Chapter Text
*
Harry adjusts the jersey on him, straightening it out as he shifts on his seat. He clears his throat, right hand gripping his glass of gin and tonic tightly.
He takes a chance and looks up, glancing around.
There's a few cute men around, some boys that are way too young for him. In Harry's opinion, at least. Though he's not really sure what he likes and doesn't like in this new life of his.
He's only gotten divorced five months ago and he's tried out a few dating apps. They were just too intimidating for him to navigate properly though.
On one app, a man seemed nice to him and they made small talk, for a day, before he sent Harry a dick pic and Harry panicked, immediately deleting his app.
The second app he used was just a bust, most of them seemed a bit too creepy for Harry's liking and Harry-- he just wanted something to experience fully, really.
Which is confusing because he doesn't exactly know what it means. Which is what led him to this gay bar.
His best friend advised him to try it out. He suggested that Harry get some experience in the sack if he wants to before he looks for anything serious and Harry didn't hate the idea.
As much as dick pic guy traumatized him, he's at a point where he's accepted things a bit more. Granted a dick pic isn't really something that appealed to him in the first place.
It's overwhelming; figuring out your sexuality at thirty-six, married to your wife for ten years.
He knows the truth though; he's been suppressing it for years. If he thinks back, he has felt attracted to men since he was in high school. But he forced himself to push down those feelings because mum and dad always said it wasn't right and their pastor said homosexuals go to hell.
Harry, being a scared sixteen year old, didn't want to go to hell. So, he hid it. He hid it even when his parents decided to set him up with the neighbour's daughter-- a girl he'd only spoken to a handful of times before.
He never felt a real, romantic connection to her but they did grow close-- they had no choice but to. They were to be married anyways, even if neither of them wanted to.
It's just what Harry assumed was best. And he managed, by some miracle, he managed to fake it for eleven years and ten into a marriage. Twenty overall.
It started to really hit Harry when she begged for children and Harry wasn't comfortable with the idea. He's not sure why. Well, at least he wasn't back then.
And that too took him two whole years to figure out. She had started to pressure him and he finally cracked. He confessed a secret he'd been hiding for over two decades-- he is gay.
He's attracted to men only and every time they had to have sex, Harry pictured it to be a man, or he'd watch some gay porn and get turned on that it was enough for him to last.
It's not like they'd fucked often anyways. Harry didn't want to, which made sense given the situation.
Ruth, his now ex-wife, was initially shocked but she'd later revealed she had always had her suspicions, she just pushed them away.
Harry wouldn't say she's understanding about it though. She made sure she can milk as much money as she can from him even though he wasn't even earning that much in the first place anyway. In fact, she earned more than him.
But it had also been because he'd begged her not to tell his parents. Even at his grown age, Harry doesn't want his parents to know anything, especially when he's still figuring things out for himself.
Harry feels selfish and awful for ending things the way that he did he couldn't hide anymore. He couldn't hide who he really is. He'd fallen in and out of depression numerous of times as a result and he couldn't handle it again.
Harry hopes she will understand some day though, and that she'll forgive him. It won't be easy and Harry totally understands that. From her point of view, he'd basically led her on for years and never gave her what she truly deserved.
Harry deserves to be free too. He's who he is and nothing can change that. He's finally coming to terms with that.
So, he's being brave. Something he maybe should have done all those years ago instead of wasting Ruth's time for so long.
But anyhow, he's here and he's ready to explore this side of him. The side that's been waiting to burst open for so damn long.
And it feels good, albeit overwhelming because he isn't entirely sure how to navigate this. But he's liberated and he's certain he'll figure it out. He just hopes it's not too late for him too.
Harry takes a sip of his drink. If he wants to go home with someone tonight or just make out on the dance floor, he needs to be sober. However, some liquid courage will always help.
Harry's leg bounces nervously. He wants to talk to someone, he just doesn't know how to approach them, he doesn't know what to say.
'Hey I'm Harry, nice to meet you. I'm thirty-six and recently divorced from my wife because I'd convinced myself to be straight for two decades.'?
Yeah, not a chance. Even though they didn't need to know the full story, he didn't trust himself to not blurt it out in front of anyone.
He hasn't been in the dating game for ages. Heck, he's never really been in one. Unless Penny from year five counted which it didn't. His marriage was planned out by his parents for Pete's sake.
So how on earth is a thirty-six year old man supposed to do this? He's pretty sure there's not many guys that would want him anyway. They're mostly young and looking for someone their age to hook up with.
Still, Harry can at least finish his drink. If no one comes to him or if he doesn't get up and try, he'll just leave. There's no rush; he's still figuring things out after all.
"Does your leg always do that?"
Harry is startled by the voice, jumping a bit before turning around to find out who it belongs too.
He's a good - looking guy with light brown feathery hair and a scruffy beard, blue eyes and a pink mouth.
"Uh, I-- I don't know. Yes? I don't know," Harry answers, cheeks growing hot.
The man raises his brow at Harry. "It's because you're nervous, isn't it?"
Harry, unable to speak, nods.
"Why are you nervous?" he asks then moves closer to Harry, sitting down on the bar stool next to Harry.
Harry shrugs. "Haven't really done this before," he admits quietly.
"Flirted? Hooked up? Had a drink?" he asks Harry.
Harry shrugs again. "I guess so-- all a bit new to me. Besides the drinking," he laughs nervously.
The man hums, eyes seemingly understanding. "Well, my name is Louis. What's yours?"
"Harry," Harry manages to get out.
A smile slowly appears on Louis' face. "Your cheeks are turning pink," he says, eyes moving across Harry's face in amusement.
Harry is pretty sure that just makes him blush even more. "Sorry," he mumbles out.
"You don't have to apologize. It's cute," Louis winks at him.
Oh. He's flirting, isn't he?
Someone actually came to flirt with him, he thinks happily.
"What are you drinking?" Louis asks.
"Gin and tonic," Harry replies, "are you-- do you want one?"
Louis smirks. "Sure, why not?"
Harry shakily orders a drink for Louis. When he turns back to Louis, he notices that the man is already staring back at him.
"So, you're new to this huh? Never been to a gay bar before?" Louis asks, moving a little closer to Harry.
Harry can feel the warmth radiating off of him, his cologne spicy and intoxicating. "Yeah, I, um, I'm recently divorced, so," he shrugs.
He doesn't need to know that Harry's been in the closet for twenty years. That's hoping Harry doesn't blurt it out randomly.
Louis raises his eyebrows. "I see. Why are you this nervous though? Surely you know you're really good-looking?"
Oh wow. Okay. That's... that's something.
"Was that a bit much?" Louis asks, nose crinkled.
Harry laughs. "Didn't expect it," he admits, "but thanks for that."
"No problem," he says then gets the drink from the bartender that he thanks Harry for.
Harry looks at him but tries not to stare. It's hard not to. He's very handsome. He has sharp cheekbones, blue eyes and the scruff on his face is more attractive than Harry thought it could be.
He also looks much younger than Harry is. Harry can see it in his eyes.
"How old are you? If you don't mind me asking," Harry pinches his brows together.
"Old enough?" Louis asks with a charming twinkle in his eye.
Harry chuckles. "Seriously, how old are you?"
"Twenty-eight, I'll be twenty-nine in December. How about you?"
Oh. He's in his twenties still. Harry swallows. This is... this isn't what Harry expected. He's not sure how comfortable Louis would be with someone his age.
"Thirty-six," Harry mumbles.
He's waiting for Louis to laugh and thank Harry for the drink before walking off. Maybe he'd scoff and leave the drink alone.
"Cool," Louis says instead, "you don't look it."
Harry blinks. That's it?
"Why do you look so shocked?" Louis asks, placing his glass back down after taking a sip.
"I just-- uh, does that not weird you out?"
Louis shrugs. "Why would it?"
"We're almost a decade apart," Harry says incredulously.
"I don't really care," Louis says, "I'm only talking to you aren't I? Am I not allowed to do that?"
Harry's cheeks feel warm again. Right. All Louis is doing is talking to him. Nothing else is happening. He needs to calm down.
"I'm just-- if you're uncomfortable..." Harry trails off.
"I'm good. Are you uncomfortable? I can go if you are," he says. His playfulness and flirty nature drops. He's saying it genuinely.
Harry smiles a bit. "I don't think so?"
Louis laughs. "Okay, well, if at any point in time you do feel that way please let me know."
"Thank you. I appreciate that," Harry says sincerely.
"You're welcome," he smiles. He has a nice smile. "So, Harry, what brings you here then? I doubt you want to make yourself this nervous on purpose. Are you waiting for a date?"
Harry snorts, then sips his drink. He shakes his head. "I'm not waiting for a date, no," he bites his lip, contemplating whether he should tell this stranger the real reason why he's here.
"I'm trying to... explore, I guess. I am divorced and I never really got to experience any of this," Harry explains sheepishly.
"Okay, I get it. Explains why you're nervous," Louis glances at Harry's leg that hasn't stopped shaking still, "what do you mean explore though?"
Harry feels the heat go up to his ears. "I'm... I haven't hooked up with anyone?"
God this conversation is harder than he expected it to be.
"Oh, you haven't done the one night stand thing?" Louis asks.
Technically that is true. He hasn't done anything with a guy but he doesn't say that. He can't. Right?
Actually, maybe he should. What if Louis wants to do things with Harry that Harry has no experience with? Which is basically everything.
"I-- I haven't done anything with a guy," Harry admits, unable to even look at Louis. This is the part where he leaves, isn't it?
"Wait-- nothing?" Louis asks, sounding surprised. "But your marriage...?"
"I was married to a woman, um, I didn't-- I came out recently," Harry says. He feels embarrassed, almost. Even if he has no reason to be, really.
Louis is quiet until Harry looks at him. "I see. Sorry for assuming," he apologizes, "so you want to experience a lifestyle you didn't discover until recently?"
Harry nods. Louis gives him a warm smile.
"Okay, and what exactly do you want to do?"
Harry widens his eyes. That's a very bold question. "Uh, I-- I don't know. I didn't come here with anything specific in mind."
Louis searches his face. "This must be a lot for you, isn't it?" he asks gently.
Harry let's out a breath, nodding. "I'm-- I want to try things out but after being closeted for so many years, I don't really know where to start."
"So you chose to start at a gay bar?" Louis asks, not judgy but confused, rather.
Harry shakes his head. "I had two apps and spoke to people but it just didn't work out."
Louis nods. "Those apps can be intimidating. And let me tell you, they don't care if you're a virgin, they just want sex. And you deserve better than that, especially for a first time."
He didn't think it would be possible but his cheeks feel even hotter.
"You're turning red now," Louis comments, sounding amused.
"I'm not used to talking about this," Harry clears his throat, "Thirty-six year old virgin... everyone will be at my feet in no time."
Louis chuckles lowly. "I think you might be in your head too much, Harry. It's not as complicated as you might think."
"I know I am," Harry rolls his eyes, because of course he is, "I just feel like I might do something wrong? It's intimidating to be who you are and not have to worry about other people."
Louis smiles. "You're a good guy, Harry."
"Thanks?"
"Sorry, it's just... you seem sweet. I feel bad that you have to come here for your first... experience," he says, wrinkled nose then takes a sip of his drink.
"Why?" Harry asks. Everyone here seems okay enough.
"Just, like," he shrugs then sighs, "they're mostly full of shit."
Harry laughs.
"Why are you here then?" He asks then immediately regrets it because of course he's here for sex too. That's why people come here, right? "I mean if you think they're full of it," he clarifies.
"Just came to hook up with someone if I'm being honest," he admits, "and I thought you were cute."
Harry bites back a smile. Someone thought he was cute. "Still think so?"
Louis raises a brow at him. He probably didn't expect Harry to flirt with him. "Yes, you're pretty," then blinks and looks down at his drink, "sorry, gin makes me too honest."
Harry huffs out a laugh. He's funny and hot and he's into Harry. This is-- it's nice.
"It's fine. It's nice to hear. I think you're cute too," he mumbles the last part out.
"The more you drink the braver you get?" Louis asks with a smirk. "Thanks, love. But I don't think I should continue to woo you knowing you haven't had any experiences."
Harrys heart drops. Of course he wouldn't want Harry. Harry has no idea how to please him or what to do; he'd probably make a fool of himself.
"Oh, I get it," he purses his lips into a smile, feeling more disappointed than he thought he would be.
"No, hey, not like that," Louis frowns, "I just mean your first experience shouldn't be with a guy like me at a gay bar, you know? You deserve someone who'll take you out on a date first, treat you right, yeah?"
His disappointment mostly disappears. "Oh," he let's out a breath, "the thing is-- I don't know if I want anything like that. I just want to experience something -- stuff-- for now, before I get into the dating pool."
Louis nods. "Okay, fair enough."
"So, will your wooing continue?" Harry asks, searching his eyes. God, they're so blue and lovely.
Louis grins, eyes crinkling. Oh.
"Do you want it to?"
"Rather you than anyone else, right?" Harry shrugs.
If Louis can blame the alcohol then so can Harry. Even if he has only had one drink, it's definitely giving him a bit of boost.
Plus, there's just something about Louis that's making Harry relax. He feels comfortable.
Louis raises an eyebrow at him. "Okay, cheeky. We go at your pace though, yes? Tell me if anything is too much?"
Harry feels the excitement dancing through his veins. The hairs on his arm rise as goosebumps form over his skin. He's really going to do this.
"Just like that?" Harry asks.
"Well, I think you're cute and I really want to kiss you right now. You think I'm cute, right? And if you're comfortable then why not?" He shrugs, "since you're not into the dating thing yet."
"Okay," Harry let's out a breath, "okay, how-- um how do I do this?"
Louis giggles. He gets off his stool and extends his hand out for Harry. Harry takes the last bit of his drink in and gets off the stool himself, taking Louis' hand.
He's taken aback by how different Louis' hand feels in his. It's rough, harder, even though it's gentle. Ruth's hands were softer and thinner at her fingers.
He blinks out of his thoughts when Louis pushes opened the bathroom door and then pulls Harry into one of the stalls.
Harry's heart beats rapidly in his chest. Louis is shorter than Harry thought he'd be as he moves closer to Harry.
He let's go of Harry's hand in order to put them on Harry's waist. Harry sighs softly; they're warm.
Louis moves even closer, his whispers hot over Harry's lips, so close to touching but not yet.
"Relax, okay? And tell me if it's too much," is what Louis breathes out, a smirk still on his face, probably noticing how flustered Harry is.
Harry manages to nod and then Louis' lips are on his own. Harry takes a moment to actually respond because wow.
He's never ever felt this before. It's so different. He feels Louis' rough stubble over his own skin, smells his strong musky cologne.
Finally, Harry kisses back, moving his lips with Louis'. His hands move on their own accord to Louis' hair as Louis licks over Harry's bottom lip with his tongue.
Harry whimpers once their tongues meet, dancing together. A spark shoots down his spine, then to his toes.
He's actually doing this. Holy shit. He's kissing a boy and it's fucking amazing.
The thought almost makes him cry but he doesn't. Instead, he allows himself to get lost in it. He allows himself to feel Louis' hands squeeze his waist and pull Harry even closer, he allows himself to tilt his head slightly so Louis can move his tongue even deeper.
"Holy shit," Louis pulls back, sounding breathless, but only for a second because then Harry's being pushed against the wall and Louis' lips are on his again.
Harry welcomes them, his muscles relaxing, body warm with Louis against him. It feels so right. Everything about this feels so much better than anything he's experienced before.
Louis' hands move to under his shirt and jersey suddenly and Harry can't help but moan softly at the contact of Louis' hands on his skin.
Harry can feel Louis smile against his lips as his hands move a bit further down, out of his clothes and to his rear.
Shit. Fuck.
Then, Louis pulls Harry's lower half against his with his hands on Harry's bum.
Harry can feel the outline of Louis' cock against his own. Harry is hard too. He's hard all on his own, no porn needed.
Oh my God.
"This okay?" Louis mumbles against his lips.
Harry only makes a sound that he hopes comes out as a 'yes'.
Louis huffs out a laugh against him, grinding against Harry's crotch.
It feels amazing. So, so good.
"I need a verbal confirmation, love,"
"Yes," he breathes out, connecting their lips again. Louis smiles again against his lips.
Louis carefully moves his hands to the front of Harry's pants and Harry finally pulls away. He looks down, seeing the outline of his bulge against his trousers and then to Louis' eyes widening.
This is a man, who's touching him, kissing him, who's hard for Harry. He made a man hard. Shit.
"You alright?" Louis asks, his hands returning to Harry's waist, eyebrows furrowed. "We don't have to do anything other than kissing if you're not comfortable-- just don't cream your trousers."
Harry manages to let out a breathy laugh. He shakes his head. "I'm just-- I can't believe this is happening. You're... you're turned on."
Louis cocks his head to side, smiling. "I am and it seems like you are too?"
Harry wipes a hand over his face, laughing in disbelief. This is really happening.
"Are you okay...?" Louis asks, rubbing his thumbs over Harry's waist.
Harry grins the bites his bottom lip. "I'm just nervous but I-- I want whatever you were doing."
Louis chuckles. "Okay, can I kiss you again?"
"Yes, please," Harry says before he feels Louis' lips on his again, a bit slower this time as he timidly moves his hands to the front of Harry's trousers again.
Harry sucks in a breath because wow. This is huge. This is going to be his first sexual experience with a man.
"Good?" Louis asks as he pops the button opened.
Harry nods, eyes hooded. He hears Louis pull down his zipper, Louis' lips hovering over his own.
"Still okay?" he asks.
God, he's sweet. Harry is glad he gets to do this with someone like Louis.
"Yes," he breathes out.
Louis gingerly places his hand inside of Harry's boxers and Harry inhales sharply.
There's a man's hand in his underwear and he's gripping Harry's cock. Oh my God.
Harry whimpers out a moan as Louis pulls on his cock slowly. He leans against the wall, eyes squeezed shut, focusing on the feeling of Louis' rough hand pulling his cock. It feels beyond incredible. Better than anything Harry's ever dreamt of.
"There you go," Louis whispers against his ear when Harry moans softly again, Louis' hand working a steady pace.
Harry rests one hand on Louis' shoulder while the other pulls at his hair when Louis' lips suck on his neck, the spot right under his ear, going down onto his throat.
"Oh my God," he breathes out.
He's so overwhelmed, with Louis' hand tugging his cock and his lips suckling at the skin on his neck, Louis' free hand gripping his waist tightly.
"Feeling okay?" Louis asks him.
Harry leans his head forward to nod, their foreheads touching as Harry nods. "Good," he manages to say.
Louis smiles. "Good," he repeats, joining their lips again, though Harry can barely kiss back with his breathing coming out uneven and soft moans.
Louis swipes his thumb over the tip of his cock, then digs his fingernail into his slit, making Harry's head drop against the wall again, bent to look at the ceiling as his mouth opens in a silent moan.
"You're so sexy like this, you have no idea," Louis whispers, sucking at his throat again.
The words make Harry shiver. He's sexy and he's cute and it's all coming from a man. A gorgeous, sweet man. Fuck.
"Let go when you need to," Louis place a kiss to his Adam's apple.
Harry doesn't understand why his body understands and reacts that quickly because only four tugs later he's coming, left hand pulling Louis' hair tightly, right digging into his shoulder.
When he finally let's out a breath, he opens his eyes properly and looks down at Louis' messed hand.
"Good for your first experience then?" Louis asks.
"Wow," Harry exhales. He doesn't even know when last he came like that. Doesnt think he ever did actually.
Harry wants to laugh and cry and man, does he want to do that again.
When he's coherent enough, he notices the bulge in Louis' pants. "Do you want me to?" he asks, looking down.
"I'm okay, clean yourself up, love," Louis smiles, pulling his zipper down and reaching into his own boxers with his hand, the one messed with Harry's come.
Oh my God. Oh my good God.
Harry widens his eyes, watching Louis' hand move up and down quickly over his own cock. He let's out a long hiss then opens his eyes and looks straight at Harry.
Harry holds the eye contact, biting his lip. He's disgusting and needs to clean himself before the come dries. But he can't move. He's watching Louis in awe. Louis is shameless with the way he's smirking at Harry, almost as if he knows Harry is watching him intently.
He's just-- he's never seen a guy do this up close. It's so different to anything he's seen in porn before.
"You look incredibly beautiful when you come," Louis says, voice strained as his hand moves faster, "gonna be stuck in my brain for weeks--fuck."
And his face contorts, letting out a low groan as he comes too, wanking himself through it.
Beautiful. Harry's never been called that before. He likes it a lot.
The thought of Louis coming because he liked the way Harry looked when he came makes his own soft cock twitch.
"Here," Louis hands him some tissue.
"Thank you," Harry mumbles, wiping himself off, hoping there's no stains anywhere.
After they flush their used tissues and button up their trousers again, Harry feels awkward.
Right. He just wanted to experience something-- he told Louis he wasn't interested in dating which is how they'd gotten here in the first place.
"Hope that was good enough," Louis tells him with a small smile.
Harry nods, rubbing the back of his neck. They need to wash their hands.
"Harry, I--" Louis starts, then fish mouths before he sighs and shakes his head, "never mind."
Harrys heart drops but he's not sure why. "Thank you, Louis," Harry says awkwardly.
"You don't need to thank me. You're cute, remember?" Louis grins.
Harry laughs softly. "Thanks anyways."
"It was a pleasure," he says then exhales, "um, I should probably wash my hands and go then?"
Harry chews on the inside of his cheek, nodding slowly. He doesn't really want Louis to leave but he's also not sure why. This is how hookups work after all.
Louis nods once before opening the door, leaving it opened for Harry, and heading to the sink where he uses the soap and washes his hands.
Harry swallows. He should say something, right? Why the hell not? They can meet again and hookup right? Or does he try and do it with someone else now?
Harry frowns. He doesn't know if he wants to keep doing this with other people.
"Louis," Harry calls out quickly, watching Louis walk to the door.
Louis turns around to face him. "Yeah?" he asks, eyes wide.
"Can I-- will I see you again?" he blurts out.
Louis smiles. "Thank fuck," he breathes out. He reaches into his back pocket for his wallet then opens it and pulls out a card. He walks to Harry, handing him the card.
Harry takes it, biting his bottom lip, still at the entry way of the bathroom stall.
"Call if you want to," Louis shrugs, leaving Harry with a charming smile before he walks out of the bathroom.
Harry bites back a smile. That was--that was a lot for a first experience but he isn't complaining. He's pretty sure he's just had the best orgasm of his life.
Harry places the card into his pocket carefully, mind still reeling as he shakily gets to the sink to wash his hands. He catches sight of his neck in the mirror and gasps.
There are two big love bites on his neck, both dark purple; one underneath his ear and the other just where his neck meets his shoulder.
He widens his eyes and tries to cover at least one of them up. As soon as he finishes drying off his hands, two men walk in with their hands linked together, a very flirty smile on one of their faces.
They give Harry a nod of acknowledgement before locking themselves into a stall, one next to where Harry was. With Louis. While they made out and Louis wanked him.
Fuck.
Harry hears a moan and decides that it's time to go. He wonders if anyone heard them because Harry didn't exactly make it his mission to stay quiet, so.
He doesn't care though, because he finally feels like he's okay to experience that and he's glad it was Louis out of everyone because he seems like a sweet, good guy.
He was patient and reassuring and Harry hasn't felt that comfortable with anyone before.
The smile never leaves his face as he drives back to his home, even when he takes a shower, he spots some come near his pelvis and grins even wider.
When he gets into bed, he takes out the card Louis had given him, placing it on his nightstand.
Momentarily, he thinks about maybe messaging Louis now. But maybe he should wait. There's a rule with that, isn't there?
Or is that just for dating?
Harry shakes his head and turns to face the wall instead. He should probably wait a bit.
*
"Did you get bitten?" Liam asks, eyes on Harry's neck.
Harry widens his eyes, touching his neck. Fuck. He figured three days later, they'd disappear but evidently they haven't.
Liam gasps. "You hooked up with someone!"
"Uh, yes-- kind of?" Harry says with a grimace.
"You sly dog, you," Liam laughs, "who was it? What happened?"
"Uh, his name is Louis and we--" he sighs, "we made out and he... pulled me off?"
"Wow," Liam looks at him, "and how was it?"
"Amazing," he breathes out, laughing, "I felt so-- I felt like I could finally breathe."
Liam's face softens. "I am so proud of you," he says, reaching over to squeeze Harry's hand, "one step closer to popping your cherry."
"Liam," he hisses, cheeks hot, "Jesus."
Liam giggles. "Well, that's good, is all I'm saying. You seeing him again or?"
"He gave me his number," Harry murmur, looking down at his half drunk coffee.
"And?"
"And what?" Harry frowns.
"Did you message him?" Liam asks, looking impatient.
Harry shakes his head, looking down again.
"Why?" Liam huffs.
"Because I didn't want to seem needy and I-- I'm kind of scared?" Harry gnaws on his bottom lip.
"What are you scared of?" Liam asks, voice softer now.
"This is me being me, Liam. After twenty years. Everything is scary. What if we meet again and hook up but I do something he doesn't like? What if we get too serious too quickly? I don't think I want anything serious; it's only been five months, you know? I just want to be me for a bit."
Liam nods slowly. "I get it. You should text him and meet again and if you like hooking up maybe just be honest about that last part. Or you could just get rid of his number and hook up with someone else?"
Harry ponders over it for a bit. He's thought about doing just that. Maybe he should just forget about Louis and try something else with someone else. Why the hell not?
Except. Except Louis made him feel so comfortable and relaxed. Would he even get that with anyone else?
"I'll text him," Harry says decisively.
"There you go. Ask him to take baby steps with you, yeah? If he's a good guy, he'll understand. If not, then you don't want him in your life anyways."
Harry nods. He really would love to see Louis again. He just hopes Louis understands that Harry isn't looking for a relationship-- not yet. If he agrees to keep it slow, just hook up in the mean time, then that'd be great.
If not, then Liam is right, he doesn't want that anyways.
Harry finishes his coffee and asks Liam about the leak in his flat but all that he thinks about, really, is Louis.
The night, Harry messages Louis.
Hi, it's Harry from the other day.
Truthfully he doesn't know what else to say and that might be the most appropriate.
Louis messages him back ten minutes later when Harry is drinking a glass of wine and flipping through the Netflix shows aimlessly.
Harry scrambles for his phone, excited.
Harry! Was beginning to think I'd either made you up completely or you just weren't that interested.
Harry huffs out a laugh.
Sorry, I just didn't want to message you too soon. Um How are you?
He face palms himself. Who even speaks like this?
I'm good thank you. How are you doing on this fine Tuesday evenining?
I'm okay.
He pauses. Now what? Does he say thank you for the other day? Does he ask what Louis' intentions were giving Harry his number? All they agreed on was that they should see each other again, never clarified.
How are you?
Is all he decides to send.
I'm fine thank you for asking again😅
Harry actually gasps. Fuck. He's embarrassing himself already.
Sorry... I don't really know what to say.
It's okay. Tell me about your day. How about that?
Harry smiles.
It was okay. Nothing too crazy happened. I had a kid that drew me a rainbow at school and another one who tried to draw his mum but it just ended up looking like a stick.
Maybe that's too much of information. He didn't need to know all that but Harry also didn't know what else to ask him.
Kids? You're a teacher?
Yes, pre-school :)
That's sick! I am a boring bartender.
Harry tilts his head to the side. He retrieves the card Louis gave him and looks at it.
The card reads 'Professional Gamer'.
Harry blinks. What the fuck? That's a thing? A thing you need a professional card for?
Harry doesn't know why but that makes him feel old. He's not even old.
Bartender? Your card says "Professional Gamer"? Is that a side job or?
Oh... kind of? Well I used to be when I was seventeen and thought I could make a living out of it. lol. I still do some streaming on the side when I can though.
Harry frowns.
How would you make a living out of it? I mean I didn't know that's a thing.
Oh well I had a YouTube channel, thought I'd get tons of views and subscribers but I didn't so I gave it up. I am working towards being a photographer though :)
Harry smiles. That's really cute.
Sorry your channel didn't work out. Are you studying still?
I am- almost done actually.
Bartending to help pay the bills and all. Rent isn't cheap on top of uni fees:/
Harry bites his lip. He wonders, randomly, if Louis lives alone or with roommates. Harry never got to do that. He stayed at home during his uni studies and then straight after, he moved in with Ruth.
You should consider getting a roommate or two if you don't already have one... could help you save a buck.
I have one :) his name is Niall. He's one of my best friends too, actually.
Harry smiles again.
He's forgotten that Louis is almost a decade younger than him. The thought makes him feel a bit weird so he tries not to think about it. It doesn't really matter in this instance anyways.
Do you have a best friend, Harry?
Harry snorts.
Liam and Zayn, his boyfriend, they're both my best friends I guess. I don't even know when last I used that to describe a friend.
Best friends?
Yes. It's... strange.
Truthfully the last time he used it was probably in uni. But anyways, it doesn't matter. Feels good to say it again.
Oops!
Harry shakes his head, smiling.
Tell me what's your favourite colour Harry
Harry tilts his head to the side. He hasn't thought about that in a while. After some consideration, he types out his reply.
I like all the colours. Don't want to discriminate.
Great, now you're making me feel bad for choosing one :')
Let me guess, it's blue?
It's purple actually!
Good. It suits you :)
For some reason the colour does suit Louis, he'll never be able to answer why though.
I'll remember that the next time.
Next time. Harry's heart stutters. Right. He wants to see Louis again.
Speaking of, when can I see you again?
Louis asks before Harry can even type out a message. Jesus he's fast at typing.
When do you want to?
Whenever you're free. You could come to the bar where I work this Friday?
Okay, I'd like that.... do I get a free drink?
Harry hopes Louis at least chuckled at that.
lol sure if it makes you come then yeah
Harry has an incredibly dirty joke about what else can make him come but he doesn't say it.
They text for about another hour before Harry decides he needs to sleep. He's stuffed from lunch with Liam so he isn't even hungry.
He's very happy he finally messaged Louis though. And he's more than happy about the fact that he's going to see Louis again soon. His stomach twists and turns at the thought.
*
Harry meets his sister for an early supper after work on Friday.
Louis told him to come around after eight so he doesn't really have to rush with this. (even if he's excited to see Louis again).
"Are you doing okay?" she asks him ten minutes into their meeting.
Harry sighs. She's the only one who's supported him through everything. She knew back then that Harry had been keeping a secret but she never knew what. All she knew was that Harry didn't want to be with Ruth.
After she'd moved away to Central London and got married, she didn't really know anything else. They lived away from each other, that is, until Harry got a job closer to her.
He's grateful for that because he at least gets to see her more often. He needs some sort of support from his family and she's been understanding so far.
"I'm okay," Harry shrugs, "getting used to living alone I guess?"
"Yeah?" she looks at him.
Harry nods. "Like, with Ruth, I felt alone anyways but I could still feel her presence in the house, you know? Now, it's just empty and weird."
"I'm sure things will feel weird for a while," she says, "but, uh, with Ruth-- have you seen her since everything was finalized?"
He shakes his head, cupping his mug of coffee. "I haven't and I don't think she wants to see me," he laughs, "I wasted years of her life, Gem."
"I understand that. I know she must be feeling horrible right now. I also know that it's not your fault you weren't honest about everything either," she says, then takes a sip of her own drink.
"It is my fault. I had a lot of chances to come clean and be honest. It shouldn't have taken me so long to do it," Harry mumbles. He feels ashamed for it and that's not going to go away any time soon.
"Our psycho parents drilled shit into your head from the time you were a teenager, Harry. I don't blame you for not wanting to be honest," she says with a somber look on her face,"anyways, let's talk about something else, yeah? What's been happening with you?"
Harry shrugs again. "Nothing too exciting," he says, even though his brain goes straight to Louis.
God, he needs to stop that.
"Dating apps working for you?" she asks, wiggling her eyebrows at him, then sipping her drink again.
Harry's cheeks grow warm. He shakes his head. "No, I-- um, I don't even really want to date yet," he says, "just... I want to explore this side of me that I've been being hiding for so long, you know? Dating is a whole other thing-- too intimidating for me at the moment."
"Fair enough. So you just want to hoe around for a bit," she smirks.
"Gemma," he scolds her.
"It's true," she laughs, "and it's totally okay to to that! Just have a bit of fun. You're only recently divorced-- I understand why you don't want to date anyone yet."
"Thank you," he mumbles, still recovering from the fact that she said he wants to 'hoe around'. He does not want to 'hoe around', thank you very much.
Or maybe he does. Whatever.
"So, have you tried anything yet then?" she asks with a curious twinkle in her eye.
Harry clears his throat. "Um, I-- I kind of did? Had my first kiss and um... he pulled me off in the bathroom of a gay bar I went to."
Her eyebrows raise as she cups a hand over her mouth. "No ways, you actually did something?"
Harry frowns. "Why is that a surprise?"
"Because I didn't think you would! You only said a month ago that you want to try and you've already gotten some," she smirks.
"Yeah- and he's really hot," Harry blurts out then covers his mouth, giggling, "sorry, just-- yeah, he's hot."
"So are you seeing him again or was that just a one time thing?"
"Seeing him later today, actually," Harry says.
"Oh wow. That's why you look so dolled up," Gemma eyes him, "and here I thought it was just for me."
Harry rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Just. Don't make fun of me for this, okay?"
"Why would I make fun of you?" she asks curiously.
"I don't know it's you," Harry shrugs.
She snorts back. "Fine, you have my word."
"How's your life going? Seeing anyone?"
She was in a serious relationship for about three years with a man named Peter and that ended badly. Harry isn't sure what exactly happened but Gemma just said he lied a lot - though he didn't cheat apparently.
It was supposedly to do with finances. That's always a touchy subject with couples, Harry knows that from personal experience. Hell, he's being milked dry at the moment from his ex-wife.
"Went on a few dates but nothing spectacular," she shrugs, "but I'm not too worried about that anyway. I'm loving my job."
"That's good, I guess?"
She's always been a career first person so that doesn't really surprise him. He just hopes she does make time for other things in her life.
She deserves to be happy in all aspects of her life too.
"Is that grey hair that I see?" she gasps.
Harry drops his cup down, quickly reaching up to his hair. "Oh my God, where?"
"Right in front," she snorts, "well, guess you're the first one out of us to get grey hair then."
Harry pouts, moving his hair around. "Shut Up."
As soon as he's done with Gemma, Harry goes to the address Louis sent him earlier. His stomach bubbles with excitement.
Harry adjusts the shirt he's wearing (out of habit when he's nervous) before walking in. Immediately he smells alcohol - beer specifically - and hears a few voices shouting.
He turns to the voices and realizes they're shouting at a TV. There's a football match one and it seems like they're not a big fan of the referee.
Harry looks forward again and spots Louis pouring something from a cocktail shaker into a glass.
He spots Harry too and smiles, beckoning him over. Harry walks up to him, sitting on the bar stool opposite Louis.
"Hi," Louis grins at him.
"Hey," Harry smiles back, resting his arms on the wooden top, fiddling with the edges of his sleeve.
This is a bit awkward. The last time they saw each other Harry had the best make out session and orgasm of his life.
"Want something to drink?" Louis asks, leaning forward so much so that Harry can smell the mint and nicotine from his breath.
Harry nods, a bit dazed. "Will you judge me if I ask for wine?"
Louis laughs softly, eyes crinkling. God he really is handsome.
"White or red?" he asks, stepping away.
"White - chardonnay, please,"
Louis gives him a wink before turning around and grabbing a bottle for a top shelf. "No specific brand right?" he asks over his shoulder.
"No, not really," Harry says, even though he knows he can be fussy with his brands of wine.
"Good," he turns back around and pours some into the glass before putting it in front of Harry.
Harry takes a sip and hums. "This is good," he says, pleasantly surprised.
"Didn't become a bartender for nothing, love," Louis smirks.
Love.
Harry blushes, hoping taking another sip of his wine will cover it enough. A round of shouting goes off from where Harry saw those men watching football before which catches his attention again because it takes him by surprise.
"Theyre really into it, aren't they?" Louis asks, his gaze also on them.
"Yeah-" Harry pauses, eyes squinted, "are their faces painted red and white?"
"Yeah, Arsenal fans and the one guy with the blue shirt is a Man City fan," Louis explains pointing to the extra large man with hairy arms.
"Oh," Harry says, wishing he knew more about football.
"Yeah, they're passionate-maybe a bit too much," Louis snorts, "one of them broke out TV once."
"Youre joking," Harry gasps.
"Nope, I wish I was. Liverpool fan, not happy with the referee's decision."
Harry hums and takes another sip of his wine.
"Who's your favourite team?"
Harry looks at Louis, scratching the back of his neck. "I don't really like football - any sport for that matter."
"Really?" Louis asks, looking shocked.
"Yeah sorry," Harry winches.
"Don't apologize, silly. I'm going to eventually get you into football you'll see," he winks.
"I highly doubt it but thanks," Harry sips his wine again.
Harry opens his mouth to ask Louis how his day was when one of the men with a red painted face get to Louis and asks him for a refill for a pint.
When Louis is done, he gets back to Harry with a smile on his face." I'm really glad you came, Harry. I was looking forward to seeing you again."
Harrys cheeks heat up. "I was too," he admits quietly, looking at Louis, "thank you for being nice by the way - about my divorce and my, uh, first... you know, experience."
Louis chuckles. "You don't have to thank me for that, Harry. I told you I thought you were cute the minute I saw you."
Harrys face becomes even warmer. "I didn't think you'd want someone inexperienced though."
"I don't really mind as long as you're okay with it," Louis shrugs.
"More than," Harry says before he can stop himself.
There's a twinkle in Louis' eye when he smiles again. Harry blushes.
"Can I ask you about how your first experience was with a boy?" Harry asks quickly.
He's always been nervous to know. Because he feels like if he hears other people's experiences he'll just feel even more left out and cowardly.
"Sorry- it's a stupid question," he shakes his head, backtracking, "you don't have to answer it."
"Its not," Louis reassures him with a smile. "My first time with a guy was amazing. I was in high school and with the first guy I had a crush on."
"Wow," Harry blinks, impressed.
"Yeah, and I dated him for a bit after that," Louis says. He reaches down for a cloth to wipe the wooden counter top.
"How many have you dated?" Harry can't help but pry more.
"Uh," Louis looks up, sighing, "four in total? I've had a few hookups here and there."
"Oh," Harry says. He wants to ask more but he doesn't think it's appropriate to so he just sips on his wine again.
"I'm finishing my shift in about half an hour - maybe you want to join me for some coffee or a late dinner?"
Harry is still pretty full from earlier but he nods anyways, a bit hesitant. This is like a first for him - first date? No, it can't be a date. Not yet. This is just meant to be casual and fun.
"Not for a date, don't worry," Louis says almost as if he were reading Harry's mind, "just thought I'd talk to you more about what you actually want."
"Want from what?" Harry asks, confused.
"Uh, us?" Louis asks. "I mean, I wanted to see you again after that night and so did you but you don't want to date so I just want to be clear about what you want - since we're talking over text and stuff too."
That makes sense but it makes harry anxious for some reason. He's not sure why. Maybe it's because he'll be out alone with a boy for the first time ever and people will definitely be looking.
"Yeah, that makes sense," Harry clears his throat.
"Don't worry, I know you want to, um, take things slow, yeah? You're new to this I get it."
Harrys shoulders drop, relieved. He's grateful Louis is so understanding.
"Excuse me for a sec," Louis tells him as a group of people sit at the other end of the bar.
He greets them with a smile, asking what they'd like to drink. Harry grins and looks down at his wine.
To be quite honest, he doesn't exactly know what he'll say to Louis. He doesn't want to date - not yet. So... friends with benefits? That sounds a bit sleazy though. But maybe thats the only one that makes sense if they're going to label it.
Louis finishes off and hands over to a lady with auburn hair and a bright smile, giving her a hug before beckoning Harry over to the back exit.
Harry tilts his head, curious, walking towards him.
Louis takes his hand and pushes the door opened, leading Harry out the back into an alleyway. Harry's heart rate picks up.
"Oh my God don't kill me," Harry gasps.
Louis laughs. "I'm not going to kill you. I actually kinda like you if you haven't noticed," he raises an eyebrow at Harry.
Harry let's out a relieved laugh. He didn't actually think Louis would but you never really know these days.
"Then what are you we doing here?" Harry asks curiously.
Louis smirks, letting go of Harry's hand and quickly pushes Harry against the wall, hands now on Harry's waist, kissing him.
Harry is taken aback, squeaking before his body relaxes and he kisses back, Louis' lips warm and soft against his own.
"Stop me if you want to, okay?" Louis says, their foreheads and noses touching, running his lips over Harry's but not kissing him again.
"Okay," Harry breathes out, just wanting to kiss Louis again.
Thankfully, he does kiss Harry again, slowly, sucking on his bottom lip, hands on Harry's waist, pulling his bottom half closer while his top half is still pressed against the wall.
Harry's hands go to his hair again, running through the feathery strands as he sinks into it. Louis prods his lips with his tongue until their tongues meet, Louis' grip tighter.
Harry feels it in his bones again. He's never ever felt a kiss affect him this much - hell, he's never been kissed this before.
Harry groans when Louis tilts his head, plunging his tongue deeper into his mouth.
When Louis pulls away, his lips are wet and swollen and his eyes are hooded.
"That was good," Harry says, biting his bottom lip.
"Only good? Not spectacular? Amazing?" Louis teases, nudging their noses together and placing a short kiss to his lips.
Harry laughs, the sound breathy. "It was brilliant, Louis."
"Thank you," Louis huffs out a laugh, "been thinking about that since the other day."
"Really?" Harry asks. He doesn't know why he's surprised. He just didnt expect Louis to say that. Harry's been thinking about it too.
"Yes," Louis searches his eyes, "it was good enough, right? You didn't hate it?"
Harry giggles. "I didn't. Definitely not. And I kind of want to... uh do it again?"
"You do?" Louis raises his brows, "All you have to do is ask."
"Can we do that again?" Harry huffs.
"Absolutely," Louis grins, eyes crinkling, their lips meeting again.
Harry's whole body melts into it again. It's crazy how comfortable he gets almost instantly with Louis. He barely knows him yet he finds himself like putty in his hands and they've barely done much besides kiss.
Louis moves his lips down his throat, then to the side of his neck, sucking on the skin with gentle nips from his teeth.
Harry let's his head fall back and hand pull his hair. This is... everything. Harry loves it; loves the feeling of Louis' warm body over his, his hands on Harry and his smell. It's so different from what he's used to. It's freeing. To actually feel this. Something he's been craving but suppressing for years.
Louis let's his hands explore up his waist down his hips, carefully to his bum which makes Harry moan. "You sound..." Louis lifts his head up, running his lips over Harry's, "you sound amazing."
"Amazing?" Harry asks, smiling.
Louis chuckles. He kisses Harry on the mouth again, moving their lips together, not as heated but still intimate.
Louis moves his hands to the front of Harry's trousers, just like he did at the bar that day, his fingers pausing at Harry's button.
"Good?" Louis asks quietly.
"Yeah," Harry nods.
Louis pops opened his button, Harry letting out a shaky breath as he pushes his hand inside.
His fingers brush Harry's cock, already hard in his underwear. Louis pulls it out like he did the last time, his mouth attached to Harry's neck again.
Harry shudders when his cock is pulled out completely into the cool air.
"Touch yourself," Louis whispers, breath warm over Harry's ear.
Harry widens his eyes. He's suddenly very conscious about where they are. Anyone could walk out the back door of the pub and see them like this.
Harry doesn't know why that kind of turns him on. He swallows and reaches down. Louis let's go of his cock, unbuttoning his own pants.
Harry wanks himself slowly, cheeks hot as he watches Louis pull out his own cock. Even though it's darker now than before, Harry feels like he's seeing a lot of Louis' dick. He never actually saw his dick the last time.
Harry gulps.
"Stop me if you need to, okay?" Louis tells him.
Harry nods. Louis pushes Harry's hand away from his cock and grabs both of theirs in his hand, stroking.
Harry shivers. "Shit, Louis," he sighs, the feeling of Louis' cock against his feels better than he ever imagined it. Porn does not do this justice nor does Harry's imagination.
"Good?" Louis asks, voice strained.
"So good," Harry moans, dropping his head back briefly when Louis swipes his thumb over the head of Harry's cock.
"You're so wet it's making this much easier," Louis laughs softly. Harry looks down at their cocks in Louis' hand and notices the precome messing Louis' hands and some of his cock.
Harry shifts his hips, wanting more.
"Easy, love," Louis smirks at him, kissing Harry softly.
Harry mewls into his mouth as Louis goes faster, the drag over Harry's cock from Louis' and Louis' hand building up that familiar heat in his stomach.
"Are you close?" Louis asks.
Harry's eyes squeezed shut, overwhelmed with feeling, nodding.
"Louis," Harry gasps when Louis rubs their heads together, coming in his hand, back arching off the wall, hand gripping Louis' hair tightly.
"Shit," Louis curses, wet sound of Harry's come jerking both of their cocks off filling the dark alleyway.
Harry whimpers, his cock softening when Louis finally comes, groaning, head thrown back, his come leaking over both of their dicks.
Harry watches, fascinated. Louis breathes heavily, hand messed, both their trousers undone. Harry reaches down to shakily take out a packet of tissues from his jacket. He hands some to Louis who wipes his hand and Harry wipes his cock.
He tucks it away and zips himself up, feeling like he could take a nap right about now.
"You are absolutely gorgeous when you come," Louis says boldly, kissing him softly.
Harry smiles against his lips. "Only when I come?"
"Gorgeous all the time," he rolls his eyes playfully. "Still up for going out for a warm drink?"
Harry shrugs. It's not that cold outside but the wind is starting to get chilly. He also always has a cup of tea before bed anyways.
Louis grabs Harry's hand again and Harry simply follows. His hand that was messed with Harry's - and his own - come only seconds ago.
Harry can't believe he just that. He just got off with a hot man in an alleyway where anyone could have seen and that little thought turned him on even more. He stores that away for later though.
The fact is he's seen a man's cock and he's felt their come, the veiny skin of his dick against his own. And it was thrilling. Everything Harry's wanted and more.
And with someone like Louis which is, again, great because he was patient and kept asking if Harry was okay. That's exactly what Harry needs for this experience - exploration phase.
When they're sat down, two cups of tea and a piece of cake between them, Louis brings it up first.
"So, second orgasm," he says with a smug smile. "I'm glad we washed our hands before this."
Harry breathes out a small laugh. "Thank you, for the, uh, you know..."
"Orgasm?" Louis offers, a twinkle in his eye.
Harry shakes his head, cheeks hot. "Yes, that."
"And thank you in return," Louis snorts, "so... I need to know what it is you want going forward."
Harry nods. He looks around and lets out a breath seeing that their aren't that many people around them. "I like what we're doing now... does it have to have a label or?"
Louis shrugs. "Not really, I guess? As long as we're on the same page."
Harry nods. "Well, I like what we are doing... I want to do... more... with you."
Louis smiles. "I like it too and I definitely want to do more with you. So, um no dating then?"
"I don't think so - not yet," Harry confirms.
Louis nods slowly.
"You're not obligated to help me though. I like how everything we're doing feels but it's okay if you want something else. Like, dating and stuff."
Because it's two of them in this. Louis can't be doing everything just for Harry.
"I like it too. I don't mind doing things slowly, casually and all," Louis says, putting a piece of carrot cake into his mouth.
"Okay," Harry breathes out, "okay."
"Okay?" Louis teases.
Harry laughs. "No, just-- I'm glad to hear that."
Louis grins back at him. "All you have to do for me is tell me if you're genuinely ready and okay to try any of the stuff we're doing, yeah?"
Harry agrees quickly. "And you."
"I will," he says with a reassuring smile. "We should probably also talk about what you want to try with me and what you don't to."
"What do you mean?"
"Oral sex, penetration - all of that,"
Harry's eyes widen, neck growing hot. "Oh," he says. He's never really thought about that to be honest. That's something he'll have to think about going forward though.
"And no pressure," Louis adds.
Harry looks at him and smiles. "No pressure," he repeats.
Again, grateful he can get someone like Louis for this.
"I don't know yet... can we take it one day at a time, maybe?"
"Yes, of course," Louis says quickly, "you like everything we're doing now so we can keep it there."
Harry nods, shoulders relaxing.
"Harry," he calls out, arms over the table crossed together.
"Yes?"
"Can I ask you a question that may be a bit invasive but I'm just curious right now. Though you could totally tell me to fuck off."
Harry snorts. "Ask me,"
"You were in your marriage for a while right?" he asks carefully.
Harry nods, already having an idea of where this is heading.
"So you only - I mean the fact that you're gay - that only came to you now or?"
Harry sighs. He doesn't have to tell Louis everything so he won't. "I knew a while back but my parents were very... narrow-minded people, so, I didn't have a choice and had to marry. I never had the courage to until now."
"That's... well, firstly I'm sorry you had to go through that," he frowns, "secondly you're brave for doing that."
Harry huffs out a laugh. 'Cause, yeah right. "I hardly think so. I ruined a nice woman's life for nothing."
"I know that may not be the best thing, yes, but you've also finally chosen to accept who are you and that's always a brave thing to do."
He says it so fiercely that Harry finds himself feeling a little proud of himself actually.
"Thank you," he whispers, smiling at Louis softly. Because he needed to hear that.