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“I wouldn't be royalty for sure,” Atsumu said as he started up his car. “I feel like I’d be an outlaw or somethin’. With a sword. And a sidekick. Shouyou-kun would be my sidekick.”
Tobio yawned, scratching the back of his head. He looked at Atsumu slowly. “I thought this was supposed to be about sex,” he said.
“Well, yeah, ” Atsumu met Tobio’s gaze for a second and quickly looked away. “But then ya wanted to know more about your fake kingdom and I got invested in what I made up, so.” His voice jerked as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Now I want a backstory too.”
A blast of icy wind from the air conditioner rippled over Tobio’s face.The radio spluttered out an old ballad under a sheet of static. Tobio was glad they were going out to get food even though it was way past midnight.
“It’s not like we’ve got anythin’ better to talk about,” Atsumu continued testily when Tobio didn't respond. “Damn you're not even listening to me, are ya?”
Tobio noticed the shift in his mood and automatically extended a hand to circle over Atsumu's hunching shoulders. “I’m listening,” he said smoothly, expertly, fingers running back and forth over the warm skin at the base of Atsumu’s neck. “You would look so cool with a sword, Tsumu-san. I would challenge you to a duel at my castle.”
Atsumu snorted, leaning his head back against Tobio’s palm to give him a funny look. “I’m not actually mad, stupid,” he said. “You don't have to get like that.”
“Okay, good,” Tobio slumped back on his seat and brought his feet up to rest on the dashboard. The sound of a motorcycle whooshing by reverberated in his left ear and he stared out of the car window. “If Hinata’s your sidekick, then who's mine?” he asked lazily.
“Korai-kun has gotta be your right hand man,” Atsumu replied immediately.
Tobio smiled and dug his hands deep into the pockets of his hoodie and folded up snugly in his seat. “Keep going,” he said. “The radio is broken anyway.”
The burger joint was nothing special but eating fast food after midnight was always kind of surreal for Tobio. It felt like he was unconsciously trying to recreate some memory, like he was rehashing an old context of school afternoons spent with his sister.
Still, being with Atsumu made it a new kind of familiar. He buzzed with energy, spoke a little too loud, held Tobio’s hand in a strong and sweaty grip. Wherever Atsumu went, a new sense of the room seemed to follow.
Tobio watched him dreamily as the words falling out of his mouth started to float over his head. There were burgers wrapped in crinkled paper before him, crushed ice cubes in plastic glasses of cola, a faint smell of frying chicken in the air.
Atsumu had a brightness in his eyes that Tobio loved with all his heart. Everything about him was intense and wonderful as always, bright and dashing and exciting and... okay, Tobio totally wasn't listening to him anymore.
“Sorry I missed the last part,” he interrupted Atsumu abruptly, unwrapping his burger and tuning into the conversation with his usual awkwardness. A street light was flickering outside the glass window and grey clouds twisted across the dark sky. “What happened after Aran-san became my sword fighting instructor again?”
Atsumu frowned and kicked at Tobio’s shins. “Strike one of zoning out on me,” he said sternly. “You can only do it two more times tonight.”
“I know the rules.”
“Good. Right, so Aran-kun is one of my guys and he is manipulatin' you into challengin' me, the leader of the outlaws, so that my team can infiltrate your castle and rob ya during our big match.”
“Oh, okay," Tobio said. He was starting to feel a little worked up. “So is the sex going to happen after our match?”
“Jeez, stop being so one track minded, Tobio kun. This is a lot bigger than just sex,” Atsumu said irritably. "Seriously." Then he made eye contact with Tobio and tried very hard to look serious as he held it. Tobio narrowed his eyes and stared back unflinchingly until Atsumu cringed and burst into laughter. He laughed so hard he started clutching at his stomach and gasping for breath.
“What just happened?” Tobio said, bewildered.
“Nothing, just-” Atsumu wheezed, grinning at the ceiling. “It's just that this has really become a whole thing for me now.”
Tobio huffed and dug a heel into Atsumu’s feet. “Yeah, obviously,” he said flatly. “You've been talking for over an hour.”
Atsumu laughed again. He gazed at Tobio like a lovestruck puppy. “I know,” he said. “Samu would have murdered me by now.”
“You should be glad I’m not your brother then."
“That's so gross,” Atsumu wrinkled his nose. "Can't ya see I’m tryin’ to eat here?”
“You're not eating,” Tobio said, rolling his eyes. "I'm eating."
They were quiet after that. The burger was a little dry but it's not like that had ever mattered to Tobio. He chewed slowly and thought about his character in Atsumu’s story. The “ice prince” in line to be the next king, famous for being a sword fighting prodigy and a heartbreaker across the kingdom. He also thought about the unnecessarily long description of the prince’s slacks cupping his perfect ass right before he unsheathed his sword on his first encounter with Atsumu’s character.
“Do we seriously not have sex in this story?” Tobio inquired tiredly. He realised that he wanted to know the plot at least until they got to that point.
Atsumu raised an eyebrow and put his burger down. “Are ya askin’ cuz you're interested or cuz you're bored?” he asked.
Tobio sighed. “Interested.”
"Yeah?" A smug smile spread over Atsumu’s face. “Well in that case, Tobio-kun,” he said, grazing his knee against Tobio’s thigh and leaning so close that Tobio thought he was about to kiss him. “Of course we have sex in the story. But before that, we fall in love with each other. Very, very slowly.”
“So now it's that kind of a story,” Tobio said, taking a long sip of his drink and staring at Atsumu’s mouth longingly.“The prince and the thief in a secret forbidden romance?”
“Apparently,” Atsumu shrugged as he leaned back. “I’m obviously makin’ this up as I go.”
Tobio clicked his tongue and blew wind at Atsumu’s face. “We better be in love by the time we get home,” he said.
They weren't nearly in love by the time they got home. At that point, most of the Adlers and the Jackals and Atsumu’s high school friends and his brother were involved. The ice prince and the thief were both passionately attracted to each other but in even more passionate denial of that attraction. The kingdom was embroiled in a chaos of socio-political tensions - almost on the brink of an all out revolution to be headed by Kita Shinsuke. It was also looking more and more like the prince was going to desert the royal palace in favour of joining forces with the band of rebel thieves in what was probably an upcoming war.
Tobio listened to everything as best he could but he officially ran out of patience when they were brushing their teeth together. It was the only time that night Atsumu shut his mouth long enough for Tobio to comprehend just how complex the story had gotten.
So he rinsed his mouth and waited for Atsumu to finish, tapping his fingers restlessly before dragging him out of the bathroom by the wrist.
“Hey, what the fuck?” Atsumu complained as Tobio pushed him onto the bed roughly. “We’re not in this scene yet.”
“The ice prince sneaks out of the castle at night after he has a sex dream about the thief and then kisses him until they both die,” Tobio said as he crawled over Atsumu’s body and pulled him into a long, searing kiss without any further delay.
Atsumu let out a muffled yelp but reciprocated instinctively, his arms wrapping around Tobio’s neck. Tobio moaned and rolled his hips over Atsumu’s thigh, his tongue pushing into Atsumu’s mouth.
“Wait, ya can't-,” Atsumu tried again. Tobio shushed him rudely, sneaking a hand into his boxers to wrap a fist around his dick. “Okay, woah, hey now.”
“I said the ice prince kisses the thief,” Tobio said with finality. “until they both die."
“This is so fucked up. You're hijacking my story,” Atsumu said, digging his blunt nails into Tobio’s thighs. “I had this whole moment coming up and ya just ruined it.”
“I like mine better,” Tobio said, shamelessly rubbing his thumb over the tip of Atsumu’s cock.
“Oh yeah?" Atsumu sneared. "Since when does a kissing scene involve handjobs? ”
Tobio paused in his tracks and slowly pulled his hand out of Atsumu’s boxers. “Are you being serious right now?”
Atsumu scowled. “You're the one who said "kissing" until they both die, not me.”
Tobio grit his teeth and stared at Atsumu long and hard, really studying the shape of his eyes, the absurd defiance at the very centre of his pupils. Then he nodded to himself, pursing his lips, and toppled over Atsumu to lie next to him on the bed, not touching him at all.
“What, you're mad now?” Atsumu asked angrily.
“I’m not mad,” Tobio lied. “The kissing scene just ended in the story.”
“Oh,” Atsumu said, sounding a little disappointed. “I mean it could have gone on a little longer.”
“No, it's over,” Tobio said. “Go on with the plot. I think they were about to plan a mutiny in the underground tunnel.”
Atsumu was silent for a heavy moment but Tobio refused to look at him. “You're mad at me,” he said eventually. “Tobio kun, this isn't fair. I told you I was getting there.”
“I’m not mad, I’m frustrated,” Tobio muttered. “It’s different. And I did interrupt you so just finish it now.”
“Okay I will then,” Atsumu said uncertainly. He reached out a cautious hand and placed it over Tobio’s open palm. “You're listening though, right?”
Something about that made Tobio want to forget everything. Atsumu had this unbelievable power over him sometimes. He interlocked their fingers and inhaled deeply. “Of course,” he said, resigned.
Atsumu took that as a cue to scoot closer and wrap a hand around Tobio’s waist, keeping his neck elevated over his pillow until Tobio stuck an arm under it and pulled him close. Atsumu sighed with relief as he snuggled in and Tobio kissed his cheek softly.
Then Atsumu started talking again.
In all fairness, the story got really interesting as it went on. Tobio had not anticipated Atsumu being so meticulous at weaving plots with stakes this high. The prince joined the side of the rebellion after kissing the thief and had to battle his old friends with tears in his eyes and a stone on his heart. Suna killed Miwa with a poisoned knife and Romero’s flaming arrow burned Osamu’s tavern to the ground. There was even an epic sword fight between Hinata and Hoshiumi that Hinata lost and both the thief and the prince screamed at the same time as he fell to his death before them.
There was catastrophic loss. So many people Tobio cared for lost their fictional lives. Atsumu was ruthless with both the gore and the emotional toll.
“And then the thief and the prince meet each other in the ruins of their shared dorms while everybody is out mourning the dead and assisting the wounded and they tear each other’s clothes off and have mind blowing sex,” Atsumu finished. Then, in the absence of a prompt reaction, he turned to look at Tobio from the side. “So uh. Now we can do it for real. But ya have to let me call you “your highness” and you’ve gotta call me a bastard or somethin’ kinda mean, okay?”
“Um,” Tobio lay there gaping at the ceiling, genuinely shaken by everything he had just heard.
“What is it now?”
“I really don't think they should be having sex," Tobio said carefully. “After everything that happened... it feels kind of cheap.”
“Huh?” Atsumu said blankly. “But this was all context for them to have sex. They’re sad but also like, they want to fuck the rage out, you know? That's hot!"
“Too many people died,” Tobio said with a solemn note in his voice. “In fact the prince and the thief should be out there helping the wounded too. Instead of just getting it on, randomly.”
“RANDOMLY?” Atsumu almost yelled. “How the fuck is it random? They’ve had a ton of tension since the start and they are clearly in love too!"
“It’s random if they do it for the first time after all of that.”
Atsumu blinked. “Are you sayin' that you want me to make stuff up about them coping with post-war trauma until you feel like it’s a healthier time for us to bone while pretending to be them?”
Tobio huffed. “No,” he said. “I’m saying we should go to sleep.”
“Sleep?”
“Yeah.”
“Really? After hours of this?" Atsumu watched him suspiciously. “You're really not in the mood anymore?”
“I’m really not in the mood anymore,” Tobio confirmed. “You're too good at telling stories, Atsumu-san.”
“Clearly not good enough if ya won't even fuck me in my own damn sex fantasy,” Atsumu muttered.
Tobio hugged him tight, nuzzled at his jaw. Then he smiled. "Just so you know this is entirely your fault. I was really horny before,” he whispered. “Goodnight.”
“I can't fuckin’ believe this,” Atsumu said, sounding choked.
Tobio stroked his hair and rubbed his arms soothingly. Atsumu resisted at first but ultimately relented, relaxing his body with an exasperated groan and cuddling back. "How is this what we have done today?" he wondered in defeat.
“I almost cried a few times," Tobio confessed.
“That is so fuckin' weird to me,” Atsumu mumbled. He pulled their shared blanket over his shoulders and closed his eyes tightly. “Whatever, though. Bye.”
Tobio snorted and leaned forward to kiss him on the lips, cupping his cheek gently. He kept kissing him for a long, slow while. “I think it would be better if the prince and the thief did this after the war,” he said when he pulled back. "It's a lot more appropriate."
Atsumu fluttered his eyes open and watched him for a moment, his expression glazed and kiss drunk, cheeks burning pink. “Huh,” he said in disbelief. “I think you're actually right about that.”