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Diminuendo - The musical term for decreasing in volume; literally meaning ‘diminishing’ in Italian.
Your relationship had started strong, with kisses and hugs and words of adoration constantly gushing out of each other. But somewhere along the way, things just changed. His daily “Good Morning, Beautiful~” had disappeared when you woke up; and he was scarcely there when you woke up anymore. His good night kisses were nonexistent, and he chose to face the wall instead of embracing you like he used to when you two went to sleep; and that’s if he even decided to sleep in bed with you.
Excuses constantly spewed from his mouth; things like “I have work” or “I checked up on some friends from Anteiku” being repeated over the course of several months. So you tried to be a good girlfriend and understand him; so you stayed quiet. Your conversations with him became fewer and fewer, and eventually talking to him became rare.
When his love for you became lacking, you started to visit Anteiku more and more.
“Good Evening, Touka,” you tried to smile as you walked into the small coffee shop.
“(y/n)! Good Evening,” the usually stoic ghoul greeted you with a smile and a bit of enthusiasm. “What’s wrong? You seem upset.”
“Ah… It’s just… I haven’t seen Tsukiyama in a while is all… I rarely talk to him now.”
The purple-haired girl scoffed at the name of the gourmet she despised. “Come on now. I keep telling you to forget about that good for nothing pest and just leave him!”
“Touka… You know I can’t.”
“Ah! (y/n), Good Evening!” Kaneki smiled at you as he walked out from the staff room.
Kaneki was just so cute and innocent that you couldn’t help but smile a bit more when he beamed at you.
“Hey, Kaneki! The usual please,” you asked as you turned to the boy with a grin.
“E-eh? You want me to make your coffee? Are you sure?” the teen turned fidgety all of a sudden due to his lack of brewing skills.
“It’s alright,” you laughed out airily. “I like your coffee anyways.”
“I-I’ll try to make it correctly this time!”
“Anyways,” you began as you turned back to Touka, “Did Tsukiyama stop by here yesterday by any chance?”
“No, and if he did I would’ve kicked him out anyways. Why?” she replied as she paused wiping down one of the wooden cafe tables.
“Nothing. There’s no reason really. Just wondering,” you sighed out as you looked out the window.
‘So he was lying after all…’
Touka knew that you had a habit of looking away when you lied, but decided that it would be best not to pry.
“(y/n)… If… if you ever need to talk, I’m here, alright? And even Stupid Kaneki is here too,” she gave you a reassuring smile.
You looked at her and nodded guiltily for making her worry.
“(y/n)! Here you go! I’m not sure if I’ve gotten better since Touka never lets me practice.”
You heard Touka ‘tch’ in reply to Kaneki’s words as you took the warm coffee cup into your hands.
“Of course not! Especially since we have customers most of the time! We can’t be serving them your third class crap that you call coffee!”
Seeing Kaneki’s deflated figure at Touka’s crushing words, you took a sip from the steaming coffee.
“It’s alright Kaneki! I’ll always like your coffee the best.”
“Thanks, (y/n)!” the boy’s spirit immediately increased at your kind words. “Touka— why can’t you be nice to me like (y/n) is?” he complained as he grabbed a washcloth to wipe down the remaining tables.
“Hmph, it’s not my fault that you have an annoyingly stupid face!”
“E-eh??!?”
“It’s alright Kaneki, you know she doesn't mean that,” you said as you turned to leave the shop.
“You’re leaving already, (y/n)?” Kaneki asked as he turned to your retreating form in the doorway.
“Mhmm, just came by for some coffee and small talk. I’ll come by sometime soon though! See you guys around!” you waved at them before walking out and down the small flight of steps.
“Alright… Since I have nothing to do, I guess I’ll just stay at home and watch YouTube videos or something…” you pondered aloud to yourself.
When you opened the entryway to your small three-person-at-maximium apartment, you instantly noticed something wrong; Tsukiyama’s shoes laid on the floor. He said that he’d be out the whole day since he promised to find his audience a special treat unlike the normal humans. What set you off even more was that there was a pair of blood red high heels tossed next to his.
And then you heard it; the annoyingly high-pitched giggles followed by french words you knew were spoken by that eloquent tongue you knew so well. And you began to break down. From that distance that he’d been creating between you two, you were expecting it. Yet why did you feel so broken despite knowing that this was bound to happen?
No, you still refused to believe it. Maybe it was one of those kinky ghoul pornos you scolded him to stop watching. Maybe…
Each step you took towards the shared bedroom, well, used-to-share bedroom, you grew more and more anxious. Would he really? You needed to know the truth…
You peeked open the door a bit, and you swore your heart stopped at the situation before your eyes. Your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, leaning over some girl who was seemingly far prettier than you, and moaning out as he was making out with her.
You rarely got mad, but you were a ghoul yourself, so when you were mad, you were downright furious and terrifying.
Slamming the door the rest of the way open and almost snapping it off of the hinges, both Tsukiyama and the girl under him jumped and gave a little squeak of surprise.
“(y-y/n)!!! I-I swear— I, it’s just, you see…”
You glared at him with your piercing, cold eyes, and he stared back at your (e/c) orbs nervously. Hoping that he understood your scrutinizing gaze, you turned away from the room.
“I see,” you simply spoke as you walked out down the hallway and slipped your shoes back on.
Before Tsukiyama even had time to respond to the two heartbreaking words, you’d made your way out of the previously shared complex and made sure that he heard the loud echo of the door shutting.
‘Fucking knew it… Why didn’t I listen to Touka… So, what to do now…’
Eventually, you found yourself standing at the door of one of your closest friends.
“Coming!” you heard the familiar voice and soft footsteps headed towards the locked door.
“K-Kaneki,” you cursed yourself for stuttering. “Mind if I crash at your place for a while?”
“Wh—“ Kaneki was about to ask, but then remembered that Touka had briefly summarized your predicament to him a while ago and came to a conclusion as to what happened. “No problem. Come on in.”
You rushed into his house while mumbling a small “Pardon for the intrusion” before flopping yourself down on his bed.
“Care to elaborate a bit?” Kaneki sat down next to your form before combing his fingers through your (h/c) tresses.
“Sure,” you numbly replied as you rolled over to face him. “Tsukiyama cheated. That’s all there is to it.”
“Ah,” he simply replied. “Well, you should sleep. It should get you off of it a bit. Come on, I was about to until you suddenly rushed over here.”
You couldn’t deny that you loved your sleep, and the thought of sleeping with the warmth of another person was yet another reason for you to drown yourself in the depth of drowsiness. Sure, it might not be someone you necessarily see as a lover, but you undoubtedly saw him as a brother, and loved him to death just for that.
Kaneki was sympathizing you all while pulling you into his arms, whispering out “Goodnight”, and leaving a small kiss on your forehead. After all, he saw you as the little sister he needed to protect. He didn’t like to see you all sad and heartbroken, nor did he want to. While the both of you drifted off to sleep, he couldn’t help but think of all the ways he could murder Tsukiyama; Tsukiyama, the traitor ghoul who’d also betrayed him.
The next morning as Kaneki was getting ready for the day, he saw that you were putting on your shoes and about to leave.
“Are you headed somewhere, (y/n)?”
“Mhmm. Just headed to a friend’s place is all.”
“Alright. Make sure to stay safe!”
Instead of replying with your usual sassy “Okay Mother!” or “Alright, alright!” you simply waved him goodbye. You made sure not to face him so that he wouldn’t notice your lifeless eyes.
You’d thought about what to do now. Sure, you enjoyed the warmth of being in another’s arms, but could you really find someone who could make you feel the way Tsukiyama could? Never, an absolute impossibility. Thinking about it, you only had one thing to do; there was nothing left for you to do after all.
You knocked at the door of one of your other best friends, who briefly opened the door.
“Hmm? Oh, (y/n),” he ran a hand through his thick, black hair and let out a yawn. “Come in. You look horrible.”
You accepted, grateful that he happened to have a rare day off from work.
“Tea or water? Anything else?”
You shook your head at the polite offers, turning them all down. “It’s okay, Amon. I just needed to talk about something. I’ll be up and gone soon enough.”
Yes, Amon Koutarou. Amon Koutarou, the top-class ghoul investigator, was one of your closest best friends. Not that he knew you were a ghoul.
“Alright then, sit,” he ordered you as he himself sat on the floor against his bed frame. “What brings you here?”
You sat on the floor with your knees drawn to your chest, staring at the floor as you were wondering how you should word what you were about to tell him.
“(y/n)?” he stared at you worriedly. You were, of course, like a dear little sister to him too. It was natural for him to care for you.
“I’m a ghoul.”
No wait, you didn’t mean for it to come out that suddenly. But it did, and the silence drew out before Amon let out a shaky laugh.
“Come on now, that isn’t funny, (y/n).”
“Amon,” you looked up at him with your eyes reverted to their natural red and black form. “I’m a ghoul. So please, won’t you kill me?”
He felt a cold shiver travel down his spine when he met your eyes. A frown formed across his face when he saw that indeed, you truly were a ghoul.
“(y/n)? Why?”
“It doesn’t matter, does it? You’re a ghoul investigator. I’m a ghoul. There’s no reason for me to stay alive anymore, so kill me please. You’ve said it yourself before, haven’t you?” your eyes switched back to the (e/c) hues they were as you stared at him through your dead eyes. “‘Ghouls are horrible monsters that do nothing but prey on us humans. They look down on us like livestock.’ You’re the one that said it.”
“Why me? You don’t have the will to live? Cut the bullshit, (y/n)! Everything alive wants to stay alive! I’ve been trying to understand you ghouls more after a conversation I had with one, but this is just too much!”
Maybe if you were any other normal ghoul who’d confessed in front of him, he would’ve cut through their body already. But you’d been his best friend for years, and your tired voice and lifeless eyes didn’t settle right with him.
“Good for you, Amon. Maybe you can be the one to connect humans and ghouls,” you smiled at him weakly. “Yes us ghouls do feel emotions too, believe it or not. And y’know, after being cheated on by that good-for-nothing gourmet, I feel like I don’t really need to be around anymore.”
“W-wait. The gourmet? The one I’ve been looking for?? Is your lover?”
“Ex-lover,” you immediately reminded him.
“Where is he??!? I swear I’m going to shove his arm down his throat—“
“Ah. I can’t allow that. Sorry, Amon, but I still love him. But I was just used and tossed aside it seems, so please, can you kill me now?” you began to plead as a sad smile appeared upon your lips and tears formed at the corner of your eyes.
Amon seriously wanted to make the damn ghoul go through torture now. First, because it was the damn gourmet that he’s been searching for everywhere. Second, because he was the making you go through all the pain you felt. He was the one that pushed you closer to death.
‘How dare he? How DARE he?!? I don’t care that (y/n) is a ghoul anymore, but how DARE HE be the one to leave her in such a state!’
“But why me? I can’t kill you. I… I can’t.”
“No way I’m turning myself in straight to the CCG. I want to die, not become a lab rat for all their nasty, cruel experiments. Anyways, you have a good enough reason to kill me too.”
Amon simply raised an eyebrow in question at your statement.
“I’m rabbit,” you lied, knowing that this would cause him to be infuriated at you. “You know, that one ghoul you’ve also been looking for.”
“Y-you…” he shakily spoke as he stood up. “It was YOU. YOU’RE THE ONE WHO KILLED HIM.”
Grabbing and clicking open his quinque case, he pulled out his quinque and began to beat down on you with it.
“YOU MURDERED HIM, YOU’RE THE ONE WHO MURDERED MADO. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS SYMPATHIZING FOR A MONSTER LIKE YOU. I’M GLAD. I’M GLAD THAT YOU’RE SUFFERING, GLAD THAT YOU’RE ASKING ME TO KILL YOU.”
You coughed up blood as he stopped, out of breath from all the anger and hate seething from him. With that, you were sure you were done for, so you decided that it’d be nice for you to speak your final words.
“T-thanks, Amon,” you breathed out, blood flying out of your mouth as you tried to talk. “S-sorry for… for lying. But— thanks.”
The up and down of your chest slowed down and your eyes fluttered shut, unable to view the look of confusion crossing Amon’s face.
“Lying? What do you mean you ly—“
Realization took over him, and for the first time in his life, he became absolutely terrified of himself. He’d become a monster, just for that brief time, just because he’d wanted revenge. He kneeled down next to your limp form.
“(y/n), (Y/N)! No. NO. NO!!!” he began to shout. “No… what— what have I just done?!? Not you too!!!!! Fuck! Why is everyone leaving me?!?!?? (Y/N)! STAY WITH ME, YOU HEAR? BREATHE, COME ON!”
Hearing the loud yelling of your beloved friend, you took it upon yourself to grant him a few more words.
“I… asked f-for it, al-alright?” you coughed out as you uttered out your final words. “A-again… s-sorry, and th-thanks.”
“(Y/N)! FUCK! NO, NO NO NO NO. NO. PLEASE, PLEASE (Y/N)!!!”
But you’d already let out your last breath, and your chest stopped moving, your lungs had stopped working.
“No… (y/n)… please…” he croaked out. But he knew what he’d done, and the hot mess of tears began streaming down his face.
Now a few days later, Amon visited the small cafe that you and he would go to now and then.
“Welcome to Anteiku!” a voice greeted him upon his entrance.
“Oh… Hey,” he half-heartedly replied to greeting and stumbled to an empty chair.
“May I take your order?”
Looking up, Amon recognized the young waitress as one of your friends. “You, you’re a friend of (y/n)’s, right?”
Blinking owlishly at the fact that a dove knew who you were, she quickly reverted back to her good customer service facade.
“Yeah. Nice to meet you, inspector. My name is Kirishima Touka.”
“Amon Koutarou,” he replied. “Where’s that other boy who’s usually here?”
“You mean Kaneki? He’s actually taking a few days off trying to look for (y/n). She crashed at his place a couple of days ago and then disappeared since.”
“She’s dead,” Amon choked out.
“She’s what?”
“Dead.”
Suddenly, the air that hung around the two mutuals became heavy.
“Well, I actually don’t feel like drinking coffee all of a sudden. They always reminded me of her after all. She’s properly buried at the cemetery, and I’ve got to visit her before work. Go by sometime, will you? I’m sure she misses her friends,” Amon gave an unconvincing smile to the shock-still teen before standing up and walking to the door. “I guess I’ll see you around sometime, Kirishima.”
It was a bit of a walk to the large cemetery, but he didn’t mind it at all. He kneeled down at your gravestone before speaking, hoping that you might hear him.
“Sorry, (y/n). I don’t have flowers today. But I did visit that cafe you’d always take me to. You shouldn’t have made me do something like that. Your friends were worried sick about you. Well, I’ve gotta go now or else I’ll be late for work, and then you’ll get mad at me for being late again, won’t you?”
In the middle of his monologue, a purple-haired observer arrived at the graveyard.
“Ah-ha~! Is that a dove in a graveyard? I wonder who a human would be visiting?”
Waiting until Amon continued to walk down the street, the observer neared your gravestone, wondering who you were.
“Ahh~ Let’s see now…” but as soon as he saw the name engraved on the graphite-colored slab of rock, all cheeriness from his being dissipated.
“Eh? Am I reading that correctly? That’s strange…” he began to rub at his eyes, hoping that the name he was seeing was just an illusion.
“No… NO! (Y/N)!!! You can’t just leave me like that! I’m Tsukiyama Shuu! I always get what I want!!!” he began to cry out and shriek. “There’s no reason for you to be six feet under! Why, Why, WHY?!?”
He suddenly gasped when he remembered what happened a few days ago.
“Oh God… haha… aHAHAHA AHAHAHA!!!!” Tsukiyama began to laugh hysterically. “I see… I… I see. It was my fault all along… If only I hadn’t been the cause of your suffering… If I’d protected you like I was supposed to… Ahhh~ Haaa-ahahAHAHAHA!!!!!”
“Oh (y/n),” the ghoul finally fell to his knees as tears flowed down his porcelain skin. “Oh (y/n), why… Why… diminuendo…”
Diminuendo - ‘Diminishing’ in Italian. Things that begin to diminish, eventually vanish… Don’t they?