Sam: Okay, 5, nothing special today, we’re just gonna have you check out that old karate dojo. Well, it might be a jujitsu dojo. Janine, do we know what kind of martial arts they used to do there?
Janine: No, and it doesn’t really matter. Just see if they left any weapons lying around 5.
Sam: Oh, yeah! I’d look totally badass with a set of nunchucks, don’t you think?
Janine: Hitting yourself in the face with your own weapon never looks badass, Sam.
Sam: I mean, I’d practice with them! It’s not like I’d just get them and try to use them first thing on a zombie, I do have some sense, you know!
Janine: I’m not going to comment on that. Raise the gates!
*gunfire, gates opening*
*collected a basic blade and a water blade*
Sam: There it is! And conveniently there’s a sword right in the front, just like we thought! Okay, what are those stains? They don’t look like blo- 5, look out!
Janine: Was that an orange? Who threw it?
Sam: There’s more, there’s more!
Janine: Good thinking, 5, you’re defending yourself very well with that sword. Go see who’s throwing that fruit at you!
*collected a sakura blade and a butterfly knife*
Sam: I don’t there’s anyone else here? This place is a lot bigger than it looks from the outside.
Janine: And the fruit isn’t coming from the walls or floor.
Sam: It’s like it’s spawning? Like a video game. You remember video games, right?
Janine: Focus. Real life magically appearing fruit is weird supernatural bullshit, so let’s enact our weird supernatural bullshit protocol.
Sam: …blame Van Ark?
Janine: Blame Van Ark.
Sam: Okay, but doesn’t that mean we shouldn’t trust it? So 5 shouldn’t bring all those swords they’re grabbing back here.
Janine: Now, I think that’s a bit hasty, we don’t actually have proof there’s anything nefarious happening!
Sam: 5 literally just dodged a bomb!
Janine: They’re fine! And, remember, we’re getting low on weapons. We could use some bombs.
*collected a comet blade and a piano blade*
Sam: Okay, 5, you’re doing great! I think I have a rough map of this place figured out now! Turn left up here.
Janine: The fruit and bombs started flying at you when you picked up the Sword at the front of the dojo, 5, try dropping the blades and standing still for a moment.
Sam: It… worked? The fruit stopped.
Janine: Okay. Great! Now, pick them back up and head back to Abel.
Sam: Why would we want cursed swords in Abel?
Janine: Endless supply of fresh fruit, endless supply of bombs…
Sam: It’s cursed fruit!
Janine: Will you try some if I eat it first?
Sam: …I’d think about it. God, it’s been so long since we had any peaches around here.
*collected a firecracker blade and a disco blade*
Sam: Right! There’s the exit! You did it, Runner 5!
Janine: Oh, good, the fruit’s still spawning.
Sam: Oh, goody. Keep slicing, 5, you’re doing great. Just get back here, okay?
Janine: I’ll go clear out a storage room we can use them in!
Sam: You’re way too excited about the cursed swords.
Janine: Sam, consider how cool you’ll look swinging one of those.
Sam: Damn, you’re right.
*collected a magma sword and a northern lights blade*
Janine: Yes, great work, Runner 5! You can just drop those right - watermelon!
Sam: Okay, yay, we now have lots of cursed swords at Abel. Are you happy?
Janine: Extremely! You must be tired, 5, you should go rest. We’ll have someone else test out our new fruit dojo.
Sam: Why are you looking at me like that? I’m the radio guy, not the fruit murderer!
*collected a golden ember blade*