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2022-06-29
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2023-12-13
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7/?
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Finding Yourself

Chapter 5

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

“Your friends seem to be nice, although some are weird.” Damian comments as they walk. "Your boyfriend couldn't stop scowling at me and the blonde who was talking to you."

“He's not my boyfriend! I told you, Luka and I would never date. We hate. He's also already made it clear to you that he wouldn't date someone like me." Chloe responds and looks at the boy next to her annoyed. Why the hell does he insist on this idea that Couffaine is her boyfriend?! Never!

“Well, fine. But the two of you seemed very close and a tension exuded from both of you.” Damian shrugs.

“That's because the idiot ran me over and knocked me to the ground with everything. I'm all sore!” she says and rubs her back with a dramatic but true groan. She's all sore! “And all this tension you saw was hate and anger. The stupid one knocked me down and still didn't even want to apologize and kept yelling at me, being that he was the one who was in the wrong. Stupid, poorly dressed punk.”

Damian laughs. "That's not the tension I was talking about."

"I don't know what you're talking about, but you're wrong." Chloe declares firmly.

“Ah, but I think you know what I'm talking about. But it's okay, I won't insist."

"That's good, because they don't have anything to say." Chloe says nodding in agreement to let the matter go.

“But just to let you know, my grandmother always told me the saying: 'Never say you won't drink from this water, for the next minute you'll be drowning in it.' Or 'Don't spit in the air, if you don't fall on your face.'” Damian comments amused at the girl's denial about not feeling anything for the blue haired boy. "You never know tomorrow Chloe so don't deny something so much because it might come back and bite you in the ass."

Chloe looks irritated and blushing at the boy next to her. She doesn't know what the hell he's trying to say, but he's wrong. There's nothing and there never will be anything between her and Luka Couffaine!

“This is ridiculous, totally ridiculous. And these sayings are also ridiculous. You and your grandma are wrong, this will never apply to me and that idiot blueberry.” she declares determined. “I feel nothing but hate and loathing for him.”

Liar! Her mind yells at her. Keep lying to everyone and yourself, Bourgeois. But deep down, we both know you're extremely drawn to everything about Luka Couffaine.

Shut up, traitorous mind!

"Fine, but if you later drown yourself from being madly in love with the 'blueberry', don't tell me I didn't warn you." Damian replies mockingly, making quotation marks around the word blueberry.

"You are ridiculous! That will never happen.” The boy laughs at the statement and Chloe continues to glare at him. "Where do you want to go?"

  She asks, changing the subject. She doesn't want to talk about Luka or anything stupid and totally impossible to happen between her and the rocker.

"I don't know, let's go somewhere quiet where we can have a coffee and talk." Damian answers. "I don't know anything about Paris, so I'll trust you to choose."

"Okay."

She takes him to a small cafe that is close to the boxer gym where she takes classes. The place has become one of her favorites since she started going there just over two weeks ago. She went there after one of her classes, desperately in need of something to eat and some drink, whatever, to give her some energy. The day had been very busy and her night would be no different, the little cafe was very close and she decided to take a chance. She loved it and it became one of her favorites.

After a few minutes of walking, where Chloe points out Damian several places and tells him more about Paris, the two arrive at the cafe. The property is one block from where the boxer gym is located. The cafe's name is 'Café de Tournesol', a quaint little place with its dark wood tables, yellow stools, fairy lights and brown, beige walls and sunflower wallpaper. The table centers are sunflowers and much of the decor is the same. The place is small and cozy, Chloe really likes it.

It's never crowded and it's always quiet and peaceful. She loves going there to draw while she waits for her class to start or after if she doesn't want to go to the hotel yet. Their coffee is delicious and they also have pastries that are very good. Not as good as the ones at Dupen-chang bakery, but still very good.

They enter, sit down and order. Chloe orders a black iced tea while Damian orders a cappuccino. The two stare at each other for a few seconds before Chloe decides to start the conversation.

"So, as the mayor's daughter, I think it's my duty to ask you... How do you like Paris so far?" she asks not sure how to begin the conversation. She hadn't socialized with many people besides Sabrina and Adrien before. She is not good at small talk.

Until a few weeks ago, Chloe would never have agreed to go out with Damian. In fact, she would never have even met him, as she wouldn't be taking dance lessons with him and all the other fellow dancers. Before, if she wanted to take dance lessons, she would have had her father hire the best dance instructor in Paris and would have taken private lessons alone at the hotel. This is something her mother would do, and that in itself was reason enough for Chloe to do the same.

  But now she wants to be more herself and wants to get out and stop doing everything just to please her mother. And so maybe she learns to socialize with people and maybe makes friends. Well, at least that's what her therapist says she should do. So she is trying, so far she is enjoying it.

"It's beautiful. The city, the culture, the art, the music, the food...well, everything.” Damian answers excitedly. "I haven't seen it all, it's only been two weeks since I got here, but from what I've seen so far, I really like it."

“Paris is amazing! The world's best city. But I'm biased to talk. I'm a proud Parisian and the mayor's daughter, so I'm not sure my opinion is the most credible. But I'm sure you'll like it a lot.”

"I believe so. I've traveled a lot in my life and so far Paris is turning into one of my favorite places. I hope more things keep me here than just food and art.” Damian replies smiling warmly at Chloe.

She smiles back at him, not knowing how to act. Was that a flirt? She's not sure. She's never been through this before, usually the guys who are interested in her are much more idiotic and direct in her flirtations and intentions. And she still has those who approach her solely because she is the mayor's daughter and rich. From these she keeps even further away than from the others. She doesn't want people around her out of interest.

For a while in her life she was happy to just get the flattery and attention from other people, not caring that they didn't like her but what she could offer them. But that veil fell from her eyes a long time ago and she prefers to be with people who truly want to be with her. Which are basically none these days, except Sabrina.

“Do you travel much then? I never left Paris much, but I want to see other places in the world.” She decides to focus on something she can work on from what he said and not on the uncertainty of whether or not he flirted with her.

“Yes, look. My parents are archeologists and historians, this requires them to travel a lot. And they love it, it's the part they love most about their job. Go to different cities and countries and excavate and uncover their long lost and buried history. So from a very young age I'm jumping from country to country, city to city.” Damian answers. Their order arrives and Chloe thanks it, waiting for the waitress to leave to continue their conversation.

“That's cool. It must be wonderful to be able to travel the world and discover so many places and their stories.” She comments in wonder. Chloe has always wanted to see other places in the world, a dream she shared with Adrien and Félix. They always promised that they would one day travel the world together. But they were just innocent children who didn't know what the future held for them.

“Well, yes it is wonderful. But when you're a kid or teenager who wants to socialize with other kids your age and make friends, it doesn't look so amazing anymore.” Damian says smiling sadly. “You're always the new guy, the one everyone teases for dying his hair or dancing ballet. You never have enough time to make friends, even if you stay in one place long enough to do so, whenever you do, you end up having to leave them to go to the next destination.”

"Oh," Chloe exclaims, not knowing how to respond to what he's said. She smiles awkwardly and looks at her tea and then back to Damian. “Looking at it that way, it's not so wonderful anymore. I think I'd rather just visit on vacation then.” She comments with a shy smile and an embarrassed shrug.

Damian laughs and shakes his head. “That would be the best option in my opinion.”

"So if your parents always leave, does that mean you won't be here long?" Chloe asks, expectant. She's seeing Damian as an opportunity for a new friend, without having the weight of her reputation and past evil deeds interfering. He's someone new and interesting, someone who can give her the chance to make friends and redeem herself without suspecting everything she does for fear of her freaking out at any moment. But if he isn't staying in Paris for a long time, it means that even if she befriends him, it won't be as lasting as she would like.

"Oh no! I'm really staying in Paris.” He answers quickly and Chloe smiles at him. “Like I said, jumping from place to place is hard, when you're a rebellious teenager angry at life it's even worse. You end up being affected in some parts of your life, like school, your grades go down, you mess with the wrong people and you do a lot more than your parents accept. I flunked last school year and was about to go down the same path this year. I managed to save myself a little, but I'll have to work hard these last few months to pass. And that's why my parents sent me to live with my grandparents, uncles to be exact, since my grandparents live on a flower farm two hours from Paris, near Giverny. And my uncles run the family flower shop.”

"This is amazing!" Chloe exclaims excitedly then blushes at her burst of excitement and stutters. "I mean, not your grades and all your troubles, but you staying here."

"I also think. I look forward to seeing more of Paris and the people in it.”

“You'll love it, there's a lot of everything here, food, art, music, heroes and villains...” she comments, amused.

“Oh yes, I've seen these heroes in action. I must say I was impressed.” Damian says smiling. “But everyone here must be used to it.”

“Mhmm. After a while you get used to it. But it's still irritating at times." Chloé wrinkles her nose. A little sadness set in as she remembers she'll never be Queen Bee again. Who will never be a hero again, who will always be doomed to be the villain. “But so, flower farm? Seems interesting."

  Quickly she changes the subject, she doesn't want to open doors about her feelings about Paris' heroes or its villain. And she sure as hell doesn't want to talk about her role in those two aspects.

“Well yes, my mother's family owns Fleur De Nuit Floricultura, it's an old family business. My uncles run the shop here in Paris, while my grandparents run the farm where the flowers are grown.” Damian explains and Chloe is stunned.

"Oh my God, this is my favorite flower shop in Paris!" she exclaims excitedly, not believing in the coincidence. “It's where the hotel buys all the flowers and whenever I'm organizing a party, dance or any event that's where I buy the flowers or anything botanical. It’s always so fresh and beautiful.”

“I'm glad you like it, Miss Bourgeois. It's really an honor to have the mayor's daughter as a client.” Grinning Damian says and she smiles back and gives a half bow with her head. "But what about you tell me more about yourself."

With that, Chloe's smile disappears. She doesn't want to talk about herself. There's nothing good about her to say. If she tells him about her, Damian is sure to hate her just like everyone else. He seems to be such a nice boy and she doubts he would want to be friends with a girl as horrible as she is, someone who has mistreated and trampled on everyone. If even Adrien who has known her his whole life couldn't put up with the utterly despicable and unpleasant behavior she had, this nice and fun boy who barely knows her is sure not to accept it either and will distance himself from her. Like everyone else in her life eventually does.

Taking a deep breath, Chloe calms her racing heart and the fear inside her and decides to tell the truth.

“Well, I only have one friend, Sabrina. I used to have another friend, Adrien, but he doesn't want to be my friend anymore because-" she starts to tell, but Damian interrupts her.

"Wait! Do you only have one friend? But what about all those people in the park? I thought they were your friends.”

Chloe laughs, she can't help it. The surprised and confused face of the boy in front of her is a lot of fun. And her words also amuse her a lot.

“No, they're not my friends. In fact, it's the other way around, everyone hates me.” She explains a little sadly, not because they don't like her, she doesn't care. But because of how her attitudes drove everyone away from her to the point where she practically had no one. “Not that they have no reason to hate me. I've always been a cruel bitch to them. I humiliated, mistreated and trampled on them. I never cared about their feelings and made them suffer many times, I can't judge them for hating me and wanting nothing to do with me. This is usually what you get for being hostile and arrogant. Solitude. The problem is, I've only really noticed and cared about it now. And it's already too late.”

“I don't understand,” Damian says confused. “You seem like such a nice person, why would you do something like that?”

“You see, I, like you, have issues with my parents. Mostly my mom. She is a well-known fashion critic and the founder and CEO of Style Queen magazine. In my mom's life her reputation, career and work will always come first. Never his daughter, daughters, husband and family. She left me and left for New York when I was four and didn't come back for years. Not that she's been in Paris much before, she was always going back and forth. She would spend a few months in New York and then come back and spend a few weeks here.”

She explains to Damian how she's always been with her mother. What it's like to have her mother living in New York and Paris at the same time, so to speak.

“So your mother lived for years like this? A time here and a time there?” Damian asks interestedly.

"Yup. And when I was four she left and didn't come back for like three or four years. I barely spoke to her on the phone, she kind of didn't care that she had a daughter here who missed her and was suffering from her abandonment. Because of course for Audrey Bourgeois fame and her reputation would always come first, always be more important than anything else. Including me." Chloe says upset. “But when she came back, she wanted me to be like her, a horrible, authoritarian, cruel, unfeeling, selfish person. And I happily accepted, I wanted my mom to love me and stay with me and would do anything to make that happen. I wanted to make her proud and for that to happen I didn't care about being a horrible person, because in the end I would get my mother's love and for me that was worth losing everything else.”

Chloe says sadly. That's always been the truth behind her actions. In the end it always came down to her wanting her mother's love, making her proud and for her to never go away and abandon her. Not that that excuses her actions. Because it doesn't.

"I'm sorry. It must have been hard.” Damian says and takes one of Chloe's hands which is resting on the table and squeezes. She squeezes back and accepts his words of comfort, even though she hates the pity she sees shining in his eyes. She doesn't need or want anyone's pity. But she decides to let it go and say nothing. She doesn't want to scare the boy away when she's trying to be his friend. Being kinder and more humble are two of the things her psychologist says she has to practice being and that she shouldn't push people away over small things.

“It's life. I learned to handle my mother's indifference. I didn't give up trying to make her proud, but nothing worked. Never works. And when I lost the friendship of my oldest and best friend, Adrien, I realized I had to change a little bit.”

It's not easy for her to say such things. Opening up and telling someone how her relationship with her mom is bullshit and virtually non-existent. But it's good to vent and have someone who listens and doesn't judge. Maybe that's why she's opening up to Damian, because he's someone new in her life and it's easier to open up to him. She takes a deep breath and smiles sadly and hurt before continuing.

“I realized that if I continued to be horrible and still seek my mother's approval, which she will never give me, I would end up alone with no one. So I decided to improve my attitudes a little, I'm still not a very good person, I don't think I ever will be. But I'm trying not to be as horrible as I was before. It's hard, especially to fix all the wrong I've done. But my therapist says that little by little I'll make it, if I keep trying. So I'm trying to fix my pathetic, broken life. Trying to be more myself, a version that isn't obsessed with the approval of mom and other people." she says and smiles a truer smile this time.

“That's good. I'm happy for you." Damian smiles at the blonde and she graces him with a pretty smile in return. “But I must say that this Adrien is not really your friend. If he were, he would have helped you through your problems and become a better person. Not forsake you like he did. But what about your father? Do you have a better relationship than you do with your mother?” asks, interested in knowing more about the girl.

Damian's words about Adrien shock Chloe. She doesn't know what to think or say about it. Her friendship with Agreste has worn out a lot, it is no longer what it was when they were children. They grew and changed and so did their friendship.

But Adrien is someone very special and important in her life and she loves him. Losing him hurts her more than she lets on, hurts more than anyone could ever imagine. Even Adrian himself. So she won't talk about it yet and decides to only answer about her father. She and the Agreste is a very fresh and delicate subject to debate yet, the best she can do is not poke him and end up more devastated than she already is. Playing strong is hard enough without touching on topics that make her want to bury herself in her bed and cry for weeks. Her parents are something she is used to being let down by and is easier to deal with at the moment.

“Yes, my relationship with my dad is much better than the one with my mom. Not amazing and perfect, but good enough. Dad loves me but he doesn't have time for me. He tries, but being mayor and having the hotel to look after doesn't leave much time for me to spend.” she says, pausing and taking a deep breath through the feeling of helplessness that takes over her.

Damian nods, encouraging her to continue with the story.

“So he does everything I want. If I asked him for the moon, he would find a way to get it for me. I think he sees it as a way of making up for not being able to spend much time with me and for my mother not loving me. So he buys me everything I want and does everything I want. What in the end helped a lot to worsen my behavior and horrible way of being, made me think I was superior to everyone. A queen amongst commoners.” Chloe laughs in disgust. “But he was always like that, not only with me but also with my mother. He is an amazing father, but a little absent and neglectful.”

“This is quite a life story. His relationship with his parents is clearly worse than mine. All right, Miss Bourgeois, you win the 'Neglected Daughter' of the Year award." Not knowing what to say Damian comments, trying to make the beautiful girl in front of him smile. Then Chloe begins to laugh and he soon joins her. It worked.

He says that because he hasn't met Adrien and Uncle Gabe, she thinks amusedly. The way Gabriel treats Adrien, especially after Aunt Emilie disappeared makes a huge desire grow in her to punch the famous fashion designer's cold, emotionless face.

“Well now that you know about my sad, neglected rich girl story and how horrible and cruel I am, you might not want to be my friend. Surely there will be no shortage of people in Paris to tell you that I'm not a good person and that you should stay away from me. Might want to save the headache and leave now.” Chloe says with a smile, but completely serious in her words.

She's giving Damian the chance to jump ship now. She doesn't want to cling to him and then lose him. She prefers to spare herself the pain of losing another person she cares about. So it would be better if he walked away at this time when they weren't so close and spared her the pain of clinging to him and losing him.

He looks at her a little confused, but then a soft smile crosses her face. "I think I'll take a chance and see for myself." He answers and Chloe looks at him wide-eyed. “I like you Chloe and I'd like to be your friend. That's if you'll accept me.”

She looks at him a little surprised and blushing at his words and intense gaze, but still nods. “Okay. I think we are friends then.”

"Excellent!" Damian smiles. “It is truly an honor to be friends with such a beautiful, cool and talented girl like you Miss Bourgeois.”

She smiles and feels her cheeks get even hotter at the boy's words.

"And you're wrong you know?"

Chloe looks at Damian confused and asks "About what?"

"About it being too late." The pink haired boy answers softly. “It's never too late for anything. Chloe, it's never too late to try to be better and regret your actions. If you really want to do it, it's never too late to try."

“Easier said than done, you know.” She says, looking into Damian's bright blue eyes. “Sometimes I think it would be easier to stay the same as always, to continue to be the way I was taught to be my whole life. That it's not worth trying to find myself and be a better person. That Chloe Bourgeois will always be evil and there is no better or only version of myself. A version that is not corrupted. That maybe being a horrible, manipulative, despicable person is in my DNA and no matter how much I dig I will never find something good in me. Something worth saving.”

“Always worth being yourself Chloe. To be saved, to save yourself.” Damian responds smiling. “And I'm sure Chloe Bourgeois is well worth saving. Wherever she is buried inside you, she is worth every effort you make to save her. And I think you are closer to finding her than you think.”

Chloe smiles at the boy's words in front of her. "Thanks." She gratefully thanks. “I think you're the only one who thinks that. And you don't know me very well, otherwise you certainly wouldn't be saying this, but I'm still grateful."

The two laugh amused at her words.

  After that the two spend the rest of the time talking about their dance classes, their lives and family, she even tells about her sister and how she didn't even know she existed until recently and how their relationship isn't the best. Mostly her fault. When Chloe's class starts, Damian asks if he can accompany her as he is interested in boxer and she accepts.

After class Chloe calls her driver and drops Damian off at his house. The pink haired boy doesn't stop teasing her for the limousine, which earns him a punch in the arm for it. And he couldn't help but be impressed by the girl's strength, for someone so small, Chloe is very strong. He likes her a lot.

Chloe the entire way to the hotel has a big smile on her face. Alan not failing to notice and being very happy to see his lady so happy and excited. It's been a long time, years, since he's seen her like this and he's worked for the Bourgeois family since Chloe was a baby. Just like Jean.

Alan has known the girl forever and although he was fired many times, he was never actually, in fact, fired. And Chloe was always very lonely and hard to deal with. And the more she grew, the worse her attitudes and personality got. But it's hard for you to watch a little girl grow up and not become attached to her. Don't feel bad about her being ignored by the person who should love her. The mayor always loved and did everything for his daughter, but he never had time for the girl. So he and Jean tried to be there for her and in the end they started to love the little blonde like a daughter. And that only made them suffer even more to see her become their mother. A bitter, cruel, despicable and lonely person. But she seems to be getting better, he's getting to see more of the little girl she once was and he's so happy about it.

Upon arriving at the hotel, Chloe only thinks about taking a relaxing bath in her big bathtub and then eating something and resting. But when she enters, she comes across her mother, who wants to talk to her and demands that she have dinner with her family.

Apparently her day still hasn't ended as she thought it had.

Notes:

That was today's chapter. I don't know when I'll post the next one. I'm a little down these days and I haven't really written anything in all this time. I ended up writing another fic of mine and just tweaked that one. But I'm determined to keep going, I have a lot of cool stuff planned and I didn't want to stop writing this. So we'll see what happens with the fic and my inspiration and mind.

 

Laziness and discouragement is overwhelming. I'm honestly wishing and asking all the gods to take this away from me.