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Jeongin flopped face down onto his bed, letting out a rather over the top dramatic sigh.
“Watch out, you’re starting to reach Jinnie’s level of dramatic,” Jisung scoffed from his bed, not even looking up from his phone, too immersed in the latest game he was addicted to. Subsequently, convincing Felix, Changbin and even Minho to play too.
Jeongin placed his own phone on the bedside table and rolled onto his back, squinting as the bright light directly hit his eyes. He quickly raised his forearm to rest on his eyes blocking the light, making a small ‘humph’ sound as he did. He had stayed late by himself to practise the choreography for their new comeback song since he was having trouble with one of the more complicated steps. That was on top of the intense vocal recording session he had with Chan early that morning and the group dance practice video they had filmed in the afternoon.
Jeongin contemplated just getting into bed and going to sleep despite it being barely five o’clock but the thick layer of sweat covering his skin screamed otherwise.
He prepared himself to get up, convincing his sore muscles that a shower would help him feel a bit better. Grabbing the towel from the side of his bed, he pulled himself up and left their shared room. He doubted Jisung had even noticed him leaving. He could probably kiss Jisung and he still would be too focused on that damn game to notice.
Jeongin quickly reprimanded himself for thinking like that as he hurried into the bathroom.
It had been hard lately, the thoughts were getting worse and he was afraid that his hyeongs would start to notice how he felt. Not that he even understood how he felt himself, but he knew that it was probably something that he shouldn’t be feeling.
His solution? Create some distance.
It was just small things, like saying, ‘maybe later?’ to gaming with Felix so he wouldn’t have to feel his body pressed against his as they wrestled for the controller, trying to stop the other from winning.
It was whining when Minho tried to feed him, refusing and taking the food himself saying, “Hyeong, I can feed myself you know,” so he wouldn’t have to deal with the warm feeling and slight blush that he appeared whenever his hyeongs tried to feed him.
It was keeping his distance from Changbin, not allowing him to be pulled into one of his side hugs so he could avoid the goosebumps that appeared on his skin as his hyeong pulled him close and rubbed small circles onto his skin.
Jeongin pulled at his hair in frustration, physically shaking his head as if that would get rid of the thoughts inside.
He quickly stripped off his clothes and got into the shower, happily embracing the warm welcome of the hot water against his skin.
Jeongin missed the warmth and comfort. The shower gave him the warmth but it wasn’t and would never be the same as falling asleep on Seungmin’s shoulder on long car journeys (even if he said he hated it) or crawling into Hyunjin’s bed (despite his fake protests) during winter when it was too cold to sleep alone, cuddling into him all night. He loved each one of his hyeongs so much, the distance he had created was taking its toll and the fact that he felt like they were all hiding something from him definitely wasn’t helping. He missed being close to them, his heart physically aching at the thought of getting to be close to them again.
The warmth left him as he turned the shower off, hiding Hyunjin’s excessively expensive shampoo back where he had found it, Hyunjin would never have to know. He smiled to himself slightly reaching for his towel before realising he had forgotten something rather important. His clothes.
There was always someone’s spare pair of clean boxers left in the bathroom for situations exactly like this. Living with seven other boys who were often exhausted or sometimes just plain forgetful, meant that this was something that had quickly been put into place to avoid the not so fun interaction of walking around with only a towel. It had happened before, it had ended badly. Poor Felix was still slightly traumatised.
Jeongin looked at the boxers, he couldn’t tell whose they were and he didn’t particularly want to know, what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
Still, he wasn’t really comfortable going out in just boxers, even if no one else was around. Jeongin surveyed the bathroom door, several hoodies were hanging on the hooks, none of which belonged to him. He checked them briefly, before settling on the one that looked and probably was the cleanest. Of course, it had to be Chan’s.
Jeongin scowled slightly but put the hoodie on nonetheless.
The smell of Chan lingered on the hoodie and immediately replaced Jeongin’s scowl with a slight smile.
It was always the worst with Chan, ever since he had met the older boy, Jeongin couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. At first, he thought it might be because not only was Chan his hyeong, but he was also their leader who carried the responsibility of looking after them, taking care of all the members. Jeongin was no exception, but the longer he was around his hyeong the more he realised that it was something else entirely. It didn’t help that Chan had started to call Jeongin ‘baby boy’ whenever they were alone, in fact, it did the opposite. Jeongin started to avoid any situations where he might be left alone with Chan, saving himself from the embarrassment of a very obvious blush that would undoubtedly appear on his face whenever Chan used that particular pet name.
Jeongin sat down on the bathroom floor, slumping against the door. He took a few deep breaths breathing in the scent of Chan's hoodie as tears started to well up in his eyes. The hoodie smelt like lynx, mixed with coffee and just a little bit of sweat. It smelt like Chan, even if it was his sweat.
To Jeongin, it was comfort.
Jeongin curled into himself, hugging his knees as the tears started to fall faster than before. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been close to the older boy, not physically or emotionally. He missed the comfort so badly, he missed Chan so much.
The distance he had worked so hard to create hadn’t helped at all. It hadn’t stopped him from imagining how his hyeongs lips would feel against his own, or what it would be like to fall asleep and wake up the next morning to his hyeong, their legs tangled as he cuddled into Chan’s bare chest.
Jeongin hated himself for it, for thinking like this, he didn’t even know if Chan or any of their members felt the same. Maybe Jeongin was just broken, unable to tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction. He loved all his hyeongs, he knew that for sure. What he didn’t know was how he loved them because yes, he could see himself kissing them without feeling weird, but he didn’t know if he felt that in a romantic way or a platonic way.
Jeongin wiped his tears harshly on the sleeve of the hoodie, he didn’t understand himself at all but sitting here crying about it definitely wouldn’t help.
He pulled himself up, leaning on the radiator as he felt a little light-headed. He was probably dehydrated. Jeongin made a quick plan to grab some water and run to his room before anyone could see him in the boxers of shame. Everyone was probably in their rooms, hopefully resting or otherwise occupied. With the plan in mind, he left the bathroom with red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks.
Jeongin placed his hand on the handle of the door, taking a deep breath as he prepared to run, going through the motions in his head.
After he was finally satisfied with his level of preparation, Jeongin pushed down the handle and exited the bathroom.
What his plan didn’t account for was a run-in with Chan. Which, as he quickly turned the corner into the kitchen quite literally running into the older boy, was exactly what happened. Jeongin tried to regain his balance before he made an even bigger fool of himself, but of course, his eldest hyeong had already reacted, dropping his phone to catch his youngest member, stopping him from falling and knocking both of them down in the process.
As soon as Jeongin regained his bearings, he bowed almost instantaneously, picking up Chan’s phone and repeating, “I’m so sorry hyeong.”
As Jeongin lifted his head to hand the phone back, he definitely wasn’t prepared to come face to face with a naked Chan. Naked, except for a pair of boxers which seemed to be identical to the ones Jeongin was wearing right now.
He could have died from embarrassment on the spot, but the way Chan was staring him down, noticing that his cute dongsaeng was wearing both his boxers and hoodie, made Jeongin flush with heat. (The heat was going straight down to that one place which would obviously lead to an incredibly difficult situation.)
Jeongin knew he had to act fast, he pressed the phone into Chan’s hand and turned on his heels, running back to his, thankfully, now empty room. All before he could even hear Chan call out after him, eyebrows furrowed in concern not only the youngest's abrupt behaviour but also the dried tears that lined his cheeks.
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Jeongin couldn’t breathe.
Not only had he run into Chan, who was walking around casually as if being almost completely naked in their shared dorm was normal. He had run into Chan whilst wearing the exact same pair of boxers and his hoodie. Jeongin cursed under his breath, praying Chan hadn’t noticed his still puffy eyes.
Jeongin had already slipped into bed, not bothering to change out of Chan’s clothes and was now pulling the thick duvet over his head, it wouldn’t help him breathe but at least now there was a physical reason for his feeling of suffocation. He lay in his bed silently, focussing solely on getting his breathing under control. Jeongin wanted to disappear, just for a little bit, till he could make sense of the racket in his head. Even if it wasn’t possible he still wished for it, finally calming down to the thought of just drifting in an endless void of darkness. It was peaceful there.
A small knock on his door broke the peacefulness.
It was followed by an unmistakable voice calling out, “Jeonginnie?”
Jeongin froze, if he didn’t move maybe Chan would just get the message and leave him alone.
Another knock followed by a soft, “Innie? Can I come in?” Told Jeongin that no, Chan didn’t and probably never would get the message.
Jeongin let out a small whine in defeat, which Chan took as the signal to come inside.
Chan opened the door, eyes stinging from the sudden adjustment to the dark. If he hadn’t heard the sniffles coming from the oddly fluffy duvet he might just have assumed Jeongin was asleep.
Jeongin heard hesitant footsteps before feeling the bed dip next to him. Chan perched on the edge of the bed, contemplating pulling the duvet down but deciding against it, he would let Jeongin come to him when he was ready. Instead, Chan reached his hand under the duvet, finding his baby brother's still damp hair. As he began to run his fingers gently through it, he felt Jeongin keen into his touch. Taking this as a sign that Jeongin was okay with touch, Chan slipped under the duvet, Jeongin’s head now resting against his thigh as he curled up towards Chan’s warmth.
They stayed like this for a while, Chan playing gently with the younger boy's hair as Jeongin tried his best to hide from the world beneath his blanket. Chan didn’t dare move, not even when he heard the breathing from under the blanket finally even out and the sniffles start to fade into soft snores.
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Jeongin stirred in his sleep, subconsciously moving closer to the unknown heat source. His cheeks felt weirdly warm, but only one side, in fact, it kind of felt like a hot water bottle but he knew that it couldn’t be. He was sure that Hyunjin had ‘borrowed’ his a while back after the seal on his own had broken and since then, had conveniently forgotten to give it back.
The curiosity of the phantom heat source got the best of him as he decided a quick peek wouldn’t hurt. Jeongin opened his eyes, allowing his eyes to adjust to the dark, to find a bare leg in front of him, tilting his head back he looked up and saw Chan, the owner of said leg, staring back down at him with wide eyes and still no shirt.
“HYEONG CLOTHES, NOW,” Jeongin yelled as he scrambled to throw a pair of sweats and a t-shirt off the floor at Chan, who was still very much, almost completely naked in his bed.
Chan whined as he switched on the bedside lamp and unhappily put on the t-shirt, knowing Jeongin wouldn’t face him till he did.
Jeongin rubbed his eyes, allowing the sleep to leave his system as he reached for his phone. It had been less than an hour since he had fallen asleep but Jeongin hoped that he had gotten out of whatever conversation Chan had originally wanted to have. He turned to ask Chan if he knew what was for dinner but before he could, Chan had reached for his hand, pulling him next to him.
“Innie, what happened before?” Chan asked, the warmth of the lamp softening the features of his face, the concern even more apparent than before.
Chan felt Jeongin sigh as he placed his head on the backboard of the bed.
“Hyeong, I really don’t want to talk about it ah.”
“I know baby, but just a bit, please?”
Jeongin stayed quiet, chewing on his lip slightly, a habit that he had gotten from Jisung.
“We don’t have to talk about it again after this if you don’t want to, okay? I just need a few of your words right now baby boy.” Chan whispered, wrapping his arm around Jeongin’s shoulder, allowing the younger boy to rest his head against him.
Jeongin closed his eyes, taking another deep breath.
“Hyeong, I think there’s something wrong with me.”
The minute those words left his mouth, Chan wanted to interrupt him, to tell Jeongin that there was nothing wrong with him and explain how absolutely perfect he was, but he didn’t. He wanted to give Jeongin the time to explain.
“I think,”
Jeongin paused trying to find the right words.
“I think I like you Channie-hyeong but I like all the other members too in the same way that I like you, just, I don’t know ah. Is it okay that I love everyone, in well, more than a platonic way? Whenever I see Hyunjin and Felix or any of the members cuddling I just feel weird and jealous and I hate it, I hate feeling like that because I should be happy that they’re so comfortable with each other but I wanna cuddle with everyone too and maybe I want to kiss them as well and just do other stuff too. They’re going to think it's weird that I like everyone in that way, aren’t they? I’ve been trying to distance myself because I didn’t want anyone to notice but hyeong, I can’t help it everyone’s just amazing, especially you Chan, it's the worst with you. I love you, everything about you.”
Jeongin had trailed off towards the end, giving Chan time to process everything that had been said.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to say anything hyeong, you can walk out the door and pretend we didn’t have this conversation.”
That snapped Chan out of his daze, as he immediately reached up to cup Jeongin’s face gently.
“I love you too, Innie.”
Jeongin relaxed as he dropped his head against Chan’s shoulder.
“And I promise you Jeongin that no one is going to think any of what you said is weird or wrong, in fact, I think you’ll be surprised, baby boy. No one is going to hate you, they’ll probably love you more if you’re up for telling them?”
Jeongin whipped his head up, almost knocking Chan out in the process, the terror clearly shown on his face.
“Hey, hey, you trust me right, innie?” Chan placed his hand under Jeongin’s jaw, gently turning his head to face him.
“I do,” Jeongin swallowed, finding nothing but trust and love in Chan’s eyes.
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Jeongin wiggled his toes anxiously.
Chan had sat down in the armchair in their version of a living room and had quickly pulled Jeongin sideways into his lap before he had got the chance to protest. Even though Jeongin’s brain was still hesitant, his heart had accepted the cuddles immediately. (Especially since they were both now fully clothed).
Chan had picked up on Jeongin’s wiggling toes and had placed his hand over the younger boys, successfully gaining his attention. As the younger turned to face him, Chan quickly stole a kiss, pressing their lips together briefly as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“It’s going to be okay,”
Chan had called a dorm emergency meeting, which is why both he and Jeongin were sitting in their living room waiting for the rest of the members to pile in, who were, of course, taking their sweet time, giving Jeongin even more time to worry and overthink the consequences of his feelings. He had turned his head away immediately after Chan had kissed him, still feeling shy and awkward about the situation.
Seungmin was the first one to arrive, eyes glued to the book he was reading, taking no notice of Jeongin, Chan or their seating arrangement. Changbin and Hyunjin were next, of course noticing the unusual skinship from their youngest member but deciding not to comment on it and instead deciding to quiz Seungmin on his book.
Jeongin breathed out in relief as he felt Chan squeeze his hand reassuringly. So far so good.
Next was Felix.
“CUDDLE TIME!”
Felix took one look at Jeongin and Chan and proceeded to jump into Changbin’s lap yelling about how it was cuddle o’clock and promptly spreading his legs over both Hyunjin’s and Seungmin’s lap.
Jisung appeared shortly after Felix had yelled about cuddles, dragging a more dishevelled than usual Minho with him. Taking a similar position to Chan and Jeongin, they sat at the unoccupied end of the sofa, Jisung pushing Felix’s feet away playfully as the 6 of them squished against each other on the sofa.
Their conversations slowly started to die down as they looked at their leader expectantly, wondering why Chan had called the meeting.
What they didn’t expect was Jeongin to be the one that started the conversation and certainly not with, “I want to kiss you all,” followed by a softer, “if that's okay with all of you.”
The members stared collectively at Jeongin who turned to hide in Chan’s chest. His cheeks flushing from the attention.
“I CALL DIBS ON KISSING INNIE FIRST.”
“I wanna kiss Jeonginnie toooo.”
“nO, I DO.”
“Wait does that mean Jeongin would wanna join me and Minho-hyeong when we…”
“JISUNG.”
“STOP TRAUMATISING THE CHILD.”
Chan cleared his throat, easily gaining the rest of their attention as his leader instinct took over. The seriousness was evident in his gaze as he made sure that all the members were listening.
“I already kissed Innie.”
Jeongin groaned, if he was blushing before, surely by now his cheeks were on fire. He hid further into Chan’s chest feeling laughter surrounding him as various shouts all along the lines of, ‘Chan that’s not fair ,’ as well as ‘sharing is caring, hyeong,’ echoed in the room.
Jeongin was sure that amidst all the chaos he heard someone ask, “Does this mean I have seven boyfriends now, not six?” This was followed by the quick reply, “Of course!” with no hesitation.
He smiled softly to himself as the chaos around him ensued, arguing about who gets to kiss who first, whilst Chan’s grip on him tightened ever so slightly.
Jeongin looked up to find Chan gazing down at him, the proudness clearly shown on his face. It didn’t last long because Jeongin soon found himself being pulled up and into someone else’s lap as he was smothered with small kisses and cuddles from every angle. He had missed this, the closeness and warmth of the people he cared about most and honestly, it felt like they had missed him too.
Jeongin squirmed under the dogpile on top of him, grinning as the kisses soon turned into soft tickles and even more cuddles. Chan joined them as the eight boys squished into one sofa, heavy breathing from their intense tickle session filled the room.
If this was what having seven boyfriends felt like, then Jeongin could definitely get used to this.