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Sanji…never thought much about Usopp, at least beyond ‘he’s my crewmate and I can trust him with my life’ sorta way.
When the crew was separated, that changed in a whiplash sort of way when he found that the person he thought about the most was The Longnose. At first, he didn’t even realize it until Tibany told him in that falsetto matter-of-fact but suggestive bluntness, “You know, you talk about that Usopp a lot.”
Which is incredibly annoying! Why wasn’t he talking about Nami!? Or Robin? Or any of the women in his he adored with every fiber of his being? Why is it that his mind is constantly clouded with memories of the sniper and the way he puts his hands on his hips when determined and that time Usopp impersonated him to make Luffy laugh!?
Strange, strange, strange…but no answer to these burning questions or how unfair it was. Of course, trying to banish Usopp related thoughts from his head was damn near impossible and obviously he couldn’t talk to any of the drag queens without there being excited screeching.
This wasn’t something he ever wanted to have an out loud conversation about.
So…he writes.
He learned that Nami will write letters to people and then not send them. Helped her get her thoughts in order, she had told Chopper once when he was feeling down, helped get out all the emotions. It was something he overheard when they both came in from the hot sun beating down on the deck into the kitchen for something cold to drink when the days weren’t less dangerous but more simple. Maybe if it worked so well for her, judging by how perfectly rational and levelheaded she always seemed to be (at least to him), maybe it’d work for this too.
In a moment of pause and away from the Hell that was Momoiro, he began to write in a small journal that was supposed to be used to log his progress. But one blank page couldn’t hurt, could it? All he had to do was write about how Usopp isn’t even worth thinking this much about and…
Dear Shitty Longnose,
Strong start. Maybe too strong, because it wasn’t Usopp’s fault, but he was endlessly frustrated. He was amongst drag queens, a land where his type of woman didn’t exist; so instead of reminiscing about them to get through, he’s thinking about how-
I miss you.
So…that’s why…?
So bad.
Bad enough that what helped him fall asleep last night was thinking about that time they danced on The Merry together, arms slung around each other, cheering and laughing over some really good news.
I’d give anything to talk to you right now and I don’t even know what I would say.
He felt this strain in his throat, making it hard to swallow. Cheeks flushed warm, his teeth wanting to grit.
I don’t care what we talk about.
They could talk about how shitty the weather is or how the sky is blue or some tall tale that didn’t make sense. Good or bad conversation didn’t matter because:
I just want to see you.
Sanji threw down his fountain pen in favor of folding his arms on the table and burying his head in them. What the hell!? This was supposed to make him feel better! Now he’s sniveling over a man! Fortunately, he’s always had an attitude; maybe the drag queens won’t notice how even more down in the dumps he’ll be.
As Usopp’s camp in his head was determined to stay, it was unintentional motivation to get stronger.
Sanji didn’t go running into Usopp’s arms the moment he made it back to the Sunny, but the thought of him being on the deck waiting for him put a little extra pep in his step. He thought he’d look the same; lanky and his favourite bandana. Of course, his ladies were top priority, and they looked so good he was practically falling over himself. Upon laying on the deck of the ship, sun beating down on them through beautiful Sabaody foliage which did nothing to calm the threat of a nosebleed, the face that had been clouding his mind shielded his own from the harsh rays.
That face with now a defined jawline and cheekbones, lashes thicker than they were, facial hair, and a few rogue curls that weren’t in uniform with the rest slicked back into a ponytail. An arm eased him up, and feeling like their faces were getting way too close made Sanji scurry backwards a bit. He looked so different, and now that he’s sitting up with a better view of muscles and a very toned waist that curved in just right…
“Look at you!” Is all he can manage to say because, “I mean…!” Wow!
Usopp let out this bashful, breathy laugh as his cheeks began to glow. “I…” He suddenly can’t look Sanji in the eye, which is very cute to him for some reason. “Well, you know… when you’re sent to a man-eating plant jungle of death…” He sighs, as if it was all so normal and according to plan.
Sanji laughs a bit and then realizes that, “Oh shit, really? That’s where you ended up?”
Usopp nodded, “Yeah. Trying to not get eaten every minute does the body good!” He says, now hoping the subject would be changed because he’d rather not talk about it. At least not yet.
“And you grew your hair out.” Sanji says, now noticing how beautiful black coils were nearly at the middle of his back. He could only imagine how long his hair actually was if it was straight.
The sniper rubbed his arm, obviously loving every minute of this. “Never really got a chance to cut it, thought I’d see how long it could get in two years.” He pulled at one curl to show its true length and let it spring back.
“Well, it um…” Sanji felt a little nervous pit in his stomach, fingers gripping at the lawn. “It looks good.” He says after clearing his throat, trying not to smile or sound too nice but he can’t bring himself to follow through. “I think long hair looks nice on you.”
Usopp snorts a laugh, clambering up to his feet the same awkward way he always did, as if he never knew what to do with those long legs. He extended a hand to Sanji to pull him up, the added muscle surprising the cook at how fast he was set upright. “Missed me?” He says with this faux cockiness.
“You wish! The only ones I missed were my dearest Nami and Robin.” Maybe if he says it, he’ll believe this too.
“I see you’ve barely changed.” He says with an eyeroll as if he was wondering how he could be so foolish. Walking away to spare himself having to see him go worship the women, he threw over his shoulder, “You look great too!”
Maybe the thoughts and feelings will disappear. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, or so he’s heard. He’s back, they live together again, their daily routine has started, things are… cool.
Sanji thought he could just fake it ‘til he made it; if he just went on like he never felt any different, then maybe he’d get his mind in order. Infallible logic, he does say so himself. So, Usopp doesn’t even have any suspicions, they carry on like always but his heart feels the same. Maybe it just takes more time, but at least it’s not getting worse…
Right?
As the sea seemed to endlessly stretch on with no land in sight was when the crew would get a little stir crazy. Sure, the ship was big but it didn’t provide enough breaks from each other nor enough space to expel a lot of pent up energy. It’s usually around this time that Usopp, Luffy, and Chopper come up with a game to play that would at least get the time to pass by faster.
Today’s game was a mix of hide n’ seek and tag with two teams. You get found or touched by the opposing team? You’re out! Of course, the added rule to this is no gadgets as that was what led Usopp to what was deemed a very unfair victory that he still claims was totally fair! He doesn’t have any powers, so he had to make up the difference somehow!
Usually, they’re able to rope some of the other crew into it, and once Sanji found this to be an opportunity to knock Zoro down the peg, he was more than ready! It was nearly a crew wide competition, everyone out blood and every room on the ship (sans the girls’ room) was fair game.
The cook and sniper stuck together for most of it, running down the hall away from a not-as-fast but still charging Franky. Sanji’s eyes caught the door of the narrow supply closet, grabbed Usopp’s wrist and pulled them both inside. The closet was more newly installed, definitely meant for just the mops, brooms, dustpans, and small buckets. Definitely not made with two people standing comfortably inside in mind.
“S-Sorry…!” Usopp hisses breathlessly in the dark, as he had lost his footing on the way in and was clinging onto the cook to keep himself upright.
“You’re fine.” Sanji whispers back, arms around him and trying to seem like he was more concerned about concentrating on the footsteps outside. Feigning that there was just so little room that he couldn’t let him go, that he wasn’t fighting the urge to put his face in his hair.
It’s quiet, no footsteps heard. Usopp sneezes, whispering another, “Sorry.” He always found Sanji’s aftershave to be a little strong.
“You’re okay.” Sanji replies quickly, seeing that his habit of apologizing for just existing didn’t go anywhere (not that he ever tired of saying ‘it’s okay’), his ears picking up Franky’s thudding footsteps coming down their hallway. “Shh…!”
Usopp suddenly began to giggle uncontrollably as their enemy came closer, making Sanji whisper-yell, “You want us to get caught!?”
“I can’t help it!” It’s a nervous habit and he should know!
When Franky’s footsteps stopped just outside the door, Sanji maneuvered an arm so he could press a hand over the sniper’s mouth. He held his breath, the warmth between himself and Usopp in the tight confines of the supply closet making a bead of sweat go down his neck. He exhaled when the sound of Chopper screeching from afar inspired Franky to leave the area altogether.
Something wet and slimy slid against Sanji’s palm, making him snatch his hand away with a, “Ew, what the fuck!?”
Usopp was able to open the door, allowing them to tumble out as he answered, “Don’t do that then! It’s rude!”
A moment that he would have thought nothing of before Momoiro, he was absolutely certain, made his feelings even worse. Because now he’s mourning the loss of Usopp’s weight on him, kicking himself slightly for not seizing the moment and just letting his cheek rest on curly hair because he can’t stop imagining how nice it would feel if he had done it.
And sure, pirate life was one hell of a distraction, but now, it’s like…he suddenly noticed how Usopp just lights up when he talks about whatever he’s making in his factory. How cool he looks aiming his slingshot, and just how hot it is when strong arms wrangle in dinner from the sea. He watched intently as his bare torso glistened in the sun with sweat and sea water splashing as he pulled in a large fish, all on his own.
“What the fuck is wrong with me!? I’m not like that! We’re not like that!” Sanji’s thoughts scream as he tries to go to sleep later that night, his sense of calm ruined after he peeked over at Usopp slumbering peacefully in his hammock next to his. He looked like a painting, something romantic and regal renaissance, with the way the glow of the small night light and the shadows graced his skin, how his chest rose and fell, how hands rested on the bedding just above his head, how his hair-
Sanji took his pillow and firmly placed it on top of his messy blond head, wishing he could scream.
The kitchen had days where it either felt like a sanctuary or a quiet hell. On days where it was safe, he usually had to really focus if he was making something complicated. On days when he would be making a recipe that he knew by heart with the muscle memory to prove it, that was where his mind would wander about you-know-who. He was thinking fondly of the day before where he and Usopp were talking at the dinner table, Sanji was telling him a ridiculous event from his time in Hell and just…the way Usopp hung onto every word and laughed with him and added onto the jokes that made the situation even funnier…
He couldn’t help but think how nice it was that he was so valued and how Usopp is just so easy to talk to and connect with like no one else. He found that he was smiling softly at the thought.
The door to the kitchen swung open.
Speak of the devil. Quickly! Fix your face!
“Hey, Sanji!” How could anyone’s heart not melt at the way he sounds genuinely pleased to see the cook? “You mind if I bring some stuff in here to work? Factory’s starting to feel like a dungeon.”
A part of him wanted to say no, because he’s trying to convince himself he’s completely Usopp’d-out. But, he’s at this weird point where he’d rather jump overboard than potentially hurt his best friend’s feelings so, “I don’t mind. Table’s yours.” But, “You’ll have to move when the food’s ready.”
“Awesome! Thanks!”
It wasn’t long before one end of the table was covered in blue prints, parts, tools, and the room fell in comfortable silence. The sounds of a whisk beating egg-whites and the clicking of the bolts being tightened filled the air. It was nice at first; no pressure to talk and he realized that Usopp just made rooms better to be in whether they spoke or not. Of course, wandering thoughts started walking a bit too far out and soon he was trying to not look like he has been having the same internal mini-crisis for the past several months or let on how much he just loves-
Usopp was pulled out of his focus and over to the kitchen counters where something made of glass had shattered onto the floor. The sound made him jump, nearly dropping his project, barely realizing that he had never seen Sanji drop something in the kitchen until today. He was too preoccupied with seeing if he was okay.
“Shit.” He hears Sanji curse who had already squatted down to clean up shards of glass. Thankfully, all he spilled was a measuring cup of water.
Usopp came right over to help, quickly rounding the island counter and already kneeling down with, “Don’t pick those up with your bare hands!” He scolds, horrified by the high possibility of Sanji cutting himself with the shards. “I’m wearing gloves, see? Let me-”
“I got it, don’t worry.” He needed space between them now because Usopp’s concern and consideration was making his heart skip a beat.
“Oh, your machismo isn’t gonna go anywhere, so-”
“I said I’ve got it!” Sanji snapped, and immediately wanted to collect those words to shove them back in his mouth. He just…didn’t want Usopp any closer.
The sniper recoiled, eyebrows drawn up a bit. “Oh, okay. Fine.” Sounded as hurt as it looked. “See if I care.” He just wanted to help…
Well, he got what he wanted: a little space.
That only bred very longing looks from afar and then immediately averting his gaze if it looked like their eyes would meet. It’s happened a couple times, and every time, Usopp would give him a little smile or make a face to let him know what he’s thinking, like a subtle eyeroll or nodding his head in a way of asking ‘get a load o’ this?’ . So, so ignorant to just how much the cook yearns and yearns and yearns. So now, every time he wants to look over (or comes close to it), he fixates on the scenery beyond the ship. He would always lean on the railing of the vessel, smoking a much needed cigarette where he could space out and-
The sound of hands clapping by his ear pulls his attention to the ever-so-perfect-and-lovely Nami who looked nothing short of annoyed. “Yes! Yes, my dear?” How could he stand there and ignore her like such an idiot!?
“I’ve been trying to tell you to check on the oven!” She exclaims. “I think I smell burning!?”
“Oh, shit.” Sanji quickly squashed his cigarette in the ashtray and ran to the kitchen.
He yanked open the kitchen door and-
There was Usopp, oven mitts on, pulling the large dutch oven from the heat. He looked a bit sheepish, because he knew Sanji would be greatly irritated at him touching the food when it wasn’t served. Still, “I heard the timer.” Usopp explains. “Sorry, I thought maybe you couldn’t hear it. I can put it back in if this is the wrong thing-”
“Uh, no, thank you.” Sanji sighs, relieved that the three hour affair that was boeuf bourguignon didn’t go to waste. “You saved dinner altogether, actually.”
Usopp places the heavy thing on the stove, not even bothering to lift the lid in fear that Sanji’s regular sour mood as of late would worsen if he touched anything else. “I hope that means I’ll get seconds.” He winks, almost flirty, pulling off the oven mits and placing them on the counter.
As he goes to leave, the cook stops him with a hand on his shoulder that jumps away as soon as it lands on soft skin only covered by a light blue overall strap. “I…about the other day…” He starts. “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that-”
“It’s alright!” Usopp says, waving his hand as if it was nothing. “I was being annoying, so I asked for it.” He chuckles awkwardly.
See? He knew he just fed into the already low self-esteem. “No, you weren’t annoying at all. I just…” Oh, I have a huge crush on you when I shouldn’t and I’m not sure what to do with these feelings or how to make them vanish for good so it’s made me cranky, especially at you. “I just have a lot on my mind.”
Usopp nods in understanding, like of course he figured that. “Wanna talk about it?”
Fuck, if this were about anything else, Sanji would have had them meet in the factory right after dinner like they always do to vent like there was no tomorrow. But, “Not really. Just one of those things I have to deal with by myself for right now.” He knew that saying this might increase the distance between them even more, but the closer Usopp is the more that… strong feeling is there.
“You sure?”
Christ, is it that obvious he really needed to talk about this? “Yeah.”
Usopp nodded in acceptance, eyebrows drawing together a bit in worry. “Okay. Well, if you ever wanna talk, I’m here…?” He softly placed his hand on Sanji’s arm, but that only made the cook retreat even more.
“Sure.” Sanji says, moving out of his touch and trying to muster something that at least looks like a smile.
Damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t.
Trying to deal with these feelings on his own and in his own weird way was pushing his best friend away. But confessing them and asking Usopp what the hell he should do with them would only bore the same result. Why? Why is he feeling this? Why couldn’t being friends be enough!? Why is he craving so much more? To do things he did in his dreams?
He doesn’t love him, okay? He doesn’t; maybe he’s just confused.
Who was he kidding?
If it wasn’t love, he wouldn’t feel so bitter about how they don’t hang out as often as they used to while knowing it’s probably his fault. He’s well aware that if he sucked it up and left the kitchen more, it wouldn’t be like this. But when he’s out of the kitchen, he’s grumbly with short answers to any questions thrown his way and can’t seem to ever unfurrow his brows. Because if it wasn’t love, he wouldn’t feel slightly wounded by Zoro’s growing presence with the sniper, there wouldn’t be that small part of him that hoped the swordsman would get lost forever every time he would sling an arm around Usopp.
He’d do anything to go back to those simple carefree nights when he and Usopp would lay out under the stars. He remembered that they realized they had even more stuff in common when they admitted to being night-owls with a deep appreciation for the stillness the nighttime wrought. Sanji didn’t know jack about the stars, other than one thing:
“My mother would always tell me that the stars weren’t really stars but poked holes into heaven.” He had said, not sure why he brought it up when he usually avoided talking about his family.
“I like that. Makes me hopeful.” Usopp said, hands placed comfortably on his stomach and hair splayed on the lawn, bandana forgotten. “I know all the constellations. My mom would tell me stories about what they mean.”
Sanji glanced at him with, “Constellations?”
It was such a night deep in serenity, where Sanji just got to listen about the pictures the stars make every night and what they mean over the sound of water and Brook plucking at stringes from afar. Usopp even scooted closer and helped him trace one above them. No complexity, no feeling of wanting more, no questioning himself, no feeling that jolt of intense joy when Usopp touched his arm to guide it ; because they were just friends. Because he only desired a woman.
“God, it reeks.” Zoro grumbles upon entering the crowsnest that early morning. It was his nicer way of letting Sanji know he wanted him to stop smoking.
It’s great that there’s one person he can put his frustration towards, someone to be a punching bad. “It only did when you walked in here.” He can’t get on Sanji’s smoking when he drinks more alcohol than what a brewery has in stock.
Usopp wasn’t far behind, the look on his face only told he hadn’t shook the sleep off just yet. He yawned as he climbed into the crowsnest, “Morning, Sanji. How was the watch?”
“I have to go make breakfast.” Is all Sanji mumbled in return, grey eyes refusing to meet brown.
He silently climbed down the latter; having watch duty last night was brutal. If he wasn’t berating himself on feeling the way he does towards another man, then it was thinking about how Usopp had this dazzle in his eyes that rivaled any of the stars they had talked about. He did his best to put his focus on the food, trying to get it done as quickly as possible so he could go to sleep and turn everything off for a while.
“What’s with him?” Zoro asks, arms crossed tightly over his chest.
If that wasn't the question of the year!
Usopp could only stare sadly at the exit of the crowsnest. “I don’t know…” He hated this phrase, because then what came along with it was question after question, thinking back on every little interaction and overanalyzing what he was already overanalyzing. Ignorance truly is not bliss.
That response Zoro found to be even weirder; the whole reason he asked was because the sniper always knew. “You didn’t do anything, did you?”
Usopp glared sharply at Zoro with an appalled, “What!? No!” That’s ridiculous! He would never… or has he already and just hasn’t realized? “At least…maybe? I dunno, I’ve been feeling like he kinda… hates me, lately.”
The made Zoro’s brows raise briefly, even though he’s certain that that isn’t the case. It was always an unspoken thing that Usopp was Sanji’s favourite person. The guy let him get away with stuff that the other men on the ship weren’t allowed to even think of doing. Hell, Sanji was more than willing to get himself kicked out of the crew for their sniper. It just didn’t make any kind of sense to go from that to ‘he hates me now’.
“When did it start?”
That was easy. “Not long after we all came back, actually and…” He exhaled. “I’ve just been trying to wrack my brains to figure out what I did, but I just… can’t think of anything.” Not that there was a really good chance of him doing something untoward because, “I’m pretty sure he’s avoiding me.”
That’s even more alarming because Sanji wasn’t like that. If there’s a problem, he runs to it head on, always. If Usopp did something that hurt him badly, the cook would have said something by now!
This was enough to prompt Zoro to waltz into the kitchen after his workout, pretending as though he was there to get an apple and some bread all along. Sanji didn’t bother to greet him or anything, just continued to glower down at the large onion he was cutting. He didn’t even bother to ask what he wanted, just a, “If I find out you're stealing extra food for Luffy, I will stab you.”
Meh. Not the worst he’s heard. Still, “What’s got your panties in a twist lately?”
As if he’d confide in Zoro! “Get out.”
“But-”
“You’re in my kitchen,” Sanji reminds, finally glaring directly at him. “Now get out.” He turned back to his prep. “Go waste your own time with your new best friend or whatever.”
Zoro recoiled a bit at that, until it dawned upon him, “Wait- are you jealous?” Because if so, then that’s really, really funny.
“Get out!” Could be heard from beyond the kitchen door, and with Zoro emerging from it only told the rest of the crew that he has been kicked out for the twenty-second time since they reunited. Zoro was a knucklehead who didn’t always see the obvious, but he had his moments where he just would go right for the throat with zero tact whatsoever. Maybe that’s why he gets along so well with the captain.
Look, Sanji wasn’t ready to face this shit, okay? He wasn’t ready to even admit that he’s in love with his best friend, in love with a man, attracted to said man, uninterested in being around anyone but him. And every time he and Usopp have a “moment”, this gets exponentially worse!
Besides, he came from places where if you weren’t extra considerate towards women and didn’t end up dating one, you’d get the snot beaten out of you.
This whole thing is questioning everything he thought he knew and so, so much of what he believed in for himself. He always thought that he’d find the woman of his dreams one day but lately it didn’t feel like she could hold a candle to-
Usopp tentatively approached Sanji; they needed to talk, and if Sanji wasn’t going to budge then he needed to initiate things. With some encouragement from confiding in Nami that he’s pretty sure Sanji hates his guts now, here he was. She said he wouldn’t really know unless he just talked to him, and he begrudgingly agreed.
“Sanji?”
Sanji didn’t move or meet his gaze, leaning against the railing of the ship as he smoked. “Yes?”
“Did I do something? To you?” Usopp asks, kicking himself a bit because he probably should have eased the cook into this more. With the growing silence, “If I did, I’m really sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to- I wasn’t trying to hurt you or anything.” The quiet just made him more nervous, so, “It feels like forever since I’ve talked to you, and it feels really weird…” His cheeks began to glow a bit with, “And I really miss-”
“Pirates! Pirates on the starboard bow!” Franky announces, followed by the ship shaking after taking a cannonball. “Man your stations!”
“Oh, great!” Usopp exclaims, because out of all the opportunities to attack the crew, it’s now? He instantly ran off to take charge of the cannons and other ship weapons.
The battle was short lived; the pirates were a noname crew with a ship barely on par with the Thousand Sunny. They were sunk within a couple hours, swiftly regretting their choice to try to get their names out there by attacking the Strawhats. Still, they cheered at the win as they continued to sail on, because life was unpredictable and dangerous enough that whatever was easy to live another day was celebrated.
When Usopp turned back to continue their conversation, Sanji had left.
Taking that as his answer, Usopp skipped out on the little celebration after feeling an overwhelming tightness in his chest. He hid in his factory to have what he thought would be a quick five minute power cry to get himself together to at least fake having a good time turned into nearly a half-hour of just sobbing, going around and around his head to figure out what he did wrong . He sat at his work bench, turned away from the table, curled in on himself with elbows on his thighs and palms digging into his eyes as he tried to keep himself as quiet as possible.
The factory door swung open with a loud, “Usopp! Are we gonna-”
Luffy still was getting the hang of knocking before entering, revealing himself and Chopper before the sniper had a chance to calm down. Their smiles quickly faded, not bothering to buy Usopp’s hands hurriedly wiping his face or the promises that he was “fine” in a croaked mantra in between hitched breaths. The captain and the doctor entered the room more gently, Luffy taking a seat on the floor in front of his lap to ask him what was going on. Chopper rubbed a hoof on his thigh, trying to be of some comfort.
“No, it’s okay. It’s nothing. I’ll get over it.” Usopp continues to say quickly, even though he still couldn’t seem to get himself to calm down. He couldn’t tell them that his best friend is snubbing him or how he loves the guy because he’d probably be laughed at. How could he think that the cook who only cared for the “fairer sex” could ever feeling anything towards him?
Zoro had walked by with a small barrel of alcohol under one arm, stopping when his ears picked up the “tell us what’s wrong so we can fix it!” and uneven breaths. He took one look before he scowled and went back the way he came, walking now with more purpose. It wasn’t long before the sound of disjointed footsteps with yelling and very colorful French started coming towards the factory.
Zoro had returned with Sanji’s upper arm in an iron vice who was trying his damndest to get out of it. Ignoring his protest, “Everyone but Usopp, out.”
Chopper got the memo, but Luffy didn’t budge with, “But, what’s going on?” He wasn’t going until he got to the bottom of this!
“I’ll explain if you come with me.” He knew Luffy enough to effectively work around any of his stubbornness and feeling responsible for everyone’s issues because he was captain.
Once Luffy took a hesitant leave, Sanji was nearly thrown in the factory and by the time he turned around-
“Fix it.” Zoro demanded before closing the door.
Fix what? Sanji thought, then the sound of sniveling brought his gaze over to Usopp who had turned away from him to hide his face, hair free from being tied up cascading down acted as a curtain to further hide behind. Shoulders still jumped slightly from hiccups, a white tissue gripped in a tight fist on his lap. God, he looked so, so small, how has he not noticed just how small he could be?
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” Usopp croaks quietly, trying not to move as he was already embarrassed enough to be crying over him and everyone knowing about it . “I won’t force you to talk to me.” Actually, “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk ever again…” He isn’t owed friendship, he’s not owed anything.
“Is…” Guilt was beginning to crush him over everything else. “Is that what you want?” Was it already too late?
Usopp took a breath in, trying not to whimper as he admitted, “No…!” He got up from his work bench and crossed over to the door. “But I know you do…” Is said with less intensity, as if he had already resigned.
He pulled on the door knob, only for the door to stay put. He pulled harder as the lock wasn’t on, and that only earned him a, “You’re not leaving until you figure this out!” Zoro says.
“We’ll keep you in there all night if we have to!” Nami’s voice exclaims next, an expert of jamming doors from the outside. It always bought her some extra time to either escape or steal in her cat burglar days.
For the first time in what felt like eons, their eyes met which made the guilt hurt even more. He never imagined that Usopp would be this torn down and beside himself over the new growing distance between them deemed a necessary evil. He never considered that Usopp had cared about him so deeply before, at least deeper than being nakama.
“Usopp?” And when brown eyes still preferred the floorboards, Sanji’s hands slid down toned up arms gently which coaxed the sniper to look up at him again. “I didn’t mean for things to get like this,” But really, there was nothing more he owed him than, “I’m sorry.”
Usopp shrugged him off, now seemingly more angry than broken. “Yeah, whatever. I know you hate me.” A smaller voice in his head shouted ‘who wouldn’t?’. “And I’m sorry, whatever I did, I’m sorry.”
There was not a bone in his body capable of ever hating his longnose. “I don’t hate you! I-”
He wanted nothing more than for Sanji to be honest and, “Just tell me what I did, okay!?” Usopp exclaimed, his voice tinging on desperation and eyes blown wide. “I must have done something!” He had to have been deserving of all of this!
See, that’s the thing because, “You didn’t do anything! I’m just-” His mind had so much to say but it all seemed to crowd in front of a blocked exit. “I don’t hate you, I never hated you but,” Usopp braced himself. “I just thought that maybe it’d be better if we weren’t… close .”
The sniper shook his head slightly, “What?” That only bred more questions. “Why!?”
How does one confess without confessing? “I’m… You are always on my mind and I’m feeling… things.” Wow, great word choice. “And they’re really hard to process.” He was talking as if could barely bring himself to even say them.
“...Yeah?” Is asked softly and full of hope.
Keep talking.
Pale cheeks begin to turn pink, hands starting to clam and nervously reaching up to his blazer pocket for his pack of cigarettes and his lighter that he’s just now realizing is still in the kitchen. “I just have no idea what to do with how I feel about you.” He wanted to not look him in the eye, hide away and take a turn at being small. But could he be any more ominous? “Which isn’t bad,” He races to clarify, “But I shouldn’t feel like this…”
Usopp’s teeth started gnawing on his bottom lip, “Shouldn’t feel like what?” Whatever it is, he’s sure this feels wrong because he’s Usopp and Usopp sucks so much that he often feels undeserving of the cook’s friendship.
Sanji exhaled, looking away as though he had to search for words, “I shouldn’t think you’re beautiful,” He admits quietly, taking that shocked look on the sniper’s face as all negative. “I shouldn’t want to touch you,” And the word that nearly makes him want to vomit, “I shouldn’t love you like this… but I do.”
The look of regret took over Usopp’s face, now hating how upset he got. His hands came up to fidget, feeling so many things at once along with the waves upon waves of relief that he wasn’t hated. “Maybe-”
“You don’t have to- I’m not trying to make this your responsibility or anything-”
“Maybe you should.” Usopp offers, as though that was a solution too.As if the other stuff didn’t matter. “I think you should feel the way you do.”
Sanji stared at him as whatever rejection or anger or disgust he had felt was on its way never came, mouth slightly open. “Really?”
Tears began to gloss up doe eyes, nodding a, “Yeah… I do.” His hands balled into shaking fists, feeling so much at once and trying not to tackle Sanji because they’re having a moment and-
Oh, what the hell?
He cleared the distance between them, wrapping his arms around the almost bewildered cook who felt like he was in some kind of dreamy haze. Whether or not it was a dream, he returned the embrace, nose in coconut and shea-butter hair like he had always wanted to do. For the first time in a while, things felt right and he could only revel in it. He pulled away a bit, hands softly placing themselves on either side of Usopp’s face, coaxing his head to tilt back so they could-
“I don’t know how to kiss.” Usopp blurts in a rush before their lips were supposed to meet, hands placed on Sanji’s chest to push him back a bit, “I don’t know how. This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. I’m sorry.” He had never felt more nervous and he didn’t want to come across like a bad kisser. But since admitting that is super uncool, “I mean, you know, I’ve kissed a couple people before… yeah.” Real convincing.
For some reason, Sanji broke into a laugh and promised, “That’s okay…?” He chuckled, unable to suppress it. “We can figure it out, I’m sure.”
“Can we figure it out right now?” His fingers tapped in a bit of excitement at the idea.
Now he can really understand why he fell for him because he’s just so cute all the time! Recreating his movement before with some impatience, “Just copy what I do.”
“That doesn’t help m-” Lips were sliding against his, leaving him to feel and then try his best.