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Who am I supposed to talk to, what am I supposed to do, if there's no you?

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I could have saved her. I could have saved her but I was too slow. Now she's dead. No, she can't be, it's not possible. Aveline can't die, she's Aveline Jones and Aveline Jones doesn't die. She is going to come back to the bookshop tomorrow in search for another ghost story and we are going to talk through all the events that happened today. Aveline will come over the wall any moment now, there's no way she wouldn't. But what if she doesn't? What if I'm sitting here hopelessly denying everything? I would prefer to do that than to come to the realization that Aveline is actually gone, forever.

But, she isn't coming over the wall. It's been five minutes now. She is probably dead now. This is all my fault! I could have saved her but I didn't! What am I going to tell her Aunt? And her Mum? They are going to be devastated. They will all hate me as well. "You could have saved her!" "Did you want her to drown?" "You could have went with her instead of letting her go by herself and just watching!"

It's been ten minutes now and I'm still here waiting hopelessly, helplessly, hoping with all my might she will come up even though I know she is dead already. I might as well just go home. Who am I going to talk to now? She was my one real friend. I can't believe I let her go.

How dare I let her go? I had the chance to save her and I didn't! God knows why! I am just too selfish! That's why I didn't save her! I cared too much about my own life than hers! In hindsight I would have preferred I go with her! Died with her! Then I would have actually tried to save her! BUT NO! I DIDN'T THINK THAT AT THE TIME DID I? I am going to live with that burden for the rest of my life now! She was so young. She didn't deserve to die! Primrose actually tried to save her whereas I didn't! If I see her next Halloween I will thank her for doing what I didn't.

It is now a month later and I have come to terms with myself. I realize now that Aveline is dead and I can't do anything to change that. Her mum and her Aunt weren't angry at me and instead thanked me for trying to save her. Aveline's funeral was two weeks ago and was pleasantly nicer than I expected it to be. I feel she would have been happy about it. I will still never forgive myself for letting her go like that.

I tried to save her. I really did try.