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lost to time

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There are memories even Time cannot hold onto. In the multiverse of extant realities, she had grasped on to every moment like a lifeline, reminiscing to a slow dance deep within the void. Every second of dialogue was retained through millennia of repetition in darkness-- and yet now she could not go back to before the light any longer. Time, in all of her infinite power, could not start over; and so there was nothing left for her to do but forget.

Nil watches as Time restarts in a brand-new universe-- one of her limitation-- and she watches as the one she swore to love forever follows the light like a moth to a flame. Nil can only try to stabilize the reality and start again. Again, and again, and again. She loses count of how many times she simply lets the world replay. Sometimes she steps in, trying to get a word in, trying to get Time to recognize her as more than a twisted shadow just for her to be shoved away. Other times she simply resigns herself, watching them be happy in the hopes that one day Time will change her mind. She never does.

Instead, she swears eternity to The Something, both of them crying tears of joy underneath a sky of glimmering stars.

Perhaps if Nil could see forwards, she would see ink spilling from her eyes like stars as she chokes out an apology to the one she swore to hate. There would be closure, and warmth and the reassuring hand of Time in hers as The confused Something (Space, as Nil is trying to get better at recounting without animosity) attempts to apologize for things she cannot possibly remember. Time would mumble something about this being a second beginning, in a state of alexithymia, but she would be smiling. Nil can't remember how many realities it's been since she's been able to make Time smile.

Nil, trapped in a sea of darkness, cannot see the future. She is not Time, and she envies her for having the ability to change things. She cannot forget Time the way Time can forget her, and she envies her for being able to move on so easily. But above it all, she envies that she is still Time, she is still the same eternity that Nil was powerless but to fall for.

Without Time, Nil has no way of knowing how long she has let the memory of her fall like sand from an hourglass. There are none else to ask. For why would the universe help someone who only wants to destroy it?

Restlessly, Nil falls asleep, and dreams of stars that no longer feel lonely.