Chapter Text
My mental health is the most precious thing that I have.
Or.
It was, anyway.
Before MG decided to pull Lizzie out of her Sebastian-centric daydream, leaving her gasping and questioning all the progress she ever made towards being better. The whole summer the young witch spent in Europe with her vampire mom was really just to see the top psychologist in the area, and occasionally see her mom in between sessions.
Lizzie spent so much time with her shrink that she’s kind of glad that Josie decided to stay with dad. Otherwise her twin would know just how much she’s not traveling and how boring her actual break was.
Hours, days, months, spent talking about her feelings, and working on ways to calm herself down when she feels ready to pop. Where the first time in years, it truly did feel like she can actually get better. Where Lizzie had a solid chance to be a better sister to Josie, let go of her resent towards everyone around her, and just be…
stable.
For years she has tried on her own to be a better person. From trying different things, to using spells to zap her whenever she was too mean- anything to try and trick her brain into remaining calm when presented unideal circumstances.
But ever since learning about the Merge and what that means for her and her sister, she’s come to the conclusion that getting hyper-fixated on the next new thing isn’t going to help her. She can’t get better by herself or by constantly denying her problem.
Not to mention she also doesn’t have time to try and work things out on her own anymore. The Merge may technically be years away, but she can already tell how different her relationship with Josie is since they’ve found out about it. She just wants that connection back. Hence, going to an actual doctor to try and fix her messed up mind.
The siphon witch bitterly stabbed at what was once her favorite ice cream, but now tasted like cardboard. Her eyes sting, but she blinks away the tears as much as she can, refusing to fully break down in a public space.
Her resistance to crying doesn’t last long though as she remembers how she ended up at the ice cream parlous right before closing. She stuffs her mouth with another spoonful of mint chocolate chip, trying to give her mouth something to do other than quiver.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” She muttered miserably. All this time, she’s been denying the truth- the truth that everyone else seems to know about her. That she’s crazy. Imperfect. The bad twin.
Broken.
God, it hurts so much because now it’s proven. Sure, other supernaturals have had outburst like hers- what teenager with powers isn’t going to blow something up one day?
Or a werewolf that’s gone a little…uh, beastly? A newbie vampire who lost control- drank a bit too much? Everyone has a breaking point. What did it matter if Lizzie’s was just a bit easier to break? Or had more than just one point, technically?
Lizzie understands now that the Gemini coven has been known to birth rather…emotionally sensitive… witches, and that it was okay if she related a bit more towards that side of her family than the normal, saner side.
It was okay to feel things a bit more vividly than others- as long as there was a safe outlet to release all that tension inside of her.
But now she can’t even deny to herself that she’s okay. Can’t just call one of her episodes as having a bad day. MG just happened to record herself having a full blown conversation to open air- the final case in point that she’s finally lost it.
“Sebastian’s not real!”
The voice of her ex-best friend echoed in her mind, and another wave of sobs overcame her as she shakily took another bite of ice cream. She should’ve known.
She should’ve known. Of course he wasn’t real. He was too perfect. Dark. Mysterious. Handsome. Everything she thought she wanted. Lizzie should’ve known it was fake the moment that kind of guy seemed to like her back.
No real guy ever likes her.
Not crazy Lizzie. Not the twin new students are warned about once they finish the tour. Where even a demon slayer from a goddamn pit, who didn’t speak any English, probably hadn’t had any sort of human interaction in decades, recognised how messed up her brain chemistry was with just one look at her.
She stabs at her ice cream one more time, before she vaguely hears sounds of footsteps. Glancing up briefly to see whatever loser was walking around this late at night, she was only mildly surprised to see that it was Landon.
Honestly, why is it, when she just wants some peace and quiet away from her problems, and literally anyone she could possibly recognise- Landon decides to fucking show up? God, everything lately has been revolving around him and she’s just over it.
The fact that he somehow seduced Josie is something she doesn’t even want to be reminded of- especially because Lizzie knows that he doesn’t deserve Josie. Josie deserves better than bird brain.
So no, Lizzie’s not entirely surprised to see Landon wandering around at night like some sort of creep. No, the only thing slightly curious about the situation, is the weapon in his hands that she knows he can’t use.
Unable to help herself, she calls out to him, not caring about the ice cream still in her mouth. “Why’re you carrying a sword!” She didn’t particularly like him before, but the fact that he would dare continue to walk away from her, just made her already bad mood worse.
She had half the mind to just ignore him. Screw him and whatever the fuck is going on. She’s got bigger problems to deal with right now. And that’s trying to keep sane in the face of her most recent bout of insanity.
But then she notices the direction of where he’s steadily walking to.
Even in his most grumpy moods, he act leasts acknowledges her- and she knows he should have heard her. He wasn’t that far away from her. That only means one thing.
Frustrated, she put her spoon back. Looks like she won’t be able to finish her ice cream after all. Standing up, she called out, “Landon!”
Rolling her eyes when it still didn’t work, Lizzie heaved a great sigh. Of course. Landon must have gotten himself possessed, despite everyone else’s best efforts, and now about to drop dead into Malivore. Mother of god, why is nothing going right today?
Stalking after Landon, Lizzie could tell the sword wasn’t normal- no normal sword glows letters, but she still didn’t hesitate to cast “Fugere” to call the weapon to her.
She couldn’t hesitate- not when Landon was already so close to the pit. She felt a little shiver roll up her spine, delighting in the power she felt as she twirled it once, as she approached the Frodo Baggins that finally turned to look at her.
“I’m guessing that you’re possessed by an insanity demon.” She took grim satisfaction holding him still by his shoulder, while stabbing him in the gut with the very weapon he tried to take to the pit. “Welcome to the club.”
Watching as his eyes widened in recognition, obviously being released from the demon’s influence, gasping for breath was also equally satisfying. The sound of his body hitting the ground when she let him go was almost as stress relieving as breaking plates or the sound of shattering glass.
Wait. Was that too morbid?
Before she could think too much about it, she catches movement in the corner of her eye. Ah, crap. A bystander. Thinking fast, she makes up some sort of bullshit about a performance for Commonwealth Days. Lizzie was just glad that the lady walking her dog thought that questioning a teenager, with a sword about practicing for such a thing late at night, was not worth her time.
Before she could feel too relieved about her escape from a stranger’s scrutiny, and even saving the day if she does say so herself, a sudden throbbing in her head made all sorts of logical thinking nonexistent.
Groaning softly, she stumbled towards the large tree in the middle of Town Square, hoping to lean against something. She’s proud of herself for stepping around Landon, versus kicking it out of the way. He was dead anyway- not like he can feel it.
She barely made it before another wave of pain came, causing her to lose all sense of balance, dropping the sword in the process. Collapsing against the tree, her back against it as she tried to focus on her surroundings and not the building headache behind her eyes. Trying to focus on the streetlights around her didn’t help her- the light only aggravating her newfound headache.
Deciding to close her eyes and just take some deep breaths, she really hopes that this passes soon. Urgh, why did her brain have to go out now? Is this karma for being a bit too happy with killing Landon?
Not quite.
Almost on command, the pain she was feeling intensified and she held her head in her hands, crying out when flashes of every regret she’s ever had started running on repeat in her mind.
From when she was little and lashing out. Her first episode. Every harsh thing she’s ever done to Josie. Her fear of abandonment. Her absentee mother. Her father who prefers drinking and hunting monsters more than her.
“Stop, stop- make it stop,” she whimpered, trying with all her might to focus on better memories than the ones that were being forced to the forefront of her mind.
Stop fighting and I can take everything away.
Lizzie’s eyes widen in recognition, before grimacing at the sudden action. “Oh my god, you’re the demon.” Groaning, she tried to prop herself up in a more comfortable position. Taking a deep breath against another onslaught of terrible memories, she spat at the ground. “I thought I killed you.”
The demon’s voice was low and clearly masculine. It almost seemed to reverberate around in her mind with a slight echo every time it “talked”.
You touched the boy before you stabbed him. It was all I needed to transfer to you before the boy died.
“Son of a bitch.” Lizzie groaned, both at the pain in her head and the mistake she made. She was this close to being able to prove to the others that they can’t do anything without her. Now she’s the one that needed to be saved. Urgh, this fucking sucks.
Now, it’s been awhile since I’ve had to fight for control over a host, so this is going to be really fun for me.
There was a slight pause and Lizzie almost felt a bit of relief from the headache before the demon chimed in again.
Oh, but really painful for you. The demon started laughing and suddenly the world tilted on its axis as she was forcibly pushed out of her mind.
Where as before she could just see the memories playing out, now it felt like she was actually in the memories. All her senses were on overdrive, amplifying her headache with each new memory that she was forced into.
She could hear the mocking laughter or her classmates when they found about her condition. She could feel the flames of the fire on her first Incendia spell. Could feel the eyes, could sense the touch, taste the food, as memory after memory started playing, getting progressively worse in intensity and nightmarish quality.
Any sensation from the real world went away. Was she still sitting? Was she still in Town Square? Is the demon now in her body? Is this how it feels to be possessed?
Constantly reliving old memories? Trapped in her own personal hell? Oh, she thinks not.
Who does this demon think he is? To try and take over Lizzie Saltzman’s mind? He clearly doesn’t know that she’s not just any witch. The demon made the mistake of warning her about the possession- too arrogant to think she couldn’t fight back.
But, little does he know, she’s been fighting the demons in her head since she was old enough to know what being a witch was. Constantly fighting her emotions and controlling the magic and anger that wanted to be released.
For years, she’s been feeling things that no one else does. And MG helpfully pointing out that she’s now seeing and hearing things as well, just makes her realise that there’s nothing scarier than not being able to trust her own mind.
This demon thinks he can win just by showing Lizzie her most painful memories on repeat? Puh-lease.
It’s time to show this demon just why no one fucks with Lizzie Saltzman.
Blocking out everything the demon was shoving at her, she focuses on his foreign presence in her mind. Behind all the memories and blinding headaches they caused her, Lizzie could clearly feel him, the demon not even bothering masking his presence to make this harder for her- so confident he was that he could break her.
The moment she grasped at the spirit taking up space in her mind, it was like she was physically transported to her mental plane. Standing, or floating, as there was nothing above, below, or around her in the dark abyss. But somehow still didn’t feel any sense of weightlessness. God, the mind was so weird sometimes.
Her hand was outstretched, wrapped around the neck of the mental manifestation of the spirit. She grimaced at the sight of it- it’s body was that of a man dressed like he just stepped out of a black and white samurai movie, but the ugly ogre-like red mask with tusks on it’s face made it almost unbearable to look at. Or perhaps it was the mark of Malivore that was carved into it that made it so grotesque.
If possible, it almost looked like the eyes were wide underneath the mask as it stared at her. How did you-
“Urgh, you’re so ugly, no wonder you posses other people. Who would want to walk around like that?” She grabbed the mask with her free hand, siphoning the magic from it, watching with sick satisfaction as it started to crack. “Now shut up, will you? I’ve already got enough demons in my head fighting for control. I don’t need another one. Especially not one that clearly has no taste in fashion.”
Lizzie squeezed on the mask one last time, breaking it completely. All around her, the abyss that went on indefinitely suddenly turned white. She lost sight of the demon spirit in front of her, and felt whatever invisible force that was keeping her up give way.
With a start, the world came back to her. She grasped at her clothes, rubbing her hands over her face- taking in everything to make sure all was okay.
She was still sitting against the tree in Town Square, and Landon was still dead, lying on the ground. She has no sense of how much time actually passed but if Landon still hadn’t resurrected than it could have been anywhere from a minute to several.
Lizzie made a mental note to start wearing a watch. It really would make things a lot easier in the future. She’d just have to buy multiple so they accessorise right.
Reaching up with her free hand, she rubbed at her head, trying to relieve some pressure that was still leftover from her ordeal.
Taking a deep breath, Lizzie leaned her head back against the tree. The witch isn’t even going to worry about moving Landon to another area to burst into flames right now. After what she just went through- she deserves this moment of peace.
How interesting.
The young siphon’s eyes widened, standing up quickly- holding the katana out in front of her steadily, with her left hand gripping the bottom of the handle and her right an inch away from the guard.
She held the ready position for a total of three seconds before she blinked, realising what she just did. Okay seriously, this is very weird. Early today, she barely knew how to hold a tennis racket, and now she’s suddenly an expert in holding a Samurai sword like she grew up with it.
What the hell is going on?!
Lizzie could hear the demon chuckling now, and she twirled around- sword back up. No matter the case on how she suddenly feels confident in sword wielding, she’ll take any help she can get against the enemy. Keeping an eye on the pit in front of her, she also started looking around to see if there were any bystanders who might be hanging around.
Grateful for the lack of an unwanted audience, she was still left with questions on how the fuck she can still hear the demon talking when she clearly broke the connection it had to her mind.
Is it just floating around here, trying to find a new host? She almost wishes that Landon came back already, so she could ask him if he also heard the voice.
“Alright, demon, you better show yourself!” Lizzie warned, slowly pacing the area, trying to determine where the demon might come from next. “You don’t know who you’re messing with!”
Curious, she took a test swing out in front of her, amazed that she could move so fast. Before she could mentally pat herself on the back, the voice spoke again.
On the contrary, I know exactly who you are, Elizabeth Jenna Saltzman. You may have taken back control over your body, but your mind is still mine to occupy.
Dread washed over Lizzie. “No. No no no- I dispelled you from my head!” What was the fucking point of all that fighting she just went through?
She knows that she had a relapse recently with making up a boyfriend, but that’s nothing that a few- or several- more therapy sessions can’t fix.
And she knows that self-acceptance is important, and accepting the fact that she’s sort of, kind of, crazy is one of the first steps towards getting help.
But she can’t accept the fact that she’s still stuck with this demon!
How can she get help, legitimate help, with this literal demon hanging around rent-free in her head?
Lizzie, forgetting any sense of maintaining composure, face palmed herself. Why must the universe hate her?
Trust me, girl. The universe doesn’t care enough to hate you.
“Oh, shut up, will you?” Lizzie griped, suddenly over this whole situation. She’s completely drained, tired from all the events happening lately.
She just wants to go home and cuddle with her twin. But it looks like now, she won’t be able to do that. Not if she doesn’t want Josie to end up just like her.
Looks like she won’t ever be able to do that again. Not while she’s alive anyway.
The tears that she was holding back for a while now finally escaped. The reality of the situation was settling upon her. The demon wasn’t pushed out- it was still with her. And the only way to get rid of it was to kill the host.
Her.
And even if she’s in control of her body now, that still doesn’t mean she won’t ever lose control later. Urgh, why did she have to go after Landon? Why did she have to touch him, right before stabbing him?
She was this close to actually doing something semi-heroic and here she is now, waiting for someone from the Super Squad to arrive so they could try and fix this mess that she’s made.
Why?
Lizzie kicked at the sword on the ground, debating with herself on whether to continue sitting beside the tree or go back over to the parlour and finish eating her abandoned ice cream. Though, it was probably melted already. She took in a weary sigh, just watching the night sky. “Why, what, you demon?”
The thing chuckled again. Why wait for this Super Squad? We should leave.
Now she laughed at it. “Ha! Since when were we a we?”
Silly human, it became an ‘US’ the moment you broke my connection to Malivore. But that’s not what’s important.
Lizzie rolled her eyes, not even bothering giving the demon a response. She’s not exactly sure what he means by breaking his connection but she’s not inclined to entertain the demon anymore than she already has.
Landon’s probably got five minutes tops left before he comes back. She knows that she can’t touch him, or else he’ll be possessed again, but perhaps a spell could work?
You know you can’t ignore me. I’M EVERYWHERE. The last second was practically amplified, echoing in her mind like some sort of siren. She winced, bringing her hands up to cover her ears out of habit. The word ‘everywhere’ kept echoing and echoing until finally she gave in.
“Urgh, can you stop that?” Lizzie spat out. “What do you want?”
Immediately there was a bit of peace inside her mind, a second of relief, before the demon chimed in again. I want to know why you would fight so hard to take back your mind, only to give up now.
“Look, I don’t need to explain anything to you. You’re the one that’s scared to die.” Lizzie took some sense of pleasure in the face that if she had to go, at least she could take the demon with her. Her smugness lasted all of two seconds before the demon started laughing again. Oh, she was really starting to hate that. “What?” She griped.
Silly girl. I can’t die.
Her heart stopped. “What?” Her breath was shaky. The demon laughed again, clearly mocking her. “But the sword! That demon slayer!”
Oh, him? Sure, he could have killed a regular Oni. That sword’s powerful enough to do that, though I hate to admit it. But I’m not a regular Oni.
Urgh, of course he wasn’t a regular Oni. No, that’d be too easy. Malivore can’t swallow regular demons. The stupid thing has to get the special ones that can’t die and just like tormenting others.
“Then what are you? Besides a pain in my ass?” She picked at the grass, tearing it up and throwing it away. God, this day sucks.
I see no point in explaining myself to a host that’s about to let herself die. I’ll just wait for the next one to try again.
Lizzie rolled her eys. “Oh, please. Bluff all you want, but you’re coming with me when I go.” Talking about her death really shouldn’t have been this easy, but she guess dying this way beats dying by the Merge.
Believe what you want but my spirit can not move on. It is tied to this physical world. All that sword is going to do is separate me from you in your death. I’ll simply…drift, in a way, until my spirit recovers enough to find the next willing host. The demon chuckled again.
Lizzie groaned, leaning her head back against the tree. Great, this is just terrific. Not only was it useless for her to try and doing something nice, it’s going to make her die a worthless death.
No going out in a blaze of glory for her. She never really thought about how she would die before she came to know of the Merge, but going out like this certainly wasn’t what she had in mind.
And even though it’s hard to trust the demon, if the connection it had to Malivore really was broken, it won’t even return to the pit. It’ll just wander the Earth, which would be even worse than before.
Maybe it is better to just wait for Josie or her dad, or literally anyone, to show up. They’ll kill her and then she can just be at rest. Just be done with this world. Let them clean up the mess she’ll be leaving behind, since she’s only making things worse while being alive.
You know, they won’t kill you.
“What do you know?” She spat at him, throwing more torn out grass in front of her. She imagines that it was the demon’s face she threw it at. She almost wishes that she could see that physical manifestation of it in the same way she imagined Sebastian.
Maybe then it wouldn’t feel as crazy- to see a physical body like they were there, rather than when it’s just a random voice in her head. “You don’t know anything about them and their excessive need to save the day. That includes making sacrifices for the greater good.”
Was she imagining things, or did she just feel the demon roll their eyes? Oh, I know all about these so called ‘heroes’. I was felled long ago by one- it’s why it’s my spirit that roams the Earth now, rather than being in my own body. Let me also remind you that we share a mind. All your thoughts- about your friends, family, you- they’re now MINE as well. The demon made a sort of humming sound in contemplation. I must say, it makes sense, why you were able to resist me- why I can’t possess you like everyone else. A bipolar siphon witch? Why, it was almost like you were made to be able to resist the influence of black magic.
Lizzie scoffed. “Oh please, what does my messed up brain have to do with that? I already know I’m crazy- now everyone else will too once they find me here.”
I can tell you everything you want to know. For the right price, that is. Let’s make a deal, shall we?
“Dream on, demon. I’m not that desperate as to make a deal with a devil.”
Ooh, devil, I like that one. And you sure about that? You know I’m right when I say your friends are just going to lock you up until they can figure out a way to separate you from me without killing you. But once Malivore realises my connection to him is severed, he’ll send more monsters, and your friends will have to put that search on hold. Possibly indefinitely. Hate to break it to you kiddo, but you’re running out of time. The Merge will still happen, even if you are sharing headspace with a demon. So there you’ll wait, locked away for years, all alone, until that fateful day. Unless, of course, you take my offer.
Lizzie was honestly hating the fact that the demon was making any sort of sense right now. It was honestly unfair how things were going lately.
Oh! Should I also mention that with us sharing minds, even if you didn’t try, there’s almost no possibility of your sister winning now?
“Fuck you,” Lizzie snarled, standing up quickly. Knowing and hating the decision she’s having to make, she grabbed the sword.
Now, now, don’t be angry. I’m trying to help you.
“You’re a fucking demon. You’re not helping anyone except yourself. Now get to the point. What’s this deal of yours?”
I spent centuries stuck in Malivore, and I rather not drift for another hundred as my spirit recovers from being separated from my current host.
Lizzie started pacing angrily back and forth. “Yes, yes, get to the point, demon. What’s in it for me? If I decide to continue to be your host?”
Make a pact with me, to remain as my host, and I will grant you all of my power.
Lizzie scoffed. “What does that even mean to me? I’m a siphon witch- I don’t need power. I can just get it from someone else. Make a better deal.”
Huh. Usually that’s all I have to say. Most humans would die to have my power.
“Yeah, well, power’s overrated. I don’t need it.”
The demon was silent for a minute before it spoke up again. But you do need a way to stop the Merge.
Lizzie froze. “What do you know about that?”
The demon laughed. What do I know about a black magic curse? Silly girl, I’m made of black magic. I practically am black magic. Make this pact with me, and I can stop the Merge.
“There’s got to be a catch. I don’t trust you.”
You’re running out of time to decide, little girl. I can feel your sister approaching. And the moment she and that other one realise I’m in you, you’ll never get a moment of peace again.
Blinking, she could also spy two figures in the distance coming around the corner. The first girl she couldn’t completely make out but she could pick out her sister’s silhouette anywhere.
The moment she saw Josie, she knew immediately what her decision would be. Lizzie would do anything to make sure her sister was okay.
And if that meant making a deal with the devil, then so be it.
The demon chuckled. Don’t worry. This will only hurt a little bit.
The last thing she heard was her sister calling out to her, before everything faded to black.