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When sorrows come

Chapter 2: Survivor One’s Story: Admiral James T. Kirk Remembers

Notes:

The same warning notes apply for this chapter.

Chapter Text

by Samantha Moulton, reporting from Tarsus IV

As the Federation prepares for the Tarsus IV anniversary ceremony in New Anchorage’s Garden of Remembrance, Samantha Moulton of The Federation Times spoke to Admiral James Kirk about the summer that changed his life.

If you ask someone on the street to name a Starfleet Captain, the odds are good that they will name James T. Kirk. He’s had one of the most successful and high profile careers in the fleet. It was full of firsts. First to beat the unbeatable Starfleet Academy test, the Kobayashi Maru. First captain to meet his doppelganger from a mirror universe. First to go on a successful mission through time. Not to mention all the First Contacts he's made. He captained the flagship, USS Enterprise, for an historic five-year exploratory tour which kept him in the headlines and the popular consciousness for years. Upon return to Earth, at just 37 he was promoted to Rear Admiral and became Chief of Starfleet Operations. He took this on after the notorious attempted coup d'état of the Federation government by Starfleet Vice Admiral Vaughan Rittenhouse. Kirk is credited with cleaning house, and re-establishing Starfleet as an institution worthy of respect. With that taken care of, he spent the next few decades ping-ponging between captaining the Enterprise and serving in Starfleet high command. While there are official announcements explaining this oddity, the popular explanation is that Starfleet let him do what he wanted, so he wouldn’t get bored and retire early. One can hardly blame them if that is the case. Over his long and successful career, Kirk has gained a reputation for strategy, charisma, and an almost uncanny ability to charm. Although he’s now retired, interest in his career has recently been reignited by the popular holodrama exploits of starship Captain Jacob K. Temple of the USS Endeavour. It’s so commonly known that Kirk is the template for the character that, as Kirk puts it, with a wry smile, “Even Spock called me ‘Jacob’ the other day.” Spock, of course, being Kirk’s best friend and First Officer on the Enterprise, who has his own counterpart on the show – T’Bon, the half-Orion, half-Vulcan Science Officer.

Given just how popular Kirk is, it’s difficult to believe that he could become even more famous in retirement than he was at the height of his stratospheric career. And yet it turns out he is also the iconic Survivor One of the Tarsus IV massacre, a long-held secret identity that has exercised the popular imagination for decades.

What is it like to be outed as the man behind one of the most popular mysteries of our time?

“Well, it was never a mystery to me,” Kirk points out, “so I didn’t dwell on it much over the years. I understand why people are so interested now, but the real heroes of Tarsus IV are Captain Korrapati and the Narbonne’s crew who were first to arrive with aid, Dr Poole-April who led the Enterprise team who destroyed the fungus, and the Vulcans on the Sh'vhal who treated the psychic trauma so many of the survivors suffered. Between them, they saved so many lives. I was young and lucky, but that’s about it. They were the right people in the right place at the right time. They don’t get enough credit for what they did.” 

It doesn’t feel like Kirk is attempting false modesty, and it’s true enough that the crews of the three ships arrived with aid that saved thousands of lives. Still, Kirk’s being somewhat disingenuous here. It’s not every thirteen-year-old that not only survives a disaster of the scale of Tarsus IV, but helps a dozen other children to survive too.

“And thank God for that.” Kirk leans forward, every line of him earnest. “I’d rather thirteen-year-olds were focused on school and their latest crush, not fleeing for their lives. Disasters can happen to anyone – that’s the reality of it. Whether you’re three, thirteen, fifty, or a hundred and fifty if you’re a Vulcan. No matter who you are, sometimes you find yourself in a bad situation. I got lucky on Tarsus IV. A lot of good people didn’t. I think it’s human nature to want to celebrate those lucky breaks when they happen, but all I remember is being hungry, afraid, and angry. There was nothing heroic about it at the time.”

I’m pretty sure the families of the children he saved would disagree.

Kirk sits back in his chair when I say that, and just looks at me for a moment. He’s not silent because he’s caught without something to say – he’s thinking. It’s fascinating to watch that famous brain at work. Suddenly it’s not so surprising his best friend is a Vulcan.

It doesn’t take him long to figure it out. “You’re Elia’s daughter,” he says, looking pleased. “She told you about me?”

I confess that she did, many times.

He stops protesting his lack of heroism as I tell him that, to me, he was a hero. My mother would never have survived if he hadn’t carried her away from the massacre and protected her for the week that followed.

“Elia was a sweet kid,” he says. “I’m really glad I could help her. Send her my love, won’t you.”

I agree I will. I ask what that week was like from his perspective.

“I was a kid.” He looks away from me, out the window towards the Garden of Remembrance, which is visible from the hotel we’re talking in.

“I didn’t take it seriously at first. I was busy having fun and getting into mischief, and I didn’t care all that much about missing a few meals. Even the coup was exciting at first. I trusted the adults to take care of me and keep me safe. We knew Kodos from the Fast-Track to Space program, and he was a teacher we all liked, so I trusted him too.  When they rounded us all up for the town meeting – that’s what they called it, a town meeting – all us kids from the FTS were horsing around and having fun.” His gaze flicks to me. His eyes are electric, and I wonder if this is how people felt during his First Contact missions, this overwhelming sense of feeling. He goes on: “I don’t really know how to describe what happened next. I heard Kodos’ speech, and it seared into my brain. It was like I stopped thinking and went to a really calm place where I knew exactly what I had to do. In the second before they started shooting, I told the others to grab any kids they could and get them to the vent. All of them did what I said, no hesitation. I grabbed a kid called Vicki and her sister Jean.” His gaze shifts back to the window. “Vicki didn’t make it. She was shot while we were running for the vent. Jean made it out though, she made it all the way to Rescue Day.

“I stayed in that calm place all the time we were on the run. I remembered that one of the colonists had lost a cow, and they couldn’t track its chip in the mountains. So I took the kids there. We’d done some survival training during FTS, and I’d been in the Scouts, so I knew how to cover our tracks and set up a camp and find water. There wasn’t much to eat, but I knew how to catch stuff in the river back home, so when we got desperate, me and a few of the older kids risked going down to the Tama river. It was still in the mountains and we thought it might be safe if we were quick. That’s when one of Kodos’ murder squad found the younger kids back at camp. We were lucky she was greedy for the bounty, and didn’t call it in right away. She murdered Freddie and stabbed Alice and was about to attack Elia. That’s when we got back, and I killed her with a stick I’d sharpened for spearing fish. We thought Alice might make it, but she died as Tommy was bandaging her up. We left the bodies behind and fled further into the mountains. Starfleet arrived the next day.”

Kirk gestures at the window and what lies outside it. “You know the rest of the story.” 

I wipe at my eyes with my fingers – I forgot to bring tissues. Kirk pulls out a clean handkerchief and hands it to me. It smells like pine washing powder as I wipe away my tears.

He gets up and orders us drinks and waits patiently until I’m calm again.

I understand now why Kirk is so adamant that he’s not a hero. He is, of course, but I understand why he doesn’t want the label. 

Research shows that most people in an emergency stand by and do nothing, and the greater the number of people involved, the less likely anyone will act. It’s known as the Bystander Effect. People look for cues from those around them before deciding how to act, and often that leads to no action at all. Psychologically, the reason for it is that it diffuses responsibility. If everyone acts the same way, no-one is to blame for what happens. Being the one who steps forward and says, I am responsible for helping others, makes an enormous difference in an emergency situation, but it also makes that person a potential scapegoat. Kodos took advantage of this psychological effect when he separated the two groups. Those on the “worthy of survival” list didn’t see what happened, so there was nothing to make them panic or take any hasty action. Kodos added some intimidation to the mix, and as a group they bunkered down and waited. We know from testimony that some of those who were condemned to die acted heroically in their final moments, helping the children to escape. But Kirk was the oddity: the one who took action, galvanised others, and saved lives.

When the Narbonne’s rescue party arrived, they had no idea what they were beaming down to. They found a mass grave, a traumatised population who had been cowed into obedience, and thirteen even-more traumatised children who had survived in the mountains for a week by helping each other.

Kirk made all the difference in the world to those twelve children he took under his wing. He was the one who stepped forward and took responsibility. It’s something he’s done over and over again during his career, but it can’t have been easy for a thirteen-year-old to stand against the adults he’d trusted.

After we finish our tea, I change the subject, wanting to end on a lighter note. I’ve always been curious about that infamous apple Kirk supposedly ate when he beat Starfleet’s unbeatable test, the Kobayashi Maru.

Kirk looks rueful. “Yes, it’s true I ate an apple.” His eyes glint with humour as he adds, “Here’s a scoop for you. I ate it to spite Kodos.”

I must look as sucker-punched as I feel, because he explains, “It was only a few years after Tarsus when I entered the Academy, and I was pretty angry to be given this test that ends in everyone dying no matter what I did. I refused to accept the no-win scenario. A part of me has always thought that if the adults on Tarsus had done something sooner, Kodos would have failed before he could kill anyone. It didn’t have to end in a massacre. There was a way to win, just not one a thirteen-year-old could accomplish.

“But I wasn’t thirteen anymore by the time I had to take the Kobayashi Maru. So I beat that twice-damned test to spite every adult on Tarsus, especially Kodos. And taking a big old bite of an apple while I did it seemed like the perfect symbolism.” He laughs at himself. “A bit on the nose really, in hindsight. I was a bit of a hothead back then.”

Kirk’s aide comes in then, and we wrap up the interview. He gives me a warm hug, and urges me again to pass his regards to my mother. 

I walk out of the room feeling rather dazed, and almost stumble into Ambassador Spock. He very kindly picks up my dropped recorder and escorts me to the turbolift.

As I step into the turbolift, I say more to myself than to the Ambassador, “Is he always so much?”

Just before I’m whisked away, the Ambassador says, “Such has always been my experience.”



For more on this moment in history, read Samantha Moulton’s new book, The Four Thousand: Crisis on Tarsus IV.

Notes:

Warnings:
First-hand descriptions by the survivors of the Tarsus IV massacre and aftermath.
Many traumatised characters speaking about their trauma.
Mentions of war crimes, such as mass graves, murder bounties, intimidation, etc.
The injury and death of several named children characters, but not in graphic detail.
A killing in self-defence is briefly described.
Several murders are mentioned.
Suicide is mentioned.
Famine and food are mentioned.