Chapter Text
Chloe is angry, very angry. She's felt this way for a long time, but now she's reached a greater and more extreme point of frustration, anger, hatred, and disappointment than any other time. And it's all aimed at Adrien, Zoé, Marinette, Ladybug, her mom, her dad, everyone! But mainly herself.
She doesn't have anyone else, literally this time. Adrien doesn't want to be friends with her anymore, Zoe has given up on trying to bond with her, even though she's still kind and concerned, as usual. Ladybug took her miraculous and gave it to someone else. And everyone at school still hates her and wants nothing to do with her.
Not that she can blame them exactly for that. Chloe has done nothing to make them trust or like her. On the contrary, actually. She was nasty, cruel, selfish, and really, really stupid. As well as her mother.
Her only and greatest wish all her life was for her mother to love her. It shouldn't be asking too much, should it? For a mother to love her daughter, to give her affection and attention. Yes, but it really is asking too much for Audrey Bourgeois to love her daughter, daughters, as Zoé has not escaped suffering her mother's emotional neglect.
But she got tired of trying to be anything other than herself just to please others. It's time to stop being the shallow, selfish girl she's always been. She's determined to be Chloe Bourgeois, the one and only.
Nothing she does will make her mother her notice or love her. It doesn't matter how cruel, horrible and nasty she is. Her mother will never recognize her, be proud of her or show any affection for her daughter. Audrey is unable to love anything but herself. And Chloe is tired of trying to please her by being an utterly awful person and losing everything in the process.
She will also stop trying to be 'nice' like Adrien and Ladybug wanted. She doesn't know how to be good, not quite at least. Chloe is sure she's never going to be a perfect, lovely, uninhibited, sweet girl and all that shit that everyone has always asked and wished her to be. She's not like Dupain-cheng that everything she touches turns to flowers and rainbows of how good and perfect she is as a person, friend, well, everything.
Ugh, nerve. She's so irritating!
Chloe is just so jealous of her. Marinette's got everything! Loving parents, loyal friends who look up to her and love her and would do anything and everything for her. She's talented, generous and, well, perfect. Always willing to help everyone with her happy and optimistic attitude.
Chloe will never be that person.
She is spoiled, selfish, petty, mean, sincere to the point of being cruel, pretentious and many other things. A person who never cared about the feelings of others and only stepped on and humiliated them to make himself feel better. To impress and get the attention of a woman who's never cared for her.
But she doesn't like to be cruel to everyone, she always did it to please and imitate her mother. To protect herself from suffering disappointments and losing people she loves, as she lost her mother. But in the end, she lost it all anyway. So why keep being so horrible and nasty when she has no reason to be?
So now she's going to be a sincere Chloe and, well, not exactly nice, but less horrible and cruel than she ever was. She will be herself and not care what other people think. As long as she's true and happy being herself, everything will be fine.
Well, that's what she hopes.
Maybe this will make her win Adrien's friendship again. Chloe might be upset and hurt with him right now, but she and Adrien have known each other and been friends since they were babies and she doesn't want to miss that. He.
The two of them were always friends, well three with Félix, friends who did everything together. Three kids with parents too busy to pay attention to them, who banded together for company, love and friendship.
Of course it all fell apart down the hill when Felix left for London, Chloe's mother went back further to Paris and demanded and pressured her to be as obnoxious as she was. And the icing on the cake Adrien's mother, Aunt Emilie, got sick and then disappeared. (Chloe is pretty sure she's dead, because there's no other explanation. But she would never hurt Adrien by saying something like that, even if she suspects he thinks the same.)
Felix became unbearable and cruel, not far from him she did the same. And Adrien became even more sad and lonely. Chloe has never known how to deal with emotions, not hers and especially not others'. So she tried to be there for Adrien when Aunt Emilie disappeared, but she didn't know how to react so she ended up being the usual spoiled, boring, shallow Chloe. The Chloe who thought giving gifts and spending money was synonymous with love, affection and protection.
Even though she missed Aunt Emilie too, she couldn't bring herself to show it to Adrien or anyone else. Preferring to keep her feelings deep in her heart and make other people feel as bad and hurt as she did. Hoping it would bring some relief and comfort to her own pain, knowing that other people were just as broken and hurting as she was.
It didn't exactly work. But instead of changing and trying to be a better person, she chose to ignore it and continue with the way she knew how to handle things than face her feelings and be herself, not a ridiculous copy of her mother.
But now enough! She will be a new and improved Chloe. She's turning the page and writing a new chapter in her story, one where she's no longer the utterly horrible, obnoxious person she's become over all these years. And no matter what others think, Chloe Bourgeois will be herself no matter what.
She hopes it's easier from now on.
******
It's easier said than done.
The 'Be Yourself' project is not going as well as she imagined.
It's really not that easy to change habits you've had for years. Of course, it didn't help the fact that everyone still hates her and doesn't see anything she does with good eyes. Not to mention that Félix is returning to Paris for a while and Lila is also back.
Felix, Chloe can handle it. She's known him for years and knows all too well what he's like and his nasty ways. She grew up with Félix making her life hell and learned to deal with him very well. Making his life hell in return. She won't let him piss her off, if he tries she'll kick his ass back to London.
Lila is different. That girl is unbearable! A compulsive liar and very irritating. Chloe can't stand being around that liar listening to all the nonsense coming out of her huge mouth. And the worst thing is that everyone believes and never questions anything the girl says.
And when Chloe points out the fact that they can't stand the truth, they all hate her. Will understand.
But Lila will have to be a subject to be handled with delicacy. She can't make it too obvious that she wants to unmask the liar. Doing so will make Lila's number one target. And as much as she hates to admit it, the bitch is good. Smart, cunning, and very wicked. The wretch is a master in the art of lying and deceit and would be able to convince a duck that he is a goose.
So while he thinks and works on a plan to put an end to that cunning, lying little creature. Chloe will continue her 'Be Yourself' project. She has already enrolled in martial arts, boxing/kickboxing and archery classes. Since her psychologist and therapist, Dr. Carmaikol, has told her that doing some physical activity – preferably one that involves her taking out her anger and frustration on her – would help Chloe control her cruel and explosive temper. There's also the fact that her body has been magnificent since it started. Even if it's only been two weeks since she started, her ass looks amazing.
She always wanted to do these activities, but her mother refused. Saying that it wasn't worthy for her daughter and that she should play the piano, take ballet, take singing lessons and artistic gymnastics. Not that her mother stuck around to see her daughter do either of those things, Audrey only showed up when something threatened her reputation or her career. Never for her family.
But Chloe wanted her mom to be proud of her so she did what her mom wanted. The piano didn't work out very well and she was horrible and forgot practically everything she learned. And of course her mother never failed to point out how disappointing and unexceptional she was for that. After all, the Agreste son played the piano beautifully, but his daughter was too useless to press some damn keys.
She took piano lessons for four months together with Adrien, until she weeping begged her father to take her away from the torture that was playing the piano. Adrien was a prodigy from the start, Beethoven reborn, but not her. Little six-year-old Chloe couldn't get her chubby little fingers into the right positions or hit the notes and it annoyed her.
Little Bougeois was sure piano lessons were her personal hell. Then she cried and made a fuss begging her father to stop torturing her by sending her to piano lessons. And not even Adrien and his kick-puppy eyes were enough to make the little blonde take her decision back.
Artistic gymnastics she loved and it made her very flexible, which ended up helping her with her ballet lessons. In ballet and in music classes she did very well and was exceptional, in the end they became two of the things she most enjoys doing. Dancing and singing. Not that she says that to anyone but Sabrina and Adrien. The only ones who really know. And Jean, maybe Felix, but Chloe doubts the smug idiot remembers or cares about anything about her.
So she also went back to taking dance and music classes. Just as she started taking Spanish and Russian classes, she also wrote herself in art classes. Chloe always liked to draw and paint, but she always hid it because she never thought she was good enough and didn't want to disappoint her parents or be made fun of for it.
Especially not after the one time she'd shown a drawing she'd done to her mother, Chloe had drawn her in a charcoal portrait, but Audrey just crumpled it up and threw the drawing away. And without any regard for her daughter's feelings, she told him it was ridiculous and that she shouldn't waste time drawing nonsense. That if she was going to design something it would have to be something useful, but the woman also never liked any of the clothing designers that Chloe drew. She then gave up showing her drawings to her mother and anyone else. Not even Sabrina knows about this little secret talent of hers.
But now, if she wants to be herself, Chloe will have to move on and do whatever she likes. And drawing is something she likes a lot. In fact, all kinds of art she loves, but not all of them she can really practice. But drawing is something she does very well, and it relaxes her if she leaves her mind free enough for it.
So on Mondays and Thursdays she has Archery and Music classes. Tuesdays and Fridays classes in martial arts and art. Wednesdays and Saturdays is boxing/kickboxing and dancing day. And on Tuesdays and Fridays she has Spanish and Russian, but those are online and she does them at night. Is it too much? Yup. But Chloe hopes that maybe having so many activities and things to do won't leave her too much time to think about her pathetic, lonely life, so she doesn't feel bad and end up hurting other people to make herself feel better.
So far it's working, despite it slipping a few times. But no one is perfect and she won't be able to change overnight.
She's trying and that's the best she can do for herself.