Work Text:
Those school girls had promised Deadpool Chimichangas. After saving them from their Demon Headmistress, and saving another group of people from the aubergine alien, he was feeling very deserving of his rewards.
After reattaching his legs, Deadpool accompanied them back to the school to make sure they didn’t forget. After the girls tried to make polite excuses and leave, he pulled out Bea and Arthur, selecting two of the girls at random.
“Right, no more ducking, you two need to come with me.” He waved his katanas to indicate they should walk in front of him. “Take me to the crazy witch’s office.” The girls grumbled under their breath but led him to a large, luxuriously furnished office with red velvet curtains and a large walnut desk. Deadpool sat down in the large leather chair behind the desk and put his heavy black boots on top, disregarding the heaps of paperwork. He placed his swords on the desk with care.
“They fancy some air. Sometimes they don’t like being contained.” He declared when he noticed the girls staring at them.
“Right, my payment. You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep, you know.” He placed his fingertips together and peered over the top of them, trying to channel a disappointed teacher. ‘Although hopefully not literally channel like Spidey had to’, he thought to himself.
“We don’t even know what Chimichangas are” whined one of the girls.
“What?!” Shrieked Wade, doing a full Macauly Culkin in Home Alone impression.
“We just found it on your Wikipedia page as something you like.”
“Ok firstly,” said Wade holding a finger up “I edit my own Wiki page, so of course Chimichangas feature. Unless that asshole Weasel gets his slimy fingers on it. And secondly,” he held up a second finger, “we gotta get you girls to a Mexican restaurant asap.”
“I mean, I could go for some food.” The second girl stated. The first girl glared at her and she shrank back in her seat, then she turned her glare back on Deadpool.
“We won’t be going anywhere else with you. I don’t trust you, especially without your ‘heart mate’ Spider-Man to keep you on the straight and narrow.”
“Ouch, I can hear those quote marks you know. But you do owe me. And unlike Spider-Man, I do accept tips. So if not Chimichangas, what are you going to do for me?”
The girl who didn’t like Mexican food - or maybe just crazed mercenaries - eyed the katanas on her ex-head teachers desk. “I do have an idea, and I think you’re going to like it.”
—-
Peter was heading home after the post purple alien mission debrief with the Avengers. He was looking forward to a long soak in his oversized bathtub, but when he was only a few blocks from home a pang of guilt struck him. He hadn’t checked in with Deadpool. He had been without legs when Peter had left, and he saved all of those people from being eaten by the Aubergine Alien. Deadpool pissed Peter off all the time, and he wasn’t looking forward to revisiting the whole ‘heartmate’ thing, but he had to admit that Deadpool did good today. Maybe Peter should offer to take him for dinner or something.
He paused on top of a roof and pulled out his phone, the latest in Parker Division tech. He scrolled to the contact he didn’t think he would use when Deadpool had insisted on adding it to his phone, and pressed call. The phone rang before going straight to voicemail. Peter listened to Wade’s garbled message, complete with fake beep like it was still 1996. He shut off the call before the actual beep and gnawed on his lip.
‘Maybe I shouldn’t have left him with those girls. They were using him in some kind of summoning spell, they could have decided to try again.’ Peter thought to himself. With a major pang of regret for the bath he was missing out on, he turned and began to swing back the other way.
Peter landed softly on the fire escape outside of a window to Wade’s appartment. He was just about to knock when his brain processed the scene he was witnessing and he froze.
Wade was not alone in his apartment. He was sitting on the couch facing away from Peter, head thrown back. His mask was on but pulled up to his nose. There was a woman perched on the edge of the sofa, her arm laid out along the back, reaching towards Wade. Her long hair was so platinum blonde that it seemed to glint like steel in the late afternoon sunlight. She was wearing a red leather corset, and black trousers with a red diamond pattern. She seemed to be crooning words into Wade’s ear, but even with Peter’s super hearing he couldn’t hear what she was saying. After a few seconds she leant over and kissed Wade roughly.
Peter’s fists clenched involuntarily, and he was shocked at the sudden flash of jealousy that surged through his body. Peter pulled back from the window and took a couple of deep breaths. ‘It’s been too long since I had sex, that’s all it is.’ He thought, ‘I’m not jealous that woman is kissing Deadpool, I’m just jealous that he’s getting some and I’m not.’
Unable to help himself, he peered back through the window again. They were still kissing, Wade had curled his arms up around the mystery woman’s neck to hold her in place. Suddenly, Wade pulled away and lifted his head up from the sofa, looking down.
A man stood up from where he must have been kneeling between Wade’s legs, mouth and chin glistening. Peter started at the sudden appearance of a third person. His appearance seemed to match that of the woman in a way that suggested they had to be siblings, perhaps even twins. Their hair was the exact same colour, although his was short and swept stylishly away from his face. He was wearing a red shirt with black laces at the top, and the same tight trousers as the woman. He moved to kneel over Wade on the couch, placing a hand either side of his head. He leant down to kiss Wade, and Peter groaned as he realised Wade would be tasting himself on the other man’s tongue. Peter was starting to get hard in his suit and he palmed his dick in a futile effort to calm down.
He was feeling bad for watching but couldn’t seem to tear himself away. This was not what he expected to find when he swung over to Deadpool’s appartment. What the fuck was Wade doing? He had occasionally moaned to Peter about even prostitutes not wanting to come near him after Weapon X. Had he just finally found someone - two someone’s - who didn’t care about his skin? In the time since Peter left him at the school?
“Lucky bastard,” Peter muttered to himself. Maybe they had been part of the group he had saved. Sometimes the people heroes saved were VERY grateful.
The man kneeling over Wade stepped away, pulling the other woman off the sofa. She tipped her hips and smiled seductively, moving her hands to her waistband and unbuttoning her pants. She pushed them down her legs revealing perfect white skin - and no underwear. She took two steps forward, leaving her pants behind, then took the place of her - brother? Colleague? - on Wade’s lap. As she sank down on him, they both threw their heads back in pleasure. The other man hopped up to perch on the arm of the sofa and watched, until Wade took a hand off of the woman’s hips and reached out to him, pulling him further down onto the sofa next to him.
Peter decided that enough was enough. Wade was clearly more then fine after their mission, had all limbs attached and seemed to be having the time of his life. If Peter stayed any longer he would do something stupid like slide open the window and ask if there was room for another. He needed to go home and think about his strong reaction to what he was seeing. Work out why he could still feel the jealousy running through him in a tangle with the desire he felt. He needed to go home to have that bath he had promised himself, and if he got off to the memory of what he had seen, well, no one would ever need to know.
—-
Peter moped around his apartment after his very long, actually quite messy, bath. The side of his brain that had made him an excellent photographer in his early Spider-Man days kept showing him snapshots of what he had witnessed. Beautiful stills of lips and hands captured in the soft afternoon light. Peter had come to realise that everything he was revisiting was of Wade. What Wade’s lips had looked like. His strong shoulders showing above the line of the couch. His hand, with long, thick fingers, reaching out.
Peter had imagined how those lips would feel against his neck, hands reaching out to him and grabbing palmfuls of his ass, or thick fingers slicked up and sliding into him. After his vivid imagination had wrung a second orgasm out of him in a short time, Peter had to acknowledge that he was not just jealous that Wade was having sex. He was jealous because he wanted to be the one having sex with Wade.
Peter tried to decide when his dislike for Deadpool had turned into desire for Wade. They had hung out a lot, fought together and rode the post adrenaline high together, laughing about nothing on random rooftops. Wade had always been open in his desire for Peter, something that seemed to crop up at the worst times - like when they were roped together being held upside down by a Demon King and Wade had claimed he had ‘faked’ his erection, like Peter hadn’t just felt it rubbing against his leg. Peter had begrudgingly acknowledged that they were friends, but he was frustrated that he couldn’t pin down when he had started to wish for more.
Peter’s thoughts turned to what he should do about it. His dick expressed an intense desire to return to Wade’s apartment, but his brain knew that wasn’t a wise decision. Whatever desire Peter had, Wade was still Deadpool. He was notoriously unreliable, selfish, and dangerous. But Wade had also proven himself to be generous, funny, kind, and although his moral code didn’t fully align with Peter’s, he did have one, which was more then Peter had expected.
Peter sat on the edge of his bed and put his head in his hands. He wanted out of his brain, and the quickest way to clear his thoughts was by swinging through the streets of New York, so he finally stood and pulled a clean suit from his wardrobe.
———
Wade whistled as he strolled down the road. It had been a long day, but also the best one ever - like all of his birthdays and Christmases rolled into one. Just to round off the day, he had been to visit his favourite taco stand after working up quite an appetite. He couldn’t wait to find Spidey, share a bite and tell him all about it.
He noticed a pair of red and blue legs dangling over the edge of a rooftop. Too excited to take the time to climb up the fire escape, he pulled out his grappling hook and heaved himself up over the edge, taking care not to drop the bag of food. He threw himself down next to Spidey, already talking a mile a minute before he was settled.
“You’ll never guess what happened after you left earlier! Those girls didn’t know what Chimichangas are, can you believe it! What kind of f-ed up upbringing includes Witchcraft but not Mexican food?! Oh yeah, talking of Chimichangas…” he opened the bag and threw two silver wrapped packaged at his silent friend. Wade pulled out one of his own and bit into it. “So they didn’t want to come out with me for Mexican food, which is fair bee tee dubs, I wouldn’t want Ellie to randomly leave school to go to a restaurant with a weirdo in a mask, if she wasn’t… you know… my daughter and all. But they offered me something else instead.”
He looked over at Spider-Man to make sure he was enthralled in Deadpool’s tale, but he was still looking down at the unopened Chimichangas on his lap.
“Come on, that was my pause for dramatic effect! I need a bit of audience participation here. That deserves an ‘oooooohhhh’ at the very least! No? Nothing?” Wade sighed over-dramatically.
“They turned my babies human! Bea and Arthur! They were real. And real hot too I might add. Dressed all in leather. The deal was for six hours so they’re back to their usual selves now, but what a six hours it was!” He patted the Katana handles rising above his shoulders fondly.
Spider-Man finally looked up at him.
“They turned your… swords into… people?”
“I know! I’m sure your nerdy brain is immediately wondering about the physics implications, where did the extra matter come from and where did it go when they turned back, but I’m a simple guy Webs, so my thoughts immediately turned to the three F’s. Food, fighting and fuc….. er, more fighting.” Wade awkwardly corrected himself, suddenly worried that Spidey might judge him for his choices.
“So, we went for Mexican food and they could both eat the hottest chilli on the menu, then we stopped by one of my safe houses for some back up Katanas. And I’ve got to tell you Spidey, seeing Bea and Arthur with swords of their own, it was like Inception. Their movements were so fluid. We had a few fights, I lost a couple of limbs when they ganged up on me, then decided to go back to my place and erm… watch Netflix until it was time for them to go ‘poof’. And there was no ‘chilling’ involved, that would be weird. Probably. Right?” Spidey suddenly stood and started pacing agitatedly behind him.
“So let me get this straight. These two random people appeared out of thin air and you decide to take the word of Sabrina the Teenage Witch that they are the human incarnation of your swords? I mean, after the bullshit and lies they peddled this morning you really thought you could trust them?”
“Spidey, you’re kind of killing my buzz here…”
“I’m not done!” Deadpool froze, surprised by the vehemence in the other man’s voice. “So you decide to trust these two random people. You take them to one of your safe houses, and then back to your appartment. They could have done anything to you. Just because they had trousers on that kind of resembled the handles of your katanas, doesn’t mean the girls were telling the truth. I mean, they thought I was your Heart Mate for fucks sake.”
Spidey finally stopped pacing and just stood still, breathing slightly heavily. Deadpool looked back at him and tilted his head.
“I never told you what they looked like.” Wade said quietly.
“What?”
“I never said they what they were wearing. How would you know that?” Wade’s thoughts immediately began spiralling. “You were so sure it was a trick, were you in on it? Was this some kind of game to humiliate me? See how desperate stupid old Deadpool is for friends that he will believe anything we tell him?” Wade stood up too, unable to sit still in his distress.
“No, ‘Pool, no of course not.” Spidey put his hands out placatingly. “It was… a guess, that’s all.”
“A very specific guess.” Deadpool grumbled. “Did you and your evil Parker Industry boss come up with this together? Were there hidden cameras? You know, even if it was a set up I want that footage….”
“I was there.” Webs interrupted his rambling. Deadpool’s mouth opened in shock. “Not in some weird kind of set up way, but I was coming to check in on you after the mission, and I was on the fire escape… and I saw…” he trailed off.
Wade’s mood did an abrupt three sixty, and he hopped from foot to foot in his excitement.
“Oh my god I didn’t take you for a peeping Tom, Spidey! You should have come in and joined us, always room for an ass that hot. Or maybe you would rather have me all to yourself? You know you’ve only got to ask!”
“No, that never… I mean I would never…” Spider-Man spluttered.
“You know, I thought I sensed someone watching, but I just put it down to the fact there were two other people in the room. So, were you there when Arthur was sucking me off, or when Bea slid onto my hard di-“ suddenly, Deadpool found himself picked up and pushed against the stairway door. His hands were webbed to the door. His mask was pulled up to his nose and then Spidey’s mouth was against his, strong and demanding.
“Both. I was there for both.” Spidey growled as he pulled away slightly. “And I was jealous. And I went home and got myself off, but it wasn’t enough. And then you came here and…” Wade found himself being kissed again, aware enough this time to respond in kind, sliding his tongue deftly into the other man’s mouth. He moved his hands onto Spider-Man’s hips and further round, pulling his ass forward to grind their crotches together.
“Always wanted to get my hands on that ass….” Deadpool said, pulling his face away just enough to talk. “You know, there’s no one else at my place right now. Do you want to come back with me and actually come in the window this time? And no, that wasn’t a euphemism.” Spider-Man moved his face down into nip gently at Deadpool’s neck.
“Fine,” he muttered “but I think we should set some ground rules.”
“My safe word is pancakes.” Wade responded immediately. “Perfect for breakfast, not good in the bedroom. And believe me I’ve tried to get off with a stack, it took me forever to get all of the maple syrup out of all the cra-“ he was cut off by Spider-Man’s hand being smacked against his mouth.
“Not what I was talking about.” Spider-Man moved his face slowly up and scraped his stubble along Wade’s jaw, keeping his hand over his mouth, causing Wade to groan and buck his hips. “Rule one - I’m not taking my mask off.” He moved his hand to allow Deadpool to respond.
“Good with me Baby Boy, I’m not going to take mine off either but that’s more for your benefit then mine.” Deadpool gasped out before Spider-Man’s hand was back over his mouth again. Wade decided to use the situation to his advantage and began to lick and nibble at the long fingers over his mouth, imagining what he would do to Spidey’s cock later.
Spider-Man drew in a sharp intake of breath as Deadpool took the tip of his middle finger into his mouth and sucked gently. He suddenly pulled away and Deadpool felt the sudden loss of heat against his front.
He quickly put his hands behind Wade’s head and grabbed the katanas. He unsheathed them and pointed both straight at chest. Wade took a sharp breath. He knew Spidey wouldn’t hurt him, knew it wouldn’t matter if he did.
“God, Spidey. You look amazing with my babies. You can handle my sword any time. And that was a euphemism.”
“Rule number two I DON’T SHARE.” Spider-Man growled, not bothering to respond to Wade’s comment. Now that was a tone Wade could only hope to hear more of. “So you had better put these swords of yours away. In a cupboard, off a cliff, I really don’t care. And no guns in the bedroom.” Spider-Man quickly sliced through the webs that had captured Wade’s hands, then he flipped the swords over and offered them to Wade, handles first. Deadpool took them and quickly sheathed them.
“Sure, Spidey, whatever you like. So, can I get a ride back to mine?”
“Nope” Spider-Man said, popping the P. He shot out a web and swung away with a whoop.
“Hate to see you go, love to watch you leave.” Deadpool said mournfully, then remembered he had a horny Spidey on the way to his apartment.
“You know I love you babies,” he said, patting his katanas and preparing for a run up to leap to the next roof. “But I’ve been chasing that ass for a long time. I’m gonna go catch me a Spider.”