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The car ride is silent, a few times Holt asks questions, things like why I didn't told anyone, or how i got the job but that is it. nothing more, nothing less.

He said things about, things changing, what could that mean? do i have the quit, not aloud to work everyday? i'm scared i need the job to keep my apartment. i don't wanna get back on the streets.

it is almost noon so everyone of the squad is still working, i don't want everyone to know, it's weird to share my best kept secret, like i'm fully exposed to the world.

we arrive at the precinct shortly, i'm stressing like crazy, how do i get out of this? is there a way out?

"You'll be fine, don't worry, nobody will judge you. We're only going to help you."

I simply nod, not knowing what to say, we walk inside, go to the elavatore, we work on the second floor, so i press button 2, and we start moving up.
"we will first tell jeffords, okay? after we decide if the squad gets to know or not, i prefer that they do but we will see."

"Jeffords, my office."

we walk to the office with terry following us, we close the door and shut the blinds, let hell begin..

"terry before we start, please know i didn't know until 30 minutes ago, please wait till we're done speaking."
i start telling the hole story everything i told Holt, every single detail, everything that happend the past 2 years. when i start telling my eyes water, i can't do this, to many trauma's, i start to sob, when i'm done with the story i'm full on crying, terry coming in for a hug and holt to my surprise aswel, we stay like that for i while to i'm calm again.
then terry takes the risk and says: 'I think we should tell the squad, the have te right knowing what's going on, and then we can all help you."
"But that's the point! i did it on my own, i can do it on my own now!"
"BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO!"
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"yeah, let's tell the squad, your right."
"Okay, sorry for yelling at you."
"it's alright. just some trauma's." you laugh
"That's not funny." holt says.
"yeah you need serieus help for that." terry says.
"okay, now hurry up and let's go before i change my mind."