(An orchestral version of Sail by Awolnation is playing gently in the background. A well to do nursery school teacher with a distinctly 50s vibe is conversing with a recently arrived visitor.)
Oh, hello, Mrs Godmother. I'm so glad you could come along. As you see, we're just having a FAP, and in our... er, little... Free Activity Period, each individual chooses his or her own favourite art activity. So, right now, some are painting, some are using plasticine, and some working at the sand-table. We feel that each little one must get to the bottom of his or her self and find out what they really want of life. Who is making that buzzing noise? Well, stop it please, Sexshopgirl. No, not even quietly. AHG, dear, do stop staring in the mirror and get on with your plasticine. I love to see them so happily occupied, each one expressing their little personality... Martin - don't do that... And please put that bottle away.
Now, children, I want you all to say 'Good morning' to Mrs Godmother. Good morning, Mrs Godmother. No, Phoebe, not good-bye. Mrs Godmother has only just arrived. You don't want her to go away yet? No, she hasn't got a funny hat on, that's her scarf. Yes, I know it looks like a little hat, but it's a scarf. So sorry, Mrs Godmother. Sometimes we ARE just a trifle outspoken. We try to encourage honesty, only sometimes it doesn't always...
Phoebe, please stay away from the glass sculpture. Of course it looks interesting, but don't play with it. You're being very naughty, today. And this is my friend Olivia, and Olivia is painting such a lovely red picture, aren't you, Olivia? I wonder what it is? Perhaps it's a lovely red sunset, is it? Or a big red orange? And what's that colour there? Oh... it's three colours. It's a picture of what...? An... Oh, where did you learn that word, dear? It's a "Mummy" word, is it?! For a moment I thought it was a big red orange, but now you tell me, I can see... er... Well, whatever gets her there, I suppose. It's so interesting the way they see things, Mrs Godmother.
Phoebe, don't blow at Harry, please. I know I said you could choose what you are going to do, but you cannot choose to blow at Harry. Because it isn't a good idea. Yes, I know it makes his hair go up and down, but I don't want you to do it. Now get back to the sand-table, there's a good girl. Yes, there is room, Jamie; there's heaps of room. Just move up a bit. Jamie! We never bite our friends. Say you are sorry to Phoebe. You needn't kiss her. No, you needn't hug her. Jamie, PUT HER DOWN. No fisticuffs, please. He hasn't made any teeth marks, has he, Phoebe? Well, maybe it was like being hugged by a protractor... but don't fuss.
Sometimes our little egos are on the big side, I'm afraid, Mrs Godmother. Of course you would understand... Phoebe, dear, I don't want to have to say it again: please come away from the glass sculpture. Why can't you? Well, you shouldn't have put your finger in the twisty bit and then it wouldn't have got stuck. Children, there is no need for everyone to come and have a look just because poor Phoebe has caught her finger in the sculpture. Back to your work, please. No, Claire, it's not a crisis. I don't think it is stuck in there for ever and ever. I don't for one minute think we will have to get the Fire Brigade to come and take the door down to set her free. You do exaggerate, Claire. Well, if we haven't got her finger out by lunch-time she'll have to have it here. Yes - and her tea. And her supper and stay the night. But we are going to get it out, aren't we, girls?
Martin. Turn round, please, Martin. Right round. Use your hanky, please, Martin. And again. And again. And now wipe. Thank you, Martin. And what did I say about that bottle...? Phoebe dear, why did you put your finger in the twisty bit? To see if it would go in? Well, now let's see if we can get it out, shall we? Who is making that buzzing noise? Well, Sexshopgirl, I know you are a busy bee, but girl busy-bees don't buzz. Only bee busy-bees buzz. I can still hear you, Sexshopgirl. Sexshopgirl! I should think so. She's such a passionate child, and one doesn't want to discourage her.
Martin, take that paint-brush out of your nose and give it back to Olivia. Yes, you do want it back, Olivia. You like painting. Yes, you do. No. No, you can't paint Harry without his clothes on. Now then, Phoebe, have you tried wiggling it? You know, Mrs Godmother, this child's finger really is caught in the sculpture... Yes Claire, I do think the Fire Brigade are the best in this kind of emergency. There is a telephone - in the Nursery School office. Would you? Oh, that is good of you. I'll stay here and hold the fort and prepare the children. Thank you so much. Children, I don't want anyone to get too excited, but Claire has kindly gone to see if we can get those clever people from the Fire Brigade to come and help us get Phoebe's finger out... Oh, you've got it out, Phoebe. Well done - that's lovely!
IT'S ALL RIGHT, CLAIRE - SHE'S GOT IT OUT! Jamie. You are not to go near the sculpture. Jamie, do not...! JAMIE. No... Do not try to kiss Phoebe!
CRASH! (It falls to the floor. Smashed to pieces.)