mouths, blowjobs. But Steve still found it amazing, still thrilled whenever Eddie touched him, fascinated by how much his body could feel when he was with Eddie. Not that those girls he’d been with had been bad, necessarily, but something about him and Eddie together was different. Maybe it had been the weeks of tension, the fact that Steve already liked him so much before they’d done anything, Steve wasn’t sure. He didn’t feel the need to examine it too closely, especially not when Eddie touched him like this.
This time, Eddie was eager, barely getting Steve’s pants down before he took Steve fully into his mouth, getting him hard after only a few sucks. Steve’s hands found Eddie’s hair, as Eddie held his hips in place, controlling Steve’s thrusts into him. Steve still loved this view, of Eddie below him, of Eddie looking up with that wicked glint in his eye, the hair falling around him tickling Steve’s hips and thighs and stomach.
‘Fuck,’ Steve whimpered, shutting his eyes, head thrown back at the increased pace.
Eddie massaged his ass as his pressure increased. Steve felt himself hitting the back of Eddie’s throat with each thrust, but Eddie wasn’t slowing down. Steve then felt something he’d never felt before, as Eddie’s hand crept over inch by inch, the tip of one finger finding its way inside Steve’s ass. The action was so unexpected, so new, Steve’s eyes flew open, and he lunged forward, deeper than he ever had before. He flashed concern for Eddie for a second, but Eddie simply glanced up and winked, moving his finger a little deeper in slow circles.
‘Ahh,’ Steve closed his eyes, fisted Eddie’s hair. ‘Ahh,’ a light switch clicked on inside him, one he never knew was there, lighting up a room he didn’t know existed. ‘Don’t stop, don’t…’ he breathed out.
Eddie didn’t, continuing his attentions as Steve gasped deeply as he orgasmed, his legs buckling slightly, Eddie’s finger releasing in order to grab his hips to hold him up.
Steve smiled down at Eddie, running his fingers through his hair. ‘That was different,’ he managed to get out, before sliding down to collapse on the floor, trying to catch his breath. Eddie shifted over to sit beside him. ‘What was that?’
‘Oh, you know,’ Eddie smirked. ‘Some light butt stuff.’
Steve chuckled, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder, as his arm came around to pull Steve closer.
‘Fuck,’ Steve sighed out, satisfied.
‘I’m glad you liked that,’ Eddie whispered into his ear. When Steve looked at him, there was something serious, something hungry in his eyes.
‘Come on,’ Eddie lifted Steve onto his feet, using his free hand to pull up Steve’s pants so he wouldn’t trip, and led them to the bedroom. ‘We’re not done yet…’
***
Later that night, they settled into their bedtime routine with Eddie propped up onto the headboard, nose in a book, radio playing softly, passing a joint back and forth. Steve was still attempting to get through the damn rabbit book that he’d had to extend from the library twice already, while Eddie continued to breeze through his allotted five books per visit at an impressive rate.
So much about Eddie was impressive, Steve thought. His intelligence, his creativity, the things he could do with his hands, his mouth. How confident he was. His face. His ass. Steve couldn’t help but smiling over at Eddie as he read, tongue bit in concentration. Steve’s gaze fell onto the empty bowls of stew on the nightstand. Eddie’s cooking, also impressive.
But next to the empty bowls was an empty beer bottle, an empty coffee mug. Steve frowned, his thoughts pulled from the messy nightstand to the messy room, to how he’d worn Eddie’s shirt today, grabbed Eddie’s wallet.
Ah, the wallet. The driver’s license. The birth date.
The questions.
‘Where were you born?’ Steve asked, his voice startling in the quiet ambiance of the room. He wasn’t sure where this particular question came from, but found he truly wanted to know.
It took Eddie a moment to register the ask, blinking over at Steve, emerging from wherever his mind had wandered to in his book. ‘What? Why?’
‘I just… I don’t know,’ Steve shrugged. ‘I want to know. I was born at Hawkins Memorial,’ Steve offered. ‘Don’t be too shocked by my thrilling origin story.’
Eddie smiled. ‘Texas. A small town called Bastrop.’
‘Texas? But you don’t have an accent.’
‘No,’ Eddie chuckled. ‘We moved here when I was like five months old. Dad and Wayne got jobs over at that old plant in Roane Valley. Didn’t last long for dad but we stayed around. Moved to Hawkins after mom died, when Wayne took me in. Why’d you ask?’
‘Huh,’ Texas? He’d never have guessed. He was so glad he’d asked. ‘Have you been back there?’
‘Just once,’ Eddie scrunched his face at Steve, clearly wondering about all of the questions. Steve loved how open Eddie was being, actually answering, not dodging the way he would have expected from someone who had hid from his friends for weeks, had hid his feelings from Steve for weeks. ‘We went back when my grandma died, but I was so little, I don’t really remember much. Just a trailer by a river. And the fucking heat. Ellie and I jumped into the water in our funeral clothes to cool off and mom totally freaked out.’
Steve had been nodding along but cocked his head at the new name. ‘Ellie?’
Eddie winced, and Steve felt something shift in him, a little bit of the openness closing back up. But he still answered. ‘Eleanor. My sister. Half-sister.’ Eddie clarified, as Steve sat up straighter. Eddie sighed, rubbing his eyes. ‘Dad knocked her mom up when they were in high school and he obviously didn’t give a shit and she hated him, cut him off completely. I only met Ellie that one time.’
Steve stayed silent but leaned his shoulder into Eddie’s. Eddie nudged him back.
‘Wayne still talks to her mom a bit, but yeah…’ Eddie looked at him hesitantly.
‘I thought Wayne was your only family?’ Steve was still trying to process all of this new information, everything that one random question had led to.
Eddie sighed. ‘He’s the only family that matters. I have, like, relations, I guess. Blood and all that,’ as Eddie spoke, Steve reached over to grab his hand, winding their fingers together. ‘Nobody who knows me or who gives a shit about me. That’s only Wayne.’
‘I give a shit about you,’ Steve offered.
Eddie laughed. ‘That’s good to know, Harrington. I give a shit about you, too.’
It wasn’t the most romantic thing he’d ever heard, but something still warmed in Steve’s chest hearing Eddie say it.
‘And what about you?’ Eddie asked, squeezing Steve’s hand.
‘What about me?’
‘Any dark family secrets? Any estranged family members?’
‘I think you’re talking to the most estranged member of the Harrington family,’ Steve joked, but realized it was true. ‘It’s boring. Mom and dad met in college, got married, then a few years later, had me. Both only children, so no cousins or aunts or uncles or anything. Mom’s parents died a while ago. Dad’s live over in Bloomington and think I’m a hippie loser,’ Steve shrugged. His family history sounded so sad, so meager when he said it out loud.
‘Is it the hair?’ Eddie grinned.
Steve nodded. ‘And they thought that even when it was shorter than this, so…’
Eddie unclasped their hands to run his through Steve’s hair, pulling his head down onto his shoulder, fingers running up and down his arm.
‘And what inspired this round of 20 questions?’ Eddie asked.
‘I just… I realized I didn’t know some of this stuff. But I want to.’
‘Oh. That’s really sweet, babe.’
Steve tilted his face up to look at Eddie. He was still Harrington sometimes but mostly he was Steve; Stevie Pie when Eddie was trying to get a rise out of him. Babe was new. He liked it.
Eddie quirked a brow. ‘What?’
‘Nothing,’ Steve grinned. ‘I also… I know your birthday is coming up.’
Steve wasn’t expecting the change in Eddie. Where he’d been softly smiling, caressing Steve’s arm, relaxed beneath Steve’s cheek, Steve felt the tension run through him, saw something shutter in his expression.
‘I told Dustin I didn’t want to do anything,’ Eddie spoke in an even, quiet tone that felt like the calm before a storm. Eddie leaned over to grab his cigarettes from the nightstand, shifting so that Steve fell off of him. Eddie turned away while he lit one up.
‘Dustin knows your birthday?’ Steve asked, propping himself up from where he’d fallen, startled by the sudden change in the room, in Eddie.
Eddie twisted around, haloed in cigarette smoke, confused. ‘He didn’t talk to you?’
‘No,’ Steve jumped off the bed to where Eddie had tossed their jeans earlier, finding Eddie’s wallet and throwing it over, where it bounced off his chest. Eddie picked it up, flipped through it. ‘Told you we needed to clean,’ Steve tried to joke, but Eddie was stone faced.
‘Right. Yeah. Okay.’ Eddie nodded once, tossing the wallet onto the nightstand, where it knocked over the beer bottle. Steve startled at the noise, but Eddie remained still, his mind elsewhere.
‘It’s just a birthday,’ Steve offered quietly, after Eddie hadn’t said anything further, just stayed seated, tense, sucking on his cigarette. ‘What’s the big deal?’
Eddie flicked a glance to Steve. ‘I guess… I just don’t believe in birthdays.’
‘Believe?’ Steve scoffed. What the fuck was going on here? ‘What’s there to believe?’ He shoved past Eddie to pick up the wallet, opening it and waving the plastic-sleeved license in his face. ‘It’s not the fucking Easter bunny, it’s a fact, printed right here, see!’
‘Yeah, I do fucking see,’ Eddie grabbed the wallet out of his hand swiftly, and Steve saw something he hadn’t seen in Eddie before. Rage. ‘I just don’t give a shit and I don’t want to talk about it!’
Where was the Eddie of ten minutes ago? Open and sweet and caressing Steve, his “babe”? Steve shook his head, trying to make sense of all of this, of what he’d done. Of this new side of Eddie he hadn’t seen. Hadn’t he been so smug earlier, thinking that he knew Eddie so well outside of a few facts and figures? Facts like a fucking birthdate.
‘Well, maybe I give a shit and I want to talk,’ Steve countered, shifting his body so that Eddie would be forced to look at him. He did. That look again. Not as strong as before but still. Anger. But also – fear.
‘It’s none of your business, Steve,’ he said quietly, slowly, seriously.
‘You’re pissed at me, and I don’t know why, so it kind of seems like my business!’
‘Fuck!’ Eddie shot to his feet, startling Steve back into the wall. ‘I think – fuck.’ He tossed his cigarette to the ground, stomped it out with his bare foot. ‘I’m going for a walk.’
‘What?’ Steve followed him as Eddie started pulling on his jeans, his boots. ‘It’s the middle of the night!’
‘I need some air,’ Eddie mumbled as he picked up a shirt, not bothering to put it on as he shoved past Steve into the living room, to the front door.
‘Are you being serious right now? Eddie! Come on!’
Eddie opened the door, shirt still in his hand, letting in a blast of late-night chill. Steve suddenly felt that if he let Eddie walk out, he’d never see him again. The same anger and fear coursing through Eddie took root in Steve, as he grabbed Eddie’s arm to pull him back inside. Eddie whipped around, shoving Steve’s hand off him with such force, Steve stumbled back, his head hitting the wall with a thud.
Eddie didn’t seem to notice. ‘Back the fuck off, Harrington!’ he yelled, not looking back as he practically ran out of the door.
Steve’s head throbbed and he blinked back tears and confusion, stumbling towards the door and shouting after Eddie’s retreating figure: ‘Fine, fuck you then!’
He saw Eddie’s outline flip him off as he walked away, not turning around.
Steve felt a buzzing in his skull that had nothing to do with the hit he’d just taken, though he often feared that one more bad knock to the head would add to his lifetime total in a way that would leave him permanently damaged.
What the fuck had just happened? It was a birthday, for the guy he liked, was dating, for the guy who might be his boyfriend, for fuck’s sake. Why couldn’t he ask about a birthday?
Steve looked back out into the dark rectangle of the front door, still swung open, the cold from the outdoor night air creeping in. He felt restless, knowing Eddie was out there and angry. But what was he supposed to do? Go after him? He wanted to. But he remembered wandering around those woods in the dark and the rain, feeling helpless and lost and hopeless, calling out for Eddie. If Steve wandered out there and called for Eddie tonight, would he come?
Steve wasn’t sure he would.
He stalked back into the bedroom. It still felt like it had minutes ago, cozy and warm, glowing in the lamplight, music still playing, smelling and feeling like so many comforting nights before. But Eddie’s tension still crackled in the air, like a hurricane had hit – or maybe it was just a hurricane in Steve.
He couldn’t go after Eddie. He couldn’t stay here, at the scene of a supposed crime. What the fuck was he supposed to do?
Steve started to dress, grabbed his wallet and keys and after a moment’s hesitation, shoved a few items into his duffel bag that was still poking out from under the bed.
Before he knew what he was doing, Steve was at his car, duffel slung around his shoulder. Looking back to the cabin, it still looked so warm and inviting. It still looked like home.
But home was also with Eddie. Wherever he was right now.
‘I’m backing the fuck off, Eddie! I’m leaving!’ Steve yelled into the night, not knowing if Eddie could hear him but hoping he would, hoping that everything that had just happened would be erased, that he’d come stalking out of the forest with an apology and a kiss. Nothing happened. ‘Fuck you!’
Still nothing.
‘Fuck,’ Steve mumbled to himself as he chucked the bag into the car, started the engine, sped through the woods, sped all the way to the Harrington house (not home).
As he soon as he walked in, he knew this was a mistake. He didn’t want to be here. He’d rather be wandering through the woods with no hope of finding Eddie than be here.
The air conditioner was blasting despite the cold October night. The clean scent was overpowering, the lemon and bleach smell choking him. It was too quiet, too clean, too cold.
It felt like a bad dream he’d never wanted to return to.
Fuck it.
Steve stormed to his dad’s office and despite the earlier warning, he uncorked the crystal decanter and gulped the whiskey from it directly, liquid sloshing down his chin, several shifts worth of income from Family Video staining his shirt. Steve slammed the decanter down heavily and heard it crack.
But it didn’t break.
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 22: "Save Your Sorries"
Steve still couldn’t see what he’d done wrong.
He still felt the pit in his stomach that he always did when he messed up, but he wasn’t sure what to do with it this time. Apologize? Sorry for asking about the day you were born, that was clearly traumatic for you? Sorry for wanting to know more about you? Sorry for caring?
It took Steve everything to not immediately jump in his car and drive to the cabin. Eddie wanted him to fuck off, so he would, even as he stood frozen at his front door, keys clutched in his hand, willing every cell in his body not to run out the door and straight back to Eddie.
But he had to do something.
Chapter 22: Save Your Sorries
Summary:
Steve thought of Nancy. She really did become his everything. The fact that someone so smart, so pretty, so brave actually wanted him, was beyond his comprehension. He’d tried to pretend for as long as he could but pretending clearly didn’t work.
And he could see the same about Eddie now. Again, he had someone so smart, so pretty, so brave who actually wanted him.
He didn’t want to screw it up again.
He’d learned his lesson – don’t let them become your whole world.
Because you probably weren’t theirs.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
When Steve woke the next morning in his old room, in his cold sheets, early morning sun on his face, he was disappointed in himself that he’d managed to sleep at all. He’d wanted to stay up late in an angry huff – but the exhaustion and confusion had gotten to him.
Steve was at least comforted by the self-righteousness that he still felt roiling within him. It wasn’t his fault. He’d ran it over and over and over again in his mind on his way to sleep. Eddie had been happy that Steve had told Robin, they’d a great (great!) night, Eddie had opened up, they’d been great (great!) – and then a simple comment derailed it all.
Steve still couldn’t see what he’d done wrong.
He still felt the pit in his stomach that he always did when he messed up, but he wasn’t sure what to do with it this time. Apologize? Sorry for asking about the day you were born, that was clearly traumatic for you? Sorry for wanting to know more about you? Sorry for caring?
It took Steve everything to not immediately jump in his car and drive to the cabin. Eddie wanted him to fuck off, so he would, even as he stood frozen at his front door, keys clutched in his hand, willing every cell in his body not to run out the door and straight back to Eddie.
But he had to do something.
He ran to the phone and dialed before he even registered just how early it was.
‘Hello?’ Mrs. Henderson’s voice was gravelly with early morning exhaustion. Shit, Steve thought. Asshole.
‘Oh shit, hey, Mrs. H,’ he mumbled, apologetic. ‘Sorry, I didn’t notice the time.’ It was barely seven on a Sunday morning. ‘I’ll call back later.’
‘No point, honey, we’re awake!’ Mrs. H. responded with a little more vigor than before. ‘And not because of you, we have a busy day today,’ she reassured Steve, though he felt it was mainly to be nice rather than the truth. ‘Did you need Dusty?’
‘Um, sure,’ Steve admitted. ‘If he’s not in a mood…’
She laughed. ‘Well, then you’d never find a good time to talk to him, would you? Dustin!’ she yelled, and Steve recoiled from the receiver but heard Dustin pick up the line.
‘Ma, hang up!’ he yelled at the same volume, Steve again holding the phone away from his ear, glaring at Dustin through it. ‘Hello?’
‘Hey, man.’
‘Hey, Steve. What’s up?’ Apparently Dustin didn’t seem at all concerned by the early call.
‘Oh, uh, just heading in for an early shift,’ Steve scrambled for an excuse despite Dustin’s indifference. ‘So, I wanted to catch you today, uh, before, uh…’
‘The campaign?’ Dustin offered.
‘What?’
‘The campaign at Mike’s? The one Will planned? We need something good after all the shit Gareth’s been pulling. Did I tell you about –’
‘Right, sure,’ Steve interrupted. He and Eddie had talked about it, just last night. He should have remembered. But everything prior to the fight was hazy. ‘That’s exactly why I’m calling!’
‘Okay, well, you can’t come,’ Dustin said. ‘We all know what happened last time and I think it’s frowned upon for you to start drinking this early…’
‘I just don’t know how you guys don’t need something to get you through all that magical cave and secret order shit, I mean come on…’ Steve had to defend himself. That shit was boring, plain and simple.
‘Did you call just to shit talk my hobbies or for anything specific?’
‘Right, sorry,’ Steve cleared his head. He had called Dustin and risked embarrassment this early for a reason. ‘I, um, I was talking to Eddie about his birthday and he –’
‘God, he’s so weird about it!’ Dustin scoffed.
‘Right!?’ Oh, thank goodness, right to the point. ‘Do you know what’s up with that?’
‘Nah,’ Dustin said, and Steve deflated. ‘Like, last year, I think Jeff mentioned his birthday and Eddie got all Eddie, you know, all squirrelly,’ (Steve did know), ‘and said he hates all holidays and the only one he’ll celebrate is Halloween. He made some comment about being born a week too early, that’s why I remembered it at all. Are you trying to throw him a party or something?’ There was some type of accusation in Dustin’s voice, but Steve wasn’t sure why.
Steve was still absorbing all of this information – that Eddie was weird with everyone about his birthday. Maybe he really didn’t believe in his birthday or in holidays?
‘Maybe, but I was just asking him about it, and he got kind of pissed so I don’t know, I just wanted to see…’
‘No, but this is great! If you and I both ask him, and maybe if I get Mike and Will and Lucas to ask him today, too, we can convince him to have a party! Or maybe we can throw a surprise party? Or maybe –’
‘Slow your roll, Henderson! If just asking gets him this pissed, what do you think a surprise party will do?’ Steve didn’t want Eddie to get even angrier, no matter how badly he wanted answers.
‘I know, but…’ Dustin calmed a bit but still had some fight in him. ‘…it’s a big one, isn’t it? 21? And with the year that he’s had and all, I wanted to – I just thought it would be nice if we –’ Something in Dustin’s voice broke and in Steve, too. It reminded Steve of the tone that had crept into Dustin’s voice during those long months of trying to find Eddie, to see him, to simply know if he was okay, with no luck. Dustin had the same tone, but now Eddie was right here – but still so far away from them in some ways.
‘Totally, Dustin,’ Steve closed his eyes, couldn’t help but soften. He remembered the pain of those months, too. ‘It’s a great idea, bud. I think he deserves a party too, but like you said, with the year he’s had? I don’t think… I don’t think he should do anything he doesn’t want to do.’ Fuck, Steve thought. Maybe he needed to apologize to Eddie after all. Maybe?
‘You okay, Steve?’ Dustin asked after a moment.
‘What? Of course, yeah, why?’ Steve startled back from his thoughts about Eddie.
‘You just sounded – I don’t know. Something…’
‘It’s just a little early, right?’ Bad sleep was always his excuse when he was distracted by Eddie. He had to find another one, this might get old.
‘Sure. Well, I’ll try not to piss him off but I’m not giving up,’ Dustin said. No shit, Steve thought. ‘Even if it’s not a party, he still – we still should do something for him, right? Or is that –’
‘No, we should do something. But yeah. Don’t piss him off.’
‘I haven’t seen him pissed off in a while,’ Dustin admitted.
‘Oh yeah?’ Steve thought back to last night. To their fight a few weeks ago. To Eddie’s angry face moving the couch up from the basement. Steve had seen Eddie pissed off plenty.
‘I mean, last year? He was kind of pissed off all the time. And then, he was so sad when he first came back, but recently, he’s seemed good, hasn’t he? Like, kind of happy?’
Steve swallowed. He’d thought so.
‘Kind of,’ Steve conceded. ‘I’ll let you go, Henderson. Have fun with your board game.’
‘You know it’s not a board game, Steve!’
‘I know. But I know it pisses you off.’
‘So, it’s okay to piss me off, but not Eddie?’
‘Exactly. And remember, don’t ask him. About the birthday.’
‘Fine,’ Dustin huffed. ‘But I’m calling you later and we’ll figure it out. We have to.’
‘Deal. Later, Dustin.’
‘Bye, Steve.’
***
Halfway through his morning shift, when Abby called over to him, waving the phone around impatiently: ‘Steve, phone!’ his heart had leapt, thinking it was Eddie.
Unfortunately, it was only his mother.
‘Stevie, where have you been? You haven’t returned any of my messages.’
He’d checked the machine when he got in last night, hoping that the blinking light meant that maybe Eddie had called after he’d driven off, that maybe he’d apologized. When he’d heard his mom’s voice, his dad’s voice, random voices, he’d deleted the messages without listening, one after the other in a drunken haze.
‘Sorry, I’ve been, uh, out.’
‘Yes, it seems like it. With anyone special?’ Despite not caring much about him overall, his mom loved hearing about his dates, meeting his dates, suggesting random daughters of her wide social circle of friends for him to date. She adored Nancy and still asked about her to this day. Steve continually thanked his lucky stars that his mom never met Mandy; he’d have never heard the end of it.
‘Too soon to tell,’ he ground out.
‘Well, I can’t wait to hear,’ he could hear the smirk in her voice through the phone line. He wanted to slam the phone down. ‘I’m leaving Eileen’s on Wednesday, then heading to Chicago for a few weeks to see dad. We should be back for the Anderson’s Halloween bash. You’ll be okay on your own?’
A question but never really a question. Of course, he’d be okay on his own. He knew he’d render her speechless if he answered ‘no,’ but he couldn’t bring himself to, no matter how much he wanted it.
‘Yeah. Of course.’
‘Lovely. Well, I –’
‘Hey, mom?’ He didn’t know what came over him. He rarely asked his mom for advice, but he was desperate for another sanity check about this thing with Eddie. ‘Do you and dad ever, like, fight for no reason? I mean, like, you’re in a fight but you don’t know why?’
‘Oh.’ He could tell he’d shocked her as he heard her take a breath of surprise. ‘Well, of course, honey. That’s what happens in relationships.’
‘But how do you fix it? If you don’t know what you’re fighting about?’
She paused. ‘Are you – is this…’ It sounded like she actually wanted to ask Steve about his life, like she was curious, like she wanted to connect. He drew in a short breath. He shouldn’t have been disappointed that she didn’t venture further than that halting start, but he was. ‘Well, I suppose, you should just buy her flowers and say you’re sorry. That’s usually what your father does,’ she hummed a gentle laugh, sounding nostalgic, something Steve rarely associated with his parents’ relationship.
Damn. Steve knew he’d learned that particular trick from somewhere. He didn’t think flowers and an apology would work this time. But how would he feel if Eddie apologized and brought him flowers? Maybe a little better.
But he wanted more than that. He wanted an actual solution, one strong enough so this wouldn’t happen again.
‘But what if I didn’t do anything? How do flowers fix it?’
‘Oh. Well. Then you should talk to her. If that’s what you want…’ she sounded confused, unsure of her own advice. Steve realized that maybe his parents had never actually resolved any of their fights, that their entire relationships was just a band-aided patchwork of flowers and sorries.
‘But what if Ed – what if they don’t want to talk? What if they want space?’ Steve waited for a response, but none came. ‘Never mind,’ Steve mumbled. ‘I’ll figure it out.’
‘Stevie,’ his mom sighed. ‘If she told you what she wants, you should respect her wishes. Don’t force it. She’ll let you know when she’s ready.’
It was basically the same advice Steve had given Dustin earlier.
‘I know how much you want to fix things, want everybody to be happy,’ she continued, her voice soft, motherly. Something in her tone, in her words sparked something in Steve. Maybe she did see him more than he realized. ‘But you can’t force people to love you, honey.’
‘This isn’t about love, mom,’ he scoffed, even as he blushed. ‘It’s just a silly fight…’
‘It doesn’t sound silly. It sounds like it’s bothering you.’
‘It’s just, ugh…’ he couldn’t help but sigh in frustration. It wasn’t silly. It was bothering him. ‘It’s just confusing. That’s all.’
‘Hmmm,’ his mom hummed. ‘It can be. So, who is the lucky girl?’
‘Mom!’ Steve scoffed, suddenly feeling thirteen again and getting teased by his mom after asking her to drive him to his first date.
‘You don’t have to tell me! Whoever she is, she clearly means a lot to you.’ He could hear her smile over the line.
‘I don’t know – maybe. It’s new,’ he admitted. Even these ambiguous admissions to his mom made it feel more real, made him feel even more desperate to see Eddie, to fix this thing between them. ‘Might be over after this fight, who knows.’
‘If she cares as much as you do, I’m sure it’ll all be fine.’ It was a platitude, but still made Steve feel better. Funny how a mom’s words could do that.
‘Thanks, mom. I’ll see you in a few weeks.’
‘Maybe we’ll come back a little early?’ she suddenly sounded eager to talk, reluctant to hang up. This brief conversation, Steve confiding in her even vaguely seemed to have woken something maternal. ‘We could go to that Halloween carnival, you and your father had so much fun in that maze. Do you remember?’
Steve laughed gently. He must have been eight years old for that particular outing. It was a good memory, a fun fall evening of a corn maze, pumpkin carving, candied apples, all three of them enjoying the night, no fights, no awkwardness, at least none that he could remember.
It broke his heart a little that one of the few happy memories his mom could have selected was one that happened over a decade ago. But he could tell she needed it, and he did always want people to be happy, so…
‘Sure, mom,’ he said. ‘That sounds really nice.’
***
After his half-day shift wrapped up far too quickly (but not quickly enough to avoid getting roasted by Abby for being a ‘mama’s boy’), Steve didn’t know what to do with himself. He sat in his car outside of Family Video and considered driving to Wheeler’s to crash their game, just to see Eddie, even after both giving and receiving the advice to give Eddie space. He had to remind himself: it was up to Eddie now.
Everything in him rebelled against that idea.
He always apologized. He always tried to get them to stay.
But he’d tried all that before. Flowers and sorries. Remembered vividly the bouquet of roses he’d bought to apologize to Nancy, after she admitted that she didn’t love him. He hadn’t done anything wrong but had been so ready to do anything, whatever she wanted, only to get them back to that place, that moment right before she’d said that. To that moment when they were last happy. When Steve had thought he was loved, in love.
So yes, Steve might crawl through a burnt-out trailer and attempt cooking meatloaf and grab Eddie’s wrist to risk it all and kiss him after surviving a lightning storm – but if Eddie wanted space, Steve would give him space. If he wanted to talk, Steve would listen. He’d already groveled, already bought flowers, told Eddie he was in this with him, asked him to fight.
It wasn’t his turn this time.
So, he’d wait. As frustrating as it was.
But that didn’t solve his problem in this particular moment: what would he do with the rest of his day.
Robin was with her grandma, Dustin and Eddie were at the stupid DnD game. Again, Steve felt like his life was so small, and he knew he was letting Eddie become his whole world.
Clearly, that wasn’t healthy.
Again, he thought of Nancy. She really did become his everything. The fact that someone so smart, so pretty, so brave actually wanted him, was beyond his comprehension. He’d tried to pretend for as long as he could but pretending clearly didn’t work.
And he could see the same about Eddie now. Again, he had someone so smart, so pretty, so brave who actually wanted him.
He didn’t want to screw it up again.
He’d learned his lesson – don’t let them become your whole world.
Because you probably weren’t theirs.
Clearly, if the mysterious origin of Eddie’s angry fit was any indication, there was so much more there that Steve couldn’t begin to understand.
Why couldn’t it be as simple as he wanted? I like you, you like me, let’s figure out how to make this work. Let’s build this thing together.
Without any better options, Steve drove in the direction of his old home. His parents’ home. Something in the fall air reminded him of after school practices for baseball, soccer, tennis. That had always made him happy, hadn’t it? If he took away the parental pressure of athletics – he used to really like it. He realized so few things in his life made him happy. Was it only Eddie at this point? And Dustin and Robin? He hated his job, his parents, his regrettable past, his formless future.
What had Eddie been told? To find some joy?
Steve remembered laughing when Eddie told him what Murray said. But maybe he’d been on to something. Because what else was all of this for? Why else were they still here?
So, in search of a bit of a joy and hopefully an endorphin high, Steve put on a pair of old running shorts and shoes and ran around his neighborhood, through the fields, soon getting lost in the rhythm of his feet on the pavement, on the dirt, most other thoughts fading away other than the immediate feel of his body. He didn’t realize how long he’d run until he saw that he’d almost ran the distance back to work. He turned around and ran back home.
By the time he returned, the sun was setting, evening coolness settling in. He felt exhausted, accomplished. But after a shower, taking a whiff of the shampoo that he now shared with Eddie, he was right back to feeling the pit in his stomach, to fighting the urge to call Eddie and apologize for nothing.
He couldn’t be here, he realized. Not for another night. He’d sooner call Dustin for another last-minute sleepover than stay in this house that wasn’t his anymore. He’d sooner sleep in his car, in Eddie’s old burnt-out trailer, in the backroom of Family Video.
So, he packed up again, no destination in mind – but as he packed, his eyes fell on a photo tacked up above his desk. Some pool party he’d thrown years ago for the whole crew, the Vecna alumni before they knew there was a Vecna. Robin was there, so it was after the Scoops Ahoy summer, the flesh monster, the mall. As his eye skipped around the photo, getting lost for a second in the reminiscence, his eyes locked on a face. Max.
Shit. It had been weeks since his last visit, Eddie again pushing all coherent and respectable thoughts out of his head. He did have someone else to see, somewhere to go on this Sunday night. And there was nothing religious about it, other than a fervent belief and dedication to a cause.
It was late, but Steve knew he’d get in to see Max. He knew the nurses by now, knew the shifts and routines well enough that he’d be able to sneak in even if no one was there to check him in.
The last thing he grabbed on his way out was his wallet. He paused, opened it, took out the picture that he’d had shoved in there for weeks.
A polaroid.
So similar to the one he’d given to Eddie. He wasn’t sure where that one was now, but knew Eddie didn’t have it in his wallet, not like Steve did.
In the one he’d given Eddie, Steve had his arm tossed around Eddie’s shoulder, smiling directly at the camera, and Eddie clearly surprised, also smiling but with his eyes darted to his right, looking at Steve instead of at the camera.
In the second picture, the one Steve had kept, they were in the same positions, Steve and Eddie in the frame, Steve’s arm around Eddie. Steve had only taken the second photo because he knew Eddie had been surprised by the first one, hadn’t looked at the camera. The second one was meant to be of the two of them smiling about Eddie’s graduation, his success, both facing the camera.
Instead, Steve hadn’t been able to help himself. Eddie had been so happy, had radiated so much joy and relief, he was impossible to look away from (impressive, Steve thought again). In this picture, Eddie realized what was going on, his smile was bright and open and facing the camera. But this time, it was Steve who had turned his head to sneak a glance at Eddie.
Eddie hadn’t noticed.
But Steve had, as soon as he’d picked up the polaroid from where it had fallen on the ground. He’d been embarrassed of it at first, had shoved it into his pocket while he collected the rest. He’d hidden it in his desk when he’d gotten home. But in those days after his revelation of how he felt about Eddie, he’d pulled it out again, looking at it with new eyes. It was written on his face, he thought. Maybe a part of him had known even back then. That Eddie was magnetic, that he loved looking at him. That he cared.
Steve had had that polaroid tucked into his wallet ever since then. It was already bent around the edges, shoved in unceremoniously with his bills and cards and receipts. But still – he’d rather have it a reach away than hidden behind glass or in a desk drawer.
Looking at it made the urge to call Eddie stronger than before. Steve slammed the wallet shut and headed out.
***
‘Hey, Iris,’ Steve smiled as he walked up to the nurse’s station.
He was in luck. Iris was an old friend, in the sense that his mom was friends with her mom and their families were friends. Iris had always been the cool older girl at summer barbeques and neighborhood events. They’d been friendly but not overly so, not until Steve started showing up to visit Max daily, then every other day, then weekly, and now, well, less than that. She always let him in to see Max, no matter the hour.
Iris stood up to greet him and his eye was drawn down. ‘Wow, you’re huge!’ he couldn’t help exclaiming, immediately cringing.
‘I’m not surprised that you don’t have a girlfriend, if you think it’s okay to say that to a woman, pregnant or not,’ she grinned at him, placing her hands onto her belly. She leaned over to place a small kiss on his cheek. ‘Haven’t seen you in a while.’
‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ he lifted a hand to run through his hair, embarrassed. He’d known she was pregnant with her second already. ‘It’s been… busy. But that’s no excuse. I should have come by more.’
‘Oh, hun,’ she tilted back to plop into her chair. ‘It’s alright, you know. She gets so many more visitors than anyone else up here,’ she smiled sadly.
‘Mr. Henley?’ Steve nodded to a door down the hall. There were so few patients on this level, Steve knew most of them.
She shook her head sadly. ‘A few weeks ago. His heart.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Steve tapped a hand over his own heart.
‘You’re a sweetheart,’ Iris smiled. ‘How’re the kids?’ she asked, teasing. She was well aware that Steve’s visits to Max weren’t always solo visits, that he was accompanied by or traded off with the rest of the crew and she knew Dustin, Lucas, the rest well.
‘Growing up too fast and eating me out of house and home,’ he teased back. ‘They’re all at some weird board game night tonight.’
‘And you’re not invited?’
‘No, thank god.’
She laughed. ‘You don’t seem like a board game guy.’
‘What kind of guy do I seem like?’
She looked him over closely. Steve suddenly recognized his flirty tone and how pretty she was, had a vague memory of a childhood crush on her, was mesmerized a bit by her deep green eyes and long lashes. But of course, not forgetting the wedding ring on her finger and the pregnant belly and the fact that he didn’t actually want her in that way, nothing like that. But he worried he was being too flirty, too charming as Robin (And Eddie. And Dustin. And his mother…) liked to say.
He decided it was too exhausting to play pretend with someone like Iris. So, he was a flirt sometimes. A little too charming. It didn’t mean anything.
There was only person he wanted to go home to. If he’d still let him.
‘You seem distracted…’ Iris replied, and Steve realized that he’d been awkwardly silent after his last question.
‘Sorry. It’s been a long day,’ was all he said in response.
Iris smiled sarcastically. ‘Try being eight months pregnant at the end of a twelve-hour shift.’
‘Ouch.’
‘Yeah,’ she laughed.
‘Can I?’ he nodded at Max’s door.
‘Of course,’ Iris said. ‘I’m wrapping up soon so don’t worry if I’m not here when you get out. Always nice seeing you, Steve.’
‘Thanks, Iris. I’ll remember you’re pregnant next time, promise,’ he winked.
Max’s room was the same as always, clean, white, her hair braided into two plaits this time. Eyes still shut, monitors still beeping.
Steve took his usual seat, closest to her. He normally spoke to her (more like rambled) giving updates about their friends, the town, the world in general. Was she hearing any of it? He’d heard different opinions from the doctors and nurses; that she was in there, that she was listening, that she was asleep, that she was somewhere else.
They had no idea.
‘I don’t – I don’t have much to say today, Max.’ He sighed. ‘I think if you were here, you’d be the one telling me to not sit on my ass, to actually go and do something and fix this but… you’re not here. So, I’m sitting. Waiting. Like an asshole,’ he sighed. ‘Waiting’s not our strong suit, is it? Right into the Upside Down, right into battle. Didn’t always turn out so great,’ he grimaced. He reached out to squeeze her hand. ‘I guess, since I’m here… I’ll read you this story,’ he pulled out the never-ending book from his jacket pocket. ‘I’ll read and maybe it’ll frustrate you as much as it frustrates me, and it’ll inspire you to get back here and tell me to just give up on this shit already.’ He took a deep breath and started:
‘When Hazel woke he perceived at once that it was morning – sometime after sunrise, by the smell of it. The scent of apple blossom was plain enough. Then he picked up the fainter smells of buttercups and horses...’
Steve became engrossed in the book, reading slowly out loud to Max, sounding out the words and speaking them out loud making him actually feel the story in a new way, a way that he hadn’t before. He was so caught up that he didn’t realize when someone pushed open the door to enter the room.
‘Steve.’
The sound of Eddie’s voice was the last thing he expected. He froze in the middle of a passage, blinked and looked up. A rumpled Eddie stood in the doorway, hair frizzed, cheeks red, breathing heavily.
‘Eddie?’
Eddie sighed in relief as Steve met his eye. He looked over his shoulder, then entered and shut the door.
‘You weren’t at home – at the cabin, I mean. Or at your house. Or at work.’ He was nervous now, fingers dancing over his rings, but still looking at Steve. ‘Robin didn’t know where you were. Or Dustin. I thought maybe you’d be here...’
God, Steve thought, I really do only know like five people in this damn town where I’ve lived my whole life. Pathetic.
‘Good guess, yeah,’ Steve nodded. He had wanted Eddie to make the first move and he had. He had given Eddie his space and now that was over, apparently. Thankfully. But seeing Eddie now brought back all the confusion, the nerves, the second-hand anger that Steve had tried so hard to push out of his mind.
He looked away, back down to his book. He dog-eared a page, closed it, held it between his hands, staring at the illustration of the rabbit on the cover. He was waiting again, now. Waiting for Eddie to say anything more.
‘Yeah,’ Eddie mumbled.
Not quite worth the wait.
Steve sighed, looked back up at him. He couldn’t help but throw Eddie a lifeline, even when they were in a fight. ‘You were looking for me?’ Steve offered.
‘Yes.’ Eddie grimaced, his cheek pulling one eye into a regretful wink.
Eddie raised an eyebrow and nodded at the chair next to him. Steve shrugged and Eddie sat, cautious, still nervous. Both faced Max’s bed, staring straight ahead, not looking at each other. Steve knew why he wasn’t looking; he was still owed an apology at least, ideally an explanation, still upset with Eddie for walking away. He really wanted to know what Eddie was thinking and why he couldn’t look at Steve.
‘You packed a bag.’ Eddie spoke so softly, Steve tilted his head to hear. He glanced over and Eddie was biting his lip, eyes fixated on his hands.
‘I did.’
Eddie glanced over. ‘I didn’t notice you’d left until… until this morning. And you packed a bag,’ he swallowed heavily, voice still low. ‘I didn’t want you to go.’
‘Really?’ Steve couldn’t help the sneer in his voice. ‘You told me to fuck off.’
Eddie winced. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’
‘No? Sounded like it. Felt like it,’ Steve reflexively reached up to massage the spot on the back of his head that had hit the wall. He saw Eddie’s eyes go wide. ‘So, you can storm out after I ask one fucking question, but I can’t after you literally push me away? Doesn’t seem fair, does it?’
‘Shit,’ Eddie reached out a hand to Steve’s head but pulled it back quickly. ‘I – I didn’t mean to – I didn’t mean to –’
‘What, Eddie? You didn’t mean to what?’ Steve had been so desperate to see Eddie, had warmed so much at the sight of him in the doorway, he hadn’t realized how angry he really was. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. The ball was in Eddie’s court.
‘Fuck!’ Eddie exclaimed, the force of his yell propelling him up out of the seat towards the door.
‘Don’t you fucking dare,’ Steve warned, voice low, sensing that same dangerous combination brewing in Eddie again, the one that had made him walk out last night. Not again.
‘I’m not, I’m not,’ Eddie turned around, his hands lifted up in surrender. ‘I just… can we go somewhere? To talk?’ His eyes darted to Max. ‘Alone.’
Where the medical community was split on what was really going on with Max, it was clear that Eddie believed she was here in the room with them. If he thought about it, really thought about it, Steve agreed. Or maybe just really, really hoped.
He nodded a curt yes, then pushed past Eddie to lead them out of the room. He felt Eddie’s body heat as he moved near him, like a beacon calling out to him, so he gripped his hands tightly around the book to fight that urge. Iris was already gone, the hallway empty, faint beeping sounds from machines working endlessly in other rooms for the other long-term stays in this wing.
Steve led them to the staircase, up to the roof. He knew most doors in the hospital required special keys and codes, but this end of the floor was so rarely used, so rarely visited, they didn’t bother.
The night sky was gray and overcast, the warm fall day fully shifted into a cold night. The illuminated hospital sign cast an eerie white glow over the cement roof. Steve pulled his sweatshirt more tightly around him as he turned to find Eddie, head tilted up to the sky, eyes closed, taking in deep breaths of the night air.
‘Better?’ Steve asked, already knowing the answer from how Eddie’s body loosened, his demeanor calmed. Eddie nodded, taking another deep breath.
Steve suddenly remembered the story Eddie had told him, the one he’d laughed at, of when Eddie was a little boy and how he used to take his clothes off when he was upset. It was weird, funny, a quirky little tidbit that Eddie had shared with him. But it seemed like the world still got to be too much, too heavy on Eddie’s body when he was upset. He needed the air and the space and the lightness, even if his clothes remained on.
‘What?’ Eddie quirked his head and Steve realized he’d been staring, smiling silly at the thought, at the realization that maybe we don’t change as much as we think or hope. He imagined Eddie as a scared little boy with his mom’s scarf covering him, overlaid that image with the nervous Eddie outlined by a gray night’s sky. His heart softened, the anger fading.
‘Nothing,’ Steve shook his head. He leaned back on the roof’s ledge and slid down to sit cross-legged. Eddie walked over cautiously and also sat, legs splayed out in front of him. Steve stared up at the sky, watching the clouds roll past through the moonlight. He waited. He realized maybe that was his role now, instead of jumping in and fixing things.
It was several minutes until Eddie finally spoke, his low voice filling the silence.
‘I didn’t mean any of it.’ Eddie spoke to his hands, eyes downcast. ‘I was – I am sorry,’ Eddie ground out like it hurt him. ‘I overreacted. And then I walked out.’ He laughed, rueful, sarcastic. ‘Dad would be proud.’
‘Hmm,’ Steve tilted his head, regarding Eddie. It was an apology. A start.
But he still wanted an explanation.
Eddie’s fingers danced over his rings as his eye locked on a spot on the ground in front of him. ‘I – shit. I don’t know how to do about this,’ he mumbled to himself. Took another deep breath, as if he was about to dive into deep water. ‘I told you about my mom. How she died.’ His voice wavered.
It was so out of left field, but Steve nodded. Eddie still wasn’t looking, though he must have sensed Steve’s nod or just wanted to continue.
‘It was really fast, like I said,’ he spoke slowly, finding each word as he said it. ‘Someone managed to track down dad, but by the time he turned up… she was gone already.’ Steve felt him shudder. ‘I had to stay with this weird foster family for a few days until he showed.’
‘Oh, Eddie…’ Steve felt his anger slipping further away with every word. He somehow felt like he didn’t want this explanation now, that it wasn’t worth it, if it was doing this to Eddie.
Eddie shook his head, holding up a hand. ‘It’s not – it wasn’t bad. They were nice, really. Normal. And nice and normal were weird to me then. I actually asked to stay with them when he came to get me.’ Eddie laughed, cringed. ‘That’s not – that’s not the point. Point is, he showed up late, like always. Took me home, tried to take care of shit, like, with the hospital and the funeral and stuff and of course, he fucked it all up. He, um, he –’ Eddie buzzed with nervous energy, his knee shaking a mile a minute, eyes wide and unblinking. His breathing was shallow. ‘He scheduled the funeral for a random day, like the next available or whatever,’ Eddie started to shake his head slowly. ‘But it wasn’t – it wasn’t a random day…’
Eddie paused, waves of anxiety radiating off him. Steve waited for him to continue, but it seemed like he physically couldn’t. And then it sunk in.
‘Fuck.’ Steve whispered in shock. Then again: ‘Fuck!’ with more verve, suddenly hating Eddie’s dad almost as much as his own. ‘Your birthday?’
‘It wasn’t his fault,’ Eddie said almost monotonously. ‘Why would he know? It’s not like it was an important day for him.’
‘Eddie…’ Steve reached out a slow hand to rest on Eddie’s bouncing knee. He stilled immediately, head whipping over to look at Steve, his eyes shining with unshed tears but still had that emptiness that Steve sometimes saw in him, as if the door to the real Eddie had been locked. Steve brought his hand up to Eddie’s face, gripping his neck, thumb running over his cheek. Eddie leaned his head into Steve’s palm, and something calmed in him. They twisted towards each other.
‘I’m sorry,’ Steve whispered. ‘I shouldn’t have –’
‘No,’ Eddie shook his head, Steve’s grip not slipping. ‘No, save your sorries for when you actually do fuck up.’ Eddie grinned a little at that and so did Steve. Eddie turned serious again. ‘How were you supposed to know if I never told you? I want to tell you,’ Eddie continued. ‘The important things, I do. I just… I don’t know how?’ He sounded pained. ‘I haven’t – I told you, I don’t talk about it. About her. About… a lot.’
‘I know,’ Steve squeezed Eddie’s hand. ‘You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You said it, right? You shouldn’t tell people things if you’re not ready?’ A different context but the same rules applied, Steve thought. He didn’t want to push Eddie too hard. They had time for it all. He just needed to get them there without Eddie walking away again. He couldn’t take it. ‘You don’t have to tell me, but you can’t – yesterday was – I didn’t know –’
‘You felt like it was your fault and you wanted to fix it, even though you couldn’t.’ Eddie offered. ‘Because you can’t control if he’s coming back or not. Because you don’t know why he gets mad or why he leaves.’ Steve could tell he wasn’t talking about himself, though he was.
‘Yeah.’
Eddie looked so heartbroken when he met Steve’s eye. ‘I try so hard not to be anything like him, but I’m exactly like him. Fight or flight isn’t a thing for the Munson men. Flight all the way, every time.’
‘You know that’s not true.’
‘It is! You said that you like me because I’m brave, but I’m not,’ he laughed sarcastically, hand coming up to fist in his hair. ‘At all. I’m scared of everything! I’m scared that you like me. I’m scared that you’ll hate me. I’m scared that you packed a bag. I’m scared of a fucking date on the calendar, for fuck’s sake!’ His wild eyes met Steve’s, and Steve saw the fear.
‘Then why are you here right now?’ Steve whispered after a moment’s pause.
‘What?’ Eddie tilted his head, blinking.
‘Why are you here at all?’ Steve gestured to the space around them, to the space between them. ‘If you wanted to run? You could have run today. Hell, after that first fight,’ Steve tapped the back of his hand, where those numbers had been written all those weeks ago. ‘You asked me to go that night. Told me we should be just friends, remember? But I asked you to fight and you did. And you’re here right now.’
‘He came back to us, too, Steve.’ Eddie spoke as if it was obviously no good reason to hope. That a return meant nothing. ‘Apologized. Made it up to us. And I always forgave him. But he still left. Over and over. And it hurt every time.’
‘So then be better, Eddie,’ Steve shrugged. ‘I don’t know what to tell you. You know what kind of man you don’t want to be. So don’t be him.’
‘Easier said than done.’
‘I never said it would be easy. But that’s what bravery is, right? Doing the hard thing when you’re scared. And if you ever forget –’ Steve reached out to run a hand over the scar under Eddie’s jaw ‘– remember you’ve faced harder things and survived.’
Eddie sighed deeply as his face scrunched and he closed his eyes, covering Steve’s hand with his own. His face was outlined in the glowing light from the distant neon signs, reminding Steve of that split second glimpse he’d had of Eddie in the lightning strike. White planes against black shadows. Eddie looked back at him, head shaking but a small smile on his face. ‘You’re something else, Harrington.’ He leaned in and kissed Steve gently. ‘And you really need to stop.’
‘Stop what?’ Steve quirked a brow, smiling.
‘Making me feel all brave and lucky and shit. It tempts fate. I’m going to lose it all because of you,’ Eddie smirked, pulling away. Steve followed the warmth of his body, leaning against him.
‘Lose what?’
‘Anything. Everything.’
‘No, you won’t.’
‘I might.’
‘You won’t.’
‘I might.’
‘I won’t let you,’ Steve wound his hand through Eddie’s. ‘I’ll get it all back for you. Whatever you want.’
Eddie rolled his eyes and sighed. ‘God, you’re like a walking temptation of fate.’
Steve laughed at the expression on Eddie’s face. ‘What the hell does that mean?’
‘You’re too good to be true is what I mean.’
Steve couldn’t help blushing. He loved a good compliment but that was ridiculous. ‘No one thinks that,’ he mumbled.
‘Hey, don’t – I mean it,’ Eddie pulled Steve’s face up from where he’d dropped it in embarrassment. ‘Don’t deny it. I won’t let you,’ Eddie sing-songed, mirroring Steve’s earlier words. He leaned forward for another kiss, deeper. ‘Can I take you home?’ Eddie whispered, leaning his forehead to Steve’s.
‘Yes,’ Steve smiled. ‘I’ll let you.’
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 23: "Better Late Than Never"
‘Oh, that’s my friend, Elaine,’ Robin said so off-handedly that Eddie had to do a double-take.
‘Your friend, Elaine? Is she the same as that bitch Elaine you were complaining about a few weeks ago?’
Robin blushed a little as Eddie’s eyes grew wide. ‘Yes,’ Robin mumbled. ‘She’s not that bad! She was only a bitch to me because, well, I was kind of a bitch to her…’
‘That doesn’t sound like you,’ Eddie smirked.
‘Some people don’t appreciate my conversational style,’ Robin said with a shrug and Eddie laughed.
‘You’re an acquired taste, sure.’
Chapter 23: Better Late Than Never
Summary:
‘Wayne? Are you okay? What’s going on?’
‘Oh!’ again, he heard Wayne’s deep rumbling laugh so rarely that Eddie again was on edge. ‘Nothing like that. Just wanted to let you know that I switched routes last minute so I could be in Indianapolis.’
‘Wait – you are? Right now?’
‘Right now,’ he heard the smile in Wayne’s voice.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
When Steve kissed Eddie for the first time, Eddie felt it all over his body, like fireworks in every nerve ending.
When Steve told Eddie he liked him, it had been a bloom of warmth in his chest, like nothing he’d ever felt before.
When Steve asked Eddie about his birthday, had reminded him of that day, it had been a buzzing in his head, growing louder and stronger until it blurred his vision, compressed his mind, propelled him out to wherever there was more space, more air, more silence.
When Eddie realized Steve left after the fight, had packed a bag, wasn’t where he’d left him – it was a pit of cement in his stomach, in his feet, his body sinking to the floor where he stood.
He hadn’t noticed at first. After stalking through the dark woods in a stupefied frenzy all night, circling through the forest once, twice, three times, more, avoiding the cabin, the scene of the crime, as if it and not a question had offended him, Eddie returned home at first light, exhausted. He’d been girding himself for Steve’s reaction, maybe his taut shoulders under the covers or angry glares from the kitchen table.
He hadn’t been ready for the emptiness of the cabin. The lights were still on, music still playing softly in the bedroom, his body immediately sensing that no one else was there. It took his mind a moment to catch up, to notice the missing duffel bag, whose damn straps were a constant tripping hazard under the bed; the empty drawers; Steve’s wallet and keys missing from the top of the dresser.
His body seized up, and he staggered outside, finally noticing the missing car, the tire tracks still cemented in the damp ground.
‘Fuck.’ Eddie hadn’t considered that Steve would leave. Not Steve, who always came for him, who wanted to fight for him. Had Eddie finally gone too far? Was this Steve’s limit?
Eddie didn’t realize that his depleted body had collapsed onto the porch, that he’d stared at the dirt road in front of the cabin for long enough for the morning dew to collect on his skin. It was only when he started shivering that he realized his mind had wandered to such an extent.
His birthday really was cursed, he thought. It was the day that brought him into this world, for better or worse; it was the day he’d seen his mother’s face for the last time, his father’s face for the last time; it hollowed a pit in his stomach every time the date came up on a form, in a conversation; and now it might be the reason that Steve Harrington finally gave up on trying to deal with all the bullshit that came with Eddie Munson.
As soon as Steve mentioned his birthday, in that safe cocoon of their room last night, Eddie felt the gates shut in his mind, the pressure starting to build.
If only Steve had left well enough alone. Why hadn’t he left it alone? What was with the whole interrogation? It had seemed sweet at first, but now? What business was this of his anyway?
He continued sitting, staring, not sure what to do next, when the phone rang, equally hoping and fearing it was Steve on the other end.
‘Steve?’ he answered cautiously, hopefully.
‘Where the hell are you?’ an angry Dustin greeted him instead.
‘What?’ Eddie mumbled, still trying to catch up.
‘You were supposed to pick me up for the campaign thirty minutes ago! We’re going to be late! Why are you still at home? What the hell, Eddie?’
The game. Right. The DnD game at Wheelers.
The last fucking thing Eddie wanted to do today.
‘Yeah, sorry, uh, today’s no good.’
‘No good!? No good? Will designed this specifically for us, you can’t back out now!’ Dustin’s voice was high, angry.
Eddie could feel a pressure building behind his eyes, in his lungs. The buzzing started again, the room feeling too small.
‘Dustin, like I said –’ Eddie spoke slowly, trying to regulate his breathing, shutting his eyes to block out the creeping red.
‘You said you’d be there, Eddie! This is important, we haven’t played a good campaign all year and I –’
‘There’s more to life than fucking games, Henderson! Get your head out of your ass and remember that!’ Eddie exploded, slamming the phone into the receiver with such force, the plastic cracked.
‘Fuck!’ Eddie yelled again, pulling the phone off the wall, lifting it and slamming it into the ground, the phone cable whipping against his legs. ‘Fuck! Fuck…’ this last one a whimper, as he slid down the wall, joining the phone on the floor.
He laid there as he watched the sky change colors from the bright morning blue to an afternoon gray through the rectangle of the front door. He laid there long enough for Demo to come in, angry and entitled after missing two meals now, long enough for Demo to seemingly forgive him, curl up by his knees and start purring, long enough for Demo to get bored and wander away again.
And this is why he didn’t need to feel all this. This was the reason for the cold mask, the dissociation, because letting himself feel like this never led to anything good. It made him say things that others returned with evil words or fists. It made him slam doors and yell obscenities at Uncle Wayne over his shoulder. It made him feel so much that he felt so ashamed, so overwhelmed, that he short-circuited and needed to disappear.
Eddie had done it all before. Throw the plate at the wall then run into the woods and hide, wait for mom to find him, hug him, forgive him. That was Eddie.
Smash a beer bottle on the floor, disappear for a month, then come back with a sad smile and an apology and be forgiven. That was his father.
Oh fuck.
Fucking hell.
No.
Oh god, is that what Steve had seen last night? Is that what he’d felt?
Eddie loved his mom, but thought that her constant forgiveness of his father, of giving him endless chances only to be hurt every time – that was weakness. That was foolish. Never mind the fact that Eddie always did the same. Watch him leave, watch him break your heart, watch him return, forgive him, over and over again.
Nobody deserved that.
Especially not Steve.
Especially when he didn’t know why.
Fuck.
Eddie scrambled to the phone, dial tone still ringing endlessly from where it sat dissembled on the floor, the noise a hopeful sign that it still worked.
He misdialed twice before his hands stopped shaking enough to get the Wheeler’s number right. The sound on the phone was tinny and hollow from Eddie’s abuse. After forcing a friendly tone to Mrs. Wheeler and asking for Dustin, Eddie wasn’t sure he’d actually come to the phone.
‘Hello?’ sullen, terse, clearly upset. But he came.
‘Dustin,’ Eddie cleared his throat. How to start? ‘Hey, uh, sorry about earlier.’
‘Uh huh.’
‘I’ll explain later, I promise, but, uh – is Steve with you?’
‘Steve?’
‘Yeah, is he there?’ He couldn’t imagine he would be, but maybe, on the off chance…
‘No, Eddie, Steve isn’t here. What the hell is up with you guys?’
‘What do you mean?’ Eddie realized he normally might have felt fear at this question, but now, he only wanted answers.
‘He calls me at the crack of dawn asking why you hate your birthday and making me promise not to piss you off today, but then you call, already pissed off… like, what the hell, dude?’
Eddie gripped his scalp and pulled his hair tightly. Fucking Steve, caring and worrying about him despite the shit he’d pulled.
‘I’m obviously –’
‘Being an asshole?’ Dustin helpfully suggested.
‘Yes, Dustin. I’m an asshole,’ he sighed. ‘And I’m sorry, like I said…’
‘Uh huh.’
‘…and I want to apologize to Steve, too, do you know where he is?’
‘Really, Eddie?’
‘What?’
Dustin huffed an annoyed breath. ‘If he’s not with you like he always is, then he’s probably at work. You really thought he’d be here with us? Really?’
Eddie knew the chances were slim. But he’d had to try. ‘No, I –’
‘So, you didn’t even call to talk to me, you just wanted to find Steve?’
‘No, Dustin, hey –’
‘Fuck you, Eddie.’
This time Eddie was on the receiving end of a slammed phone. He deserved it.
But one fire at a time.
He ran to his truck and sped over to Family Video, only to be told by an angry, nose-ringed teenager that Steve had already left for the day; Eddie didn’t have time to sass her back when she’d called Steve a mopey mama’s boy. On to the Harrington home, where Steve’s car was in the driveway, but no sign of Steve himself, even after Eddie knocked and rang and waited. Why wasn’t he here? Where was he? Eddie sped over to Robin’s, where he interrupted a family dinner only to have Robin stare at him strangely, anxiously, saying that no, she didn’t know where Steve was, was Eddie okay, did he want to come in. He barely registered shaking his head, walking away. He drove through town, past the diner, the high school, the basketball court where Steve sometimes played. Past the movie theater, past the mall, past the quarry.
Steve was nowhere to be found.
It wasn’t until Eddie saw the glowing hospital sign that a last spark of possibility pinged in him. It was a long shot.
But Eddie found a parking spot right by the back door, the elevator was waiting open for him, there was nobody at the nurse’s station and when he looked through the window in Max’s door to see Steve, Eddie finally breathed out a sigh of relief. It had to be fate.
So, Eddie apologized, had told Steve the outlines, and it seemed to be enough. He’d seen the anger slowly drain out of Steve, some understanding set in.
He wanted to tell him more, he realized. He just didn’t know how. A brief explanation, a rough sketch of what was going on was the best he could do.
When they returned to the cabin, Eddie saw Steve’s gaze graze over the still swung open front door, the destroyed phone on the floor, the music and lights still on in the bedroom that Eddie never turned off, that Steve never turned off. Steve just smiled a small smile and ran a hand over Eddie’s hair before picking up the broken phone and placing it on the kitchen counter.
‘We’ll get a new one,’ Steve said simply.
As if that was all it took.
***
When Eddie woke up next to Steve after telling him about the shellshock that his birthday generated in him, Eddie wasn’t sure what he felt. He felt raw, exposed. No one else knew this much about him, he realized. He’d cried and yelled and stormed away and shut down, and Steve was still here, through it all.
He really was too good to be true, Eddie thought. Or maybe this is just what you did for people you cared about.
You forgave them.
But maybe you let them dangle a bit first.
Because when Eddie drove over to Dustin’s the next day, to actually apologize, to try and explain, his mom answered the door with a chagrined look.
‘I’m sorry, Eddie. He said he’s busy,’ she said in a way that made Eddie think that Dustin was standing right behind the door glaring at her.
‘I get it,’ he mumbled. ‘Tell him… tell him I’m sorry and I’m here if he wants to talk?’
Her face melted and it looked like she was blinking back tears. ‘Oh, Eddie, are you okay, honey?’
‘Just had a bad day. Bad year, really.’
Mrs. H got a determined look on her face and glanced over her shoulder. She reached out a hand and squeezed Eddie’s arm. ‘It’ll be okay, hun,’ she whispered. ‘He’s a little riled up but I’m sure you two will be fine in no time.’
‘Thanks, Mrs. H.’
He smiled tightly, nodding as if to convince himself of the truth. Dustin would forgive him. He had to. There was no future Eddie could imagine that didn’t have Dustin in it.
‘Hang in there, Eddie,’ Mrs. H replied, shutting the door gently in his face.
Eddie sighed.
The apology tour continued.
He drove all the way to Roane Valley to pick up Robin from class that night, registering the shock on her face as she saw him lounging on the hood of his truck in the parking lot behind the community college building.
‘Eddie?!’ she exclaimed, gleeful, turning to whisper something to the girl next to her who just smiled, waved at Eddie and walked away.
‘Who was that?’ Eddie stared after the girl, tall and dark-haired, a willowy frame with an angular face. Not his type in any way, but he’d always been able to recognize beauty.
‘Oh, that’s my friend, Elaine,’ Robin said so off-handedly that Eddie had to do a double-take.
‘Your friend, Elaine? Is she the same as that bitch Elaine you were complaining about a few weeks ago?’
Robin blushed a little as Eddie’s eyes grew wide. ‘Yes,’ Robin mumbled. ‘She’s not that bad! She was only a bitch to me because, well, I was kind of a bitch to her…’
‘That doesn’t sound like you,’ Eddie smirked.
‘Some people don’t appreciate my conversational style,’ Robin said with a shrug and Eddie laughed.
‘You’re an acquired taste, sure.’
She shoved his shoulder. ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked with a bright smile. She looked over Eddie’s shoulder into the car and raised a brow. ‘No Steve?’
‘Work,’ he explained, opening the door for her into the car. As he started the engine, he tried to explain, ‘I think I might have freaked you out last night and I, uh…’
‘Understatement.’
‘Yeah,’ he sighed deeply. ‘Sorry about that.’
‘But you found him?’
Eddie nodded. ‘We had a fight…’
He turned onto the one lane highway that would take them back to Hawkins.
‘About?’ she asked after Eddie had paused, looking for the right words.
‘Just the trauma of being me,’ he tried a sarcastic smile, but Robin wasn’t having it, just regarded him coolly. He sighed and rolled his eyes. ‘Seriously, Robin. I threw a stupid hissy fit and left. He didn’t… appreciate that.’
‘I don’t think anyone appreciates a hissy fit, Eddie. We’d find a better name for it if we did.’
‘I found him,’ he continued. ‘Apologized.’
‘And you’re good now?’
‘I think so…’
He pulled over at the burger stand on the edge of town. Robin followed silently as he got them both soft serve cones and led them to a picnic table. He sat on the table, feet up on the seat, looking out over the field in front of them, the sky in shades of purple and gray with the setting sun.
Robin’s silence disquieted him. He was used to being the receiver of all of her updates, rambles, questions. But nothing, just her looking out over the horizon, eating her cone slowly.
‘I’ve never done this before,’ Eddie said after another minute of silence. Robin quirked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. ‘Like, had someone. Who cared this much. Who wasn’t related to me and forced to care, you know?’
‘It’s weird, right?’ she finally said, her voice somehow even more gravelly after these minutes of disuse.
‘Totally weird.’
‘And Steve. Woof.’
The corner of his mouth lifted at her tone. ‘What do you mean?’
‘When he cares, he really cares,’ she continued, returning her gaze to the field. She flicked a look over to him. ‘It’s a lot.’
‘Yeah…’
‘You know he was the one who started calling me every day?’
‘When?’
‘After that whole Scoops summer mall monster fight. After I came out to him,’ Robin said. ‘Like, I was so freaked out after everything, I felt so awkward around him, and I just wanted to, like, kind of pretend it didn’t happen. But he started showing up,’ she looked over at Eddie, smiling. It happened that way for him, too. ‘Like, once he decided we were friends, then we were. 100%. No question.’
‘Sounds like him,’ Eddie murmured.
‘I think – for people like us,’ she glanced at him. ‘It’s easier when we know someone’s on our side, no matter what. And Steve makes that really obvious. That he cares.’
People like us, Eddie thought. How many ways were he and Robin connected? Gay in Hawkins. Band nerds. Outsiders. Nervous. Different.
Chosen by Steve Harrington.
Not for the first time, Eddie thought he and Robin would have found each other eventually, somehow. The fact that it had been through Steve, through Vecna was just a crazy coincidence. He and her made more sense on paper than he and Steve did, than she and Steve did. But look how beautifully it all fit, paper be damned.
He could tell something similar was running through Robin’s mind as she nudged her shoulder into his smiling. Then she rolled her eyes. ‘And oh my god, how he chooses to show he cares?! The number of times he told me to ask out Vickie! Just push, push, push…’
‘Well, he can’t wait for you to get a girlfriend,’ Eddie smirked.
Robin giggled. ‘Me neither.’
‘He said something about finally having more time when you’re out of his hair…’
‘Ass,’ she mumbled, reaching over to punch him. She turned serious. ‘He always…’ she paused, quirked her head, before looking back to Eddie, ‘…he always wants to make sure everyone’s okay.’
‘Like a good babysitter,’ Eddie tried to joke, but Robin didn’t laugh.
All she said was simply: ‘Yes.’
‘Well, he’s got his work cut out for him,’ Eddie took a big bite of his cone, feeling the cold shock in his teeth. ‘I’m definitely not okay all the time...’
‘It means he’ll probably stick around longer than he should.’
Eddie’s head whipped over to Robin, his eyebrows raised in question. She cringed a little and shook her head.
‘I’m not saying you’re not good together or anything like that! I’m, like, so psyched you guys are together, you know? Really! I just – he – you both have been through a lot…’
Eddie lifted his t-shirt and slapped his stomach, his scars. ‘I know that, Robin.’
‘Well, it’s there, sure,’ she laughed. Then she reached over and tapped his head. ‘And here.’ Tapped his chest, his heart. ‘Here?’ He rolled his eyes but nodded. ‘We survived all that shit because we were together. We probably shouldn’t have survived…’ her voice trailed off, Eddie knocked his shoulder into hers, bringing her back. ‘Don’t forget that. Stronger together, right?’
‘Right. I’m trying, Robin.’
‘Good,’ she smiled, returned to her ice cream cone. ‘Just don’t let Steve be the only one who does all the work. That’s what I meant,’ she shrugged at him. ‘You know he’ll keep going even if it’s hurting him.’
‘Yeah,’ Eddie agreed. He’d seen it. He’d caused it.
He didn’t want to do it again.
After another minute of silence, Eddie couldn’t resist: ‘So, do you have a thing for Elaine?’
‘Eddie!’ Robin exclaimed, shoving him, laughing.
‘What, she’s hot! Right?’ Eddie suddenly wasn’t sure, but the blush that started on Robin’s cheeks confirmed his first instinct. He couldn’t help but grin.
‘Oh my god, there’s two of you now…’ she mumbled, dropping her head into her hand. ‘Don’t tell Steve!’
Eddie did a double take. ‘You just told me to be honest with him!’
‘Oh my god,’ she repeated, trying to shove his face into the remainder of his cone. He swerved at the last second, twisting around to grab her around the middle and tossing her over his shoulder. She laughed gleefully, swatting at his back.
‘Truce! Truce!’ she yelped, wriggling as Eddie set her down, reached over to ruffle her hair, then pulled her into his chest for a hug. Her hands wound around his middle, gripping him tightly.
‘Thanks, Rob,’ he spoke into her hair and felt her squeeze him tighter. ‘I won’t tell Steve about Elaine,’ he whispered with a wink as they pulled apart.
‘I’ll tell him,’ she shrugged. ‘Sprinkle it in like an M&M –’
‘– in the trail mix that is your conversational style?’ he interrupted, winked.
‘Exactly!’ she laughed. ‘We’ll see if he catches it or not. I’m guessing not.’
‘Give him some credit!’ Eddie scoffed, feeling the urge and obligation to defend Steve.
‘He won’t! He only pays attention to me when I talk about you,’ she winked, and Eddie shook his head to suppress his pleased smile.
‘I bet he’ll notice. Like I said, he’s your biggest cheerleader when it comes to you getting a girlfriend, he’ll definitely notice.’
‘Bet what?’ Robin raised a brow.
‘What do you want?’ Eddie asked with a laugh.
‘One embarrassing act from the other, to be determined at a later date…’
‘Deal.’
Robin grabbed his hand and shook forcefully, before pulling him into another hug. ‘And you owe me another ice cream for all the drama yesterday.’
Eddie laughed again. ‘Deal.’
***
After two more unanswered overtures to Dustin, Eddie resorted to another tactic a few days later. He was in the middle of baking a giant apology cake, when he instead should have been putting up the final siding to finish the big room, finishing the wiring, a dozen other things, when the phone rang.
When he heard Wayne’s voice on the line, saying a confused and gentle ‘Eddie?’, his stomach dropped. They were still doing their regular Wednesday night calls at the Byers and Wayne called here a few times, but not enough for this to be normal. Eddie assumed the worst.
‘Wayne? Are you okay? What’s going on?’
‘Oh!’ again, he heard Wayne’s deep rumbling laugh so rarely that Eddie again was on edge. ‘Nothing like that. Just wanted to let you know that I switched routes last minute so I could be in Indianapolis.’
‘Wait – you are? Right now?’
‘Right now,’ he heard the smile in Wayne’s voice.
‘Are you coming to Hawkins?’ Eddie asked eagerly, his heart swelling at the thought.
‘No, uh, no,’ Wayne coughed, sounded so disappointed, Eddie deflated immediately. ‘I need to be in Chicago tonight, but I have a few hours. I know you’re busy and I wouldn’t ask –’
‘I’m coming right now!’ Eddie reached over to turn off the oven, shoved the bowl of batter into the fridge, head swinging around looking for his jacket.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes! Where are you?’
As he raced down the highway mere minutes later, the address to a rest stop coffee shop and his map clutched in his hand against the steering wheel, Eddie realized he shouldn’t have been surprised by how eagerly he wanted to see Wayne. Steve always talked about how many people Eddie knew, how beloved he was, and he could see how it could look that way. But when it came down to the people he truly cared about, the ones he valued above all the others, more than the ones he simply knew or those who knew him vaguely – that was a short list. And for the longest time, Wayne hadn’t just been at the top, he’d been the whole damn thing.
When he looked though the coffee shop window to see Wayne sitting in a back booth, nursing a coffee, looking the same way he’d looked a hundred times before, Eddie wanted to cry but held it together. Just one gentle sob escaped when he finally walked in and over to Wayne, when Wayne immediately brightened and embraced Eddie tightly.
Eddie realized he’d been touched more by Steve in the last few weeks than he had been in years. Because Wayne’s hugs were always special and rare. Not that he didn’t care, just that they were reserved for big moments.
And in that hug, Eddie was transported back to his first memory of an Uncle Wayne hug, when Wayne had come by their old clapboard house for his mom’s funeral and had found Eddie neglected, dirty, tear-streaked, his dad passed out drunk in the living room. It was the only time he’d ever seen Wayne truly violent, as Wayne punched Eddie’s dad, picked Eddie up in a big hug and carried him out of there. It was the last time Eddie had seen that house, had seen his dad – and the first time he’d realized his dad wasn’t a real dad.
In those brief moments, Wayne had become more of a dad to Eddie than his own had ever been.
‘I’m so glad you could make it,’ Wayne said, fighting a smile. He smiled so rarely, laughed so rarely, hugged so rarely, so all of these in combination made it crystal clear how thrilled he was.
‘How much time do you have?’ was Eddie’s first question, as the waitress came by with a mug of coffee for him.
‘Not much. Wish I had more.’
‘Does it suck?’ was Eddie’s second question. When he was torturing himself late at night, he always thought about Wayne stuck in some small truck cabin, miserable and cursing this fate that Eddie had tricked him into.
But Wayne cracked a real smile. ‘Not at all,’ he said. ‘I don’t mind it at all. I do miss seeing you at the end of the day,’ he smiled.
‘Me, too.’ Another truth Eddie didn’t realize was so strong until he said it.
‘So,’ Wayne started, settling in, ‘I’ve got my Eddie ears on. Tell me everything.’ He cupped his hand around his ear, his old way of saying he was ready to listen, settle in for the long haul and let Eddie natter on about anything and everything, something Eddie used to do, not on any particular schedule but whenever the mood striked him. More often than not, when Eddie started his rant, Wayne used to sigh deeply, hold up a hand to pause Eddie, make himself a cup of coffee and sit back down; he’d then make that gesture and nod at Eddie to continue.
The reminder of that little routine of theirs made Eddie smile and he opened his mouth, about to speak, but he caught himself.
Tell Wayne everything?
Steve was the biggest update in Eddie’s life.
Everything in his life right now was connected to Steve in some way. And yes, Wayne knew about Steve, as his friend who’d helped him out, who he hung out with sometimes, who was helping with the cabin. But every story involved Steve in a major way, as a central character.
He was everything.
And Eddie didn’t want to hide him.
Eddie already couldn’t share the secret of Vecna, of the true source of his scars, the true cause of the destruction of their home and Wayne’s job and their old life – Eddie didn’t want anymore secrets.
But he also didn’t want to lose Wayne.
That’s what it always came back to. Every time he’d felt this urge to share in the past, he’d stopped himself and reasoned that the safety of a lie was better than the uncertainty of the truth.
But hadn’t Wayne proved himself, year after year, fuck up after fuck up, that he was there for Eddie? Look at what he was doing, clearly exhausted, trading shifts for only a couple of free hours to see Eddie before he had to get back to a job that he’d only taken to support them both.
This wasn’t where Eddie wanted to do it, in a random coffee shop in a random rest stop, quiet after the lunch rush, populated with a handful of gruff looking exhausted truckers in plaid and ballcaps. The buzzing from a broken bulb above them, the smell of burnt coffee, the sound of traffic rushing on the highway.
No, this wasn’t the place.
But it was time.
Eddie touched the scar under his jaw and remembered what Steve said. Eddie had survived worse. He’d faced a hoard of monster bats in another dimension and survived.
Though if Wayne rejected him after this, it would hurt almost as much.
Eddie paused, took a deep breath, searched Wayne’s face.
‘I’m gay.’
This would be the moment.
Wayne slowly put down his cup of coffee, nodding his head. His gaze dropped from Eddie’s face to the table to his folded hands. A single tear escaped his eye, then another. Wayne brought his hands up to cover his face and Eddie saw him take a deep breath.
Well, then.
Eddie’s chest felt tight, and he squeaked out a gasp, feeling tears of his own starting to brew. He brought his hands up to the table to push away, but Wayne reached out and grabbed him.
‘No, Eddie,’ Wayne whispered, smiling through his tears. ‘I’m just…’ he nodded again, squeezed Eddie’s hand. ‘Thank you. For trusting me.’ He finally managed to gasp out quietly, his eyes still shining.
Wayne’s hand was warm and rough in his own. Eddie saw his closed mouth working as if he was chewing on a thought, on a feeling he couldn’t let out. But in his eyes, he saw all the love that he felt for Wayne reflected back at him.
A knot that Eddie hadn’t known was there loosened in his chest and ran through him, warming him, protecting him.
If he’d known this was the feeling after the confession, he would have done it years ago.
But he hadn’t known.
Better late than never, he thought.
‘I’ve always trusted you, Uncle Wayne,’ Eddie’s voice was also low, rough.
Wayne shook his head tersely. ‘I know it’s hard for you.’ Eddie tilted his head in question and Wayne smiled sadly. ‘To trust. It’s not fair that he left you with that.’
Eddie swallowed. Wayne rarely spoke about his brother, Eddie’s dad. He knew that punch on his birthday all those years ago wasn’t the last time they’d seen or spoken to each other, but Wayne purposely avoided talking about him, whether that was for Eddie’s benefit or his own.
‘Oh, Eddie,’ Wayne continued. ‘You haven’t had an easy life so far.’ Eddie couldn’t help but laugh, shrug, nod. ‘And this… you know this makes it harder?’ Wayne asked. As if Eddie hadn’t realized it, hadn’t grappled with exactly that thought for years.
‘I know,’ Eddie whispered. He shrugged, smiling sadly. ‘I don’t have a choice,’ he said, helpless against truth.
‘Just… be safe, okay?’ Wayne’s advice to him always. ‘Whatever you do. Be safe.’
‘I will,’ Eddie nodded. ‘I’ll try.’
‘You can’t – you won’t –,’ Eddie started to ask but wasn’t sure how to, not after he’d already unloaded so much, trusted Wayne with so much.
‘Of course, I won’t,’ Wayne scoffed, not even letting Eddie ask. ‘You trusted me, so then trust me, boy.’
Eddie huffed a small, embarrassed laugh and nodded, head down in apology.
Wayne laughed, rubbed at his eyes, took a deep gulp of coffee. ‘So, should I pack away my Eddie ears?’
Eddie laughed genuinely, loudly and took a deep breath. ‘Are you ready?’ Eddie asked. Wayne cupped his hand around his ear and smiled.
So, Eddie unloaded it all, barely registering the waitress refilling their coffees over and over and over again. He talked about the cabin, the updates, Wayne chiming in with helpful tips and seeming genuinely impressed when Eddie countered, debated with him; he told Wayne about the drama with the Hellfire Club and Gareth; he told Wayne about Robin, about coming out to her but not sharing her own secret, holding that one tightly to him; he told him about Demo and his new habit of leaving dead mice for Eddie to find on the porch, Wayne remembering a stray at the trailer when Eddie first came to live with him who had done the same thing.
And he told Wayne about Steve, seeing Wayne’s face flicker and flinch with emotion.
‘What’s he like?’ Wayne asked. A simple question, one with a thousand answers.
Eddie didn’t know where to start.
‘He’s – I guess, he’s – he just – he’s great.’ Eddie knew he wasn’t doing Steve any credit.
What was he like? For someone who always loved words and using them effectively, creatively, Eddie had no idea how to translate the essence of Steve Harrington into them. He was a warm fire on a cold night. He was a glimpse of blue in a gray sky. He was the bridge that pulled the song together.
He made Eddie so fucking sappy and happy that he couldn’t make sense of it.
‘He’s great,’ he repeated, uselessly.
Wayne rolled his eyes, such an uncharacteristic gesture that Eddie grinned. ‘Well, what do you like about him?’
That one was easier, words springing to Eddie’s mind immediately. ‘He’s thoughtful. He always brings me things he thinks I’ll like. He gave me this gorgeous fucking guitar. He brings me flowers,’ Eddie blushed as Wayne smiled. ‘He’s really funny, mostly without trying to be. Which is funnier,’ Eddie laughed. ‘He cares so much about like, everyone, all his friends. Like, he’ll do anything for them which also sucks, because he’ll do anything! Like crazy, dangerous shit sometimes. But he’s so brave. So much braver than me.’ Eddie sighed. ‘I don’t know, Wayne. He’s just – he’s too good for me. Like, way too good.’
‘He sounds good for you, Eddie. Not too good. Nothing’s too good for you, son. I believe that. You should, too.’
‘I don’t –’
‘Hey!’ Wayne interrupted before Eddie could start feeling sorry for himself. ‘That confidence you always used to wear? Put it on again, until you believe it. You deserve a nice boy who cares about you. That’s the least you deserve, Eddie.’
Eddie shrugged but couldn’t help feeling warmed by the words. He wasn’t sure why Wayne saying it finally made it seem like something he could actually believe.
‘Is he very handsome?’ Wayne asked a moment later.
Heat rushed into Eddie’s cheeks and from Wayne’s smirk, he knew he didn’t need to answer. ‘Wayne!’ he mumbled, followed by a quick nod that made Wayne laugh.
Their attention was soon caught by a beeping from the watch on Wayne’s wrist. ‘Shit,’ Wayne sighed. ‘I gotta go.’
Neither one wanted this to end. Had it only been a few hours ago that they’d had so much physical and emotional distance between them? Eddie was addicted to this feeling now, this openness that he established with Wayne today, with Steve the past few days. It felt dangerous, thrilling, free.
But Eddie knew they didn’t have a choice, as Wayne silenced the alarm on his watch, looked up at him with a grim smile. ‘I’ll see you as soon as I can.’ Eddie nodded, swallowing his feelings and everything else he wanted to say. ‘I’ll call you next week, on schedule?’ Another nod.
Wayne paid and they walked out, with Wayne pointing out his truck in the distance.
‘Oh, before I forget,’ Wayne turned back to him and pressed a thick envelope into Eddie’s hand. Eddie could see cash through the slot. He started to shake his head and press it back to Wayne, but Wayne was closed Eddie’s fingers over it. ‘I know you have a job now and you’re an adult and everything but –’
‘Wayne!’ Eddie tried to protest.
‘– this is for you, Eddie! Like, I said, you deserve good things. Oh, and I, uh, went to see the family,’ Wayne ducked his head as if he was embarrassed, pulling out another envelope but handing this one to Eddie as if he was unsure if Eddie would take it. He did. ‘Some pictures,’ Wayne shrugged in explanation. Eddie pocketed the envelope with the pictures but still tried to hand the cash back to Wayne.
‘You earned this. It’s yours!’
Wayne shook his head. ‘I earned it for us, Eddie. For you. I know you’re strong and all, but can you pretend to still need me a bit?’
‘I need you a lot,’ Eddie whispered, his voice breaking.
Wayne pulled him into another hug. ‘Spend it on something nice for yourself, maybe? I know – it’s… next week.’ Wayne knew better than to bring up Eddie’s birthday. He remembered the day, the hurt it caused, the nightmares. Eddie just nodded. ‘Don’t let it get you down too much, hm?’
Eddie spoke without meaning to. ‘I might – I might do something this year.’
Wayne’s eyes sparked. It had been years since Eddie had allowed any type of celebration. ‘Really?’ was all Wayne asked, cautious, as if showing any more interest would push the idea out of Eddie’s head. Eddie nodded, more confidently than he felt. ‘Good. That’s good. With your boy?’ Wayne asked.
Eddie grinned at Wayne calling Steve his boy but nodded again. ‘Yeah. Maybe.’
‘Well, then,’ Wayne smiled, patted the envelope still in Eddie’s hand. ‘Then let me buy you and your boy a drink for your day, even if I’m not there, okay?’
Eddie finally shoved the envelope into his inside jacket pocket and nodded.
‘Okay, Wayne.’
Wayne paused, considering but finally gave himself permission to pull Eddie into another (rare, oh so special) hug and whisper in his ear: ‘Happy birthday, Eddie.’
***
After watching Wayne drive off, waving after him, Eddie didn’t want to go home.
He felt so open, wanted more of that connection that sparked in him in that booth, now that Wayne knew him as well as he possibly could, outside of blowing Wayne’s mind by revealing the truth of alternate dimensions and psychic girls and demon bat scars.
Eddie smoked a cigarette leaning back on his truck, hyping himself up for the drive. It wasn’t until he saw the waitress inside the coffee shop with a plate of pie that a new idea sparked. He flicked the cigarette away and headed to the payphone, a slice of blue in gray when Steve answered.
‘Hey!’ Steve always sounded so excited to talk to Eddie, Eddie had to smile. ‘Where are you? I’m burning some chicken for dinner!’
Eddie laughed, picturing the scene. ‘I’m in Indy.’
‘What?’ Eddie heard a crash on the other end of the line. ‘Why?’ Steve asked.
‘Wayne was here for a minute. I came up to see him.’
‘Oh, that’s great! Are you heading back now?’
‘I was thinking… you should come here.’
‘To Indy?’
‘Yeah. Spare that chicken and I’ll buy us dinner.’
‘Really?’ Eddie could hear Steve’s smile in his voice. ‘Like a date?’
Eddie rolled his eyes, but still smiled at the idea, one that still hadn’t gotten old to him, that he was dating Steve Harrington. ‘If that’s what’ll get you here, sure. Got a pen?’
Notes:
If you've come this far in the story... thank you! It means so much to me! I had so much fun writing the next chapter, it's one of my favorites so far ;)
Preview for Chapter 24: "Capture This Feeling"
‘Oh, yes…’ Steve licked his lips, hot eyes traveling over Eddie’s face. Fuck, Eddie loved that look. But he loved it better when he could do something about it.
‘Our bed is an hour away, so maybe cool it, Harrington?’ Eddie whispered, but they were so close, bent together over the small table, that Eddie could feel the warm breaths Steve was exhaling.
‘Sure thing. Boyfriend,’ Steve answered in a deep voice, so low it rumbled through Eddie. He felt himself harden, his breathing deepen. He licked then bit his bottom lip, and he saw Steve’s eyes catch on it.
Chapter 24: Capture This Feeling
Summary:
‘You can pick the tattoo for me,’ Eddie finally said, with a sigh. Because no matter what, he wouldn’t regret it. If he could look at the damn bats every day and still find pride in them, then he’d sure as shit be able to look at a tattoo that Steve picked for him without regret, no matter what happened. (Or so he desperately hoped.)
‘Really?!’ Steve’s eyes immediately traveled to the biggest picture on the wall opposite them, a naked lady wearing only a sailor’s cap and heels, breasts and ass extended, a flirty wink on her face, lips pursed in a kiss, dark black hair framing her body.
Fuck no.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
Eddie had Steve meet him at a bar that he’d heard about by reputation that catered mostly to college kids and so wasn’t particularly concerned about the ages of its patrons. Eddie lounged out front, keeping an eye out so was surprised when he heard Steve’s voice behind him.
‘Eddie, hey.’
Eddie turned and smiled. Yes, Uncle Wayne, Eddie thought, my boy is very handsome.
Handsome despite the bags under his eyes, his greasy hair after a long day, despite the fact that he was wearing one of Eddie’s band t-shirts and a dirty flannel that Eddie had already worn for days.
Because the big smile on his face transformed any and all of that.
‘Hey,’ Eddie smiled, pulling Steve in for a hug and dropping a quick kiss onto the side of his neck.
The bar was busy with a dinner rush, crowds of college kids filling up the tables, conversations blending into a cacophonous white noise, with music playing loudly over a tinny speaker system. They grabbed the only free high top near a small stage where a band was setting up.
After they ordered, Steve looked around wide-eyed.
‘Shit,’ he mumbled with wonder.
‘What?’ Eddie asked.
‘I just had a glimpse of what my life could have been,’ Steve said.
‘Oh yeah?’ Eddie laughed and looked around.
It was strange being in a place with so many other people his own age again, something he hadn’t experienced since that last fateful day at Hawkins High back in the spring, though even then he’d always acutely felt those years he was held back and how they separated him from the others.
There was a freedom to this crowd, to these kids, these almost-adults who had left those towns like Hawkins behind and were clearly experiencing what the world had to offer. Eddie felt comforted by the fact that, unlike in Hawkins, here he wasn’t the only one with tattoos, big rings, long hair. He glimpsed tees from bands he hadn’t even heard of, saw a kid with a punk rock green mohawk, another with a spiky nose ring. He smelled the familiar scent of weed wafting as an undercurrent to the beer and the body odor.
‘What would your life have been like, Harrington?’
Steve nodded to a group sitting around a table by the entrance. Compared to the others, this group was clearly a little more conservative, preppy. Three guys in polos and windbreakers sat around the low table, laughing about something, two with their arms around girls with big hair and blazers and pearls, who were trying to laugh along but rolling their eyes.
‘I’d be flunking my business classes,’ Steve continued, ‘I’d be dating a girl exactly like that,’ he nodded at the blonde who Eddie thought looked more than a little like Mrs. Wheeler. ‘I’d be a huge douchebag.’
‘You paint quite a picture,’ Eddie smirked.
Steve raised a brow and leaned forward, confidentially. ‘And I’d probably see you here and think you were so hot but not say anything. I’d think about you later though,’ he winked.
‘Oh?’ Eddie grinned, teasing.
Steve bit his lip. ‘Mmhmm.’ Eddie gasped as Steve hooked a foot around his chair leg, pulling him in closer. ‘Definitely.’
Their food and drinks arrived just as the band started warming up. Eddie instinctually turned towards the live music, looking over their equipment and assessing. He missed it, he realized. Playing in a band, with his friends. He considered the musicians more carefully, his eyes locking onto the clear front man.
Fuck, he’s hot; the thought entered Eddie’s brain without his permission. As the band started to play their warmup, something original or something Eddie had never heard before, and the lead singer started to sing, playing a shining black electric guitar that was nice, but not as nice as Eddie’s sweetheart (may she rest in peace), another thought entered Eddie’s mind: He’s definitely gay.
‘They’re really good,’ he said to Steve over his shoulder, eyes still fixed on the band.
The band or the singer? Both.
The lead singer was tall, tanned skin, eyes rimmed in eyeliner, nails painted black. His dark brown hair bounced around his shoulders in greasy waves. His forearms flexed through colorful full sleeves down both his arms as he played, throat muscles gleaming with sweat as he sang. His voice was rough but melodic, his playing more than adequate.
‘Are you really checking out another guy right in front of me?’
‘Huh?’ Eddie whipped around to see Steve smiling, disbelieving, shaking his head. ‘What? I wasn’t –’
‘You totally are. You’re checking him out!’ Steve raised his beer towards the stage before taking a sip.
‘I am not,’ Eddie blushed, turning back to Steve fully, though still conscious of the band, the singer out of the corner of his eye.
‘It’s okay,’ Steve shrugged, taking a bite of his sandwich.
‘Really?’ Eddie was suddenly concerned, a pit forming in his stomach. Shouldn’t Steve be more worried than that? Shouldn’t he be jealous?
‘Yeah. I could take him.’
Eddie burst out laughing at Steve’s serious tone.
‘What?’ Steve now finally looked offended. He tilted his head and considered the singer as closely as Eddie must have been before. Something inside Eddie grew hot and jealous as Steve’s eyes traveled over another man’s body. Especially a man who looked like a new and improved version of Eddie Munson, scars and trauma not included. ‘Yeah, I definitely could,’ Steve said a second later, taking another bite.
‘Oh, really?’ Eddie tried to mock, turning to take another look at the singer. But that tinge of jealousy turned to a full boil when he saw the singer’s eyes on Steve as intently as Steve’s had been on him a moment ago, raking over Steve’s body slowly, hungrily as Steve obliviously continued to eat his sandwich.
‘He’s checking you out,’ Eddie scoffed, his jaw dropping. He wanted to throw his body over Steve to shield him from the singer’s sight.
‘Really?!’ Steve sounded so excited, looking over to the singer and making eye contact. Eddie swallowed his hot anger as he saw the singer wink. At Steve. At his Steve.
Now Steve was the one who couldn’t look away, grinning as he assessed the singer in a new light.
‘Steve,’ Eddie said seriously, annoyed.
‘What?!’ Steve turned back to him, eyes innocent. ‘I was just looking! You can look but I can’t?!’
Eddie rolled his eyes, finished his beer and signaled for another round.
‘I’ve never had a guy check me out before,’ Steve said, almost in awe, as he continued to sneak glances at the stage.
‘You definitely have, you just didn’t know it,’ Eddie grabbed the beer as soon as it came, taking deep gulps.
‘Really?’ Steve again sounded so excited. God, he does love a compliment, Eddie thought.
‘Of course, Harrington,’ Eddie said, pointing to himself. Steve laughed, full attention finally back on Eddie. Something about Steve’s happy gaze on him, Steve’s foot finding his under the table made Eddie relax. ‘And I could take him,’ Eddie lifted a shoulder to the singer.
‘Hm, could you though?’ Steve dragged his eyes slowly over Eddie’s body, licking his lip in concentration. Eddie flushed.
‘Excuse me?’ Eddie teased, leaning in close to Steve.
‘I could take you,’ Steve said, voice low, leaning in a bit closer. If Eddie moved just another inch, he could kiss him. Here, in this crowded bar, in front of all these strangers, some who might ignore them or others who might punch them. Eddie suddenly didn’t care. His eyes locked on Steve’s lips, and he wet his own. He pushed up slowly to close the distance between them…
‘I haven’t seen you boys here before.’
Eddie hadn’t heard the soundcheck stop, but suddenly the hot singer was right there, in between them, his eyes dancing over them both, but his body tilted towards Steve.
‘Are you Dom’s friend?’ the singer asked Eddie, an eyebrow raised.
Eddie shook his head. ‘Nope.’ He sat up a little straighter, clenched his jaw tightly. They’d been joking before, but Eddie felt it might actually come down to throwing a punch if this guy tried anything with (his) Steve.
‘Shit, you look familiar,’ the guy drawled, some unplaceable accent lacing his deep voice.
Eddie shrugged. ‘I can’t help you, man.’ Any interest the singer had in Eddie seemed to evaporate with his lack of connection to this mysterious Dom.
‘And you?’ the singer turned his full attention to Steve and something in Eddie bristled, as the guy leaned an elbow on the table and angled himself to cut Eddie off from the two of them.
‘I’m also not Dom’s friend,’ Steve said with a charming smile that Eddie was sure he couldn’t help. The guy threw his head back laughing loudly, as if it was the funniest joke he’d ever heard. Steve caught Eddie’s eye and rolled his.
‘Cool tats,’ Eddie said, forcing himself back into the conversation. Any excuse, but the tattoos were actually great. Eddie couldn’t help staring at them; the full sleeves were vibrant and crowded, Eddie catching sight of an ankh, a lion’s head, a mermaid, vines, and so much more.
‘Thanks, man,’ the guy said as he curled his arm up like a body builder and flexed, tilting his head towards his muscle. Steve snorted into his beer. The guy looked over Eddie’s tattoos, meager and rough compared to his, but didn’t return a compliment. ‘I’m Ziggy,’ he held out a hand to Steve after lowering it from his arm from its show-off position.
‘Ziggy?’ Steve repeated, eyebrow lifted. ‘Like, that’s your name?’ Eddie flinched when Steve placed his hand in his, shaking it firmly, though Ziggy held on, running a thumb over the back of Steve’s hand.
‘It’s my stage name. I’m a musician,’ Ziggy nodded over his shoulder to the band.
‘Yeah, I got that,’ Steve replied. Eddie noticed the suppressed smirk on his face, the lifted brow, reassuring him that despite Steve’s unintentionally flirty demeanor, he wasn’t charmed by this guy. Thank god. Because Eddie could really see how he might have been; this guy was just that tall, his tats were that cool, his singing that decent, that if he’d been paying Eddie even a fraction of the attention he was paying Steve, Eddie would have been a fluttering idiot.
‘And you are?’ Ziggy still had Steve’s hand in his. Eddie wanted to punch him.
‘Steve. And that’s Eddie,’ Steve caught Eddie’s eye again, winking at him when Ziggy’s head was turned.
Again, Ziggy’s eyes swept over Eddie briefly before returning to Steve. ‘Can I buy you a drink?’
‘I already have a drink,’ Steve held up his half-drunk beer innocently. Ziggy finally released Steve’s hand to grab the glass, downing the beer in a few deep gulps, his golden throat moving deliciously with each swallow. Fuck, Eddie thought. How was Steve resisting this? Eddie flirted in a more teasing, wicked, scrappy way, never this physical, never this overt. It was so tempting.
At Ziggy’s brazen act, Steve laughed in delight, eyes lighting up at the sheer audacity, though his face shifted slightly when he caught sight of Eddie; Eddie knew his eyes were throwing daggers at this sexy asshole.
‘Wow, what a move,’ Steve chuckled, as Ziggy licked his lips, winking as he set the empty glass down.
‘So?’ Ziggy asked again. ‘Drink?’
‘What do you think?’ Steve directed this question at Eddie. ‘Should we have another drink?’ Ziggy’s annoyed eyes followed Steve’s to Eddie.
Eddie crossed his arms and shook his head. He’d normally be up for a free drink but tonight he’d buy a round for the whole bar just to get this guy away from Steve. ‘No, I think we’re good,’ he ground out.
‘Sorry,’ Steve shrugged, turning back to Ziggy. ‘My boyfriend said no.’
Eddie blinked slowly, his brain working to confirm that he’d heard what he’d heard.
Boyfriend.
It was the first time Steve had called him that. And it was out loud, in public, said with pride. Eddie tried to but couldn’t hide a delighted grin as he caught Steve’s eye, seeing the same joy he was feeling reflected on Steve’s face.
On his boyfriend’s face.
Eddie reached over the table to grab Steve’s hand, winding their fingers together. He stared up at Ziggy with a challenging look. Steve’s gaze never left Eddie.
Ziggy rolled his eyes. ‘Fuck, fine,’ he sighed, walking away as one of his bandmate’s called him over to start their set.
‘Your boyfriend sounds controlling,’ Eddie beamed at Steve once they were alone, or alone as they could be in a crowded bar. No one seemed to care about how they were looking at each other, how they were holding hands, how they were leaning into each other.
‘Yeah,’ Steve said. ‘He’s really a softie, though.’
‘Is he?’ Eddie murmured, leaning onto the table. Steve did the same.
‘Mmhmm. He’s kind of a catch.’
‘Oh, yeah?’
‘Oh, yes…’ Steve licked his lips, hot eyes traveling over Eddie’s face. Fuck, Eddie loved that look. But he loved it better when he could do something about it.
‘Our bed is an hour away, so maybe cool it, Harrington?’ Eddie whispered, but they were so close, bent together over the small table, that Eddie could feel the warm breaths Steve was exhaling.
‘Sure thing. Boyfriend,’ Steve answered in a deep voice, so low it rumbled through Eddie. He felt himself harden, his breathing deepen. He licked then bit his bottom lip, and he saw Steve’s eyes catch on it.
‘I have to go to the bathroom,’ Steve announced suddenly, loudly, pulling on Eddie’s hand as he stood up, releasing it reluctantly as he walked to restrooms in the back corner of the bar. He threw Eddie a determined look over his shoulder as he turned the corner.
Eddie understood. He swallowed heavily, threw some bills down on the table and followed quickly as the band started playing, music louder and rowdier than before.
He’d barely gotten to the bathroom door when Steve’s arm reached out and grabbed him, dragging him into the small room. It was dark, cramped, lit up by a single red bulb, and smelled of bleach and piss and beer.
None of that mattered as Steve pressed him up against the door that he’d locked behind them. Steve kissed him hungrily, his teeth catching and biting Eddie’s lip.
‘Boyfriend, huh?’ Eddie breathed out in the spare seconds his lips were free.
‘Duh,’ Steve laughed, as he started unbuckling Eddie’s belt, his jeans. Steve spit in his hand and Eddie hissed as he started pumping Eddie’s cock. Eddie threw his head back, fisting a hand in Steve’s hair.
‘Oh, fuck,’ Eddie moaned out, as Steve’s lips latched onto his neck with such force, he knew there’d be a bruise. He welcomed it, wanted anyone and everyone to know that he was taken, by someone who wanted him so badly they marked him as theirs.
He wanted Steve closer, wanted to taste him and feel him. He bent his head down to recapture Steve’s mouth, his arms twisting around Steve tightly. Eddie pressed his body into Steve, walking them back and felt a gasp escape Steve as he hit the sink, releasing Eddie’s dick as he reached out to the wall, to Eddie’s shoulder to steady himself. Eddie shoved Steve’s pants down and pressed their lengths together, gripping Steve’s ass with one hand, leveraging himself on the wall with the other.
‘Fuck, Eddie,’ Steve sighed out, as Eddie dropped his head onto Steve’s shoulder as he started to move, grinding into Steve. Eddie turned to kiss Steve’s neck, getting whiffs of Steve and his own sweaty scent. (Is that why Steve always wore his dirty laundry? Not to save on a trip to the laundromat but to surround himself in Eddie’s smell?).
Eddie straightened, not stopping his thrusts, as he gripped Steve’s hair, pulling his head back so he could look at him. Steve’s eyes locked on his as he met each thrust of Eddie’s with his own, his mouth open and lips parted so seductively that Eddie had to stop himself from pushing Steve’s head downward. In the red light and shadows, Eddie couldn’t make out Steve’s amber eyes, the flush on his cheeks, none of the things that normally distracted him when he looked at Steve in moments like this.
All he saw was the intensity, the heat, the unflinching way Steve looked at him, wanted him, even here in this dirty bar bathroom.
Eddie wanted to turn Steve around, wanted to thrust into him instead of against him, wanted to feel Steve as fully as he could, wanted to be in him, surrounded by him, wanted them to come together in every possible way, more than just this delicious pressure of their cocks rubbing, the addictive friction.
Eddie Munson wanted to fuck Steve Harrington.
So fucking badly.
He’d wanted it since that first kiss, wanted it every night since then. Wanted it every time he watched Steve walk away, every time he saw Steve walk towards him with a smile. The hardest thing he’d ever done was hold himself back. Harder than walking into a hopeless battle, harder than months of recovery, than rebuilding his broken life.
Because no matter how badly he wanted it, no matter how eager and curious and excited Steve was every time they were together, Eddie never could make the call to take it all the way. He couldn’t do that, if this was just a moment in time, a brief infatuation, something Steve was trying on for size.
And if he was honest, he couldn’t do it to himself, tempt himself with something he wanted so desperately only for it to disappear. He couldn’t have a taste and then never again.
It would break him.
But Steve was his boyfriend now. By his own admission, voluntarily, proudly.
It was as real as it had ever felt. And now, Eddie decided he was okay with being broken, if that was the price to finally have Steve the way he wanted.
Almost as if he could read his mind, Steve’s smile turned into a wicked grin as he hoisted himself up onto the sink for leverage and grabbed Eddie’s ass with both hands, gripping tightly.
‘Fuck me harder, Eddie,’ Steve whispered in his ear. I will, Eddie thought, imagining what he would do to Steve if they were at home, in their own bed, instead of here, on a cold sink, surrounded by the vibrations of the rock band still playing, dozens of strangers just on the other side of the door. Imagined what he would do to Steve the next time. And the time after that. And after that.
He captured Steve in a violent kiss, one hand on Steve’s hip as he held him in place as he increased his pace, the pressure between them building. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck,’ he heard Steve moan with each push.
Steve reached up and stuck a single finger in Eddie’s mouth, Eddie sucking on it, tongue swirling as Steve’s eyes gleamed mischievously, devilishly in the red room. Then Steve, ever the eager student, confidently stuck his wet finger in Eddie’s asshole. Eddie yelled out, throwing his head back, seeing stars from the unexpected sensation. He’d touched himself there before but always slowly, building up; this was sudden, startling. Steve didn’t seem to know or care, as his smile grew, as his finger danced and circled, as he pushed against Eddie more firmly, tempo intensifying.
And while Eddie couldn’t wait to fuck Steve, now he thought that he also couldn’t wait to have Steve fuck him. To do whatever he wanted to him. He’d do it all, try it all, as long as it was with Steve.
Despite the build that Eddie felt, Steve came first, laughing through a deep groan. With his eyes closed, a relaxed and happy smile on his face as he rode out his climax, Eddie felt so pleased, so proud, he leaned in for a kiss, which Steve eagerly returned. Eddie came a minute later, breaking their kiss to turn and come over the sink, Steve’s hand caressing his hair gently as he dropped kisses onto Eddie’s jaw.
‘Fuck,’ Steve laughed, pulling away. ‘That was hot.’ Steve grabbed Eddie’s face with both hands as he kissed him again, hopping down from the sink. ‘Shit, where’d it go?’ he bent over to look over his clothes, Eddie’s, patting down his front and sides.
‘Babe,’ Eddie said with a sigh, pointing to the spot on Steve’s (Eddie’s) t-shirt that was barely visible in the red glowing light.
‘Oops,’ Steve smirked, shrugging off his (Eddie’s) flannel and reaching behind him to pull off the soiled shirt. After he redressed with only the flannel over his tank, Eddie buttoned it up for him.
‘For someone who keeps asking me to clean, you’re really fucking turned on by a dirty bathroom,’ Eddie said with a snicker.
‘It’s not the bathroom,’ Steve said, bending down to lift up his pants, then Eddie’s. Steve grinned up at him as he zipped, buttoned, buckled Eddie back together. ‘I’ll take you wherever I can,’ Steve practically purred. ‘Whenever I can.’
Eddie swallowed heavily. How the fuck did I get this lucky, he thought, twisting forward for another kiss.
They both turned, startled out of the moment by a loud banging on the door. ‘Are you guys done yet?’ a girl yelled, while another giggled, bass thumping in the background.
Eddie and Steve looked at each other, eyes wide, laughing.
‘Coming!’ Steve yelled back.
‘We know!’ the girl responded, and Eddie guffawed. Steve reached over to fluff Eddie’s hair and Eddie returned the favor, finger combing Steve’s hair back into place, straightening his shirt. They grinned at each other as Steve opened the door. Eddie blinked against the light.
‘Ladies,’ Steve tipped an imaginary cap. Eddie saw the girl’s jaw drop as she took in Steve. My handsome fucking boyfriend, Eddie thought. Ladies love him. Everyone loves him. The other girl giggled as Steve reached out for Eddie’s hand, pulling him out of the bathroom and behind him down the hall. Eddie tried to bow in apology as Steve dragged him away, but it came out as more of a shrug. Same idea.
As Steve led them out past the stage where Ziggy and his band were still playing, Eddie caught Ziggy’s eye and winked at him. The other man lifted a brow but didn’t respond, continuing to sing. Eddie laughed as Steve wound them through the crowd and out into the cool night air.
‘So…’ Steve turned to Eddie as they walked to their cars. ‘…home?’
Eddie was about to agree when he saw a neon sign down the street. He released Steve’s hand to feel for the thick envelope of cash in his jacket pocket.
He wanted to remember tonight, to capture this feeling, this high, the cold night air on his skin, the afterglow of sex, the vibrations of the music from the bar, the passion and the pride and the confidence of Steve’s hand in his all coalescing into a freedom he didn’t think he’d ever felt before.
He felt so alive.
‘Actually, can we make one stop?’
***
‘What do you want to get?’ Steve asked Eddie as they waited in the small, smoky lobby of the tattoo shop.
‘Hm, I have some ideas,’ Eddie wasn’t sure exactly what. His mind kept jumping back to the lion he’d seen on Ziggy’s forearm. It was how he felt in this moment, strong and proud and victorious, but he didn’t want to be reminded of that smarmy asshole every time he looked down.
‘How big?’
‘Big enough,’ Eddie joked, winking as Steve rolled his eyes. Eddie laughed and answered: ‘Big ones cost a lot. So smaller this time.’
‘Where do you want it?’ Steve asked, as he paced the small space, closely examined all of the tattoo artwork on the walls, the customer inspirations.
‘Wherever I can get it,’ Eddie leered, running a tongue over his lip. He smelled like sex, like Steve. It was distracting.
‘Munson!’ Steve threw up his hands, finally tearing his attention away from the wall, sitting back down next to Eddie. ‘Down, boy…’ he whispered into Eddie’s ear, nipping his lobe.
‘Well, that’s not helping,’ Eddie huffed a laugh. He was still high on Steve, on having Steve choose him, want him so publicly, so proudly. ‘Why so curious?’
‘I don’t know,’ Steve shrugged. ‘It’ll be a part of you. And I’m going to be the one looking at it,’ he winked.
‘Well, I want one here,’ Eddie held his side, his biggest scar, the one that still gave him ghost pains, with its torn nerves and scooped out skin. ‘But I think I’m gonna fix –’
‘Oh my god, are you gonna fix the creepy head!?’ Steve exclaimed, before Eddie could even point.
He rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, Steve, I want to fix the creepy head.’
Eddie held a hand over his heart, his upper chest. While the tattoos on his arms had miraculously avoided the demobats’ wrath, the two on his chest were all but destroyed. The black widow spider was nothing more than a few lines and a half-moon sliver of the spider’s body; the flaming demon head was mostly gone, now only a few whisps of hair and flame. Despite their relative non-existence, Steve insisted that he could still make out the demon’s face; Eddie rolled his eyes every time.
While he’d grown to appreciate his scars, the destroyed tattoos had been bothering him. It made his body feel like a pastiche, like the walking mistake that it was.
He wanted to feel intentional again.
‘Can I pick?’
‘What?’ Eddie startled out of his thoughts at Steve’s question.
‘Can I pick your tattoo?’
Eddie’s first instinct was to scoff, say no, my body, my choice. Instead, he laughed, shook his head, tried to joke: ‘Only if I can pick one for you.’
He wasn’t ready for Steve’s very sincere: ‘Okay.’
‘What?!’ Eddie’s head whipped around to Steve, who looked back at him, guileless and innocent.
‘Yeah, I want one, I think,’ Steve said. ‘Pick one for me.’
‘No!’ Eddie wasn’t sure why he was so opposed to the idea, when he was so ready to mark himself, to brand his body as his own again. ‘That’s not – that’s a big decision, Steve. It’s not a good idea.’
‘Why? It’s a good idea for you, but not for me?’
Yes, Eddie thought. You’re better than me.
Eddie hadn’t thought twice about his first tattoo. He’d wanted one since he was four years old, tracing over his dad’s tattoos in magic marker while he was passed out, using the same markers to copy those images on his own arm in bright yellow and pink.
But just like he’d fought against his desire to be the first man to fuck Steve Harrington, he also didn’t want to be the person who inspired him to mark his body permanently.
It was a big responsibility. Eddie wasn’t sure he was ready.
And goddamn, Eddie loved every inch of Steve’s body, exactly as it was, scars and all.
‘Come on,’ Steve scoffed after Eddie’s silence. ‘I want one!’
‘I don’t know, Steve,’ Eddie shook his head.
‘Why? You have a bunch!’
‘Exactly! So, one more is just one more. Your first tattoo is a big deal.’ Eddie thought this was the dumbest argument they’d had so far. And he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand on here, he wasn’t in the right, had no right to tell Steve what to do, didn’t want to be the controlling boyfriend he’d joked about earlier.
‘What was your first one?’ Steve challenged, crossing his arms.
Eddie twisted to show Steve the bats on his forearm.
‘And what big, important reason made you get those?’ Steve raised an eyebrow and Eddie blushed. Because it hadn’t been a big deal at all.
Eddie shrugged, chided. ‘I liked bats,’ he mumbled.
Steve laughed. ‘And do you regret it?’
‘Actually…’
‘Don’t bullshit, just to get me to not want one!’
‘It’s not bullshit, man! Bats tried to kill me, remember?! So maybe a little regret now…’
‘So, I shouldn’t, like, get a Demogorgon tattooed on me?’ Steve giggled. Eddie just shrugged; Steve wound his arm behind Eddie’s back pulling him close. ‘That was a joke, Eddie.’
‘I know. I don’t know,’ Eddie twisted a little closer, tilting his head. ‘If you want one, you should get one.’
Steve regarded him closely, eyes traveling over his face. ‘I’ll think about it. Okay?’ Eddie nodded. ‘Why’s it such a big deal to you?’
‘I don’t know.’ How to verbalize something like that to Steve? Yes, I really like you; yes, you’re my boyfriend now; yes, I want to remember this night with you more than anything. But Eddie still thought: you might regret me.
Eddie knew it was ironic, that he still believed Steve would regret him, when he knew he’d never for a second, not for the rest of his life, regret Steve. (Ironic or self-deprecating. One of the two.)
‘You can pick for me,’ Eddie finally said, with a sigh. Because no matter what, he wouldn’t regret it. If he could look at the damn bats every day and still find pride in them, then he’d sure as shit be able to look at a tattoo that Steve picked for him without regret, no matter what happened. (Or so he desperately hoped.)
‘Really?!’ Steve’s eyes immediately traveled to the biggest picture on the wall opposite them, a naked lady wearing only a sailor’s cap and heels, breasts and ass extended, a flirty wink on her face, lips pursed in a kiss, dark black hair framing her body.
Fuck no.
‘Veto.’ Eddie said seriously, crossing his arms as Steve burst out laughing. ‘I don’t want to look at boobs in real life, you think I want them on me forever?’ Eddie scoffed.
‘Joking, I’m joking!’ Steve nuzzled into him, his laughs warming up Eddie’s neck. ‘No, but seriously, what do you want? Like, what kind of tattoo?’
‘I don’t know.’ He really didn’t. ‘Something cool. Something important. Something… unique.’ That’s all he could come up with. A tall order.
‘For here?’ he laid his hand against Eddie’s heart. Eddie nodded, laying his hand over Steve’s. Steve scrunched his brow. ‘Okay, I have two ideas,’ he said after a minute’s thought. Steve pulled out a quarter. ‘Heads or tails?’
He’d picked tattoos in dumber ways. ‘Heads.’
Steve flipped the coin, raising a conspiratorial eyebrow when he looked at the winning side. ‘Great!’ he beamed, laughing as he pocketed the coin.
‘What was it?’
‘Doesn’t matter. I’ve got it,’ Steve tapped his forehead.
‘I didn’t like that laugh…’
‘You’ll be fine, hush,’ Steve patted Eddie’s head exaggeratedly.
The tattoo artist – a short burly woman, with close cropped pink hair and a white tank top, revealing her own full sleeves and chest tats, all black and white, fine lines and swirls and shadows. ‘Eddie?’ she looked back and forth between them. Eddie raised a hand and followed her to the back, Steve right behind him.
‘I’m Jules,’ she smiled brightly, blue eyes crinkling with well-worn smile wrinkles. Eddie liked her immediately. ‘What are we doing today?’ she asked, as Eddie settled onto the chair.
‘Actually –’ Steve pulled her aside before Eddie could open his mouth.
Eddie watched the two of them huddle close, speaking confidentially. They looked like opposites in every way: Steve’s golden face and hair compared to her pale and pink, tall and lean versus short and round. But something about the way they were talking, Steve explaining with his hands, her tossing looks over her shoulder at Eddie and nodding, made Eddie smile.
‘Gotcha,’ she finally spoke loudly, turning back to Eddie. She gestured for him to remove his shirt, which he did. He saw her pause as she took in the full extent of his scarred torso. It had been so long since someone other than Steve saw them – Steve who by now was unfazed, who saw the scars as part of Eddie, who said he loved them no matter how many times Eddie challenged him – that Eddie squirmed under the new gaze.
But she must have seen worse or just didn’t care, as she grabbed a piece of paper and outlined the spot for the new tattoo, marking where the current remains were left.
With nothing more than a nod, she moved over to a desk in the corner, next to another artist who was working on a client, clearly at the end of a big job, the client hunched over as the artist put finishing touches on a large colorful parrot on his back.
‘Tell me it’s not a parrot,’ Eddie whispered to Steve, suddenly nervous.
‘It’s not a parrot,’ Steve smiled.
‘What is it?’
‘You’ll see in a minute! So impatient,’ Steve admonished him in a joking tone, running a comforting hand over Eddie’s arm.
Ten minutes later, Jules returned, holding up her sketch. ‘It’s just an outline. Is it what you were thinking?’
It was an outline of clouds, the ground, some trees – and strikes of lightning.
‘The old tattoos would be covered by the clouds up here, see,’ she placed the sketch over Eddie’s chest, her finger gently copying the lines, ‘And the rest would hide in the trees here…’
‘Fuck,’ Eddie whispered softly, looking down, realizing what it was.
A lightning storm playing out right over Eddie’s heart.
Eddie’s eyes found Steve, who looked pleased, smiling softly. ‘What do you think?’ Steve asked, hidden nerves in his tone. ‘Cool, right?’
Eddie looked down again, holding the sketch to his chest as he walked up to the full-length mirror. It was cool. It was important. It was everything he asked for.
‘You sure?’ Eddie whispered to Steve.
Steve cocked a brow, tilted his head. ‘It’s not my body,’ he shrugged. ‘It’s yours.’
Eddie turned back to look at himself in the mirror, Steve’s face floating over his shoulder on one side, Jules on the other. His stomach sank as he looked at the tattoo. Not because he’d regret it – no, even after this thing with Steve was long over, he knew he’d appreciate having this reminder imprinted on him for the rest of his life.
No, it sank at the thought, the fear that no one else in his life would ever know him as well as Steve did right at this moment.
Because as soon as Eddie saw the tattoo, he knew it was what he wanted. He’d never have picked it himself, wouldn’t have thought of it, knew it was an unusual tattoo, most usually symbology, animals, words, phrases, faces.
But he knew it was perfect. Perfect to capture this feeling. Perfect to remember tonight.
Perfect for him.
‘Let’s do it,’ Eddie grinned at the mirror, getting smiles back from both faces reflected back at him.
‘What was the other option?’ Eddie asked Steve, as Jules went to the station to prepare.
‘For your tattoo?’ Steve suppressed a smile. ‘Oh, it was super unique. Super cool. A heart with an arrow through it that said Steve.’ He traced the pattern over Eddie’s chest as he described it.
Eddie and Steve both giggled at that. ‘So, basically the same…’ Eddie joked.
Steve paused, smiling, winding his fingers through Eddie’s. ‘Yeah. Basically.’
Jules finally reappeared with a smile, letting them know she was ready.
‘How long will this take?’ Steve asked Jules, who guessed a few hours.
‘You need me to hold your hand or anything?’ Steve asked Eddie.
Eddie shook his head. ‘Not my first rodeo.’
‘In that case…’ Steve called over to the other tattoo artist who had just finished sending his parrot-backed client out the door, now slumped over and exhausted. ‘…man, do you need like a soda or something? I was gonna grab a snack,’ he pointed over his shoulder, out the door.
‘Holy shit, yes, please,’ the other artist sighed, stretching his back, rubbing his eyes.
‘You guys want anything?’ Steve asked him and Jules, both shaking their heads no.
When Steve left, Eddie settled back into the chair, closing his eyes as Jules started her work. Eddie hissed a bit at the first burn, but he’d been through more painful things.
‘So, was all this because of a lightning strike or something?’ Jules said after many minutes of silence. Eddie opened his eyes to look at her, but she was focused on her work. He knew she meant his scars, remembered her shocked face.
‘Nah,’ he tried not to move, fought back a shrug. ‘It’s a long story…’
‘What, the lightning or the scars?’
‘Both,’ he laughed at the ceiling.
‘We have time…’
‘The lightning –,’ Eddie started, remembering back to that night. He and Steve hadn’t really talked about it, how they’d both felt. Eddie recalled the building fear when he realized Steve wasn’t back when he said he’d be, when the storm had started. Fumbling through the forest with the rain pounding, running, falling, slipping, trying to cover as much ground as he could. The full body sigh when he saw Steve in the distance, the relief as he pulled him close, their wet bodies fitting together tightly as the storm surrounded them.
And then the lightning – turning his world black and white, the sizzling smell in the air, the electricity dancing on his skin.
It wasn’t the first time he’d wanted to kiss Steve, but it was the time he came the closest. The relief, the tension, Steve looking at him with such vulnerability, the rivulets of rain coating his skin, running over his lips, soaked clothes clinging to his body. It was like all the tension within him for those weeks had seeped out into the world, into the sky, and rocketed back down in that lightning bolt.
The lightning meant more than just lightning. It meant the night Steve finally kissed him. The night he realized his world was bigger and better than the thought it could be. The night that made him grateful to be alive, to still be here, after it all.
‘The lightning is definitely too much to explain…’ he finally finished his thought, though Jules didn’t seem to mind the silence, as she’d continued to work while Eddie was lost in his thoughts. ‘And the scars –’
‘You don’t need to explain the scars,’ she mumbled quickly. ‘I didn’t mean to pry.’
‘No, it’s okay. It’s just hard to explain…’
‘I mean,’ she sighed, finally lifting her needle. She glanced at him, almost guiltily. ‘I finally realized who you are.’
Eddie shivered, swallowed nervously. She glanced at the back wall, covered in artwork, scrap paper, concert fliers. As if like could sense like, Eddie’s eye was drawn to the corner of a barely visible flyer, long since layered over with others.
His wanted poster.
It was such a blast from the past, Eddie could do nothing but stare at it, frozen.
He shouldn’t have been surprised it made its way to Indy, to places like this tattoo parlor. If Eddie the Freak was on the run, these are the kind of people, the kind of places that he’d run to, surely.
He glanced at Jules nervously. ‘Do you – do you want me to go?’
She flinched back, shocked. ‘What? Fuck no, man! I just meant, like, obviously the scars are like, traumatic, right? You don’t need to tell me where you got them! I assume those crazy redneck fuckers out there, hunting you down, right?’
Eddie relaxed a little, laid back down slowly. ‘Something like that…’
‘Nah, listen,’ she twisted around, showing Eddie the back of her right arm. He noticed it, nestled in the rest of her tattoos: a 20-sided die. He smiled. ‘As soon as they said you were brainwashed by DnD, I knew they were full of shit. And no dungeon master worth his salt would be dumb enough to leave a body at the scene of the crime even if he did kill someone, so…’ she shrugged.
Eddie laughed, though her words brought that night back to him and he felt uneasy. Because it hadn’t been just a body. It had been Chrissy. And it hadn’t been the scene of the crime. It had been his home.
‘It’s never us, not nearly as much as they think,’ she continued, not noticing the tension in him. ‘It’s usually those preppies, those are the real violent ones. I’d think your boyfriend was a murderer before you were…’
Nerves ran through him again, but this time at her (correctly) assessing his relationship with Steve. But he felt no judgment from her, no pause in her work as she identified Steve as his boyfriend.
He relaxed a little. With everything she was saying – she was actually on his side.
‘He’s not that bad,’ he forced a smile on his face, forced himself to relax, defending Steve.
She laughed. ‘He seems great, actually.’ She flicked her eyes up to Eddie as she paused the needle. ‘A little, uh, verbally challenged…’ she giggled.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Like, for the tattoo?’ she smiled down at the forming image. ‘He was all…’ she coughed, putting on a deeper voice in imitation of Steve, ‘Like, think like dark sky, and dark woods, right? And it should feel like lightning, like electricity. But like, dark, but like, light, too, you know? But like in a forest, but not like all trees…’
Eddie snorted. Maybe a few more “likes” than Steve normally used, but he could see him saying that.
He looked down at his chest. She was filling in the outlines, adding shadows to the trees and the sky, the lightning bolts seeming to glimmer with whatever technique she used. Eddie was floored by the artistry, compared to the dropped lines and smudges of his stick-and-pokes.
‘It’s awesome,’ he couldn’t help but admit, marveling. Jules glowed in response, not even attempting to hide her emotion. ‘Given what he gave you as inspiration,’ he winked at her, and she laughed.
‘I am a fucking great artist,’ she admitted. ‘Now let me get back to work…’
Eddie grinned, settling back down, closing his eyes, as she continued. He felt relaxed here, with Jules, in this tattoo shop, hell even in that bar, in this town. Just the fact that he could find people who looked like him, guys with long hair and eyeliner, musicians and artists, people who gave him the benefit of the doubt, who could show him something like a 20-sided die and know he’d understand.
And for the first time in a long time, the thought crossed his mind: I need to get the fuck out of Hawkins.
He quickly pushed it aside, the thought forming a pit in his stomach. He couldn’t leave Hawkins. Not now. Not when he was finally doing well.
Not when that’s where Steve was.
Eddie closed his eyes, willed himself to relax, to push these disturbing thoughts out of his head, and he focused on the sensation of the needle, on Jules finishing her work, and let his mind drift…
‘How’s it going?’ Steve’s voice broke through Eddie’s reverie, who knew how much later. He was eating a donut, flannel tied around his waist, and a bandage around his arm.
‘The hell did you do?’ Eddie exclaimed, remaining frozen until Jules paused her needle.
‘What?’ Steve raised a brow, then pointed to his bandage. ‘Oh, this? I got a tattoo.’
‘What happened to “I’ll think about it”?’
‘I thought about it and got one…’ Steve said slowly, pointing to his arm again. ‘Obviously.’
Eddie sighed and closed his eyes. ‘Better be a good one.’
‘It’s immaculate!’ came a voice from further back in the room. Eddie twisted to see the other tattoo artist from earlier, also eating a donut and taking swigs from a beer bottle.
‘That’s not what I – never mind,’ Eddie mumbled.
Steve pulled up a chair, craning over to see Jules’s work. ‘That is sick!’ he looked so impressed. ‘Have you seen?’ he asked Eddie, who nodded. Steve shimmied his chair closer to Eddie, holding up the rest of his donut in question. Eddie nodded again, and Steve held the donut out for him to eat.
‘I can feed myself, Harrington. I have hands,’ Eddie grinned as he took a bite.
‘You gotta stay still, Eddie,’ Steve replied, licking some frosting off his finger. ‘That’s rule number one. Right, Vic?’ Steve called over his shoulder.
‘That’s right, Steve!’ the other tattoo artist, apparently Vic, yelled back.
‘You’ll learn,’ Steve said to Eddie with a wink.
‘All done,’ Jules announced, perfect timing. ‘Take a look. Donuts?’
Steve pointed to the table behind them, as Eddie got up and headed to the mirror. She really was an artist. It looked like the inspiration she’d been told. Eddie remembered how the world was cast in shades of silver and night as the lightning struck. It felt the same when he looked at his chest now.
A horizontal line of ground, drawn right over a surgical scar below his pec, grew a forest of small black trees shaded just enough to indicate depth and cover up the old tattoo fragment that Steve hated, and floating above, almost on his collarbone, were storm clouds given the same chiaroscuro treatment. But the most incredible part were the lightning strikes, outlined in shadows that made them seem bright, electric, realistic. The artistry came in the movement that Eddie felt as he looked at it – how the darker atmosphere of clouds and trees and crowded lightning by Eddie’s shoulder brightened, illuminated by the few bolts that struck closest to Eddie’s heart.
‘Fucking awesome,’ Eddie whispered to his reflection. A movement in the mirror caught his attention, and he looked up to lock eyes with Steve in the glass. He was smiling, smug, his arms crossed.
‘Cool, right? Important enough?’
‘Yes, babe. It was a great idea.’
Steve stepped up close behind him, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder, circling his arms around his waist. ‘So much better than the demon head,’ Steve whispered in his ear. Eddie rolled his eyes but still smiled.
‘What about you?’ Eddie touched the bandage on Steve’s arm. He released Eddie to unwind the gauze.
At first Eddie couldn’t see anything, looking on the outside of his arm until Steve lifted it up, twisting. On the inside of his bicep was a forking lightning bolt, drawn in the same style as Eddie’s but small enough that Eddie thought he could cover it with his palm. Without the clouds and the trees to define it as lightning, it looked abstract, like an ancient symbol.
‘It’s barely anything, see?’ Steve asked, brows raised, almost in defense. Eddie reached up a finger to trace the area around the new tattoo, careful to be gentle, not touch the sensitive skin.
It was anything but barely anything, Eddie thought. He looked from Steve’s tattoo to his own. The small bolt on Steve could have been lifted directly from Eddie’s chest.
‘Steve,’ Eddie whispered, knowing his voice sounded broken. ‘You – you –’
‘What’s the big deal?’ Steve bowed his head closer to Eddie’s, voice dropping. ‘I was there, too. It’s important to me, too.’
Eddie looked at Steve. Beautiful, he thought, not for the first time that night. So fucking sweet. Kind. Thoughtful. Foolishly brave. He tried to remember what Wayne had told him, that he deserved good things, a good guy like Steve, that it was the least he deserved.
It might be the least he deserved but he still felt like it was the best he’d ever get.
‘What if –,’ Eddie knew how this would sound, had been admonished by Steve enough times, felt his annoyance at Eddie’s continued questioning of his feelings, of their relationship. ‘What if when this ends…’ it pained him to say when, but he wasn’t optimistic enough of a person to think different, ‘…you have to think about me every time to you see it? Like bad memories, or whatever...’
Steve tilted his head, and Eddie felt hot under his gaze. Steve placed a small kiss on Eddie’s cheek.
‘It’s a good memory, Eddie. It’ll always be a good memory, even if this ends,’ Steve spoke slowly, calmly, running a hand up and down Eddie’s arm. ‘And if it does… everything will remind me of you anyway,’ he shrugged. ‘One tattoo won’t matter.’
It was so close to the thought Eddie had earlier, that he’d never regret this, no matter what happened, that Eddie finally, fully let himself believe it: that Steve was in this, too. As deeply as he was.
Eddie smiled, running a hand over Steve’s cheek, his hair. He pulled him forward slowly, kissing him deeply, feeling the sting of raw nerve endings around his new tattoo as it brushed against the fabric of Steve’s tank top. Steve was smiling as they separated.
Eddie turned Steve’s arm, his fingers tracing a circle around Steve’s lightning bolt. He bent forward, looking up at Steve, as he placed a small kiss, feather-light, on his new tattoo. His first one.
The one he shared with Eddie.
Notes:
This one was so fun to write for some reason! Maybe it was all the happy Eddie :)
Preview for Chapter 25: "Vague Whatevers"
‘Is Dustin still not talking to you?’ It had been over a week. That was ages for Dustin to go radio silent. Especially with Eddie. Steve vividly recalled his fallen face, his immense sadness during those months when Eddie had been taken away from them.
‘It’s fine,’ Eddie spoke to the ground, shuffling his feet. ‘I’ll fix it,’ he mumbled.
Nope. This wouldn’t do at all.
Chapter 25: Vague Whatevers
Summary:
‘Steve,’ Eddie spoke slowly, waiting until Steve looked at him before continuing. ‘I am giving you permission to talk about my birthday. I will not get mad. I will not run away. I will not act like a little bitch.’
Steve crossed his arms, examining Eddie’s face. He seemed genuine. ‘Really?’
Eddie held out a pinky. It had been so long since they’d had a pinky swear, that Steve had to smile, winding his pinky into Eddie’s.
‘Well, what did you have in mind?’
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
Their night in Indy changed Eddie. There was no denying it.
Steve always knew that Eddie wanted him, lusted after him, cared about him – but now, it was more than that. Like he was fully open, fully committed; like he finally believed.
And Steve didn’t think it was possible, but it drew him to Eddie even more. Something about the way he looked at Steve now, the way he moved, like a light illuminated, a weight lifted. Steve had always been seduced by Eddie’s confidence, but it was turned up to ten.
It didn’t change their day-to-day; not really. Just a little extra brightness when Eddie smiled at him, a little less caution in his touch.
But despite this change in Eddie, Steve still froze when he heard Eddie announce: ‘I want to do something for my birthday.’
Steve wasn’t dumb enough to make that mistake again. He continued to brush his teeth, pretending like he hadn’t heard.
‘I’m serious, Steve,’ Eddie sighed from where he sat on the closed toilet seat next to him. ‘I want to do something.’
‘Hmmm?’ was all Steve replied, spitting into the sink. ‘That’s nice…’ he mumbled as he walked out of the room, Eddie following him closely.
‘Not a big thing,’ Eddie continued, as Steve avoided his gaze, grabbing his rabbit book and settling under the covers. ‘Just you and me. But, like, something…’
‘Uh huh,’ Steve replied, focusing on his book intently, trying to ignore Eddie. His fingertips burned when Eddie whipped the book out of his hands, dog-earing the page and placing it back on the nightstand.
‘Steve,’ Eddie spoke slowly, waiting until Steve looked at him before continuing. ‘I am giving you permission to talk about my birthday. I will not get mad. I will not run away. I will not act like a little bitch.’
Steve crossed his arms, examining Eddie’s face. He seemed genuine. ‘Really?’
Eddie held out a pinky. It had been so long since they’d had a pinky swear, that Steve had to smile, winding his pinky into Eddie’s.
‘Well, what did you have in mind?’
Eddie settled into bed next to him, their shoulders brushing together. ‘Something small. Not a party,’ he emphasized. ‘Just you and me. But something… what do people even do for their birthdays?’
‘They usually have parties, Eddie, but apparently that’s off the table.’
‘Bowling?’ Eddie suggested. Ugh, not if he could help it. Steve leaned forward, fake gagging, sticking a finger down his throat. ‘Fine, fine…’ Eddie rolled his eyes. ‘Dinner?’ Steve shrugged a maybe. ‘Whatever, you pick something! As long as it’s not dumb or dangerous, as long as it’s just me and you.’
‘What would I pick that’s dumb or dangerous?’ Steve asked, genuinely curious what Eddie was picturing.
Eddie blushed slightly before answering. ‘I mean, not that you would. That’s usually…’ he sighed, ‘…that’s usually what I did.’
Steve remained silent. Something about Eddie’s demeanor gave him flashbacks to that last fight. He wasn’t sure what would win if it came to it: Eddie’s commitment to his pinky swears or his urge to flee.
‘I skipped school on my birthday every year,’ Eddie continued. Pinky swears seemed to be winning. ‘First time I got totally blasted was on my 11th birthday. Literally drank almost a whole bottle of tequila.’ He shivered, gagged a little. ‘Can’t stand it to this day. Wayne found me asleep in a puddle of vomit and broken glass when he came home,’ Eddie winced at the memory. ‘I’d never seen him that mad before.’
Steve wound his arm around Eddie’s shoulder. His heart broke a little at the thought of little Eddie feeling like that was something he needed do on his birthday. But he didn’t want to disrupt the delicate balance of Eddie actually opening up right now.
‘No tequila shots, got it,’ Steve tried to joke, as Eddie flicked a small smile his way.
‘For my 17th, I stole a cop car.’ Steve’s jaw dropped at Eddie’s confession, said so matter-of-factly. Eddie noticed his stunned reaction. ‘Only for like three minutes!’ He hurried to explain. ‘Realized as soon as the engine started that it was a bad idea, so all I did was park it on the other side of the street, just to fuck with him.’ The smile that grew on his face seemed at odds with him thinking it had been a bad idea. ‘He deserved it. That idiot left his whole belt in the car, gun and everything,’ he giggled.
‘Eddie!’ Steve exclaimed, shocked.
‘I didn’t touch the gun!’ Eddie protested. ‘I mean, I – I did…’
‘What?’ Steve wasn’t sure he wanted to know. But Eddie’s eyes flicked to the handcuffs hanging on his wall. ‘Oh my god, Eddie…’
‘How is that bad!? It’s Hawkins! I’m sure it was years until he even needed the cuffs!’
‘Yeah, but when he did, he didn’t have them!’ Steve tried to admonish but couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. Eddie caught on and started laughing, too.
‘Okay, no grand theft auto, we’re narrowing in on something here, Munson,’ Steve laughed. ‘It wasn’t Hopper was it?’ he leaned into Eddie’s ear to ask, confidentially, as if Hopper were right there.
Eddie burst out laughing. ‘Hah! No, no, that tall curly haired doofus.’ Steve giggled. He knew the one.
Eddie leaned onto Steve’s shoulder, smiling up at him. ‘Even doing exactly this would still be the best birthday I’d had in a while,’ Eddie said. ‘Maybe ever, actually.’
Steve pulled him in close. ‘But just us? Are you sure? No Dustin, no Robin, no Gareth? Nobody else?’
Eddie nuzzled into his chest, shaking his head. ‘That’d just be… too much. Maybe next year?’ he glanced up at Steve. Steve’s heartbeat quickened. Eddie rarely mentioned any time frame that far out, rarely planned ahead like that. Something about the way he said it, made Steve think that Eddie believed they’d be together next year, that Steve would be the one planning his next party.
Steve was so used to whys and ifs and maybes from Eddie; this level of certainty sent a warm current of comfort through his body, and he twisted down to capture Eddie in a kiss.
‘Whatever you want, gorgeous,’ Steve whispered as Eddie smiled, Steve’s mind already running through all of the possibilities for this year.
And for next.
***
He wasn’t supposed to hear the phone call, he knew. Steve had gotten off work early, Keith changing the schedule at the last minute (‘Do what you’re told, Harrington.’). He was annoyed that he had to open again tomorrow, his mind distracted coming up with too-late rebuttals to Keith’s attitude when he walked in the door.
Eddie was slouched against the wall by their new phone, speaking into it softly, his back to Steve.
‘Thanks, Mrs. H. Uh huh. No, I get it,’ Eddie sighed. ‘I know he is. I’ll try again tomorrow. You too, Mrs. H. Bye.’ Eddie took a deep breath, steeling himself after hanging up.
‘What was that?’ Steve couldn’t help but ask, as Eddie’s head whipped around. Steve saw the look on his face for a millisecond before he masked it. From sad to happy in an instant.
‘Babe!’ voice a little too loud. ‘You’re home early,’ Eddie smiled, but his eyes darted away quickly, as he turned to open the fridge. ‘Want a beer?’ Eddie asked Steve, his voice muffled from inside.
‘Eddie.’ Steve grabbed him by the back of the shirt, pulling him out of the fridge and spinning him around. Eddie pursed his lips, looking away, looking guilty. ‘Was that about Dustin?’
Steve had never felt more like Eddie’s babysitter than when Eddie responded by rolling his eyes, crossing his arms, jutting out his hip – it was such a teenage tantrum move, Steve bit back a smile.
‘Eddie…’ Steve put on his best babysitter voice. If Eddie was going to act like a child, he’d be treated like one.
‘It’s not a big deal,’ Eddie rolled his eyes.
‘Is Dustin still not talking to you?’ It had been over a week. That was ages for Dustin to go radio silent. Especially with Eddie. Steve vividly recalled his fallen face, his immense sadness during those months when Eddie had been taken away from them.
‘It’s fine,’ Eddie spoke to the ground, shuffling his feet. ‘I’ll fix it,’ he mumbled.
Nope. This wouldn’t do at all.
Steve had gone through too many months of Dustin sad about Eddie to now deal with Eddie being sad about Dustin. He wasn’t having it.
Steve grabbed Eddie’s jacket from the couch, tossing it him; it fell to the ground after hitting Eddie in the face. ‘The hell?’ he finally looked up to Steve opening the front door.
‘Come on,’ Steve pointed to the jacket, pointed out the door. ‘Let’s go!’
Eddie’s face scrunched in confusion, but he obeyed, grabbing the jacket, hustling past Steve. ‘Go where?’
***
‘Mrs. Henderson,’ Steve nodded in greeting as Dustin’s mom opened their front door ten minutes later.
‘Oh, thank god,’ she sighed, eyes lightning up seeing Steve, looking behind him to see Eddie. ‘He’s in his room.’ She led them there, knocking twice, to hear Dustin yell: ‘Ma, I’m busy!’
‘Open the door, Henderson!’ Steve yelled back. He heard a scuffle from inside Dustin’s room as his mom walked away while wiping her hands and holding them up in surrender, clearly signaling that Dustin was their problem now.
‘Steve?’ the door banged open, a confused but real smile on Dustin’s face, which fell when he saw that Steve wasn’t alone. ‘Hey, Eddie,’ he mumbled, crossing his arms. Steve realized that Eddie had the same pose, arms crossed, sullen expression.
Steve rolled his eyes, pushing Eddie into the room. ‘Get in here, both of you.’
Eddie hadn’t said exactly what they were fighting about, something to do with Eddie yelling at Dustin after his birthday tantrum. Steve had seen Eddie try to apologize in person, over the phone, with a cake, with a mixed tape, with some DnD thing that Steve didn’t understand. All unanswered, Dustin holding onto his anger longer than Steve would have thought possible when it came to him and Eddie. Dustin was always ready to give Eddie the benefit of the doubt, always loyal, always his strongest supporter.
So, what the hell was going on? Only one way to find out…
‘What the hell is going on?!’ Steve asked, shoving both Dustin and Eddie back to sit on the bed. They crossed their arms, turning away from the other, matching hurt looks on their faces. ‘No!’ Steve yelped, ‘None of this hurt baby bullshit! Seriously, you guys… what the hell?’
‘I can’t believe you tattled to Steve,’ Dustin whispered to Eddie angrily.
‘Hey!’ Steve clapped his hands, both sets of eyes turning to him, annoyed. ‘We’re figuring this shit out right now. I repeat: What the hell happened?’
‘He started it,’ Dustin mumbled, glancing at Eddie.
‘I know!’ Eddie exploded, turning to Dustin. ‘And I said I was sorry!’
‘But you didn’t say what you’re sorry for!’ Dustin countered, as if he’d caught Eddie in a lie.
Eddie looked baffled, face scrunched, mouth agape. ‘I’m sorry for yelling at you! Before!’ He wiggled his head, considering his tone. ‘And now!’
‘I’m not mad at you for yelling at me!’ Dustin scoffed. ‘Have you met my mom? And Lucas says worse shit than that to me every day.’
‘Language,’ Steve mumbled, unintentionally. Dustin rolled his eyes and flipped him off. Steve bit down his admonishment. At least they were talking. He shouldn’t interrupt.
‘Then what did I do?’ Eddie asked, genuinely confused.
‘You don’t trust me, Eddie!’ Dustin turned to him fully, and Steve recognized the look on his face. The genuine hurt. It was the exact look that Steve had been trying to avoid when Eddie first came back, when he made the empty promise to call. Steve hated that look.
‘I – I –’ Eddie glanced up to Steve, helplessly. Steve just shrugged. ‘Of course, I trust you.’
‘Do you?’
‘Yes!’
‘Then why did you yell at me? Huh?’
‘I – I don’t understand,’ Eddie blinked quickly, shaking his head. ‘I yelled at you because I was mad.’
Dustin pinched the bridge of his nose, sighed. ‘But why, Eddie? Why were you mad?’
‘I just was!’
‘Ughhh!’ Dustin huffed angrily, fists clenched. ‘That’s exactly it!’ He pointed to Eddie, glancing to Steve for confirmation, in solidarity. ‘You don’t tell me anything! It’s always like vague whatevers and excuses. That’s not real friendship, Eddie!’
‘Of course, it’s real!’
‘In that case, you’re a shitty friend, Eddie!’ he yelled, storming up with crossed arms and a sour look.
‘Hey!’ Steve jumped in. He hadn’t expected this from Dustin, hadn’t thought he’d need to play referee. ‘Let’s not –’
‘No, he’s right,’ Eddie said evenly, looking at Dustin. ‘I’m a shitty friend.’
‘No, you’re a shitty friend to me, Eddie,’ Dustin turned around, glaring. ‘You’re –’ his glare disappeared for a second, replaced by a guilty look at Steve. ‘You’re a great friend to Steve. Because he’s actually your best friend.’
‘Dustin, come on,’ Steve mumbled, running a hand through his hair, fidgeting as he brought it back down to rest on his hip. ‘I thought we talked about this…’ Steve took a step to Dustin, but he held up a hand, stopping Steve in his tacks.
‘We did! And it’s fine! In fact, it’s great that you’re finally friends! But then he’s like, tearing the town apart looking for you so he can talk to you, but I get nothing,’ Dustin’s voice broke on his last work, breaking something in Steve. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Eddie had the same reaction. ‘I bet you know why he was mad,’ Dustin crossed his arms again, nose flaring.
Steve squirmed, backed off. Because he did know. Because Eddie told him. Because he was Eddie’s and Eddie was his. Steve looked to Eddie, saw the same burst of emotions crossing his face that Steve was feeling. Guilt, tenderness, uncertainty. Steve quirked a brow, nodding to Dustin, hoping Eddie understood his question: should we tell him? Even as he moved, Steve felt his stomach drop, a shiver of nerves pass over him.
God, he didn’t want to be the cause of Dustin’s anger, his sadness – but the idea of telling him, of telling one more person… Steve realized he didn’t want that either. It was close, the two sides of him fighting, his protectiveness for Dustin battling his own selfishness, his own anxiety.
But he’d do it.
If he had to, he would do it.
He couldn’t help the flood of relief when Eddie shook his head, sadly, defeated, and Steve understood his answer: Not yet.
‘I did tell Steve why I was mad,’ Eddie admitted, turning towards where Dustin stood, still tense. ‘Because I got mad at him… in person…’ Eddie closed his eyes. ‘I – I pushed him into a wall.’ When his eyes flew open and locked on Steve, Steve could feel the guilt radiating off him. Eddie ran a hand through his hair, over his head, gripping onto the back of his own skull, an echo of where Steve’s had hit the wall. At the reminder of that moment, of the fear and anger he felt that night, Steve had to look away, catching the wide-eyed look Dustin was tossing between him and Eddie, worry apparent. ‘So, I needed to – I needed to apologize to him, Dustin. He deserved it first,’ he sighed. ‘I didn’t mean for you to think – I didn’t mean to ignore you or not talk to you about it. It was just, like… a triage situation.’ Eddie spoke softly, a pained look on his face, not making eye contact with either of them.
‘Oh,’ Dustin blinked. ‘Shit. Are you okay?’ he asked Steve.
Steve nodded, grimaced a smile. ‘Yeah, it wasn’t a big deal.’ Though it was. Though the hurt was more inside than outside for that particular bruise. ‘One more knock to the head, right?’ he tried to joke.
Dustin frowned, worried. ‘Yeah, but you’ve kind of had a lot of those…’
‘And I’m still ticking,’ Steve knocked on his head. Not that his attempted joke lightened the mood. Eddie still sat, tense and guilty on the bed, examining the carpet.
‘I also – I also wanted to talk to Steve because… because he’s…’ Eddie took a deep breath. Steve suddenly felt nervous, worried he misinterpreted their glances earlier. Was Eddie going to tell Dustin? Was this the moment? Was Steve ready for everything to change? ‘He’s my best friend.’ Eddie finished, letting out a deep breath. He locked eyes with Steve, looking so intent as he continued: ‘He’s the best friend I’ve ever had.’
The look on Eddie’s face was so overwhelmingly open, so real, something tightened in Steve’s chest and his breathing stopped, as if time itself had to skip over a moment like this. Steve saw Dustin quirking a brow as he looked back and forth between them.
‘You are,’ Eddie spoke to Steve now, softly. Steve wanted to say it back, because of course Eddie was his best friend, as if there was a question. But he didn’t know what that admission would do to Dustin.
Because he and Dustin had something. Dustin saved him in so many ways, so many times. He was the friend Steve always needed, the brother he always wanted. Steve froze, not able to choose between the two people in front of him at this moment.
But he knew that Eddie knew more of him, received more of him, that Eddie would get it, that Eddie had that same instinct to protect Dustin. That he wouldn’t be offended if Steve did the same in this moment.
So, Steve simply nodded Eddie in acknowledgement, a sheepish smile to Dustin, hoping he understood: Things just happen, sometimes.
Eddie turned back to Dustin. ‘You were right, okay,’ he admitted, with a deep sigh. ‘Steve’s my best friend but that doesn’t mean you’re not. I – I wouldn’t be alive without you. Without both you,’ he added with a nod to Steve. ‘I wouldn’t have made it through these last few months. I literally would not be sitting here if it hadn’t been for you, Dustin Henderson. So, I am sorry. Really. Truly. Please forgive me.’
Dustin stood quietly, still looking back and forth between them, a look on his face that Steve couldn’t interpret. It wasn’t anger or sadness or disbelief – but somewhere in between.
After a tense moment, Dustin reached over slowly and ruffled Eddie’s hair. The smile that exploded on Eddie’s face was brilliant. He reached over to pull Dustin into a huge bear hug, the smaller boy collapsing into his chest with a huff. Eddie caught Steve’s eye over Dustin’s head and Steve wanted to melt at the idea that Eddie could be this happy. That Steve had a small part in it.
Dustin pulled away from Eddie, looking up at him, Eddie’s arms still encircling him. ‘Thanks, Eddie. That was, like, a lot. And I mean, yeah, obviously, I can tell you guys are…’ he glanced over at Steve, ‘… best friends. Like, duh, man. And that’s not –’ he straightened slightly, sighed. ‘I’m happy you’re friends, really. But it’s just,’ another sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘I’m such an asshole,’ he whispered to himself, looking down. ‘But Eddie – you still – you never explained why you were mad!’
‘Are you fucking serious?!’ Steve exploded as Eddie laughed deeply, throwing his head back.
‘No, no, Harrington,’ Eddie huffed out. ‘He’s right. Can’t get anything past Henderson.’
‘Dog with a fucking bone,’ Steve mumbled, as Dustin rolled his eyes and Eddie laughed again.
Eddie’s still smiling face to turned to Dustin, but his smile faded quickly. Dustin focused on him, intent, waiting for this explanation that he’d built up in his head for a week.
Steve’s stomach dropped at what the explanation actually meant. At what Eddie needed to say. At how hard it had been when he’d told Steve. He wanted to back out of the room, to give them privacy, or wanted to wrap his arms around Eddie as he spoke. But he couldn’t move.
‘Uh, um,’ Eddie spoke haltingly, his head shaking, eyes moving quickly as if reading from an invisible text. His mouth opened and closed. The panic radiated off him and Dustin turned to Steve, worried. Finally, Eddie coughed, looking down. ‘My mom –’ he coughed again, stretched his neck, then closed his eyes as he pushed out the words: ‘My mom died when I was seven.’
‘Shit, Eddie,’ Dustin spoke so softly, moving a hand to rub comforting circles on Eddie’s shoulder.
‘She died when I was seven,’ Eddie repeated. His nervous eyes flicked to Steve; he recognized that panicked look, that preceded an urge to flee. Steve clenched his fists to stop himself from reaching out to Eddie. He simply nodded at him to continue. And it seemed like it worked, as Eddie took a deep breath and swallowed before he continued. ‘But – but her funeral was on my eighth birthday.’
Dustin’s mouth fell open, his eyes wide. Steve had Eddie’s sad eyes on him, had Dustin’s disbelieving ones. He grimaced in Dustin’s direction, looking regretful, trying to confirm that he’d heard right.
‘I – uh – I –’ Dustin stammered, blinking up at Eddie. ‘Wow. That’s so fucked up.’
‘Yeah,’ Eddie coughed again, but it seemed like saying the words finally unblocked or eased something in him. He sat down on the bed, body tense but finally fully focused on Dustin. ‘You guys had both been asking about it and like, it got to me, I guess. So,’ he puffed out a breath, took a big inhale. ‘I threw a hissy fit because I don’t want to talk about my birthday because I don’t celebrate my birthday because it makes me sad every year. Every year,’ he repeated softly, almost to himself, flicking a quick look up at Steve. It won’t be sad this year, Steve thought, I won’t let it be. Eddie continued after another breath, ‘And this year, my best friends weren’t leaving me the fuck alone about it and I didn’t know how to handle it. So, I got mad.’ He caught Dustin’s eye, looking determined, focused, clear. ‘That’s why I got mad.’
Steve didn’t know if it was his place, but he couldn’t help jumping in, wanting to help Eddie, knowing how big this admission was for him: ‘He doesn’t talk about her. Ever, really…’
‘But I told Steve,’ Eddie added. ‘And I’m telling you. But nobody else really knows all that. Not Jeff or Gareth. Nobody else. Just you guys. And Wayne, obviously.’
Dustin had remained still, arms at his sides, nodding, as if he was doing calculations in his head while Eddie spoke. ‘That’s all so fucked up, Eddie,’ he finally whispered. ‘I get it. And I, um,’ now he looked to Steve, speaking to him: ‘I was going to bug him about it that day, so I guess you were right. About, like, easing up on that…’
‘I am right occasionally,’ Steve mumbled.
‘Are we good?’ Eddie asked Dustin, voice wavering.
‘We’re good,’ Dustin smiled, patting Eddie on the shoulder.
‘And I, uh, I know I just said I don’t celebrate my birthday,’ Eddie looked up at Dustin with a small smile. ‘But I, uh, I wrote this one-shot. For us. All of us, I guess.’ Dustin’s eyes jumped to Steve as Eddie spoke, but Eddie shook his head. ‘No, uh, not for Steve. DnD is our thing, right?’ He grasped Dustin’s arm that was still on his shoulder, squeezing. ‘You and me, man. So, maybe, like this weekend? If the party is up for it…’
‘Really?’ Dustin’s smile lifted Steve’s heart.
‘Yeah, you and me and the whole club, or whoever you want! If Gareth’s still being a drama queen,’ Eddie winked. ‘I can DM, if Will’s cool with it…’
‘Yes!’ Dustin pumped a fist, absolutely glowing. ‘Definitely!’
‘It might be a long one,’ Eddie continued. ‘Might go all day… we might have to prepare a sleepover contingency plan…’
‘At the cabin?’ Dustin asked.
Shit, Steve thought. I’m going to be homeless this weekend.
Thankfully Eddie shook his head, laughing. ‘Nah, cabin’s too small.’
‘We can do it here!’ Dustin shouted, so excited. ‘Mom will be cool, I promise!’
Eddie smiled. ‘Cool.’
‘Cool,’ Steve echoed. He felt so accomplished, like this scene in front of him was his victory and not because of Dustin’s hard-headed love of Eddie or Eddie facing his fears to reveal the truth to Dustin.
All he’d done was shove two idiots into the same room.
But when both Dustin and Eddie looked to Steve at the same time, matching happy looks on their faces, it still felt like his victory.
***
Robin invited herself over for pizza on Wednesday while Eddie was at his weekly dinner at the Byers’s. Eddie had fixed the broken TV (mostly, but Steve could ignore the slightly blurry edges of the screen) and reinstalled the rabbit ears. He and Robin were sprawled on the leather couch, watching reruns of Perfect Strangers, when Eddie burst through the front door.
‘Hopper’s coming!’ he huffed out, short of breath.
Steve scrambled up. ‘Now?!’
‘Oh! No.’ Eddie stilled, tilting his head. ‘Shit, sorry. He’s coming on Friday.’
‘Jesus, man!’ Steve flopped back down.
‘And what if he did show up now?’ Robin asked, waving a slice of pizza around. ‘We’re just sitting here eating pizza…’
Steve glanced to Eddie who shrugged. Maybe to the untrained eye, but Steve looked around the room, saw his shoes by the front door, his jacket on the hook. That was his favorite cereal on the counter, his toothbrush next to Eddie’s in the holder, they were sitting on his couch. Steve even thought that the cabin now smelled like a combination of him and Eddie, something new they had created together.
‘I guess it would be fine,’ Steve mumbled. ‘But that dude hates me.’
Eddie rolled his eyes as he scrunched in on the couch next to Steve, throwing one of his legs over Steve’s, reaching over him to grab a slice. ‘He does not.’
‘He does!’
‘Why would he hate you?’ Robin asked.
‘I was… I guess I was…’
‘Steve was a little sassy with him one time, but I guarantee you, Hopper did not give a shit,’ Eddie pecked Steve quickly on the cheek before taking a bite of pizza. Steve heard a little happy ‘aww’ from Robin. He elbowed her in the ribs, throwing her an annoyed look.
‘You can’t keep doing that,’ he whispered to her.
‘Why not? It’s so cute!’ Robin squealed softly into his ear.
‘I’m like right here, I can hear you guys,’ Eddie said, through a mouthful of pizza. Eddie turned to Steve, ‘He lives with two teenagers and works with a bunch of idiots, you really think having one slightly awkward conversation was enough to make him hate you?’
Steve started to shrug as Robin asked: ‘What was the awkward conversation?’
‘My very sweet boyfriend defended my handyman skills when Hopper asked about the cabin,’ Eddie answered in his own sassy tone, winding an arm around Steve, generating another ‘aww’ from Robin.
‘Seriously, chill,’ Steve sighed to her. She just laughed.
‘But that’s why he’s coming over. Friday morning,’ Eddie now looked guilty, rubbing Steve’s shoulder. ‘He wants a status update,’ Eddie lifted the hand holding the pizza, trying to make air quotes with his few free fingers.
‘What? Why?’ Steve turned to Eddie. He had a droplet of tomato sauce on the side of his mouth. Steve reached up to wipe it off with his thumb, sucking his finger clean. Eddie bit his lip, following Steve’s actions with a heated gaze.
‘Please don’t start having sex right in front of me.’
Steve whipped his head around. ‘What happened to “aww, you guys are so cute!”?’
‘There’s a fine line between cute and gross, Steve…’
‘We’ll cross that line after she leaves,’ Eddie winked at Steve, leaning into nibble his earlobe.
‘Anyway!’ Robin yelled, shoving Steve in the stomach, which unlatched a laughing Eddie from his face. ‘Why’s Hopper coming?’
‘I mean, he does own the place and I’ve been doing fuck all here for the past few months.’
‘Are you joking?’ Steve asked, looking around the room. To him, it looked done, except for the missing window that had been delivered in the wrong size three times, only the first of which was Eddie’s fault. The roof was repaired, the wall almost fixed except for some siding, the electrical was also almost done, and Eddie had been working the big room with the door closed for the past week. ‘It looks great!’
‘I think he’s going to kick me out,’ Eddie sighed, biting his lip this time not out of any desire for Steve, but seemingly genuine worry.
‘He wouldn’t do that,’ Steve squeezed Eddie’s knee.
‘Why would he let me stay?’ Eddie asked. ‘Cause, yeah, I mean… I’m almost done. What then?’
‘Hey,’ Robin reached over to run a comforting hand over Eddie’s shoulder, too, the three of them now pretzeled up together on the couch. ‘No reason to freak out until you know, right?’
‘So Zen, Buckley, that’s not like you,’ Eddie smiled at her, reaching a hand around Steve to press on her shoulder.
‘Would you two like a room?’ Steve asked with a fake smile, as he felt himself falling off the couch, Eddie and Robin’s arms behind him forcing him to lean forward awkwardly.
‘Well, you might need one,’ Eddie grimaced, releasing his hand from Robin to circle his arm around Steve’s chest, pulling him into his and back onto the couch. ‘He said he’d be here Friday morning. Early.’
‘How early?’ Steve asked. Hopper didn’t seem like a morning person.
He felt Eddie shrug underneath him. ‘Just early.’
‘It’s fine,’ Steve looked up at him. ‘I’ll find another place to stay Thursday night, just in case.’ He kissed Eddie’s cheek. ‘Don’t worry about me. We all play a part, right?’ he whispered this last question into Eddie’s ear, softly. Eddie met his eye, one corner of his mouth lifting in a reluctant smile.
‘I’d invite you to sleepover, but boys aren’t allowed in my room,’ Robin said, scooching away to finally let Steve lean back onto the couch fully. Robin started to giggle. ‘Girls are, though.’
‘So, are you finally going to make a move on Elaine, or what?’ Steve asked. He asked out of genuine curiosity so wasn’t sure why Robin’s jaw dropped, why she stared daggers at Eddie.
‘What did you do?!’ she screeched at him. Steve was again jostled around as Eddie held up his hands in defense.
‘Wasn’t me!’ he shouted, defensive but also triumphant. ‘But I think that means I win!’
‘Win what? What’s going on?’ Steve shoved them both back into their corners of the couch as his head whipped back and forth between them.
‘Why – ugh – why did you ask that, Steve?’ Robin forced a smile on her face, squirming a bit.
‘Yeah, Stevie Pie, why’d you ask that?’ Eddie sing-songed from his other side.
‘Stevie Pie?’ Robin stilled, an eyebrow raised, her anger from a moment ago forgotten.
Steve rolled his eyes. ‘Don’t ask.’
‘Oh, but I’m asking.’
‘It’s just a…’ Steve glanced at Eddie, who had a wicked grin on his face. ‘A nickname.’ A nickname Eddie only used when he wanted to get rise out of Steve. Steve swallowed nervously, as he felt Eddie’s hand creep up his spine underneath his shirt. He couldn’t help wriggling into Eddie a little bit, as Eddie’s hand started tracing patterns on his skin.
‘Ugh, is it a sex thing?’ Robin curled her lip.
‘Don’t! Don’t answer that!’ Steve held up a hand as he saw Eddie take a deep breath. Eddie threw his head back laughing. ‘No, it’s just a nickname.’
‘It could be a sex thing,’ Eddie whispered into his ear. Steve felt the blush overtake him and if Robin hadn’t heard what Eddie said, he was sure she could guess by his reaction.
‘What were you guys fighting about?’ Steve desperately needed a distraction.
‘Shit,’ Eddie huffed out as Robin grew animated again.
‘Why did you say that thing about Elaine?’ Robin asked again. Eddie’s head fell onto Steve’s shoulder, and he could feel the warm breaths of his laughter.
‘Cause you’re into her. Right?’ Steve looked back and forth between Robin and Eddie. ‘Am I missing something?’
‘Why would you think that, Steve?’ This time it was Eddie asking, a faux innocent look on his face.
‘Yeah, did Eddie say something?’ Robin now, Steve’s head whipping back and forth. Being in the middle was not the best position for this conversation.
‘What? No, Eddie didn’t say something.’ What the hell was going on? ‘Why? Do you know something?’ He leaned forward, twisting around to look at Eddie, Eddie’s hand falling off his back. All Eddie did was mime locking his lips and throwing away the key. ‘Wait, did something happen between you and Elaine?’ He twisted the other way, looking at Robin, who had a sheepish look on her face. Screw this, Steve thought as he stood up, sitting down on the coffee table facing Robin and Eddie. He was going to break his neck the way it was whipping back and forth.
‘No, nothing happened…’ Robin mumbled.
‘Yet…’ Eddie teased, ruffling Robin’s hair. She shoved him away, looking annoyed but fighting a smile.
‘Did I miss something? What’s all this about?’ Steve pointed in between the two of them.
‘Fine, you win,’ Robin sighed at Eddie.
‘I knew I would,’ Eddie’s victorious grin was huge. He turned to Steve and explained. ‘I won a bet.’
‘What bet? A real bet or a bullshit bet like the cleaning the room thing?’
‘A real bet,’ Eddie crossed his arms, looking smug. ‘Robin thinks you don’t listen to her and that you wouldn’t get that she had a crush on Elaine.’
‘Seriously, Rob?’ It hurt a little, that she could think he could be that oblivious. Yes, he sometimes was distracted, and yes, he had perfected the art of listening while letting his mind wander, but he always heard her. Mostly.
‘I’m sorry! I thought you’d be too busy thinking about Eddie, like, licking your neck or whatever, to really listen…’
‘I can do both at the same time,’ Steve explained, seriously, causing Eddie to howl with laughter as Robin rolled her eyes. Eddie leaned forward, hands snaking around Steve’s waist and pushing him back onto the coffee table as he licked a long trail from the base of Steve’s throat up to his jaw. Steve felt his dick twitch but pushed Eddie off him with a fake huff, Eddie settling back into the couch, smiling.
‘God, I am so single,’ Robin muttered, taking in the scene.
‘Well, what about Elaine?’ Steve readjusted himself on the coffee table, and his dick in his pants, which a leering Eddie noticed with a smirk. ‘You talk about her so much!’ Steve wasn’t sure exactly when it had clicked for him, but he guessed: ‘Remember when Mandy’s parents came into the store, and we talked about her after? It was like the first time in history where you didn’t interrupt me to say how hot she was. Instead, you talked about Elaine’s hair getting caught in a zipper or something…’
The look on Robin’s face was so shocked and so tender, Steve felt awkward suddenly, like he’d done something wrong. ‘What?’ he asked.
‘That’s just – wow, Steve,’ she sighed out. ‘That’s so, like, observant of you.’
‘I do listen to you,’ he shrugged. ‘I mean, I can’t only listen to you, I wouldn’t get anything else done but… I listen,’ he glanced up at her, not sure why he felt embarrassed by the admission. Maybe because he hoped Robin ignored half the dumb shit he told her. But he listened. He cared. As best he could.
Robin squeezed the breath out of him when she lunged forward, wrapping him in a hug. He laughed into her hair and saw Eddie looking at the two of them with a tender look on his face but a raised brow.
‘Told ya,’ Eddie said as Robin released Steve from the hug. She didn’t head back to the couch, staying on the coffee table next to Steve.
‘So, are you and her like… a thing?’ Steve asked gently, trying not to tease, trying not to sound too excited.
‘No!’ Robin scoffed, twisting her fingers together nervously, picking at a nail. ‘Nothing like that. We’re just friends!’ she said with confidence but sounded disappointed. ‘But I mean… she is coming over to study this weekend,’ a smile grew on her face, and on Steve’s. Eddie let out a soft ‘woo’. ‘And, uh, she invited me to this Halloween party next week…’
‘What!?’ Steve exclaimed, grabbing her around the shoulders. ‘That’s amazing!’ He looked to Eddie, who nodded. ‘Like a date?’
‘No! No, I don’t know – her roommates are throwing a party at their house, and she invited a bunch of us from school…’ she shrugged, smiling but hands still moving nervously.
‘Can we come?’ Steve asked. A Halloween party. A Halloween party where he’d finally get Robin a girlfriend. It sounded perfect.
Robin froze. ‘Uhh… why?’
‘Cause it’s a party! It’ll be fun, right?’ He looked to both Robin and Eddie for confirmation. Eddie shrugged in agreement, but Robin hesitated. ‘And I want to meet this mysterious Elaine, see if she’s good enough for you.’ He knew Robin thought he was joking, but he was serious. He didn’t like not knowing who this girl was, what she looked like, if she realized just how amazing Robin was.
Steve continued: ‘We’ll come to the party, I’ll be your wingman – wingmen!’ he pointed at both himself and Eddie, ‘And you’ll have a girlfriend by the end of the night. Bada bing, bada boom!’ Steve snapped his hands on his fists and regrettable pointed finger guns at Robin.
She looked at him warily. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Robin, it’s a Halloween party!’ Why couldn’t she see how simple this was? ‘It’ll be perfect. You’ll dress up in some sexy costume and make eyes at Elaine all night. I’ll be there, whispering to her about how awesome you are and how good you look – trust me, it’ll be great!’
‘I don’t know…’
‘What? Why not?’ Seriously, Steve thought. He could see how the whole night would go in his head. It’d work. He was (mostly) sure of it. ‘Don’t you trust me?’
‘I trust you to embarrass me.’
‘Well, then, that’s perfect,’ Eddie leaned forward, smiling.
Robin let out a loud groan, throwing her head back.
‘Why’s it perfect?’ Steve asked.
‘Well, that was the bet. That she has to do something embarrassing, to be determined at a later date,’ Eddie winked at Robin, causing her head to drop into her hands.
‘Perfect,’ Steve clapped his hands. ‘It’s determined on this date: we’re going to the party with you!’ He looked to Eddie, questioning; it was his bet after all, but Eddie just smiled back, shrugging: Yes, perfect.
‘Ugh, fine!’ Robin threw up her hands, but Steve saw a smile on her face.
‘It’ll be fun, Rob,’ he pulled her into his side. ‘I promise. Minimal embarrassment.’
‘Ahem,’ Eddie coughed, eyebrow lifted.
‘From me,’ Steve clarified. ‘Eddie might have other ideas.’
‘Oh, I have ideas…’ Eddie spoke wickedly.
‘Is Frankenstein sexy?’ Robin asked, both Eddie and Steve’s questioning eyes flying to her.
‘What?’ Steve scoffed. ‘Where did that come from?’
‘You said I should dress sexy, but my costume is Frankenstein. Well, his monster,’ Robin explained, looking back and forth between them. ‘Like, a badass monster, powerful, literary… that’s sexy, right?’
‘Oh my god,’ Steve sighed out, as even Eddie suppressed a laugh.
‘It’s super creepy and real!’ Robin continued, enthusiastically. ‘I ordered green face paint from this magazine…’
‘No! Nope!’ Steve held up a hand to stop Robin from saying any more.
‘Well, then what should I be? What’s a sexy costume?’ Robin glanced between them searchingly.
‘Don’t look at me,’ Eddie held up his hands, glancing to Steve.
‘Robin,’ Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘You’re into chicks. What costume would make you look at a girl and think “wow, she’s sexy” ...?’
‘I – oh,’ Robin blinked. ‘Oh right.’ Finally, she gets it, Steve thought. ‘I mean, I think Elaine would be sexy, even as a monster…’ she blushed.
‘Aww,’ this time it was Eddie cooing at Robin.
‘We’ll think of something, Rob,’ Steve patted her on the shoulder.
‘Do you have a costume?’ she asked him, also looking to Eddie. Steve caught Eddie’s eye. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. All of Steve’s planning had only gone as far as this Friday, for Eddie’s birthday. Anything after that wasn’t important. He had to get that day right.
But he thought that Eddie would be sexy as a monster. He’d be sexy as anything…
Steve felt himself blush, dick twitching to life, a similar heated look in Eddie’s eyes. He realized that he wanted to look hot on Halloween. He wanted to look hot for Eddie.
What would Eddie find sexy?
‘I’ll think of something…’
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 26: "Maybe It Was Music"
‘It’s your 21st birthday, Eddie. You have to have at least one legal drink.’ Steve shut off the engine. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t force you to do tequila shots,’ he winked.
‘Uh, Steve, that’s more of a thing for someone’s, like, first drink ever. I’ve had plenty of drinks… I’ve had plenty of drinks with you!’
‘It’s symbolic, Eddie! A rite of passage. Come on!’ Steve shot out of the car, leaving Eddie no choice but to follow.
Chapter 26: Maybe It Was Music
Summary:
‘Wait, shit, I was supposed to sing Happy Birthday…’ Steve mumbled, and Eddie’s eyes shifted from the candles up to him. He was golden in the candlelight, a befuddled look on his face. ‘Do you want…?’ Steve nodded, pointing between himself and the pie, a questioning look in his eyes, asking Eddie without finishing the sentence, if he wanted the song or not.
I want, Eddie thought. I want you.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
Waking up alone on his birthday made Eddie feel like the curse would continue.
It would have been different if he’d woken up in Steve’s arms, finding comfort in Steve’s eyes. But instead, the bed was cold, his head was fuzzy from a disrupted sleep. His body now used to having Steve next to him at night and rebelling when he wasn’t, the bats and the pain and the nightmares returning when he wasn’t.
He’d get through the day. Like he always did. Nothing dumb or dangerous this year.
And something to look forward to: Steve.
Apparently, Keith was on some power trip and hadn’t let Steve take the day off, but Steve promised it would be worth it, he had something planned. ‘All the birthday essentials,’ he’d grinned when Eddie had asked, but hadn’t said anything more.
So, he’d get through the day.
He’d barely gotten up when he heard Hopper’s truck pull up out front, the sound different, louder, clunkier than Steve’s car. Eddie’s nerves spiked. He wasn’t sure why, but an echo of what he’d said to Steve and Robin rattled around in his brain. Because why would Hopper come visit after so long? Why would he need Eddie once the cabin was repaired?
Hopper didn’t seem any different than usual, maybe a little more sullen, taking deep swigs of coffee from his thermos.
Eddie tried to match Hopper’s energy level, his pace, walking them slowly from room to room, pointing out the updates he’d made.
‘Lots of hair stuff,’ Hopper pointed out when they were in the small bathroom, Eddie showing him the new door he’d installed. Hopper eyed Eddie’s hair suspiciously; it was a mess this morning. And half those hair products were Steve’s.
Eddie shrugged, playing it off. ‘It has a mind of its own,’ he gestured vaguely to his long mop.
Hopper was mostly silent, taking in all the updates. ‘What about in there?’ he nodded to the big room, door closed.
‘Oh, uh, I’m in the middle of it. Smell’s gone, but had to take it down to the studs,’ Eddie explained. It had been a bigger job than he’d planned, but he was close. ‘It’s kind of a mess right now. Cool if I show you next time?’
Hopper raised a brow but nodded. ‘Roof?’
‘All fixed. Might be slippery from the rain last night, but you can head up if you want,’ Eddie offered.
This time, Hopper shook his head no, mumbling, ‘Next time.’
He’d been ready to walk Hopper back to his car, to do a little work before the birthday plans tonight, but Hopper lingered. Eddie poured them coffees and they sat at the tiny table. Hopper looked around the room, examining the small space. Eddie cleaned it up for the inspection as best he could, but he couldn’t help noticing all the fixes that were left.
‘You’ve done a great job, Eddie,’ Hopper said after a moment. ‘For two months’ work… it’s not bad at all.’ He smiled. Eddie’s stomach that had been roiling since the moment Hopper arrived finally eased at that statement.
‘Yeah?’
‘Much better than I thought, I have to admit,’ Hopper gave a sheepish smile. ‘All that protesting you did early on, and me staying away so long… I was nervous,’ he breathed out heavily, nodding. Eddie got it. He’d been nervous this whole time, too. ‘And I know it was a big job, a big ask for you. But I trusted you to do it – despite what you might think! – and you’ve done great,’ Hopper knocked a fist on the table gently.
‘Great,’ Eddie echoed, fighting a smile. But he could tell there was more that Hopper wanted to say, the way he twisted the mug between his hands.
Hopper coughed, head jerking. ‘So, I, uh, I talked to your uncle about you. And Joyce. And uh, Mickey. And Merrill…’ Eddie flinched back, crossing his arms. Was he being spied on? Hopper noted his nerves and held up a hand. ‘Not in a creepy way, just like – you’ve come up in conversation, is all I meant.’ He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘Sorry. All I’m trying to say is that everyone seems to think you’re doing well here…’
‘I am. I think,’ Eddie replied slowly, still uncertain of what was going on.
‘Good, that’s so good, Eddie. I’m really – I’m so happy that you are, after everything.’
‘Thanks…’
‘I’m trying to ask you – to tell you, that if you want to stay here, after all the fixes are done, you’re more than welcome. More than welcome,’ Hopper repeated, seriously.
‘Oh.’
Literally the opposite of what Eddie thought. He hadn’t wanted to be kicked out, his stomach hollowing every time that thought had arisen. Where would he go? Back to the trailer? He assumed that the reverse of that would be a positive, but instead, something in Eddie paused. Stay at the cabin?
‘For how long?’ Eddie couldn’t help but ask.
‘As long as you need. Not like anyone else is using it,’ Hopper sighed, looking around again. ‘I can only pay you for a few more weeks. You might have to get a real job doing something else, but we can talk about a rent that works for you. Cheap,’ he emphasized. ‘We can figure it out, Eddie. Together. What do you say?’
Eddie looked around the cabin. It didn’t feel like a haunted house anymore, not like a weight around his neck. It wasn’t bad. And Eddie could still make it better. He loved that it felt familiar, that he knew where everything was, that it smelled like him and Steve. He loved that his first kiss with Steve was just in that room, that Steve had fought for him right over there, that they’d made out on that couch just the other night after Robin had left. He loved the woods and the clean air and the solitude.
He loved that it was safe.
But he wasn’t expecting the realization that he hated it, too.
He’d stayed in Hawkins because there was nowhere else to go. Because leaving meant he’d be running from something, instead of to something. Because he’d have been dragging all his shit and his anger and his hurt with him, infecting a new place. Because staying felt like the brave thing at the time.
But now? Now it sort of felt like cowardice.
Eddie’s chest tightened, his vision narrowing. He’d stay here. He’d hole up here. He’d hide here… forever?
Then his eye caught on the wires sticking out of the wall, the bulb he had to replace, the crooked cabinet doors. And on Steve’s shoes by the door, on Demo sleeping under the couch.
No, he thought, pushing those nerves away, those thoughts out of his mind. No, staying was good. He had reasons to be here. Important reasons. He had work and people and comfort.
And above all: Steve.
‘That’d be great,’ Eddie smiled, forcing it onto his face more than his tone suggested and ignoring the way his stomach dropped.
It was the day, he reminded himself. Everything felt cursed today. Don’t let it get to you. Ignore it.
Ignore it.
***
Hopper left with a promise to return to inspect the roof and the big room. Eddie smiled along, vaguely listening, still trying to shove down whatever that feeling had been.
Eddie worked the feeling away after Hopper left, shutting himself into the big room and sanding the floorboards, the golden haze of the sawdust softening the edges of his vision and the pit in his stomach.
Eddie only came back to himself fully when he started getting ready to finally see Steve after a night apart. Just the thought of seeing Steve him made him feel better.
That was, until he opened the door… to a cloud of confetti.
‘Happy birthday!’ Steve shouted, smiling, his hand still raised from the throw, a pointy pink birthday hat perched crookedly on his head.
Oh god.
What had Eddie started?
‘Seriously, Steve? Confetti?’
‘Yup!’ Steve raised a camera that Eddie hadn’t noticed and snapped a picture of what Eddie was sure was his extremely grumpy face. He pocketed the polaroid as soon as it came out. ‘You said birthday and said I wasn’t going to get in trouble, so here we are. I have a plan!’
Again, Eddie hadn’t noticed the other birthday hat (bright green) hanging from Steve’s elbow, which he now placed on Eddie’s head.
‘Harrington…’ Eddie crossed his arms, scowling.
‘Cheese!’ Steve yelled, snapping another picture. ‘Gorgeous,’ he lowered the camera to smile at Eddie. He looked so genuinely excited, Eddie shook his head, finally giving in to the smile he’d been fighting.
‘Cheese,’ Eddie said way too late, half grinning.
‘Oh, you can do better than that,’ Steve laughed, smooshing his face next to Eddie’s and turning towards him for a kiss. This was more like it. He grabbed Steve’s shoulder, tilting their bodies together, deepening the kiss. He felt Steve’s smile under his lips, then the burst of the camera flash through his closed eyes, heard the camera processing the picture.
When Steve pulled away, he was smiling, smug, as he pocketed that picture, too. ‘Perfect,’ he whispered, with a final quick kiss before pulling Eddie inside. ‘Confetti, party hat, getting annoyed at the pictures… all classic birthday traditions. We’re going to do them all, Eddie, so get ready.’
‘I’m not sure this was a good idea…’
‘Too late to stop this train, baby, we’re in motion! And here you go… Ta da!’ Steve walked them to the kitchen and gestured proudly to the single item on the counter.
‘Is that a pie?’ Eddie looked at it dumbfounded.
‘Yup!’
‘You bought a pie?’
‘Nope!’
‘Uh, what?’
Steve grinned. ‘I baked you a pie…’
‘You –’ Eddie gaped. Steve and baking hadn’t been a good combination in his experience, his first attempt at cookies still burned into Eddie’s brain with a huge caution sign.
‘I actually baked you three pies,’ Steve continued, pushing Eddie towards the counter. ‘The first two… I don’t want to talk about the first two. But this one!’ He turned to Eddie, so excited. ‘I think it’s a good one.’
Eddie’s stomach dropped again, mind circling around the idea that this was yet more proof of his birthday curse, that he’d die from Steve’s pie, a fitting final act, a final fuck you from this day to him.
‘That’s great, babe,’ Eddie tried to smile. ‘I appreciate the effort, but I’m okay, I don’t need –’
‘No, Eddie, come on! I worked hard on this, really,’ Steve said. ‘Called in sick to work yesterday and everything.’
‘Were you sick because you ate the other pies?’
‘No!’ Steve rolled his eyes. ‘I called in sick because… I wanted time to get it right. For you. For today. And, well, baking is hard. Like, really hard. For me, at least.’ The way he was shuffling back and forth, Eddie first read as excitement, but it was nerves. Clearly. The look on his face was so eager, his eyes so full of something… desperation? Desperate for what? ‘I want you to like it…’ Steve continued softly, hesitantly, his voice sounding so young.
Desperate for approval, Eddie realized.
Eddie slowly reached for Steve’s waist, pulling him into a hug, arms circling around his chest, one hand clasping his neck, the other running up and down his back. Steve stood still for a moment, before he stretched into the hug, pressing his body against Eddie’s, wrapping his arms over his shoulders. Eddie held him there for a minute, the two of them standing together as one.
As they drew apart, Steve’s eyebrow raised. ‘What was that for?’ his voice sounded deep, scratchy.
Eddie cupped his face in his hand. ‘It’s very sweet, what you did,’ he said, nodding to the pie. ‘I’m sure I’ll love it.’
Steve’s confusion transformed into a beaming smile. ‘Really?’
‘Let’s do it,’ Eddie said with more enthusiasm than he felt, reaching for the knife on the counter.
‘Wait!’ Steve turned around, grabbing a box of birthday candles.
‘Seriously?’
‘Of course. It’s not a birthday without candles!’ He quickly started sticking the candles onto the top of the pie, mouthing along as he counted. ‘… Twenty-one!’
Eddie groaned at how that number of candles completely overtook the top of the pie. ‘Damn. I’m old.’ Steve just laughed as he quickly lit each one. ‘Hurry up, babe, this is a fire hazard.’
‘Hold on! Okay,’ Steve stood back, the glow from the candles setting an eerie mood in the darkening kitchen, with the twilight of the setting sun out the window. ‘Make a wish,’ he smiled at Eddie, taking another picture of Eddie with the lit up pie.
Eddie rolled his eyes but got to thinking. What did he want?
‘Wait, shit, I was supposed to sing Happy Birthday…’ Steve mumbled, and Eddie’s eyes shifted from the candles up to him. He was golden in the candlelight, a befuddled look on his face. ‘Do you want…?’ Steve nodded, pointing between himself and the pie, a questioning look in his eyes, asking Eddie without finishing the sentence, if he wanted the song or not.
I want, Eddie thought. I want you.
He shook his head. ‘I don’t need the song, babe,’ he smiled softly at Steve. I just need you, he thought.
He closed his eyes and wished for exactly that as he blew out the candles.
He assumed his wish was written all over his face by the way that Steve was looking at him when he opened his eyes.
‘Ready to try it?’ Steve started removing the candles to cut a slice, which he placed on a paper plate, bright blue spelling out Happy Birthday in pink letters.
‘You really went all out,’ Eddie said, lifting the plate up.
‘Anything for you,’ Steve smiled, his comment almost off-hand, but still skipping Eddie’s heartbeat. ‘Go ahead,’ he nodded at the slice of pie.
Eddie drew his bravery from the deepest parts of himself as he finally tried it. And it was actually…
‘Not bad,’ he mumbled, surprised, taking another bite.
‘Really?!’
It wasn’t at all. The crust was a little tough but good. Cherry filling was a little too sweet, but Eddie would never complain about that. But then, the surprise – ‘Is there chocolate in this?’ Eddie asked.
‘Yeah. Wasn’t in the recipe,’ Steve admitted, almost hesitantly. ‘Dropped in chocolate chips at the last minute… is it okay?’
‘It’s good,’ Eddie grinned reluctantly, not that he hated admitting it, but definitely not what he expected. Steve grabbed Eddie’s fork and took a bite. His eyes widened in shock.
‘I am so talented,’ he said, taking another bite.
‘At so many things,’ Eddie winked. ‘This was a great surprise, thanks babe.’
‘Oh, Eddie,’ Steve shook his head. ‘This is just the beginning. Here!’ He ran to the pantry and brought out a large box, wrapped clumsily in garish red paper, a big red bow stuck on top. Definitely wrapped by Steve, Eddie thought, smiling. ‘Pictures, cake – er, pie, now presents! Happy birthday!’
Steve sat across from him as Eddie ripped the paper and opened the large box he found within. As Eddie lifted the lid, he froze. He heard the scrape of Steve’s chair as he pulled it around, to get a better view of Eddie’s face.
‘Do you like it?’ Steve asked moments later, as Eddie still sat motionless, face blank, staring into the box. He knew he had to move, to do something.
‘Where did you – how did you –,’ Eddie stammered, as he lifted the leather jacket out of the box.
God, it was even softer than it looked, well worn, well loved. Eddie took it all in, thumbs brushing against the supple black material, the cold silver buckles. He held it to his face, taking a deep inhale; a little musty, a little smoky but above all that, that distinct leather smell that he hadn’t realized he’d missed. It smelled like his old life.
‘Try it on,’ Steve whispered.
Eddie stood, shrugging off his scavenged jean jacket, to weave one arm through, then the other. It was bigger than his old one, the remnants of which were still tacked onto the wall in his room at the cabin. Eddie hadn’t wanted to let it go. It had been a big part of his life, his look, his armor.
This one was a little bulkier, a little longer, but it fit well. Surprisingly well.
‘Where did you get this?’ Eddie asked, running his hands up and down the coat, eyes still taking it all in.
‘Uh,’ Steve ran a nervous hand through his hair. ‘The thrift store,’ he admitted, voice raising as if it was a question. He held out a hand defensively. ‘I wanted to get you a new one! But when I saw this, it just looked so –’
‘The thrift store?’ Eddie repeated, still awed. A treasure like this in a place like that?
‘You were looking for jeans… I saw it, grabbed it. I wanted you to have it,’ Eddie wasn’t sure why Steve was acting so embarrassed. ‘I just… I didn’t know if you could afford it, but I wanted you to have it. It looks like you.’
‘Wait – when I was looking for jeans?’ That had been months ago. Before they’d been together.
Steve blushed. ‘Yeah. Hid it under a bunch of crap so you wouldn’t see… you really think I wanted to buy a bright green blazer and a fedora?’
Eddie huffed out a laugh. He’d wondered what all that had been about. He looked down again at the jacket. His fingers couldn’t stop running over the smooth leather.
Steve bought the jacket for him months ago. Because he wanted Eddie to have it. Because it looked like Eddie.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t give it to you sooner,’ Steve said, again sounding embarrassed. Did he think Eddie would be mad about this? That it was from a thrift store? That he’d kept from Eddie for this long?
Eddie realized that Steve had been staring at him, silent. ‘What?’ he asked.
Steve blinked as if clearing a fog. ‘Take a look.’ He nodded to the small mirror hanging in the hallway.
Eddie looked good. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that. He was so used to seeing himself surrounded by pale blue denim, which lightened him, softened him. It had been so long since he’d seen himself surrounded by rich black, and now with his long hair, silver chain – he looked like himself again. ‘This is so – this is fucking amazing, babe. Thank you.’
‘You look…’ Steve tilted his head, examining Eddie as he turned to him fully, straight on. There was something in his eyes, something Eddie didn’t recognize. ‘Nothing,’ Steve shook his head. ‘Forget it.’
‘What?’ Eddie was curious now. Wanted some explanation for that look.
‘It’s dumb.’
‘I’m sure it’s not.’
‘Oh, are you?’
Eddie laughed. ‘I want to know. What do I look like?’
Steve squirmed a little, eyes darting away. ‘It’s just… you look different.’ He looked up through his lashes. ‘Not like my Eddie.’
Oh.
Eddie walked towards him slowly, trying to meet eyes that kept darting away. ‘Hey. Hey, Steve,’ he knelt down a little, caught his gaze. ‘It’s just a jacket. An awesome jacket.’ He wound his hands around Steve’s waist pulling him close. Eddie kissed him. ‘Do I still taste like your Eddie?’ Steve rolled his eyes but nodded. He pressed the side of his face against Steve’s, taking a deep inhale. ‘Do I still smell like your Eddie?’ He felt Steve’s warm breath on his neck as he felt him nod yes. ‘I’m still yours.’
Steve pulled away, sighing. ‘I know. That’s why I said it was dumb and to forget it…’
‘Hmm,’ Eddie nodded, kissing him again. ‘Any more plans or should we…’ Eddie’s eyes flicked upstairs. Steve swallowed, stepped back.
‘That’s for later,’ he raised a brow, tilting his head to the staircase. ‘Okay, so birthday hat, cake, presents – now for the dumb and dangerous.’
‘Dummy, I said not dumb and dangerous!’ Eddie laughed.
‘Don’t worry,’ Steve grinned. ‘It’s only dumb and dangerous for me.’ He sighed. ‘You’re gonna love it.’
***
‘Thanks for taking me bowling,’ Eddie said, smiling over at Steve from the passenger seat of the car later.
Steve had caved, told him that it was Eddie’s day and that was literally the only reason that could have dragged him back to the bowling alley, that he wasn’t evil enough to keep a bowling jock away from his sport.
It was beer and wings, and three frames and Eddie could tell Steve hated every minute of it. It was basically like he was playing alone, Steve not much competition, even asking for bumpers against Eddie’s vehement objections (‘You’re not a child, Harrington!’).
Eddie loved it. Especially when he was able to wind his body around Steve’s, under the guise of showing him how to hold the bowling ball correctly, tilting their hips together to show him the right way to swing, leaning down to whisper instructions into his ear, letting their hands linger. But he punched Steve’s shoulder when Steve’s eyes had deepened, shooting a loaded glance to the bathroom.
‘Be serious, Harrington,’ Eddie laughed. This was no bar bathroom in Indy. This was the bowling alley in Hawkins where they were the only people above the age of 18 on a Friday night.
It was a nice night. Had been a good day. A good birthday.
Apparently, it wasn’t over yet, as Steve looked at his watch and announced: ‘Awesome, we still have time…’
‘For what?’ Eddie looked over, questioning. He’d had a long day, a lot of wings, a lot of beers, and now he just wanted to fall asleep next to Steve like he’d planned all day.
Steve didn’t answer, instead turning his car into the parking lot of The Hideout.
‘What are we doing here?’ Eddie hadn’t been back here in months, vividly remembered that Tuesday in March when he and the guys had played their last open mike night here, unbeknownst to them as Corroded Coffin’s final official performance.
‘It’s your 21st birthday, Eddie. You have to have at least one legal drink.’ Steve shut off the engine. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t force you to do tequila shots,’ he winked.
‘Uh, Steve, that’s more of a thing for someone’s, like, first drink ever. I’ve had plenty of drinks… I’ve had plenty of drinks with you!’
‘It’s symbolic, Eddie! A rite of passage. Come on!’ Steve shot out of the car, leaving Eddie no choice but to follow.
No bouncer at a hole-in-the-wall like The Hideout, not even on a Friday night. Eddie again shook his head. What was the point of a legal drink if there was no one to even question if he was legal or not?
Walking in gave Eddie the second wave of nostalgia of the night, as he pulled his leather jacket around him and took in the room. It hadn’t changed. The same low lighting, dark wood paneled walls covered in a gigantic American flag and random posters of women and alcohol, rock music playing low from the jukebox, and at least a decade’s worth of stains on every sticky surface. Even the men dotted around the room were the same, many of them familiar to Eddie, two perched side by side at the bar, a handful of others at the low wood tables.
‘Just one drink?’ Eddie wasn’t sure why he was nervous. These were the exact men who would have heard about the accusations against him, would have probably changed their opinion of Eddie from just some moderately (minimally?) talented metalhead to a devil-worshipping murderer. He didn’t want to find out who exactly thought the latter. In and out, as quickly as possible, that would be best.
Steve started to nod, when a booming voice came from behind the bar. ‘Eddie Munson, is that you?’
Shit. ‘Hey, Davis,’ Eddie grimaced to the abnormally tall red-haired bartender and general lazy ass and busybody.
‘Haven’t seen you in a while…’ he leaned is knobby elbows onto the bar, sipping on a what Eddie hoped was his own beer and not a leave behind.
‘Two shots of whiskey,’ Steve held up two fingers, nodding to Davis.
Davis eyed him warily. ‘You old enough to be in here, boy?’
Steve raised a brow and slide a $20 bill over to him.
‘Two shots, coming right up,’ Davis slipped the bill into the till and poured the shots.
‘Here’s to you,’ Steve tapped his shot glass against Eddie’s once Davis had stepped away. ‘Happy birthday,’ he leaned in, whispering.
‘It’s your birthday?’ How the hell had Davis heard that?
‘Whose birthday?’ a voice from further down the bar chimed in.
‘August 11,’ another voice answered.
‘Not yours, dumbass.’
‘It’s Eddie’s birthday,’ Davis announced loud enough that most of the bar patrons’ heads turned their way. Eddie winced and held up his shot in acknowledgement before downing it. So much for flying under the radar.
‘Who the hell’s Eddie?’ one of the voices asked, Eddie finally clocking a bearded man on the barstool.
‘He’s the hell’s Eddie,’ the other answered, this one heavyset with a ballcap pulled low.
‘Round on the house? It’s a celebration!’ the bearded man asked Davis.
‘You don’t even know who he is,’ Davis protested.
The man – clearly drunk – peered down the bar, examining Eddie closely. ‘Ah, sure I do! The screamer!’
Steve choked on his whiskey. ‘Excuse me?’
The man turned around, pointing at the stage in the corner, barely a foot off the ground and taken up mostly by an old drum set, an old guitar leaning against the wall, and a few microphone stands. Eddie recalled how he and Jeff had elbowed each other to bruising almost every time they played, jockeying for position on the tiny stage. A crooked sign proudly announced: Open mic on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Live music on Saturdays.
‘No music on Fridays?’ Steve asked Davis.
‘Friday is Ladies’ Night.’
Steve scanned the room. ‘There aren’t any ladies here…’
‘We’ll get ‘em eventually.’
‘You were in that band,’ Ballcap added in. ‘With the name… what was the name?’ he nudged the guy next to him. ‘Remember the name?’
‘Crazy Coffins,’ Beard suggested.
‘Crowded Coffin!’ Ballcap turned to Eddie, triumphant. ‘Loved Crowded Coffin!’
‘No, uh, Corroded Coffin, actually,’ Eddie corrected, but damn... ‘Crowded Coffin’s a badass name though…’
‘You still play?’
‘Uh, sometimes,’ Eddie answered, at the same moment as Steve chimed in: ‘He does!’
‘Do you know Free Bird?’ Beard asked, sloshing his beer.
Eddie tried to suppress an eye roll as he turned to Steve. ‘I think we can go now, Harrington…’
‘Fine, fine,’ Steve huffed, throwing back the last drops of his shot.
‘Nah, man,’ Beard leaned over, clasping Eddie on the shoulder. ‘Play us something! That screaming was great! You had that great song, how’d it go?’ He started screeching a melody completely off-rhythm. It was a disaster. Eddie couldn’t look away.
‘No, it was like –,’ Ballcap interrupted, screeching his own tune.
‘Can you two knock it off,’ Davis yelled over at them. ‘Stage is open if you want, Eddie.’ He passed over two more shots to him and Steve. ‘You always had a good time up there.’
Eddie fingered the shot glass, thoughtful. He had. He’d been jealous of that asshole Ziggy in Indy for only one reason after that night, and it hadn’t been his tats or his height or his voice; it was the fact that he had gotten to perform for a crowd, had a band to play with. Which…
‘I don’t – I don’t have a band,’ Eddie said, looking around to the eyes on him, waiting for his response.
‘You only need a guitar,’ Steve offered, pointing to the one on the stage. ‘Come on,’ he pressed his ankle against Eddie’s. ‘Play me something.’
He wanted to leave, but not as badly as before. They knew him, remembered him, not as some villain but for his music; not necessarily in a flattering way, if their screeching was anything to go by, but still. He glanced up at the stage, at the decrepit old guitar. If he sucked, he could always blame the instrument.
‘Okay, one song,’ Eddie sighed, finally relenting.
‘Great! One song and then we can go,’ Steve agreed. ‘Barkeep! Another round!’ he signaled for another round of shots as he downed the one Davis had just given them. Eddie followed his lead, needing some liquid courage to dull his anxiety.
He headed up to the stage. Half the room was ignoring him while the other half turned to him. Eddie blinked against the single light that shone onto him. It had looked dim from across the room but was surprisingly bright when under it. Eddie had forgotten that.
He picked up the guitar, slung the strap around his shoulder.
What to play?
‘Free Bird!’ Beard called from the crowd, hands cupped around his mouth, as his friend told him to shut the hell up.
Something about his position, the way the light fell, illuminated Steve’s face in the crowd. Eddie saw him laughing at the men before his gaze returned to Eddie on the stage. He wasn’t far away, the bar was small enough, but it seemed like he was right in front of Eddie. Like this was a private show.
Eddie smirked as a song came to mind. It was better on electric and with a bass and drums, but he thought it could work, if he put enough energy into it. He took a deep breath, let his best screecher voice come out as he sang…
Drop down, baby, let your daddy see
Drop down, mama, just dream of me
Well, my mama allow me to fool around all night long
Well, I may look like I'm crazy, I should know right from wrong
He watched the crowd come alive as he sang, more heads turning his way. While his head swiveled around the room, trying to engage every corner he could, clearer than all the rest was Steve bopping his head along by the bar. He could even see the moment when Steve started to understand the lyrics.
Your custard pie, yeah, sweet and nice
When you cut it, mama, save me a slice
Your custard pie, I declare, it's sweet and nice
Eddie smirked at Steve from the stage, seeing the awkwardness overtake him. The song definitely sounded sexier this way, just a guitar and Eddie’s voice, which he’d never thought had been that great for songs that actually required range and pitch but was perfect for the raging and attitude of what he’d played with Corroded Coffin.
As he played, he caught sight of his leather-clad arms, his rings, his swinging hair. He was on a stage, singing for a crowd, fingers on strings, crowd looking up at him, not with fear, but with appreciation.
It felt good.
And that feeling translated to his performance, as he put as much energy into the final riffs that he could.
The crowd clapped (not cheered; a dozen men can only be so loud, after all) with Steve hooting and hollering as Eddie finished, giving an exaggerated bow before returning the guitar to its spot, hopping off the stage and downing the waiting shot.
He felt victorious, satisfied. Maybe it wasn’t the band that made him feel that way; maybe it was just him, with a guitar, with a crowd. Maybe it was music.
‘Was that a dirty song?’ Steve asked him, fake scandalized look on his face.
‘Pretty much every song is a dirty song if you play it right, Stevie Pie.’
Steve raised a brow, angling a bit closer. ‘I thought every song was a love song,’ he whispered.
Eddie licked his lips. ‘Same difference.’
He was about to grab Steve by the shoulder, force him out of there when two more shots appeared before them.
‘Davis, man…’
‘Not from me,’ he responded, pointing to Ballcap and Beard.
‘Seriously,’ Beard grabbed Eddie’s sleeve, intense. ‘Free Bird. Please.’
Steve snorted a laugh. ‘Your audience awaits, Munson…’
Eddie rolled his eyes, slammed the shot and headed back up to the stage.
He never noticed that it was midnight.
Notes:
Next few chapters start getting spicier ... (the slow burn is finally boiling) ... but not sure if I need to change the fic rating at this point, if you made it this far ...
Preview for Chapter 27: "A Little Death"
When Steve started this thing with Eddie, he thought he would play the same role he always had, taking the lead, making the first move, that he’d be the one braced above a naked body, pushing in, in control.
That’s what had surprised him the most. Steve liked that he didn’t always have to play that part, that Eddie initiated just as much as he did, that Eddie took control more often than not. That Eddie usually led them to the next step, one finger at a time. He wanted Steve just as much, just as often, just as desperately as Steve wanted him.
And fuck, did Steve want him.
Chapter 27: A Little Death
Summary:
‘Really good pie, Stevie Pie,’ Eddie’s smile was goofy and open. Steve smiled back, crossing his arms, leaning against the wall while he watched Eddie eat, following his fingers as he picked up crumbs, his tongue as he licked them, with his hip jutted out, ass shaking to the beat of some silent song. Then a finger covered in chocolate in his mouth, his lips closing around it…
Shit. Steve swallowed, squirmed. Eddie needed water, some painkillers, and sleep, not what Steve wanted to do to him.
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve hadn’t planned on Eddie playing house band when he’d taken him to the bar. It was supposed to be for one final shot to wrap up the night, for his 21st, for his first real birthday in years.
But Eddie transformed up on that stage, magnetic, natural, energized – Steve couldn’t take his eyes off him, and would have let him continue playing but he noticed Eddie swaying, not because of a performance but because of the shots he was downing every few songs.
‘And I think we’re done!’ Steve grabbed Eddie when he came off stage after an emotional performance of “Layla”. Steve didn’t know how Eddie knew every single requested song, but he had, without fail. The drunk men at the bar protested but quieted quickly as Eddie stumbled into them, spilling their beers.
No, getting a plastered Eddie into his car and into his parents’ house without him tripping, hurting himself, or vomiting was not how Steve had seen the night ending.
‘Pie!’ Eddie screamed, running crookedly but determinedly to the kitchen as soon as Steve locked the front door. By the time Steve caught up to him, Eddie was hunched over the counter, grabbing pieces of pie with his hands.
Thank god, Steve thought. There he is.
Too many times tonight, he hadn’t been able to shake that feeling, that something was off about Eddie. It had to be that damn leather jacket. Seeing it nestled among other, far lesser jackets at the thrift store, Steve grabbed it immediately. It wasn’t insanely expensive, just more expensive than Eddie (who hadn’t even considered the idea that he could buy another of pants) could afford.
He knew that it was meant for Eddie. And it clearly was. He looked great (so hot), he loved it, melding with it the second he put it on.
But, god, he looked… different. That something as minor as a jacket could change his whole demeanor, Steve hadn’t realized. Between that, and seeing this townie rock star version of Eddie, Steve had moments all night where he’d felt like an alien, beamed into almost-but-not-quite copy of his life, with almost-but-not-quite Eddie.
That was until he saw Eddie smiling at him, hands and mouth covered in chocolate and cherries and pie crumbs. That was his Eddie. He’d never seen his Eddie drunkenly eat pie with his hands at three in the morning, but it was still his Eddie. Thank god.
‘Really good pie, Stevie Pie,’ Eddie’s smile was goofy and open. Steve smiled back, crossing his arms, leaning against the wall while he watched Eddie eat, following his fingers as he picked up crumbs, his tongue as he licked them, with his hip jutted out, ass shaking to the beat of some silent song. Then a finger covered in chocolate in his mouth, his lips closing around it…
Shit. Steve swallowed, squirmed. Eddie needed water, some painkillers, and sleep, not what Steve wanted to do to him.
‘Let me get you some water,’ Steve mumbled, moving past Eddie to the fridge. Eddie’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist as he passed, stopping him, pulling him back. His grip was firm, but he ran a thumb gently over the back of Steve’s hand. Eddie spun him around, took a step closer.
‘Have some pie,’ his voice deep, his eyes dark.
But he wasn’t really looking at Steve. He was looking at his mouth.
Without breaking his gaze, Eddie grabbed a cherry from the pie plate.
Steve opened his mouth slowly, matching Eddie’s languid pace. When the cherry finally landed on his tongue, Steve felt a burst of sweetness in his mouth, a burst of longing in his cock. Steve closed his mouth slowly and chewed, the hard roundness reminding him of his tongue around Eddie’s tip, the cherry juice leaking from his lips of Eddie’s come. He suckled a droplet of juice from his bottom lip and Eddie let out a long sigh at the sight, his gaze following Steve’s tongue, then Steve’s throat as it bobbed, swallowing.
Eddie’s fingers were still hovering right in front of Steve’s face. He could see the dark red juices staining his fingers tips, and leaned forward, He felt Eddie shiver as his lips circled around his extended pointer finger, tongue swirling, cleansing. Steve released it with a pop, moving his mouth to Eddie’s middle finger, taking his time with each slow pull, feeling Eddie’s rough calluses under his tongue.
Before Steve had a chance to capture Eddie’s thumb, Eddie moved his hand, clasping Steve’s jaw, his cheek, letting his thumb run roughly over Steve’s lips. The pressure was a familiar call to Steve, his lips immediately puckering to kiss the pad of his thumb, but Eddie forced his finger into Steve’s mouth, running it between his teeth, over his cheek, then back out, his wet finger painting over Steve’s lips. He moved his thumb in and out, slowly, languidly, a gentle motion of his thumb, echoed in the rocking of his hips with each gentle thrust. Steve let his mouth fall open, let Eddie’s fingers play.
Eddie’s fingers on him, in him always made Steve feel desperate, wanted, and he could feel every press of Eddie’s thumb through his sensitive lips echo on his cock.
Steve still saw Eddie swaying slightly but now he wasn’t sure if it was still from the alcohol or from whatever was playing in his head, and he slowly finger fucked Steve’s mouth. Strangled whines escaped from Eddie’s mouth with each breath.
Eddie pulled out his finger, trailing saliva as he reached over and again without looking, ran his hand through the pie filling. Steve tried to catch his eye, but he was still entirely focused on Steve’s mouth, which felt wet and swollen and hot. Eddie moved so slowly the filling dripped down his hand, his sleeve. He didn’t seem to care, finger hovering in front of Steve’s mouth, his tongue resting on his upper lip in concentration.
When his fingers finally connected with Steve’s lips, Eddie let out a deep ‘Ahh,’ as he smeared a syrupy trail over Steve’s lips and beyond, over his chin, his jaw, his earlobe.
Some of the sweetness sank between his lips and Steve stuck his tongue out to taste more of it, but Eddie’s sticky hand grabbed the back of his neck, holding him in place. ‘That’s not for you. That’s my birthday pie,’ Eddie breathed out, face flushed, eyes flashing. ‘My Stevie Pie,’ he whispered.
Steve felt Eddie’s hot breaths on his cheek, could smell the chocolate, the cherry, the whiskey.
The sound of rushing blood rang in Steve’s ears, pulse beating thickly at his throat. He wanted to lean forward and lick the air between them, lick up that delicious scent that Eddie was exhaling but he was rooted to the spot, taut with anticipation built from how desperately Eddie was looking at him. He wanted to swallow, wanted to shift, wanted to reach for him but he couldn’t move.
Sensing this, Eddie brushed his body closer, teasing, a growing heat over Steve’s thighs and stomach as he swayed closer. He grazed his lips over Steve’s, imprinting a whisper of a kiss on the mess he’d painted there.
Steve’s nipples hardened at that teasing touch, hardening his dick, clearing his mind. It rattled him, rattled through him, escaping as a soft moan, nothing more than a breath. Eddie’s eyes flitted to his, lighting up wickedly as his tongue finally touched Steve’s lips.
Steve thought he’d explode.
Steve wanted to kiss him, to grab him, but was too addicted to this tension, unlike any foreplay they’d ever had.
Eddie’s warm mouth moved over Steve’s, still holding Steve’s head still, his earlier command freezing Steve completely. Steve felt Eddie’s tongue trace firmly over his lips, the seam of his mouth, suckling the syrup of his chin, moving in sloppy kisses up his jaw, such slow torture.
Steve closed his eyes, losing himself in the sensation, every nerve in his body focused on where Eddie’s lips were touching him. He felt like static, like pure vibration. When Eddie’s lips found his earlobe, Steve heard his ragged breaths and tilted his head ever so slightly into the feeling, into the sound, into Eddie’s warmth. Eddie nuzzled his face into Steve’s hair, inhaling deeply and desperately.
And as if out of his deepest fantasy, his most desperate wonder, as if all the tension and lust within him coalesced into being, Eddie whispered, a breathy growl that set Steve on fire: ‘I want to fuck you.’
Steve shuddered, stuttered, nearly came from those words alone.
He hissed as Eddie pulled away, deep dark eyes boring into his. Eddie seemed to be waiting for something, eyes roving over Steve’s face urgently, his grip so tight, Steve felt every fingertip on his skull.
Steve couldn’t move, the words stuck in his throat. He wanted to shout god, yes, why haven’t we, I’ve ached for this, for you, take me, please.
All he could do was nod. Imperceptibly. So barely that he questioned whether he did it at all.
But he must have because in an instant, Eddie’s mouth was on his, kissing him so hungrily that Steve felt a flash of pain, his lip slipping against a tooth but whether it was his or Eddie’s, he didn’t know. And he didn’t care. The pain fused with the pleasure of the snapped tension, of Eddie’s body finally, perfectly flush against his.
Eddie tasted like chocolate and whiskey, such Eddie flavors, like the sound of his voice, the color of eyes, that Steve moaned into Eddie’s open mouth.
Steve exhaled sharply as Eddie pressed him back into the kitchen counter, the sharp marble ledge digging into his hips, the impact slamming their lips, dicks, thighs together. Steve ran his hands up and down Eddie’s arms, over his back, everything covered in smooth, seductive leather but the second his fingers trailed under the hem and touched Eddie’s skin, he wanted more. Steve pawed at the collar and Eddie quickly tossed the jacket behind him, shirts quickly following.
With bare skin pressed together and Eddie covered in a sheen of sweat from his exertions on stage, they stuck together, dragging Steve’s skin as he pulled Eddie close to feel all of him, firm muscles of his upper back, soft skin around his middle, the divots and dips of his scars. Steve felt the stickiness drag on his skin as he pushed away, mouth moving over Eddie’s jaw, the rough scrape of his facial hair against his cheek, soft moans in his ear. Steve felt Eddie’s nails dig into his skin, clawing up to wrap around his shoulders as Eddie pulled him in closer.
Steve felt Eddie’s erection under his, and it was too many layers, too much space between them even pressed up tightly. Steve thrust his hips forward, drawing a hiss from Eddie. Eddie curled a hand in Steve’s hair, yanking his head back, leaving a cool trail of spit as he licked up Steve’s throat. Steve laughed at the sensation, vibrating Eddie’s tongue as it glided over his Adam’s apple.
‘I could fucking eat you up,’ Eddie murmured in his ear, grasping Steve’s hips, shoving his thigh in between Steve’s legs and writhing into him. Steve moaned as he tugged forward, pulling his hair out of Eddie’s grip so he could reach Eddie’s shoulder, biting gently but sucking hard, wanting Eddie inside of him, even if it was just his sweat. Eddie’s yelp turned into a laugh as he continued grinding them together.
‘How do I taste, baby?’ Eddie smirked, licking his lips.
Instead of answering, Steve threaded a hand through Eddie’s hair, the soft coils spinning a dark halo of frizz around his head, darkening Steve’s vision. Steve loved Eddie’s hair, looking at it, petting it, sniffing it. One thing he hadn’t done – Steve leaned forward, to bite a mouthful of Eddie’s curls, yanking back as his jaw clenched shut, yanking Eddie’s head into the crook of his shoulder. He heard a gleeful yelp from Eddie, who pulled back to admire him with sparkling eyes. ‘That good, huh?’ he bit his own lip, eyes dancing over Steve’s face.
Steve only felt a moment of embarrassment at his confession but couldn’t help himself, his body reaching for Eddie in every way. ‘I want you inside me, any of you, all of you,’ he whispered hoarsely.
He saw Eddie stutter, his entire being pause as something exploded behind his eyes, saw his breath catch in his throat. But in an instant, Eddie’s mouth was on his, tongue invading.
Steve snaked a hand under Eddie’s jeans, under his boxers, squeezing his bare ass, and pressing Eddie into him, wanting that familiar press. Eddie groaned loudly, arching back, exposing his throat. Steve leaned forward and sucked that beautiful sharp corner of jaw right under his ear.
‘Fuck!’ Eddie rumbled, the sound vibrating through Steve, pooling in his cock and darkening his vision.
‘Bed,’ Steve managed to breath out, walking them backward, hoping for a soft surface for what was to come, though he really didn’t care. He’d let Eddie take him right here, on the cold marble floor, on the hard wood table, wherever he wanted.
Eddie let himself be guided, their steps in sync, neither letting the other up for air, neither breaking the kiss if they could help it, Eddie pressing sloppy kisses on Steve’s cheek when he moved his head to breath, Steve dropping kisses on Eddie’s eyelids, on his temple when he did the same.
All Steve could think was Eddie, all he could feel was Eddie. And he still wanted more.
As they took the first step up the stairs, Steve’s hands found Eddie’s belt, undoing it in a fluid motion, pulling it out with such force, it whipped their thighs. At this, Eddie pulled back with a leer, an eyebrow raised wickedly. Steve couldn’t look away from his swollen, wet mouth.
Steve tugged at Eddie’s hair, forcing them back together, his swollen, wet mouth seeking its twin. He felt Eddie’s hands fumbling on his belt, unbuckling, unbuttoning, unzipping, as they walked clumsily up the stairs, stumbling, slowly. He flinched, biting Eddie’s lips as he stepped on the sharp buckle of his belt when it fell.
Steve thought he should look at where he was going but didn’t want to give up this closeness, his already aching mouth on Eddie’s, teeth and tongues colliding, his fingers hungry for Eddie’s skin. When he tried to pull his head away, Eddie gripped his jaw, forcing their faces back together.
But as he took his next step, Steve felt his pants falling around his knees, knew he should do something, could anticipate what was going to happen, but he was too distracted by Eddie’s taste, his hands, his moans, his body, by his will to never let Eddie get too far, to keep moving against him, to keep building that pressure.
When he raised his foot to climb the next stair, Steve tripped on the bunching fabric.
His stumbling foot kicked the riser, leaving him airborne and free falling onto Eddie. His arms wound around Eddie were crushed under him as they fell, one catching on a stair, the other on the carpet. Steve yelped loudly and he felt Eddie’s shocked forced exhale blast into his face as Steve fell on his chest. His forehead banged into Eddie’s mouth and Steve grasped for purchase on a stair, on Eddie, as he dragged them down several stoops.
They landed in a tangled heap. Steve felt a burning on his hand, a pain on his head, and a shock to his system, being pulled out of the haze of the moment so abruptly.
‘Shit,’ Eddie breathed out, finally knocked back to reality. He wiggled a leg out from under Steve, leaning back to allow Steve to twist out the arm caught between Eddie and the carpeted stair.
‘Fuck,’ Steve whispered, looking at his hand. It already burned from rugburn but looked unharmed.
‘Oh, baby,’ Eddie kissed his palm, the heat of his mouth dispersing the pain. Steve was caught between the ache of the burn, the fucking amazing sensation of Eddie’s mouth on his palm. He watched dumbstruck as Eddie tongued his hand, moving up to suck at his wrist, his forearm, jumping to nibble at his nipple.
‘Ahh,’ Steve sighed, pulsing forward as Eddie nipped at his chest hair.
The shock of the fall and the pain of their collision was fading, as matching deep moans rose when Eddie hooked his leg around Steve’s hip and thrust them back together. If anything, Steve’s entire body felt more sensitive, more one edge than before. He met Eddie in a kiss that was less frantic than before, but deeper, wetter, hotter.
Everything felt so good that the pain on his forehead stood out. Steve broke their kiss to touch the spot. He saw blood on his finger.
‘Shit,’ he whispered, looking down. Eddie paused, blinking slowly, irises blown out as he looked from Steve’s finger to his forehead.
‘Shit,’ Eddie echoed, eyes widening. ‘Are you okay?’
Steve nodded, feeling the cut again, though he couldn’t help the small ‘Ow’ he released at the touch. Eddie frowned, cupping his face, placing a small kiss on his forehead. Steve felt the sting of the cut again and winced. Eddie pulled back. His frown deepened, thumb brushing up against Steve’s lip. Steve felt another shock of pain.
‘Fuck, babe,’ Eddie mumbled. ‘Your lip…’
Steve tongued the spot Eddie just touched, and he felt a small cut, the moment of pain from their kiss earlier.
‘Maybe we should stop?’ Eddie asked, unhooking his leg, pushing himself away from Steve.
‘What?! Why?’ Steve’s arm shot out to grip the banister, stopping Eddie from moving any further.
‘I hurt you.’
‘I’ll tell you when you’re hurting me.’
As Eddie’s head lifted, his eyes flashed to Steve’s arm, flexed in front of him holding the banister. His face softened. Steve’s eye followed and landed on his lightning tattoo, normally hidden, now fully on display on the inside of his tensed bicep.
Steve smiled as he curled his arm around Eddie’s head, resting the tattoo against Eddie’s cheek. Eddie kissed it, then Steve. The kiss tasked like whiskey, chocolate and now, Steve could tell, a hint of blood.
‘You’re worth a little pain,’ Steve whispered into Eddie’s mouth.
He was worth more than that, Steve thought. A lot of pain. Even a little death.
Eddie’s eyes sparked at Steve’s confession and he wrapped his arms around Steve, kissing him, gentler and sweeter than their earlier desperation. Eddie’s hands ran down Steve’s body, and in seconds, the last of their clothes was gone, Steve’s traitorous jeans and damp boxers abandoned on the stairs.
They stood up together, entwined, naked. Steve felt Eddie’s wet tip, his own leaking cock on his stomach, their erections hugged between their warms bodies.
Steve breathed in Eddie’s scent as his hands ran up and down his body, feeling the light dusting of hair on Eddie’s ass, Eddie’s hands cupping around Steve’s body, tickling his shoulder blades.
From their position on the stairs, the only thing they saw on the upper level as they turned their heads was the door to Steve’s bedroom. They both looked, turned back to each other, remembering the reason why they’d come up here.
It was just a few steps away.
Steve saw the question in Eddie’s eyes.
In response, Steve smiled, grabbed Eddie by the hand, and led them inside.
After switching on his bedside lamp, Steve turned to find Eddie standing nervously in the middle of the room, arms folded. His nerves made Steve feel unexpectedly shy, too, as he mirrored Eddie’s pose. When they made eye contact, Steve blushed, smiled, looked away.
But why? This was Eddie. Eddie, who’d just licked pie off his neck, whose tongue had been in his ass last week, who’d made him come on a dirty sink in a bar bathroom. Why was Steve nervous? Why was Eddie?
Oh. Right.
It was Eddie’s first time. Both of theirs, in a way. Yes, Steve had sex before, but not like this. Not sex with a guy. Not sex with Eddie.
Steve had been curious about it, desperately curious, since the first time he’d touched himself thinking of Eddie. What would sex be like with him? Steve assumed being with a guy would be similar to being with a girl. And, in a lot of ways, it was. Except for the penis part (and Steve quickly learned to hide his joy at seeing Eddie’s, for how often Eddie teased him about it).
When he started this thing with Eddie, he thought he would play the same role he always had, taking the lead, making the first move, that he’d be the one braced above a naked body, pushing in, in control.
That’s what had surprised him the most. Steve liked that he didn’t always have to play that part, that Eddie initiated just as much as he did, that Eddie took control more often than not. That Eddie usually led them to the next step, one finger at a time. He wanted Steve just as much, just as often, just as desperately as Steve wanted him.
And fuck, did Steve want him.
Steve’s eyes roamed over Eddie’s pale naked body, glowing in the lamplight against the dark shades of his room. He let his eyes linger over his sharp collarbones, the dark swatches of his tattoos and pale ones of his scars. How Eddie’s soft abs dipped into defined hip bones, from his broad chest to his slender waist. His penis stood firm and pink and glistening from the swatch of coarse dark pubes. Steve realized that his tongue knew how each inch of Eddie’s penis felt, how it tasted, from the vein on the underside to the slick tip, from top to bottom to all around.
And Steve suddenly wasn’t nervous anymore. But Eddie was.
Eddie still stared at him, nerves playing on his face.
Well. Maybe Steve did have to take control in this moment. He walked to Eddie, standing eye-to-eye. Steve gently rested his hands on Eddie’s waist, over Eddie’s largest scar, the one Steve could sometimes touch without Eddie realizing it. But this time, Eddie did, shivering at his touch.
‘Gorgeous,’ he whispered, as his gaze darted over Eddie’s face. He was surprised that he still got surprised by how much he loved looking at Eddie, his full lips, his deep eyes, how his stubble cast his face in shadow.
Eddie lit up with that yearning lustful look, the one that haunted Steve’s dreams. Eddie trailed his fingers up Steve’s arm, his shoulder, his neck, holding him gently and pulling him forward.
Even though they were naked, bodies flush, hard, anticipating what was to come, this wasn’t an urgent kiss. It also wasn’t like the distracted pecks that they were used to by now, the ones that punctuated their hellos and goodbyes and moments in between.
No. This felt more like their first kiss, Steve thought. When you finally wanted to know someone in a different way, when you wanted to memorialize what the other person tasted like.
It felt intentional. It felt important.
Eddie drew away first, cocking his head. ‘You sure?’ he asked, his voice wavering, panting. Steve pulled him in again, his tongue running over Eddie’s lips, his hands trailing patterns over Eddie’s back.
‘Yes,’ he whispered, nuzzling his face into Eddie’s. ‘I want this.’
Eddie tipped them over onto the mattress, bending over Steve, his hair forming a curtain around their faces and Eddie became all Steve saw, became his whole world. Eddie lowered his body, his weight warm and comforting. Lost in their kisses, tongues tracing over each other, Eddie slowly started to move, that familiar friction that Steve loved, of his cock against Eddie’s.
‘You feel so good, baby,’ Eddie moaned into his mouth.
Steve nipped at his lower lip, suckling it and pulling gently with his teeth. ‘Make me feel good, Eddie.’
Eddie’s hand ran down Steve’s body, hitching one of his hips up, massaging Steve’s ass, fingers dancing closer as his body continued moving. He started to circle a finger in Steve’s hole, Steve already pressing forward, but Eddie pulled away. ‘Shit,’ he huffed, looking behind him, around, as if he lost something. ‘Do you have… anything?’ he asked, trying to regulate his breathing.
Steve knew by now, scrambling up to toss the lotion on the nightstand to Eddie then rummaging around in the nightstand, tossing out all the random shit he stored in there: condoms, porn, and finally, a bottle of lube.
‘Do you wish I’d gotten this tattoo instead?’ Eddie asked, as Steve looked over to him. Eddie held up the centerfold of one of his magazines to his chest, a photograph of a naked woman splayed out against his torso, like the tattoo Steve had teased him with. Steve laughed, rolling his eyes and throwing the magazine across the room.
He pulled Eddie in for a kiss, pressing the bottle into his hand, dragging Eddie back down to the bed over him. Steve spread his legs back into position. Eddie knelt above him, licking his lips as he looked down, one hand running up and down Steve’s thigh, massaging his ass, Steve flinching as his rings caught in his leg hair.
Eddie looked hypnotized as he stared down at Steve, and Steve couldn’t look away as Eddie removed his rings, slowly lubed up each finger, tongue bitten in concentration as his eyes roamed over Steve’s body.
‘Ready, baby?’ Eddie asked with a kiss, feeling for Steve’s nod against his face before pressing one digit in slowly. It had gotten easier each time, easier knowing that after the first uncomfortable push in, knuckle by knuckle, there would be…
‘Ahhhh,’ Steve sighed out, throwing his head back, as Eddie’s finger circled slowly, easily finding Steve’s most sensitive spot. Eddie twisted, hitting it purposefully, and Steve moaned out: ‘Oh, fuck, Eddie…’
Steve flinched a bit with Eddie’s second finger but quickly lost himself in the sensation. Steve fingered his tip, circling his pre-come in unhurried circles over his head, mirroring Eddie’s circling fingers in his ass. His body pulsed to the rhythm, breathing deepening. But when Eddie pressed in a third finger, Steve’s breath hitched against his will, and his body tensed.
‘Relax, for me, baby, breathe,’ Eddie whispered in his ear, sucking on his neck. ‘I’m going to make you feel so good, I’m going to fuck you so good…’
Steve pressed his cheek into Eddie’s, feeling his rough stubble against his cheek, taking deep breaths, willing his body to relax. This was Eddie. This would feel amazing, he knew. Just relax…
As he did, Eddie started to move, fingers no longer circling, no longer hitting that spot intentionally, but gliding in and out with increasing speed, filling, and emptying Steve. The wetness lapping between Eddie’s fingers and Steve’s hole sounded so fucking hot, so primal, Steve started stroking himself firmly, his circled fingers clenching as he ran them from tip to head, pacing up to match Eddie’s fingers. The sensation inside of him, outside of him, it was all too much. He was going to come soon, so fucking soon.
‘Faster, baby, please,’ Steve writhed onto Eddie’s fingers, desperate. When Eddie pulled his fingers out, Steve groaned in protest. He felt empty, on edge, scratching Eddie’s back: ‘You fucking asshole, get back in there!’
Eddie laughed with a half smirk. ‘Patience, Stevie Pie…’
As Eddie knelt back onto his heels, he ran a finger up Steve’s shaft, all the way up his stomach, through his chest hair, up his neck, circling over his lips. Steve felt the wet, capturing his fingertip with a bite.
‘You’re so fucking beautiful. Do you know that?’ Eddie breathed out. And Steve blushed.
A bolt of nerves shivered through him as he laid there, waiting for Eddie, knowing what was coming next. He’d never been on this side of things, with someone else taking over, confident above him. As Steve laid there nervous, anticipating, it finally sunk in that he was not in control, that it would be Eddie leading them through this.
Steve suddenly thought of the girls he’d been with and hoped that this is how he’d made them feel; maybe still a little nervous, but as safe and beautiful and ready as Eddie was making him feel now, as he kissed Steve’s cheek, his throat, down his chest, pulling Steve’s hips down the bed.
Eddie grabbed his on dick with one hand, tracing patterns with its tip over Steve’s stomach, his cock, his thighs. Steve shut his eyes, writhing against Eddie’s teasing touch. His tip danced over Steve’s balls, his ass cheeks, leaving a glistening trail on Steve’s skin. Eddie’s tongue was pressed against his upper lip, eyes following every line he drew on Steve. With his free hand, he gripped Steve behind the knee, pressing his leg up higher, Steve following his lead and moving the other.
Steve sensed the pressure then, of Eddie’s tip right at his entrance. Eddie ran a lubed hand up and down his cock, his wet fist punching into Steve’s ass before his fingers circled and dipped into Steve’s asshole. His eyes were dark, almost black, as he moved his hand, running from dick to hole and back, over and over, enough times that Steve squirmed in anticipation, pressing down, forcing Eddie’s finger to slip in further.
‘Now, please,’ Steve moaned. God, he was ready. He was aching, waves of anticipation pooling in his groin, grinding his body, moving his hips.
Eddie licked his lips, staring down at where their bodies touched, an awed look on his face. He moved slowly, tongue bitten in concentration, his chest heaving with shallow breaths. He let out a long, loud sigh as he pressed in slightly. So slightly.
But Steve felt it immediately.
He couldn’t help but flinch, hands twisted in the bedsheet.
‘Are you okay?’ Eddie’s worried, breathy voice. Steve looked up at him as he paused, an overwhelmed look on his face.
‘Mmm,’ Steve tried to answer, shaking his head. ‘It’s –,’ he laughed, and the fullness of Eddie’s tip inside him seemed to expand. ‘– weird,’ he moaned. It was more than fingers, more than a tongue. Familiar but… weird.
‘Good or bad?’
‘I’m, uh, not sure yet…’
‘I’ll go slow,’ Eddie whispered, looking up at Steve from under his lashes, his hair falling in waves over his face. He sounded nervous. Excited. And Steve remembered again, that while he had been in this type of position before, naked in bed with someone you liked, about to have sex – Eddie never had.
Steve scrambled up to kiss Eddie quickly, hungrily, messily. He nodded, nipped at Eddie’s lips one more time before settling back down. Eddie smiled, shaking his head, but quickly turned serious again, his eyes fixated on his dick, on Steve.
And then that pressure again. More than before. It was uncomfortable, almost painful, and this time, a shiver of fear ran through Steve. Was it supposed to feel this way? Wasn’t it supposed to feel good? Maybe this wasn’t something he could do...
Even though Eddie’s face looked almost euphoric as he knelt between Steve’s legs, Steve heard himself breathe out: ‘Wait. Wait.’
Eddie paused, grimaced as he stopped moving. ‘Fuck,’ he moaned, eyes pressing shut. ‘I can stop, we can stop, I can stop…’ he said, though by the look on his face, how his body was shaking, Steve didn’t think he could.
‘Just wait,’ Steve whispered, taking a deep breath. ‘Don’t move, just wait.’ Eddie nodded, catching his breath, as Steve focused on the sensation of Eddie inside him, getting used to the fullness, the oddity of it. It’s okay, he thought. I can do this. I want this.
After another minute, Eddie now biting his lip and exhibiting far more patience than Steve would have thought possible, Steve finally said, ‘Okay. Slow! But okay…’
Eddie’s head jerked in a nod, but he loosened at Steve’s words. Eddie let out a deep breath and started to move into Steve again slowly, so slowly, so painfully slowly. Steve felt each millimeter, each inch, couldn’t believe that there was more to go, that he had this space in him that Eddie was filling. And suddenly, it wasn’t as painful anymore, the feeling of fullness now just that: full.
‘Oh god, oh Steve, oh fuck,’ Eddie groaned as he finally sheathed himself into Steve completely. He pressed Steve’s knees up further and leaned forward, one hand braced by Steve’s head, the other holding his hip in place. The change in position made Steve feel so filled, it felt so… good. So good. Like nothing else he’d felt before.
Eddie paused there, seeming as overwhelmed as Steve in this moment, his head lolling back, chest rising and falling, glistening with sweat, pulse throbbing at the base of his neck. Steve ran his hands over Eddie’s chest, fingers tracing the stark black lightning lines of his tattoo. Eddie gripped Steve’s hip and he jerked forward slightly while pulling Steve in just a bit closer. Just a bit.
But that change in position made Steve scream out.
Oh my god.
‘Fuck,’ Eddie hissed, pulling out of Steve, and backing away. ‘Are you okay?!’
Oh my god.
Was Steve okay?
God, yes.
He wanted that feeling back immediately.
Steve jolted up, grabbing Eddie’s face with both hands, kissing him hungrily. ‘That was – that – don’t stop, okay? Slow, but don’t stop, please,’ he breathed out desperately, laying back eagerly, lifting his knees to his chest and spreading them wide as he pulled Eddie back down, grabbing Eddie’s dick and positioning him right at his entrance.
Eddie blinked away his shock, raising an eyebrow, seeming unsure. But when Steve grinned up at him wickedly, Eddie smirked, leaning in for a kiss. One hand gripped Steve’s hip again, holding him in place as Eddie pushed back in slowly, so slowly.
It was easier this time, Steve knowing what to expect and waiting for that feeling again.
And there it was.
‘Holy shit, Eddie, fuck,’ he moaned out.
‘Okay?’ Eddie asked, breath heavy.
‘Fuck yes!’ Steve laughed.
‘Can I –’
‘Yes!’ Steve answered, not even sure what Eddie was going to ask. But yes.
Eddie started moving, in and out slowly, so slowly.
Eddie being inside him felt like there was something just around the corner, something in the back of his mind, something on the tip of his tongue and he was desperate, determined to find out what.
Steve’s hand latched onto his own cock, stroking in tempo with Eddie’s gentle thrusts. He moved his knees up further, bringing his feet up to meet behind Eddie’s back, resting his heels on Eddie’s ass and pressing him in closer, gripping his neck with his free hand, so there was nowhere for him to go but – ‘Stay right there,’ Steve whimpered. ‘But more. Please.’
Eddie increased his pace, and with his thrusts, the friction on his cock, the pressure inside of him, Steve choked back a laugh.
This was incredible.
Why hadn’t they been doing this all along?
He clamped Eddie’s ass and hips down on him harder, holding on, not letting go. ‘Fuck, Eddie, fuck me.’
Eddie tilted forward completely, his hands circling around Steve’s head, playing in his hair. His face hovered over Steve’s, and they were breathing the same air. Steve saw his face turning redder, his eyes locked onto his moving dick, on Steve’s hand on his own cock, on the place their bodies were so fully coming together. Steve felt Eddie’s thighs, balls slapping on his ass, yet another sensation he hadn’t felt before but loved, he loved all of this, Eddie on top of him, inside him, all around him, moving, pulsing, so full, so deep.
‘Faster, Eddie, please,’ Steve moaned, straining his mouth closer to Eddie’s ear.
Eddie sat back suddenly, hoisting Steve’s ass up, gripping his hips with both hands, fingers into flesh and bone, and started hammering into him so hard, so fast, Steve let out a long scream that vibrated with each slam. Steve bit his lip as he looked at Eddie, his head flung back, chest heaving and bright red and sweaty.
Steve wished Eddie would look at him, wanted desperately to see what Eddie’s face looked like in this moment but it seemed like Eddie wasn’t here anymore.
He remembered wondering what Eddie would be like if he lost control, and now he had his answer. Frenzied, out of his mind, almost punishing in his movements, lost to him, lost to the world. Steve’s hand pumped harder, faster, trying to keep on Eddie’s rhythm.
Steve knew he’d been yelling, moaning Eddie’s name, mumbling an incoherent string of ‘Fuck, Eddie, yes, faster, fuck, please, yes…’ as Eddie hit something inside of him, the pressure building and piercing and so much more than Steve could have thought and he wanted to know, he wanted to know what’s around that corner, wanted to see, wanted to feel this fully, this feeling he never knew existed, could never have imagined, this fullness, this pressure, this pace, oh god.
Steve squirmed helplessly, twisting into Eddie’s movements, pressing his hips up to meet the thrusts, and so lost in himself, he didn’t realize that now Eddie was staring at him almost unseeingly, his pupils blown wide, attention rapt on Steve’s face, and moaning his own rambling curses and prayers: ‘Oh my god, oh fuck, you’re amazing, fuck, so tight, so hot, fuck!’ Eddie’s words, the sound of his thighs slapping against Steve’s, his jagged breaths, were filling Steve up just as much as Eddie’s dick.
Eddie repeated words randomly, his volume growing, pace increasing, eyes fixated on Steve, moving so fast, his fingers painfully digging into Steve’s thighs, until he took a deep breath in, holding it as he continued his pounding, concentrating – until he exploded, body spasming, head thrown back with a primal scream, coming in jagged, erratic waves. Steve felt warmth and a new pressure shoot through him. Steve was so close, so fucking close, he started jerking himself off frantically, circling his hips into Eddie’s waves and finally, fucking finally, he came, shuddering, groaning loudly, spilling all over his stomach as Eddie collapsed onto him.
Neither one of them moved, sweat and come binding them together, limbs entangled, chests heaving and moving the other with each breath.
Every nerve ending in Steve’s body was on fire, still sparking.
He couldn’t believe this was the answer to all of his questions.
He finally understood. He wasn’t sure what, but he knew he did. That the answer was right here. The answer was Eddie.
When Eddie finally pulled out of him, Steve felt the emptiness acutely, felt the wet inside of him dripping out, a ticklish trail down his ass, onto the sheets.
‘Hey,’ Steve said to Eddie, who had collapsed face down on the pillow next to him. Steve’s voice was raspy and rough, as if he’d been screaming, which he guessed he had. His body was limp, and he wanted to move closer to Eddie but couldn’t make his limbs obey. Instead, he slapped a hand lazily on Eddie’s back, and Eddie turned to face him.
Steve thought he knew every look that Eddie had, every emotion but this one was new. It looked – god, euphoric sounded so congratulatory, so flattering to himself but it’s all Steve could think. It was such an Eddie word, euphoric, and Steve felt a wave of affection, of something more for him, for his brilliant mind and amazing body and how he made Steve feel in and out of bed and…
‘What are you talking about?’ Eddie asked, blinking slowly. Steve realized he’d been speaking out loud, mumbling random words from the thoughts running through his head.
‘I – I –’ Steve had no idea what to say, couldn’t make a real sentence, so instead used all his strength to flop forward to kiss Eddie quickly.
Eddie’s hand cupped Steve’s face. It was sticky, tacky on Steve’s cheek, and Steve caught whiffs of lube, of come, of cherry.
‘You’re unreal,’ Eddie whispered. ‘You’re a fucking dream, aren’t you? How are you here right now?’
‘You okay?’ Steve breathed out, each word an effort. Eddie just continued mumbling.
Maybe they’d blown each other’s minds equally. Maybe Eddie lost his.
Steve pinched Eddie’s arm.
‘Ow! The fuck, Harrington?’ he flinched back, looking offended but more aware than he’d been a moment ago.
‘You’re not dreaming, gorgeous,’ Steve chuckled, kissing the spot he’d pinched.
Eddie smiled, collapsing back down, pulling Steve close into his chest. ‘I might as well be, baby. You’re a goddamn dream.’
***
Steve wasn’t sure what to do with everything he was feeling, everything he was thinking. He had a vague inkling that he should get up to shower, or at least toss the messy sheets away, but he could do none of that. He couldn’t move, his body so depleted and complete. All he could do was rest his head next to Eddie’s on the pillow, bodies still intertwined, inhaling and exhaling the same breath back and forth for the remaining hours of the night, as they blinked at each other lazily.
He swore he only closed his eyes for a second, but the sound of a phone ringing startled him awake.
Steve squinted, eyes opening slowly, saw the sun shining through the blinds, heard a lawnmower in the distance.
‘It’s morning,’ he mumbled to Eddie, who just groaned and burrowed his face into the pillow. The ringing stopped and Steve heard the machine downstairs catch the call but couldn’t make out the message. Eddie reached for him, cuddling into him. Steve closed his eyes, sighed, and fell back asleep. But minutes or hours later, the phone rang again.
‘Ignore it,’ Eddie grunted, dropping a kiss onto his forehead, and twisting them both over in the bed.
The third time the phone rang, Steve finally moved.
‘I’ll get it,’ he sighed out, stumbling up, but Eddie wasn’t awake, didn’t respond. Steve unpeeled himself from Eddie. Fully nude, he ran to answer the phone on the desk but stumbled; his body was so sore, his legs stiff, his ass throbbing. He collapsed into the desk chair as he lifted the phone.
Before he could speak…
‘Steve!’
‘Dustin?’ Steve croaked the question. Dustin? Why was Dustin calling?
‘I’m trying not to freak out but Eddie’s missing.’
‘What?’ Steve’s head whipped around, making sure Eddie was still in his bed. He was. What was going on? ‘What?’ he repeated, rubbing his eyes.
‘Well, either he’s missing, and I should be worried, or he’s standing me up for DnD again and I should be pissed. And I’m trying not to be pissed.’
That was way too many words right now. ‘What? Where’s Eddie?’
‘I don’t know, Steve!’ Dustin yelled, Steve jerking his ear away from the phone at the volume. ‘He was supposed to be here an hour ago to get everything set up but he’s not here! And Lucas and Erica just got here and everyone’s about to be here to play this fucking one-shot but there’s no game without Eddie!’
Oh shit.
‘I’ve called the cabin like a dozen times,’ Dustin continued. ‘He’s not there. Do you know where he is?’ he asked as if he knew the answer: of course, Steve would know.
Oh shit.
‘I, uh… I might know…’ Steve stammered, looking at Eddie’s naked ass just a few feet away.
‘Is he with you?’ Dustin asked, resigned, like he expected this.
‘Fuck,’ Steve whispered. ‘Yes,’ he admitted. Steve could feel Dustin’s judgment through the phone. His silence made Steve feel guilty enough to fill the lull. ‘It was his 21st birthday, Henderson!’ he tried to explain. ‘Getting him drunk is, like, my responsibility… as a friend…’
Dustin groaned. ‘God, fine, whatever! Is he drunk right now? Is he cancelling again?’
The break in Dustin’s voice, the disappointment, sobered Steve up (a bit). He’d brokered the last round of peace talks between Eddie and Dustin, he wasn’t in the mood to do it again. ‘No! No, he’s not cancelling,’ Steve promised, though he saw that Eddie wasn’t moving either. ‘I’ll go get him right now and he’ll be there. 20 minutes! Promise!’
‘He better be!’ Dustin exclaimed, hanging up.
‘Shit,’ Steve mumbled into the beeping receiver, missing twice before the handset found the cradle. His head swam, his body ached, all he wanted was sleep, but no… he ran a hand over his face roughly, shaking his head, trying to wake up. ‘I can do this.’
He stood above the bed, looking down at an unmoving Eddie. He allowed himself a small, pleased grin at the nail marks on Eddie’s back and round ass, a bite mark on his shoulder, but snapped himself out of it, shoving Eddie with his foot. ‘Eddie. Eddie!’ Eddie just groaned, turned away. ‘Eddie!’ Steve shook his shoulder. Nothing. Pulled on his arm. Nothing. Slapped his ass.
‘Ow,’ Eddie mumbled into the mattress. Finally.
‘Eddie, you have to go see Dustin. For your game thing,’ Steve continued tapping Eddie on the ass, but instead of waking him up, Eddie seemed to be enjoying it, squirming a bit into the mattress and sighing. ‘No, Eddie, it’s time to wake up!’
Fuck. Steve grabbed Eddie’s wrist and tugged hard, barely moving him. He pulled again, foot up on the bed frame for leverage, and this time, Eddie tumbled to the floor.
Even that didn’t fully wake him up, as he barely lifted his head, asking groggily: ‘Steve?’
‘Eddie, get your ass in the shower. Now!’
‘What?’ he blinked, head turning slowly. Steve dragged him a little further on the carpet. ‘Fuck! Stop! What?’
‘You’re late!’ Steve spoke clearly, slowly, loudly. Eddie still didn’t seem to get it, so Steve opted to yell: ‘For your game with Dustin! Can you please wake up?’
The change in volume worked, as Eddie scrambled into a seated position, immediately grabbing his head. ‘Oww… Oh fuck.’
‘Oh fuck is right.’
‘Oh fuck!’ Eddie jumped to his feet, swaying a bit. He finally looked at Steve, eyes wide. ‘Fuck!’
‘Yes! Exactly!’
‘Where are my clothes?!’
Well, that question stumped Steve, who stopped to look around. Right. He looked down the hallway, down the stairs, saw one shoe, socks, a shirt. Right.
‘Just, get in the shower,’ he pointed to the bathroom. ‘I’ll grab your clothes!’
‘Shower?’ Eddie asked, scratching his stomach, blinking slowly, yawning.
‘You’re sticky and smell like sex. You need to shower!’ Steve huffed out. After he finished speaking, Eddie’s head tilted, as he finally blinked fully awake, a slow smile growing on his face.
Right.
Last night.
The reason why he was sticky, why he smelled like sex. Why they both did.
Steve returned the smile as Eddie grabbed him around the waist, pulling them together in a kiss. Steve wound his arms around Eddie’s neck, stretching into him. His dick twitched against Eddie’s.
‘Good morning,’ Eddie smiled as they broke apart. His smile was so bright, so open, Steve wanted to smile at it, but found the one already on his face had nowhere to grow.
‘Good morning,’ Steve whispered.
‘Last night was –’ Eddie started.
‘– fucking amazing,’ Steve finished.
Eddie grinned, almost shy. ‘Really? You had – it was good for you?’
‘Fucking amazing,’ Steve repeated, slowly, kissing Eddie as he nodded in agreement.
‘You felt –’ Eddie tried to speak but Steve pulled him in for another kiss. ‘It was –’ and another. Steve opened his mouth, sighing onto Eddie’s, hands running over his shoulder, caressing his jaw, threading into his hair. Eddie moaned and tightened his arms around Steve, pressing them together firmly, hitching his hips…
And then the phone rang. Again. Steve’s heart leapt into his throat. Shit.
‘Shit! Dustin’s gonna kill us…’ he pulled away but only for a second, missing Eddie’s body immediately. He rested his head against Eddie’s, defeated and reluctant. ‘You need to shower,’ he sighed.
‘Fine, fine… Come with me?’ Eddie asked, lifting a brow, glancing between both of their growing erections. Steve started to shake his head but stopped. Eddie was already late. He was already almost hard. Why the hell not?
‘Fine,’ Steve nodded. ‘But fast!’
Eddie smirked. ‘I can be fast…’ He pulled Steve into the bathroom behind him.
It was the first time Steve jerked off onto Eddie in the shower, instead of just to Eddie in the shower.
And he really hoped Dustin wasn’t timing them, because it was way more than twenty minutes until they emerged, scrubbed clean, and red faced, and still smiling.
Steve threw on clean clothes, and led a damp, naked Eddie down the stairs on the hunt for his.
‘Where the hell is my other shoe?’ Eddie yelled from the bottom of the stairs.
‘Uhhh, hallway?’
‘Fuck. Found it!’ Eddie held it up triumphantly from where he was crouched behind the dining table. ‘How the fuck did it get over here?’ Steve threw him his shirt as Eddie shrugged on his jeans. He’d barely buttoned them by the time Steve shoved his boots into his arms and him out the front door.
‘Okay, so speed over there as fast as you can but don’t die, please,’ Steve kissed Eddie goodbye, as Eddie stood outside barefoot, clearly dressed in a rush with his belt looped but unbuckled, t-shirt inside out, and boots clutched to his chest.
‘Thrilled you care, babe,’ Eddie laughed, walking backwards toward his truck.
He looked so fucking happy, so carefree – Steve ran after him, pulling him in for another quick kiss, whispering into his ear: ‘I just want you to feel how I felt last night… you deserve that, before you die.’
Eddie’s irises widened and he tilted his head with a suggestive look, already moving back towards Steve for another kiss.
‘Oh, nope!’ Steve laughed, catching his face and pushing him away. ‘Oh, and if Dustin asks, all we did last night was shots, no birthday stuff!’
Eddie smirked again. ‘But I love birthday stuff…’ he bit his lip, clutching both boots to his chest with one hand so the other could run up the front of Steve’s pants.
‘Mind in the gutter, swear to god,’ Steve teased, grinning, swatting Eddie’s hand and hopping away as Eddie threw his head back in a laugh.
‘I’m going, I’m going!’ he held up his one free hand in surrender, walking away, winking at Steve over his shoulder.
Steve dug his toes into the grass to stop himself from running after him.
As Steve walked back into the house, he immediately spied two important items that Eddie had somehow missed. He grabbed them and hustled back outside, running after Eddie’s truck, already halfway down the cul de sac. ‘Eddie!’ he yelled just once before Eddie slammed his brakes, popping his head out of the window to look back at Steve curiously. Steve held up the items as he ran to him.
‘Jacket!’
‘Oh shit!’ Eddie’s eyes widened, pulling it to him reverently. ‘Can’t believe I forgot it…’
‘And I can’t believe you forgot these,’ Steve smirked, holding up Eddie’s underwear.
Eddie snorted, ‘Good catch.’ He grabbed the front of Steve’s shirt, pulling him in for another kiss, mouths open, smile to smile. As they pulled apart, Steve again had to grip the edges of the door frame to stop himself from jumping into the car with Eddie and telling him to drive them anywhere, telling him he’d sit through a damn 10-hour DnD game just to stay by his side.
‘Have a good game. Win or conquer or whatever,’ Steve smiled, dropping a final peck onto Eddie’s lips. ‘Bye.’
‘Bye, babe.’ Eddie waved out the window as he drove off.
Walking back in the house, the soreness in each movement brought last night back to him in vivid flashes. He couldn’t help but smile, couldn’t help his twitching dick, couldn’t help but look at the clock, calculating how many hours it would be until he saw Eddie again. He couldn’t wait. He missed him already. Missed his smell, his taste… maybe he could go to Dustin’s? It wouldn’t be that weird, would it?
He'd almost convinced himself when he heard the front door open behind him. His heart lifted, hoping that the same thoughts had run through Eddie’s mind, and he’d come back for him.
Steve turned, smiling, thrilled, a teasing greeting already on his tongue – only to see his father standing in the doorway.
The last person he expected. The last person he wanted to see.
‘Dad. Hey.’ Steve shuffled in place where he stood in the middle of the hallway, cold marble tile underfoot, cold stare directed his way. ‘You’re back early.’
The silence in response was not unusual, so Steve didn’t worry until he saw his mother peeking around the corner of the front door. He knew her looks well, and this combination of nerves and fear and resignation only meant one thing: Dad was in a mood. A bad one.
His stomach dropped.
Steve took in a breath, wanted to say something else, something to distract him, to ease the tension in the air, but nothing came to mind. Not as his father walked toward him slowly, head down, radiating waves of something Steve couldn’t identify, didn’t want to.
‘Who is he?’
The tone his father used was monotonous. Almost bored. Cold, as always. He could have been asking about the weather. It took Steve a moment to match the blasé tone with his words: Who is he.
Steve knew immediately. Saw the next moments playing out. Knew in his bones. Winced in advanced.
(If only. If only.)
‘Who?’ Steve asked, trying for lightness, as if playing it off would help. He should have known better.
‘The boy you kissed, Steve. The boy you kissed right outside of my home.’ His father wasn’t looking at him, focused on the floor. The way he was running his fingers over his knuckles reminded Steve so much of Eddie, that he relaxed for a moment.
‘Dad, I –’
‘You kissed a boy in front of my home,’ he repeated, coldness and violence infusing every word. He finally looked up with a terrifying blankness. Steve glanced to his mother, who’d entered but now stood frozen by the doorway, her head down and pressed away, as if she couldn’t or didn’t want to look.
Steve didn’t know what to do or what to say to diffuse this. ‘I – I – It wasn’t –’ Steve stammered, backing up.
‘We should have known, right, dear?’ His father asked with a mirthless laugh, directed the rhetorical question to Steve’s mom. He turned back to Steve, that momentary glitch of a smile gone, turning inhuman. ‘It makes sense now. Losing your lovely girlfriend. Hanging out with freaks and children. All the beatings. All your weakness. We should have known…’
He’d taken a step with each word and didn’t stop when he reached Steve, each step forcing Steve to take one back. Steve hit the wall with a thud, his sore body flinching, fear creeping up his throat. With pupils blown wide and a sneer, he towered over Steve, leaning in, whispering: ‘In my house? Did you fuck that faggot in my house?’
The first punch landed.
It surprised Steve. Surprisingly. His father had only hit him twice before. The first time, a seven-year-old Steve had accidentally thrown a baseball through the windshield of his father’s brand new car. That had earned him a slap across the face. It hurt but knowing his father could do that to him hurt more. The second time was after Barb disappeared, a punch to the stomach when his father thought he was being too cocky and disrespectful.
So, it was within the realm of possibility. He should have expected it. But he hadn’t, not really.
It knocked Steve sideways, a right fist to his left cheek.
Where Steve had been a swimmer, a shortstop, a forward, his father had been a linebacker, a boxer, a wrestler. Steve had been told by his father multiple times that he needed to bulk up, pick a real sport, get stronger, be a man. They were the same height, but his father had nearly thirty pounds of muscle on him.
He should have gotten stronger.
That’s all Steve could think as the blow knocked him off his feet, as he stumbled against the wall, his stiff legs barely keeping him upright.
He straightened right in time for the second hit, this one felling him entirely, head bouncing off the wall and onto the marble floor. The third was up close and personal, a hand fisted in his shirt lifting him up for the blow, his father’s torso twisting back to bring his full weight around in an arc, his fist an object in motion.
Steve didn’t remember much about that one.
He heard a scream, sounding like his mother but hollow, far away. Then a kick knocked the air out of his lungs, knocked him back into something...
And then there was blissful blackness.
For how long, he didn’t know.
Steve thought maybe he died but he wouldn’t be thinking if he died, would he?
But maybe that’s all that death was. An eternity with your own thoughts. Maybe that’s what made heaven, heaven and hell, hell: Heaven an eternity with a person you love; hell with one you hate.
It’s just that the person was you.
When he came back to himself, he was splayed out, face down on the floor, face stuck to the chill stone.
His head wasn’t working right, he thought. It was too full. It was ringing. It hadn’t done that before. There was cotton in his ears, a hollowness in his stomach, metal in his mouth. At least the world was pleasantly blurry, as he looked up teary-eyed, seeing smudges of figures. One, his dad, turned away. The other, his mom, still by the door.
Steve could tell his dad was talking, sounds were coming from his direction, but he only heard murmurs.
When his father spun around, Steve’s body flinched before his mind had time to process. The figure grew larger, closer, leaned down, finally coming into focus and speaking directly to Steve. The voice was low, preternaturally calm.
Steve knew he needed to pay attention. This was important. But he still could only make out a few words: Out. Home. Gone. Kill. Queer. Son. Understand?
His dad was waiting for something, Steve realized. What was he waiting for? Steve didn’t know what to say to him, so he said what he always did in that situation: ‘Yes, sir.’
Then the shadow that was his father was gone.
Steve struggled up, ringing subsiding but transforming into a dangerous pressure in his head, a fearful one in his chest.
Out.
Home.
Gone.
Yes, he understood.
To go, he needed shoes. He looked at his bare feet. He could go in bare feet.
What else did he need?
He needed Eddie. Everything was better with Eddie.
His car would take him to Eddie.
Steve stood, taking a step to the front door, slipping on something. He looked down.
It was blood.
Oh.
He kept walking but slowly.
He didn’t want to slip on his blood.
But he was making a mess, stamping bloody footprints on the white marble. That wasn’t fair. Someone would have to clean it up. Maybe he should clean it up?
That would be helpful. People liked him when he was helpful.
He bent down but a pain shot through him. He screamed out, collapsing onto the floor again.
‘Stevie!’ He heard his mom shout from somewhere.
But she never came to him.
That was normal.
That comforted him.
He would do it later. He’d clean later.
Oh, his keys. Those were important. Those were important because his car could take him to Eddie. Home. He crawled to them, hands shaking as he picked them up, then stood slowly. Standing was better. That made breathing easier.
Steve didn’t remember much after that. Muscle memory took over. Starting the car. Driving it. The winding road up to the cabin. Opening the door.
But Eddie wasn’t there.
Where was he?
Notes:
Thankful to finally get to this chapter - and thankful for all of you who have read this far! It might not seem like it, but I do have a plan for this and an ending in mind... but my initial outline had this fic at 20 chapters and now I'm at 27 and I'm not sure where that leaves me with a final chapter count for this. I know I overwrite but, well, I can't help it. But we're getting there!
Preview for Chapter 28: "In The Haze"
Who could look at him – sweet, funny, beautiful Steve – and do this? Did he stand up for someone, against someone, was this the result? (He’s too fucking caring, he does crazy, dumb shit when he cares). Who would do that?
Only a monster, either from this dimension or another one, that’s who.
Eddie returned with the first aid kit, and Steve’s slumped form on the bed told him that Steve had heard him rushing outside, screaming into the void. He’d thought Eddie would run again.
I won’t run again, Eddie thought. Not ever again. Not if it means not running to you, with you.
Chapter 28: In The Haze
Summary:
‘Is he –’
‘He’s okay, but –’
‘I’m coming over right now.’
‘Robin, no –’
‘I’m coming over right now, Eddie!’ she screamed, loud enough for Eddie to flinch, surely loud enough to disturb any of the Sunday morning Family Video shoppers.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
Eddie was in a haze. A sex haze. A Steve haze. A sex with Steve haze.
It had been – fucking amazing, Steve said. Yes, fucking amazing. Being with Steve always felt amazing to him. He remembered getting hard from nothing more than Steve hugging him, remembered almost falling to his death seeing Steve drink water. But last night was…
Eddie knew he was smiling, couldn’t stop himself. He felt it all over his body, inside and out, all around him. The world seemed sharper and softer at the same time. The sky was bluer, the scent of fresh cut grass crisper, and the world seemed… happier, softer, easier, sweeter.
He’d lost his mind.
That was the only explanation for this feeling.
He got flashes of it even now. Steve looking up at him. That torturously slow first push in, so tight, that pressure. He’d tried being gentle, tried to pace himself to pull those sweet sounds from Steve but then… then…
The fucking haze. (Literally. Figuratively.)
It all jumbled together, everything he’d felt, everything he’d done. Steve begging him, screaming his name, pressing him in deeper. He’d gone deeper. And faster. And it had been…
He’d lost his mind.
He remembered coming, his entire being focused on getting him to that moment, Steve to that moment and it had been…
Fucking amazing.
But then the haze again. The energy leaving his body, only having enough to turn his head to Steve, who was glowing next to him, like a dream.
Like a walking fucking dream. (Literally. Figuratively.)
He hadn’t returned to his body fully until Steve dragged him across the rough carpet, the real world finally seeping in. But only for a minute. Until last night flooded back in, until Steve smiled at him.
Maybe he should turn around. This wasn’t healthy. He was no good to anyone like this, in this haze, mind flashing back to these moments.
His body wasn’t helping. He felt deliciously sore. Despite last night, despite mutual masturbation in the shower this morning, he was still sporting a half chub. The scratch marks on his back burned. His hips ached. His lips were swollen. And all that was just from the sex, let alone the pounding in his head, the fuzziness from his hangover.
He’d left Steve in a similar state, he knew. Groggy and distracted and thrilled. A small cut on his lip from their kiss, a small halfmoon on his forehead from their fall. He’d noticed forming bruises in the shape of his hand on Steve’s thigh, a hickey on his jaw, rugburn on his palm and knee. But he’d still been smiling, had felt fucking amazing, according to himself.
He had felt fucking amazing… (Literally. So literally.)
Shit.
Eddie pulled over, nervously looking around as he undressed, redressed with his shirt right-side out, his underwear finally on. Maybe that barrier between the friction of his jeans and his growing erection would help.
He had to focus. He had to calm down. Because he wasn’t on his way to see Steve. He was on his way to a 10-hour long one-shot that he’d planned for a bunch of teenagers. A bunch of teenagers he loved, a campaign he was proud of, but still…
Deep breaths, Eddie.
It would be okay.
***
‘Well, look who decided to grace us with his presence,’ Mike smirked as Eddie entered the Henderson home. ‘You’re so late, dude.’
‘It’s been a day…’ Eddie tried to smile hello to the group, who all greeted him with various waves and heys. All except Dustin, he noticed. He lifted a brow. ‘What’s all this?’ He pointed to the game of Risk set up on the dining room table, right where they were supposed to play.
‘We got tired of waiting for your lazy ass,’ Erica glared up at him.
‘We just wanted to play something,’ Lucas tried to soften his sister’s response with a shrug.
‘So, you chose Risk?’
‘Well, Eddie,’ Dustin finally huffed, crossing his arms. ‘I wanted to play a supposedly awesome one-shot that you wrote, but it wasn’t an option, was it?’
Fuck. Eddie flinched at Dustin’s tone. He knelt down next to him and lowered his voice. ‘I’m sorry, okay?’ Eddie hoped Dustin could tell he was being sincere. ‘He was trying to cheer me up for my birthday and… it got out of hand.’ Eddie blushed at this, glad Dustin was scowling straight ahead. ‘And a life lesson for you, big guy: alcohol gets you drunk.’ Dustin rolled his eyes, but Eddie saw a muscle in his jaw twitch, fighting a smile. ‘And drinking leads to a hangover. And a hangover leads to –’
‘I get it, Eddie,’ Dustin finally sighed, finally looking at him.
‘Seriously, though, Henderson,’ Eddie patted his arm, squeezed in sincerity. ‘Sorry. Trust?’ A question, a white flag, a hope.
Dustin shook his head slightly but smiled. ‘Trust.’
At this, Eddie reached up to ruffle Dustin’s hair, pulling his head in close to touch their foreheads together briefly.
‘So,’ Eddie straightened, turned to the table. ‘Can I play?’
‘Hell no!’ Dustin exploded. ‘We’re an hour in and I’ve conquered all of Asia. I’m taking Lucas down,’ Dustin said seriously, pointing at Lucas.
‘Over my dead body,’ Lucas replied.
‘So be it!’ Dustin shouted.
‘You can play next game, Eddie,’ Will offered from further down the table. Eddie nodded a hello, counted the other players – Dustin, Lucas, Erica right by him, Will and Mike opposite, and at the other end of the table…
‘Hey, El,’ Eddie waggled his fingers in a wave. ‘I didn’t know you’d be here.’
El looked at him strangely, intently for a second before smiling a hello. ‘Hi Eddie. I don’t know why I’m here. This is boring.’ Eddie noticed that she wasn’t actually playing, just sitting at the table, watching the others.
‘Our parents wanted us out of the house,’ Will explained, reviewing his cards.
‘Can’t imagine why,’ Mrs. H said, walking into the room, looking Eddie over from head to toe. She paused, raised an eyebrow. ‘Eddie… seems like you could use a coffee?’
‘Yeah, we don’t need him,’ Dustin waved a hand, distracted by Lucas’s play.
‘I guess I went from essential to extraneous pretty quickly,’ Eddie grinned sarcastically at Mrs. H.
‘Listen to those big words, you’d think he’d know how to read a clock,’ Erica mumbled to Dustin, who snorted.
Seated at the small kitchen table, Eddie gratefully accepted the cup of coffee poured for him, dropping in spoonfuls of sugar and gulping it down, not caring how it burned his tongue.
‘Rough night?’ Mrs. H asked when he came up for air.
‘Yeah,’ Eddie squirmed, a little embarrassed. Yes, he’d been a little rough. And yes, the night had been pretty rough on him.
‘Hangover?’
‘Uh, yeah…’
She sighed, puttered around the kitchen for a second before returning with a bottle of painkillers and a glass of water. Eddie downed those faster than the coffee.
‘Any specific reason?’ she asked, in a motherly annoyed tone she normally reserved for Dustin.
‘Uhh…’ He guessed it wasn’t a secret. As long as she didn’t get any ideas. ‘It was my birthday. My 21st.’
‘Oh.’ She paused, mouth dropping. ‘Happy birthday.’
‘Thank you,’ he smiled. ‘Please don’t – I don’t like to make a big deal out of it. So, if you could, like, not tell anyone? Dustin knows,’ he reassured her, as he’d seen her start to ask a question, guessing immediately what it was.
‘Of course. Well, that’s a better reason than I thought!’ she laughed. ‘Or you and I were going to have a long talk about not using alcohol to cope with your problems.’
‘Don’t worry, my dad taught me that lesson a long time ago…’ he tried to joke but swallowed instead.
She regarded him tenderly. ‘Dustin’s father, too.’
This time, it was Eddie’s turn for a soft: ‘Oh.’ After a minute of awkward silence, Eddie asked what he’s been worried about despite Dustin’s supposed forgiveness. ‘Was he really mad?’
‘Hah!’ Mrs. H laughed, startling him. ‘Yes, but it wasn’t just you.’ She lowered her voice, conspiratorially. ‘I think he and Suzie are having a tough time. Apparently, there’s a boy who plays the piccolo…’
‘Shit,’ Eddie nodded.
‘Yup. Well, looks like you could use some breakfast,’ Mrs. H stood up, clapping her hands, then looking at the clock. ‘Or, uh, lunch!’
It wasn’t quite the day Eddie had planned, but it was a good one. After two BLT’s and a large bag of chips and another few painkillers and more coffee, Eddie almost felt normal again.
The first game took longer than planned when everyone united to prevent Dustin’s global domination but somehow ended with Erica winning after a last minute secret alliance with Dustin and a subsequent betrayal.
After Dustin stared at the board, dumbfounded, for five minutes, clearly mentally rerunning the last three hours of game play in his head, he finally nodded reluctantly. ‘Damn.’ Then he’d back to the group with an intense gleam in his eye, announcing: ‘Rematch!’
And there went the DnD plans for the day.
As they were setting up the second game, Eddie realized that Steve could be here for this. It wasn’t DnD, just a board game. He might hate it, but if Steve was missing Eddie anywhere near as much as Eddie was missing him, he’d choose to be here.
Eddie called the cabin, to no answer. He called the video store, to be told Steve wasn’t working today. Finally, he tried the Harrington home, where the call never connected, like the phone was off the hook.
Eddie wasn’t worried. Steve might be missing him, but if he was as exhausted as Eddie, he’d hopefully be passed out, recovering from their long night.
A long night and then a long day – by the time the last game wrapped, with a redemptive victory for Dustin, Eddie almost asked him whether he could lie down on their couch and sleep over. But he pulled himself together. He could make it home, to his own bed.
To Steve.
***
Eddie smiled when he saw Steve’s car parked in front of the cabin. So, he was here. That was good.
‘Babe?’ Eddie asked, walking in. No answer. He looked into the bedroom, and saw Steve buried in the bedsheets, his back to the door. ‘Steve?’ A rustle, a shuffle under the covers but still no answer. ‘Do you want food or anything?’ Still silence. Totally passed out, Eddie smiled to himself.
He closed the door, backed away gently, tried not to make noise as he heated up some pizza and watched TV with the volume turned down low.
He started to doze off almost immediately. Fuck it. It was barely nine, but it was time for bed. He got ready, quietly, snuck into the room and into bed next to a still stock-still Steve, propping himself up to read for a few minutes, his necessary bedtime routine. But even that proved too exhausting.
Sleep sounded amazing.
And tonight, he got to do it next to Steve, unlike the last night he’d spent in this bed.
Eddie sighed happily as he snuggled under the covers, nuzzling the back of Steve’s head, taking a whiff of his hair. He heard a small sound escape from Steve. Was he awake? Eddie snaked an arm around Steve’s waist, pressing him into his chest, pressing a kiss onto his shoulder. Another small sound from Steve. But one that Eddie didn’t recognize, one that sounded like it had been pulled from him against his will.
‘Steve?’ Eddie whispered into his ear, pulling him just that bit closer. Steve gasped, and Eddie felt him wince under his hand. ‘Babe?’ He braced himself up on the bed, craning over to see Steve, head buried into the pillow. Something about how he was holding his body, how he was laying… Eddie shivered. He gently turned Steve’s face towards him – and froze.
Even in the dark, even with nothing more than moonlight filtering in through a gap in the curtain, he could see something was wrong, could see shadows that weren’t supposed to be there.
Exhaustion gone in an instant, Eddie scrambled up to turn on the lamp, turning back to Steve, turning him fully towards him.
He sobbed when he saw. ‘Oh, baby…’
Left eye swollen shut and bright red. A raw looking cut on his cheek, a trickle of blood running down his face. The small cut on his lip from this morning split further. A darkening bruise on his temple. And what Eddie had thought were gentle snores were actually wheezes, as Steve tried to breathe through a swollen nose.
It wasn’t Steve. Because who could ever do something like this to Steve?
Eddie reached out, tenderly holding Steve’s chin, and turned his head slowly from side to side, taking it all in. ‘Oh my god…’ The only other injuries were forming hickeys on his neck and jaw, the small halfmoon scar on his forehead, all made my Eddie, all artifacts of their night together.
‘What happened?’ The bile and anger bubbling in Eddie came out in his words. ‘Who did this?’
Steve whimpered, moving out of Eddie’s grip. Eddie grabbed his shoulder, turning him back, but loosened his hold as he saw Steve grimace.
Eddie felt a current run through his body, twitching his leg, his fingers, his cheek. The room was getting hot and red and heavy. He needed to run. He needed to scream. He needed to breathe.
He settled for squeezing his hands into fists, painfully pressing his nails into his palm, his rings cutting into his skin.
Eddie needed to punch something. He needed to punch whoever did this.
‘Stevie, baby, I need to know… who did this?’ he ground out, barely holding on, the pain in his fists keeping him in place, in control.
Instead of answering, Steve shook his head, tears escaping, a sob escaping.
Shit. No. Fuck, no.
Eddie tugged Steve into his chest, burying his face in, absorbing his tears and his moans. Steve’s hands scrambled up, around Eddie, pulling him close, almost desperately, as he cried. Eddie ran a hand over Steve’s hair, whispering sweet nothings, not hearing himself, just murmuring, purring under Steve, hoping that the words, the vibrations, the touch, anything would bring him an ounce of comfort.
Because every second of this was killing Eddie.
Feeling Steve’s tears soaking into his shirt, feeling him wince at Eddie’s touch, seeing the crusted blood on the pillow that he’d been nestled in, hearing his soft cries.
It was killing him.
Eventually, Steve pulled back, gasping for air, tears finally cried out. His body was still shivering, he still couldn’t quite meet Eddie’s eye.
‘Steve,’ Eddie spoke softly, touching their foreheads together gently. ‘You have to talk to me. Please.’ His voice broke on his plea. Please, Steve. Please help me figure out how to fix this.
Steve opened his mouth, closed it again. He scrunched his brow, winced as it pulled on something, some cut, as blood started to drip around his eye again. His mouth moved, but then he stilled, shaking his head.
‘Okay,’ Eddie nodded. He’d figure this out. He had to. ‘Okay.’ He placed a tender kiss on the crown of Steve’s head, sighing. ‘I’ll be right back.’
At that, Steve’s eyes flew open, panicked. He grabbed Eddie’s forearms, pulling him in close.
‘Hey, hey!’ Eddie gripped the back of Steve’s head. ‘I’m getting the first aid kid, okay?’ He kissed him, tasted the blood from the cut on his lip. ‘I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right back.’ Steve was breathing heavily, fingers digging into Eddie’s arm, but he loosened his grip, nodded. ‘I’ll be right back,’ Eddie repeated, slowly pushing off the bed. Steve didn’t look away as Eddie backed out of the room, both hands up in defense, in deference as he retreated.
Eddie strode to the kitchen cabinet for the first aid kit, but his legs carried him beyond, out the front door, into the night air, a gentle drizzle of rain falling from the sky. It felt too cold against his skin. He was boiling, simmering over with rage, anger, undirected, unconcerned at who he had to hurt, who he needed to kill to avenge this.
He’d never felt this type of rage before.
He didn’t understand it.
So, he did what he could understand. He yelled out a loud ‘Fuck!’, head tossed back, every muscle in his body tense as he exploded against the night’s sky. Just one scream. Because then his body also did what it understood – Eddie doubled over, dry heaving, a tightness in his chest, blurring the edges of his vision. When this happened, he needed to move, to run, to get out, out, out.
With his hands on his knees, a curtain of hair around him, fighting for each breath, he instead formed a fist and slammed it into his leg once, twice, three times, until it hurt enough for him to focus.
This wasn’t about him. This was about Steve.
Steve needed him.
Eddie straightened, gulping in the cold night air, letting it extinguish the fire in him, letting it bring him back to the here and now.
His body was coming back to him, but his mind was still reeling.
Who could look at him – sweet, funny, beautiful Steve – and do this? Did he stand up for someone, against someone, was this the result? (He’s too fucking caring, he does crazy, dumb shit when he cares). Who would do that?
Only a monster, either from this dimension or another one, that’s who.
Eddie returned with the first aid kit, and Steve’s slumped form on the bed told him that Steve had heard him rushing outside, screaming into the void. He’d thought Eddie would run again.
I won’t run again, Eddie thought. Not ever again. Not if it means not running to you, with you.
‘Here, babe,’ Eddie sat Steve up straight, but Steve winced, holding his stomach. Eddie lifted his shirt, not seeing any bruises but knowing that didn’t matter. Bruises there didn’t always show right away. ‘Did they hit you here?’ he asked. Steve nodded.
Eddie swallowed bile. ‘Okay.’
He let Steve stay crouched and instead he twisted down to try and clean some of the dried blood with a washcloth. The biggest cut was already starting to scab, but it gaped open in a way that made Eddie nervous. It wasn’t bleeding, it just looked red and angry. The blood was coming from a smaller cut, mostly concealed by his eyebrow line. The smallest expression on Steve’s face seemed to open it up again, keeping the trickle flowing.
‘How’s your head?’ Eddie asked after a minute. He realized that the spluttering sound out of Steve in response was actually a laugh. ‘Dumb question?’ Steve snorted, loud and distinct with his swollen nose. ‘At least you have a sense of humor about it?’ Eddie tried to lighten the mood but Steve’s small huff of a laugh, tense shoulders, turned head made it clear: Too soon.
‘I’m just trying to see if you have a concussion or anything…’ One of the first thing’s Uncle Wayne always checked for when Eddie came home beaten up. Eddie never knew how to tell, just knew it made Wayne nervous.
Either Steve didn’t know either or he didn’t care, he just shrugged.
‘Fuck, Steve,’ Eddie sighed. ‘I need to you to say something. Anything! You don’t have to say what happened but… like, are you slurring? Can you talk? Did you bite off your tongue? A word, please, say one word.’
Steve breathed deeply, finally looking up. ‘It just hurts,’ he mumbled, voice hoarse, marble mouthed. He looked so shattered, his answer such a clear understatement.
Eddie’s heart broke. He grabbed Steve’s hands and squeezed, running his thumbs over his knuckles.
Speaking seemed to open up something, as Steve took another breath. ‘My dad saw us this morning.’
Eddie stilled. ‘What? By the car?’
Steve nodded.
It was a cul de sac. Eddie hadn’t seen another car, hadn’t driven by anyone on his way out – had he?
He might have, he realized with horror.
He’d been in the haze.
He’d been so distracted and so fucking happy and so in the haze, so in… love, Eddie realized.
God fucking damn it.
Eddie glanced up at the ceiling, trying to look through it to the sky beyond it, at whatever puppet master was pulling his strings, mentally railing: Are you punishing me, is that it? You, whoever’s up there? I’m finally fucking happy, finally in… the haze, and you do this to the man I – to Steve?
He knew it was fucking crazy, selfish, self-centered, but it’s all he could think. Happiness always came with a price, and this was it. Steve had paid Eddie’s price. Maybe if Eddie denied what it was, if he pulled the realization back inside, hid it again, he wouldn’t tempt the gods and goddesses and various deities anymore. Maybe they’d leave him – them – alone.
It should have been me, you fuckers, Eddie thought, still glaring up. Punish me, not him. I did this.
Well, someone else did some of this… and that punishment, Eddie could get behind.
‘He did this.’ Not a question. Wanted Steve to confirm. Wanted to have someone besides himself to punch and torture. If he got in his car now, he’d be at the Harrington home in ten minutes, seven if he drove at the speed his heart was racing. He could force his way in, maybe kick down the door. The fucker was probably in his office. Eddie would grab that fucking pretentious crystal decanter and he’d –
‘Eddie.’
Steve’s soft voice brought him crashing back to reality, eyes landing on Steve’s broken, heartbroken face, Steve who clearly saw all the thoughts running through his mind.
‘Don’t.’ Steve whispered. ‘Don’t go.’ He clenched Eddie’s hands, still in his. ‘Don’t leave me.’
I’ll do anything you ask, Eddie thought.
‘I won’t,’ Eddie said.
But Steve’s delicate expression, his eyebrows bunched together had agitated the cut, blood flowing freely again.
‘Your eye,’ Eddie said, reaching a finger up to touch near the cut. Steve winced. ‘I think you need stitches. Can I – can we go to the hospital?’
Steve pulled his hands out of Eddie’s at the suggestion, leaned away. ‘I’ll be fine,’ he mumbled. ‘I’ve had worse.’ Eddie’s urge to punch something returned full force.
‘Baby, please…’ He’d drag Steve to the car if he had to. Looking at him, blood flowing, hunched over, maybe with a concussion, who knew what else... ‘I don’t know how to help you. Please let me help you.’
Steve started shaking his head, but Eddie reached up to run both hands up Steve’s neck, gently grasping the back of his head, fingers in his hair, forcing Steve’s gaze to him.
‘You have to.’ Eddie used a voice normally reserved for unruly teenagers, for obnoxious bullies. Not quite threatening, Eddie could never pull that off. But no-nonsense. Serious. ‘For me.’
Whether it was the voice or his final plea, Steve finally, reluctantly nodded yes, giving Eddie only one directive.
‘Only if it’s Iris.’
***
She was right where Steve said she’d be, behind the desk on Max’s ward. Her head was bent down, writing something, distracted.
Eddie crouched in the stairwell, an exhausted Steve seated on the stairs, head in his hands. The walk, the drive, the climb had depleted him, and Eddie’s heart lurched every time he saw Steve’s pale gray face. It made the red bruises and the bright blood look ominous.
He tried to sneak down the hall, but she heard him and glanced up as he approached. Her eyes widened. Eddie saw a flash of nerves cross her face.
Eddie realized how he must look, probably crazy with worry, nothing more than a leather jacket and jeans, not bothering to get fully dressed as he ushered Steve out of the house, his tattooed and scarred chest on full display. Not the kind of guy you want approaching you in a nearly abandoned hallway.
‘Can I help you?’ she asked, politely, nervously, and glanced down to the phone on her desk.
‘Yeah, I – uh, are you Iris?’ Eddie tried to make his voice small, gentle.
‘Mmhmm,’ she nodded, forcing a smile onto her face that didn’t reach her eyes. Him knowing her name did nothing to alleviate her worry.
‘I do need some help...’
‘ER is downstairs, hun,’ she tried to smile again, pointed down to the elevators.
‘No, uh, can you, uh… I’m a friend of Steve’s. Harrington.’
Still nothing, still nerves. ‘Okay…’ she responded, squaring her body to Eddie, sitting up a bit higher. Defensive.
‘I need, um…’ he nodded behind him, to the stairwell, and she scoffed. Of course, she won’t follow a creepy stranger into a stairwell, Eddie, think! ‘Hold on,’ he sighed, heading back to the stairs, knowing he was taking a long time to wrap his arm around Steve, straighten him, walk him the few steps out into the hallway.
As soon as Steve emerged, Iris was on her feet, running out from behind the desk and Eddie took in the full sight of her, her huge pregnant belly, suddenly understanding her nerves even more clearly.
‘Steve!’ she exclaimed, rushing to him, supporting his other side. ‘What happened?!’
‘Can you help him?’ Eddie asked. It seemed like she’d forgotten about Eddie for a second, but at his question, her angry eyes locked on him, accusingly.
‘Not him,’ Steve explained, with a rough, slow voice. ‘He didn’t do this. He found me.’
She didn’t totally believe him, Eddie could tell, but still sighed, turned back to Steve. ‘Steve, you have to go to the emergency room, okay? I’ll take you downstairs…’
‘No,’ he whined, squirming back, trying to get out of their grasp. ‘No.’
‘He only agreed to come because it was you,’ Eddie sighed. Something about his tone, his defeat, shifted something in Iris. No longer wary of Eddie, maybe realizing he’d be an ally in convincing Steve what was best.
‘Steve, you need a full workup! You might have something seriously wrong,’ her eyes were running over Steve’s face, his body, accounting for possible injuries.
‘Then check!’ he said. ‘I’m just here so you can tell him I’m fine.’
‘You’re not fine,’ both Eddie and Iris responded at the same time, in the same exasperated tone.
‘I really am,’ Steve tried to smile, but Eddie clocked the wince. ‘I’ve been beaten up before, lots of times. This isn’t – it’s not that bad...’
‘What? What are you talking about?’ Iris asked. ‘How many times were you beaten up worse than this?’
Steve shrugged, pain flashing on his face again. ‘Three, four times maybe…’
Iris’s panicked eyes found Eddie’s. ‘Steve, it doesn’t matter what happened before! Just looking at you now, you could have a broken nose, an orbital fracture, broken ribs! You could have a concussion –’
‘See!’ Eddie interjected.
‘– internal bleeding, maybe hearing loss, partial blindness…’
‘I don’t have any of that,’ Steve said. ‘I’m fine. I’ll be fine!’
Iris leaned back on one hip, arms crossed, with such an annoyed mom expression on her face, Eddie suppressed a smile. ‘If you’re so sure you’re fine, why are you here?’
Steve glanced to Eddie. Eddie was the reason. Because Eddie said to do it for him.
‘You promised,’ Eddie whispered, hand running over Steve’s back.
‘Fine,’ Steve sighed. ‘Just, look me over, okay? An exam or whatever. If you see something really bad, like actually really bad… I’ll think about going downstairs. Deal?’
‘This isn’t a negotiation, Steve,’ Iris rolled her eyes, but huffed out a quick, ‘Fine,’ ushering them into an empty room for privacy.
She seemed convinced but Eddie crossed his arms as he followed them in. Steve had also said he’d ‘think about it’ before getting a tattoo and then had gotten one anyway. If he said he’d think about it, chances are he already knew, chances are he’d do what he wanted to anyway. Not if I have anything to say about it, Eddie thought. He could throw Steve over his shoulder and carry him down to the ER, easy.
Eddie settled Steve onto the bed, as Iris ran in and out gathering supplies. She started methodically examining Steve from head to toe – eye exam, ear exam, follow my finger, does this feel numb, does this hurt, take a deep breath for me, stand up, sit down, any nausea, any ringing, any pain. Eddie didn’t consider himself squeamish but still had to look away when Iris stitched up both of the cuts on Steve’s face, on his cheek and brow.
Iris stayed quiet while she worked, they all had except for Steve mumbling answers to her questions, hissing out as she pressed and prodded.
At one point, she noticed Steve’s tattoo and her eyes flitted to the one on Eddie’s chest. She flushed slightly but continued her work. And if she’d realized that some of Steve’s bruises were hickeys (which she clearly had, she wasn’t blind), she didn’t say anything.
Eddie would have been too exhausted to fight if she decided to throw them out.
Eventually, she sighed deeply, snapping off her gloves, finally standing up and massaging her lower back. ‘You win, Steve. It looks worse than it is, apparently.’
‘Told you,’ Steve smiled, and for the first time all night, Eddie thought it was genuine.
‘Can you – who did this, Steve?’ From the way she asked, it seemed like she maybe knew, maybe put it together herself after seeing their tattoos, the hickeys, maybe in the way Eddie ran a hand up and down Steve’s back, maybe the worry in Eddie’s eyes.
‘Just some asshole.’
‘Why’d he do it?’
‘Just hates me, I guess.’
Iris looked to Eddie. She knew. He nodded.
‘Well… that’s his loss, isn’t it?’ she placed a gentle hand on Steve’s head, the first touch that hadn’t been out of concern or medical care. This touch was all comfort. ‘I’m going to give you some instructions and you need to see me next week to take out the stitches. The next 24 hours are important so if anything – anything! – changes, any pain or slurring or trouble breathing, you go to the ER, right away, understand me?’
Her mom pose was back and while Eddie nodded, Steve giggled, as he answered: ‘Yes, ma’am.’
On their way out, Iris grabbed Eddie’s arm, pulling him back. ‘Take care of him?’
‘Always.’
***
Eddie did end up having to carry Steve back into the house, cradled in his arms, the toll of the last few days making him pass out asleep in the car, finally at ease after being patched up and medicated.
Eddie laid Steve down in bed and tried to quietly make his way to the couch, wanting Steve to get as much rest as possible. But as he was walking out, Steve spoke quietly from the darkened room, muffled by bedsheets: ‘You said you wouldn’t leave.’
‘Babe, I just want you to get some sleep…’
Through the crack of light from the living room, Eddie saw Steve slide over, toss back the blankets on Eddie’s side.
Wordlessly, Eddie closed the door and headed to bed.
He was asleep seconds after hitting the pillow.
***
‘Listen here, you exasperating fucktard – Steve is sick. He’s not coming into work. All week. Is that clear?’
‘Buddy, I hear you but –’
‘Is that clear?’
‘He’s already scheduled for –’
It had been round and round for five minutes with this asshole. Steve was asleep in the bedroom, and Eddie was trying to keep his voice low but that seemed to make Keith think that he wasn’t being serious, that Eddie wouldn’t drive down there and force him to eat the damn schedule.
‘Keith, I’m done talking. I’m telling you, Steve can’t come into work, so don’t schedule him this week. Do you understand me?’ Eddie ground his teeth, trying and failing to keep his voice steady.
‘Who are you again? I should talk to really talk to Steve…’
Eddie clenched his fist and bit on it. ‘What part of what I’m saying don’t you understand?’ Eddie continued before Keith inevitably tried to answer the rhetorical question. ‘Steve’s not coming in this week. If you make me say it again, I’ll light your hair on fire and then piss it out, you dickless little shit.’
‘Fine, man! He’s off the schedule. Fucking psycho,’ Keith mumbled that last part as he hung up the phone.
‘Finally,’ Eddie sighed, leaning his head on the wall.
It had been a day already. While Eddie had fallen asleep quickly last night, he’d slept fitfully, waking before the sun rose. He’d then spent hours watching Steve breathe, his normally gentle snores rattling through his swollen nose. Eddie had been gripped by a fear that Steve would stop breathing in his sleep, that each breath was his last one, so had waited, watched, on edge, the seconds after each exhale killing him, his heart lifting with sweet relief on each inhale.
Per Iris’s instructions, he’d woken Steve up every few hours, the last time with a glass of water, his painkiller, an antibiotic, asking if he wanted a shower or food, anything. ‘Later,’ Steve whispered with a small smile, quickly falling back asleep.
So now, Eddie was here, calling in sick on his behalf, re-parking Steve’s car which Eddie had realized had been parked jerked to the side, passenger door not fully closed. He couldn’t work for fear it was too loud. He couldn’t read, his mind was spinning. He couldn’t sit still, he couldn’t leave. He’d turned the volume up on his Walkman, tried to let the music vibrate the anxiety of his bones, but the loudness in his head cancelled out any relief that music usually brought him.
So really, arguing with Keith had been the highlight of his morning.
When the phone rang again, Eddie jumped up to answer, partly to quiet it so Steve wouldn’t wake, the other hoping for any distraction from his jumbled mind. Ask and you shall receive...
‘Eddie!’ Robin whispered forcefully. ‘What the hell is going on?’
‘Robin…’ Eddie closed his eyes, slumped onto the floor. Telling her was on his list, but now that he heard her voice, he didn’t want to inflict the pain of knowledge on her.
‘Keith is in such a mood, complaining about Steve and some psycho, so, hello, psycho!’
‘Hello to you, too,’ Eddie smiled. Her rambling did always make him happy, and he was desperate for a moment of it, so he let her words, the rhythm of her speech, her husky voice wash over him.
‘He was already on such a tear, like he gave Steve yesterday off just to fuck with us, I know it! Also, I think his girlfriend dumped him and that did nothing to help his mood –’
‘Robin…’
‘And I was being so patient, Eddie, you’d be so proud of me! I was waiting until our shift this morning for Steve to tell me all about your birthday! Don’t be mad, I know you don’t like it or whatever, I wasn’t asking to celebrate you, you know? Even though you totally deserve it, and we would have had such a fun time –’
‘Robin…’
‘Okay, okay, I get it, it’s a thing, I won’t ask! Steve won’t tell me, by the way, I’ve bugged him a ton but talk about loyalty, right? Anyway, is he actually sick or are you guys just like all loved up and he doesn’t want to get out of bed? Don’t! Don’t actually tell me! I’m just annoyed because, oh my god, Eddie, I need to know if you liked that pie. We talked about that damn pie recipe for like four hours! I swear to god, I could make a pie crust blindfolded now, we talked through it so many times –’
‘Robin.’ Even though he whispered, his voice cracked.
She finally paused. ‘What’s wrong?’ Her shift in tone, demeanor, volume was immediate.
Eddie clenched his eyes shut. He didn’t want to do this. God, she’d been so happy seconds ago. ‘Shit,’ he whispered. ‘I don’t know how – I don’t know – I don’t –’
‘Eddie. Tell me. Right now.’
‘His dad saw us.’
Robin fell silent on the other end of the line. But she was still there. Eddie heard her breathing. He couldn’t tell how long they stayed there, their pain passing back and forth over the telephone line, twin hearts breaking, twin souls immediately understanding the implication of Eddie’s four simple words.
‘Is he –’
‘He’s okay, but –’
‘I’m coming over right now.’
‘Robin, no –’
‘I’m coming over right now, Eddie!’ she screamed, loud enough for Eddie to flinch, surely loud enough to disturb any of the Sunday morning Family Video shoppers.
Half an hour later, Eddie saw Robin biking up the dirt path to the cabin.
‘Where the hell did you get that?’ Eddie asked, nodding to the bike as he stepped out onto the porch to meet her.
‘Don’t judge me, I stole it from the rack outside the arcade…’ Robin panted as she swung onto the ground, resting the bike against the cabin.
‘Badass move, Buckley.’
Robin smiled at him but turned serious. ‘Where is he?’
‘He’s –’ Eddie started to answer but his voice caught on a lump in his throat. He coughed, swallowed. He took a deep breath to continue answering but before he could, Robin wrapped her arms around him, pressing his head into her shoulder.
Eddie hoped he’d gotten it all out by screaming at the sky, by punching himself back into his body – he didn’t realize how much was still there. How much of that first horror at seeing Steve, that anger, that complete helplessness.
He let out a sob and hugged Robin tightly, taking deep, jagged breaths in through her apple-scented hair. Her hands ran up and down his back, and he heard her whispering quietly: ‘It’s okay. It’ll be okay.’ He pulled her closer.
When Eddie finally drew back, Robin ran a thumb under his eye, catching the tears that had pooled but hadn’t fallen. ‘I’m so sorry, Eddie,’ she whispered, eyebrows bunched.
‘Why are you sorry?’ he tried to laugh, running a hand over his face roughly. ‘Nothing happened to me.’
‘It did, though,’ she swallowed. ‘Every time I heard Steve scream when we were down in that Russian bunker, I felt it – I felt it, too. It still hurt me.’
‘Yeah… yeah.’ Eddie understood. Every punch Steve had taken, Eddie had taken, too. It bruised his heart, his guilt, not his body. But it still hurt.
Eddie led Robin inside. Steve was sleeping but she saw his bruises, the stitches, heard the wheezing. She let out a soft yelp, anxious eyes finding Eddie’s.
‘He said he’s had worse,’ Eddie still grimaced at the thought.
‘Maybe,’ she sighed, assessing Steve’s injuries. ‘Russians were… pretty bad.’ Steve had told Eddie about it, the extent of the beatings, the torture, the truth serum, the nihilistic truth that if he’d died down there, no one would have ever found him. Eddie had been shocked when Steve told him, but the reality of actually seeing Steve bruised and bloody, it was different, tactile, personal.
‘But it’s got to hurt more when it’s your own dad and not an evil Russian henchman,’ she continued. Eddie agreed.
Robin laid down on the covers next to Steve. She twisted towards him, resting a gentle hand on his forearm. She whispered the same words to Steve that she had to Eddie: ‘It’s okay. It’ll be okay.’
Eddie suddenly felt like an intruder, but smiled at the sight, closing the door behind him.
An hour later, Eddie went back in to check on Steve, and found him and Robin huddled together, whispering, totally focused. They were turned towards each other, holding hands between them, foreheads and knees touching. Eddie’s body felt a pang of jealousy at their closeness before his mind caught up and calmed him down.
‘Babe, do you need anything? I made soup…’ Eddie asked quietly, not wanting to interrupt but needing Steve to finally eat something.
‘Maybe later,’ Steve smiled before returning his attention to Robin.
Eddie crossed his arms, let out a breath. He didn’t want to be this guy. The parent. The nurse. But in this case: ‘You need to eat something.’
‘I’m not hungry, Eddie,’ Steve huffed, not quite a whine but close.
‘Iris said to bring you to the ER if you’re nauseous or vomiting, and well, you need to eat something to figure that out so... I’m bringing you soup.’ Steve opened his mouth, a defiant look on his face, but Eddie cut him off with a flourish of his hand. ‘Zip it! You’re having soup! End of discussion!’
Robin giggled. ‘I can’t believe you guys are fighting about soup.’
‘Do you want some?’
‘Nah,’ she smirked, but when Eddie glared at her, she laughed. ‘I’m kidding! Yes, soup sounds great. Thanks, mom!’
Eddie did feel like a mom, bringing in two cups of soup, some buttered toast, glasses of juice, setting them up on the bed on a plank of wood from one of his projects. He felt like a loser crashing a slumber party, like the class weirdo who got invited out of politeness, a too familiar feeling. When Eddie brought in a chair from the kitchen and sat himself by the bed, Steve rolled his eyes.
‘Jesus, Eddie, you don’t have to watch me eat!’ he protested.
But Eddie did. Just like he’d needed to watch Steve breath. Just like he should have noticed Steve’s dad’s car. Just like he never should have left Steve alone that morning. Just like he’d never leave Steve again.
‘If you so much as burp weird, I’m taking you back to the hospital,’ Eddie said instead, crossing his arms. Steve rolled his eyes, but Eddie saw his jaw twitch in a smile.
Robin was full on beaming at them both. ‘You guys are so fucking cute,’ she laughed, taking a sip from her mug.
‘He’s watching me eat, Robin, that’s not cute, that’s psychotic,’ Steve scoffed, but dutifully drank his soup as Eddie glared at him.
‘Psycho Eddie, I’m sensing a theme,’ Robin winked at him.
‘Why? What’s that about?’ Steve asked Eddie.
‘Nothing, just that Keith was being a real dick when I called in sick for you.’
‘What? Why?’
‘He wouldn’t let you take the week off,’ Eddie shrugged. Both Steve and Robin’s jaws dropped as their heads swiveled to stare at Eddie. ‘What?’ he asked, suddenly nervous.
‘You called Steve in sick for a week? A whole week?’ Robin asked, awed. ‘No wonder Keith went crazy…’
‘Dude, he fired that kid, what was his name?’ Steve snapped a finger, looking to Robin.
‘Dennis.’
‘He fired Dennis after he literally had such bad food poisoning, he vomited in the store! Wouldn’t give him more than two days off, even for that!’
‘What a dick,’ Eddie grimaced.
‘Yes, Eddie, he’s a total dick, a dick who fires people he deems too physically weak to take more than one sick day!’ Robin gestured violently with her toast. ‘The only reason he didn’t fire us when we went after you is because of the whole, you know, town on the edge, disturbed psycho on the loose thing,’ she gestured to Eddie who nodded.
‘Happy to help.’
‘He barely let me take a few hours on Thursday. How’d you get me a week off?’ Steve asked, impressed.
‘Oh, I, uh… you know, I explained that you weren’t feeling well and then, uh, I might have… threatened him a little bit,’ Eddie cringed.
‘Threatened? How?’ both Robin and Steve asked, voices overlapping.
‘I might have – I think I said – it was something about pissing on him? Or fire?’
Steve let out a loud guffaw, immediately wincing and grabbing his forehead. ‘And now we know what kink Keith’s not into…’
‘Oh my god, I wish I hadn’t tuned Keith out when he was on the phone!’ Robin doubled over giggling. ‘Fucking priceless!’
‘My knight in shining armor,’ Steve beamed at him. Eddie’s heart jumped into his throat. Even with his injuries, Steve’s eyes sparkled, his smile wide.
Eddie would set fire to the whole world to keep that look on Steve’s face forever.
‘Anything for you,’ Eddie smiled back at Steve. Steve’s gaze softened at the echo of that phrase.
Eddie couldn’t help himself, though he was still so nervous of hurting Steve any further – but he leaned forward, a hand on Steve’s uninjured cheek, and pressed a delicate kiss to his lips. He felt Steve smile, felt Steve’s hold on the back of his neck, as he opened his mouth, deepening the kiss. Eddie wanted to cry at how good Steve felt under his lips. Right where he was supposed to be.
When they pulled apart, Eddie rested his forehead against Steve’s and closed his eyes. It wasn’t until they heard Robin’s long, high-pitched ‘Aww,’ that they turned to look at her.
‘I’m sorry but come on! So fucking cute!’
Robin stayed the rest of the day. She joined Eddie in the kitchen as he baked out of anxiety while Steve napped. When Steve woke, the three of them sat on the bed eating the fresh-baked cookies, chatting, joking, about nothing, all purposefully keeping the tone light, steering away from any topics that might connect back to family, to injuries, to hurt, to trauma.
Steve raised his eyebrow at Eddie a few times, noticing Eddie’s anxious gaze, but Eddie was on high alert. He was still monitoring Steve’s breathing (regular), his appetite (good), his color (better), his speech (seemingly fine), his pain (probably needed his next round of painkillers sooner than planned).
At the end of the night, Eddie wrestled with himself – do the gentlemanly thing and drive Robin home (and return the bike to the scene of the crime), or stay with Steve?
He wanted to stay with Steve.
But it was late and dark and cold, and even though Robin assured him that she could bike herself home, Steve insisted Eddie drive her.
‘I’ll be right here when you get back, gorgeous,’ Steve squeezed his hand. ‘I’ll be fine.’
But what if he wasn’t? If he wasn’t, Eddie would never forgive himself. Already knew he’d never forgive himself for what had already happened.
Eddie’s stomach sank nervously, but with Robin waiting by the door, with Steve’s resolute smile, he nodded. ‘Okay, Buckley, get ready to hold on for dear life, I’m racing you home and you’re gonna have to tuck and roll cause I’m not stopping…’
Robin laughed and headed out, Eddie following hesitantly.
As he reached the door, he spun around, running back to Steve. He couldn’t meet Steve’s eye as he spoke, knew he was asking for a futile promise, that disaster was unlikely, that any disaster wouldn’t be Steve’s fault: ‘Be okay, promise me?’
Steve nudged Eddie’s chin up to look at him. He wore a lopsided smile and a soft look. ‘I promise. Pinky swear,’ he held out his pinky.
Eddie wound his pinky with Steve’s and thanked the universe, his faith in pinky swears renewed, when Steve was alive and well and exactly in the same spot when he returned.
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 29: "Call It A Tie"
‘What if they changed the locks?’ Steve asked. His voice wavered and Eddie understood the implication, clear and heartbreaking.
‘Then I’ll jimmy it,’ Eddie shrugged.
‘Really? You can do that?’ Steve’s jaw dropped as he turned to Eddie.
‘So, in your head, I can hotwire a car but not jimmy a lock? Be for real, Harrington.’
Chapter 29: Call It A Tie
Summary:
‘I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back,’ Steve nodded his head, almost in apology, before leaving again.
‘Whoa! Hey!’ Eddie ran after him, and Steve paused on the porch steps. ‘Today’s been a lot, you should lie down –’
‘I will,’ Steve’s smile was tight. ‘I promise. I just need… I need some air,’ he laughed. ‘You get it, right?’
Eddie didn’t have a leg to stand on. And he did get it. He just hated that Steve felt like that right now. ‘Do you want me to come with you?’
‘No.’
Notes:
I'm usually already a few chapters ahead but the last few weeks have been really tough and I'm not as far along as I want to be. I'm also nearing the end and want to make sure I wrap this up in a way I'm proud of, so I might be taking a bit more time between updates. But fingers crossed that I get a burst of inspiration! And of course, any and all comments are appreciated, even if they're complaining about how often I use pinky swears in this story :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
‘I need my wallet.’
Steve’s announcement came out of nowhere. They’d had breakfast (in bed) (‘you’re spoiling me!’ Steve tried to wink with his good eye, but it only made him wince) and were now laying curled up together, Demo sleeping at their feet, Steve’s head on Eddie’s shoulder, while Eddie read Watership Down aloud. (‘It makes so much more sense when you say it,’ Steve sighed, relieved).
‘Sure, babe, I’ll grab it for you, where –’
‘It’s, um, at the house…’
‘Oh.’
It had been a few days since the incident. The attack. Whatever they’d end up calling it. So far, Steve hadn’t really called it anything, hadn’t talked about it, other than telling Eddie the basics: his dad saw them kiss outside, his dad had hit him three times (‘that I remember…’), then Steve left.
Maybe there wasn’t much more to say. Maybe that said it all.
But Steve tensed when he spoke, taking shallower breaths and avoiding Eddie’s gaze. So, there was clearly more there.
‘I’ll go,’ Eddie dogeared their page in the book and started to rise, when Steve pulled him back.
‘What? No, I’ll go.’ Now Steve tried to get up from the bed but was tangled in the sheets and also a little loopy from the painkillers, so it was easy for Eddie to press him down.
‘Are you crazy? You can’t go back there!’ Eddie rushed to the dresser to grab his keys and wallet.
Steve finally freed himself and stood, a little wobbly. ‘You’re the one who can’t go there! He did this to me, what do you think he’ll do to you?!’
‘Well, he did that to you, you expect me to let you go back there?!’ Was he insane?
Steve scoffed, crossing his arms. ‘Let me?! Let me?! You’re not my owner, Eddie, you can’t “let me” do anything!’
‘Like hell, I can’t!’ Eddie saw spittle fly out of his mouth as he crossed his arms, mirroring Steve’s defensive pose.
‘Fuck you, it’s my mess!’
‘Fuck you! Your mess is my mess, asshole!’
‘Well – then –’ Steve spoke loudly, ready to continue their argument but he paused, tilted his head. ‘Uh… what are we fighting about exactly?’
‘Fuck if I know!’ Eddie yelled but lost his steam halfway. He ran a hand over his face roughly and sat on the bed. ‘I don’t care if it makes me a controlling dick, but I’m not letting you go back there! I’ll tie you to the damn bed if I have to!’
Steve’s lip twitched. ‘Well, maybe I’d like that... in a different context…’
Eddie snorted a reluctant laugh as Steve sat down next to him. ‘Another time, then,’ Eddie smirked. He sighed, squeezed Steve’s thigh. ‘Please don’t go back there.’
‘I don’t want to,’ Steve admitted. ‘But you can’t go either.’ He pinched Eddie’s cheek. ‘Your face is too pretty to mess up like mine.’
‘We’ll go together?’ Eddie offered with a shrug.
‘Together. We’ll, uh, sneak in or something. Ninja style.’
Eddie rolled his eyes. ‘Why don’t we call to see if he’s home and then you use your key?’
‘What if they changed the locks?’ Steve asked. His voice wavered and Eddie understood the implication, clear and heartbreaking.
‘Then I’ll jimmy it,’ Eddie shrugged.
‘Really? You can do that?’ Steve’s jaw dropped as he turned to Eddie.
‘So, in your head, I can hotwire a car but not jimmy a lock? Be for real, Harrington.’
Steve laughed. ‘I forget you’re supposed to be a bad boy.’
‘Supposed to be?’
‘You’re a softie and you know it.’
Eddie rolled his eyes but smiled. He did know it. Loved that Steve knew it, too.
‘Okay,’ Steve slapped his hands on his thighs and stood, walking to the phone. ‘I’ll call his office, see what’s going on.’ Eddie rubbed his shoulder as he dialed, as he spoke: ‘Hello, this is Mr., um, Engleson.’ Steve quirked a brow, tilted his head at Eddie. ‘Yes, Mengleson, that’s what I said.’ Eddie giggled, and Steve shooed him away. ‘Sure, from the Chicago office. I’m looking for Mr. Harrington… uh huh… oh, he should be arriving any minute.’ Steve’s face lit up as he threw a thumbs up. ‘Are you – uh, are you sure? Really?’ He sighed in relief. ‘Amazing. Cool, thanks, Betty!’ He hung up quickly and turned to Eddie, beaming.
‘Maybe Mr. Mengleson from the Chicago office wouldn’t say amazing, cool, thanks?’ Eddie teased.
‘Maybe Mr. Mengleson’s surprisingly cool,’ Steve slapped his shoulder. ‘Grab your hairpin and let’s go.’
***
Despite his confidence and their plan, Eddie’s nerves rose as they drove to the house. He could see the same in Steve.
This time, Eddie was on high alert for any passing cars, any parked cars, any pedestrians. Anyone. Anything. His hand was on Steve’s thigh, gripping tight, and Steve wound his fingers through Eddie’s, pressing back just as firmly.
As they pulled up, Steve inhaled sharply, and Eddie saw what he did just a second later: a car parked in the driveway.
‘Isn’t he in Chicago?’ Eddie asked.
‘That’s – that’s my mom’s car. I didn’t think she’d be here. She’s never here.’ Steve spoke quietly. Eddie realized he’d never said where his mom was, what she was doing when his dad was hitting him.
‘We can go, Steve. We can break in another time. Or, uh, we’ll send Dustin or Robin or someone to get your stuff, someone cute, someone they won’t get mad at.’
Steve laughed bitterly. ‘Oh, you mean the freaks and children that a queer like me hangs out with?’
The way Steve said it made Eddie’s hair stand on end. ‘What the fuck is that?’ Eddie asked. That wasn’t Steve’s voice. Those weren’t his words.
‘Nothing,’ Steve shook his head, jaw clenched. He tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘Forget it.’
‘Steve.’
‘It’s nothing! It’s just… it’s one of the things he said to me,’ he huffed out, picking a thread on his jeans. His eyes darted to Eddie. ‘He said he shouldn’t have been surprised. About me. About…’ Steve waved his hand in between them, then turned to look out the window.
‘Did you want him to be surprised?’
‘Yes. No. I don’t know! But, like… how could he know, you know?’ Steve grimaced as he looked at Eddie. ‘Like, how could he see when he never looked? When I didn’t even know until… you.’
Eddie reached for his hand.
‘It means he hates me a lot more than I thought…’ Steve continued. ‘If it was all, like, right there. If he could… if he could hate me so easily. So quickly.’
Eddie wanted to slam Steve’s dad’s head into a desk.
‘Let’s go home, Steve.’
‘No,’ he shook his head, taking a deep breath. ‘We’re here. Let’s get it over with. And this’ll be easier,’ Steve said it in a way that sounded like the opposite would be true.
Steve rang the bell and shuffled from side to side as he waited, Eddie standing a few feet behind him. He was about to reach out to Steve, to take his hand, try to calm him, when the door opened.
‘Oh. Stevie,’ his mom smiled in the doorway before her smile dropped as she took in the extent of his injuries, his bruises, his bandages. She was dressed as if she had just come home or was about to go out: slacks, heels, a blouse, pearls, her hair and makeup fully done.
It still shocked Eddie when he saw Steve with his parents, which he only had in the formally posed pictures scattered throughout the home, not counting the quick glimpse in the darkened TV room so many months ago.
Steve’s face, his bone structure, obviously came from his dad, yet you’d have to look twice to know they were related. His dad was larger and darker, yes, but their expressions and how they carried themselves were like they were from two different worlds.
Steve’s coloring, his smile, his vibrancy, the light in his eyes, all came from his mom. You knew immediately they belonged to each other.
And seeing her now, in person, Eddie saw the similarity even more clearly, from how her face moved, from how she leaned against the door. He could almost read her as well as he could read Steve. Seeing her son, her features ran through surprise, relief, happiness… and then she saw Eddie. Confusion, disgust, caution.
She stiffened, then turned back to Steve. ‘Stevie, I –’
‘I need my wallet,’ Steve said, looking past her into the foyer, not making eye contact. ‘That’s why I’m here.’ Not for you.
‘Oh…’
Steve pushed past her into the house. Eddie wanted to follow but with the way his mom was looking after Steve (shocked) and how she’d just looked at Eddie, he thought maybe she’d throw a punch if Eddie came any closer. Or, more likely, she’d call the cops.
But he saw Steve’s hand tremble as he walked, saw the stiffness of his spine. He wouldn’t let Steve go in there alone.
Together or not at all.
She flinched when Eddie walked by her but didn’t stop him.
‘Where is it?’ Steve asked, finally looking at her. Eddie read his face: nervous but determined. A look Eddie realized he’d seen on Steve many times before. Once, heading into the Upside Down to fight Vecna; and now, standing in the home he grew up in, in front of someone who supposedly loved him.
Her eyes flashed to the staircase. Steve ran up, Eddie following, Steve’s mother bringing up the rear slowly, a few paces behind.
Eddie nearly crashed into Steve when he froze in the doorway of his bedroom, and soon realized why. It was already completely packed up, taped and labeled cardboard boxes scattered around, a few garbage bags by the closet, walls and bed stripped bare, windows open to air out the scent of cleaner and bleach.
Like Steve had never been here at all.
‘Already?’ Eddie heard Steve whisper.
‘I think it’ll all fit in the truck,’ Eddie said, placing a hand on Steve’s lower back.
Steve twisted into the touch as he turned to respond: ‘I don’t want it. I just need, uh…’
He walked to one of the cardboard boxes, opened it, looked inside. They were all clearly labeled in black marker and block text. Eddie wondered who’d packed them, labeled them. If Steve’s mom had spent the last few days in here, dismantling his life piece of piece; or if that task had been outsourced, if erasing their son from their lives was something the Harringtons didn’t deign to do themselves.
Steve opened a box labeled “Desk 1” first, rummaged around it before pushing it to the side and opening “Desk 2”. Steve shoved this one into Eddie’s arms. Looking inside, Eddie saw some yearbooks, a few photo albums, some scattered pictures.
Steve continued opening boxes, grabbing items, adding them to the box in Eddie’s arms: some cassette tapes, some letters, his camera and a pile of polaroids that Eddie realized were from his own makeshift graduation, from his birthday.
‘Clothes?’ Steve asked. Eddie knew the question wasn’t for him, so shifted his attention to Steve’s mom, who had been standing arms crossed, stiff as a board, looking broken and helpless right outside the threshold to the room. She nodded to the trash bags. She wouldn’t speak. Wouldn’t look at Eddie.
But Eddie looked at her. And his heart broke. Because on her face, it was undeniable: she loved her son. A lot.
Steve didn’t seem to know or notice, as he dumped out all the bags onto the floor and started shoving items into an empty one: a letterman jacket, a sweatshirt, a fedora, a dress shirt, what looked like old gym shorts, a vest. Eddie wasn’t sure if Steve knew what he was grabbing or if he was picking randomly; if he was assessing the significance of each item in the blink of an eye, or desperately clawing together a random snapshot of his former life.
Once the bag was full, he tossed it in Eddie’s direction. Steve was breathing heavily, color high in his cheeks, the red of his exertion highlighting his now blue and purple bruises. Eddie saw him hunching, a vein in his forehead twitching, saw how he was turning his uninjured side towards who he was speaking to, to see and hear more clearly. Eddie needed to get Steve home. He wasn't okay. He needed rest.
‘Where is it?’ Another question directed to his mother. Another one she didn’t answer, as she wordlessly headed out of the room, returning a few seconds later with his wallet, pulled from a drawer in the hallway dresser. Steve grabbed it from her, almost violently, then quickly opened it, examining its contents.
‘I don’t use the credit cards, you know that.’ Steve scoffed at her. He was about to speak again, when he noticed something, began digging through the wallet more purposefully. Eddie was confused when Steve stiffened, asking his mother in an intense voice: ‘Where is it?’
Eddie tilted his head. Where was what?
She squirmed, twisting her fingers together. ‘Stevie, I –’
‘It’s mine. Where is it?’ Angry. That’s all that Eddie read on Steve’s face.
She sensed it, too, reading Steve as well as Eddie could. She bit her lip, hung her head in defeat, and headed back out of the room, returning to hand Steve what looked like another polaroid.
Steve’s hands shook as he took it from her, running a finger over the picture gently. Eddie took a step forward to see.
Oh.
It was the picture of him and Steve, at the replacement graduation ceremony Steve had thrown for him. Steve had taken two pictures of them, Eddie remembered. He’d almost forgotten.
In the picture Steve had given Eddie, Eddie was staring at Steve, shocked at his close presence, at the casual arm slung around his shoulder, their faces the closest they’d ever been at that point.
This one looked almost the same, but Eddie noted the difference immediately. In this one, Steve was the one looking at Eddie in wonder.
He’d never seen this picture before.
Eddie looked at his own picture often. It was hidden, tucked away in an old leather journal that his mom used as a recipe book. That book contained all of his most prized possessions: his mother’s handwriting, her recipes, and in those recipes, his memories of her; and in those pages, Steve.
Steve obviously hadn’t hidden his picture, hadn’t secreted it away. He’d kept it close. It was crumpled from being squeezed into his wallet, and Eddie could see the wear on the edges, like it had been pulled out many times. Like Steve looked at it all the time.
Eddie wanted to cry.
He hadn’t realized that they both had been silent, staring at the polaroid in Steve’s hands between them, until Steve glanced up at him. He was smiling.
Eddie smiled back.
‘Let’s go home,’ Steve spoke softly, tucking the picture back into his wallet, the wallet into his pocket. He grabbed a jacket out from the pile of clothes at his feet and put it on. Eddie’s old denim jacket, the one he’d rescued from one of the abandoned trailers, the one he’d worn all summer, the one that Steve had chosen to wear to the bowling alley and the bar on Friday because he said it was warmer than his windbreaker, but Eddie had caught him taking a deep inhale as he’d put it on. He did the same now.
Eddie grabbed the box and trash bag and Steve knelt to pick up a second box, wincing.
‘Babe, I’ll take that,’ Eddie lowered his arms, making room for Steve to slot the second box on top of the first. ‘It’s too heavy.’
Steve shook his head. ‘I’m fine.’ And he walked out of the room, head held high. Eddie followed him down the stairs to the truck. Like a specter, Steve’s mom trailed after them, silent and fearful and pale.
After they loaded the boxes, Steve turned back to the house with a sigh. His mother stood in the open doorway, arms crossed, rubbing her elbows. She’d watched them the whole time.
Steve stared at her. From where he stood, Eddie saw Steve in profile, only the bruised and battered side of his face visible, white bandages covering his stitches, jaw clenched and determined. It wasn’t the right time, Eddie knew, but the thought came, unbidden: beautiful.
Steve’s fists clenched open and shut and he worried his bottom lip, glancing over at Eddie questioningly. Eddie cocked his head, not sure what he was thinking, not trusting his interpretation of the look on Steve’s face. Nervous and determined, yes but also… happy? Relieved?
Before Eddie could ask, Steve turned, mind made up about something and walked confidently back to the house, with a quick over-the-shoulder glance telling Eddie to follow.
Steve paused, right in front of his mom, Eddie at his back.
‘Goodbye, mom.’ He spoke with finality, nodded. From his tone, Eddie imagined he would reach out to her for a handshake, signaling the end of this particular transaction.
‘Oh, Stevie,’ she whispered, her voice finally breaking as she knotted her hands.
‘Eddie?’ Steve turned to look at him, raised a brow. Eddie stepped closer, Steve immediately grabbing his hand and winding their fingers together. He pulled Eddie another step, until they were standing in front of her, side by side.
‘This is Eddie,’ Steve spoke to his mother, meeting her eyes. ‘He’s my boyfriend.’
Eddie’s jaw dropped and he stared at Steve. His mother had a similar reaction. Her eyes finally showed recognition as she looked at Eddie. Oh, right. The satanist and accused murderer. Holding her only son’s hand. She looked away quickly and blushed.
‘Oh, I – oh, uh –,’ she stammered, gaze darting rapidly between the two of them but never back to Eddie directly, just his shoes, his chest. But always catching on their interwoven fingers, on Steve’s thumb running over Eddie’s knuckles.
‘He’s a good person,’ Steve continued, ignoring her reaction. ‘I know you don’t believe me, but he is. A really good person. The best. And he cares about me.’ He glanced at Eddie, almost questioning.
‘I do,’ Eddie confirmed, grinning shyly.
Eddie’s response seemed to renew Steve’s resolve, as he turned back to his mother.
‘You’d think parents would want that for their kid, right?’ Steve spoke directly to her, laser focused, though she wouldn’t meet his eyes. ‘For their kid to find a good person who cares about them. No matter what it looks like. Someone who makes them happy. Well, I have that, mom. And I know you don’t.’ Steve swallowed, as his mom inhaled sharply, her features tightening. ‘I’m sorry you don’t. I really am. Because it feels… amazing. I’m so… lucky.’ He squeezed Eddie’s hand.
‘Dad doesn’t love you,’ he continued, emotionless. Eddie flinched at the words, but Steve delivered them as if it was fact, no emotion needed. ‘He doesn’t love me. You know it’s true.’ His mom’s eyes were filling with tears, but she held herself together. And so did Steve, growing more confident with every word.
‘I hope you have a nice life, mom. I hope dad drops dead soon so you can finally find a man who actually cares about you. Maybe you can have another kid with him and try all this again. Maybe next time, you’ll get one you actually want.’ Steve paused, his voice finally breaking. Eddie stepped closer to him, their shoulders brushing. Steve took a shaky breath in, peeking at Eddie for some type of reassurance, before turning back to her.
‘But, uh, no hard feelings, huh? I’m just sorry – I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the son you wanted. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you. Goodbye.’
Eddie saw that there was more he was saying to her in the way they looked at each other. Twenty years of swallowed tears, of missed moments, of begging for a connection and love that never came. Twenty years of Steve asking for a mother. Twenty years of being denied.
Her first tears fell as Steve turned, Eddie’s hand firm in his. Her first sob came with their first steps away.
But she never stopped them.
And Steve kept walking.
***
When they got back to the cabin, Eddie finally got a taste of his own medicine when Steve grabbed a joint, a lighter, and Eddie’s Walkman and headed to the front door. He’d only stepped out for a second before sticking his head back inside.
‘I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back,’ Steve nodded his head, almost in apology, before leaving again.
‘Whoa! Hey!’ Eddie ran after him, and Steve paused on the porch steps. ‘Today’s been a lot, you should lie down –’
‘I will,’ Steve’s smile was tight. ‘I promise. I just need… I need some air,’ he laughed. ‘You get it, right?’
Eddie didn’t have a leg to stand on. And he did get it. He just hated that Steve felt like that right now. ‘Do you want me to come with you?’
‘No.’ Eddie blinked in shock at Steve’s quick response, but Steve was looking at the ground, tapping the joint against the cassette player.
He panicked, drowning for just a moment, imagining a day in the future when Steve would walk away from him without looking back, remembering a day in the past when his father did just that.
Now, Eddie needed some air, too. Instead, he swallowed, reverted to his old tried and true in the face of fear. ‘Well, don’t wander too far cause it looks like rain, and I don’t feel like searching the forest to find your ass,’ a bad joke, delivered more harshly than he intended.
Steve laughed, small and fleeting, but didn’t look up, simply tapped the hand with the joint against his heart twice, waved and walked into the woods.
To his credit, he seemed to take Eddie’s advice. Eddie kept an eye out for him the rest of the afternoon, and saw Steve weaving between the trees, circling the meadow, round and round in a loop for hours.
In between keeping watching, Eddie tried to keep himself busy, blasting music while he painted the big room, then making phone calls, a constant stream of bullshit to everyone he talked to. Telling Joyce he was sick to beg off Wednesday night dinner, telling Robin that Steve was resting today and not up for visitors, telling Merrill that he couldn’t help out at the pumpkin patch tonight because of a leaky pipe.
But when Dustin called, asking Eddie how he was doing, did he want to hang out, did he know where Steve was, he wasn’t at work or at home, did Eddie know? Eddie froze.
‘It’s not a good time for me, big guy,’ Eddie tried to answer the easy question first. Bullshitting. What was a good excuse? ‘I’m in the middle of something with the cabin and, uh, Hopper’s on my ass to finish.’ It wasn’t a total lie.
‘I thought he chilled out about that? After Steve annihilated him!’
Eddie chuckled, awkward. ‘That was ages ago, dude. I, uh, I want to get it right.’
‘Totally,’ Dustin agreed, even though Eddie couldn’t imagine he’d ever turned in an assignment late. ‘And then I’ll get to see it? Steve talks about the cabin all the time but you’ve never invited me over…’
‘It’s a disaster, buddy. When it’s all done and looking great, I’ll host you. Hors d’oeuvre’s and everything.’
‘Ooh, those chocolate blueberry muffins?’
‘More dessert than hors d’oeuvre, but sure, Henderson, whatever you want.’
‘Cool!’ Eddie just about thought he’d avoided the tougher question but, of course, Dustin never forgot anything. ‘And you really don’t know where Steve is?’
Fuck. What was Eddie supposed to say? Steve should tell Dustin himself, if he wanted to. Eddie wasn’t sure how to explain. With Robin, it was easy. She had the context, could easily understand the why, the implications. Eddie didn’t know what to say to Dustin. He didn’t know what to say to anybody else.
‘If I see him, I’ll tell him to call you. Promise.’ It was the best Eddie could do. And thankfully, it was enough for Dustin this time.
And Eddie kept his promise when Steve walked into the house an hour later as the sun was setting, breathing heavily with a sheen of sweat, headphones around his neck faintly playing what Eddie recognized as Metallica. Not Steve’s usual first choice for music. Eddie told him about his messages from Robin and Dustin, about the sandwich and pills Eddie had left for him. But Steve simply smiled tightly, jerked a thumb at the bedroom door and said he was going to lie down.
What happened to together or not at all? What happened to the Steve of a few hours ago, telling his mom that Eddie was amazing, gripping his hand right in front of her?
But Eddie looked at the boxes by the front door, at how Steve was limping into the room, remembered the loaded look he’d shared with his mom before he’d left.
It’s not about me, Eddie realized, calmed by the thought, feeling stupid that it had come so late. And god knew, space and silence always helped him figure things out.
So, Eddie continued to work, inhaling paint fumes as he finished the big room. He made himself another sandwich for dinner. He answered a call from Will telling him to feel better and asking if he wanted to go to the mall next week, then passing the phone to El so she could read Eddie her essay for English class and get his advice. He showered, turned on the furnace in the living room, laid down on the couch. He read a random book from the pile on the bookcase out here, settling in with Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy, even though he was about to get to Carrie’s bloody breaking point and would have preferred that at this moment, but that book was behind the closed bedroom door with Steve.
That’s how he fell asleep, on the couch, sweating from the burning furnace, a story of love and misunderstandings open on his chest and running through his head.
***
Eddie awoke minutes or hours later to Steve’s hesitant whisper: ‘Eddie?’
His eyes opened slowly to see Steve standing beside the couch, messy haired, bleary eyed, in a sweatshirt and boxers, his hands hidden in the sleeves, worrying the fabric between them. The room was dark except for the red glow of the furnace, throwing Steve into shadows.
He didn’t say anything more, just laid himself down next to Eddie on the couch, tossing Eddie’s book onto the coffee table. Eddie moved back to make room and didn’t fight it when Steve pulled over Eddie’s arm to wind around his chest, tucking it under his own, making himself the little spoon. Steve let out a deep sigh and nuzzled into the couch cushion, into Eddie’s arms.
Eddie thought about suggesting they should just go to bed, but it was so warm, and Steve was snuggling into him so cozily, that he simply exhaled sleepily and pulled Steve in even closer, dropping a kiss onto the back of his neck.
‘Are you okay?’ he whispered.
‘Mmm,’ Steve answered, shrugging.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
Steve shook his head slightly, lifting up Eddie’s hand that he had grasped in his own, kissing the tips of Eddie’s fingers lightly. Steve shimmied, and Eddie thought he was trying to get comfortable on the couch, before realizing that Steve was pressing his ass into Eddie’s crotch. It woke Eddie up immediately, his penis twitching to life.
Eddie still thought it was a mistake, a by-product of Steve getting comfortable – he’d been so closed off earlier, had seemed exhausted, so in his own head. Eddie was certain he was reading the signals wrong, until Steve wove his fingers through Eddie’s and moved their joined hands under his sweatshirt, onto Steve’s bare waist, running Eddie’s fingers over his stomach, up through his chest hair, down his happy trail.
Eddie’s breathing deepened and he licked his lips. When he spoke, his voice was gravel: ‘Steve, what are you –’
‘I don’t want to talk,’ Steve whispered, moving Eddie’s hand down into his boxers, guiding Eddie’s hand to wrap around his penis. He wasn’t fully hard, and Eddie took that as a sign, that he didn’t mean this, wasn’t thinking clearly. He pulled his hand away but didn’t get far before Steve grabbed it again, placing it back on his lower stomach, just above his dick.
‘Steve, I –’
‘Shut up, Eddie.’ A command, but also a plea.
Steve had twisted his head around slightly, and Eddie could see his bruises, his profile, Steve’s beauty overwhelming him again. But this was a Steve painted in blues and purples, melancholy and terse, where the Steve that Eddie knew was golden and bright, open and joyous.
But it was still his Steve, underneath all of it.
And Steve needed him.
Eddie rested his head on the back of Steve’s, inhaling deeply, a sour note of sweat overwhelming Steve’s normally clean and musky lemon scent. Eddie nodded, dropping a kiss behind his earlobe. ‘Okay,’ Eddie whispered.
He spit in his hand, moved it back to Steve’s semi, circled his finger around the tip and began moving up and down slowly but firmly, as Steve continued squirming his ass into Eddie’s crotch. Eddie felt himself hardening, as he always did with Steve, his smell, his sounds, the feel of him beckoning to Eddie, a familiar call.
But Eddie didn’t want this to be about him, so he pulled back, putting some space between their lower halves. He only got a second of relief, until Steve reached behind him, quickly tugging down Eddie’s boxers, tugging down his own, grinding his bare ass into Eddie’s now full hardon. Eddie hissed, nipping at Steve’s neck.
Steve twisted to run his fingers up and down Eddie’s shaft, as Eddie continued to pump Steve, their limbs entangled awkwardly.
Eddie wanted to see Steve, wanted to kiss him, but Steve pressed his face into the couch cushion when Eddie lifted his head to get closer. Undeterred, Eddie kissed his neck, his jaw, suckled on his earlobe, placed his face against Steve’s, laying cheek to cheek. He panted in Steve’s ear, could hear Steve’s soft moans as they each continued their work.
Before Eddie could start losing himself, Steve paused, then tilted forward and repositioned Eddie’s dick between his ass cheeks, right at his entrance. He pushed himself back with a groan, and Eddie could feel that delicious pressure, still new but already familiar. He slowed his jerking on Steve, trying to reclaim control of his own body. Wasn’t this too much? Was this what Steve really needed, what he wanted?
‘Steve, I – let’s just – let me just…’ he gasped, Steve not stopping his backwards press. If Steve needed to get off, there were other ways. Eddie began moving his hand faster, pumping Steve harder, and Steve moaned in pleasure, finally pausing.
But then he turned his head, Eddie finally getting a look at more than just a sliver of his profile. Nervous but determined.
‘I don’t want to feel…’ Steve whispered. ‘I don’t want to feel like this. I want to feel good,’ he swallowed, licking his lips, his eyes on Eddie’s mouth. ‘Make me feel good, Eddie? Please?’ Steve’s cheeks were flushed with desire, with heat from the furnace. His lips were wet and lush, his eyes pleading and desperate. (Desperate for Eddie or just desperate?)
If anyone knew about running away from one feeling to find another, it was Eddie. And if that’s what Steve wanted, if that’s what he was begging for? Whether he was desperate for Eddie, or desperate to feel something or nothing… as always, Eddie wanted to give Steve whatever he wanted.
Eddie shifted his arm that had been trapped under Steve’s body, bringing it around to clutch him around the chest, pressing Steve into him tightly. With that hand, Eddie tilted Steve’s head towards him, his eyes running over Steve’s face, Steve staring back at him, pupils wide and dark. Eddie moved forward slowly, meeting Steve’s open mouth in a hard kiss, tongues moving against each other.
He released his hand from Steve’s cock and saw defeat and disappointment flash across Steve’s face, until Eddie held his hand up to Steve’s mouth.
‘Spit for me, baby.’ Steve’s eyes lit up as he did as Eddie commanded, Eddie adding more to his cupped hand, before bringing it down to stroke over his own cock, lubing up as best he could with spit and pre-come, not wanting to let Steve go, knowing that Steve would not want him to let go.
‘This might hurt… more than last time,’ Eddie warned, pausing.
Steve didn’t speak, simply hitched one knee up in front of him. The couch was deep, but Eddie still felt the back cushion was suffocating, so he tossed them both away, the leather pillows falling loudly to the floor. Eddie scooted back a bit, pulling Steve with him. They twisted together on the dark leather.
Eddie’s hand caressed Steve’s chest under his shirt, playing with a nipple, as he inserted a finger gently, trying as best he could to help Steve. ‘Relax for me… be a good boy and relax for me.’
He felt Steve’s deep breath under his hand, felt Steve’s body relaxing inch by inch.
Eddie lined himself up and pressed in slowly. Steve tensed, gasping, the ease of a second ago disappearing.
‘Relax, baby, relax…’ Eddie whispered, feeling Steve loosening slowly as he continued moving, torturously slowly, trying to ignore how good it felt, so fucking good, so perfect, so tight.
Eddie didn’t want to lose himself this time, couldn’t lose control. It wasn’t about him. But god, he couldn’t help himself, sighing deeply as he continued sinking himself in, simply being inside Steve already making his mind slip away.
He started moving in gentle pulses, circling his hips as he clutched Steve to his chest. He felt the vibrations as Steve groaned, bringing a knee up further.
‘Fuck, yes, Eddie…’ Steve babbled softly, laughing as an ecstatic smile overtook his face.
‘Do you feel good, baby?’ Eddie whispered, increasing his pace.
‘So good, so good…’ Steve whined.
Eddie bit his lip in concentration, bringing one hand onto Steve’s hip to hold him in place as he continued his thrusts. He felt much more present this time. It was less overwhelming in its newness, less frantic. And he couldn’t see Steve’s face, always so beautiful and distracting with his bruised lips and flushed cheeks, pained and pleased at the same time.
Eddie felt more than before, more than last time, their first time – how tight Steve was, Steve’s pulses as he moved his body into Eddie’s thrusts. With Eddie’s hand on his hip, Steve moved his own to stroke himself, Eddie noticing that he was timing his moves to Eddie’s pace.
Eddie splayed the hand over Steve’s chest wider to hold him in place and sucked on the skin on the back of his neck, his nose pressed into Steve’s hair. While Steve pumped himself, Eddie moved his other hand to Steve’s balls, massaging them and the sensitive area between there and his ass.
He wanted to distract Steve with sensation. Steve said he wanted to feel good, wanted to not feel how he’d been feeling earlier – and it worked, as Steve groaned out Eddie’s name, tossing his head back. Eddie shifted just in time to avoid a broken nose, capturing Steve’s head on his shoulder, laying his face against his.
Steve was always vocal in bed, always telling Eddie when he was ready, he was hard, he was close, to go faster, harder, slower, stay there, come here. By the way he was moving and breathing, Eddie knew what he was going to say: ‘I’m close, I’m close, oh fuck, please, Eddie, fuck me, Eddie…’
Steve moaning his name pooled inside of him, fueling his hips as he rocked into Steve more firmly, tilting slightly so that he could hit the right spot. As soon as he did, Steve arched up in front of him with a yell, fingers digging into Eddie’s arm.
‘Come for me, baby, come for me now…’ Eddie huffed out between breaths, his voice almost drowned out by the slapping of his hips against Steve’s ass, by the sticking leather, by Steve’s moans. He circled, hitting Steve’s spot over and over. He almost floated out of his body, still not believing that he was here right now, inside of Steve, making him feel this way, making him scream his name, feeling all of this with him. ‘Come for me, baby boy. Together. Let’s go together, do it for me…’
And as commanded, Steve exhaled heavily, spasming in Eddie’s arms as he started to crest. Eddie felt the pulses in Steve’s balls in his hand, the convulsion inside of Steve – all of that sensation tipped Eddie over the edge. When Steve finally orgasmed, they came together, Eddie following seconds later with a loud groan, hips bucking violently out of his control, feeling his own come spilling into and out of Steve. With Steve shivering in aftershocks, Eddie came down, continuing to circle inside of Steve as long as he could, dropping kisses on the back of Steve’s neck.
Steve whispered ‘Thank you, god, fuck, thank you…’ into the couch, and for as amazing as this had been, with all of Eddie’s presence and attention, he missed seeing Steve’s face. He reached up and tilted Steve’s face to his, kissing him deeply. Steve was smiling and flushed, looking so fucking happy that Eddie wanted more. He unsheathed and shifted them both, turning Steve around fully to face him.
He pulled Steve close, their arms wrapping around each other, legs entangled, softening dicks resting against each other. Eddie felt so high in this moment.
‘You’re incredible,’ Eddie whispered against Steve’s mouth between kisses. ‘You’re so beautiful, you’re amazing, I fucking –’ Eddie swallowed what he was about to say, kissing Steve quickly, filling the silence, with: ‘I fucking feel fantastic…’
But he fucking loved Steve.
He knew it, every part of him knew it. But saying it after great sex, saying it for the first time in the afterglow seemed to cheapen it. And it was anything but cheap.
It was priceless.
Steve hadn’t seemed to notice Eddie’s pause, as continued dropping kisses onto Eddie’s face, neck, throat. ‘Thank you,’ he kissed Eddie’s chin, ‘Thank you for that.’
‘You’re welcome,’ Eddie grinned lazily.
Steve stilled, his eyebrows bunched, a heavy emotion on his face. ‘Thank you for being you,’ he said, serious and slow.
‘You’re welcome,’ Eddie replied in a similar tone, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.
Steve’s eyes dropped and he sighed. It didn’t sound like a happy sigh, like a satisfied sigh. It sounded sad. And when he looked back up at Eddie, that’s what Eddie thought he saw in the dim furnace light. A sadness, a weariness in Steve that shouldn’t be there. Not ever, but especially not now, not when he was in Eddie’s arms, not after Eddie was supposed to have made him feel good.
I should say it, Eddie thought. I should say it because it’s true and it would make him happy. It would erase that look, replace that look.
Eddie took a deep breath but before he could speak, Steve reached up a hand to cover Eddie’s mouth. Eddie could smell come and sex and sweat on his fingers.
‘Can we – can we not talk? Can we just…’ Steve nuzzled into Eddie’s chest, tightening his grip on Eddie. Eddie wrapped his arms around him, wove a hand through his hair, pulling Steve’s head underneath his chin.
And so, the moment passed.
‘Sure, babe,’ Eddie said instead. ‘Whatever you want.’
***
When Eddie woke in the morning, his arm was numb, and his leg ached from how it was twisted, both limbs caught underneath a sleeping Steve. He could only smile at Steve’s face for a second – mouth open, drooling, snoring, hair in disarray – before the urge to piss overtook him. He tried not to move Steve too much as he shuffled to the bathroom, but Steve was almost dead to the world. Even when Eddie made coffee on the hissing old percolator, Steve continued to snore.
Eddie put on his work boots and his leather jacket over his boxers and t-shirt, and stepped out onto the porch to drink his coffee. It was a gray, drizzly, foggy morning, but he enjoyed the chill after the stifling warmth of the furnace that ran all night. His mind was finally fully waking as he took deep breaths of the cold air, and he closed his eyes to enjoy the sound of the wind and the birds.
He heard the approaching car before he saw it, immediately jumping to his feet, setting his coffee mug aside, on high alert. Eddie relaxed a little once he realized that it was just Hopper, but the unexpected visit still rattled him. He glanced nervously over his shoulder, to where Steve lay half naked on the couch. Fuck.
Eddie nodded a quick greeting as Hopper parked the car and grabbed a plastic bag from the passenger seat before slamming the door.
‘Morning,’ Hopper nodded to Eddie on the porch, a confused look on his face.
‘Hey, Hop,’ Eddie replied, picking up his coffee mug again and leaning on the railing. ‘What are you doing here?’ He tried not to sound too curious, too eager for Hopper to leave.
‘You feeling okay?’ Hopper raised an eyebrow as he walked up to the cabin, pausing at the stairs, looking up at Eddie, evaluating something. ‘Pretty cold out…’
‘Um, yeah. I’m good.’ Eddie answered, cocking his head at Hop’s confused expression.
‘Joyce said you were sick, couldn’t come to dinner tonight,’ Hopper said slowly, holding up the bag in his hand. ‘She sent over some soup but, uh, you seem fine.’
‘Oh.’ Shit. All the bullshitting he’d done yesterday, coming back to bite him. ‘Yeah, um, it’s not like a bad cold, it’s more like a, you know, like a little head cold. Like a sniffle thing.’ Eddie exaggeratedly sniffed in, to reinforce the point.
‘Uh huh.’ Hopper narrowed his eyes and Eddie stared back as innocently as he could.
As they silently regarded each other, Hopper hoping for Eddie to break, Eddie hoping for Hopper to buy it and leave, Steve popped his head out the door. ‘Eddie?’ He blinked sleepily before he saw Hopper. ‘Oh. Hopper. Hey.’
Hopper dropped his bag onto the damp dirt with a dull thud and vaulted up the stairs to Steve in three large steps. He pulled Steve onto the porch and grabbed his chin, turning his face from side to side, eyes blazing as he took in Steve’s injuries. ‘Fucking hell,’ he muttered. ‘What the hell happened?’
‘Oh, um…’ Steve stammered, looking to Eddie helplessly, Hopper’s gaze following as he glared at Eddie.
‘Did you do this?’ Hopper asked, halfway between accusing and disbelieving.
‘Fuck no!’ Eddie scoffed. Why was that everyone’s first thought?
‘Then what the hell happened?’ Hopper directed his question both to Eddie and Steve, head whipping back and forth between them. Eddie shrugged in Steve’s direction, telling him: it’s up to you.
Steve sighed, pulling Hopper’s attention to him. ‘I got in a fight.’
‘With who?’
‘Doesn’t matter.’
‘Why?’
‘Doesn’t matter.’
‘When?’ Hopper huffed, crossing his arms, annoyed.
Steve opened his mouth and Eddie could see the same retort on his tongue but he must have reconsidered, taking in Hopper’s pose. Instead, Steve breathed deeply and replied honestly. ‘A few days ago…’
‘Days?!’ Hopper exploded, rounding on Eddie. ‘Days?! You knew about this for days!?’
‘Yes, sir,’ Eddie answered, folding his arms protectively in front of himself. He knew it was just Hopper but this accusing tone from an authority figure rankled him and he had to bite back the more colorful language he wanted to use, had to clench his fists against the finger he wanted to lift up.
Hopper shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘You’ve been to a doctor?’ he finally asked Steve after he’d regained some calm.
‘Yes,’ Steve nodded once, holding himself in a similar stiff pose as Eddie. Eddie grabbed his own hand, twisting his own fingers together, wishing they were Steve’s.
‘And?’ Hopper asked.
‘Everything’s fine,’ Steve nodded as he reported. ‘They gave me painkillers. Stitches come out next week.’
‘Stitches, fucking stitches,’ Hopper mumbled to himself, head still shaking. ‘So, this is why you can’t come to dinner?’ he asked Eddie, waving in Steve’s direction. ‘You’re not sick?!’
Eddie shook his head. Hopper’s tone was still loud, still accusing. Eddie’s heart sped up. Wayne had learned long ago that a gentle touch and the silent treatment with a little bit of guilt trip mixed in worked better on Eddie than yelling. It was Eddie usually doing the yelling anyway, Uncle Wayne taking it all unflinchingly, a brick wall.
Hopper seemed to be calming down but now he eyed Steve curiously. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘What?’ Steve answered, almost in a squeak, his eyes darting to Eddie.
‘I mean, why aren’t you at home, Steve?’
Steve swallowed, eyes still flashing to Eddie. Eddie dug his nails into his palms to stop himself from reaching out to him. Eddie lifted a shoulder, lifted one eyebrow in Steve’s direction. Whatever you want to do, babe, he thought. Tell the truth or a lie. I’ll have your back.
Steve hung his head, mumbling to the floor. ‘I can’t go home.’
Hopper seemed to hear the truth in his answer by the way his shoulders dropped, the way he sighed. But he still asked: ‘Why not?’
‘I just – I can’t,’ Steve finally met his eye.
Hopper darted a glance at Eddie, but Eddie simply shrugged. ‘You’ve been here a few days?’ Hopper asked Steve. Eddie swallowed nervously. Steve had been here a lot longer than that. ‘You’ve been staying here because you got beat up and can’t go home…’ Hopper seemed to be telling the story to himself, even though he was looking at Steve.
Steve nodded in response. Eddie saw how he shivered, still in his boxers, his sweatshirt, no shoes, no coat. Eddie also saw his eye twitching, how he was running his hands over his crossed arms. Steve needed breakfast; he needed his medicine; he needed the warmth of the cabin. Eddie needed Hopper to leave.
Hopper had been silent, working something over in his head as he looked at Steve. He finally nodded and took a step back, gesturing to his car. ‘Okay, come on. Let’s go.’
‘What?’ Steve asked, as Eddie yelped: ‘Where?’
‘You’re staying with us,’ Hopper nodded confidently. ‘El and Will can bunk together for a while, until you get better, figure this out.’
Steve’s panicked eyes found Eddie’s, but Eddie was already moving toward him, stepping in front of Steve, shielding him from Hopper’s view.
‘He’s staying here,’ Eddie didn’t recognize the voice that he used, deeper and darker than he’d heard from himself before. ‘I’m taking care of him. I got it.’
Whether it was Eddie’s voice or his words or his defensive stance, Hopper’s eyes lit up in anger. ‘You don’t “got it”, Eddie! Jesus!’ he yelled at the sky, ‘You’re a kid, okay? Same as him! I know you all think you’re so grown up after everything you went through, but you’re still just kids!’ Hopper was yelling now, voice loud and angry, spittle flying as his face reddened. He’d punctuated each of his last few words with an annoyed finger slamming into Eddie’s chest.
Eddie didn’t flinch. He felt Steve behind him, grabbing the hem of his leather jacket, his fingers slipping onto his lower back. Steve’s hands were cold and trembling. It only made Eddie’s resolve stronger.
‘He’s not going anywhere, Hopper.’
‘He needs help, Eddie!’ Hopper yelled, towering over Eddie, but Eddie raised his head, met Hopper’s irate gaze directly.
‘I am helping him! I took him to the hospital, I’m giving him his pills, I’m changing his bandages!’ Eddie knew he was screaming, all control lost now. He wasn’t taking this, not when he knew in his bones, in everything he held true, that he was in the right. That Steve belonged with him, that he was the best person to take care of him. He didn’t care what he had to say to make Hopper understand that. The fear of Steve leaving overtook any other fear he felt. ‘He’s staying with me!’
Hopper shook his head, sneering, and he took a breath, his mouth opening with some retort, some counterargument but Eddie didn’t want to hear it and jumped in before Hopper could speak.
‘Jesus Christ, I know you think I’m just a fucking screw up who you have to give hand outs to, but I’m not some helpless kid! I haven’t been in a long fucking time! I can take care of myself, and I can take care of him! We don’t need you, Hopper!’
Hopper let out a booming, bitter laugh. ‘You’re staying in my fucking house, Eddie!’ he said almost triumphantly, looking down at him.
Eddie clenched his jaw. Fuck that.
‘Not anymore,’ Eddie whispered to Hopper’s chest.
‘What!?’ Hopper asked, as Eddie turned to Steve, who’d kept his fingers hooked under Eddie’s jacket the entire time.
‘Can you pack your things?’ Eddie asked Steve, who nodded quickly. Eddie turned back to Hopper with a resolute nod. ‘We’re leaving. We’ll be gone in an hour.’
‘What?!’ Hopper flinched back as if Eddie had struck him. ‘Whoa, whoa, hey –,’ Hopper lunged forward, slamming the door shut that Steve had just started opening. Eddie instinctively pushed Steve behind him again, still barricading him from Hopper with his body. Hopper squinted curiously Eddie’s defensive action and he sighed heavily, defeatedly. ‘Fucking hell,’ he whispered to himself, slamming his fist into the door. Eddie felt Steve flinch behind him.
Hopper huffed, walked to the porch railing, looking away from them and taking repetitive deep breaths. While he was turned away, Eddie reached behind him and grabbed Steve’s hand, squeezing tightly, Steve returning the action with pulses of his own.
‘You kids and your fucking loyalty,’ Hopper eventually spoke, still staring out at the forest. ‘You know there are consequences to your actions?’ he asked, finally turning around, a frustrated look on his face.
‘No shit, Hop,’ Eddie sighed.
‘So, you’d what? Drop your whole life here, just because I’m trying to help him? You’d leave everything because of some hissy fit? You need to grow up, Eddie.’
‘It’s not a hissy fit. And I am fucking grown,’ Eddie answered calmly, despite how he bristled. ‘I’m already helping him, Hop. Why is my help worth less than yours? He came to me, he’s my… friend,’ Eddie’s voice broke on the word.
He saw Hopper winding up to say something but continued: ‘And yeah, I’d leave not because you’re trying to help but because you don’t fucking trust me, Hopper. I’d rather be on my own than take your charity if it comes with strings. If you throw it in my fucking face like that.’
Hopper paused, his face crumpling at Eddie’s words. As soon as he’d said them, Eddie realized how true they were. He’d rather leave and rebuild on his own terms than stay here at the whim of someone who didn’t believe in him.
‘I do trust you, kid,’ Hopper whispered.
‘You say that, Hop, but I don’t think you do.’
‘I do,’ he nodded firmly. ‘I do, it’s just that – fuck! Seeing you kids all scared and beaten and bloody, just, like… I can’t fucking handle that anymore, okay. So, I’m sorry,’ Hopper directed this to Eddie, but also leaned around him to look at Steve. ‘It made me a little crazy, and I’m sorry.’ Eddie couldn’t remember if he’d ever heard Hopper apologize before.
‘I went crazy, too. When I saw,’ Eddie admitted. ‘I don’t like the beaten up thing, either.’
‘Me neither, obviously,’ Steve chimed in, and Eddie fought a smile at his tone.
‘Steve, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need,’ Hopper offered to him, then focused on Eddie. ‘And you, too. But, kid,’ Hopper shook his head. ‘Eddie… I really hoped you’d learned by now.’ Eddie tilted his head in confusion. ‘It’s not just you anymore. There are people here to help you. You should have come to me as soon as this happened.’
‘No, Hop,’ Eddie corrected him, and he saw Hopper’s eyes flash again. Eddie tried to smile, tried to reassure him this wasn’t a fight. ‘I could have come to you. Not should have…’
‘Could’ve, would’ve, should’ve, whatever,’ Hopper sighed. ‘I just – you can trust me, too, kid. You know that, right? Cause I also, you know… don’t always feel it from you, either.’ Hopper squirmed a little at the confession. All this time, Eddie had been trying to suss out whether Hopper actually liked him, whether he was helping Eddie as a friend or just a concerned authority figure. Maybe Hopper had been trying to figure Eddie out just as much.
‘I’m sorry,’ Eddie apologized, and Hopper’s eyebrows darted up. ‘You don’t have to look so shocked,’ Eddie laughed. ‘I apologize when I’m wrong. But I’m not wrong about not coming to you about Steve, that’s – that’s his business, who he wants to tell about stuff like that. But I am sorry for forgetting that you care. Cause you’ve made that clear to me. A lot. And I do appreciate it. Really.’
Hopper huffed a deep breath. ‘Apology accepted.’ He paused, looking at the two of them. ‘What the fuck am I supposed to do now?’
‘What do you mean?’ Eddie laughed.
‘She’ll murder me. If Joyce finds out about this,’ Hopper waved a hand at Steve’s face. ‘And she finds out I left you both here, didn’t give her a chance to smother you healthy…’
‘We’ll come to dinner,’ Steve’s small voice spoke from behind him. Eddie had almost forgotten he was there. ‘Next week,’ Steve clarified when both Eddie and Hopper looked at him questioningly. ‘I’ll be all bruises and puppy dog eyes, she won’t get pissed at you. Promise. I’ll, uh, beg for forgiveness on your behalf or whatever.’
‘You boys are killing me,’ Hopper sighed. ‘Fine. Dinner next week. And Eddie, I expect an update on this fucking cabin. You better be so close to being done…’
‘I am,’ Eddie promised. ‘I will be.’
Hopper regarded Eddie intensely for a moment but before Eddie could squirm under his attention, he held out a hand for Eddie to shake. His hands were large and warm and rough around Eddie’s, his handshake firm. After a second, Hopper let go, and instead pulled Eddie in for a tight hug, almost suffocating him against his broad chest. It took Eddie a moment to respond, wrapping his arms around Hopper’s middle hesitantly. When they pulled apart, Hopper ruffled Eddie’s hair with a smile.
Hopper looked to Steve. ‘You really okay?’
‘I will be. Eddie’s taking really good care of me.’
‘Good,’ Hopper nodded. He paused, then very gently pulled Steve into a hug of his own. Eddie only saw Steve’s shocked expression for a second before he lost him inside Hopper’s large frame, Hopper’s hand resting on his head.
He held Steve at arm’s length for a second before squeezing his shoulders and letting go. ‘You kids shouldn’t have to be so brave all the time…’ Hopper whispered sadly. Then more loudly, shaking himself out of whatever trance he’d been in: ‘And for god’s sake, stop finding trouble! You’d think you’d have some self-preservation instinct by now, Jesus…’
‘Oh, Hop, you know trouble finds us, not the other way around,’ Eddie grimaced with a smile. Steve snorted behind him.
‘Yeah, about once a year or so, we’re actually ahead of schedule,’ Steve chimed in.
Hopper shook his head, sighing. ‘I’m glad you dickheads find it funny.’
‘Gotta laugh at the ridiculous, Hop. You’d go crazy otherwise,’ Eddie said.
‘You know plenty of kids your age have never even been punched?’ Hop challenged. ‘It really is possible, you guys should try it sometime.’
‘Maybe next year,’ Steve shrugged, and Hopper finally smiled.
He looked at them both again, eyes darting, clearly still working through his decision to let Steve stay. He finally sighed. ‘If you need anything – anything! – call me. I’m serious, Eddie,’ he glared.
‘Okay,’ Eddie said.
‘Eddie.’
‘I got it! Promise!’ he held up a hand in what he thought was a badge of honor but realized those promises didn’t mean shit to him. He instead held out a pinky and Hopper huffed a laugh before taking it, shaking their linked fingers up and down.
‘Joyce is going to lose her mind…’ he whispered to himself as he walked away. ‘Next week!’ he turned around as he opened the car door. ‘Dinner!’
‘Yup!’ Eddie called over. ‘Promise!’ He held up his pinky and winked. Hopper rolled his eyes but waved as he drove away.
Eddie watched the car make it’s way down the dirt path, through the woods, making sure Hopper was finally gone, before he slumped in relief, finally turning back to Steve and wrapping him in his arms. Steve felt limp under him, his hands barely coming up to meet behind Eddie’s back. When Eddie pulled back to look at him, Steve was pale, sweaty, bags under his eyes. But he was smiling.
‘What?’ Eddie asked, tilting his head, bemused at Steve’s expression.
‘You were ready to punch him,’ Steve almost giggled.
Eddie rolled his eyes. ‘I wasn’t going to punch him.’ He rested his hands on Steve’s hips, pulling him in close, grinning back at him.
Steve turned more serious, smile dropping slowly. ‘You were going to leave.’ He spoke quietly, cautiously.
‘I wasn’t going to leave you,’ Eddie dug his fingers into Steve’s waist.
‘I know, but… you were really going to go?’ A question but not a question: You were ready to go because of me.
Eddie simply shrugged, nodded in response. ‘I would have. If I had to.’
Steve’s eyes darted over Eddie’s face, his mouth drawn in a thin line, his hands resting on Eddie’s biceps, fingers curling against the leather. Eddie wasn’t sure what Steve was thinking, his expression unfamiliar. Eddie’s stomach dropped slightly, wondering what was going on in his head, not used to being on the outside of Steve’s thoughts anymore.
Steve started worrying his lower lip, teeth catching on where his split lip was scabbing over. Eddie watched his lip redden under the bite. He was about to tell Steve to stop, that he’d hurt himself, that he’d open the wound, so was caught off-guard when Steve spoke softly.
‘I love you, you know.’
Eddie blinked as the words sunk in.
‘Fuck you, Harrington,’ he sighed, but couldn’t stop his mouth from twitching into a smile.
Steve’s eyes bugged out and he pulled back a little. ‘Not the response I was hoping for…’
Eddie laughed and kissed him gently. ‘I love you, too,’ he said, resting their foreheads together. ‘I just wanted to be the first one to say it, that’s all.’
‘Guess I win this one?’ Steve smirked, nuzzling his face against Eddie’s.
‘No,’ Eddie whispered, seriously. ‘I’m definitely the winner here.’
‘I don’t know, Munson,’ Steve tsked, raising an eyebrow. ‘I’m feeling pretty victorious, and as a jock, I should know…’
‘Hmm,’ Eddie hummed against Steve’s mouth. ‘Call it a tie?’
Steve laughed before kissing Eddie deeply, hungrily, breathing out between their kisses: ‘Deal.’
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 30: "The Lucky One"
Steve could use the fun, now that he was a broke, homeless orphan. Yup, fun would be good. A party would be good. Dressing up would be good.
And he wanted to look good.
Instead, he was mottled in purple and yellow and green. His eyes crinkled and sagged where they hadn’t before. And now, also, against all the odds and against all his best efforts: his hair was flat.
‘Fuck me, not today…’ Steve sighed.
Chapter 30: The Lucky One
Summary:
‘Eddie! Bats tried to eat your organs! We defeated fucking Vecna! This isn’t the worst thing that happened to me! This is just… it’s just bruises…’
Eddie stayed silent during Steve’s tirade, face softening as his breath gave out towards the end. ‘But it’s different, Steve.’
‘How!?’ Steve challenged, crossing his arms.
Eddie shrugged. ‘Now, you’re my boyfriend. And, well, um… it happened because of –’
‘This is not your fault!’
‘Isn’t it?’ Eddie asked, bitterly.
Notes:
Happy new year! For those of you still reading, thanks for your patience as I got this chapter out :)
I forgot to bring my notes for this fic when I traveled over the holidays, so I actually started a second one. It's holiday-themed but definitely won't be finished for a few weeks, hope people stay in a festive mood for a while... would love it if you checked it out, it's Steddie as inspired by The Holiday: "if you were a melody (i used only the good notes)"
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve hadn’t looked in a mirror all week. The last time he’d seen his face, it had been in the mirror in his bathroom, after he and Eddie showered together, when he’d brushed his teeth, quickly running some product through his hair while Eddie finished rinsing off.
He looked older, he thought. It wasn’t just the bruises and the stitches marring his appearance. Maybe it was his eyes? He leaned in closer to examine his unbruised eye in the bathroom mirror. He looked tired, yes. Hollowed out. Had he had those feathery creases around the edges before?
Steve placed his hands on his cheeks and pulled down, flinching at the pain as the movement pulled on his stitches, as it pressed on his bruises. He contorted his face into various shapes as he stuck out his tongue, opened his mouth wide. No matter what configuration he attempted – older.
And not only that…
‘Fuck,’ he sighed, running a hand through his hair. He’d just showered, blow dried it, trying to get ready for the Halloween party tonight. Both Eddie and Robin had insisted that the Halloween party was a bad idea, nobody was expecting them, Steve should stay home and rest.
But he was tired of resting. He was tired of feeling broken and sad and fearful. Did he want to go to a party? Not really. But did he want to stay home? Fuck no.
He’d been to hundreds of parties. From birthday parties growing up, keggers and bonfires and house parties in high school, galas and formal events with his parents. Did school dances count as parties? Yes, he thought. If he dressed up and had fun, it was a party.
So, tonight was just another party. A chance to get out of the house. It would be the first time all week when Eddie wouldn’t be watching him intently, the first time all week when he could think about something other than his own pathetic life. Because tonight was about Robin, and getting her a girlfriend, and actually having some fucking fun.
He could use the fun, now that he was a broke, homeless orphan. Yup, fun would be good. A party would be good. Dressing up would be good.
And he wanted to look good.
Instead, he was mottled in purple and yellow and green. His eyes crinkled and sagged where they hadn’t before. And now, also, against all the odds and against all his best efforts: his hair was flat.
‘Fuck me, not today…’ Steve sighed, as he reached for the hairspray, trying to get his hair back to its usual volume. He flipped his head upside down, combing the strands straight and sprayed. That was a little better. But the damn curl…
‘Holy shit, Steve, how are you still in there?’ Eddie called through the shut bathroom door. ‘I gotta piss!’
‘Just a sec!’ Steve yelled back, lifting up his roots and spraying more.
‘Too fucking long,’ Eddie said, as he opened the door and headed straight for the toilet. He unzipped and peed, letting out a sigh of relief. ‘Are you still doing your hair?’ Eddie scoffed, one eye on his stream, one eye on Steve. ‘You know you’re already the prettiest boy in the world,’ he winked.
‘It doesn’t look right,’ Steve sighed, forcing a lightness into his eyes that he didn’t feel, and ignoring Eddie’s facetious compliment, turning his head back and forth.
‘Let me see,’ Eddie reached across Steve to quickly wash his hands, drying them on his t-shirt, before turning Steve to face him. Steve watched his face as Eddie examined Steve’s hair and had to bite his lip to stop from smiling at Eddie’s serious expression, at how his eyes ran over Steve’s hair from left to right and back again. ‘Looks good to me, babe,’ Eddie said after a second with a smile.
Steve rolled his eyes. ‘You know I can’t trust your opinion.’
‘What? Why the fuck not?’
‘Okay, well, A – you always say I look good,’ Steve counted on his finger as Eddie scoffed, ‘and B – I mean, I can’t trust your judgment, look at your hair!’
‘What’s wrong with my hair?’ Eddie leaned to look at it in the mirror. ‘It looks perfect.’
‘It’s a disaster, Eddie.’
‘Yes, exactly.’
Steve pressed Eddie down to sit on the ledge of the bathtub, then wet his hands and squirted some conditioner and gel into his palms. Eddie watched him with an amused smile.
‘What do you think you’re doing, Harrington?’
‘You’re my boyfriend and I love you but I’m fixing this,’ Steve said seriously, running his fingers through Eddie’s hair, ignoring the smug look on Eddie’s face and the way he wrapped his hands around the back of Steve’s thighs while he worked.
‘Okay, boyfriend who loves me,’ Eddie smirked up at him, closing his eyes as Steve’s fingers worked through his hair. Steve still couldn’t believe how soft Eddie’s hair was, completely naturally. It looked frizzy and wiry because of the curls but looks were deceiving. He loved running his fingers through Eddie’s hair, looking at Eddie’s hair, smelling and biting and nuzzling Eddie’s hair. He loved how wild and crazy it was. But lately it had been a little extra… chaotic.
‘When’s the last time you had a haircut?’ Steve couldn’t resist asking, trying not to get too distracted by Eddie’s happy hums.
‘Uh, after I got back. Hopper made me.’
Steve paused. ‘In the summer?’ Eddie nodded, eyes still closed.
‘Okay, well, that explains it…’ Steve reached for his shears. ‘Hold still.’
Eddie opened one eye and then reared back when he saw the scissors. ‘Oh, no! Nope!’
‘Why not?’
‘I don’t cut my hair!’
Steve crossed his arms. ‘Really? Never?’
‘Only under direct orders from Wayne!’ He paused, tilting his head. ‘Or Hopper, that one time.’
Steve rolled his eyes. ‘It doesn’t hurt, you know.’
‘It’s not that,’ Eddie scoffed. ‘It’s just… nobody can – I’ve never had a good haircut, okay? People don’t know what to do with –’ he gestured at his curly mop. ‘I just hack away at it whenever it looks too crazy.’
‘Don’t you trust me?’
‘Of course, I trust you…’
‘Okay, then let me “hack away” at a few pieces…’ Steve made air quotes with one hand, waving the scissors in the other. ‘You know I won’t make it look any worse.’
Eddie huffed but finally nodded yes. ‘You’re the one who’ll have to look at it if you do,’ he mumbled.
‘Exactly,’ Steve smiled. ‘Reason for me to do a good job. Now hold still!’
‘Not too short!’ Eddie exclaimed, pulling back at the last second. Steve rolled his eyes but nodded.
Eddie crossed his arms and closed his eyes and Steve snorted at how annoyed he looked. But Steve had tamed the curls already, which definitely helped. He grabbed small sections of Eddie’s bangs, twisted them, trimmed slightly, stepping back every few snips to check his work, continued the same around his head, stepping into the bathtub to get at the back.
‘Seriously, Steve?’ Eddie asked, annoyed, when he saw Steve climbing behind him. Steve ignored him, continued clipping, letting the cut strands float onto him, onto Eddie, onto the floor and tub.
It had only taken a few minutes, but Steve was proud of his work, announcing brightly: ‘All done!’ It was a quick trim, barely an inch, but sometimes that’s all it took, the difference between a good hair day and a bad one, the reason why Steve had started trimming his own hair so long ago, as vital maintenance between cuts.
‘Really?’ Eddie twisted around, a disbelieving eyebrow raised. Steve nodded to the mirror, and Eddie walked over to look.
‘Oh.’ Eddie fought a smile as he turned his head from side to side. ‘Cool.’
‘Good, right?’ Steve leaned against the wall confidently. It looked good, he knew it and so did Eddie.
‘What did you – how did you –’
‘Just some leave-in conditioner and a trim, baby, easy peasy.’
‘You know this is all just getting tied back for my costume, right?’
‘Well,’ Steve wrapped his arms around Eddie and rested his head on his shoulder so they could both look in the mirror. ‘We’ll just have to untie it later, won’t we?’ he whispered into Eddie’s ear, trailing his fingers up and down the smooth fabric of his t-shirt.
Eddie laughed but Steve saw a flash of something on his face but it was gone quickly, a teasing raised brow taking its place. ‘I didn’t know hair care made you so horny…’
‘Didn’t you?’ Steve glanced around the bathroom, at the number of hair care products that he’d briefly been ashamed of, before realizing that Eddie had been washing his hair with bar soap and that taking over the bathroom with his hair stuff was far less shameful than that.
‘Maybe let’s skip all the party stuff and just, uh… stay home, leave my hair down,’ Eddie raised an eyebrow suggestively but bit his lip, nervous, ploy glaringly obvious.
‘Well, that’s a new one, but no. For the hundredth time, we’re going out tonight! And you’re not missing that stupid Hellfire party, either, if you miss one more DnD thing cause of me, Dustin will skin me alive...’
Apparently, Eddie had instituted an annual Halloween tradition for the Hellfire Club, some type of mini game that involved real life dares, Steve couldn’t remember the details, his mind always wandering when Eddie went on too long about DnD, especially when his left ear was still muffled. But the party was tonight, and Eddie was the guest of honor.
Dustin had called no less than a dozen times confirming it, basically making Eddie sign a blood pact that he wouldn’t miss it.
And whenever Steve thought of Dustin lately, his stomach sank. He hadn’t seen him in weeks. Had avoided all of his calls. When he’d left a third message for Steve with Eddie, growing increasingly hysterical when Steve wasn’t at his house or at work or with Eddie or Robin or anywhere else, Steve finally phoned him.
It was a bullshit excuse. A “family emergency” that meant he wouldn’t be around this week, he was sorry, he’d call when he could.
Steve felt nervous saying it. Wondered if Hopper had told Joyce who had told Will and El who had told Dustin and the rest of them, if everyone actually knew that Steve had gotten in a bad fight and was holed up at the cabin, that he wasn’t able to go home. If Dustin knew he was lying.
And there was that sinking feeling again.
Steve only lied because he didn’t know what version of the truth would satisfy Dustin. He could get away with “none of your business” or “doesn’t matter” excuses with others and only for so long. He knew it wouldn’t work on Dustin, that he wouldn’t accept it, that he’d need all the data and would need to examine it from every angle. He’d arrive at the truth no matter what Steve said.
And there was that sinking feeling again.
Steve shook it off, tried smiling at Eddie, but Eddie seemed to read his thoughts.
‘You could come, too, you know? Just hang out? Henderson would be thrilled to see you…’
‘No, no, that’s… that’s okay. I’ll see him later. Next week or something. When I look less like a rotten banana,’ Steve waved at his face with a tight laugh.
‘What do you want me to tell him? Or what should I say if he asks about you?’
‘Nothing,’ Steve shook his head. ‘Nothing, I’ll tell him myself. He’ll be pissed I kept it from him. Like, so pissed,’ Steve took a shaky breath. ‘But I’ll deal with it. He’ll have to forgive me eventually, right?’
Eddie squeezed his shoulder. ‘Eventually… but we know that butthead can hold a grudge.’
Steve snorted. ‘Hoping the bruises and puppy dog eyes work on him, too.’
‘You’re really putting a lot of faith in those puppy dog eyes.’
‘I know,’ Steve sighed, looking in the mirror, examining his tired eyes. ‘They’re less puppy and more Old Yeller now anyway…’
‘Hmm, let me see,’ Eddie took Steve’s face in his hands, turning his head from side to side, this time examining Steve’s face closely, not his hair. Steve grinned, resting his hands on Eddie’s hips. ‘Nope. Still the prettiest boy in the world.’
Steve again rolled his eyes, but his stomach warmed at the compliment. He could tell Eddie was being honest. It buoyed him. A bit. But he still swatted a laughing Eddie. ‘Yeah, yeah, this pretty boy needs to finish getting ready. And this pretty boy,’ Steve squeezed Eddie’s cheek, ‘has a party to get to.’
‘You sure you’ll be okay?’
‘I’ll be okay. I think it’s more a question if you’re going to be okay…’ Steve said, having been the focus of Eddie’s nervous energy for the past week. Being under that level of scrutiny was starting to weigh on Steve. More than he wanted to admit.
‘Okay,’ Eddie whispered. ‘Okay, I’m going.’
Steve walked him to the door, Eddie picking up a tote bag with his costume, something about not spoiling the surprise. Steve kissed him quickly as Eddie hesitated by the door.
‘I’ll be fine, gorgeous. Have fun?’
After another second, Eddie nodded, smiled, knocked a fist on the wall in farewell and then he was gone, truck rumbling to life, gravel spinning out under his wheels.
And Steve’s façade fell.
He felt his face slacken, his limbs droop. When he walked back to the bathroom, he smelled the cloud of hairspray, saw Eddie’s hair clippings feathered around the room. It looked like a still from a movie Steve had been watching weeks ago. Familiar but foreign. Uncanny but unreal.
He felt lighter, without the weight of Eddie’s attention on him. He’d been hyper aware of Eddie’s hyper awareness and had tried not worrying him.
Because Steve wasn’t fine. Hadn’t been since that first blow, or maybe the second, or maybe the third.
So now, Steve was trying to sneak extra pain pills without Eddie noticing, tilting his head a certain way to relieve the pressure he felt in his left eye, timing his breathing with the throbbing of the headaches he’d been getting. He wasn’t fine and he was lying to Eddie and he was lying to Dustin and he was all alone…
And there was that sinking feeling again.
The one thing that could bring him out of this: remembering that he loved Eddie. That Eddie loved him.
Steve wasn’t sure exactly when he realized it, when it happened. He kept rewinding every moment and every memory he had with Eddie to try and pinpoint the exact second, he wanted to know when that switch from not loving Eddie to loving Eddie happened – but he couldn’t find it.
He knew what it felt like now, and it colored everything that came before: Eddie throwing his body in front of Steve’s to shield him from Hopper; Eddie on stage in his leather jacket singing “Free Bird”; Eddie holding the tattoo sketch up to his chest; Eddie’s profile as he looked up at the night sky on the hospital roof; Eddie squirming in the passenger seat in tight red shorts; Eddie pulling Steve’s head onto his shoulder by the pool; Eddie standing shirtless in his kitchen baking muffins; Eddie knocking on his door in the middle of the night to ask for a book. Hell, even Eddie holding a broken bottle to his neck.
Steve loved him for all of it, now.
But fuck, there was that sinking feeling again.
Because it was too big, what he felt for Eddie. It was too much. It scared him, how important Eddie was. He felt sick with it. Guilty that he was loving Eddie at a time when he had nothing else, nothing to give.
He didn’t want to let him down. Steve wanted to make Eddie happy, so that Eddie would keep loving him no matter what. So, Steve smiled when he wanted to cry from the pain zapping through his skull. He pretended to hear through his muffled ear when Eddie read to him in bed.
And now, he was trying to get back to happy Steve as soon as possible.
Because Eddie didn’t fall in love with broken Steve. There were terms and conditions, expectations that needed to be met, just like with everything else. With everyone else.
But it was easy to get lost in it. That performance of being okay. Because that’s the Steve he wanted to be. Fake it until you make it and all that. Well, he’d made it before. Now he had to fake his way back there.
It was just so fucking exhausting.
Steve had time, a few hours before he had to be anywhere, before Eddie returned. Nobody was expecting him. Nobody was looking for him. He’d allow himself his little pocket of time, away from the rest of his life.
Steve switched on the boombox, blasting one of Eddie’s metal tapes, which he’d been starting to like more and more, able to feel the music in his bones when his ear got tired, muffled. It drowned his thoughts better than anything else. Well, almost anything else.
He lit up a joint, laid back on the unmade bed, placed the ashtray on his stomach and stared at the ceiling. He curled the hand with the joint on his chest, taking puffs that he knew were too deep and too long but he wanted to get there faster. That easing, that falling feeling, the one that drooped his eyes and melted his stomach.
And while he smoked, Steve took his other hand and pressed his thumb firmly into the stitched up cut above his eyebrow, delighting in the pain that made him gasp even through the numbing haze of the weed.
He lost himself that spot between peace and pain until the tape clicked over to the other side. But by then his thoughts were quiet.
And for the first time all week, Steve relaxed.
***
Steve pulled himself together right in time, having just buttoned the pants on his costume when Eddie walked in a few hours later, calling out brightly: ‘Babe?’
Steve fluffed his hair one last time (it had recovered nicely, growing along with Steve’s ease), grabbed the hat and stepped out of the bedroom to greet Eddie in the hall.
Eddie’s jaw dropped.
‘You like it?’ Steve smiled, twisting from side to side.
‘You – wow – I –’
‘That’s the reaction I was hoping for,’ Steve teased, until he took in Eddie’s costume, and he froze. ‘No fucking way…’
‘You said you thought he was hot,’ Eddie finally moved, taking a step toward Steve, and doing his own turn. Eddie was wearing tight black pants that Steve hadn’t seen before but definitely wanted to examine more closely, the light cloth fabric skimming his ass and thighs in a way his jeans didn’t. He wore a low cut white Henley, a black vest, his hair pulled back in a low bun with curls escaping around his face, and a low slung belt with a plastic gun.
Steve swallowed. ‘You’re fucking Han Solo.’
‘Well, you definitely could be, if we skip the party…’ Eddie smirked, grabbing Steve’s waist, and eyeing him up and down. ‘Fuck,’ the whisper escaped from him as if he couldn’t help it, and he let out a satisfied moan.
That’s exactly the reaction Steve wanted. Brown cargo pants, a mostly unbuttoned dirty white button down, his own newly thrifted brown leather jacket, a fedora he’d placed lightly on his head to not disturb his hair, and a length of rope curled at his hip, in place of the whip he hadn’t been able to find. The bruises on his face added to the rugged adventurer look.
Eddie ran a finger down the bare length of Steve’s chest, swallowing. ‘We’re not going to that party,’ he ground out, voice deep, irises widening with each word.
‘Oh, yes we are!’
‘No. Steve.’ Eddie’s voice was low, gravel, insistent. ‘I’m fucking serious. I’m not letting you out of this house,’ he whispered, his hand winding inside of Steve’s pants, fondling his firming dick. Steve hissed and thrust into Eddie’s palm.
‘There you go with that “let me” thing again…’ Steve breathed out, trying but failing at sounding serious.
‘Steve.’
‘Eddie.’
Eddie leaned forward, breathing heavily, as his other hand tugged at the coil of rope, pulling Steve’s body closer. The hand on Steve’s dick continued to move and Steve closed his eyes, sighing, dropping his head onto Eddie’s shoulder.
‘Not fair,’ Steve moaned, clutching at Eddie’s vest. ‘Stop.’
‘Do you want me to stop?’
‘No.’
After a quick lick down his hand, Eddie continued and Steve let him, finally unbuttoning and letting his pants fall, not wanting to ruin his outfit. (He wasn’t sure Indiana Jones could pull off a come stain.) Eddie pressed him into the wall, his mouth moving into the crook of Steve’s neck, panting while he moved faster, pumping Steve hard. Steve palmed the front of Eddie’s pants, feeling his growing bulge. Eddie’s dick felt so much nearer with this thin, tight fabric than in his jeans; Steve ran his fingers over the front of his pants and Eddie strained against him.
‘You’re going to rip your pants, big boy,’ Steve sighed, laughing. Eddie growled and moved faster. Steve felt a tug and looked down to see that Eddie had twisted his fist in the rope, his hand growing red and swollen. ‘Eddie…’ Steve whispered, concerned but Eddie must have heard something else in Steve’s voice as he increased his pace, gripping so tightly that Steve yelped. Eddie didn’t stop and seconds later, Steve burst in his hand, Eddie stepping back but not fast enough, some of Steve’s release landing on Eddie’s shirt.
‘Oops,’ Steve giggled, sagging against the wall happily.
Eddie looked concerned for a second before shrugging. ‘Worth it.’
‘For me, but not for you… not yet…’ Steve reached forward, wanting to help Eddie but he stepped away.
‘You don’t have to,’ Eddie shrugged, catching his breath, suddenly looking uncomfortable. ‘I can, you know,’ he nodded to the bathroom, to his hard-on.
‘What? Eddie?’ Steve spoke to Eddie’s back as he walked to the bathroom. He heard the tap turn on and suddenly Steve’s blood was boiling, the high of his orgasm gone, all the warmth and closeness and desire from a second ago evaporated with each step Eddie had taken. Fuck that. Steve slammed the bathroom door open and found Eddie unzipping. ‘What the fuck are you doing?!’
‘I was just –’
‘So, what, now I’m too disgusting to touch you?!’
‘What? No, no, that’s –’
‘Cause you started it, Eddie!’ Steve knew he sounded petulant, whining, but he was sick of this, of Eddie tip-toeing around him, of feeling so fragile. ‘You stuck your hand in my pants and when I try to return the favor, you run away? Like, what the fuck, man?’
‘I’m just –’ Eddie’s eyes swung wildly across Steve’s face, and Steve could only imagine how he looked. He felt heat in his cheeks, his eyes buzzed, his bruised cheek throbbed with each beat of his heart. ‘I’m just doing what you asked me…’
‘What the fuck did I ask you?’
‘To make you feel good,’ Eddie answered in a small voice.
‘Well, I don’t feel good right now!’
‘I just meant… you should be, like, resting,’ Eddie looked worried, trying to guide Steve to sit down on the closed toilet but Steve crossed his arms, planted his feet. ‘You shouldn’t have to worry about me getting off.’
‘That’s very fucking generous of you, Eddie, but I like getting you off!’
‘I – uh, I like that, too...’
‘Then fucking let me!’
Before Eddie could react, Steve dropped to his knees, unzipping Eddie’s pants and taking his dick into his mouth in one fluid motion. Steve sucked viciously, gripping Eddie’s ass and slamming his hips into his mouth. Knowing he was doing it to himself made it easier, but Steve still gagged as he felt Eddie’s dick hit the back of his throat. Eddie hissed and fisted his hands in Steve’s hair.
With a forceful suck, Steve pulled away, looking up at Eddie from crook between his penis and thigh. He nibbled on the sensitive skin and Eddie flinched. ‘Do you want me to stop?’ Steve echoed Eddie’s words from a few minutes ago.
Eddie’s face contorted and he didn’t look down, hands still gripping Steve’s hair. He eventually shook his head jerkily. ‘No.’
Steve was back on him in an instant. Despite his okay to continue, Steve could feel Eddie resisting him, pulling his hips back, trying to slow Steve down but Steve tightened his grip, needing to use his mouth more with both hands busy keeping Eddie in place. He took as much of him as he could, loosening his jaw and throat, tears springing to his eyes as he thrust Eddie deeper. He fought with himself; he wanted Eddie to come, to be spiteful from his earlier protests and also because Steve loved knowing he made Eddie lose himself – but he was also still pissed.
Maybe he could find a middle ground…
‘Damn it, fuck!’ Eddie cried as Steve bared his teeth as he worked faster, his tips of his incisors dragging on Eddie’s skin. He felt Eddie yank on his hair, but Steve pulled back against the force, relishing the pain, not easing up. ‘Fuck you, Steve,’ Eddie groaned, but when Steve glanced up, Eddie’s head was thrown back and his chest heaved. Eddie continued to whimper, and Steve lost himself in the rhythm, sheathing and baring his teeth randomly, taps of Eddie’s head in his throat.
As soon as Eddie started thrusting irregularly, voice keening higher, Steve released his mouth and gripped him tightly in his fist, moving hard and fast until Eddie came with a silent shudder, leaning his weight on Steve’s head as Steve directed Eddie’s release up and onto his own clothed chest. (A petty revenge, but it made Steve smile).
‘Was that good for you?’ Steve asked, voice flat, sarcastic.
Eddie responded with a slight laugh, eyes still closed. ‘Yes, very. Baby –’
‘Don’t “baby” me!’ Steve stood up, eyes flashing. ‘Stop babying me! You keep treating me like something… broken.’
‘No, I –’
‘Eddie! Bats tried to eat your organs! We defeated fucking Vecna! This isn’t the worst thing that happened to me! This is just… it’s just bruises…’
Eddie stayed silent during Steve’s tirade, face softening as his breath gave out towards the end. ‘But it’s different, Steve.’
‘How!?’ Steve challenged, crossing his arms.
Eddie shrugged. ‘Now, you’re my boyfriend. And, well, um… it happened because of –’
‘This is not your fault!’
‘Isn’t it?’ Eddie asked, bitterly.
‘Not unless you morphed into my dad and swung at me! It happened because he’s a judgmental asshole looking for any excuse to get rid of me. I’m sure he’s secretly thrilled that I gave him one.’ Steve stepped closer to Eddie, placing Eddie’s hand on his bruised face. ‘I’m okay. Just please… treat me normally. I can’t – I want things to go back to normal with you.’ Eddie still didn’t look convinced, Steve smiled, tried to put as much softness into his eyes as he could, despite the growing pressure behind them. ‘I’m really okay.’
‘Steve, I –,’ Eddie started, but paused, something like shame passing over his face. ‘Steve –,’ again, he paused, breathed, squinted at Steve through his lashes.
‘What?’
After a long moment, Eddie spoke: ‘You’re not okay.’
‘Eddie, I’m telling you –’
‘There are pills missing.’
And there was that sinking feeling again. Steve swallowed. ‘What?’
‘I know there are pills missing. And you…’ Eddie sighed, clenching his fists, ‘I know you’re not telling me everything.’
Shit. ‘I’m telling you everything.’
‘Are you?’
‘I’m telling you enough!’
‘Fuck off, Steve.’
‘What do you want me to say? Yes, sometimes I get headaches, so I need an extra pill or two. I’m not an addict!’
‘I’m not saying that.’
‘Then what?’
‘It’s just – you’re hiding it from me. That’s kind of… addict behavior.’
‘So, you are saying that.’
‘No, I’m saying it’s a slippery slope, okay? I dealt enough to know that when it’s casual and not a big deal, you don’t hide it. So why are you hiding it?’
Steve shook his head. ‘You really wanna do this now, Han?’
Any resolve Eddie had been trying to hold on to crumbled. ‘I told you I don’t want to go to this fucking party!’ he spat out.
‘But I do! Why can’t you just listen to me and do what I want to do!?’
‘Cause it’s not just you anymore, you asshole!’ Eddie whipped around, nearly slamming into the wall behind him in the small bathroom, before spinning back to Steve. ‘I’m in this with you! I love you and it’s fucking killing me that you’re lying to me, it’s fucking killing me that you’re hurting and hiding it! How would you feel if I did that to you?’
‘You do that all that time!’
‘Did that,’ Eddie spoke quietly, slowly, his arms crossed.
‘What?’ Steve tried to recalibrate to this still, intense Eddie, so different from the angry ball of energy just seconds earlier.
‘Did that,’ Eddie repeated, fixing Steve with an intense stare. ‘Like, before. Before you. I don’t hide shit from you anymore.’
Steve froze. He backed off, crossed his own arms in response, not wanting to concede, wanting to win, ever the jock. ‘Well, you hid this, like, accusation. You’re spying on me!’
Eddie huffed, looking down. Steve saw the red indentations from where he was gripping his upper arms. ‘I was trying to give you some space, babe,’ he spoke to the ground. ‘I hoped you’d tell me yourself… but you keep saying you’re okay.’
‘I am okay! I’m okay!’ Steve repeated, because he was, goddamn it, he was okay. He needed Eddie to believe it, he needed to believe it himself. ‘It’s all going to heal and I’m going to be as hot and happy as I was before, you don’t have to worry about me!’ As soon as he said it, something shifted in the room. Eddie’s eyes darkened as he lowered his arms to his sides, clenching his fists. He regarded Steve, tense and angry.
‘What the fuck does that mean?’ Eddie whispered. Steve couldn’t answer. ‘No, seriously, Steve, what the fuck does that mean? Hot and happy? Like, is that all you think is important? Is that all you think I care about?’
Steve paused. Because yes. Maybe not all that was important, but it was. Wasn’t it? He wanted to argue but he didn’t know what Eddie was going to do. And for good reason, because a sardonic smirk curled on Eddie’s lip.
‘You are such a fucking idiot,’ Eddie said, in a tone that made Steve flinch. Eddie never spoke to him that way, derisive, mocking. ‘Sorry, that’s too harsh,’ Eddie raised his hands in surrender, though his tone didn’t lighten much. ‘You’re such a fucking idiot about some stuff sometimes.’
‘Not much better,’ Steve mumbled, a pressure around his chest.
‘Well, that’s what you are,’ Eddie breathed in deeply and whatever upset had just lived in him slowly leaked away. ‘What, you think I love you just because you’re hot?’ Eddie’s voice broke as he spoke.
‘I mean… not only…’ Steve wanted to sink into the floor.
‘Wow.’ The mask that Eddie wore slipped for a second, and Steve saw the hurt. ‘That’s really – I think I’m insulted, Harrington.’ Honesty and vulnerability laced through what Steve could tell was still trying to be a biting remark: ‘I think that’s the shittiest thing you’ve ever said. If that’s all you think of me.’
‘Eddie, I –’
‘No, listen, you absolute dumbass,’ Eddie laughed out, shaking his head. He took a deep breath, bracing for something. ‘Yes, you’re hot. Like stupid hot. But that’s like… the 129th thing I love about you. You could look like fucking Freddie Kruger and I’d love you.’
‘Come on…’ Steve laughed nervously. But Eddie didn’t.
‘I’m not joking.’ He hadn’t moved, face intense. He wasn’t joking, Steve realized. ‘I don’t love you because you’re just some hot, happy idiot, okay? You’re more than that, remember? Not just a jock?’
‘Yeah…’ Steve swallowed.
‘And I realize that maybe… jeez, they did mess you up.’
‘Who?’
Eddie looked at him from several long seconds. He finally shifted, reaching out a hand to grasp Steve’s. It was warm, rough, familiar. ‘When you love someone, you love them with all their shit. Good and bad. When they’re hot or ugly. Happy or sad. Whatever, right?’ He stepped closer. ‘You don’t have to be perfect to be loved. You know that, right?’
Steve trembled where he stood. Yes, he logically knew that. That’s what people always said. For better or for worse, in sickness or in health, all that jazz.
But that hadn’t been his experience.
Had it been anyone’s?
Yes, people might love you when you’re sick or ugly or at your worst, but not as well as they loved you when you were healthy and happy and at your very best.
Just like how much he loved Eddie colored every memory he had of him, he tried to think back to the love he’d had for his parents, or what they’d had for him. Again, he couldn’t pinpoint the moment when it started to fade. After the first Demogorgon fight, when Steve had shown up bloody and bruised to no questions? When he’d started having nightmares? When his passable grades and athletic prowess had begun to falter?
No, they’d loved him best when he was the golden child. King Steve. It hadn’t been all bad back then. They’d had some happy times. He’d felt loved. And then he’d given up his crown – and then they’d stopped.
And Nancy – she’d definitely stopped at some point, definitely reversed her opinion of him, stopped when he wasn’t perfect for her anymore. Or had she ever really loved him? He’d loved her through it all, he thought. Loved her when she was hurting, when she was scared, when she was pissed at him.
And he’d loved his parents when they were gone, when they were mean. His heart twisted, realizing he loved them even now. Despite it all. Despite the bruises still darkening his face.
They definitely weren’t perfect.
And here he was, Steve Harrington, the absolute dumbass, loving them anyway.
‘I – I –,’ Steve stammered. He didn’t know how long he’d been silent, thinking. Eddie’s hand still clasped his, Eddie’s eyes still on him. ‘I’m getting bad headaches sometimes.’
Eddie squeezed his hand once. ‘Okay.’
‘Mostly because of my eye, I think. It gets, like… tired.’
‘Okay.’
‘And I think there’s – my ear might be like swollen or something? I can’t always hear on that side.’
‘Okay.’
Steve clenched his eyes, Eddie’s understanding look breaking his heart with every confession. Because how could he sign up for this? Willingly? ‘But you’re being so nice to me, and I love you so much and I don’t want you to be stuck with someone broken like me so I’m gonna get better, you –’
‘Hey.’ Eddie tugged hard at his hand, and Steve stumbled into him, standing body to body. ‘Shut up,’ Eddie whispered, a small smile growing.
‘What?’
‘Shut up, Steve.’ Eddie kissed him, nothing more than a peck, but Steve melted. Eddie placed Steve’s hand he was holding under his shirt, onto the large angry scar that still lived on Eddie’s side. ‘You think these are gross, right?’ Eddie raised one eyebrow.
Steve flinched his hand back. ‘What? No, of course I don’t.’
Eddie pulled his hand back, replacing it where it had been. ‘It’d be better if it was all smooth, though, right? Like, just smooth, soft, sexy skin that you could run your fingers over…’
‘No! Because –’ Steve paused. God, he really was an absolute dumbass. Sometimes. About some stuff. He huffed, resigned. ‘No… because you wouldn’t be you,’ he whispered reluctantly.
‘What was that?’ Eddie held up a hand to his ear with a victorious smile.
‘You wouldn’t be you.’
‘Exactly, dummy.’ Eddie’s smile was dazzling. ‘Whatever you are –’ Eddie waved at Steve’s face, his body, folded his hand over Steve’s cheek, cupping his bruise, ‘– that’s what I want. So, stop pretending, please?’
Steve squirmed a little but nodded. ‘Fine.’ Eddie glared a little and Steve rolled his eyes. ‘I promise, okay! I’ll… stop. But after tonight, right? It’s okay to pretend to be Indiana Jones tonight, right?’
Eddie’s smile twisted, eyes running down Steve’s body as he let out a long breath. ‘Just for tonight…’ his voice trailed off and he hummed. ‘God, I wish you had a whip…’
‘Well, we do have cuffs,’ Steve lifted a brow suggestively, and suppressed a smile at how Eddie swallowed, eyes shifting to the bedroom door. ‘After the party?’
‘Babe…’
‘If you let me go to this party, I’ll let you fuck Indiana Jones later tonight…’
Eddie’s eyes sparked. He opened his mouth, closed it again, finally glaring, nodding ‘Fine. Fuck. Let’s go to the damn party.’
**
‘Where the hell have you been?’ Robin yelled, clambering into Steve’s car when Eddie pulled up.
‘We’re only five minutes late…’ Steve tried to defend, but their fight had definitely taken a lot longer than planned. Plus, his eye was buzzing and couldn’t see the clock on the dash.
‘Five minutes in dog years, maybe…’ Robin muttered, buckling her seatbelt as Eddie drove them off. ‘What the hell? Did you spill something?’ Robin reached over to grasp his damp white shirt and vest, still drying after they’d run it under the tap to get Steve’s come off (‘Real mature, Harrington’).
Eddie’s eyes flicked to Steve in the backseat, who snorted. ‘Something like that.’
‘Ew, gross!’ Robin dropped Eddie’s shirt as if it was on fire, running her fingers frantically over her dress, trying to get clean.
‘Speaking of gross…’ Steve teased, plucking at Robin’s dress. She scowled and flicked his arm, hard. ‘That’s a joke, obviously! You look hot, Robin.’
‘Ew! Again!’
‘Hey, as a heterosexual man –’
‘You’re not using that word correctly but continue.’
‘– whatever, as a man who appreciates the female form –’
‘Ew, gross,’ Eddie chimed in.
‘– you look smoking and I’m sure anyone else who appreciates the female form…’ this time it was Robin wincing, but Steve was undeterred, ‘…like potentially Elaine, will agree with me!’
Robin had taken Steve’s advice and focused on hot first, scary second – she’d transformed a tight thrifted old prom dress with some rips, burn marks and blood into a sexy zombie costume. Steve couldn’t keep his eyes from trailing down her long legs and resting on the tops of her boobs. He’d stopped looking at Robin as a sexual being a long time ago (he heard an echo of ‘ew, gross’ in his own head at that) but something about Robin’s face being obscured with white powder, heavy eyeliner, red lips with a trail of fake blood running down them, made it seem like it wasn’t Robin anymore. Just a hot girl. And well, as an appreciator…
‘Don’t check her out!’ Eddie exclaimed, reaching back to swat Steve. ‘Stop!’
‘What?! I said I appreciated the female form!’ Steve raised his hands defensively as Robin sputtered a laugh, competing with the light look of disgust at Steve checking her out.
‘And enough with that!’ Eddie sputtered. ‘I’m feeling very underappreciated right now…’
‘I seem to remember appreciating you plenty earlier,’ Steve leaned forward to purr into Eddie’s ear, as Eddie wriggled in his seat.
‘Okay, no, we’re not doing that!’ Robin shoved a laughing Steve into the back. ‘Why are you so horned up tonight?’
‘Guess I love a costume…’ Steve winked at her.
‘Do you…’ Eddie mumbled suggestively, his darkening eyes visible even in the rearview mirror and occasional streetlights, but Robin quickly punched his shoulder. Eddie flinched, pulling his eyes away from Steve: ‘Ow! I’m driving!’
‘What did I just say?!’ she yelped. ‘God, I’m regretting this so hard.’
‘As per the requirements of the bet!’ Eddie exclaimed with a finger wag.
‘Stupid fucking bet.’
‘I don’t disagree,’ Steve said. ‘Considering it was all about me being a shitty friend, I’m glad you lost.’
‘You’re not a shitty friend. You’re just a distracted friend,’ Robin shrugged.
‘And yet, you were pissed when I was just paying very close attention to you.’
‘I wasn’t – he was.’ Robin pointed to Eddie.
‘Oh, so you didn’t mind him checking you out?’ Eddie asked.
Robin squirmed a little. ‘I mean… it’s nice to know that…’ she rolled her eyes, huffed, ‘that –’
‘Say it,’ Steve grinned smugly.
‘– that someone who appreciates the female form thinks I’m hot!’ Robin mumbled out quickly as Steve laughed, delighted.
‘Oh, my hot friend, if this doesn’t get Elaine to notice you, then nothing will,’ Steve smiled.
**
‘She’s 100% straight,’ Steve whispered to Eddie as soon as they walked into the party.
‘What?’ Eddie whispered back, as they huddled by the front door of the crowded party. Robin had just walked over to hug Elaine hello. Steve watched as their bodies pressed close, sexy zombie Robin onto hot nurse Elaine and – he knew.
‘Elaine is not an appreciator of the female form,’ he mumbled out of the corner of his mouth.
‘Can we just say lesbian?’ Eddie whispered back.
‘Not in public in Indiana!’ Steve tried to keep his voice low. ‘And also,’ he gestured to himself. ‘It’s a very limiting term.’
‘Whatever.’ Eddie rolled his eyes. ‘But how can you know after two seconds? You haven’t even talked to her.’
Steve looked at the scene again, Robin and Elaine talking to each other animatedly by a kitchen counter crowded with every type of open liquor bottle, black and orange streamers hanging low, surrounded on all sides by groups of college kids in varying levels and quality of costume. They were focused on each other, clearly in a conversation. And while Elaine was maintaining direct eye contact with Robin, the guy next to them (tall, strong jawline, shock of white blonde hair, his only attempt at a costume was wearing a letterman jacket, and Steve felt a frisson of annoyance that ‘jock’ was apparently an acceptable costume) bit his lip and let his eyes run up and down Robin and Elaine’s bodies while he talked to his friend. He adjusted himself when he turned away. Robin didn’t notice. But Elaine did, as she glanced over at him for just a beat too long to be casual before returning her attention to Robin.
‘I don’t need to talk to her. Apparently, I have excellent gaydar.’
‘Do you?’ Eddie snickered, eyebrow raised.
‘Now that I know what to look for!’ Steve scoffed. ‘Fine, I’ll prove it to you…’
Steve walked towards the pair, Robin by now laughing at something Elaine said, resting her arm on the girl’s shoulder.
‘Hello ladies,’ Steve put on his best flirty smile as he approached, and felt it pull at the stitch on his cheek. When Robin saw his face, she stiffened, pulled back a little. No time to worry about that now, Steve was on a mission.
‘Robin, aren’t you going to introduce us?’ He held out an expectant hand to Elaine, who took it immediately with a shy smile, looking up at him through her eyelashes. Soft hands, Steve thought. Tiny.
As Steve shook her hand, Robin introduced them. ‘Um, sure. Elaine, this is my friend Steve. Steve, Elaine.’ She gestured between them, then crossed her arms as Steve leaned forward to place a kiss on the back of Elaine’s hand.
‘Lovely to finally meet you, Elaine.’ He straightened up with a smile, with a final squeeze of Elaine’s hand. ‘Robin’s told me so much about you.’ The flirting smile felt unfamiliar on his face from disuse. From Robin’s expression, it seemed to still work.
‘Has she?’ Elaine raised an eyebrow at Robin who blushed. ‘Only good things I hope?’
‘Only the best,’ Steve smiled, and this time Elaine blushed. The smile was definitely working. ‘Unlike what she’s said about me, I’m sure…’ he teased.
It was a bad joke. Not even a joke, a basic self-deprecating response but Elaine threw her head back in a laugh. And damn it, Steve regretted all his joking about appreciating the female form because, at that moment, he couldn’t help himself. Elaine was truly beautiful, with long dark brown hair curling down to her waist, a slender white throat exposed by her laugh, breasts jiggling in her tight costume with the movement. Steve’s eyes helplessly caught on them, but he was instantly ashamed, immediately looking up and locking eyes with Robin, who had also been taking in the view. She snarled at him, realizing what he'd been doing. He mouthed a quick ‘sorry’ before Elaine turned back to them.
‘Oh, well, it wasn’t all that bad,’ Elaine flashed her eyes at Steve with a light smile to Robin. She had a nice voice, Steve thought. Light, melodic. Elaine bit her lip as she looked at Steve, eyes trailing quickly down his body, around his face, assessing, catching on the bruises on his cheek. ‘Oh, ouch, what happened?’ she reached out a soft hand.
Steve laughed awkwardly, pulling back against the touch.
Uh oh.
He flirted too hard. He forgot he could do that, surprised how easily it had come back. The smile had worked, too well, no matter how rusty, if she was trying to touch him already.
‘It’s really nothing,’ he laughed, stepping back, seeing Eddie approach from the corner of his eye.
‘Don’t be so modest, Steve,’ Robin gritted out through a tight smile. ‘You can be so very punchable…’
‘Can’t he?’ Eddie finally stepped up to their little group, and Steve felt the tension radiating from him, too. Fuck. ‘Elaine,’ Eddie nodded to her, and Robin muttered another quick introduction.
‘Oh, right, nice to see you again!’ Elaine reached out for Eddie’s hand, and he shook it, brief and tense compared to how Steve had lingered. ‘So nice of you guys to come all the way out here for the party!’
‘Yes, it is nice,’ Steve gritted out awkwardly, sensing two waves of annoyance come his way from Eddie and Robin, and one wave of still nothing but blatant romantic interest from Elaine. ‘I’m gonna – I’m gonna grab a drink,’ Steve thumbed over his shoulder, starting to walk away.
Eddie opened his mouth, shifting his body to walk with Steve but Elaine piped up first: ‘I’ll come with you!’
Shit.
‘Of course,’ Steve smiled tightly, gesturing for Elaine to walk ahead of him, years of enforced politeness holding his tongue. After she moved ahead of him, Steve turned back to Robin and Eddie, waving his hands helplessly, ‘I’m sorry!’ he whispered desperately as Robin rolled her eyes, and Eddie just huffed.
Despite their reactions, despite the fact that he was not interested in Elaine, no matter what his eyes may have lingered on – he couldn’t help the warm glow that spread through him at Elaine’s obvious attraction to him.
He’d felt so small and broken and terrible all week, and the pitying looks that Eddie and Robin threw his way didn’t help. So having someone (a stranger!) look at him and see past the bruises and not know the terrible reasons why he got them or how his stomach still dropped whenever he thought about his home and his parents and his entire life so far – it felt nice. Reassuring. Like there was still a part of him that was who he’d always been that despite all the changes. He was still Steve Harrington. King Steve.
And he hadn’t felt proud of being King Steve in a long time. A very long time.
Unlike the cringes that the thought of King Steve usually brought up in him, focusing only on the worst memories and worst parts of himself – this might be a good part. The only one. To be charming and nice and likeable, to have an easy mask to slip on in your worst moments.
But by the way Robin and Eddie were now mumbling to each other and still glaring at him while he poured Elaine a glass of wine, they obviously weren’t thinking about the benefits of King Steve. Just the shitty parts.
‘So how long have you known Robin?’ Elaine asked, taking a sip, touching his bicep to direct him to a quieter corner by the fridge. He felt the slight press of her fingers, the way she lingered before she removed her hand. She angled her body in so that her breasts pointed toward him and shifted her weight onto one hip.
‘We, uh, we worked together at Starcourt last year. Scoops Ahoy.’ He cringed at his carelessness at bringing up Scoops because people always…
‘Oh, wow with those cute little sailor costumes?’ she asked, delighted. ‘Robin never said she’d worked there. Do you still have it?’
‘Uh huh,’ he nodded tightly.
‘Well, that would have been a cute costume instead of…’ she squinted at him. ‘What are you supposed to be?’
‘Indiana Jones.’ He was almost offended, took a reassuring look down at himself to confirm that yes, it was a pretty good costume.
‘Oh.’ Her lips froze in a thin line. ‘Right… never saw it.’
‘It’s a good movie,’ Steve mumbled. He thought he should get back to Eddie now. It was one thing to be assessed and appreciated but now actually trying to make small talk? Steve was not in the mood. But when he looked over, he saw a briefly devasted flash on Robin’s face as she looked over at them.
Not at them.
At Elaine.
Fuck. Robin was his best friend. And even though he’d clocked in an instant that Elaine wasn’t attracted to her… maybe he was wrong? Maybe there was hope?
He had to try.
‘Robin was so nervous about her costume tonight,’ Steve changed tactics quickly and could tell Elaine was thrown but he leaned in a little, tried to get her attention back. ‘She thought her dress was too short, but I think she looks great, don’t you think?’
‘Oh,’ Elaine looked over and assessed Robin’s costume. Her eyes barely skimmed Robin’s figure. ‘Yeah, definitely! Super creepy.’
‘Hm.’ Not the response Steve was hoping for. Maybe an admission that Robin looked pretty, or her dress was flattering, something physical. But creepy?
‘Yeah, it’s a great couple’s costume,’ Elaine continued. ‘Addams Family or something, right?’
‘What?’ Steve’s head swiveled between her and Robin and Eddie.
‘Yeah, she’s like the wife, what’s her name, and he’s the husband? I don’t remember him having a gun, though…’
Steve’s face dropped as he looked at her, as he looked back Robin and Eddie, trying to see what Elaine saw. Maybe vaguely, Eddie’s black pants and vest coupled with Robin’s black dress could be Morticia and Gomez… if you really squinted and forgot everything you knew about them.
‘Why, uh – couples costume?’ Steve’s voice squeaked.
‘I mean, they’re together, right?’ She clocked Steve’s confused face. She laughed. ‘I mean, the way she talks about him? He’s building his own house or something and he’s in a band and he got a sexy new tattoo? I wasn’t sure until she got all giggly and happy when he picked her up a few weeks ago. They’re really cute together, don’t you think?’
Right now, Robin and Eddie were standing huddled together, talking close, Eddie’s arm running comfortingly up and down her arm. Steve had to admit, they looked, well, not unlike a couple. He was about to correct her when Elaine continued.
‘I mean, she says nice things about you too! Like all the silly things you do at work and how you strike out with all the girls you flirt with,’ Elaine batted her eyes a bit at this. She phrased it almost as a question, leaving it open for Steve to swoop in with a smooth agreement, a flirtatious ‘oh yes I’m hopeless’ or a sexy denial, ‘not all the girls…’.
Steve instead took a deep breath. ‘They’re not together, actually. Robin’s single. And Eddie, he’s, uh –,’ it was on the tip of his tongue. Telling Elaine, a practical stranger, who would have no impact on their day to day, that Eddie was his boyfriend, that they were together, that Eddie was his. He chickened out. ‘He’s actually dating someone else right now.’
‘Oh.’ Elaine looked around almost as if looking for proof of Eddie’s significant other. Steve puffed out his chest slightly, but she didn’t notice.
‘And uh, I’m dating someone right now too,’ Steve admitted, flicking a gaze over to Eddie, who was busy with his arm around Robin. ‘It’s pretty serious actually.’
‘Oh.’ Elaine deflated a bit. ‘I, uh… oh.’ She coughed slightly, straightened, the disappointment gone almost immediately behind a strong, impassive mask. Steve suddenly thought of Nancy, the same way she’d suppressed any bad or conflicting news immediately. ‘That’s great,’ Elaine said a little too brightly. ‘She’s a lucky girl,’ she tried to joke but her voice wavered slightly.
‘Thanks,’ Steve nodded, dropping his head, ‘I’m actually the lucky one.’
Elaine’s mask slipped momentarily, and he saw genuine sadness and envy in her gaze. Like she wanted that for herself. That she wanted someone like Steve – or even Steve – to be saying that about her instead. He gave her a small smile. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Eddie leading Robin out of the party, into the courtyard of the small apartment complex.
‘You know, I need to uh –,’ Steve nodded his head away, squeezing Elaine’s shoulder. ‘It was lovely to meet you, Elaine,’ he smiled, genuinely. He was about to step away when he turned back. ‘Robin’s amazing,’ he stated simply and saw Elaine’s surprise. ‘She’s the best person I know. You’re really lucky to have someone like her in your life.’
‘Oh.’ Elaine repeated for the hundredth time that night. Steve wanted nothing more than to talk to Eddie. ‘Yeah, she’s – she’s great,’ Elaine smiled, and it seemed genuine. Like she genuinely valued Robin – as a friend.
‘I’m just gonna –,’ Steve shrugged again, heading to the door, the costumed jock from earlier quickly taking his place by Elaine as he walked away.
**
He found Robin and Eddie huddled together in a relatively quiet corner of the courtyard, seated in cracked white plastic chairs around a matching table. Despite the way they were facing each other, wrapped up in some conversation, they both noticed his approach, going silent, matching crossed arms and dubious gazes as he pulled a chair over between them.
‘I’m sorry!’ He whined. ‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize…’
‘Oh, King Steve didn’t realize…,’ Robin muttered into the beer in her hands. The label was almost completely gone, her short nails catching on the last stubbornly glued on piece.
‘Hey,’ he placed a hand on her shoulder, but she flinched away. He looked to Eddie, concerned, but Eddie just raised an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair taking a sip from his bottle. ‘Robin, come on – I’m sorry I, you know…’
‘Flirted with her?’ Eddie chimed in with a sarcastic smile.
Steve rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, I’m sorry for flirting with her for like ten seconds.’
‘It was more than ten seconds!’ Robin burst out, gesturing with her bottle, beer splashing onto the table. ‘It was like…’ Robin deflated. ‘More than that…’
‘Robin, I’m sorry, really,’ Steve sighed. ‘But Elaine…’ he could see Robin tensing up. ‘I think she’s…’ he wanted to stop, to delay the coming hurt, but dragging it out was crueler. ‘Straight.’
‘Ugh!’ Robin exploded up from her chair and started pacing between her chair and the small tree behind her. ‘If you had just –’ she started towards him before pivoting, stomping back to the tree, turning back. ‘If you hadn’t –’
‘Robin…’ Steve stood, approaching her slowly. ‘I don’t think my ten seconds –’ Robin’s eyes flashed, he held up both hands defensively, ‘– my more than ten seconds of flirting turned her straight. I think it was a…’ Steve flailed a hand, again look to Eddie for support but he continued staring at Steve blankly, sipping his beer ‘…preexisting condition?’
‘Ugh!’ Robin huffed again, flopping back into her chair. ‘No! No!’ she leaned on the table, fisting her hair in her fists. ‘She’s just always – god, she’s always –’
‘She’s nice to you,’ Eddie chimed in, voice level, detached. ‘She laughs at your jokes. Wants to hang out with you, hugs you goodbye…’
‘Exactly!’ Robin brightened at Eddie’s filling in the blanks, but when she saw his face – resigned, grimacing – her own fell. ‘Fuck!’ She yelled loud enough to startle a nearby group, smoking together by the front door, though they quickly turned away, wanting to avoid the drama.
‘Tale as old as time,’ Eddie sighed, leaning back, pulling out his own packet of cigarettes and lighting one up. Steve wanted to ask for one but didn’t think Eddie was in a gracious enough mood.
‘What does that mean?’ Steve asked looking between them.
‘Ah, to be so innocent,’ Eddie sighed, and Robin reluctantly laughed. Now it was Steve’s turn to cross his arms. Eddie took some pity, leaning forward, holding out his lit cigarette, which Steve gladly took, taking a deep puff. ‘It means, Stevie Pie, it’s easy to confuse crushes and friendship when you’re gay…’
‘God, I’m so stupid,’ Robin spoke into her hands covering her face. Steve wanted to object, that Robin was anything but stupid, but Eddie continued.
‘What’s seen by the straights as just normal platonic friend stuff is hard to, like, know the boundaries when you’re looking for more. It’s easy to misread the signs…’
‘Huh.’ Steve slumped a bit. He got that. He knew that. He looked at Eddie, understanding blossoming. How disbelieving Eddie had been when Steve finally made a move. And Steve remember how confused and terrified he’d been about his crush on Eddie, compared to how (relatively) straightforward his past crushes on girls had been, dissecting Eddie’s every move and action, looking for a clear sign, not wanting to get it wrong. ‘That’s why –’
‘Yup,’ Eddie admitted, defeated, holding out his hand as Steve passed the cigarette back. ‘You were so nice to me,’ Eddie smiled now, nostalgic almost. ‘Like, so fucking nice. Coming by, giving me stuff, those fucking full body hugs… but I’ve been wrong before,’ he squirmed in his chair, taking a puff, ‘It’s really hard to be wrong.’ He looked to Robin. ‘So sometimes it’s easier to not even hope for it… keep it to yourself. Deny.’
‘Right…’ Steve slowly reached out to Robin, who didn’t flinch away this time, her face hidden in her crossed arms on the table. He rubbed comforting circles on her upper back. ‘Rob, I’m –’
‘Don’t apologize,’ she finally sat up but didn’t shake Steve’s hand off, leaned into the touch, turned toward him. ‘It’s better to know, you know?’ Eddie hummed in agreement. ‘I’ll be fine, really,’ she said but her tear stained face and squeaky voice disagreed. ‘I just need to get the fuck out of here.’
‘Sure,’ Steve paused his rubs. ‘We can go…’
‘No. I need to get the fuck out of Hawkins,’ Robin continued strongly. Steve froze, stomach dropping out from under him for the dozenth time that day. He looked to Eddie helplessly, though the look on Eddie’s face was more resigned, understanding.
‘Hey, Robin, you don’t –’
‘I do, Steve,’ she turned to him. ‘I do mean it. I can’t –’ she laughed helplessly, gesturing at the apartment the party was spilling out of, around them, at the world. ‘I can’t stay here, it’s… I can’t be me here.’
‘Robin, of course you can, you’re you all the time! You’re you with us!’ He gestured to himself and Eddie, who again stayed quiet.
‘No, Steve,’ she shook her head. ‘It’s not that, I just…’ her voice lowered. ‘I want what you have,’ she looked between them. ‘I don’t think – I can’t have that here.’
‘Robin –’
‘Steve.’ She cut him off. ‘Do you know how lucky you are?’ Yes, Steve thought. Deliriously, unbelievably lucky, despite every bruise on his face. He looked to Eddie who was smiling sadly.
‘Yes,’ Steve admitted quietly, almost ashamed. ‘But Robin –’
Robin smiled. ‘Don’t. Don’t do that. Admit it, be happy about it! You should be. Like, you found your fucking person in Hawkins, during the apocalypse? What are the chances of that?’
Steve immediately flashed to Nancy and Jonathan. Hopper and Joyce. Hell, even Max and Lucas or El and Mike, no matter their age or on-off status. But he bit his tongue, nodding along instead.
‘Not all of us are lucky enough to find someone on the first try. Or second,’ Robin continued. ‘I, just…’
‘Need more at bats,’ Steve supplied, understanding that point pretty clearly. Thinking of the twelve girls he’d been with before Eddie, the dozens more he’d dated that hadn’t led anywhere. All of that to find Eddie. He was lucky that it hadn’t taken more.
And even though Eddie quirked his head confused (the truly lucky one, Steve thought, finding a gem like me, hitting a home run right out of the gate) at Steve’s statement, Robin nodded.
‘Exactly!’ she said. ‘God, once I find someone who I like, who also likes me, that’s hard enough… and then to hope they’re gay! It’s like…’
‘Impossible,’ Eddie added. He had a faraway look on his face as he grabbed Steve’s hand, winding their fingers together.
‘Yeah,’ Robin sighed. ‘It would have been too perfect,’ she flicked a gaze back to the party. ‘But it’s just another dumb crush,’ she slumped over again.
‘You can do better anyway,’ Steve supplied and both Robin and Eddie turned at him, Eddie’s eyes flashing in concern. ‘She hasn’t even seen Indiana Jones,’ he clarified with a shrug.
‘Philistine,’ Eddie snorted.
‘She also thought you two were a couple… in matching Addams Family costumes.’
Robin’s jaw dropped, looking back and forth between her and Eddie. ‘She thought we were –’ she gestures between the two of them. Eddie was grinning. ‘That’s so dumb.’
‘Hey, Mandy thought the same thing,’ Steve added.
‘What?!’ Robin gasped. ‘Please! I’d never.’
‘Hey!’ Steve leaned forward, wagging a finger in her face. ‘Watch your tone! He’s a catch and you know it.’
Eddie giggled as Robin rolled her eyes. ‘I mean, not to me, but…’
‘Well, Elaine seemed to think you were mooning over him the way you were talking about him. Bragging about his hot tattoos and he’s in a band and giggling about him or whatever…’
‘What?’ Robin sits up again. ‘That’s what she thought?!’
‘Guess anyone can confuse friendship and romance, huh?’ Steve leaned back. ‘She didn’t think you were bragging about a friend, she thought you were bragging about your boyfriend.’ Robin scoffed again. ‘But you were bragging about mine…’ Steve looked over and Eddie was positively glowing.
‘Oh, please continue saying nice things about me, I’m all ears,’ he smiled smugly.
‘I’ll say and do nice things to you later,’ Steve winked. ‘But we’re at a party, so we’re going to party.’ He stood, reaching a hand down to Robin who shrunk away.
‘Steve, I’m not really –’
‘No! None of that! So, your crush will only ever be a crush? Oh well! Her loss! You’ll find your person, Robin,’ he grabbed her hand and lifted her up. ‘Until then, I’m your person. Until then and long after.’ He pulled her close, arms winding around her waist as hers lifted to circle around his shoulders, tears forming in her eyes. ‘No matter who else there is, it’s you and me,’ he whispered into her ear.
As her tears began to leak, she wrapped him a tight huge hug. After a second, Steve felt Eddie’s arms wrap around the two of them, felt Eddie’s head rests against his. When they pulled apart, Steve felt the wet spot on his shirt where Robin had rested, felt the wetness on his own face, saw Eddie smiling silly at both of them.
We’re all the lucky ones, he thought.
But he came to this party for a reason…
‘Now, I think I need to go drown my sorrows in some alcohol and some dancing…’
‘Your sorrows?’ Robin snorted, wiping her eyes.
‘Um, yes,’ Steve nodded. He pointed to her: ‘Crushing on a straight girl, boo hoo, tell me something new.’ He pointed to Eddie: ‘Boyfriend is a big flirt, poor you.’ He pointed to himself: ‘Homeless, penniless, abused orphan. I win!’
‘You’re not an orphan!’ Robin complained, winding her arm through his and walking back to the party despite her objections.
‘Orphans don’t have parents, Robin.’
‘You have parents.’
‘I dare you to get them to admit that,’ Steve joked. It still hurt.
But less than he thought it would. Less than it had even a few days ago. Less with Robin’s arm through his and Eddie’s hand on his back.
Less when he realized that each bruise would fade away, the pain a distant memory, the scars just one of dozens littering his body.
The bruises would fade, but this feeling, tonight, surrounded by the people he loved best in this world – this memory never would.
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 31: "Everything Is Something"
Dustin's eyes caught on their joined hands immediately.
‘Dustin, we –,’ Steve started to speak but before he could get another word out, Dustin exploded up from the table, chips and napkins flying off as he raised his hands above his head, shaking them in victory.
‘I knew it!’ he shouted at the ceiling. He pointed between Steve and Eddie, finger accusing, but face triumphant. ‘I fucking knew it!'
Chapter 31: Everything Is Something
Summary:
‘He won’t care, Steve,’ Eddie spoke softly. ‘He loves you. He won’t care.’
Steve swallowed, searching Eddie’s face. ‘If I tell him about me, then –’
‘We tell him about us.’
‘You said I shouldn’t tell anyone if I’m not ready.’
‘I know. And that’s still true, babe. If you’re not ready, we’ll sit down and come up with something even Dustin Henderson won’t crack, something bulletproof.’
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
‘Ouch.’
‘Hold still.’
‘Ouch!’
‘Hold! Still!’
‘I thought nurses were supposed to be all gentle and sweet.’
‘This isn’t porn, Steve, this is real life,’ Iris rolled her eyes as Eddie giggled, holding a small pan that she was dropping Steve’s removed stitches into.
Against his wishes and at Keith’s firm insistence, Steve’s week of recovery was over, and he was due back at work on Monday, just 24 short hours from now. He was half tempted to keep the stitches in just to fuck with Keith and make him feel at least a bit guilty about forcing him to return, but Iris had called Eddie (which apparently was a thing they did regularly now, to Steve’s surprise) and told him it was time for a check-up.
And now Steve sat in the same room where he’d sat over a week ago getting the stitches put in, now getting them removed. But unlike Iris’s gentle ministrations and concern when she first saw him, now that she knew he was fine and mostly recovered, she was anything but…
‘OUCH,’ Steve glared as the cut stitch pulled through his skin.
‘All done!’ Iris smiled, dropping the stitch, scissors, and her gloves into the tray. Steve just crossed his arms, grumpily.
‘Such a baby,’ she mumbled.
‘I had to live with him for a week. I had to force him to eat soup!’ Eddie commiserated, and Steve was about to protest when Iris chimed in.
‘Oh yeah, you told me! That was that –’
‘Potato leek –’
‘Right, yeah, I was going to ask for that recipe!’
‘What’s going on here?’ Steve pointed his finger back and forth between the two of them.
‘Well, Robin got tired of me complaining about what a bad patient you were, I had to get out my frustrations somehow,’ Eddie said.
Iris snorted. ‘And if you were a bad patient, then you had the world’s most nervous nurse,’ she bumped her hip with Eddie’s as she moved past him.
‘I was not…’ It was Eddie’s turn to cross his arms, annoyed look on his face.
‘Please, you were the one watching him breathe, counting out his pills…’ Iris rolled her eyes, again. This chummy, casual Iris was one he hadn’t seen in years, not since he’d caught her stealing beers from the cooler at a neighborhood barbeque almost a decade ago and she’d snuck him his first sip of beer in exchange for his silence.
Something passed between Eddie and Iris after she spoke, Eddie’s eyes growing big, Iris nodding her head until finally she spoke. ‘Steve, I think – you should –’
‘He told you about the headaches?’ Steve sighed, only slightly annoyed at Eddie for breaking his confidence so quickly after his admission.
‘He confirmed what I was afraid of, but yeah, I expected something. You don’t take a beating like that without some consequences…’ she sat back down on the stool in front of him, chummy Iris gone, nurse Iris back. ‘I made you an appointment at the hearing clinic downstairs, and my friend Jenny’s going to squeeze you in for a quick eye exam on her lunch break.’
Steve sighed more deeply, but caught Eddie’s eye, saw the genuine nervousness and worry there. He’d never meant to scare him, never meant to hide from him. The lies were only meant to ease his worry, not increase it, but Steve had fucked that up, too. God, he was lucky Eddie loved him, despite all the shit he brought to the table.
‘Fine. When?’
From both of their faces, Steve could tell they were expecting more of a fight from him. But he’s had enough fighting. Especially with people who are clearly worried about him.
He hated doctors long before he started needing them regularly. Considering he had a healthy childhood, had never really been to the hospital, he wasn’t exactly sure where the hatred came from. The best he could guess: he’d fallen off a swing when he was seven and it had been a cruel doctor who had poked and prodded at his arm, not even asking any questions just using Steve’s grimaces to determine that he had a dislocated shoulder. Steve had been in pain, scared, the girl babysitting him frantically calling his parents with no reply. All he wanted was a grown-up to hug him, to tell him he was okay, that it was okay to cry. Instead, he got a terse, cold doctor, who made it hurt worse.
But it wasn’t all a bad memory. He remembered the nurse who’d shown up after (gentle, sweet!), giving Steve a lollypop and asking him random questions, looking him in the eye, smiling, running her hand gently up and down his aching arm, moving it around in a playful way. When he started rambling about his Hot Wheels collection, her hand had moved further up onto his shoulder, and it was when he was describing the new garage playset that she firmly shoved his shoulder back into place.
He'd had one moment of shock, of panic at the pain, at the sensation, but her eyes kept smiling, her hand kept running and when she asked him if he had any firetrucks, he only paused for a second before nodding his head and answering.
And that had been it. Another lollypop, another smile, a choice between a blue or a red sling for his recovering arm, and that had been it.
So, nurses had always been okay to Steve. Doctors are dicks.
And now Iris was sitting here, asking Steve to let her help him get better, with Eddie standing over her shoulder, nervously running his fingers over his rings.
‘Uh, eye clinic anytime before 11, head over to Jenny after,’ Iris told him, but almost as a question, as if she still wasn’t sure Steve could be trusted to obey.
‘Okay,’ Steve nodded. He’d obey. ‘Can I have a lollypop?’
‘Should we do a brain scan or something?’ Eddie guffawed as Iris just raised an eyebrow.
‘I was a good boy, I deserve a lollypop!’ Steve laughed.
Iris beckoned for him to follow as she led them out of the room, rummaging in the nurse’s desk and handing him a lollypop, all while Eddie continued to laugh behind him.
Eddie followed him to the first floor, to the hearing clinic, but he kept glancing down the hall.
‘Hey, are you cool for a bit? Wanted to see if Doc was around, say hi,’ Eddie seemed almost apologetic.
‘I am not actually deaf or blind currently, so I think I’ll be okay, Eddie.’
Eddie rolled his eyes and huffed a laugh, before running down the hall with a promise to be back soon.
But then Steve was called in not ten seconds later, and the test was fast, consisted of him sitting in a soundproof booth, telling the tech which tones he could or couldn’t hear. They gave him a printout and told him they’d call to review his results.
Eddie still wasn’t back, and Steve wasn’t sure if he should wait for him, search for him, or go straight to Iris’s friend who was doing her a favor. Steve’s good manners won out, and he headed back upstairs for the eye exam, knowing nervous nurse Eddie would find him before long.
Again, Steve was in and out within minutes, apparently timing it perfectly and he didn’t need a follow-up call to come to know there was something fucked up with his left eye, a blurriness that became clear to him as soon as his right eye was covered, and he could barely make out the letters just three rows down on the eye chart.
‘You want to pick out frames now, or later?’ Jenny had asked with a wry smile. Steve had been surprised to learn that Jenny was another nurse, basically stepping in for the doctor and doing this test as truly a big favor to Iris.
Steve sighed. ‘Later.’
Between the party on Friday, a busy day in bed with Eddie (Steve admitting he’d always wanted to fuck Han Solo; Eddie saying the same about Indiana Jones), and now a morning of being reminded of just how much his body was broken – and the oncoming reminder and return to his normal life with work tomorrow, Steve just wanted to go home and enjoy these last few hours of freedom.
He wanted nothing more than to quit his job, the last week away from the video store confirming for him just how much he hated it, how much of a job it really was, how the hours spent with Robin there were the only thing that made it worth it.
But he was homeless now. Penniless. No more fully stocked fridge at his disposal, no tab if he wanted delivery from Enzo’s, no free washer and dryer in the basement, no stack of twenties left for emergencies by quickly departing parents.
He needed that fucking job. And that made him hate it even more.
‘I have a job for you.’
It took Steve a second to register that he’d wandered back by Iris’s deck on his way to the elevators and the words aligned so much with the thoughts in his head, he thought he imagined them.
‘What?’ Steve paused, blinked, turned back to her slowly.
She reclined in her chair, hands on her hugely pregnant belly. ‘A job. If you want it?’
‘What’s the job?’ Steve was still playing catch-up.
Iris grabbed the printouts from the ear and eye exams, reviewing them as she answered. ‘Friday’s my last day before the baby comes – some other nurses are covering the desk, but we’re kind of short staffed, they can’t cover it 100%, ,’ she looked up at him, green eyes kind and searching. ‘We need someone to cover a few mornings a week and I thought of you.’
‘Me? I’m not a nurse.’
‘I picked up on that, Steve, believe it or not,’ she sighed, smiling, looked around the floor, quiet as always, gentle beeping coming from the rooms of these long-stay patients. ‘You know what it’s like up here. We don’t get many visitors, not many emergencies. Eddie calling me all week is the most action this phone has seen in a long time.’
‘Yeah, but –’
‘You can name every single patient on this floor, Steve. You know the doctors and nurses, you know the basics of what we do, we just need someone to be here a couple of hours a week. I thought, maybe…’
‘Because I’m poor and pathetic, I could do it?’
‘No!’ she reared back, shaking her head. Steve had only been half joking, so wanted to reassure her but she continued: ‘No, I was planning on asking you a couple of weeks ago, but then, you know –’
‘I got beat up and became poor and pathetic?’
She shook her head, fighting a smile. ‘No, Steve. It’s more that I know you don’t have a full time gig and might actually like it, that’s all. And you could spend more time with Max?’
That would definitely be a perk, Steve’s eyes darting to her room, spotting the fresh flowers that he and Eddie had brought for her that morning, for the visit before Iris started assaulting him via his stitches.
‘What would I have to do?’ he asked hesitantly.
She smiled. ‘The fact that you didn’t ask how much it pays makes me know you’re the man for the job.’
‘How much does it pay?’
She shoved him in the shoulder. ‘Not much. And you’d just have to be here to answer phones, call the doctor for any emergencies, or you know the other nurses on the floor, just grab someone if you need anything. Coverage, like I said.’
‘I don’t know, Iris, I’m not sure I can handle all that responsibility,’ Steve joked, but she just smiled at him, earnest, searching.
‘I think you’d be good at this, Steve.’
‘At what? Answering phones?’
Her smile grew wider, and she winked at him, but he wasn’t sure why. ‘I need an answer by Wednesday. If it’s not you, we have to figure something else out.’
‘I’ll think about it,’ he promised. The idea of being able to see Max more regularly, more often, was already making him want to say yes, but the idea of him arguing with Keith over his schedule made him want to tear his hair out.
‘And don’t forget the biggest perk of all…’ she pulled out another lollypop, handing it over to him. He laughed, unwrapping it immediately. ‘And Steve?’
‘Yeah?’ he answered, mumbling around the lollypop still in his mouth.
‘You and Eddie…’
His stomach dropped but he kept the smile on his face. From the way Eddie had been acting, so casual around Iris, arm draped over Steve’s shoulder, holding his hand, Steve assumed she knew but acknowledging it so directly – it was still a lot. Other than Robin’s excitement, the only other reactions he’d had to him and Eddie together had been his father’s fists, his mother’s shame. And, for better or worse, Iris was someone he associated so closely with his family, with his past, that despite the smile on her face, despite her clear emerging friendship with Eddie – he felt nervous.
‘… you’re good together,’ she smiled. ‘He’s a really good one.’
Steve swallowed, fake strawberry flavoring from the treat, and he darted his eyes down, away, blinking back forming tears. Yes, they were good together. Yes, Eddie was a good one. And god, it was so much to know that someone who’d known him as long as Iris, who’d only met Eddie days ago, could see that.
‘Thanks, Iris,’ he spoke to the floor, scared what looking at her face would do to him. ‘I think so, too.’
He felt her hand over his, squeezing slightly, and when he finally did look up at her, she was smiling. And, with a lollypop in his mouth, with a nice nurse having just made him all better, he finally felt the permission he’d wanted all those years – and let his tears fall.
***
Eddie had called up to Iris’s station (‘Of course I memorized the number, Steve’), saying he was wrapping up with Doc (‘you know what a chatterbox he can be’) and would come back up to grab Steve soon. Steve reassured him that he was perfectly capable of finding his way to the car himself and did Eddie maybe want to talk about the root cause of his separation anxiety, earning him a quick ‘fuck off’ followed by a ‘love you’ before Eddie hung up, promising to meet him at the car in ten.
Steve was standing by the elevators, mind turning over Iris’s offer, lollypop stuck in his cheek, not registering the elevator door opening, someone walking past him, pausing, turning around.
‘Steve?’ He heard a familiar voice and looked up to find Lucas, hand raised in greeting, taking two long steps back to the elevator, back to Steve.
‘Lucas, man. Hey,’ The smile grew on his face immediately and he felt the pinpricks of tears starting behind his eyes. Again. After just visiting with Max, after talking with Iris, seeing one of his kids in the flesh, unexpectedly, was overwhelming.
If Lucas seemed surprised by Steve’s reaction, he didn’t show it, simply clasped Steve around the middle when Steve pulled him into a firm hug.
‘It’s been too long,’ Steve’s voice wavered only slightly when he spoke.
‘Yeah,’ Lucas looked up at him – but barely had to! He must have shot up another inch or two since Steve had seen him last – a soft look on his face. ‘We’ve missed you. I think, uh, Dustin, especially…’ Lucas’s voice trailed off, as his eyes trailed over Steve’s face, Steve realizing a second too late what he looked like, that none of the kids knew about his injuries. ‘What the hell happened, man?’
Steve flinched back, bringing a hand to his cheek, newly stitch free. ‘You know me. Can never win a fight,’ he tried to smile, but by Lucas’s reaction, it might have been more of a grimace.
‘Did you at least get the other guy?’ Lucas joked gently, eyes kind.
‘Hah. Nope. Didn’t even get a chance to swing.’
‘Fuck.’
‘Language.’ Steve’s reply was automatic, and he realized how insane it was, trying to keep a sixteen year old in line, a sixteen year old who was nearly as tall as him, who had dealt with crazier shit than the word ‘fuck’, like regularly visiting his comatose girlfriend. Lucas realized the insanity of it, too, as they smiled at each other, both acknowledging that whatever dynamic they’d established all those years ago was shifting and changing, just like they were.
‘You okay, Steve?’
‘Yeah, of course. You know me.’
‘Hmm.’
Steve didn’t like the knowing look in Lucas’s eye, and he shuffled his feet. But where Lucas could sometimes push, this time he didn’t, letting Steve’s white lie float by. He instead inclined his head down the hall, asking: ‘How is she?’
‘Same.’ Always the fucking same. ‘Your parents know you’re here? How’d you get here anyway?’
‘Biked. But I’m getting my learner’s permit next month.’
‘No shit! That’s awesome. Seriously,’ Steve said, tried to convince himself it was true. Because it was awesome. But it made him feel so old.
‘Thanks,’ Lucas smiled. ‘You won’t have to haul all of us to the arcade anymore.’ That had been the last time, Steve realized. He’d driven Dustin, Lucas, and Erika to the arcade a few weeks ago, the last time he’d seen at least part of the party together. He hadn’t been able to stay or pick them up, for reasons he couldn’t remember now, though his gut twisted guiltily, assuming the reason was Eddie-related.
‘I like hauling you guys to the arcade,’ Steve shrugged. The idea that that time of their lives would be over soon twisted his heart.
‘We like it, too. Like I said, we miss you, man.’
‘Same here. Same here.’
‘Well, uh, I should –,’ Lucas nodded toward Max’s room and Steve nodded, unneeded permission to let him leave.
‘Hey, Lucas,’ Steve spoke before Lucas had fully turned away. ‘Could you not, uh… don’t tell Dustin about this,’ he waved at his face. ‘I want to tell him myself.’
Lucas blinked at him slowly, head tilted, reviewing Steve’s injuries one more time. ‘When did it happen?’
‘About a week ago…’
Lucas sucked in a sharp breath. ‘Fuck.’ Steve let that one slide. Lucas sighed. ‘He’s not going to be happy.’
‘I know. That’s why, uh… what’s it they say? Plausible deniability? Just don’t tell him you saw me, is all. Hope he’ll take pity on me in my bruised state, not get too pissed.’
‘Doesn’t sound like him.’
Steve snorted. ‘No. No, it doesn’t.’
‘But, sure, Steve. If that’s what you need. Just try to tell him soon?’
‘I will. Promise.’
Steve’s jaw dropped in surprise when Lucas held out a pinky to him wordlessly. He supposed Eddie’s influence on the kids went beyond DnD and world-saving. Steve threaded his pinky in Lucas’s, and the other boy seemed satisfied. Lucas saluted and started to walk away but called back to him as he pressed the elevator button.
‘Steve!’
He turned, eyebrow raised.
‘Come by the courts on Willowbrook next Saturday? Some of the guys on the team and I play a pickup game and uh… it’d be cool if you joined us.’
‘Oh.’ The elevator dinged behind him, and Steve stepped in, reached out a hand to hold the doors open without looking away from Lucas. ‘Sure. I’m a little rusty.’
‘Maybe we’ll be evenly matched then,’ Lucas grinned. As if he hadn’t been the reason the team had won the championship game last year. As if Steve hadn’t been there, cheering him on, mind blown that the little shrimp he’d babysat was the man executing a perfect three-pointer on the court.
‘Only if you tie a hand behind your back.’
Lucas laughed. ‘Saturday. 10 a.m. Be there.’
‘Can’t wait,’ Steve spoke as the elevator doors closed on Lucas’s smiling face.
***
‘Babe?’
Steve leaned against the passenger side of Eddie’s truck and realized with a start that Eddie had walked up in front of him. He’d been off all day today, in his head, softer than normal, more sensitive, more on edge, and it wasn’t until he’d talked to Lucas that he realized why.
‘Eddie, hey, I –’
‘Was it your tests? Was it bad?’ Eddie must have seen something on his face, as he rushed forward, gripping Steve’s hands in his, clearly holding himself back from doing more, aware that they were parked in front of the hospital.
‘No, no, I don’t think so…’
‘You don’t think?’
‘I saw Lucas.’
‘Oh?’ Eddie pulled back a bit, tilting his head. ‘And that made you… sad?’
‘No! It was good to see him, but, uh, he obviously saw…’ Steve gestured vaguely at his face. ‘I asked him not to tell Dustin.’
‘Oh.’ Eddie pulled back a bit further. ‘Yeah.’
‘I need to tell him.’
Eddie sighed, releasing Steve’s hand to flip around and lean back onto the truck beside Steve. He pulled out a cigarette and lit up.
‘Yeah.’
‘I don’t know how.’
Eddie raised an eyebrow. ‘You got punched, Steve. I don’t think that’s a big logical leap for Henderson to make. He’s witnessed it enough times himself.’
Steve shoved him, held a hand out for the cigarette and Eddie paused for a second before handing it over. It was a little hard to smoke it with his swollen nose and cut lip but he suppressed the urge to cough, not wanting to give Eddie the satisfaction, though he saw Eddie clock the quick spasm on his chest. Eddie didn’t say anything, taking the cigarette back.
‘It’s not that,’ Steve admitted, blowing out the smoke. ‘What am I supposed to say?’
‘Say: Dustin, I got punched but I’m fine now, even though Eddie had to drag me to the hospital and I needed stitches and…’ Eddie flinched as Steve pinched his arm. ‘And then you beg for forgiveness for not telling him sooner.’
Steve rolled his eyes. ‘Fine, play this out with me. You’re me and you just said that. What do you think Dustin’s going to say, huh?’ Steve put on a slightly higher pitched voice: ‘Lost another fight, huh, Steve? To who?’
‘Whom,’ Eddie corrected, then shook his head. ‘Sorry, uh,’ he put on his own higher pitched voice, ‘Doesn’t matter.’
‘Is that supposed to be me?’
‘Is that supposed to be Henderson?’
‘Ugh,’ Steve threw up his hands. ‘Whatever…’ and put on his Dustin voice again. ‘Of course, it matters, Steve! Why did you hide it from me?’
‘None of your business!’
‘When did you get hit?’
‘None of your business!’
Steve mimed picking up the phone: ‘Robin, did you know Steve got punched? When did you find out? Oh, Sunday? How did he look? Okay, thanks.’
‘He won’t –’
‘So Steve must have gotten punched on Friday or Saturday, he was with Eddie on Friday, right? Where did they go? They said they got drunk, so let me go canvas every bar in Hawkins…’
‘Steve, come on –’
‘Oh, he was at the Hideout with Eddie, until what time? Hmm, no bruising then? Okay, but he was at home on Saturday morning when I called, so –’
‘He’s not Sherlock Holmes, Steve.’
‘No, Eddie, he’s dog with a bone! He’ll either pester us all to death until he knows, or he’ll go figure it out himself!’
‘So, just tell him –’
‘If I lie, it has to be fucking airtight and no offense to either of us, but we’re not as smart as him. And if I tell him the truth – if I tell him the truth…’ Steve’s heart stuttered.
‘Hey, hey,’ Eddie pulled Steve into his side, running a comforting hand up and down his arm. Steve sighed into Eddie’s shoulder, closing his eyes, trying to calm his breathing.
‘I can’t lie to him, Eddie. I just can’t.’
‘Can’t or won’t?’
‘What?’ Steve pulled back, looking at Eddie’s guilty face.
‘It sounds like you want to lie to him, Steve…’
‘And what’s so bad about that? It’s lie to him or tell him –’
‘He won’t care, Steve,’ Eddie spoke softly. ‘He loves you. He won’t care.’
Steve swallowed, searching Eddie’s face. ‘If I tell him about me, then –’
‘We tell him about us.’
Eddie’s hand trailed down Steve’s arm, over his lower back, hand slotting into the back pocket of Steve’s jeans. He wasn’t sure if it was meant to be comforting or a come on; it felt like both, Steve’s heart calming, his eyes widening.
‘You said I shouldn’t tell anyone if I’m not ready.’
‘I know. And that’s still true, babe. If you’re not ready, we’ll sit down and come up with something even Dustin Henderson won’t crack, something bulletproof.’
‘Are you ready?’
Eddie sighed. ‘I think so,’ his smile was tentative, cautious, and he dipped his head to catch Steve’s eye. ‘It was one thing when it was just me and I was scared of, like, Wayne hating me or getting my ass kicked,’ Eddie winced, ‘Sorry, babe.’ Steve shrugged. ‘But I love you. You asked me to fight with you for us and I did, and now, I really fucking love you. So, I figure… if it’s me and you together? Then I’m ready.’
Steve leaned his forehead onto Eddie’s and sighed. There was that sinking feeling again, again, again. Despite Eddie’s words, despite the feel of his body against his. ‘So, it’s you and me, fighting together… against Dustin’s fucking tenacity.’
‘Our biggest obstacle yet.’
***
‘I think it can wait…’
‘Steve…’
‘What’s one more day?’
‘Steve.’
Steve sighed as Eddie nudged him towards the Henderson’s front door later that afternoon. He’d been standing outside for three minutes, getting up the nerve to finally the ring the bell.
‘You killed Vecna, Steve, I think you can ring the doorbell?’
‘Debatable,’ Steve mumbled under his breath as he finally pressed the button. A second later…
‘Steve!’ Dustin’s smiling face greeted him, immediately followed by his entire face falling. ‘Holy shit.’
‘Hey, Dustin,’ Steve tried to sound happy, tried to smile, but it came out as a whimper, a grimace. ‘What’s up?’
‘What the fuck did you do?!’ Dustin grabbed his chin firmly, swinging Steve’s face from side to side, taking in the extent of his bruises. ‘Was this the “family emergency”?’ Dustin asked a second later, crossing his arms angrily, already ten steps ahead of where Steve wanted him to be.
‘Oh, uh. Something like that.’ Steve looked to Eddie, desperate for help. As he did, Dustin’s eyes found Eddie, too, and his expression shifted.
‘You knew about this?! And didn’t say anything?!’
Eddie lifted his hands in surrender. ‘Not my place, man. It’s his story to tell.’
‘No, it fucking isn’t! Not when he looks like that!’ Dustin gestured violently to Steve’s face, Steve flinching back as Dustin’s hand narrowly missed colliding with his busted lip. Dustin noticed, the painful hiss Steve let out finally breaking through his angry tirade. He took a steadying breath and shook his head like a disappointed parent before asking: ‘What happened?’
The plan was to sit down with Dustin and tell him the truth. The whole truth. The tenacious Dustin Henderson would get there anyway if Steve said his dad hit him. And he would get there even if Steve didn’t – a lie would never work, not without the details, the genuine emotion, the context and scene setting that Dustin would require, would sniff out, would probe and prod at until he was satisfied as soon he smelled a whiff of falsehood.
But now, damn it, he couldn’t do it.
Looking down at Dustin – Steve realized he still had to physically look down. The other kids had shot up, Lucas now nearly as tall as him, Will’s muscular shoulders continuously confounding him but Dustin hadn’t changed nearly as much.
When Steve looked at him, he still saw the little boy who had come to him with his girl problems, who had asked him for hair advice, who needed to be pepped up before the school dance.
He still saw the little boy who had made him think, for the first time, that he was someone worthy enough to look up to. Not for being popular or handsome or charming. But in spite of all that.
Just for being himself.
And in a sea of so much that was changing, Steve didn’t want that little boy to go. Didn’t want what they had to change.
He needed him. God, he needed him.
Dustin read something on Steve’s face, as his gaze softened. ‘That bad, huh?’
Steve opened his mouth, but no words came out. He realized he was going to cry.
As if Eddie sensed it too, he swooped in for the rescue. ‘Hey, you free now, Henderson? I wanted to show you the cabin. Almost done and all, thought you might want to take a look.’
Dustin narrowed his eyes, but the offer was tempting, Steve could tell. A tour of the cabin and the promise of cornering Steve for some answers, two things that Dustin couldn’t resist.
‘Ma!’ Dustin called over his shoulder. ‘I’m going to hang out with Steve and Eddie!’
‘But I’m making subs for lunch!’
Dustin’s mouth had been open to argue but he shut it quickly, turning to the guys. ‘Want sandwiches?’
***
Laden with paper bags full of sandwiches, pop, chips, and cookies, the boys arrived at the cabin. The drive there had been silent, Dustin crouched in the back cab of Eddie’s truck, knees drawn up to his chin, as Steve fiddled with the radio, rearranged the bags, opening and closing his mouth a dozen times to no avail. It had been up to Eddie to fill the awkward silence with an endless stream of nonsense, that Steve finally clocked after five minutes of his ramblings as being a week by week retelling of his updates to the cabin.
It seemed like Eddie realized that neither Steve nor Dustin was paying him any attention and just needed the white noise of his voice to distract them.
And it sort of helped.
Until the engine shut off and the three of them sat in silence in front of the cabin. Eddie glanced at Steve, but Steve was frozen, didn’t know what to do.
‘Let’s go inside?’ Eddie offered, opening his door slowly, widening his eyes at Steve as he exited. Right. Get out of the car. Good start.
Dustin clambered out the driver’s side after Eddie as Steve slowly picked up the bags, following them into the house. He was in a fog as he unpacked the bags at the kitchen table, vaguely aware of Eddie giving Dustin a tour, continuing his monologue from the drive to give Dustin mind-numbing insight into every single nail he’d hammered, every single board he’d sanded.
Steve knew Eddie was buying him time, trying to ride out the wave of Steve’s awkwardness but it was a big one, apparently, a 20-footer or a 100-footer, whatever a really big wave was. He didn’t really know. He lived in Indiana. How was he supposed to know what a big wave was?
That’d be a reason to go to the ocean again. The last time had been, oh, maybe six or seven years ago, a trip to Florida with his parents to visit someone, god knows who, some family friend. It had been so hot and humid, his hair had frizzed within seconds, but the ocean, it had been so cool and bright and –
‘Steve!’ Eddie yelled, and Steve’s eyes shot to him. Both Dustin and Eddie were staring at him, quizzical looks on their faces. ‘Where the hell were you?’ Eddie asked, circling his finger by his head, looking at Steve like he was crazy. He realized they must have been trying to get his attention for a while.
‘The ocean,’ Steve mumbled. That answer did nothing to calm Eddie’s increasingly worried face.
‘Do you have brain damage? Did the fight damage his brain?’ Dustin asked, seriously, genuinely concerned, looking between the two of them.
‘Sorry, I just, uh… I need some air,’ Steve smiled tightly, stepping outside. He heard mumbling from inside, but no one followed him.
Good.
He took a deep lungful of air, crisp and bitter gray that inflated his lungs, calmed his mind. He saw a dark shadow flash against the tree line and tensed for a second before realizing that it was only Demo, fur puffed in excitement as he chased after something through the woods. He hunted fast, determined. Steve felt a pang of empathy for whatever it was he was chasing, knowing it wasn’t long for this world.
Everything felt a little bit extra precious at this particular moment.
The door creaked open behind him.
‘You okay?’
Steve turned to see Eddie, a soft look on his face. He tried to smile but whatever Eddie saw made him take the few steps out of the cabin, run a hand over Steve’s back, up his neck.
‘We don’t have to tell him, forget the plan,’ Eddie whispered, leaning in close. ‘Not if you’re not ready.’
Steve might never be ready. He hadn’t been ready to tell Robin; it had burst out of him in a moment of frustration. He hadn’t been ready to tell his parents; it had been taken from him. Forcefully at first, resignedly at the end. No use hiding the truth when it was already known. When it had been stolen from him, without his permission.
That was the issue.
This time, he was in charge. It was all up to him.
His choice.
And there was that sinking feeling again.
‘We’ll tell him you were, like, defending me or something. Someone called me a freak, you got in their face, got punched, yeah? Steve? Baby?’
Eddie looked at him with bright eyes, that calculating look behind them, the one he got when he was working on the cabin and trying to ensure he made the right cut with the saw, the one he got when he was devising a plan to steal a fucking mobile home to save the world.
He was using that same skill now to save Steve from telling Dustin that they were together.
They were together because Eddie was gay. And Steve was –
Bisexual. I’m bisexual, Steve thought. I’m not straight.
It’s not just that he was attracted to Eddie, that Eddie was his boyfriend, that he was in love with Eddie. None of those labels had ever bothered him because they were about Eddie. Who Eddie was to him.
He’d erased himself from it all completely.
Robin had told him, all those weeks ago. That a label would help him. That it would make him understand. That it would give him strength.
But labels always reminded him of high school. The bad parts. King. Jock. Nerd. Freak. Queer…
Labels weren’t a good thing, to him.
Not normally. But thinking it in that moment, that he was bisexual, as he looked at Eddie, the man he loved, as he so desperately worked to save Steve from a situation he’d gotten himself into – the love overwhelmed him.
It swept through him, over him, the wave finally cresting and breaking, as Steve moved like an incoming tide, crashing against the rock that was Eddie Munson, wrapping his hands around his jaw and cutting him off mid-sentence with a kiss, mouth open, tongue searching, wanting all that Steve was, and all that Eddie was to be welded together unendingly.
As he pulled away, he thought a kiss was like water on stone: temporary.
But that only meant that Steve had to keep kissing Eddie as often as he could. To keep the wave breaking onto the shore. To give the two separate beings that they were as many chances as they could to form something new, something that only they could.
‘I love you,’ Steve whispered into Eddie’s lips, Eddie’s hair brushing over the back of his hands that still held his face gently.
Eddie smiled at him curiously. ‘I know, babe. Love you, too.’
Steve threaded his fingers through Eddie’s and walked them back inside.
Frankly, Steve was surprised that Dustin hadn’t been gawking out the window at Steve and Eddie on the porch, hadn’t seen them kiss, but he hadn’t. His mom’s subs were just that good, apparently, as Dustin was seated at the small kitchen table, practically inhaling the footlong. He didn’t even hear them approach.
As he swallowed, took a sip of his pop, he finally looked up at them.
His eyes caught on their joined hands immediately.
‘Dustin, we –,’ Steve started to speak but before he could get another word out, Dustin exploded up from the table, chips and napkins flying off as he raised his hands above his head, shaking them in victory.
‘I knew it!’ he shouted at the ceiling. He pointed between Steve and Eddie, finger accusing, but face triumphant. ‘I fucking knew it! You two – you’re, what?’ he suddenly hesitated.
‘Oh, don’t let us stop you, Henderson,’ Eddie tried for serious, but his jaw twitched. He squeezed Steve’s hand, still entwined with his. ‘You’re Mr. Know-It-All.’
Some of the glee fell off Dustin’s face but not completely. ‘I do know it, yeah. You guys are like… you’re like…’
‘We’re together,’ Steve stated simply, turning to Eddie, deep brown eyes looking back at him, a soft smirk and a wink grounding him. ‘Eddie’s my boyfriend.’
‘Your boyfriend,’ Dustin repeated, mouth moving slowly as if it was an unfamiliar word, a confused look on his face as if he hadn’t just literally exploded out of his chair in self-righteous victory.
‘Is that all I am, Harrington?’ Eddie teased. ‘Just your boyfriend?’
‘Of course not, gorgeous. You’re my boyfriend and a huge pain in the ass.’
‘Figuratively, of course,’ Eddie whispered in his ear, winked at him, and Steve blushed.
Dustin was looking at them almost in awe, eyes darting rapidly between them. He let out a small squeak as the smile grew on his face.
‘You called him gorgeous.’
‘What?’
‘You called Eddie gorgeous.’
‘Well, I mean… yeah.’ Steve smiled. ‘He is.’
‘He is?’ Dustin looked at Eddie, eyes roaming, searching, coming up empty.
‘You wound me, Henderson,’ Eddie clutched at his chest as if Dustin had stabbed him. ‘How can I live if my hotness is not known to all?’
‘Pain in my ass, what’d I say,’ Steve mumbled as he turned back to Dustin, Eddie simply laughing next to him. Steve couldn’t help but get swept up in the waves of lightness rolling off of Eddie. He felt it, too. It was out there, they were free. And Dustin didn’t hate them, it seemed like. Dustin was – well, Dustin still seemed confused. Happy, but confused.
‘So, this whole time, you guys were, like, boyfriends? Like, all that bullshit about being best friends was, like… bullshit?’
Steve still flinched a little at the word, especially when it was anywhere near his romantic life.
‘No, Dustin. It wasn’t bullshit. Eddie is my best friend.’
‘See, I’m more than just a pain in the ass,’ Eddie smiled.
‘Okay, but all the hanging out and stuff, that was…’
‘I mean... what answer are you looking for here, Dustin?’ Steve asked. ‘A breakdown of every time we hung out?’
Dustin squirmed.
‘It was a lot of boyfriend stuff,’ Eddie jumped in, seeming to know what Dustin is getting at, nudging Steve’s shoulder. Steve got there a second later, as he usually did: That they weren’t hanging out without Dustin just because. That it was more than that.
‘Yeah, sorry, man,’ Steve apologized, catching on. ‘It was just… we were kind wrapped up in each other.’
‘A lot wrapped up in each other,’ Eddie clarified.
Dustin’s brow was furrowed, and Steve didn’t like the tinge of sadness that was creeping onto his face as he asked: ‘So since, like… when?’
Steve was taking a breath to answer but Eddie beat him to it: ‘September 9th.’
Steve’s head swiveled and Eddie cocked his head at Steve’s confusion. ‘What?’ Steve spluttered. ‘September 9th?’
‘Our first kiss,’ Eddie shrugged.
‘That’s what you’re using as our anniversary?’
‘You’re not?’
‘I thought it’d be our first date,’ Steve said, turning to Eddie fully.
‘Fuck no, that doesn’t count,’ Eddie crossed his arms.
‘Why not? That’s when we started, you know, dating! Our first date.’
‘Cause that was a pity date after you flirted with what’s-her-name with the number!’
‘That was not a pity date, that was a Harrington classic, and you loved it! Remember the pie?’
‘Yeah, but we’d already, you know…’ Eddie’s eyes darted to Dustin quickly before returning to Steve, ‘…liked each other…’
‘But asking someone out makes it official, after you like each other,’ Steve wasn’t sure why he was arguing, other than he’d drawn a heart around September 15th on his mental calendar. ‘You need, like, an event for an anniversary!’
‘Kissing you was an event!’ Eddie exploded, hands flying up frustration.
God, he was so cute. ‘Aw, babe…’ Steve cooed, as Eddie rolled his eyes.
‘My god,’ Dustin whispered, drawing both sets of eyes back to him. ‘You guys are, like, a couple.’
‘Um, yes? Didn’t you hear us –’ Steve waved his hand, trying to point to five minutes ago.
‘Yeah, weren’t you the one all “I knew it, I knew it!”’ Eddie tried mimicking Dustin’s voice and Steve thought his own Dustin impression was much stronger.
‘Well, I knew it was something!’
‘Everything is something, Dustin,’ Eddie sighed.
‘No, but I knew it was like, something something!’
‘And? Is it what you thought it’d be?’ Steve asked.
‘No,’ Dustin looked back and forth between them, confusion and something else battling out on his face. ‘It’s so much weirder.’
‘Weird?’ Steve flinched slightly, automatically. Eddie shuffled a bit closer to him.
‘Not cause you’re guys dating!’ Dustin’s eyes widened. ‘That’s like, biology or whatever. No, just the like…’ He pointed back and forth between them, ‘…the bickering. It’s so weird.’
‘We’re not bickering,’ Steve scoffed.
‘No, this is grade A banter, Henderson,’ Eddie said, winding an arm around Steve’s neck, dropping his hand down over Steve’s chest and patting twice. ‘Keeps you on your toes, keeps the spark alive,’ he winked.
‘We don’t need to keep the spark alive, Eddie, we’ve only been dating –’
‘Since September 9th,’ Eddie jumped in, waggling his eyebrows and dropping a quick kiss on Steve’s cheek.
‘Jesus.’
‘Oh god,’ Dustin dropped back into his chair, dropped his head in his hands. ‘So weird.’
Steve squirmed. ‘Please stop using that word, especially when you’re sighing and cringing…’
‘No, again, not like that,’ Dustin groaned. ‘It’s just you guys being all… sexy with each other. It’s… gross.’
Eddie snorted. ‘You think this is sexy?’
‘His girlfriend is a Mormon, calm down,’ Steve whispered to Eddie, but clearly Dustin heard.
‘Hey!’ Dustin jumped up from his seat, wagging a finger at them. ‘Suzie is much more evolved than that, she can’t help her family!’
Well, that, Steve understood. ‘Yeah, you really can’t help your family. Sure, man. Sorry.’
But Dustin paused, squinting between them. ‘Wait… so what’s second base?’
Steve blinked rapidly at the sudden change in topic, the question coming out of nowhere to him, clearly skipping a few steps of Dustin’s thought process. Eddie just giggled loudly, melting even more into Steve’s side.
‘What the hell, Dustin?’ Steve asked, finally coming back to himself.
‘Eddie said second base is boobs, but –’ Dustin stepped forward, cupping Steve’s chest in his hands. ‘No boobs,’ he stated simply, paused. ‘Or shit, did I just go to second base with Steve?’
‘Buy a guy dinner first, jeez,’ Steve muttered, removing Dustin’s hands from his chest as Eddie doubled over laughing.
‘You’re not gonna like punch me for going to second base with your boyfriend?’ Dustin shrugged at a still howling Eddie.
‘No, I will not punch you for feeling up Steve’s sweater,’ Eddie huffed out, wiping a tear from his eye. ‘I’m not the jealous kind.’
Steve spluttered a laugh. ‘Oh, really?’
Eddie blushed, quieting quickly. ‘Shut up,’ he mumbled, eyebrows bunched.
‘The whatever girl with the number,’ Steve tapped the back of his hand, then held it up to count off: ‘The singer guy in Indy, even freaking Elaine the other night!’
‘Shut it, Harrington,’ Eddie nudged him as the blush grew deeper.
‘Fuck, you were even jealous of that tattoo artist – Vic!’
‘I wasn’t jealous of him!’
‘You were jealous.’
‘You guys were just gone a long time…’
‘I was trading donuts for a tattoo, Eddie, I owed the guy a thirty minute conversation.’
‘You got a tattoo?!’ Dustin exploded again. ‘When? What is it? Can I see?’
‘Wait, are you more freaked out that I got a tattoo or that I’m dating Eddie?’ Steve asked, though he was a little reassured that this revelation had gotten a bigger reaction and more follow-up questions from Dustin than the reveal that he and Eddie were together.
Dustin opened his mouth to answer but paused. ‘I don’t know. All of it? I just feel like – I guess, I like missed a lot. I just want to know,’ he lost steam as he talked, ending with a shrug.
‘Oh…’ Steve swayed a little, nudging Eddie. Steve’s heart sank, realizing that he put that broken look on Dustin’s face this time. He couldn’t fucking stand it. He looked to Eddie, who motioned to Steve, go ahead. Steve leaned on the back of the couch, and Dustin collapsed back onto the dining chair. Steve sighed. Where to even start?
‘What do you want to know, Dustin?’
Dustin’s eyes darted, clearly filtering through everything, maybe realizing like Steve did, that there was so much. And in true Dustin fashion: ‘Everything?’
‘Hah.’ Steve pulsed a quick laugh.
‘I know you’re dating Eddie,’ Dustin continued. ‘I know you have a tattoo. Or more…’
‘Just the one,’ Steve nodded, assuming Dustin would want more detail but he continued.
‘Is this –,’ Dustin gestured up at his own face but was looking at Steve’s, ‘about…’ his eyes flicked to Eddie.
‘I didn’t do it!’ Eddie reeled back, offended. ‘Why does everyone look at me?’ he asked Steve.
‘No, man,’ Dustin interrupted. ‘I just mean – like… I’m sure people can be, like, assholes about stuff. Not everyone’s as evolved as me.’
‘Oh.’ Steve coughed. ‘Yeah.’ He took a deep breath, Eddie’s hand a heavy comfort on his shoulder. He saw Dustin tense while Steve tried to find the words, force them out. ‘My dad, uh… I guess my dad’s not as evolved as you are, Henderson.’
‘Oh.’ Dustin froze. ‘Shit. Fuck. Asshole.’
Three curses in a row and Steve couldn't do anything but smile ruefully.
‘Succinctly put, Dustin,’ Eddie said quietly.
‘Your dad sucks, Steve,’ Dustin leaned forward, maybe the tenderest look on his face that Steve had ever seen from him.
‘Hmm,’ Steve nodded in agreement but didn’t speak, looking away from the disquieting comfort on Dustin’s face; it was too much, too big of a reminder of Dustin’s love for him, too big of a reminder of his own idiocy about worrying what Dustin would think.
‘He’s staying here, with me,’ Eddie added after a minute of silence, answering the unspoken question. ‘So, if you need to reach him or anything…’
Dustin shrugged. ‘I always figured you’d be together anyway. At least now I know why.’ There was still something soft on his face, but that same glimmer of hurt poking through.
‘I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner,’ Steve said.
‘Why didn’t you?’ Dustin’s voice was small.
Steve reached up to grab Eddie’s hand still on his shoulder, winding their fingers together. ‘It’s just… it’s a big deal, Dustin. It wasn’t about you. It was about me. It’s like – everything I knew about myself just got all –’
‘Upside down?’ Dustin tried to joke, wiggling his eyebrows.
Steve smiled. ‘Something like that. It’s just been, like a lot of change and I didn’t – I don’t –’
‘Nothing will change, man. Nothing important, anyway.’ Dustin spoke so sincerely and all of a sudden, he was 11 years old again, running by Steve through the Wheelers’ hallway, bumping into him and turning around with a quick “sorry” over his shoulder as he ran after the other boys to the basement, with his baby face and missing teeth and pure fucking joyous energy that already made him someone Steve would always remember, from that first moment.
Steve took a deep shaky breath, covering his face with his hands, hunched over, as Eddie rubbed comforting circles on his back.
‘Does that mean you haven’t told anyone else?’ Dustin asked.
Steve shook his head, straightening up. ‘Uh, no, some people know,’ he was worried the admission would hurt Dustin, but Dustin continued looking straight at him. ‘You. My parents…’
‘Uncle Wayne. Those tattoo artists in Indy,’ Eddie added in.
‘And Robin, obviously.’
‘Why Robin obviously?’ Dustin interrupted.
Oops. ‘Just, you know… you guys are both my best friends, so like, obviously you two would know.’
Dustin nodded, taking it all in. It wasn’t a long list, Steve realized. But telling Dustin made it more real, somehow. More than the bruises on his face did. It felt like the whole world knew, suddenly, and Steve’s heart started to race again.
He wasn’t sure how to ask, but knew he had to say something, knew how much Dustin loved to be the one with the answers, with the info – and he always made it so clear that he had it.
‘Dustin, you can’t – please don’t –’ Steve stammered.
‘You can’t tell anyone else, Dustin,’ Eddie jumped in, direct and clear. ‘This is something we get to tell people when we’re ready. None of that “I know something you don’t know” shit that you pull. Got it?’ Steve hadn’t heard this particular tone from Eddie that often, somewhere between the commanding tone he used in bed sometimes and the brashness Steve had witnessed him exerting on the jocks in the cafeteria over the years.
‘Got it,’ Dustin’s eyes widened, the tone obviously landing as intended. ‘Promise! Pinky swear, scout’s honor, cross my heart and hope to die!’
‘I’ll stick a fucking needle in your eye,’ Eddie growled.
‘Understood,’ Dustin’s voice wavered a bit, but a sly smile overtook his face.
‘Nope!’ Eddie jumped up. ‘None of that face!’ He pointed at Dustin accusingly.
‘What?’ Dustin’s smile grew. ‘This is just my face!’
‘No, it’s not and you know it!’
‘Fine, fine,’ Dustin laughed. ‘It’s just that… I fucking knew it. That there was something else up with you guys.’
‘Yeah? What was our tell?’ Steve couldn’t help but ask.
‘I guess, just…’ Dustin tilted his head, examining them, thinking. ‘I guess just how you talked about each other. All, like, soft.’
Steve caught Eddie’s eye and smiled.
‘And stuff like that,’ Dustin pointed at them. ‘I thought it was like an inside joke or something but it’s like… love or whatever.’
‘You hear that, Harrington?’ Eddie purred in his ear. ‘We’re in love or whatever. Henderson already had us pegged, got there way before us.’
‘Oh shit,’ Dustin blanched. ‘Did I make it awkward? The L word?
‘No, Dustin,’ Steve smiled, wrapping an arm around Eddie’s waist, pulling him close. ‘We’re uh… yeah. We’re in love.’
‘Or whatever,’ Eddie teased, leaning into Steve.
‘You happy for me, Dustin?’ Steve asked playfully.
‘Of course, I’m happy for you! Eddie’s awesome!’ Dustin smiled at Steve, then turned to Eddie, smile shrinking, shrugging: ‘You could do better.’
As Eddie howled and Dustin’s smile grew huge again, Steve rolled his eyes as he knew was expected of him.
But he couldn’t help but smile, too, the sinking feeling in his stomach gone, reassuring presence of two of his favorite people with him, reminding him that no, nothing had to change.
Nothing important, anyway.
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 32: "Fun Little Zap"
As Hopper ranted, Will grinned softly to himself, while El looked at Steve and Eddie with a knowing look. Eddie blushed and Steve darted his eyes away, cringing. Hopper didn’t seem to notice.
‘And then he – Joyce, you won’t believe this! – he said he’d move out! He was ready to move out, leave town, no money, no next steps, rather than let me take Steve away from him. Absolutely crazy out of his mind. Can you believe it?’ Hopper leaned back, taking a swig of his beer, looking at Joyce with an expectant look.
Joyce’s smile had grown as Hopper continued his speech, even as Eddie felt his cheeks burning, could see the red on Steve’s own face, Hopper’s retelling of Eddie’s actions the most obvious coming out statement to anyone paying attention. Which was apparently everyone but Hopper.
Chapter 32: Fun Little Zap
Summary:
‘You’re moving to Texas.’
‘Well,’ a big sigh. ‘We could both move to Texas, Eddie. I know you’ve got a good thing with Jim’s cabin and your boyfriend and all but –’
‘Family’s family.’ Eddie added, dumbstruck.
Notes:
I'm sorry for the delay!! I only have about 10K words in me each week and I was trying to finish my other fic (which I did last week! Please check it out!).
We're moving towards the endgame here and the path is being laid but I've had the end in mind since the beginning, I just took my sweet time getting there.
Enjoy and please leave a comment (even if it's only to nudge me to update more frequently ;))!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
‘It’s a nice place,’ Mickey muttered, knocking on the front porch post, even as he took a step back to look up at the roofline. ‘But if this is the after, can’t imagine the before.’
‘Imagine less roof, less walls, more smell,’ Eddie replied, following Mickey as he continued his inspection around the house. They walked the full perimeter, Mickey backing up, leaning in, knocking and testing, trying to find fault in months of Eddie’s handiwork. Eddie couldn’t help how his stomach clenched, remembering his disastrous first interaction with Mickey, where he hadn’t had any answers, when he’s sure Mickey had written him off as some hapless kid.
But since then, there hadn’t been more than a day in between visits to the hardware store, Eddie always prepared with his list of questions and measurements, absorbing the advice Mickey was doling out like it was as important as a DnD campaign, visualizing each step Mickey told him in his head, taking the how-to guides and hand-written instructions from him and the other hardware store regulars like they were manna. Anything to prove that he could do it and do it well. Anything to not let Hopper down.
Eddie hadn’t been this nervous since his geometry final at the high school all those months ago. Well, maybe after his first kiss with Steve. Or his first time with Steve. Or telling Steve he loved him.
But the Steve nerves were all good nerves, usually. By now, those Steve nerves translated into something amazing, like the first time their lips touched and blew Eddie’s mind, or the first time Steve let Eddie fuck him and blew Eddie’s mind, or the first time Steve made Eddie believe he was worthy of love – and blew Eddie’s mind.
This? These nerves were different.
Mickey’s stone face wasn’t helping. It wasn’t until they returned to the front of the cabin, standing in front of the finally (fucking finally) installed kitchen window, that Mickey placed his hands on his hips, turned to Eddie, and one corner of his lip ticked up into a smile that Eddie breathed a sigh of relief.
A tick of a smile was like the sun breaking through when it came to Mickey. Mickey didn’t even have to speak before Eddie asked: ‘You really think so?’
Mickey got Eddie’s quirks by now, took his nervous shuffling, hands tucked under his armpits, raised brow for what they were intended – a desperate plea for approval. And he gave it.
‘Good, Eddie. Really.’
Eddie laughed, clapped his hands. ‘Woo!’
The snort of laughter from Mickey in return was almost too much.
‘Stop the flattery, Mick, you’ll make me blush,’ Eddie swatted at him, used to teasing the older man, joking, trying to get his passive demeanor to break.
‘So, what now, kid?’
The question made Eddie pause, his smile falter. ‘Oh, uh…’
‘Work like this, and all the shit I know you know, cause I taught you? You could do this.’
‘Do what? Fix up shithole cabins?’
‘I know two folks looking to fix theirs up on Lover’s Lake, another up behind the Halley Farm. Yeah, Eddie. You could fix up shithole cabins.’
‘Oh.’ Well, that wasn’t what he expected. ‘Well, uh, don’t think hanging out the Eddie Munson shingle will be too great for business, Mickey. No matter how many folks are looking.’
Mickey regarded him, his clever eyes traveling over Eddie’s face, taking in his tattoos, his scars, maybe for the first time in a while.
‘Some folks are stupid, sure,’ Mickey said after a minute. ‘But plenty just want good work at a good price. I’d vouch for ya. Others would, too.’
Oh.
Eddie crossed his arms, not from nervous anticipation this time. Just from nerves.
This wasn’t a future he’d considered. He thought he’d considered them all: stabbed in the gut and dying from a drug deal gone wrong; dealing out of the trailer park until he was old and gray, a has-been that the town tells tales about; skipping town to drive his van across the country; accidentally knocking up some poor girl after a bout of horniness briefly shifted his sexual identity from ‘gay’ to ‘any socially acceptable hole will do right now, please and thank you.’
Never almost dying in an alternate dimension from monster bat wounds.
Never falling in love with Steve Harrington.
And never becoming Hawkins’s next local handyman.
‘I, uh… I don’t know,’ Eddie mumbled lamely, not quite meeting Mickey’s eye. He knew it was a big thing, an endorsement from Mickey, a potential future right here in Hawkins.
He wasn’t sure if it was a remnant of years of longing to leave or something else, but the idea of staying…
Maybe it wasn’t fair. Because he had Steve now. And Robin, and Dustin, and Hopper, and the whole Byers clan. He had Mickey and Merrill and Bev. And Demo. He might even have Wayne in a couple of months.
He had a house. He had a life.
A happier life than any he could have imagined in all of his scenario planning. He had people and love and his health, and god, that should be enough, shouldn’t it?
But the idea of staying…
And maybe Mickey knew Eddie’s expressions as well as he knew his, because he just huffed something unintelligible and pulled out his wallet, overstuffed and nearly disintegrating, freeing a worn piece of paper and handing it to Eddie. It was a flyer, handwritten in chicken scratch lettering, advertising an electrician apprentice program in Chicago. Before Eddie even processed what he was holding, Mickey spoke.
‘Friend of a friend owes me, told me to send him anyone with a scrap of talent. Haven’t really found anyone til now but, uh…’ Mickey raised a brow, ‘Might be more what you’re looking for.’
Eddie hated electric. Hated it. It had been the bane of his existence, having to rewire the cabin, the constant underlying anxiety of putting himself in such close proximity to shock, a shock that might bring him instant death or a fun little zap. He preferred the heavy certainty of wood, the feel of a hammer in hands, measure twice, cut once. Liked that he was building something, making something tangible, not just redirecting something magical like an electrical current, the science of which he still didn’t fully understand.
But Mickey was looking at him expectantly. Mickey, who’d somehow read his hesitancy and nervousness at staying in Hawkins– and was giving him an option.
Chicago.
That was a fun little zap of a whole other kind. Sure, electric work scared him, but a big city like that? That made almost a nostalgic fear run through. The kind he used to get walking the halls, going toe to toe with bullies like Carver, who’d set out to make Eddie feel small and weak – that zap of fear was the same. But he’d figured out how to harness it for something useful, to fuel something inside him, get his synapses firing, his mouth moving, his words flowing. Defenses up, Eddie ready.
He hadn’t felt that fear in a while now.
That fear of the unknown, of something else out there, keeping you on your toes, not back on your heels. The nerves that didn’t make Eddie want to run but made him want to fight.
‘I’ll, uh, I’ll think about it,’ Eddie forced out eventually. He held up the smooth, worn paper. ‘Can I keep this?’
Mickey nodded. ‘All yours, Ed. Been hanging on to it for too long.’
Eddie folded it up and placed it inside his own wallet, with a promise to himself to not let it linger, to not hold on for too long.
***
‘No reason to be nervous, babe.’
‘I’m not nervous.’
‘Then could you kindly unclench my hand?’ Eddie asked, forcing a laugh through the pressure Steve was exerting on his fingers, Eddie’s other hand resting on the steering wheel as he drove them over to the Byers’s for their weekly dinner. This week, featuring special guest Steve Harrington.
‘Shit, sorry.’ Steve let go of Eddie’s hand completely, dropping it as if it was on fire. Eddie shook his hand out for a second, getting some feeling back before grabbing Steve’s again, winding their fingers together with a more gentle pressure.
‘Yeah, you’re the picture of calm over there. It’s just Hop and Joyce, the kids…’ Eddie darted his eyes nervously over to Steve, who was biting at his lower lip in a way that was both distracting and disheartening. Eddie was torn between leaning over to kiss him or pulling him in for a hug.
‘I know but –’
‘You don’t seriously still think Hopper hates you?’
‘I was injured, he had to be nice to me!’
Eddie sighed. ‘Stevie, this whole self-pity thing makes your eyes crease in that sexy way but you really need to get a hold of yourself.’
Steve paused and tilted his head. ‘You think my eye creases are sexy?’
‘Stop fishing, baby, you know I think every part of you is sexy,’ Eddie had to roll his eyes, but couldn’t help how his voice lowered at the thought of all of Steve’s parts.
‘Okay, you are not allowed to use that voice, I’m already nervous, I can’t be horny, too!’ Steve laughed, pulling his hand away and shimmying closer to the door, though that barely put an additional inch between them in the cab of Eddie’s truck.
‘So, you admit that you’re nervous?’
‘Fine, fuck, you’re right as always!’ Steve threw up his hands. ‘I’m nervous, Hop still scares me, and what if Joyce is all like, sweet, and big eyed, and asks me what happened… like, Eddie, fuck, I think I’d tell her.’ His voice went soft at the end, a slight wobble that drew Eddie’s eyes over. Steve didn’t look scared, not exactly, more… hesitant.
Which made Eddie hesitate on his response, just for a second, before he spoke as lightly as he could. ‘So, tell her.’
‘Eddie…’
‘Steve,’ Eddie sighed. ‘We all know your dad’s an asshole; it won’t be a surprise.’ It wasn’t what he meant to say, not exactly. He meant to reassure Steve that the truth was forgivable, understandable, that he wasn’t at fault, that everyone would still love him no matter what.
It didn’t seem like Steve took it that way, from the way that he went quiet.
‘Shit,’ Eddie huffed in a low breath. ‘I didn’t mean –’ He sighed loudly, a frustrated breath escaping. Because why would a father hit his son? In Eddie’s eyes, it would always be the father’s fault. In this case, damn fucking straight.
But Eddie remembered the fear that Steve had told him about. That his dad must have hated him more than he thought if he turned to violence that quickly. That, to Steve, the violence meant that he was pathetic or unlovable or whatever other bullshit his dad had spewed at him over the years.
That, if the idea of Steve’s dad hitting him wasn’t out of the realm of possibility to other people, it might mean that they saw Steve the same way.
Eddie clenched the steering wheel with both hands. Wished it was Steve’s dad’s neck, for putting thoughts like that into Steve’s head. For laying his hands on Steve in the first place.
He opened his mouth to apologize, but Steve spoke first. ‘I know. You’re right. He’s an asshole.’ Recited stiffly, as if from memory, like it was expected of him. Eddie didn’t like that tone.
‘Steve –’
‘It’s fine, Eddie. We’re here.’
And Eddie blinked twice before he realized that Steve was right, that some subconscious part of his brain drove them to the right place, even as his conscious mind whirred and fucked things up.
Steve was already walking to the front door by the time Eddie caught up, knocked before Eddie had a chance to look at Steve’s face, taut and contained, but transforming into a smile in the blink of an eye as the door started opening. It was unnerving, like a light switch, sending an anxious flutter through Eddie.
All he had time for was a quick caress to Steve’s lower back before he turned to greet Will opening the door.
He shouldn’t have bothered putting on his own smile by how quickly the one fell on Will’s as he took in Steve’s still bruised face.
‘Oh my god, Steve, are you okay?’
Eddie flinched at hearing that concerned tone from the normally soft-spoken Will, and he apparently wasn’t the only one, as El and Joyce emerged from the kitchen with matching worried looks. Eddie is pushed aside as the women congregate around Steve, Joyce’s fingers gently touching his face, as El grabbed his hand.
‘Oh, honey!’ Joyce exclaimed with a hitch of breath. ‘Come in, sit, sit!’
She hustled Steve inside, straight to the couch, ignoring his protests of, ‘I’m fine! I’m fine – I’m healing up already.’
‘What happened?’ Joyce asked, plopping onto the arm of the couch, her hand still moving over Steve, now gently pushing back his hair in a motherly gesture that sends a pang of longing through Eddie.
‘I, uh, I got in a fight,’ Steve stammered out, looking just as affected by Joyce’s touch as Eddie was. ‘It wasn’t a big deal, looks worse than it is.’
‘Hmm,’ Joyce’s eyes run over Steve’s face, and she spoke over her shoulder without taking her eyes off him. ‘El, honey, can you grab Steve some water?’
‘I’m fine, really!’ Steve protested, though that didn’t stop El from rushing back to the kitchen, past Will, who had his arms crossed, eyebrows scrunched in concern as he leaned on the wall.
The look on Joyce’s face continued to transform, from concern to suspicion to understanding and Eddie’s stomach dropped when she finally turned away from Steve, to yell out ‘Hey, Hop!’
‘Uh huh,’ Hopper stumbled into the room, looking up from a sheaf of paper he was holding. As he took in the scene in front of him, his confused look transformed too, landing in the same place where Joyce’s had started, clearly concerned by what was happening in his living room. ‘Oh, uh, hey, kid.’ Hop nodded at Steve, a play at nonchalance when even Eddie knew that the right move would have been to feign surprise at Steve’s injuries.
Joyce eyed him as Hopper obviously came to the same conclusion, his mouth only starting to open in faux shock when she spoke. ‘Did you know about this?’ she asked, unnecessarily.
Hop shifted back and forth and it was the only time Eddie had ever seen him nervous. Hopper looked at him with a desperate glance before shooting one over to Steve.
‘He did,’ Steve answered after a tense moment, El handing him a glass of cold water, condensation already building over its yellow and green 70’s pattern. ‘I asked him not to say anything.’
At this, Joyce’s expression flattened, and she turned to Hopper, arms crossed.
‘No, really, guys, I’m fine!’ Steve stood up, water splashing over his jeans. He started patting at his thighs as he continued. ‘I promise. I just needed a little time to feel sorry for myself for losing another fight, that’s all. Hop was just doing what I asked so –’
‘You see those puppy dog eyes, right, babe?’ Hopper asked Joyce desperately. ‘I couldn’t say no.’
‘Really, Hop? Twenty years as a cop and you expect me to believe puppy dog eyes work on you?’ Joyce asked.
‘How’d you think I ended up adopting this one?’ he gestured to El, who just giggled as Hop winked at her.
Joyce rolled her eyes and sighed but Eddie could tell she was softening up. She turned back to Steve with a reluctant smile on her face. ‘Fine.’ She reached out to caress Steve’s face, and Eddie could see what was going to happen any second now, saw the tension building, tears building.
It was not in any way an adequate apology for the foot he’d inserted into his mouth so deftly in the car, but Eddie tried to stop the spillover, speaking in loud voice. ‘Hey, Joyce, I’d make some dessert for us tonight.’ He held up the plastic bag he’d carried in. ‘Mind if I preheat the oven?’
Eddie saw the slight breath Steve exhaled when Joyce stepped away to lead him into the kitchen.
Eddie tried to distract her while dinner cooked, while the oven heated up. He noticed both Will and El talking quietly to Steve in the living room, Hop standing beside them. He wasn’t sure what she said but at one point, both Hop and Steve let out a loud simultaneous ‘No!’ as Steve reached out for El’s shoulder. She had an intense look on her face as Hopper shook his head at her. Will just snorted and caught Eddie’s eye.
He still had a smile on his face when Joyce asked without looking, still standing at the stove stirring the stew. ‘You doing okay, hun?’
‘Huh, me?’ Eddie coughed, turned to her, though she still wasn’t looking. ‘Oh yeah, I’m fine.’
‘You seem a little…’ she finally glanced at him, just for a second. Her voice trailed off. ‘If you ever need to talk…’
‘I’m fine, really.’
Joyce looked at him. Big brown eyes. Motherly concern. Standing in a kitchen surrounded by the smell of a homemade meal. Eddie couldn’t fight it, the echoes, the memories.
He sighed. ‘Just, you know… was worried about that one,’ Eddie nodded to Steve in the living room, with a brief flash of anxiety. Is that what straight dudes would say about their friends? He’s not sure how he’s supposed to act when all his feelings for Steve are so strong, so close to the surface. He pivoted quickly, or tried to, continuing on: ‘And wondering what’s next, you know? Cabin’s almost done, don’t want to take advantage of Hop’s hospitality forever.’
Joyce squinted at him. ‘Has he made you feel that way?’
Eddie smirked at her tone. ‘No, he hasn’t. And if you’re itching for a fight with him, you’re gonna have to find another excuse.’
Joyce rolled her eyes, swatted at him. ‘Help me set the table.’
Later, as they’re seated around, warm bowls of stew in front of them fighting against the November chill outside, things seemed to settle in for a minute. The biscuits were from a can, but Eddie doesn’t really care, just feels warm and comfortable, each bite easing some of the tension he’d felt since talking to Mickey that morning.
He’s seated beside Steve, across from El and Will, Hopper and Joyce at either end of the table. So he felt Steve’s wince first, before twisting over to look at him, one hand raised to his split lip.
Eddie can’t help how his stomach still drops, how guilt still overtakes him whenever he sees Steve in pain like that. Can’t help but remember that first glance of when Steve turned over in bed and he took in the full extent of him.
While Steve is almost fully healed, his busted lip still taut and a little painful from the way that Steve’s been kissing him. And now also obviously still a bit painful from the apparent pain at the bite he took.
Everyone else noticed the wince, too, as Joyce set her spoon down softly, ‘Seriously, Steve. Are you okay?’ That motherly tone again that Eddie really can’t take much more of, more of a deterrent to any future injuries than his common sense.
‘I really am,’ Steve ground out, taking another bite, cautiously. ‘Thank you for worrying but… it looks worse than it is.’
‘It does look awful, Steve,’ Hopper deadpanned, but paused, looking around the table. ‘But I guess we’ve all been through worse…’
‘Still, Hop, you should have told me!’ Joyce admonished, something in her voice hinting to the whole table that she wasn’t done with this topic and Hop would be getting an earful later.
Eddie could see Steve gearing up to respond again but Hop jumped in.
‘Hey! They’ll tell you,’ he waved his hand at Steve and Eddie, ‘I was ready to bring him home, right?’
Eddie and Steve both nodded, eyes wide and innocent, but that didn’t seem to be enough for Joyce. Or Hopper, who continued: ‘As soon I suggested Steve come back with me, this one,’ he leaned forward, pointing at Eddie accusingly, ‘Got all macho, jumped in front of him, like I was the one who hit him! Was about ready to fucking punch me himself, standing there in his boxers and boots. Going on and on about how he was taking already care of him, and Steve was his responsibility, and he wouldn’t let me take him, they were staying together, no matter what!’
As Hopper ranted, Will grinned softly to himself, while El looked at Steve and Eddie with a knowing look. Eddie blushed and Steve darted his eyes away, cringing. Hopper didn’t seem to notice.
‘And then he – Joyce, you won’t believe this! – he said he’d move out! He was ready to move out, leave town, no money, no nothing, rather than let me bring Steve here. Absolutely crazy out of his mind. Can you believe it?’ Hopper leaned back, taking a swig of his beer, looking at Joyce with an expectant look.
Joyce’s smile had grown as Hopper continued his speech, even as Eddie felt his cheeks burning, could see the red on Steve’s own face, Hopper’s retelling of Eddie’s actions the most obvious coming out statement to anyone paying attention. Which was apparently everyone but Hopper, who still stared, oblivious, at an increasingly contented Joyce.
‘No, honey, I can’t believe it,’ Joyce said eventually, placatingly to Hopper, even as she reached out to take Eddie’s hand. ‘It sounds like you’re taking really good care of him, sweetie,’ she said to Eddie, squeezing his hand.
‘He is,’ Steve confirmed, as his hand moved to squeeze Eddie’s thigh under the table.
‘Then everything turned out okay after all. You were right to stay together,’ Joyce continued, seeming both for Eddie and Steve’s benefit and for Hopper’s.
Hopper seemed satisfied, nodding his head and turning back to his dinner, even as Eddie met Will’s eyes just for a second before he looked away quickly, his face slightly red but smiling. El similarly seemed to be giggling to herself, looking back and forth between the two of them. Joyce hadn’t moved her hand.
‘Is it –,’ Eddie coughed, not sure how to ask. ‘Is it – okay?’ He squirmed in his seat, voice breaking. He darted his eyes at Joyce, to find soft brown eyes already turned to him.
‘She just said it was,’ Hopper answered, still focused on his dinner plate, as Joyce laughed.
Joyce stood up, walked over to stand in between Eddie and Steve, wrapping an arm around each of them, pulling them into a big hug. She dropped a kiss on each of their heads before heading back to her seat. That had gotten Hopper’s attention, gazing over confused. He scrunched his eyebrows at Joyce who just shook her head smiling.
‘You’re off the hook, Hop, don’t worry,’ she winked at him, settling back into her seat.
Eddie heard Steve sniffle beside him and tried to subtly do the same. He caught Steve’s eye, saw wariness but also – he just looked happy.
And that made Eddie so fucking happy. He hooked his ankle around Steve’s under the table, jostling it a bit and Steve coughed to cover up the sound, glancing over quickly to wink at Eddie. If anyone else noticed, well… who cares, Eddie thought. Hopper continued to eat, Will was now talking about some math test, and Steve Harrington was smiling and happy. That’s all Eddie really wanted.
It took him a second to catch up when Hopper asked him something a few minutes later.
‘Huh, what?’
‘I said,’ Hopper enunciated slowly. ‘How’s the cabin? Since you didn’t let me take a look last week…’ he raised a brow at Steve.
‘Oh, Mickey came by this morning, gave his seal of approval.’ Eddie couldn’t help the small smile from growing on his face. He hadn’t felt like he’d actually accomplished something for a long time now. Not like when he’d mastered a new song or finished a killer campaign or actually graduated from high school. It was a good feeling. He missed it.
‘No shit,’ Hopper breathed out, knowing just as well as Eddie what a Mickey seal of approval meant.
Nobody else at the table did so Joyce simply admonished him with a gentle ‘Language, Hop.’
‘They’re teenagers, they hear worse every day!’ he protested.
‘Lived through worse, too,’ Will added with a wry smile to his mom.
‘Still, not at the dinner table,’ Joyce sighed.
‘You can come by any time to check it out, whenever you want,’ Eddie nodded at Hop.
‘I will, I will,’ Hopper took a sip of his beer. ‘Got plenty of time now that you’re staying there though, right? No rush.’
‘No rush?’ Steve turned to Eddie, a bright look on his face. ‘You can stay in the cabin?’
Eddie froze, realizing that while Hop had offered that weeks ago, it had sort of slipped his mind. Had he really not told Steve? By the smile of surprise, he realized: he hadn’t. The last thing Steve had heard was Eddie’s nerves that Hopper was going to throw him out when the cabin was done.
‘Uh, yeah. Hop offered and I, uh… you know,’ Eddie smiled but it felt tight on his face. That same nervous feeling he’d had before rose up again.
‘That’s awesome, dude!’ Steve slapped his back. Eddie saw El mouthing ‘dude’ with a confused look on her face as she looked between the two of them, as Steve turned to Hop. ‘He thought you were going to kick him out.’
‘I’m not that heartless,’ Hop mumbled. ‘And didn’t think he’d care that much, seeing as how he was ready to run away with you in any case.’
Will giggled at that and Hopper finally paused, stuttered almost, just for a second with his bottle on the way to his mouth before it started its journey again, as Hop shook his head clear, gaze turning back to Eddie. ‘So, you thought about it? Never got the official yes from you.’
‘Of course, it’s a yes,’ Steve scoffed turning to Eddie. ‘He loves the cabin.’
Eddie did love the cabin. It saved him, really, just as much as Steve had all those months ago. But did that mean he had to love it forever? That he had to love it and stay?
Instead, all he did was raise his glass slightly to Hop with a smile and a nod, because the words wouldn’t come. Especially not the word ‘yes.’
***
Dinner finished without much fuss, and the pie Eddie baked was a big hit for dessert. He felt sleepy, calmer than before, didn’t realize what the niggling sensation of something missing was until the phone rang, later than it usually did. Uncle Wayne.
Nobody else bothered to get up to answer from their spots sprawled around the living room, most everyone except Hop and Eddie very invested in the episode of Dynasty playing. Eddie scrambled to the phone, sending Hop a victorious smile at his excuse for escape, got a scowl in return.
‘Uncle Wayne!’ Eddie answered the phone with a yelp. After all the anxiety he’d felt today, at the dinner table, he wanted nothing more than Wayne’s gruff hello, his ability to always somehow understand what Eddie needed, especially in times of stress.
‘Hey, kiddo,’ he could hear Wayne’s smile over the line, matched one on his own face. ‘Sounds like you’re missing me, huh?’
‘Sounds like someone’s gotta get his ego in check.’
Wayne laughed, brief and gruff. ‘Miss you, kid.’
Something in his voice was off, Eddie thought, wanted to ask but the thought of anything being wrong with Wayne choked him, he could only grind out a simple: ‘Wayne?’
‘I, uh, have some news.’ Wayne paused for far too long given how easily he knew Eddie freaked out about any kind of news. ‘Your great aunt Perry died.’
Huh.
‘Oh. Uh. I’m sorry for my loss?’
Wayne snorted a small laugh. ‘Sorry for mine, too. I know you never met her, but she was a good woman. Glad I got to see her when I swung by last month.’
Right. His visit to Texas. The packet of photos he’d handed Eddie in that truck stop parking lot, that packet sitting in the back of his dresser drawer, alongside the notebook filled with his mother’s recipes, alongside the polaroid of him and Steve.
‘Shit. I’m sorry, Wayne, really, I’m an asshole.’
‘It’s okay, kid. We drifted apart after I moved up here but uh… family’s family, you know?’
Eddie simply hummed. His only family was Wayne, and maybe that group of weirdos currently watching some soapy drama ten feet away.
‘She, uh, she left you a little money…’
It took Eddie a second to process. ‘What? Me? Why?’ A woman he’d never met leaving him money was not something he had the mental bandwidth for at the moment.
‘She had a soft spot for your mama.’
Oh.
Family’s family.
‘Never much liked your daddy,’ Wayne continued with a reluctant laugh. ‘Even though he was blood and she wasn’t but Perry and your mom both had a thing for baking, you know? She talked about it when I saw her last. Your mom’s lemon cream pie or something like that. Remembered it even all these years later, said it was the best thing she ever ate.’ Wayne’s voice did break a little at this, and so did Eddie’s heart. Because he remembered that pie, too, suddenly, like a comet shooting through his memory. Lemon cream pie.
‘I remember it, too.’ Wondered if he had the recipe in that little leather book.
‘Anyway,’ Wayne coughed, as Eddie blinked away tears. ‘Left you a little something, like I said. I’ll put the check in the mail for you?’
‘Oh, uh, okay. Or you could hold onto it, an excuse to come by sometime soon?’ He suddenly wanted nothing more than Wayne by his side.
‘I had to take a few days off for the funeral so, uh, I’m playing catch up a bit. Not sure when I can swing by, Eds.’
‘Oh.’
‘I’m sorry, kid. I really –’
‘It’s okay, Wayne. I get it, and I, uh… shit, I wasn’t supposed to go to the funeral, was I?’ Couldn’t help the callow thought that he’d have to return the money since he didn’t show.
‘Hah. No, Eds, you’re okay. And the money’s still yours,’ Wayne added with a light tone, reading Eddie’s mind even after all this time, all this distance.
‘Well. Phew.’
The next silence was awkward in a way that Eddie couldn’t describe until Wayne coughed again, speaking slowly. ‘She left me her house.’
Oh. Fuck.
‘In Bastrop?’
‘Hmm,’ Wayne hummed in agreement. ‘Not a big place but there’s some land, too, and uh…’
‘You’re moving to Texas.’
‘Well,’ a big sigh. ‘We could both move to Texas, Eddie. I know you’ve got a good thing with Jim’s cabin and your boyfriend and all but –’
‘Family’s family.’ Eddie added, dumbstruck. He twisted around the wall to look into the living room. Joyce was braiding El’s barely shoulder-length hair, Will tapping his foot along to a commercial jingle on the TV, Hopper’s eyes closed, beer balanced on his belly.
And Steve Harrington, face half lit in shifting colors from the TV playing beside him, but turned to look directly at Eddie. He smiled and raised an eyebrow at Eddie in question, almost playful.
Family’s family.
‘You don’t have to decide right now,’ Wayne spoke as Eddie curled the telephone wire around his finger, eyes still fixed on Steve. ‘But it could be a fresh start for you, for both of us, right? It’s not a bad little place, Eddie. Like Hawkins before all the bullshit. And Ellie –’ Eddie started as Wayne spoke her name, startled back, taking a deep breath, ‘She’s got her kids, three little ones, really damn… what’s that word? For kids who act all grown up?’
‘Assholes?’
Wayne snorted. ‘Ed…’
‘Precocious.’
‘Right. The middle one’s all precocious. Curly black hair, skinned knees, kind of an asshole,’ at this, Eddie snorted.
‘Sounds like someone else you know.’
‘He’s a sweet kid, Ed. They all are. You should meet ‘em.’
‘Trading me in for the younger model, old man?’ Eddie was proud at how his voice didn’t break. ‘For shame.’
‘Wouldn’t trade you for the world, Eddie.’
And that did it. Eddie clenched his eyes shut and shuddered in a breath. He suddenly felt arms around his waist, pulling him, felt Steve’s chest behind his back, a kiss on his neck.
‘Eddie?’ Wayne’s voice sounded tinny, far away as Eddie took a steadying breath, as Steve’s arms tightened around him.
‘I’m here…’
‘I’m not trying to pressure you or nothing, nothing like that. Just – just giving you an option, that’s all.’
‘I know, I get that, Wayne.’ His breathing was coming to back normal, but Steve still held him close.
‘Promise me you’ll think about it?’
Eddie didn’t need to think about it. While he wanted nothing more than to be with Wayne, than to be having this conversation in person, with Wayne’s hand on his shoulder, the lines on his gruff face moving with each word, he knew that living in Bastrop, a small town, no matter how much family it contained, was not what he wanted.
And just as suddenly realized that living in Hawkins, a small town, no matter how much family it contained, was not what he wanted either.
He felt bile rise up at the traitorous thought, even has he gripped Steve’s arm, pulled them closer together.
So, he lied.
‘I will, Wayne. I promise.’
‘Good, Eddie. That’s real good.’ He sounded so pleased. Eddie felt like shit. ‘How’s, uh, how’s everything else? What’d Mick think of the cabin?’
‘Oh. Uh, he liked it, said it was good work.’ Eddie’s voice sounded wrong. He didn’t want his voice to sound wrong. He didn’t want to talk anymore.
‘That’s great, Eddie, that’s –’
‘Hey, I think I have to go.’ His voice did break that time.
Wayne paused. ‘Eddie…’
‘I’m fine, Wayne, really, I’m – I’m good. Just a lot to think about, like you said.’
‘Eddie, I didn’t –’
‘It’s fine! Really, I’m just – I’m fine.’ He knew he sounded mad at Wayne, upset, but he wasn’t. Not at Wayne. At his own shitty feelings. He didn’t want to leave it like this, with Wayne thinking he was mad. Had made that promise to himself a long time ago, to reassure Wayne whenever he could, to only call in reinforcements when needed, to only slam doors and punch walls and storm out when warranted. ‘Can you call me tomorrow?’
‘Course, Eds. If you want me to.’
‘I always want you to, I just…’ He felt like storming, but held it in.
‘I know, Eddie boy. I miss you.’
‘Miss you, Wayne.’
Eddie listened to the dial tone for several seconds, until Steve grabbed the phone and hung up for him.
‘You okay?’ Steve whispered, pulling them further into the hallway, further away from where the Byers-Hopper clan was still settled in front of the TV. ‘What happened?’
‘I – I –’
How to explain to his boyfriend, the man he loves, that he’s drowning here and wants out? That despite all of the many fucking blessings he suddenly finds himself burdened with, that he’s not happy? That he’s finally so well healed, he’s reverted back to where he was the week before spring break and all he wants is to run free and leave this town in the rearview mirror?
He couldn’t explain it, is the thing. He couldn’t possibly say it.
So, he lied.
‘My, uh, great aunt died. Wayne was at her funeral and –
‘Oh, baby,’ Steve pulled him in for a hug, bodies entwining in a way so familiar that Eddie’s guilt tripled at the touch. ‘I’m so sorry. Did you know her?’
‘No,’ Eddie admitted, pulling away, rubbing at his eyes. ‘No, I never met her but uh, Wayne did and he – it’s just – family, you know?’
A complicated look flashed over Steve’s face, but it landed on sympathy, on understanding. Eddie felt even more like a monster.
‘Yeah. Family.’ Steve continued to hold Eddie by the waist, fingers massaging gently. ‘Want to head home?’
Eddie nodded. Home. Where his heart wasn’t.
***
It felt like infidelity when he did it. A betrayal. Even though it was just a road trip.
When Steve headed out on Saturday, he was excited, a lightness to him that Eddie hadn’t seen for a few weeks.
His face looked so much better. Still a little bruising here and there, the scars were still a little angry looking, but he looked almost like everyday Steve, not beaten-up Steve.
Eddie told him as much with a kiss to his neck, a hand in his pants as he woke Steve up that morning.
‘I thought being hot was like… the last thing you loved about me?’ Steve breathed out as Eddie’s hand worked over his cock.
‘Not the last, baby,’ Eddie murmured into his neck. ‘Like the 350th or whatever. But that’s like… out of a thousand things so…’
‘What’s the number one thing?’ Steve teased, or tried to, his voice coming out strained and light.
Eddie gripped Steve’s dick tightly and tugged in response. Steve laughed, exposing his neck, a truly amateur move if he didn’t want Lucas and the rest of his new basketball friends to ask any awkward questions about a fresh hickey. Eddie’s mouth latched on, right under where Steve’s jaw met his throat. He sucked at the tender skin, the light dusting of facial hair scraping his lips.
He still smelled Steve, tasted him on his tongue, when Steve jumped out of bed to shower after their little morning romp. He rattled on and on about his day, heading to some park to play basketball this morning, then a short shift at the video store covering for someone for a few hours, and then the evening at the hospital, something to do with a training Iris needed him to complete before he started officially on Monday.
‘Busy day,’ Steve smiled over his shoulder as he walked out of their small room.
And Eddie got it, he did. He’d seen it firsthand, how Steve had been drifting, felt untethered. So just the idea of seeing one of the kids, of shooting some hoops (‘please never say that again, those words should never come out of your mouth,’ Steve scoffed when Eddie tripped over the phrase), of heading off to a job that he was actually excited about.
He was so happy, and that made Eddie happy.
Or it should have done.
Instead, he puttered around the cabin after Steve left, tightened a loose door hinge on an upper cabinet, cleaned the last of the paint supplies out of the big room and then… well. He didn’t really have anything else to do.
Thought about calling Dustin but didn’t want to get into a whole thing about how gay sex worked, which was the only question area he’d been hitting them with ever since he and Steve had come out. Thought about calling Gareth but didn’t want to hang out in his garage all day or hear about DnD drama. Thought about heading over to see if Bev needed anything, if Joyce wanted company, thought he might go for a walk, or finish tweaking the song he was writing, or finish the book he needed to return to the library.
Instead, he kept pulling out that worn thin piece of paper. Chicago. Electrician apprenticeship. For someone with a ‘scrap of talent.’
He still couldn’t reconcile the fact that that was him.
When he got in his truck, he didn’t have a destination in mind, not really. Maybe he had a passing thought about Chicago, curious if it’s what he remembered from his few trips there, once with Wayne to visit an old friend of his in a small, dilapidated apartment, once with the band to take in a show.
Instead, he found himself heading to Indy, found himself making the same turns, parking just a few spots down from where he had last time, wandering into that same bar that he and Steve visited all those weeks ago.
It was still early in the day, barely noon, but the bar was open, sparsely populated, only a few college kids scattered around, one with a wall of textbooks in front of him at one of the tables, a group of girls at the bar. And Eddie had to do a double-take when he saw his arch-nemesis, Ziggy himself, laughing it up in a corner booth with a girl with a half-shaved head and a guy with a septum piercing.
He slid into a seat at the bar, gestured for a beer, then nursed it as he looked around. He didn’t talk to anyone other than a few mumbled words to the bartender.
Between beers, when there was a lull in the room, he picked a few songs on the jukebox in the corner, got an appreciative whoop from one of the girls as his first selection started to play, got a nod of appreciation from the guy sitting next to Ziggy, who did his own double-take at Eddie before lifting his beer in hello, a look of light confusion in his eyes at his vague recognition of this random dude he’d seen once weeks ago. Eddie nodded back to him before settling back at the bar.
The bartender had already placed his next beer right where he’d been sitting, and Eddie took a deep gulp, fingers tapping on the glass in an unconscious mirror of the chords being played over the speakers.
‘Nice. You play?’
‘What?’ It took Eddie a second to realize the bartender spoke, nodding to Eddie’s fingers playing the glass. He didn’t even realize he was doing it. ‘Oh, uh, yeah. I play. Guitar,’ he added lamely.
‘Cool,’ the bartender nodded with appreciative smile, not noticing or not caring. Eddie’s sure the guy has heard dumber things from the people he’s served. ‘You know we got an open mic three nights a week. We get a pretty good crowd.’
‘Yeah, I’ve been here before,’ Eddie said as if it wasn’t just once, as if this was his regular spot. ‘It’s cool.’
‘You play solo? In a band?’
Eddie glanced around, wondering why the guy was talking to him. He was good-looking, a little older, maybe early 30s but Eddie only guessed the age based on his youthful face, his dark blonde hair already shot through with gray at the temples.
‘Uh, I don’t have a band. Not anymore,’ Eddie grimaced.
‘You new in town or something? Don’t remember seeing you.’
‘Visiting,’ Eddie admitted, but couldn’t help adding, a droplet of truth leaking out. ‘But uh… thinking about making the move.’
The bartender let that fact slide right over him in a way that made Eddie think the guy wasn’t hitting on him, was just being friendly. It was such an unusual feeling, to sit at a bar and not have someone like Davis up in his business, already knowing everything about him, or receiving the casual glances and sneers he did at other places in Hawkins.
So, Eddie had to recalibrate with these new people, the ones not aware of the manufactured chemical leak story, about Eddie’s past as a satanist, accused murderer, town pariah.
He could take things for what they were: a bartender being friendly to a new guy in town.
Said bartender now nodded at the wall by the front door, where a huge bulletin board hung with fliers of all kinds, ads for roommates, medical studies, furniture for sale, dogs for sale, advertising new movies and new bands and new restaurants.
‘We got lots of kids looking for others to play with,’ the bartender said, leaning forward. ‘My friend, Annie… she’s a killer vocalist, studies music theory up at Ball State.’ The guy now rolled his eyes, sighed deeply, as if Eddie wasn’t just a patron, as if he was talking to a friend. ‘Such a fucking waste of money, she’s got talent out the ass and just wants to be a rock star, but fuck, when your parents are paying for you to live here, you gotta bring the grades home, right?’
Eddie nodded as if that was even remotely a possibility in his reality.
‘Anyway, she can play saxophone, piano, all sorts of shit but skipped guitar to go right for bass, so, if you’re interested?’ The guy paused, looking at Eddie with a raised eyebrow.
‘Uh, sure, man. Maybe?’
‘Right, yeah, forgot. Just thinking about moving here, right? No pressure, dude.’
Eddie hummed, took a sad sip of beer.
‘Any chance you know of a drummer?’ the bartender asked him, already placing another beer in front of Eddie before this one was even done. ‘On the house,’ guy added.
‘Oh, uh, I do, actually,’ Eddie answered his question. ‘But he’s back home.’
Back home. The phrase sent something fluttering through Eddie’s stomach. A fun little zap that Eddie wanted to chase.
Someone waved to the bartender from the other end of the bar, and he nodded down. ‘Anyway, Annie’s number’s on the board if you want it. Pink flyer, top right.’
‘Thanks,’ Eddie mumbled to the guy’s turning back, as Eddie himself turned around to find it with his eyes. There it was. Hot pink. Top corner. He realized he wanted the number but didn’t want to add one more tempting piece of paper to his wallet, so he took a big gulp of his fresh beer, suddenly feeling the urge to flee, when someone tapped him on the shoulder.
‘Hey, I know you!’
It took Eddie a second to place him. Wiry, close cropped hair, two full sleeves of tattoos, black and red stylized feather tattoos creeping up one side of his neck, and he did look familiar, Eddie would have gotten there eventually but the guy said: ‘You’re Steve’s boyfriend, right?’
He said it so casually (boyfriend), that Eddie’s stomach dropped. And then the thought of Steve, of being here without him, of thinking things like “back home” and “making the move” … it made Eddie want to lie to the guy, even though they both flared a spark of recognition at each other.
‘Vic, right?
‘Good memory, man!’ Vic beamed, clasped Eddie’s hand familiarly in greeting. ‘Mine’s shit, cause I’m forgetting your name. Is it…’ Vic spoke slowly, inviting Eddie to jump in which he did.
‘Eddie,’ he raised a beer in salute to himself.
‘Right, fuck, don’t know how I could forget that,’ Vic shook his head violently, slapping himself once on the forehead, all his motions big and exaggerated. Eddie liked him immediately. ‘Dude didn’t shut up about you. He here?’ Vic turned around, taking in the rest of the bar’s patrons, searching for Eddie’s boyfriend, for Steve.
‘Nah, he’s working today.’
‘Video store, right?’ Vic asked, as his own drink, some dark brown cocktail in a tall glass, was placed in front of him.
‘Damn, Vic,’ Eddie teased. ‘Doesn’t sound like you have a bad memory at all.’
‘If I’d tatted you, I’d remember it all, believe me.’ Vic scoffed. ‘Memory works weird like that sometimes. But I do remember – hey! Brian!’ Vic snapped his fingers, excited, getting the bartender’s attention. ‘Remember that lightning landscape Jules talked about?’
The bartender just raised an eyebrow looking confused but shrugged yes anyway.
‘This is the guy!’ Vic slapped Eddie’s back, jostling him, spilling his beer. ‘Turned out fucking awesome!’ He looked at Eddie like he wanted Eddie to lift his shirt and show it off, but Eddie just widened his eyes and shuffled in his chair.
‘No shirt, no service,’ the bartender – Brian – added with a wink and Eddie laughed, relaxed. ‘I’ll trust his word for it.’
‘Thanks, man,’ Eddie smiled.
‘Jules is working, she’s definitely got some openings today if you wanted anything else done?’ Vic asked, taking a small sip as a burger and fries were placed in front of him. ‘Or I’ll be there later tonight, so if you want me to remember you in the future, I could ink you?’
Now that would be a fucking betrayal, Eddie thought. He could get away with a day trip to Indy, to visiting a bar, could maybe even get away with saying that he’d run into the guy who’d given Steve his first tattoo. But showing up at home with a new tattoo without telling Steve? That’s the last thing he fucking needed.
This had gone far enough.
‘Maybe next time,’ Eddie tried to grin, tried to keep his voice light, even as his stomach was plummeting. Guilty. Asshole. Ungrateful. ‘Good seeing you, Vic. Say hey to Jules for me?’ Eddie slapped Vic’s hand in goodbye, nodded bye to Brian as he dropped some cash on the bar, even found himself waving a quick goodbye to Ziggy as he exited the bar.
What the fuck was he doing? What the fuck was he thinking?
The guilt crept in, sure, but beneath it all…
It was the nicest afternoon Eddie had in a while. No long to-do list of shit. No isolation in the cabin in the woods, only a cat for company. No fear of the weird looks he still gets from the librarian, from some of the random guys at the hardware store who aren’t Mickey and his friends, from his old classmates at the diner. No urge to pull his hair back or pull his sleeves down or make himself smaller.
It was nice.
But it felt like a betrayal.
When he got back home a few hours later, the first thing he did was shower, like he’d fucked someone else when all he did was have a few beers in a bar 100 miles away. He scrubbed himself raw, used Steve’s shampoo, dressed himself in some of Steve’s clothes from the hamper.
In need of a distraction so he wouldn’t start wandering in the woods for hours, so he’d actually fucking stay here and keep his promise to Steve of not running anymore, Eddie decided to start repairing the shed out back, just for want of something to do.
He needed something to do. He worried what would creep in if he didn’t. He might call that fucking electrician in Chicago. He might call Annie, whose number he did pull from the bulletin board on the way out. He might do something stupid.
So he did nothing but let the guilt eat at him as he doesn’t so much as start repairing the shed, as start destroying it.
And when he’s laying in bed later that night when Steve comes home, rambling on about his day, about the three pointer he’d made that morning, about his training at the hospital and all the people he’d met, about sitting with El and Will as they’d come to visit Max that afternoon… Eddie lay stiffly in the bed they shared, tried to laugh and respond to each question, to each anecdote as if he hadn’t left town, as if he hadn’t told someone that he was thinking of moving, as if he wasn’t actually thinking of moving.
And when Steve snuggled in beside him, turned to him to ask, ‘What’d you do today?’
Eddie lied.
‘Nothing much, Stevie Pie. Missed you.’
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 33: "On The Edge"
Steve was smiling, laughing at Katie, an armful of suture kits ready to take downstairs when he stopped in his tracks, frozen by the sight in front of him, his brain not comprehending this person in this place at this time.
‘Mom?!’
Chapter 33: On The Edge
Summary:
‘Steve…’ Eddie called after him. ‘Hey, I’m sorry,’ he said softly, swallowing. ‘I didn’t – baby, I’m sorry.’
Steve glanced up at him, at Eddie’s worried face, bitten lip. ‘It’s cool, Munson,’ he tried to smile.
‘Don’t do that,’ Eddie rolled his eyes, released Steve’s wrist. ‘It wasn’t – it’s just a slip of the tongue or whatever.’
‘I know, I know… Sorry,’ Steve apologized, thinking: what the hell am I sorry for?
Notes:
Oops, time is a flat circle, end of semester craziness, apologies and thoughts and prayers, yadda yadda, please enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
STEVE
Steve had a complicated history with getting punched in the face.
Yes, it always hurt, always took a while to heal, always a badge of failure staining his face for weeks after. But it also seemed to unlock a new piece of himself each time. Made his life a little bit better in the aftermath, each time.
The first time, those punches from Jonathan unlocked something in him, shined a light on what he’d been doing wrong, what he could be doing better. Don’t be a judgmental asshole, be better. An easy lesson, one he still found himself learning every day.
The second time, well, Billy was another story. No big life lessons, not really. He was being a good guy, defending kids from a violent asshole, like any decent person would have. But he wasn’t quite sure if his relationship with Dustin would be what it was if not for that. If he hadn’t earned some default level of respect from Mike, from Max, from Lucas with each hit he’d taken. If it hadn’t planted the seed for the friendship that came after.
The Russians led to Robin. Still the worst pain he’d ever felt, still the most traumatic thing, the thing even his nightmares have started shying away from for how deeply those memories still impacted him. And yes, Eddie teased him sometimes about his hero complex, about his self-sacrificing nature, so he hesitated to admit, even to himself, that he’d go through all that again just to have Robin in his life.
The latest punches, the ones from his own father that were still marring his skin, that still had him flinching, the impact of those was still coming into focus.
Maybe it was the final push at bringing him and Eddie closer, though Steve knew now that he already loved Eddie even before then. He still couldn’t pinpoint the moment he’d fallen in love, but he knew the moments when he didn’t. He loved Eddie before that, that’s all he knew.
Maybe it was finally getting out of his parents’ house, a brutal shove out of the nest and into the real world. Or as real as the world could be when he was crashing with his boyfriend who was crashing in an abandoned cabin, each at the mercy of someone else’s generosity. Not quite standing on his own two feet, but closer than he’d been before. Standing on one foot at least, definitely.
All Steve could think is that maybe these punches led him back to the hospital, which led him back to Iris which led to her job offer which led to running into Lucas which led to maybe the best string of weeks he’s had in a while. He finally felt – well, right. Right in a way he hadn’t in a long time. (He hesitated to use the word “happy”, tended to regret it soon after, like the universe was looking for way to shit on him. So, “right” it was instead.)
He finally had a job he liked, he was hanging out with friends more, didn’t have to deal with the constant underlying guilt that he’d lived with as his parents’ son, and above all, Eddie had been unusually romantic the past few weeks, horny and sweet and considerate in a way Steve didn’t want to question.
So yes, everything finally felt right. And he was almost, right there, just on the edge of happy.
(In hindsight, he should have known better. He should have known.)
***
The job was much more than just answering phones. He complained as much to Iris the day after his first shift.
‘You’re a liar, Iris Evans Monaghan. A dirty, disgusting liar,’ he whispered to her on the phone from the nurse’s desk at the start of his second shift.
‘I am not a liar, I am pregnant and bedridden,’ Iris huffed over the line, a smile evident in her voice.
‘Oh, are you saying pregnant women can’t be liars? What about the “virgin” Mary, huh?’
Iris snorted a laugh. ‘That’s what you got from ten years of bible study?’
‘That and the whole ‘don’t do murder’ thing.’
‘Steve, don’t make me laugh, I have no bladder control right now!’ she groaned.
‘You deserve to pee your pants, because you’re a lying liar,’ Steve shot back with a smirk.
‘Oh, come on, it’s not that bad, is it?’
No, it wasn’t really that bad. But while she’d sold the job as basically sitting around and answering phones, the day before had been anything but.
Minutes into his first real shift, he barely got settled in when a nurse with green-rimmed glasses and a messy blonde bun ran down the hall right past his station then doubled back around.
‘You’re new,’ she stated breathlessly, head cocked to the side, looking him up and down.
‘Uh, yeah, I’m –’
‘Nice arms. Come with me!’ She didn’t wait for an answer, but ran back in the direction she’d come, gesturing urgently for him to follow. In the absolute chaos of her wake, he did, which was how he found himself physically holding apart a pair of heavy glass doors as the nurse (Katie, he later learned) squeezed underneath him, transferring patients in wheelchairs from the ward to the hallway.
‘The sensor shorted out or something,’ she’d explained, as his arms strained with the effort of keeping the doors from shutting. ‘I was trying to find Alex, he – oof – he oversaw the door installation a few weeks ago, but – sorry – his office is all the way – oh, geez, I’m sorry – downstairs and I figured getting them out would be faster. You’ve got nice big arms!’
‘Uh huh,’ Steve gritted out between his teeth as she chattered on, somehow hitting various of his body parts, from knee to shin to ass, on each successive run through the door. Ten minutes later, his arms were noodle limp but all the patients were accounted for. He had barely begun to catch his breath, when Katie called out a quick ‘can you watch them for me for five minutes, I’m going to grab Alex!’.
Steve blinked at the gathered patients around him – a collection of a dozen kids in wheelchairs, all looking up at him expectantly like he was in charge, like he knew what to do with kids who were sick enough to be in the pediatric unit, like he was a nurse or a doctor or someone who could actually save their lives.
Well. In all fairness… he knew something about keeping kids alive.
‘Hey,’ he waved, his arm still limp but starting to cramp up. ‘I’m Steve.’
They blinked back at him, a few waved, and one kid with his arm in a cast and a head of curly hair grimaced up at him, asking: ‘What the hell happened to your face?’
Every group had one, apparently.
***
And that’s how word got out that Steve was strong. And helpful. And good with kids (‘you’d be surprised by how hard that is to find,’ Katie grimaced at him as he shuffled off after the door was working again and Steve had helped resettle the kids back into their rooms).
After that, Steve barely had a few minutes to himself at the desk each shift before someone was coming to him for something. Transferring patients between beds, hauling supplies from the storeroom, wheeling beds and wheelchairs from one floor to another; literally any grunt work that required a bit of muscle. In between, Steve found moments to do the work that required a softer touch; he sat with Max and with other patients on his ward, complimented kids on how brave they were on their way to the MRI machine, comforted the visitors vibrating with nerves.
Steve loved it.
So no, his annoyance with Iris wasn’t real or lasting, but he still called her daily with updates, telling her about the ridiculous asks from the staff and the gossip around the floor, and in return got to hear about her swollen feet and her pineapple cravings and how her husband chewed too loudly and how her doctor was an idiot who couldn’t predict a due date to save his life.
He really loved it.
But again, he hesitated to say that he was happy. It just felt right, finally.
It felt right and made all the sharper edges of his life feel smoother. Like when Keith yelled at him for being thirty minutes late for his afternoon shift at Family Video, because Katie had asked him for help covering her break. Or when he spied his mom walking into the salon as he drove by on his way to work one morning. Or when Robin gushed wide-eyed over brochures for community colleges in Chicago, in San Francisco, in Boston, all the places she wanted to go that weren’t Hawkins.
Or when nurse Jenny finally cornered him and forced him to do the thing he’d been avoiding for weeks.
‘I’m hideous,’ he whispered to the mirror.
‘What?’ she laughed, adjusting the frames on his face. ‘You look great.’
‘I look ancient.’
‘You’re crazy,’ she shook her head with a smile. ‘I guess these aren’t the ones either?’
Brown, heavy, square. ‘No, definitely not.’
‘Ugh, just pick one,’ she huffed at him. An unfortunate side effect of weeks of being helpful around the hospital was now that all of the nurses treated him the same way Iris did, like an annoying little brother. (He loved it). ‘You can’t hate every pair.’
‘I hate every pair.’
‘Plenty of people wear glasses!’
‘Nerds wear glasses.’
‘Presidents.’
‘Librarians.’
‘I just saw a picture of Rob Lowe in glasses just like these!’ she held up a wire rimmed pair. ‘You keep saying they’re all “too obvious”,’ she rolled her eyes, ‘These are, like, the least obvious ones we have…’
Steve agreed. They were his favorites by far, gold rimmed, light on his face, not too obnoxious. He thought they looked good with his coloring, actually. They weren’t bad. Except for the fact that they were the exact same style that his dad wore. He’d flinched back when he’d first seen himself in the mirror when trying them on.
‘I just don’t like those,’ he couldn’t even fake an excuse.
‘Well, my break’s almost over, so if you don’t pick one soon, you’re going to have to make an appointment and actually pay.’ She cocked a hip, gestured at the table in front of her, filled with dozens of rejected pairs.
He sighed, scanned them all again, guilty for taking advantage of her niceness yet again, for her wasting her well-earned break on him yet again. But they were all terrible. They were all a terrible reminder of every punch he’d ever taken, that something had shaken loose inside his head and that the scars he wore weren’t enough of a reminder; that he’d be catching glimpses of a reminder out of the corner of his eye for the rest of his life.
‘These ones, I guess,’ he picked up a pair at random, waved them at her. ‘Sorry for being difficult.’
‘You’re not difficult, Steve,’ she put the pair in an envelope, wrote something on it, before looking back up at him. ‘Aging can be hard,’ she shrugged.
‘Aging?!’ he scoffed at her. ‘I’m not aging! It’s cause of the fight. Knocked my eye loose or whatever.’ He gestured to his face, though the bruises had now faded, the scars healing.
‘That might explain this eye,’ she gestured at his left eye with her pen, before swinging it over. ‘What about that one?’
He touched the skin under his right eye. ‘Shit. This one, too?’
‘Sorry, Steve. Aging.’
So yeah. That was a rough edge. Eyesight already going at 19 and not just because of the multiple blows to the head. It didn’t help that he then twisted his ankle playing a pickup game with Lucas that night.
They’d only met up a handful of times so far, Steve, Lucas, two other sophomores on the basketball team, John and Aaron, and Aaron’s younger brothers, Jake and Mikey. Steve also tried not to take it personally that he was shorter than both Jake and Mikey, even though they were only in eighth grade.
Still, his age meant he had more training and a bit more finesse when they played 3-on-3, though he did not have the stamina or pure raw energy these kids had. And even with the bright spot of his team winning the pickup game that night, he was brought right back down to earth when he tripped on the uneven pavement at the edge of the court as he did nothing more strenuous than walk to his car, twisting his ankle and tearing a hole in the knee of his sweatpants.
‘Watch out, grandpa!’ Mikey giggled as he rushed by with his brothers. Steve grimaced and flipped them off, forming a new core tenet of his life that all Michaels are assholes.
‘You okay, man?’ Lucas asked as he helped Steve up. The brothers cackled, returning Steve’s gesture as they ran to the parking lot.
‘I’ll be fine,’ Steve sighed. ‘A little ice, a little elevation, I’ll be healed up for the next game, don’t worry.’
‘I’m not worried about the game. I was asking about you,’ Lucas walked with Steve to his car, supporting him slightly. Steve felt his age again as he realized that Lucas had driven himself here with his learner’s permit, recognizing Mrs. Sinclair’s station wagon parked right next to his BMW.
‘I’m good, man, really. Face healed fine, Dustin’s not holding a grudge, new job’s great…’
‘…but?’
‘No but. I’m actually good,’ Steve smiled, realizing. Yes, his parents weren’t a part of his life anymore. Yes, he was barely scraping by with his two paying jobs. Yes, his eyes were failing, and he was shrinking, and he apparently couldn’t walk straight anymore.
But everything still felt right.
And Eddie was a big part of that.
Steve didn’t want to look too closely at what had changed with Eddie after everything happened with Steve’s dad. Eddie had been worried, had been the ‘nervous nurse’, had hovered and fretted in a way that Steve hadn’t seen him act with anyone else. But it wasn’t that anymore, not really. It wasn’t overbearing or anxious. Steve knew Eddie felt guilty, they’d talked about it, talked in circles, agreed to disagree; Steve didn’t blame him, but Eddie blamed himself. Maybe that was it, at the end of the day. Maybe that’s what was making him act so… agreeable.
Steve barely entered the front door of the cabin that night, limp barely noticeable, but as soon as he shut the door softly behind him, dropped his gym bag on the floor, let out a gentle sigh at finally being home after a long exhausting day, Eddie emerged from the bedroom, shirtless in a pair of bleach-stained sweatpants, eyes immediately widening, and rushed to Steve’s side.
‘Shit, baby, what happened?’ Eddie asked, snaking an arm around Steve’s waist and guiding him to the couch. Annoyance surged through Steve at first but quickly faded, loving the feeling of Eddie’s arm around him, the way his eyebrows scrunched up in concern, the way he bit his lip. Steve wanted to kiss him, so he did, pulsing up for quick press of their lips just as Eddie settled him down.
‘Nothing, just a little stumble, no big deal,’ Steve smiled up at him. Being home, seeing Eddie, relaxing on the couch – he did feel better almost immediately.
There was also something to the comforting hum of the furnace in the corner, the warmth of this room a cocoon from the chilly November day outside.
Still, Eddie propped his foot up on a pillow on the coffee table and rushed to the kitchen, emerging with an ice pack from the freezer and a bottle of painkillers.
‘Eddie, baby, I’m fine, really,’ Steve protested, even as Eddie fretted over him, in a way that was sweet, yes, but also reminded Steve of those few weeks of Eddie nervous, hovering, guilt-ridden. It also didn’t help that he was standing tensely, hand fisted in his hair as he stared at Steve’s ankle, biting his lower lip.
‘I was going to heat up that soup from yesterday but we could order a pizza instead? Or you love that burger from the stand over by Collins farm, I can run and get us –’
‘I don’t need a special dinner, I’m totally fine,’ Steve reached out to pull Eddie closer, winding their fingers together. He reached up with his free hand to swat at Eddie’s other arm, trying to get him to release his hold on his hair. ‘A sprained ankle is just a by-product of being a jock, right? I got like ten of these during my last basketball season, it’s really no big deal.’
Eddie finally deflated a bit, collapsing onto the couch next to Steve, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder.
‘But you’re not just a jock, remember?’
‘Well, I know that, and you know that. And now, my body’s finally getting it, too.’ Steve shuddered, remembering the glasses. Aging.
‘This body right here…’ Eddie murmured into his neck, trailing his fingers over the waistband of Steve’s sweats, cold brushes on Steve’s hot skin.
‘Eddie…’ Steve breathed out as Eddie’s fingers worked their way under his shirt, over his abs, up to his nipple.
‘What?’ Eddie asked, all faux innocence even as he threw a leg over Steve’s waist, hoisting himself up and over to straddle his lap.
‘I’m tired and sweaty and gross,’ Steve tried to protest, but still ran his hands up the sides of Eddie’s bare torso, thumbs brushing over his scars, the divots a poem his hands have long since memorized, over the lightning tattoo on his chest, as he leaned back, licking his lips as he took in the sight of Eddie stretched out above him.
‘You don’t look tired,’ Eddie thrust his hips forward gently with a wicked smile on his face, brushing their firming dicks against each other. Steve groaned and shut his eyes. ‘You smell great,’ Steve felt Eddie’s breath on his neck, his tongue running over his adam’s apple. ‘Taste amazing.’
‘Eddie…’
It’s another thing that’s been happening, another thing that shifted, maybe after that angry blowjob on the bathroom floor on Halloween. But Eddie became extra affectionate, always willing, always ready to initiate even in moments when Steve maybe would rather have collapsed on the couch with a beer and a shitty sitcom after a long day.
But goddamn it, he was still young and his boyfriend was hot and writhing and his penis was definitely getting the message, so Steve got on board, pulling Eddie down for a sloppy kiss that they broke a second later, Eddie pulling Steve’s shirt off him and tossing it behind him.
‘Not near the stove!’ Steve exclaimed, making sure the garment landed away from the furnace, which operated either not at all or too well, blasting waves of hot air into the small room, so much so that Eddie often walked around shirtless, Steve in shorts, even when the temperatures dipped low.
He sighed in relief and Eddie captured his mouth in another kiss, fumbling back to stand to kick off his sweatpants, bent over awkwardly to not break the kiss.
‘You know you can stop kissing me for two seconds to get naked,’ Steve mumbled against Eddie’s mouth. ‘I won’t mind.’
‘Dumbest idea you ever had, baby,’ Eddie smirked, kissing him deeply. ‘Works just as well my way,’ he sighed out, settling back kneeling over Steve’s lap, one hand twisted in Steve’s hair, pulling the both of them to lean back off the couch, so he could fumble under the coffee table.
Another benefit of two horny dudes living together and fucking in every room in their house is always being prepared for that scenario, as Eddie reached into the junk basket to pull out a small bottle of lube.
‘Owww,’ Steve complained into the kiss, as Eddie’s leaning pulled his hair too tight.
‘Aww, my poor baby,’ Eddie cooed, leaning back into Steve, bottle pressed up between them. ‘Let me kiss it and make it better.’
Eddie lifted up on his knees to pepper kisses over Steve’s forehead and crown, as Steve’s hands trailed up and down Eddie’s back, as his own lips trailed between Eddie’s nipples, sucking, biting.
‘Ow!’ Eddie laughed above him after a firm nibble.
‘Fair play,’ Steve whispered into Eddie’s chest, sucking a bruise into the sky of his lighting tattoo.
‘Just for that…’ Eddie pulled back with a wicked grin. ‘No touching.’ He swatted Steve’s hands away, though Steve didn’t go far, moving his hands from roaming over Eddie’s torso, to gripping his thighs.
‘Seems like more of a punishment for you than me,’ Steve smirked up, but then swallowed harshly, jaw falling as Eddie uncapped the bottle of lube, squeezing it over his own fingers.
‘Not that kind of touching,’ Eddie sighed out, leaning back, licking his lips and looking at Steve through hooded eyes as his hand moved and –
‘I can help!’ Steve groaned out, one hand reaching around Eddie, who elbowed him aside.
‘Nuh uh! No helping, baby,’ Eddie smiled. ‘You sit back, relax…’ he groaned, eyes squeezing shut and Steve wanted to toss him onto the floor, wanted to help, wanted to look, to see, to feel, it was his favorite part, but Eddie swung his hip against Steve’s arm, keeping it out of the way. ‘Hands off.’
‘But I love to help,’ Steve mumbled, sulking, even as his dick twitched, dripped onto his stomach at the sight of Eddie continuing to writhe, groaning above him, eyes closed.
‘I know, baby,’ Eddie sighed out, finally looking back at Steve, pupils blown out. He licked his lips. ‘Can you help me,’ Eddie cut off with another groan, a toss of his head, that had Steve squirming beneath him, hands still firmly gripping his thighs. ‘Get yourself ready for me, Stevie Pie.’
Steve scrambled for the bottle, pouring way too much into his palm, but who cared about that, not when he slicked himself up and down, pace already too fast, already too close just from the sight of Eddie, his heat, his sounds. He heard a bitten off cry above him, gaze snapping up to find Eddie’s eyes trained on Steve’s hand’s furious motions.
‘So hot,’ Eddie whimpered out, finally pulling his hand out, wrapping around Steve’s wrist to still him. ‘Mine.’
‘Please,’ Steve groaned out, hoping Eddie’s dumbass no touching rule was finally voided, hands back on Eddie’s hips, kneading and steadying him as Eddie positioned himself, delicate fingers on Steve’s cock, lining it up perfectly and sliding down in a fluid motion. ‘Oh, holy fuck!’ Steve exclaimed, eyes slamming shut as Eddie started to move, barely lifting up and off, little thrusts and twists that had Steve seeing stars.
‘Just like that,’ Eddie mumbled almost to himself, eyes closed, one hand clenched in Steve’s hair, the other running over his own stomach, up and down. Steve grabbed Eddie around the shoulders, pulled him for an open mouthed kiss, kept him there, mouth to mouth as Eddie continued to circle his hips. Steve realized that one leg was still propped up on the coffee table, used it as leverage to bend his knee, tilt Eddie forward and –
‘Fuck, Steve!’ Eddie yelled out, shifting his hips and picking up his pace, Steve lifting his hips into each thrust.
He’d been in pain, freezing, grumpy just twenty minutes ago but now, now he was seconds away from coming and maybe a little too proud of the fact, announcing loudly: ‘I’m coming, I’m coming!’
‘Come on, baby,’ Eddie groaned into his mouth as Steve came with a shudder, hips stuttering up and into Eddie, feeling his own warm come filling Eddie up, heating him even as he rode out his orgasm. ‘Just a little more, a little more, please,’ Eddie begged above him, lifting and grinding harder, obviously close, not wanting Steve to soften. Steve reached around Eddie’s body, finding the spot where their bodies connected, lining his finger up with the bottom of his cock and on Eddie’s next thrust, Eddie threw his head back with a moan. ‘Fuck, yes, fuck!’
With his free hand, Steve started stroking Eddie, the movement halting, uncoordinated, as Steve finally came down, tried to balance around Eddie’s body, tried to stroke him off all at once. It was too much and Steve felt himself fading, hoped Eddie was almost there. ‘Almost there, baby?’
Eddie nodded his head frantically but couldn’t speak. So, Steve did: ‘God, I love you so much, you’re so fucking hot, the things you do to me, I can’t even –’
Only a few seconds of Steve mumbling did it apparently, as Eddie shot off, come spurting up between their bodies, Steve quickly moving a hand to catch as much of it as he could.
Eddie slumped forward, collapsing onto Steve as he shuddered in the aftermath, hiding his face in Steve’s neck, as Steve peppered kisses over his shoulder.
‘Gee Nurse Munson, I sure do feel better,’ Steve joked into Eddie’s skin, felt the rumbles of his laugh.
‘Repeat every two to four hours, you’ll be good as new,’ Eddie mumbled sleepily, lips ghosting over skin.
‘Where was all this sexual healing last time I got hurt?’ Steve asked, felt Eddie tense for a second. Shit. Too soon to joke about it still, apparently, even though it had been Steve’s face and Steve’s blood and Steve’s pain.
But Eddie relaxed a second later. ‘Medical advancements these days… you know.’ He huffed out a laugh, pulling back to kiss Steve properly, lifting up slightly to allow Steve to pull out. ‘Great job, Stevie Pie.’
‘Back at you, baby.’ Steve pulled Eddie’s legs over his lap, settling him firmly at his side, and maneuvered the blanket over top of both of them, still too hazy to get up and clean up.
They cuddled together closer, the room still warm enough from the furnace, even as the sweat cooled on Steve’s body, as he could feel Eddie’s sticking them together. He’s not sure how long they stayed there, huddled up together, hands moving gently over skin, kissing lazily.
Steve eventually felt his ankle throb, the need to maybe pee at some point soon, so forced himself slightly back to consciousness, taking a deep breath in, trying to wake up. He hummed to himself, made sure his voice was working properly. It felt like Eddie was still drooping, Steve squeezed Eddie tightly for a second then released with a big sigh.
‘You okay?’ Steve asked, voice gravelly.
‘Hmm,’ is all he got in response.
‘What’d you do today?’ Steve tried to make mindless conversation, tried to pull Eddie back slowly. He wasn’t sure why Eddie tensed in his arms again for a second, not sure how that question and a joke about him getting beat up warranted the same physical response.
But just like before, it passed quickly, Eddie relaxing before replying. ‘Not much, really.’
Steve noticed, with cabin done, that Eddie seemed a bit more aimless, had started dodging these simple questions about what he got up to each day.
He didn’t blame him, remembering that it wasn’t too long ago that his own daily activities weren’t much more than sleep, work, repeat, with daily sprinkles of Robin, Dustin, or the rest of the kids in there. At least until the whirlwind that Eddie Munson brought into his life all those months ago.
Steve thought back to one of their first days, he can’t recall exactly when or why, but it was maybe one of their first real days of being together. All he knew is that he followed Eddie around all day, saw him in his element working in the cabin, running his errands, meeting up with all the people he’d charmed so easily. When Eddie had been so busy, Steve had felt so aimless.
He kind of wishes for days like that back. Not the him being aimless part, but the togetherness part. Spending a full day together, just always around each other, no rush to work or errands, no distractions, just hanging out while they each did what they needed to do. An all-day thing.
They already do the everyday thing. They see each other all the time, live together, and there’s nothing better than starting and ending his day with Eddie but…
‘Wanna come visit me at work tomorrow?’ Steve asked, lost in the reminiscence of the past, trying to recapture that early day.
‘At the hospital?’
‘Yeah. If you want? You visit me at the video store all the time.’ It sounded reasonable enough to Steve, and Eddie had been by the hospital often enough before to visit Max, just never so far to see Steve in his new element, to visit just because he missed him, wanted to see him.
So, he wasn’t sure why Eddie paused, the silence dragging out just too long to be unintentional. All of a sudden Steve felt as if he’d passed Eddie a note saying: Do you like me, check yes or no; only to get it back blank.
‘You don’t have to…’ he tried to backtrack.
‘No, no,’ Eddie jumped in, but still, just a second too late. ‘That sounds great, really, just, uh, tomorrow… I have a few things, so I’m not sure.’
‘Oh, sure. Right.’ Steve tried to nod, but it came out as a shake instead. The silence crept back in on them, and Steve couldn’t have that, each second wasn’t a blank note back, but the note crumpled up and tossed at his head. ‘Uh, what things?’
Eddie hummed, wriggled in his hold. Not away, just resettling and Steve couldn’t help his hands pulling Eddie closer. ‘Can’t a man have any secrets?’ Eddie tried to tease a second later, though it came out too stiff. Too intentional. ‘It’s like there’s no mystery left.’
Steve felt as if he stepped wrong for the second time today. Like something else was in the process of spraining. ‘I mean, every day for the past three weeks you’ve said you’ve done nothing all day and then the one time I suggest something…’
‘Obviously I do shit all day, Harrington!’ Eddie scoffed, shifting back against the cushions. One of Steve’s hands fell off him at the movement. ‘I’m not just sitting here, wilting away, waiting for you to come home,’ he spat out, almost angry.
Harrington? Hearing it from Eddie, in that tone, threw him. He hadn’t heard it in so long, now usually Steve or baby or Stevie Pie. Sometimes big boy or hot stuff or princess if Eddie’s in a sassy mood. Harrington only in the odd moment when the cadence of his teasing requires it, maybe in a sing song tone, maybe clearly joking, but not like this. Angry, resentful.
The shiver that ran through Steve wasn’t because he was still almost naked on the couch, but it did remind him of the fact. He shifted forward to pull up his pants, heaving himself up off the couch and walking to the bathroom.
‘Steve…’ Eddie called after him when he was already at the sink, running a towel under the tap. Steve didn’t reply, just brought the damp towel back, cleaning Eddie’s stomach and chest, eyes averted. Eddie grabbed his wrist, gently. Steve let him. ‘Hey, I’m sorry,’ he said softly, swallowing. ‘I didn’t – baby, I’m sorry.’
Steve glanced up at him, at Eddie’s worried face, bitten lip. ‘It’s cool, Munson,’ he tried to smile.
‘Don’t do that,’ Eddie rolled his eyes, released Steve’s wrist. ‘It wasn’t – it’s just a slip of the tongue or whatever.’
‘I know, I know…’ Steve nodded, still not looking, but Eddie shuffled to the side a bit, making room. So, he sat. ‘Sorry,’ Steve apologized, thinking what the hell am I sorry for? But when in doubt.
‘It’s okay,’ Eddie said.
‘I didn’t mean to make it sound like… I know you do shit, Eddie. Look at everything you’ve done.’ Steve gestured around the cabin. And it was true, wasn’t it? How could Steve say that he missed him even though Eddie was right there, literally right there, when he’d just been inside him?
And yet…
There was still something just slightly off. A few degrees to the left. Just on the edge of what it used to be.
But he’s tired, and he’s still sweaty and when he hobbled back from the bathroom, his ankle twinged.
And now, suddenly, being with Eddie doesn’t feel like home. Not right now.
‘I’m gonna shower,’ he grimaced, pushing back up to head the bathroom.
Eddie did look worried, a bit, when Steve looked back at him. Maybe he did look a little guilty. But Steve was too tired to look deeper. And his eyesight wasn’t what it used to be. ‘Yeah, course,’ Eddie smiled, and maybe it did reach his eyes. ‘I’ll heat up that soup.’
‘Sounds great.’ Steve paused, looked down at Eddie. He wasn’t sure what he was seeing, wasn’t sure what they had stumbled over tonight, but – he still loved him. So much. Steve leaned forward, holding his cheek, kissed him once, quickly. Eddie’s hand flew up to hold Steve closer, deepening the kiss. When they parted, Eddie tilted their foreheads together.
‘See ya, Munson,’ Steve muttered against his lips with a smile, but felt Eddie tense again, just for a second, under his touch.
‘Love you,’ Eddie said, earnest, direct, with another kiss.
‘Love you, too.’ Steve couldn’t help but respond. It’s the truth.
***
The rest of the night was awkward. They’d tried to save it, both of them, snuggling up on the couch in front of the TV while they ate their soup, when Eddie brought him tea later, with an unfortunate grandpa joke that made Steve cringe. They read together before bed, side by side, like always. Eddie spooned him asleep, and it was all fine, really.
But Steve still felt something lingering. Something off.
Especially the next morning, when Steve woke to his alarm, stirring Eddie awake, who mumbled a sleepy ‘have a good day at work, babe’, and Steve smiled, kissed him, but still wondered what Eddie would be doing while Steve was gone. What his ‘things’ were that he had to do that day. Who he’d be seeing, if it was Mickey or Bev or even Dustin. Why was it all a big deal. Why did there need to be mystery.
Would he come by the hospital to visit, or were his evasions as effective as a “no”?
Steve’s head was still in a fog as he got ready, drove to the hospital, parked, took the elevator up, and made his way to his reception desk.
His body registered what he was seeing before his brain did, coming to an abrupt halt. ‘What the fuck,’ he mumbled to himself as he finally realized what was going on.
‘Merry Christmas!’ Katie grinned, gesturing proudly to his fully decorated desk, strung with red and green tinsel, multiple mini Christmas trees with fake ornaments, fake snow dusting the top of the counter, snowflake streamers hanging from the drop ceiling.
And a goddamn string of multicolored Christmas lights pulling the whole thing together.
‘It’s not even Thanksgiving yet,’ was all Steve managed to grind out through his clenched jaw.
‘It’s never too early for the Christmas spirit!’ Katie replied, stepping off the small stepstool she was on to fasten the end of the lights to drape from the ceiling.
‘It sure as fuck is.’
‘Don’t be such a Grinch, Nurse Harrington,’ she stuck out her tongue at him, probably expecting his now almost reflexive reply of “not a nurse”.
All he could muster, with a roll of his eyes: ‘Get out of my face, Katie.’
‘Bah humbug!’ she teased over her shoulder, making her way past him to her own wing of the floor. ‘Help me with supplies later?’ she asked over her shoulder, not giving his bad mood any further attention.
‘Yeah, yeah,’ he waved her off as she disappeared down the hall.
He started his day like he always did. Changed into his nurse’s scrubs (still weird to him but, according to Iris, it was hospital policy, and nobody looked at him twice when he was wearing them), dropped his stuff off in his very own locker in the nurse’s lounge.
Then, he took his morning coffee, in its Hawkins memorial mug, back to his floor, and went to sit with Max.
That, more than anything, was the reason he loved this job.
He had finished his rabbit book a few weeks ago. (Fucking finally.) Reading it out loud to Max during his shifts was what finally did the trick. They were now reading a book that Eddie recommended when Steve’s only ask was something more fun, less confusing. Hitchhiking and galaxies already sounded more fun, and he was just getting started, reading a few pages to Max each morning.
Well, reading a few pages until his eyes started to twitch. And then he talked to her, about anything and everything.
This particular morning, he found himself recounting the day before, every event after he’d seen her last. What he’d had for lunch. The basketball game, making sure to lovingly rag on Lucas a bit. Tripping and spraining his ankle, which barely twinged anymore this morning. He left out anything not kid-appropriate and wanted to skip straight to his fight with Eddie, but he couldn’t quite put it into words. Because it wasn’t a fight, was it?
‘I love him. A lot. And it’s been really good recently? Like too good maybe?’ was what he found himself saying, realizing the last part was something he hadn’t really thought about before, or at least hadn’t admitted.
But, like always, complaining about his life to Max, in her still comatose state, especially now that he knew more about her chart, knew more how unusual this long coma was, how each day she spent in it bode worse for her future… well, that put all his shit in perspective.
And he always ended with, ‘I miss you. Wake up soon.’
He finally wrapped up when the actual shift nurse came in for her rounds to check Max’s vitals.
It was a few hours later when Katie finally grabbed him, dragging him to the large supply room on the other end of the floor. He could tell she noticed something was off by her worried glances, but he didn’t have it in him to put on a happy face. All he did was sigh heavily as he lowered his arms, let her start loading boxes of gauze, suture kits.
‘What’s eating you today?’ she finally asked after an unusual several minutes of silence between them. She was the chatterbox of the two of them, but she usually needed at least a few hums or ums or what’s in response, unlike Robin who could go on and on whether Steve was there or not. ‘You’re all mopey.’
‘I’m not mopey,’ he sighed. How did he keep finding these people who just tease him on all his shit? But he could read her worry, that’s she’s genuinely asking. Dustin might have wrapped up the question in a joke, Robin would have needled in a roundabout way to ask him what’s going on, Eddie would have pulled him in close and called him baby – but the thought of Eddie must do something to his face, because Katie just smiled at him sadly.
‘That’s a mopey face if I’ve ever seen one,’ she squeezed his arm in sympathy.
He didn’t know what to say, how to complain to her about this. She was sweet, kind, probably his closest friend at work. But he barely knew her.
He’d already told Katie that he’s dating someone but not who. He stayed vague but had let a few ‘she’ and ‘her’s slip in, for the “normalcy” that now turned his stomach. He was lying to her. Playing a part, like Eddie told him all those months ago. It felt worse and worse each time.
And it was still Hawkins, and Katie was nice, goofy, friendly but she still wore a large gold cross, she led a youth group twice a week, had her three little kids in the church daycare. It was too confusing, navigating, weighing out whether she’d hate him or not.
So, he played the part.
‘Just a fight with my girlfriend… silly shit, don’t worry about it,’ he mumbled, not meeting her eye.
‘Hey,’ her hand fell on his shoulder, heavy, caring. ‘I’ve given my brothers plenty of advice, if you want some?’ Steve now remembered her brothers, one training to be a cop in Muncie, so yeah… he needed to play the part.
‘No, but thanks though,’ he grimaced, tried to be genuine but he wanted this conversation over, realizing he should have put on a happy face earlier. There’s a reason he always did.
‘Sorry’s a good place to start. And flowers don’t hurt,’ she offered, searching the shelves for the needed supplies.
‘So, I’ve been told,’ Steve fought not to roll his eyes at the same, stale advice. ‘But I didn’t actually do anything? I think?’
‘You don’t know? How – hold please,’ Katie held up a finger as the phone in the storage room rang.
Katie moved past him to answer. ‘This is Nurse Farley, hello. You found me! Oh, yeah, he’s with me,’ she shot Steve a curious glance. ‘Um, sure, I’ll let him know.’ Hanging up, she turned to him. ‘Front desk says you have a visitor, they’re sending them to your station now.’
Steve’s heart lifted. Maybe Eddie did come. Maybe he came to apologize, maybe it was always in Steve’s head like always.
‘Well, there’s that dopey smile I was looking for,’ Katie teased him as she shouldered the door open.
‘From mopey to dopey, huh?’ Back on non-solid, non-relationship ground. Perfect. ‘Any other dwarves you want to compare me to today?’
She paused, head tilting. ‘There wasn’t a mopey dwarf.’
‘Um, yeah there was!’
‘There 100% wasn’t,’ she snorted, continuing to walk with him. ‘Jodie’s watched that movie every day for the last like two months, that VHS is worn out. I guarantee you it’s not mopey.’
‘Grumpy, Happy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Mopey, Dopey and Doc!’ Steve rattled off confidently.
Katie just laughed at him. ‘You’ve almost got it. It’s Bashful.’
‘What’s bashful?’
‘Mopey. He’s not mopey, he’s Bashful.’
‘Bashful? There’s a dwarf called Bashful? That’s ridiculous. Not buying it.’
‘You think they need a grumpy and a mopey dwarf? It’s a kids’ movie!’
‘Oh, cause dopey is setting such a great example for the children?’
Katie snorted as they made their way through the set of doors to his end of the floor.
Steve was smiling, laughing at Katie, when he stopped in his tracks, frozen by the sight in front of him, his brain not comprehending this person in this place at this time.
‘Mom?!’
It was her. Hair perfect, wearing black slacks and a white blouse, clutching her purse strap over her shoulder, looking fantastically out of place among the garish holiday decorations surrounding his desk.
‘Stevie.’ She sounded the same.
‘Uh...’ Katie stuttered, glancing back and forth between them. Steve was still frozen, arms still full of supplies, which Katie gently took from him. ‘I’ll let you guys catch up.’ She looked worried, scrunched her brows at him but hustled down the corridor, leaving Steve standing with his arms hanging down awkwardly as if still holding the pile of boxes. The hallways was silent, nothing more than the beeping of machines faintly drifting in.
He stumbled forward, behind the counter, but couldn’t look at her as he got closer. He kept his gaze trained on the bulletin board over her shoulder.
‘What uh, what are you doing here,’ he finally asked, crossing his arms, shoulders hunched nearly to his eyebrows as he tried to read whatever was posted on the flyers behind her. Damnit, he really needed those glasses.
‘I spoke to Helen,’ she said, voice soft. Steve squinted at the flyer, trying to parse that. Oh. Right. Helen. Iris’s mom.
‘Hmm,’ is all he offered, shifting back and forth on his feet.
‘Iris is due next week,’ his mom continued. ‘I was checking in and she uh, she mentioned you were working here.’
‘Right.’ This town was too damn small.
‘She said Iris was gushing over you,’ she placed her purse on the counter. As if she was planning to stay, settling in for a longer conversation. Steve’s palms started to sweat. ‘Kept saying that you were a natural, that you’re doing a great job.’
‘All I do is carry shit around,’ he nodded back to the hallway, back to five minutes ago when he’d had an armful of boxes. ‘Answer phones,’ he couldn’t help how stiff he was, how tense. Remembered how it had taken every scrap of his sanity and every bit of courage he could muster to walk into his old house, walk right past her, demand his stuff back, spit out the truth, stand there proud and in love with Eddie by his side. It seemed like he’d used up all that bravery with her. All he felt was scared. He wanted this to end. He didn’t want to see her, couldn’t make sense of her as his mother, her as a witness, her as a stranger. ‘You could have called,’ his tone is harsher than he intended but he’s not disappointed in that. ‘You didn’t need to show up.’
He could hear her as she swallowed. ‘I wanted to see you.’
‘Thought that’s not allowed anymore,’ he almost whispered.
‘Oh, Stevie…’
And it was the fucking nickname that did it. Who was she to him, to call him that? To sound fond and exasperated and sad? ‘What are you doing here, mom?’
She pulled herself together, pulled an envelope out of her purse, slid it across the counter to him. It had his name on it in her handwriting. He always thought she had beautiful handwriting, loved the curve of her S’s, how made his name look round and full and happy. He looked at it, at the swirls and swoops, instead of at her.
‘What is it?’ he asked, hands on either side, framing it but not touching it, not making any move to pick it up.
‘It’s your trust. I cashed it out for you.’
He was confused enough to look up at her, to catch her surprise as he finally did. ‘What? But dad –’
‘Not that one,’ she sniffed, looked at him more confidently, surprise turning to determination on her face. ‘He doesn’t know I’m here. He – he hasn’t been home since…’
‘Since I kissed a boy front of his house and he beat the shit out of me,’ Steve spat out. She flinched.
‘Yes.’ It was her turn to look away, and he finally saw shame on her face. ‘I don’t – I’m sorry.’
It felt like such a small thing, just two words. Two small words that were too small for all that damage. ‘What for?’ he wanted to hear her say it, in her own words. Was she sorry for how his dad was acting? For this dad’s fists? For the awkwardness between them? For 20 years of ignorance? What?
‘For –,’ she paused, blinking at him. Her eyes moved rapidly over his face, and she swallowed again. Steve realized he’d never seen her nervous before, and that’s what this was. She was nervous. ‘For –’ she stammered, and he noticed her picking at her manicure.
‘It’s okay,’ he breathed out, stilling her hand with his own but pulling back quickly. ‘Mom. You don’t need to say anything. I don’t need anything from you.’ He didn’t. He was used to nothing by now. No wonder she was nervous. How many times had she come to him like this? How many times had she needed to search for the right words with him, when he was used to taking anything he was given? When he always smoothed things over, ignored things, trying to make everyone else happy?
It's what he was doing right now. What he had just done. He recognized it, at least. The backsliding. But he couldn’t help it, when she was right there.
But he could be stronger, tried to recall whatever strength he’d felt standing in front of her, Eddie by his side, Eddie’s hand in his.
He slid the envelope back across the desk.
No, Steve, please.’ Her hand was back on his now, and not letting go. She pushed his hand back his way, the envelope caught underneath. ‘I’m sorry for not stopping him that day. I’m sorry for – that I made you feel – like I made you – like I didn’t want you.’ He felt the tremble in her hand over his. She tilted her head to catch his eye, and she directed her full gaze at him. ‘You said that, that day. When you and your boyfriend came by.’
It was Steve’s turn to be surprised. She hadn’t been able to speak to him or Eddie, had barely been able to look. But she didn’t trip over her words now, called Eddie what he was, his boyfriend. And she didn’t look scared or disgusted. Just sorry.
‘I can’t really remember…’ he hedged, haze of anger or anxiety from that entire interaction blocking out a lot of detail, but those words, he did recall, because they’d been there for a long time, the fear always in the back of his head. What he’d confessed to Eddie all those months ago, leaning together on the patio chairs, his deepest fear: I’m never enough. I’m never what they want.
‘Well, I can. I remember all of it.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I didn’t realize that you felt that way. Like I didn’t want you. I did. I do. It’s just…’ she sighed. ‘He doesn’t love me, you were right.’ It was a blunt admission and he remembered that too, what he spat at her. Another truth that he’d realized a long time ago. ‘Your father. But I love him. And I love you. It just.. it hurt too much, sometimes.’ Her voice wavered. It jarred Steve, to see her anything less than put together. She bit her lip. ‘To pretend. When we were all together, to pretend that we were –’
‘That we were a family.’
She shivered but nodded. ‘So, it was easier to – to not. To not need to pretend as much. But it wasn’t about you, Stevie.’ She squeezed his hand. ‘It was me. Because I thought – I thought you already loved me. I thought it was… it was okay to leave you, to go with him, to try and fix it. To try and force it. ‘Vacations, business trips,’ she scoffed. ‘Dinners and dancing and – just trying to be with him. Trying to remind him that he loved me, once,’ her eyes glazed over, and Steve saw that she was lost in some memory. She snapped back to the moment, eyes finding his. ‘I’m sorry for that, more than anything. In trying to remind him, it made you forget. That I do love you. And I’m so sorry, honey.’
He understood, or at least he thought he did. Those moments of normalcy they did have, days when all three of them together – some were good, some were bad, but they were never what he saw others have with their families. It was never natural; it was never close or caring or honest. It wasn’t what he’d found with Eddie.
And he thought he understood how if you’d had that with someone once upon a time and it went away… how maybe you’d go a little crazy trying to get it back.
‘I get it, mom.’ He attempted a smile, felt it stretch awkwardly over his face. But she’d come here, she’d explained, so he could try. ‘Apology accepted,’ he sighed. ‘Don’t worry about it, okay?’
‘But I will worry. Your father’s – he’s not budging.’
Steve snorted and she looked confused. ‘I mean, come on, what did you expect?’ he scoffed.
‘I expected better,’ she said plainly, more steel in her tone than before. ‘He’s at the Four Seasons in Chicago. Hasn’t been home since…’ her eyes darted away. ‘He won’t engage with me if I bring it – you up at all.’
‘Yeah.’ Steve supposed he should have felt surprised by this or disappointed or sad. He just felt drained, suddenly wanted to cry, wanted Eddie, wished he were here, that he would walk out of that elevator, would make it all okay.
She pushed the envelope back to him. ‘I don’t care about him. Not about this. He’s not budging and he’s still angry –’
‘He’s angry?! What about me?’
‘He’s angry with me, Steve. For talking about it. For questioning him.’ She stepped closer to the counter, and Steve realized he’d backed up when she mentioned his dad’s anger. ‘I didn’t tell him I was coming to talk to you, but I did tell him about this,’ she tapped the envelope. ‘I don’t know what he’s doing with your trust but this – this one is from my family. Your grandpa Jones set it up for you when you were born. You aren’t supposed to get it until you’re 25 but… it’s yours. It’s yours now.’
‘I don’t want it.’ It felt wrong to take it, like an admission of something. Like a judgment on him, like buying his love or his forgiveness. Buying back into the family that hurt him so much.
‘It’s not from him, it’s from me,’ she insisted, as if his dad was the only reason he wouldn’t take it. As if she was completely forgiven just by one apology. ‘Because I worry about you, I do. I know you don’t believe me and I – I’ll have to find a way to live with that,’ her voice cracked, again. Steve hated it. He hated that he still wanted her happy. That he didn’t forgive her, but he loved her. That he didn’t want to see her, but secretly thrilled that she came. That it took something as vicious as his dad attacking him for her to finally see how broken everything was. ‘But I do. And I want you to be okay. I don’t like thinking about you out there on your own,’ she admitted the last part gently, softly, seemingly knowing what it would make Steve think.
And he did: ‘I’m not on my own.’
‘I know that. I know – that’s not what I meant.’ She shook her head. ‘I meant... I want you to be happy, Stevie. I’m glad you’re with someone who makes you happy. I am, truly I am,’ she admitted, and Steve believed her. Almost. ‘But I just want you to be… safe,’ she finished, after spending a few seconds searching for the word. Her face twisted. ‘Being with him isn’t safe.’
‘I know, mom.’ He had scars to prove it. Eddie was worth a little pain.
She reached out and he froze but he let her move, run her fingers over the healed, scabbed skin over his eyebrow, that had been stitched last time he saw her. She gritted her teeth looking at him.
‘Please take it,’ she hissed, a fierce whisper. ‘I’m under no delusion that you forgive me for what I’ve done but this is yours. I want to be there for you in this way, at least. Since I haven’t been. Please take it. For a rainy day,’ she added almost desperately.
And he didn’t want it, really he didn’t. He didn’t understand her, not completlely. But she was here. And she was trying. And he did always want to make people happy, and knew rainy days come far too often, so he slid the envelope toward him, held it in his hand. It was light, couldn’t contain more than a few pieces of paper.
‘Okay,’ he said, folding it, putting it in his breast pocket of his scrubs. ‘Okay, mom.’
He felt the palpable relief flowing from her.
‘Your father’s buying an apartment in Chicago,’ she added, seemingly moving to the next topic. First: upend Steve’s mental well-being. Second: give him an apology check. Third: continue mentioning the man who traumatized him. Or maybe not, as she hesitated, face crumpling as she darted her eyes away. ‘If you –,’ she hesitated. ‘If you want to come home for Thanksgiving.’
He almost laughed. They haven’t celebrated Thanksgiving together in two years, years prior always an awkward, stiff family affair at his grandparent’s house. He can’t remember the last one he’d actualy spent with her, in the house.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ he shook his head, paused before adding: ‘And it’s not my home.’
‘Of course,’ she nodded quickly, as if she’d been expecting it. ‘I understand. I –,’ she grimaced, then laughed, something brief and shocked. ‘I realize that I’m… worried about you. I don’t know where you are or how to contact you. I realize I don’t really know you.’ She sounded almost wondering, looking at him intently. Like she hadn’t before. ‘Last time I really looked you were… a different person.’
‘I grew up, mom.’ Aging, he thought to himself.
Her gaze shifted as she considered him. ‘You baked for him.’
‘What?’ It was like whiplash, he tried to follow her train of thought.
‘There was a pie on the counter.’ Oh. ‘Another in the trash. That morning when –’
‘It was his birthday,’ Steve admitted, crossing his arms again, pressing fingertips into his biceps. ‘I wanted to do something nice for him,’ he looked away.
‘I didn’t know you baked,’ her voice was soft, sad.
‘I can’t, not really,’ he admitted. ‘He’s a great cook though. Eddie. Great baker. I was just – I tried,’ he shrugged.
‘That was very thoughtful of you,’ she said it like she couldn’t believe it. And it did hurt. That she didn’t believe it. Or rather that she didn’t notice. She added: ‘Your great aunt Jones was a nurse during the war.’
Again, Steve shook his head at the conversational shift. It was like every random thought she was having spilled out of her, and it was so unlike her, another reminder to Steve that she was nervous. It was unsettling. ‘I’m not a nurse,’ he smiled at her, pointed to the phone. ‘I answer phones, remember?’
She just smiled at him. ‘I just didn’t know if you knew, that’s all.’
‘I didn’t.’
‘I’ll let you get back to work,’ she nodded, picking up her purse, hands clenching around the handle on her shoulder. She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something else but then shut it, shook her head, backed up towards the elevators.
It was one of the longest conversations they’d had in years.
And she was here, she was trying. And he didn’t forgive her, but…
‘Hey mom?’
‘Yes?’ She turned around quickly, swaying a bit on the spot. It was so unlike her, it made Steve smile.
‘Have a happy Thanksgiving.’
‘You too, Stevie. Will you tell – um…’
‘Eddie.’ It stung a bit that she didn’t remember but she’d never been great with names. Okay, so maybe he could forgive her for some things. Maybe that meant he could forgive her for others. Maybe. In time.
‘Tell Eddie happy Thanksgiving, too.’
Oh god, she was really trying. But it felt familiar suddenly now that she was walking away but she’d come here for him. She’d come here even when his dad was still angry, still didn’t want him. She fought her husband and lawyers and bankers for whatever was in the envelope in his pocket. She stuttered and picked at her nails and bit her lip, all to make it through a conversation with him. She admitted truths that Steve never in a million years thought she would.
And damnit, he still loved her, even after it all.
He lurched forward not sure what he was doing until he asked.
‘Can I call you sometime?’
He could hear himself, it sounded like he was hitting on her, but she smiled back at him, a small one, tentative, hopeful, as she walked into the elevator. ‘Yes, that would be – that would be nice.’
He held up a hand as the doors closed.
And it felt like a start.
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 34: "The First Pancake"
‘You can’t be pissed at me for having lunch with her, Eddie.’
‘I’m not pissed… it’s just –’ he bit off his sentence: she’s your first love and I think I’m breaking your heart. ‘I’m hungry,’ he finished. Lame.
Steve huffed a laugh, bending to kiss his forehead. ‘I’ll burn you another pancake, then?’
‘Try for medium rare, baby. A light char, if you can.'
Steve rolled his eyes. 'I'll see what I can do, Chef Munson.'
Chapter 34: The First Pancake
Summary:
‘What did you do?’
Steve scoffed. ‘I didn’t do anything. I’m trying to do something nice for you.’
‘Just because.’
‘Yes, just because.’
Eddie still looked at him, unsure, waiting it out. A few seconds later, Steve threw up a hand, caving in.
‘Fine! Okay, fine...'
Notes:
Shows up six months later with a new chapter... what'd I miss?
I'll stop making any reassurances about timing for the next update but will continue, as always, to reassure that yes, it's all outlined, and yes, the next couple chapters are roughly written, and yes, there's an ending planned. Eventually.
2024, baby. It's going to be our year.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
EDDIE
It’s not lying, Eddie justified to himself over and over.
It’s not lying because it’s never really come up. Not directly. Sure, Steve has asked where he’s been, what he’s done all day, what his plans are. And he answered truthfully, mostly, half truth at least. Because it hadn’t been anything important, it had been just stuff, it had been stuff that Steve didn’t need to sweat.
But it’d been almost a dozen times now, making that roundtrip from Hawkins to Indy and well…
It’s gotten harder and harder to justify each time.
They were his empty hours to fill, Eddie figured. Who cared what he did with them? Had Steve cared when he’d done random chores for Bev? When he’d spent hours perusing at the record store? When he’d debated paint colors for the big room for literal days?
No. So why should he care about this?
It was a tenuous, flimsy, bullshit justification, Eddie knew it. He knew it, he just couldn’t bring himself to think about it.
It started innocently enough, with a phone call to hot-pink-flyer-maker Annie, who asked to meet up at a diner by campus, just to see if they vibed. Her hair matched the flyer, hot pink and flowing, and she was petite, delicate in frame only, with an eyebrow piercing and piercing blue eyes that made Eddie think of Chrissy for a second.
He assumed it would hurt, the thought of Chrissy, but it didn’t, not really. It stung just for a second, but it wasn’t the overwhelming pain it used to be.
He was too ashamed of himself at the realization, either that he was forgetting her or the trauma or just getting so good at numbing himself to all that shit. Sucked any and all ways.
But Annie was cool enough, a bit intense if he’s honest, and they did indeed “vibe”, so he came back a second time, this time to jam together, her on an electric bass, him on the black satin acoustic from Steve – and it was fucking amazing. Vibe of all vibes.
He missed having a band. And even just him and Annie – it was really something.
So, he kept going back. A couple times to just jam, then to audition a drummer, who, no offense to Gareth, was like, way, way better than Gareth.
And now, they’re starting to rehearse. And he promised himself he’d tell Steve the truth when it started to become something.
And after their third rehearsal – they really do have something.
Something big enough, ripe enough with potential, that Annie mentioned an audition for a slot at an upcoming showcase her friends told her about.
It sounded amazing, absolutely, a dream.
It sounded like something . Something that Steve should know about. Something that Eddie really needed to commit to because today… well, today the vibes were off.
‘Come on, man!’ Annie yelled at him as soon as he’d stumbled into the rehearsal room on campus that they had been using to practice. ‘You’ve wasted half our time, I’ve got class in an hour!’
‘Sorry,’ Eddie mumbled, fumbling his guitar out of his case with a quick nod to Art, their drummer, a full-on Ringo in his purely happy, goofy vibes, putting up with all of Annie’s heat and Eddie’s growing annoyance at her leadership, too used to being the one pulling the rest of the band together, steering the ship to take direction easily or willingly. ‘Traffic,’ he hoped was enough of an explanation.
Apparently not today. ‘Thought you said you were moving here, man?’ Annie grumped at him, even as she walked up to her mike.
‘I am!’ he lied.
‘When?’
‘Soon!’
‘We’re not good enough as we are and we’re not fucking this up, okay? We’re getting that slot, Eddie. We need to practice.’ And for as much as she looked like a punked up Chrissy, her personality was pure Nancy Wheeler facing an apocalypse. Intense. Fearless. Blind to anyone else’s thoughts and wishes.
And Eddie could understand that when trying to save the world. But on a Tuesday in November about being one of a dozen bands in a showcase at a venue that doesn’t hold more than 100 people?
She really needed to chill out.
But Eddie valued his sanity. ‘I got it, okay? Can we just –,’ he waved a hand around the room, strummed a chord. ‘Please?’
She relented and thirty seconds in, all his annoyance vanished, too.
Because they really were good. They really did have something.
Rehearsal finished quickly, the hour flying by, both Annie and Art heading off to class, leaving Eddie to haul himself back into his truck and contemplate the hour long drive back to Hawkins. It was still early, still early afternoon. He could still make it to the hospital before Steve’s shift ended if he really hoofed it.
But the idea of explaining to Steve where he’d been, combined with the backed up traffic he saw heading onto the freeway, that huge accident that he’d faced on the drive in obviously still fucking things up – didn’t seem like he’d be able to make it to the hospital to see Steve today after all.
And for the second time today, he felt ashamed of his reaction. Of his relief.
‘Fuck it,’ he muttered, turning the truck around and heading to the bar, where he was almost becoming a regular, having waited out traffic there more than a few times at this point. But not only to wait out traffic, he admitted to himself. He liked it there. He liked feeling like he belonged, like a local.
He did, when he walked in and Chris, the bartender, waved at him, already filling up a pint glass with Eddie’s usual draft, passing it over to him without a word as Eddie slid cash across the counter.
The place was full today for some reason. Eddie knew this was mostly a college bar, that with the holiday coming up soon there were finals and other shit to be stressed about (he knew but didn’t know , you know?) and it seemed like students were really looking for a way to relax, if the crush of bodies at the bar in the middle of the afternoon was anything to go by.
He saw Vic over in the corner, sitting with a couple guys, and he lit up when he spotted Eddie, waving him over. They’d hung out a couple of times, Vic even managing once to get Eddie to actually lift his shirt to show Chris his lightning tattoo, another time with Vic going off on an hour-long brainstorming session about possible tattoos to cover the large scar on Eddie’s side, coming with everything from a monster claw ripping through flesh to a relaxing rainforest scene (he was known for his birds, apparently). He hadn’t shut up until Eddie promised to let him do the honors, if and when Eddie finally decided on what he’d wanted.
Now, Vic had moved on to another topic: trying to convince Eddie to get a piercing.
‘Lip, like, right around here?’ Vic gestured to the bottom corner of his mouth in lieu of a greeting as Eddie approached the table, a guy on the end scooching over to make room for Eddie across from Vic.
‘No can do, Vicky, I’d rip that sucker right off every time a pretty boy made eyes at me,’ Eddie teased, blinking his eyes exaggeratedly, biting the bottom corner of his lip in what he hoped was a jokingly seductive manner. And while Vic and one of his friends laughed as intended, the guy sitting next to Eddie simply hummed, gaze heavy, shifted so his knee was brushing Eddie’s.
Eddie coughed, tried returning his face to normal and ignored it, ignored him, or tried to, as he accidentally made eye contact before looking away.
Eddie knew these guys enough by now. Vic was cool, had been from the start, only dinged partially when Eddie learned he was friends with Ziggy, at least in a vague enough way that they were both queer artists who lived in the same neighborhood. But Vic was good friends with one of Ziggy’s bandmates, a perpetually stoned keyboardist named Dew, currently sporting a dyed green nearly shaved head and sharing a plate of fries with Vic right across from him. He was cool, they’d chatted a few times, talked about their best and worst highs, which in Dew’s mind made them friends and, well, Eddie’s had friendships founded on less.
But the other guy here tonight, Eddie had only met once in passing. Ty, if he remembered correctly. Which he did. Cause Eddie never forgot a pretty face. And Ty was really pretty. And Eddie wasn’t fooling himself at all because Ty’s golden skin and golden hair and sad eyes were all his type. Like, so much his type that if it weren’t for Ty’s tattoos and lip piercing and floppy mohawk… he’d look a whole lot like Steve Harrington.
And Eddie felt guilty enough without being tempted by the punked-up version of Steve.
So, he tried to ignore him, really. Tried to enjoy a cigarette with Vic, a conversation about DnD with Dew, but an hour later, when it came up that Ty was a line cook at one of the nicer restaurants downtown, well, Eddie couldn’t resist that conversation. He did love to cook.
He and Ty started from there, fell into a long conversation about how to properly poach eggs that Eddie knew had driven Vic and Dew off to the bar for shots.
And then, he forgot about traffic and trying to make it home by a certain time, as the conversation continued to flow and he forgot how easy things could be when there’s something shared there, something bright like a love of cooking or music or art. When there’s only the surface level, when you’re not building a relationship and a life together.
That’s why it’s easy. Because it’s not real.
It’s why Eddie loved coming to Indy. Because it wasn’t real.
He’s reminded of reality about two hours in, when Ty starts talking about his hair. His golden, honeyed hair that was recently longer than Eddie’s but had been shorn and shaped to its current punk look as a result of a dare.
‘It’s cause I had the best hair, man,’ Ty smiled that shining smile, light glinting off his own lip piercing as he leaned towards Eddie. ‘They were trying to knock me down a peg.’
Eddie reached up to run his hand over the side of Ty’s head, his beer buzz lowering that particular inhibition. He didn’t like it, he realized. The stubble of the shaved sides. Too rough, too staticky.
Suddenly wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through Steve’s hair. Wanted to tug it between his fingers, wanted that clean smell, the smooth strands on his skin, on his tongue. Wanted to live in it, in him.
Eddie pulled his hand back, wrapped it around his nearly empty beer glass.
‘Think I know someone who could give you a run for your money,’ Eddie gritted out, downing the last sip of his drink.
‘Oh yeah?’ Ty had followed Eddie’s lead, leaning into his touch, leaning in even further now that he’d removed his hand. ‘But would your friend shave his head if his honor was on the line?’
Eddie guffawed. Because Steve would do a lot but never for his honor. He’d do it for Eddie, for the kids, for the world. But not for himself. ‘Nah,’ he gritted out, catching too late on Ty’s use of the word friend . ‘Not a chance in hell.’
Steve officially became his boyfriend in this very bar all those months ago. And now, here Eddie was, plastered to the side of some Steve knock-off, who thought Steve was nothing more than a friend.
A sour bubble of guilt bubbled up his chest. He let it out as a burp.
‘Not even for a friend like you?’ Ty asked, voice low, eyes hooded, tongue playing with his lip piercing, in that same spot that Vic wanted Eddie to get one.
Eddie decided just then that he didn’t like lip piercings. Not for him.
When Ty leaned in further, close enough for Eddie to smell the beer on his breath, he realized he was still staring at Ty’s lips. And not subtly.
But nope. Fuck that. It was his own fault, his own faulty gaze, but – fuck that.
‘I gotta head out,’ Eddie announced, pushing back from the table quickly, realizing that Ty had threaded a finger around one of his curls. It snagged as Eddie pulled away, grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair. Vic looked at him confused for a second, eyes darting back and forth between Eddie and Ty, before nodding bye and turning back to Dew.
Eddie mumbled a goodbye to Ty, not meeting his eyes, and took a few steps through the crowd when he felt a hand around his wrist.
‘Hey, wait a sec! Let’s grab some food. My treat?’ Ty smiled, looking eager, confused. Eddie got it. He’d be confused, too, if the guy he’d been flirting with for an hour suddenly rushed off with no explanation.
He barely had enough energy to provide one, the knot in his stomach draining everything he had. ‘Can’t,’ Eddie bit out. ‘Dinner plans with my boyfriend.’
Ty’s hand dropped from Eddie’s wrist. ‘Boyfriend?’
The knot in stomach jumped up to his heart. ‘Yeah. Steve. He’s… way too good for me, honestly. It was nice to talk to you, Ty,’ he tried to soften it, knowing he’d confused him, confused himself.
He turned around before he could see Ty’s expression, before Ty could say anything else. Eddie didn’t need to hear it, the static running through his head would have made it impossible.
The static lived in him for the whole drive home – and what a hell of a drive, traffic still worse than he’d ever seen it, the normally hour long drive taking nearly twice as long because of the long detour off the highway because of a turned-over trailer that blocked all the lanes both ways.
He didn’t even have it in himself to be annoyed. He deserved it. Karma, and all that bullshit that he never really believed in, but maybe actually did.
It wasn’t until he pulled up to the cabin that the reality of today hit him. He saw the lights on inside, saw the flickering glow of the TV, Steve’s car parked in its spot in front of their – their – house. Home .
The reality of the day was this: Steve had been exhausted, sleepy, happy, cuddling with Eddie last night, and he’d asked Eddie to visit him. And Eddie himself had just barely gotten home before Steve did, yesterday’s rehearsal having kept him on edge long after he left Annie and Art, Annie’s voice floating through his head, echoes of needing to be better and put in more time and asking when he was moving. Same old, same old, as yesterday, so today.
So maybe Eddie hadn’t reacted the best to Steve’s innocent request. And it had been innocent, he knew, could tell Steve really loved his new gig at the hospital and wanted to share it with him.
And normally, he would have, no problem, except for the whole, you know, worsening lie of it all.
Except it’s not really lying, Eddie justified himself again. For the hundredth time.
It’s not lying in a bad way, at least. Because it’s all to protect Steve. They don’t need this conversation right now, not when Steve’s finally doing better. Eddie doesn’t want to hurt him – he’s done that enough. Blowing up at him over innocent flirting, asking him to break up before they’d even really gotten started, walking out in the middle of the night with no excuse. Letting Steve’s dad hurt him.
No, Eddie had hurt Steve enough.
Telling Steve now wouldn’t make a difference. It would be a conversation, a fight, it would be something when it was really nothing. (But it was becoming something).
Eddie would tell him. He would. When it was actually something.
Until then – he’d do better. Be better. He’d practice and their band would finally pick a name and get a slot at that showcase, and actually be something, and he’d bring good news to Steve. Steve would be proud of him, then, he knew it. They’d figure it out then, he knew. He hoped.
They’d figure it out because they had to. Because it was all for Steve in the end. That’s why he’s still here. That’s why he did the long drive and annoyed Annie and endured her jabs. Because he’s always going to come home to Steve.
Even if the cabin is nothing more than a halfway home to him, even if Indy’s just a distraction – it’s all for Steve. Eddie chided himself, willing not to forget that.
Eddie realized he’d been in the car too long when he saw Steve’s head poke around the side of the kitchen window, looking outside. Steve raised his hand, gave a quick wave. Eddie couldn’t see his expression from here but plastered a smile on anyway and waved back.
‘Hey,’ Eddie stumbled into the cabin a moment later, Steve still standing in the kitchen.
‘Hey,’ Steve replied, drawing the word out, looking at Eddie curiously. ‘You okay? You were out there for a long time…’
‘There was a really good song on the radio. Never heard it before, was trying to catch the name.’ Lie.
‘Ah,’ Steve nodded, believing him, because it wasn’t the first time Eddie had done that. Steve turned back to the sink, washing up a glass, and Eddie stayed frozen where he was, stiff, awkward. ‘You look nice.’
Eddie almost missed Steve speaking, as he was facing the sink, water gushing out of the tap.
‘I do?’
‘That’s your nice shirt.’
‘I have a nice shirt?’ Eddie asked, honestly confused as he looked down at the threadbare black Dio t-shirt he was wearing.
Steve nodded to the sink, hummed a yes.
‘It’s just a shirt,’ Eddie explained, finally making his way over to Steve, wrapping his arms around his waist as Steve continued washing.
‘You always wear it to dinner with Joyce and Hopper,’ Steve explained, finally glancing over his shoulder to Eddie.
Eddie paused, tilted his head, placing a small kiss on Steve’s cheek. ‘No, I don’t.’
‘You do,’ Steve smiled, leaned back into Eddie. ‘The last two times, at least.’
‘Well, twice isn’t anything. It’s just twice. A coincidence.’
‘Okay,’ Steve finally shut off the tap, turned around in Eddie’s arms, a tight squeeze as he still pressed Steve against the counter. ‘You still look nice,’ Steve said in a low voice, winding his finger around one of Eddie’s curls.
The same curl Ty had in his fingers a few hours ago.
Eddie took a step back, releasing his hold on Steve, forcing his eyes away from the confused look on Steve’s face. He suddenly wanted to shower, wanted to get out of this supposedly nice shirt, wanted to make sure that his breath didn’t smell like cigarettes and beer, that his fingers didn’t have the stain of guitar strings, that Annie’s words and Eddie’s empty promises of moving weren’t written on his skin.
‘Gotta piss,’ Eddie explained with a guilty smile, backing away to the bathroom as Steve did nothing more than nod.
Eddie settled for washing his face, his hands, changing into his sweats and a different t-shirt, one of Steve’s. He grabbed a beer when he emerged, settled onto the couch next to Steve. Steve didn’t say anything else, didn’t move closer to him, kept watching the TV, some rerun of some show Eddie didn’t really know.
And Eddie couldn’t tell if the silence was actually awkward or if it was just him.
‘How was work?’ Eddie asked, attempting to break the silence casually with a sip of his beer.
Steve darted his eyes over, considering him for a second, but Eddie couldn’t read him, if he was annoyed by the interruption, if he was pissed, if he was just in thought. Eddie didn’t like it. He could always read Steve these days.
‘My mom came by,’ Steve said after a second, turning back to the TV.
‘What?’ Eddie exploded, turning fully on the couch, legs up, gripping Steve’s arm. ‘When? Where? Here?’
‘The hospital,’ Steve sighed, turned to face Eddie. At least he was looking at him, now.
‘Shit,’ Eddie breathed. ‘What happened?’ All Eddie could remember was the stiff way she’d followed them around the house, the broken look on her face when Steve had finally spoken to her, the way she wouldn’t look at their clasped hands. Tense, silent. Just like Steve had been minutes ago.
‘She apologized,’ Steve grabbed Eddie’s hand, playing with his fingers as he spoke. ‘Gave me a check.’
‘Buying your love?’
‘Something like that. I haven’t, uh… I haven’t looked at it. Don’t really want to.’
Eddie got that. Hadn’t really looked at the last bundle of cash that Wayne had shoved into his hands at the diner that one time, just pulled out enough to buy Steve dinner and for his tattoo.
‘Are you okay?’
Steve shrugged, folding in on himself a bit, even as he tucked his feet underneath Eddie’s thigh. Eddie reached out automatically, stroking over his ankle.
‘I don’t know,’ Steve sighed. ‘Yes? I’m happy she came by, I guess. It was – brave of her.’
Eddie scoffed out loud, drawing a curious look from Steve. ‘Baby, come on. It’s the least she could do. She stood there –,’ Eddie took a deep breath, closed his eyes, needed to center himself before continuing, ‘She stood there while your dad –’
‘I know.’ Steve leaned further away from Eddie, even as he tilted his leg, giving Eddie better access to his ankle. Eddie continued rubbing it, playing with the hem of Steve’s sweatpants, the seam of his sock. ‘But she’s trying, Eddie.’
And it’s the little break in his voice that stopped Eddie’s building annoyance. ‘Oh, Stevie,’ he didn’t care about the distance, about any weirdness he’d caused himself, gently pulling Steve into his chest, tucking his chin over Steve’s head. He felt the warm breath of Steve’s exhale as he burrowed into Eddie’s shirt, winding his arms around him, pulling him in closer. Steve’s mumbles faded into the fabric and Eddie stroked his head slowly.
‘What was that, baby?’
Steve shook his head before pulling away slightly, tilting to look up at Eddie. ‘I said… I just really wanted you there with me,’ Steve whispered, breaking Eddie’s fucking heart. ‘I kept hoping you’d show up. When she was there…’
‘I’m sorry,’ Eddie mumbled, pulling Steve back into him. Can’t stand the defeated look in his eyes. Because Eddie couldn’t explain himself without hurting Steve more right now and he didn’t want to do that. He wanted to help him, to fix this. ‘When’s your next shift?’
‘Saturday,’ Steve said.
Eddie hissed a long breath, shaking his head where it rested on Steve’s. ‘Shit. Got a thing that day.’ And even though he had a plan, his stomach still dropped when Steve tensed in his arms. Made him rush out the next part: ‘Promised Max I was gonna hang with her all day… sorry, baby, maybe I’ll catch you next time.’
Steve shoved himself off Eddie’s chest, fighting a smile. ‘You’re an idiot.’
‘I’m your idiot,’ Eddie laughed, pulling Steve back into him, wrestling playfully. ‘You love me.’
‘I do love you,’ Steve admitted, kissing him softly.
‘Okay, fine,’ Eddie huffed into Steve’s mouth. ‘I’ll ditch Max for you.’
Steve snorted. ‘I’ll join you guys, how about that? You can keep all your promises.’
It was like Steve knew what words to say to twist the guilty knife Eddie had stabbed himself with.
***
Eddie couldn’t keep the smile off his face that Saturday, if only for how fucking bright and excited Steve looked from the moment he’d woken Eddie up with a kiss. It only got better from there, from Steve on his knees for him in the shower, to his hand on Eddie’s thigh as he drove them to the hospital for his shift.
And it wasn’t only Eddie that couldn’t look away from him. Every person they passed, from the sleepy security guard out front to each nurse along the way, to the janitor mopping up something by the elevator; everyone greeted Steve with a smile and a wave.
‘Mr. Popular over here,’ Eddie whispered to him, following in Steve’s wake and never being happier to be there.
‘Shut up,’ Steve rolled his eyes, as he led Eddie to a small room on the fourth floor. It was an empty locker room, sending Eddie’s hackles up as he remembered high school gym class, not the best memories. But Steve didn’t falter, as comfortable in this locker room as the high school ones, heading straight to one on the far wall, kneeling down to enter a combination on the lock.
‘Nice,’ Eddie leered down at Steve’s ass and he couldn’t see but knew Steve rolled his eyes again.
‘Keep it in your pants, I’m at work,’ Steve hissed over his shoulder, but seemed to contradict himself as he reached up behind his head to pull off his t-shirt, one of Eddie’s.
‘Uh, Steve, what are you –,’ Eddie mumbled, as Steve straightened up, shucking off his jeans, tossing all his clothes into the locker and pulling on – ‘Scrubs,’ Eddie squeaked out, as Steve pulled on the blue shirt, matching pants, holding the shirt up with his teeth so he could tie the waistband tight. Tight. Very tight. ‘Baby,’ it rushed out of Eddie, as he couldn’t stop his fingers from ghosting over soft fabric covering Steve’s hip.
‘Dude,’ Steve swatted his hand away, looking around the locker room. Eddie looked, too. Still empty.
‘You never told me…’ Eddie reached out again, this time, swiping his full hand over Steve’s ass. Steve leaned into it for a second before smirking. ‘Why don’t you wear these at home?’
‘They wash them for us here,’ Steve shrugged, pulling Eddie in for a quick kiss. ‘Besides, the hospital is all… germy. Don’t want to wear them home.’
‘Germy.’
‘Yeah. Germy. Gross.’
‘Steve. We live in a cabin in the woods. Our cat leaves us dead mice on the doorstep and there’s a racoon family under the back porch.’
‘Yeah. I don’t want to add to the gross,’ he gestured up and down his body as Eddie shook his head.
‘Not the word I’d use…’
‘I’m in blue pajamas, Eddie.’
‘ Hot blue pajamas.’
Eddie was about to lean in for another kiss, fingers itching to tug Steve closer by his waistband tie, when the door slammed open behind them. And Eddie’s reflexes had always been good, so there was another foot of space between the two of them before he even registered it happening.
He kept his hands to himself as Steve led them to his desk, the desk Eddie knew as Iris’s from all their prior visits. But this time, it was decorated in Christmas decorations (‘Already?’ Eddie asked Steve, to an annoyed ‘Tell me about it’ response) and had little signs of Steve everywhere, from his library book to a Hawkins High coffee mug.
‘There you are!’ Steve exclaimed to someone, looking excitedly over Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie turned to find a woman walking down the hall, blonde and short and curvy, hair up in a high ponytail, colorful glasses perched on her nose, bold gold cross glistening around her neck. Eddie used his incredible observational abilities to determine that she was a fellow nurse, by her blue scrubs.
She slowed a little as she approached them, the smile she’d been wearing growing cautious as Steve pulled Eddie over by his elbow.
‘Eddie, this is Katie, who I was telling you about,’ Steve smiled at him, gesturing between the two of them. ‘Katie, this is Eddie. My, uh, roommate.’ Steve added after a pause.
‘Nice to meet you,’ Eddie said, attempting a smile despite the dimmed one he was receiving from Katie. He held out a hand to shake and he counted three seconds before she reached out to shake it.
Steve was still looking between them cheerily, not noticing whatever hesitancy Eddie seemed to be picking up on.
‘Nice to meet you,’ Katie said after a moment, dropping Eddie’s hand, readjusting her glasses quickly after. ‘You’re… roommates?’
‘And best friends,’ Steve said as if it was a no-brainer. Eddie knew he didn’t imagine Katie’s smile tightening ever so slightly.
It hit him in its own no-brainer way. That he’d been in this hospital as an unwilling guest for months on end. People here knew him. Iris had admitted as much to him once in passing, in some conversation. What had Murray called him all those months ago? The biggest American shitshow? Eddie was known around here. Especially now, he thought. Hair back to its full “as featured on the wanted poster” length, weight back, confidence back. He was Eddie Munson again. Accused murderer. Falsely accused and honestly acquitted, yes, but that part wasn’t usually what stuck in people’s minds.
Looking at Katie now, he knew what got stuck in people’s minds. The fear, the caution, the way that being associated with him was casting Steve in a whole new light in her eyes. He was seeing it happen, live, right now.
‘Well. Nice to meet you,’ Katie repeated, smile still not reaching her eyes. She looked to Steve, mouth opening as if she wanted to say something else, before her eyes darted guiltily back to Eddie. She swallowed, smiled a bit more genuinely as she turned to Steve. ‘Let’s talk later. Might need your help for a transfer this afternoon.’
‘Sure, of course,’ Steve smiled at her, leaning back against the counter. ‘I’m around all day.’
She nodded, and Eddie could see her fondness for him in her eyes. Everyone here really loved him. Eddie got it, he really did. And he really got it when that fondness turned cautious when she looked back at him again.
‘Nice to meet you, Eddie,’ she lied for a third time, backing down the hall with a fumbling wave.
‘You, too,’ Eddie called after her down the hall. ‘She hates me,’ he whispered to Steve once the doors to the wing closed behind her.
‘What? No, she doesn’t.’
‘Oh yes she does.’
‘No, she’s just distracted. She’s busy!’
‘No, I can tell, Steve.’
‘Oh please, everyone loves you,’ Steve scoffed, sitting behind the desk and fiddling around with some paperwork.
‘Untrue. Katie hates me.’
‘You got grumpy Bev to like you,’ Steve said, still organizing papers, distracted. ‘You’re the only one Mickey says more than three words to at a time. Even Hopper –’
‘Maybe,’ Eddie interrupted, could see Steve winding himself up but wasn’t sure to what. ‘But she hates me.’
Steve rolled his eyes, mouth open to retort when the elevator dinged loudly and a couple of people tumbled out of the doors.
‘Hey, Steve,’ Lucas grinned, clasping Steve’s hand in some absurdly complicated jock handshake. Not the dorky kind that Steve had with Dustin, this one was more like a slap, back pat, slap and a finger gun situation. Still incredibly dorky, but Eddie couldn’t tell if it was more endearing because of what it was or because he was in love with Steve.
Eddie was so distracted by the handshake, he almost missed the other person with Lucas. It was a quieter voice that still pulled all the focus when it spoke.
‘Hi, Steve.’
Eddie was less endeared by the way Steve’s face lit up when he caught sight of Nancy Wheeler, standing behind Lucas, Mike trailing after her.
‘Nancy,’ Steve breathed out, pushing past Eddie to come out from behind the desk, wrapping her up in a big hug. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Thanksgiving break,’ she smiled up at him, her arms still around his waist. ‘I’m home for the week.’
‘Wow, that’s right. College girl!’ Steve grinned and ruffled her hair in a way that reminded Eddie a lot of how Steve acted with Dustin. It made the jealous beast in his chest calm down a bit. ‘Wheeler,’ Steve nodded at Mike, who ignored him, instead coming over to stand next to Eddie, giving him a slightly warmer, ‘Hey.’
‘We’ll be in here,’ Lucas pointed behind them into Max’s room and headed in.
‘Long time, Eddie,’ Mike spoke to the floor, shooting shy glances up at him.
‘Yeah, man,’ Eddie tried to smile, knocking a fist gently into Mike’s shoulder. ‘Still trying to lay low, rebuild my sterling reputation, you know how it is. I’m still stealing food from Joyce every Wednesday, you should crash again soon. Would be good to hang out.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Course, man. Hellfire forever.’
Mike snorted, something light but immediately flushed at the sound. ‘Hellfire forever. Sounds good. I’m gonna…’ he pointed behind him at Max’s room.
‘I’ll join you guys in a few maybe.’
At least whatever Eddie said got Mike to smile a bit as he walked away, so Eddie could turn his attention back to the Nancy and Steve reunion. He caught the tail end of Steve’s latest question.
‘-- Jon here, too?’
Steve seemed genuine in his interest, smiling at Nancy. And maybe he was tired or something cause he wasn’t reading social cues for shit today, seemingly not noticing the way Nancy tensed slightly. But Eddie noticed, though she bit it back before responding.
‘He’s coming on Wednesday. He has classes and work, he couldn’t make it yet but my mom missed me so much, she bought me a flight back a few days early,’ she shrugged.
‘It’ll be good to see him,’ Steve smiled, and it was only as Eddie rolled his eyes too loudly that Nancy’s gaze finally fell on him.
‘Eddie,’ she smiled warmly, coming over to hug him. It lasted longer than Eddie thought it would, but only a second in, he realized that he hadn’t seen her since that night. Walking away in the Upside Down, ready to fight Vecna. She’d already been gone at college by the time he was acquitted and free. Whatever weird jealous feud he was having was completely in his head.
‘Nancy Wheeler,’ he hummed, pulling her in tighter, rubbing his arms up and down her back. She squeezed back tightly before pulling back a little, a hand coming up to run over his cheek as she turned his face side to side. It reminded Eddie of the way Doc looked him over each time they saw each other.
‘You look so good,’ she breathed out, smoothing a hand over his cheek, almost in wonder. ‘Thank god,’ her voice broke a bit as she pulled him back in for another hug.
‘Reel it in, Wheeler,’ Eddie joked as they let go. ‘Don’t want to give your boyfriend a reason to be jealous, do you?’ Eddie said, not able to help the little glance he tossed at Steve at that. Now it was Steve’s turn to roll his eyes.
‘I, uh, don’t have a boyfriend right now, so…’ Nancy shrugged, smiled sadly.
‘But, Jon –’ Steve interrupted, brow furrowed. ‘You said –’
‘We’re friends right now. We’re figuring a few things out,’ Nancy said primly.
‘Oh,’ Steve mumbled in a way that the stupid jealousy beast in Eddie interpreted as interest.
‘You seriously look so good,’ Nancy said, running her hand over Eddie in a way that might be interpreted by Steve’s own jealousy monster as interest if only Steve didn’t know very clearly, no shadow of a doubt, was doing absolutely nothing for his extremely gay boyfriend. ‘The scars healed so well. You look strong.’
‘Spent a few months building Hop’s cabin,’ Eddie flexed a muscle exaggeratedly. ‘I’m super buff now.’
Nancy snorted a laugh, similar to her brother’s but without the shame.
‘What have you been up to?’ she asked, turning to Steve, apparently having gotten enough of an update from Eddie.
‘Oh, uh…’ Steve settled back behind the desk, looking up at where both Nancy and Eddie were standing. ‘Working here, still at Family Video, too. The usual.’
Steve’s smile looked almost genuine. Eddie couldn’t tell if Nancy noticed the new scar over his eyebrow, if Nancy had heard anything from anybody about anything. But she smiled in return, nodding.
‘I was going to say hi to Max,’ Nancy said. ‘Um… how is she?’
Steve’s voice was similarly small, soft when he replied. ‘No change.’
Nancy’s eyes misted for a second before she blinked, steeling herself to walk into Max’s room. Eddie followed her, perching by the door during their visit, as Lucas and Mike rambled on at the silent, still Max about some updates at school, let Nancy speak to her too but she mostly kept quiet, looking at Max with a mixture of hurt and regret and anger. Eddie knew the feeling well.
But Eddie was distracted, had a perfect view of Steve at his desk as he worked. Steve answered the phone, smiled at people passing by, sorted paperwork, at one point left for five minutes then can back wheeling a kid in a wheelchair down the hall with big smiles on both their faces, wheeling back in the opposite direction five minutes later.
It’s almost 45 minutes later before Steve had a lull in whatever he’s doing, poked his head into Max’s room.
‘Her doctor’s coming in a bit for a check up, just letting you know,’ Steve knocked twice on the door and turned away but it jolted Nancy.
‘Oh shoot! Mike, we gotta go, mom’s expecting us for lunch. Lucas, you got a ride home?’ Nancy asked, already searching her bag for car keys.
‘I’m all good, thanks Nancy,’ Lucas smiled at her, before returning his focus back to Max. Eddie’s heart clenched at the thought of Lucas here by her bedside so regularly for the past eight months.
‘I’ve got him,’ Eddie reassured Nancy as he followed her and Mike out to the hallway, leaving Lucas for his longer visit. They all hugged goodbye and Eddie was just thinking about how much he missed her, missed whatever that little world was they’d had before the events of spring break but grateful that they’d all found each other, when Nancy turned back.
‘Steve?’ Nancy asked, leaning over the nurse’s station counter. Steve put down the paperwork he’d started filling out to look up at her. ‘We should catch up. Have dinner or something?’ Nancy sounded shy, hopeful. Not the way he was used to her sounding. Eddie’s jealousy monster flared back to life.
Poor sweet oblivious Steve just smiled brightly at her. ‘Definitely. I’m not working tomorrow night. I can pick you up around 7?’
‘It’s a date,’ she smiled and god fucking dammit, she blushed.
‘I’ll be a gentleman,’ Steve grinned and winked (fucking winked!) as Nancy giggled, joining a scowling Mike in the elevator.
Such a fucking flirt.
Eddie must have made a noise or a face or something because when Steve looked over at him, he raised an eyebrow, bemused. ‘What?’
‘Nothing,’ Eddie mumbled out, crossing his arms, as if he hadn’t accidentally flirted with a dude just yesterday. But that dude was basically a stranger, not an ex that he had a charged years-long will-they won’t-they with.
‘Oh my god, Eddie Pie,’ Steve smirked, pulling Eddie by the hand to join him behind the desk. Eddie leaned back, Steve stepped between his legs. ‘You’re not jealous of Nancy, are you?’
‘I mean…’ Eddie knew he was being an idiot. He knew it. Couldn’t help it. ‘Do you always have to flirt with everybody?’
Steve rolled his eyes. ‘I don’t always flirt with everybody . I always flirt with you. I sometimes flirt with everybody else. And you know I only mean it with you,’ this Steve whispered into Eddie’s ear, leaning into him, placing a gentle kiss on his neck. ‘You know I only love you.’
‘Uhhh,’ a started yelp behind them jerked them apart and they both twist to see a red faced Lucas darting his eyes around the hallway, turned away from them. ‘Sorry!’
‘Shit,’ Steve sighed out, slouching back against Eddie.
‘Cat’s out of the bag but we can shove her right back in,’ Eddie whispered to him.
Steve shook his head, taking a step towards Lucas. ‘It’s fine, man.’
‘No, I uh, I can go – I didn’t see – Uh…’ Lucas stammered, shuffling his feet, still not looking.
Steve looked around the hallway, then took Eddie’s hand, pulled them both closer to Lucas when he noticed the halls were empty. ‘Eddie and I are dating. He’s my boyfriend.’
It still fluttered something proud and pleased in Eddie’s gut every time he heard Steve say that.
‘Oh.’ Lucas finally turned to them, looked at them with big eyes. ‘That’s, um… cool, I guess.’
‘Yeah, we think so,’ Eddie said, squeezing Steve’s hand.
‘Um, what – uh, how – um…’ Lucas stammered some more, blinking fast.
‘Why don’t you figure out what you want to ask and then we can talk later?’ Steve offered gently.
Lucas nodded. ‘Uh, sure, sure. Can do.’
They stood there awkwardly for a second, before Steve bursted out, ‘But people don’t know, so can you not like, say –’
‘Of course, of course!’ Lucas reassured quickly, hands flailing. ‘I just, um…’ Lucas tilted his head at them, then took a step forward, pausing before enveloping them both in a stiff hug that he relaxed into a second later. Lucas patted their shoulders twice before stepping back with a genuine smile.
Eddie saw something like tears glimmering in Steve’s eyes, and wasn’t surprised when Steve stepped forward to grab Lucas into another quick hug, just to the two of them, Lucas’s head on Steve’s shoulder so Eddie could see Lucas smile.
‘I’m happy for you guys,’ Lucas said as Steve released him without a word. ‘You’re both like, the coolest guys I know, so…’ Lucas shrugged.
‘Thanks, man,’ Steve smiled.
‘And I won’t tell anyone, I swear to god.’
‘I believe you.’
‘But um…’ at Lucas’s hedging, Eddie felt Steve stiffen up beside him. ‘I don’t think I can hide it from Dustin if we all hang out, I’m so sorry,’ Lucas spoke so quickly it took a second for his words to register. ‘So, maybe we shouldn’t hang on Thanksgiving if –’
‘He knows,’ Eddie cut in, stopping Lucas’s tirade.
‘Oh, thank god,’ Lucas slumped in relief.
‘And Will and El, kind of,’ Steve added. ‘They got the jist, I think.’
‘Yeah, Dustin, Will, El – oh, and Joyce,’ Eddie said.
‘But not Hopper,’ Steve clarified, though Lucas looked anything but enlightened, blinking back and forth.
‘Uh why not?’ Lucas asked.
‘He missed the context clues,’ Eddie explained.
‘Okay…’
‘Robin knows,’ Steve jumped in.
‘Um, okay,’ Lucas blinked. ‘So, everybody but Hop and the Wheelers?’
‘And Jon,’ Steve added. ‘And that Argyle guy.’
‘But Murray, kind of does…’ Eddie squinted at Steve who shrugged.
‘I’ll just keep my mouth shut at all times with everyone, ever,’ Lucas said seriously. Eddie couldn’t blame him from giving up.
‘Good man.’ Eddie slapped his shoulder with a smile.
‘I gotta go,’ Lucas pointed at the elevator. ‘But Steve, I’ll see you? Rematch with the Harvey brothers?’
‘Definitely. And you’re sure you’re cool with… everything?’
Lucas smiled at both of them. ‘Yeah, man. Like I said. Coolest guys I know,’ he spoke over his shoulder as he entered the elevator, waving at them.
‘Okay, he’s my favorite now,’ Steve breathed out, slumping into Eddie’s side after the elevator doors closed.
‘Same.’
‘What he was saying though…’ Steve turned, brow scrunched as he played with Eddie’s fingers.
‘Yeah?’
‘Like… should we just tell everybody? I mean, it’s out there, and people have been mostly okay,’ he looked up at Eddie, worried.
Eddie ran a finger over Steve’s scarred eyebrow. ‘I have faith in Lucas,’ Eddie said slowly. ‘But I’m surprised Dustin hasn’t outed us in just like, a fit of self righteous know-it-all-ness, for some like totally random thing.’
‘Yeah,’ Steve replied, chewing on his lip. Eddie dropped his finger to Steve’s lip, pausing him.
‘Whatever you want, baby,’ Eddie whispered. ‘I’m good with whatever you want.’
Steve looked at him for another few seconds, thinking. ‘How about… anyone we bled with while fighting a mind wizard from another dimension is within bounds?’ Steve asked slowly. ‘Like, if it comes up, we’ll do it.’
‘So, we won’t deny it…’
‘But we won’t, like… announce it?’ Steve asked.
‘Sounds good to me.’
Steve smiled. ‘Deal.’
‘You should tell Nancy,’ Eddie stuttered out, immediately flinching at himself. Jealous monster took over in the one second he wasn’t looking.
‘Umm…’ Steve shied back, just slightly, a little nervous.
‘You’re scared to tell her,’ Eddie said, even though it was obvious.
Steve squirmed. ‘A little? Like… I know she’s cool and she’d be okay with it. Probably. But sometimes she can be a bit… I don’t know. Let me think about it?’ Steve looked nervous and Eddie realized it was because of him. He was nervous about what Eddie would think about that.
Well, Eddie told his jealousy monster to shut the fuck up for a second as he dotted a tiny kiss onto the corner of Steve’s mouth.
‘No pressure, baby,’ Eddie tried to reassure. ‘I just thought, since you’re catching up tomorrow, it might… come up, is all. You know, for honesty’s sake,’ Eddie let himself tease a little.
‘Oh yeah honesty,’ Steve nodded. ‘For sure.’
‘Yeah, and then if she happens to know you’re off limits to her and that just because she doesn’t have a boyfriend doesn’t mean she can ask my boyfriend to dinner –’
‘Oh, I see,’ Steve grinned, placing a hand over Eddie’s mouth to shut him up. Eddie smiled under his hand, kissing his palm. ‘Marking your territory, Munson?’
‘Water play isn’t for us, Stevie, I thought we discussed that.’
Steve rolled his eyes, pushed Eddie away by the hand still on his face, as Eddie cackled. ‘My funny boy,’ Steve hummed, turning to walk away.
Eddie pulled him back, fisting a handful of his scrubs. ‘Hmm, yes, yours. Only yours.’ And Eddie kissed him in the hallway, it’s reckless, he knew it, a hallway in a hospital where anyone could be coming by.
But instead of being nervous, Steve smiled at him, replying softly. ‘Only yours.’
***
It was a good day, all things considered. Sure, Eddie knew he’d have to grovel a bit with Annie next time he saw her, for bailing on their rehearsal yesterday, but it had been worth it, just to see Steve flitting about, working hard, smiling, fulfilled. And it made Eddie remember why he was doing this, why he was keeping silent about his trips to Indy, the band. Because Steve was doing well, was happy. And Eddie wouldn’t be the one to take that away from him.
But Steve must have read something else off Eddie, not just his happiness at being with Steve all day. Before they collapsed into bed that night, both too tired to do very much more than kiss a few times, tangle up in each other, Steve had leaned over to whisper to Eddie, ‘You have nothing to be jealous of, baby. Not from me.’
Eddie had hummed softly, kissing him in response, not loving his reputation as a jealous boyfriend, but vowing to do better.
Still, that jealous side of Eddie was a little suspicious when Steve woke him up with breakfast in bed the next morning, a plate of pancakes and bacon set on the messy nightstand, alone with a cup of coffee that Steve had to push Eddie’s DnD manuals off the table to fit.
‘What?’ Eddie asked groggily, sitting up to grab the coffee first thing, burning his tongue. ‘Why’d you do all this?’
‘Because I love you and because you spent all day with me yesterday and I want you to be well fed for whatever mysterious thing you’re getting up to today,’ Steve kissed his head, settling beside him in the bed with his own mug.
Eddie searched Steve’s face, wondering what caused this. Gifts were usually something Steve did in apology or when he’d been looking for an excuse to come see Eddie, the guitar, the tapes, the pizza and beer.
But Steve’s face gave nothing away, he simply looked over at Eddie with a small smile, a quizzical brow.
‘Okay…’ Eddie said slowly, taking a sip, but not moving to take the plate of pancakes. ‘What did you do?’
Steve scoffed. ‘I didn’t do anything. I’m trying to do something nice for you.’
‘Just because.’
‘Yes, just because.’
Eddie still looked at him, unsure, waiting it out. A few seconds later, Steve threw up a hand, caving in.
‘Fine! Okay, fine. I… I feel bad that I upset you the other day. And you tried yesterday, just sitting there watching me file paperwork all day, so,’ Steve shrugged into his coffee, ‘I’m just… doing something. For you. Cause I love you.’
Eddie squinted at him. ‘What do you mean, you upset me? You didn’t upset me?’ If anything, Eddie thought he’d upset Steve the other day, coming home late with vague excuses.
‘When I was prying,’ Steve clarified. ‘About where you were and stuff…’
‘Oh.’ Oh. Right. The prying. Because of the lying. Eddie swallowed but Steve spoke before he could.
‘Talking to my mom the other day, it just… it reminded me how bad it was for her, you know?’ Steve glanced up at Eddie through his lashes. He looked… young, suddenly. ‘How she followed him all over the country, leaving me behind, all cause he’s a cheating asshole and she didn’t trust him. And I – I don’t want that. I don’t want that for us.’
Eddie shuffled a little closer, nudging his foot against Steve’s where they lay on the bed. ‘Not going on a ton of business trips, Harrington.’
‘No, I know. Obviously but… I’m trying to say, I trust you,’ Steve stated, simply, with finality, locking his eyes onto Eddie’s. ‘I know you have your own life and you don’t have to tell me every little thing you do all day. I don’t want to be that kind of crazy couple, right? I mean, we’re already kind of terrible,’ Steve smirked, but Eddie wasn’t laughing. He was panicking. ‘Ignore everyone except for each other. We literally live right on top of each other, all the fucking time. So, you can have your own stuff, and I’ll have mine,’ Steve shrugged with a smile. ‘You’ll tell if you want. Or don’t. I trust you, okay? I love you.’
And it’s the most fucking romantic thing anyone had ever said to Eddie. If you’d asked him before this moment what a romantic gesture looked like, he would have spouted off about roses and moonlight and violins or some shit.
Not pancakes in bed and a simple declaration of trust.
Fuck, was Eddie Munson every bit not good enough for Steve Harrington.
But he’d fix that shit. Starting now.
Eddie leaned over, coffee sloshing onto the blanket, and swallowed Steve’s surprised yelp with an open mouthed kissed, sloppy and deep, putting everything he couldn’t said, everything he hadn’t said into it. I love you, too. I trust you. I’ll be better for you.
When they pulled apart, Steve was panting, his own coffee spilled over the flannel sheet, too. Eddie felt the warmth spread over his knees, but didn’t give a shit about coffee stains, not when he had Steve Harrington flushed and giggling in his arms.
It was such a good moment. He couldn’t ruin it with the truth. So: a joke.
‘Do you keep saying you love me so you’ll remember it for your romantic dinner with Nancy tonight?’ Eddie smirked into another kiss.
Steve laughed, pushed him off even though he didn’t break the kiss. ‘Eddie, come on,’ he mumbled into his mouth.
‘Here,’ Eddie rolled over, one hand still holding Steve, the other reaching over to the back of the nightstand where he kept – ‘Take this.’
Eddie held out the first one he grabbed.
‘Your ring?’ Steve asked, blushing so beautifully that Eddie had to kiss him, belatedly realizing what it meant to give the guy you’re in love with a ring. He felt a zap of nerves but they smoothed out quickly. Didn’t hate the idea at all, was in fact the reason he’d grabbed it for Steve in the first place.
He tried to squeeze it over Steve’s pointer finger. ‘Is it too tight? It looks tight.’
‘It is tight,’ Steve confirmed, flexing his finger with the narrow silver band with a simple black stone. Steve looked at it for a moment, looked back up at Eddie with a raised brow. ‘Did you just propose to me?’
Eddie rolled his eyes. ‘No, Harrington, believe it or not, for a proposal, I could do better than, yo here’s this thing I just grabbed …’
‘So…?’
‘So,’ Eddie dipped down to kiss the ring on Steve’s finger. ‘Now you have something to remember me by on your little date.’
He’d said it a little jokingly, blinking frantically with pursed lips, a comic rendition of a romantic hero. He wasn’t sure exactly why Steve pulled back a little, cooled off, pulling his hand out of Eddie’s grasp, but still looking down at the ring. Was he too jokey or not jokey enough?
‘It would have been nice for you to give me something not just because of Nancy…’ Steve sighed, not looking at Eddie, but then twisted to lift his arm up. ‘Besides, isn’t this enough of a reminder of “who I belong to”?’ Steve lifted a challenging brow. ‘Should I have gotten it here instead?’ he asked, pointing to his forehead.
‘No,’ Eddie answered, suddenly ashamed. Too jokey, then. Too jealous. ‘That would look really dumb on you,’ he mumbled.
‘You can’t be pissed at me for having dinner with her, Eddie.’
‘I’m not pissed… it’s just –’ he bit off his sentence: she’s your first love and I think I’m breaking your heart . ‘I’m hungry,’ he finished. Lame.
Steve rolled his eyes, bending to kiss his forehead. ‘I’ll burn you another pancake, then?’
‘Sounds perfect, baby.’
Eddie felt like a bigger ass than he already did knowing his perfect sweet, trusting boyfriend had made his pancakes exactly the way he liked, a little burnt, a little crispy.
And if it could get worse, Steve had to be even more amazing, when he turned back from his spot in the doorway, ‘I’m going to tell her, though.’
It took Eddie a second to remember what was going on, only managing a quick, ‘Huh?’ before it clicked, even as Steve clarified.
‘I’m going to tell Nancy about us. That I’m – bi. And that you’re my boyfriend and that I love you.’
God, Eddie was such an ass.
‘Steve,’ his voice broke as he spoke. He coughed. ‘Steve, you don’t have to, just cause – just cause I’m being dumb and insecure. It’s just cause, like, she’s your first great love or whatever,’ and Eddie really was a fucking coward, not even looking at Steve, admonished well and truly, instead tracing the outline of the coffee stain on the blanket. ‘I know the dinner isn’t a big deal so uh… don’t say anything you don’t want to. Don’t wear the ring. Don’t worry about it. Okay?’
‘Are you worried I’m still in love with her?’ Steve asked seriously but also incredulously, as he sat back at the foot of the bed, too far for Eddie to touch.
‘No,’ Eddie said immediately, and found it was true. ‘No. I don’t. I know – I know you love me.’
When he managed to grasp all his bravery to look up at Steve, he found him smiling fond and sweet at Eddie. ‘What?’ Eddie asked, shy suddenly.
‘Nothing, nothing,’ Steve shook his head as if to clear it. ‘I just… I remember when we first kissed, after… you like, kept asking me over and over again about why I even liked you,’ Steve shrugged, still smiling. ‘So it’s nice that you, like, know it now. You know?’
Eddie smiled at the memory. Fuck, that felt like a long time ago. He turned to look around at the small room. He was sitting in the exact same spot he had been in when Steve came in to find him after the storm, when Steve had been the braver one (as always) and kissed him first.
‘Yeah,’ Eddie shuffled forward, taking Steve’s hand. Needed to touch him right now. ‘I just know she, like, broke your heart is all. Changed your life and all that…’
‘Dummy,’ Steve huffed, sounding fond and still smiling. He moved closer, taking Eddie’s other hand, both entwined now. ‘Maybe she was my first love,’ Steve admitted. ‘But that doesn’t mean anything.’
‘You’re my first love,’ Eddie said, voice small. ‘So it definitely means something .’
Steve hummed, not dismissing Eddie, but squinted as if in thought. ‘How about… okay, like me and Nancy are like, uh… me and the first pancake.’
Eddie snorted, loud and weird. ‘What.’
‘It’s what you use to figure it out, right?’ Steve nodded behind them at the plate of pancakes that was rapidly cooling on the nightstand. ‘You use the first pancake to figure out if the pan is hot enough or if the batter tastes good.’
‘Uh huh,’ Eddie stared at him. ‘Are you using a cooking metaphor for me right now?’
Steve shoved him gently but smiled. ‘I’m trying something here, okay? Like… you learn from it but it’s not always as great as it could be. Like the second pancake will be.’
‘Well, my first pancakes are always good,’ Eddie said with a sniff, but Steve just smiled.
‘You’re a better cook than I am,’ Steve bit his lip, squeezed Eddie’s hands in his. ‘Takes me a while to get it right.’
‘You got it right this time, you think?’ Eddie asked, pulling Steve closer.
‘Yeah, think so,’ Steve tilted his head a few times, leaned in for a kiss. ‘Hmm, definitely hot enough.’
‘Oh, who’s the funny boy now?’ Eddie deepened the kiss.
‘Me?’ Steve mumbled against his lips.
‘Yeah, you,’ Eddie confirmed, pulling back to toss his shirt behind him. ‘My funny boy.’
‘Yours.’
‘Mine,’ Eddie suckled Steve’s neck, speaking against his skin. ‘All mine, Stevie Pie. All mine.’
Notes:
Preview for Chapter 35: "Glasses Fog"
‘Hey Alice,’ Steve smiled up, plenty used to seeing either Alice or Dana, the other waitress. Dana was nice, but Alice was clearly his favorite. Because he was clearly her favorite, letting him sneak in beers and giving him free slices of pie and always being sweet to Eddie. Which made her confused double-take of Nancy kind of funny.
She handed them the menus, asking Steve. ‘No Eddie tonight?’
‘Nah,’ Steve said, tucking the menu down, never really needing it. ‘This is my friend, Nancy.’
Nancy waved shyly. Alice was clearly not impressed, raising a brow at her, then Steve.
‘I’ll be back in a few. We’re out of pie.’
Steve snorted. Clear who Alice’s favorite was, between Eddie and Nancy.
And clear who Steve’s favorite was, as he looked down at the ring on his index finger.
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slipshod (Guest) on Chapter 1 Sat 25 Mar 2023 03:31AM UTC
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